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Hey, it's Anna's Guide, and if I sound like I'm congested, I am.I tried to eat a bunch of spicy chips to clear out my nasal cavity, and it didn't work.I'm not sick, though.I think I just have allergies.
Is that what everybody says before they get sick?
guys listen i'm going to talk about confidence today on this episode and i'm actually going to start with telling you guys about something that i never bring up because i'm convinced that i'm going to jinx it if i tell people that i did it but since i've been auditioning officially for tv shows and movies for a year keeping it a secret hasn't really helped me either because i haven't booked anything so you know what i'm going to tell you i auditioned this morning for a tv show and um it's so funny because i realized that
it like after this long does begin to wear I mean I imagine some people like audition consistently for six years or ten years or whatever and then like finally book something and it feels like that annoying thing that people say when they're like you're looking for a relationship they're like it happens when you least expect it like the second I stopped looking I found the person of my dreams that's what people say about auditioning
It's going to happen when you least expect it.It's going to be like a role that like you weren't even trying and it's going to be so right for you and you're going to be so right for it.And honestly, I'm sick of it.
I really liked what I auditioned for today and I want it.So if any of the producers of the show watch my podcast and you know me, please. Send a girl the part, just to call back.Now here's what the issue is too.
I think this is where confidence really plays a role.And I know I'm kind of going off more like what, 10 seconds in?A handful of things.Thing number one, what am I holding?
I got a jelly cat of a small California roll sushi because I got home from my audition, went to Bristol Farms, saw him and was like, I kind of want to cry because I'm getting a little bit, my confidence is wavering in my acting ability.
And I thought that he would make me happier. He made me happier until I saw that he was $14. This little bitch was $14, but listen, worth everybody, he's gonna be my good luck charm.
If I get this role, you're gonna be seeing a lot more of this little sushi.
Thing number two, it takes a lot of confidence to be able to just say, yep, I'm gonna put my feelings and emotions and myself out on screen and then let it live for other people to watch.That's so stressful.
And I also think that you really do have to be confident that it's gonna work out. Like you have to have a little bit of de lulu to be like, you know what, I'm going to start doing this and I'm going to trust the process.
And it could take five auditions.It could take 500 auditions.I'm getting to the point where it's really weird.I'm seeing the films that I've auditioned for get into movie theaters.
And there's this really great part of it where I see who they actually cast for it.And I'm like, thank God I look nothing like her.This is phenomenal.This is the best news.And there's moments where I look at them and I'm like, Ooh,
I'm just bad at acting.That's also a hot take.So, anywho, I'm trying to remain confident during this era of my life as I transition into something new that feels really exciting, and even though I haven't felt like I've seen much progress,
I have because from the beginning I would like not even get notes back and now when I audition I sometimes get notes back and like my last audition I got a call back which is fucking crazy and now we're just patiently waiting for like the right time to come where it really is gonna be the right role for me and I'm gonna be right for the role and it's gonna be a dream show or a dream movie and I'm gonna be such a little happy camper.
And yeah, even though it's annoying to hear, trust the process, I know that it's the name of the game, especially in LA.
I think what really makes me nervous though, this isn't even about acting, is that like for anybody who doesn't know how like the space works in LA, you get an audition.
and then like you wait a week and they tell you if you're good enough or not and if you're not then like you have to wait another like either a couple days till like potentially three months to see another audition come through like you have one shot and if you don't book that one good luck might be three months till you see another one and then you have to like sit and wait and hope that your headshots are hot enough to get you a
booking role even though hot is not the right word for that but you know what i mean like you have to hope that people like you based off of your previous self tapes reels like other things that they see about you that you fit the character that they're thinking of for whatever movie and tv show is and honestly i've been hearing the industry's a little slow since strike so
it's not really like we're rolling like you're not getting an audition every other day you don't have endless opportunities to try you have to be confident you have to go in there and then you have to send it into the abyss and you have to say i don't i don't even care about it so that way when everybody says when everybody says when you care about it the least that's what's gonna happen you can be the bitch that says that later you'll be like oh my god i didn't even care and i got it
But deep down, we all care so much.And like, my heart is literally aching for the fact that I really want to get this role.Welcome to Anna's Guide to Confidence.
And I poured out my heart this morning for you on how I've been feeling confident about this new, exciting adventure.It's not that new.It's been a year of auditions.And my goal for this year is to book something.So we're going to see how it goes.
But for right now, confidence is such a big part of my channel on social media.It's such a big part of all the decisions that I make in life.And I think when I enter a room, I captivate it.I'm kidding.
When I enter a room, I just have very Midwest likeness.And often people assume that that like means that I'm a super confident person.And people always ask me like, Oh my gosh, how are you so comfortable?How are you so confident?None of it's real.
And I'm going to tell you about Anna's guide to confidence on today's episode.But before we get into it, My life update is not gonna be about acting.I'm done with that conversation.I've exhausted myself and now I'm over it And you know what?
It's fine I'm gonna give you my rosebud thorn if you're with a friend if you're by yourself in the car if I'm in your headphones if you're on a hot girl walk think about what you're grateful for this week what you're looking forward to and maybe something that didn't go the way that you hope but maybe it'll get turned around by tomorrow when you least expect it and
My rose for this week is that yesterday I got to go and go to a party and be celebrated for being on Hollywood Reporter's A-list creators, which is wild.I... How?I was in a photo shoot that's like on a print magazine. What the heck?
Somebody pinched me.It was so much fun.It was like a fun little party vibe.I didn't stay out too late because I knew that I had something special happening this morning.So I kind of went out.I had a good time.I brought Danielle with me.
Mr. Brew on the radio came through.He looked fine as can be.It was a great night.Super chill.I had a Diet Coke.Love. My bud for this week is that I just remembered, not even just remembered.I knew it was coming up, but I've just been avoiding it.
I'm doing a triathlon next week.So this next week is going to be Hella Triathlon Training.I know, super smart of me to train only the week before the triathlon.It's kind of becoming my calling card.I can't even help it.
I think it's way more exciting to know.Could she make it?Could she die? So that's my bud for this week.And my thorn.Hmm.What is my thorn of this week?What am I sad about?Honestly, this stuffy nose, this nasally podcast episode you're about to get.
sorry i can't even help it anymore um yeah that's my downfall because it's also weird i like don't feel ill i feel phenomenal um but of course it's like that weird stuffy nose where you're like don't even really have a headache but you're just like your ears kind of feel plugged and you're like i just don't want to be here that's how i feel um not literally but like here as in sick okay slay
That's my rosebud thorn and I want to hear your guys's so don't forget to give me a ring and call in to our fan line.Tell me your rosebud thorns because I love listening to them.
You guys are so wholesome and it always makes my day to know there's somebody on the other side of this like listening to me speak and hopefully relating to or just enjoying the entertainment that I provide for you.
This week's episode is about confidence, which is something that I think is really difficult to talk about because confidence is so complicated.
There's so many avenues, there's so many ways that you can define it or see it, whether it's confidence in relationships, in friendships, whether it's confidence in yourself, in your work, what you do, how you feel, how you look.
Um, I think that all of those different aspects of life make such a big difference on how truly confident we feel at the end of the day And I had this conversation with a friend once I love that like this close friend of mine I feel I feel like we could talk about these things of like How do you define or how do you see it?
And we always had a little bit different perspectives, but it changed the way that I looked at the world and He said that he thought that confidence came from his achievements like the things that he completed and that like
if he had a roster of things they did a really good job on, that was evidence that he had the right to be confident.I had a little bit of a different take, which I also think now looking back is a different perspective as well.
I do think that like a lot of the things you accomplish, like getting the degree or what do you do for work?Or, you know, if you're in a relationship or not, that changes how confident you come off.
But in my perspective, I always had this thing of like a five minute rule.If you can't change it in five minutes, why not be confident about it?
Let's say you're going out to the bar and you're like, Oh my gosh, I hate the way, you know, I look right now.If it's your hair and the difference is you putting it up, then put it up and be confident.
If the difference is like, Oh, something that you can't change in the next five minutes.Like, I don't know. What am I gonna say here if you can't change like okay?
I used to be really self-conscious about my nose because I have a Polish nose And I think that it's like kind of big for my face Okay an insecurity in mind that I had when I was way younger now I love my nose because I'm like it makes me look like my mom and also my babcia like it gives me like
My family heritage is right here, okay?So I have no issues with my nose now.But if I couldn't have changed that in five minutes, then why was I worried about it?Who's benefiting by me being worried?
Because chances are nobody else knows what's making you self-conscious or insecure or unsure of yourself in that moment.So you might as well pretend.And I do consider myself somebody who was confident as a kid.I think that when I was a kid, I just
I had a mom that hyped me up a lot, truthfully.Like, my mom thought that I was the coolest thing since sliced bread, and so it didn't make me feel like I had anything to ever really worry about.
I remember this audio from TikTok that was like, my mom told me to just be myself and everybody would like me, you know?Literally my childhood, in a nutshell.It's like, It didn't matter what you did.It didn't matter who you are.
Your passions made you cool.Your like personality made you unique.There's nothing really to worry about in that sense.You can be confident in yourself.
And I just don't I don't even know if it was confidence as much as it was carelessness when I was a kid.Like I just had no regard for what other people thought of me.I didn't really think about it all that much.I kind of just enjoyed existing.
And that was nice.I kind of miss when that was how we looked at life because I think now we have so many other
elements that play a role in how we view ourselves from a physical number of how many people like your social media and that can define how attractive you are potentially or how much people quote actually like you
Then the hope to get other people's acceptance is your way of feeling confident That's also like such a struggle because that's never gonna be consistent.
You really do have to find your confidence within yourself I think that like Society makes us all think that you know, there's these different elements which I'm gonna talk about later of like overconfidence You're not really feeling sure of yourself for things that we need to change or trends that we need to keep up with that are the reason we can feel confident is if we're like
Aware and also in it like if you know that you're a cool girl because you're ahead of your time like you can be confident because You're better And I think that's all things that feel like they're outside
outside variables that are playing a role on how we view ourselves as individuals.And I do really think that confidence comes from deeper within us.
I think another thing too from when I was a kid that kind of like made me feel like I had a lot of self-worth was that I knew I could perform.And I think I think about that now too.
I know that I know how to show up really well even if I don't feel like it.Like I was kind of like well trained as a kid to like even on your bad days look like they're a good day. And I think that's part of that faking your confidence.
I don't know how healthy that is now, looking back, probably not my healthiest route, but I do think there's an element of it where people will assume that you're confident because you look like you're always doing well.
I think that's why social media, it's so important to show good and bad days, even though some people might not be able to sympathize with your bad days because they're like, oh my gosh, how could you have a bad day?
Look at how well you were showing up all these other days. you never know what's really going on behind closed doors.And that's why I think that there's so much value in showing that there's good and bad.And that's what makes you feel more confident.
I think I find a lot of confidence, not even from self-acceptance of other people, but I think I find a lot of confidence in relatability with other people.
Like knowing that other people are struggling in the same way that I am makes me feel better about my own struggles that I'm in because I'm like, oh, at least I'm not alone.
And I think that makes me feel very safe, which then makes me feel more confident to be sharing more and exude more confidence.It's like a whole circle at the end of the day.
But truthfully, I often wonder what qualities make a person appear confident.I think that someone who acts like authentically and unapologetically themselves immediately exudes confidence.
Like if you're trying to play a role of being someone that you're not, like not in a way of like what I said before, like not in a way of performing or like showing up at 100% even if you don't feel it, not like that.
It's like trying to fit in a mold that's not meant for you.I think that that is immediately obvious to anyone who's looking in from the outside.I think people see, especially through a phone screen, authenticity
Clearly and see when it's inauthentic and see when it's not true and it's not genuine and there weren't good intentions behind it I do think things get misconstrued like Misinterpreted a lot online because you don't have so much evidence of it.
But I think when someone can just be themselves and you know that like even if the things that they do are similar to what other people do or maybe they're on their completely own path and
when it looks like and fits to who they are as a brand, as an individual, as just their aura just checks out, I think that that's what makes someone appear really confident.
But I also think that that's why it gets a little bit complicated, is I think what we fear often is showing our most authentic and unapologetic version of ourselves and not being accepted for it.
I think that that's where we have our confidence waiver.You're worried that somebody's gonna say like, oh, you acting like that is weird.
which is just a societal norm overstepping with our confidence and it feels like a pretty consistent battle but how do you get to a point of saying listen I know this isn't quote normal because what is normal but it's me and I love myself as I am and I think that I'm the greatest thing and I know that I can show up in these ways for myself I know I can show up in these ways for other people
And having that self-awareness and ability to say, I'm enough, whether or not everybody else in this room is going to think that I am, it's going to just like elevate you to the next level of knowing that your worth is beyond even what some people appreciate you for.
And with that, I feel like the lesson there is that true confidence doesn't come from the acceptance of other people.It comes from the acceptance of yourself. You're not always going to walk into a room where everybody loves you.
You're not always going to walk into a room where everybody's cup of tea.You're not always going to be everybody's favorite thing to ever exist, but you can be your favorite thing to ever exist.
And that's where I think a lot of confidence does come from, like at the root of it all.I think that as I got older, I struggled more with confidence when I felt like I wasn't equal with the people around me.
And I think that's my own projection of myself onto myself.This like questioning of like, am I good enough?Am I equal?Am I worthy of their time? I think that there was a part of me that felt like I wasn't equal to the people I admired.
Like I was below them because they were so much cooler than me or like more amazing than me.And this idea of imposter syndrome is when I struggle the most with my confidence.
I've talked before is like, even in this industry, even now, honestly, even last night at the Hollywood reporter party, I felt like an outsider.
There were some people that I recognize from social media where I think it's so, some people you just, they give me confidence.Truthfully, I spot them from across the room and they boost the way that I feel about myself.
Like they make you feel warm and welcome and appreciated.It doesn't matter what you say to them when you say hello, they're just happy to be there.Those are my favorite kind of people.That's the kind of person I want to be for other people.
I think that that's where I feel my most confident is when I allow other people to feel comfortable. But imposter syndrome in this industry is so real and in any industry.
When I was in engineering, I was worried that I was an imposter, that I was like not fitting in with people around me, that they were smarter than me, that the things they were saying about me were true, even though I knew deep down they weren't.
I had this fear of like lack of social acceptance.And how do you avoid that? Truthfully, I don't really know.I do not have the answer.
I think it comes and it goes it comes in waves There's moments where I for sure feel like I'm in the right place with the right people at the right time and I feel so worthy of being here and there's moments where I'm like, oh My god, please get me out even on this podcast.
There's moments where I'm like guys this topic I know everything about I'm so star-studded in it.I'm ready to go.I like this is my favorite thing to talk about and
And there's moments where I'm like, gosh, do I have all the answers or am I just talking out of my ass right now?Like, do I know what I'm actually saying to you?Is any of my advice actually worthy?
And truthfully, it might not be, or maybe it's great.And maybe I'm just being hypercritical of the way that I'm delivering it and hypercritical of the fact that I say, um, and I say like, and I use the word just and their filler content.
And then are people sick of hearing the sound of my voice, especially when it's nasally. And the truth is, as it comes and goes, I think the presence of fear doesn't mean a lack of confidence.
I think that that's like the biggest thing we have to remember.Just because you're nervous doesn't mean you can't be confident.
I think that nervous and fearful and still knowing your worth deep down are what keep you kind of going and keep you feeling like yourself.You can walk in a room and be scared, but still know that you're enough to be there.
And still deep down know that like, I got invited for a reason.I'm here for a reason.I'm included for a reason.Whether or not anybody talks to me, whether or not anybody takes me seriously, I'm just happy to be here. That's the best part.
Confidence really does come from facing that fear.It comes from stepping over that threshold of, do I belong here, to I'm going to be here anyway, whether I do or not.And that's a huge turnaround for confidence.
I think that sometimes my confidence comes from faking an alter ego.When I get all dressed up, I'm a different woman.You put me in a little bit of glam and get my hair done, Hailey and Bradley in my kitchen, and it's game over.
I feel like I have this element of, when I walk on a red carpet, sometimes I'm just like, listen,
You're with your mom when you were a kid and you were pretending to watch like you watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show And your mom was like, okay, and I show me your runway walk or you're watching America's Next Top Model My mom was like, okay, and I put on my heels Let's see a runway walk and I felt like the coolest person alive and I was like I could do this This is literally me.
I'm this woman Sometimes I feel like that's all I do.I like remember what it was like when I was a kid and nothing was holding me back from being my best version of myself and my most authentic and real and genuine version of myself.
And sometimes that's all you need.It's like this little alter ego that calls back to who you knew you were from the beginning.So I think the real question too is like, do you believe in fake it till you make it?And my answer is always yes.
I 100% think that we can fake it till we make it.I think that like, there's this huge part of life where no one knows if you're faking it, if you're good enough at faking it, which I think confidence allows you to fake it better.
Like deep down being like, listen, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but nobody else does either.Why not have fun?That's literally where I think it comes from. And I love that part.
And if you feel awkward pretending like you're confident or pretending like you're an outgoing individual or like you have this like exuding confidence, the more you do it, the more comfortable you get.
It's like when I stopped drinking the first couple of times, awkward, but like, then you go to a bar and you're sober and everybody's accepting you.And it doesn't even matter because listen, you don't have to say like, Oh, I'm not drinking tonight.
You just say, I don't drink.And nobody questions it. It comes with this idea of confidence.And another area where I think that I had so much confidence was LA Swim Week and Miami Swim Week.
A couple years ago, I got invited to attend Los Angeles Swim Week here in LA.And when my team reached out, they were like, oh my gosh, you have a seat at the runway show.Do you want to go? Now, I'm not sure what I was thinking.
I actually don't remember why I did this at all, but for some reason I replied to my team with, actually, is there any chance I can get cast to walk in the runway show?I was in this very much say yes era.
I was like in a level of social media, like when I was growing, where I was like, listen, it's cool content.I've never walked a runway show and I think I need it up. Not sure where that confidence came from, but I was convinced.
I was fully dialed in that this was my path and that I could totally do this.My team was like, actually, let us check.That's a really weird request, but we've never done that before.Let me see.
Long story short, they find out that there's a casting the morning of the runway show that you can attend for any last minute spots for any swimwear lines that brought extra suits.
So my team was like, hey, get there four hours earlier than you normally would have, and you're going to stand in this room, and you're going to wait, and you're going to see if anybody's going to pick you. Imposter syndrome on full load.
Okay, if I remember walking in that room first off being one of the smallest girls there Everyone else was so tall their legs Were like the size of my like my bottom of my body to my torso where the length of their legs and I was like Oh my god, what am I doing?
Also full transparency?body dysmorphia to the nines.I was like, Ooh, I like totally thought I was super fit in shape until I saw these, see these women that are built like Victoria's secret models.
And I suddenly was like, Oh, was this a really horrible idea?Did I, did I think this one through?It's the middle of winter.Why am I trying to walk in a runway show?It's my hibernation season.I'm not, I'm not working out like that right now.
But listen, I showed up anyway, I stood in the room, three hours go by, and suddenly, this one bikini brand that like, looked like it was pulling a lot more girls than the other bikini brands, I started to kind of stand closer to, and like, inch my way in toward her, toward the designer, because I see her handing off some suits, and I bumped into this like, beautiful girl next to me.
And she goes, have you gotten a suit yet?And I was like, no, I'm just trying to like, I'm not like hired yet to walk in the show.I'm just like, I'm trying to like get in.Like I haven't, I haven't gotten any.And she goes, oh my God, wait a second.
Hey, we need to get this girl a bikini.Can somebody get this girl a bikini?Hey, do you have like a cute suit?This girl was also, let me add, one of the models.She did not work for this brand.She did not know anybody there.
She didn't know anybody's names.She just was like, hey, do we have any extra suits?I think she's, she hasn't gotten paired yet with a suit. And I swear to God, my jaw was like that.My jaw was on the floor.And you wanna know what happened?
They handed me a suit and I got fitted in it and I walked out and then she got handed it.The girl next to me who was hollering for me to get a suit also got a suit and we walked to the runway show. I wish I could remember her name.
She's the only reason I walked in LA Swim Week because she had so much confidence.She was like, you want to walk in the show?We're going to do it together.Let's go get up there.Let's go get to the front of this line.
And she like commanded the room with her confidence. Whether or not she had a spot in that show before or after, I'm unsure.I mean, she didn't have a bikini when I got handed one, so maybe she was also trying to get a spot.
But the way that she cheerleaded me on to get a spot in the show and then got one herself made me feel like, holy shit, I'm worthy of being here.
like having someone to support you and boost you up and make you feel like you're worthy of that change the game and what gets even crazier is what ended up happening is that show happens okay i didn't tell the designer that i was a creator online okay or that i had a following on instagram or tiktok because i didn't want to be picked for being someone with a platform i want to be picked because they thought that i was good enough to walk in the show okay
Obviously like I don't want to be like, oh we only want you on because like, you know, here's a free pass That doesn't feel that doesn't feel empowering to me I want to know because you think that I like look good in your bikinis you trust me that I can walk anything I'm gonna slay the showdown
What ends up happening from here is I go home that night.I posted myself at the runway show.Brew ended up showing up at the runway show.He posts me in the runway show.
We ended up selling out the website of the girl whose runway show I was walking in.And she DMs me on Instagram and she's like, why didn't you say anything?And I was like, because I wanted to be picked.
And she's like, okay, well now because of this happening, like we can afford to go to Miami swim week.Would you want to come and open a show at Miami swim week? And I was like, yes.Yes, I would.I would love to.The best part is we get to Miami.
I find it like I meet the designer in like a real way where now I feel like she sees me when I come.We give each other a hug.Like I'm so excited to be there.I flew to Miami just for this one show.It was called Remnant Bikinis, by the way.
It was so fun.All of our swimsuits are sustainable.They're made of recycled plastic, which I also like love that energy, love sustainability.
she's based in Southern California, had the best time, opened Miami Swim Week, got to see the girl who cheerleaded me on and got me into the show in the very first place.She also flew to Miami to walk in her show in Miami Swim Week.
And it was this like wonderful moment where then I had felt so accepted in that moment that I was like, boom, I had never been more confident.Like, was I nervous walking at Miami Swim Week?
Truthfully, I was more scared that I was gonna sprain an ankle and slip on the floor than I was about like actually being nearly naked in front of an entire crowd of people. because it felt so real, it was so normal, and I was so empowered.
And I think that even beyond this moment, this is a perfect example of who you surround yourself with really empowers you and changes how you view yourself.
If you're with people who talk badly about themselves, or people who don't believe in you, or people who don't empower you, people don't cheerlead you on, trust me, I think it's a lot harder to find your confidence.
And not everyone's love language is words of affirmation.And so if you're not good at accepting nice words about yourself, that's totally fine.
I think beyond accepting words of affirmation, accepting people who make you feel safe and comfortable to be yourself is how you're going to grow that muscle of confidence.
And that is one example where like, I really never got to see many of those girls again after I walked Miami swim week, but the lasting impact that they had on me and my confidence, transcended the years.
Literally, it's been two years since I did that and I still feel the same amount of confidence from that moment in time as well.
That's like the easiest way to put your confidence level on blast is like put you in a room with people you don't know and how well do you talk to them?And for me, I'm really lucky because innately I am a confident person.
I'm not even a common person, sorry.I'm innately an extrovert which makes me appear to be a confident person.
I think when people meet me, it's just because I love talking to people, I love getting to know people, I love asking questions, that it comes off like I know what I'm doing.When the truth is, I kind of don't.In reality, I'm kind of freaking out.
But I'm also always exercising that muscle.I mean, because of what I do for work, it's kind of my job to be good at talking to people.
It's my job to be able to be like dropped off in a room of people who, weirdly enough, oftentimes know more about me than I know about them.And that also helps me so much because that means that my only job is to get to know them.
it's actually not even about me, which is even easier.Like now I get to go into a room and ask them a million questions about themselves.
And like, like even when I get to meet you guys in public, there's like this element where it doesn't, obviously it's not stressing me out because this is super cool that I get to meet the people who are following me online.
And my job is to get to visit with you and to like, I don't know, hear about where you're from and what you do, because I think I want to know where you are in life.I want to know what you're up to.And I think that like,
There's moments that confidence is gonna blossom and it's gonna come naturally and it's gonna come easy and these conversations are just gonna get flowing.
And what's even better is you're gonna like know that people are enjoying your presence and you're gonna be like bantering and everything's gonna be going so smoothly.
And then there's gonna be moments where it's like actually the most awkward thing and you're like pulling teeth trying to talk to these people.And you're not gonna be everybody's cup of tea.Not everyone is gonna like your energy.
I think that that's been my hardest thing to accept in my adulthood is that I
am naturally a high energy person i love walking into a room i know that when i get excited i get loud i know that when i start talking i have trouble shutting up i know that like i can be annoying i know my jokes don't land i know that like there's all these little areas of my life where
Sometimes it just doesn't work out for me.Okay.But knowing that that's all right.Some people don't drink coffee, psychotic, but normal.Actually, Danielle doesn't drink coffee, so I can't say it's psychotic because I love Danielle.
But some people don't drink coffee and you're like, wait, why not?That seems crazy.It's like that with all of us.Some people don't like mint chocolate chip ice cream.Also crazy.Some people don't like rainbow sprinkles.Instantly canceled.
Listen, you could be the most decadent, delicious double chocolate fudge brownie.And some people hate chocolate. They're missing out because you're amazing.
And on the other side of that, I think when you meet people and you're really confident, there's gonna be people who are not very happy that you have success.
There's gonna be people who aren't very happy that you're so good at talking to other people.
There's gonna be people who are not very happy that you know how to sell yourself and that you have a lot of wonderful accomplishments and that envy is gonna change the way they perceive you, whether they've given you a chance to show your true personality or not.
And I also just wanna add that like,
There'll be people out there will that will belittle your confidence because they can't compete with it Okay, your ability to walk up to people and talk smoothly and well and comfortably and make them feel safe and like your friend
can make them feel uncomfortable because they know that they're not capable of doing that either.Truthfully, they have it wrong.Your confidence is not stripping other people of what they don't have.Confidence is light.It's like a candle.
You know, when you light a single candle and then you use that same candle to light other candles, the first candle doesn't get darker.Okay?The first candle stays just as bright as do the other candles that you're lighting.
I think confidence works in this way. Flame is fed by oxygen that you give it.And if you try to suffocate a room of oxygen and empowerment, then you're going to put out every candle.
So somebody who's trying to belittle the way that you feel is never actually, I mean, they can make you feel less confident, but it's never actually benefiting anybody else. It's just making the room dark and sad and scary.
So don't be afraid when you're in a room to walk in and be light.
Don't be afraid to walk in and cultivate it and set that shit on fire because you deserve to and if anything chances are you're just gonna make the other people in the room with you feel even more like themselves and even more comfortable.
And if there's one person who's a little energy sucker, a little like energy vampire in the room, they can chill in the dark by themselves.Maybe they just hate light.Maybe they hate good things.That's really sad.
I hope that they don't hate good things.But like, I hope that they can learn that it's never too late to find your light.Because even if you don't feel like you have it now, shit sparks all the time.
With that, from the story about Miami, from the story about walking in a room and being somebody who everybody can talk to and feel safe and comfortable with, confidence comes with empowering the people around you.
And I believe that for me, I feel that in my own world, that is like the one person that I really want to be.There's one person I'm actually going to say who it is, who gives me confidence.
And it's not like they give me confidence in like a lot of others, like, I don't watch their content and it gives me confidence.
It's one of the people that I've talked to that makes me feel like super confident, who I don't know on a personal level, let me add.But I've watched this person on social media forever, since Vine, okay?
You guys are gonna know exactly who it is the second I start to say this.And someone who I really admire for how they talk and treat other people in a room, and someone who I would love to be like, is Liza Koshy.
okay if you have ever had the opportunity to meet her you feel like her best friend from the second that you meet her and that's something that i admire so much because i would love to be that person for other people like that's a light that i want to get past to me to pass to other people like
It's one of the most captivating things that I've bumped into her a handful of times.First off, she always remembers, which is crazy.Second, it's the nicest thing to, like, talk to someone.
And even if you don't know that they're, like, listening or care, they still make you feel like you're heard.And I'm not saying Lazico, she doesn't listen or care.I'm just saying, like, our conversation wasn't important.
It was just banter, but she made me feel so seen.And I was like, dude, I'm like... Are you flirting with me right now?Like, what?So, also, obviously I fangirl, so I was losing my marbles on more levels than one.
But better than that, you know who actually lost their marbles when they got to meet Liza Koshy and felt very safe and comfortable?Madka.My mom spotted Liza Koshy outside of our hotel when we were going for the Dior show and I brought my mom with me.
And my mom and I got in the elevator and my mom looked at me and she goes, I have to leave.And I was like, why?And she goes, because Liza Koshy was sitting out front.And I was like, mom, you don't,
She's actually probably staying at the hotel with us.She's probably going to the show with us."And I was like, I have to go.And my mom, kid you not, sprinted out of the elevator doors and ran up to Liza Koshy and was like, I love your videos.
And my daughter showed them to me and I watch them all the time.And thank you.You know, you made me and my daughter grow up laughing, which also like Liza's not that much older than me.
So I was also like, oh, mom, she's, she's also, she's like maybe two years older than me.
but I did grow up laughing to Liza Koshy and it was the most wholesome thing and what's crazy is she was like oh my god I love that your mom's here I brought my dad and then gave my mom the biggest hug remembered her when we went to the show said hi to my mom again I think that that's where it like really shines it's like when you're nice to my mom that's how I know you're a real one so that is my spiel about why I love Liza Koshy um Liza I love you okay bye
Now, I think often in the world, this might be a super hot take.I'm having a sip of coffee.This might be a hot take.It's decaf.It's my fourth cup.Oh, it's so good.I just got this decaf coffee that's called Joshua Tree.
It just felt very fitting for Bruma's relationship.And so I was like, oh, that's kind of cute.And I've literally drank a whole pot by myself just this morning.
Now, I think that there is this comment that people will say about people who have very high energy or people who are like super showy offy or people who are like flamboyant.I don't even know another word for it.Boisterous.Okay.Okay.Vocabulary.
I think I learned those words in sixth grade doing a spelling bee and I've held on to them for this moment right now.Okay. Some people say that confidence can be overkill and you can be overly confident.You're overly confident.
Now, I actually don't believe in overconfidence.I think that it's a fear tactic word.I think the vocab changes when you reach a level that is too much confidence that it's not good.
Because I think people use the word overconfidence as a way to limit people's ability to be confident. You know, it's like saying that somebody is like too much.Yeah, you're just a little too much.You're a little too confident.
Listen, be confident, but not too much.Be pretty, but not so pretty that you make other people feel bad for not being that pretty.It's like literally the Barbie movie in a nutshell.Overconfidence to me is that. I think that the word changes.
I think like when somebody is being like assertively like braggy or showy offy or like trying to like, it doesn't even come from a place of empowerment when it comes to that point of confidence.It's not a place of empowerment for themselves.
It's a place of insecurity to prove that they're worth being in the room even when they don't believe it. That's called arrogance and kind of disrespect.And I think that's a completely different word than saying that somebody's confident.
I think when someone's confident, they know their worth, but they're not disrespectful to the people around them.I think like people who show up and are like, yep, I'm cool and I'm really deserving to be here and I'm the best person around and like,
Yeah, I know.Like, I've met people, I'm just gonna say this, I'm not gonna say who said it to me.
I've met people where I've been like, oh my gosh, hi, I love your stuff, you're so talented, I love all the videos you make, and they look me in the eye and go, and they go, okay.
Or like, hi, I'm Anna, it's really great to meet you, and they go, oh, I know who you are.Weird energy, okay?A very weird thing to say.Because I'm not coming up to you to tell you who I am.I'm coming up to you to get to know who you are.
My confidence was breaking this ice. What wasn't confident was you talking to me in a way that made it feel like you were better than me.Confidence is not a competition.Like I said, no one's light shines brighter when you share it.Okay.
So there's no reason to look at somebody else and try to feel like you have to like level up to meet or match or out exceed their confidence.That's where I think you hit arrogance.That's where I think that the word shifts.
I don't think you become overly confident.I think there's self-assurance.I think you have a sense of, Awareness, but I don't think overconfidence is a thing.
I think that's like a fear tactic to make you feel like Okay, I can be like confident in this room.But if I'm too much then it's like not good Confidence has no limit, you should be fully confident.
And like I said a minute ago, I think the word overconfidence stems from this idea too of like, when you hit this point of over-explaining yourself, or over-validating yourself to the people around you, it's not coming from a place of knowing that that's what you did, and that was your worth.
And the truth is, I am so guilty of this.Even now, I become guilty of this because I become fearful of people's judgment before they actually say anything about it.
For example, I've said this before and I'll say it again, when I say to somebody in the wild that I like what my job is, first off, I very rarely say I'm a content creator.
I say I work in entertainment and marketing because normally no one asks about it.Okay, marketing, very broad, very broad.No one cares when I say I work in marketing.It's kind of lovely.
because I become nervous that if I say the word... I don't like the word influencer, also an insecurity of mine.I like the word content creator, but if I say I'm an influencer, then they go, oh, so like you don't really work.
Okay, a pre-exposed disposition about what my career looks like. Because of that, I find myself often overcompensating, okay?
Not in a way that's like me trying to be arrogant or like braggy, in a way that's like trying to validate myself that like I deserve to speak to you or like I deserve respect too.That doesn't come from confidence. Okay?
Knowing your worth, knowing what you've built, and knowing what I've done is my confidence.
Saying, I'm a creator but I like went to school for mechanical engineering and I got my master's in film and I like moved to LA and I started making videos online and like yeah I kind of just like fell on my lap.
Like trying to make it feel like I have to validate how I got to this area of my life just because to someone who doesn't understand what work it takes to get to here thinks it's easy.I think you're better to just not.People please.
You don't want to let somebody's predisposed opinions Like, make you waver in your confidence.That's not very confident.Okay?Letting one thing that somebody says alter the way that you perceive yourself.I even just talked about this on my TikTok.
I talked about this in therapy yesterday.That's why I talked about it on my TikTok.I became self-conscious that I didn't do a good enough job coloring my hair darker.By the way, did anybody notice that my hair is darker on the wall today?
I'm obsessed.I'm a brunette.Okay?Don't kill my dreams.I... got my feelings hurt because some people commented that it wasn't really brunette okay and I'm like guys this is such dark hair I don't know what you're talking about I feel like I just like
spawned a different version of myself, okay?But some people were like, I thought you were going darker.
And then I became self-conscious that I should have gone darker when this is the exact color that I wanted to go and it made me feel so confident and so good and I was so obsessed with it.
But because I let somebody else's opinion waver it, my therapist was literally like, Anna, isn't it kind of interesting how like you're allowing somebody else's opinion to change your reality of how good you think something is?
Like, that's kind of a bummer.And I literally cried.I was like, you're right, I kind of do that a lot.Because like, I'll let one person's take on something that I loved completely alter the way that I perceived what I loved.
I'm like, wait, is it really that good if somebody else didn't like it too?Why do I care?Where is my confidence?
So if you're also still struggling with your confidence, just know you're not alone because me even sitting here doing a full 50 minute episode telling you about how to be confident, my mind wavered yesterday.
And that's why I think it comes in flows.I think that there's times where I'm going to be like, I'm the hottest woman to ever live.And that's not really that confident.It's more of like, I'm so deserving of where I am in life right now.
And even though sometimes I feel like I'm an outsider, I know that I am worthy.That's a better perception of confidence.And there's gonna be moments where I'm like, what am I doing here?What is my purpose?What is my reason for existence?
And that's also fair.Who are you truly pleasing when you're trying to not only defend yourself to other people, but defend yourself to yourself?No one.Have confidence that you don't need everyone to love you.You don't need everyone to accept you.
You don't have anyone to think you're great.You need to think that you're great and have grace and patience and demure and class and kindness and radiance for yourself. and exude that energy.Because you deserve it.
But I know there's so much more that we could talk about like confidence in relationships or friendships or even just like confidence in your career.So if you guys want to talk about that, please don't forget to send me a little DM.
Give me a little call to my fan line, which I'm going to put right here in case you need to see it. Don't forget to tune in to next episode.My name's Anna.
You can follow me at Anna Xatar and also follow this podcast at the Anna guide on Instagram and Tik TOK for all of your podcast updates.
Don't forget to like comment and subscribe over on YouTube for the video versions of this episode and listen next week, every Thursday at 9 PM Pacific standard time.These episodes and the new ones are released.That's all.
Me and my little sushi are so happy that you're here. All $14 of them.Yeah.Best purchase I've ever made.Okay, I love you.Bye!
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