What's up?What's going on America?This is the Ramsey Show.
I'm John Deloney joined by my great friend, number one best-selling author Rachel Cruz and we're talking about your wealth and we're talking about relationships, talking about work that you love.We're talking about everything and today's a big day.
It's the first day of a long weekend retreat here we have at Ramsey called Money in Marriage and What an audience.
So fun.So fun.I think we have a total of, is it 800 couples coming this weekend?
I don't remember.There's a bajillion people here.It sold out a year ago, and I'm excited about it.And you and I have been off the road for a while, except doing private stuff, and so I'm excited to be back on stage and having a good time.
Dude, I'm so, so excited.Okay, let's go out to Fayetteville, North Carolina, and talk to Mara.Hey, what's up, Mara? Hi.How are we doing?How are you guys doing?We're doing great.We're running a scam.It's called a podcast, a YouTube show.It's amazing.
You should get this job.It's awesome.What's up?
Um, I was calling to get some advice on my financial situation.Um, so basically I'm gonna try to keep it short.I'm an over the road truck driver.I'm an owner operator.
Um, when I got into trucking, um, as an owner, you know, back in like 21, everything was good as far as, That was concerned, I was just living.
just living and spending and uh... not living on a budget and if the money but i think it will be an epic big break i thought i would do it but and then it being shifted i got i had to have like three perjury the little over a year and that had me taking time off work and going to my savings and when i'm i'd i'd get the the very what i'm finding is a very popular being a thinking all but they have all my credit card and in the same month that's a good thing uh... so that
uh, quickly went into me not being able to pay off the balances and, you know, accumulating more credit card debt and things like that.Um, so anyway, so the, um, I got into a really tough spot.
I used to work at a bankruptcy law firm and, um, I reached out to the girls that I know that still work there and they were telling me that, yes, they looked at my situation.They were like, yeah, you can absolutely file.
Um, but they're, they're requiring, um, I guess a trustee is requiring that anybody with a, uh, with a car note, over, I think she said $600 or $700, they were going to require you to surrender your car.
They wouldn't let you keep it if it's higher than that number.
So why are you thinking about declaring bankruptcy?How bad is it?
Well, because I was overwhelmed and I thought I couldn't get out of this hole, but that's the funny, well, it's not funny, but that's the thing.You guys just started showing up on my Facebook feed.
I never even searched you, but somehow here you guys come.
We're a cult, dude.We'll find you.We'll find you.
Yeah, we've got Kool-Aid that we pass out to the internet.
Samara, real quick, so we can help you, because we've got a few minutes.Okay, give me a list of your debts, because now you're thinking, oh gosh, the only way I can get out of this is bankruptcy, but now you're thinking maybe you can do it.
I'm going to write it down.Okay, go.Medical bills, like $50,000.Okay.Credit card, $15,000.Okay.No mortgage, and then the car, I owe like $36,000 on the car.
And that's it.And because I've seen the show, my take home income is like $60,000.Okay.
And trucking slowed way, way, way down, right?
And I, I, um, Yeah, I made the mistake of living how, like, adjusting my life for how it was then instead of thinking how it could go.
It's all good.You found us on the internets and we're gonna change it, right?
So you have no savings, you blew through your savings just to keep ends meet, is that right?Pretty much, yeah.Are you behind on anything right now?
Yeah, like, I had got to a place where I just stopped.I was like, I'm gonna just file bankruptcy.
Okay, has it gone into collections, the credit cards?
Okay.How many credit cards is the 15,000?Uh, let's just say maybe eight.Okay.And some of them have gone into collections.Not all.How's your, how's the medical debt?What's, what's the status on that?
Um, that's, they had me like on a payment arrangement.Okay.Are you current on that or are you behind on that one? No, I'm current on the medical bill.Okay.And then last question for your car, you owe 36.Do you know how much it's worth?
Have you Kelly blue booked it?
Yeah.My Kelly blue book said it's between 25 and 29 depending on how you sell it.
Yeah.Yeah.Okay.All right.Perfect.Okay.So I mean, I would, first thing is get rid of the car.It's too much car for your income.Um, and so you can't, yeah, you can't afford this car bankruptcy.I would not, I would take off the table for sure.
More episodes. So I would, you'll probably have to take a loan for the difference and add a couple thousand more on that loan so you can get just a beater car for like five grand, four grand to get you around.And that'll help.
And do a private sale, because hopefully maybe you can even get 30 out of it, right?So maybe you're looking at like a 10 grand car note, or 10 grand loan versus a 36.
And then these credit cards, I would call each of the collection, the ones that are in collections, and I would talk to them And be honest about your situation.Just say, hey, I don't have a ton, but I'm working extra.I'm trying to get X amount.
And as you do your own math about, you're going to get an extra job to help get some of this cleared up.Tell them, hey, I think I can get you, if one of the cards has three grand on it, just say, I can get you $1,728 by this date.
Like try to get like a very specific number to them.Cause I mean, some of them will settle for, you know, pennies on the dollar, some of these and get that in writing.But I would work that credit.
I would work that 15,000 down if you can, just through negotiations, get rid of the car.And then that 50 grand that's left, that's going to be the mountain to climb.But I would stay current on it.But again, you're making 60 right now.
And I, I mean, I would try to, man, I try to make 2000 extra a month.I mean, I would, I would do, um, are you on the road a lot with trucking though?What's that?What's your lifestyle situation?
Yeah.Like I'm literally on the road right now.I had to pull over.Okay.
Are you, are you over the road?Are you, um, are you, you in town?
No, I'm over the road.Like I'm, I'm doing a load to Michigan right now.
And when you get back, do you turn around and flip it and head out again?Or do you have some downtime?
Well, I'm an owner operator, so I can do how I want.
Okay.So yeah, I heard you mention this a few times.Rachel laid out a plan.We're not doing bankruptcy here.Okay.We're not trying to hack our way through this, but you're going to have to change the way you live.
And you're going to have to change the way you see the world.And right now you're going to have two years of this sucks.
If you'll commit right now, how old are you?
All right.I want you to write a letter today to 41 year old you and tell 41 year old you what you decided to do today as a 39 year old so that 41 year old you could breathe.
And I'm going to give you Financial Peace University, I'm going to give you all the classes for free, I'm going to give you every dollar app for a year so you can start tracking every freaking penny.
And this is going to be, listen, it's going to be how you spend money on the road, it's going to be how you take an extra job, you're going to work when you're tired, you're going to go and you're going to go, you're going to go, you're going to go.
And you're not going to pretend these stupid credit cards don't exist because they do.You're going to call the companies like Rachel said, you're going to stare down this dragon piece by piece by piece.
I got it.You guys answered my question.You can do it, Mara.It's going to be hard.I mean, this is a totally, you know, from a 39-year-old, shifting the way you viewed and handle money.And it's not going to be fun, Mara.
We always say you can wander your way into debt, but you cannot wander your way out.So it's going to be an intense probably two years. Oh, but on the other side of this, I'm like, it's going to be so hopeful for you, so we're excited.
You're going to be 41 whether you want to or not.The question is, do you want to be 41 and not owe anybody anything, or do you want to be 41 and still chasing ghosts?This is The Ramsey Show.We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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I'm John Deloney joined by Rachel Cruz on our money and marriage weekend.Let's go out to New Orleans, Louisiana and talk to Carrie.What's up, Carrie?How we doing?
Hello.Excuse me.I'm a little nervous.
Hey, I'm nervous too, I'm not very good at this, so we'll just be nervous together.What's up?
So let me tell you what's going on.My mother, who's 80 years old, she lost her husband three years ago, which is my stepdad, and they were not ever in a financial great place.
He tried to get on disability a few times and never wanted to hold down a job, and my mom worked underneath the table a lot, and she helped take care of elderly people.Well, he passed away, left her nothing, and their house is reverse mortgage.
which is the worst.So fast forward, my sister moves in with her and pays it for all the utilities and everything, her and her husband, and they moved down where my mom was to be close to their grandkids.
So now her husband found a job far away in South Carolina. And now my mom is left with all the utilities and stuff again.
And originally when my stepdad passed away, she was going to move in with my sister in San Antonio, my brother close to her, or she can even move in with me.I'm moving closer to her in about five months.So this was always an option.
This is what she was going to do because we knew she couldn't afford the house.
A few weeks ago, I had both of my sisters on FaceTime, and they asked me if I was able to pitch in for my mom to live in her home, because she really didn't want to leave her house.Me and my husband have been on your baby steps.We stopped investing.
We paid off our credit card.We will pay off his car in April, and then his student loans.We are so focused.We don't go out to eat, and we are so excited about it, and then we got this call. So I liberated with my husband.
He's like, Carrie, it's a reverse mortgage.Why would we throw in money into it when your mom has options?And this was the plan anyway, because she cannot make it by herself.My mom is 80.She's in great shape.She works out twice a day.She's on no meds.
She will live probably a long life.However, you know, when I went back with my sisters with the reverse mortgage and throwing money away, they were like, okay, well, what if you do it for five or six months?Like, and my husband was still like,
We can do whatever you want, Carrie, but I don't think it's a good idea.She has ways of living, but just not in her home.The home is falling apart.So I feel bad because I'm the daughter that said no, and now I feel her wrist.
The rift is my brother who's 60 and my brother is 60 didn't get asked to pay some of the money every month because he is not great himself, but he does have a home that's paid for that.
He could, that he was inherited that she can stay, but it's just small.So of course he's never a part of the equation cause he's never had the money to help.So I said no.
And my money, you're having your heart broken is real.Okay.
and trying to search about this fault and this person should have, and I can't believe that it, all of that is a distraction from just how much it hurts to find your mom in this situation, to find you and your husband in your own personal situation, the fact that your sisters are trying to clamor and change the plan to last, all this is just ugh, and you got permission to feel bad.
My rule of thumb in these situations is always, always, always choose guilt over resentment every time. If you start paying money against the plan you'll already have established.
And like I said, if it was five months and it was going to clear my mom and my mom was going to be okay, I'd be all in.
If it's five months and we're having this conversation again in five months and again in five months, then I'm making the problem worse long term.
Right.And there's no guarantee there.I don't know what happens to three or five months.
Well, none of us do, but I'm less worried about that.Here's the deal. If you pay this money, every time your sister calls you and you see her name come up on your phone, you're gonna get pissed. Yeah.
Every time your mom texts you, you're going to get mad and they don't deserve that.And that would be because you didn't hold your boundary, not because they exist.That's resentment.That's not fair to them.
And my mom, my mom would never, she doesn't even bring it up.She's never asked me for anything.She's not that type.She's letting my sisters do it.She's very sweet, gentle lady.
Yeah.But she sounds like she's also, she's parenting from the one down position.That's the nerd word in counseling where, There's the one up position, which is when you beat your chest, like dads do, and they're like, hey, this is my house.
There's that.But then there's the one down, which is like, oh, okay.I guess I just won't eat.There's some pine cones in the backyard.I'll just eat those.And it's like, all right, mom, where do you want to eat?Right?It's that.
Well, even worse, I mean, she is sweet and kind, and the sisters are feeling they have to, either she's not doing anything in the situation, so the sisters are like, we have to be the parents in it.
Or she's like, I don't want to call.I don't want to call Carrie.Can you all just, can you just call her for me? And so anyway, you set your boundary.
Right.And I have to stick with my husband and our plan.Like this is my house.I have, you know, two kids and we're never going out to eat.
We're just trying to be hone in on our... And you can't save somebody else when you're drowning.So like there is a realness and reality to making sure that your household is taken care of.Right.
If this was all reverse, and you had $3 million in the bank, and you're like, golly, should we help mom out?You know what I mean?Yes, help your mom out.We're totally different.You have consumer debt.
You guys are shifting the way that you're doing it.You're making progress within your own family to be able then to help people.But right now, it doesn't make sense.Carrie, do you have numbers on the house situation?I'm just curious.
Well, it's only going to be $350 apiece from each one of us.
Well, I mean like her that's why I'm asking like the more like no, but there is no mortgage because it's a reverse reverse insurance Yes, it's her insurance and her utilities and so far and so forth and my mom has little bitty credit card bills And I told her she needs to get out of like JCP like small small things She took money out on the equity like do you know like when they when they applied for their don't because my step No, cuz my stepfather took care of all that and my mom is just one of the people who just signs the papers
She just goes along with it, you know.
Something is probably owed at some level of all of this.
Oh, for sure.Because if she leaves the house, she's going to have to just leave the house and let them get it back.
That's right.It's going to be their house.She's already signed it away.
Right.She's already signed it away.It's been done.And the house is falling apart.
Well, listen, Carrie, it's heartbreaking when you and your husband turn a corner and y'all start making plans.
And someone in your family's hurting and they don't care about what you think.They just want your money.They just want your time.
My sister's been feeling sorry for my mom.And they see my, my husband graduated from college.He just got his master's and he's getting a promotion and they see us doing well.And they think because my husband makes a certain amount,
and we're doing well, I think they think, okay, well, they got it.Well, we blew money for the longest and we're just now getting our stuff together and now we're honing in and we have a plan.
Listen, you don't owe anyone an explanation, period.
You don't.The person I think you're wrestling with is you.
And if you've drawn a line that you don't believe in, listen, if you drew a line that you don't believe in, address that.But if you believe in this, It's okay to feel guilty, it's okay to feel upset, it's okay for it to all be hard, I get that.
But you don't owe anybody an explanation.A simple, hey guys, we're not in a place to do it right now.We just aren't, we're digging out of a huge hole.End of story, conversation's over.
yes and they get to choose she was mad at me and she was like well i have some resentment but you know i'm not going to go backwards and i haven't heard from other sisters i know but carrie she's been mad at you your whole life right true that yes she's been mad at you forever this isn't any different she's been mad at you since you took her michael jackson record when you were kids or whatever i don't know yeah like that's just who she is yes so you you can't live your life trying to make her happy you know why because that that finish line will always move
Your mom has never asked for your financial help.She's never going to.No, she's never going to ask.
And my mom will love me unconditionally.
Do you know, Carrie, if your mom, does she have any money?Like, is she really truly surviving?Oh, absolutely.Truly.From paycheck to paycheck, yes.But paycheck to paycheck, yes.But does she have money?Like, she's not working.
She's getting some social security.He has, he was absolutely, he just drained her down even more.
Okay.So she, so the only income she's getting apart from family is social security.Is that correct?He didn't leave a life insurance policy or anything.Okay.
And do you know, and I'm curious, do you know the numbers of what the social security check is and what she needs to live off of?
I literally think it's like, she makes like 13 or 1400 a month.
Okay, and I would be curious for bills.And I wonder too, Carrie, if some of this, I don't know if this would be helpful, maybe this is how I kind of function.
It's like a lot of the details aren't there, knowing exactly what is she getting in, what bills actually need to be paid, how much are the exact amounts.
Some of that may help you in all of this, because you could get through it, Carrie, and think like, oh.
Yeah, it really is not as big of a deal as my sisters are even making it out to be, right?So I think the drama is there because of the family dynamics too.So I would get some hard numbers, just for your own peace of mind, if that helps at all.
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Welcome back to the Ramsey Show.I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz.Today's question of the day is brought to you by Why Refi?Private student loans are different than federal student loans like Sallie Mae, but they hurt just the same.
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Today's question comes from Toby in Wisconsin.He said, I have a question about tough conversations I'm about to propose and I would like to be sure that we have covered all the tough money conversations when it comes to money.
What are some topics to make sure I should cover or good questions to ask?
Well, I would just say right off the bat, you're not going to cover all of anything before you're married. I thought I had it all figured out.
We went to premarital counseling, we're like, check, we did it, and now we're ready.And then it's like, wah, wah.
I'm a quarter century in.And my wife said something the other day, and I looked at her and just got quiet and I said, who are you?Like, I don't know you, right?But great question.
And I love the optimism that you're going to get all the questions done before you get married.
Okay, so on the money side, going tactical, and this is for all of you listening and watching that maybe you're in a similar situation.
when you're going into especially a marriage, knowing all the money information that you can ahead of time is like required, right?
So how much you make, how much your future fiance makes, debt level, investments, if there are other accounts, credit card retirement, I mean, anything that's out there money-wise, it should be, you know,
free reign to be able to talk and know everything, because when you get married, ideally it all comes together as one, right?So that's on the more tactical numbers side, knowing just that basic information, which a lot of couples don't.
Run a credit report, because the number of times people call and they're like, he didn't know he had this other $30,000 in student loans or whatever, and then you run a credit report and compare them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair too.
It gets everything on the table.
Yes.And then there's more of the, emotional kind of bigger questions, right?The value system conversation.We get a question a lot of, you know, should I marry someone that has debt?And I'm like, yes.
Yes, as long as you both are in agreement on how you want to live life with money, right?So it's not if they have debt or not.It's, hey, do you guys want to be on the same page when it comes to the subject of debts?Talk about that.I would talk about
I would talk about goals in life.You know, what are things that you want to do?You know, one of them may be, you want to travel the world.The other one, he wants to own a home in the next four years or whatever it is, right?
So some of these more goal oriented questions, just talk about that, which hopefully those kinds of things are in the middle of other conversations that you're having about life.Cause that's, that is money, right?
Money is a tool in life that you use to do the things that you want to do.So hopefully you guys know most of that going in of kind of what you want your life to look like.
And I think underneath those things or right next to them, I think creating a rhythm that you don't have one conversation and forget it, right?So I think the, I'm always talking to parents, like you don't have a sex conversation.
It's an ethos in your house where your kids know they can ask you any question anytime and their bodies aren't weird.It's kind of like that.You won't have a money conversation.
Let this begin setting up a rhythm where maybe when you're engaged once a month, you're like, hey, let's talk about our month, our week, right?And then you get married, you wanna do that every two weeks or every week.
So let's start a rhythm where we're constantly coming back to the table to have this conversation and commit to being very open-handed.And what I mean by that is this. My wife knew when we got married, I always wanted to end up in the woods.
I wanna buy a place in the woods where nobody can see us so that when the world catches fire, we're gonna be okay, right?
Prepper.This is where John and I kind of, yeah, we know what's gonna happen.
But here's the thing, after four years of being in the woods, my wife was like, she wanted this, she wanted cell signal, right?And she wanted to take less than an hour to get to the grocery store.
It's ridiculous, right?And I wanted, I wanted water all the time, not just when it rained, right?And so we recently, we kept our place, but we moved to the city where we were, right.I had to grieve that.And, but had it been locked down,
Um, it would have been a fight, but we are very open handed about, I really want this.I'm going to try this one experiment with this.And if it doesn't work out, it's okay in our house to say we changed our mind, right?Yes.
This is a fun experiment that I think all engaged couples should do.I want you, it's, I call it the friends experiment.There were some old articles about the show friends when they actually went through and said, okay, this apartment in Manhattan
would cost this, this couch.They went and ran the numbers.
But Monica technically got it from her grandmother, so it was under rent control.There's reasons.They had reasons.
Yeah, but then Rachel would go work retail, right?
And then they'd go to a coffee shop at 2 p.m.and they'd all hang out.
They're all hanging out.So here's the thing.I think it'd be fun to get on a Pinterest board, and if you're like me, you don't know what that is, just ask the person you're gonna marry.Create a fantasy.
If we could have any house anywhere, and then actually run what that actually costs in real life, And I think it'll be both depressing, but it will also level you back to reality.
And then y'all can be happy with the world you have now and maybe have this thing out there you want to go chase one day.But it keeps everybody from being like, I thought we're going to be a Tahoe family.We're a Corolla family right now.
We might be a, you know, a used Tahoe family one day, but we're not there yet.And it helps level everything back.
And then I would also say, Toby, with the money specifically, since you asked about that, I think it can be so easy, especially if you're getting married later in life and you kind of have like your rhythm and the way you do money, to feel like the way I do it is right.
And if something is different than that, then that's wrong. And learning that, you know, when you get married, there is strengths and weaknesses your spouse brings to the relationship, right?
And so we all have this ability when you get married to actually learn.So, so have the curiosity mindset too, because I would say if Toby's writing into the Ramsey show, Toby's probably the one that's hardcore with money, I'm going to say.
So again, don't, you know, have your values, but just know, okay, if my, if my fiance is different when it comes to money, that doesn't mean she's wrong.She actually can bring something to my life that's great.
On my honeymoon, I looked over and, um, it's not that kind of story, James, it's okay.On my honeymoon, I looked over and my wife was brushing her teeth. And I said these exact words.
Is that how you brush your teeth?
Hey, you're doing that wrong.
Because here's why.Here's why.My wife is part-time serial killer.She took her toothbrush and put toothpaste on it and then just jabbed it directly into her mouth.
Oh, she didn't put water?
She didn't put water on it like a person who loves Jesus and babies and puppies, right?And so I looked at her and I was like, hey, you're doing this wrong.And she said something along the lines of, Oh God, this is going to be a long forever.
But here, it was like, okay, there's multiple ways to brush your teeth, right?And there's multiple ways to do things in life.And I think what you're saying is so, so perfect, Rachel.
You have a way and your spouse is going to have a way and what matters is what y'all agree on moving forward. Hey, and all of this and more just turned into a pitch.I didn't even mean for it to, but here we are.
There is a Money in Marriage date night.It's next week, right?
Yes, next Tuesday there's a live event hosted by me and Rachel Cruz.
Specific date is October 29th.
Yes, yes, yes, if you're listening to this in any day that's not right this second.We're going to be talking about real topics like goal setting, budgeting, working through every season of life as a team, your marriage.
It is a live stream event, so we have an entire second floor here full of people who are here for an in-person retreat this weekend.This will be a money marriage event that you can have in the comfort of your own house.
There's also going to be a live Q&A and Rachel and I will answer your questions. October 29th, get your tickets at ramsaysolutions.com slash events.
The total is 49 bucks and you can click the link in the description if you're listening to this on the YouTubes or the podcast.
This is a great option for all of you listening that again, you're not here in Nashville.We have another money in marriage.In February.Yeah, weekend, the Valentine's weekend in February that we're going to do this same type of event.
But if you are, you know, early on in the baby steps, if you guys don't have the ability to get away for two or three nights to Nashville.
Like this is the next best thing because John and I, as we set up content and stuff for this event, want to set you guys up as a couple when you watch this to continue these conversations, right?
So even a one night event can be the starting point of like, hey, we want to work towards something better when it comes to our money and our marriage.So make sure to check it out, you guys.Again, October 29th, a live event via the internet.
John and myself, tickets are $49.Go to ramsaysolutions.com slash events and hang out with us next Tuesday night.
And as always, we'll give you some questions to ask each other and we will commit to making it weird for everybody.This is The Ramsay Show, we'll be right back.
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Welcome back to the Ramsey Show.I'm John Delaney, joined by Rachel Cruz.Let's go out to Edmonton and talk to Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, where they play hockey instead of the footballs, and talk to Nick.What's up, Nick?Hey, Nick.How's it going?
Not too much.I just don't know what to do in this situation. Um, I'm 18 years old.I'm turning 19 in February.I have a $5,000 car payment and I work at a light duty mechanic shop.Um, my mom and dad don't want me to live with them anymore.
They'd like me to kind of move out of the nest.So I was just wondering like, would it be worth putting down payment on a home and just rent no bedrooms while living in it?Or should I get like a rental area and rent with a friend or something?
I just don't want to, I don't want to screw myself over in the future. with loans and stuff.Yeah.I know I had to pay for my schooling.
When you said a $5,000 car loan, do you owe five grand on the note?Are you paying 5,000 bucks a month?Surely you're not.
It's $224 every month.But the total is five grand.
Yeah, that's what I have left to pay.I had it out for 15,000 and I paid 10,000 down within a whole entire year.Okay.
Good for you, Nick.How much do you make a year?How much are you making working?
That's the struggle.I don't know because while I've only been at the shop for three months and I just passed my probation and also I get a flat rate so I don't get paid per hour.I get paid per job so I could have,
An oil change takes 20 minutes, so I only get to pay for 20.But if it takes me 30, I'm not getting paid for the other 10.So it kind of depends on how fast I am and how efficient I am at my job.
OK, so the last month, what did you make?What did you bring home last month?
Just over two grand.I think it was $2,200.
OK.And do you see that being consistent month over month?Or do you think now, since you passed the probation period, all of that, do you foresee it going up another good amount?
It should go up, I'm hoping for sure.
Cause I know they're going to raise it up, but I don't really know how fabric works too, too much.I'm kind of just learning how to do it still, but yeah, I don't want to move out.I'd like to live at home and like save up my money.
What's the, yeah.What's the conversation with your parents like?
Well, they're not like fully kicking me out, but they're kind of just mentioning it that I should probably think about leaving sooner or later.That's kicking you out, bro.They're kicking you out.
They're just doing it slow and kind, but they're kicking you out.How come?They just want their house back?They want you to fly?Send you to get out of the nest?Or are you drinking too much?Like, why do they want you out of there?
I don't have any habits.I don't spend my money.I just kind of save it up.I don't drink.I don't do drugs.I don't do any of that.I think they're just kind of wanting me to be on my own, probably for... I don't know.No, it's great.
Yeah, I'm one.My 14-year-old rolls his eyes at me too, man.It's just kind of part of it.
So what I would do, Nick, is I would first sit down and kind of get a timeline of what their expectations are and what's reality for you, right?You've turned 18.You have a job.You're not making a lot.
I mean, it'll come out to like, you know, 20 grand, you know, Year at your current rate after taxes and stuff.
So you're not making a lot to sustain a lifestyle So I would be curious for them like it's what we're October just to say hey mom and dad I want to have more of a clear conversation with you on your expectations because I want to be respectful I'm an adult now and I understand, you know, I'm 18 and I can move out but I want to know
what you all are thinking because that'll at least give you a timeline if they're like because if it's this weird period of like Oh, no, Nick, as long as it's next summer or something, then you're like, okay, we kind of have a date.
So I would get a date with your parents.So like, here's when they want you to move out.And then I mean, that's, I mean, they get to set it, I guess it's their house.
But what you're gonna have to realize, Nick, is that you're gonna probably have to up this income.So whether
it's that you're making more in the job that you currently have or maybe getting a second job after because I do not want you buying a house but renting is obviously the best option after moving out and if you can get friends yeah and get a rental house and get a couple bedrooms filled and you guys can like split the rent you know three or four different ways that's ideal just to lower that expense but
I mean, as of now that you're not making a ton to live on your own.So, I mean, I would have that conversation with them too.
Part of turning 18, man, is not the most fun, but you need to also have this direct conversation with your employer too.And there's a mindset shift that happens when you're 17 and you get hired on and they put you on probation and you get to work.
The whole thing is set up as you should count your lucky stars that they picked you. But I want you to flip that around now, if you've been pulling your weight and doing good work, and you're certified now.
you're 18 years old, you come to the table and say, I'm happy to be here.I need some structure, meaning I need to know how much money I'm going to make.I need to know what the comp schedule is, what the comp plan is.
If it's just me working 20 minutes by 20 minutes and I don't have any input on marketing.Um, it's not like even like a barber who does a great job and they get to bring clients back.It's just, you're wholly dependent.I'm not going to live that life.
That's a tough life to live 20 minutes by 20 minutes. Um, depending on what car just rolls into the, into the, into the garage.Right.And so they should, you should sit down and say, Hey, I've passed my stuff.
I want to talk about what a longterm plan is.Cause I want to be here and I appreciate the risk you took on me.I just need some, some guarantee on what the thing's going to look like.
And then you have to make a big boy, grown up grown man decision now.Do I want to stay here?But Rachel's point dude, 20 grand a year.You can't, you can't live in Canada with that kind of money.You can't live anywhere.Right.
And Rachel's right on, sit down with your parents and say, Hey, I'm getting the hints.Is this, do you want me out right now?Is this three months?
Can I have six months to save up so that I can put a, you know, six months down on a, on a lease or something like that.But yeah, you're in a hundred percent, no place to buy a house yet, man.
not until you are way more subtle than you can put down 10, 15, 20% down on a home in cash.
And that's after you've paid off your car, you don't owe anybody any money and you've got an emergency fund so that when the cars stop coming in the Bay, you can still pay your bills every month.So you're just getting rolling brother.
Um, but have those hard conversations with your parents and with your employer and um, be good to go there.And by the way, don't hate on your parents.They want to see you fly.And that conversation is a hard one to have.
And they're probably trying to soft play it and be nice.And if you don't have the direct conversation now, Rachel, there's gonna come a day when they snap and they're like, you're out this weekend.And that will be too.
It'll be, you know, too quick for you.It'll just be a mess.So just take be the be the adult here and go sit down and say, let's let's map out a nexus strategy.I love that.
Yeah, for sure.And, you know, to bring
I don't know, I think I would be impressed if my son came and was like, hey, can I know what the average, what you're paying for lights and water, even knowing what it takes to run a household and ask those questions and build out a mock budget and be like, okay, here's what I'm short a month.
If I were to go rent somewhere, and let's say I got three roommates, on average, I'm looking around this, with utilities, car payment, food, this is probably what I need to live off of a month.
You can kind of start making a plan and ask your parents those questions about what they pay for utilities and that kind of thing.I mean, I feel like that would be a very mature type planning, and I think they probably would appreciate it.
Maybe buy you an extra week or two to live at home.
And here's the thing, let's say my son graduates and he just starts working at a local shop,
and all of a sudden it's six months after high school graduation he's not going to college and he's still home and he's just going to work every day and sitting at the dinner table.
I'm more of a direct guy right so we would have more of a direct conversation but if he came and sat down and said hey I've got a seven month plan and here's how much I'm making I want to contribute 200 bucks not a lot but I want to contribute some to the water and electricity now and I need seven months and by seven months I'll have this much money.
Dude, I would be so proud of him.I would wanna support him in every way possible and help him get launched out great.
Yeah, in situations like this, it's the lack of communication is where the messiness I feel like always comes into play.And to know that we are more on this, or I'll say I am, I'm more on the side of fly and be free.
I think that you can stay somewhere and save money and mathematically, financially, that's really wise, but for you as a person, when you're being taken care of by mom and dad for too long into your twenties, you know what I mean?
Like in all of that, like there's just something to be said about being on your own.There's a character thing there that happens.There's like, there's a grown, you know, you, you grow up faster when you do that.So I'm more on that side.
But again, under the circumstances of their seasons for different things, people go through different events at different times and parents can be there to help their grown children in different ways, but it's the communication.
That's always going to be the number one.So Nick, I would tighten that up with your parents and that'll give you more of security of knowing.
And there's going to be a woman that drives in to get her oil changed and she's going to say, can I come pick you up?And you'll be like, yeah, from my mom's house.Like you're going to want to get your own place.
You're going to want to get your own place.Hey, that's the first hour of the Ramsey Show in the books.We'll be back shortly right here on the Ramsey Show.
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Welcome, welcome.It's the Ramsey Show.I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz, and we are taking your calls live on your relationships, your money, building wealth, work that you love. Rachel, we've been doing this for how long?I say we.
Dave's been doing this for 30 years.The great and powerful Dave Ramsey and the rest of us have joined.Dave and the Davettes, we have joined.
Yeah, I'd say the last seven.
Taking your calls on everything going on in your life.Your money, your relationships, your work, all of it.And we're taking your calls live. No net.888-825-5225.It's 888-825-5225.And again, I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz.
Call us from all over the planet.Let's go out to Oklahoma City and talk to Violet.Violet, Violet, what's up, Oklahoma?
Hi, thanks for taking my call, guys.
Of course, what's going on?
So, I just found Dave Ramsey and you guys about two weeks ago.I'm excited to get into it. But how do I even begin start working the baby steps when my husband has a cognitive decline and will continue to decline with no care?
My husband has Huntington's disease.For people who don't know, he's stage 2 right now, so he still can drive.I have guardianship over him.He's 55 actually, he's late onset. I'm sorry, Violet.
So, yeah, for people who don't know, that's like having Alzheimer's, ALS, Parkinson's, and some doctors say schizophrenia as well.
All together.Yeah, it's tough.
So have y'all set, I'm assuming you've set up all the necessary power of attorneys and you've got the accounts in your name and all that kind of stuff?
Yeah, I have accountant in my name.Um, we didn't do power of attorney.He was conserved when we lived in California.And then when I moved to Oklahoma, um, we just got guardianship.
So I didn't know, should I be having power of attorney as well as guardianship?
I would sit down with an attorney yesterday and map it out.Um, and, and the state planning attorney, um,
And I think the thing that I hear catches most people off guard that I've sat with over the years is especially on any kind of stage and you've got cancer, you've got this kind of challenge, you've got any sort of thing that is progressive is, and they say it's progressive and maybe you got five years, progressive maybe you got 10 years, progressive maybe you have 18 months.
The challenge is one month, two months, three months goes by and it's easy to drop your shoulders and to settle in.Okay, I've got 36 months left like this.And what's not taken to an account is there comes a moment when everything falls off a cliff.
And if you don't have that stuff set up now, trying to deal with it when this thing starts sliding, right.When he's, when he needs in-home care, when he is, um, unsafe, like these things as they progress, who knows, right.How it's going to unwind.
Right.And so getting these things in writing, I would sit with an attorney and a state planning attorney and map out everything, whether you need a, um, I don't even go through all the legal stuff right now, but sit down with an attorney today.
or tomorrow and get that stuff squared up.And you have to stare the sunshine in the face on this when it will feel surreal that you're having this conversation because this man's been a part of your life for a long time, right?
I'm so sorry.What's the ongoing medical care like money wise?Are you guys, do you have good insurance or what is that looking like for you?
No, no, we were living in California below poverty level, and I said, I don't want to live here anymore.We got to go somewhere else.We sold everything we owned, packed up two cars with two kids, and moved to Oklahoma.How long ago was that?
Yeah, it was stressful, but now I'm in a job where I'm making $40,000 a year, and so I can only go up from there.He's not working right now.
Sure.Has he filed for SSI?
He actually doesn't qualify for SSI anymore because I make too much money.So they cut him off after a certain point.I've tried talking to him.Maybe we should do legal separation, but he doesn't want to do that, which I completely understand.
Yeah.I would appeal and I would appeal and I would appeal and I would appeal again and again and again and again.And your attorney can help you with that.
Yeah, well, he has to have so much work credits and he just doesn't have them.So I have him set up right now.He's going through a program here for he's seeking employment for disabled adults.So that's going to help him and us.
How old are your kids, Violet?
12 and nine.Okay.So, um, okay.
So financially, um, real quick, cause we have a couple of minutes with you.Where, where are you guys at?So tell me, um, I know your income and then debt, debt wise, how much do you guys have in debt?Debt wise?We're only 12,000.Okay.
What's it on our cards?We don't, and that's just credit cards.
Okay.Okay.And you're using the credit cards. to basically live above poverty line in California?Was it, was it to sustain a level of living?
Okay.Are you guys in a place with your income and living in Oklahoma that you're able to, are you able to live paycheck to paycheck?Are you dipping into the credit cards monthly to keep afloat?
No, we're, we're living paycheck to paycheck.Um, we're making minimum payments on everything, so we're not behind on anything.Um, but there's extra spending with somebody who,
You know, he has to have this, this, and this, and I'm like, that money, that can be going to this, you know?I'm like, well, I need money for this.And I'm like, you really don't.So he's kind of excited.He's like, okay, I want to get out of debt.
Do I just keep doing like having the separate bank accounts?He there's one with mine in his name and then one with his name so that I can funnel money when he needs it.
Everybody's got to be above board on this.Um, is he able to, is he able to be a co manager of the money of the household right now?
from his mental capacity state?Yes and no.
I mean, he'll see something and go, Oh, I want that.
Okay.Listen, the most important thing is that he has a safe place to live and that you and his kids are safe.And so if he has, um, Golly, if he is unable to... We have our four walls.
Yeah, I know, but it's a couple of expenses away if they'll share an account and he just has an impulse purchase.Not blaming him, but he's not well.He makes an impulse purchase.It's not his fault.Huh?
Yeah. That's not his fault.
So at some point you have to protect yourselves and if he can hear that conversation, amazing.If he can't, then maybe you put $25 in his account and you are managing on the side.
That's what I'm wondering to do.That's what I want to do and I think that's
I'm never about division, we're always about sharing money, but this is a very special situation.
If you've just come on to us the last two weeks and you've binged and looked up any videos about married couples, 99% of the time we say, combine accounts, combine accounts, combine accounts, we have a whole marriage weekend, we're gonna talk about combine accounts, be on the same page.
But there are reasons not to, and if there's addiction involved, if there is abuse, and in this case, Violet, I would say if the other spouse mentally cannot handle that, then for sure.I mean, there's common sense that plays into all of this, right?
And so, um, I think, yeah, for you to be the one that is really, uh, it's, and I even hate to say that, but it's terrible, but the adults in the situation, um, because sadly with what, with what he has, it's going to continue to progress the opposite way.
And so just to put you guys in, um, a great position, if you hold on the line, Violet, Christian's going to pick up and we want to,
Gift you Financial Peace University and every dollar for a year and also get signed up with a financial coach and have an hour Session on me and John will pay for it But to sit down with actually someone to look over some of your numbers because I also think that there's from a medical standpoint things I want to make sure are covered within the trust Because there's some complications there.
So we'll get you an hour with a financial coach to go over some of that But I'll be thinking about your calls anytime.
Yeah, this is the Ramsey show.I
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Get yours today at ramsysolutions.com slash store or click the description if you're on YouTube or podcast. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show.I'm John Deloney joined by Rachel Cruz.Let's go out to Albany, New York and talk to Jessica.
Hey Jessica, what's going on?
So I'm calling because I have a whole life insurance policy that I've been holding on to since 2012.And now I'm thinking, hearing Dave and you guys and hearing that the whole is garbage and that I should switch the term.
but I'm not sure about the tax implications and stuff like that.I just don't really know what to do with the life insurance policy from here on out.
Okay.Have you looked into what the payout will be when you, if you dissolve it?
Um, so since the cash value is eight grand.Okay.
And your money back to you.That's crazy.
Yeah.Um, and have you looked into term at all to make sure that you, you, I mean, you're, are you healthy, Jessica?Like, yeah, you could probably get another insurance.
Okay.Cause I'm going to be 39.I'm 39 now.I'm going to be 40 next year.So I'm kind of like, wait, hold on to it.I have two little ones.Um, my husband's a primary beneficiary, but my oldest daughter is the contingent. And I'm like, do I hold onto this?
I already called the company and asked them if I should, you know, if I could switch it from hold the term.And of course they said, no, you could cash it out and then get a term insurance policy with us.
And I'm like, I don't know what the tax implications are, anything, or if it'd be worth it to do that, or if I should just hold on to, cause it looks like it is, it's gotten. like $1,500 in the last year.
Yeah, but it's, it's your money according to the statement.
So the way they take your money, you overpay them.They invest that money.They take a piece of the investment return and then they call you and they're like, Look what you have.
And it's a crappy return anyways.So yeah.So no, I would cancel it regardless of what the, whatever the fees and tax implication is.I don't know what taxes are when you cash it out.It may be income.It may be like a, like a capital gain.
It's not very much money.Yeah.
So I would pay the taxes on it.$55 a month.So I've been ignoring it for all this time.
I'm listening to you guys.I'm like, all right, I need to do something about this.Yeah.
How much are you paying a month for it?
55, 55.Yeah, I'm a state worker.I make around 15 a year.
So I wasn't really missing it, you know?
So what I would do, Rob slowly by there.
Totally.And that's what it ends up being when you're pairing an investment and insurance together, you're always going to get it. a crappy product, usually on both sides, but for sure on the investment side.
So, so yeah, I would cancel it for sure today.But before well, before you cancel it, I should say make sure you have term in place because I do want you to have life insurance.You guys have two little kids.So I would still have life insurance.
And so you do work is that what you said outside the home? Yeah.Okay.So I would get a policy 10 to 12 times your annual income.And that's about, that's around the policy that you would need.And I would go to Zander.
You can go to Zander.com or give them a call, Zander insurance.And they're great cause they're a more, they're, they're a insurance broker.So they're going to shop all different companies to get you the best deal versus like this one you call.
I don't know, State Farm and it's just State Farm or whatever, you know, like you'll be able to get all different kinds of quotes.And so that's what I would do.And then I would go ahead and apply and get that coverage going first.
And the day that goes into place, the term policy, then I would call Whole Life, cancel it, get your eight grand and move on.
Gotcha.All right.And then, um, okay.So you said 10 to 12 months, um, months or my 10 to 12 times, uh, 10 to 12 times your annual income.
If you make 50 grand, yeah, I would get a policy at a minimum of 500 grand, which should not cost you very much money a year.
It won't be, it won't be a huge cost.And by the way, um, this isn't just us pitching a product when I was 40 maybe 40 or 41.I did the exact thing you're doing.I called Xander and got my insurance moved over to them with term and it's, it's fantastic.
Gotcha.Okay.Awesome.Yeah.I just want to say also, God bless you guys and thank you for the work that you do.
Oh, thank you so much.You're super kind.And yeah, like, Rachel, I hear that a lot on like, what's the tax is going to be a grand is pay the taxes and move on with your life for whatever it is.Yeah, because you have $8 million.
Well, let's start worrying about the tax implications.
Totally.Yeah.Yeah.When you start looking at, you know,
$55 a month and it may feel like oh, that's you know, no big deal But over time what it adds up and then what you end up paying for terms a fraction of that anyways And always again, the rule of thumb is your insurance and your investment should never be mixed, right?
Because you're not going to get the rate of return that you could if you put it, you know Even in an in an index fund or Vanguard or the or the market, right?Yeah in any other place you're gonna get a better rate of return and
And a lot of these too, I'm like, they just, it's that slow leak that they just continue just to like take and take.And if it goes up, it just goes up.And you know what I mean?It doesn't feel clean whole life.
There's some entanglements there that are not great.
There's mixed priorities there, right?Let's go out to Spokane, Washington and talk to Elizabeth.Hey, Elizabeth, what's happening?
Awesome.We're running a scam called a YouTube show and a podcast.What are you up to?
I love it.I watch you guys all the time.
Oh, not much.I was just hoping to get your guys' advice.Um, we are pretty good, but we're not as good as we could be.Um, I feel like we're still struggling month to month, kind of like paycheck, paycheck.And how do we get ahead?How do we start like,
invest saving.Like we have three kids, I homeschooled, we're a one income household.Um, and the economy is kind of killing us.
Yeah.So here's, here's the hard, the hard truth.You and me and your spouse and my wife and Rachel and Winston, all of us go home as a family and we make choices. And that's not how it was set up for us.
We all grew up and they're like, dude, if you just go to college or just do this and you can do this and this and this and this and this.And sometimes like the dream of, we want mom to stay at home, awesome.
We want to not get into the schools and we want homeschool kids, cool.But we can't eat.Or we were just floating month to month to month.
And it's you guys as a family having to back out of that situation and say, okay, the price of milk is bananas right now. The price of bananas is bananas right now, right?
It is.My two youngest are not school age, so if I went back to work, we'd have to pay for daycare.
I don't think you're saying go back to work.I'm not saying you go back to work, I'm saying everybody makes choices.
So Elizabeth, I want to know, financially, where are you guys at?Do you guys have consumer debt?
Uh, no, we have credit cards.We don't use them.They are zero balance.Um, we own our cars and all our vehicles.
How much does your husband make a year?Uh, about 65.Okay.And are you guys on a written plan, like a very detailed budget every single month that you know exactly here's the amount we have to spend?Okay.I think no.Okay.
So I think the budget is probably, I need to do that.Yeah.Yeah.No, no, no.It's fine.Um, I mean, I think that's going to help. a lot.
And if you stay on the line after this call, Christian will pick up and we'll give you every dollar premium for a year.
Because I think the budget, it's one of those places, Elizabeth, that once you do it, and you actually have boundaries around certain categories in your life, and you force yourself to live within them, then suddenly you're like, oh, there's our margin.
There's our margin.It's not getting eaten up by that extra, you know, fast food run that we're gonna go do or out to eat or whatever like it's it is amazing when you do plan out and Stick to that plan.
It's gonna take about three months for you guys to get it to work So remember that 90 days give yourself a lot of grace between now and Christmas, but I want that to be your homework to say okay we're gonna we're gonna sit down and do this and then out of that and finding some margin and
And you'll look back on your accounts and your checking account last month and be like, oh my gosh, we're paying for two subscriptions we never use.When you actually start getting in the weeds of it, it is amazing what comes to the surface.
And even if it's 30, 40 bucks here or there, that adds up.I mean, that will get you some margin.And so do you guys have an emergency fund?
Oh, I just, hold on one second.There you go.
Do you guys have an emergency fund, Elizabeth?Do you have any savings?We do not have a specific emergency fund.We've got a decent amount in our checking account.
Okay, so what I would do is open up a high-yield savings and I would move three to six months of expenses out of your checking out to that, and then that's not touched.So that's your emergency fund.
If you have to have a few months to add to that savings to get that three to six months, do it.And then from there, I would start investing 15% of your income into retirement and start that going.
That can be through his 401k or Roth IRA, you guys can open up.
Hey guys, Dave Ramsey here, and I got a big announcement.I'm coming to a city near you live on the Money and Relationships Tour with Dr. John Deloney.This is the most interactive event we've ever done.You get to decide what we talk about.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome back to the Ramsey Show.We have two amazing people staring at us on the debt-free stage.
Jared and Kaitlyn, and Kaitlyn and I are twins.
Did y'all call each other and plan this?
Yeah, look at this.The exact same jumpsuit.Marshalls?
Whoa, you just got out-purchased. out purchased.
Mine was probably 75%.Mine was $750.No, it was not.We're here for you guys.Y'all, you're on the Debt Free Scream stage because we're debt free.Congratulations.Where are you guys from?
Dripping Springs, Texas, about 30 minutes west of Austin.By Austin, I know where Dripping Springs is.
512, I know where that is.It's beautiful.That's awesome.How much did you guys pay off?
$158,244 in 34 months.Oh my gosh, in 34 months.
Making what kind of money during that time?
Okay, well done you guys.Okay, so what happened 34 months ago where you were like, okay, over two years ago you said something's got to change.What happened?
Well, we got married and we were thinking that we have no business trying to, and this is a personal conviction for me, but no business trying to start a family taking care of our past when we can be investing in our children's future.
And so that was a goal for us and that was something that we love our parents and all the support we've had, but we wanted to, it's really big for me to make it one step better for my kids, make it a little bit easier for them.
So we wanted to start investing before they hit the ground.
Okay, so you guys, were you just married around two years ago then?
Yeah, we got married in April of 21.
Okay, perfect.And then you're looking at this debt.What was the 150?What kind of debt was it?
Just two cars and some student loans.
Jared, are you from that area?Not originally.I'm from the Fresno, California originally.Are you really?Yes, sir.
Because you have a swoon, a Texas swoon about you.Right.
But I mean, I'm just imagining being in your seat and this tall drink of water comes in and sits down in his cowboy boots and he says, I want to invest in our children's future.I think I would have married him too.
We actually met two-stepping.
Golly, man.I feel like I'm getting warm in here.
Oh man, okay, so now that it's paid off, when you look back, what all did you do that really helped this journey?Because that's a lot of money to pay off and right at two years.A little over two years.
Well, we actually started the journey the Monday after our wedding.So unfortunately, Jared got laid off a few weeks.How many weeks was it before?
It was about eight weeks before we got married.Before we got married.
Yikes. Yeah, but he got a new job starting Monday after.So we decided not to go on our honeymoon and put the honeymoon money aside.Wow.Put it towards debt and keep rolling.So now we're debt free, and then we're now saving up to go on our honeymoon.
However many years later.
I thought you were rad, dude, but you got laid off and you just went and found another job?
Well, I started, I got laid off on a Friday after that freeze that came through the state.And so I started work the next Monday.
When all the Texans found out they aren't connected to a grid?
If you could run a chainsaw, you had plenty of work to do.
My friends were sending pictures of themselves getting drinking water from snow on their grill.
So we did.I just threw it in four and went back to work and landed a job pretty soon thereafter that and just got after it.
Golly, dude.They don't make guys like this anymore, Taylor.
Okay, so for you guys, what was the hardest part?Because it's, I keep saying two years, it was more like three, close to three.What were the things that were just, man, that you just hated so much in this process?
I think for me personally, and I can kind of speak for her, although she's gonna say what she wants to say, that's how she rolls.
Good man, right?It's good, you should.
I think it was adopting that mindset and just like this was not in our hand, like you said, Dr. John, but it was in our lap.
I mean, for me specifically, I mean, I had a, the government promised me that I was gonna have an aviation contract and two and a half years into that and a year of being on medical review, that didn't end up happening.
And that's how I went from personally zero debt.I was out of state two semesters.And so I went from a full ride scholarship with the Navy into 30 grand and then might as well finish out the degree.So 45 grand.
So I think it was just for me though, meeting her, we got to share a lot of this and that's what's a beautiful part of marriage is Like I got to share some of my tenacity and she got to share some of her patience with me.
And so together, adhering that to the budget and just letting God take the wheel and keeping our foots on the gas, I mean, Lord's gonna get you where you need to go.
Hey, I think I'm gonna, we have a, are y'all coming to the Money in Marriage retreat this weekend?
We are, we are, we're thrilled to be here.
I think you need to keynote that, brother, because I can't, I mean, you just said it better than I could have said it.That's incredible.
Well, I listened to you yesterday in the vineyard, Dr. John, so I appreciate you.You have a vineyard?That's what I do, I'm a wine grape farmer, so.
You're like a movie character, man.It's like a Hallmark movie character.Good gosh.
I'm a glorified farmer.It's a vineyard manager.That is what it is.Can your wife get any secret magic deals at Marshalls?Yesterday, and I, fortunately, with some of my Navy training, was able to iron this bad boy in the hotel before we got here.
Okay.Look at that.See?So great.So great.
rings a little false to me is when you said that the government made a promise and they didn't come through.They never do that.They always, always keep their promises.
Precisely.Yeah.All right, Caitlin, what was this like for you?What was the biggest, like, I imagine, honey, I lost my job and you saying, okay, we're going to, well, I'm in this, we're going to do this together.I got a new job.Yay.And it's Monday.
Right.Like walk us through that.
Well, it's actually a great story.We had my wedding dress in tow.We were dropping his friend off at the San Antonio airport.And the day after our wedding, we actually went to his new job site at a new vineyard.
And my wedding dress was a dress in the back.And we're like, here we are.
So just a lot of hard work.For me, what I struggled with the most is the comparison trap that we all fall
fallen yeah so and through the years I mean it's that was one thing that I still held on to that was really hard but just even getting on this stage is gonna be really it's really freeing for me so we can't wait to see what happens next so great a pretty big deal
So how does it feel, you guys standing here completely debt free versus almost three years ago, you're getting married, starting a new job with $150,000 in debt.What's the contrast of you guys three years ago versus today?
Complete freedom, liberation.
That's the biggest part is like, it's the peace.It's like, okay, something happens tomorrow, who cares?We're good for three, six months, you know, whatever.So good.
And then now, whatever future kids you may be blessed with, we'll never know that struggle, right?
Right.That was the goal.Mission accomplished.I love that.
Okay, where's the honeymoon gonna be?Where's the honeymoon gonna be?Do you know?
We're gonna try to go to New Zealand and Australia at the end of the year.
Go drink some Sauvignon Blanc.
Oh Vineyard guy.Yeah that's what he's talking about.Oh so good you guys.We are rooting for you.Absolutely incredible.Absolutely incredible.
I just thought like movies like The Notebook aren't real and then here's this couple right here.Geez Louise.Y'all are amazing.
Incredible.It says something about you all that you're starting a brand new chapter from a relational standpoint and then you're starting a brand new money chapter.I mean doing new things all at once
I guess maybe easier I don't know you just dive right in and go but man not a lot of people can can hold that level of change because I mean shifting your money perspective it's a that's a big that's a big ship to turn right especially if you'd had been on one path for so long like you guys had been.
And it took me about 20 years of being married before I realized
yeah my wife's different than me and that's a good thing right and you already know yeah like i'm fired up and she's patient and that works like we work together that way um and you can appreciate those differences instead of going to war with them every morning so good for you guys y'all are inspirational and just amazing
So we want to thank you all for the incredible wise advice and inputs that you put into our lives because we're able to, you know, now lead our life group.And so we thank you and you've started a generation.Well, I appreciate that.
You guys did it.You guys did it.
So Jared and Caitlin from Austin, Texas paid off.How much is 150,000 and 34 months making 120 to 170.
Count it down.Count it down.Let it rip.Glory to God.
That's how it's done, America.You can do it, too.We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show.
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All right, welcome back to The Ramsey Show.
All right, listen, if you listen to The Ramsey Show or if you listen to my other show, The Dr. John Deloney Show, and especially on that show, man, we take a lot of calls, Rachel, about relationships, sex, intimacy, the whole thing.
And so after several years of putting out questions for humans, more and more and more and more and more and more people asking, hey, can we have the intimacy deck?Can we talk about like,
have those kind of questions those kind of conversations and so after a couple years finally here we are the questions for humans intimacy deck these are questions about yes about sex and intimacy but it goes way deeper than that and man everyone who's who's written back in has got these things you're gonna learn something unexpected you're gonna laugh you're gonna learn some things
maybe aren't so funny, but you're going to learn and you're going to learn, you're going to build emotional intimacy, have fun.And here's the most important thing, connected quality time together.
And I don't know any married people, very, very, actually very, very few who don't need some assistance asking some of those deeper, harder questions.And it's easy to point to the deck and be like, Hey, it's not me.It's the, it's the card.
Like what's the answer to the card?
You are worth the marriage.It's incredible.So get questions for humans intimacy edition today.And by the way, we've made third editions, all brand new questions for couples, for friends, for parents and kids.That's all new questions.
So you can get all this at Ramsey solutions.com slash store, or you can click the link in the description.If you're listening on YouTube or podcast.
And I'll say this, we went to Chick-fil-A, and they kind of have a ripped off version of this, John.They have a, yeah, and it's my kid's favorite part.Of course it is.And I was like, oh man, I need to get John's cards for our family.
So for the parenting ones, I'm going to pick up a pack.
Okay, but don't... Not that.
I got confused.Not the intimacy.No, no.
The question of human intimacy is not good for your kids.
No, I don't know.That would make dinner super weird.I'm just saying the concept of the cards and asking these questions Winston and I love doing it together.I'm saying our kids, they love it.
They love asking us questions off these Chick-fil-A cards, which yours, I'm sure, are a whole lot better.
And I remember leaving, I had a deck of parents and kids I left in the car on accident.I was just getting them from work to the house.And Josephine, my daughter, pulled them out, and still to this day, she'll grab one out.
Even if it's the same question, what I found is with kids, a year later, the answer's different.
And it just makes it fun.
It's so great.I love it.RamseySolutions.com slash store. Let's go out to Des Moines, Des Moines, Iowa and talk to Kelly.What's up, Kelly?
I mean, could not be better.We're doing great.How about you?
I'm doing all right.Thank you.
If you were doing great, you wouldn't be calling us.What's up?
So I'm calling because my husband and I, I'll give you kind of some details, happily married for 10 years.We've been together for 18. And, um, his mom has been having some health issues the last couple of years.
And a couple of years ago we downsized her to a smaller home, everything all on one level and things have been going great until last year.
We got a phone call from the bank when we were on vacation that they were concerned about the amount of money exiting her account.
When we get back home, we found out that over the course of about nine months, she had given away over $150,000 in scams.And there's no recourse.The money is gone.It's fraudulent.It was all on her own doing.
And so thankfully the home that we downsized her to is in our name.And thank goodness, because we are pretty confident that the person scamming her would have convinced her to get a second mortgage on the property.
So, uh, we've had a lot of conversations over the last year and a half about the amount of times that she has fallen and gotten hurt.And the reason that I think she even fell victim to these scams is that she's very lonely.
She has been living on her own for over 30 years and we just felt, you know, how can we sit back and watch her be lonely and depressed and have these health issues? and we felt it on our hearts to welcome her into our home.
The home that we are currently in is very small, it is our pre-marriage home, and we have dramatically outgrown it.So we identified and purchased a new home that we closed on last week.Part of the financial intention of all of this was that
the current home we are in, we own free and clear and the home that she is in that is in our name, we also own free and clear.We were getting a bridge loan, able to move into the new home and sell both of those properties.
Therefore then owning the new home completely debt free.
Yeah.Since we have closed on the new home, uh, nine days ago.Okay. She has started exhibiting some behaviors that I have never seen out of her in 18 years.
She has become very angry, very demanding, and I hate to say even almost entitled about the new home.And it has just been giving me all sorts of red flags about, I don't know if I can do this anymore.
She will be 73 in a couple months.
Um, has your husband sat down and laid out the ground rules for moving into your house?
So we did sit down with her two nights ago and I was very candid about that.I thought I was ready for this, that we have discussed this for about a year and a half.And all of a sudden I'm feeling a big wave of regret.
And I feel like I may have over promised something that I don't know that I can deliver on anymore.And she admitted that part of why she is recently very angry with us is because we have had to take over her finances.
because she continually was making poor choices.And so she's very, very angry with us that we have not allowed her to obtain a new credit or debit card.
Sure.And are y'all, are y'all have some sort of financial power of attorney?
Okay.So is she have some sort of diagnosis that makes that possible or does she sign it over to you?
We had the financial power of attorney in place when we purchased the home that she is in in 2021.
I know, but she would have had to sign that over as an adult.Like what keeps her from going to just get her own credit card?
So part of what we did as putting the rails on things and she was present with all of this, we froze her credit at all three credit bureaus.We, First she had two credit cards.Then when we dug into it, we found she had four.
Well, no, she had eight and they were all full of fraudulent charges.
So here's, here's how all this stills down.Um, she's a 73 year old woman and she's an adult.
And if she's got early onset dementia or she's got some sort of mental health challenges or cognitive decline challenges and you have to step in to help, then part of stepping in to help is just knowing that no adult likes that kind of help and there's just going to be some pushback, very similar to when you're parenting a young child.
You're doing the right thing and it just comes with blowback.
But does she, can I ask, does she have that, Kelly?
Or is she just... But it sounds like y'all came in and said, if you're going to live in my house, then here's the rules.And she is really not liking that.
Well, she's, she has been without a debit or credit card for coming up on a year now.
So do y'all give her an allowance?
We're in a small enough community that the vast majority of places that she shops at still take a personal check.So she's still able to get all of her groceries, car service.
So my thing, Kelly, is I don't want you guys to have this level of parenting over a 73-year-old who mentally is Is stable.Yeah, she doesn't want your help.
She's fallen for scams, but she's it's not because of john's point that she has some mental decline Um, she's a 73 year old who doesn't make wise decisions And there's only to a point that you guys can control that kelly, you know, like there there's something to be said about um letting her have to experience
Right, to a degree of pain.I don't know if you can control the mother-in-law for so long.
At the end of the day, it sounds like she's going to be with you regardless.And so I think sitting down and having that direct conversation, do you want to take your money back?But you're going to be living with us.
You're going to be living under our rules because you don't have a budget and you keep falling for these scams, or we're going to continue to love you and it's going to be frustrating, but we can get through this together. Thanks for the call.
I know that's a mess.Hey, everybody, head over to the Ramsey Network app.If you're watching this on YouTube or podcast, the show's about to end.If you are listening to it on radio, just keep plugging in.Go to Ramsey Network app.
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