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Welcome to the off-menu podcast.Taking the Mars ice cream of conversation.And eating that.Oh, I love one of them.And then having another one of humour.Because I can only have... I can't have one in a row, James.I need two in a row.That's a gamble.
You must like a Mars ice cream.
Yeah, it's just, you know, I think everyone always, it's always a bit disappointing when you just choose something that's just one thing and you eat it.Yeah.
For the beginning, you know, I mean, it's good that you added another Mars ice cream, I guess.
Yeah.But, you know.I thought you were going to say it's disappointing when you want a Mars ice cream and all they have in the shop is a Snickers ice cream, which is still nice, but it's not as good as a Mars ice cream.
The nuts get in the way of the caramel.And I like nuts.Of humour.
That's a gamble, my name is James A. Cassett.Together we own a dream restaurant.Every single week we invite in a guest and ask them their favourite ever starter, main course, dessert, side dish and drink.Not in that order.
And this week our guest is... Ella Purnell!
Ella Purnell is a wonderful actor, James.She's in Fallout, which is one of my favourite TV shows of the last year, I'd say.It's absolutely incredible.She's in Yellow Jackets, which I also love. and she's in a brand new show called Sweet Pea.
Yes, it's out tomorrow, as of when this is coming out.Yeah, it's out on October 10th.Yes.
So it will be, it will be out probably, if you're listening to this on the day that it comes out, it's out tomorrow, but most of you will probably hear this after, so it is out now.It is out now.On Sky and now.And I'll play the serial killer.
It's very exciting.Yes, it looks really cool.I'm very excited to see Sweet Pea.
We'll have a little chat about that.And look, you know, here's the crazy thing.Yellow jackets. I thought Ella was American.Yeah, this always blows your mind, doesn't it, acting?
It's amazing the accents she does in that.
Proper just thought that's an American person.Could you not ask her about doing accents?Because I feel like you ask every actor who does accents about accents.And then what they do is they say, can you do accents?
And then you go, no, and you get really shy.And then I have to say, yes, you can do Shrek.And then you have to do Shrek.Okay, well, I won't ask about accents because I don't want to do Shrek.Will you do Shrek quickly now?
Don't care!I will never do suck for you!
Good, that's out the way.But if Ella says a secret ingredient on which we have pre-agreed, she will be kicked out of the dream restaurant.And the secret ingredient this week is... Nuka... Nuka Cola!Nuka Cola.That's from Fallout.That's from Fallout.
That's a brand of soft drink.Ed loves it.
Yeah.You would drink Nuka Cola, wouldn't you?I'd drink Nuka Cola in a heartbeat.What do you think it tastes like? Like cola, just normal cola.
I think it's got some spicy, like, radiation in it.Yeah.Yeah.I don't think they'd want the spicy radiation though, because they all live in underground communities to keep away from the radiation.
Yeah, but then you want a little bit of it just to keep life exciting in your cola.Yeah, drinking my cola, wearing my pip, boy.
So yeah, we will kick Elle out.
Yes!Yeah.Um, yeah, but... Well, the listener can't see, but Ed's just like... I'm proud of myself.Got the dopiest smile on his face, Ed.He's really smiling, eyes half-open, just looking around.Oh, I'm sleepy as well.It's really early in the morning.
Yeah, it's quite sleepy.But yes, if Ella says Nuka-Cola, we'll have to kick her out of the drink restaurant.Hopefully she won't.
We'll get to hear her full menu.Yes.This is the off-menu menu of Ella Purnell. Welcome, Ella, to the Dream Restaurant.
Welcome, Ella Purnell, to the Dream Restaurant.We've been expecting you for some time.
I'm so excited to be here.
I feel surprised.Thank you so much.
For the listener, Ella said that she'd not heard the podcast before because you wanted to be surprised.I wanted to be surprised.And are you surprised right up top by that huge introduction?
Yeah, I'm shocked.I'm appalled, actually. I'm shocked and appalled.
There's a fine line between surprised and appalled and I've crossed over into it.
Already?What, 30 seconds in?
I do that for everyone just so you know.It wasn't just because you said I want to be surprised.I was like, I'll give you a surprise.And then I did that stupid thing.
Why did you tell me that?Now I don't feel special anymore.
I'll do something later on.It was louder than normal.It was louder than normal.Yeah, because I was trying to surprise you because I knew that's what you wanted.Yeah, so I really bought it.
And that's because I'm a genie.
Yeah, he's a genie.He's a genie in this.I'm a genie in this.
In this?You're a genie in this?
Yeah, I'm a genie in this.Because I can get you food from anywhere for your dream meal.Because otherwise the whole podcast would fall apart.
Right, of course, that makes sense.
So is that a surprise that he's a genie?
Well, I saw the lamp when I walked in here, so I assumed there'd be some sort of genie involved in the menu.
And I'm just realising now the lamp does ruin the surprise, Benita, so we shouldn't really have the lamp in here.How am I meant to appear?
Unless I rub the magic lamp three times.Come on, guys.
Come on.These are basic genie rules.
We never actually have anyone rub the lamp.So for some reason, I'm just always, just whenever I like, just popping out the lamp.
So we've kind of changed.But then when we did the live shows, we had a giant lamp on stage and the guests did have to rub the lamp before.
But that's because everyone could see us.
Right, it kind of does ruin that.Yeah, you should have one of those floors where you pop out the floor.
There's probably a technical name for those.
No, I think it's called the floors where you pop out the floor.
I think so too.If someone offered you a play and was like, Ella, we need you in this play, but you got to pop out the floor, would you do it?
But how many times would they have to say you're going to pop out the floor during the play for you to say no?
Oh, that's a really good question.Also very oddly specific.
I don't know.I've never done it, so I don't know how much I'd like it.I think I'd quite like to... It's like, I love roller coasters.I'm thinking of it like a roller coaster.It's kind of like the opposite of the drop.It's the lift.
Well, I guess you do have to go up to come down, don't you?Oh, that's very deep.So deep.
What the hell?It's ten past nine in the morning, guys.
People listening to this won't know.Ten past nine.I'd rather just drop out.
Gosh, I surprised myself with that.I'd like to do it quite a few times.I'd actually say I won't do the play unless I can do it at least 10 times.
Well, every entrance of your character needs to be from the floor.Yes, at least.
That would be kind of amazing.
Would you want them spread out, though?
Because what if they were like... Oh, yeah, definitely spread out.
Yeah, if not 10 in 10 minutes.
Oh, God, no.No, because... Who's supposed to pop it out the floor?
How would you feel about dropping through the floor, though?
Hmm, another good question.Is that safe?
Is it like the floor just disappears and I just fall through it?
Yeah, like it's a trapdoor, you just go.Oh, okay.
Now, I think I'd like that less because I'm quite accident prone.So like one, the odds of me hurting myself, if I'm doing it 10 times, I'd say like 50%, I'd say quite high.
If I'm doing it two times, it's still 50%, but it's like less injuries, you know what I mean?
And it's every night, it's a play.
It's every night.It's a lot of injuries and a run.
It's twice on a Saturday, yeah.
How long's the run, you know?
Oh, months I think.Oh, it's really successful.Months?
Months, yeah.Months long.Yeah, yeah.People love it.
It does really well.I'm out, you've lost me.
That bit in Prestige where he removes, because he drops through the floor as part of his act, one of the magicians does.
And the other magician sabotages him by removing the crash man.So he goes, I would just think that every night.I'd go, what if another magician is sabotaging me?Do you know what I mean?
But you're a genie, you can kind of... Genies and magicians, that's rough rivalry, that's worse than... Oh, it's a rivalry?
Genies and magicians?Yeah!
Surely genies win every time?Yeah, yeah.
Genie trumps magician.You'd think so, right.
That makes sense, that feels right.
Yeah, but then magicians, we're their biggest threat because we can take all their business, we can do any magic trick.
I mean, they're kind of impostors, actually, in your industry.
Yeah, they are.They're fake genies.Yeah.
They are fake genies, and that's what we call them, and I thank both of you for recognising that.
We're talking about you acting in plays, but come on sweet peas coming out tomorrow tomorrow It's looking at Benito there because he uh, he was very confusing wasn't he before Before we started I think you're doing great Benito.
Yeah, but he was confusing before we started recording a wee bit Yeah, as we know today is the 9th of October and tomorrow the show comes out sweet pea the show Yeah, it's always the quiet ones.It is.That's the tagline.
What can you tell people about sweet pea?
What can I tell people?Okay, so Sweet Pea, it's a show about a quiet young woman.Well, she's got a lot to say, it's just no one's listening.
Played by anyone we know?
You may have heard of her.Her name's Ella.She's great.Yes.Fantastic.
She comes up through the floor a lot.
Quite clumsy about accident prone.It's funny because every time she just appears in the scene, we don't know where she comes from, she just pops up through the floor.
No, Rhiannon is very quiet, she's sort of overlooked, very invisible, and then she discovers this intoxicatingly addictive taste for murder.Can you tell I've been doing loads of press and this is my, like, stock, my kind of cork brush?
Sorry, I don't know... Surprise us, Ella!Remember how much I let you down when I told you I do the Janey thing every time?
Sorry.She, uh, she, she kills people and it's, um, it's, she likes it.Ooh, that sounded not great.Uh, well, let me go again.
Actually, that's selling the show to me.She kills people and she likes it.She kills people and she likes it.
To be honest, that's a good tagline as well.It's always the quiet ones, but it could have just been, she kills people and she likes it.And I would watch that.
You know, we were going between the two and it was, it was, it was a toss up.It's very close.
We ended up with, it rolls off the tongue quicker, easier.
How do you play someone who, because like in some things, like at the start someone already is a serial killer, but how do you play someone who discovers they like it and make that believable?
Actually, good questions.I found that quite difficult, but it ended up being really necessary, I think, because we're trying to do female Dexter, right?We're trying to get the audience to feel conflicted.
You know, the whole first episode is about you relating to this character.People don't see her.She has to kind of smile through all of these really shitty things that happen to her. And it's relatable, I hope.
And people should be able to relate to her emotions, but not necessarily her actions.Don't kill people.That's the message I would like to spread.It's sort of, I have, it's a disclaimer.I've got to get it in every interview.Don't kill people.
So it's kind of necessary, I think, for you to see, follow her journey.And in the end, you're kind of slightly rooting for her.You want her to stand up for herself.Maybe not that way.Maybe other ways.
It's fun, isn't it?Because, like, you know, with stuff like that with Dexter, you know, you're like, well, obviously, I don't think he should be murdering people.
But, you know, it's a TV show, it represents other things.And he's murdering bad guys.
Exactly.Exactly.Well, that is interesting, because she kind of comes up with his moral codes throughout the show, where she's like, right, I've, I've now, I've, you know, I've killed someone.I need to, I need to kind of justify this.
So she decides, well, okay, good people deserve to live and bad people deserve to die.And she's kind of playing God in this, in this way.And then that's, that's the progression of the series is that moral code sort of blows up in her face.
I'll tell you my issue with Dexter briefly while we're on it.Yes.I never liked that guy.
Interesting!I think you're really in the minority there.
I don't like him.I don't like him.And not just because of the murders.Before the show even starts, the opening credits, he eats his breakfast really weirdly.He flosses weird.Do you remember the opening credits?
Okay, well, how's about this for the opening credits?He cooks some bacon, eats it, then cooks an egg and eats it.Yeah.He doesn't have them together.
I just put that down to like fancy editing.But you're right.It's the order that he does it.But what if he thought, I'll have a light breakfast and then he realised I'm still hungry.And he gets up and cooks the rest of it.
He does it with juice as well though.He doesn't eat it all on the same plate at the same time.He makes the juice, makes the coffee.So that, immediately I'm going, there's something up with this guy.
And they chose that as the opening credits.It's not just a... They're choosing that to show who this guy is.It's not just a one-off.You thought, oh actually I want more than that.
What does that say about someone?
It says that, show you what, he's a psychopath.
This guy probably kills people.To be fair, if I was hanging out with someone and they sat down, ate their bacon, got back up, cooked an egg, sat down, I'd be like, this person kills people.I've got to go home.
Something's going on here.
Are you much of a foodie?
I do kill people.Do you?Am I much of a murderer?
Imagine if this was just a sting for the FBI.
Sorry, I've now actually forgotten your original question because I was thinking so much about what you didn't say.
Killing people.Yeah, yeah.Do you like food like Dexter likes food?
Yeah, but I do cook it mostly all in one go.I do love food.I'm a big foodie.I love food.That's why I'm so excited about this podcast.But I thought I'd actually get food.
Oh no, a lot of people make that mistake.No, no, no, we don't give anyone food.What we do is we make people talk about food until they're really, really hungry.So you'd be like shaking by the end.
And you always do it like first thing in the morning before anyone's had any breakfast.
So we're all psyched about it.But you'll enjoy the meal that you have after this way more than you would have if you were eating on a podcast.
So we have made your meal for the day better by talking about food first and then you go and do that.
You're a glass half full kind of guy.
I see what you're doing.Well, I'm getting paid.
The rest of the time, God no.You couldn't be more wrong, Allah.
You don't want to talk to me outside of this. I'll try and like put a positive spin on the podcast while I'm on it.
Yeah, when that light's red, I'm a very upbeat guy.First of all, we always start with still or sparkling water.
Still, I have a theory.So sparkling water, we need to call it something else because it doesn't taste anything like water.Sparkling water should taste like, it should taste neutral, just fizzy.And sparkling water doesn't taste neutral.
It tastes bitter and sour and like something else.It's like a unflavored soda.I know I've just described sparkling water.It's sour.I hate it.I really don't like it.And it really bothers me that it's called sparkling water.
It should be called something else.It should have its own name.We should come up with a name now then.
Oh, wow. Okay, yeah.Yeah.Okay.So for the listeners now 919 Why are you doing time checks like we're on live radio We were named for sparkling water, I want people to know what pressure we're under.Ella was like spouting philosophy earlier.
I really was, I came in so hot about all my best ideas.
I think you're going to be okay, but Ed and I aren't fine on all cylinders.We've got to come up with a new name for sparkling water at 9.19 in the morning.
It should sound how it feels.
So sour is the word you've used a few times.
People can't see me but I just made it.
Yeah, I mean that'd be, I don't know if I could pronounce that. Yeah, how do you spell that?Every time, do you want still or... Less people would be asking for that.
It's also slightly off-putting.If the waiter offered me that, I'd look at him and say, no, thank you.
Yeah, it would remind you of like, oh, that's how it's going to feel actually.So I'd rather just have the still water.And still or tap?If you go into places, are you a tap person?
I don't really care. About the difference?
It feels like they're trying to rip you off as well.
When they say still or sparkling water, you know there's a third option.
Why do they ever tell you?
Yeah, they should say still, sparkling or tap.
They shouldn't assume that you know that they have a tap.They may not have a tap.
That's true.I wouldn't go to a restaurant that didn't have a tap.That would be a real suspicious thing to do.
But you wouldn't know.You wouldn't know.
How would you know yet?Okay, well, I'd go in and go, first of all, do you have a tap?And then I'll eat your food if you've got a tap.
Hi, can I see a menu?And also, do you have a tap?
Can I see a menu and your tap?Take me back there and show me you've got a tap, otherwise it's weird.I would like to see the tap.
I think if you are ordering tap water, it would be good to see the tap.
Are you going to judge the restaurant on the cleanliness of their tap?No, you're right, there's a massive lime scale build up on that tap.Oh God, I wouldn't want to eat there.I wouldn't want the tap water, that's for sure.No, then I'd get still.
Yeah, maybe that's the standard we need to be setting.
Can you think of like, so if you are having tap water and this is your dream meal, is there a tap that you've seen in your life that you'd like, that's the tap I would like to come from?
It's honestly the first time we've ever asked this.Is it?I was going to say, it's usually hard.
We've done over 200 of these.That's a great question.I haven't seen that many cool taps in my life, to be honest.
What, have you seen a lot of cool taps?
Ella, you're a big star.Yeah.
I am a big star. Are you telling me they don't have good taps?Guys, all taps kind of look the same.
Do you want a separate hot and cold tap or a mixer tap?
Oh no, I hate when they do it separately. Because then when I'm trying to wash my face in warm water, it's hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, I can't.It's too stressful.
And then a berm of it, and then it's too cold, and then you end up just doing cold, and then you're cold, and it's a very stressful experience.I don't want to have to hold my hands separately and then mix them together.
Trying to mix hot and cold water in a bowl hand is really uncomfortable.I clearly have a lot of, I didn't realise I had so strong feelings about taps.But no, that really does bother me, actually.
You are being surprised in this podcast, but by your own opinion.
I didn't know I had so many.
So you would like a mix of tap.I like a mix of tap.But for a drink, surely, you don't want a mix of tap.Oh no.No, but I wouldn't turn the hot.I'm going to say that's unfair of you.
Because you led Ella down this path of choosing the mixer tap, and now you've gone and fucking got me.
I feel tricked.You have tricked me.
Yeah, yeah, it's a gotcha interview.Sorry Ella, you've been gotcha'd.
But when it's one tap, you just turn the cold bit on.I wouldn't turn the hot and the cold if I was drinking water.
No one wants to drink warm water.
Does anybody want to drink warm water?
I bet there are people.Some people will have a mug of warm water in the morning with like a slice of lemon in it.
POP DOBS OR BREAD!POP DOBS OR BREAD ELLA PURNELL!POP DOBS OR BREAD!
Bread, please.Can I get specific?
Hair?With butter?My little butter?
Oh, fantastic.I love this restaurant.It's great.Yeah.I love Marmite and I love butter and I like them together.Mix them together.
Have you had Marmite butter?I have.
It's a place in Wales called, I'm going to say Heaney's or Healey's.Heaney's, definitely an N. Heaney's.And they do Marmite butter with sourdough and it's unbelievable.
I actually once asked them for three extra bits of Marmite butter and I put them in a to-go box and they I don't know why they looked at me like that was unusual, because I feel like a lot of people must do that.
They're known for their marmite butter.And he looked at me like I'd offended his ancestors, or like I'd done something deeply, deeply wrong.
Maybe they're used to people enjoying the marmite butter, but they're not used to people being like, package them up like they were doing shopping.
But I feel like, yeah, fair, but also not fair because you're going to be known for it.You should really be known for it.
It's not like you can get it anywhere else.It's not like you're like, oh, that was great.I'll get some Marmite butter on the way home.
It's not like I can just go home and make it myself and mix a bit of Marmite and butter together.It would be ridiculous.
You can't do that.I could never do that.You wouldn't get the ratios right.
It wouldn't be right.It wouldn't be right.
And is it sourdough you're having?I think you could do that.
I think you could give that a go.No, you couldn't.No?Are you talking about?Maybe you could.
I'm sensing some tension here, guys.Are we alright?
Shall we take a quick break?
I've had enough of it.It's been so many episodes of this.
How many episodes have you done?How many, Benita?Too many.Too many.200 many.He doesn't know.
James doesn't know.He's got no idea.Over 200.Over 200, yeah.Over 200, this contrarian bastard. I'm just saying, I think you could mix marmite and butter together.
It wouldn't be the same experience, sure, but maybe they put something extra in there.
What if it is?What if it is?
That's the end of their business, I guess.
Sorry, I really do like them.I'm so, so sorry.Just dragged them through the mud.
Shouldn't have looked at you like that. That's what they get.Warm sourdough?Yeah.With the marmite butter from Heaney's?
Yeah.And then you just, you don't spread it with a knife.You just, you take the bread and you use the bread as an edible spoon and you just dip it.And also you get in there fast before anyone else can have any.
I've got three younger brothers, so I learned to eat very quickly and a lot.So it's embarrassing when I go out for dinner with people because they don't get to eat because I've eaten it all for them.
Yeah.Because you're just always aware that someone else could have it first.
It's like your brothers are there all the time.
They are.They're there all the time.All the time.It's really hard.
People having dinner with you going, Ella, there's three boys standing behind you.
For the listener, there are three boys in the studio now.It's 9.26.And Ella's got three boys standing behind her. Your dream starter?
My dream starter?I'm going to go for soup dumplings, because I love them, but specifically from a place in New York called Zhou Shanghai.And there's a very specific way you have to eat them as instructed by me, and I get to watch you eat them.
We're eating together.I'm not eating alone.It's just part of the soup dumpling experience is the eating of the soup dumplings.
Yes, I would say that goes for all food.
That may actually be accurate.Now who's being profound?Now who's self-aware?Look at us all just slowly achieving enlightenment.Look at that.
What an attitude.Gorgeous.Sorry.No, don't be sorry.You're right.It's a true part of the experience of the food is eating the food.Yes, I suppose so.Just fucking destroy it.
No, but specifically with this, it's an interactive experience.
Yes, I do know what you mean.I was being facetious.
No, I do agree with you.I care a lot about mouthfeel of a food.It can't be too squishy or too crunchy.It has to be the perfect mouthfeel.But this is not so much about... I'd actually say the mouthfeel of a soup dumpling is quite bad.
but the experience of watching someone eat it, and the sound effects, it's just very good, it's all very good.
Take us through the technique, how do you want people to eat it?
You have to bite the tip off, and then drink the soup out the dumpling, out the spoon.
Oh, I did not expect this.
And then, yeah.No, no, this isn't dumplings in soup, this is soup in dumplings.
Yes, I know it's soup in dumplings, but I thought, so here's me with a soup dumpling.
Pop it in whole.Wrong.Let it pop. Let the soup flow over my tongue.Burn your mouth.Huh?Burn your mouth.
That's the thing, you burn your mouth.You don't have a feeling in your mouth then.It's not the first time he's been accused of this.
You don't have a feeling in your mouth.Yeah, yeah.Every time.Kiss my girlfriend, she says that to me. You have no feeling in your mouth.Get out of my sight.I have feeling in my mouth.
Although once, Ed and I went for a meal and everything was like Szechuan pepper stuff.So it numbed up your tongue.And then we had soup dumplings and it goes over the tongue.
So I didn't, I guess on that occasion, I didn't have feeling in my mouth, but it was pretty great.
I'm going to try that.That's really inspired me.
I do completely agree with you.That's how I eat soup dumplings.Yes.Bite a little bit off.So there's a hole so some steam can come out.So it cools down and then you drink some of the soup.
You get a taste of the soup and then the dumpling.Correct.
It's like a two course meal.Do you bite the top or the side?
Because I don't want it spilling out the side.
Yeah, the nipple.I bite the nipple.But if you put it on the soup.It's 9.30 in the morning.You put it on the spoon.And then bite the nipple.
And then you bite the nipple.And then you drink the soup.
And then you eat the... Yeah.
I guess if we're extending the analogy.No.
Okay. No, we found the line.Yeah, yeah.We found it.
I checked with James and no.Yeah, he made eye contact with me.That was enough.I don't like that.I'm going to talk to HR after this.
Do you have an HR department?
Yeah, called Benito!Is it Benito, U, HR?It's called Benito and he does not listen.
He doesn't give a shit.He doesn't care.We go and slack each other off to him and he just ignores us both.
Therapist as well then.Therapist, HR.
But bad at all of it.Busy, aren't you Ben?Very busy.The worst in the biz. I can't imagine what you're talking about with this soup dumpling.
I can't imagine how you're making it work, because to me, it's so wobbly that you couldn't tip it and have a drink out of it, because it would just all splat all over you.
And that's part of the experience, is that if you bite the nipple and not the side, chances are you're going to spill it, because you've got to tip your head back so far.So you're biting the side? Well, it depends.
It depends on how it's made, because I had one quite recently.By recently, I mean yesterday.No, no.What day is it?Two days ago.And I bit the top and it was too much.What is it?Dough?Bread?What is it made of?Yeah, dough, I guess.
I speak, I said, what is it made of?It's like I've never spoken English before.What is made of?
Yeah, I know, because that's where they pinch at the top when they make it.
So there's a bit more dough.
So it depends on the dumpling, but if you do that and you tilt it back, it does spill down you, and that's the soup dumpling experience.
But if it's on the spoon, you're catching some of the soup in the spoon anyway, aren't you?
Depends how big the spoon is.
And how big the dumpling is.
And how big the dumpling is.
Have you seen the ones that are massive, that come with a straw stuck in them?What?
I don't know where they do them, but I've seen them.It's a bit Instagrammy, but they do huge ones, stick a straw in it, and then you drink the soup out with the straw.
That's a game changer.My mind is blown.
I think that's disgusting.
I don't think that tastes as nice as these little ones.No, because then you're basically just having a bowl of soup and then at the end you get like a bunch of pasta or whatever.
I do see kind of what you mean actually.
But it's not actually eating a soup dumpling is it?It's like... Well, what's the dumpling?It's dumpling.I thought you said bread earlier.You left that alone.
No, I see.So I see.So then we're back to the next thing, because with the regular soup dumpling experience, you're doing soup, dumpling, soup, dumpling, soup, dumpling, soup.With this one, it's soup, soup, soup, soup, soup, soup, soup.
And it's it's not quite the same.But I mean, how big is the dumpling?It's quite It's like when you see the clam chowder in a bread bowl.It's not for me.
Because then with the clam chowder you're just left with so much bread afterwards.
Yeah, wet bread.Yeah, no one wants that.
No, I like my bread dry.With marmite butter on it.Buttery, yeah.That's wet!Or is that oily?
Glad we cleared that one up. What kind of soup is in the soup dumpling?Chicken, pork.I don't eat fish, so I never really go for like the shrimpy, prawny ones.Not for me.
Yeah, normally pork, right?Pork.Yeah, like pork broth.
Pork broth soup dumplings is what you would like?And you would like to watch us eat them as well?
Mostly, yeah.It is part of the experience.I don't eat them on my own very often.I really just like introducing people to the experience.It's really fun. I love a game.I love an interactive food experience.I love watching people spill on themselves.
Interesting.Are you dipping the dumplings in anything, like the vinegar, soy mix with chili oil or anything?
Yeah, I won't really dip it, but I will, because, you know, when they get stuck together, the soup dumplings, then they rip and then the soup falls out and then you've just got a dumpling, you haven't got, the soup part's gone.
So I like to take the vinegar, smush it around, break the dumplings up, and then so that it's all, you know, it's all mixed up.
But when you break the dumplings up, you're being very careful to not rip them.It's like surgery.
It's like operations on that game.
Yeah, it's another game.I love a game.Famously.
Famously.As of right now, I love a game.
What's your favourite game?
Very good question.Very good.Top three.Twister.I really do love a game.Twister, guess who, but you have to ask the character traits.You can't, you know, ask them what they look like.It's got to be like, is your character having a brat summer?
It's got to be like that.
uh number three oh that's a tough one there's one called watch your mouth and you put this bit of plastic in your mouth and it holds your mouth and heart like this yeah and then you have to say things sorry i'm just realizing yeah you can't see me i am being perceived yeah we can see you uh i am indeed real and alive yeah and you have to say things to be able to guess what you're saying right those are my top three i'm obviously those first two twister and guess who they're classics how did you discover uh what watch your mouth
People buy me games as gifts quite often.I get quite a lot of gifts, don't mean to brag.And I got given it and then we played it after having a couple drinks.It was really good.
Have you ever combined watch your mouth with gesso? Or Twister.Or Twister, at the same time.
Wait, no, but that's good, right?How have I not thought of this?This is so smart.It could be really good with Twister, right?
Because you're saying left hand on green, but you're actually saying... And you don't know what they've said, so you've got to guess.Yeah.
Who's going with that colour?Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, we know whenever wins on guess who because it's too hard, but it's really funny.So about again, it's about the experience It's not the way that you play it.No, I never would when when I play I never win.
It's what I mean like that Okay.Yeah, so you play a quick game of guess who now with the just I'm just thinking of one of these two I Feel but you gotta play like your rules.You asked me I
I really don't want to.Go on.I can't.
Because my question is always really mean.I just, I can't do that to Ben.
It's okay.So it's Ben.So we're going for Ben, are we?Hang on.Why can't you do that to Ben, but you don't mind doing it to me?Well, you've already been... Is it because you can think of mean things for Ben, but not for me?
Or is it because you absolutely don't mind tearing me apart?
Can it be both?They're not, they don't seem mutually exclusive.
Yeah, they're not mutually exclusive.
Right?Yeah, you've been sitting there being like, do you want a mix of tapioca?If you have that, you're a fucking idiot.So you deserve everything you get.Yeah, that's fair.
Would you eat a soup dumpling with the watch your mouth thing in?How would you manage that?
How are you coming up with these?
This is why I can't leave the podcast.
He's the best in the biz. Truly, you're blowing my mind.No, you could physically not, I think.I don't think you could swallow.Can you swallow with your mouth open?
God, that was... I think some people can.I saw it on Taskmaster.I just did it.
Is that what you were doing when you took your sip of water?
Benito looks disgusted.On Taskmaster, Benito, there was a task on Tessa Burch's series because she's the one who can do it.
That was insane.You did it again.
Yeah, I did it again.I just wanted to check it wasn't luck.For the listener, Ed is sat on his chair drinking water like a swan.
Like a turtle that can't get back in its shell, but it's really trying.
Yeah, that's good.That's a good clue for me on Guess Who.Does your character look like a turtle trying to get back into its shell?Yes, it's Ed Gamble.
Very good.Do you get that a lot?
I'm so sorry.That's alright.It's a good vibe.
Just so you know, we're going to carry on with the menu, but the game of Guess Who is still open.I am thinking of one of these two.And if at any point you want to ask me a question about it, you can. Dream Main Course.
We've got soup dumplings for the starter.Great starter, by the way.
Thank you, I really appreciate that.Okay, I've got a good one.Have you ever seen Spy Kids?
That's the first time anyone's gone into that.
OK, I've got a good one.Have you ever seen Spy Kids?I haven't.I know what film you're talking about.I know Spy Kids, the film.
I probably have seen Spy Kids, but I don't remember any of the food in Spy Kids.
OK, well, there's not much.Actually, that's not true, because apparently, I found this out recently, the entire film, I think, is sponsored by McDonald's.Don't know how that happened.Great collab.
Anyway, there's a scene where they're at the safe house.
How many times have you seen Spy Kids?You're a big Spy Kids fan.
So you and your three brothers watched it a lot, don't you?
Yeah, I watched it a lot on my own.I spent a lot of time alone as a child, as you can probably tell.And I watched a lot of Spy Kids.I really loved Spies.I sort of have a very weird obsession with Spies.
They're cool.Spies are cool.
Spies are objectively cool.No one's like, that spy's a nerd.Because even being a nerd spy is still cool.
Because you can't trust that they're a nerd either.Because there's probably a spy thing.
Exactly.Anyway. I'm quite obsessed with like, you know, when you see, um, you know, it's like an older movies, like when, when they do gadgets and they've got like, you know, phones or make believe like things that they've just invented for the film.
And they're always like really naff, but kind of amazing.You really want one.So they've got this sort of microwave, it's called a rehydrating machine.And one of the, the, the female spy, uh, the two, the female child spy, uh, Carmen is her name.
I've just remembered that.She pulls that little packet.She's like, Look, we're going to rehydrate this.Can you tell I'm an actress?That was incredible reenactment.
You just got the part in Spikens too.
That was amazing.There's so much feeling when it's done.
There's already a Spikens.
She's like, look, we found this packet.We're going to rehydrate it.And she puts it in the microwave.No, sorry.Rehydrating machine.And it's the most gorgeous looking burger you've ever seen in your life.It's like a burger on steroids.It's massive.
First of all, it must be a fake burger.It must be made of marzipan or something.It can't be a real burger.There's no way.
I need to find a picture of this.It just looks incredible and I'm not a burger person.
Thank you.Rehydrating machine.
And if you can't find an image of it, go on videos.Surely someone's clipped it up.It just looks so good.Download Spy Kids.
I'm sure it tastes fantastic. I think about it a lot.
It's that added technology element that's kind of cool as well, because you're like, imagine if that thing existed, then you could just have that.
No, I'm talking about when they come out with all these gadgets and they're just so silly and they would never work in real life.But you're like, Imagine if it did.
I think in maybe in Red Dwarf, there's a machine where they just put in whatever they want and it just it makes it straight away.That's the dream.
Yeah.In Spy Kids, he's got a pair of glasses.
Sorry to get you off Spy Kids.
he's got a pair of glasses and it comes out with like all of these different lenses it goes like and it's like he's got like 12 lenses that come out of this one monocle yeah and on a nine-year-old boy that's it's hilarious and brilliant and i just think you want that as well yeah i would like the glasses as well you want the monocle with the multiple lenses and you want the rehydrating burger which is the rehydrating machine i also think later in the film Benito's found it apparently have you
Okay, there's a video, isn't it?
Ella, full disclosure, that looks like a normal burger.
No, no, play the video.Ben, you're doing me dirty here.Come on, help me out.
Okay, so we're watching the clip.
See, that's the rehydrating thing.Look how cool this tech is.
The screen's gone over, that's pretty cool.It kind of looks like a tumble dryer.A little tumble dryer.That's a normal-sized burger has just come out.
Yeah, but when you're a kid... A very normal looking... Wait, it does look so normal!
It looks like a... that is a... Ella, Ella, I'm gonna say it's a Big Mac.That's a Big Mac.I mean, you told us it was sponsored by McDonald's.That is just quite a nice looking Big Mac.
It looked so much... But in your memory, it's amazing.
In my memory, it was like... I would, like, rewind it and rewind it and rewind it and say, Mum, please, can I have a burger?Mum, please, please, please. And it was amazing.And now I've kind of ruined my choice.
Well, we didn't know that that was going to happen just then.We thought your description of it sounded so good.
I really thought you guys were going to be like, wow, the burger!But the concept of the machine is amazing.
I don't want a Big Mac for my... No, but you can have the burger from your memory.
Right.Yes.Okay.Can I have the burger that only I can remember?
Just close your eyes. And imagine, you're like, do I trust you?And imagine the best burger you've ever possibly imagined.That's what it was in my head.
Well, going to the Red Lion when I was a kid in Wellham, you know that?And having the burgers there, my memory of them is that they were as big as my head.And they were amazing.And everything was like, the cheese was really thick.
And I had the one that had a fried egg on it as well.Didn't eat it separately, like Dexter had it on the burger. and I had to eat it with a knife and fork, like a big pie it was so big.
I'm sure that if I went back in time and saw it, it would just be a normal burger.
Well, it's all relative because you were smaller, weren't you?So you probably did need a knife and fork.
Your head's bigger now, yeah.My head's grown, but like... I didn't want to say it, but... Thank you.It'd be scary if that was... It would be really scary.If I had this head as a kid, yeah, that would have been scary.But I didn't, yeah.
Also, I feel like food just never ended when you're a child.You know, when your mum's like, you've got to finish your plate.It's like, it just, it just keeps going.It never ends.
Never happened to me.Really?Yeah, I was a big fat kid.
Seconds.Seconds all the way.
Seconds, thirds.No food you didn't like?
No, not really.I tried to tell everyone I didn't like tomatoes once because I felt like I shouldn't like something.I felt weird that all my friends all had things they hated.So I was like,
Were you like secretly eating them in your bedroom?
Yeah, I loved them, absolutely loved them.Huge bowls of tomatoes, yeah.But no, I loved tomatoes, but I was like, I don't like tomatoes guys, I'm cool too.
Right, right, right, right.No ketchup though?That's tough.Tomatoes, you've gone for one that's kind of like, I mean, no bolognese, no tomato pasta?
I think raw tomatoes I was saying that I didn't like.
Oh, okay, fine, fine, fine.But I did, I did like them.
Oh, you've just been outed.You've outed yourself.
Yeah.Oh, no, I'm out and about now.Oh, you're out and about.Still eating tomatoes in your bedroom.
Everyone that you went to school with doesn't know you were lying at the time.So if they listen to this and go, I can't believe Gamble was lying about... We all believe that he didn't like tomatoes.
Changing a lot of lives right now.This is a big moment.
Huge.This is a podcast exclusive.You would like the burger that, from your memory, from Spy Kids.
Yeah, I guess so.I'm a bit disappointed with my option now.Where's my choice?
From your falsely remembered version of Spy Kids is the burger that you would like for your dream main course.Spy Kids Memory Burger.
Yeah, fine.I'm committing.I'm locked in. Yeah.
Okay.I'm gonna stand by it.
I'm owning it.Yeah.Even though it was a bit disappointing.
Are there chips in your memory as well?They are eating the chips.
It was like just a plate with a massive burger.
It's so disappointing guys.I mean, my heart hurts.
I do encourage everyone listening to this to watch the video.
It's very funny when you see how normal the burger is.And how much it's clearly a Big Mac and fries.
But I wonder how many people can relate to what I'm saying because I think a lot of people think that burger was amazing.Spy Kids was huge!But the Spy Kids kids...
We're not doubting that Spy Kids was huge.We've never once disputed that Spy Kids was huge.
Listen, they got like, what, two sequels?
But like, even the Spy Kids kids in that clip don't seem fussed about that burger.They get it.They're doing something else while eating it.
They're not even like... They're arguably disappointed.They don't care.
They're like, this is a normal burger.We know it's just normal.
But that's nice that in your head it's great and that's what you're getting for your meal.
And that's what I'm getting because it is off menu, isn't it?I get to choose whatever I want.Yeah.Choose whatever you like.That is the rule of the game.So if it's your memory, it's fine.
I love that it's a game now.Everything's a game.
Everything's a game if you're competitive enough.Yes, yeah, yeah.
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Side's hard, because I'm not really much... I really like the concept of a salad, but I never like the actual salad.
And especially when you're a bit full, and you've had something quite hot and heavy, and then you feel a bit weighed down, and you think a salad's going to undo that damage, because it's cold and refreshing and green, it's like a bright colour, and it never does that.
It's always disappointing.So not a salad, but I wanted you to know that I went there.
Do you like the idea of a salad?
I would like to eat the concept of a salad, but not the actual salad.
Hey, well, look, you may spike his memory burger.Spike his memory burger.The concept of a salad would be an appropriate side.
Yeah, we'd absolutely suit it, but I'm happy to whittle this down one dish at a time until we get to your side.
No, no, no, we don't have to do that.Let's just go through all the food.
So salads, salads are out.
No, I would like it to be really cheap prawn crackers, like the ones from like, I want them to be like 60p, out of a packet from Tesco's or Lidl and they're greasy and that's why it's good, it's nice.
When I get crisps from the shop, I always look for the prawn crackers first.
Which is funny because I don't eat fish.Prawn crackers I don't think have any traces of actual prawn in them.Do you think they do?Yeah.I don't think they do.I'm pretty sure they're probably vegan or something.
They don't taste fishy though.
Yeah, they're crispy, they're greasy.
Prawn cocktail crisps have no... They're mainly just tomato ketchup flavour.Yeah, I don't think they have any actual prawn in them.But prawn crackers I think Oh, like made of prawns, yeah.
He just raises his eyebrows and nods his head while looking at his screen.
They're vegan, aren't they?
Yes, prawn crackers contain prawns.That's what AI overviewers said.
What does the internet know?
Well, maybe I do like fish then, but just in cheap prawn cracker flavours.
From the supermarket, you want supermarket prawns?
Yeah, I just want really shit ones.I don't like them when they're fancy and come from a nice restaurant.It's not the same.I want them to be really greasy.I want them to make my fingers feel bad after I've eaten them.
Your fingers have to feel bad?
Yeah, like you've got to wash your hands after.Which I suppose you should probably always do, but I don't do it very often.
Mix-a-tap?Washing your hands under the mix-a-tap?
Yeah, hot cod, hot cod, hot, like that.
Yeah, you like to do it like that.
Yeah, I've got to make the sound effects too when I do it.
Yeah, you've got to say hot, cold, hot, cold.So these are like the white prawn crackers, not like the Thai prawn crackers where it's like they're a bit brown.
You want bog-standard prawn crackers.
Yeah, that's a bit like polystyrene.
But less squeaky than I imagine eating a bit of polystyrene would be.Never done it.
Meme of I, but do you know what?Fuck that.
Imagine I got it and I was like, my perfect side dish would be polystyrene.
I don't care who I offend with polystyrene.I hate polystyrene.
Yeah, I hate it.Why?I don't see the point.
What do you mean you don't see the point?We can surely come up with something better by now that's not squeaky and makes me feel weird when I touch it.
Oh, it makes you feel weird when you touch it?
Yeah, and the idea of... My worst thing is imagining someone soaring through some polystyrene.
That is bad.Yeah, it's bad, isn't it?
Oh no, I don't like that.I've done it before. What?
I've sawed through a massive block of polystyrene with a saw.Why?I had to get a giant polystyrene W into a car boot and I couldn't, so I had to saw it into two Vs.
So what are you talking about?I've got questions.
Yeah.I was collecting giant yellow polystyrene W's at the time.I was going through a phase.
I think we got like five or six in the end.I can't remember exactly how many, but like, yeah, we got a fair few.
So when you saw it, you stick it back together again on the other side?
We actually didn't end up sticking it back together again.It was just knocked around in my friend's sister's garage for a few years.I don't know if it's even there still.
I bet they were thrilled, that friend.
Yeah, yeah.She ended up with, yeah, the one that was in half and another one, that sister.So, like, she had those.
You need to find someone that collects polystyrene Vs. Vs, yeah.
Then they would be delighted.Yeah. God, that would be the greatest collab of all time.
Make that person's day.Now, Ben seems like he has more questions.I definitely do.You can't ask, you can't talk.Ella said she had questions and then didn't ask any of the questions that I thought you were going to ask.
I asked loads of questions, just because they weren't the ones that you wanted.Was it your questions?Yeah.I've asked my questions, like, very much.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.I've cleared it up.
Why, why, why did you do this?
Why? Why were you collecting polystyrene W's?
Oh, right, that is the obvious question.
Yeah, of course.I was in a band called The Wow Scenario.
Oh, right.Oh, it does make sense.
Someone told us, hey, I know someone who's got a giant polystyrene W. You can have it on stage when you do your gigs.So, went to pick it up, and then we went to get it, and it was, like, huge.
And we had to, like, try and put it on the roof of the car. but it was like gonna fly off and it was very, it was, and then I brought it home.
Honestly it was quite light, it was quite light, it would have just flown in the air.
That's what we were worried about in the dual carriageway, if it flies off, you know, the roof and then like takes someone out.
But we got it home and my dad was like, that is not coming in the house, like it's no, you've got no choice, you've got no say in this old man, we're having to do this.
And then we're talking to a guy, a local photographer, and we're like, here's an idea for our photo shoot we're gonna do with you.Got this giant yellow W, we're gonna bring it along to your studio.And he went, I've already got one, I don't need it.
We're like, what are you talking about, you've already got one.And he showed us a picture, we're like, that's identical to our one.And he was like, yeah, well this... Connections, I've got them in their windows.
They've got this whole thing for people leaving school about what next.It's this whole campaign they're doing.They've all been given these giant yellow doubles.They all hate them.They don't want them in their shops.They're taking up too much room.
So they just gave me one for free.They all just want rid of them.So then at the time, me and my friend were like, let's get loads and fill the whole stage with them.And we'll do that.
How many did you need though?Because you're called the wow scenario.
I mean, it's unbelievable that you've managed to acquire five of these.
Yeah, we got quite a few of them, and then we kind of ran out of steam and just forgot about it.The band broke up.The band broke up.
And then, like, my friend Ben, who, like, kept at least one of them for us in his garage, moved house and forgot about it.So the people who came in after him would have opened that garage door and been like, what the hell?Who's this guy?
I mean, look, there's worse letters to collect, isn't there?I feel like W, out of all the letters, is probably the most versatile.
Well, you know what I'm going to ask?What is the worst letter that you could collect?
Well, an S can only be two Cs.A W can be an I, an N, a Z, or two Vs. An R is pretty shit. An R could be an I, could be two I's, or an L, I suppose, or an W could be an L as well.An I, an I is probably, well, no, there's got to be others, come on.
B, B, what can B be?Two C's, I suppose.A, um, sorry, this is my podcast now.
We're going to clip this up.This is the rantings of a madman.Like, I've never had a guest do such a model, an intellectual model like this, I'm so insane. Go through all the letters and what they could be if you chopped them up.And not in order.
Not in order, just all over the place.And just for the listener, we haven't sped it up.
That is the speed that Ella was talking about.That was amazing.
I got kind of excited.But it's interesting, all the letters could be chopped up to be other letters.Yeah.
It is interesting.That's why I got so excited, because I've never thought of it before.
C is the worst.That's very smart.C is good.
C can't be anything else.
C is terrible.No.C can't be anything.
And that'd be the worst one.If I was taking that on top of the car, if that blows away, it'll boom around back to you. You're in big trouble.
This is my favourite conversation I've ever had.I'm going to be thinking about this for such a long time.
Most guests come on here and say that.It's the best conversation I've ever had.
Do they?But do they talk about chopping up lettuce?
No, they don't.Oh, listen, you're the best guest.
Thank you so much.No question.Did we get your dream side?
Hold on.It's really, really warm.
Did we know what your dream side was?My dream side?
Yeah, prawn crackers.Oh, it's prawn crackers, of course it was.That's how we got to it.All the concept of a salad.All the concept of a salad, but not the actual.We can give you both.Am I allowed to?Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So this is the weirdest meal?
If one of them's a concept, you're allowed to.
Okay, fine.If one of them's a memory.
I'm going to be very hungry after eating memories and concepts.
I'm not sure you've had any food yet.
You're not doing much to, like, dispel the... stereotype of actresses.Most bits imagine me, I just like the concept of salad.
The starter, I just want to watch other people eat.
Yeah, that is the most Hollywood shit I've ever heard.I like the concept of food.
I almost don't want to ask any questions, it's a very funny delivery.Diet Coke, so why is that your favourite drink?
It's such a boring one.How many people come on here and say Diet Coke?But it's true.
It's the cure for all ailments.I can't even say it.But it is the cure for hangover and nausea.
When have you been the most nauseous?What has made you the most nauseous?
That's a weird question, isn't it?It's a very weird question.What's made you the most nauseous?
I like it.What has made me the most nauseous?Food poisoning.Oh, I've got a great... I won't tell it.
You can't go on a podcast and say, oh, I've got a great... It's kind of food-related, but it's kind of gross.
Yeah, we've had a lot of gross stories on this.
And it involves me outing a chain, which I don't know how you feel about that.I don't want to be sponsored by them.
No, we're not sponsored by nothing.Go for it.
We are, James.Huh? We record loads of adverts all the time.And if it's one of our sponsors, we'll bleep it.
Yeah, bleep the whole story.I went on a date once with this really fit guy.He was a model, gorgeous.
So hot, unbelievable.Do you want to shout him out?No, thank you.He's going to listen to this and he's going to be thrilled.Maybe he won't.
Buddy, if you're listening, we hope you're having a good day.No fit guys listen to this.Yeah, that's a point.
He's Australian.He's Australian.I've got to get to the other stories, I'm so embarrassed.
No, no, keep describing this guy.
Okay, he's Australian.He doesn't know London very well.He comes to London and we meet up and I can't believe my luck.
And so I take him to... I've never heard anyone so excited about a date.
Actually, especially not... I can't believe this.It's rare you hear a woman say that. I can't believe it.I can't believe my luck.He's so fit.
He's excited about the concept of a date.Okay, guys, I'm cool.I'm playing it cool.I think it's very nice.Yeah, look at me, playing it cool.In hindsight, did not play it cool.
Took him to a Mexican chain restaurant that I loved, that back in the day, this was a while ago, it was about 10 years ago, was quite cool and quite trendy.Don't know if it is anymore, but it was back then.
Took him there, had a great time, had a little snog at the end, ate loads of food, good chat.I was thinking, I've done it.
Did you snog him and then say, I can't believe my luck?
I was like, I can't believe, you know, it was sort of like, and I was also hyperventilating and crying at the same time.Bit breaking away, going, my luck!Yeah, but like that, really high pitched.
Yeah, yeah.Wait, when you snogged, did you have the stuff in your mouth from that game you played?
Yeah, I was doing it with Watch Your Mouth.
Watch Your Mouth, you put that in.
I was like, I can't believe!
Like that, it was like that, it's fantastic.
God, I sound so cool in this story.
It's a cool story.Anyway.We know that it's leading up to you shitting yourself.
So, yeah. You just ruined the punchline.Do you like doing that?Do you like taking people's joy away?Yeah.Do you like doing that?
Well, everyone knows that's what's fun about it.
Unbelievable.I really thought, right, yeah, there's a long story short is the next day was Halloween.I invited him to a party.
So I don't know why that's made me laugh so much.Long story short, it was Halloween.The next day was Halloween.
You invited him to a party.
So this is like two days in a row you've seen the... Oh, yeah, yeah.
He was only in town for a short amount of time.Yeah. I went to the party, it was very, you know, Halloween-y, very hot.I looked very hot, I'm gonna say it, guys.I really dressed up.
He can't believe his luck.
He's saying, I can't believe my luck.
What was the hunk dressed as for Halloween?
Batman or something, I can't remember.
Come on, it was the hunk, he can remember?I don't know.
I mean, look, it's safe to say we never spoke again after Halloween.
So, yeah, I went to this Halloween party and we walked in, I looked incredibly fit. and I shit my pants in the middle of this Halloween party.
And right after I shit my pants, I turn to him to say I've shit my pants, but I projectile vomit all down Batman.And then he turns to me and he also projectile vomits.We have to leave the party, right?
That's the first thing that's come to mind.
I'd say the party's over for most people.Everyone's going home.Everyone's going home.Happy Halloween.
God, this is such a horrible story, but it's also so fucking funny.Anyway, so we never spoke again.And turns out this restaurant had this this crazy outbreak of norovirus.I was so unwell for about a week.It was so embarrassing.
We it was just it's the worst.It's the worst.It keeps me up at night.But also because of the three brothers, I tell it all the time.I tell the story all the time.
It's also just after that.I just I couldn't believe my luck.Sorry.I have to say. I had to do it.I'm so sorry.I just, I had to end like that.
Was fit Batman projectile vomiting because you projectile vomited or did he also have norovirus from the restaurant?
Yeah.Yeah.My publicist is in there wanting to, to fall into a hole into the ground.I'm going to get fired from my, from my publicist.
Your publicist knows what does the rounds on social media.This is absolutely The best thing that could have happened.Sweet Pea is going to be watched by everyone.
I've ruined my life.I've ruined it.Yeah, no, I don't.He also had norovirus.
Yeah.So that must have made you feel a bit better about it.
Oh, it did.I mean, look, we're all human, aren't we?You know?Nobody is strong enough to withstand the amount of tacos that I ate full of norovirus. I've eaten straight norovirus.I mean, look, it's going to happen.It's fine.Really, it's a good story.
It could have been an amazing, and that's how I met your mother moment.It just, neither of us were strong enough.Also, it's good for Halloween.
Projectile vomit's good for Halloween, isn't it?
If you'd been dressed as the girl from The Exorcist, it would have been perfect.
That would have been so good.Also, why don't we just like pretend that was part of the Halloween, you know, party decorating.
It's hard to do that, I guess, when you stink of sick and shit.Also, you made a big thing about, you're like, I look fit.I look so fit.
What a waste of an outfit.
Had to burn it.Yeah, that would be crazy.I didn't burn it.My mum had to come pick me up, though.Oh, so embarrassing.
Mum, you picked me up and shot myself at a party.
I'd shat myself, and as I turned to tell my date, I'd shat myself, I'd puked all over him.And then he puked.And then he puked.Can you come and pick me up, please?
Please pick me up.So anyway... Diet Coke.How did we get onto that?Diet Coke, right.
And then you had Diet Coke the next day, and it cured your asthma.
Oh, and it cured my... That's... Yeah, yeah.That is how... Why did I tell that story?We can believe that whole thing, right?
Yeah, we're going to bleep the heart.It's going to be one long bleep.
We can.We know what our listeners like.Yeah.There's been many stories told in this podcast of people shitting themselves.That's one of the more dramatic ones.
Was it?I like a good dramatic reading.
It's a good one.Do you want to tell my shit myself story?
I mean, I hate to have to say this, but which one?I mean, loads of times.
As an adult.We can't go right back to when you were a little baby.As an adult twice, I think.I think I've told both of them on the podcast.One was when I had a quesadilla from a truck.
Mexican food truck then did a TV show the next day I was in LA did a stand-up set and then instant and then my agent and stamps it didn't go well and my agent at the time wanted to go to a steakhouse though I went to the steakhouse shit my pants and While you're at a urinal was that a year ago you were in a bar
It doesn't count!What are you talking about?It doesn't count if you're in a bathroom!I wasn't sitting on the toilet.
His story is not, I was sat on the toilet.I shit myself all the time.
I shit myself this morning.I was sitting on the toilet, thank God.Once again, the old toilet caught it.But I repeatedly shit myself every day into a toilet. Oh no, I did it again.Oh, phew.Don't want to tell people this.Fine.
At least you're on private.
I was having a... I was urinating, standing up with my trousers and pants on.
Yeah, because I thought... What did you think?This is a fart.Yeah.
Yeah.He's one of the men who stand at urinals and fart while they're pissing.The whole bathroom was empty.
No one was in there, so I was like... I've never pissed standing up, so I wouldn't know how easy or not easy... I don't know the connotation, so I don't know what that means.
It's the best feeling in the world.
There's men who stand and... That's the best feeling in the world. There's men who will proudly fart while they're stood up.Yeah, they're bad men.
Most people fart when they're standing, don't they?
Do you pause the pee to fart?
Who knows how they do it?You see a beatboxer and they can do like...
The bassline and the drums at the same time.
You're like, how the fuck is this guy?
That's what these guys, these men are like.
The bassline and the drums at the same time is so good.That's gonna live in my head rent-free.That's amazing.
But yeah, that's when I did it. Benito is demanding that you say more about Diet Coke, but I don't know if you want.You don't have to.
I'm trying to get a Diet Coke sponsorship.I don't know about you guys.I'm out here trying to get free Diet Coke for life.Do you remember the Nando's Black Cars?I don't know if they were actually real or not.
They were real.We know people about them.
I'm trying to get a Diet Coke black car, that's just all I want.
And that's why you told the puking story.
Because I think that's going to really help their brand.Really help their image.That it cures all ailments, that's the focus.It can cure norovirus.
Wow.I've said it now.Yeah.Am I going to double down?Yes, I am.
This has gone very Joe Rogan this podcast.Oh yeah.It's bound to happen eventually.Yeah.We'll eventually get straight into those waters.Yeah.Pull that up Bonito.
Hi, this is Christopher Kimball from Milk Street Radio.I often shop at Whole Foods markets since they sell the kind of food I like.Organic vegetables, a great meat counter, and of course a great staff.
For Thanksgiving, Whole Foods offers brined turkeys as well as a spiral cut bone-in ham. The Whole Foods Market Bakery has a large assortment of pies, even a vegan pumpkin pie.Or grab some brioche and butterflake rolls for the table as well.
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The doughnuts from Adventure Island on Southend-on-Sea.You ever been there?Adventure Island, Southend-on-Sea?No.It's so good.
Ben is calmly nodding because of course he's been.
And you've had the doughnuts, I assume.Everyone's had the doughnuts.No, you haven't.He likes theme parks and stuff.
He's definitely been to the, yeah.
You like a theme park?I love a theme park.I love a roller coaster.It's my second favourite after games.
I love that that your thought process there was like, oh no, I've just I've just betrayed games By saying I like roller.I love roller coasters.They're my favorite.
I'm nothing if not loyal.Yeah, very loyal And I love a list.
So it's important to me to know what my favorite things are in order But interestingly lists are not at the top of the list.
Oh shit You keep doing this, you keep sort of confusing me and you give me a lot to think about.I'm going to go home and I'm going to just lie in the dark looking up at the ceiling thinking about where lists ranks on my list of favourite things.
Do you love lists more than games and roller coasters?
I use them more than I use games.And I definitely visit a list more than I visit a rollercoaster.Rollercoaster, you can't do too much, it loses.That's why I came in really strong with that opinion.I do feel quite strong about it.
You can't do a rollercoaster too much, it loses the impact.Once you know where the drop is, it's less fun.
But with a list, it's fun every time, right?
You can't close your eyes with a list.
I quite like re-prioritizing lists.I do it like multiple times a day.Like, oh, that doesn't deserve number two.That should be really like number ten.Yeah, big list person.I keep lists of everything.Didn't weirdly make a list for this.
Yeah, that's interesting.Sort of the only thing I should maybe have made a list for.
But I wanted to be surprised.
Yeah, yeah.And we've been surprised by some of your choices.And I wanted to surprise you.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did I succeed?Are you surprised?
Oh, very surprised.Constantly.Been so many surprises.I didn't expect you to puke after shitting yourself. Yeah, you thought you knew the ending of that story, didn't you?
No, I didn't.No, you didn't.No.The surprisee becomes the surprise-er.Yeah, exactly.I spent a lot of time in Southend-on-Sea.My nan lives there.And I spent a lot of time there when I was a child.Arguably too much time.
Had my birthday party there when I was nine.That's nice.Yeah, it was really nice.Really, really nice.
It was a really, really good time.
Why are you so aggressively telling us it was nice?
Because it wasn't very nice.
Because it was fine.It was just, it was, um, it's a birthday party and I, you know, I didn't, I didn't have a ton of friends.
And so I invited, I invited nine people and then my mum made me invite everyone in the class, which was just, it just automatically, it's very embarrassing.You've got to get on a train.
By the time you've got there, you know, you've spent two hours on a train with 23 people that don't like you very much.And then you get to Southend-on-Sea and it's raining and no one's been to Essex before.
So you've got to introduce all these kids to Essex.So then you go, welcome to Essex.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you know, I'm now picturing myself like a sort of a nine-year-old Essex tour guide.Yeah.And then you say, try these donuts.But the donuts were a hit.Maybe that's why I want the donuts, because it's a happy memory.
Because all the kids thought you were cool.
Because all the kids were like, yeah, she's really cool.
Do they have anything on them, these doughnuts?
Sugary, sugary doughnuts.Are they fresh?Yeah.12 little ones in like a bag.They're just like, it's nostalgic.And it's, and it's, I guess, like the sugar high combined with the, with the roller coasters.It's just like, it's a good time.It's a good day.
And then, you know, you eat as many as you can.You feel really sick.Again, that's part of the South Island Sea experience.It's feeling sick on the roller coaster. And they're hot.I said that already.Sugary, did I say that?Lots of sugar?
We know that they're sugary.
Do they come with like a sauce or anything?Or are they just plain, the little hot... I don't think so.
I'm not really much of a sauce girl.I don't really... I never liked the sauce.I like my crumble plain.I don't like really ice cream or custard or anything on the crumble.Is that a red flag?You're looking at me like that.
No, no, it's a red flag.I think it's interesting, but you know.
Both of your voices went very high when you said that.You're betraying yourselves. No, it's fine.Yeah, it's fine.It's alright.I really tried to get away.
Yeah, that was quite disappointing.
Well, look, I was more like, oh, why have we jumped to crumble straight away?
You know, it was like, I think it was to illustrate that you're not a source girl.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Fair enough.
Do you want to have a guess at who I'm thinking of?Because otherwise, the listener is going to be like, why did that game of guess who just never?
Yeah.So do you want to ask me one of your famous questions?
I think you should ask me.
So you're thinking about one of these two.
Never try and game the gamer.
I'm thinking of one of the people in this room but it could also be you.One of the three people, not including me.
Ask the question. Huh?Ask a question.Yes, I will.Ask a question.When they were a little boy, did they frequently eat a dish called the picker's basket?
None of you have got very, oh no, maybe you've all got very good poker faces.Is it Ben?Are you Ben?Hold on. I'm going purely off the poker face.What do you mean, what is this game?
I thought you're thinking of one of them.
No, you're thinking of someone.Oh no, I'm thinking of someone.
You're thinking of someone, and I'm asking you, based on your rules.
Wait, no, no, no, hang on.
So Ella doesn't know our backgrounds enough to know.No, no, no, we've got the game wrong.Well, Ella flipped it, didn't she?
I've got to think of someone.
I know more about you guys.
But then, hang on a minute, why have you asked me questions?
Because that's how Guess Who works.
No, but then... So true.Also, this is a very hard game because I don't know you guys.We've just met.I don't know anything about you.
Okay, okay, I'll do it.I'll do it when there's more.Do you know anything about the people on Guess Who?
Okay.But it can't be a background question.It has to be a vibe question.Okay.
Do they look like, if they picked up... Oh, I say yes or no.
That's how the game works.
...a bowl full of cereal, their little wrists would snap?
I can't believe you just asked me a question and I guessed the person.I've so grossly misunderstood the concept of guessing.I quite like it.I quite like this game.This is good.It's good in person.It's a good in person game.
We don't need the board actually.Delighted to be last on the list of people whose wrists would snap if they picked up a bowl of cereal.
I mean, your wrists don't look like they would snap.
Also, what's quite hard is that you have to not look at the person to check their wrists.I didn't walk in here and immediately look at everyone's wrists.
So I actually only picked you because you were the only person whose wrists I could see in my peripheral vision.
So you couldn't see Ben's?
Well, I didn't want to go like that because you were looking at me.You would have seen me go like that.
I thought you would have made a wrist list.
A wrist list?Well, I've walked in, I've gone on my phone and gone, best wrists.From one to three.
Weren't you already meant to be thinking of someone?So you should have already been thinking of me.
So then when I asked you that question... Usually I've got a board in front of me, I've never done it like this and I sort of had to do a little bit of mental gymnastics to get there and then now I understand the concept of the game and now I'd like to play a game.
Okay, well now I'm thinking of someone.
And I've got to ask questions?
Oh, but this is mean.No.Because I don't know you.
You can't hurt their feelings, these guys.
I'm thinking of one of you three.
So wait, I... No, hang on.I've got to do the mental gymnastics again.You're thinking of someone... Yeah.
See, now you're getting annoyed, but you were the one who tried to... No, I know, but this is the problem with games.
I am very competitive and I'm annoyed at myself because I haven't immediately grasped the rules of the game that I came up with.You see what I mean?
Oh, I see what you mean.I'm getting very annoyed.
I'm thinking of someone in this room. I'm thinking of someone in this room, but you have to ask me a question.I have to guess who you're thinking of.Yeah, and it has to apply to their vibe.Yeah.Or your imagined history of them.
Oh, yeah, true.Is your person, yeah, look like they could be like, are they like a live action animated?They look like they're an animated cartoon character.Do they look like they're the face of a cartoon?
Sorry, just having a look.
Just look straight at me, by the way.
No, I'm allowed to move my eyes now.
I'm allowed to look at everyone.
I'm allowed to look at everyone, so I'm really taking advantage of that moment.It's funny because actually now everyone looks a bit animated.
Do you look like you could be like a Scottish White Walker from Game of Thrones?Wow.
I have not seen Game of Thrones, but I'm going to say yes.
You don't look like a white walker, by the way.It's just because you've got blue eyes.It was the only thing I could think of.
Yeah, you could be... It's literally just the blue eyes.Yeah, yeah.
I also don't know where Scottish came from.I think it's because you've got a bit of stubble, and in my head that's like stubble equals Scottish.I don't know why.It's a weird connotation.
Yeah, it's weird.So you're learning about yourself in this game as well.Yeah, good game.
Yeah, unfortunately.I'm not learning good things about myself.
This is how we like to come towards the end of the podcast.
We've been talking for a hundred years.
That's what we like.We like people to feel like it's been a hundred years and for them to go... At the end of it.Yeah, yeah.
No, I've had a great chat.This has been really fun.
Do you want to play another round before I read you the menu?
Yeah, go on.But should we let someone else have a go?
Yeah, Ed, think of someone.Okay.Do you want to ask Ed?
I feel like all of us should ask questions.Are you not allowed to speak?
Ben's not allowed to speak.Me and you can take turns asking Ed a question.
Okay.Do you want to go first?Should I go first? There we go, there's the sound again.That's my thinking sound.Do you look like you were bullied as a child?
I mean... Does that mean all my questions are really mean and I can't... No, it's fine, but bearing in mind that what you're trying to narrow this down to is between the three of us.
You were not narrowing it down very, I mean... Can I get rid of that question?
You have to force people to come to your birthday and stuff then.
I know.It's literally no wonder I had no friends.I was actually just a bully.I was a bully.I wasn't bullied.I was the bully.No one wanted to hang out with me.I was so mean.
You can throw that question out and start.
I'm gonna throw that question out.Can you go?I'm panicking a bit.
Yeah.Did the person you're thinking of once shit themselves and then puke all over their date?Yes.Is it Ella?Yes.I'm gonna read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.Did you write that down the whole time?You would like tap water.
Pop it onto bread, you want warm sourdough with marmite butter from Heaney's in Cardiff.Starter, you would like pork soup dumplings from Joe Shanghai in New York.Main course, you want the Spy Kids burger, but like from how you remember it.
Side dish, you want a concept of salad and cheap supermarket prawn crackers.Drink Diet Coke and dessert, donuts from Adventure Island in Southend-on-Sea.
Yeah, that sounds like a lovely menu.Yeah, you happy with that?Yeah, I am really happy with that.
We haven't even talked about you and all your mates eating each other on the island.This is a food podcast.
I think seeing as we just talked about a bunch of school kids going to Adventure Island, we might need to just clarify that that's not what you're referring to, question mark?
No, I'm not referring to that, I'm referring to you and your friends, all eight, with the plane crash.
I'd say lead with Yellow Jackets TV show. You buried it in the headline there.They all ate each other.Not you and all your friends ate each other on an island.
We've never had Adventure Island when you took all your friends to Adventure Island, you gave them the donuts and then you ate them all.Only one child returned back to London that day.And happy birthday me.Yeah, Yellow Jackets.
That is really messed up.
We've never had anyone on the podcast before who's been that heavily involved in cannibalism and this is a food podcast.
I know.It's a bit of a thing.I'm going to get a reputation because it's happened in two shows I've done, that one and Fallout.Yeah, people are starting to talk.
It's not good.But it's always in a situation where it gets a bit desperate, right?
You've never been in a show where you're like, oh, I'm hungry.I'll just eat a
No.Well, in Fallout, I don't eat anyone, but the ghoul does eat other ghouls, sometimes humans, I think.Actually, I don't think he does eat humans.He makes arse jerky out of another ghoul's bum, obviously.
He wouldn't make it out of his elbow, would he?Silly.
Well, if you don't know your arse from your elbow.Wow.Best in the biz.He's the best in the biz. Quick question before we go then.You've got to eat another actor who you've worked with in the past.Just who's it going to be?
It has to be someone you've worked with.
That's a really good question, because are you going to go for... What's the context?What's the circumstances?You've got to eat them.I've got to eat them because I'm desperate, because I'm very, very hungry.
Or you've got a gun to my head and you're like, you've got to eat them now, but I'm not that hungry. How hungry am I?
You're very, very hungry.
I'm very, very hungry.Am I starving?Am I on like, is it a yellow jacket situation?
It's a yellow jacket situation.
So I want someone with like big muscles, right?Because then that's like more protein probably.Who's the most muscular actor I've worked with? The guy that I threw up on was pretty muscly.He's not an actor that I work with.
But he is someone that I know that's got muscles.I'd probably eat him.Or Aaron from Fallout.He's been working out a bit lately.I'll eat him.
I'm Moten, you're getting eaten.
Yeah, sorry Aaron, he's a lovely guy.
That's a compliment, you just said he's muscly.
Yeah.I did actually.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I forget that that's a compliment.
But much to his detriment because now he's getting eaten.The more you work out, the more likely you are to be eaten.That's the mole of the podcast.Wow.Didn't expect it to end like that, but thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Alice.
Thank you guys so much for having me.
There we are.Wow.What an app.Wow.What an app.What a chat.Twist and turns.She's so much fun.I loved that.
Yeah.I mean, it's nice to have the memory of a food on the menu, especially when, but it was sad to show her that it wasn't what she remembered it.
But that's memory for you. It was sad though, had to put someone through that.Yeah, hopefully she can forget about that and go back to her original memory.Which is like the platonic ideal of a burger from Spy Kids.
Yeah, yeah, hopefully.That is her dream meal.Didn't say Nuka-Cola though, so that's good.
Said Diet Coke, went with the traditional Diet Coke rather than Nuka-Cola.We could have pushed it.
Yeah.So the listeners might have a go at us for that.We got sidetracked with the vomit story, and Benito did say to us, maybe talk more about Diet Coke, and maybe that's where he was heading.
But that's unfair, I think, to push people into the secret ingredient, I think is unfair.I think it's unfair.
But maybe people were like, well, you didn't get a brand.What if she meant Diet Nuka Cola?
She said Diet Coke, which is the brand, right?So I think we've got to accept that.But also then we wouldn't have heard about the doughnuts.
Exactly, we wouldn't have heard about those lovely doughnuts, and we wouldn't be able to say, watch Sweet Pea everyone, it's on Sky!
Yes, watch Sweet Pea, it's on Sky, and now it comes out on October 10th, that is tomorrow if you're listening, to this on the day that it's released, but otherwise it is out now on Now and Sky.I'm gonna watch it, I'm excited.
I'm gonna watch it, I'm excited. I am currently on tour, doing my show Hot Diggity Dog until the end of November.Come along, going to loads of different places.If you live in London, I'm doing the London Palladium on November 23rd.
I'm also in Manchester, well Salford, next year, January 19th and 20th, at the Salford Lowry, filming some shows.That's exciting, filming the shows.So come along.
Not much news over here.I guess I'm going to go home and try and lift a bowl of cereal just to prove some people wrong. But that's about it.
Yeah.Thank you for listening to the Off Menu Podcast.Goodbye.
Hi, this is Christopher Kimball from Milk Street Radio.I often shop at Whole Foods markets since they sell the kind of food I like.Organic vegetables, a great meat counter, and of course a great staff.
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Or you can ask the Whole Foods team to cater your meal for you, including the bird, the sides, and desserts.Get your holiday party started at Whole Foods Market.
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Hello, my name's Sarah Pascoe.Guess what?I've been on Off Menu a while back.Can't remember what I said.Vegan butter, I think.Anyway, I'm now going on tour with a new show.It's called I Am a Strange Gloop.The tour starts in June 2025.
Come and join me.I might talk about food, if that's what you need.Bread or poppadoms, I'll shout.Stealing content of Off Menu.I will probably talk about other things as well, and I might not shout bread or poppadoms.
Tickets are on sale now at sarahpascoe.co.uk.
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