Every newsletter publishes a gift guide at this time of year. Here’s my collection of food safety and food fraud-related gifts, from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Ultimate food fraud gift: turmeric coconut drink mix

Want to expose your friends and loved ones to almost-guaranteed food fraud? Make them this wholesome ‘Golden Milk Mix’ as a gift. It has seven ingredients, six of which are high risk for food fraud, hooray!

Ultimate food scientist gift: hangover-free wine

Celebrate the wonders of food science, and order your hangover-free wine now (available in the hopefully-not-too-distant-future). Scientists have explored the possibility that the naturally occurring wine pigment quercetin contributes to morning-after headaches by reducing alcohol metabolism and allowing the build-up of acetaldehyde. If they’re right, wine hangovers could be a thing of the past (yay).

Ultimate foreign object gift: frog bread enamel pin/badge

Celebrate the joys of physical contamination in bakery items with a cute frog bread enamel pin (‘badge’) for your loved one. You could even accompany it with a loaf of bread shaped like a frog, because frog-shaped bread is a thing.

Ultimate labelling error gifts

Labelling errors are the leading cause of food recalls in most countries, and pose serious risks to consumers. Don’t miss out on the action: contribute to the problem by giving your friends and family mislabelled food items, including unauthorised prescription wine, pun-heavy ketchup and misleading sweets.

Ultimate gifts for the person who has it all

Still don’t know what to buy that special person in your life? Why not give them a jar of honey from Rare Harvest. With “mocha-infused” flavours, it costs just £1,300 and is sure to delight.

Hint: as a high UMF Manuka honey this gift is also ultra-vulnerable to fraudulent adulteration and misrepresentation (bonus).

Or just celebrate the silliness of the season with a chocolate prawn or a tree decoration made from a real chicken nugget.

Thanks for reading The Rotten Apple’s ultimate food fraud and food safety gift guide. Enjoy this season’s shopping chores and remember, contamination and adulteration are the gifts that just keep giving.

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