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Hello, adventurers.Welcome back.It's me, your podmaster, R. Alex Murray.We're hanging out today with Diego and Jasmine.We all know everybody because, oh, we've all been listening to the podcast for weeks and weeks now, and we're old friends.
Nothing much, man.I'm excited for what we got in store today.This is going to be a very fun episode.
Same.When you came up with this idea, I was super excited to do this one.
I will say straight up, my whole pitch for this idea is that we do it, and then eventually, we use them.We use these characters.
Yes, please.Oh, I am already gonna keep this character.
I want a battle royale between these characters.
Just a huge WWE-esque PvP.Yeah, yeah, put us in the fighting pits, put up a bracket, let's have... forget March Madness, let's do December debauchery.
Yes, so friends, here's what we're doing today.We're playing a game that I am tentatively calling No Sheet for Sherlock, unless we can think of a better one.I got nothing, yeah.I have been trying and trying.I have done it before elsewhere.
We called it All Blocked Up, but like, that's weird.What does that mean?Well, like we're making a stat block.It sounds like you really need a laxative.Oh, I was just like, And the joke was, we need to like shit these characters out.That's funny.
So yeah, yeah.We're going to call it No Sheet for Sherlock.And here's what we're going to do.We're going to take today's episode.And the three of us have all brought, I think, two fictional characters and a real person.
And what we're going to do is build them as playable characters in 5e.So that by the end of this show, we'll publish the sheets somewhere, probably in the Discord. You can play him, we can play him, anybody can play him.
And I don't know, get on Reddit and talk about how we're idiots and we're wrong.That's all any podcaster really wants.
I already know I'm not wrong about this one.
I came onto this podcast wanting to make nerds angry.So I am ready for your ire and I welcome it.
The nerd rage fuels me.It does.
But before we start, before we jump into like building these characters to play, there's been a whole lot of discussion on the Discord as well about like, the fans have started talking about what species in class all of us are.
Which is pretty great, and there's some significant discourse about like, what I'm seeing in there is them being like, well I really feel like Diego's like, probably like a barbarian, or maybe like a fighter, or like, maybe like a monk.
And I'm like, just the warrior that I play on stage?
When I was trickster, what would you have thought I would have been? That's what somebody was like like Jasmine's got like real like sorcerer vibes and I was like, did you guys just see the show?
But what do you think that you would you think you would be in real life?I mean, you know, we're in real fake life.
I think you'd be like, I think you would be a martial class.
Yeah, I feel like I would probably be a martial class or something.Like, honestly, probably rogue-y.I don't think it's a martial class that you realize is a martial class.
I sneak up behind people all the time on accident.
You are very small and very quiet.
Yeah, I don't do it on purpose.I feel like that's just a natural.That or I'm just like already just gnome.Just say gnome and then put me somewhere else.
So we're starting from gnome for certain.I do love the idea of like a gnome assassin that you don't know they're right behind you until they're just like, sorry about this one.
and hiding in plain sight, just so friendly, and it's like, yeah, oh, what's up?You and your Tamagotchi, you're just wheeling your little cart of adorable pets through the town square, and then you strike at night.
I'm just the lady who has a cat inside of a stroller, and just said, don't expect her, and then all of a sudden, you're dead.
Yeah, you unzip the cat, and it's a knife. I like that, a gnomish rogue assassin.
This cat lady will make you childless by killing your child.Oh man, I love that.God, gnome assassins are so good.What about you, man?
Man, I don't know.I mean like I feel like being a performer like it naturally like no bars We all have no fun.
We all have a performance background It's a problem with I've played this game is like that We're about to play with other people to it.It's like if you say a rock star, they can't be a bard.They have to be yeah Yeah, yeah, I think I don't know.
I'm kind of drawn like sorcerer Like
Yeah, you just inherited all your magic.They just, oh no, I'm powerful.I don't know where it came from.Did you study for it?No.
It just came naturally, sorry.
Mystical, like your grandfather was like a dragon?Nah, I don't know, man.
Someone was in the right place at the wrong time.
I like that for you, because it's still a charisma caster, which I think needs to be your primary.
Yeah, for sure.And I'd also like, in terms of a species, Ever since I first started playing D&D, I've always loved tieflings, because my favorite color is red, and they're red in a lot of the character art that you see.
And so, yeah, I think a little tiefling sorcerer.
A sneaky tiefling sorcerer that's just slamming tequila and blasting magic everywhere.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.I would love to be the tequila sorcerer.
What's a drunken master version of a sorcerer?Where is that?I think it's just a sorcerer.
A sorcerer with too much disposable income.
You gained your powers from the original Mezcal worm you ate.Yes!Oh my god!
I drank the mezcal worm.Now you're a warlock.Now you have a pact with the god of agave.
This is interesting because this is lining up interestingly close with what the character that I brought in today, but before we get to that.
I mean, this is fun because people look at me and they're like, oh yeah, well you're like a dwarven barbarian.No, no, no, no. I am a gnome druid all day long.My ass is in the fucking woods, stones, talking to a fucking deer, man.
I am like, I am David, did you guys ever watch David the Gnome?Are you old enough for this shit?
You're exactly you're lost and I just like come out of a tree stump just like Very chill Tom Bombadil Bombadil with like less magic like not as old and like an expiration date that I'm not super worried about.I'm like, yeah, man, I'll be here, man.
Me talking to the tree.Welcome to the bonfire, be at ease.
Braid some flowers in your beard, man, and you're all set.
That's so perfect.Don't be a dick, or I will light you on fire.Yeah, I will mold earth and just drop you into the ground.Oh my gosh, that's funny.Yeah, it's fun.
And I like that, because it's people, especially wandering around here, like, before the show starts, they're like, oh, what's up?You're a dwarf, right?And I'm like, not so fast.
What would you want your good berry to look like like assuming like you could reflavor it as like not like a good question Like one like it's handheld.
Yeah.Yeah.Yeah, it's too easy.
It's like a cheeseburger a Day and sustain myself I would probably be the happiest person who's ever lived.
Yeah nice depression who I Yeah, no, no way.I'm not sad, I'm full of grease.Cheeseburgers.Yeah, that's just a weird burger.I have just specked myself up into Kel from Kenan and Kel.
Is it just like sliders maybe?
Welcome to the woods, would you like a good burger?Yes, dude, nobody's brought Kel Mitchell, have they?Clearly, burger druid, Kel Mitchell.
Amazing. Hell yeah.God, and now I want to have, canonically, we gotta get everybody in the whole castle.Make sure we know where we're at.We gotta stat ourselves up.
This is the new opener question for everyone else who's on.
Oh, absolutely, what are you?And then I've done a thing before where we've played them.You've statted yourself up as a level four, just you.Way fun.It's so much fun, because there's no RP.
It's just like, all right, Jasmine and Stomp and Diego are trying to break into Xanathar's house.
Ding dong.Hello.What's up?Oh shit.The tiefling is drunk again.
How are you?Want some tequila?Just all of this butting up against my actual life would be a little bit of a mind fuck.
We're already playing ourselves, playing ourselves.Playing a game.Yeah, dude.
The layers, the metal layers in this show that you have to jump through to keep yourself sane.
Spin the top, dude.Spin the top.Look at the top.Look at the top.We need the cake. I mean, like, I think you're the only person who's gotten Isekai on the- Twice!
Twice now, and I have a thing on the Chaos Chart called Isekai, and it means that actual human Diego F. Salinas switches places with whatever character I'm playing in the fantasy world and vice versa.
I think you gotta do it for 30 seconds.You'll only get 30 seconds.And I think the way to do it is that like, not try to do both of them at the same time.So it's just like you pop in and then like Diego's comes into the world.
If it were me, when I get it, it's going to be Alex is there and he's going to look at the other two and be like, here's the deal guys.This is what we got to do.Ready?Okay.
And then after 30 seconds goes by, Chester, whoever's going to pop back and be like,
Oh God!I misunderstood the assignment.I was gonna do like, and we pop in, Jasmine screams, where the hell am I?Why am I in a cavern?Who are you people?Oh God, it's cold.Like, just do that for 30 seconds.
I mean, that's honestly, yeah.Sure.That's what I thought.The first 30 seconds would just be horrifying.
You're good, Connor.You can come in, wave to the camera, say hi to everybody on the podcast.Connor Marks is here.Connor, because you walked in, I'm bringing you into the uniting sector of the podcast.What species and class would you Connor Marks be?
Species homebrew, you want tea, but no arms, no legs, just little snake.Just little snake.
Are you playing that character right now?Yeah, I am.What is it called?
But we might, I might be thinking about re-spec-ing.We discovered that he's excellent at professional wrestling.So I might move him.
He is a champion.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.I would love nothing more than to watch a snake give another man the chair.
Yeah, real, I mean, we're talking like top six inches long gardens, like real little boy.Jake, the actual snake, Robert.
Hey, very nice call.Thank you. That's rad.Uh, that's very, so hold on.Okay.One last question and then I'll let you go.I'm so sorry for interrupting your podcast now.Shut up.You, you're, you're part of, but this is all, there are no rules.
Who's watching right now.
So we could tell them the future.Yeah.
We can tell them the past.We are uniquely positioned.Buy this stuff right now. Buy this stuff last week.
That's how winning lottery tickets are.That's how recordings work.
No, I think you guys are simplifying.I think we're onto something here.
It's like when someone asks you, do you want to see a picture of me when I was younger?I was like, they're all of you when you were younger.
I want to see a picture of you when you were older.Unimpressed by your, like, Servitude to time.Yeah, fuck that.Okay.One last question you actually Conor.Yes, you're would you be a warlock?No Aspiration Lee or in actuality?
No, like what do you think you are?cabbage vendor Damn that dude's got some cabbages
I literally got into a conversation with the guy at Pret today when I got my sandwich, who opened my eyes to the conspiracy theory that the Cabbage Vendor is actually a spy for the Fire Kingdom, which honestly kind of tracks in a lot of ways.
He's everywhere.How?Why?What is he there for?
And he's got like a vendetta against the Avatar.
You say it as if it's arbitrary, like he just woke up and decided to have a vendetta, not like his stall is constantly being destroyed by the antics of this fucking toddler.
How hard it is to grow cabbages off season too?
Like this guy's whole livelihood is getting... Of this fucking toddler.It's an unbelievable description of angst.
So we would give you a secondary thing and you're now also a spy.Okay.
Cabbage vendor with the spice that buck.
Sometimes I think I would be the world's worst spy, and sometimes I think I would be the greatest spy to have ever lived.
Yeah, there's a like, can you, once you figure out how to bumble your way into and out of situations on purpose.
Yeah.Did y'all go through a, um, deception game phase?Well, like when I was a kid, I liked to just lie to people.I'll be clear.I'll, I'll speak with the first, am I derailing?
When, from the, from like 2000. 14 through 18 I was playing for example the Battlestar board game Avalon resistance all of these games that their core mechanic was deception.Okay, and I We our friend group played them almost exclusively we got very
very good at it in a way that the game never stopped being played and we were always kind of inquiring to what extent someone was telling us the truth in any given moment.And then I think I just hit my limit.
And now the thought of playing even around where you are the werewolf or where you are the spy makes me nearly vomit with anxiety.
I'm terrible at even like werewolf or secret Hitler is another really good one which is just werewolf but you get to say Hitler a lot.
Dad bleeding into my everyday life sounds like my actual nightmare.
I don't like playing Among Us.It stresses me out.
I just want to be doing my tasks and suss out whether my friends are lying to me.That's the fun part.If I have to do the lying and the killing, my heart rate goes insane.It's really bad.
Well, yeah, because who do you pick and why?
I wanna like teleport you back to like the Salem witch trials and just see how you do.Guys, no!
I could just do math.It's not, I'm not a witch.
I saw everybody talking to the devil.Less weight, please.I don't want to be here.I hate this.I'm going to Boston.You guys are dicks.Yeah.Amazing.All right.Well, we're going to jump into our silly game now.Thank you for joining us, Connor.
I will, unsolicited, offer you one farewell anecdote.Yes.
Was a freshman in college It was maybe a month into the experience So my eyes were as wide as they get my tail as bushy as it could be And this was one of the first moments where I found myself organically enveloped into It wasn't a subversive hang in an explicit way, but in the sense that when you are at that age No, no, no, just like any
Anything that so it was just we a group of people Diego's on the internet looking at some subversive hang Yeah, so like a group had just organically formed as it happens in college when you're all living together and of the same age and interests and we ended up wandering there was a farm and
Across from campus and so we like ended up wandering over into the farm.
It was maybe midnight or something We all sort of sat around I'm gonna color it as on a pumpkin patch though Sure, probably was not actually a pumpkin patch, but we were just in the middle of some sort of agrarian zone
Standard horror movie settings.
Yeah, and we we played a game of mafia and I was in a group of people that I was Desperate to become friends with I had eyeballed them as the cool older classmen that I was so eager to ingratiate myself with and There was one person in particular whose name is Sophie Pickens.
Wherever you are.I think Vermont.I don't know and
In a pumpkin patch She was sort of riding the line between someone that I just thought was the coolest person in the world and Sort of had a crush on and sort of just wanted to be and be friends with she was just like Having come from rural not rural but having come from like rather homogenized, North Carolina suddenly to being in this liberal arts college And I was like you're the coolest fucking person I've ever seen my entire life and we play we're playing a game of mafia and
Cause they'd heard of like bands you hadn't heard of before.Yeah.
Like didn't maybe actually have tattoos, but seemed like they would have tattoos.
This person will probably eventually have tattoos.Yeah.That was baller.
That way when they are tattooed, you're already in.
Tattoo might be about me or an adventure we had.
And I had it was not the first time she and I had hung out we had hung out enough to feel like I had a rapport with her and It was sort of the final round or something of mafia and I was in a position of deciding whether it was person a or Sophie yeah, and I was like I really dug so far down I was like Sophie so like outside of the game and
Outside of the world of Mafia, in the world where you and I just met a couple weeks ago, and we are developing a friendship, and we are at a critical juncture in the development of said friendship, where we can take two paths, one that leads us towards trust and fraternity, and one that leads towards betrayal and the end of what could have been years of friendship.
This poor 18-year-old snake boy.Jesus Christ.And I was like, outside of this game, just you and me.
Are you in the mafia and she looked at me and she was like Connor outside of the game as the people that we are and In the friends that we are hopefully becoming I am NOT the mafia.
I was like, all right kill the other dude the other dudes mafia Immediately she revealed her hand I looked at her heartbroken just devastated.I was like what?Why?And she said Connor There is no outside the game.
Oh God.Oh man.So you're still there.Any minute now you're going to wake up in a cold sweat and a pumpkin patch.
It reminds me of like the advice I get in Spy Kids 3 from the grandpa.Never fall in love in a game.
Oh God.Thank you for joining us.That was great.
Amazing.No.Hi, folks.Let me see if I can sum up Midnight Burger in about 25 seconds.
Really, Big Monster?Zero irony.Pardon me, Gloria.Might my husband and I have a word?
The radio is talking to me.So this is how it ends.Eaten by wolves in space.
There's a pocket dimension in the deep freeze.
This is the stupidest dystopia we've ever been to.What the hell is that?
Because you're having a cigarette in 415 million BC.
Can you narrow that down?
Ava.Yeah, that didn't work at all.At the nexus of all things, there is a diner.Look for Midnight Burger on your favorite podcasting app or just go to weopenatsix.com.
Congratulations.You've reached the Amelia Project.And your life awaits. If you're not serious about this, hang up.If you continue, there's no way back.Leave your message after the beep.
Enter the offices of the Amelia Project and be ready for surprises, twists and turns. Follow the Amelia team as they help their clients fake their deaths and come back with new identities.Each episode is different.
Each client coming to the death faking agency has a unique story to tell.If death and disappearances, comedy and crime, mystery and magic sounds like your cup of cocoa, The Amelia Project is the podcast for you.
Search for The Amelia Project wherever you find your podcasts. And remember, leave your message after the beep.
It's the like discord nitro of Simulations where it's like oh you can upgrade it's like what do I get you get a little border for your avatar?Yeah, great.Yeah, so much.I don't get a fucking jetpack or nothing Hell yeah
Alright, so who wants to go first?Who would like to build a person first?
I'm curious if like maybe we kind of go, do you want to go like build one out the entire way or kind of as we're going through like the levels of building a character just go around the one so it's like we're building all three at once.
Like they're gonna be a party?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.I think maybe we just start by going around, introducing the character we're doing, and then the species and the class.
Done.Well, yeah.I mean, I think, yes.The idea is for us to make sure we're considering all angles, right?
Exactly, because I want y'all's input, because I haven't built this thing out 100%.
Oh, absolutely.Well, then let me write down my character name here. Gordon Ramsey.Yes!
I think I'm the only person who did a real person.
So my character that I brought, I want to do Peter Parker.Oh fun!Okay.My first like off the cuff is he's a variant human and I like the idea that he's a warlock because with great power there comes great responsibility.His patron is like the wolf.
The spider?I was thinking like a spider deity, yeah.Wolf is the one that's kind of in the Forgotten Realms.Oh, that makes sense.
Okay, I mean that's cool.
It could be also like a homebrew thing, but I'm thinking yeah, like Peter Parker as like a spider wolf.
One, it's like he's so tortured by it all.It really works for him because poor Peter in every universe they put him in gets absolutely tooled on.He doesn't get to be a millionaire playboy.His alter ego is a kid.
He's as smart as Tony Stark, maybe even smarter, and he still has to work a job delivering pizza.We went to public school.A true millennial hero.
Even in cartoons or whatever like you when he's in college.Yeah, I feel like working his way through.
It's always delivered, but he's always attracting all these babes well, yeah, I mean I Everyone who knows me knows how I feel about hot reds heads that are very confident.So I Feel you Pete.
What did you bring?What are you thinking Murray?Oh
Okay, so I've got Gordon Ramsay, and I really hadn't, I really, I have done this elsewhere with Guy Fieri and Anthony Bourdain, and this is the trifecta is that I want to eventually run a campaign where the three of them go on some sort of idiotic culinary adventure.
But I think, Gordon, I think that he is a bard. Think that that's my move there because yeah, well, I mean What's gonna inspire you more than being called a fucking idiot sandwich, right?
His whole deal is like getting other people to do stuff So you're thinking more like the kitchen nightmares Gordon Ramsay rather than
Yeah, I mean it would be easy to make him be like I mean like a martial fighter class would be easy Or you could throw a monk in there, right?
Because the other guy that's the that's the bard you're Yeah, that's true me he's absolutely got bard vibes yeah For sure Yeah, it's all good
I want more parts unknown.
There's so many parts I don't know.
I know that's I can get behind that that like he would be more of a bard.And then so I then I then I started to think monk because I think he's dex based.I think a chef is chef is going to be like.
Dex and wisdom makes sense for him.
Dex and wisdom, right?Yeah, yeah, absolutely.Yeah, wisdom especially, right?Because what is coming up through a kitchen other than being trained by many, many shifus, right?
There's a whole lot of apprentice, a whole lot of times when you have to put on a shitty white uniform and then listen to somebody just be like, no, cut it again.It's just a key.Oh my god, a chef's coat is a key.No, cut it again, yeah.
Wrong, your omelet is garbage, do it again.This walk-in freezer is my dojo.Get the fuck off my expo, chef.
The punching the tree a million times is just sitting there slicing the veg.Yeah, absolutely.Shelling the peas.What is it like, Zen is not slicing potatoes and thinking about nothing, Zen is slicing the potatoes.
And only thinking about slicing the potatoes.And just thinking about the potatoes, yeah.Oh God, it's so much.I love chopping, I have love. chopping vegetables up.I love food prep.Oh God, I love it so much.Really?
I like cooking, but I'm not like a cook.That's fair.
I mean, like I would do, like my service industry, I was always front of house, but I like to help in the back because I love to food prep, especially like just get ripped and just be like, yeah, man, bring all the potatoes, dude.
I will become one with the potatoes, me and the spuds and like a peeler.That's why you're a druid.Yeah, absolutely.Just let it go, man. These spuds too shall be peeled, right?I'll get to the end of them.No problem, man.Love it.
They need peeling and I'm here and I've got a peeler, let's go.
All right, so we got Peter Parker Warlock, we got Gordon Ramsay the Bard.
Yeah, and then wait, you got very inhuman.I'm gonna say Gordon Ramsay elf. I think he's very proud of his hair in a way that only an elf could be.
Yep, good point.Okay, so I was thinking sci-fi, because I love sci-fi, and I wanted to pick something that would be at least relatable enough to a lot of folks.Like, I'm doing another Deep Space Nine watch, but none of those is going to be, like,
Mainstream enough so I decided to go with instead an icon played by one of my favorite people on the planet Sigourney Weaver We're doing Ellen Ripley Ellen Ripley also this trio would absolutely weirdly fuck shit up.
Yeah, they would obviously Obviously, she's a Goliath She's so tall, and I just love the little perk you get that's the hill giant one.I think that it suits her really well.And I think that it's clearly gotta be a ranger.This is a wisdom-based woman.
Survival is a wisdom skill.She's the only one that survives.She gets it familiar.It's the cat.
Yes.Yeah, it's the cat.She gets the familiar.
Oh, that's really good.That's fantastic.She's also got a favorite enemy for sure, and a favorite terrain for sure, which is Space Station, I guess.
Yes.And what is that ship, other than a dungeon crawl?
Oh, absolutely.Yeah, especially Alien 1.It's like a weird horror.
Specifically Ellen in Alien 1.Alien, yeah.
Oh my God, that's cool.That's a great answer. That's so, that's so spot on.I'm so excited about that.
That's really good.And then like, also like, yeah, well... So I think we're gonna give her vehicle proficiency as well, too, right?Because of the loader, right?
Yeah, that's what I was like.So she's got that.I think it's wisdom-based.I think that makes sense for her.I think Dex makes sense for her.That's great.Okay.
And then doing some sort of a variant where, like, functionally, her animal companion's like a wolf, but it's like a bobcat instead.Like reskin for a bobcat or something.
Oh, I love that.Yeah.Yeah, yeah, yeah.It's the cat, but it's a bobcat. It's Jones Okay, what's the favorite?What what is the favorite enemy turn into in like the Forgotten Realms because it's not alien because it's gotta be an aberration.
It's gotta be Absolutely, you could say that that face hugger is maybe a little monstrosity guy like bug wise first and then yeah
Yeah, but then they become like an aberrant.I think it's something from because of the whole the whole gist of bail monster in the closet movies is unknown.Yeah, like that's what we're scared of.Yeah. That's so good.
That's a cool party.So we got a bard, we got a warlock, and we got a ranger.
I mean, that's pretty good.I like it.Wait, no.We've got a warlock, a monk, and a ranger.Oh, monk party.Yeah, no, no.I'm back to monk.You guys talked me into it.I really love the idea that he's just a knife monk.
That's still a good party.The next thing on D&D Beyond that it's asking me to pick is my warlock skill proficiency.I can pick between Arcana, Deception, History, Intimidation, Investigation, Nature, and Religion.Yeah.
I'm leaning towards Arcana and Investigation because I feel like Peter Parker.Yeah.He's a fucking photographer.
He's taking photographers for the paper.Yeah.
He's taking, give me that photographer.I'm taking it.
And I also get an Eldritch Invocation, Armor of Shadows, Eldritch Mind, Pact of the Blade, Pact of the Chain, Pact of the Tome.I'm trying to remember what all these do.Do you have to Mage Armor yourself?
I mean, Mage Armor on yourself is there.
It might be Eldritch Mind, because you get advantage on constitution saving throws to maintain concentration.
Also, that's Spidey Sense.Oh, yeah.I think that makes sense.
Yeah, he doesn't use a blade.
He needs a danger sense from somewhere.
With spidey sense.Yeah, there you go.I think I'm gonna do eldritch mind so that he has advantage on con saves so he can maintain his spells.
Oh, what level are we saying?Just three or?
I don't know.I'm already at level one right now.One right now, because we're building them all here on D&D Beyond.
This is the first time looking at the new rules too.
Yeah, well now I kind of want to build our guy all the way out. I kind of want to build him away.Just so that we're not like going.So let's sit with him for a second.
Okay, so what's next?So we've chosen the warlock traits.He's going to be proficient in Arcana Investigation.Eldritch Mind is going to be his Eldritch Invocation, which gives him advantage on con saves to maintain concentration.
Yeah, I mean, that's famously his deal is that like Spider-Man can just, you can absolutely pound on him and Peter will just take it.He'll take it. You drop a subway on his ass, and he's like, no.
Now it's asking me for my origin, my background.
He got bit by a radioactive spider.
And then Uncle Ben died.Honestly, yeah.It might be like, oh, it's gotta be orphaned.
It has to be orphaned.Sorry.
No, it's done.Done.There is no orphaned one.But like, urchin or whatever.Urchin.Urchin.It's urchin.Where the hell is urchin?Wait, did they take urchin off of here?
Not allowed.Oh, if you you might not have all access to everything.
Oh, I'm sorry.I'm poor Well, what about a folk hero
because he's a friendly neighbor.That's good too.That's great because he is friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.Everybody knows him.That's my favorite thing in, God, which movie is it, of his, where the guy sees him and he goes, do a flip.
And he just goes, all right, that's a fact.
Sure, whatever.Okay, next thing to choose is artisans tools.We have a good- Come on.This has to be his slingers.
You think tinkers tools he's also has there's also an option for weavers Like what if he's just into knitting what if that's what the ropes are Because it's not because it's not gonna be in the Forgotten Realms it's not gonna be like he's gonna have like he's gonna have the web like
Oh, okay, yeah, it's gonna have the web spell.For sure, but for swinging on stuff, you're gonna have to pump stuff into desks.And then grappling hook.But he's just making rope all the time.I love the idea that he makes rope out of anything.
Like whatever you're in the woods, and he can make survival checks.You ever wonder where all that hempy rope came from?
Peter Parker.Okay, so then, it sounds like we're between Tinker's tools and Weaver's tools.I like Weaver's.
I think Weaver's makes the most sense.He's a spider. He's a spider man, like we're moving more and more towards him, like, all right, also he's got eight eyes.
Okay, let's see what's next.Yeah, next is asking me for my race, and I think that's going to be easy enough.Variant human.
Yeah.Yeah.I think Peter gets away with that.He is a variant human for sure.
Obviously going to be medium, and he's going to get proficiency in one skill.
It's gotta be.Yeah.Right?Like, come on.Sometimes you don't want to be too clever.
I'm trying to build this like true to the skills and feats that Spider-Man has.Yeah, for sure.
What is acrobatics other than like literally circus work?Exactly.
Yeah. Yeah, Robin and Batman would also be, you know, yeah.And I can see a lot of superheroes, right?You're going to be building.
I can take the alert feet.
Oh, there it is.Right there.Amazing alert.You can't surprise him.I mean, like, that's that's awesome.That's pretty much it.Yeah.
Goblin.Gotta be able to speak goblin.So we can talk to that mask.
So we can talk to Willem Dafoe.
Conjure Willem Dafoe at first level.Oh my god, that's funny.And another language.
You know, there's not a spider language.We don't have actually spider people.
What's another iconic villain of his?
What about... There's the race of insects that click at each other.The Thricreen, yeah, whenever he speaks Thricreen.That would be so funny.
There's some version of Spider-Man where he can control spiders.
Yeah, yeah.I mean, he's been around for so long and Spider-Man's been zapped in and out of so many universes.
If I were DMing, I would give automatic speak with animals variant for speak with insects.I feel like that would be a good equivalent exchange.
But just insects. Yeah, you could just be like yeah, you can just talk to insects.Yeah, I mean he was bitten by a you know a Cursed spider sent by lol, right?Yeah, like some stuff's gonna come with that some homebrew.
Yeah, it's gonna come with that Yeah, yeah, I guess from here.
It's just uh where I want my ability scored again
Yeah, I mean you gotta I mean strong strong right sure spider-man is like he's like, you know, he's not a mutant But like I think like strength he's like as strong as the fucking Hulk.
It ain't like he's oh, yeah Monically like portion strong also gotta be dummy intelligent Yeah So I'm doing plus one to strength, plus one to intelligence.
I'd say your dump stat's wisdom.Peter Parker's kind of an idiot.He's a child.Yeah.Yeah, he is impetuous and rash.
Yeah.I think I'll give him plus one to strength, intelligence, and constitution.
Nice.Yeah, yeah, that's it.That's where your build's gonna be. And then, yeah, oh man, that's great.All right, well there you go.Now you can play Spider-Man.
I gotta do the standard array, so what do we say we're gonna do?Strength is gonna be, I guess 15.
I guess, I just used that, yeah.
I like to roll.I don't ever use the standard array, especially in D&D Beyond.I let it give me nonsense.
Constitution will be, I'll give him a 10 on that.Intelligence. 13 wisdom 8 charisma 12.
Oh, yeah That's right.There's one.All right, Peter's ready to go.That's I don't want to play him Just this cool weird and I'm just gonna give him the like basic starting equipment.
Also what you could do now, what you could do is you could sit down at your table and you could just do this, and you could be like, yes, his name is Peter of the Parks.
And he's an urchin, and he works for, well, and he works for the Neverwinter Bugle.And like, yeah.
His name is Patter Peeker.
All the T's just get replaced with D's.I love it.
And all of a sudden, like two sessions in, your DM's like,
As soon as you cast Webb.We're gonna drop this in the Tavern Discord.
That's so funny.Okay, should we do Gordo?Yeah!I mean, also, this is a hit, because I have sort of already done this.Because Gordo, yeah, Gordo Ramakin is a playable TST character who is
Loosely based, but he's a he's a warrior, and he's a fighter class, and I really like this him as a monk It was very fun alright, so core monk traits.I need to skill proficiency for him.
That's gonna be Gotta be acrobatics right no is he flippy oh?
Athletics?What I want is athletics, stealth, religion, insight?I feel like you need to be more athletic.Insight.Insight is pretty solid.Insight, because he can just go right to the core of people, man.He knows what hurts.
Yeah, he can cause you a fucking donkey.
He knows exactly what's going right or wrong with your food and your restaurants.
Yeah, insight.And then we're going to give the acrobatics, because you've got to be able to move around the kitchen.Yeah, for sure.And then he does also get musical instrument or artisan's tools.Well, this is real easy.He can cook.Cook's utensils.
martial arts at first level yep sure mm-hmm and then yep he's got unarmored defense good for him sweet let's go background background that's interesting hmm he's got to be pretty posh like he can't have been yeah no no I think he I think Gordon Ramsay like kind
came up from the bottom.He came all the way up through it.He's not like a scion.
Could there be a case for, and I don't mean this to disparage you, Mr. Ramsay, but a charlatan?Because he did kind of spin the cooking career into another career.
But also I would say that that's more of a,
the almost the opposite like he's he's preaching the good word of like kitchen philosophies right like this is absolutely him like you know spreading kitchen zen technically there's a merchant one there's a merchant but there's also entertainer
Because, you know, that way you can have him do kitchen tricks.Or you could walk into a pub, right?And he could roll in and he could just cook for everybody.
Yeah, the entertainer class, which I do with one of my characters, as long as you play or whatever, you get to drink for free at the bar.And I think anyone, if Gordon walks into a bar, you're drinking for free.
Yeah, for sure, right?He's all super charismatic.And then skill professional, since he's got, I want to do animal handling because of all the fucking donkeys. Oh man.I mean, intimidation.What are we doing?
Yeah, that's the one.Yeah.Give me a break.Performances, intimidation, and then tool proficiencies.Musician?No way, dude. Wait, it is just tool proficiencies, it just says musician.
I guess it's because you're an entertainer.
Oh, right.Entertainer, you get, yeah.Oh, you get a musical instrument.Is mayonnaise an instrument?Is mayonnaise an instrument, yeah.I feel like it's all gonna be drums for him for some reason.Yeah, percussion.I think it's all percussion.
Or like, what is it, the little glasses that you like put your finger on, the wine glasses?The wine glasses.
Oh God, bagpipes for piping.
Like in Miss Congeniality, the little.
yes i'm with you on the references i like it uh war gong i don't know what that is but he gets one oh yeah yeah i think so and you know we'll give him a flute so he can just throw it at people and then yeah just a throwing flute and then
You get, oh wow, because of the entertainment background, you get to increase strength, dexterity, and charisma all by one, or two scores by two plus one.So we're gonna do that and dump it all into charisma.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
During COVID, I watched so much Kitchen Nightmares.I'd just be like up in my apartment at like three in the morning, because everyone else would be asleep by then, and I would just be watching Kitchen Nightmares nonstop.
I love that show.It's fun.It's so fun.
It's insane.Like you can just own a business in this country and no one will stop you.
Oh yeah man.No one will stop you.Your parents might try to stop you.Yeah.People might try to stop you.People will beg you not to shit.People will be like please God Diego don't do this.
I mean because it's like the it it used to be now it's hey bro let's start a podcast or used to be start a band.But like there's something that happens that dudes I think especially in their like late 30s where they're like
We should start a bar every time someone says that I want to hit them.
Yeah, you don't don't please don't do this don't want to do it famously the one place where he didn't finish the episode and walked away is very close to where I grew up if that gives any indication as to what Scottsdale, Arizona is like
All right, so there's, I mean, that's Gordon.That's Gordon ready to go.I mean, he's got, there's elf stuff there as well, but like, yeah.And elf also gets him keen senses, right?And like, some like, it gives him more proficiency with bladed weapons.
That guy clearly doesn't sleep, and elves don't need to.
No, absolutely, yeah.He doesn't sleep.You gotta get up early to start doing the part.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.That just guy goes into a trance, and then he's ready to work the kitchen again.
He gets up, puts some stuff in his hair, and he comes back in ready to go, yeah.Amazing. Yeah, there it is.All right, sweet.I can be Gordon Ramsay.Hell yeah.Well then, let's finish up Ripley here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Okay, Ellen, so three core traits.I think, so my options are athletics, insight, investigation, nature, and perception.Oh, and survival.Survival, number one.
Survival, like, what are we doing?
Sold.Yeah.And then, after that, I'm really thinking, like, animal handling should be one, especially for considering the xenomorph is the animal.Yeah.
Yeah, but there's also an investigation there because, like, she's, like, clever, right?
I'm like torn between stealth and investigation.
I feel like you need stealth to survive the Xenomorph.
I'm literally just thinking only because of number one.I think in number two, she has now also gotten proficiency in investigation in aliens.
I mean, we also know that the Xenomorph, the things that the Xenomorphs have the most trouble with are predators, and they're really good at stealth.
Okay, great.So stealth.Give her stealth.
But we could switch the animal handling.
Give her stealth and bullet time camera capabilities.
But I think that that makes a lot of sense for her.We've got, okay, spellcasting, that's just automatic.Favored enemy, which is just, yeah, Hunter's Mark is always prepared.And, oh, weapon mastery, here we go.
Hunter's Mark's always prepared, yeah, of course.
You can do two without casting a slot, or two without using a slot.And okay, so we've got a bajillion weapon options here.
Of course, because it's a giant battle mech.Yeah, what's a mech?
Well, they don't have like a mech per se.It looks like... It would be like...
I mean, vehicle proficiency, I think, gets you there.I think somehow we're gonna have to lock that in as a chosen extra proficiency.Or like a feat.
Yeah, a feat that we would give her that.
There you go.Or the heavily armored feat where anybody can use heavy armor and it doesn't encumber you or mess with your stealth.
There's an anti-matter rifle?
Oh, hell yeah, dude.Spelljammer is in here, dude.Get it in there, dude.Yeah, fuck it.
That's definitely one.And then if we have another one, honestly, what I'm thinking is more the secondary thing that you can do with the weapons, like how some of them are topple. versus other options that you could do.
So if I've got like sap is the secondary, so you hit a creature and it has disadvantage on their next attack roll, that sounds like a thing for her.And then the other one that might work really well for her would be something like
Like vex something that does a vex.
Oh, man She does piss that alien off like it is frustrating.
It should be like it is real bad that she won't die Yeah, so like I just like don't know which one it would be there's a okay.So for vex there's blowguns.
There's hand crossbows Laser pistol are we just going all I mean I feel like a hand crossbow is is it or like a heavy crossbow, right?Yeah, like A heavy crossbow is the medieval equivalent of a fucking plasma rifle, right?
Heavy crossbow counts as a push, but maybe we could just make an argument that it would be a heavy crossbow that does Vex instead.Yeah, there you go.Okay, great.
Okay.I love that.I think I want her to just be able to like point blank just put bolts through people's heads.
Love that for her.Space Van Helsing.
And then finally.Space Van Helsing.
Yes!Wait, I've never considered that and that actually tracks so well.
How has no one made a Dracula, there has to be a Dracula in space movie, right?Oh, 100%.Oh yeah, somewhere.
right there's no Sun in space okay what are we gonna do for her background all right like military background military is really right cuz what is she not a military she's a contractor yeah she is the highest level without being an officer rank
I looked it up.She's a warrant sergeant.Yeah.Like whatever the highest is without being from the officer school.
OK.I thought they were just like space truckers.
I don't, the rest of them are, like some of them are.
But I guess she's like more specialized.Okay, man, I haven't seen the movie in a while.
The warrant officer is what she is, yeah.
Okay, cool.Yeah, I guess like the military background would make a lot of sense then.
Yeah, so something in that vein, soldier, military.What does soldier do?
I don't know what it gives you.It gives you more soul proficiencies.
You get savage attacker and a- Well, that makes sense too.
Yeah.If she's just had it.
Yeah, I like that, and you get a gaming set of some sort.I don't know what game she's playing, but I like that for her.
That's cool, but that's also like a Space Station-y-ass thing, right?Where you've got your deck of cards or whatever.I haven't seen Alien in actually like 20 years.
Skill proficiencies in athletics and intimidation.
Okay, perfect.She's a soldier.
Yeah, sweet.Oh, that's great.
This works so well.This is so fun.
This is such a goofy game.Oh, this has been a blast.And also like, so we'll, we'll, we'll put these somewhere.We will put them somewhere for you.Also, if you want more done, hit us up.The best way is you can, you can message me directly.
I'm at R Alex Murray all over the internet, or you can get on the discord and holler at us and like, there's a whole channel dedicated to this goofy show and you can scream at us and disagree with us and have fun.So yeah, this is dope.
I want to go play a weird adventure now where Gordon Ramsay and Ellen Ripley and Peter Parker.
Can they meet in your restaurant?
Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ripley's on shore leave and Peter's doing a story about aberrations coming from somewhere.And Gordon Ramsay is working, he's wandering the earth as a monk, trying to help restaurants out because, I don't know, his master told him to.
And they all run into each other and have to fight a dang alien, man.
Did she take him on the next trip into space?I like that too.
I mean, we just started a spell jammer campaign, man.There it is.And you got to go.Man, it's fun.If y'all haven't played it yet, it is a good time.I haven't.
I've been very like... not stuck, but happily enjoying classic fantasies.I'd love to do something in space.
Yeah, I mean, it's also weird, because you get on, it's like such treasure planet-esque.Yes!You get on a boat, and the boat goes into space.Yes, please.
And they have air bubbles around them, so you can absolutely hang on the bowsprit and shoot into the stars.
So illogical, and I'm here for all of it.
Also, everybody gets guns, and there's hippos with guns.
Finally, hippos were made even more dangerous than they already are.
Finally, the wizards on the coast listened to the people.We want hippopotami with guns. Lord almighty indeed.Well, thanks for hanging out and playing, guys.This was a blast.Thank you.
You wanna scream your socials or if you got anything else outside of the DST world going on?
Oh yeah, I always forget to say that other stuff.I'm at everything at Jazzy Loves Drama and I've also got my silly podcast where I listen to rom-coms and talk about them.It's Shenanigans Ensue.So you can check it out anywhere.
You're listening to this already.
Hell yeah.For me, you can find me on Instagram at Diego underscore F underscore Salinas.And if you want to play Dungeons and Dragons with me, visit forever DM dot X, Y, Z. I am a professional game master and I would love to run a game for you.
Oh, all right.Well, you can follow.Also, come see us all the time in the 20 sided tavern.Stage 42.
I'll be on stage in an hour.
Absolutely. We're here, we're doing it, and you can follow the show at 20 Sided Tavern all over the internet.It's 20sidedtavern.com for tickets and showtimes.And until next time, ale.And well met!
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