This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Plus, Kiki drops a step-by-step guide on how to hack into your partner's phone.Now, look, we definitely don't condone it, but let's just say she knows her stuff and she made it sound all so easy.And I adore her.
She truly is so funny and so wonderful.Before we get into it, a couple of quick announcements.Past guest of the podcast, Skylar Hurt, is now casting for Netflix's new season of The Ultimatum.
Have you and your partner been committed for a long time but haven't taken the next step?Is your partner ready to commit but you're dragging your feet?Are you tired of being patient and ready to marry or move on?
If that sounds like you, apply today for The Ultimatum.Go to theultimatumcasting.com. We're launching a YouTube channel.You'll be able to watch all future full-length video podcast episodes here, there, everywhere on YouTube.
Be sure to subscribe to Why Won't You Date Me on YouTube.The link is in this episode description.And exciting news, we'll be back with a brand new episode next Friday, Friday, Friday, November 1st.All right, time for Kiki Palmer.
Let's hear that theme song.
Why won't you date me?Why won't you date me?
Hey baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single.
Even though you could come in a tube of toothpaste and I squeeze it out and I go, this is runny, but I'll still use it.My guest today is an Emmy-winning actress, writer, and singer who starred in Nope. Lightyear, Hustlers, and so much more.
Can you open IMGB?Come on, baby.Okay, her new podcast, Baby, This is Kiki Palmer, is now available exclusively and ad-free on Amazon Music.Ooh, boy, I'm thrilled she's here today.Ooh, open your ears.It's Kiki Palmer.Hey, what's up, girl?
Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.How are you?I'm so good.I have to know, what sign are you, Nicole?Because I just have to get into that.Ooh, I'm a Virgo. And you see right there, that's when I knew.Because girl, I'm a Virgo too.Oh, we are special people.Come on!
Are you September or are you August?
I'm August.The end of August.
I am too.I'm August 26th.
Oh, I'm August 29th.So swing that six around and you get me. I love that, it's so good to hang out with you today.Yes, this is fun.First of all, people can't see it, but where are your glasses from?
Oh, so my glasses are, I get a lot of my glasses from, like, downtown, like the alley, you know what I'm saying?Like, I just find... Sanctuary alley?
Yeah, you know, I just find different, you know, actual sunglasses frames, and then I take them out and put my prescription in, so, you know, they got, like, a turquoise rim, guys, and this black on the edge, you know, but it's just, you know, I love quirky glasses, what can I say?
Yours look good, too, though. Thank you.
They're very big and they smushed my nose, but I don't care.I just love how big they are.Yes.
Okay.Kiki, I have a question.So you are, you're successful.That's not a question.It's a statement, but like, has dating been hard for you since you're a successful person?
Totally, totally.Dating has been so hard for many of the same reasons that it's hard for any one of us.And then also for obviously my own unique reasons, my lifestyle, the overwhelming vibe that my lifestyle can bring to any dating scenario.
And then perception, societal perceptions and how that kind of can give you pressures in terms of who you should be dating and why you should be dating them.I think definitely I went through a lot of that as a teenager too.
What's your type?Do you even have one?
So I used to always say I don't have a type because I don't think I have a type physically.I do think, you know, when it comes to physical stuff, like superficial sense, I love hair.It can be any kind.It could be locks.It could be curls.
It could be a fade.It could be anything, but I just love beauty.Hair is like a sign of beauty for me.Like, it doesn't matter.So I think I'm definitely attracted to hair.And then I'm also attracted to height.That's like as typical.
as it gets in terms of the, like, superficial front.But then, when it comes to, like, a type, I do think I have a personality type.When I was younger, I used to think I liked the quiet guy, the mysterious guy.
But obviously, I don't think, I think that was just the first person I dated.That's how they were, so I thought that's what I liked.As I got older, I realized that I liked the quirky guy.The guy that is beating to his own drum.
He's a little bit more eccentric.He's not too, like, he's not giving you Andre 3000.He's maybe giving you more... He's maybe giving you more, like, Adam Sandler.Like, he's giving you a little bit more, like, awkward in that kind of humorous sense.
Not taking themselves too seriously.A little bit of the everyday chill.Not trying to be too cool.Like, someone that feels, like, approachable and down-to-earth.That's, like, what I like.Yeah.
I like that, too.I like someone who's funny, but doesn't have to be the star of the party.I kind of like a recurring. Pops in, he's very funny, goes back to the corner.Comes back and is like, hello.And you're like, ooh, that's fun.
I hope he comes back again.That's what I like.
I'm the same way, Nicole.You know why?Because our personalities are already extra and gagged out.So it's kind of like, you know, it's good to have somebody that can go there with us, but also somebody that's
that we can just go into and it's not like, you know, we don't have to be extra.Because after a while, people expect that from us.And it's like, we're not like that all the time.You know what I mean?
Sometimes I'm chilling, I'm in the corner somewhere.So I want somebody that can keep up with that speed as well.
The nicest thing anybody I have dated has ever said to me, I was like telling them about just a day at work.And I was like, I'm sorry, that was very boring.And he was like, you're not here to entertain me.And I was like, I'm not?I love you.
It blew my mind because usually I'm just like on when I'm dating somebody.So I'm like, I need you to like me forever.Otherwise, I'll wither away and die.And I don't want that.
But I think that's extremely natural, at least for me.You know, I totally relate to the whole and honestly, I relate to it in terms of dating and friendships.Like I find that especially in the beginning,
We all kind of bring this performative nature and just this kind of like I'm presenting to you the person that I think is the best version of myself.And then it does get spooky after a while.I've always felt like this with dating.
That once people realize I'm not happy all the time and I'm not and I actually like
Just like most people that are, I don't know if I'd call myself a comedian, but a comedic actor or a comedic person, you know, most people like that, hell, we can get depressed as fuck.
So it's like, when I open myself up to someone and then they start seeing the cracks of the entirety of who I am, I always get really anxious because I'm like, oh shit, they're going to find out that.
They're gonna find out that I'm not always thrilled.
Yeah, I'm like, are they gonna find smoother road?
I've got a lot of cracks and a lot of issues Absolutely, absolutely, and it's just kind of I mean, but that I think that's the reality nobody is always gonna be like that, what you met in the beginning.
I think, you know, it's always getting to, that's the real dating, is like getting past that initial vibe and like, who's actually gonna like me for me?That's, I think, what makes it so difficult.
I think I read it on Instagram, because that's where I get all of my education currently.But I think it said on Instagram that you don't really know someone until after a full year has passed.Right.
And that blew my mind.Because, honey, I can perform.I can keep up an act for a minute.You know, I can definitely keep things under control for a while.And I think it's so interesting, too.
I think that is also like a defense mechanism, like in a control thing.It's like no one really reaches past that point until before you know it, they do.And then that when it's like, oh, wait a minute.Now I really care.
Now you're really gonna get to know me.And that doesn't really happen, I know, for me, and definitely until past, like, a year.Like, it takes a second for me to kind of really even trust someone to really go there.
Yeah, because I'm always like, are you gonna hurt my feelings?
And I know nobody's setting out to hurt people's feelings, I mean, hopefully, but I'm always like, but if I let you in, are you gonna hurt my feelings and then I'm gonna regret letting you in and then I just never do it again?
Yeah, you just never want the scarring, you know what I mean?I hate that too about situations, but I've realized that they're kind of always, that's always like... what's going to happen.I feel like I experienced the worst version of that.
Not the worst version of that.Let me not be dramatic because everybody goes through that.I've experienced the hardest thing on earth.No.
But I think the thing is, it's the most typical version of what you see in the movies when it's like, oh my gosh, my best friend messed around with my boyfriend behind my back.
like literally i experienced that and it was the most that to me epitomizes what you're talking about which is like our worst fear of oh my gosh how am i ever going to trust anybody again and even more so not even just the person i was dating but the person i was best friends with
And that is really, like, it's crazy, but it's a part of life.Like, somebody is gonna hurt you.And most likely, they're gonna be somebody that you really, really love and care about.And then what?You know what I mean?
And are you gonna choose to forgive them?Are you gonna choose to move forward and never trust anybody else again?Those are the questions that I've asked myself a lot after experiencing things like that.
And I think that's, you know, it's just like, you can't escape it, though.
No, you really can't.And that's life.It's like they say, it's like the husband's usually the murderer.The person closest to you is the one who's gonna kill you.Which is like, oh, no.But I had a best friend once.
He wasn't my boyfriend, you know, in real life, but in my brain, you know, we had something really nice and special.But she ended up sleeping with him.And then I was like, but you knew. You knew I was building a fantasy in my brain.
And you knew that one day he was gonna reject me and I'd cry about it and I still wouldn't like you sleeping with him anyway.Why would you do that?And it was just like one of those things where I was like, I guess I'll stay friends with you.
And then eventually I was like, I don't know if this is working out in my favor.You keep doing awful things.
Yeah, so did they keep dating the person that you were talking to that you liked?
No, they truly just hooked up with him.Just hooked up with him, wow. And it felt very pointed like she was like, I can do this.I can I can have whatever you want.And that was like her MO with a lot of things.
And so that's it.Okay, since we're going down the friend lane.That's, you know, I don't know, I feel devastated about how that friendship ended.And the reason why is because I don't know the reasoning.
And it's one of those things where I was watching, when you were saying what you were saying, I brought up Beaches, and I watched that movie recently, the Bette Midler one, where, you know, her and the best friend.
I was like, which version?
Because there was one on Lifetime recently.
I watched the original, and you know how they have that moment in there, but ultimately the friendship between them is like, you know, there's jealousy, but there's love, but there's envy, but there's competition, but they love each other.
It was like such a mixed mosh of what we experience sometimes in these very close, intimate, you know, platonic relationships.And me and that person, that relationship for me, it kind of plays back into my head in terms of how I...
navigate other things in my life because it's it's like you think back on it and you're like so were you jealous of me but I can't imagine you being jealous of me or was it a competition was this about you or was this about it's like and and I always think about it the Virgo in me is like trying to analyze so I can figure out how to navigate a situation like that the next time but I don't really think there's because it's really actually
not about any of them, it was always about you.And it's like you're trying to figure out, what was I supposed to learn from that?What was I supposed to gain?To never trust anybody again?Or like, you know, what was the message here?
That is interesting because I feel like we walk through life being like, everything's a lesson that you're supposed to learn from.
And it's like, honestly, sometimes it's not, because if you think you're learning from someone doing you dirty or whatever, and then you're like, OK, so I'm going to go into this with, like, you know, all eyes open, looking around, suspicious and shit.
It's like, well, how are you going to enjoy life and how are you going to enjoy your time?And also, someone might hurt you a different way.
Yeah, so it's like that really doesn't actually help you any and I remember talking to like this shaman lately was either shaman or astrology and you know I do a lot of these little things and The lady was telling me that like it really isn't about them.
It was really about you learning that you know you What did she say she said that? it was just an experience for you that is about you trusting yourself.
Kind of saying to me that I always knew that the person I was dating and my best friend were never trustworthy.
And so the journey that I went on was really more so experiential for me and me as my own person to prove myself right, even though I already knew that I was right before the whole debacle happened.
So it was like, again, it really wasn't, like you said, it's not about that person.It's not about, you know, trying to figure out anything.Like, if there was any lesson, it was to trust my instincts from the beginning.
Yes, which is a very curious thing that nobody really talks about, that it's like, trust your intuition.It's usually right.If you have a bad feeling about a relationship, a friendship,
you're probably gonna be right, as opposed to just, like, sitting in it and waiting for it to come, like, to fulfill itself.It's like, maybe just remove yourself from the situation.
Yeah, and that was definitely, I definitely look back, and I don't know if it's the same for you, but I definitely look back on the situation, and I always was suspicious of them, of our, you know, true genuineness of our friendship.
I really was, you know what I mean?But it was that thing where you just keep telling yourself, well, maybe I'm wrong, well, maybe I'm wrong.And that's, to me,
whether what happened to me or not did or didn't happen, and how bad it was, or whatever you want to call it, that's the biggest disappointment, is that, wow, I should have, you know, listened to myself.
So I'm definitely glad to know that, because moving forward in my life, when my intuition does tell me something, I definitely listen much differently, much more pointedly, because I'm like, I know what feels right for me and what doesn't.
You know, and it's helped me thus far, for sure.
I like how confident you are in this.Me, personally, I go, I have intuition about this.I think it's going to end poorly.And then I'll be in the shower being like, it did end poorly.And I'm sad, but like, also, I knew it was going to end poorly.
So this is a little bit on me.
You know, you win some, you lose some.Sometimes I feel like we're, I mean, I have been in periods of my life
where I can be a little masochistic in that regard as well, where it's like, I mean, even when I'm talking about this past situation, I knew, but it's like, I still did it anyway.
And I think, I mean, is that, I think sometimes, Elle, is that what we want in that moment?I mean, if you know and you say, I don't care, like, is that kind of just like, is that the way that we're in right now in that time in our lives?
Is that we kind of want to put ourselves in those positions?I mean, there's nothing wrong with it.It's kind of just like what we're on.
Uh-huh.People are fucking weird.We all are.If you think about it.Yes.To be like, to knowingly go into a bad situation just to be like, woe is me.Yes.But like, to not understand that's what you're doing is so fucking weird.
How wild, people are so wild.Wait, Kiki, do you have any brothers that are single?I would like to go to your Thanksgiving.Do they like big black ladies?I would like to be part of your family.
You can definitely be a part of my family.My brother is so young, you would not be interested.He also has a girlfriend, he's like 21 around my brother.
Oh, that's very, very young.
I know, he's such a baby.He's literally like a literal Gen Z. He's born like in the 2000s.Like, are you kidding me?
That's nuts to me.My friend has a nanny and she was like, yeah, she was born in 2003.And I was like, someone in 2003 is taking care of your child?
Well, in 2003, I had a full time job.No, I'm kidding.
Oh, my God.Just getting so fucking old.
Girl, 30 is knocking around the corner.How do you feel about it?I mean, I don't even know how old you are.
I'm already 30.I believe I'm 37 and I'm almost 40.And you're kidding.Sometimes it blows my mind.Damn, you look good, girl.
Thank you.I thought you were like in your 20s.Oh my God.
I got far too excited about that.So I learned this from, I don't know, somebody doing my makeup.They were like, you should be happy that you've like chubby cheeks and oily skin because people put fillers in their face to look younger.
I have natural fillers from food and God.
Well, that is 1000% true about the fillers and the... Because people really do try.But I need them to just chill a bit, because I think it's, you know, sometimes it's right, and then other times it's kind of like, it ain't matching with the neck.
And nothing's, it's not coming together.
Yeah.Do you think you would ever, like, touch your face in any way?
Man, I don't wanna be like that asshole to be like, never.You know what I mean?Like, you know, cause who's to say, like, girl, I might start reaching up to 50 and like, oh, wait a minute, these four headlines.You know, I don't know.
But I'm scared of anything that's gonna actually change the reconstruction.You know what I'm saying?
So I can get with the concept of, you know, I could see maybe one day, even for a role, if I'm playing like a very rich auntie, I can see myself getting into a little Botox, maybe doing something to freeze me up a little bit.But when it gets to the,
When it gets to the fillers and the stuff that might change or contour me more, that scares me.Because I do think that there's a good, it's good for your face to be not all the way right.Does that make sense?
Yeah, I think it's, I have a thing about teeth.I like teeth that are slightly off.That's what I'm saying.I love a gap.I love like maybe like a little crooked tooth on the bottom or whatever.Because I'm like, that's what makes you special.
Like nobody's teeth are like your teeth.
And I know it's so cliche, but I truly believe that.It's kind of weird or strange if somebody's face is just quote-unquote perfect, whatever that might mean to you based on what you think is beautiful.
But I don't know, I like people that look just like real people.
Same.And when I watch movies, sometimes I'm like, these people are all so pretty.I want a movie just filled with funny-looking people.
Well, don't you feel like back in our, like, when we were teens and stuff like that, every, you know, you, everybody did look normal.Like, you, I mean, you had people that were, okay, quote-unquote, model-looking.
But then you had people that were just, like, gorgeous in an everyday kind of way, or the simple man, or... But I do feel like after, like, maybe 2010s especially, everybody was just drop-dead gorgeous.And it was just like, what's going on?
And how can I relate?How can I relate to this?
Exactly.The most egregious, I think, was the newest Batman movie, which I loved.I thought it could have been six hours longer.Colin Farrell played the Penguin and they put a bunch of prosthetics on him.And I was like, oh, just go get a fatty.
Go get a nice fat man who's a great character actor.They exist.And let him play that part.
I know.I know, you know, and that's what I always say, too.Like, that's why I do like, I mean, obviously, I do think Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale, they've been putting their bodies through the wringers to give us a damn character moment.
And I hate that for them, but I love that for them in terms of their dedication.But, you know, it's like, damn, I do feel like, to your point, people got to be willing to go there.
And, you know, stop worrying about looking gorgeous every damn shot, you know what I mean?Or, you know, what it's gonna be to come out of it and just become a character, maybe.You know, change it up, you know?
Whatever it is, I think you gotta go all the way, because if you don't, then it kinda just looks like, I can tell that I'm watching a movie, which is the issue, right?
You know, you don't wanna think that you're, like, watching a movie, unless it's supposed to be, like, kitschy, satirical, campy, perfect.And if it's not, then it's kinda like, give me real life.
Yeah, give me some real messy shit.Kiki, real quick, we have to take a break.Oh, way back.OK, I have a question.In a relationship, is it OK to hack into a partner's phone?It's not OK, but would I do it?
I have. Literally, I've definitely done it multiple times and I've apologized and done it again.But look, nobody's perfect.And I think it's like, it happens.I mean, I think kudos to the people that are listening in and they're like, I never do that.
I never.You know, I'm not one of you.I will say this.I've been in relationships where I didn't feel the need to do that.And I think that's how you should always feel.
And when you don't, that's the biggest, it's true what they say, it's the biggest sign that there's like no trust there if you feel like you need to go through someone's phone, you know what I mean?
Okay, so there is someone listening right now who's like, I don't trust my man or my lady or my person.I'd like to go through their phone. I haven't the foggiest idea how to start that.How do you do that?
I feel like everybody always has their phone in their hand.
Yeah, well, you got to be looking when they're like, so at a chill time, you got to just, you know, when you guys are on the best of terms, you know, look around while they're, you got to be, that's the thing, you got to be playing on the downfall while you guys are on the best of terms, because you know, that shit's going to hit the fan at some point.
So you got to be in a good mood with them and already planning the next heist.
So pretty much when you guys are hanging out, you look over their shoulder, you see what they're typing in, you get a clue or an idea of what it is, you know what I'm saying?And just kind of, you know, get in the vibe there.
Or if you guys sleep in the same bed together, you know how to pull their thumb out.You know how to pull their face up.
You know how to figure out a way to make sure that you can get into their phone based off of using their own body parts, because the way that these phones are signed up now, it's an easy way to do that.So those are my two options.
Look over their shoulder when they're in a very vulnerable moment, not realizing, and or... you know, try to use their face, try to use their hand, or something to that regard.
I would never, ever, ever suggest just fuddling around and footsing around.You know what I mean?Don't do that because the phone will do the whole thing where they can tell that somebody's been trying to get in.
And you don't want your spot blowed up like that.
Wait, if they're sleeping, does the face thing work?Or do your eyes have to be open?No, it works.
This I love.I love this.That's good.I'm going to try it one of these days.I don't have anyone right now to try it with, but I'm going to try it.
I'm telling you, it works because people are, people don't, you know, and when you're chilling with someone, you guys are really in a comfortable relationship, they're going to slowly put their code in around you at some point.They're going to.
I've seen it tons of times.Oh my gosh, it's worked every time.That's why I say just look over their shoulder real quick, you know. and do it.You gotta have a good memory, though.I feel like the fucking passwords have gotten so long.
Also, if you get in there, yeah, if you got somebody with Android or they doing that little puzzle piece shit on the front, you can forget it.But I was gonna say, if you do get in the phone,
You know, the great thing about it now is you can make things that were read unread.You get what I'm saying?You can look at the messages, read them, and make them still look like they weren't read.You have to go back and clear your name.
You have to go back.I've gone so as far as to send pictures to myself, screenshots to myself.Don't worry about reading it in the moment.Screenshot it, send it to yourself, delete that you sent it to yourself, and read it on your own phone.
That's another good tip.Free tip there that I got. Wow.
I love this.This is, like, next level.Some people might be listening being like, duh, bitch, I've been knowing all about this.But I'm not.
I wish I... I mean, back in the day, I could hack into somebody's email clean and quick. Oh my gosh, talking about a Facebook account, you're talking about an Instagram account, you're talking about all of the accounts.
Nowadays, see the kids don't know, nowadays they've got this shit hooked up so clean that you gotta do every type of verification to get there.But right in the early, like in the 2010s, 2014, 15, 16, baby!
It was so easy to digitally hack into somebody's account, especially if you knew a couple of things about them. It was done.Nobody could get anything past me.
I love this.You have a full-ass career as an actress, but also a private investigator.Oh, yes.
You get in the dirt.I'm always getting into something.The only thing that I haven't been able to crack is how to look at somebody's private Instagram account.
I'll get a chance to get back to it, but I do know how to look at any public people's pages, any of their stories.All you got to do is download Story Viewer app.Thank me later.Oh.
Here's what I do.I have a little finsta and I block the people that I don't want to see me looking at their stories and then unblock them, look at their stories, re-block them, and then your view goes away.
That's very good.That's very good.That is good. to every now and then, especially when I want to become somebody's friend that page is private.But nowadays, people know.You know, when their page is private, they're keeping people out.
They're not gonna add anybody they don't know.So that, ugh, it's very difficult.It doesn't really work to my advantage as much anymore.
Yeah, if it's private, that's hard.But public, free game.Yeah, yeah, it's so difficult with that. with the private pages."I mean, kind of.Why are you on here?
I say that, and I do have a private page where I just post things about my house, where I'm like, look at this new wallpaper.Here's a question.When you're dating somebody, do you post about them online?Do you keep them secret?
How do you... Do people get mad if you don't post them?Tell me.
Yeah, people do get, not mad, but they definitely get suspicious, like, girl, why you hiding me?But that's because they don't know the fierce reality of, like, being in the public eye most of the time.
And then once they get a taste, they're like, I'm good, love.
But it's like, trust me, I'm trying to protect our privacy.And the fact, you know, once, as a public figure, or somebody that is a quote-unquote popularity, the moment that you post things, it's kind of like you're saying, this is up for discussion.
And even though it's not up for discussion and you're just showing, you know, for you, it's like, I'm just showing something like very lightweight, it becomes up for discussion for everyone else.
And I don't necessarily really want my relationship to be up for discussion, even though I'd like to share my happiness in some of these fun moments, I don't really want you to think that you can comment on them because that's annoying.
So it's kind of a hard balance, but usually I do keep it private.The only place that I will generally put stuff out there is my Facebook, because that's only my family and friends.Like my close family and friends.
So I will and I have posted the people I've dated on there, or personal things in general on there.
I think that's smart.And I think that's very, very astute to be like, if you're making it public, you're making it so people can comment, give opinions, this, that and the other, even though you don't want to.
Like I post like pole dancing videos because she's bad at it and she likes it.But people like to comment about my weight.It fluctuates.That's just my life.And people be like, oh, you look thin.And I'm like, I'm the heaviest I've been.
Like, let's not comment on that. But like, I also know that I like, I'm wearing, you know, a sports bra and I put it out there, but I'm like, but maybe we talk about the thing I put up, the dancing, and it's bad, or you like it, whatever.
But yeah, I never really thought about that, like posting a partner then invites people to be like, I like it, I don't like it, they're ugly, they're cute.And I think about Kourtney Kardashian so much.
She posts everything, every waking second with her husband.And I'm like, but why?I get that you love each other, but why be so public?
She must really not care.I mean, some people really don't care about it or they like it, you know what I mean?Some people like... attention of any kind.You know, they like when someone says, I hate this, or I love this, or why are you doing this?
You know, me, I don't like all that.You know what I mean?I like, like you said, I like for people to either, lovely, or ha ha ha, this is a funny video.I'm not looking for a critique.
I'm not looking for a critique from you, because you don't have the credentials. So it's like, for me, that's probably just my personality.But some people, I think they like, you know, they like that.
You know, everybody, you know, everything moves people differently, you know, I've realized.And it's just, you know, for me, it makes easy, total sense.But then for someone else, it's like, oh, no, I'm living out loud.
And it's like, I feel like I'm living out loud.But I also feel like, stay out of my damn business.Yeah.
I've had a hard time with that, like doing this podcast and talking so openly about my love life.Oh, yeah.It truly invites people to have opinions about it.I get a lot of unsolicited DMs where they're like, this person would be good for you.
And I'm like, But you don't actually know me.And then, I don't know them.How do you know?
And it's freaking rude.That's how I feel about the skin thing.It's like, look, I get it.I've talked about my skin.I showed up on my acne.You know I don't love it.You know I would love to find a cure for it.
But at the end of the day, I don't need you to help me. And I know that, you know, it's like, people are like, well, why, you know what I mean?Well, I just want to, you know what I mean?
And I just, and it's like, I'm not trying to be offensive, but I just don't, this is not what I want to discuss with you anymore past this 15 second post.And I said everything I wanted to say about it, and let's move on from it.
And now it's become this thing where everybody, I'm telling you, everybody thinks they can save me with this shit.And it's like, why do you think I want to be your damn guinea pig?
Also, why wouldn't you think that you've probably tried it or done it?You know, I don't know.It's very interesting.I also have like dark spots and hyperpigmentation on my body or whatever, especially like my underarms.
And people will be like, oh, why don't you fix that?And I'm like, I don't know.I'm never staring at my underarms.Why are you staring at them?
Maybe I've got a boil on my ass.And that's the first thing on my agenda.
And that's where I'm focused.I'm a boil on my ass.I'm so uncomfortable right now.And you're looking at my armpits?
I can't sit.Literally.Literally.Like, there's other shit going on.And, you know, this is not the biggest thing.You know, it's just what it is.It's just the way that it is.
I miss the good old days when we would sit and talk shit and gossip in our house. You can have an opinion, love.You can discuss it with your friends and family.But why do you need to comment on it in the publics?
Yeah, but also it's not even in public.A lot of these people are just like little avatars, like little gremlins and dinosaurs saying the worst shit.And you're like, but who are you?Who are you?Why is this dinosaur telling me that I'm ugly?
Literally, literally.Why is stock footage yelling at me?Yes. Do you remember your, like, first kiss?
Mm-hmm.Yep.My first kiss was a little guy that I met on Myspace.It was a guy that I met on Myspace because, you know, I couldn't make a, it was hard to make friends because I didn't go to real school.
So I would be on MySpace finding, you know, a lot of people to talk to, my age group, and I found, I remember this boy that my friend knew.She knew him because he, his little, he was like a little older than us, maybe like two years older than us.
And he would walk and pick up his little brother from school, which was friends with, he was friends with my friend.And so she was like, oh my gosh, this boy in my class, he got an older brother that picks him up from school and he is so
And I'm like, girl, show me him.And so she showed me him on Myspace, and we started to correspond.And we're corresponding back and forth.We're talking, we're chit-chatting.And we start, you know, talking for months.
And it's like, this is huge in kid world.I mean, we probably have been talking for like one month or two months.But it was like, this has been our lifetimes talking to each other.And we wanted to meet, you know, very badly.
And so eventually I told my parents, I have been talking to someone online and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It took a long time, but eventually my parents were like, hey, let's meet his parents and let's, you know, invite them over for dinner and so you guys can meet.
And so we met, and I remember we were back in the backyard, hanging out and talking, having like our little quote-unquote private moment.And we were on my little brother and sister, like their little jungle gym thing that they had.
And we're just like on the swings, and then we just lean in for a little kiss.And I was like 14.It's so funny.That's adorable!
That is the cutest fucking story.Just like little pen pals who got to meet and kissed on the swings.Did you see each other again?Or was that a wrap after?We did.
We dated actually for years.Yeah.We dated for years.We dated on and off for years.That is...
It's so funny, isn't it crazy?It brings a smile to my face because it's just like, oh my gosh, that first little love, you know what I mean?
That's so cute.So, wait, when did you start acting?Was your first part Akilah in the beat?No.
So, that was my first leading role, but my first role ever was Barbershop 2 when I was nine.Oh, damn, nine.So you're...
Hey, you're a child actor who's doing great.Thank you.What a dream.I love that.This is good for you.I love that.Thank you so much.Do you think like, I don't know, this is a weird question.
Do you think you grew up a little faster, like being in a business of adults?
I think I grew up faster in some ways, and then slower in other ways, to be quite honest with you.Oh, interesting.I think I grew up faster in ways of business.Like, honey, I know the business back and forwards, honey.I'm in that thing.
And it's like, you can't tell me nothing.But then when it comes to some social things, I didn't go to high school.And I think high school is really important in terms of your learning.
You know, just learning, like, how to recognize things and people and scenarios.And obviously, you're not a genius in social realities at high school, at 18.You still continue to learn them in college, et cetera, et cetera.
But I did always feel like I was just a little bit delayed in some of the things that... It was almost giving Lindsay Lohan and Mean Girls, I put it like that.Where it's like, Lindsay Lohan's character was smart, you know what I'm saying?
But it just took her a second to know like, oh, these girls are trying to use me, or they're trying to blah, blah, blah.But once she got it, she got it.You know what I'm saying?
So I think for me, in some ways, that's how I was socially, you know, kind of like extremely naive.And also, not even just naive, but like, not really always aware of how much my popularity would be weaponized to other people.
Or something that they felt competitive with.Because I overlooked it so much and I saw it so much as a job and a business, I never realized how much other people felt kind of overshadowed by that and how that influenced some of my social experiences.
That's interesting, because I always, in my brain, I was like, oh, people who've been in the business for a very long time are, like, fast-tracked to being adults.But, like, being stunted socially makes a ton of fucking sense.
Because you're not around enough people your own age to be like, oh, this is what happens with this and da-da-da-da.That's fucking interesting.
Yeah, it is.It definitely was interesting, and my mom used to always help me with that, because I would always be like, kind of, why is this happening?
And she said, you know, she was like, Kiki, this is the normalest shit that could ever happen to you, and trust me, you would be going through it a lot more often, a lot more, you know, just, it would be so much more common to you if you were in high school.
Like, when I was talking to you about, like, how many times has that happened to people where their boyfriend, you know, messed around with their best friend, or their best friend lied to them, or, you know, some of that stuff is like so, it's like, oh, that happened to me in junior high.
You know what I mean?But me, it was like, it happened to me once and that's all I needed.You know?
I mean, it's like a little bit more dramatic of an experience because I did not go to, I was not in the scenario where these kind of realities happen all the time.Real quick, we gotta take a break.
Kiki, I have another question.Okay.How do you meet people?So your first kiss was found via the internet.Do you do apps?Do you meet people in person?
I've done them.I've done apps.But I do prefer to meet people in person and through mutual scenarios.You know what I mean?Like, I think it's best.It's safer that way.I mean, I wish so badly that I could do the same things that everyone else does.
And I mean, I imagine in some certain areas, I probably could.Everybody's not overly aware of me and what I do. So I think it could happen, you know what I mean?
If I was in another country or another place in the world, I probably could enjoy that in that regards a little bit more than I do.
But in the U.S., I just gotta, you know, stick with... I gotta stick with those that I know and try to meet people that are in their world.Now, that doesn't mean only celebrities, because I'm not actually into the whole celebs dating gag.
That's not, you know what I mean?I'm kind of feeling more of like the Meryl Streep of it all.I'm kind of feeling more of the, you know, Julia Roberts of it all.The Dolly Parton of it all.
Like where it's like, this is one part of my life and then I can, you know, my relationship allows me, now I'm not saying it never will happen, but I don't really necessarily search for it that way.Like, you know, for someone in the industry.
Because it's just weird to me sometimes.But yeah, I like to just try to meet people that I can meet through my friends, you know what I mean?
Okay, here's a question for me.Do you have any single friends who are looking?So I tried to be part of your family.Now I'm gonna be trying to be part of your friend group.
You got any friends looking?So I do have friends looking.I mean, I don't know if you're into women, but all my friends that are looking are women and they're like, you know, available as well, trying to find people to date.
You know, that's the damn shame.
All we have, like everybody that I know that's looking for someone, and this is the thing, it's not that I don't know any guys that aren't looking for someone, but they just have so many options, they get on my damn nerves.
And it's getting to the point where they know- Why is that?I don't know, they know the damn stats.Why do men seem to have more options than women, but- Because it's more of us.It's more of the women.Wait, there's more women in the world?
It's more women in the world, can you believe that?And they're now getting to the point where they're spitting the stats back at us. Can you believe this shit?
They're like, it's more of you than us.
It's like to every six women, there's one man.Can you believe that?I really didn't know that.That's disheartening.I'm about to say, they got the nerve to question fluidity, but look at what the stats are saying. There's no other way.
Yeah, I don't really identify as anything, and I feel very weird when people try to pigeonhole and be like, so you're bisexual.I'm like, no.Me too.So you're queer.No.I'm just Nicole, and I fall in love with whoever I fall in love with.
I generally seek out men, but like, hey, if anybody else wants to come through and we vibe, I'm willing to try it.You never fucking know.
Yeah, exactly.That's the same way that I feel, too.And it's like, I guess some people try to say that reality would say that you're queer.And it's like, if it makes you feel good to try and put me in a box, then I guess that's your prerogative.
But I feel the exact same way that you do, where it's like, I just want to be me.Shit.And I want to do that in every aspect of my life.Not just my sexuality, but also how I politically view shit.
Like, stop trying to tell me that I'm right, left, or up or down.Why can't I just be me?Damn. It's like, ugh.
I fully agree.I did a... a book report?I don't know.So we had to, like, research a time period in high school, and we researched the Harlem Renaissance.And I can't remember who said this, but they were like, gay, straight, whatever.
I'm just me screaming at the top of this roof, just being authentically myself.And I'm misquoting this horrifically, but, like, that's how I feel. Kiki, I ask all of my guests this, would you date me?
Yes, hell yes.We would have a blast.Oh, what a dream.
Yeah, no, we would have so much fun.I agree.I mean, I have so many glasses that I'm like, I should show you my purple rhinestones.I have such insane glasses that like truly make no sense.OK, Kiki, thank you so much for being here.Thank you, too.
Thank you.This is a lot of fun.Wait, before you go, do you have anything you want to promote?
Yes, I mean, check me out on Instagram.Also, check out my new network, KeTV.It's available everywhere, like YouTube, Facebook, Instagram.We have some good content over there that I'm very excited to share.
And then also, check out my podcast, Baby, This is Keke Palmer.And also, literally, I'm gonna be on SNL, like, tomorrow.So, also wish me luck there, and I hope that you guys enjoy the show.
Good luck and fucking congratulations.You're gonna fucking kill it.Like, you're gonna be so good on it.Like, I'm very excited to watch.Also, my friend Ego is on the show.I love Ego.Oh my gosh, well I can't wait to meet Ego.Tell her I said hello.
I will! Bye, Kiki!Bye!If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts.
Also, if you write me something dirty and email it to whywontyoudatemepodcasts at gmail.com, I will read it.Also, if you want advice, questions, if we have crazy dating stories or advice for me or just comments, you can also send those too.
I haven't been reading them. But there might be an off chance where I'm like, hmm, let's get into it.Okay, also, they don't have to be super long.Also, you don't have to send dick pics or butt pics or titty pics.
Okay, if we had sex, I would tie up your hands with your discarded leggings, put you on your front and eat you from behind, fucking both your holes with my tongue. and fingering your pussy.
I'd spread you wide with three, four fingers before fucking you with my wrist-thick strap on.I would run my hands down your back as you accommodate my cock, pushing it to the hilt.
Then I'd push your head into the pillow and pound you, spanking you hard until you're begging to come.When you've begged enough, I'll put my satisfier pro-
on your clit and wish that I could feel you clenching around my dick as you tumble over the edge.When you begin to jerk with overstimulization, I'd keep the vibrator there and keep pounding you, making you come again and again.
I won't ask much for you.I usually fall asleep after I come, but I would suck on your tits and call you mommy. while you get me off of the vibrator.So, so there's that much love.That was fun.Thank you.Okay.Bye-bye.
That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer.Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick.
It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross.Thanks for listening.I love you.Thank you so much.We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode.What a treat.What a dream.
This has been a team fight.
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