Heather McDonald has got the Juicy Scoop.When you're on the road, when you're on the go, Juicy Scoop is the show to know.She talks Hollywood tales for real life business, saving serial data and serial sisters.
You'll be addicted and addicted fast to the number one tabloid, real life podcast.Listen in, listen up.Heather McDonald, Juicy Scoop.
Hello and welcome to Juicy Scoop.I have a very old dear friend of mine.We probably met when we were like 23.Then of course worked together on Chelsea Lately.You know him as the delightful dirty dad.Happily married Josh Wolfe.
How are you?Good.I want to say a couple things.I hope people know me as the delightful dirty dad. And that might be the first time you've ever said my last name with an L in it.
You know what?You know I have like a speech impediment and the listeners let me know daily.Do they?Yeah.I don't know what it is.I think I remember being diagnosed with a phonics problem.
I remember my mom saying that like I was very slow to speak because I was the youngest of five and I could just point and grunt and all the other kids would give me stuff.
And so it's weird that I talk all the time, but there are certain words, I remember Chelsea would be very upset when I'd say bathing suit, because it's, I don't know, how am I saying it right?
Bathing suit, that's right.
I don't know if she would say I was saying it wrong.Ruin, I sometimes say ruin, you ruined me, instead of you ruined me.But you know what's interesting? Josh Wolf?
You would say woof, but a lot of people do.
But you know what's interesting for someone who had a phonics issue is that you do voices so well.
Yeah, I can do voices, but I'm not good at language.When I took French, I could pass the test because I'd study, but I was very bad when it would get to the place where you'd have to talk to each other in a language.I can't learn another language.
That's why I have such respect for people who know languages.
You don't have the phonics issue when you do the impersonation.I have a buddy, Dash, who is an actor, who has Tourette's, but not when he acts.
It's so interesting.He's like, no, no, no.When I'm in character, I don't.
But when you do your... I recently had someone mail me an anonymous letter to my P.O.box.So thank God it wasn't my house. and typed all out diagnosing me with a new disease.
A new disease.I'm saving it because I don't, it is hilarious.
Wait, it's new he made or he or she made it up?
No, it exists.Oh, okay.But it's something no doctor has ever told me that I might have.
But then when I looked into it, I do think it's possible.
Was it typed like typewriter?
Yeah, typewriter, one letter.And they also think that Drake has it too. And then so, then Brandon was happy to hear he was not diagnosed by the hater, like clearly a hater, okay?And so, I really do wanna make sure I don't have it.
And then if I do have it, I think I can finally get another special, because I'll be on like a disability list.And if I don't have it, then I will read it on stage and it'll be pretty funny.But it's possible I have it.
I'm saving what it is.Some people might now, could be like, da-da-da, wondering what it is.
If you do have it, and you do have a disability, now if people come after you, you can accuse them of going after the disabled.
You know what I mean?Yeah.That's what I'm saying.
It's a nice card to be able to play.Also, trying to get specials that we don't produce ourselves, which we'll talk about yours.My last special, we produced ourselves and put it out there and people really loved it.
And people are, why didn't you have a Netflix special?Well, I did, but it was a long time ago before anyone had Netflix.It was 2015. And however, you know, when I've asked my powers that be, the agents, like, what do I, what's the feeling towards me?
It's that, you know, I don't fall in the right box.
So this, this diagnosis might be the box. So I really do have to go to the doctor and make sure and see if I have it.
Disabled comedian Heather McDonald.I mean, because they do need some disabled comics.
Well, they have some, but they don't, this one, I don't know anybody that is killing it right now.Matt Rife does not have it.
Hannah Burner doesn't have it.
Definitely Ali Wong does not have it.
Because the traits, she definitely doesn't have the traits that I have.
I'm so curious what it is.
I'll say it after.Tell you after.
Do you think I might have it?
No.Not what I have.Not that one.No.
I don't think so.Really quickly, I'm going to be at the Irvine Improv People.I'm going to be there Friday, November 8th for one show, two shows, Saturday the 9th, and a live Juicy Scoop on Sunday the 10th.So go, Heather McDonald.
I'll be in Omaha November 6th, 7th, 8th, and Chicago at the festival on November 9th.
How fun.I was just in Chicago.I love Chicago.So gorgeous.How good's the food there?It's so gorgeous.It was so fun.Now, this is some big, juicy sport news.
Did you do this specifically for me?
I have several sport things for you.The first one is Giselle is knocked up.Giselle has the boyfriend, who people were never sure in the beginning he was the instructor for one of the kids.
And which I love.I love when a woman fucks the baseball coach of Little League.I remember my favorite story of that was Larry King's wife.Do you remember that?Larry King's wife.
Allegedly, while they were married, it was found out she had two young boys with him. And it was something going on with the Little League coach.I remember reading that.I don't know.
Somehow they got together and then he... But Larry King was like 140, right?Right.So he wasn't throwing the ball around, but whatever, she found him.
Literally and figuratively.Yeah.
And so She's like five, six months pregnant, due like in January, February.And she's 42, so that's like pretty amazing to, you know, that would be a challenge for most women to get naturally pregnant at that time.
And I assume it's natural, but who knows.And anyway, he did not know, she told them at the same time, the kids and him, and supposedly they don't really talk unless it's with arranging times with children.And so what are your thoughts?
Well, he posted a cryptic... Tom did?Yeah.What I understand is he posted something very cryptic with like some Fleetwood Mac lyrics over the picture, right?And you couldn't tell, but it seems like he was a little upset or shocked.
I don't think anyone's going to feel bad for Tom Brady.
No, and I mean if we want to go back to the history of Tom Brady, he got a lot of kids.
That's right.He left his first Bridget Monaghan.
And we still don't know because she's never really come out as like a scorned woman.Like she's this beautiful actress that did well, but they had a baby together or she was pregnant.
It was like either the baby was just born and she was still pregnant.When he started to date Giselle.And it was always, I mean, that just looks horrible, but could it be that they were already no longer together?I don't know.
But then he got with Giselle and then Giselle had two kids with him and was a wonderful, from all accounts, stepmother to the boy of Bridget's.And they did get along.Bridget never said a bad thing about them, whatever.
I actually talked to a nanny who worked for the Bradys and said they were so nice, which it's rare because I found this nanny that's blowing up on TikTok that's talking about the mean jeweler she worked for, the mean jewelry designer, and she's acting out scenes where the woman's screaming.
How do we even know this is true?Like, how do we even know this is true?
I love the acting out scenes part, really.
She plays both roles, and she's like, um, why are you giving my kid cereal?And then she goes, um, because he asked for it.My kid doesn't deserve cereal.And then all the comments are like, who is this witch?I'll never buy her earrings.
And then everyone's guessing who it is.It's so stupid.Yeah.
But anyway, they had a nice reputation. reputation.
And I heard nothing but great things about him.Yes.Like he's one of the nicest dudes going.Yeah.But like when I look at all three of them, they're beautiful, very successful people.And like it's not a surprise to me that they don't talk.Right.
It's over.They're divorced.What are they supposed to say to each other?There's nothing.I'm sure whatever they wanted to say, they said before they got divorced.And like I said, and I'm the biggest Tom Brady fan in the world. it feel bad for the guy?
He's a gazillionaire.He's living from the outside the perfect life.Maybe he got a boo-boo.
Yeah, and what did you think about when he did the roast?
And then he came forward after and said he sort of regretted it, or maybe he would have wished that he put more rules on it, because he didn't like any jokes about the kids.
And then even if those jokes were cut before they got on stage, because it was live, then everybody went on their podcast and said, the joke I really wanted to say was about him kissing his kid when he was 10.
And so then those things made the news anyway.
So it's like there's no way you can keep any, if you're gonna be a public figure, you're gonna go put yourself in something like that, or you choose to go on a podcast that's live, or anything that's live.Then just be prepared.It's so crazy.
I was thinking about this last night.I was watching a movie where a woman, a younger woman, showed her boobs, right?Uh-huh.
And I'm at an age now where I thought, you know, you're going to have kids someday and someday one of his friends or her friends is going to text them a picture of your boobs.
And like, I bet you in the moment he thought it was funny, but hearing from his kids the jokes about their mom, I bet you he was like, fuck.
Didn't think about that because he did put some ground rules up about what he didn't want to talk about Yeah, but I don't think he thought about how jokes about Giselle or his family where his kids were gonna be like, that's my fucking mom, dude You know, I think the biggest thing because he is for from everything I've heard a good dude loving dad and generous guy and all that stuff
I think the biggest thing is, you know, we always talked about our kids and things like that and funny stories from when they were two to from when they were 12 to whatever.When I did that first special, I said, you can watch this when you're 16.
You know, and they never watched it.They did not watch it.They did not know what I said about them in stand-up.
Because I'm like, I think if you, because I thought in my head, if you hear this story about how, you know, you dropped your Hot Wheel car, which is true, in the toilet and I had to rescue it between, it was parked between two giant shits, and I tell the whole story.
I went with a ladle.Oh, good idea. And I acted him out crying.I knew that if he saw that at like 7 or 8, it's going to be embarrassing.It's embarrassing that I'm talking about it.But at 16, they're going to go, well, that's funny.
I was a little three-year-old kid.And I think that's the thing.People think, Well, of course every kid cries and has tantrums, so I'm going to tell the story or I'm going to show it on a video.But you do have to kind of think about your kid.
And then in telling the stories, now both my sons have seen Mac numerous times.They've come and they help, obviously your son too.
and it's all fine and there's sexy stuff that I talk about and da da da and they're all good with it you know but there was a time when they were younger that I did protect them from seeing those things and and protect their images on social media and whatnot and I think now when people
are talking about their kids on podcasts, and everyone has one, even though they're not on a reality show, even though we're not seeing them, you're still telling stories.
And those stories then get made into a page six article, and then that kid is on his phone, and it can be embarrassing.And so you do have to think about that. I always... I don't even think it's just you having boobs in a movie.
I think that's minimal.I think it's just stories about your kids.
I think both, but I think if I was 14 and somebody kept texting me pictures of my mom's tits, it might be embarrassing for me.And I'm not saying people shouldn't do it.I'm just saying I wonder, at my age, I start to think about that stuff.
But with my daughter, one of the reasons there aren't as many stories about my daughter is because she said, don't tell stories about me.
Yeah, and then that's great.
And one of the reasons people would be like, why are you telling the story about Jacob?He's 24, you're telling the story when he's 14.Because when he was 14, he didn't want me telling the story.
Exactly, that's what I'm saying.Now I can tell every story of when they were littler and stuff, and they kinda like it.They think it's funny.
Just like when I got to a certain age, I loved when my mom would tell something of when I was six or two or whatever.It's like the same thing.You gotta wait for the kid to mature They're not, they don't have a mature brain, you know?
I remember Jacob, he was like, listen, there's this one story I don't like it when you tell.I'm like, okay.I was like, do you like those, you like those new shoes?And he was like, yeah.
I'm like, I'll stop telling the story, but you might not get many more new shoes.
I used to say, I used to be like, yeah, some people have to wake up at 5am and milk the cows and pick the corn. I'm going to occasionally exploit you on stage.And that is the family business.
I used to say, hey guys, everybody's got to eat, you know?So if we want everyone to eat.
Speaking of, you know, oh, you know, embarrassing for a boy to be like, here's your mom in this movie or whatever to a friend.So when Brandon was at the all-boy high school, Crestview, he one time came home and
I was asking him, like, how's everything going?Fine, fine, fine.I'm like, does like anybody even bully anymore?Is that like a thing?He's like, no, no.But I mean, there's just this one kid.
And this is like when he's a freshman or something, like the one day they could go during COVID or whatever.Maybe it was the sophomore.And so he's like, the kid said, you know, he's like, it's just it's embarrassing what he says to me.I'm like, what?
What does he say?And he's like, he says, oh, your mom's hot. I was like, what?I'm like, that is terrible.I am so mad.
Maybe we should have him over so we can talk to him.
And so then I'm like, oh my God, oh my God.And so I'm like, I've got to tell one of the male teachers.So I pick out like the hottest one.Do you know that boy's bullying me?My son's saying that I'm hot.So then I tell Drake, my older son, he goes, Mom,
Every gay kid says that.It doesn't mean you're hot.
I'm like, oh, fuck you.When my ex and I split up, the way that some women dressed in the mornings at drop-off changed when I would show up.
Oh, when you were a single hot daddy.
When I was single, right?
And so I was pull up with the three kids, and Trevor, my oldest son one day, he said to me this, because this woman would always come up and lean into the car, and one morning she walked away and he goes, why is she always wearing a dress?
Doesn't she know it's seven in the morning?And I was like, well, she was wearing sweatpants last week, dude, but I'm single now, so.
Oh, nice.I like it.Anyway, I think it's great.She's young, has all the money in the world.But him too.
Like, good, go live your lives.
Until she doesn't get along with him anymore.And then she has to pay him child support, and he has to have an equal home to hers.So let's hope that they continue to do jiu-jitsu.What is it?
Whatever.Karate. times two.Let's just hope that lasts forever, and people take lessons from him.
I mean, what a great, though, teacher to get involved with, because if anybody does step out of the line, you can just twist them into a pretzel.Yeah.
Do you think, though, even if you're Tom Brady, and you're the most secure person in the world, do you start to think, when did this really start? Because he's been around for a minute, right?Oh, he has?
I think he's been teaching the kids for a minute.Like, I think, I mean, that's where my mind would go.I'd be like, okay, but when did this all start to go down?
I think when he said he was gonna retire and then he went back two more times.
Maybe.Maybe.Okay, so then also in the breakup world, Channing Tatum.Yeah, I saw this. And Zoe Kravitz, they were engaged.They've been together three years.It is definitely off.
However, they will stay co-starring in this movie called The Alpha Gang, even though I guess they're still filming it.I don't know.But what was weird is that his ex, Jenna Dewan, she's pregnant with her new dude.
And that guy did a post where he just wrote, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Why?What do you care?And you're already with... And you should be... If I were you, I'd be a little bummed that you broke up with Zoey Kravitz.Like, what do you care?
You're single and coming around again, handsome guy?
They don't share a kid together, do they?I don't think they do.
I don't know.I don't know.
So there's no tie to him.He's handsome. I did, oh, he's very handsome.And I think I know what happened when they broke up.This is what I think happened.
Wow, yeah, that is what happened, for sure.
This was a Halloween party approximately nine years ago.And clearly he's been pining for me ever since we met each other at this Halloween party.You can tell by the picture.Yeah, absolutely.And I whip out this picture every time.
When he first broke up with Jenna Dewan, I whipped it out.And then I was able to find it again today.
I would take it out if I was at the counter at Ralph's.I'd be like, let me see if I got my Apple Pay.Oh, look at this.
I actually was just looking for Halloween costumes because we got invited to a party tomorrow night, well tonight, Halloween night, and I have it.
And I'm like, I might just wear it again.Did he dance at this party?
No.He was with Jenna, and he was the cat in the hat.He was wearing a very casual outfit.It was that Casamigos party that was quite the banger with Cindy Crawford and her husband.
But do you think him and guys like John Travolta ever get tired of people at a party, like dance, or Kevin Bacon?I'm sure he gets asked to do the Footloose dance. Any time he's at a party, somebody's like, put on Footloose.
Do you think those guys get tired of it?Yeah, probably.
I mean, Travolta, I don't think he gets tired of it.I think Travolta will do a dance for you anytime.I heard he's moving to Australia, by the way.That was a rumor.
Travolta's quitting Hollywood and moving to Australia.
Well, he does just those weird movies, right?With all the old, the geezer movies of like, Randall Emmett's movies.Yeah, like, which, why not?Make your money, who cares?But, and he's, we never found out who the pilot was that he was kissing.
I mean, maybe that's who's flying him to Australia.
Or you're just really grateful that you landed.Yeah, I think that if I had to walk- Peter's taking pilot lessons.
Yeah, and if someone has a photo of him kissing the instructor... Please send it.Please send it.
Let's take a look.I am completely fine with that.Out of the three of those guys, Travolta, Kevin Bacon doing Footloose, or this guy doing a little Magic Mike, we're at a party, which one would you rather see?
See, I'd rather see Kevin Bacon because I don't care about seeing him shirtless.But I'd rather see Kevin Bacon get out and do a little dance, a little footloose.
I'm a little ageist.Kevin's pretty old now.And this guy's young and hot still, for me.For me, as the cougar.These are your guys.The Waynes brothers are gonna bring back Scary Movie.I love it.Which is amazing.And the story behind that, as I recall.
So they were doing the scary movies, right?They did two of them.Scary movie one, two.I don't know if they did three.
Something happened, and it's just my recollection, where somehow somebody in the group of writing it and so it kind of screwed them over.Then they started doing other scary movies.
Like scary movie three and four and five were not by the Wayans brothers.
That's right.And then they called me. to, because they were going to do a parody of alien movies, like The Signs, remember Signs and all that stuff.
And one of the things that Keenan realized was a theme in a lot of alien type movies was there's always like a single mom, you know, E.T.and- Alien.Like all that stuff.So they wanted like a female, so he's like, see what Heather's doing.
One of the writers that I knew from back in the Keanu every Wayne's late-night show called me and I was like, okay And so we go to Ojai and we're watching all these alien movies and trying to come up like what would this?
storyline of this parody be and we worked on it for a while and then they found out that those same people then we're doing a the scary movie six or whatever was going to be the parody of signs and all that and
So then I was like, but what about that Deadline article I saw in the office when I was waiting for all of you guys?
And I remember I was waiting at Keenan's house to write and they were late and I saw the article that they'd sold the story about two white girls. White Chicks and all that.And I was like, can I work on this?Don't you need one white girl consultant?
And then they were like, sure.So then I worked on White Chicks.Way better choice.So they shelved everything we worked on for the Alien movie.It never did it.But they paid me and everything.But then we got into the White Chicks.
Was this franchise the first scary movie, the first parody movie like that?Was that before the epics, all that stuff?
Yeah, I mean this was like in, this was like 99 was the first one.
Anna Faris was in the first one?Yeah.
That was a really funny movie.They discovered Anna Faris.
That was a really funny movie.Yeah.Look man, I don't think Kenan gets enough credit in public about the genius that he is.
No, he's total genius and it was like taking a film class.Like the way that in writing White Chicks how then we watched Some Like It Hot and we watched Tootsie
And they were like, OK, at this, you know, before the third act, there has to be a moment where one of the guys almost gets caught as, you know, having to switch.And there has to be a love interest, which Sean had a love interest in the movie, like.
you know all this along with all the really really funny stuff that came in that was like edgy and everything there was like the and i was like oh i didn't you know i didn't know the how certain movies had a formula or whatever and and this was our movie was unique but there was still a little formula that we were following of men dressing up as women to yeah to get away with something get a job in tootsie or whatever because they liked a girl or what you know
He, man, that, when you think about the talent that he broke, including In Living Color, crazy.He, without a doubt, doesn't get enough credit, but I'll tell you something, man.I will see a movie that he's writing or in charge of.
To me, there are a couple people that have track records where I'm like, oh, that's gonna be funny.I hate to say it, I think Seth Rogen's one of them.
Why do you hate to say it?
Because a lot of people are like, but I love dude, like this is the end and all that shit.
Super funny.Yeah.Super funny.
So it's just, it's great and you know, people are, White Chicks is such a big hit with the Gen Z and the Gen Alpha.Do people still talk about it?Oh my God, all the time.And you know, I just have the one scene.Yeah.
Wait, White Chicks is big with Gen Z?
Oh, Gen Z and Gen Alpha. What's Gen Alpha?That's younger than Gen Z. That's like up to like 13.
Oh, we had to start over.
Oh, I get it.Okay.All right.Oh, wow.
I guess Y is millennial, but we don't call them Y. But it started at Boomer.
Yeah, then it just went to Z. Then it went to X. We're at Gen X. Yeah, it feels like we skipped a bunch of letters there.
I don't know.Well, now we're starting over.Okay, we're starting over.Okay, good enough.
We know the Greek words, yeah.So I guess it'll be Alpha, Beta, Gamma.No.No, not Gamma.Gamma is the C? Yeah, well, I'm trying to remember when I was in a sorority, and I remember the alphabet.
Alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, chem, lambda, mu, nu, zi, omega, omega.I missed some of them.
You missed a couple.The only song I remember from school is, 50 nifty, that's the United States, Alabama.That's it.That's how I know I start.
Good.That's great. Anyway, I have... I know how we can do white chicks, too.
I don't want to spill it here.They have to call me if they're going to do it.
There's no way you would get away with that right now.
Yes, you can.Yes, you can.Now, I think you can.Three years ago, I don't think you could.
I think you're right, actually.
Now, I think you can because it's like we could actually make fun of the fact that they could be getting in trouble for posing as women, but they have to pose as women because just remember they're FBI agents, so there has to be an FBI crime that
I think that some white women slash, you know, Real Housewives types, Karens, did, and they have to infiltrate that world again.
But they're older, and with all the plastic surgery jokes, and all the Karen jokes, and all the, oh my God, and white women would fucking love it just like they loved white chicks.
I am not worried, but what killed it for the guys is the amount of hours in the makeup. And so I wonder if today there would be a quicker, a less painful way to get them in there, but maybe not.
I think also just comedy wise, maybe I'm just judging from my shows, but what you're, and I'm putting this in air quotes, allowed to say or not allowed to say is definitely loosening up.
Yeah, because it just went too over and people were just like, you know, whatever.And also people didn't really get totally canceled.
No, but the people who got canceled did terrible things to other people.
Yeah, the only people that are really canceled are like, yeah, Weinstein and like he's in prison, but everybody else, it was like, what?Okay.So this, I want to talk about this.There is this thing going on right now that I guess happens every year.
It's called the World Series.And And our team, the Dodgers, oh my God.They're doing very well.They're doing really, really well.So this guy, I cannot believe this story.So why don't you explain what happened?Because now I've seen the video.
My son told me about it and I couldn't imagine it until I saw the video.But tell what happened.
So basically, So basically, every time the ball gets hit, right?The rule is, the fan is not allowed to reach over the wall.But if it's in the crowd.
It's fair game.It's not the pew, but I'll let that go.In the stands.It's fair game for the fans to go after and go after the ball and all that stuff, right?So, this ball goes, it looks like it's kind of on that line of in the stands.
Uh-huh.But he caught it, though.
The guy caught it.The player caught it.
So then that means it's safe.
The batter's out.But the fan tried to rip the ball out of the glove.
He was ripping it out, and while the player, who was a Dodger, tried to- Mookie Betts.So it was Yankee fans.
Was trying to protect the ball with his other hand.The other fan, who was with this guy, tried to- Take the glove. Take his hand.Take his arm.He's playing.You could have injured him.
First of all, I don't think anybody's surprised, as a Red Sox fan, that a Yankee fan would do some shit like that.But the fact that Gronkowski, of all people.
Rob Gronkowski played tight end for the Patriots.You ever heard of someone called Gronk?Yeah, yeah, yeah.That's Gronk.
Oh, I remember him from The Roast.
Yeah, yeah, and Gronk has had a reputation of kind of a caveman-y type dude.And the fact that he knows this guy, Probably doesn't shock anybody.
So they say, according to TMZ Sports, he was college friends with him.
So they immediately escorted him out.Is this guy, like, in witness protection?I guess it's okay because it didn't affect the game.It didn't affect the game.The Dodgers won anyway.They would have won whether that was wrong or not, right?
They were so far ahead.So thank God for that.Otherwise, I think this guy could have been, like, murdered.
Heather, there is a guy from I don't know how many years ago in Chicago. And he's known as Bartman.And Bartman did get in the way of a Cubs player in Chicago catching a ball in foul territory.
Now the Cubs and the Red Sox had gone many years without winning a World Series.They were both franchises that always lost in terrible ways, and their fan base is lovable losers, right?
So there is a game where the Cubs are going to win and the guy takes the ball out of the Cubs.A Cubs fan takes the ball.
He reaches over and he stops the Cubs player from catching it.The guy had to move out of Chicago.He had to be escorted out of the stands.
Do you think he's like in witness protection?
Dude, Heather, nobody knows where this guy is.He had to move, has never done an interview, has never come up for air in public.And people are saying it's okay to do it.
So do you think this guy has to do this or not because it didn't affect him?
No, because it didn't affect him.But good luck getting out of that stadium if it had.
Although I think that happened maybe in New York.
Now this guy is a real cutie.
He is my favorite because, oh my gosh, his story is so inspirational.
So he runs to the dad after he got the Grand Slam and then I was watching another thing and I didn't realize that his mom had passed and so the dad was a single dad and the dad had like a heart attack and he found him or whatever and then after that the dad was gonna make a commitment to eat healthier and be healthy.
So part of that was working out more.So he then took him to practice and did extra practice with him all the time.So that was just a really cute moment.
But his son this year, what he's had to deal with, and I don't want to speak out of turn, but some sort of
he was dealing with some sort of paralysis and I forget what the player don't his son like his three-year-old so yeah his three-year-old son was sick yeah yeah and so he's dealt with a lot this year so for him and by the way perfect teeth this dude I said every time he smiles I'm like this guy's teeth absolutely perfect yeah but he seems to be the nicest dude in the world and what I love it is Jacob text me he's like he had another Homer you had another Homer
And I will say one thing.That's your son.
And I remember when you were at Chelsea lately, and I oftentimes talk about this in a positive way towards you, but also to give a lesson to women.
When I started working at Chelsea Lately, which was a few years before you became a writer on it, I was the only parent.The guys hadn't started to have kids yet.You weren't on the staff yet.And I never pulled the mom card.
I never said, can I leave early to go to a baseball game?And my kids were in Little League too.And then when you got hired, you said, hey, if it's not, you know, detrimental that I'm here and Jacob has a game, I'm gonna go."
And they're like, no problem.And I just remember one time being like, on a Monday, leaving at like 3.30, and all the executives were like, hope Jacob wins!And I'm like, what?
And so that's where, I'm like, that's where the lesson is, is, you know, say what you want as a person and as a parent, woman or man, but sometimes it's more important that a woman is reminded to say, you know.
If I can do the work at home, if I can leave at 3.30, I wanna leave at 3.30, I don't wanna miss these opportunities to see my kid.I did not, you know.
Luckily my kids were not there. No, actually, Drake was good.Drake was pretty good.But, you know, he plays golf now, so it's fine.
But my thing was that, like, it will not affect my work.
But these are singular things that I'm going to miss when I'm older.Right.And I don't want to miss these singular things.
And I would say to the bosses that hire parents, and you have a kind of position that allows someone to work from home or do something or leave on occasion to go to a school function, you will have a much happier person.
But in the defense of the executives of where we worked, I never asked.You have to speak up for yourself, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, you have to ask, you have to say, this is important to me now, and I was just too scared to do it.
I was not scared because I am a man.No, because I honestly, I looked at that job and I love that job.Don't get me wrong.But I looked at that job as if I don't do this, I'm just going to go on the road.
And so like, I didn't feel like I had to keep that job at all times.
I did feel like I had to keep that job, and it was a good job for me as a mom.It wasn't overly exhausting.We didn't have like super long nights or anything like that.It was like pretty set regimen.
For a writing gig especially.
Yeah, it was very.So anyway, I love this.Okay, so today, the Dodgers have won three games, the Yankees have won one, We're recording this on a Wednesday.Do they play tonight?
I believe they play tonight in Yankee Stadium.
Okay, so if Dodgers win, then it's done.
And if not, then the Dodgers have a game on Friday.Do they all get to take Halloween off to trick-or-treat?
I don't know if that's a holiday, but they might have it off by accident.
I think they do because they have to fly back and everything.
That's right, so they'll come back on Thursday and trick-or-treat.
Yeah, I'm sure that's how Major League Baseball was like, you know what, let's trick-or-treat.
I want the dads to be able to trick-or-treat.Yeah, you know what?They should show up to the park in costumes.Yeah, yeah.That's nice.Yeah.Wouldn't that be nice if they played in costumes?So, we'll see.Obviously, I'm rooting for the Dodgers.
Are you going to give out candy on Halloween?And what candy do you put at your house?
Well, I told you.We finally got invited to a party. So we are going to an adult party.
So you're not even leaving.
No, we leave the thing.I just always get like the Snickers and the, I like Snickers and I like bags of, um, not, not Skittles anymore.Cause I mean, I think they're like not allowed in other countries, but here we are.So I love, I love Reese's cups.
So I'll get the things that if it's not left, but I know if I leave it out, it'll all be taken.
Are you full-size or mini-size?
No, not the mini-mini like that, like the normal mini, like the middle of the road.Because we're not there, so I'm not going to give a full bar and not get credit for it. I mean, we have the ring.I mean, we have the ring.
So hopefully kids won't be taking the whole thing.So and hopefully, you know, we don't have, you know, now in LA, I don't know if this is with your neighborhoods, but when Drake was little, our neighborhood got a lot of trick or treaters.
We always had a party to celebrate his birthday. And then like in the last 10 years, it's become you either go to the killer neighborhood, which is of all different socioeconomic demographic.
Sometimes a neighborhood that has really small houses, they just do it up because people can hit so many houses, it's perfect, it's flat streets.
Then there's the part of Hidden Hills where you'll see Jessica Simpson and the Kardashian kids.I've done that.That's really fun.You not only get full bars, but you get cocktails.
Gold bars, full gold bars.
Yeah, with money in them.No, but they'll give out cocktails to the parents and there's parties.That's insane. And then, but like Toluca Lake for LA is a big neighborhood that people go to.
Beth's sister, my sister-in-law lives in Pasadena.
And so then the other neighbors can be, then some neighborhoods are dead.
They closed down these streets.
And she has like a DJ, and they have like a taco truck.It's insane.
I know, and then so you go to that one year, you see that, and then otherwise, and then you're just gonna be that one dad that takes your kid around the neighborhood that like half the people are gone.Like it's so sad.So now you have to go
to the happening neighborhoods.
We have, in my neighborhood where I live now in Vegas, we don't have any trick-or-treaters.We live up a big hill at the end of a cul-de-sac in a gated community, so there's no, no kids are walking up the hill.Yeah.
So we don't have any at all, which is kind of a bummer.I love seeing the kids come to the door.Right.I don't love when like an 18-year-old comes to the door.I'm like, what are you doing here?They're like, trick-or-treat.No, dude.
Get out of here with that voice.Trick or treat.That is not happening.Is there an age limit that you would give?
No, whenever they came I was happy.The only problem is when it's like it's completely over and you get like the doorbells ringing at like 9 45. Then it's kind of scary.Then you're like, all right, come on, wrap it up.
Is that a costume or is that what you really... Yeah, you're going to come and kill me.Snoop Dogg reveals that he hired someone to make sure that anyone he smokes with doesn't get too high.
How does he do that though?What is that person's job?
It's like a smoking shadower.
So he walks around with the person?
I think he has somebody with him, so if they're going to get high, that person is not watching Snoop, because Snoop obviously knows what he can do, but watching the person and make sure that they don't get too high, don't smoke too much, or if they're not an experienced smoker, maybe is almost like a little doctor there.
I don't know, but I think it's pretty smart.
Can I drop something on you right now?Yeah.I'm sober. Oh, you're no longer... No weed, no nothing.
Now, when did that start?
That started... Okay, so about 35, 40 days ago, my son had to go into sober living and I was like, you know what?I can't be out here. smoking weed, and doing mushrooms, and walking in solidarity with him.So as soon as he went in, I just stopped.
It's been- That's how my friend stopped, too.Her son had an issue, and she and her husband, his stepdad, they both decided to stop.She was a very fun drinker, like I am.I've visited her now like three times since she's been sober.
She is, and she does, like, she has all her little sober drinks.Like, a lot of my friends that are doing it, they love their, you know, exciting drinks, or they do the, you know, the non-alcoholic beer.Whatever they do, they get, that's their treat.
Or they go to, like, Diet Coke.Like, it's something other than water all the time, but a little something else.
It's, because it's been for me, 30 years of smoking weed.
It's really- So let me ask you, so what was that like?Because I know your son and you guys perform and work together.And did you know he was having an issue with other substances besides weed?
I did not because he did not do them around me.You know what the, I will tell you the biggest thing for me And I'll tell you how it's affected me.I don't want to tell his story, obviously.
But you know, everyone has like a who am I of how you think you're defined or seen or how you see yourself.And I remember the first time somebody said, well, he's lucky that he's got good parents.And it was the first time I winced at that.
It was the first time I questioned.It's been an interesting 30, 40 days.
You mean someone just said it?
When they were like, when he went in, they were like, it's a good thing he has good parents, he'll be okay, he has good parents.And I've always thought of myself as a good parent.And it was the first time I thought to myself, am I?
Like, how does this happen under my watch?It's been a very, and it's obviously not about me. But it's been a soul-searching time for me also to really question who I am and what my responsibility and all of it was.There's no responsibility.
My parents didn't do a drug.I've done all of them.So I don't know exactly how that falls, but it's the first time anybody ever said, it's a good thing he has a good parent.And I was like, but is it?So it's been a really,
It's been good for me to get sober and my brain to kind of be clear for the first time in a long time.
I mean, I've definitely had the moments where I'm like, I went off this parent train, like when can I retire?Like I'm exhausted and I question myself too much and all that kind of stuff.
And I recently talked about it on the Patreon because I was like, I had such a great weekend visiting Brandon at University of Oregon and Drake came and they got along and the four of us had just the best time.
And I feel like, wow, they're all doing great.Mackenzie graduated from college.She's completely independent, doing great, seeing her tomorrow.
But I'm never going to be cocky and feel like, oh, I've won, or the race is gone, or whatever, because my parents suffered a lot with some of my siblings struggling with dependency.And I remember going to the Al-Anon rehab place.
Every Wednesday, the summer between 7th and 8th grade, we'd go visit my brother.And it was a very expensive place.And of course, we knew how much it was because they were freaking out that they were paying for it because the insurance wasn't paying.
But they had to.And we would go to the meetings.And I remember just hearing, well, the one part of it is my dad had the Zagat's Guide.The Zagat's Guide?
Zagat. Zagat's Guide is probably, yeah.
Zagat's Guide, which was this book back in those days where you, and so we'd go to a different restaurant every night after that.So that was kind of fun.But really, I loved hearing the stories.
I loved hearing the juicy stories of people telling their stuff.And then like, this beautiful girl gets up there and she basically, you know, had become a sex worker or whatever at the time to pay for her habit.And at dinner, my mom's like,
Can you believe that girl's story?She had the face of an angel.She was absolutely stunning.And a lot of it was really good for me to hear, because to this day, I have never tried cocaine or prescription drugs or anything like that.
And I barely have tried weed.Back in the day, I couldn't work the bong.It was too hard.So I never got into that.
And, but I knew I liked alcohol, but I also was like, well, I like it a lot, so I better respect it enough that I don't end up in this place.
However, while at Chelsea lately, knowing that we had the good insurance and everything, there were times that I was like, oh my God, this promises.
And then I'm like, but now I could be accused of like faking alcoholism, like faking cancer if I had gone.But Yeah, it was hearing the stories and all that kind of stuff, you know, was like stressful for the family.
But so I felt for my parents that, you know, they'd go to parties and those kids were not.They were in college and they were doing these other things.And it's just like, but there's nothing to be.It's like, yeah, we did our job.
They are their own people.We've said everything we can say.And there are these demons out there, you know, and there are these places to get it.
Heather, the thing that it reminded me of, though, is no matter how old they get, that's still my baby.
And so your instinct is still to protect and to shield and to want to make sure none of that ever happens to them.So there's a real sadness that I've been carrying around for a little while, the last 30, 40 days.
that I'm sure I know will eventually dissipate and he's going to come out and be okay.
But it really, there's just this sadness that is hard for me knowing that because I, we, I'm sure both been around people with addiction problems and, and knowing what they, what lies in front of them and the challenges and stuff is, is, is a heavy thing, is a heavy thing for me that I didn't think that I would, that I would, that I would have to go through, you know,
And when he told you, were you totally surprised or you were suspicious?
Yeah, I was surprised.I was surprised.I was surprised because... When I had asked about it and things, he had given me reasons where I was like, that actually makes total sense.This is why this is happening, this is why this is happening.
It makes sense.But when he told us, I wasn't like, that's out of left field.I was like, yeah, okay.Now all of those things make sense to me.Yeah.
And yeah, it's been interesting for both Beth and I because we're both, you know, struggling with it in our own ways.
And when I remember when you, you know, had lots of jokes, lots of bits about smoking weed, but part of it also was that you have like a had like very bad chronic back issues and that was helping.
So how is that not having the crutch of the medicinal aspect of weed?
Well, you know, I've long since hit the gym to an extent where those back issues don't, they don't exist anymore. I will say that I, and I was never a daytime smoker.You never catch me smoke before 8 p.m.I always did my work.
I was not a wake and bake guy.But I think I did smoke to cope.I feel things in a way that I haven't felt in I don't know how many years.Like legit feelings.That I was like, oh, what is that?
Is it a challenge at all?
Because when I feel those feelings, sometimes I'm like, well, I should just go light up a joint.
Yeah.And what about drinking?Did you drink at all?You don't miss that.
It's been like five or six years.I don't really.
It's never been my thing.I never liked the way it made me feel.Anytime I ever did something stupid or made a bad life decision, it was with booze.And so weed and mushrooms were never that for me.Mushrooms helped me immeasurably in a lot of ways.
So I can't say that I might never go back and do a mushroom every now and then, but the weed really, For now, anyways.For now, anyways, it's not something I'm going to go back to.
I was at lunch with two girlfriends, and I wasn't drinking because I had to drive, but they'd each had a Mai Tai, whatever.
A Mai Tai?Were you in a love boat?
We were at Billy's by the beach in Newport.They just got the Mai Tai, and it was like,
And we were talking, and then it made me laugh so hard, though, because we were talking about how a lot of people are going sober or whatever, and we're like, a lot of people are.But one friend goes, it's a movement.
And we're like, it's a fucking movement.We're like, what's up with this movement?Like, whoa.
I don't think young, I don't think people, like when we were 20, 21, 22, everybody drank.
Well, the whole thing about the clubbing is very interesting.That nightlife, club life is gone.Is it?People say it is dead.When I was partying back in the day, there was not the bottle service.
The first time I ever experienced bottle service was when Chelsea performed for the first time early in our Chelsea days, like months in. She was doing like a comedy festival in Vegas and we all went.So this is like, I don't think you came that time.
And so they're like, oh, come to the nightclub after. And I'd been, I had three kids at home, so we were not partying, and I didn't really experience that prior.And I'm like, oh my God, the bottles are right here?
You could just make your drinks right here?What does this cost?And of course, they were not asking us to split or anything, so that was real nice.And so I'm enjoying all this.
And then that became a big thing for people for a long time, and I also saw,
um this black guy talking on a show and was like this was a bad thing for black men because that was a big way to like show you were doing well is you had the table and you were spending thousands probably dude in general yeah yeah but this was just what he was oh yeah so it was like the thousands of dollars at the club and then you know the girls would come and
You could sit at this table, but then you know, there are awful things happen from that because they're pouring and people can easily, I mean, it's scary enough at a bar, but it's really easy if you're sitting in one of those booths.
So all of it, and then just also the movement of not drinking as much.
They don't drink as much now, right?Does your son, is he a big drinker?
My daughter said that all these Clubs and things and restaurants.
They'll do more things like Trivia night and this and that just to get people in there and it's like really over with by like 12 I know I mean everyone talks about how great it is although ever since I went sober the mornings the mornings I'm like, well, what about the boring night?
Yeah, what are you doing in college if you're not drinking?
I mean, they're drinking and smoking weed and stuff.Because we went to clubs.
That was where everybody was, was at a club.Nobody was out doing trivia night or doing like a, what are those called, where you go and you find scavenger hunts.
Like nobody's doing like a scavenger hunt where the winner gets bubble gum or whatever.
Or they're throwing axes.Well, like this, you know, a lot of people have to throw axes now.That's for fun.You know, those axe places.Yeah, I know.And then they also do that.Yeah, that's scavenger.
What is it called when they have to go to room escape room?
Escape room.Never went to one of those.No, no.Anyway.But Jacob said that too.But, you know, before I would say to him, I go, you're not a big drinker.He goes, nobody I know We're not big drinkers.
And he said, because if I want to drink, I'll hang in my apartment with my friends.It's so much cheaper.
So we're not going out and we can play video games.Right.And drink there.I'm like, yeah, but it's just you dudes.
That sounds terrible. Yeah, but that's way, he was like, nah, it's way better.I can't even imagine.But I'm kind of happy.I'm glad that not everybody's out there getting shit-faced all the time.But what are they doing?
Game night wasn't appealing until I turned 50.
Right.I'm going to a game night Saturday, and I am excited.But thanks people drink, so thank God for that.This is a crazy story.There was a Halloween party this past weekend, and the three Diddy sons
went and tried to fight Ray J, because Ray J's been on some podcasts talking truth about P. Diddy, and they wanted to beat him up.
But what kind of truth do you know?Like, what kind of stuff is he saying?
Like saying, I've been to the freak-offs and I got out.I don't even know what he was saying.The amount of articles that are like, oh, these celebrities are going to be named.
We still have yet to hear one celebrity that's been named in any kind of indictment or lawsuit besides P. Diddy.
Can I tell you also, and there's so many hypocrites, in 2016, if Diddy had been like, you want to go to a party?I'd have been like, fuck yeah, I want to go.
Everybody would have gone.So I think a lot of people went and it wasn't that part of the party.Yeah, that's right.
They are freaking out, and it will come out, and there were people and sex workers and people that didn't choose to be a sex worker that were being taken advantage of.
That all exists.We have all the evidence.I mean, there's even worse lawsuits coming out where, you know, kids as young as 10 are saying that they were victims.It's really bad.
But if I walked into a party, Heather, and on my way in somebody was like, here's your baby oil, I'd have been like, this party, not for me.Everybody gets a bottle of baby oil? Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that.
Is that what they're saying?
If you're like, everybody get a little bit of lube when you walked in, that was what I heard.
That seems... No, what I've read is there was like a GHB in the oil.And so that's why they're throwing oil on unwilling participants.So then it's almost like your body is like limp.And then that's what's been said in the people that are suing.
But here's my thing, okay, do you think Diddy, when names start to surface, that Diddy might commit suicide like Epstein?
Well, speaking of Epstein, there were no names.We don't have one person.That's what I'm saying.Besides Giselle, or Giselaine, besides Giselaine Maxwell, who's doing like 40 years, I say this over and over.
The only person that is behind bars in the biggest sex trafficking thing where women were victims, not men, women were the victims, only one person's behind bars, and it's a woman.
But this is what I'm saying.
And she deserves to be, In that case, I always thought, well, yes, maybe these people are protected, but also the victims of it, they don't know if they were looking at the governor of whatever.They were 14 years old.They don't know.
It's just another old white man.So I don't know that they had any evidence to take anyone else down.
But I think the dude with the evidence, who Jeffrey Epstein doesn't seem like a dude who would have been like, no, I'm going to the grave with this info. He, it seems like he would have got a deal and would have spit some names out.
And I think that's why he's dead.And that's why I'm asking about this guy.
He's dead because two guards were very tired.They both fell asleep at the exact same time.That day the laundry person gave him eight sets of sheets instead of one and he was left alone to his own devices to end his life because he felt guilty.
He does seem like, you know, I'm sure he's a guy who was a Boy Scout and knows how to tie a knot.
So then Chris Brown goes to try to save Ray J from the three brothers.
The peacemaker Chris Brown?
Yeah.Who would have thought?And Ray J is dressed as Kanye at the Halloween party.
No, he was not.Yes, he was.Well, that's funny.
The boys had masks on.And then Chris Brown, I don't know what Chris Brown was dressed as.
I mean, well, this guy.I will say none of Diddy's sons look like real fighters.
The dude in the turtleneck, for sure.
One of the lawsuits is from one of the boys was playing, I forgot what sport, but he was on a UCLA team.That's right.And Diddy came by and got physical with one of the coaches.I remember that.Because he wasn't playing them right or something.
I remember that. Horrible dad.
There's the funniest video that Drake showed me Of this guy going why you hated baseball like point of view why you hated baseball as kid and it's the dad driving He's just screaming like it's a young guy pretending to be his dad just screaming like did you forget your cleat?
Just the nerves are shot and I have talked to a couple guys that to this day like they're doing well in life they're athletic whatever but they say like that made me hate baseball.I have a horrible relationship with my dad.
So, going back to the baseball thing, it's nice when you have a responsibly nice, caring dad who knows his kid has talent, but still, if the kid fucks up once, he doesn't make him hate it.
Heather, I used to coach all of Jacob's teams, and at the beginning of every season, I would tell everybody, we'd get together, parents, kids, and I would be like, hey guys, Nobody's playing professional baseball.I've seen them all play.
None of your kids are Derek Jeter.So let's not act like they are and yell at them from the stands.That was my number one rule.Let's not make them nervous.Let's let them have a good time.
And I feel like in the last 15 years, that's a lot less. the case because parents have learned and they don't tolerate it.
Cameras are out now.But it's so serious.People are traveling, teams.I remember Jacob asked me growing up, he was like, I'd like to play hockey.And I was like, dude, ice time's at 4 a.m.I don't like you that much.
We're not getting up and driving a half an hour to skate at 4 a.m.Like, fuck. that you're not Wayne Gretzky, let's find another sport that we can make work for both of us.
But this right here, I mean, I bet you eventually there's some charges with that.
Well no, one is being sued.One of the boys, and I can't remember which one, I don't want to say their name, one of the Diddy boys is being sued by a woman who was working on the yacht as a steward, a fancy yacht, and she has
story her not story her allegation is that he assaulted her and You know the whole thing gave her something to drink She felt loopy like all the stories do very similar.So anyway Carlos Mancilla, this is a stand-up.This is a stand-up story.
He saw him at the airport the other day and
Are you guys friendly?Did you say hi?
I said hi.You know, he does a, I have a, he's a big comedian.I have a residency in Vegas and so he does also.
And so anyway, he, I don't remember, I don't remember where this was, but I guess a couple was like talkative and rude and everything.
So he mooned them.But if you read the whole article, then he was taking photos with them after.So it really wasn't like a dramatic thing.But, um, what, like,
I am very, very lucky in that ever since I started this thing where you know when you go into the club and then they have their announcements, hello and the exits are to the right and don't take out your phones and that.
I now say, do the exits to the right and left.I go, but then I'm going to talk to them.And then off stage, I tell them, Put your phones away.Put them on silent.Don't explain the joke to your friend.It's disruptive.
Don't explain the joke to your friend.What a great one that is.
I mean, like, you know, because sometimes someone brings someone to my show, and because they know so much about me, I start telling a story, and they know it's true, okay?
Because they know it's true, because I'm like talking Drake, Brandon, whatever.And they're excited to tell their friend, this is true.I know it.I know the story already, or whatever. I don't need that either.
I don't need you jumping to the punchline either, bitch.I don't need you repeating the punchline either.Just give it a minute.Let everyone enjoy it.And just stay in the moment and enjoy.And it has been unbelievable.I have no chatter.
I have no one getting in trouble. Because I really say, like, you're disrupting the other people.And I think when you say that to people, then they kind of, they get it.
Sometimes people just have to be told, you know, over a couple times in a really firm way.Because they also, they see so many videos now of talking to the audience, which is great.
And I do that a little, but my act is more telling the stories and stuff.So, you know, people want that.Sometimes they want that more than, like,
Well, for me, there's a difference between you talking to me and you talking to each other.
If you talk to me, it's part of the show.If you are carrying on a conversation at your table, I have zero tolerance for that, because you're fucking up other people's shows.I had somebody throw up in the front row at my show in Vegas the other night.
Was it a puke and rally situation?
Okay, so she threw up, right?When I got on stage- Did you see her do it?
Yeah.When I got- Wait, you're on stage.Okay, go.
When I got on stage, she was asleep.
I walk over, and she's in the front row, so I say to the guy, what's the deal?And he's like, it's her birthday.And he's like, she's been drinking all day.And then she wakes up, and we all have a good laugh, right?Later in the show, she throws up.
And I walk over, and the two of them are just sitting there.And I walk over, and I go, so maybe you guys should take off now.And he was like, nah, she's fine. And I was like, yeah, dude, she just threw up.
He was like, I don't think she's going to throw up again.And I go, what?He goes, I bought these tickets.I really want to be here.And I said, yeah, dude, you got to go.You know, you can't just sit in the front row.
He goes, I don't think she's going to puke again.I was like, yeah, but still, we got to get up and go.There was such a large puddle of vomit. Right up front.And what were the people doing on either side?I would have puked.
Well, that's the thing.I was really hoping it was going to be a family guy situation where the puke just started happening all over.But the people sitting next to them were fine.I said, do you guys want to move?
They were like, no, we like these seats.
But why are they not cleaning it up?
They came up and cleaned it up.They came and cleaned it up.
Also, God bless the person that cleaned it up.
And then they put some black paper, like somebody had died. They put some black paper bags and baby powder, some sawdust.
All while you're doing stand-up.
Yeah, they came with brooms.That's not distracting.There was a clean-up crew.It was amazing.My Monday night show in Vegas has been one of my favorite things I've done. And where do you do it, tell everybody?
I do it at Kimmel's, and it's 7.30 show, so responsible time, so grownups can go home.
But to have an hour and a half to do whatever I want every Monday is like, not 10 minutes, where you can just do, I can try stories or mess around, and the Vegas crowds are just there to have a good time.And Luenell goes right after me.
You know Luenell?Oh yeah, she's fabulous.
So does she live there too?
She lives there too.I gotta tell you, Heather, I like Vegas more than I ever thought I was gonna.
I absolutely love living there.
What makes me laugh, so I fly in and out every weekend, what does make me laugh is like the energy at the airport on Friday and the energy at the airport on Sunday, because the Friday airport is filled with hope.
You know, it's just people like, Vegas!
People are in cute outfits because they want to go straight from the plane.
They're ready.Sunday, Vegas airport.That is some desperate.
People can't afford to get back on their Southwest flight.The line at Starbucks is just people, miserable people.It's a great time.
And then I always die when people are still gonna use some of their coins for the machines or whatever for the last round.
How about 950 bucks at the airport?
Diddy is supposedly, there's stories saying, this girl said, I worked the Diddy parties, or I worked for Diddy, and he required a scale.
And no girl could be over 140. Now on occasion, if a girl was real tall, they'd make a concession or whatever.But yeah, that was the deal.
Wow.Maybe that was what the fight was about with Ray J. Maybe on the thing he said you had to be 135 and the kids were like, we let the bitches be 140.
Get your facts straight when you go on that next podcast, Ray J.
I wonder how he came up with that 140 height to weight ratio number.
They had to wear dresses, according to this girl.They had to wear short dresses, but just real short, like just past the butt.If it was longer than mid-thigh, no.Had to have stiletto heels.
Obviously had to be pretty, preferred long hair, but if you had a bangin' face, I guess you could get in.
How many people are at these parties?Do you know?Nobody knows.
It's weird that not more details are out, isn't it? Yeah, that's what I'm saying, that's what's so annoying.
The papers and the tabloids and everybody know, this is in touch, they know these articles get something, so they just need little nuggets here or there.
But nobody is saying, here is the photo, there's one photo of a white party, there are photos of white parties, Leonardo DiCaprio is there, Kardashians are there and stuff. But they're dressed, and it's the party.
And to me, I've heard there's three parties.There's the party that you go to, that you're dressed, you're cute, you get a couple drinks, you have some past apps, you take a photo.
Then there's the after party, which is like, you gotta be a pretty big star, and that gets a little more wild, maybe some drug use, and you're gonna be real and good, okay?
and then the party that like goes after that, like after maybe 3 a.m., that's where you end up in the shower slowly going down on your back and curled up in a corner and then don't ever say anything until it's 2024 and you realize you weren't the only one.
I have to tell you, I cannot wait for the details of these parties to come out.
I don't know that we're going to hear it.How could we not?Well, we'll see.I hope so.He's got to go to trial.
Right, he's gotta go to trial.
Yeah, he's gonna go to trial, but that's not until like March or something now.So he's just sitting in jail till March.Kanye West just bought a $35 million mansion.So there you go.
That's nice.How many rooms go into a 35?
It's on seven acres, so that's really big.Holy shit.It's in a gated community, Beverly Park gated community. And so he's no longer in Hidden Hills.He sold the Malibu place.
He still has the wife, I don't know if it's legal marriage, she still has to walk around naked, nylons and no top.
You think that's mandated?How far into the relationship do you think he drops?Oh, hey, hey, hey.Titty's out, by the way.
The last thing she was wearing was just nylons, with like a G-string underwear underneath, heels, and then she just had like a bib, no back, and so she had to hold the bib.
And she was just like walking around, and I still am praying that she's part of it, and that every month she's getting like $300,000 to be with him.And... Oh, you think it's a role?I hope, but I don't think so.I think she's caught,
in a relationship with a narcissist slash, like, cult leader kind of a thing.
And even Kim, one of, like, you know, the biggest businesswomen, like, everything, there was a time where she was under the spell, where she was wearing really ugly clothes that he was making her wear.
And that even when she was pregnant with Northwest and had Northwest, I wanted to get her a baby gift.And we knew that North was only to wear white, cream, or black.
Yeah, I got her a onesie, a Burberry onesie.
But what about that woman whose last name was Fox, who dated him?
Julia Fox.He wanted to make her his muse in this.They never boned.
How long did they see?That's why I'm wondering what his deal is.
You don't think he's having sex with these women?
He could, but he might not.With the Julia Fox, it was really fresh after Kim, and Julia now feels like she was just being used.But she wasn't being used, because we wouldn't know who she was.So she got what she wanted out of it, too.
But he wanted her to sign an NDA, and that's when she was like, no, and got out.And she wasn't having sex.And she had to be paraded, but I guess she's kind of getting something out of it.But I don't even know if they kissed.
But these dudes Are dating these beautiful women and not having sex with them, like they're going straight Tom Cruise?
No, he could be having sex with her.
This Bianca looks like Kim.
And she's very pretty.Yes.But she had a normal job working for him.They call her an architect, but it was like an architect of fashion or something.So she had a normal job and then the relationship began. And then she had to stop wearing clothes.
The worst part is that she couldn't wear shoes when they went to Disneyland.
Yeah, that's a bum.That's gross.
You can't wear, I mean, my God, how do you get through not wearing shoes at Disneyland?
I will tell you the grossest thing I think I've ever had to do on a shoot is I had to go barefoot in Times Square.And I was, it was for this naked and afraid thing that I was doing.And they were like, do you mind being naked?
I'm like, no, I do mind being barefoot though. And they were like, well, you gotta be barefoot if you're gonna be naked.I'm like, do I?This is a bit, like a comedy bit for Naked and Afraid?
I did a show called Naked After Dark, where I did the after show.And so one of the things that we shot, field shoot, was me naked in Times Square.
And did you really, could you cover your dick?
So I was walking naked in Times Square.
With the dick out. Just swinging in the wind.
What month of weather was this?At the time, I had just a little thing covering it because we're walking around and that would have been highly illegal.
And there's this woman following me with her phone.
And the phone was just, she was just pointing it right.
And I go, what are you doing?She goes, I'm taking pictures of your dick. And I was like, can you blame us?I said, okay, all right.But she wasn't hiding it at all.She was just walking right next to me.
But barefoot in Times Square was one of the grossest things I've ever done.Disneyland couldn't have been much better.
That's why I'm like, I don't know.I go back and forth and now I don't know.I've been wrong about certain things, you know?
Your predictions are pretty good.
Pretty good.But this one, it's gone on really long.So now I feel like there is something weird.But I definitely think, now I think, hopefully she's getting paid or has something that when she breaks up with him, she gets a lot.
But I do think she's weirdly under his spell.But then when she's like with the kids, and people say when they meet her, like she's really nice and, you know, spoke, like speaks, not like she has to be like a mute person or anything.
And then when you see her with the kids, it seems like she's good with the kids.And when she's with the kids, she's like in a sweatshirt.So I think all this is just weird publicity.I don't know if he's going to come out.
and say this was his latest art project, which was like, you know, oh, I tricked you guys.I made this girl walk around naked.It's very weird that, you know, he has two daughters.He was at one time a super Christian.Now he's not.
He doesn't do the church anymore?
He doesn't have the church anymore, and he doesn't do the choirs, and I don't know.So we'll see.
I think when you get to a certain level of wealthy, you just get a little weird.
Last thing, Menendez Brothers.
Could be out as early as December 11th.Garagos, Mark Garagos, the famous attorney, is working on it.He would like to see them before.Eric's wife, Tammy, would love to see him out before 11-27, which is his birthday.
Which is the one with the wig in that picture?
the one on the right facing us, not the profile.That's Lyle, the older one, and Eric is the other one.
But the house, they've had to put a big gate in front of it, this gate, because everybody is stopping in front of it, the TMZ buses, people are driving to it.
on Elm Street, hence why there was this big article years ago that was Nightmare on Elm Street, because that's where the shooting was at the house.And so everyone's going by, and the neighbors are very annoyed.
I will tell you, I'm a little torn on this, because on one hand, apparently what they went through was, as kids, horrific.
But you also shot two people point blank in the face.So I'm a little torn on how they're heroes now.
They're not heroes, but I think people are, I think the consensus is we do believe that there's abuse.And therefore, they have done 35 years.This isn't 1988 and we're saying get them off completely.
And then also, a lot of the abuse in the second trial was not really part of the trial.And so, the whole thought is, They really should have had manslaughter be a choice.It wasn't a choice.
So if manslaughter was a choice, then they would have gotten still time, but it would have been less than 35 years.So that is why they're saying they could get out now and why many people believe that.
Is this your dream Juicy Scoop prison interview?
Well, I have already predicted that they will start a podcast.
That will compete with the Kelsey brothers.So move over.
Wow.No.I'm just kidding.I know.They don't have the personality.
No, I know, but I'm just, I jokingly said that and someone was like, they'll never be the Kelsey brothers.I'm like, of course, they are not going to get a hundred million dollar deal, but could they do something together?
But then someone said, well, you know, Tammy and Eric are, One of them, they both are married.They both have been married for women for like two decades or more.One of them has been married for a really long time.
The other one got married maybe like 20 years ago.And both those women, like visit them and everything. So I'm sure they're gonna wanna have their own podcast.They're not gonna want the brothers to have a podcast together.
They wanna get on that thirst themselves.But no, I mean, there's a lot that they can share.They graduated from college when they were there, UC Irvine, so they are smart.They are articulate.
They will 100% start a podcast.
So I think there's things that they could do.They could talk about, there's so many things that they could talk about that they could reflect on.But just like anything else,
Even when the Menendez brothers, when you watch the thing that Brian Murphy did, between the second—now this was scripted, you know, but fictionalized—but between the first and the second trial, Dominic Dunn, who wrote that article and was there every day, goes,
I'm kind of over them.And I do think things go in waves.One of my other stories is Gypsy Rose Blanchard.She's pregnant.We don't know who the father is.But I think I've got proof that the man she's with is the father.
But there's a certain law that if your baby is born within 300 days, of the first husband, then that man has to be put on the birth certificate.What?
Yeah, so that's why she already took the test in utero and can prove that the child is the DNA of the other husband.Armie Hammer, remember we were all talking about him?
He is?Yes.People are going to listen to that.
And he now is gonna be laughing, now he's laughing off.
What's his point of view now?All I remember.
It was the cannibalism stuff.And he was kind of abusive.His whole thing was just, hey, I wasn't a good boyfriend, I was a cheater, and I never was serious when I said I wanna eat your rib.That's basically what he's saying.
And, um, you know, do you think he'll get a comeback chance?Everybody.Totally.And I said it, I said, it won't be at the level of like where he was like Oscar contender, but a hundred percent.
Could he be in like, uh, you know, a scripted show because he's still as hot as hell.I mean, he's still very good looking.
Yeah.Well, James Franco's coming back.
Yeah, well there you go.Well, not with Seth Rogen.They're no longer friends.
But he is a very handsome dude, but I thought it was more than just cannibalism.
Wasn't he kind of like physical and like... Yeah, the women that spoke said awful stuff.They'd just like show up at his doorstep. And they'd be there as a dog and all that stuff.But then other people would say, well, you agreed to do it.
And then other people said, no, it was against my will.And he did the whatever, scratched his initials in them and scarred them.And I don't know.It was weird.I wouldn't want my daughter to date him.
No.No. The ex-wife was very against it, but now they have a nice divorce and she doesn't want to say anything.Probably because she's like, I need you to make some money, dude.
I don't really want you to be banished from ever working again.I mean, that's the other thing.It's like, I know you hate your ex-husband, but you might want to hold off what you say about him publicly if you don't have a way of making your own money.
I also think everybody deserves a second.Not everybody, but most people just deserve a second.
Well, you know what, that second chance is a podcast.Okay, so listen, tell everybody again where they can find you and follow you.
First of all, I have a special out on my YouTube channel called Four Stories, and if you go to fourstoriescomedy.com, you can find it there.I will say this about this special, I shot it myself.
Not like he stuck a video camera and pressed it, meaning he produced it, paid for it himself.
I had a camera on my head, like a mining helmet.I also didn't use two different sets.I used one set.So usually as a comic, what you'll do is you'll shoot two or three, wear the same clothes.Shows.Shows.
Shoot two or three shows, wear the same clothes, and edit them together. You know what I did on this one?I didn't do any wide shots of the theater.I did all close shots, so you felt like you were there.I had to kick somebody out during the show.
I kept that in.I kept all of the, it felt like you were at a comedy show.
And it's just four stories.It's my favorite thing that I've ever shot.I love telling long stories.It's a lot of fun.You can also go to ComedianJoshWolfe.com for tour dates.I'm in Omaha. 6th, 7th, 8th of November and then the 9th in Chicago.
I'm in Des Moines.I'm all around everybody.ComedianJoshWolfe.com for tour dates.
And to remind you guys again, if you're part of the Apple subscription, you have to go click on this link below and then go and you'll get the information of how you can cancel and resubscribe to my channel here at the Apple subscription.
And of course, HeatherMcDawn.net for my tickets to The Irvine Show, November 8th, 9th and 10th.Thank you.
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