Welcome to the Slow Style Home Podcast, where you don't need to be a design genius to create your dream home, and you don't need a winning lottery ticket or to rely on cheap goods and trends, and you don't need to hurt the planet or your wallet to develop your signature style.
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Go to SlowStyleHome.com and click on the button that says free guide right at the top.Again, that's SlowStyleHome.com or you can find the link right here in the description of this episode.Let's go.
My guest today is Abby Dare, author of the book, The Soft Minimalist Home and author of the blog, These Four Walls, which if you've been interested in design for a long time, you've probably been reading Abby Dare.
I'm sure you can guess from the title of the book that we're going to be talking about minimalism today.But my biggest takeaway from our conversation was
that the specific reasons and approach that abby takes is equally applicable to everyone maximalist included.
A few weeks ago i had a conversation with joe berryman about maximalism and offered some additional thoughts on that at the end of the episode. I'm going to do that again today with minimalism.
Specifically, I'll share my thoughts on how to declutter after my conversation with Abby.Here she is.Abby Dare, welcome to the Slow Style Home podcast.
Thank you.Thank you for having me as a guest.Yeah, your podcast has really resonated with me, so I'm excited to be here.
I'm going to jump right in.Let's just get this out of the way.Minimalism versus maximalism.Your book is called The Soft Minimalist Home.
I just want to say that I think minimalism and maximalism have both been reduced to these overly simplistic ideas. There are these snapshots that pop into our minds when we hear those words.We think we know what we're talking about.
But I think it's really more nuanced than that.And that also, I think there can be a little bit more overlap than people assume.And I really think your book illustrates that.So I want to hear from you.How do you define minimalism?
Sure.I agree with you.I think minimalism maximum, it's become this sort of, there's a conflict between the two.You have to be one or the other. if you want to say how much you hate the other.
But I think for me, minimalism isn't really a specific look or a specific aesthetic.It's more an approach.So it's not about not having any stuff.It's not about living in a really cold, sterile, empty home.For me, it's more an ethos.
It's about making space for the things that you really love by getting rid of the things that don't mean anything to you.An extension of that, it is generally quite uncluttered, but it doesn't mean that it's devoid of character or personality.
And I think there's no one size fits all approach to minimalism.For me, it's a very individual thing, and it will look very different to different people.So for me, that translates into a very neutral, calm home.
For other people, that might translate into a very vibrant home that's full of art.I think the key, the core of it for me really is making space for what matters for you and turning your home into a reflection of you and your story.
Really making space to celebrate the things that you love and the things that make you.
Yeah, and I think when we start from that, with that goal in mind, that what our homes are for are to nurture us and to express who we are and do all the things we need our homes to do for us emotionally.
I think that you tend to find yourself leaning into minimalism when you find out that's actually what you need and want, as opposed to that's just a look that you're going for.
And one of the principles of design that I use in my slow style approach is I call it life informed style by which I mean that the realities of your life and your personality and your lifestyle.
That is more important than choosing a particular style so let's forget about minimalism as being a style category like you say it's more of an approach.Add your personal story.
Is a great example of this about how your home absolutely needed to do something for you and therefore a minimalistic approach. is what works.So tell us a little bit about that.It's really interesting.
I have a condition called synesthesia, which is a neurological condition that not many people have heard of.It can manifest itself in lots of different ways.
But it's the basic definition of it is when two different senses merge together and get experienced at the same time.So some people will smell a specific smell or even taste a specific taste when they see sound.
For other people, they'll actually almost feel sound or feel smell, feel taste in their body.
I have a form of it called colour grapheme synesthesia, which means that I associate every single letter of the alphabet, every number, and every day of the week as well, actually, I think that's a bit more unusual, with a very specific colour.
And I don't just mean green or blue, but with brick red or pea green or sea blue, it's very specific.Amazing. Generally, it's a really positive thing.I can't imagine not having it.It's such a part of me that I wouldn't want to be without it.
And it has its benefits.I think I see colour in a very nuanced way, and I'm sure it helps me in the interior design world.It's also really useful for proofreading.
I can spot typos and spelling mistakes instantly because the colours aren't in the order I'd expect them to be in.So it does help. That's so interesting.Honestly, as a writer, it really does help.
So like beautiful, if I'm spelling the word beautiful, I would expect to see a certain sequence of colors.And if any letter is in the wrong place, the colors won't be in the sequence I expect.So it stands out really.
OK, so how has this all affected you or informed you when it comes to creating your home?
When it comes to my home, I think even though I see it as a very positive thing, it can be quite overwhelming.So when I read anything, I see the colors when I talk.
When I'm talking to you now, I have the colours of the world flashing through my head.I think it means that I find it quite difficult to switch off.
So when I'm lying in bed in the evening and trying to fall to sleep, I still got a head that's buzzing with colour.
So for me, having a very calm and actually very neutral home is important because it just gives me the sort of antidote to what's going on inside my brain.And it means I can start to unwind.
start to try and close down that rainbow in my brain so that I can switch off and actually get a good night's sleep.
Yeah, if you have a life or a brain that tends to run on overdrive and is very crowded and complicated that I do think that you tend to want your home space to be as calming and serene as possible.
Yeah, and it was interesting doing the book actually that the book is a mixture of of neutral homes, very colourful homes and homes that somehow balance the two.
And I think the central to minimum is minimalist approach is working out what you need in your space and then how to make your space do that for you.So colour is a very important part of that.
And the colour that I need in my home is very different from the colour that someone else needs in their home.And I guess What I wanted to give people was the confidence to just go with what they want.
Yeah.I wonder if you could describe one or two of the rooms or spaces where they're quite colorful, but you still consider them or the people who live there still think of themselves as minimalists.What does that look like?
the two really colourful ones that stick out for me, both in London, actually, one is an apartment.And they've gone for a very vibrant colourful palettes.They've got bright sky blues next to jungle greens next to terracotta reds, but it all works.
And I think for them colour is really important.It what
it brings them joy it's what lifts them it's what energises them when they get up in the morning so for them minimalism was actually making space to have that colour and doing away with things that might distract from that colour so that really becomes the central feature of their home.
Your book is separated into different sections that are elements of design and you're looking at each element with a minimalist lens, texture, materiality, natural elements,
Um, but we just talked about color, which I think is one that maybe people aren't expecting, but the other one is.You have a chapter on how you display things.And I think that our, what we choose to put out on display.
So the things that are not quite the necessary things in terms of practicality, but there's still feel very necessary to who we are.They're the final layers that make this home feel like us.
But here again, you say that a minimalist home doesn't mean there isn't any stuff.It's more about the ways in which you handle your stuff.
So can you give us some examples from some of these homes, or yours included, where, yeah, there's stuff, but it's about how it looks.So tell us about that.
I'll give you two very different examples.But first, I think I agree with you.We need these displays to our personality.They're the final layer of character in our homes.They're part of telling our own story.And they're really important.
even minimalist homes have them.I don't want people to feel that if they're going to be a minimalist, they can't have their things on display.They can't have the things that they love surrounding them.
So I'll give you an example from a Victorian seaside cottage in the UK, which is actually a rental cottage.And I think that's important to say there are homes in the book that are rented.
It's not just for people who own their own home and have huge budgets.
I'm trying to create... Very important to point that out.
Yes.Yeah, I want to create something beautiful and inspiring, but also relevant.People can read through and think, I could do that, not I don't have 100 million whatever.So I can't, I want it to be accessible as well.
But this seaside home is lived in by a couple who absolutely love art.They're both actually trained art historians, even though they don't work in that field anymore.
So they've got this amazing collection of 16th and 17th century oil paintings dotted around their home.And that sounds like it shouldn't be minimalist.It sounds like they'd only be in a maximalist home.
But they've displayed them in the most beautiful ways.They've got some just positioned on walls on their own.They've got some that's mixed in with other items to form these beautiful little vignettes throughout their home.
So again, they've cleared away things that have no relevance and no meaning for them.Obviously, everyone needs day-to-day things.But they've been very clever with their storage so that those things are hidden away.
And it's the art that they really love that is what they celebrate through the displays in their home.
The other example is a home in the Netherlands, which is a beautifully pared back minimalist home, but it's full of antiques from different eras actually passed down through a family.
So they bring happy memories, they remind them of people they love, but they've created them in very clever ways.Because the surroundings, the actual bones of the home are kept very pared back and very understated.
These things that shouldn't work together actually do and they're celebrating this sort of I guess it's not just their history, it's the history of their family that they're celebrating through the way they've styled things.
So they might have an art deco lamp on a French 18th century bureau and it works because it's telling their story.It's really celebrating the things that matter to them.
So do you have any examples from your own home of something that you have put out?Why did you choose it and how have you displayed it?
One of the weirdest things in my home actually, and something that every time I show it on Instagram, I get comments on, is my books.So I love reading.I have quite a big collection of books and novels.
I've still got all my university textbooks and everything.I could never part with them.And I love having them on display.But because I have synesthesia, and I don't like being surrounded by lots of bright colors, I display them the wrong way around.
So I have the spines facing inwards and the pages facing outwards. which confuses a lot of people.But yeah, it means that I can have the things that I love on display and near me.
I have my books close at hand, but they're displayed in a way that works for me in a way that, as you say, life-informed style, it's what works in my home and makes me feel comfortable.I guess it does bring this lovely element of texture.
People always ask how I know where things are, but I know they're arranged in a specific way.I know I have novels on one shelf and history books on another, so I can normally find things fairly quickly.
And you're the only one that needs to know where they are, so it works out.
Anyone else who comes and visits, they can just have fun browsing and see what they come across.I love it.
I do want to note, we talked a little bit about accessibility.The homes in this book tend to have beautiful bones.They are typically old, They've got great details, character.
And I think part of it is where you live, because you shot homes both in England and in Europe.And in America, we have some old, some of the areas where we in the country are old and have characterful homes.
There's a lot of builder grade homes in America, a lot of white boxes or beige, builder's beige, I call it.
Yeah, and it's soul sucking.If someone has a home like that, but they really want to have a minimalist approach, how do they infuse it with warmth when they don't have those architectural bones to rely on?
There is actually an example of that in the book, there is an Empton stock home.It's a one bedroom new build apartment.It was brand new when Alison, the lady who owns it, bought it. It was very much a blank canvas.It is a white box.
It doesn't have any architectural features, but she's still transformed it into the most beautiful characterful home.You walk into her apartment and you don't notice the plain white walls and the lack of character in the architecture itself.
She's got a lovely cozy seating area with a beautiful big pendant light over it that just draws you in and creates this focal point. And she has got layers of texture.
There will be a fluffy cushion on a linen sofa and a wooden sideboard with this beautiful glass vase on.
The subtitle of the book is calm, cozy decor for real lives and spaces and calm and cozy.None of these are sterile.None of these are boring.They're not boring at all.They are, they're full of life.Clearly, they're very personal.
They don't feel generic.So I really, if you have An idea that you want to take a more minimalist approach by pairing down to the essentials of what you love then i think this book is a great starting place for those of you listening.
I want to end with a question that I haven't asked in a while of a lot of my guests, but I feel like we've been dancing around this topic of minimalism and we've been focusing more on how to make it work from a design perspective.
As you said at the very beginning, for you, it's an approach almost to life, so I'm wondering Why does style matter, any style?Why does it, what does it do for you, either personally or what do you think it does for us more generally?
It's not really about looks, although obviously that does come into it.It's about feeling, it's about mood, it's about expressing what makes us happy, what makes us.And I think if we can, it takes a bit of work.
It takes a bit of time to find your personal style and your signature style.But I think when you get there, it really is quite transformative.It will make, your home feel instantly like the place you should be.It brings comfort.It brings security.
I think it brings wellbeing.So I think style and personality and character are so interlinked that you can't really separate one from another.Style is definitely not shallow.It's not materialistic.It's storytelling, I think, as simple as that.
Beautifully said.Abby, this has been such a lovely conversation.Thank you so much for this beautiful book.
Thank you for your time.I've really enjoyed it.
Okay, like I said, I am going to wrap up this episode with some of my own thoughts about minimalism and specifically decluttering.First, the definitions of minimalism and maximalism are becoming less rigid as evidenced by Abby's book.
Now, sure, on the extreme ends of this continuum, maximalist might just be a code word for hoarder and minimalist might mean someone living like a yogi on the top of a mountain.
But in reality, those words have just become stand ins for the extreme stereotypical versions of each and not a reflection where most of us are on this continuum. Second, there's a big difference between clutter and intentional display.
Clutter is anything that's sitting out in plain view where it doesn't belong.
When you're purposeful about what you hang on your walls and what you set on surfaces, where you keep your shoes and your coats and where you put your keys and the dog leash, when you take the time to consider what goes where,
you're actually taking control of what you want to experience as you live inside your home.And this goes for anyone, maximalist, minimalist and everyone in between.Now, I get this example a lot.
Let's say you or someone you live with thinks of themselves as minimalist because they don't like a lot of stuff.All right.They're anti throw pillow.They're not big on collections.They don't see the point of artwork.And yet,
There are piles of paper and receipts and half-finished projects or empty cans and bottles sitting in a cardboard box waiting to be taken outside.That is not a minimalist style.That's just clutter sitting in an impersonal space.
If it's having a lot of stuff that bothers you or someone you live with, you can choose fewer pieces of art, fewer objects on display.
streamlined, unfussy finishes to furniture, but you'll still probably want something soft underfoot, something warm to wrap up in when it's cold, and something of interest on the walls.
You may prefer texture over color and pattern, or you may simply prefer naturally saturated colors, but fewer of them.And perhaps your patterns are tone on tone, giving a sense of depth without all of the graphic punch.
Every home, every single signature style, regardless of where you fall on the minimalist, maximalist continuum, benefits from careful consideration of what we choose to keep, use, and display.
And therefore, I believe Abby's approach works for everyone.As she puts it, minimalism is about making space for the things you really love by getting rid of the things that don't mean anything to you.
And I think I would say that's the definition of a signature style.To create a one-of-a-kind home, you have to figure out how the core of who you are will be represented by the things you choose for your home.
The things that you choose to keep and the things that you choose to bring into your home going forward.
Abby is suggesting that for some of you, you're going to need only a few items or a few colors or a few accessories to represent who you are and live comfortably in the day-to-day activities that take place in your homes.
And so those homes do take on a minimalist look.In my home, to express who I am, my interests, my values, the ideas I have about who I want to evolve into, they are represented by a fair amount of stuff.
Some people would say that I'm maximalist and I do feel comfortable as well as energized and supported when I'm surrounded by my things.Whenever I do feel overwhelmed or unsettled or uninspired, it's not because of the stuff.
It's because of the clutter.The third thing that I want to point out from this episode is that if you were to look at my Slow Style Framework,
you'd see that I have as the first step creating a vision, a clear vision that you can articulate of how you want to feel and what you want to experience in each room.
Now, I say that's the first step, but I could also argue that the first step is actually to clear out everything you don't love.
The reason I talk about starting with envisioning a newly designed space first is because for most people, that's way more fun than decluttering.And also, I think that having an exciting vision motivates us to do the drudge work.But the truth is,
When you go through all four steps of the Slow Style Framework, you're gonna have to face your stuff at some point.
Where to put it, how to organize it, how to display it, care for it, and every once in a while, take stock and ask ourselves if we still love it as much as we used to.
If that sounds daunting and you really need a jolt of happiness, you can temporarily skip this part by putting all the stuff you're not sure about in a different room from the one that you want to change up.
The sneaky part of the framework is that once you have your vision in place, I'm going to ask you to try to achieve that vision using what you already have first before buying anything new, which means, of course, digging through all that stuff that you just put in another room to see what's there that you truly love and want to use.
And that takes me to the final thought that I want to leave with you.Slow style has a particular approach to deciding what to keep and what to let go.Marie Kondo distilled it down to a single question.Does it spark joy?
But for some people, that's an oversimplification of all the factors at play.The slow style approach is twofold.It takes into consideration William Morris's advice
do not have anything in your homes that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful, as well as using decluttering as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of yourself and, by extension, your signature style.
Because when you go through your things, be it a piece of furniture or a tiny decorative object or an old love letter, Be thinking about any memories or aspirational feelings that come to mind.Take note of what's drawing you to them.
But if feelings aren't attached to it, but you still are loving it, notice what it is specifically, whether you like how it feels in your hands or whether you like the shape or the color or the material.
You're asking yourself, what about it is giving me any positive vibes?
If the answer is no or nothing to all of the above, no memories are coming up, no aspirational feelings about, oh, I really want to use this because this is kind of who I want to become.Or, oh, I just I love the pattern on this.
If the answer is no or nothing to those questions, then that thing is most likely on its way out the door.But if it is something that you love for personal or aesthetic reasons, think about
How you might incorporate it into a space in your home in a new way?Does it help express a vision that you have for a particular room?Could it be an element in a new vignette or tucked into a different bookcase or arranged next to a different chair?
Is it something that you can use for dinner tonight, something special that you haven't used in a while?
by actively engaging with the things we love, especially things that we haven't used in a while or thought of in a while or things that have been tucked away. we are lighting up those synapses in our brains that spark creative thinking.
And then we may feel motivated to change something up, to try something new, or to finally do something what we've been meaning to do.
So instead of thinking of decluttering as a marathon where you're gritting your teeth and pushing yourself to the finish line, think of it as a process of excavation, going through a smaller amount of things so that you could take the time to assess
how you feel about them and whether or not you've outgrown them beyond who you were at the time, or if they still deserve the space that they're taking up in your home and your mind and your soul.Who knows?
You may find out you need a lot less stuff to love your home, or you may confirm that, yes, indeed, you are a maximalist at heart and you want to get rid of the things you don't love so that those things, all those things that you really do love, can shine.
Either way, you're making room for what you truly love by getting rid of stuff you don't, which brings us right back to Abby Dare's book, The Soft Minimalist Home.
If you'd like help implementing any part of decluttering or defining your vision, we have many courses on both of those things inside the Slow Style Society.And it's also something that I work on with people one on one.
So check out SlowStyleHome.com and see if personalized coaching is right for you. Thanks so much for listening.I know your time is valuable and I really do appreciate you spending it with me.
And please, please, please take a minute to leave a review for Slow Style Home wherever you get your podcasts.It honestly does help keep this show on the air and your feedback is highly valuable to me.
Have a great day and I'll be back in your earbuds soon.Bye for now.
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