Hello and welcome to the Essential Training Podcast with me, Brian Kingston and my dad, Ian Kingston.
At Essential Training, we work with individuals and teams to help them reach more of their potential so that they and their organisation reap the benefits.
In this podcast, we chat with some amazing people who have extraordinary stories and I hope you enjoy. This episode is brought to you by Fodsail Saunas.
Fodsail is the Irish for long life, and they were Ireland's first commercial sauna service set up in 2019.Their mission is to communicate, educate, and inspire people on the benefits of sauna and cold bathing.
And their vision is to enhance the well-being of the people of Ireland and further afield, and to give people more healthy lifestyle choices.They have locations in Greystones, Galway, and Clontarf Rugby Club in Ireland.
And I am a regular user of the sauna.I go down once or twice a week.They're only down the road from us.
And they have set up an amazing community there, where you've got the sauna, you've got Rise of the Cove coffee, right in the midst of Tiglin, which is Ireland's oldest addiction treatment center clinic.
So you've got a real mix of people and mindsets and
I go down there, I spend 15 minutes in the sauna, step outside, cool down, go back for another 15 minutes and then I usually pop down to the sea, spend a couple of minutes in the sea depending on how brave I feel that day.
And afterwards I always feel rejuvenated, energized and sometimes I'll pop in for a coffee at Rise of the Cove and I just love bumping into people down there and there's an amazing community.
And Steve says this, and I felt it as well, it's kind of like the vibe of a pub without the alcohol.You go down with friends, you can go down alone, you can bump into people, you can stay on your own, and it's just this amazing.
vibe and amazing community of people.So we're so happy to be sponsored by Fodsale and long may it last and we're excited to see where this partnership goes.
So thanks Steve and your team for Fodsale Saunas for sponsoring the podcast and go check them out on their Instagram or on their website.
This week we're back with what my vision for the podcast was in the first place, a conversation with me and my dad.I hope you enjoy. Even if you mightn't be saying it in a challenging way, it feels challenging.
Kind of like that thing if you don't get it, you know, you don't understand.
You as in the person that's saying, would you try something a little bit different?Oh no, you do understand.
It's not challenging the person to say you don't understand or you're a bit slow or you're not getting it.You're challenging the person to say you are so in the groove of this pain or this behavior that that's the groove.
I relate to giving up cigarettes.I give up cigarettes. And I know how hard it was to give them up in terms of getting my head around it and mentally around it and all that.But the day you give them up is the day you just decide to stop smoking.
And I know people who have had drink addiction and drug addiction who'd say they still couldn't give them up, or the hardest thing they did was give up cigarettes.But every one of them, when you asked them, what did they do to give them up?
They just stopped. So all of the stuff that went on in their head and all the games that they played and all the things they had to set up to do it in the past just came down to, I just had to change how I thought about it and stop.
And so I relate that, what I'm saying.So when we're talking about what we're talking about, being on a trajectory that's not suiting you or in a behavior that's not giving you what you need to get.
I have done the same where I just doubled down and done more of it to get out of it.So I see it from a work context.
people obviously stressed, like how you've been in a situation, you've experienced it where someone has been in work and they're in a position and everyone around can see they're stressed with it, except for them.
Everyone can see what the issue is, like you're doing too much or you're all over the place or if you just settle down.
And I talk about everyone as in people who report to them, their peers and their superiors can see like you're running amok with this.
But I've done it, and I've witnessed people doing it, where the answer to that, from the individual's point of view, is to do it harder and faster.When everyone around is looking at you going, you actually need to slow down and stand back from it.
Yeah, did you ever read that book, 4,000 Weeks?No. It's a book by a quote unquote productivity guru expert who was on a journey of being the most productive person he could be.And it sent him down a path where he thought about his life.
And what he realized is the more and quicker he answered emails, the more emails would come into his inbox. And 4,000 weeks, a really good friend of mine recommended it to me a few years ago.
4,000 weeks is saying, this is the amount of weeks you have in an average life.So how are you gonna use those weeks?And some people, there's that stoic phrase, memento mori, you don't remember that you're gonna die.
It's a healthy thing because it can put things in perspective very, very quickly.John O'Donoghue, the poet, talks about that.
You can be going about a normal Wednesday and then you get news that someone is terminally ill or has died and very quickly things that didn't seem droppable can be dropped very quickly. to make space for that person.
I saw a funny meme this morning on Instagram making fun of LinkedIn culture, you know, someone posting on LinkedIn that they were at a wedding and the CEO of this guy's company, it was his wedding.
And he was, it was a startup and they had some customer requests.
So he was at the reception of the wedding on his laptop doing some, and he was like, it was a congratulatory message on LinkedIn, but it got shown for what it is in this meme of the ridiculousness of it and the ridiculousness of whatever, hustle culture, whatever you want to call it.
And yeah, I mean, I've been in scenarios myself. The hard thing is it's hard to see it when you're in it sometimes.Totally.Like I'm very high performing, doing really well, but like something's off, but like I can't even see it.
Or I remember working with somebody and just looking at them being like, you need to do something different because you're clearly just so burnt out. Well, in my experience, when people realize they're burned out, it's often too late.
It's often they need to take some sort of extended time off.And like too late, what does too late mean?But, you know, at least they're catching it.But I mean that they need to take, let's say, extended sick leave or something like that.
Or they've... they've exposed themselves at a level where people are questioning their ability or have taken some authority back from them, or they've lost a client, or, you know, there's a price to pay for... Something's gonna give.
Something's giving.Yeah, and this is in theory, this is happening to us every day.This is lived experience that we're talking about.All day, every day, we're experiencing it.There's not an epidemic, there's not a pandemic of it.
It's just, it is the is. and it's happening with people and what I find for me is that it's a constant curiosity around things that can help you to witness yourself being off kilter.
So having behaviours and habits that if you know you adhere to them it works for you and that if you're not it's already a signal for you.
Doing that, and as I say that, doing that in a way that you're not overly attached to having to do a certain thing first thing every morning or your day is crap.
It's having things that you know that if they're in my makeup and if they're in the makeup of my day and my week and my month, that that's happening.
Like someone saying, if I don't get a cold shower in the morning, I'm useless to the world.It's like, okay.
Stop, you're overly attached into shit.And that's where I freak out with stuff.When I say freak out in my own head, I go like, and that's where the cynic in us allows us not go at stuff then.It's like, oh, I heard about the cold showers.
Oh yeah, you heard about your man then who has to stay 15 minutes in the cold water.Like, no, it's not about that.
if you actually look at the scientific research to the cold shower thing it's just having 15 to 30 seconds of cold shower will invigorate your body to a level where it's awake gets the dopamine hit and it just helps you it's good for you like if you didn't have it of a day it doesn't mean that your day is lesser or that you're a lesser person or just means one of the little hacks you use it's just there for you
So, yeah, so it's, to me, I think it's more and more important that we, you know, the lived experience we talk about, it's like, that's what I'm, my passion in life is to be bringing to people what I find in a very doable, sustainable,
and I'm going to use the word ordinary, but for ordinary lives where we can do things.So everyone can have a cold shower because it doesn't mean you have to go to the sea, it doesn't mean you have to have a big ice bath outside.
It's like, all right, how does that work?
It's like the simple hack of taking apple cider vinegar before your main meal and it's aiding your digestive and giving you proper glucose, stabilizing and all of that and just helping so that you don't spike after a meal.
If you don't take it doesn't mean you have a crap meal.If you don't take it doesn't mean you're going to die.No it doesn't.It's just another tiny little, that might be a half a percent added to the goodness of your day.
That when you add five or six of those things all of a sudden, whoo.
And there's such a fine line between, let's say like high performance and wellbeing.Cause sometimes part of me balks at an uber high performance culture where it's all about getting that extra edge and all about that.
I totally agree.And Between you and I, you know and I know, I'm not in competition against anybody.So I'm not measuring myself to see did X do that and am I as strong as X?I'm all the time looking into what is it for my longevity?
What is it for my better health?So someone shares with me that if you take that kind of protein and just mix that into your meal and do it in a certain way, it does that for you.
So a lady, the glucose queen, showing that if you eat your veg before you eat your protein or before you eat your starch, that it actually is shown to help your digestion and shown to help your gut microbiome.
You just go, it's a simple thing to do if I just get into the habit of it.So I can do that.
And then she links it for me in my head to say, just look at the diets in the blue zones that have proven to be the ones like the Mediterranean diets and, you know, the salads and all that.Not that you have to go veg.
They eat their meals in a way where the veg are going into their stomachs first.Antipasting and whatever.And it just aids digestion.It is age-old wisdom that science is now putting absolute fact to
So for me, I balk at that high performance thing as well, because people are into the high performance watch.
I was sharing with you, I was at a talk with Ronan O'Gara this week, and he had fabulous insights into high performance and some of the madness of individualistic.
as an athlete, as a player and how selfish you have to be and how if you can't rein that in, if you can't put that in a context, it can actually damage you.
But to have it and be able to put it into a context where you can see your connection and what you're connected to and a greater purpose for, it can actually work for you.But it's always a balance.
And he wasn't trying to be a philosopher on it, he was just saying it from the point of view of having been a player and knowing how selfish it is to be and how you only care for yourself, to now being a coach and having to bring 40 of those selfish people together to help them be together and be for a cause.
So when I listen to people like him and read people in that type of environment that we call high performing, You know, a lot of it is dysfunctional.That's not stuff I'd want to apply to my life.
So when he was asked questions about him, the player, him, the leader, you could see his frustration, his annoyance at like, stop me, the player.That's a different person.That's a different time.That was a learning.
Don't look at me, the coach, as the player.And don't be pretending, because it's great that I knew how to be a player and bring it into my coaching.But I'm a totally different person coaching.
Because if I was applying my player mentality to coaching as I did to start with, as you shared, like as I did just coming out of playing, it's a nut job.
Yeah, you have to have the blinkers on.And it's like being an individual salesperson in a company.You have to just have the blinkers on and put the head down and do your work.
Whereas we were talking about that this morning, when an individual contributor who's got an expertise is brought into a leadership position, often they can flounder because they're so used to
doing the things, the right things that make them a really good individual contributor are not the same as what make you a really good leader or manager.Absolutely.
Absolutely.And it's, it's the thing that most technically brilliant people stumble and are challenged with is that transition from being the solution provider, being the technical expert to know
coalescing, managing, leading a team of people who get those answers and creating the best for them.And that's the challenge.
And so I'm interested how diet and burnout and wellness and that individual contributor and leadership piece, how that all ties together.
I sat with a, an individual who's going to be a CEO who has fabulous experience in business, and especially in the business that they're going to be a CEO of.And they were talking about a couple of things.
One was, and a big one for them was the, oh, what's that phrase?Cheney-McQuarrie or the imposter syndrome, sorry, just wouldn't come to me.They were talking about their imposter syndrome.
And they were saying it in the context, and I was kind of amazed looking at the person, because I really rate them and think they carry themselves brilliantly and they're knowledgeable, but I could see where they were coming from as they described it with their narrative as maybe not having the presence that some other people have in the room, where they're a bit more vociferous or a bit more direct.
And he was saying that in the context of, you know, sometimes a question like, have I a right to?So that's how the sabotage comes across.
But the reason I bring him up is because the thing that he said that really struck me, and I made a point of having a discussion with him, he said like, yeah, it's fine to talk about these things nowhere, but he said, but you never have time to actually look at this stuff.
You never have time to actually look at the reason.And I said, wow, I said, do you hear what you said?And he said, I absolutely hear what I said, I said it.I said, no, but do you hear what you're saying?
I said, you're saying to me right now that there is no time to look at and care for the machine.And he says, because you're busy, you're busy looking after, you're busy putting it out there for everyone, you're busy trying to be.
I said like, but hear what you're saying.There's no time to oil the machine.What does that mean?And in practical terms, that means the anxiety.In practical terms, that means the burnout.
In practical terms, for a guy like him, in his position, it means working too long, too hard. being slightly out of balance, just being off kilter.
Maybe not getting to that CEO ship now because there's something about the energy you're carrying that just has it pushed a tiny bit away from you that people are looking and saying, yeah, he will be, that'll be him in a year or two, but actually what they're really saying is there's something in our gut telling us this guy is pushing too hard, driving too hard.
Am I making sense when I say this? So I was looking and going, but you represent so much of us.And if it was in front of you, as a machine, you'd be giving out to the person for not looking after the machine.
Like, how do we expect that machine to work if we're not oiling it, not fueling it, and not resting it?And like, I mean, really, like seriously.But as people, We don't rate that.
So when you said like diet and like simple things like diet and sleep and the thing that I witness catching most people is the irregularity of their timekeeping leads to the irregularity of their diet, to the irregularity of their sleep.
I'm traveling, I'm in different continents, I'm in different time zones, I'm entertaining.I'm like, so my routine is, I don't have like, And as someone shared with me during the week, yeah, I'm down 27 kilos.Yeah.
One half is my diet and the other half is my marriage that has broken down. So add into that, the stress of work, add into that, the stress of the family falling apart, add into that.
There was also bereavement in the family, add into stress, just life, life, life, life.If you were to meet that guy tomorrow on the other side of the table doing business, how would you know all of that?
But all of that is as a person, and it sounds awful when I say it, is that's the machine right there and then. And if it were a real machine, you'd know whether or not the right fuel was going into it.You'd know whether or not it's sounding right.
we think we can glass that over.So that's what I'm witnessing.And I don't know, in this conversation, am I ranting or rambling with you, but it's like, to me, it's almost like the weirdness of us treating ourselves like machines.
As John used to say to me, John Clark, JC, you know, listen to the bike.Will you just fucking listen to the bike?I said, I am, I am.Obviously you're not.Because if you were, you wouldn't be breaking the chain.
Like the reason that that wheel is falling off, like the creaking on it, if you listened to it it would have told you the forks are starting to buckle, like stop.You could have the forks fixed.No, you're replacing them.Why?Because you just drove on.
No, I know.Now I can hear people changing their gears at the wrong time.Why?Because I'm listening to the bike.I'm listening to the bike throwing me.
And that could be someone having a psoriasis flare-up or dealing with insomnia or... In one, Brian.
And I'm saying that in the context of the bike.That's me in my life. Like, oh, like your knee is jippy.You know, nine times out of 10, you can't walk on your knee because there's other stuff going on with your body and your life as well.
And the knees flaring up.
I remember as someone in a company I used to work with was training for a marathon and they were pretty overweight and they ended up not doing the marathon because they got a knee injury.
And I remember just being like, oh, well that makes complete sense.Because I remember when you told me you're training for a marathon, you didn't look like you were in the shape to be training for a marathon.
Of course you got a knee injury and actually I got runner's knee training for a marathon before.I was running too fast and I hadn't had the kilometers in my legs.
To take the strain.And I thought, oh, I'm not a marathon runner.But then a few years later, I met someone who ran way longer distances than me, that was in way less good shape.And they said, yeah, I just run slow.And it was a real mind shift change.
I remember that.That was when you were doing the swim and braid, that lad.
It's amazing where we hear stuff, isn't it? Sometimes I think it's a miracle that people can keep going at all.
Well, like I know, gosh, when you say that, it may sound as if we're having a negative conversation.I think the opposite.It's like, I think the miracle is that we know it all.It's just about remembering it.It's just about finding a way back to it.
You know, so that person who's overweight and running for the marathon, like they know what it is. to be healthy, they know what it is to be right.It's just we ignore some of our wisdom then and say, no, I have to make myself right.
So for that person, the weight you're in and the condition you're in right now, a marathon isn't what you want to run.Aim for a coach to 5k.That'd be amazing.You'd be doing a marathon next year.But it's like, no, no, no, no, no.
But our own wisdom will tell us that. We know that, and our own wisdom would tell us what to eat.Our own wisdom knows when it's the right fuel or not the right fuel.
But we'll do things like say, oh my God, I'll eat this now, it'll kill me, I'll pay for this tomorrow.I hear that.I've done that.
I'm not the saint, but I'm hearing that and I'm going, fuck, I know nothing about cars, but if I put petrol into my diesel car, it won't work.
No matter how I want it to, no matter how smart I think I'll be and I'll trick it or I'll put it in while it's not looking.
And do you see that as part of your role when you're in front of people as a consultant or a coach in a business?
It's absolutely helped them hear themselves, helped them see that like the issue is never the issue. The issue is never the issue.So that staff member I've got to sort out right now.Yeah, that's right there in front of you.
But actually, an awful lot of it is about how we're bringing ourselves in the first place, what we're creating around us to set that up.So of course we'll deal with that.But actually, are you sleeping?You're a brilliant example.
Are you sending emails on your wedding day? Are you boasting about the fact that your relationship or your marriage is going to break down if I don't cop on here?But actually, I'm actually saying it as a badge of honor.Look at me, I work on Sundays.
We're like, when we sell our business, the first day that I sell the business, I'm going back into the gym because my wife is forcing me to go back because I haven't been looking after myself.Coming up to this sale, for example.
Yeah. So do you see it, do I see it as my role?I see it as my passion.I see the joy I get from me for being curious and finding stuff.
So whether that's for me, as it's turned out in the last five years to find out like a bit of fasting is good for you, a bit of ulterior, like hot and cold showering is good for you, cider vinegar is good for you.
Anthony Robbins taught me 30 years ago, don't eat your proteins and your starch together. He never said it explicitly in his book, like, I can't tell you whether vegetarian is best or not best.
He said, like, what I do know is that if you eat your starch and your protein together, the goodness that's in both of them gets negated by the work that your body has to do to take them in.
So if you're going to have protein, have protein, have it with veg.If you're going to have starch, have starch, have it with veg.Golden. That was one of the first things I learned.That, and in the same chapter, he said, just be conscious of dairy.
If you're an adult, there's a good chance that your dairy intake is more than you need.And we as humans aren't built to be metabolizing dairy in the way we were when we were little babies taking it from a bottle. That's all he said.
And I was reading in The Currency today, the CEO, the co-founder of Intercom took time off through, he had an autoimmune issue, which was through stress and also stuff that was going on in his personal life.
And also there was a gluten intolerance there that he never learned about. which all seemed they were connecting those dots in the article.
He had a twitch in his finger one day and then he had a tremor and realized that he's back in the business now but he had to go and find out a lot about himself and about his machine.
My sense in your message always is you don't have to go to an ashram for six months to find out more about the machine.
Absolutely and more.There's like the difference between the people who had to go to ashrams in the 60s and today is that people are doing podcasts today in real time disseminating the stuff and putting the stuff out there.So
It's there, it's there for you.It's there at a fingertip.
And just, you know, as we start to think about wrapping up this conversation, the thing that comes up for me is sometimes the world feels like it doesn't support us in the way it is, in the way it's set up.
You know, let's say with what's going on with the world or the cost of things or You know, sometimes it can feel like it's an uphill battle to maintain a business and my health and my relationships.What do you say to that?
Yeah, I can hear that.I can agree with that.Every morsel of my being says no, it does not.And that we're totally supported and that it's all there for us.
What I witness for me, and the trap I've fallen into, and what I witness for others is I want it faster, I want it with less effort, I want to want to pay the price for doing that.
And I don't mean the prices in like I skimp on money, I mean the prices in like, if I want to get fit, there's no way around putting on muscle, other than lifting weights to put on muscle.
But fellows will buy whey protein and say, if you take that, you know, like the whey protein works if you're actually doing exercise to burn off and create the dopamine and have the glucose and have all the chemical interaction that's happening for the whey to be digested in a way that actually enhances your muscle.
You have to do the work.You've got to do the stuff.You've got to pay the price.And that's in any walk of life.
So where I've been tricked in my consciousness and unconscious is trying to skip levels, trying to do things that look like, you know, so, and we see it today in social media where, you know, like make this and all you have to do is these two things, like,
There's no such thing as to do it that way.When I was growing up, that was the get-rich-quick madness.And in my time, it was like mail-shotting stuff, and it was things like pyramid selling and all that.
The versions of that today are like just be an influencer and do pyramid selling in a different way, getting clicks, click-to-view and all that.
There is no quick way to anything, and all the overnight successes, even the boy zones in this world, the overnight successes because, like before they got to the boy band, they were the ones doing Child Dads and doing the Billy Barrys and being on stage anyway.
And then they got the opportunity to form this band and you could go, oh, look at them like they were plucked.Someone just took them and made them up.They've been doing it forever.
There's no lad just walked along, there's no girl just walked along and said, like, look at me, I was made for the West End.You know, you'll find them, they go like, look at them, overnight success, overnight success, 12 years doing this.
And it's not like, oh, I'm not saying, oh, it's hard work, I'm saying smart work, I'm saying it's doing the right stuff.That's why I love the hacking piece.Like you have to put in the effort, but it doesn't have to be mad slog.
It's like, are you doing the right stuff?You know, Ferguson quotes Cantona as changing United by just staying back after training, doing the right type of training.
Like practicing your free kicks, practicing taking corners and landing them on the spot.Not just running up and down the field to be fitted.
It's like practicing skills that when you practice them and get to do them, you might get to do them once every five matches.They're the difference.
So it's not like, oh, he was the strongest trainer, she was the most, no, it's, were they doing the right thing?And that's available to all of us, more so than it ever was.
So people.And that's part of the challenge.Is there so much out there?It's hard to know.It is.Yeah, it is.So.
So start at the start.What do I mean by that?Just start somewhere.Start at, like, what's going on for you?You're paying your toll right now.So what would I do to start, to leave that pain?Like, you know, I want to get my next promotion.
I want to get on with my job.So what's like, where do I go for information?There's podcasts for everything.There's books for everything. but are you willing to put it in?
And I was with someone the other day, a man my age, and he was talking again, imposter syndrome just came up, but he was talking about the anxiety, he's in a sales position, he's brilliant at what he does, absolutely brilliant, and he was questioning, is this right for him?
He said, I'm starting to avoid calls.I'm starting to avoid doing it.And he said, I know what it is like.
And he said, you know, I've discussed it as me feeling that I wasn't adequate enough, being told at seven that I'm lazy, like having dyslexia and being told like I'm slow.
no having to do extra to prove all the time and I've never stopped doing extra to prove and here I am now doing extra again and I know why don't I stop and I said yeah I said and those podcasts you sent me so I start to listen to them but I haven't had time and I just smiled so really it's back to oiling the machine it's like you know what it is
And do people ever get pissed off at you being that person?Of course they do.I'd imagine.And those people wouldn't ever come near me because they might see me as a type of person.
You see, I'm not ramming any particular message down anyone's throat because I don't have a particular message. But if we're talking about fashion today, I know nothing about fashion.
But I know a lady who so knows about fashion, and this is what she got me to listen to.And when I'm into it, that's what I do.And that might help you.So I'd say that's your way, or I'll connect you.
So I'm with someone today, and I'm connecting with Mary, connecting with Mary through the breathing. We've got great value, but am I saying, will I teach the breeder?Will I tell you this is what you should... No, I won't.
I'll put you on to the person who I know can tell you best.And you may or may not, I'll connect you.See you around after that.It's not my job to see how you're doing.So when I'm sitting in front of that guy, I'm not judging him.
We genuinely had a laugh with it.I know because I was giving up cigarettes every Monday for three or four years. So I know what it is to say I'm going to do stuff.
I know what it is to not share that I'm going to do it so that then I haven't said it and I haven't done it.It's only me that knows, so I'm not really failing.There's all of that.
And what was the catalyst for you to finally stop smoking?You.Me?You, yeah.It's your fault.
And what I find, and we'll finish on this, what I find, and I've said this to lots of people in my life as I've come across them, if you're struggling to do something and you have children, put the children in position.
So for me, struggling to smoke, the challenge for me smoking, and I had all this rationalised in my head, I'm healthy, I'm fit, I'm beating cigarettes right now and I'll be beating them for a long while because I'm moving all the time.
The sight of a black lung doesn't bother me, so that can't frighten me.The one thing that would challenge me You were just born, so it's 30 odd years ago now that I stopped.It's like, would I want my son to be smoking?
And do I want me to be an example in front of my son, so before that's ever going to be an issue?So I found that's far easier to do.So that was the catalyst.
It's interesting how a change in perspective can make it very simple.
And that's what I'm saying about hacks. So it need not be hard.It's not about willpower.One of the biggest freedoms I got was learning that willpower isn't good enough.
Yeah, like a friend of mine who doesn't drink anymore doesn't put himself in the way of places where there's alcohol.And that means that he never has to deal with willpower because
Well, almost never because he's not in pubs or I saw Colin Doolan, a friend of mine, do a little stand-up comedy set and he's been sober for years.He's got the Sober Mess podcast, a really good podcast, we should have him on sometime.
And he said he shared with a friend that he might have a drinking problem and the friend brought him down to the pub for a couple of pints to talk about it.We all have a pint of each other's trash.
and you know their willpower goes out the window because it's just it's not going to happen but go for a coffee there's not an option to have so little small changes like that in perspective.Absolutely and you see
And this is what I'm saying about the perspective and using hacks.So a hack to me now would be to say to someone, put your kids in front of you because you'll do stuff for your kids you wouldn't do for you.
So if that just trips it, happy snappy, I don't care.Like as in for me, it's not that I don't care about people, I don't care for me, what trips me into doing good for myself if I can use it?And what I've encountered is that
Simple things like the case in point with your friend, like, you know, I have an issue with drink.What I have encountered is the person with an issue with drink knows they have an issue with drink.
And one of their ways to get drink is to say to their friends, I have an issue with drink.So that their friend says to them, I know you have, that's why we're only going to have two pints.But I say that to five friends a night, like,
And that's not missing because I've seen it.I've seen friends then coming together eventually and realising Like, I'm seeing him regularly.I'm the same, we're having the same conversations.I see him every Tuesday night.
I'm seeing him every Thursday night.What's going on?And no more than the feeling of getting caught borrowing money.And I experienced this during the week.It's the exact same symptom.Someone who had gone over the edge.
And the way it came to light was two friends were just chatting to each other. And saying, are you all right with Mick, yeah?And he said, how do you mean I'm all right with Mick?
I said, see that, like, down south, he, it's nothing big now, but he borrowed a couple of bob off me, and he's, he borrowed a couple of bob off you?How much did he borrow off you?Well, I know, no, I'm asking you, because he borrowed off me as well.
And there's five or six of us in a group, and of course, like, he's borrowed off four of the six of us.Boom, exposed. And because we were close enough and because we were lucky enough to have the conversation, we exposed it.
But what was happening was Mick was just going, and you were going, that's what you do for a friend.Mick is doing that to the rest of his buddy gang.So the challenge we have, just like you're led with the drink thing, is that it's so insidious.
our own behavior against it and that may have veered off the topic now for people listening to go what point do you make in this like you know we'll in our heads have ourselves so convinced that I'm at stuff or it's not an issue.
Well I was talking to one of the lads down the sauna who was a Tiglin and he said yeah because I was telling him about the Half Ironman I'm doing he's like yeah I used to do all that to hide my addiction and I did a Half Ironman completely
off my head on alcohol and drugs and it put me in hospital for six months.But I was using it to mask the addiction, the behavior.So I remember in school there was a question amongst the lads, can you get addicted to anything?
And I think the answer is yes.I think we can use any behavior to cope and to mask and And that's why I think I was really challenged at the beginning because yeah, a lot of this can be quite challenging to be confronted with your own behaviours.
I think that's kind of the theme of this conversation really.
And for anyone listening, and you can put this at the start or we can put it at the finish, it's like, I don't have the answers.We don't have the answers.We're talking this out. on our lived experience?We have the questions.Yeah.And the reflections.
And are we asking ourselves the right questions at times?You know what I mean?Am I asking myself the right question to bring myself to where I need to be?
Well, I had that conversation with someone yesterday who had went through burnout and I went through burnout and I kind of had the realization as we were having the discussion, when I went through burnout three or four years ago in work, the question I asked myself is what's wrong with me?
not what's wrong with the situation that's not serving me.
Exactly, or what am I bringing to this that's not giving me the result I want?
Yeah, and when I ask the question of what's wrong with me, well, I'm only going to get a list of answers of what's wrong with me.So the question we ask is very important.
Brilliant.So what will we call this episode?The questions we ask ourselves, just like the stories we tell ourselves.Oh, that's not the name of the podcast.Not yet.Brilliant.Yeah, so thanks for that.That was really interesting.
Thanks, everyone, for listening.Brilliant.See you next week. Well, there you have it.Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the Essential Training Podcast with me, Brian Kingston, and my dad, Ian Kingston.
As dad says, hope it brought something up for you and gave you a chance to reflect on your own work and your own life.We'll see you again next Thursday.
And as always, we're open to any feedback or suggestions you might have, what you liked about it, what you think could be better. maybe some suggestions for guests, suggestions for topics as well.
So thanks for listening and we will see you or you'll hear us next week.
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