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Three, two, you know what, let's start over.
What am I like waving?Do we wave things at New Year's Eve?Is that the most excited we get for countdowns?
You do the brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
It's just more of like a cheer when when it goes triple zero.
Yeah, it's like a crescendo it starts Like LeBron's on the sideline like jumping around.Yeah, like the final like 30 seconds.Ah, what a time Anyways, welcome to mystery.Great That's supposed to hey.Hey, welcome to mr. Chris.
It's just me and Tony this week.
Yeah, so let me talk Well two-man game.Yeah, take a roll baby tame What was that?What's the thing in basketball that the drill in basketball where it's three man down now?We've helped.It's just called three man weave Or a three on two two on one.
No, no I love a good three on two.I Love those because never touches the ground right on the three minute man.
We've yes the three on two two on one you score You got a sprint back cuz now you're the one and then you gotta play the cat-and-mouse game of like oh I'm gonna stay
Believe it or not, I played one thing of travel basketball.One thing?You mean season?Like one like tournament, like couple months span.I wasn't on forever, but I just remember.
And that was at that practice, that first practice, we did like a bunch of three man weaves.And I was like, this is way more like this is. Compared to rec practice.
This is I was like, wow, we are learning some stuff, but I had a nice little jay So yeah made one else at a boy We did a three-man weave yesterday in uh in our game just to warm up a little bit and I was like, man I haven't done a three-man weave in 15 years.
I just love to chris.Cody be like I had a nice jay one singular No, I mean like obviously look at me.
I mean I wasn't getting to the hole My weakness in basketball was going to the hoop, and I would try to draw the foul.So I'd be the guy that wouldn't get touched.I wouldn't get touched, and I would miss the layup.
Because I was just like, come on, foul man, let me get that whistle.
I'm a damn good free-throw shooter.
I'm a damn good free-throw shooter.
No, but he's saying he's seeking the contact.Are you seeking the contact?
Seeking it.Well, just kind of going up, expecting it.That's the problem.
You can't expect it.You've got to seek it.That way, it's not an expectation.Like Jimmy Butler.
You've got to put the shoulder down, put the shoulder into somebody, and then see if you can kind of Over the top.So what were we talking about?Before we recorded this, we were doing lunch in the other room.
I'm gonna scratch my nose right here because every time I scratch my nose around here, Danny sends me a still shot and he thinks I'm picking my nose.Danny, this is a scratch, okay?Guys can scratch their noses.I mean, jeez.
You're scratching the top of the nose?No, the outside.Right here.
Yeah, that's the thing.Chris gets awfully close to the rim.
The Cody men have long nose hair.It's like I already have like I have an intense.Hey, you know what?
We need to upgrade nose trimmers because they don't work.
They all suck.I finally did find a good one.I'll like take a picture of it later, send you the brand.All right, back up.Back up.But so that's what I'm dealing with right now.I think I haven't cut my nose hairs in a few weeks.
So I think that's why I get a little itchy sometimes.
That happens to me once in a while.Yeah, that you're all of a sudden like, damn, I got to cut.
Yeah.Why is it so itchy?I blame Greg Cody. What we were talking about Which wasn't that we were talking about lunch.We had sandwiches today.I don't love those sandwiches Everyone else seems to love them.Not a big fan of me sandwiches.
The chicken parmans are good.
That's what I had.Was there chicken parm today?I had one.The chicken parm went fast.
The chicken parm disappears?
Hey, hey, Kristen more chicken parm.
Less of that weird white cheese with the The spinach caprese salad, that's a good one.
Look, the caprese one, you gotta- It's got its time and place.You have to have a vegetarian option for those who don't eat, right?Cool.But have like two of them.
What you don't need, I've never seen anyone where there's like a stack of chicken parm sandwiches saying, I wish I had the ham though.The ham one, it's still there, no one's touched it.The Italian?Whatever that is.It's not the chicken parm.
I just don't like how some people around here have no shame about always getting a chicken parm.Like Danny? Every week.And I almost took a bite of it today.That's where I want to get with this.Danny B. The one directing right now.Show yourself.
I'll tell you right now, if it were up to me today, I would get a chicken parm every single time.
Yeah, but you don't ever say to yourself, this is clearly the one that everyone wants.That's why we need more of it.That's the solution.You know what, I had one last week.
I'm gonna leave this one here.No way.I haven't had a chicken parm in the three times we've gotten four of us.It's because Fuentes and Danny B get there when we're really recording.
Also, that's the real issue.The real issue is lunch arrives well before noon.Way early.Well before noon, and while we're still recording,
And there's a bunch of people who have the option of just getting up and walking away Walk away from whatever they're doing to go get there get there.
These people are working hard You know, you know what they never say that you know what Carmen needs to do What she needs to do is have a secret stash of a second-sleeve of chicken.
Yeah talent and then we walk out and karm goes To two trays of cookies today, though I thought you were making a two Americas joke, two trays.
No, no, two trays of cookies.
But what I was getting at, Danny B had a chicken parm or whatever he was eating.And I just walked up to him and I got really close, as if I was just gonna walk up to him and take a bite.
And it got me thinking, because there's two kinds of people in this world.You're either, I'm cool with strangers slash my friends, not strangers ever, but your friends biting from your food.
And you are like, like I mean, I can just tell you're out on that by the way you're looking at me. Biting like you like if you're at a restaurant with your friend.Uh-huh this sandwich is so good.Uh-huh one try it no Never are you saying?No?Are you?
Denying the offer I am denying the offer one, and I'm not requesting either now before it gets eaten If I have played the game of like, I want a chicken parmesan, but I also want a, we did this before.
We did the, me and you, we did, it was the, what is it?Cheese steak.Cheese steak, and then the other sandwich was the burger.And we cut it in half, and went halvesies.I'll do that, I'll do that.But like the, oh man, you gonna try this?No.
Maybe not with coworkers.
But this is also a sandwich thing only, because you have to put your mouth on the sandwich.If it was my pasta, yeah, it's different.
Think about your closest group of friends though.No, still not? Sandwich yeah, no like you're not letting Zack Harper have a bite.
No No way, I wouldn't even split with Zach I went to fantasy fest with we were having an orgy of sharing each other's food boy was that before the real orgy?
No, it was it was But I'm telling you this like we had these like we got these like breakfast burritos if you're ever in Key West I think it's called Cuban coffee Queen hmm
fire breakfast really I didn't go we all had different things we all had different things and we all should have been naked because you're like here's you want to buy my burrito yeah let me taste that that bacon egg and cheese oh you guys are coming down pretty hard absolutely
Or coming up, however you look at it.You wouldn't have been that hungry.Depends on where you're situated.Did you dominate at the Dante's Pool or what?Dante's Pool didn't go in.It was very crowded when we got there.
Just kind of did a few laps around it.There's like an upstairs area.Walked up there.Didn't go in the water.No, that was day one.I was not that drunk yet.We got there sober.Did not go in Dante's Pool.We dominated Dante's Pool with big hostas.
There was a musk. Yeah, it's a must coming off of that, yeah.
As a non-Floridian, let me ask, I've never been to Key West.Is that an experience I have to do or is it just like... Have to is strong.Depends who you ask.
Depends who you go with, too.
I will say... Fantasy Fest in particular, because you probably don't want to go to Fantasy Fest your first time to Key West.Break in slowly.Because it's always good people watching.Very overstated, the amount of penis.
I saw like one, like everyone was like, you're going to see old man dick everywhere.Because like everyone gets like, there's very free people.Some people go free.A lot of women, topless.I only saw like one dick.
No, I was just it was I was expecting more everybody kind of paid the picture of Are you sure you're going to fancy fest is kind of like to me there wasn't like gross like yeah There were some older people but for the most part like it was a pleasurable For every bad thing you see where you're like, oh, that's not something I want to see you see a few things that you're like I'm okay seeing that see he went in for the contact got the contact and one finish at the yeah, so that's what happened there But uh, do you have to do it?
I'm trying to like picture like, you know, I I know I know a mean pretty well mean would have a great I think you would have a good oh, no, you would crush It's a lot of like the main thing you do down there is basically just chill and drink and watch live music There's like it's like bar hopping the live music, but now that's what you lost.
Yeah, I'm not a big lot A lot of DJs.Did you go to Sloppy Joe's?Yeah, there was a band there.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah, they don't have Sloppy Joe's at Sloppy Joe's No, I mean is very frustrated with the fake
It's right in the way of the button.
So every time I try to touch the talk button it gets right in the way So I'm trying to I mean you you would have fun you would dominate over in Cuba Yeah, the question is do you feel like driving four hours on a one-way highway to get there?
Yeah Me being the driver.
No, absolutely.That's that's what I'm saying.That's the thing that always gets a long-ass trip
You go down there, and you drink, and you have a good time.I'm like, dude, I live in Miami.I can drive down the street, and there's places to drink.Yeah, it's not really a big deal.
And there's not beaches.Key West is not a beach.
Oh, there's no beaches.It's just rocks.
It's beaches if you're at the end of the world there.
If you're staying at a resort, they have a beach because they've made one for you.Correct.But otherwise, there's nowhere to pull off on the side of the road, and you're jumping in the water and having a beach day.It doesn't exist.
So you're saying Bill Lawrence's show is full of shit.
Or you could do like a one of those like boat tours to take you out to a sandbar which we did for Big Hoss's Thatcher party.I don't know if I want to can I give them a bump or not?
The logo is like, you know, whatever enjoy the bump Say Tony when you get there a 10% off
They took us out to the sandbar and the sandbar is awesome because it's literally three feet of water Crystal blue as far as you can see there's people having fun.There's music.
There's people dancing There's it's big enough where there are other groups of people that you don't know where they're exactly like the keys is great If you have a boat, so we went on it.
We went on a sunset tour.It was really fun good music out there I wouldn't so with alcohol four hours by car how long by boat and
longer longer because it is he has a boat but is like a lot of that's where is he lives it'll take you like all day tonight because i've asked is he before you ever thought of this voting down and then parking here i think at some point you have to get out to the ocean also and is usually in the law yet if you have to go all the way like basically hug
Miami all the way to Miami then get over to Key Largo then go all the way Key Largo is probably the limit of how far I would take a boat from Fort Lauderdale or Miami.
Yeah, that's like the southernmost and that's a long We're probably like if you think by car, it's eight hour or four hours figure like 10 hours
Yeah, because the faster you're going on a boat is what, 40, 50 tops?Yeah.And that's if it's smooth.
Depends on the waves.Depends on a lot of stuff.
You have to fuel up too.The move is to drive down there and then rent a boat.Rent or charter.Or whatever.
To close the loop though, I'm more comfortable biting someone else's sandwich.I don't really want people biting my sandwich.
Hold that thought.I was clicking around Twitter yesterday as you were becoming a porn superstar for your take.
People are going to be very confused when they hear that and they have no idea.
Go back to the main show, listen to, what was that, Tuesday's show?Tim Waltz interview, at the end, and you'll figure it out.But I saw this on Twitter, and basically, this is... For the people listening, it's a pizza pie.
Yeah, it's a pizza, but it's from Ontario, Canada, and what they do is, they shred the pepperoni before they put it on.Are we in on that?
Yeah.I'm not against it, it looks good.I'll try anything.It looked like stringy cheese, but now that you say it's pepperoni, I see it.
It's pepperoni, yeah.As someone who has recently discovered the magic of... Beef pepperoni?Halal pepperoni. in New York City.I'm like, what are you doing?No, it's gotta be whole pepperoni slices.You get that bite, that one that just, oh my God.Dude.
But this ensures pepperoni in every bite.
I want my pepperoni to be a little bowl.A little cup.
It's the texture that really sets it off.The taste of pepperoni is like, all right, but it's the texture with the pizza.
I'm not a fan of the grease, though, in the cup.
That's the best and maybe she's older and a salad pal my stomach can handle the grease guys putting paper towels on his pizza Isn't he?
Sure you want to say that you can cut it I don't like I don't like pepperoni to begin with so this but this looks interesting What do you mean?You don't like pepperoni to begin only with pineapple, baby.Oh Thank you.Okay, that's you're no, thank you.
You're about to open a can of worms.Are you?
Oh, I am pineapple.I am.I was the originator on this show of pineapple and pepperoni pizza.
You mean are an animal.I know you are like a goat.You know how goats will eat anything.They'll eat a tin can back up off my boy back up off my boy pineapple.
Yeah, the pineapple pepperoni gives you the supreme.I want you to try it one day. Look at me, I mean, look at me.
You have beef pepperoni.Heated moment on Telenuevo right now.Ooh, yeah, look at that.
You have beef pepperoni, you have the sharpness of the cheese, you've got the crisp and the spice of the pepperoni, and then you mix in a little bit of the pineapple.Sweet, salty.I don't want sweet on my pizza.It's beautiful.
I don't want sweet on my pizza.I just want savory.I need a minute.I don't know if I should be doing this.We're co-workers.All right, I'm sorry.So that's Chris Cody narrating telenovelas for you.
Actually, they got walked in on by a guy and she's struggling to put her jacket back on.Yeah, the lifting of the spaghetti strap is always a telltale sign that something devious has happened. And that's probably his cousin or something.
Wow, why you gotta do that to the man?
That's usually how it is in these novellas.No, it's something probably worse.Primo.It's always, Maria, etad mi hermano, por que?And then she goes into this whole diatribe about how he used to cheat and all that stuff.
But yeah, that's it.It's like you're banging my brother.You're banging your own cousin, right? Me primo, that's all that's what you meant.Yeah.Okay.I was like, yeah A fixture the two guys are cousins in the scenario.He's the girl one cup.
Thank you.I mean for taking it there Yeah, no, you know what?I think I brought it there.
I'm sorry Look at look at Chris gloating by the way his cup the cup in the stairwell is that same exact?Look son of cup.There's been I held this secret for a while, because the moment that Chris put it down there, I knew exactly whose cup it was.
Of course.I wasn't trying to hide it.No, no, I know.But I didn't say anything.Right, right, right, right, right.Billy was the one that mentioned, oh, you know, there's been a comeback.You know how Billy is.Yeah.Evil cat.
I knew exactly where that came from.I was holding it down for Chris.I wasn't going to say shit.I was going to be like, hey, he put his cup there.And the funny thing is, I dropped something in there, too.It was $100.Oh, thank you.
I've said that on the show, that I dropped a Madeline wrapper.
Yeah. Sue me and I don't judge you for it.Thank you.
I will say I was telling the truth on the show like I Would have picked it up, but I was it was like a daily thing like let's see how long stay there like a mean mention on the show that you can die from like mold and stuff like well
be honest with you my source on this is Jon Taffer okay cuz like I didn't like I was interested I was genuinely seeing it every day like oh wow it's getting bigger like it was a fun little thing what I didn't think about the fact that Jessica walks down there a lot so I got in hindsight inconsiderate still not littering though
Hmm one of the one of the most famous clips of bar rescue they open up the freezer, and there's like this massive mushroom I'm talking about the size of a volleyball growing in there and Taffer loses his shit every other word is an f-bomb and It's one of those ones where it's like a guy that other than all the controversial stuff.
They've done well I don't know All I know about is the show I'm not looking at a dapper.Yep.
There it is He just pulled it up go ahead and send it over to Danny V to get get it on the screen for the for the viewers but it like Yeah, just see the last of us on HBO.It's literally growing out of the wall.Yeah, it's like that.Oh
Like the big mushroom head people, it looks exactly like that.Like Toad?That's, I don't know.Okay, now here's my question.
Here's a question.Do you think that mushroom was a plant?No way.Dude, I don't know.
If I'm looking at it here, it's sitting pretty flush up against the wall.I'm telling you, there's no way.First of all, they would never plant anything in Bar Rescue.Everything you see.John Taffer is a pillar of integrity.
It's like it's truly this is the clip when people ask me like what do you what is this bar rescue show?
That's the one that's the one you show them not one that I'm on with a butt funnel or anything like that No, cuz that's all nuance stuff.
Yeah, you have to know orange door entertainment system Esri bartender TVT a lifetime supply a Subscription to TVT like all these things that like that's what to touch POS system.
Yeah, there you go speed wells These are all things like after you're in it Like you want to get someone who knows nothing about bars or anything like, yo, why should I watch this show?You show them that clip right there and Taffer going nuts.
You're gonna kill somebody.You're gonna freaking kill somebody! Dude, the way, you son of a bitch.
They're missing an opportunity where they get a show going on with him and Gordon Ramsay together.That sounds like a show.
I don't give a shit, them two together.This tweet went viral the other day.It was someone posted like, wow, I would hate to be on Kitchen Nightmares.And it was Gordon Ramsay going crazy on someone.
And the dude quoted it with, if you think this is crazy, y'all should see what this nigga Jon Taffer doing. And it went viral because Jon Taffer responded with a gif, the gif of him kind of looking nervously side to side like that.
And I was like, this guy gets it.He knows how to use this, man. I never got around to watching Marriage Rescue.I did, I watched the entire season.I told you about it.It couldn't have been the same guy.It was.
It's Taffer, but I'm gonna tell you, Chris.Is he toned down or toned up?No, no, no, this is what it is.This is exactly what it is.Me and Zach figured it out.
This is John Taffer pitching to producers, give me a budget so that I can go on vacation in Puerto Rico. So, this is how it goes.The couple flies to Puerto Rico.They meet with Taffer.
He's already there.They explain the issues.He says, okay, I'll link you up with some people and some exercises.And then he disappears for the rest of the episode and he comes back at the end to check up on if everything worked out according to plan.
The rest of the time, he's just chilling in Puerto Rico, drinking daiquiris, hanging out with his friends.On the beach.On the beach, all that stuff.There's a reason why I only went one season, right? Because they realized, wait a second.
Eight episodes of John Taffer on a beach.He couldn't even muster the same level of energy.It was just kind of like, you really care about this relationship, don't you?
Talk to this guy.Disappears. I feel like getting to that level where you become a celebrity and then you just attach your name to stuff without really having to do anything is like, I've made it.You made it.
I have a theory that, especially with music people now, is that a lot of them don't really want to be musicians anymore.They just want to get to a point where they have such a high social status that they can just sell designer brands or whatever.
This is the Rihanna story.Why would she ever make music again?
Dude, I'll tell you one better. Athletes don't want to be athletes anymore.
Yeah, they want to be famous I believe enough to get paid to get their own podcast and and mess around and just comment on everything else all this time They've been shitting on media people and deep down.That's the way to me.
That's what they wanted to be all along They just wanted to be media people
So if media people wanted to be athletes, and athletes wanted to be rappers, and rappers wanted to be athletes.And they all want to be podcasters.And now they all want to be podcasters.So that's the last, the final form?The evolution is now final?
Yes, because a podcast, it's like, what is a podcaster?Talk shit.Talk shit about everything that's happening everywhere else.To them, it's a dream come true.It's like, I don't have to train or do anything.
Just kick on a mic and dress like us.
This is going to be unpopular, but like, When I read the Jeff Bezos thing in Washington Post about like why he said we're not gonna endorse anyone.
The trust in the media thing.
And yeah, and it's like all you got is a bunch of people, uninformed people on podcasts and that's where people are getting their news from.I kinda read it and like, look man, I hear everything Dan's saying but I'm like, yeah I kinda get it man.
He brings up some strong points.
Why do you think down the middle Chris came from?I mean just right here.
Well is he still there down the middle or?He voted but you never know.
You know you voted for pornography for porn.
Well that wasn't about this year.Yes, you know I just voted yes on weed dude.
I'll tell you the most terrifying thing you think goes up or whatever Go to Texas.I went to Dallas for the NBA finals.Oh cuz they shut down in the hotel room.I was like alright.Let's oh
know I gotta break it in right so open it up and I got like an essay an essay on the hub about this is why you can't watch and by the way I read the whole thing and I was like they kind of make a strong point like
Technically because I said technically we could we could show but you would need to upload proof of your identification Yes, no shit.Yeah, man, they banned in Texas it's banned.It's well.
It's it's not it's not banned I had no idea they'll argue that oh you could still do it.You could still Excellent.
It's more like loopholes to jump through to get to it
Exactly and and the main loophole is you have to provide like a scan of your ID and The hub was like, you know, we don't want that responsibility of your personal data like that Your your idea your driver's license or your passport your address your house rather than demand that of you in order for you to consume our stuff We're just gonna say we're not gonna do it and have this letter instead, which I thought was a very like that's a real well Yeah, why take the risk if you're gonna make a buttload of money?
Imagine if they get if they do that exactly trust me there A lot of logins.
They'll be alright, but imagine you're there like alright We'll start taking all the data and whatever and then you have a massive leak of data and everybody That's what he's saying.
It's not worth it on the in the planet and then all of a sudden the Ashley Madison thing looks like Small in comparison to what it could be if pH will go down.
I mean like think about Ashley Madison That's a drop in the bucket compared to the number drop in the bucket That crazy mother Ashley Madison thing that I'm still tripping over is like the number of people who got outright extorted Yeah on that site.
All right damn good, but it makes sense It's like you think this hot-ass woman who's cheating on her husband wants to fuck you with you Come on, bro.
You looked in the mirror It's a hope that kills you, right? Really is it it's it's I mean Going to fake profiles.Well the whole business model you got to know it's a fake profile But the whole business model was crazy.
They charge you like per message or something.Yep.I was like so you've heard him documentary
But it's time for you Which is presented by DraftKings stay tuned because here more about DraftKings and all it has to offer Throughout the show by the way last week round is yours by the way last week.
We missed you betcha by one leg What was we have Robert Whitaker, but we had Ilya Teporia by knockout which ended up happening We just didn't get the Robert Whitaker because his teeth got smashed in Broke his jaw
Well, we're back to what we know.Inter-Miami.Oh, wow.Tried and true.In the MLS playoffs.Beat Atlanta United 2-1.They're going into the second leg, so we're going to take Inter-Miami Moneyline to close out that series.Two quick wins.
Both teams to score, because they always give up a goal.They're terrible.And Luis Suarez to score.The Uruguayan used to be international, now he's retired.Soccer series.That's right.Do they have series?Well, it's best of three.
But it's not like, no aggregate scores.You have to win two games.Which I kind of like, we were talking about this out here, because what ends up happening in soccer, in European soccer, they play two games, and the goals, exactly, they cross over.
So if a team wins the first game 4-0, they're gonna actually just play defensively the second game, because they're already through.But this one, since you have to win two, now we're back to zero.
So Inter-Miami has to come out again, trying to win the game.They can't just sit back.So, once again, Inter-Miami, Moneyline, both teams a score.Luis Suarez, anytime goal scorer, and that's you.
We'll be right back My people, we are full swing into the NFL season.
We're basically almost halfway there, and we've had some fun time, some great, great, great weekends of NFL action, and there's nothing more that I love than hanging out on a Sunday, you got the boys over, you're cracking up a couple Miller Lights, okay?
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I'm really concerned that we keep stealing that bike from upstairs for Jeremy's spin room bit, and we don't tell anybody anything.Really?
Hold on.Hold on.You guys didn't clear it with the building?No.You guys are gonna get us evicted.
Who carries that thing down?
Well, it's actually quite light.You just lift up the back, and the front part, what's heavy, has wheels, and you just kind of push it around.So we made Ethan carry it?It was Ethan and Mally one day, it was me and Ethan the other day, but it's like...
Dude, we're gonna get some shit for that.Why don't you just tell them you're doing it?
That's how you get away with it, right?Because that's everyone's thought process.Who steals an exercise bike?I'm sure everyone just assumes someone cleared this and this is allowed to occur.It's like walking around with a ladder.
It's like no one's gonna question it.
Thank you. They always tell me, like, Mike, go take it back upstairs, and I'm like, I don't wanna be the guy that gets confronted by security that I gotta explain this whole thing.They're like, who are you, buddy?
Exactly, oh, we take this exercise bike down to this random studio, and then there's a green screen, I gotta explain the whole thing, a security guard who couldn't give a shit.
No, no, no, you don't even, but like, Chris brings up a good point, all you gotta do is like, yeah, we're doing it for the show.Yeah. And they're like, what show?You guys know we do the show.We've been doing this for months.
What are you guys talking about?You gotta go on the offensive.
What do you mean?But that assumes that every security guard is one, been around long enough to know we're here, and two, that we're doing a show.
Just pull a name and say it confidently.John said I could take it.
That's that works.We've been doing this for my guy.Yeah, there's like show the paperwork We got approval from John work is just a printout that says we need this bike like that.No one reads it It's just like this is actually very official.
It has like fake fake highlighters like what do you mean?Have some times on their their return by like all that stuff and
That's kind of low-key what I do for Tony's Top Five when I go out, because they're like, do you have a permit?I'm like, yeah, of course.They're like, where is it?I'm like, you think I have it on me?They're like, no, we got a permit.
Check your email.Wow, I would say check with your supervisor.
That usually frees them for a second, because they're like, damn, what does this guy know?And then they kind of drive away, and then I do the bit really quick, and they come back, but I'm already rolling.At that point, they're not going to stop me.
You threaten them.Let me talk to your supervisor.Go get him right now.
I'm going to tell you the crazy thing, though. Maybe not with that, but some other things, there's just a level of, if you just have this confidence, it just works.
I went to Hall of Fame a few weeks ago, and I went to ticketed events that had A, open bar, and B, a Hall of Famer, Dr. J's there or whatever.Dude, they never asked me for my ticket.I just walked in.I just walked in confidently.
They're like, you're supposed to be here.That's it.Because if you're wearing a suit and you walk confidently, No one ever stops you.Any NBA arena, if you're wearing a suit and you walk confidently like you're supposed to be there, like go ahead.
The moment you're like hamming in, every time I've been stopped. Even when it's places I'm supposed to be able to go, it's cause I hemming hawed.
Cause I did the little like, where's everybody at?Don't look for eye contact.
Make people look at you and you don't look at them.Like Chris is looking at me right now, I'm walking right past him.
In my experience though, at the heat arena where I've done this the most, there's like checkpoints and they're like looking.Maybe it's cause I'm hemming and hawing maybe and I don't even know it.
The one heat game I went to with Amin where I was credentialed and everything, Amin walked full speed everywhere and no one asked him shit. I was waiting for him to go out there and shoot a jumper.I didn't really expect him to do anything.
The one place is like the locker room.That hallway.Championship Alley?Championship Alley.That's the one place.That lady protects that thing.Everybody does.
Because that's their ass. I mean, so I know you got to get out of here pretty soon.
You got some work to do But usually we do on popular opinions the last couple shows and usually I don't give them to the cast members Because I don't want him to see him But I figure I put this out here Billy doesn't have except obviously didn't know he was coming back But and I just wanted everybody to look at them and see if you saw any that you thought Sparked your interest now the one that I talked about I talked about out there too is right here getting into a not that one That's the wrong one.
It was one here where your spouse a romantic partner is not supposed to be your best friend I feel like
You and I are the only single people here, so we are the only ones who should be answering this question.Do not get in trouble, guys.
Wait, so you're saying that my wife is not my best friend, no matter what I say.
I agree that your partner should not be your best friend.
I've rarely said that, even though I probably would call my wife my best friend.Yes, you would.I don't go around.Yes, you would.That's not something I like.My wife is not listening to this.
I don't say that though, even though I probably think it and that's me covering my ass.I think Joey's your best friend.Yeah, Joey, John.I have a few.
Alex?Joey from Scranton?From Scranton.
I do, that's what I mean.I have best friends, but you just have to say it, guys.My wife's my best friend.
Yeah, there you go, Tony.Good job.Billy, your wife too, right?Your best friend?I don't have friends.
That's why she's your best friend.No, my wife included in that.She's not my friend.
It's a pessimistic view, but I feel like if you put everything into this person and they become your best friend And then it ends now you only have nothing you not know if you lost a spouse lost everything.
You've lost the best friend Kid by the way executive, legislative, judicial, right?They've gotta be separate.You gotta keep them apart.In case this one fails, there's another one there.
I've had a moment recently that I feel like the people with kids can kinda relate to, and it is my oldest daughter, just this past week, has started saying to my wife that she's her best friend.And she'll do it in front of me, and I'm like,
Yeah, like hey.Hey.Hey.Yeah.Hey, what's going on here kids have no shame What is this business about you're my best friend?What is this?
You know what you do?You reinvest in the younger one Wow Like treats and oh, I only do this for my best friend.
That seems like a horrible parenting Decision like that seems like actually terrible advice.She started it and it's something that would lead to like therapy.
No well, maybe but But in the meantime, it'll get her in line real quick.
She'll realize real quick, hey man, when I make public proclamations, there are consequences and repercussions, so I better hedge my bets and call both my parents my best friends.I'm not losing both my kids.
It could be discouraging how honest kids are.You can just ask my daughter, which parent do you like better, and she'll just answer it. Like, you know what I mean?She won't play the politics game of, oh, I like them both.Yeah, what does she say?
What does she say?Well, it depends on the day.But she's done it before where it's like, mommy, mommy.And it's just like, oh, OK.
You know I heard you.She shits on you, right?
Yeah.She calls me bruh now.Oh, what?She's into that age.She says bruh?Dude.How does that happen?I guess she's seen it on YouTube or something.But what's the context?Like, if I say something that she's like, bruh. She'll literally hit me with breath.
My daughter will also tell me, it's first thing in the morning, I wake up and she'll come and she'll jump on me or whatever, and it's like, oh my gosh, I have problems here with my internal organs, you jumped me first into my stomach, and then she'll just come up right next to my face and she'll be like, you have bad breath, and it's like, yeah, yeah, it's first thing in the morning.
It's 6 a.m.Exactly right.
My daughter would just be like, you're wearing that?Like, yeah, that's what I'm wearing.
Lately, Billy, you've talked about your eldest daughter, and she just seems like a menace, dude.Whoa, a menace?That's my daughter.No, no, but in a good way.What?Kick, save, and abuse.
No, no, no, because she's messing with Billy.
You're like a real jerk, but a good jerk.
No, no, just the way that she messes with Billy sounds so funny, because it's exactly what Billy deserves.
The most insulting part about this take is he's like looking down at notes opportunity Your family hates you.
I'm not even taking notes.I gave Billy my unpopular opinions page.So all I'm doing is drawing this triangle that I fold.
So you're just doodling.You're a doodler.He's not paying attention.He's just like, fuck you, Billy.I've never doodled.That's impossible, and that's a lie.You can just move forward.
I don't think I have like I really am thinking back just don't doodle I've never doodle I've never doodled never I've done like that star s thing is that's doodling don't engage this is a lie don't engage no no doodling is when you don't go down this path it's made up doodling is when you're doing something and while doing it I'm doing like when I've done that s thing this s yeah when I've done
fully concentrated on it?I'm fully doing that.So I'm not doodling.Doodling is we're talking and I'm just here.
No, no, doodling is you're in class and the teachers of the board are talking about like the War of 1812 and you start to draw that S, that's doodling.Yeah. That's what people do in class.Alright, I haven't doodled since school.
Okay, I'll take that, that I understand.
But say I've never doodled, you're out of your mind.We were signing books for the coloring book and Amin brought something up that I had long had in the recesses of my mind.
When we used to get detention back in the day. They would make you write lines.I will not be late to class.
I never had to do that.You've never had to go to the board?No, I've got detention and stuff.I will not disrupt.They don't actually do that.You guys actually have to do that?
Absolutely have to do it.I never had to do that.
You've never done that once?No.Billy, have you ever had to do that?
Yeah, uh not on a board, but like on a sheet of paper like write something fair, you know a hundred times that actually maybe i've done Okay, definitely never done the board.
It's the same.It's the same.It's the same concept concept Yeah, but like the idea of like having to write I will not disrupt class.Would you write just a bunch of eyes?
All right, you know what you guys great i've done it.Yeah We got him.
So so the crazy thing is we're talking about never doodle our kids They have no idea what that is.
They will today.When I get home, my favorite parent is daddy.50 times.
I don't think that's how you win the contest between you and your wife.It's giving her more work and punishment.
She does like tasks right now.We're like in a big thing.She's like, can you write a few math problems for me?And like I'm writing math problems.She's answering them.Nice.
Anyway, how many math problems?Are you like she's is there a certain point where you're like, I'm gonna have trouble doing yeah Have you reach the point where you don't know the math?
Yeah, I have a calculator guys I know like the other I didn't make a mistake last night that I got mad about I guess I asked her 29 plus 29 and she came back with 59 and I was like that's right and then like a minute later I'm like You're wrong!
That was a fun moment we had.So, the twins are in middle school and they're doing photosynthesis.Ah, yes.And I'm just like, I'm trying to like, Life's my plan.So, all right, the leaves capture the light, but they also capture the carbon dioxide?Yep.
Like the same thing is doing to, like in my mind, I'm singing out loud, yeah, yeah, it does, and I'm like, is that right?I don't know.I don't remember.You're like Googling something?
I thought I would never reach this point, but like, I'm already there, man. Sixth grade science, I'm like.
You're talking about middle school math, like middle school science.
It's not like super heavy yet.Science sucks.
And then the oldest freshman in high school doing math and there was like a trigonometry question.Trigonometry.Cosines and sines and I'm like, wait, it's like, it's like .5, it was something in a distant memory.I'm cooked, I'm cooked.
Like an Amin who's now like a 100 year old old man in my brain is like, did somebody mention angles?And I was like, nah bro, just go back to bed.
That's not a pick, guys.That's clearly a scratch.Are you picking your nose before?Put it big screen.No, I said, I highlighted that Danny likes to send me stuff when I'm scratching my nose.That is a damning still shot, but I'm telling you.
That's a clear nose hair itch.
Thank you.This guy knows it.You're completely in the nostril there.What you're doing right now, you're doing the mookie.Look, right here, I'm doing it again.This is not picking my nose.This is not picking your nose.This is outside.I'm in here.
I'm not picking my nose.Right here, the still shot.I'm scratching the rim.You're mookie bets. I'm scratching the rim.You have broken the line and right now those nose hairs.
If there were fans in my nose hairs, they could be like, yeah!Right here, he's not in, he's right here.
They're grabbing the wrist of your finger right now.
That is such a scratch.How does this unpopular opinions segment work?Do you just like list these very quickly?
He says opinions that are unpopular, we talk about them.
Got it.Yeah, usually I just read them off like, do, do, do, do, do, but we got side railed because your daughter hates you.
Let me flash through these real quick.All right, unless you're an extreme extrovert, having a surprise party thrown for you sucks.I've never had a surprise party.Me neither.So I don't know.Me neither.I'm good without it.Good topic.
It's okay to start eating before everyone else at your table if you wait three to five minutes first.Yeah, they're supposed to bring the food all out together.
If the food doesn't come out all together, like you give it a little grace period, there's a problem with someone's food, Like Larry Davis said, why would I wait for my food to get cold while you get your food?
Well, there's a rule, right?If you order hot food, you can go ahead and eat.If you order food that's colder, it takes a little bit longer.
Third one, getting a photo of a celebrity with little or no interaction beforehand is weird.That's you right there.I got to ask you about that.Not true, because sometimes, like, I saw Ice Cube at the Dodger game.
And people are like, at some point, it's just like, Well, I didn't talk to him, but like.Were you at the game he performed?No, I was at game one.What'd you think of that performance?I thought it was a lot better than Fat Joe's.No, Fat Joe, obviously.
Both of them have just been kind of awkward, though.I thought it was cool.Maybe if you're there at the game, it's cool, like watching on TV, it's like, this is weird.
I thought the Ice Cube one was great because Ice Cube was smart.He starts in the outfield and then walks all the way to home base with perfect timing with the songs.The main Fat Joe weird is that he just stood there like,
on the mound and it was kind of static.
Also Ice Cube doing it first like it just felt like oh now Fat Joe's trying to recreate exactly like I don't know I liked Ice Cube's one.
Also I was like I thought Fat Joe the song selection man you he didn't he didn't go with his best.The banger.
He should have worked in a responsibly.
Oh man still a great night.The best night in Utah.But as I was saying when you had someone walking through Sometimes it's like taking the picture.Yeah, go ahead.Everyone just take the picture.
Let's go having interaction is actually counterproductive in those situations But yeah, if you just walk up to me at dinner, well, I'll never walk up to the celebrity at dinner at all That's that's the little never walk.
What if someone walked up to you at dinner?I was like, oh, I know you for mystery crazy.
You gave me a sure that I'll be like, yo, this is this happened to me I won't say who cuz I don't want to put their business out there.I was voting a few days ago.I
And an NBA former Heat player that was happened to be voting at the same time at my precinct Mm-hmm, and we just kind of like and I didn't I was like we did the thing where which it was like It was like a long like s-shaped line So like we passed each other multiple times and I thought about like a little Chris from Lubbock like I thought of just being like I Thought about just like saying yo like being a fan I
I was gonna do the joke of wow Ike Austin was in line with you But like before I could you fucked up and said the name.This is not live.
No one's gonna hear it still So did you say anything or no?No, I said nothing.Okay, I said nothing.
I like you mean it on the options there, but even though on the options there of Say nothing.Just be like yo respect
Or the the terrible move of I'm from the Leviticus You have more precedent than most people to say hi to him No, I know but that's such like a thing of like who I am is I produce this show and Based on where you are like he doesn't want attention that's what I mean like so but like it was somewhere else I think like yeah, if it was more cat like oh
It was election specific.Who are you going to vote for?Oh yeah.That would have been a good one.Who should I vote for?Hey, who are you voting for on number 14?I almost made the joke to him.Don't do presidential.It's too much.
Hey, who do we think of as city council?What do you think?Oh yeah.
How are you going on Prop 7?
What do you think about the third district judge?Yeah, yeah.
I didn't vote for the judges.You didn't vote for the judges?I literally left that one blank.I didn't know the answer.I didn't know what I was supposed to do.I gotta go.
You can talk about politics in a second.Stick to other things other than politics.Cinemas shouldn't play movie trailers anymore since we've all seen them online.Horseshit.
You skipped a crazy one right before that.It's not meant to be rapid fire.We can go back.You guys can go back.I can't as well.
It's the only thing I like about going to watch a movie in the theater at this point at this point There's nothing I like he's right.He's right.I like because you could say no no I
You could say, oh yeah, I could watch them online, but that's only if I know they exist.There's nothing as exhilarating as, holy fuck, they're making a Back to the Future 4?That's always a great moment.
To his point, though, you're rarely surprised at this point, because you've already seen it on Twitter.
No, no, no.You've seen it.
You've seen that it exists.
No.But not everybody has seen it.No, sometimes you don't.
I think more people have Twitter than people go to the movies.
That's probably right.There's shit that you just discover.
that is in existence that they're making like for example the next karate kid crossover one that's coming next the one that has Jackie Chan and Ralph Macchio in it like that would have been such a cool thing to see like you know and you know in a world where in one country this and none of that this summer you're like wait what is this
And then you realize what it is, oh my god, it's so great.The one thing, it took me back.Yeah, there you go.I'll tell you this last thing I'll say, because we did this movie for Cinephobe, and I don't even know if it's out yet or not.
You know what, fuck it, I'll say it.And let me tell you something, the trailer for It's not out, by the way.It's so fire, I don't care.
I'm just saying it's not out because I was looking at the feed earlier today, it's not there.
Do you guys remember when, like, on Macs, there used to be, like, a place you can go and it'd just be movie trailers?So, like, you'd go to, like, either iTunes or, like, iMovie or whatever and, like, you just go and, like, that's, like,
I don't know, like 10, 15 years ago, whatever, where you get a Mac and you're like, what do I do?I've done everything on the internet.And then you're like, you know what?Yeah, exactly, right?
Like, oh, I did the thing, I draw, I did the filters on my face.What do I do?Let me see what movies are coming out.And then you just start scrolling through just to pass the time.I miss when there was time that you just would pass the time.
Now there's just too much going on.I can't just pass time anymore.I don't have time to pass.
We should let people be bored again.I'm with you.
That could be a good back in my day.
I'd vote for someone whose whole campaign is boredom.
Triple B, that's my platform.
You don't have to be entertained all the time.
You don't have to be insane.Go be bored.Turn my brain off.Go do something outside.Go look at a leaf.That's hot outside.
Ever looked at a leaf before?
Go look at a leaf.A lot of things to look at on a leaf.Can I stay inside?
Do you guys know there's a new Final Destination coming out?No, but I'm intrigued to see.
I'm just saying, did you know?How many weird ways are there to die?I guess endless.
Did you know there's a new Naked Gun coming out?
Who's playing the Leslie Nielsen role? Liam Neeson, we have no shit.Yeah, imagine.
Does he have the comedy chops exactly right?Is he gonna be like literally Mr. Magoo?No, that's Mr. Magoo.
We're talking about Naked Gun.Naked Gun.Two things.Number one, Leslie Nielsen was a serious dramatic actor before Problematic airplane, right?It's just like Tom Cruise the other way, right?
Right exactly So so Liam Neeson is actually in the same spot that Leslie Nielsen was older guy serious actor now He's gonna do comedy number two.Have you ever seen life's too short on HBO?His episode is probably the most funny most famous one.
It's the one where he wants to do comedy with Ricky Gervais This is the show that we couldn't find right then.I looked at that.
We looked it up Yes, not on there, but the movie is but what about the stadium that collapse or whatever?
No, it's a different one.Okay
So I said okay, I didn't I didn't know but I assumed everyone else did Sorry, Billy.
I didn't we spent we spent like a month looking for a show about Like the carrier dome or something.Oh, yeah No one could figure out what show it was that we were looking for, because Dan was like, I saw a show that's- It was the first episode.
It was a show about architectural marvels and how great architecture is, and I saw it on Max, and I researched and searched and searched for like three weeks, and then finally, Lewis or someone in the video department found it.
They're like, what show is he talking about?And then they found it was called Architectural Disasters.
And it was on Spike TV, right?10 words, Architectural Disasters, number nine.
RIP Spike TV, dude.Spike was fire. What was the one that you said we jumped over that was crazy, Billy?
Getting into a romantic relationship or even dating while you're a teenager is dumb.I agree.I agree, yeah.So just as teenagers, you can't have love or happiness?There is no love.
You're just headed for failure.
You're learning how to love.Yeah, love practice.
But but the practice ends in calamity because you end up getting hurt I couldn't love the way I do now if I didn't have my experiences as a teenager Don't say that to your best friend.
You need to have loved and lost I did Never have loved at all.
You'd rather never love at all until your certain age I guess that goes against ignorance is bliss because it's true not knowing is I
A lot of things go against a lot of things in this world.
Bring back boredom.So at what point do you start dabbling in love and romance?
Well, that's the thing.You start dabbling as a teenager, but what this guy is saying, random internet user 349 or whatever, is saying that it's just worthless at the time because you're probably not going to work out.It's not a bad thing.
On its face, it's not a bad thing.Correct, because there's not a lot of high school sweethearts walking around, is what I'm saying.Me and Jenny are high school sweethearts.I know.It's rare.That's what I'm saying.
No, you shouldn't be married.I'm What I got bad news for you buddy, what else is on that list I gave like refried beans are terrible agreed Christmas shouldn't play movie trailer.
No, I love refried beans Not refried beans is basically refried beans are a good glue.
It is mush.Yeah, it's much.
It's absolute mush Why don't we put some rice on it?
Like no, I said that I get black beans.I like this one Can I like both?Most celebrities are average looking.
It's true.They have access to money and medical things that normal people do not have, because if they didn't have the access that they do, they'd look like normal people.
Even without that, their makeup's incredible.You find a good makeup artist, and you look like a totally different person.
Look what Jesse does to you.
So you're saying Jamie Foxx is not good looking?
I'm not saying he's... I'd say we'd probably consider him average if he wasn't a celebrity. It's the same thing from the guys in the movie challengers, right?
I know a bunch of girls fawning over the guy with the dark hair I got us like a fucking troll to me the guy's like a hundred pounds, dude That guy looks like he's part of the Ulrich and in Lord of the Rings.I don't know that is who are we talking?
I just say I have a name.Give me a Second one of the Avengers movie
Having a punching bag character isn't funny and is just sad.
That is like Screech Powers and Saved by the Bell.They've kind of moved away from that.
What's his name?Who am I looking up?
Literally on the page it said the cast.This guy's name is Patrick Zweig.Patrick Z-W-E-I-G.
Why is Danny on me right now?Get off me! This guy?Yeah, that's the guy.He looks like a troll.
I mean, who said he was great looking?
Dude, I've talked to a lot of my female friends and they said that he's really good looking.Oh my god, he's so hot.
Do you just like poll your female friends about guys?
Hey, what do you think about Patrick Swag?Swag.
No, more like I was saying that.Oh, you like him?Let me ask four more people to get a real feel for this.
I don't like your answer.I'm going to keep asking other people.
That's right.That's how polling gets done in America.I asked 13 people and four said, you know what?Good looking guy.
Eating alone is far superior than eating with other people.
I like eating alone. I'm fine eating at a nice group dinner too.
I do a lot of eating standing.Me too.I've transitioned to eating standing.My wife does not like it at all.She tells me, can you sit down please?And I'm like, eh.And I'm just like eating standing at the kitchen bar.I'm picturing them at a restaurant.
Everybody's sitting down and I'm just there refusing to sit.No, I've just got to check out what's going on around here.We're here, sit.Getting a lay of the land at this restaurant.
Does your wife call you Billy?
Yeah.Yeah?Okay, I don't know. It'd be weird if she called me Greg.No, no, no.
I don't know if she calls you Guillermo.I don't know what she calls you.No one calls me that.Okay, goodbye. My people, we are full swing into the NFL season.
We're basically almost halfway there, and we've had some fun time, some great, great, great weekends of NFL action, and there's nothing more that I love than hanging out on a Sunday, you got the boys over, you're cracking up a couple Miller Lights, okay?
You got the barbecue rolling, you're watching the games, you're watching Red Zone, you got action everywhere.There's nothing like it.
From defending your favorite team after a bad loss to obsessively checking your fantasy lineups, football fandom is bigger than just Sundays.We got Mondays, we got Thursdays.
Miller Lite knows the passion that comes with rooting for your favorite team.Like the debate that sparked in 1975, great taste versus less filling.So, what's the best thing about the original Lite beer?Why can't it be both, people?
When we kick on the red zone, I open up the fridge, grab a nice, tall, tall, amber bottle of Miller Lite, plop down on the couch.Ah, there's nothing like it.
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