That's my foot, not the floor.
Sorry.Don't know how they're cramming all of us in here.This ship is, what, a kajillion square feet?
Yeah, I heard Captain likes to make announcements to his crew on his own turf.
He seems strict, like he'd fire me for not tying my ascot properly.
But he also hires only the best.
That's correct, Harrison.We have only hired the best, including our celebrity chef, Gabriel Lamont, and yourself, unless you keep talking.Busted!
Hey, question for you.How red are my cheeks?I'm a cereal blusher.
You're at almost ripe tomato, maybe.But it's fine.I'm Faye, by the way, second stewardess.
Harrison, deckhand.Or you can just call me Joey Tomato.
No one can even notice.Anyway, it's better than my paler than pale cheeks.Wearing these whites, I look like a corpse bride.
OK. First of all, a corpse would be jealous to look like you.
Wow, you really know how to give a girl a compliment.
No, no, I don't, I mean, second, look, I don't know about the outfits.Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm here at all.I was supposed to have the week off, but the pay they offered is so good.
I know, I almost died when they told me double.People, we have hired you for, drum roll,
That's right, crew.A billionaire CEO has chartered us to sail a group to Bermuda.First off, no asking questions.All you need to know is you should treat her like royalty.
Oh man, I was at least hoping to get some hot stock tips.
Better do it when Captain's not looking.
Hey, know what I heard?Captain and Corby are secretly dating.
Oh, no, no, no.No way, no way.That's very, uh, un-Captain-like.
I know, but this girl who was on the last trip said she saw them dancing together.It was after some wedding that went very wrong.We want this to go perfectly.
Expert service.Flawless hospitality.Otherwise, you won't be working on this ship again, OK?They're boarding in 30 minutes.
I know, I can kinda see why those two are together.
Oh, so you condone ship romances then?
I'm not against the practice.
Might have my eye on someone too.
Who?Okay, promise not to tell anyone.
Yes!The chef?He won that Knife Skills cooking show and he's so sexy and French.Shh, shh, shh.He's walking by.
Hey man, how are you?Hey Gabriel, it is good to see you again, bruh.
Can you put in a good word for me, Harrison?Please?I'll be your best friend.
Sure.Anything for a friend.
On behalf of the Queen Beatrice, welcome aboard.Crew, this is Lena and her guests.Lena, this is my crew.We're here for your every need.
Lovely to be here, Captain.Now mind if we get some welcome cocktails?
Yeah, we have mimosas, margaritas, and mojitos.If you want a drink that doesn't start with M, we have those too.I'm Faye, at your service.
Beautiful Faye, darling.Oh, mind if we get two for Bethany?She's a bit of a double fester.
Of course.Here you go, Bethany.It's not like I get away from my screaming rugrats every day.Bethany, you have two bloody nannies.
What are you making us for lunch, B?Ah non, I am the chef, oui?Oh oui, oui.Aren't you easy on the eyes.Lunch will be ready in 30 minutes on the terrace.Works for me.Come on, squad. Why did you do that?
You chit-chattered on.They thought you were the chef.I'm the star here.
I'm so sorry.That really wasn't what I meant.
You two, blend into the background.We, be invisible.
You saw that?So mortifying.
You're just trying to please the CEO.Hey, I think I know her business, by the way.It's that mini microwave you can use in your car that also charges and sanitizes your phone.
Oh, yeah?That one that's, like, always on infomercials?That's the one.Hold up.I think we have company.Yes!Bethany, is it?
Say, mind if I get one more mimosa?Extra champas this time, if you please.Of course.Thanks, love.
At least she likes me.Okay, what can I do to impress Gabrielle?
Come on, you must know something.
You could always go in the kitchen and julienne the hell out of a carrot.
Like on Knife Skills!Who am I kidding?He'd never go for a girl from middle-of-nowhere Ohio anyway.
Hey! I'm from middle-of-nowhere Missouri.
Oh, no kidding.How many stoplights did your town have?Three, I think.Mine only had two.Okay, once my neighbor tried to rob the gas station on his horse.
A guy in my town tried to rob the donut shop and rode away on a bike that had two flat tires.
Okay, so our townspeople need to step it up when it comes to petty theft.
Back to Gabrielle.Ever meet any of the girls he's dated?
What do they all have in common?
I don't know.They were all in bikinis.
So the only way I'll get his attention is to strut through his kitchen half naked?Not doing that.
All those open flames and sharp objects.
Hey, we need a hands getting lunch ready in Harrison.Make sure all the snorkeling gear is good.
Wish me luck Gabrielle doesn't bite my head off.
Just be yourself.That's what should catch his eye.
No, seriously.And hey, I want a full report after service is over.Meet for a quick coffee?Sundeck?With all them drunk snorkeling?I think we'll have some time.
All right. Hello, stranger.
Hey, how'd you get up here before me?Aren't the guests swimming now?
Swap drunk snorkeling lifeguarding duty with Jeff.But that means I gotta take the evening shift.
It's our first night docked.You won't get to go ashore.
Maybe I wanted to have coffee with you now.To hear about your service with Gabriel, you know.
It was... okay.I was too busy to really talk to him, but when Corby said to attend to the guests' every beck and call, she meant it.First, someone wanted soy sauce.Then, someone wanted truffle oil.
Then that same someone wanted low-calorie, gluten-free, organic truffle oil, which, in case you didn't know, doesn't exist.Oh, and Bethany.Swear she drank two bottles of Don Perignon by herself.
Yeah, she was first in line for that snorkeling.
Anyway... Heard Gabrielle's going out on the town tonight when we dock in Bermuda.Probably have no chance.He'll find some gorgeous girl who doesn't mind walking around a bar or on top of one.As they say in Gabrielle's language, c'est tout.
I'm sorry, I don't know French.
It means that's all.Man, this will probably be my only chance at meeting someone famous.
No, he's like... cooking reality show famous.
I know it sounds silly, but I always thought I could do bigger and better things than stuff from my little town offered for me.Cow queen at the annual county fair?Ugh.Taking over Grammy Linda's nut butter business?No, thank you.
I mean, don't you feel like that too, sometimes?
Oh, man, sorry.I shouldn't assume things about you.For all I know, you're like the Orsons.
This family in my town who more or less owns the place.
Yeah, my family wasn't like the Orsons.
My family had to skimp all my life.Bought used everything.Clothes, furniture.
You're going to tell me things don't matter?
I just want it to be easier.Is that terrible?
No, but you don't have to rely on another person for that.Be the princess who rescues herself in the fairy tale.
OK, but what if I face a dragon?
Fight his ass off with a sword.Even a used sword does the trick. Okay, like, what do you want to be?Like, what's your pie-in-the-sky career?
Oh man, big question.Um... Okay, don't laugh, but I sort of want to be the captain.
I know, it's silly, but like, I love being out on the water and I know a little about boats, sailing.I even know how to hotwire a boat, which is a long story involving a guy I shouldn't have been dating.
But I'd love to sail something big, like this.I sound like such a freak.
Uh, you sound amazing.You know what, you should tell Captain Carl.He might let you apprentice with him.
Don't know until you try.
Maybe I will.Yes.Thanks, Harrison.Of course.
Help, it's Bethany.Oh, oh my.She's, um, sinking.We're on our way.
That's OK.Just another few steps.Oh, ooh.Let's not lose you now.
Hey, crack jab in my head.
Oh, several bottles of champagne, I'm guessing.Now, come on.Let's sit down on the bed.Slowly, slowly.
Here we go.Off with your shoes.You're OK.
You're cute in that uniform.
Look at me.Hey, that's OK, Bethany.
I think you should just, uh.What?
Am I not sexy enough for you?No, you are smoking hot.
Oh, I see what's going on.You fancy someone else.
Okay, before you lie down, let's have a little bit of water.There you go, small sips.
Okay, now lie back.There we go.Got a nice pillow for you.Oh, that feels so good.
I bet she'll be out for a while.Hey, what happened?Wasn't Jeff supposed to be lifeguarding?
That dude was out having a quick smoke.Hey, you snooze you lose.Looks like someone's gonna be promoted for his quick rescue.
That's what I'm talking about.You deserve it.You single-handedly pulled her onto that rescue boat.
Hey, you deserve it too.You deflected her friends from taking damaging videos.
God, when they said attend to the guest's every need, but you didn't think that would mean dodging sloppy kisses?What was that?
Was there any truth to what she said?What?That you're into someone else?
Wasn't gonna kiss a wasted guest, was I?
You didn't answer my question!What?Harrison!What?You're blushing!And you're ripe Joey Tomato this time.Come on, fess up.No!What?
What she said is true, isn't it?Okay, fine Maybe it is.
Oh, really?And, okay, who do you have your eye on?Tell me.
Oh, thank God she's alive.
Uh, yes, yes, very alive.Just sleeping it off.
These two stepped up in a big way.
We owe you both.No trouble.Just doing our jobs.
And I'm sorry about how I yelled earlier, Faye.
Well, I mean, it's no problem.Don't worry.
I'm wondering, perhaps you would like to come with me when we dock in Bermuda later?For a drink.And more.
A drink?With you?I think that's... Unless you have something going with this one.Harrison!
I mean, we're... You should go with them, Faye.Have an amazing time, you guys.
So cheers, mon ami.Thanks.What is this again?We're drinking.A shot of the country's best dark rum.
Oh.I usually hate rum, but bottoms up.Oh.
What do you think of this bar?
Yeah, it's a little... loud.
It's a little... What?Never mind.So, what was it like being on Knife Skills?
Oh, that show.Worst experience of my life.
Really?Oh, wait, you didn't like the cameras in your face all the time, is that it?
No, no.The cameras weren't there enough.And they were always filming me being sweaty, handling raw chicken.
Yeah, it was a cooking competition, no?
And it was impossible coming up with recipes every week.If that producer woman hadn't helped me, I would have looked like an idiot.
Wait, a producer helped you?
That's the way it is in show business, no?Everything is staged, nothing is real.
So, wait, wait, wait, wait.Are you even a chef?
Well, I mean, sort of.I can cook, but I thought I would only be playing a chef on this trip.
You thought you weren't really gonna cook?
Thought I was getting an acting job.But then I get on board and I'm like, where is my script?Where's my dressing room?Why are you looking at me like that?
I just, I honestly don't even know what to say.I mean, how could you not know this was a real job?
Let's relax.You know, you're so beautiful.Come closer.
You know, on second thought, I should get back to the ship.You serious?Goodbye, Gabriel.
You think I care?I could have any woman in here.And good luck getting back on the boat, cherry.I drove us here, remember?
I'll take my chances.Little does he know, I know a thing or two about hot wiring.Oh my gosh, what a jerk.All right, now where is that ignition wire?Got it.OK.Now I just need the start wire.It should be somewhere around.OK, perfect.
All right, ignition wire, start wire.Yes! Thanks, bad boyfriend my mom hated.Good for something.Whoa!You really gotta steal that thing?Harrison!What are you... I... I thought you were on the night show.
You know that favor, Corbiodus?Yeah?I cashed mine in.Wanted to be here.In case you needed to be picked up.Which, clearly you don't.
Yeah, well, in this fairy tale, I guess the princess rescues herself. But you told me to come on this date.Did you know that Gabriel was a moron?
Look, I should have told you everything.I know him from college.He's a fake.He isn't even French.What?It's not Gabriel.It's Gabriel from Minnesota.He puts on an accent because he thinks it's cool.Oh.I thought you should find out on your own.
Still, I really regretted telling you to come.
Well, I really regretted saying yes.
We only have a few more hours on the island. Let's make the most of it.
Right there with you, Harrison.Or should I say, Joey Tomato.
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