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This is a Maisie Media production.Hello, most awesome one.It's your girl, Ayana, checking in.And as most of us know, podcasting has experienced this surge of popularity.And since I've been podcasting since 2017, one could imagine that I'm sitting on
a bit of content, and I decided to resurface some of that content.
So in these next episodes that you'll hear, I'm going through, pulling out some of the best bits from some of our guests, and I'm going to reintroduce you to them, or for some of you, this may be your first time hearing it.
Either way, I wanted to pull out things that I thought would serve you. I always try to have your back in these Switch, Pivot, or Quit moments, these life change experiences, the trials and tribulations that we all go through.
So I really, truly, and genuinely hope that what you're about to hear will help you along your Switch, Pivot, or Quit journey.
So on today's show, we're going to be talking with communication expert, public speaking coach, award-winning educator, and newly published author, Amber L. Wright.
Amber teaches entrepreneurs, professionals, and thought leaders how to say their words well, on and off stage.This dynamic woman presents at conferences
and events across the country about the power of communication in shaping our lives from the boardroom to the bedroom.
This amazing wife and mother finds time to juggle it all and has been featured in the media by Forbes, Mashable, Fast Company, Black Enterprise, and many more.We're chatting with the author of Can We Talk?
10 Life Lessons on Finding Your Voice and Finding Yourself. So let's go ahead and start with you telling us a bit about your background and what led up to you becoming an author and sort of like adding that to your title.
Well, I have just always been a person who has had a way with words.Like ever since I was a kid, I've always been able to help people get out what they were trying to say.
And I just feel like I'm really fortunate that I would say that my passion and my purpose are in alignment with my profession.And being an author or becoming an author was something that I've always wanted to do.And it was December of 2015.
that I posted on Facebook, and I was like, all right, y'all, 2016 is it.This is going to be the year.I'm going to write my book.And all my friends were like, okay, girl, we're going to hold you accountable.
And so I need to go back and actually find that actual date, because I said that I was finally going to make this commitment.I was going to stop playing and just sit down and finally write this book that I
Had that had been on my heart to write for a long time But I even mentioned in the introduction that I hadn't lived enough of life yet I think I had to kind of go through some things to have something worthwhile to say and I'm glad that I gave myself that grace to have those experiences because I was able to write about them in a way that Shows that I've grown and I've learned from that time and I sat down and I made the commitment to do it And I finally got a gun
Did you have any apprehension about finally releasing it and people reading your words?
Yes, and how that came about is when I wrote the book and I completed the first draft, There's a woman named Julianne Kiganda who basically, like, she helped me publish the book.
She walked me through the whole process, she designed the cover, and she really helped me see this project through to completion.I wouldn't have gotten done without her.And so I finished the book and I sent her the, you know, master draft.
And she's like, Amber, this is good, but I feel like there's something missing.And I was like, what do you mean?She was like, you're so dynamic and you have like all this personality.And I don't feel like I'm picking up on that.
Like, why do you think that is?And I had to kind of let that marinate for a little bit because I was like, this is magnificent.Like, what are you talking about?
And so I took a step back from the project, right, because I was just so happy to be done with it.I mean, her first response was like, but there's something missing.I was like, what do you mean?
So when I went back to the project and I read it with fresh eyes, I was like, oh, I see what she means.And what happened was I realized that I was restraining myself.
because I didn't know how to quite tell my story in a way that would villainize certain people in my life who I knew would read the book.
And in doing that, though, I did myself a disservice because I wasn't, not that I wasn't honest, but I wasn't fully free, right, to tell my story.So recognizing that, well, my story is mine and I have to own it and tell it in my own way and
That just has to be that, right?As long as it's honest and it's not fabricated or exaggerated, then the thing plays out how it plays out.So when I went back and revised it, I was much happier.So that's the version that you read is me.
taking my own voice off of mute and really not worrying about how people would respond to it and just owning my own truth and telling my story in my own way and in my own words.
And so I'm grateful to Julian for that feedback because it was solid the way it was.Like it wasn't a terrible thing, but it, you know, my true and authentic voice was kind of hiding a little bit.
So in that, how that relates to your question is I wasn't necessarily worried about the public, but just a certain amount of people.Right.And so once I went back and revised it,
in a way that was more true to my experiences, you know, there's no shame because this is what it is.This is my life and these are the things that I've learned.
I like how you say taking yourself off mute because so many times
I don't even think that we realize on a day-to-day basis how we put ourselves on mute when we're not sort of like honoring our true voice and saying and honoring our feelings and saying the things that we really want to say.So that is dope.
So as you know, on this podcast, we talk all about the Switch, Pivot, or Quit experience.And I'd love for you to share with our audience a bit about your own SPQ experience. I like that FBQ.
I think I wanted to start by saying, you're going to have many FBQ moments in your life, many.
There may be one that will be ultimately defining, but that's something that I'm appreciating about getting older and having certain experiences and doing a lot of things is like, man, you are going to keep turning corners. And that's a good thing.
So embrace that, I think is my point.One that was really pivotal for me is one that I wrote about in the book and talking about how I had a job at a university that I had for six years and I was a meeting and event services coordinator.
I loved that job.Like when I got the job, it was my dream job at the time.It was that until it wasn't.Like after a while, I was just kind of tired.I was overworked.
I didn't really feel like there was a lot of space for me to grow where I was, and I just was like, okay. I'm going to keep doing this.I feel like there has to be more.And I was also teaching at night, so I had two jobs.
And then by late night, I was running my business.And at the time, I had a blog, and I'd started my coaching practice and all this stuff.So I was really busy, and I was also stretched very thin.
And I had a conversation with my mentor about how I had applied for a similar job at another university. I didn't really want that job.And I knew that I didn't, but I didn't because I felt like that was what I was supposed to be doing.
And she was like, well, girl, why?What do you really want to do?And it was just something about the way that she asked me that question.It just kind of shook me up a little bit.And I was like, you know, I don't want to do this.
And so she was like, so then why?Why are you pursuing something that you know you don't really want?And it was at that moment where I was like, okay, I have a decision to make.
Either I'm going to continue to stay here, not growing, unhappy, on an hour commute both ways, or I'm going to let my heart speak to me and follow my passion, which was at the time to teach more classes as an adjunct professor and to grow my business.
And I didn't do it immediately because Bill, you know, and I had to work out a plan, but I did, I did leave.And that now has been three years since I left my full-time job and I've never looked back.
And so that was a really monumental moment for me to say, okay, I'm going to take ownership of my dream and run with it.
I want to talk about that a little bit more.I know that I went through the same thing before I decided to go out on my own and not even really realize I was going out on my own.
Life growth, you now realize the impact of your decisions, but then it was just like, I need to make a move.
But before I really got to that point where I needed to make a move, you touched on two things that are similar and I can totally relate and I'm sure that others will relate and might be in this current situation.
that job you loved it when you first came in but then you got to a point where you didn't and you needed an out and for me I know I stayed way too long to wear that out just could not come fast enough but in the meantime I was also looking for similar positions
And I don't know, and you chime in, but I think that maybe part of the reason we do that is because we either A, think we're only qualified to do what we've been doing, some version of that, and we're scared that somebody won't take a chance on us or we're not willing to take a chance on ourselves,
Or maybe it's just that we're fearful that if we don't sort of do what we've been doing, other people will have something to say and judge us or whatever.
Like, I don't know what it is, but so many of us do that where our first recourse when we're deciding that we're not quite happy with our current position or current situation is to get something similar.
But why would we do that if we know that we're not already happy there?
Because we are programmed and conditioned to do what's right, right?Like there's this whole idea of, well, you know, you got to do the right thing.And sometimes the right thing to you isn't the right thing for you.
And by that, I mean, I think, I mean, really you hit the nail on the head.A lot of it is fear and a lot of it is a fear of judgment.
and I see it all the time as a public speaking coach and professor you know people say oh I hate public speaking and they grumble about it's like really what you're saying I'm afraid of being judged and there's no better way to put myself on a platter to be judged than to stand up in front of a group of strangers and talk and that's really what it is and so we we do these things that
We feel we should be we have these like lists of shoulds and to that I say that on the other side of your fear though is the blessing, if you will, because to give it some context, I had to support my family during the recession.
My husband lost his job, and for three of the four years that he was out of work, I worked two jobs to support him.I had my full-time job, and I taught classes at night.
And it almost seemed so audacious of me to want to not have a full-time job, because it's like, girl, are you crazy with these benefits?Like, what do you mean? So that's what looked right and what felt right.Like you should be doing this Amber.
You should have a full time job with all of these attachments to it or what have you.And so when I decided to leave and he, well he got a job and then we started working on my exit plan cause mama was tired and I was ready to go.
I went from having one class that I taught once a week at night at a local community college to four classes by the following semester. So that provision was waiting for me on the other side of me embracing what I really wanted to do.
But if I didn't ever take that step, I would have never known that the provision was there.So I went from that one class to teaching four classes, making just about the same amount of money that I had in my full-time job.So I was still able to work.
but have a much more flexible schedule, be able to pick my kids up from school.Well, at the time I only had one, but I had to pick her up from school and all that.And, you know, that was the lesson for me.
Yeah.And sometimes we have to do it in our own way.So for those listening who are currently in that space, you have to figure out what works for you.It's not going to be realistic that you'll hear anyone's story and be able to recreate that.
It's just that you have to do what feels right for you.I'm so glad you said that.
Think of your plan and then work your plan because your path is going to be different than mine.But the point here is to listen to your heart and just don't be afraid, but also be smart about it as well.
Ooh, I know it's getting good, but we'll be right back after we hear from our sponsors.
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So when did you start to realize that coaching was something that you were good at and maybe you should start to pursue it?
That's a really good question.I know exactly when it was.I was already actively in this coaching practice.I was already offering sessions, but I'm not gonna lie to you, girl.I didn't really know what I was doing when I first started.
I had no clue how exactly it was going to work, but I was willing to give it a try, and so I started offering these sessions, and I was also very careful to only offer sessions that were in alignment with my credentials.
Both of my degrees are in communication studies and I have a specialization in interpersonal communication, so I studied communication and relationships in grad school.And I taught my first class, my first college course in public speaking in 2009.
And so I was like, let me be clear that I'm not out here stretching myself or stretching the truth about what I can do for people.
And to this day, I'm still very clear about that because I want people to have a realistic expectation about what I can do for them when they come to work with me.And I was also really active in the blogging community at the time.
I was a writer for blackandmarrywithkids.com.The owners asked me to do a staff training for a Staff writers, right?
So we would have these like virtual training that they would do once a month and they invited me to do a training on speaking For that group and so I did that and one of the writers Came to me.She's like amber.
I took so many notes from your presentation like I needed this information more than you know, because I have a presentation coming up and I was like
So frantic and scared cuz I didn't know what I was gonna do public speaking about my thing So I didn't know what to do and I really didn't know where to go to get help So this training was right on time and she had like two or three paid trainings within 30 days like after that because her confidence went up because I gave her the roadmap in the training on how to prepare and that's when I was like, ah, I
This is it.Like people in this space who have online-based careers and jobs, and not everybody went to college to have a public speaking class.Or if they did go, they don't remember.They don't know how to actually write a speech or whatever.
So that's when I knew that I really had something, not that just was viable, but that could absolutely help people.
I love when they have those moments where they're like, you gave me the foundation that I needed to get in front of this audience and tell my story.
Yeah, that's it's definitely a really, really good and rewarding feeling when you feel like You made a difference for someone or you gave them tools that they can now use and move forward with.Now with your book, Can We Talk?
10 Life Lessons on Finding Your Voice and Finding Yourself.In the first chapter called Figure Out What You Want, and you talk about trying to determine your next move and facing the fear of what you really desire.
Why was that an important place for you to start with this book?
That was really important for me to start with because I feel like that's the starting point. Nobody can help you get where you need to go, where you're trying to go, if you don't know where you're trying to go.
It all starts with us deciding what we really want.And that is the common denominator to building a really happy, healthy life, is trusting your gut.
deciding what you want and then not being afraid to act on those things, because you'll be a happier person just by default.Right?Because no matter what we do, somebody's always going to have something to say.Yeah.
So might as well do what makes me happy.But if I don't know what that is, then I'm only focusing on what the negative things are that people are saying.Right?And then we kind of get caught up in those cycles.
Before you can have a relationship, a career, any of those things, you have to have an active practice. of knowing what it is that you want so that way you can be prepared to go after those things.And also be able to articulate that.
And that could be a variety of things to say, you know, I'm not okay with how you're talking to me right now.Do you want to lower your voice so we can start over?Right?Or I don't think that this is a good move for us as a business.
So now you're speaking up in the meeting at work, right?Because you're like, I don't really want to move forward with this project because these are the disadvantages that are going to happen to our department if we do it.
So then now you kind of start looking at these aspects of your life where you speak up more because you're like, Hey, I don't know that I'm okay with this, or I actually really love this.So let me also express that as well.
Like it influences the quality of our lives, how well we are able to communicate.So I really wanted to start the book with helping people understand that.
And you don't know what you want and you're just going to be spinning your wheels and wasting your time and then wasting other people's time and who has time to waste.
So talk to us about how you say, you know, that being dependent on other people's opinions was your disadvantage.How did you figure out that that was a disadvantage for you?And what did you do to work through that?
I realized that I didn't know how to trust my own judgment.And I didn't like that feeling. I didn't really know how to think for myself.So what I would do was I would ask everybody, I would ask everybody, what do you think about this?
What do you think I should do about this?Do you think I should do this?And like essentially looking for somebody to tell me what to do.And it's like, girl, you are grown.
Like, I mean, I was so young, you know, I was in my early twenties, but I didn't like that feeling.And it's like, I talk about in that chapter about how a friend of mine was like, why do you tell everybody your business?
And I was like, I don't know, do I?And she was like, yeah, you ask everybody what they think about every aspect.Like, why do you do that?And I never stopped to think about that.
And I realized it's because I didn't know how to think for myself and I wasn't confident in my decision-making skill.Because the way I was raised, there was never really an environment for me to make my own decisions. right?
And that kind of carried on far longer than it should have.And so what happened as a result was me being dependent on other people's input about my life, who I was dating, where I was working, what I should do.That's not healthy.
And so once I kind of had that conversation with my friend, it just really got me thinking about like, Amber,
You're on your own now, and you have to start making your own decisions and being okay with them, right or wrong, because nobody's here to save you.You're all on your own, and it's time for you to figure some of these things out.
But also know that you're capable of figuring these things out.You just have to trust yourself more.And in doing that, that freed me up from really worrying about other people and what they thought.And then there was a huge, Epiphany for me.
I think there's something about when you turn 30 that you just care a little less about what people think. And I was pregnant with my daughter when I turned 30.On my 30th birthday, I had her, my release in September, I had her in December.
And so to have that dual experience at the same time to kind of cross this threshold into this new chapter of my life and then also have my whole world be turned upside down by becoming a mom really made me care less about what people thought because now I had someone to care for and I didn't have time to be worried about other people.
So I really embraced that transition also in my life as a woman. to say, girl, I got this.I'm good.So I'm going to do what makes me happy, regardless of how you feel.
And how that plays out for people is you'll plan, it'll be your birthday, and then you'll plan a birthday dinner, but you pick a restaurant that you think that everybody can afford or that is accessible for everyone, as opposed to you going to that one restaurant that you really want to go to.
So that's how it kind of shows up for us in different ways.And it's like, girl, You only get one shot at this, so do it how you want to do it.
Exactly.And be good with it.Exactly.And just getting in touch with yourself.And you mentioned that prayer, meditation, and self-reflection are all great tools to help one tap into their intuition.
So can you talk a bit more about that and how those elements can play a useful role in making potentially a switch, pivot, or quit?
You know, there is power in the stillness.We're so busy.We're so busy.We're always on our phones, always running and gunning, always trying to figure out what's next, the hustle and bustle of life.
And I get that, like I do, but I don't think we're still enough.It's why if you ever sit on like a plane or if you watch people in the airport or on public transportation, people go to sleep. Because we're tired.We don't sit still.And I'm a doer.
I grind till the wheels fall off.I'm very hardworking.And that's great, but there's no medal for being the hardest working person.What does that do if I'm all frazzled and frayed and all over the place?
I'm no good to anybody if I'm all stressed out all the time.
And so if you are in a moment or you're at a crossroad where you are switching, pivoting, or approaching something that you want to quit, a job, a relationship, or whatever, you got to get still.Because that's the only way that you can really hear.
your inside voice, right?
The only way you can really hear your intuition and what your heart is saying to do in your mind, like the only way that your heart, your mind, and your body, and your spirit can get in alignment is you just shut up and just like sit down, sit down somewhere and be quiet.
And for me, that comes through times of prayer and I have like a meditation app on my phone and I'm not going to even pretend like I be sitting here with my legs crossed every morning, you know, before the sunrise.
Like I don't, that's not how I get down, but I have embraced those things as a part of my life and they helped me in my self care.And you know, when there's times when I know that I have a decision that I need to make,
only I can, like we were saying just a second ago, only I can make these decisions for me.And I love it.I love the benefit of having this type of practice that allows me to really reflect on what it is that I truly want to do.
And I know that I said a second ago, like, oh, you know, I used to ask my friends and stuff all the time what they thought.I also talk about in the book, though, how it is important to have
People in your life that you trust that you can go to for insight, but how I want you to approach it is get solo first go inward first and Then decide what your heart is saying and then when you hit up your girlfriend be like, all right This is a decision that I'm thinking about making
This is what my heart is telling me to do.Do you have any insight to offer me on how you think that I should proceed?"Right?
So I'm not asking you to tell me what to do, but maybe you've had a similar experience and then she can say, oh yeah, girl, I've been through that before and this is what worked for me.And then that helps you to make a more informed decision.
But having a spiritual element in my life has been priceless. and doing what I've done and then going where I'm going.
And I like how you say, you know, come to this person, this trusted person in your life with a sense of sort of already knowing what the landscape is of what you're trying to contemplate, decide on, whatever, but then asking them do they have any insight.
There's some people that will tell you all day long what to do and how to do it, but they have not done it themselves.
when you ask a question and you frame it in that way, then it's like a little bit more controlled, I feel like, with their responsibility.Because the reality is, do you have any insight in this area or not?
You know, and if you can straight up say, no, I don't. Okay, well maybe you're not the person I need to be talking to then.
You know, and not in a rude way and not in a mean way, just in a way that you help to further bring clarity for yourself and not more confusion.
So I like the way you position that because it's not to say that you don't need to seek other people's counsel at times.It's just be strategic about how you do it and don't just do it all the time and for any and everything.
Be very smart about it, I guess you could say. In your opinion, what role does personal development play in a person's quest for a successful professional life?
Everything.For the same reason that we were talking about a moment ago, like with me and applying for jobs that I was qualified for but I didn't really want.
These are symptoms of me as a person and my personal development being lacking because I really wasn't embracing my fullest potential or giving myself the opportunity to embrace my fullest potential because I was traveling the safe route.
And so I think until you know you, again, nobody can help you.And there are people who want to help you get where you want to go.But I can't do that if you don't have an idea.When I worked in higher ed in student affairs, I had a lot of young women.
who I mentored.And this one woman in particular, she asked me, oh, Miss Amber, I would love it if you would be my mentor, because she saw that I had mentored somebody else, right?
And she saw us one-on-one sometimes in the cafeteria on campus and all that.And so she wasn't prepared, though, when she sat in my office and was like, I want you to be my mentor.And I said, what?How do you think that I can help you?
And she was like, oh, well, I mean, because, oh, oh, okay.So you hadn't thought about that. this is my time that I'm going to share with you.And I want to see you succeed and I want to see you reach your goals.
But if you don't know what those goals are, then I can't help you.She was really like astounded.
I don't know what part of the game you thought this was, but like, I want to help you, but you got to first want to help yourself and kind of know what type of help you need.
And that's a personal development thing for me to kind of say like, okay, who am I as a person?What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses and how can I contribute them to this career, to this business, to my own business?
So I think that it's really, really important.You have to know yourself.So then that way you can then be able to articulate, like, I'm really good at communication, right?
So like, if you're in an office environment, then you volunteer to write the newsletter for the department. Because you know that that's your jam.But if you don't know that about yourself, then you can't mention that.
And then now you're mad at your job because they don't give opportunities for you to grow, but you have this skill set that you don't even want to tell nobody about.
some of the key tips maybe to better communicating with um your manager or employer if you're in a sort of like a corporate nine-to-five situation or maybe even your audience if you're like someone who's like an online um entrepreneur solopreneur or whatever what are some key tips to maybe better communicating with your audience i definitely think honesty and tact are important
And what I mean by that is you've got to get honest with yourself first.So if honesty tested facts, I think is what I would, what I would say.
For example, a lot of scenarios that I've heard and seen is I want to raise in a, in a traditional like office environment, right?I want to raise. Okay.
I had a student in the spring semester, she asked me for advice on how she should handle that at her job.And she's like, Oh, Miss Amber, I need to write because I'm doing all this stuff.I'm like, all of what stuff?And she's like, well, just stuff.
I mean, I'm doing all this FFA.Slow down.And you need to get a paper and a pen.And you need to be able to list what these things are that you are doing that you feel like you are not getting paid for.
Because if you go into your boss's office and you're like, pay me, he's going to be like, why?So you need to be able to be prepared to say, these are the contributions that I am making to this department that are beyond my original job description.
The blooper mine to think about, oh, OK, maybe I should have that in advance. And so there's a way to kind of, I call it finessing, right?Where you finesse a conversation in a way that, you know, people know that you're serious.
People know that you're honest and you're up front, but you're still tactful and professional about it.
I think sometimes we just leave with our emotions when we're having conversations and there's nothing wrong with that, but I think there's just time, place and manner for everything.
I think my best advice would be to practice the positive things first. So, for example, if your boss does something that you actually really like, they did support you in a meeting or something, go to them.Write them a thank you card or something.
Communicate with them and say, you know, thank you for looking out for me in the staff meeting earlier today.That made me feel supported in this work environment. How do you think that boss is going to feel?Ideally, they will be like, you know what?
I appreciate you letting me know that because now they know that, hey, I've done it because bosses catch a lot of slack and sometimes they deserve it.But sometimes it's good to just also encourage that positive behavior so they can continue to do it.
And what that does is build a positive climate in your work environment.
So then when something goes wrong, then it's not so much of a stretch for you to go in there and say, hey, you know, boss, I didn't feel so good the other day when you talked to me the way you did in the meeting.
Right now the conversations are more fluid because you've made an effort even in just and also in the positive ways to communicate this because so often we just focus on why we're unhappy and it's like your job is not there to make you happy.
That's your job. and it's your responsibilities.So, say you don't work in a traditional work environment, you have your own business online.I think authenticity is important when it comes to the way that you communicate online.
People want to know that you are a real person.Now, that doesn't mean that you have to tell them all of your business.You know, that whole know, like, and trust factor is true when it comes to online-based business.
And the same communication and conversation practices that work offline work online as well. Be respectful, be kind, and be consistent, and just be yourself.Connect with people, email them, reach out to them.
Don't just reach out when you need something.That's terrible.That is so tacky, when I only hear from you because you need something.Ask people how they're doing.
All those types of same communication practices that you would do in a work environment or an office environment are true, even if you're working from your laptop at home by yourself.
I know you're locked in tight and soaking up all this goodness, but hold on for me just one minute, or maybe two, while we hear from our sponsors.
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At the American Psychiatric Association Foundation, our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round.
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I know that we all go through it, and when I say it, meaning everything.
When you had some of your most trying days and just trying to keep your head up and move forward, what's some of the things that you would do or say to yourself to keep yourself going?
Remembering why I got started in the first place.I think everybody has their own definition of success, and I know what mine is.
and I always fall back to that when I feel like this stuff is hard because listen the truth is entrepreneurship is really hard and very challenging it's a lot and there's this trade though right like we trade stress
for the freedom and the feeling of being in control of our lives or kind of just like steering our ships in the way that we want them to go.
So remembering that is what keeps me going and sometimes when we ask for things and so like I'm Christian right and so I'll pray and I'll ask God for something and it'll come, and it's like, oh, whoa.
You know, there's a scripture in the Bible where it talks about, like, when you give and you pour your tithes into the storehouse, I'll pour you out a blessing, basically, like so much that you can't contain it.And that happened to me.
I had one of those, like, windfall kind of blessings earlier this year, where people were in my inbox left and right, like, clamoring almost to work with me.
And for a moment, I was really overburdened by that because it was so much at one time and I just wasn't prepared for that.And it gave me the visual of what it looks like when something is overflowing, it's really messy.
You got to clean up, you got to find buckets, like if it's a water hole or something, you're trying to like stop the water from gushing out, right?
And even if that's the water that you asked for, because it was a drought, like, so you need the water, but it's like overflowing, you're trying to figure out how to contain it.
I realized in that moment, like, man, you really got to be prepared for what you ask
for and remembering that this is what I asked for so the times when I do feel overloaded or I'm stressed out or I feel like I'm behind on my to-do list or whatever and it's like Amber this is what you asked for.
The alternative could be something completely different where ain't nobody checking for you at all, you know?And so that helps me to stay grateful.And gratitude to me is like an access key to peace.
And it helps me to calm down and remember like, girl, you're good.Like if you have, I got a warm bed to sleep in at night.I got a husband who loves me who come home.I ain't got to be out here chasing him.You know what I'm saying?
Like he want to be here.We got some good kids.We got food to eat.I have clothes to wear.I'm blessed.
And so kind of going back to those really basic things helped me to keep things in perspective and continue to do what I'm doing and continue to move forward.
Okay.And actually it's so funny that you mentioned it because what does success mean or look like for you?That is a question.
My definition of success is that I'm able to pay my bills easily and on time.That I am able to be mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially present for my children.
that I'm able to enjoy experiences with my family and travel without scouring the internet for the best price because you know how that goes right like you're on orbit and then you're searching and comparing and you go directly to the carrier you're like oh my god I'm trying to get the discount that you're flying at like two o'clock in the morning you know just to get a deal so can I have these experiences and that could be just
Earlier in the summer, me and my family, we spent the night at a hotel in Burbank.That ain't but 40 minutes away from here, but it was new to us.My little girl, she don't care.She's like, it's a pool, we don't go swimming.
So that I'm able to have experiences with them and be able to afford them.But I'm also able to be a blessing to other people that are truly important to me and that I have control of my time.That's how I define success.
I get to say how I want to spend my day. And however those things play out in my life, I'm good with.As long as I feel like they're happening, then I feel like I'm successful.
And that definition really has not changed like over the last five or six years because it speaks to the things that are most important to me and the things that I really value.So that means I got to really be worried about the next thing.
And sometimes we're tempted to do that because we're like, we're human, you know, all day, like I'll keep popping.All these things are happening, but I just remember, but I'm successful too.
In my own way and on my own terms and that's really encouraging So I want to encourage you if there's to take the time to define what success looks like for you and your life and Let that definition lead you.
There you go.Now.Have you figured out your why and If so in your why in life, and if so, can you share it with this?You know what?I feel like I have I mean I And it could be changing.It could be evolving.
Yeah.Yeah.I just feel like it's really abstract though.And a friend of mine said this to me just, I think it was like on Friday because I posted on Facebook about how like all these amazing things are happening for me right now.
And it's really blowing my mind.And she said to me, Oh man, I feel like it almost made me cry to think about it.She said, Amber, you are leaving your gift here.
And that's why you are experiencing all these blessings and all these wonderful things happening.Not only do you deserve them, but you are leaving your gift here.Like when you leave this place, there won't be anything that you kept to yourself.
And that's why people respond to you in the way that they do.And that was so profound for me.I was like, girl, And she's known me for a long time, you know, and we used to work together at that same job that I had and I wanted to leave.
So she's been able to see my trajectory and where it's gone.And so I really value her opinion.And that just really touched my soul.And I think that is a way for me to define what my why is.It is to do that.It is to leave my gift here.
And I've always said that, like, We all have a gift and a talent and a special ability that is uniquely our own.I think that it's totally fine to build your livelihood off of that gift.Because that's what makes us feel happy and fulfilled.
I always tell people, your gift is somebody else's struggle. So you could spend your whole life freeing up other people from a struggle by just doing what you're naturally good at.
I'm naturally good at words and I'm able to make a living exercising and operating in that gift.So I think that that's my why.My why is to do all that I can to relieve somebody else's struggle.
and to make their life a little bit easier doing what I'm actually inclined to do.
And you've been doing that beautifully.And in the book, you talk about goal setting.
And I mentioned to you that I like the way that the book is structured because it not only identifies problems or issues or things that you may bump up against in life, but it also gives you some tools and some ways to navigate through these things.
And it's not this long, drawn-out version of things, you guys.She doesn't spend half the book identifying potential issues or problems, okay?
We all know those books where you're like, okay, I know what the problem is because that's why I'm reading this book.
Like, hello, now I just need the solution, the tools, whatever it is that you're supposed to give me to help me navigate my way through it. And on the podcast, actually, I recently talked about goal setting and how to achieve your goals.
And your book talks about goals as well.So would you mind sharing with us some of your tips regarding goals?Yeah, I'd love to.
Goal setting is really important to me because I learned the power of goal setting in my mid-20s. And what I've learned from that is that it's very important to write your goals down.
So one, I think it's important, I think I would say to really just, again, reiterating this theme of deciding what you want, just write it down. Right.
And even if it's really outlandish or it sounds crazy, just take the time to really say, OK, I want this to happen.And so an example in the book is if you say, all right, I want to lose 10 pounds.OK, awesome.How then are you going to do that?
Because the goal by itself is just that, like you need tasks. Breaking it down, I would say one, just decide where you want to be, decide what you want your life to look like.Underneath that, I would say a sub-point would be to then write it down.
How you write it down can come out and you can keep a journal, you could do a vision board.Sit down and say, okay, let me actually literally visualize what I want to do.Then thirdly, just get to work.
Get to work because it's not going to happen by itself. It's just, it's not.And one, it's not gonna happen by itself.And two, it's not gonna happen exactly the way you think it is either.
And I think sometimes we have to let go of all of these expectations about how our lives are supposed to be.Your job is the do, God's job is the how. So once you decide what you want, you want to start a podcast?Okay, great.Did you do your research?
Who's the podcast going to be for?Are you going to DD help?Are you going to do it by yourself?There's all these things that will come up for you that will almost encourage you not to keep going.
So that's why you have to be committed to saying, I want to do this for this reason.I love that you asked me what my why is, because I think a lot of people don't know why they want to do certain things.
And so I would say those really simple tips, like kind of get the vision and write the vision down and then act on the vision.And I promise you, you will see a change, but you got to just like. stay with it and stick with it and keep going.
So if you guys haven't figured out by now, Amber and I know each other pretty well and we actually know each other from our college days and she is one of those genuine people that truly wants to see other people win and succeed and she's always super supportive.
She's one of those people that I talk to on a pretty regular basis.Now, Amber, tell our listeners how they can keep up with you, where they can get a copy of your book, all that good stuff.
Well, my website is TalkToAmber.com.I make it really easy for people to find me.Exactly.
And all my website is where you can learn anything that you wanted to know about me, on my About Me page, what I do, the nature of my work, how I can help you if you are interested in working with me. Also, that's where you can buy a copy of my book.
It is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.I want to talk to you, so let's talk.
Thank you so much for joining us today.Thanks for spending time.Thanks for chatting.Thanks for dropping all your gems and your wisdom about life and everything else on us.Absolutely appreciate you, as always, in real life and on the podcast.
Yeah, we'll all be looking out for more amazingness to come from you.Thank you, Amber.And as always, you guys, keep killing it.
The sun shining, birds are singing, and all feels right in the world.
Until the season changes and suddenly you lose your motivation to get out of bed.In fact, one in five people experience some form of depression no matter the season or time of year.
At the American Psychiatric Association Foundation, our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round.
Please visit mentallyhealthynation.org to learn more.
The sun's shining, birds are singing, and all feels right in the world.
Until the season changes and suddenly you lose your motivation to get out of bed.In fact, one in five people experience some form of depression no matter the season or time of year.
At the American Psychiatric Association Foundation, our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round.
Please visit mentallyhealthynation.org to learn more.
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