Hey, Em, have you ever had sleep paralysis on your Helix mattress?
No, because it's so cozy.But I will tell you what I have had on my Helix mattress, and that is a good effing nap.
Yeah, it is a good nap bed.I never thought I was a nap person, but that's the only bed that I can actually take naps on.It's very comfortable.
There's truly nothing that made me more excited.I mean, I have talked on the show about getting that bed frame, but I mean, there are no such thing as a nice bed frame without a nice mattress to pair with.That's right.
It needs its own throne to sit upon.Yes.
Yes.The first nap in this place.Oh, man.Game changer.And that was all because of Helix Sleep.
I love that thing.And I had it before.I never said this a million times, but I had it before we ever actually even had them as a sponsor.So it was like extra exciting.I was like, I have so much to say.
Thank you for coming aboard because I've already experienced this for several years and I love it.So anyway, we're obviously big fans of Helix.We can't promise there will be no sleep paralysis, but you know, worth a shot.
Go to HelixSleep.com slash drink for 25% off site wide plus two free dream pillows with any mattress purchase.That's HelixSleep.com slash drink.
Seriously, Diane, was Colgate your secret to winning Best Smile back in high school?Yep, and it still is.
I even work overnight.Huh?Colgate's Optic White Overnight Whitening Pen works overnight.So after one week, I can show up confident and reunion ready.And here I was bragging about my kids.Colgate Optic White.Find it at all major retailers.
Welcome to And That's Why We Drink, where Christine is hidden, and I have to assume there's a reason.
Well, it's our Halloween episode.I thought we were doing costumes, so I prepared.Oh.My.God.Did you forget? I did not forget.
I just, I, I assumed.Okay.So my costume is literally with that.
Oh my God.I thought maybe I was on the wrong date or something.
No, my costume is right here.I'm surprising you on stage at our shows.
I'm also surprising you on stage with a different costume.
Should I, should I give you a, should I give everyone a little taste?Actually, let me just change, open it and do a reveal for everyone all at once.Sure.Yeah.I'll just stay in the dark here.Okay.Perfect.Okay.
I haven't tried on the piece de resistance, if you will, obviously, because it's in a bag next to me.But this is one part of it.And let me see if you can guess who I am, you and all of YouTube.Let's see.Hang on.
Wait, OK.But is this not going to ruin the surprise?
I don't think so, because our shows happen before the, like, this episode will come out after our shows.Oh, I know.
But for me, though, I didn't know if you wanted it to be a surprise for me.
Um, I was going to, but now that I realize that you're showing me a costume today, I want to play.
Okay.But just to be clear, I'm showing you a different one because I didn't want to ruin the actual live.
I did mention that already twice now, but yes, I am bringing a different costume to the show.I'm only, I only have this one, but it's worth it.
I'm ready for you to steal my thunder.Go ahead.
Guess who, guess who I am.Hang on.
Hang on.I'm also wearing makeup and a dress.
Oh, you didn't even hear all my guesses?
No, who would you guess?Father time and Cher.I'm going to be on stage.La Llorona?I'm going to be the woman in white, the lady in white. Excellent work!And I do have a dress, and I do have makeup.Wait, you're gonna wear a dress?
That's the scariest part of it all!Are you sure?Okay, if you want to.It's Halloween!Don't shame me for wanting to wear a dress and express myself.You realize I'm not shaming you, right?I obviously have to cut these bangs.
Well, yeah, we need to do something about the fringe.Yeah.Anyway, welcome to my what was going to be my Halloween costume later.I'm very excited.
I have no idea what you're going to be on stage or right now because Okay, well, now I feel like my thunder has been stolen because mine's not very exciting.
I don't have a wig.I just wanted to do a fun little thing.And then I'm decided to take over the show.I'm sorry.I got too eager.I got too eager.Yeah, we heard.Okay, fine.I guess I'll reveal myself now.
Oh, no, they're perfect.No, no, no.That's exactly... Yes.Well, you don't even know what I am.You look fucking fabulous.I don't give a shit.What are you?
Tell me.I'm your partner in time, a crime traveler.
I'm so in love with you.And I've gone back in time to some unknown decade that I can't quite figure out.See, you look like you would actually blend in perfectly with the cryptids unscripted poetry slam. You look like you.
I did wear, uh, I did buy two novelty hats from and sunglasses from Trader Joe's in the last, not Trader Joe's, dear Christ, from Target in the last week.Um, because I just can't get the accessory game right.
But yeah, I got my fuzzy bucket hat, um, and my, uh, my retro sunglasses, my pearls, I don't know.I, and a flashlight that that I stole from Blaze's nightstand, because he actually has useful things in his nightstand.
Christine, you're burying the lead.You know what's really selling it?What's that?Is your shirt looks like an investigator cloak or something.
That is true.I did wear my short sleeve, like, it's called a camper shirt from Quince, of course, because that's where all my clothes are from.But yeah, I wanted to look kind of like Inspector Gadget.You look like Inspector Gadget.
You look like if a beatnik in Inspector Gadget had a baby and then moved to Silver Lake. That's what I was going for.Thank you so much.You killed it.And you actually do look like an inspector.
Your glasses are giving more of, like, just for surveillance novelty.That's right.It does feel kind of like Moira Rose trying to be subtle.
But thank you.I'm so glad you like it.And I feel like I'm on the hunt for you.Like, I feel like you would be in the shadows hiding, swishing your skirts.And I would be with my little ghost flashlight, like, looking for you.
I will be swishing a skirt. On stage.I can't wait.I'm actually really happy.
I know your costume now because I feel like now I can kind of like because I have a separate one for the live shows that I'm really excited about that needs a lot of work still but now I can kind of like form it like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like play along play off you.
Well, so right now the theory is that makeup will be done.And that I was worried.I was like, how am I going to not see you beforehand to surprise you on stage?But I actually don't know if I'm going to do the makeup or not.
It hasn't gotten here in time yet.And all I have is literal white clown makeup.And that would just be too fucking scary.Goodness.I want to have a drag queen like do the contour lines for me and make me look good, you know?
Oh, hell yeah.I mean, if you want, I can pull up just a YouTube video.We go to Walgreens before the show.That could be fun.
Oh, at the very least, I might just do a bold red like a lip.Wow.Wow.Wow.Wow.Silly something.Taking the spotlight.You're going to be the star of the show. I'm not used to long hair, so immediately I'm just going like... Oh, getting it out of here.
No, I am excited to be the lady in white.There's always a lady in white, so you gotta... You gotta just be her sometimes.
You just gotta own it.Do you know what Leona's gonna be for Halloween?
It's out in white what it's out of control it I have tried my darndest to change this as delicately and as I can and I can't and so she's gonna be a character from the Pete the cat books and TV series and the character's name is grumpy toad and He just is there's no he's not a famous cook
character there's nothing like especially I mean he's a toad but like look at this this is oh my god I can't wait to post these photos when they actually happen because I'm working on her costume right now this is the picture of Grumpy Toad I just texted it to you.
She's I mean you're literally wearing the same glasses right now just let's be clear Is she gonna wear those glasses for Grumpy Toad?
Well, not these ones.I actually bought her almost the exact same glasses on this frog creature.I found almost the exact pair, so I'm gonna give those to her.They're wireframe with purple lenses.
Grumpy Toad doesn't even look grumpy.
Grumpy Toad just looks judgy.He has a serious attitude problem. Does he?
Yeah, and the thing is that he steals cupcakes.So I think Leona is like, oh, I want to be the one with all the cupcakes, is why she wants to be.Like, she's pretty smart in that way.She's like, I know.I want to be.
So the one I sent you is a TV character.I want to show you the one from the actual book series, because that feels like even more- Terrifying?No, just like, what are you doing?What is this?Here's a picture of him.
Hell yeah, I just for grumpy.He just looks like he's just that's that's after he stole all the all the cupcakes I see the cat looks pretty pissed Yeah, peach it Pete's just really chill all the time
this i mean i love it yeah leona yeah she's really stuck to her guns on this one so she's found someone to um inspire her you know what i guess that is a good way to put it this is usually his go-to it looks kind of like patrick star in the way of like
Kind of a mouth breather.
Yeah, kind of a mouth breather.Sad eyes, big tummy.Yeah, exactly.Doesn't say anything particularly engaging or insightful.But yeah, this is Grumpy Toad, so that's Leona's costume.So it's going to be a weird year, but I'm ready for it.Perfect.
Good for her.Even that hair.Every time I switch back to this tab, I'm like, ah!
You know, I will actually, like, this was me literally throwing it on just to, like, show you something.She will be styled.Oh, I can't wait.Do you want me to bring my curling iron?
I was thinking maybe we do, like, a little Kardashian beach wavy thing.
You know, like a... What if I got one of those cool crimpers from an infomercial where we bead the hair crimpet?
bead sounds like a lot.I remember crimping hair and then just like covering in basically schlack hairspray.Yes.
And then like putting glitter on top of that.And it was like, I wonder why I have split ends.
I know this hair.She was, she was supposed to come curly.I just, you can tell she's stylish though. She has the ability.Yeah, you can tell she's ready for it.She was like $7, so she probably will fry the second.
She actually probably has a better chance of maybe not being touched.I think I'm going to ruin it by doing something to it, but I will try also.
I do have one important question, which is when you Googled it or searched for it on Amazon, what was the, what was it being intended?Like what costume did it display as like the intended costume or did it just have the wig?
Was it like, here's your father time slash share costume or was it like just the wig?
I think it was, I think it was supposed to be, um, like an actual wig that someone wears, like just for every day, but they clearly picked somebody not meant for the role because she was like severely tan.
And I was like, okay, like, I feel like you would want to kind of match like your hair with your citizen energy.Yeah, she she the person that they picked was like someone who like, just came from the Outer Banks.
And she has like, she had those contact lenses that like made her very dark brown eyes not look blue, even though she's trying.It was it was a weird sounds like a White Walker like from Game of Thrones the way you're just go with that wig.
This plus the contacts made me think for a second.It must be she's trying she's shooting for a Halloween costume It's gotta be but she just looked like a person who's making some interesting choices.Okay?
Well, you know what that good for her if that's her identity.
That's her identity Yeah, you know I do I there was a girl in my sorority named Laurie and she went through that phase with like the contacts Oh, yeah, we feel like we all had a friend who did that and you were like, all right look at them and it's like
You're not fooling anybody.It's like a startle moment.
I always feel like like it's like a jump-scare Yeah, cuz I'm like I if what you're trying to convey is like you obviously don't want natural eye color To be present on you, then you're nailing it.
But like you can't possibly think I'm Going to detail you to the police as someone with blue eyes unless What unless?
You're supposed to say unless unless unless we're being fooled by some people and we just don't even know it.
Like what if I've always worn these and you didn't even realize, you know, what if we only spot the ones that are like not very well done, but like some people have very sneaky ones, you know, as the investigator of the day, I'm going to let you believe whatever you want to believe on that.
Um, no, and it's always the people, I don't know.It's always the people that have those contacts that they always have like some fucking, like, I just always assumed they were the kids who are like crazy, like, Party ragers, right?
Our eyes are purple and you're like what?Yeah, I feel like I'm like, are you still trying to what are you?What do you you're trying to let me know that you still have a little silly in you?Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.
Yeah, you're here.You're not here to just sit around like something there's you're bringing a certain energy to the table, but
Laurie, she swore up and down that they were her real eyes.And I was like, please don't bullshit a bullshitter.
Yeah, don't bullshit a bullshitter.You know what you do is like you wait till it's like, it's like two in the morning, like 11pm whenever Laurie's bedtime is, and like you're in her dorm room and you're like, Oh, I just need to borrow the textbook.
And it's like as she's taking her contacts out.Or in the bathroom, like the shared bathroom, you know, I'm sure, you know, she's been there with the solution, contact solution.
I should have just like slipped a 10 to her roommate and been like, what is going on in there?Yeah.Oh yeah.I already fucking know what's going on in there.Exactly.I just need you to confirm it for me.Yeah.
Just take your big Sony flip digital camera and take a high flash photo so we can all see it for our
Oh, do you want to see my new tattoo?More than anything on Earth.Where did you get it?
Friday, I went to Sister's Tattoo in Oakley.No, bitch, on your body.
Oh, well, I want to give them a shout-out also.But yeah, Lynx was my tattoo artist and apparently listens to the show.Said she listens.We'll see if that's real or not.We'll see if she ever hears her shout-out.This will be the big test, Lynx.
My secret code is Lori's eyes.
You better tell us what color Lori's eyes really naturally were and then you'll pass the test.Um, but yeah, it took forever.It took like six or seven hours and poor Lynx was very pregnant.And so I was like, this, I was complaining.
And then she's just sitting there for like six and a half hours.
What the fuck?Oh my God.Is that a, okay.From far away.It's a sloth, a monkey.What is it?
I wish it was a sloth.That would be so funny.
It's from far away.I just can't tell from far away. Sorry.Oh, hell yeah.Oh, I love that.It's a lioness and her cub for you and Leona.
Yes, and it's Leona's birth flower on the top.Marigold, which I have since learned my mother is deathly allergic to, so that's fun.That's a story on its own.I feel symbolic.And then the mommy lion is stretching, because it's like a big cat stretch.
Because you like big stretches.Just to take care of yourself, you know?
but it's humongous like on my it's like i'm stretching while the baby's playing you know i don't know but uh that was it could also i mean that you could use that in so many ways because now when like leona's screaming you could just go
I'm so sorry, I've gotta do a downward dog real quick.
Yeah, I just have to like wanna rip my own body in half right now.Yeah, she'll probably just push me over, but that's okay.So, okay, how long have you had that idea in your head?Because I've never heard this.I don't think I have.
I don't think I've even told it, because there were two ideas I had that I pitched to Lynx.One was the crocodile one, and one was this one.And then she was like, oh, she does more, this is more her style.
And so I had it booked forever, for like months, and I just never really like, talked about it or thought about it.And then one day I was like, shit, I have that tattoo tomorrow.And, um, originally it was just going to be the lion stretching.
And so I was like, oh, it won't be a big deal.And then it ended up into this like giant masterpiece on my arm.
Did you always want it that size or was this a last minute choice?
I did want it that size.I didn't quite envision it and how gigantic it would be, but I kind of am happy with it now.Like I feel like it needed to be kind of that big to see it properly. Are you planning on, like, a whole half-sleeve eventually?
I don't know, man.I guess I wasn't until now.And now I'm like, well... Now you gotta fill her out.I might have started something that I can't turn back time.
Allison always tells me she wants to do, like, a half-sleeve or something.And I'm like, you don't have a single tattoo.She doesn't have a single tattoo, which I love this energy for her, though.
But she's like, I... She's like, but if I did... I'll just go in one day and my arms will be covered.But I'm like, what would you even get?I can't... She's such, like, a... I'm thinking she's such a logical thinker.
That's not to mean that obviously you're not a logical person if you get a tattoo.But she just is such a Like she goes and does Excel sheet classes on Saturdays.Like she goes, she takes classes at the Y to learn more about Excel sheets.
She's not like, I'm going to go get a tattoo kind of person.
She's not really like the wild child of the bunch.
She's certainly not impulsive at all.And I feel like any tattoo I would get would be an impulsive choice.Basically she is the smartest, the sharpest tool in the shed. Yeah, she is.
I was just telling Christine before we started recording, she was the kid who asked the teacher about the extra assignments and all the kids probably hated her.
Like, hey, what about the assignment?You didn't ask us to turn it in yet.
And all the kids are like, oh, we were hoping she forgot.Or right before she would dismiss the class, Allison would go, teacher, teacher, do we have any homework? Fuck you!That's the kind of person Allison is.The bane of our existence as children.
I think she just likes the aesthetic.She's currently dabbling with an identity change.It's a good thing you bought a wig.My identity's also changing.
And we should get her some colored contacts.
Oh, the stupid hair in my mouth.Jesus Christ. She, um, is that our live show?Are you going to spit in the microphone the whole night?Cause I feel like people are going to ask for refunds.CBD.Um, no, she's, I know her like dream aesthetic.
She's always like very, um, socially intimidated by like the cool, They probably used to be emo kids.They've got like, like very creative half sleeve tattoos.And I'm like, okay, so you, I think you just like want to be in on that in crowd.
But, but when I think about her with a sleeve, I'm like, I dare you to come up with an idea that you like enough.And she like can't come up with one.So I don't know what's going to happen.
Some of those like ones that even I are always buying those like ink box, like that lasts like a week or two.And then you can kind of.
That's my own gift to myself after this tour is I'm buying a bunch of stuff on ink box.Well, this because I can't tolerate I know that like as much as I would like a tattoo in a moment in six months, I'll never want it again.
So I'd rather just do the you know, I mean, I don't know anything.I don't love anything enough for to keep it on me permanently.
Oh, not even our podcast.Just kidding.
That was no, I don't think so. If I got a tattoo, it would probably be something like that.Cause it would have, it would hold like, like an actual significance for me that I would hold onto.
But like, like, so Eva, for example, she will go to a flash sale, like no one's business and she'll just get a random tattoo one day.I would not be able to think like that.
I would have to like really like get in the zone and like come up with the exact thing.
Especially for my first one and my first three, it was like, it has to be symbolic.It has to be, very, very, very permanent, like something I know I'm gonna I was also the same way.
Like it took me till my 20s to get a tattoo because I was like, it has to be really important.And I've had to thought think about it for years.
And that's not necessarily true.But it is for me that I'd like I'd need to know I was the same way.
By the fourth or fifth one, I started getting a little loosey goosey with it.
Allison, are you here? What the fuck's going on?This is the second.Oh my God, you're here.Thank God.I was like, I swear to God, there's a ghost.Alison, come here real quick for the podcast.Gun to your head.You're getting a tattoo right now.
Oh, me and a wig.No, you, you want a, you, I was telling her how like you've like thought about if you got a tattoo, like your toes, pine cones.
Oh, pine cones!That's cute!I like that.
It sounds like a boxcar child.
Alice was like, well, because I used to pick up pine cones as a kid.
Yeah, I get it immediately.You don't have to tell me the reason.I know why you'd get a pine cone.I would love a pine cone tattoo.
Also, she did grow up.She also just said this is that she grew up in an area that was like full of pine trees.Her dad to this day is still trying to chop all of them down.He'll never finish.
She's like, Hey, dad, remember how much you hate these things?Um, no.Anyway.Uh, yeah, I don't know what I would get.I know I would want it with blacklight ink. Oh, because like, why not?
If you're going to if you're going to get a tattoo, might as well glow.I guess so.I would like maybe a flux capacitor.Oh, that's pretty cool.Fluxes and black lighting.
Yeah.I mean, that's that makes total sense for you.Yeah.
Yeah.What's your next one?
My next tattoo?Oh, I would like to get either my hum hallelujah one of my Fall Out Boy lyrics slash Leonard Cohen slash childhood flowers from my childhood garden.Like this is what I mean.
Like I also like you where I'm like, it has to mean something forever, you know, but then on that would be on my leg.But I also want to get a crocodile at some point.But this one was a frickin Marathon so painful not really.No.
Okay, that's good But it was a long day.So I think I'm gonna wait a little bit and it's expensive I'm proud of you.It looks very nice.Thank you.I appreciate that.I thought links did a very good job.
So if anyone's looking for Links was one of those tattoo artists that I followed for so long and then like she announced that her books were open and I like I had to jump on.I was having post notifications turn on to make sure I didn't miss it.
And she finally picked me.
You know, Lynx is either a chosen name or Lynx was named by other tattoo artists.
It has very tattoo vibes, doesn't it?
There's no way your name is Lynx and you don't do something.You don't have tattoos or give them to people.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.I don't know the answer to that part, but pretty cool.Really talented.
I will say, and I've told you this before.This will be the last thing I say.I know we've been going on about tattoos for a little bit.Oops, now you can see that I plan on returning this hat.Let me turn it backwards.
If I had to get a tattoo with you, I've said this for sure. Uh, I would want to get our little ghosty guys logo.I'm so glad you said that.
Cause I was telling links all about it.And then when you didn't say it on this one, links is going to be like, Oh, Christine, you sucker.I was never going to get that tattoo.
It would either be our, and that's why we drink logo or it would be the ghosty guys. I think that would be cute to get like... I would like to get my ghosty guy and you get your skeleton guy and then together they make the ghosty guys.
Yeah, I kind of love that idea.And Emma's always said, well, we have to wait till the podcast is over so that we don't go through a terrible divorce.
It's true.I don't want to find out that there's like, I don't want to be tattooed and then like have a bad memory attached to it, you know?I get it.
So don't fuck up, Christine.So when we're 99, we'll get those matching tattoos. Well, certainly after episode 1,000 or whatever we just recently promised.Yes, yes, yes.
Honestly, for our 1,000th episode, I would totally do it, even if we have a nasty breakup.OK.
So 600 episodes from now.Can you imagine we have a nasty breakup and we're still doing recordings at 1,000.We just fucking hate each other now. No, I mean, on episode 1001, if that's when the feud begins, I'll be OK with it.Oh, I see.
You're still happy to have gotten it.OK.
So I'll be like, well, that was 1,000 weeks of my life with somebody.
OK, well, let's remember this moment.I really hate the way we look as we're making this promise for years down the line.But hey, at least we look youthful, and our skin is probably glowier than it will be at episode 1,000.
We're going to be getting tatted.
It's dewier, for sure, yes.It's dewier, indeed. Um, okay.And before we, well, I guess, no, not really.This is our, and that's why we drink segment.
The reason why I drink this week, I just want to beat you to it is because last night I was at the queen Mary and I thought of you the whole time.How was it?Um, well, little Jackie didn't show up and haunt us.So we're in the clear.So it went well.
Did you, was it the jump scare thingy they do?What is that called?
Okay.So it used to be called, well, it's okay.It used to be called now. It used to be called Dark Harbor, which is when it was good.
Then, it got bought out by Shukiel O'Neal, and he turned it into Shacktober, which I think he was trying to get people to call it Shocktober, but, like, we know your name's fucking Shaq, so that didn't work.
I think Shacktober is actually pretty clever, I'll be honest.From the name, it's been bad.Like, Allison and I went the first year, it was Shacktober, and we were like, we're never coming back here.It just was not... It was no Dark Harbor.
Well, that's a hard thing to do after it's already been successful, to move on in, rebrand it, and then have people like it as much as they did before.
But if I were going to buy a business that was already insanely successful, I would be like, OK, I'm just putting my name on everything and not touching anything.
And then every year, I'm going to add one Shaq-themed item until people don't even realize that everything's been swapped out for Shaqtober.
Until everyone's saying September, Shaqtober, November, and we don't even realize. that he's taken over the whole holiday.
But so, yeah, he changed everything.It was like, it felt more like a fair, like fair games, like carnival games the first year.I don't know if like- This is more like my vibe, which probably is not how it was before, yeah.
Even the jump scare houses, I mean, maybe we went on a bad day.Shaquille O'Neal, if you listen to our podcast, I apologize for the- Yeah, what the fuck?Hey, Shaq, I'm on your side.I want to be at this festival.
But like the jump scare houses, they existed.Like at this point, they should, they just shouldn't have had jump scare houses because they, The lights were on and literally nobody was home.
Okay, I'm literally going to that event.It's the only Halloween event that's ever appealed to me.
I wonder if it was supposed to be like an intro jump scare attraction for kids or something.For me and all the children.
Truly, it was like, first of all, the line, not the line, the attraction itself, walking through it was maybe like a 30-second attraction.And the entire time, one person would stand there and kind of wave, not do anything scary.
And the lights truly were, it was not good. So then I think everyone kind of felt the same way because Shaqtober is out and Dark Harbor bought it again this year.Oh, oh, Shaq's gone.Shaq, he barely stood a chance.He yeah, it did not land.And so.
after he left, Dark Harbor bought it again, which I would love to know the drama for why they even sold it to begin with.
They brought it back and I think they were like, okay, now we're really going to let everybody know this is not your fucking Shaq-tober event and we're going to fuck it up.And it was the best version of Dark Harbor, like even old Dark Harbor.
So they like doesn't compete.Wait, what if this was all a marketing ploy?They were like, let's pretend Shaq bought it and made it really shitty so that next year it seems extra good by comparison.
Can you imagine the meeting they had with Shaq of like, okay, here's the thing, you're gonna suck.
No, but what if Shaq wasn't even involved?What if they just pretended the whole time and everyone was like, and they were like, oh.Maybe it was actually Shaq the whole time.That's what I'm saying, it was Shaqtober.Shaq had nothing to do with it.
That was just a coincidence.Interesting.I mean, his face was everywhere, but that's AI, obviously.I was gonna say, maybe they just like, maybe that was just a really good lookalike.
Well, yeah, so they ended up, I mean, I missed some of the jump scare attractions that they had.My only complaint is back then that they had nine jump scares, and now they only have five.But the five are twice as long.
The first one we did was a 10-minute walkthrough.It just kept going.And at some point, I was like, are we still?When does it end?When does this end?How long are they usually?In my mind, they lasted six hours.I don't recall the actual time.
two or three minutes or something.In my brain, every one of those events took hours to get through.
No.These were so long that I actually pulled out my phone at one point and I was like, oh my God, I forgot I'm still in this stupid thing.I just forgot.Let me check my stocks real quick.It just kept going and it was all really good too.That's good.
Okay.That's a plus. I was there.It was fun.I got to look at it.There were signs everywhere about Jackie, who apparently they call Scary Mary instead of Jackie.Well, that's kind of rude.Whatever.Anyway, the Queen Mary says hi.Hello.Why do you drink?
Ahoy, I say back.Oh, I'll let her know. I drink just because of Grumpy Toad and how I'm trying to scramble together as if I have, I literally, we were at Target and I said, look, a Spidey costume.Wouldn't that be easy and fun to wear?
And she said, no, I'm Grumpy Toad.And then she looked around and said, I can't find the Grumpy Toad costumes anywhere.And I was like, oh girl.I know, that's tough.And so now I have to fucking hand make a Grumpy Toad costume.
And I'm like, how, that's my why I drink for Halloween.
It does seem like she just has to paint herself green and wear a hat and some glasses.
Yeah, I... And eat cupcakes.But you know I'm gonna have to just make it look as close as I can.Like, I'm not gonna have, I can't half-ass any... Well, that's easy, that's just a frog onesie, and you just get a hat and glasses, right?
Ah, listen, don't even worry, I've got it all figured out.I've got a whole, I've got the green body paint, I've got the glasses, I've got the felt spots, I've got the, whatchamacallit, black paint for the frown, I've got cupcakes she can hold.
I can't I'll I'll have to send her more cupcakes because if she's looking for more I gotta make sure that you better send them you can just address them to me I'll make sure they get where they need to go no they're spicy you won't like them
They're very hot, hot.I'm very excited.What are you going to be?Are you going to be anything in an accompaniment?You know, I'll be honest.
I don't know because I've been so trying to figure out this one.Well, as of this morning and then trying to figure out, um, the one for the live show also as of this morning.
And so I've kind of been like not thinking in real Halloween terms, which is a little silly because, I don't think I could very well be a crime.
If we're already explaining Grumpy Toad to all our neighbors, I don't need to be explaining Partner in Time to everybody.So I think I'm just going to probably do the classic witch and hand out candy, honestly.
Beautiful.Beautiful.I will be a witch this weekend because I'm going to a witch-themed bachelorette party.
Oh my gosh, that's so fun.I know.
So I'm very excited to have.
How cute is that?OK, well, I can't wait for photos of that also.
Anyway, well, that's actually.Thank you.That's also why I didn't have a costume for this because I was like between the live shows and I already have two costumes.I don't want to do.
Yeah.And then try adding a child who wants to be a fucking angry frog.Good for her.I know. Oh, I love it.
Do you drink water this week, Christine?
You know, I got my I got my old standby Pompelmoose Pompelmoose LaCroix.
You remember those good old days, huh?What do you have?I have my Eggle, which is an Earl Grey lavender latte, but we call it Eggle because it always says Eggle Eggle.I do like that.It says Eggle on the side.
We were going with eagle for a while, but that didn't really work.Eagle is good.Yeah.So anyway, I got my eagle.And I'm ready to tell you a story.It's a shorty, but it's good.
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This is the Cell Block nightclub.And it's called the Cell Block nightclub because it is now a nightclub, which it's named Cell Block in homage for the fact that it used to be a prison.
So in 1801... I'm going to do the Cell Block tango in the Cell Block nightclub. Honestly, if they don't every Friday night during closing time... You know they have to.Are you fucking kidding me?
The amount of requests I'm sure they get, like, for the DJ, like, you know they're like, okay, fine, we'll give in one time a week.
You know they probably have that one drunk girl every night who thinks that she has the most original fucking idea.And she's a bride, so it's like, we have to listen to her. So Black Tango would be a great play.
Yeah, I have the best idea ever.Do you remember that musical?Yeah, we remember.Yeah.
Yeah, girl.We did it five minutes ago, actually.And by the way, I eat it up every time.If I knew that they were going to play it at a certain time every week, I would be there.
We would just get a bowl of ice cream and walk in at that moment just to watch it happen and then leave.
In Virginia, there's our country radio show, or yeah, the radio station that plays country music.Every day at five o'clock, it plays the Star-Spangled Banner.
Oh, good.I was like, oh, you're probably doing something really fun.Oh, never mind.
And then it also plays, um, finally Friday, which is, and then they like, it's the finally Friday song is very fun.
I think George more clever, but like the star spangled banner, that's the honor, the, the country is not clever.
I don't get it because it's when everyone gets out of work and it's a good way to start the rest of your freedom. Jesus Christ.Okay.
Um, anyway, so, but some people tune in every, I have a friend who she would ironically tune in every day at five just to make sure that she gave it the old salute and, uh, uh, off work salute.All right.
Um, so I would do that with the cell block tango at this bar.It'd be like, if you tell me Thursday at four 30, I'll be here Thursday at four 30.
I mean, I get it.I would join you. For the hell of it.
We're traveling back to 1801 at the very start of this.And this is, I don't know if I said this already, this is in Pennsylvania.And the original prison was the Williamsport County Prison, built 1801.It had two stories to it.
It had about a dozen cells.This is, the hair is just coming out already.This is just going to be so disgusting.
Well, that's what happens when you buy a $7 wig from someone who's lying about their eye color.
It's like, trust me, as I blink at a blue, green, brown, gray eye.
Yeah, exactly.Trust me.I know how to look natural.Okay.
Sure.It's perfect for you.Okay.It's the Williamsport County Prison.Two stories, a dozen cells, which does not feel like a lot of cells to me, but I guess in 1801, there was like five people who lived there.
And, uh, the building also had housing in the front for the sheriff and his family, which, as we now know, is the standard of the time.Still so freaky to me, and when I think about it as a concept.Wait, say again.
That there's always housing in front of the prison.Oh, for living there.Yeah, yeah, yeah.It's always weird to me that they just live, like, on the other side of the wall is just, like, some inmates.
Yeah, it feels like a very old timey thing, like people would live above their businesses.But this feels like a little too far.Even the dean of a university living on campus is a little weird to me still.But this feels like you're too close to home.
What do they say?Don't shit on your food?
Oh, yeah.And I feel like this is breaking that rule.
Especially when you're a little kid, imagine you grow up and you're like, oh yeah, the inmates and I would wave through the bars.
Yeah, we were playing jacks through the barbed wire.
They taught me how to gamble in the back corner by the showers.
Yeah, they had me bring cigarettes to the corner.
Hang on, this actually sounds fun.Never mind.I like it.I like it again.
No, I imagine the stories are crazy of kids who were raised in jail or next to a jail. So, after the Civil War, Williamsport had a boom in people, and that includes ruffians and criminals.No, you don't say.
And those dozen cells I was talking about earlier, as predicted, were not enough, so they had to rebuild.Uh-oh.And while they were thinking about rebuilding, they were like, you know what?Maybe we should add that on the to-do list for next year.
Let's talk about it next quarter.I'm sure it's exactly the words I used. And conveniently, the jail actually caught on fire and it was such a bad fire that the building was severely damaged and they had to tear it down.
Well, I thought we might as well.They were like, this is a great place for another jail that we were already talking about.
So it got torn down in 1867.It was rebuilt in 1868.And because I know you eat it up, it was rebuilt for $139,440.87.And that was in 1868.Somebody took an Excel class with Allison and was like, I know it to the cent.
The Allison of Williamsport County said, the 87 cents matters.Teacher, teacher.And I obviously looked up the inflation for you and that in today's world is just over $3.2 million and 86 cents.
Okay.That's a good chunk of change.
Uh, and it could still only hold up to a hundred inmates.So, which, okay.It feels, I feel like because we live in the U S of a insert Eagle screech.
Um, I feel like not EGLE to not be confused with EGLE.
Not this, not this yummy little divine piece of glory.This one.
Um, I feel like, uh, since we just have like a large and corrupt federal system, prison system, I'm used to like only massive buildings that hold hundreds and hundreds and thousands of people.
So, uh, when they rebuilt for it to only hold a hundred people at best, I'm like, Oh, that's interesting.
They were, they were very optimistic, you know? Yeah, I was like, instead of 12 cells, is that like, what, 10 more?
So anyway, they rebuilt.That's fewer rooms than the frickin' Margaritaville that's opening up here in 2026.I think they're gonna have like 300 some rooms.
I'm happy to know Margaritaville is still thriving somewhere because ours in Fredericksburg got taken down.Or no, we had a five o'clock somewhere, I think.
Maybe they're moving it here because it's going to be the full shebang resort, four restaurants.Yeah, I'm coming opening night, I promise.Well, I know you know that I'm just booking you there now when you stay, right?
Because it's walking distance from my house.
Well, triangulate yourself more.
We've had this discussion already about the neon toucan in my window or whatever the fuck.Neon parrot.
Okay.So a hundred people can be there at best.Out of those hundred people, or I guess it was around for like over a hundred years, so certainly held more than a hundred people at some point.
Um, there were seven hangings here when there was a death row.And eventually the seven hangings, they were like, okay, we're done with hangings.And everyone did a sigh of relief because they thought that meant like no more death row.
And they were just kidding.We've actually just installed an electric chair.So then there were electric chair deaths.
Of the seven who died by hanging, six were men.One was a woman.
I will say, fun fact, one of those six men who was hanged and the woman, they were executed together because they both were incarcerated for being in love, having an affair and murdering her husband so they could be together.Holy shit.
And that woman who was hanged was the last woman to be hanged in Pennsylvania history.Really? Really?So eventually executions did stop here altogether.And then everyone did a sigh of relief because all executions are done.Nope.
I just got sent over to bigger prisons.So, uh, if you got executed, they just transferred you or if you were going to be executed.Um, and eventually it just became a smaller and smaller County jail, probably because it fucking was so small.But, uh,
I will say that's at least a change of pace for the stories I usually do, because they start as small jails and then just like turn into these mega complexes.
They like start adding and adding and adding.
Yeah.Yeah.This time around they were like, OK, let's just move people out.And I think that's because the conditions were getting so bad that they were kind of gradually pushing people out anyway.Okay.
So in 1977, the inmates actually sued the county for how bad the conditions were of this jail, which how does that even happen?
That's wild.I mean, I'm sure you have to find that feels like I'm rewatching Better Call Saul.That feels like a very Saul Goodman case to take on.
I'll defend you, you know?
Um, five years later, a new jail was built nearby.Um, so this jail that I've been talking about, um, closed in the eighties.Okay.Cause it started as that first Williamsport County one.
Then it got rebuilt after the fire to be the Lycoming County jail.And now it's closed.Um, and it is, it's been a few, uh, businesses, but none of them really like stayed very long.And then in 2001,
I wonder what business you can make out of an old jail with 100 cells, like a hotel.I feel like if you're not doing something that you lean into the architecture, it's not worth it.Like, you can't just have a boutique store.Well, you're right.
I was going to say a hotel, but then I was like, wait a minute.No, there's not even, like, probably running water.Like, there's probably not even, there's jail cells.
Yeah, if the conditions were that bad.Like, there's bars.Yeah, and you have to totally, if you're going to do things like running water and air conditioning and shit, like, you have to totally renovate the place.
So why even do it?Yeah, I wonder what business, I mean, clearly they didn't work, so.
I was thinking what would be a very interesting take on it is like a library, like a big, like a big Gothic bookshop.
Yeah, some other sort of federal building where it's like, now we just have books in here.Yeah.
I have heard of prisons becoming schools, LOL.
Oh, yeah.I have heard that as well, because the structures kind of look the same sometimes.It's like, cool.
We're just all trapped in here. All the emo kids when they're like, my life is a prison.It's like, bitch, you're in a prison.But so anyway, it became a few things.I guess none of them panned out.
But in 2001, it was sold to become the Cell Block nightclub, which I appreciate the homage to the original name or to the prison history.
I do too and I guess I had forgotten about the nightclub aspect and now I'm thinking that's actually the perfect thing to turn it into.Because you just turn the lights off, no one can see anything.
Literally you turn the lights off and you make everyone sign a waiver because if they bang their shins on all those bars, they're going to break something.
That's very true.And I guess the only running water you need is, I guess, well, there's a, I'm sure there's a kitchen in the back or something.
So maybe they had to do some sort of cleanup if they wanted to be able to cook food and serve drinks in a, in a prison, I guess.But it was nothing compared to like making it a living space, like with a bar and everything. Yeah.
Um, one of the things I found this as like an, an interesting take from one of the sources I read that the nightclub, one of the ways that they wanted to make sure that they would guarantee not failing, uh, as a business, like the, like some of the others before them had, they decided, well, instead of focusing on just one
group of people, they were going to, quote, aim for intergenerational clientele.And so by even though, yes, it's a nightclub, they wanted there to be a different type of drinking experience for every group of people.
So they have actually four bars under one roof.
Oh, okay.So you it's almost like a choose your own adventure type thing.
Yes.So they have the main nightclub.So that's usually like the younger people.Then for the older people, they have an Irish pub.Okay, which I thought was fun.
They named it McMullin's because the owner's grandmother, her last name was McMullin, or she was an Irish woman whose last name was McMullin.And she actually ran a true actual speakeasy.
And so they're like reclaiming the name of like, this is the actual bar you would have run if you didn't have to run a speakeasy.So cool.
Um, and then there is a space for live bands and live performances literally called the gallows because it's where the gallows used to be.
But also, how fucking emo punk rock is that?
I was gonna say, but how badass?Like, oh, this weekend at the Gallows.Like, headlining at the Gallows, you know?
Come to the Raceway for the Gallows performance.
And then it's 5 p.m., we got Star Spangled Banner coming in hot as we gather around the Gallows.
It really warms you up for the rest of the night, because nothing else could be as slow, you know?Oh, certainly not, no. And then the fourth one is there's a patio courtyard area and it's a tiki bar.So there's a little bit of everything for everyone.
What town is this again?I'm sorry.Pennsylvania.Lycoming, Pennsylvania.Okay.And so yes, there's got a nightclub, Irish pub, tiki bar and a live band.Which one would you pick? I love that question.It's like, which Sex and the City character are you?
Yeah, it's like, choose your- Oh, by the way, I got labeled as fucking- They did a poll for the BGTC Annie listeners, and by a landslide, guess who I got?
Hmm.What's the other one?Not Samantha.No.
I mean, one of the other two that I feel really bad for you for.
Which one?Because I remember.
Oh, I originally guessed Charlotte.And you said no.
Yeah, that's what everyone said.So I don't get it.I don't know who she is.I just thought she was like the really like,
She's the one with a lot of anxiety.I mean, they all kind of have anxiety.
Okay.All right.Okay.So yeah, you did mention that.That does fit.I thought it was just like, she's just like the very anti-gay one or something.And I was like, I don't want to be that one.
She's, I mean, she's just, um, she's the irony, which I told you last time we said this in Patreon, but I will say, um, I socially, I think you're a Charlotte.
I don't, I don't maybe agree with that in all realms of your life, but I don't know what that means.
Well, Charlotte is like the prude of the group.Yeah.
That's why I was annoyed.I think cause I'm like, I mean,
I don't know, maybe I'm not sure.Yeah, you're no Charlotte 100% of the time.Okay, got it, got it, got it.
Okay, I'm glad you can confirm that, because maybe I was worried I was having an identity crisis and I was like a huge prude and I just didn't know.
Did you like go to Blaze and you're like, am I a Charlotte?
Yes, I was like, help me.And then he was like, why are you wearing that fuzzy bucket hat and those weird glasses, you freak?
You said, because I'm about to investigate something.
And I said, that's all I needed to know. And then I said, take a look at my contacts.I have purple eyes.
There's something wily to me, don't you think?
That's like me trying to like overcompensate for being called a Charlotte.I'm like, no, look how crazy I am.
No, I'm a partner in crime.I'm a time travel partner in crime. Inspector Gadget, very much.As a third party who knows you, you are not a Charlotte all the time.I do think in social spaces, you have the initial freak outs that she does.
Okay, okay.That helps so much.Thank you.Because all of a sudden, I just saw everyone going, oh, she's obviously a Charlotte.There's no question.And I was like, what does it mean?What does it mean?So thank you.That clears it up for me.
Because yes, I'm highly anxious in most scenarios.So yes, that's
You also need a lot of explanation for a lot of things that other people don't.And I, and Charlotte does that too, where she's like, explain, I don't understand.I don't understand.And I feel like I'm just stupid.That's stupid.
I think I have a complex about being considered stupid.So I was going to put you on the spot and be like, Oh, so you think I'm stupid?
And I went, no, that's not what I meant. And I don't think Charlotte was stupid.She was actually known to be like, I think she was an Ivy leaguer.It's just like, she was just, like, she's like also from like a rich family.
And I think because she's so like prim and proper, the wiles of the sex world scare her.Because she's like, she's very conservative.She's the most conservative of the group.
I know, that's what makes me annoyed. I mean, listen, the people have spoken, okay?I'm not gonna be like, I'm fighting back.If that's what I am, that's what I am.I don't, maybe I just have to watch the show and figure it out.
She's, no, she just gets, she just doesn't understand things she hasn't experienced and they, I think they wrote her that way though, so that way they have to explain to the audience.I think she's the audience's confusion of things.Great.
Listen, it's not your fault.Apparently, this is how I live my life.
I mean, you are wearing a pearl necklace, which is like one of her staples.
Yeah, which is also giving me hives, and I've also saved the return sticker so I can bring it back to Target.So I don't think that that's a very Charlotte move.She probably has a real one.
Certainly not.She would never go to a Target.I can't be trusted with real jewelry. Well, sorry, to answer your question on which of the four bars I would be, I like to think if someone's... I think my identity is...
My identity, I feel like people would assume I'm more nightclub energy.I don't know.What energy do you think I am?Do you think I'm nightclub?
So there's an Irish pub, live music, nightclub, and a tiki bar?Yeah.I would guess tiki bar for you, but that's also because I feel like you've been to a lot recently and there've been a few opening near you.So it might just be like,
They are surrounding me, I'm not surrounding them.I think it's more of a proximity effect.And then you told me you like coconut and pineapple recently, so that kind of played into it.But I think energy-wise, you strike me as nightclub energy.
I think everyone would say, I think a lot of people would say that, but I aspire to have Irish pub energy, but not in like a, I want to get fucked up Irish guy, more like I sit in the corner of an Irish pub and eat my shepherd's pie and everyone leaves me alone.
Right.And you're like in the, in the aesthetic of the Irish pub.Yeah, I guess.
Like, like, like, have you been to Lafitte's pub?
Like that kind of, yeah.An old ass haunted Irish pub.That's where I want to be too.
Yes.I think I would be there with you. Thank you, but I do think you give gallows energy.
You're like if Charlotte took a bunch of drugs and went to the gallows, like that would be quite an episode.I mean, listen, say no more.Here I come.I mean, but I also think that's because I associate you with live shows.
Oh, that makes sense.And I do go to a lot of live, like concerts.So maybe, maybe I think I would probably go to the outdoor thing.And then I'd be like, I'm hot and tired.I want to go sit inside with Em and eat a shepherd's pie.
Yeah.Okay, good to know.In the bedroom, which are you?
In bed.No, let's just add eat a shepherd's pie in bed, like you do with a fortune cookie.
Yeah, no, I want to eat a lot of pineapple and coconut in bed.Oh, we could just add in the gallows.That's a fun twist.In the gallows.Now that's something else.
In the gallows.I'm watching a live band in the gallows.Please take my hand in the gallows.But it's really hot out here in the gallows.I want to go eat a shepherd's pie. Thank you, thank you, thank you.This has been Live at the Gallows.
Now, everybody, take off your hats and salute, put your hands on your hearts.Let's sing to, oh, let's release the eagles.Okay, we're starting the Star Spangled Banner.
I'm just going to pick one. Um, I didn't know that.That was perfectly timed.I've never played that one in my entire life.That one never stops.It goes on forever.So I'm super glad.I wish I did that during your whole song set you just did.
That would have been useful.Probably.Okay. As some of you might know, my mom is in finance, and ever since I was way too young to understand investing, I was being told that I need to invest my money.
I didn't even have money, and she was telling me to invest my money.
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Anyway, so those are the four.And of course, this place is haunted.So of the ghosts here, the most common character we hear about is a former inmate named William Hummel.
Apparently, there's other ghosts here, like the woman who was, well, they assume it's the woman who was hanged here.They hear her crying and screaming sometimes, casual stuff.But the main ghost is definitely William.So here's the story of William.
He was born in 1848. uh he never learned to read or write which does come up later.
I love that that's the first fucking thing in his bio.
He was born in the 1840s and he's an illiterate dummy.
He can't read a fucking book so let's let's talk about it.
So he never learns to read or write um I don't know how common that was in 1840s.
I imagine that's probably a norm like a relatively normal it's not like probably a shocking thing to anybody.
Yeah it was certainly not It was probably less surprising than it is today, I'm going to assume.At 15, he fought in the Civil War.That's also less shocking back then.At 15, he fought in the Civil War.I don't know what side he was on.I don't know.
It was Pennsylvania.The end.He ended up coming back.He settled in Montgomery, which is Pennsylvania. Apparently the area at the time is so badass, I don't know why they changed it to Montgomery.It was called Black Hole Valley.Are you kidding me?
Are you fucking kidding me?
That sounds like the basement of the nightclub.That sounds like another room, like Choice 5, that's off-menu.I'm in the Black Hole Valley in the gallows.BHV, that sounds like a disease, so maybe not.If you say it all at once, it sounds cool.
So, uh, he was married four times.Um, and the first one, so the first three, they say like, oh, they just, it just didn't work out and he dumped them or something. but one source did say the first one disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
So that, Oh, I don't know what that, I, I don't know what it means, but one of them may be disappeared under mysterious circumstances.The other two, they just broke it off.It sounds like that was his doing not theirs.I'm not totally sure.
Um, and then the last one, his fourth wife was a young widow with three kids and they got married.And a week later, he literally ax murders them.
what the fuck a weekend and uh the neighbors only i mean they only realized this because the neighbors realized that she hasn't been around for a while which like a while a week like i like how they were like it's been seven days since she's moved here and i haven't seen her
But again, it was a small town and everyone was probably nosy because there was nothing else to do in the town before Wi-Fi.And they were like, uh, I haven't seen her walk past my window in seven days.Let's organize a search party.And they did.
Yeah, I was really like, I was like, Betty and I were marking, like, what different colored stockings she was wearing because we wanted to gossip about it at tea.Is she a harlot?Like, what's the vibe?I mean, she's certainly a harlot.
I think we can all agree.
And so, well, so they organized a search party.I'm a Charlotte.She's a harlot.Sorry. That's beautiful.I don't know.You know what?The writers of Sex and City are kicking and screaming that they never wrote an episode called Charlotte the Harlot.
And it's just at the end you find out it was all a dream.
And she woke up in her country club with her pearl necklace and all of her money was there.She woke up on her fainting couch and was like, oh my, that was close.That was fun.And so, uh, that was beautiful.Charlotte the Harlot.Thank you so much.
They organized a search party.It does work out that they were so nosy because they were like, where the fuck is this girl?And also maybe they were like, she had like three kids.Maybe they were like, Oh God, we haven't heard them recently.Right.
And I'm not giving, I feel like I'm not giving them enough credit.I'm sure they were concerned about this woman, not just looking for the colors of her stockings.But yes, I, uh, I would, I would worry if I were them.
um well they end up doing a search party i guess they didn't have to look that far because it seems like they were just on like the next door neighbor's property um but they found her and the two of her three the two older kids bodies under a under a haystack on the nearby farm jesus they're always doing it under a haystack
Which is like the worst material to hide a body because the hay is going to wilt so quickly.
And the bugs can still get in.
And the moisture, like it's just going to bleed through.I mean literally bleed through.You're going to notice.
I guess you use hay like straw for drying stuff out.So maybe it's like... I don't know.I mean, I don't know.What the fuck do I know?Look at me. Do I look like I know anything about fucking straw and hay?
Partner in crime, partner in time, crime traveler.So they end up finding them.
Maybe like, honestly, like when he killed them, he was like, no one's going to suspect that they're gone for a long time and that'll give me time to dry them out in the hay and then move them.
But his neighbors were like, it's been seven days and we're going to find her body. They find her and her two oldest kids.Hummel is immediately arrested.
And while locked up, he tells the sheriff named Sheriff Gamble, um, they, he says, do you believe in ghosts?And he was like, uh, I guess, first of all, why are they talking to each other?Why are they just making small talk?I don't understand.
But he was like, Oh, do you believe in ghosts?And the sheriff goes, uh, yeah, maybe.And then William Hummel goes, Oh, good.Because, um, my wife's spirit came to me last night and she wants to, um,
She wants me to write a letter for her, but also I can't write, so I need you to just write what I say down, and you would be writing her testimony in favor of me when the trial happens.
Okay, okay.So he's saying, oh, she wants to drop all the charges.
Yes, exactly.Okay.So she actually, I'm innocent.And she wants to be, um, she wants to, to confirm that for you.Right.
And here's her manifesto.Write it down, please.
Yeah.Also, I can't write down my own fucking manifesto where I'm lying on behalf of my dead wife.
Right.And she can't write it.Cause you know, I ax murdered her.So, uh, why don't you write it instead?Cause you have nothing better to do share.
So he starts talking. just saying what apparently his ghost wife told him when she came to visit his cell that night.And this later became known in court as the spirit letter.
And so Hummel dictates the spirit letter, and Sheriff Gamble writes it down, which I feel like he only wrote it down so he could take it to the bar the next day and go, this is the dumbest thing that's happened to me at work.
Certainly the gallows.OK, there's no doubt, right?Right.Unless it was like the corner of the pub, the Irish pub.
And they were like, actually, this feels like an Irish pub.I feel like like a police bar in an Irish pub or.Yeah, like in the corner.In a Venn diagram to get there.Yeah.They get their usual spot and all that.
Um, okay, so it's basically a testimony from his wife's ghost claiming his innocence.The spirit claims that her husband absolutely was not involved in the murder.
It was actually a man named Harry Smith, and he was from a neighboring town and he killed the family for $200.
And, uh, the, and then Hummel was saying, Oh, and my, my wife also told me, um, that Harry killed them with an ax that he bought on November 18th, but they were murdered on November 16th.So he got his own day.He murdered his family wrong.Yeah.
Okay.And also just the thought like, Oh, now that she's in the afterlife, she knows where and when he made this purchase with his debit card.Like why would that even be relevant to her in the afterlife after being killed?But whatever.
Like, it was one of those things where he was clearly... He went to the Menards on Culver Boulevard.
Like, what are you talking about?
He went to Food Lion, he went into the back, he talked to Jerry and Butchers, and he... Like, it's that thing where, like, when you're lying, you have way too much information.
Too specific.Yes.Precisely.Like, you're trying so hard to prove that... You're like, oh, I can keep saying things.
Yeah.And so he ended up saying that she knows everything about him, including the fact that he bought the weapon two days after I was already dead.Right.Good job.
Then, at some point, I think he got his own wires crossed, and now he was talking as if the spirit speaking to him was Harry, and not his actual wife.
So now he's speaking like... Oh, so Harry's also there?
Okay.So it's so confusing because Harry, who didn't, but allegedly killed the family, who's alive, why is his spirit now also... Okay, I was gonna say he's not dead, right?Okay.No, he's just... I don't even know if he's a real fucking person.
Right, we don't even... With a name like Harry Smith.Yeah.But he just starts speaking as if he is... Honestly, he's fucking the killer.It's almost like he forgot that he was playing a character of his wife and he just started confessing.
It's almost like he started confessing and then he's like, oh, that wasn't me confessing anything that I did.That was me confessing on behalf of the killer who is alive and also actually doesn't maybe exist.Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, no, I mean, it is, but, like, I get it, but, like, in real life, I'm like, you're an idiot.Not to you, this guy, but yes.
This is a quote he literally said, and then I'm sure the cop was like, are you confessing to this fucking murder?No, no, no, this is a whole other ghost that actually also visited me.And he's alive, and he's very much real.
Yeah, and he got the weapon two days ago.From Menards, yeah, we know.This is a quote from him speaking on behalf of somebody, allegedly. Okay.I liked the baby, but was afraid that people might hear her cry while I was driving away.
So I knocked it in the head and killed it and took it and buried it.What the fuck?And then he went, Oh, that wasn't me, by the way.That was not my wife also, but a different ghost who's not a ghost.
And he liked the baby.Come on.
That's so twisted.He was like, I didn't want to kill the baby, but I was afraid she'd cry while I was murdering.So then I had to kill her.It's not my fault that I had to kill her.Also, I didn't kill her.Like this guy's... But I'm Harry, remember?
Right.So then nine days later, after this whole spirit letter was dictated for her or translated, transcribed for him, William Hummel then goes to the sheriff again and says, I actually need you to add more information to the letter.
And Gamble's like, by all means, like the guys at the bar had a great time last time.Let's see where this takes us.Yeah, we'll add your amendments.Go ahead.
And he said, well, um, the spirit actually knows where the, the baby's body is hidden because he only found my wife and two step kids.
So he's like, how do I get them to find the other body?Oh, I know the ghost of Harry will tell them through me. Oh, he's so dumb.
He said with this newfound Intel, uh, it would clear him since, uh, knowing the location of a body is something only the actual killer would know.And it's like, yeah, bro, you know, cause you are the actual killer.What in the fuck?
But he was like, Oh, if I tell you and it's on behalf of somebody else, then I'll obviously be innocent.Yes.But like, why would I know it? Yes.Well, because someone just told me it's not my fault.And again, about information being very specific.
This is what he said.You tell me if this is like not obviously someone who knows the exact location of a body.
Yeah, I wonder I wonder what I'll think.But go ahead and tell me.
You will find the body in the humbles barn six feet from the southeast door one foot behind the horse and one and a half from the south wall buried with its face down covered over with flat stones taken from the wall. God damn.
God damn, but also isn't that like, that's not a guess.
That's a full knowledgeable admission.
If you were getting that information via Ouija board, that would take 15 minutes to type out, to write out.What do you mean a ghost told you that?
And if you miss one letter, you gotta start all over again.
Oh my gosh, you gotta figure out where the spaces are.That's insane, I'm sorry.
And then they put the baby face down and specified that, yikes. So then the sheriff went to that location, found the baby's body in exactly that spot.And then he went back to the jail and was like, we found the body.
And then William Hummel was like, yay, the spirit was right.I can't believe it.I'm a real psychic medium.I'm a psychic medium.So now I already have job security when I get out of here.And also I'm getting out of here.Yay.
And also I'm growing spiritually like you would not believe.Oh my God.This fucking guy.
And so, uh, oh, sorry, William, you read the room wrong.He was immediately pronounced guilty after like two minutes or something from the jury.And then he was also ultimately hanged.His last meal, fun fact, was steak and eggs with toast and coffee.
OK, at least that's normal.Like, I feel like half the time we talk about a last meal, it's like a bite of an upside down apple.Literally, it's like it's it's a mini muffin from the prison cafeteria.Like, really?
Yeah.Can't we be a little more creative? Um, after he was hanged, he was buried in the cornfield that belonged to the neighbor.This is like such a weird, I don't, the neighbor approved of this by the way.
That would be wild if they didn't, but go ahead.
Oh right, yeah.But he was buried in the cornfield that belonged to his neighbor, but this is the same neighbor whose haystacks he buried his family under. Like when William killed these people and then hid them under haystacks.
He buried them on the neighbor's property.
Yeah.So the neighbor found out, oh, you buried your family under my haystacks and now you're dead?
So let's just add you to the pile?
I wonder if he thought it was some sort of poetic justice of like, oh, you thought the family would never be found, but they were and now your body's stuck here.
That's all I can think of.That's super weird.I wonder why.Yeah, that's very strange.
So immediately after he was buried, though, people started hearing voices and footsteps back at the jail that he was incarcerated in.
To a point, I mean, like, the voices and footsteps were so fucking loud and all the time that people were not even rumoring anymore.They were like, what if he's, like, not dead?Like, what if he's actually in his cell?
People were freaking out that, like, it was so...
Were there people in his cell also?
No.Oh, it was empty.They were just like, something's going on over there.That's like, he's obviously over there, even though everyone, hundreds of people watched him die.
Well, and I'll be honest too, like, I feel like in that situation, you as a person who lives in this prison would know the sound of mice.You would know the sound of people fucking with you or scratching or snoring or whatever.
So like, if you're like, no, I swear to God, I hear that guy that was used to be there.
Like I would believe you. not only were the inmates freaked out, but the people like the correctional officers were freaked out.Yikes.And like, even though they couldn't see him, they were like, I fucking hear something so clear.
And it it started like getting around town and it got so many people freaked out that they literally like.
what's the right word not they after they dug him out they interred wait oh and wait they dug him up oh they uh exhumed the body exhumed exhumed they literally exhumed his body just to make sure his body was underground because the sounds were so scary what and then he went he walked right back into his prison cell he's like i'm out so i know what to do i'll go back to jail
No, he I mean, it was apparently like, there's actually a there was a newspaper article that was saying like, by candlelight or by lantern, they'd like it was literally kind of a horror movie.
And they're like, we re dug his body 30 or 40 people literally looked at his dead body and all confirmed with each other like, Yes, do you see the dead body?I see the dead body.And then they just put him back in the ground.Jesus.
But there were sounds that crazy for a long time in the jail. Of course, that section of the prison is now the gallows, which is why it's called the gallows.And it's where the stage is in the nightclub.Of course.Or in the live show.
It's the stage where the live bands perform.Okay. Now, as a club, people still report hearing voices and footsteps here.People also hear whistling from the basement, which is where Death Row was.Oh, cute.
That's a good combo.Whistling from Death Row.
Whistling from Death Row at 3 a.m.And when people go down there, they feel an evil, dark presence.The staff often refuse to go down there by themselves, and the public is not allowed, and paranormal investigators aren't allowed down there either.
Um, people also see black mists downstairs.Shadow figures are around the corners and kids say that they see a man there that nobody else can see.Uh, apparently one little boy specifically, there was like, you can rent out rooms for events.
And he was like, seen in the corner laughing and playing with someone and no one was there.And he was like, Oh, I was playing with the man. Of course, it's a man, not like the little boy.Nope.A full grown man.
People feel cold spots, something touching them.People hear, like I said, a crying and screaming from a woman.And they think that's the last woman hanged in Pennsylvania.Sometimes people see items moving on their own.
People hear conversations between several people and nobody's there.So they just hear a whole conversation happening.
Apparently, glasses in the bar are found smashed on the ground, and the manager previously has looked through security cam footage to see what happened, and they will fly themselves off the counter and smash onto the ground.
That's like what you see on Paranormal Caught on Camera, one of my fave late night, just to have it in the background shows.And I feel like that's the exact type of footage, like a bar in Pennsylvania, and you see the glasses flying off.
It's a classic.So scary.Yeah.The thing that is the scariest to me, this is the last one I end on, is that the bar stools will all fall to the floor on their own.
And there was one time where like, I guess it was closing time and they were putting the bar stools up on the counters and every single bar stool fell off at the same time. Like, flew off the counter by itself.Off of a 30-yard bar.
Yeah, I wonder what that is then.So a 90-foot bar.Like a wave of them?Or was it like they literally all just scooched out?
I think they all, like, scooched violently.Or tipped violently.Whatever it is, I'm so glad I was never fucking there for it.
Yeah.That sounds like a mess.
I would have assumed it was an earthquake.I would have been like, obviously the building just fucking shut.I would have assumed I put the barstools up wrong.Incorrectly.
I've been like, uh, don't worry.
I got it handled.Yeah.Um, anyway, at the cell block nightclub, uh, they say that paranormal investigators never leave empty handed.I don't know about that.That's the cell block nightclub.
That was good.I don't know if I would want to leave handed with anything.
I don't know if I would want to enter.
Uh, good point.Valid point.Um, I imagine that if we're ever in that area, you won't have the choice.Yeah.Cause I will make you go with me.Cell block nightclub.I want to see where this place, this light, what's it called?
Lie something like like homing, like homing, like homing.Okay.I'm going to find out how far this is.This is officially Only seven and a half hours from me.So a day trip?Easy peasy, yeah.You'll be there by nightfall.Yeah, I'll be there by nightfall.
I'll be at the gallows by nightfall, you know?Perfect.Wow, good story, Em.That was very Halloween-y.
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Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash get50.Ends November 24th, 2024. I'm worried.Why?
Because I did these notes over the, I did them over the last couple of days and I feel like I know the story really well, but it's been forever since I've like written out my own notes from like scratch completely.
And I'm just, I keep worrying I'm going to like forget something important.Um, but I think I'm good to go.I think I'm good to go.Uh,
I'm excited because when I realized we were doing the Halloween episode today, I was like, oh, I'm going to put my part two.Remember how I had a part one?Yes.Last time.So this is the first time we're skipping part two.
I'm so sorry, but I wanted a Halloween story for the Halloween episode.Right.
OK, great.I know.But I just like I was like, well, that stinks if you're like, I just want to listen to the Halloween episode and then you can't listen to
the crime story because like you haven't heard right I gotcha so anyway uh so I do apologize everyone but that we will get to part two next week I promise I didn't forget even though I can understand why you might think that um I'm also taking off my disguise because it's starting to get really hot and I also feel weird telling a murder story in that outfit okay well I'm still going to keep my wig on but I do want to adjust it because if I'm going to wear it it should
It should look beautiful and it's very easily obviously slipping off of my head.By all means.Listen to some music while I do this.
in the gallows oh in the gallows we're in the gallows we're in the gallows it's all hallows eve in the gallows it's all hallows eve in the gallows oh yeah let's rock it out rock it out rock it out Oh yeah, let's rock it out, rock it out.
We're in the gallows, we're in the gallows, on the gallows.Eve, Eve, here we go.
Please turn it off, I can't stand it.Thank you.We're done.Thank Christ. I realized that gallows and hallows rhymed, so I had a little thing going there.
Oh, gallows and hallows from Charlotte the harlot.Now you really look like father time.I know.I have to, I'm definitely have to figure this out before our show.
We're going to have to put some, I don't know, man.I mean, it's going to be weird seeing you as a, a flamboyantly dressed woman in a few days.I can't really wrap my head around it, but.
That was supposed to be the surprise.
I mean, trust me, no matter what, you could prep me every day until then, and it'll still be a surprise.
Okay, well, I feel very va-va-voom all of a sudden.Okay, excellent.Right in time for a horrible, horrible story, but if anyone gets a little too bummed out, just look at my face, and you certainly won't feel, well, maybe you'll feel disgusted.
I'll at least be, I won't be disgusted.Nothing you could do would ever disgust me, Em.That is not a challenge, by the way. Are you ready for the story of the trick-or-treat murder from 1957?I sure am.All right, so it's Halloween night, 1957.
Peter Fabiano, a well-known hairdresser in the San Fernando Valley, was home with his wife Betty Fabiano after a long night of handing out candy to innocent little trick-or-treaters. They head to bed.
What time do you, what time in your mind does trick-or-treating end?By the way, can I go get a glass of wine?Yes.
Okay.Wow.We're both having so much fun today.You have wine.I let my hair down.I think it's in the back of my throat.Gross.Okay.
I can't hear you.One moment.Okay.
Let's get back to, well, I was going to play the music and sing along, but I actually can't hear the sound, the songs that play on my soundboard.So I don't know how the music sounds.So let's play the music and I'll make a sound here.
I can't hear the beat.You don't even hear it.I was just guessing.Was I on time?Was I on beat?
What was that? Okay.That's okay.He's coming out.So let's move on.
Um, anyway, what time would you say is like, okay, like say now that you're a homeowner, um, when, when would you say is the time to be like, okay, closing off the porch light, bring the cauldron in, like shutting the shutters.We're done.
So interesting because, um, I, We've talked about this.I think we talked about this for our last Halloween episode, maybe.
But when I went trick-or-treating, I always went out, like, weirdly early, or, um... I don't know what the right time is, so I guess I expect trick-or-treaters around... to start around five, or whenever the sun sets.
I'll say that, whenever the sun sets.And I would think it ends... I would be surprised after ten at the latest, but maybe nine, it starts dying down.Mm-hmm.That's kind of what I think.I feel like different neighborhoods have different times.
By 11 o'clock, if someone's knocking on my door, it's a robber again.Excellent.
Because the occurrence of this crime is 1130 PM.Okay.And that definitely comes into play because it is, uh, I listened to, um, actually I watched it on YouTube, which was delightful.
Um, I never really watched podcasts on YouTube, so it was kind of fun, but I watched murder with my husband and she, it was one of the only podcasts that I've covered this.
And she kept saying, like, they stole this holiday to commit this, like, they took advantage of this holiday by saying, like, oh, they'll open the door, you know, because they think it's trick-or-treaters.
And it's so true, like, it feels like a cheat code, you know?It is, it's, yeah, I totally get what you mean.That's not, it feels like, that's not, that's, you know, that's not how it works.You can't sully the good name of Halloween
By ringing the doorbell and knowing they'll answer the door just so you can.So it was 11.30 p.m.and they were in bed already.Like you said, it's way past trick-or-treating hour.There'd been nobody there for a long time.And then the doorbell rang.
So my next question, which I think I now know the answer to, is would you answer?
Yeah.Thank God for like ring doorbells and shit like that.I know, nowadays, yeah, nowadays you can definitely check. But here's what I'll say.Even if they did have a peephole, he most likely would have opened the door because Peter goes downstairs.
He's annoyed.He's like, God, like he's got damn kids.He sees kids are just up.Like, come on, seriously.Like it's way too late.Can't they see the lights are all off.And he sees someone in a Halloween mask.And so he thinks, okay, well, fine.
I'll give him the rest of our candy.Literally the strangers. Isn't it?Isn't it?
So he opens the door and from upstairs, I kind of like thinking about it from Betty's perspective because she's in bed and she just hears, first of all, I would be like, please don't go answer the damn door.
But, um, yeah, like they can go to the next house if they want candy.
If they want candy.Um, but blaze has been in that scenario where he's like, Oh, I'll just go check.And I'm like, don't you even begin to think about it, my friend? like when we were staying at some motel and he kept wanting to open the door.
And I was like, are you out of your mind?Like we don't know who's out there.
That's male privilege.It is.It is.It's truly just like you clearly have never been in this situation enough times to just fucking pretend you're not here.
And then he had the audacity to say, well, Gio's here.And I thought, yeah.
Oh, okay.I'm so glad he's there to sleep while you die.The fucking biggest liability of all is here.Oh, Gio's here.Please.You know what?You know who would be better here?Anyone else.Someone, uh, uh,
I mean, he could have at least said, because this was during our cross-country move, he could have at least said, Juniper's here, because Juniper probably would claw the shit out of somebody who came toward him, but not on our behalf, right?
Like, neither of these animals would ever defend us.So, in any case, I would not be letting Blaze open that damn door, but... He's like, OK, it's Halloween, like I'll go check.
He sees someone in a costume holding a bag like the kind that trick or treaters had back then.They had these like paper bags.And from bed upstairs, Betty hears her husband say, it's kind of late for that, don't you think?But he goes to get the candy.
And then all of a sudden, Betty hears a loud bang, a shout and a car drive off.Oh, shit.So Betty rushes downstairs. to see her husband laying on the ground.He had been shot with a revolver and it was too late.
He had died or he was at least, um, you know, actively dying, actively dying.I don't know the best way to say it, but he essentially died on his way to the hospital.So he would, it was too late.Let's just say it was too late to save him.
Right, right, right, right.Oh man. So, of course, this seemingly random shooting, like, shocked the neighborhood.
I mean, you imagine, like, a residential community being like, oh, on Halloween, some trick-or-treater just shot somebody in their doorway as they were handing candy out, you know?
Well, especially because you, I assume, at least, like, you're killing someone with an intent.Like, there's, like, are you gonna break in and, like, steal something now?
Right, it just seems so random, because it's like, oh, it's not a burglary.
Just like a shoot-and-dash, yeah.
Right, right, right. And so in the following days, of course, police are trying to get to the bottom of this.
They decide to delve into the life of Peter Fabiano and Betty, and they discovered pretty quickly that the couple had actually recently reconciled after a separation. And now keep, yeah, keep in mind also that this is the fifties.
So, you know, separations in a marriage are not as maybe socially acceptable as they are now.Um, it's probably a bigger deal then than it might be today.
Um, but as they start digging into the separation, they realized that Betty had actually left her husband for a while and moved out another man for another woman.
Oh, another woman.Okay, I see.Okay, now it's okay.I see.Sorry, I've got this stuff going on in my face.Okay, so do we know for sure that the person who shot him was a man?
We don't know anything about the shooter yet.
We just saw a face.I don't know if anyone witnessed it.You know what I mean?
We just saw a face behind a Halloween mask holding a paper bag.So there is no clue yet who this could be.
So Betty had developed this close, somewhat mysterious relationship with a woman named Joan Rebell, who was actually a former employee at one of Peter's, her husband's, salons.
So remember how I said he's a well-known hairdresser, he owns these salons?Yes.And one of his employees, or at least former employees, he had a terrible relationship with.He hated her, she hated him.They had a very contentious relationship.
Guess what?Because they were in a love triangle with Betty. That makes so much sense all of a sudden.So does.And so they're digging into this and they're like, uh-oh, trouble in paradise.
So was, sorry, also I just have, this is not totally necessary, but her last name Rebelle, is it spelled like rebel?
So it's spelled R-A-B-E-L and I've heard it pronounced Rebelle a few times and I think that's cooler than like Rabel and it might be Rabel, but.Could be Rabel like a rabble rouser.It could be Rabel also.
But I think I'm just going to say rebel because that's just sounds cooler, but it might.It probably is rebel, but I don't know.I don't know. Whatever.
So they had developed this relationship and they of course immediately turned to Joan, the police do.They're like, Joan, where were you on Halloween night?And she swears up and down.She did not leave her home one single time.
She says, Hey, go ahead and ask all the neighbors.My car was in the driveway all night.And they're like, okay, girl, you got feet.Okay.First of all, that second of all, thou doth protest too much.She's like, no, ask the neighbors.
And they're like, okay.And she's like, please just go ask them, but actually don't like go check with them real quick.So of course all the neighbors say, yeah, her car was there all night.
And in my head, I'm thinking, why is she so insistent about that?It's weird. It's weird to me to be like, go ask the neighbors where my car was.I, okay.
If you were innocent, it's just a weird thing to me.I would, I would, if I were questioned for something like that, I would say, no, it wasn't me.Uh, ask these people I was with, but I would never have even said ask anyone.
I just would've been like, I was at home.And then if they're like, who can vouch for you?I might say, I don't know.I was texting somebody, but it feels weird to be like, ask all my neighbors,
I mean, I don't even, I wouldn't even like mention my car.
I would just be, it wouldn't even occur to me to mention.Exactly.And that's exactly what ends up happening is like, she's trying to like, you know, uh, control the narrative as you say.Um, but so she's like, ask all the neighbors, they'll tell you.
And so she was right.All the neighbors said, yeah, the car was in the driveway and they thought maybe they had hit a dead end.That is until they asked one of her neighbors, the last one,
They said, hey, we're just confirming everyone saw Joan's car in the driveway.We're just confirming.Did you also see it?Did you see it there all night?Or did you see a leave?And the woman said, no, her car was there all night.
Which I thought was odd because she actually asked to borrow my car that day.
Oh, well, ding, ding, ding.
I know, so it's like, hmm, interesting.
Sometimes I wonder how you and I would respond if we were actually interrogation officers.Me too.Because if I heard something like that, the way you and I would gay gasp and hold each other, you'd do your Christine Claw on the elbow, you'd go...
Oh my god, that's a clue!Oh my god, write that down, write that down!Eva!I would not be able to, like, Mariska Smooth.Oh, no, no.I wouldn't be able to just go, mm-hmm, interesting.
You and I would just have, like, a giggle fit, and it would be so inappropriate.
Literally be clapping and jumping, going, we're so good at our job!Yay!
Oh my god, we're gonna get a gold star for this one.
I'd be like, wow, everyone's gonna be so proud.No one saw this coming.No one saw us actually solving this case.
Can you imagine?What a plot twist in the story of our lives. Like, can you please leave my living room?This is really inappropriate.Um, okay.
So all the neighbors are like, yeah, but then this one neighbor says, well, she put, she borrowed my car and this is my favorite part about this neighbor.Not only does she say, Joan borrowed my car.She also says she put 37 miles on it.
Now that's Allison with her goddamn Excel sheet.
That's my stepdad with his obsession with like using energy efficiency to save the planet.
I've never, that's, that's the girl you want in your corner to solve a crime.Someone who notices every goddamn thing.
The one time in my life, I was in college even, but I snuck out by claiming I was staying at my mom and stepdad's house and it was just me and my stepdad and I wanted to go see my boyfriend.
So I lied and I said I was going to go to like a friend's house.And he's like, what friend?But I needed to borrow his car.And it was like late.So I was like, oh, OK, I'm just going to borrow your car.That motherfucker knew already.
the fucking mileage.And so when I got home, he's like, drove a little further than your friend's house.Huh?
You know, that's actually such a genius move as a parent though.
I know, but I was so pissed.I was like, I've never snuck out.I'm also, I'm an adult.I'm not even supposed to be sneaking out.
Yeah, no, that's crazy.But I will say as if I were a teenager and got busted that way, I would have to go like, damn, you got me.Like I don't, there's no,
But that's when I realized maybe I am a fucking Charlotte, because I'm sneaking out of the house at 21 years old.Get a grip, Christine.
Come on.That is certainly of the four of them, that is a Charlotte move.
That's really embarrassing.
Anyway.The neighbor knows that this woman, Joan, borrowed the car, and either she's just very finicky or that's just a thing you did back then.But she knows there were about 37 miles put on this car.
So police, of course, do the map of, you know, from Jones house to the Fabiana's house.And wouldn't you know it?It's about 16, 18 miles, depending on the route.One way you double that.Guess what?You're just about 37.
So they're like, we fucking got her.She definitely was the one who drove there in the car.So they're trying to figure out how on earth they're going to pin this on her because she's still claiming she never left the house.
Maybe she should tell a ghost to write her testimony for her.
Hey, that worked out so well last time that maybe she should get a clue from that guy, from Harry's spokesperson, Harry's mouthpiece.What's that guy's name again?William Hummel.William.
So as they're trying to kind of sort this out and figure out how they're going to nail her for this, they receive, police receive, an anonymous tip phoned in about where the gun is.Somebody calls in.I still don't know.
I still, I'm so curious who this is, but somebody calls in and says, hey, there's this department store downtown and they have these like pay storage lockers where you can keep stuff.That's where you'll find the murder weapon.And then they hung up.
So it was really just like a payphone call.Just a complete random, yes, out of the blue anonymous call, as far as I can tell, because they haven't announced any other information.
So police are like, OK, that seems doubtful that we'd go to a Kohl's and find a pay locker and find it in there.But whatever, I guess we'll check it out.And lo and behold, they open this locker and find a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver.
And because they have the bullet that had killed Peter, they think, well, now let's match it.And sure enough, it matches the bullet that killed Peter.And they decided to trace the serial number back.And they're thinking, OK, Joan, here we come.
And they trace it back to Joan.No, they trace it back to another woman, 42-year-old hospital clerk.Now, get this, Goldeen Pizer. Okay.Goldeen.I just need to talk about that for a moment.
So Goldeen is the name of a Pokémon, I think.I do know that.
I will say it's spelled G-O-L-D-Y-N-E.Okay.That doesn't... I love it.I think it's hilariously adorable.I'm going to show you a picture of Goldeen, actually, because I feel like you need to see her to get the vibe.
Because remember, this is the 50s, so like... I will say, I can already tell Goldeen makes a great cobbler.
Oh, and one of those jello mold situations.You know it.Goldeen has a recipe from every family member.
I don't think you're wrong about that.Uh.OK, first of all, I just I just Googled her name and the number of weird podcasts like memes and posts about this crime and all the I'm like, just show me Goldeen.Somebody show me Goldeen.
So I can't, I don't have the photo offhand, um, but I will, um, get it to Megan or more likely Eva will, I'll forget and Eva will find it and we'll post it on social media if we can find it.Um, I do have a photo.
Oh, Wine and Crime has covered this story.See, that's the problem with our show and Wine and Crime is that we don't label our episodes with the name of the crime or the story.
So like when I'm Googling, you know, podcast episode about this, ours and Wine and Crime never come up because we have like, So I guess they did this in Halloween Crimes in episode 143.Damn, so I didn't even get to listen to Wine and Crime on it.
Oh, well, I'll listen to it later.Also, I like that this was their Halloween episode.Yeah, that's a really good point.
Unfortunately, if you want to know what topics we cover, you have to go to our website, and there's a search bar for it in our episodes.Yes, exactly.
Then you have to search for it, which is fine, too.Actually, I don't want to send you the picture of Joan yet, because it has... It has some, uh, some spoilers.Okay.Okay.
So, so I'm still wondering who the deep throat guy was the, who was like on the phone at saying, this is where you'll find the gun.
Anonymous tip.That's why they didn't take it seriously.Not that they didn't take it seriously, but police didn't really like bet on it.They were like, uh, okay, like we'll check it out because it's the only lead we have.
And they were honestly shocked. that it actually led them to the murder weapon.They thought maybe this was just a prank call or what have you.Yeah, exactly.
So they traced this gun back to 42-year-old hospital clerk Goldeen, and I don't care what anybody says, especially M, I think it's a great name. So who the fuck is Goldeen?Let's get to it.
They have to figure out now this, what is it, a love rhombus all of a sudden?It's got four points instead of three?
Yeah, so was she also cheating on woman number one with woman number two?Well, let's find out.
We gotta get the red string out because that's what they had to do.I love it.They start tracking back.They start with Joan and Betty's friendship, okay?So when Joan started working at the hair salon, she and Betty got close, obviously.
Joan herself was born in Philly.In Philly.Ever heard of it?
Lycoming County.Ever heard of Lycoming nightclub?
So Joan was born in Philadelphia, PA in 1917, and she had a lucrative career as a writer and photographer, which at the time was not not, you know, the norm to be kind of a make your own type of money sort of career woman.
Self-starter, especially with such like an adventurous career.She sailed around the Americas and she would take photos.And so when she arrived in the San Fernando Valley, she had recently gotten divorced.
We actually don't know much about her divorce story, but we do know she had previously been married. And she came to San Fernando Valley, and she was looking for work after her divorce.
So she started working at the hair salon, and she and Betty, who's, you know, Peter's wife, the owner's wife, became close friends.And she was basically welcomed into their family.The couple both really liked her.
And so when Peter and Betty kind of started having some conflict in their marriage, Joan was there as a shoulder to cry on.Joan was there, you know, to comfort her.And Joan was there
to offer some living arrangements when Betty decided to leave her husband.
What, come sleep in my bed with me and we'll kiss? I guess so.
Okay.Listen, I mean, listen, they don't kiss and tell, but they definitely moved in together and got really, really close.
They were chumming it, as you say.They were chumming it.Amen.So Peter understandably felt really rocked by this and uneasy and like threatened by the intimacy of his wife and this woman that worked for him. The L.A.
Times actually described the pair's relationship as, quote, abnormal, which in the 1950s meant homosexual.Well, yes, obviously.Which in the 2020s means gay.Gay.Big, fat gay.Yes.
Who says homosexual?Homophobes, I think.Anyway.No, they just say homo.Oh, yeah.True.Yeah.Well, only if they're trying But if they're trying to be understanding, they will say homosexual to try and like show how cool they are, you know?
Obviously, yes.My mom recently tried to say queer, but she didn't know if it was like still a slur.She was like, oh, I'm she was like, you keep saying it.So I think it's OK.I'm like, well, this feels like a slur, this whole conversation.So.
I'm threatened, either way.Whether it's a slur or not.
Either way, I hate it.Maybe we just change the topic.
Yeah, you've put me on the defense.Thanks, Mom.I also want to mention real quick that a lot of this, in addition to that episode, is from True Crime Edition.A lot of it is from True Crime Edition.
I read a lot of articles, but I think that was the most in-depth one I found.Okay. Hey, Em, have you ever had sleep paralysis on your Helix mattress?
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So Betty eventually decided that she would move out of Joan's apartment and back in with Peter because she really wanted to save her marriage.
And as you can imagine, Joan was not thrilled about this, especially because Betty moved back in with Peter and told him that she had been having an affair with Joan.
And I think he sort of knew that because she moved in with her and was, like, very intimate with her.
He was like, I gathered that for sure.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just in case he hadn't read the room, she was like, hey, just so you know, you know, I had an affair with Joan, but I'd like to save our marriage.So she moved back in, and Joan was not fucking happy about this.
And on top of that, now, Joan was enemy number one of both Peter and Betty.Because Peter and Betty were like, okay, she's a threat to our marriage.Even though Betty, like, had a fling with her, had a relationship with her,
This is, she's actively a threat now.So we're cutting her out of our lives.She no longer works at the hair salon.She no longer comes around and Betty's avoiding her at all costs.They think we've moved on.Life is good.
However, that same year in 1957, Joan, who's still kind of reeling from this rejection of Betty, met a woman named Goldeen Pizer.
Goldeen Pizer was a medical secretary and the two of them also got really close and they would do this thing, which they talked about on Murder With My Husband and I, my jaw dropped because I have never heard this term outside of
German, like outside of being used in German, the language, um, ever heard of it?Yeah, girl.But apparently it might be Yiddish.Like maybe, maybe it's also Yiddish.Maybe that's why, but it's called a coffee clutch.Have you heard of this?Okay.
So maybe it's not Yiddish or maybe it's not.
Oh, I don't like know all Yiddish.I only know the ones, the things my grandparents kind of regurgitated to me.
So in, in Germany, Kaffeeklötchen is like you go and have a gossip over coffee.Oh, OK.It's kind of like. So they also have Kaffee und Kuchen, which is like coffee and cake hour, which you have almost a siesta, but it's just for cake.
Yeah.Daily.It's very important.I love the Germans all of a sudden.Yes.I know.They're great.I know.Sometimes.Sometimes.They have their moments for sure.
They have their moments, and even I will admit that.But Kaffeeklatsch is like, oh, you go and like, klatsch, like you go and like, it's like K-L-A-T-S-C-H.It's like, you're just like, quack.What's the word?
There's a similar word in English for gossiping. blabbing maybe like you're just going to like blab and gossip about people.
Gab?Gab?Yeah.I use that word a lot to gab.
Yeah to gab.Just gabbing.
So they're gabbing over coffee and this is kind of how Jones and Goldeen's relationship started which I also feel like is probably how a lot of quote homosexual female friendship relationships may have started like oh we're just getting together to like drink coffee and talk
Yeah, we're having girl time.It's actually just girl time.Yeah, sometimes our lips have to touch though.Sometimes we're telling each other secrets and we have to be so close that we just whisper them right into each other's mouth.
And also just naked by chance, but that's just part of it.It just helps like it's like it just makes us feel closer.Yeah.It's called coffee clutch.Ever heard of it? You in that wig, ever heard of it?
I'm sorry, I'm just getting coffee and gabbing with my girls.
Ever heard of it?I just love coffee clutch.I want to do a coffee clutch with you every day.
Not in a weird sex way, but in a normal way.Well, okay, I'll do it that way then.Well, let's start normal like all the other ones and then see what happens.Yeah, I think as soon as you and I enter the chat, I become the Charlotte.
Yeah, I'm like, hey, let's coffee clutch.And I was like, I don't think so.Let's let's do each other's mouths, but also like in a not gay way, but also like, please get a little bit further away from me.
Okay, what if I bring the wig?Are you like feeling it?Are you like into this or no?
I mean, which way do you prefer?You tell me.I guess there's only one way to find out.
Yes, both ways.So now there's a guarantee for two opportunities.Okay.Um, okay.Uh, I, I was going to say my family, we've also always used the word kid bits.
Oh yeah.Okay.Yeah.What does that mean?
Like, like I hit the, or the way it's used in our family is to gossip.
Oh, OK, OK, OK.So probably same idea.And according to germanfoods.org, which sounds like a joke, but actually I have used this website often in my life, one of my classics, germanfoods.org says that it literally translates to coffee chatter.
Okay, and it was often so it originated.
I kind of love this little fun fact it originated as a Like kind of an activity for example for stay-at-home moms because it was like the 50s and you know You're you're at home with the kids you might as well have like Goldeen over with her kids and they can play and you can kind of gab about your day and Raising the kids and your husband's and blah blah
I mean, that was how it was.That's again, that was kind of the kibitz for me.It was like my, my single mom had and her single mom friends would all come over and me and all of the kids of single moms would hang out while the single mom stuff.
It's called wine chatter though.Oh, Oh.Okay.In that scenario, I imagine as it, as it will be, it certainly was.
Yeah.Um, that's more relatable to me personally, but I do, I do understand the, as, as someone who were, was a stay at home mom for only a few months, um, I imagine I would be desperate for something like this.
Yeah, to talk to an adult.Yeah, exactly.
To commiserate, to just socialize, etc. So that's how they started their relationship.
And it's reported, and this is something that's kind of a sticky topic because we don't really have it from Goldeen's mouth herself, but it's reported that Goldeen was gay and had spent her life suppressing that.
and had actually gotten married to this guy named Herbert, which, woof, and then apparently recently had divorced him as well.
So on top of potentially being gay and having repressed it, and now she's also newly divorced, just like Joan has been divorced and is out of a relationship, it sort of felt like a perfect storm brewing.So it was during these coffee
coffee clutches, that Joan started speaking about this guy, her employer, and his name is Peter Fabiano.And Joan just tells poor, poor Goldeen how horrible Peter Fabiano has made her life.What a terrible terrible boss he is.What a bad, evil man.
What a harmful, harmful person.Essentially, do you see what's happening?
Okay.I don't know if I'm giving the right clues or not, or if I'm being too subtle.Okay.Essentially, Joan convinced Guldine that Peter Fabiano, who conveniently
She didn't mention was also married to her lover right conveniently left that part out but convinced Goldeen a that. Goldeen should basically do anything for her.Goldeen later said, I was so smitten.
I would have done anything in my life for this woman.So Joan's sort of taking advantage of that.
Well, not sort of fully taking advantage of that and trying to convince Goldeen that there's this like evil, evil man on the planet that is just harming Joan daily.And what are we going to do about it?
So yeah, you can probably see the writing on the wall, but ultimately Goldeen ended up buying a 38 Smith & Wesson from a shop in Pasadena.She claimed she just needed it for personal protection, so they gave it to her.
She then agreed to Joan's plan, which was that she was going to murder this man
and save not only Joan, but the poor woman that Peter just happens to be married with who's being abused daily and being like harmed and being X, Y, Z, this guy's the devil.
So Joan had instructed Goldeen, well, kind of given her instructions for the whole event.
Here's your mask, and I need you to dress up like this Halloween trick-or-treater.
And literally, literally instructed the costume, which was blue jeans, a khaki jacket, red gloves, makeup, and a Halloween mask.So yeah, basically said, here's your uniform.Here's your costume.
And now hide the revolver in the trick-or-treat bag, like the paper trick-or-treat bag. Mmm, and you heard what happened.She went and rang the door.
She Apparently later said her heart was beating so loud and so hard that she could barely stand it And she was shaking but she shot him and ran for the car Goldeen then disposed of the gun in a storage locker in the department store that I was talking about earlier and the anonymous tip had led the police to the weapon and then in turn to Goldeen's door two weeks later.
She at the time lived in Hollywood.I think West Hollywood, they said.And she told the police, it's a relief to get it off my mind.Which don't you sometimes feel back then that everybody was a little bit too casual about like violent murders?
Yuck, that was bothering me.
Yeah, exactly like the John Mulaney bit.We always reference where it's like Oh God get that blood out of here.We got to figure out this crime, you know to my hunch Yeah, yeah back to my hunch.So she's like, oh man, it's been such a burden.
It's like yeah It's been really difficult having to exist dealing with something.I could I did I did I It's like, um, why is there no accountability being taken?Why is there no empathy happening here?
And also, like, no fear, just like, oh, thank God.I'm so glad to get this off my mind.Arrest me.Like, what?
You're not going to pretend you didn't do it?Especially when this was the era of, like, well, there was, I guess it's still a... Chumming? I was gonna say, like, if you get arrested, like, death row is very much an option.
No, right, they've got gallows, like, real ones, not nightclubs.Like, real gallows.I'm like, why is that not a big enough threat?Like, if you were living in a world where, like, the biggest punishment, maybe it's because she was a woman.
I think it's because you're Goldeen, the blonde woman from Pasadena.
Like, maybe they're just gonna slap on the wrist and be like, oh, she obviously couldn't have done this herself.Like, she doesn't know any better, you know?
Yeah, yeah.I think it's probably a combo of all of that.
I think she probably was also a little bit... I hate to say naive, because I feel like that sounds like a big insult, but, like, you've got to be at least a little bit naive to let somebody convince you to just shoot someone you've never met.
She'd never met this man.
Yeah, I've been in crazed, holy crap puppy love, and never would have shot somebody for another person.
And it's like, I can see how that might happen, but also, like, you imagine there'd be a little more... tension or like at least Conflict in your own mind about it, but it sounds like she just kind of went with it.
Mm-hmm, but either way one of the psychiatrists who examined her which by the way, I So when they went through these examinations the court believed that homosexuality may have
First of all, one and only benefit, I guess, of being gay back then, you may not be fit to stand trial.
Oh, because you were mentally ill, because you were... Yeah.
Because you're fucking crazy.Lock me up.Except don't, because I'm crazy.Except I'm crazy, so let me be.Put me on some... Morphine and like why didn't you end up in jail?Oh, I'm gay.
Oh, I'm super gay And then I mean if I'm holding a knife and I'm like, oh actually I was unfit to stand trial cuz I'm super gay I feel like people would be like back away slow It's why other people would see you without like a bloody knife and they'd go clearly you're gay like not yeah That's the most threatening part of this.
Yeah, that's probably the part we should focus on and And so both women pleaded not guilty.They did eventually change their pleas.
For example, Pizer pleaded insanity, claimed she was just easily influenced by Joan and Joan herself refused to comment, but apparently was like.
reported to have been wearing a very strange, like, stony smile throughout the whole trial, which is a little bit creepy.They were both eventually charged with second degree murder and sentenced to five years to life in prison.
And even though it was five years to life, which feels like the biggest range you could have, five years to life, Goldeen ended up being paroled by 1971. Okay.
And later became an officer in the Miracle Mile chapter of the Professional Women's Club, whatever the fuck that is.Okay.Sounds gay.It sounds gay, doesn't it?The officer at the, yeah, agreed.
She ended up passing away in 1998 at the age of 83, but nobody knows what happened to Joan Rebell.
And yeah, we don't we don't have any clue.
Was that just like not a time where like an accessory to murder wasn't a thing or they think that she so they were actually both charged with the same crime and both convicted of the same crime, which was second degree murder.
So neither of them were convicted of first degree murder. And neither of them, they were basically charged exactly the same because people that went, you know, law enforcement looked at them as having the same role.One of them was a mastermind.
That was Joan.And then the other one actually pulled the trigger.So it's almost like in their minds, they evened each other out with each other.Yeah, exactly.And we're equally culpable.
Um, but to, to just give like a capper on the whole neighbor who probably, and I hope told this story to her great grandkids, for the rest of time, the car that Joan borrowed was the getaway car.
So even though, you know, Joan didn't use it to go to like Food Lion or whatever she claimed, she was driving the car, but, you know, Goldeen actually pulled the trigger.
They returned the borrowed car to Joan's friend, but they left the khaki jacket in the vehicle, which also worked against them.And then they burned the rest of the costume.But you know, probably the harshest part of all
In all seriousness, is that after Goldeen shot Peter, Joan said to her, forget you ever knew me, and drove away. Wow.
So basically Goldeen found out in that moment that she had been used just for that crime and that Joan never actually wanted to be with her.Just wanted to use her vulnerability to a crushing blow, right?
It's gotta be, it's gotta hurt.It's giving.Oh God.Now of course I can't remember the name.It's the movie where like the princess is, she thinks she's getting married to,
Is she a princess or she's like the daughter of like a famous diplomat and she thinks she's getting married and then she finds out on her wedding day that he was just always her security aide?And like they're not supposed to get married.What?Okay.
Princess Diaries?Someone knows what I'm talking about.I have no idea.It's not Princess Diaries.So who knows?It'll be in the comments.
I want to watch it, whatever it is.So let me know folks.
Like they end up having to like leave the, there's like a, like a safety.I've never seen that.
I remember it being, at least for a teenager, I remember crushing me when I was like, he never loved her.He was just hired to protect her.Shut the fuck up.Someone's going to know what I'm talking about.
I want to see that movie.Oh, and I will also add, you know, we talked briefly about like how, because they were homosexual, they were not fit to stand trial because they were so fucking insane.And gay.So fucking gay.Yes.So fucking gay.
I want to also add that they basically painted this in the media as Joan being the almost like Svengali, like luring her in, you know, um, and having this like, kind of almost mesmerizing power over Goldeen.
Um, and so that kind of led to the media sort of sidestepping any like actual deeper look into like, Oh, these women who were trapped in the confines of heterosexual marriages, you know, and obviously all of that went over everybody's head and they were like, Oh no, like this evil Joan woman had like,
scary eyes with purple and hazel contacts.And she gives all of every, all the women to turn away from their husbands.And so, you know, it was a little bit like, of course, but you know, what else do we expect?
And, you know, they would call them abnormal and deviant and all that good stuff.But either way, this became known as the trick or treat murder.And that is a story, a little gay Halloween story for you.
Thank you, because it's never fully Halloween if it's not gay, and it's not ever fully gay if it's not Halloween.Certainly.Well done, well done.It was worth pushing the part two to next week, I think.
OK, good.I'm glad.I wanted it to be kind of a standalone episode, you know?Yeah.
No, that's a great idea.I will say, you'll have to definitely give us a previously on next week, because I won't remember that story at all.
Happily, because I won't either.So I think we'll both need it.
Um, that was lovely, Christine.I mean, it was terrible, but it was lovely.Well, thank you, and I'm glad.I feel like I dressed the part for some gossip today, for some gay gossip.I was basically in drag the whole time, so that's lovely.
You were father time drag.Father time is when this also connects to my mouth.I'm like, oh, yes, yes.
Yeah, to be fair, that actually would add a lot to the father time character.As it is down, it definitely looks more like, um... some sort of share drag.I see.I don't see share, but I do see.But I don't know what share looks like.
So in my head, I've just decided it.And I think I don't know the difference.
Yeah, I don't know who I resemble, but I gotta say.
You look like the woman at the corner who has goats in her suburban backyard and is trying to sell chicken and honey, chicken eggs and honey to people from her front yard, even though you live in the suburbs.And why are you doing that?
I have a lot of those bowls that make that meditation dong sound.Exactly right.
And I do wear a lot of, uh, you know, the clothes that like Lily Tomlin,
Tom yes yes yeah i mentioned mother earth a little too often a little too it's like i just say like oh spirit is connecting with you and like nothing's happening yeah and it's like is it yeah yeah i only drink like herbal tea leaves and like i
Yes, I know exactly who you're talking about.I see them at a lot of art fairs around here.Yeah.Yeah, I have a horse that I'm way too into.And it's like, you don't have room for that horse.
Yeah, we share a house.We share a bedroom, actually.
Well, I'm glad that you feel that.Sometimes we kiss on the lips.
It's just what we do.Sometimes we tell secrets into each other.We're having a coffee clutch together.It's fine.Can I get one more look at the crime traveler partner in time?
Oh, yeah.Thank you for asking.
I love that you thought of that.It's such a niche, obscure reference.
Do you know what I did?I went into our Instagram and I looked at our tagged photos and I just started scrolling for any fan art or mentions and I saw a bunch of cryptids that I considered and then I saw Partners in Time and I was like, that's fun.
I'm at Target and I was already at Target.So I thought, why don't I just buy some weird retro stuff?
I still love our, that reference, Crime Travelers, Partners in Time.
Favorite.And a couple of people have made fan art and I was like, this is so good.Like, I don't know what we're going to do with it.
But I feel like we should do like a film noir spot, old spy movie or something.
So something right.Like I feel like it's, it's, it's rife with, it's right for at, at some point there needs to be a shirt that says crime travelers, partners in time. I know, I know.We have to make it perfect.I'm trying to think of how we do it.
Isn't that the worst thing about us?It's like, it has to be perfect or else it shouldn't exist at all.
Yeah, we can't just half-ass it.It's not going to work.Just like I can't half-ass a grumpy toad.It's just not going to make me happy.
Well, this was our seventh Halloween together, and I was trying to think of what to dress, because I've done Zach Bagans.I've done America's Hursting Shifter.I've done Leona.Remember the year she was going to be born?
That was so upsetting, because she was in my belly, and you were just there with a giant bottle.
And I loved every second of it.
And now I've been Lady in White.I've been something else.So the year you were Leona, I was a mummy because I was very pregnant and I just wrapped myself in toilet paper.And I put googly eyes on my stomach.And then that was a year you were Leona.
So that was extra upsetting that we were both kind of leading into that.And then you were the Hercene Shifter.And I was Mothman that year.You were Zach Bagans.
I was Zach Bagans when you were Tina Belcher.
Tina Belcher, which was just more of a me thing.And then what were the other ones?
There was something else.I wasn't Lemon.Oh, I was Xenon.
You were Xenon and I was Lemon.That was probably our best.You showed up.I have videos of you driving, of Allison driving you down the road. to the industrial apartment where we were meeting and I went, and I was screaming, who's honking?Yeah.
And I literally have a video where you can hear me go, oh my fucking God.And M shows up with this fucking insane xenon.We got to put, let's maybe, you know what we should do?
Why don't we do, unless you have a plan already, but for our yappy hour, we could, for our coffee clutch, our coffee, coffee app, we can go, our kibitz, our coffee kibitz, we could go, uh,
reminisce maybe I don't know and like pull up those photos because wow oh that was the year that we also got kicked off our live stream for watching Zach for watching Ghost Adventures and commentating times and we were having the best time and then they kicked us off.
Oh, well, they haven't done that on TikTok yet.It doesn't seem like they cut people off for that.So maybe we just move to TikTok.Yeah, it's so rude.I know.So let's try that.Let's do that.Well, happy Halloween.
I hope everyone gets their favorite candy.You deserve it.And I hope nobody knocks on your door past 10 o'clock.And if they do, don't fucking open it.Don't open it, especially if you're a man.
Can you, like, not tell your girlfriend to relax when you decide to go check on the door, please?
And can you not rely on your dumb dog to save you?Because he won't.He's not lassie. Thank you so much.And that's why we drink.
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