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Dear, I was like so untogether for this episode and I prepared so hard.So you prepared really hard and you have notes and stuff?I did and then I just got all fucked up.I'm not kidding.
It was ADD and it maps.Again, one step at a time.
Let's start with the theme song.Okay, okay, okay. Dear Krinko, would you be so kind to answer my questions?No.Dear Krinko, would you be so kind to answer our questions?What do you have in mind? Wow.
Yeah!Okay.Welcome everybody to Dear Crinkle, America's favorite advice show as far as we know.
Once again, this is the advice show where Bonnie Burns, our own dear Captain Crinkle, answers Dear Crinkle letters from our actual listeners who want actual advice in their actual lives.
I'm Adam Felber, this is Paula Poundstone and Tony Anita Hall, but right over here, the star of the show who says she's fucked up tonight, It's our own mistress of advice.
It's Bonnie Burns.How the hell are you, Bonnie?I'm good, Adam.Looking forward to this evening's episode.That sounds like a complete lie.
So, Bonnie, did you say that you couldn't find the letters or you couldn't find your notes on the letters?
So here's what happened. Yeah.I take this very seriously.I went through and last night I picked the letters that I thought could work well.Okay.
The ones that you felt you could have the most sage advice for.Well, right.
And ones that I went after some advice for.And so, because I didn't want to leave everything to the last minute. And so I had it really together.I had researched one of these answers.And then this morning, I got disorganized.And I don't know.
I had stuff on a different piece of paper that weren't saved and blah, blah, blah.And I ended up deleting all my answers.
Oh, no.OK.So you're going to kind of wing it here.Yeah. I'm terrified.Tony Ada Hall, the first letter.
Dear Captain Crinkle, I am worried about my grandparents.They are showing signs of cognitive decline.They are having memory problems and their critical thinking skills are getting worse.
My concern is that they have three children who still depend on them financially but live out of state. My grandparents have struggled financially for as long as I can remember, mostly because they never cut their adult children off.
Recently, I footed $100 for their prescriptions.They told me that they didn't have the money to reimburse me because they had sent my mom money, but would do so when they got their social security check.
It really scared me to know that not only will my mom and her two siblings not be here to help take care of my grandparents,
but they will also bleed them dry financially, leaving me and my sister with the task of caring for them and the burden of supporting them financially.
I am 23 and single, and my sister is 21 and married with two kids under two and work for just over minimum wage.
My mom and her two siblings all have much higher paying jobs than my sister and I. How do I break it to my grandparents that they need their money more than their kids do?Thank you, a worried grandkid.
Okay, worried grandkid, first of all, you sound like a great grandkid.You really do.Here's, like, I have bad news for you.
You could consult maybe somebody else, like a professional, but here's what I think the problem is, you don't have any leverage.It's like you're at the bottom of the stack.
So I just think no matter what you do, if you go to your grandparents and try and reason with them and say, hey, you know, looking down the road, here's what can happen.
They'll probably say something to your parents, and then your parents are going to be mad at you because they're going to feel like you're interfering and screwing things up.
And I just think as hard as it's going to be to watch this, I mean, I don't know what you could do. Was this one that you researched, Bernie?This one I didn't have to research because here's why.Because you knew there was no help.
I sent it to Steve Burns to see his advice, my brother, who's a very good businessman.And I thought he might be able to say something like, you know, well, you could go to an attorney, or there's elder abuse, whatever.
I don't think you're going to be able to prove elder abuse.And what he said was, he doesn't have a hammer.He's out of luck. He doesn't have a hammer?Well, meaning that there's no leverage.There's no leverage.He has no leverage.
Speaking of showing cognitive decline, I think you might want to talk.Wow.OK.It's such a sad situation.It sounds like a sad situation.And that's what you got for them?Boy, it's even worse than you thought.
You're at the bottom of the heap.Is that what you said?Let's be fair.Let's be fair.This is a great example of why in life you don't reach out. To podcast hosts for a while.No, wait a minute.No, no, no.I'm kidding.I'm kidding.
But who else, anybody else want to chime in?Tony, Paula, what would you tell worried grandkid to do in this situation?
I find it kind of remarkable that, you know, all three of these, these grandparents' kids have bachelor's degrees and good jobs and they're still bleeding their parents dry.Yeah.They sound like spoiled brats.
They didn't send their own kids to college for one reason or another, so that's, it's just kind of, it's quite a conundrum.You guys got anything?
I think, worried grandkid, you're talking to the wrong generation.I think you need to be talking to your parents and your aunts and uncles.
and saying, look, I'm, you know, I think you need to say, it may be time to tell your parents that, you know, your grandparents and their parents, that they, not to send any more money.So I was going to suggest that.
And what I was going to suggest was that.Instead you said you're at the bottom of the heap.There's nothing you can do.You don't have a hand.
That the grandkid get with the parents and the aunts and uncles and just say, hey, look, here's what's going on.They didn't have the $100.We need a What's the plan here?How are they going to be taken care of?
How are they going to support themselves financially?What my brother said was, you know what?He's probably either said that or they're not.He goes, those people know what's going on.They're not going to get an answer about a plan.
So this negativity comes, would you say, within your, it's a DNA thing?You and your brother both?
I don't know.You know, this is making me sick to my stomach.I almost wasn't going to do this one, but then I thought if we put it out there, maybe there'll be some listeners that have good ideas.
Yeah, I don't believe we've ever solicited listener ideas before.This is Dear Krinkle, not Dear Listeners.
So you specifically, every episode of Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone that we do, you hammer at them to give you a chance to say that you have Captain Krinkle, the mini podcast, and that you want serious, real problem questions sent your way.
And now that they've been sent your way, you're like, yeah, huh.
No, but okay, you're a parent, we're all, everybody but Tony are parents, okay?No offense to Tony.No, no, no.
That's why Tony can go on a cruise.Exactly.That's true.Okay.And say, you know, you're older, you're confused and you're a kid.
ask you for something, I think it's been, it's hard to not go, oh, you know, I mean, another thing Steve Burns said was, for all you know, those kids are saying to their parents, God, we don't have any money for our, to pay our grocery bills.
You don't know what those parents are, the grandparents are hearing. But here's my point.My point is, if your kid really asked you for something and they needed it, isn't it difficult to say no to them?And then if you get more and more confused,
But a worried grandchild is 23 years old, which means unless her parents, you know, had her when they were 12, that these parents are, you know, are not children anymore.
No, but I'm saying they're children to their, to the kids' grandparents.
All right, let's, yeah, no, clearly the middle generation here is obviously in their 30s or 40s for sure.I mean, probably even approaching 50s.No, not 30s or 40s.40s or 50s. 40s or 50s.
And they have college degrees and good jobs, and yet they depend on their parents financially.This is rough.I have some advice.I think there is a hammer here, but it's going to be a very hard hammer to build.
But my advice, and I didn't research it, but listen, word grandkid, the only hammer you have is yourself and your sister.
And I think you need to go to that middle generation and say, first, you need to talk to your sister about it, because if she doesn't buy into this, you can't do it.But the two of you need to go to that middle generation and say, this has to stop.
They need their money.We can't afford it.You guys are going to have to find a way to live within your means.
And if this doesn't stop, and this is the tough part, but otherwise you're just in for years of hell ahead, you have to say, me and my sister and her kids are going to move out of town.
Because I gotta tell you, and you gotta be prepared to do it if they don't listen to you.
Okay, what if instead, you and your sister grow like facial hair, like just let your facial hair grow, get like glasses, maybe have some plastic surgery done so you don't look like yourselves anymore.
That way there you don't have to move, because that, moving is hard.So you can stay where you are, but they won't recognize you.Anybody?Takers?Steve Burns?
I think unless you feel like you can actually stay in the same place where you are and stop caring for your grandparents, and that's hard, and that does not force the middle generation to step up and do something, what you're doing is, and what I'm thinking of here, is you're letting yourself in for an increasingly difficult set of years where you're spending your money to take care of your grandparents, and even more importantly, your sister is spending her money and her time with two young kids under the age of two, and she's gotta split her time between those kids
and your grandparents.That is a no-win situation that will get worse and worse.I think you've got to be willing to use what leverage you have, and the only leverage you have is that you're taking care of your grandparents.
Well, I don't know that parents really care if those kids are taking care of their grandparents.But the other thing is, the part I don't like about your advice is if the grandkids leave, nobody's around to really
Watch the parents and see what's going on with them.And it sounds like these kids are thoughtless.
What about this?What about just don't pay for the meds and see if they really need them?Anything?
That's another possible.Oh, this is a, this is a bummer.You know what, Tony Anita Holt, can you get ready Sergeant Bigler's theme for our intermission here?Because I need that right now before we move on.
Oh wait, Bonnie finally has good advice?
No, you guys, I don't even know what to, because also I think one reason my brother's so negative is there's a lot of people out there that could just be bleeding the parents dry and they don't really care that much.
Yeah, there's not a lot, this is a rough problem.I encourage our listeners to write into dearcrinkle.com.With advice.That's dearcrinkle at gmail.com with your advice for this situation because I really do think that we're not qualified.
No, I'm not sure that we're not qualified.I feel that we haven't watched enough Murder, She Wrote.I agree.Because I'm sure this situation had come up in a Murder, She Wrote episode one time and it was, well, let's just say handled badly.
I need a palate cleanser.
Yeah, now I feel a little better.Yeah, who picked these?
Hi all!I have an almost two and a half year old who is an amazing kid, but driving me crazy about one thing.He is an incredibly picky eater and throws a fit at almost every mealtime.
I've been doing what everyone says to do and continuing to cook the meals I want and offering it to my son, but it almost always brings tears and him refusing to eat. He only really eats chicken nuggets, french fries, cereal, toast, and fake newtons.
I'm worried he isn't getting enough nutrients.I'm also a foodie and have always shown love to people by cooking for them. What should I do?
I'm not sure if I'll be doing more harm giving into my son's food demands or continuing to offer him the food my husband and I are having for dinner and just letting him cry it out.
If so, when it comes to crying it out, how do I get over watching my son lose it while I try to enjoy my meal?Open to any and all suggestions.
Also just hearing from parents who have been through this before and can tell me it gets better will make me feel better. Thanks, love the show, sad food, foodie mom.
See, here's another one where it's good to put it out there, because there might be input from nobodies.
Already abdicating her responsibility.I have input.OK, first, first, First of all, sad foodie mom.I think you have to go talk to your pediatrician and see how much nutrients your kid really needs to have.
Are there some vitamins you can give him or something?Because it feels to me like the emotional turmoil that this kid is going through about what he's supposed to eat and not eat, that can't be good for him.
And it certainly doesn't sound like it's good for you.When my daughter was little, I used to do this thing Like all the good foods, I go, oh, don't eat the broccoli.
You know, go ahead, have more bread or whatever to try and make like the good foods seem like they were bad.They were bad food you shouldn't eat.But I really think with this one, I personally, I would let the kid eat what he wants and
within reason and talk to your pediatrician.
As a footnote, we do know that Captain Crinkle's diet is at times terrible.
You used to often say to your daughter, well, if you don't like that, go get what's under the couch cushion.Is that true?
Well, I don't, I mean, look, you can not have snacks around, like bad food and all that, but for a meal, is it the end of the world that he eats chicken nuggets?As long as the parents are- I don't think you're wrong.
Setting a good example. I'm going to let Tony and Paula get their shots in first, but I don't think you're wrong, Bonnie.
Yeah.My guess is that if you made what you like for you and your husband, and then you gave the kid the chicken nuggets and the whatever, eventually that—first of all, it's a phase. It really is a phase that's not going to go on like this forever.
So I think that the kid will eventually become interested in the food on your plate.And the other thing, here's an idea that you might try.Two and a half is awfully young, but maybe having the kid help you make the meal.
Oh, that is a fantastic idea.That's a good idea right there.Tony, you need a haul.
I was going to say the same thing, not just because everyone said it was a good idea, but, um, when I helped my mom, I always liked ever eating everything better for sure.I, but I was a picky eater.
I only eat like hot dogs and bologna for several years. And now I love everything.Now I will, there's, the only thing I will not eat is a grapefruit, but other than that, I love everything.
In fact, let me add to Paula's thing.With the cooking, you can cook something that your kid loves and slowly start to add other ingredients that look yummy and say, while you're cooking together, well, this'll just be for you and me and daddy.
That's a good idea. Because now they're interested in the process and they're seeing that you're getting more than they are.I will agree with Paula to an extent in that it's probably a phase.They might grow out of it.
It's also possible, because I've seen this in kids, because this kind of thing, we parents have seen this in kids a lot, it's also possible that maybe they don't grow totally out of it.
For some people, you know, for some kids, they become adults who still have a sort of a processing problem in that like combining ingredients and combining foods together is something that really doesn't work in their mouths.
And so they kind of have to keep their food choices simple.Now that's probably not the case, but either way, No good ever comes out of those kitchen confrontations.
Like Bonnie said, I remember those when I was a kid, hiding vegetables under the potato skins and getting caught and stuff.It's never good.Those standoffs never lead anywhere and they don't make your kid like food.
So let him eat the nuggets for now is what I say.
I did key into one other thing, which was sad foodie mom, that you mentioned that you're a foodie and the way you've shown love to people is by cooking for them.And so it sounds like some of your frustration is also that that's a way you show love.
And I think you have to figure out how to disassociate. cooking from your kid as a way to love him.
Yeah.So true.Your food being rejected is not you being rejected.Yeah.Especially by a two-year-old who doesn't know any better.They don't take your food as love.They take the love as love.
So as somebody who cooks all the time, and that's definitely how I express love, I get that it can hurt when they don't even want to try what you make, but it's just food. It's just food is good.
Yeah.Last night, for example, Adam served his family a big pot of love.And how long did you cook that pot of love?
It was all afternoon.All afternoon.
And they didn't even touch it.
Yeah.And you begin by peeling it.Do you not?
Well, I, you know, you got to wash it and then peel it.I know that sounds counterintuitive, but if you don't wash it, then the peel doesn't come off right.Yeah.
Well, and then of course you parboil the love. And then you dice it very small.
No, no, no, no.Paula Poundstone.
Oh, oh, you know what?I'm thinking of how my grandmother did it.
You don't dice love.You might as well put it in a garlic press for God's sakes.What the fuck, Paula?
You don't put your, oh, okay, my mistake.It's all, you know, it's cultural, Adam.It's cultural.
Yeah.I think, sad foodie mom, I would lay money that this is not going to last beyond, like, two more months.Because there will just be a- It often doesn't last that long.Something's going to, some circumstance is going to change.
Maybe some taste buds develop that weren't prior.Some circumstance is going to change, whether it's something he sees another kid do, and it's going to be in your rear view mirror.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.So to recap, sad foodie mom, don't worry about it.Worried grandkid, totally worry about it.
Screwed.Absolutely screwed.Take the fight off the table because then it becomes less of an issue for the kid.And just, you know, Paula's right that it's a phase.Just chill and see what happens.
Now you're just taking a victory lap because you know we got this one, Bonnie. Hey, everybody, this has been Dear Crinkle.Thanks so much.Remember to... Oh, go ahead.Go ahead.No, my bad.You go ahead.
Hey, everybody, this has been one of my favorites now.Episode 12 of Dear Crinkle.Thanks for tuning in.
No, I thought you were going to say and send your questions to DearKrinkle at gmail.com.
We'd love to hear from you.Because you can see how really any problem you have will so quickly be set aside.Well, this one was a little off, but it's real life.
But it'll work out if we just sing that theme song.
Let Captain Krinkle take that burden for you. I don't feel like singing the theme song now.I've just been brought way down.
Dear Krinkle, would you be so kind to answer our questions?What do you have in mind?
Thank you.Adam, does Tom Waits ever sing this song?
Oh, yeah.Yeah.In the Smoky Piano Bar, I believe he was a... Dear Krinkle, would you be so kind
To answer a question.I love it.What do you have in mind?
All right.See you later, everybody.Bye.
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