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The Columbia Workshop, under the direction of Irving Rees, presents A Night at an Inn, by Lord Alfred Dunthaney. Night on a bleak English moor.Only a shrill wind disturbs the silence of the dark.
The flat, desolate plain is broken by an old inn, protruding from the earth like the last tooth of a witch.Inside the inn, four men sit.One apart, three huddling together, as if proximity will ease the fear of night.
Look how calmly he sits there, reading his blooming paper.What's his idea, I wonder?
I don't know any more than you know, Snake.Well, how much longer will he keep us here?Ask him.We've been here three days already.Yes, and we ain't seen a soul.Ah, this place gives me the creeps, Bill.Yeah.
Just the four of us alone in a godforsaken deserted pub on the moor, miles from anywhere. Cost him a pretty penny when he rented this place.Cost us, you mean?Yes, that's right.We come out of the money we get for the ruby.If we ever sell it.
If we ever sell it.How long did he rent this tavern for?I don't know.I'll ask him.How long did you rent this here tavern for, Toffee?Hey, don't take no notice.
He's such a toff. Yes, he'll sit there all night with his rice and paper and take about as much notice of us as if we were a couple of chairs.He's clever, no mistake.Yes, these clever ones are the biggest to make a model.
Their plans are clever enough, but they don't work.And when they make a mess of things, it's much worse than it was if it was you and me.I mean, this is a lonely place, ain't it?
Well, it ain't the kind of a place I want to stay in long, too.The gentleman, I thought he is.He knows what he's doing.Yes?Watching us here so those breathing priests what's looking for us so hard won't find us.
There ain't no sense to it.
Hello.Albert's woke up.We thought perhaps you'd been, well, you'd been making up your mind to spend the rest of the month sleeping, Albert.I haven't been sleeping.
I've been listening, I have. There ain't no need to spend any more time in this blasted place if he's worried about them Eden priests a-finding of us here.Why not?
Because I gave the black beggars the slip, you know.You gave them the slip, Herbert?Yes, I did.All three of them.
Them shiny Edens with gold spots on their foreheads.I had to run like anything, but I finally gave them the slip.
Well, I had the ruby, and they was a-following on me.
Who told them you had the rubies?You didn't show it, did you, Albert?Of course I didn't show it.Did I look balmy?Then who told them that you had it?
Nobody told them.But they kind of knowed.
Yes.Duncanny how they knows that they does.
Well, what happened?Well, they sort of mooched out of me like.Yeah?Pretending they was just walking along by chance, see?I suppose.What is it now? Did you run?Not at first.I stopped the policeman and tells him about it.
Tells him they was dangerous characters, what wouldn't think twice of sticking a knife in the innocent dark alley.
He laughed at me.Said they was only three poor black beggars who wouldn't hurt a fly.Wouldn't hurt a fly, I think.Remember what they done in Malta to poor old Jim Nash? They ripped him up till he looked like... I don't even want to think about it.
He was not either used in George and Bombay before they killed him.
Don't talk about it, will you?
Oh, what did you do then, Bert?Well, I walked up and down through Owl, miles and miles, and I walked slow enough, but they regarded me like a mouse out of cheese.Finally, I turned the corner and I ran.
I was tired, but I run as I'd never run before in my life.You shook him off, didn't you?Now wait a minute, can't you?I'm telling you what's happened.I turns a corner and I runs.Then I turns the next corner, and the next.
So they think I'm turning every corner.
Then I let the corner pass, just to fool them, see?And I twist about like an ass.Then I sit down and wait. No, please, no.Well, what happened then?I'd give him the slip.
When I sit down in Hull, finally, there wasn't no even black devils or gold spots on their faces.Yes?Little Albert had given the slip.
Why didn't you tell us before you took your 40 works?
Because his highness over there won't let you speak.He's got his plans, and he thinks we're dirt.
What did you do with that ruby?Give it to Toffee.He didn't say a word.He wants things done his way.
Yes.He might have had one of them crooked knives in his gizzard afore now if I hadn't given him the slip, you know.He's got me to thank for being able to sit here in comfort eighty miles away from them even.
You hear that, Toffee?Albert, give him a slip.
Yes, thank you. What do you say to it?Well done, Albert.
And what are you going to do?
I don't quite know what we're waiting for.
I don't think he knows either.Yes, it's a nasty place.Get him silly, Snickers.Our money's gone and he wants to sell the ruby.Let's get on to a turn.The toffee's got the ruby.Let's get it from him and leave this place.But he won't come, Bill.
He won't, eh?He won't. We'll leave him.It'll be all right if we keep away from her.Oh, yes.We'll go to London.But he must have his share.
All right, only let's go.Here you go, Jimmy.Toppy, come on, give us that ruby.
All right.I'll have it now.
Here you are.Thanks.Oh, you're quite welcome. I mean, I have to gasp every time I see it.Look, it's as big as an NJ.I don't suppose there's a bigger ruby in the world.God, isn't that beauty?Well, come on, Albert.He's gone back to his paper again.
All right, Snickers.Come in, Bill.In a minute.I won't have a last word with coffee.
Well, catch up with us.We are going diarying.
Right, sir. Why don't you chuck all this silly waiting about coffee and come with us?I know what I'm doing, Bill.I'll be hanged if we do.Three days and nothing's happened.We're safe enough.Didn't you hear Albert say he gave them the slip and all?
I'm not a fool, Bill.No, of course not.Of course you aren't.And you've helped a lot.Go on.Well?You say goodbye.Oh, yes.Goodbye. We'll save you a share, Toffee.We won't forget what you've done for us.Thank you.
You'd better take out your revolver, Toffee.Just in case, you know.I know.Come back, Toffee.So you have.Toffee.How did they get here?
Did you know they was here, Toffee? I expected them about now.Eighteen miles!Toppy, old man, what are we to do?
But if they can do anything right, if no one can save us but you.I always knew you were a clever one.We won't be fools anymore.
We'll obey you, Toppy.You're brave enough and strong enough.There isn't many that would see the ruby eye out of an idol's head and such an idol as that was to look at, and on such a night.You're brave enough, Bill, but you're all three of you fools.
Jim would have none of my plans.And where's Jim?And George?What did they do to him?I don't trust him.Well, then your strength is no use to you.You want cleverness.Or they'll have you the way they had George and Jim.
These black priests would follow you around the world in circles, year after year, till they got their idol's eye.If we died with it, they'd follow our grandchildren.
How do you think you can escape men like that by running around free streets in the town of Hull?God's truth.
Well, you haven't escaped them, because they're here, outside.
Well, I suppose we knew that.Yes, I believe there's no announcement in the society papers, but I took this country seat especially to receive them.There's plenty of room if you did.
The present is situated, and what is most important, it is in a very quiet neighborhood.You are a deep one.Remember, you've only my wits between you and death.And don't put your futile plans against those of an educated gentleman.
If you're a gentleman, why don't you go about among gentlemen instead of the likes of us?
Because I was too clever for them and I'm too clever for you.
I never lost a game of cards in my life.Never lost a game?Not when there was money in it.Then, have a game of poker?Then do as you're told.All right, Pocky.
I saw something at the window just then.Hadn't we better draw them curtains?
No.Why?Don't draw the curtains.All right.But Pocky, they can see us. I don't see why we shouldn't draw the cadent.No, no, of course you don't.All right, Bobby.Look, I'm going to take out my revolver.Go away.Oh, best to be on the safe side.
No revolvers, please.Why not?Because I don't want any noise at my party.We might get guests that hadn't been invited.Knives, now.They're a different matter.All right, now as it is.Don't draw yet.You know the ruby, Albert.Oh. Certainly, Dorothy.
Here you are.Thank you.I think they're coming, darling.Not yet.When will they come?When I'm quite ready to receive them.Not before.I should like to get this over.Should you?Then we'll have them now.Now?Yes.Listen to me.You shall do as you see me do.
We'll all pretend to go out.I'll show you how.I've got the ruby. When they see me alone, they will come for their idol's eye.How can they stare like this, which of us has it?I don't know, but they seem to have no trouble doing it.
What will you do when they come in?
I shall do nothing.What?They will sweep up behind me.Then my friends, Snickers and Bill and Albert, who gave them the slip, will do what they can.All right, Dolphy. Just that.
If you're a little slow, you will see enacted the cheerful spectacle that accompanied the demise of Jim in Malta.Don't trouble me, don't.We'll be there, all right.Very well.Now listen carefully.I shall continue to sit here with my back to the door.
You three will walk over to the side door one by one.Open it. and go into the hall for a moment.
Then, instead of shutting the door behind you, you will crawl back into the room on your knees and shut it from the inside, deep below the level of the window.Is that clear?
Yes.I'll go first.Keep down, Sniggers.That's it.Now, slam the door.Do the same thing, Albert. Sniggers, you crawl behind the armchair to the right of me.Crawl over to Sniggers, Albert.
You're the last, Bill.Let him see you leave the room.
Crouch below the level of the window, Bill.
Crawl over near the table and watch the door. Now you've all gone out except me, so far as our friends can make out.Shall we use our knives, Duffy?Yes, but remember, no revolvers under any circumstances.The police are proverbially inquisitive.
Righto, Duffy.Quiet, everyone.
Only one?Yes.Take your nose out of your blinking paper and tell me what to do.
Wait a moment.Let me think.
To protect your former position, Bill, you must protect another guest.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to pretend that the police stabbed me.You will now see my demise at my Yorkshire residence.You must receive my guest for me.
I'm going to leap up in full view of the window and the beggars outside, and then fall on the floor and pretend to be dead.Ready? So my arms, and in my best manner, simulate the movement of a gentleman receiving a knife in his back.
Now watch the door again.Here's another.Smarter.
Number two.We got two toffees.There's still another.What shall we do?Hmm, let's think.This is the best way.Much.Out of the question.You never play the same game twice.Why not, Toffee?It doesn't work if you do.
I have it.Albert, you will now pretend to come back into the room, crawl through the open door, and when you get into the hall, stand up and enter.
We have to run over to the window here and have a fight with these two priests.
Yes, they're dead, my perspicacious halibut, but Bill and I are going to resuscitate them.Come on, Bill.Crawl over here and help.
Now, pick up one of the bodies.
Put him in front of the window, if I am doing.Right, darling.
Now crawl out, Albert, and come walking in upright immediately.
Don't raise your head above the window, Bill.When Albert comes in, wave the arms of the dead body as though he were struggling with them.
Yes, I am. I'll pretend he's killed you.Over you go.
Now everybody keep absolutely still.
Ah, well, he's done for, and that ends the three of them.A good day's work, my friend.Well done, Toffee.
Oh, you are a deep one.Blimey, a deep one, if there ever was one.
There ain't no more Toffee, is there?No more in the world, my friend.
Aye, that's all there are.There were only three in the temple, three priests, and they beat me hard.Say, Toffee, look at that ruby there. It's worth a thousand pounds.It's worth all they've got in the shop.
It's worth just whatever the backer asks for.Then we're millionaires now, aren't we?Yes, yes.Yes, and what is more important, we no longer have any heirs.We'll have to sell it now.Yes, and that won't be easy.
A pity it ain't small and he had half a dozen on him.Couldn't he idle any other on him?No.
He'd have green jade all over and only had this one. right in the middle of his forehead.It was alongside uglier than anything else in the world. I'm sure we ought all be very grateful for that, Doc.
Yes, if it hadn't been for him.
Yes, if it hadn't been for old Toppy, we'd have been finished.
That's all right.You see, I just have the lack of foreseeing.
Well, I don't suppose anything happens that our Doc doesn't foresee, does he, Toppy?
Well, I don't think it does, Bill.I don't think it does.Life is no more than just a game of cards to our old Doc.Well, we've taken these fellows six weeks. It wouldn't do for anyone to see them.Oh no, nobody will come this way.
We're all alone on a moor.What shall we do with them?Bury them in the cellar.But there's no hurry.In what then, Tom?Then we'll go to London and upset the Ruby business.You've really come through this job very nicely.
I think the first thing we ought to do is give a little slap at the old top.
Yes, let's do that.And we'll all drink his ale.He would have been a general or a premier, didn't he?Let's get out to Scotch.Well, we've earned our bit of supper.Fill him up.Say when, Albert.Say when, Bill.Here's to old Torfey! Who gets everything!
Good old chopper!Sophie, you saved our lives and made our fort!
This is... I mean, he's clever, all right.Here he is!
And here's to the three of you who saved my life twice tonight.Couldn't have done it but for your cleverness, Sophie.
Here he is.Here he is.He foresees everything, he does.A speech, Sophie!A speech from our general!Yes, come on.Come on, let's speak.
Well, uh, well, get me some water.I'm just... I've got too much on my head, and I mustn't be clear till our friend will speak to the fellow.Get him some more.
All right, where shall I get it?
Outside in the car.Well, here's the fortune.Here's Albert Thomas' squire.Albert Thomas' squire.And William Jones' squire.William Jones' squire.William Jones.Here's Jacob Smith's squire, J.P., alias Snickers, back again.
I've been thinking about my share in that ruby.I don't want it, Toffee.I don't want it.Nonsense, Sniggers.Nonsense.You shall have it, Toffee.You shall have it yourself.Only say that Sniggers didn't have no share in this here ruby.Now say it, Toffee.
Say it.You aren't a tan informer, Sniggers.
Only... I don't want the ruby, Toffee.No more nonsense, Sniggers.We're all together in this.If one hangs, we all hang.They won't outwit me. It's not a hanging affair.They had their night.Toffee, Toffee, now I've always treated you fair, Toffee.
I was always one to give Toffee a chance.Take back my share, Toffee.What's the matter?What are you driving at?Take it back, Toffee.Answer me.What are you up to?I don't want my share no more.
Have you seen the police?If you ever put your knife back, Albert.Well, what shall we say?Be honest.It's an open court.Stop mentioning it, will you, dear?You were attacked.But there ain't no police.Well, then, what's the matter?
I have a twin egg.I swear to God!Well?
I swear I saw something that I didn't like.That you didn't like?Well, copy.Copy, take it back.Come on, take my share so you'll take it back.
What is he doing?Great heavens! What is it, Colby?An idol.That bleeding idol came from India.He's looking for his idol.Hurry to the idol, Colby, quick!You found it.It's taking its time. Look what he's got.That's the one.Look at him slide.What is it?
Something's pulling me.Something's making me walk.Edmund!Stop it!Come back!Don't go!Don't go Bill! I can see through the window!I can see it!What is it, Sniggers?It's gone!What is it, Sniggers?What?I've seen it!I don't know, Sniggers.
I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.
I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sniggers.
I don't know, Sniggers.I don't know, Sn Don't move, Alvin!Don't move!Stop it!Stop it, you're hurting me!Save me!Save me, Alvin!Alvin!Come back!Stop it!Stop it!
I can't go Tubby!I can't go!
I can't go!Help me Tubby!Help me!Help me Tubby!Help me!
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The Columbia Workshop has presented as its 40th program in a series of experimental radio dramas, Lord Alfred Dunsany's famous play, A Knight at an Inn.Irving Rees arranged and directed the production.
The cast consisted of Alfred Shirley as Toffee, Lewis Hector as Sniggers, Santos Ortega as Bill, Eustace Wyatt as Albert, Guy Repp as the voice.Tune in next week for another workshop presentation.This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.
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