The chicken crossed the road.Why?I'm Stephen Galloway of The Hollywood Reporter.Welcome to How Do We Human.This is the podcast where we talk about all the weird and uncomfortable micro moments in life.I'm one of your hosts, Chris Benning.
I'm one of your hosts, Evan Cox, and I enjoyed that impression.
It's perhaps my most niche impression.It's very specific.Very specific.What's your most niche impression, Evan?
Oh, man.I do a good impression of my... I don't even know what to call him.My sister's father-in-law.
Well, the impression goes like this, because this is what he was talking about.It's a rock crusher dome, and that's what you use to drop the rock in there.It's a rock crusher dome.Lorne.How's that?
Lorne Michaels.Lorne.Hire him.Hire him, Lorne.Look. Hey, today we're not talking about Evan's, uh, sister's father-in-law.We're talking about crossing the street.Something so much more interesting.Um,
Yeah, I don't mean love the guy.I don't mean to disparage Alan.Please.I just mean that this is a topic that you might see come across your podcast feed and be like, have these guys just run out of shit to talk about?
Maybe.I'd say no, because we started near elevators.So we're still here.Yeah, this is the whole.This is it.
This is it. Evan, how are you doing?
Big inhale.Yeah.Listen, I'm doing okay.What day is this coming out?Halloween just happened.November 4th.Oh my gosh.Okay.Okay.Okay.Yeah, that's right.Okay.So Halloween just occurred.We're now officially past
that but i feel like there's a halloween hangover that lasts a while we're living in the shadow of halloween would you not agree shadow of ghouls uh i would agree i am mad at myself because i've completely failed to i i was really excited to decorate for halloween and i didn't and i'm saying this in advance because i don't think it's going to happen between now and
couple days from that.Tomorrow.Tomorrow.So we're recording the day before Halloween.It's not happening, kids.Sorry.I'll get some candy and then eat it all myself, but you're probably not.
This is your first Halloween up in the mountains, yes?
Yeah.It's my first Halloween having a house.Yeah.But I think we just kind of found it's very expensive to decorate a house for Halloween?And we were at Joanne Fabrics, and I'm like, ooh, look at those skeletons!
And they were $40 for a plastic skeleton.I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about here?This is bad.Anyways, that's not what I'm here to talk about.I'm here to talk about having gone and checked out You know, Louis and the gang at Target.
Of course.Not the Target kiddie corner from the school we went to.The Target up in this area.Yeah, the one that's now close to where you live.That makes more sense.So I'm walking around here.
I'm walking here, and I'm looking around with the optimistic thought that maybe I will.Maybe I'll decorate for Halloween. Let me see what they've got at Target.Things can be cheaper there, sometimes, sometimes not.And all of a sudden, I'm startled.
And I don't even know how to, maybe I show you this first and see if you have any idea why I was startled. Okay.You ready for this?
I am ready.Give me a visual clue.
Now what do you think scared me here?
Okay.So for audio only listeners, we're looking at two witch costumes, um, in front of what looks like a hot dog dog costume.It looks like, it looks like a wall of food related dog costumes, but in front of it, two child, which.
costumes in mannequin on mannequins.
If you want to see this, go to youtube.com slash at how do we human?
Yes.And you can see that there's a little pop up that says edit your images using AI chosen not to.This is not edited.I think that what startled you is that you thought these mannequins were real Children.
It's a good guess.No, I saw this frame here.Cause this is, I thought this was a mirror and I was like, is there technology to make me a vampire?
uh to make a mirror where the person doesn't show up in it uh and it's not it's a cutout and that's the store behind it uh but for a brief moment i really thought i was a vampire is that reasonable
I mean, I'm going to say yes, because I don't know why a store would have a cutout, right?That is a photo from an aisle in the store and put it on an end cap like that.Like, I don't know why you would do that.
I don't know.Uh, so yeah, uh, it's just a hole. There's no, I don't think there's a purpose for it other than to see more products.But I thought it was a mirror and I didn't like that experience.
So I was quick to find out I was not a vampire, by the way.
So it was an it was an arch and you could see through the store.
OK.I thought you were saying that someone took a photo See that as I do my millennial pantomiming of a camera.
And then pasted that photo on this like black brick backdrop.That'd be smart.You know what I'm saying?
Like I see what you're saying.
I think I thought it was a Looney Tunes display like a Wile E. Coyote painting the end of the tunnel on or a rock face, but no, it was actually you could just see through.This is another looking through to the rest of the store.
This is a cut out, and I assume in a in this corporate capitalist world, the idea being, hey, while I'm shopping for these, I can see other products behind me.But that really insisted that I might be a vampire to me.
OK, that's all I wanted.I wanted to hear it was fair. Chris and it was yes.How you doing?
I'm doing alright this past weekend.You're going to be shocked knowing me Evan that this could be a thing I did over the weekend.But um.One of my wife's friends won a raffle.And the prize was. a private in home, uh, wine tasting.Ooh.
And originally it was like, well, Chris doesn't like wine, so we won't include him.You had to like me, uh, you had to have like a certain number of people or something.It was like you and
uh, for a group of 10, a private, you know, uh, wine tasting or whatever.Um, but somebody dropped out.And so it was like, we need another body and I have a body. So I was called up from the minors up to the big leagues to attend this wine tasting.
And I thought I didn't have a body.
You found out you did have a body.
Yeah, it all comes together.And just you wait.We're going to talk about the voting body in a little bit. But, um, anyways, I, uh, attend this wine tasting.I'm going to sample these like eight or nine wines.
Um, and my wife was like, I think this might be like a, an MLM style, a presentation where, uh, you're expected to make a purchase.But, uh, This guy shows up and he's very good at his job.Good for him.
But it was also like, maybe it's because I'm not that into wine that I wasn't as affected in this way as, um, the rest of the group was because, you know, he'd pour us little samples of each bottle and then he'd be talking about him.
He'd be like, don't, don't sip it yet.Let me, let me tell you what you should be smelling or tasting or all these different things.Yeah.Uh, so he would be like, Oh, you smell like, you know, fresh flowers or whatever.
And it was like, anytime he said any of those things, every single person except for me would be like, Oh, and I was like, I mean, yeah, they're, I'm no expert, so I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for or, or anything, but it seems like we're really.
We're really playing it up for this guy.I don't know.I don't understand it.Um, cause isn't the only thing that matters how it tastes.
I know you're like a big part of wine culture is the S the smell and to how aromatic, how, uh, full body is it, you know, speaking of bodies and.
At some point, there's a break in the tasting and the way that it's worked out, people are going to get snacks, but the way that it's worked out, we're all in a circle.And it just so happens that I'm the closest one to the guy leading this tasting.
He called himself a wine consultant.He said he didn't like sommelier because he felt like that was pretentious.
a lot of what he was saying felt pretty pretentious to me he was talking about how there's like a 16 year old bottle of wine that he has and he's like you know sometimes life just goes by so fast and you
you end up with you're like, Where did the years go?
But then you remember you have a 16 year old bottle of wine at home and you're like, At least I have something to show for those last 16 years.What the fuck are you talking about?But anyways, There's a snack break.
He and I are, uh, sitting there and he turns to me and he tries talking to me about wine.And I kind of had to be like, Oh, no, no, no, no, no.Like you don't understand, sir.I'm body.I'm the dumbest one here.You don't want to talk to me.
Um, and so I think he, uh, you know, was disappointed that I wasn't, um, uh, as passionate about wine as, as he was.Uh, and for that, I, I apologize.I'm going to head to my notes app.I'm going to type out an apology, post it.I'm so sorry.
That's fair.You were the body, not the nose.
I love wine and I spent a little time trying.
It's mostly what this podcast is.
That's my passion, my guy.How does this complaint smell?
I wish I could tell you smell a vision coming to podcast soon.We broke into visual soon.You'll be able to touch us.
Yeah, reach out, touch us.Reach out and touch me.
No, wine's just funny.I like it a lot and gotten a little better at like knowing how to find a good bottle of wine. But it's like, yeah, at the end of the day, it really is like, do you like it?What type of wine do you like?
There isn't a catch-all like, yep, that's the wine everyone who tastes it will love.Right. No, and a lot of wine isn't actually supposed to be aged that long.So I assume he knows.
Yeah, I mean, he did point out, you know, that there were some that he was like, you don't want this one for, you know, more than like three years or like.So he was knowledgeable for sure.Very charismatic, very good presenter.But yeah. Love that.
We love that for you.Not somebody who was happy to talk to me.
That's tough, but I understand it's not fun being that person in a conversation.Yeah, because the only alternative outside of leaving is to say, like, I actually don't know these things, so maybe you could teach me.Now you've got this guy.
Uh, teaching and that's, that's too much.
Yeah.I mean, I did, I told him, I was like, Hey, I don't like we've sampled like four wines so far and it's maybe the most wine I've had in my life.So like, I don't, I don't know that I'm the right person to be talking to.
And he was like, no, that's okay.Like take advantage of this.Ask me all sorts of questions.I was like, I don't think you understand. I don't even know what to ask.All I want to know is, when I taste this, does it taste good?That's it.
That's the only question I have.
You should have just asked him that straight up.When I taste this, does it taste good?Yeah.I got to cross the street.
Hey, you're the expert.Does this taste good to me? Uh, yes.Okay.
Well, you're the expert across the street.We got across the street.
We got across the street.
This street's getting tense.
Yeah.Yeah.From unhoused people, Evan.Import taste, my man.My words.Let's talk about crossing the street.Have you ever done it?
I've done it across the street to get to the ballot box.Whoa, surprise bitch, election episode.Happy election day tomorrow or sad election day.We'll see.Yeah.Yeah.But yes, I do a lot of street crossing and what occurred to me
right as I was getting like we were talking and something popped into my head I was like oh living up here we don't there's not a lot of crosswalks I can think of one crosswalk where like Actually, there's not even a light at that crosswalk.
I can't think of any of those where there's a traffic light, it goes red, and then a lock sign happens.Just one, like, push the button and it'll light up so people stop for you.Everything else is just stop signs and keeping your wits about you.
And that didn't occur to me until now.That's very odd. Interesting.
Um, well, the reason I guess that sort of segues into the reason that I wanted to talk about this, um, is like.Essentially J walking, which it sounds like you have to do more often than not just based on, uh, crosswalk availability.Um, I walk.
to, we've talked about this before.There's a bus, um, that can shuttle people back and forth between the, um, building I work in and where they have us park.Right.I, uh, it's a short enough distance.It's like 0.4 mile walk.
Um, and so I just walk it every day to and from, uh, work, uh, back to the parking lot.And, I at night when I leave around, you know, 11 PM, obviously the streets are less busy.Um, there is a crosswalk or I can Jay walk.
Um, if, because of the, you know, you cross the street, then you turn and walk a little bit longer to get to the lot.So I can either do that or I can,
you know, go along the other side of the street until I'm, uh, parallel to the, to the lot and then cross whenever I have an opening or whenever I freaking want.
Um, I typically have found that if I'm walking with coworkers who are my friends, they all Jay walk.So I Jay walk. When I'm walking by myself, I wait for the little walk signal at the crosswalk.
And I, I don't know why that's the biggest source of peer pressure in my life is jaywalking.
I know that, uh, that peer pressure.And I know I have, I'm also a crosswalk user.Uh, I jaywalk.It happens or.
Like, if you're... I'm thinking of Elma, like, if I'm parked on one side of Main Street, and there's just no cars around, and I'm on the... I went to the store, the Dollar Tree, and I gotta go across... Yeah, I might... I might just jaywalk.
But even then, like, I still might stop and use the crosswalk.I might just stop and wait for that little signal to let me know, it's okay to go, bro. That's probably weird.I don't know.
Yeah.I mean, I've seen people, especially when there's no cars around people who will just use that road to go a hundred miles an hour for no reason.Um, so I guess there is that, that. Maybe is why I'm less likely to do it.I don't know.
When I do Jaywalk at that particular thing, I do still hit the button for the crosswalk to have like a guaranteed stop in traffic from the other side.
And that makes me feel a little better, but it does like I know I should be using the crosswalk, but sometimes I get to the crosswalk. right at the end of when the walking sign would have been.And now I've got to wait for all the traffic to go by.
And then, you know, each, uh, you know, I got to wait for the, the green arrow for left turns to go by through the crosswalk.And then I can go or. I can just walk a little further, make sure there are no cars and then just get across.
So it's like, I, I don't know, uh, I don't know how to feel about it.I feel awkward jaywalking, but also sometimes I feel a little awkward waiting for the crosswalk.
Well, everybody else getting out of work, just Jay walks, uh, and gets their way faster.
That's one particular, like, ah, I feel like it's, if I, I, let's say I'm, I'm just naming the places I've lived.I'm back in Seattle or LA, a busy city, you know?There's a crosswalk and no cars around.
I'm down for whatever reason, I'm just down to wait for that walk signal to come.But sometimes if I'm standing there waiting and there's no cars around, someone else, I don't know why this feels worse to me.
They will jaywalk across the crosswalk, just right past me, use the crosswalk, but not wait for the signal.And I see that as 100% that's totally reasonable.That makes all the sense in the world.
There's no one anywhere near here, but I'm going to keep waiting.I used to change and go, yeah, they're right.And I'll walk with them. No, I stand my ground now.I'll stand your ground.
Yeah, you're a pig.Ever since you moved to the mountains, I feel like you got really into stand your ground.Yeah.At the crosswalk.At the crosswalk.Speaking of the crosswalk, let's say you get that beautiful
pristine little walk sign and it's time to cross.But a car, uh, needs to turn either, you know, a right turn through the crosswalk or a left turn coming towards you.Um, do you see that?And then do what I do, which is the little, the little jog.
like speed up a little bit like, hey, I'm I know you're waiting for me.I'm gonna help you out, buddy.Or are you like?No, that's it's my turn to walk.This is and I'm going to take my sweet time, not my sweet time, but just continue at my normal pace.
I feel like I used to hustle more.I probably still do if we were if there was a hidden camera on me.
Yeah, you might just like the most boring episode of like, what would you do?It's just like watching people cross the street.Oh, a little wave.It's like, oh, thank you for for allowing me to cross when I'm allowed to like.
That is a general thing, I do wave at the cars.
Hi!Thank you!Thanks for stopping!You lightning McQueen!
But yeah, maybe it's another episode, but like, I'm finding myself really slowing down.Not slowing down, just hurting more, and realizing like, I need to slow down? I tend to be very fast, just walking around with a weird speed for no reason.
So I think it's time.I have the need to slow.Hmm.I have the go ahead to slow.I don't know about that.I'm in the know to slow.
Anyways, I feel like nowadays it's tough to test because I have no crosswalks around here, but I don't think I would jog anymore.My knees are bad.
Yeah, I mean, to be clear, it's like.I'm not like.Jogging, but I'm like doing the fake.The fake jog of like, oh, I see. I'm doing the like the polite little hustle.I'm doing the hustle.Yeah.
We need to do this.Hold your boy to the crosswalk.I was going to say, and this is a bad idea for my knees, but I'm going to do it anyways.Line up, line up at the crosswalk like you're on blocks at the Olympics. Getting ready to do 100 meter dash.
And then as soon as that light switches, run full speed across.
That'd be fun.That'd be fun.That is a bad idea, though.I have seen cars blow through lights.
Danger.Yeah.Speaking of things to do in the crosswalk.Were you ever, when you lived in L.A., were you ever driving around?
and had to stop at the stoplight for James Corden's Crosswalk the Musical, where he brings people out and does a little musical performance at the red lights.
This is new to me.This is new to you?This is new to me.
You never saw him do, I believe it was, Cinderella, where he was dressed as one of the mice and he was thrusting the air right by somebody's driver's side window.I don't like it.Let me see if I can find that for you.
No, I'm a miser for that sort of improvised jolliness.I don't have time for it.
Um, all right.I'm I I'll mute the video.Um, but I'll, I'm going to share.Okay.I'm going to share it, uh, in a moment.Once I wait for this, uh, advertisement to stop once you wait for the crosswalk sign to change.
So the premise of crosswalk, the musical Evan was that, um, the crosswalk outside their studio when the light would turn red.
They would, you know, James and dancers and singers and a few celebrity guests would come out and do a little musical performance.And then when the light would turn green, they would be like, Oh no, we got her.
Hurry, get out of the, get out of the crosswalk.Um, and one of them was Cinderella. So there, I believe that's Kamiya Kabeo, maybe?So here's James Corden.He's right up at your driver's side window.Bang, bang, bang, thrust in those hips.
That never happened to you?You may be entitled to financial compensation.
No, that did not happen to me.The only thing I had James Corden rudely interrupt was a Coldplay concert I was at.
He got invited out to sing a song with them.
Oh, so less rudely interrupted, and more invited on stage.
It was an interruption to me.Also, an assault on the senses, because it was after Prince died, and they were like, we're going to have someone come out and sing Purple Rain for you.Like, wow, this is going to be awesome.
And it was James fucking Gordon. Why?That's all I do.We got to go back.We got to do.Are we rolling back?
We're rolling back to the future.Favorite thing.Marty.
Zoinks Scooby, we've got to go back.
Christopher Lloyd as Shaggy.Christopher Lloyd as Shaggy.Sure, there's something here.
Glad to hear it.When you're a kiddo, you got to learn about these things.Crosswalks, you got to go across them.You got to wait for the sign.Don't get hit by a car.Look out.Look both ways, etc, etc.You're at school.You got that crossing guard.
Come on, kids. But all of it in the service of the idea, and maybe it's different for other people, and this is true, kind of, but the idea that jaywalking is illegal.You can be arrested for this.You could be ticketed for this.
I've seen people jaywalk every day I've been alive and gone outside. which is not as many days as it sounds.Yeah, maybe 100 tops.I've never seen a cop give a flying fuck about someone jaywalking before.
And at this point, it doesn't feel like it's remotely illegal.Is it?I don't.I feel like I wouldn't be shocked to look it up and find out.No, it's not actually a law anymore.
Well, yeah, I feel like I heard that in LA or, uh, I don't know if it was in California or just in LA that like, it's not a law anymore.Um, I don't know if that's true, but that's what I feel like I've heard in the last three to five years.
But I wouldn't be surprised if it was illegal.Other places and the cops are essentially like I just this is the least of my problems.And unless I have a quota to fill, I'm not going to waste my time.
Yeah, this is wild timing.
As of today, it's illegal to jazz today.
It is legal to jaywalk in New York City.Which I'm there right now.When you're listening to this episode, I'm in New York for a work thing.I'm gonna be jaywalking all over the place.
But people jaywalked there all the fucking time last time I was there.That's what they do.That's the whole thing.But it is now legal.
It's like every movie I've ever seen set in New York has people jaywalking and all the taxis honk at them.
Yeah.It's the vibe.You don't get it.You don't live here.It's New York.We've got bagels, cheap Chinese food, pizza pies for two bucks.You gotta want to jaywalk for these pizzas.
I'm not saying that pizza or bagels are not like, you know, good in New York, but doesn't it feel like New Yorkers think that It's the only place in the world that sells those items.That's correct.They have these things everywhere else.
Yeah.Yeah.There's some pretty solid bagels and pizza in Los Angeles.I get it.You know, it's a price.Honestly, I had this thought because I'm getting ready to go to New York where I'm going to be crossing the street all the time.
That's the work of that. Let's see how a little mountain stand-your-ground bumpkin cocks does in the city.I forget what I was saying.What are we talking about?
Crossing the street.New York, just New York pizza.
I think it occurred to me, as people who live in California, I think the New York pizza thing is exactly the same, and I've had pizza in New York, it is great. But it's exactly the same as In-N-Out in California.
And a part of that is it is good, and it is wildly cheap.It's inexpensive.
Unless you go get fancy pizza in New York.But like, you can get good for cheap. And that feels fucking great.
Yeah.All right.That's fair.
But if in and out, if you paid 16, 20 bucks for just that burger, like that wasn't worth $20.Fair enough.Just my wild thoughts.I'm pissing off both coasts. Hell yeah, you're a big middle America guy, right?I'm a little stinker.
I'm a little Wyoming stinkaroo.
Wyoming you think is middle America.Interesting.Where is Wyoming?I mean, I guess it's, I guess it's towards the middle.I guess I wouldn't, it wouldn't be one of the first five states I would jump to as middle America.
Listen, there's no, no wrong answers.Period. I'm looking up maps now.Uh.You know what I wanna talk about?ALICE I don't, tell me.SEAN I wanna talk about... noises.NOISES.When you're... walking across.ALICE Sure.
SEAN Cause I've found that, uh... okay, I've got a map up now, so I'll stop sounding distracted in a sec.Where is Wyoming?I have no idea.I feel like an idiot. Where the fuck is ... I'm looking at a map.I can't find you.
Oh, there it is.Okay.Okay.It's like between Montana and Colorado.Yeah.Yeah.Interesting.All right.So, further west than I was realizing.Sorry, Wyoming.Nebraska.
Now we're talking.The very center of the country. I found that in different states, crosswalk sounds are different.And it's weird.And I got very accustomed.I can't even think right now, which is in most of LA, but I got very accustomed to walk.
Hey, you, you over there.You walk in.But, and I think this is Seattle, but it also might be LA.I might be mixing the two up.One of them.I feel like it's Seattle and that Seattle used to be a walk city and has now turned into Like a machine gun sound?
Are you familiar with this at a crosswalk?I don't think so.I'm familiar with the, like, pew, pew, pew.
Oh, yes, I have heard that.
The chirping, beeping noise.
Yeah, that's bad.I don't like that one.
Yeah.I'm familiar with that one.I'm familiar with the walk. walk.These might be our niche impressions.Um, but, uh, I, something that I've come across, I've not come across the, the rat a tat tat tat.
Um, tense.Ooh, yeah.Wait, wait.
Yeah.I've definitely heard that as well.But the one that I, by the way, Like, just a note for people programming these things.Don't put wait and walk on the same crosswalk.Too similar.Too alliterative.
Listen, I pulled up some sounds on a YouTube video, and this one's close.So you get an idea of what I'm talking about.
It's a very multimedia episode going on today.
This will at least have audio.
Uh, okay.I think I have heard this before.
Um, let's see this one.Interesting.So a lot of them are just somewhat saying full sentences.
Yeah, that, well, that's what I was going to bring up is I feel like recently I've started to get that where like, you know, walk sign is on to cross and they'll say the street name too.
So that like, yeah, someone, and I don't know why, because it's like, I, it seems in my first, as it first touches my squishy little brain, it's, it seems like, oh, that would be good for someone perhaps visually impaired.
But at the same time, it's like, well, I guess, but also how do they, this might just be an ignorant thing to ask, but like, how do they know which streets they're at and need to cross?I don't know.I don't understand.
And this is not anti.No.People with disabilities.Yeah, of course, it's the sounds.Yeah.Uh-oh. They're really getting a big head around here.
No, when I worked at Walgreens, we had a customer who would come in once a week, named Scott, and he was deaf and mute and blind.Deaf, mute, and blind. So he's wearing a, like, you know, reflective vest.He has a cane.Otherwise, he's by himself.
Like, I think the first time he came in, he did come in with someone who, like, explained the situation, and he has this little... Hey, he's gonna be here a lot, so... He's got... well, he's a very particular guy.
He's got a little machine that he types on, or you type on, and then he puts his fingers on it and he feels pins popping up, so you typing makes braille under his fingertips.Which was a crazy experience.
And he would always get dragon fruit, vitamin water, Reese's Cups... Something else, I don't remember.But anyways, this fella...
he would arrive on the bus, and every time he would leave, I mean, it would be a tough conversation, you're typing back and forth with him, he'd get angry, if we're out of something, it could be difficult to communicate.
And then you'd watch him leave, and just, like, he's crossing the street, he's going to his bus, hopping on the bus. I think that's... I don't know that I could do that.Maybe it's in the cards!If that happened to me, I'd figure out a way.
But it always blew my fucking mind, like, how?Just memory and feel, I don't know.But timing, to get a bus, when you can't even have those audible clues, you know, I'm sure you can feel a bus arriving, how do you know it's the right bus?
yeah that's what i was gonna say is how do you know it's the right bus um i don't know i don't know god bless you scott good yeah um
I hope somebody, uh, listens to this podcast and transcribes it on your little machine so that, uh, you can, uh, get the full, how do we human experience and then get back to us and answer that question.
I feel like Scott is still the bus feel like, because, uh, we were out of Pringles one day. I mean, I get it.
He popped.Okay.And then he couldn't stop and can't stop.And you told him it's time to stop.It's time.You need to stop.I got a gripe.I mean, that is what this podcast is for.
We're here to wine, and I'm going on the other side.I'm getting in a car.All right. Now, pedestrians... got the right-of-way.Y'know, you're most important.Cars, we gotta look out for ya.We don't wanna hitch ya, we just wanna drive past ya.
Nobody gets hurt.What kills me... Like, I am not the type of person to be like, oh, you know, this is about crossing the street topic.I didn't realize we had so much to talk about, about crossing the street.
ALICE I know, you were doubtful that this was gonna fill an episode.
ZACH Absolutely.But people get...
or more probably still now but it was a bigger deal early on in like smartphone days early iphone days people looking at their phone while crossing the street yeah and they're looking down they're walking slow they're not paying attention that
Whatever and didn't bother me because normally they're at the other side of the street by the time I get the getting upset I was like you someone might be running a red light you could get hit by a car.
You're not aware of your surroundings, but it seemed mostly like just boomer Crankiness the world changed I What kills me though is needing to take a right turn and and there will be someone standing at the crosswalk.Yes.Looking at their phone.Yes.
And the sign will change.Let the hate flow through you.And they don't walk, they just stand there.Yes.And I've literally had it happen before.Twice.Where I'll give a little honk, as much as a car can give a little honk, it normally comes out, honk.
Right.But a subtle tap, because I don't want to scare them, I just want to be like, Hey, man, come on, go.And the person's just waved me off like, oh, no, no, no, no.I'm just texting here.Yeah.
Don't fucking stand at the crosswalk.
Exactly.What's wrong with you?
You can't be that unaware of your surroundings.I'm OK with you crossing the street.If you get hit, that's your fault.That's whatever.Say lovey.Why you? I would never be so unaware of my surroundings.
I don't realize that I'm standing in line to buy a corndog at Disneyland.And people are like, why aren't you moving?And I'd go, oh, because I'm not getting a corndog.I was texting.What's the problem?Anyways.
Yeah, no, that drives me nuts too. I don't give the little honk though.What I've experienced more is like.
I'll just kind of be like, OK, I guess they're not going so I should turn and then I go to turn and then they look up and they're like I should walk and then they start and then we both start to go and then it's like then we both stop and then it's like, well, yeah, we gotta be alert.
If you're going to cross the street to me, that's the same as. being on the road, um, in the sense that like, you should be alert and aware of, uh, your surroundings.
That might be, and yeah, you don't know when the cyber trucks coming through the cyber trucks coming for you.Yeah.I think, uh, cars for should have, Tesla Cybertruck.That's good.Yeah, thanks.And it should be.
I don't know if it should be the villain, because that feels really on the nose, but it should be like a horrifyingly ugly character.None of the other cars can bear to look at the Cybertruck.
Yeah, I'm in.Yeah, I've never seen a Cars movie.But I think I can write this, and I think it'll get better for me never having seen a Cars movie.
Yeah.I think, uh... Ka-chow.
Ka-chow.Gonna take up a lot of those pages.
Yeah, I like it.Nader's going back to just saying, get her done, because that's my only frame of reference.
Yeah, he just starts slowly adopting the rest of their catchphrases to like, you might be a redneck.Here's your sign.And the other one.
It's crazy how the not to really just get into cars lore here, but it's crazy how like those movies are extremely popular because they have like such easy built in merchandising.Sure.But
Uh, when I was at Disneyland a couple of weeks ago, you know, cars land used to be the happen in place to be, and there's still a lot of people there, but, um, like most of the character meet and greets are like, you know, there's always people around, but, uh, man, in cars land, they're like begging you like, come say hi to Cruz Ramirez.
No wait, no wait for Cruz Ramirez.Say hi to Mater in a vampire costume.No wait, Mater in a vampire costume.Step right up, Mater in a vampire costume.
I love that.That's, uh, I don't know.Yeah, the Cars world is it's another world to me, but I love I love that area of California adventure.I made that sentence confusing because I said the car's world, but was talking about cars in general, not...
The CCU, the Cars Cinematic Universe.What's the actual name of that area?It's not Cars Land.It's got an eye.
Is that I mean, there we go.I mean, I know the city that they live in in the movies is Radiator Springs.I don't know if that's what they call it in the park, though.I always assumed they just called it Cars Land.
Maybe this is Cars Land. Well, maybe I'm wrong.It appears to be Cars Land.That's fucking stupid.Can we talk about how short some crosswalk signs are?
Yes, yeah, it's like, it turns to walk and then it gets the countdown going immediately.
Five, four, three, two, one.Yeah, that was a constant complaint for me living in Seattle in particular.I feel like LA's a little slower.It's just like, okay, you can take your time and walk.
It's not about, yeah, as the Seattle ones, you got these long crosswalks and it's just like that exactly.Like, go. pause, five, four, three, two, one, and then the cars run over everybody.No survivors.
Yeah, I think... What would Jeff Probst do? Yeah, well the tribe had spoken, you know, no survivors.
Uh, I want to talk about how, you know, a red light occurs and everybody stops and then the pedestrians go, but for whatever reason in LA, especially that red light.
uh turns obviously you get the like three or four cars waiting to turn left that all decide well red light is actually green left arrow and they all go but um people making a right turn
seem to just treat that like a green is go and really just fly around some of those right turns, even if you're in the crosswalk or if you're driving in the direction that has the green light.I don't know what that's about.
I don't know.It seems like it should be a higher priority for people to thanks to not get hit by a car. and to not kill somebody and have to go to court and or jail.Yeah.If you've never... Here it is.Court ordered.Everyone needs to watch Oz.
That's about a guy, the main character, accidentally ran over a kid in his car. He ends up in jail.See how that fucking goes for him.You gotta have this at the back of your mind.It's not a good time.Everyone slow the fuck down.
Yeah, rush.What's the rush?You're trying to get somewhere because you left late.Yeah, that's the answer for most people. in Los Angeles.Anyway, Evan, is there any election stuff you want to talk about?It's right there.
We can almost taste those sweet, sweet ballots.
I tasted my ballot.How was it?I mailed it in, baby.Oh, that's the envelope.
That's fraud, according to someone.
I said this in our, according to someone. Just friggin' people in Wyoming.
So, I mentioned that before on our, we did an elections or voting special.Yeah.A couple years ago, maybe.Or whenever.Yeah, I guess two years ago, probably. Or was it that early?I don't know.ALICE Could've been four years ago.
SEAN Anyways, could be four years ago!Four more years!How do we human?Let us know in the comments!
ALICE Make sure, let us know if we were on the ballot in your state.
SEAN Anyways, I've never voted in person.I've just never done it. And I don't really care.
Why would anybody do that?People love it.Unless you're registering that day at the polling place.Sure.Why would you do that?
I don't know.People like the community of it getting together.
Yeah, they like walking up and seeing those people standing there with their AK-47s.Yeah, just nothing better.We're just here to make sure everything's legit.
Uh, OK.Make sure no violence goes down.Protecting.You sure about that?But no, so I'm a strong vote by mail person.We were always able to vote by mail in Seattle, which is essentially where I live.
Yeah, I lived there when I was turned when I was turned old enough to vote.
um and then yeah after moving to california it was like right after i moved they made uh mail voting legal so i was like yeah no it's good stuff i've got a little uh thing though that i've started doing okay we're at you fart in the envelope then you seal it up put in the mailbox there's this little thing i got going on
no um so jocelyn and i have been together for a while now and i uh always vote by mail and i talked in that last elections episode and it's no shame against anyone else whatever makes you happy whatever you want to do i don't care for the i voted stickers i don't need them yeah someone else can have my sticker i thought but now oh i've started a new tradition
where I send in my ballot, and then I take, they now have I voted by mail stickers, and I put it on my shirt.And I don't leave the house, and I don't post it on Instagram.I'm just hanging around my girlfriend.
And this is two years in a row I've done this, and she has not noticed. It's just a little thing for me, and I'm gonna keep doing it until she notices or listens to this.
SEAN I think that, um, like obviously this would be very difficult to maintain for,
a year or beyond, but I think you should wear the same shirt every year, keeping the sticker on there and just add to it until the shirt is fully covered in I Voted stickers and see if she notices that.
I think that's a good idea.I might have left the sticker on when I threw it in the hamper. Okay, check that out.Start of something exciting.That shirt's been in the hamper for a year or keeps keeps falling to the bottom about yourself.
Um, I mean, look, I'm, I'm, uh, you mentioned at the beginning, like maybe happy election day, maybe sad election day.I really don't know which one it's going to be.So I have my ballot.I am going to, uh, turn it in by mail either.
tomorrow or the next day.But I also don't care for the I voted sticker.I think it is just one of those things that I don't enjoy, which is a look at me device.And I don't care for that.
Everyone pull out your look at me devices.That's what I call my penis.
Anyways, that's where you should put the I voted sticker. It's okay Instagram, I'm just telling people I voted.I voted!Look!This is my voting device.Well, I'm glad you said that so that we can skyrocket up the podcasting comedy charts.
uh i see no better place to end yeah i think we did it crossing the street listen you think it's simple but uh maybe think twice look both directions yeah yeah see what a role crossing the street actually plays in your life if you've enjoyed listening to this leave us fucking reviews and stuff you're on there
follow us, subscribe, all that good shit.If you do want to leave us comments and talk to us, we are on Instagram, we're on Facebook, there's full video versions on YouTube.All of those handles are at HowDoWeHuman.We got all those handles.
We got all those handles. Yeah, go to HowDoWeHuman.com.If you want to leave us an email, you can do it through the contact form there, or you can email us at… I almost gave my personal email.HowDoWeHumanPod at gmail.com.Chris?Yes?
Are you ready for trivia, Evan?I'm… Arguably raring to go.Uh, last week was, uh, very exciting because we both got four out of five questions.Correct?Uh, now granted you are still in the lead for this matchup as we play to 100 questions.
I won the first battle, but, uh, currently you lead this battle eight to six.Um, that feels good.You feel like you're going to keep your lead today?Nope.
I feel like I'm going to cross the street over to Loser Avenue.
All right, let's rock on down to Loser Avenue and see how this goes.Question number one, Evan.What is the world's southernmost national capital?Wellington, Cape Town, Canberra or Santiago?
Okay, I see a map in my head, we know I'm good with maps.
Yeah, as noticed earlier.
I'm between two.Oh, or am I?
I know, I'm between three, unfortunately.
Okay, I think I have my answer. Or do I?
No, I don't.I've changed my answer, but I'm sticking with it.I got this.OK.
I'm between two now and it's just a trick.Go on.I'm going to say I've ruled out and you can let me know, I guess, if this is the one you're picking, but I've fully ruled out Wellington.
Cause I don't know where that is, but I know where the other three are.
I believe Wellington's New Zealand, which is not.
That would make sense.Um, not to help.
I've ruled it out.I'm not picking it.I, um, Oh man.
I'm on a 50 50 shot at this point. yeah i think i'm going i think i'm going that this might be a trick i'm going with my original answer i'm going to say cape town
That's also what I'm picking, Evan.All right.Yeah, I'm going to pick that.Between those other three, I ended up my 50-50 between Cape Town and Santiago.Okay.We both pick Cape Town and we're both wrong.It was a Wellington, baby.It was a trick.
Where the fuck is Wellington?Is it Australia?
No, because Canberra was Australia.That's what I thought.Yeah, New Zealand.And then I saw Wellington.You were right.It is New Zealand.I looked it up.
How is that the southernmost capital?
Because it's the most south, my boy.
I'm going to need to look at this map.How thick is a standard hockey puck, says Don Rickles.Yeah, of course. 0.5 inches, one inch, one and a half inches, or two inches?Use my fingers off camera.
I thought you were going to use your attention-getting device.
As my hands go off screen.I've owned a hockey puck in my life.I think I have my answer.
I have my answer also.I'm not confident in it though.I'm going 1.5 inches.I'm going one inch.You are correct, Evan.That is the correct answer.Question number three.What was the last Rodgers and Hammerstein musical?
Cinderella, The King and I, Carousel, or The Sound of Music?
Hmm Hmm I have no Knowledge at all of the history of Rogers and Hammerstein themselves me neither Okay, I Got an answer I do to feel like it's a wrong answer me too, but it's mine
i just watched the movie version of this again recently and it rocks and i believe in the opening credits it said it was a rogers and hammerstein musical but i'm not even sure it is uh so i'm gonna say the sound of music i'm gonna say carousel and i don't know why you are correct the sound of music
I was surprised watching that back.That movie's great.I did not like that movie as a kid.Too long, too many songs.Turns out all those songs, fucking bangers.What country exports goods from the port of Durban and or Durban?
South Africa, Italy, Denmark, or Panama?
Uh, God, I'm going to go 0 for 5 this round, aren't I?
Um... I know, this has been a tough one.I'm lucked out on my two.
I have my answer.I'm not crazy about it.I'm going with Denmark.
I'm going with South Africa.
You got it right again, Evan.I'm on a roll. Question five, this is my last chance to get any points on the board.What country did Russian troops invade in 1968?Georgia, Belarus, Latvia, or Czechoslovakia?
Listen, Russian troops have done a lot of invading.
I believe they've invaded all of these places.I think you're right.I have my answer. I have two connections to two of these places and feel like I am familiar with this, but I could not tell you which one.
And now that I've said that, it's going to be one of the other two.
Yeah.I mean, this is, I'm good.I'm going over five.Uh, there's no doubt about it.I have zero clue on this.There's one that I think is a trick answer and that's what.
like in theory, I should just go with it because at least at least I have a level of confidence that it happened.Um, but I'm trying to think of, you know, history and I am bad at that.
Well, keep listening.Cause it repeats itself.
Yeah.Yeah.Um, I'm between two, And I'm going to pick Belarus.
All right.Of course, because that is the other of the two.I think it is.I think it might be.I'm going with Georgia.
That was the one that I was considering as well.So let's see.I'm sure you're right, but let's go.It was Czechoslovakia.
I knew it as soon as I explained myself it was gonna be one of the others.
I did get zero points in that but Evan you got three.Fuck yeah.Which really helps your lead to a five point advantage as you go up to 11 points you break into double digis The score now being 11 to six.Now to look at a world map.
Where is New Zealand?Oh, New Zealand's over there.
I was going to go there.Yeah, that's true.You were going to go there and you- I had no idea where I was going.Didn't even know where you were going.
I've straight up, and I wonder if I was thinking this when I was traveling, I was thinking of Iceland.And where, like where Iceland is, I was thinking that's where New Zealand was.
Oh man, that's very different.
Very wrong.I gotta do some sporical quizzes.
Why couldn't that have been one of the questions today?
Maybe maybe in the future.That's it's a geography quiz.Would that be exciting to listen to?
Oh, yeah.Why hear me get even more questions wrong?OK.
All right.Go.Oh, fuck.Go vote.OK, bye.I like it.All right.
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