Good morning, millennials.Welcome back to The Toast and happy Friday after such a successful Toast-O-Ween.Like, it's giving.We deserve this.We earned it.
But it's just so weird to have Toast-O-Ween like in the middle of the week and then to have another episode.I'm really feeling like for a number of reasons Halloween should fall on a Friday.I know that it's like about the date and not the day.
But a Friday Halloween is party on so many levels.I mean, of course it's a holiday and like, why would we be doing anything else like working or?
And we could just like enjoy Halloween vibes for three days and then call it a day as opposed to like this eight day weirdness.
Well, I had like kind of a terrible Halloween yesterday after Toastoween, which we'll get into, which was so fabulous.I did not get a singular singular trick-or-treater.
That is really crazy.I had the opposite experience.I actually wasn't home for the trick-or-treaters.We are the sort of house that just leaves a bowl by the door.Help yourselves in a spritz bucket. Oh, of course, in a spritz bucket.
Gotta teach the youth.Gotta teach youth.Maybe they'll say, what's this spritz?
Do a little, hopefully, you know, 21 plus.Did you get any, like, kids stealing candy on, like, do you have, like, a camera or something where you could see?
I watched my camera footage.Everyone, like, was super respectful.They took a respectful amount.But also, like, again, no one, like, came and pillaged, which was nice.
But, I mean, in this day and age when everybody has, like, a camera or a ring camera, to be a pillager, like, you have to be dumb as hell.
Yeah, it's really true.And I was like, you know, being mindful of that myself at other people's homes, because we had a good mix of neighbors out and about like excited about Halloween.We had some buckets, we really pounded the pavement.
We went we went hard.I mean, I got a lot of candy to the candy that I bought for the kids that never came.So I just ate it all myself works.
Yeah, I mean candy's candy no matter where it comes from, but it's a fun part of adulthood to open the door and see the kids with the smiles on their face.Nothing.
That is so crazy.That also means that one day your building is not going to be trick-or-treating friendly for your family.
I know.Well, now I saw so many videos.There are a couple of blocks in the city that are famous for having basically Halloween block parties where the people on the block pay themselves to throw big parties.
It's mostly streets that are lined with brownstones and townhouses as opposed to tall skyscraper buildings, and they decorate their porches and the stairs.And they literally put out speakers.
I saw apparently it was celebrity filled in the West Village, like Andy Cohen, that crew.I saw Adriana, what's her name? Irina Shayk, Bradley Cooper going together with Anne Hathaway.Everyone was out and about.West Village is famous for it.
There's a couple of blocks on the Upper East Side.And I was feeling so much FOMO.Not that I would have gone, but like, where are my kids?
Yeah, yeah.That's a bummer.But the good thing about Toasterween is that it gets you celebrating Halloween.You had a busting Halloween.You dressed up, and you can kind of cull a lid on Halloween, even if nothing else happens.
Thousand percent and chose to mean was such a blast yesterday Like we just have to talk about how I love doing a costume that nobody guessed like and because it's kind of a timeless It's not a very topical costume.
It's just a pop an eternal pop culture reference So nobody thought we were perhaps gonna go into the archives and I feel like now for toasted wings of the future like no One really can guess cuz maybe we'll do something.
Well, that's what we did with high school musical to like it's always been an option that we could do a
famous sisters throughout history.And I love that we kept the sibling.We almost didn't do siblings this year because we couldn't really think.And I love that we kept doing siblings.It was so funny.Ben was such a star.Yeah.
Ben really makes the episode.He is the cherry on top.He was so funny.He loves to dress up as a girl.I was very thankful to him.He cleared his whole morning for us.He was here making TikToks, helping move cameras around.Great, great, great.
And so, of course, you want to be grateful to that person.But I just know he loved every minute of it that I really don't even feel like I have to say thank you.
Yeah, you scratch my back and I scratch yours.
I helped him flex that muscle where once a year he dresses like a woman.Yeah. And he helps me with the content.It's a beautiful win-win situation.It is a beautiful win-win situation.Now, I know that you watched the Martha documentary last night.
Did you finish it?I did.And we have a story about it.
So I think I'll make it the fifth story so that we could go into a recap.Because I know it just came out also.So maybe you haven't watched it yet.Without going into our recap right now accidentally, I'll just say you should watch it.
I'll just say it was the best piece of content I've seen in my life.I literally would lay my life out on the line for Martha Stewart and the entire nation, namely one James Comey.Oh, Martha Stewart, an apology.We all do.
And not me, because I wasn't even- I'm accidentally going into our recap now.We'll leave it at that.
And yeah, and fuck Jim Comey.And you know, I had heard that name before.He's kind of like in the political landscape, right?Yeah, he's the director of the FBI, so a little bit in the landscape.
And I feel like he was like fired or something.And he has his own movie about him.Do you remember that?I think it's called Comey.
No, now all I really know about him is what he did to Martha Stewart.And let me just say he's on my list.I hate.
Yeah, Comey movie.Oh, it's not coming up.It's oh, the Comey rule.Yeah, he was played by Jeff, this guy from Dumb and Dumber.
No, he looks like Jeff Daniels.Well, like seriously, nobody cares about you.That's why nobody knew about your movie.And what you did to Martha Stewart is a disgrace.And I literally hate you.But we won't get into our recap now.
but we won't get into our recap now.We have a fabulous show.We've got stories.We've got Queenie and Weenie.What do we not have?We do not have Deer Toasters.
And I know there's a strong but mighty community, a small but mighty community of Deer Toasters fans.The week just kind of got away from us.And again, we could shove it in today, but then we like rushed Queenie and Weenie and the Martha recap.
We did miss it.We've been kicking the ball down the field the whole week. We couldn't do it Wednesday because the Kurds wouldn't have been able to withstand.Thursday, of course, like it just was toast to ween.And now it's Friday and it didn't happen.
So better luck next week. Maybe we'll see where we're at.
Maybe like dear toasters, just for next week, like if Monday or Tuesday, and I could see Tuesday being a dry day because it's election day and no one's stepping out of line except for Erika Girardi to file for divorce.
No, I will be behaving on Tuesday.Like I value my life and my job.I could see like the news being quiet because the big news is taking place.So like maybe we slip in a DT on a quiet election day.
Yeah, and I think we'll all be looking for distractions anyways, so that would be a good option.So I wanted to acknowledge and apologize to the DT community.Which includes ourselves.We're hurting ourselves.Of course.
By the way, we had such good submissions this week, not to be like annoying.Oh, damn.But we kind of disrupted the order of things, and we need to not do that.Speaking of election day, I think I'm going to try and vote today.
because you don't want to vote on your birthday standing in a line.No, my birthday's the next day, but thank you for being super excited.
No, I don't want to vote on election day because now election day, it's like lines galore when you could vote early.And I've been trying to find time to vote all week, but I haven't had a moment.And now it's getting away from me.
So I think today is the day.So I don't have a plan.And I think that's my first mistake, of course.And that's what the influencers have been saying.I barely even knew where my vote.I thought my voting place was one place.
I've been talking about this big government building.But apparently, it's the library. So like, this is nice.I'm without a plan.And I feel like you're always at your local live.
So I do you should like take a I think I break my tripod and like make just like separate like content for the redheads, you know.
By the way, they take it really seriously in polling places, any sort of like filming or videoing.
No, no.Separate from I wouldn't be filming myself voting.Like, no, I'd be like going into the stacks and making content for the redheads.
OK, I'm just saying, like, be careful wheeling that thing in and around your polling place.I feel like that is a felony.
It's not a felony because then also you have to be able to record in government buildings.Remember, we learned that at the library this summer about the librarian who wasn't letting someone record.
You cannot Record at a polling place like it.I I whip my phone out and maybe I was trying to take a picture of Ben cuz he was being so slow I Literally got yelled at you cannot even whip out your phone in a polling place.It's like a casino.
Are you sure?I don't you see like videos of people Acting out filming undercover filming undercover undercover.
Seriously, keep that tripod in your trunk.
I just want to let you know, I have no interest in filming at my polling place.
It sounds like you are really interested, actually.
No, I'm not.It's a really big building.I'll be in a separate wing, okay?
It sounds like you're literally dying to film.
Yeah, because that's the sort of content everybody wants, is more election content from influencers.
Let's take a look at the week at a glance.You know, it's Friday.Let's just sort of like unwind.What would you say was like the best part of your week, besides toaster week, obviously? Is there something that you want me to say?
No, I'm just trying to have a talk with my sister on our podcast.
I know, but it's just kind of random.
Why?I'm just sort of taking a conclusive approach to this episode.
I would have to go through my camera roll and think back on the week.I don't have a grasp of the week in my mind at the moment.Oh, I have something really exciting going on in my personal life.Do you mean personal or professional?Special project?
Yeah, a bit.You guys will find out later today.I haven't even told you, I've been so coy.What the hell's going on? Should I tell you?Yeah, tell all of us.I'll tell all of you because I'm finally today like the work is being done.
I'm wallpapering my bathroom.Oh my god, you bitches are so dramatic.I can't.
Also Margot and Olivia on their Instagram stories yesterday being like huge thing happening to us tomorrow.Just roll with it like huge thing happening tomorrow. People think there's like a big family announcement coming today.And there isn't.
No, but I didn't want to like save my bathrooms being done like earlier in the week because then you have to wait like a few days to see it.I just wanted to do it all at once so that like it was instant gratification.
That's nice.Actually, you know, I actually also didn't even talk about this on the podcast, like a big special project that I was working on.I don't know if you saw because it was in Women's Wear Daily. I did see.
Yeah, I became a brand ambassador for this new like pet wellness brand that I actually was familiar with and like joined the, I don't want to say the board, but there isn't on board.But if there was a board, I would have a seat on it.
Very Martha Stewart of me.And we had like a launch party.What day of the week was that?It's been the longest week.I want to say Wednesday.That's like two days ago. Oh my God, this party feels like six months ago.
It's called Wagwell, it's like pet wellness.I feel like, and I'm kind of taking like a Jackie O approach to parenthood when it comes to Romeo.With Theo, I was like a little, you know, a little laissez, like whatever.
I didn't like read a singular label, like ingredients, I don't know.I was very like trusting. trusting, and look where that got me.And blind.And maybe willfully ignorant, I would say.Yeah, I would say.And look where that got me.
And with Romeo, I'm actually much more particular now about everything.Kind of like you, how you swapped out all your cleaning products when you got pregnant.Literally me, Romeo's treats now from Wagwell, they're all grain-free.
He's on supplements for allergies and joint.I feel like I've gotten a second chance at life, and I'm taking it really seriously, dead ass.
I'm so glad to hear that.And I'm glad that you're finding like wellness hacks for your pup so that you don't have to lean on BP.
You know, and that's the thing.I feel like with Theo, I definitely like succumbed, succame. Come to?To Big Pet, like I just would go to the pet store and buy stuff, not even look.You're like, shoot me up.
I'm like, who would make something poor quality for dogs?Actually, quite a few people, so.It's true.Yeah, you'll be hearing about, like probably seeing billboards of me for this new brand Wagwell.
Don't be alarmed, like me and Romeo just being celebrity endorsers.
I love that.Actually, now I have a grasp of my week and I can answer your question from before.Isn't it a nice question?It is a nice question, but I didn't have a grasp of my week.I don't know how else to say it.She didn't have a grasp of her week.
Two highlights of my week, thank you for asking.First, driving the Cybertruck and vlogging and the whole experience with my husband.We had a great day, a great afternoon at Tesla and we got to drive the Cybertruck.
We just had fun and then it's also on the vlog and creating the vlog was really fun.And it's so well received, the vlog. It was just a fun, creative project, and you guys know I love vlogging.I'm like Molly Mae with my bird-watching camera.
Of course, and then ever since the great chili vlog of 2022, every time we put out a vlog, we're always a little like, are they gonna hate this?I'm a little nervous.
Yeah, I do get nervous, but with this one, I actually wasn't.I was like, even if people said that they didn't like it, it wouldn't bother me because I'm so proud.It would be lying.I know that it was great.I was smiling watching it.I was having fun.
Then the second great thing that I didn't even tell everyone, but I did tell everyone that I was going to the dentist, right?Because Bruno- I actually meant to ask you how that went.Right.
So I had a toothache when Bruno got 14 teeth extracted and I was like, well, I can't go now because there's no budget, but it was really hurting.I was like getting a little worried.
And I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I have like not the greatest teeth.Like they're kind of weak.I've had a root canal.I have like so many crowns.
A root canal.I've had a root canal. I've had a root canal, which I barely remembered until I went to the dentist, and I was like, I think I've had a root canal.And he's like, yeah, that's a root canal on the x-ray.
I've had a million crowns, a million cavities.So when my tooth hurts, it means there's trouble, a bruin, and it's not good.So I went. And for the first time, it was, dentist words, this is quote, not a four alarm fire.
I just have two crowns on two teeth next to each other that are not perfectly aligned.No big deal.It's just like rubbing up against each other.It just means stuff gets stuck back there and then it just like irritates my gums.
And so like, I just need to, I do floss back there a lot, but just do more of it.And eventually if I want to perfect it, he could give me a crown that would be
perfectly next to it, it would make the problem go away, but not something I have to do right now, so I'm just gonna think about it.But that was a major relief.
It's so rare to go to any sort of doctor, dentist, any sort of medical professional, and be told that your concern is not real and there's not much you have to do.
I feel like, typically, you want the validation of a diagnosis.Even he was making me do these jaw exercises to open and shut my jaw, and he was like, oh, you go to the right a little bit on this TMJ.And I'm like, are you saying I have TMJ?
It's so exciting to get a diagnosis sometimes.But in that situation, you're coccidinia.
I mean, and I've actually been wanting to talk about this pillow, so let me circle back to that.
I'm just saying, in that situation, it was like the best possible news that I don't have to get another root canal, or I wasn't sat there for emergency dental surgery.It's just a small thing, and you'll be okay.That's a huge win in someone's week.
It was a huge win.It was really worrying me.
Now, I have recently been watching our episodes, and might I say, they're just amazing.I love them.I can't recommend them enough.But because it's officially fall, I've entered my sweaters and leggings season.That's what my uniform is.
And because my coccidinia pillow is black, and my pants are usually black, in a lot of our clips, I look like I have the fattest fucking ass.That's also jiggly and flat.It lays flat.
And I just feel like every single day, I need to put a disclaimer on the show.If you are watching this on YouTube, I am sitting on a black pillow.That's what you're seeing.My ass is actually so firm and tiny, you don't even see it.
You know what's so funny?Someone commented asking if I got a BBL, because these are the pillows that you sit on when you get a BBL. Also, by the way, easy hack for you, get a different color pillow.Like mine's gray, so that's different.
But I would love to find, maybe we could find a white pillow.Maybe we could have them like custom dyed.I would love if we could get like a matching boucle.
Jackie, what if we got boucle tushy pillows?I think that's like what we should get.Invest in.Yeah.Like, listen, let's loosen the purse strings.Let's get custom tushy pillows.
Why don't you knit us pillow covers? You know, like I- Inspired by Martha.
I can really only knit, like in a straight line, like a scarf.
We'll ask Craig.We'll ask Sewing Down South.Oh my God, by the way.
Remember when I asked Craig if they do like custom pillows and he said, cause I have a bench that needs pillowing and he said like, no, but we could like work, perhaps I could work with- They know the people.Yeah.
Maybe we get custom pillow covers.That's actually a good, good call.We need Sewing Down South.We'll send them the dimensions of these pillows.We need boucle covers. I don't think we can do that actually so easily.
We do.That's so funny.And also, why do we have to be confined to these dimensions?
Why don't we have just a cushion?The whole chair.Yeah.And it only makes sense.We are actually a studio that is styled and designed by Sewing Down South.My pillow, all of our throw pillows are Sewing Down South.
Hilarious.I think we should invest in this.Like this is our business.We got big business.Bless you.Business is booming.Like, you know, if you were an athlete, of course, you're going to get like the greatest physical trainer.
No, and let me tell you, my coccydynia is getting worse after toast to ween yesterday.Every time I get up off the show, like I move a little slowly.
And sometimes if I'm not sitting on the pillow 100% correctly, it's like, I might as well not be sitting on it.And I felt a pain so deep in my anus.Like I had never felt anything.
Like I know my coccydynia is actively getting worse and I need to be more proactive about like protecting my tush.
Yeah, you do.And as always, I stand with you.
And as always, I don't feel like you've really been there for me during my coccidinia journey.
I'm about to get us bespoke pillows.All right.Maybe after the bespoke pillows, I'll feel differently.I don't know.I just don't feel like you've really been there for me.
I feel like I've been there for you as much as you've let me be there for you.But you know yourself, like you push people away.That's what someone would say who hasn't been there for someone, you know?Only someone super fucking crafty.
It's textbook. Textbook what?Your response, textbook denial.
Oh, OK.Well, you know, I think it's textbook craftiness.And I think we can respect that.
I think we can respect the run of show.And the run of show, I think it's kind of demanding that we dive into the fast five, you know?We don't have all day.We actually do.
No, I have to vote.I've got to get out the vote.
I've got to make a plan.What snack are you going to bring?I brought Ritz crackers, like I actually did.Maybe a piece of sourdough.Honestly, that's a good one.Wrap it in some tinfoil, toast it up with butter.
Yummo, cuz I already ate my bar for the day.So yummo.
I can't bring a bar Why is there it feels like there's a law in this world that you can't eat more than one bar in a day it's actually such a good call right I think because Like you can't you can't and like you shouldn't really cuz they're meant to be like meal replacements, right?
And you shouldn't be having three bars for your three meals a day like hiking.I Yeah, I will say when I first got off Ozempic and I was so panicked about gaining weight, and everybody was like, protein, protein.
I was having three protein shakes and two bars a day.It was really nutty.That's not good.Yeah.I've been on the other side.
I'm a bar a day.I do not go above that.And I really feel like bars are for the morning.I think so too. Well, I think without further ado.Now without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know.
And the Fast Five stories that you need to know are supported by State Farm.So we know the Toasters agree, nothing feels better than a personal win.
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Our first story, which is always going to be the lead story on November 1st.I don't make the rules.Mariah Carey is awake.No.
Oh.Celebrity Halloween costumes.So underwhelmed.And I just want to say, I think as a society, we have lost the meaning of the word costume.We've lost the meaning of Halloween.No.No.
A costume is something you get dressed into and go somewhere to a party.You go trick-or-treating. Celebrities and influencers having these obscenely extravagant costumes put together for a photo shoot, and they do nothing else in that costume, right?
They probably took it weeks ago.That does not count.
No, it does not count.Seriously, who is that for?We don't care.You're wasting your time, your money, and your resources.We need to abolish it.
I think the perfect example is like Kylie, right?She had so many costumes, first of all.Maybe four.Three of them were silly photo shoots, like Stop, Barbarella, some Demi Moore movie.She like recreated the poster.
And by the way, she's naked.That's not a costume. Not a costume.
And then last night she got into a real costume and her and Kendall went to a party.Like that is Halloween.That's a costume.The other two was like you just spending money for fun.
I just feel like as the audience, like we need to all come together and make our voices heard.And like not one person should like those photos.I want zero likes on those pictures and maybe they'll stop doing it.It's obscene.
Like I seriously don't understand it.No, it's really- It's boring and it's uninteresting to me.
It's not, I mean, it's unfortunate that you had to make Kylie the example, because, like, you know, I would never want to say a crossword about her, but she is among those who are doing this.Okay, do you want me to call out someone else?
Well, then Kim.I mean, to me, the peak of this is, like, the albino alligator. Kim dressed as an albino alligator for a photo.
Oh, I didn't realize that that's what that was.
Yeah, it said in the caption, albino alligator.
Excuse me.Okay, here's another example.And the Kardashians definitely, I feel like started this trend and now like everybody does it and it's annoying.So I definitely blame them.But it's trickled down like I saw.Okay, here's a good example.
Alex Earl threw like a big Halloween party in LA like last weekend.And I actually thought that was smart.I feel like she's kind of taking on Heidi Klum.Because Heidi Klum's party, I feel, it's dated.And did you see her looking like E.T.last night?
And what's so crazy about her costume is it could have not even been Heidi in there.Right.And by the way, that's how it's been for the last couple of years.
Remember when she was a worm?
Do you think the last few years she's been at home just watching everyone think that she's walking the red carpet?
And I went last year and it's clearly like a money thing.Like she has so many sponsors.It's like a brand event.
So I actually think like, even though Heidi didn't pass the baton, it feels like that was actually a really smart thing Alex Earl did I liked.
I think that if she continues to do it and like it becomes like an influencer type of thing, it could be like, you know, you think of Heidi's Halloween party, the Cosamigos Halloween and Alex Earl.
And she had like this very creative costume, whatever. And then she also did like a big photo shoot, like where she got this custom box made where her and Braxton were Barbie and Ken.And it was like, they didn't go anywhere in this costume.
They just like did a photo shoot.Like why?
Yeah, but at least I'm being Barbie and Ken.It's not like they had to do like a million like makeup, sit in hair and makeup for six hours.That's why the albino alligator to me is so stupid.Worst offense.She didn't go anywhere.She just took a picture.
I can't even imagine how many hours were spent on this.
No, and then when you see what Kylie actually dressed up as, like, for fun with her sister on Halloween, it was so cute.That video they made, they were like Isabella and Lizzie from the Lizzie McGuire movie, purple and green matching.
Like, it's a classic millennial.It reminds us, like, they're just girls like us.Like, they made this cute little singing video.Like, that, why can't that just be enough?
Yeah, I also saw Kendall and Hailey Bieber were Simple Life poster.I don't know if they went anywhere, but that is like a fun costume that you can move in and they maybe did something with it.
I hope that they did as opposed to just like sit at home and take content.
I don't know what the right word is for what celebrities do with all these photo shoots.It's like so overindulgent and it's so like gluttonous, if that's the right word.
Yes, but it's also just a good old-fashioned waste of time.Waste and money.Time is the most precious thing we have.We have.It's so beautiful.How many jobs does Kim Kardashian have?
And she's always telling us that she doesn't have enough time, but you have time for six-hour alligator albino?
Just for a photo on your Instagram, not even like in vogue.That's why we need to use our power.
I agree.And like seeing all that, like I was saying, I saw all these pictures of Irina Shayk and Anne Hathaway.Like they were dressed up as like, she was like a Tomb Raider.It was like for their kids.It was so sweet.
Like it just was so back to basics.I'm like, that's nice.Yeah.
I have a list of celebrity Halloween costumes.We'll let you know who was like just her photo shoot, who won out.
But I actually think one of my favorite Halloween costumes, I don't know if she went anywhere, but she looked mobile, was Elsa Hask as Princess Diana. I feel like she didn't go anywhere.I feel like she just took a picture, but yeah.
She's wrong for that.She, like, I don't know why no one's ever, why has really, maybe someone's done this before, but not in a normal way.
No, I feel like when they do Princess Diana, they do like the biker shorts and crew neck look.She nailed it.She did.She did the revenge dress, like the black off the shoulder dress.
She looked great.Yeah, she really did.So then we also have Jennifer Gardner as Jenna Rink.What do you think about that, the self-reference? I don't mind it.
And she did it for a TikTok, at least she gave us something.It wasn't just a dumb photo.She recreated that iconic scene where she's getting ready for, I'm going to a party in a limo.And it was really cute.Yeah, that is really cute.And you know what?
I love someone who loves an iconic role of theirs that means so much to a generation.They don't ignore it and act like they hated that role.She knows how much it means to people, and she's always feeding us, not in a way that's annoying and too much.
So you know what?I like it. Then Sabrina got dressed up for her show.She did a Playboy Bunny and she did Tinkerbell.And then, you're talking about Carpenter, right?Is there another one?
Well, because then she did a lot of costumes because I saw two TikToks.She was Sandy from Grease, which is so her.I think the whole show she kept changing into costumes.
And then she, this one didn't look, this looked like what she wore to like hang out with her friends because her friend was Miss Ungermeyer.And she was Lizzie when she's like in that fitting and she wears the big igloo dress.
Her friend was Miss Ungermeyer.
Yeah, it was hysterical.That is really funny.Charlie D'Amelio was Black Swan.Adorable.Like that's a real Halloween costume.That's a good reference.Oh, I've seen this a million times.And you know what?
I'm finally going to mention it so that she can get the PR that she was hoping for.Lizzo as Ozempic.
I actually really did not like that.I'm so glad you brought it up.Because she is on this weight loss journey, by the way, she looks great.And she's maintaining that she's not on Ozempic.
And everyone obviously accuses her of it, because if you're losing weight in this day and age, it's Ozempic.
And you've not lost it before.
Before.And she has said she will take to her grave that she's not on Ozempic.And I actually believe her, because I feel like it's happening really slowly.
OK, but do you think she's on Manjaro?That's a thing people do, too.They're like, I'm not on Ozempic.
It's semi-glutide compound.Jackie, literally me. If I took a lie detector test, I wasn't on Ozempic.I don't think she's lying.I really don't.But the thing is, you're not a part of the community.You don't get to make jokes.
You're not on Ozempic, so get out of here.I was on Ozempic during last Halloween and I dressed up as a skeleton because people were saying I looked like a skeleton.I was so skinny.
And so I was in on the joke, and I was taking all the heat for being on Ozempic, so I'm allowed to reap the benefits of a costume.It's like, well, you're not, so is my culture a costume to you?I don't think so.That's really funny.
It actually bothered me.But I'm so protective over Ozempic, and when it comes to celebrities and the media, that maybe I'm just too close to it.
And I really feel like, in this day and age, if you're someone who's skinnier than they've ever been, you're on ozempic.And by the way, there's literally nothing wrong with that.It's amazing.
I think of a million people and they would literally, they have to go on a lie detector.There's no way for me to not think you're on ozempic.If you're skinnier than you've ever been and it's now in 2024, you've lost weight, you're on ozempic.
I don't believe in speculating about who's on ozempic.
That's why I'm not naming names.I'm saying big picture, you're on ozempic.
That's what Josh Peck is always saying, is that he lost this huge amount of weight before these drugs were an option for him, and he feels robbed.Yeah, me too, by the way.
I would have been on Ozempic my whole life.
Jackie, you don't lose 200 pounds.
No, but I would have been on Ozempic my entire life as maintenance, and then I could have just thought about other stuff for the last 10 years.Yeah, you could have.I could have.Maybe you'd be a billionaire.
Maybe I would be a billionaire, but don't worry, one day when I go on Ozempic, it's over for you bitches.Yeah, you keep saying that, and then you didn't go on it.I never said I'm going on it yet.I know, but you keep saying one day.When?Oh, in years.
Same time that I get, when I'm done having children.When you get your tummy tuck.It's for my golden years.Got it, got it, got it.I have to have something to look forward to.
Look forward to.Breast reduction, tummy tuck, Ozempic.
Yeah, and then it's over.
When I am 75, it is over.It's so true.
Next up, I actually really like this costume.I'm gonna give them some credit where it's due.Kelly Ripa and Marcon Suelos as Travis and Kelsey at the US Open.Agreed.Recognizable, cute, on trend.I liked it.Well executed.Yep.
I don't need, you know, a little video to show me who they are.Right. Oh, and then Olivia Colpo and Christian McCaffrey really just went classic college Halloween.They were Dorothy and the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz.So cute.
Oh, did you see Kristen Yuszczak?Slayed.
Kristen and Kyle Yuszczak were Vinny and Marissa Tomei for my cousin Vinny.Seriously, so good.Slayed.I was jealous.That's such a good costume.If I could pull off a unitard like that, maybe I would have been that in my life, but I could never.
I just saw such a good costume.
Right before this.Oh shoot, I forget what it was.There weren't a lot of really good celebrity costumes. Yeah, oh, Bethany Frankel was Wonder Woman, so was I. I forgot to tell you guys, that was my family Halloween.
We were all superheroes and I was Wonder Woman.She looks- Yeah, you had to say brand safe.She looks much better than me.I'll say that.Oh, that's good.Yeah, she's, by the way, she's in her golden years, so it's over for you.
And like, she's wearing like sexy Wonder Woman, like I'm like, you know, in the neighborhood.
Yeah, trying to be like a modest woman.Yeah, yeah, it's for the children.Of course, of course. Oh, Janelle Monae also did E.T.There's a couple of Jessica Rabbits.So there's some of, you know, that crossover.Yeah.
But overall, uninspiring.And I do believe this was the first year that Casamigos did not have their big L.A.Casamigos Halloween party, which is where all the celebrities step out in their like best and brightest.Unless it's this weekend.
No, I had heard that it wasn't happening. Hmm.It's not interesting.
And I guess it would have been last weekend if it were happening, because like who's having a party on November 2nd?It's Christmas.It's Christmas.
It's Christmas.Deck the halls, motherfucker.Even though it's 75 degrees in New York today, like it's insane.
Yeah.You know what?I think it's warmer or at least yesterday it was like warmer in New York than it was here. It was 81 degrees yesterday.
I had to walk home from the toast in my stupid costume because I was wearing shorts.
It was so hot.Oh my God, I never had a chance to change out of my costume yesterday and like till the evening, so I'm like running around like a camp counselor.It's actually not a bad look.No, not at all.It was quite cozy.
It was kind of a party Halloween.It was.
It was a party toastoween.Especially when I took that wig off.Oh, so itchy.
Our next story is something that you've alluded to a number of times now that I haven't taken the bait on, but because it's a story, no.It's Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk trick-or-treating together.
No, it's okay.Usually I tell you, don't worry, we're going to talk about it.But I tried something new this time, which was not engaging. And I was like, oh, she really doesn't care about these three getting together.
No, I cared enough to make it a story because I too thought it was remarkable for a number of reasons.
Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk reunited for Halloween trick-or-treating with their daughter Leia, who is seven, and Hathaway was also spotted with them.So there's a couple things that we have to break down here.
The co-parenting, trick-or-treating, like that's really sweet of them.Yep. Irina Shayk, I'm having an Irina Shayk renaissance ever since the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.
The way that she looked for trick-or-treating with her family was like seriously gargy-pargy on another level, to the point of like, maybe it was too much, but like, it was also like- I think like, when you just look like that, it's hard not to be too much.
She just put on, honestly, it was probably from Spirit Halloween, like it wasn't even crazy.I just think when you're that tall, beautiful, thin, gorgeous model, that like, you put on your pajamas and it's too much.
Meanwhile, I think Anne Hathaway was wearing like elf ears. No, Anne Hathaway was wearing a gown to the floor that was shredded.It was maybe like a mummy.I don't know.It was not obvious what she was.I think she's probably something from The Hobbit.
So the co-parenting of it all is so interesting.Although, I mean, they've given us no reason to believe that they're not on good terms.I just feel like they're not, you know?Yeah, I mean, divorce is... not great, you know?
You know, these celebrities, conscious uncoupling, like they make it work.Yeah.So much money.It's like it's not that contentious, you know?
Yeah.I feel like Irina like doesn't get that many opportunities to like rub something in his face.And this costume was that.
Speaking of rubbing someone's face, did you see upon the news of Giselle being pregnant, being announced, Tom Brady posted like an emo photo like of nature with the word with the song Landslide playing over top?Yeah.What did you make of that?
I think Tom Brady's just like the rest of us.Do you think that was how I'm struggling, or just like, here's a picture of nature and a song that I like?
Yeah, I'm like, okay.This always happens, where it's like, things look a certain way, but when you like, peel it back, I could see how he just took a picture of nature, and then like, what's a good song about nature?
What's a song about nature?Landslide.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.And then anything that he posted that day, we're gonna break down.Yeah.And I actually, I'm gonna say, Not related.I don't think Tom Brady takes his feelings to Instagram.I don't even think he would know how to do that.
I agree.As a man and a man of a certain age and also a certain level of fame, you don't do that.We're not posting quote cards.
But also that's just not 45-year-old grown man behavior.I'm upset.Oh, let me go cry on Instagram.It doesn't even cross his mind to do something like that.
I agree.Although it just was bizarre timing.
Yes, but I think anything that he posted that day, we would have looked at it through the lens of... He's depressed.He's depressed because she's pregnant.And he might have found out a week ago.What did he post seven days ago?
Right.When do you think he found out?
I think he found out a few days before the news was going to be public.
Yeah, me too.Yeah, yeah, yeah.I think she would have told him.Okay, back to these three.What is the Anne Hathaway connection to either of them?I think maybe it was what you said.They were all on that street.
I think when you're wealthy and live in the West Village and you're a celebrity, that's what I got from Andy Cohen's books.There's a couple of restaurants you always go to.You just know each other.
Kind of like when you live in the suburbs, all the moms know each other.
Yeah, and like how old is Anne Hathaway's son?Maybe he's in school with their kid.Something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Just like cute celeb tings.Nice to see them having a nice moment.And like I said, I don't know why I feel like they really don't get along.They've never given us any reason to think that.
Well, because even when they were together, it looked like they didn't get along.
Seriously, because that one photo shoot at Wimbledon.
No, but like there was so much weird stuff, like even with the Lady Gaga
star is born moment like she was always like on the fringe like yep i think she honestly did her dirty if i was her i would hate him too yeah i think so even when they were together it didn't look like the happiest couple and now that they've like separated and they have a child between them like seriously i fucking hate you yeah it's no holds bar gloves are off like you suck
Yeah.Well, nice that they made it work for the kid.Yeah.Well, our next story, number three, is some other exciting child news because it's pregnancy news.Gossip Girl's alum, Westwick's new wife is pregnant, Amy Jackson, and not to be like, you know,
One of those, but I know she's pregnant at the wedding.Yes.That's nice, right?Because you wouldn't announce a pregnancy like right when it happens and they got married like a month and she appeared to have a bump, although she's so small.
I think maybe you have a bump like day one.
Oh, and also she has had a child before and you do get a bump. quicker with your second or subsequent children than your first.The first takes a minute.Yeah.
Interesting.Well, this was a shock and of course, like I also thought immediately because I'm such a wench.And I just want to say there's literally nothing wrong with being pregnant at your wedding or having a baby before.
I feel like such a small town, like conservative woman.
Was she pregnant out of wedlock?I just want to say, like, there's literally nothing wrong with that, but of course I thought the same.
I feel like that song of Taylor, it's like Sarah's and Hannah's and their Sunday best.
No, that's literally us.And that's why I had to say, like, there's nothing wrong.But also, then you just can't drink at your wedding.
Yeah, yeah, not a huge loss.
It's a little bit of a bummer.
But I guess it depends what your relationship with alcohol is.
But it's like if they never got married in the last few months, like I wouldn't even, like they'd be pregnant and I wouldn't be like, are they married?Are they not married?But like, it's just because they just got married.
Like just the small town Karen comes out.
No, it's something about a wedding is like so like traditional and religious that like you, you do think like, you know, But no, that's fabulous, happy for them.That's fabulous, I am happy for them.
I'm happy for them, and I know that hearts are breaking everywhere.Because even when he got married, a marriage is just a marriage, right?Especially in Hollywood.But a child is binding.It's binding for life.
And I just know that there are actually millions of girls out there who just think that this should be them.And it's not, and I'm sorry.And it's tough to see other people living out your dreams.
Do you really think that he has millions of girls out there? Yes.People die for him.Also, if I told you how many Instagram followers he had, you would be shocked.They die for him because they die for Chuck Bass?Yes.And he really has aged so well.
He has 11 million followers.That's crazy.From a show.
How many does Chase Crawford have?
That's a good question.I think people die for Ed Westwick more than they die for Chase.Yeah.Like Nate was really.
OK, this Chase Crawford, who, by the way, there is a Chase Crawford on Instagram who is verified, who has two hundred and sixty four followers.That's insane.And that's what that's what came up for me.Am I blocked by Chase Crawford?
Yeah, I could feel that that's... Yeah, you're right.
Three million, okay.Wow.So I'm telling you, there is like a cult following.It's not like he went on to do other big things.He had pretty much the same acting and career trajectory as Chase Crawford.
There's no reason they shouldn't have similar amounts of followers.But he is like a global heartthrob.
And now, with a younger generation watching the show, they all love Chuck. Interesting.And I would argue that if you go to his Instagram now, like he's more handsome now, I think, than he even was in the show.
And I don't know if you could say that for all the guys.Oh, for all, yeah.Yeah, no, he's aging nicely.Yeah, and you know, it's best to become a daddy. Mazel Tov.Mazel Tov, that's so nice.Are you ready for our next story?Number four.Yeah.
A Game of Thrones movie is coming.Enough with these people.Like, seriously, all they do is announce projects that never come to be, and the ones that do come to be House of the Dragon stink.
The project, whose cinematic universe began with the TV series and adaptation of George RR Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire book series, is in the very early stages of development at Warner Brothers. according to multiple outlets.
Because the discussions are just beginning, no actors, writers, or directors have been attached to the film.I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one in which I never asked to be a part of.
I saw a video recently that explained all of the Game of Thrones spinoffs and what happened to them.And there were seriously like 12.A lot of them are still like futzing around.A lot of them are not happening.Like, you know, Kit Harington's one.
That was really kind of sad.Yeah.Yeah.
What was that like a Jon Snow after show?Yeah.Jon Snow spinoff.Like actually there at this point, I do feel like they're kind of disgracing the legacy of girl with no job. of Game of Thrones with all this, like, will they, won't they?
And they really need to stop because it's giving curse.Yeah.
Yeah, well.In theory, a Game of Thrones movie, and would it be the same? storyline, that's what it seems to be.It would be back to Westeros.It'd be a loop on the path of King's Road.Oh, they fucking love the King's Road.Like, the things that they do.
The King's Road is so true.The King's Road would be similar to Game of Thrones.Yeah.
And I love that.Of course, no.And maybe, like, directly after, I would have been down.But now that, like, there have been so many announcements and so many derailments and X and Y and Z, like, it's giving, like, Messy?
Yeah, it is getting messy.Like stop trying actually, like let sleeping dogs lie.The next prequel series is coming out in late 2025, so in a year.It's called A Night of the Seven Kingdoms.Whatever, like for real, whatever.
Yeah, now it's just getting into like medieval porn, you know? Like Game of Thrones was an amazing anomaly, but I don't watch medieval porn.
Jackie, it is medieval porn.What are those restaurants called where you like?Medieval times.Medieval times.Yeah.It's it's literally like porn stars at medieval times.
Yeah.That's how I felt watching House of the Dragon.Like, why am I watching like this? Medieval Crusaders.
I don't watch shows like this.It was harder to suspend disbelief with House of the Dragon.Like Game of Thrones, they really built this universe.
And it was like fantastic and anyone could love it.But there are a lot of shows like, you know, set in a similar time period.I don't watch them.Right.No, it was different.
Dungeons and Dragons.Right.Right.Game of Thrones was different and nothing else they've created since then has been and had that sort of magic.It's true.And I actually need them to stop trying.
OK. Well, now we can get into our fifth and final story.
Is it our fifth and final story that is brought to you by Too Faced Cosmetics and their new Kissing Jelly Lip Oil?It is, Turtulu.So Too Faced's viral bestseller, the Kissing Jelly Lip Oil, has launched a new shade.
It's called Birthday Kiss, and it's now available exclusively at Sephora.So it's a brand new shade of their bestselling product.It delivers a 12-hour moisture, offers immediate shine.It is, of course, vegan and cruelty-free.
And the sheer candy color and sparkle gloss smells like vanilla birthday cake.It's a perfect gift. for the lady in your life who has the most gorgeous lips, that would be you.And a birthday coming up.Right, right.So?
So in honor of that, we have decided to play a little fun game with Too Faced.Since Jackie and I are obsessed with the idea of birthday buddies, and this is a birthday themed product, we are gonna play a little game.
So Jackie, I'm gonna ask you a list of celebrity birthday twins that you have, and if you would share a birthday party with them, give me a yes or no and your reason why, okay?Okay.
So if you had to, would you share a birthday party with your birthday twin, Lamar Odom?Yes. I think, yeah, no explanation needed.
No, like it would be amazing.I could finally ask him what's going on with keeping up with sports.Maybe Chloe would be there.Yep.I think Chris would definitely be there because she's so supportive and like then she's at my birthday party.
I don't know if you know this, but the very famous elder lady June Squibb is also your birthday buddy.And I can't believe we're just learning that.So would you share a birthday party with June Squibb?
I would share a birthday party with June Squibb because that would really bring this entire thing full circle.
You don't know June Squibb?Right.What do you know about June Squibb?And I think it would be really great for you if you could meet June Squibb at my birthday party because you love her so much.Right, right.
Okay, and finally, if asked, would you share a birthday party, a joint party, with the icon herself, Sally Fields?
Yes, I would do that for Ben, so that he could ask all of his questions about Mrs. Doubtfire.That's really huge of you.Yeah.Really, really huge.And, you know, the more the merrier.Of course!Birthday buddies, I love them.I identify with them.
They're like a big part of who I am and how I see myself.It's true.And I would love to meet my fellow birthday buddies.
So now I have a list of birthday buddies, you're gonna ask me.Let's turn the tables a bit if we will.Claudia, would you share a birthday party with Jessica Simpson? I mean, it's a dream.And it's been a dream of mine since I was a child.
I think that at one point I maybe even had Jessica Simpson on my birthday cake.We had a screen printed cake.So of course, that would be full circle.That would be a really fun party too.Yeah, and we would play all of her shop hits.It would be huge.
Maybe Ashley would be there.Yeah.
Would you share a birthday party with Sofia Vergara?
No, we have beef a little bit, because she knows that her ex-man is the love of my life.And I would obviously have to invite him, and that would put her in a tough spot.
And I really am not interested in having a birthday to share a stage with somebody who's so much more beautiful and perfect looking than me.So I'm going to kick Sofia Vergara out of here, birthday twin club.I wouldn't.
I understand.And I think I would feel the same.Yeah.Would you share a birthday party with Adrienne Grenier?
I don't know if I knew that Adrian Grenier was my birthday buddy, and I absolutely would not.Because you know he would make us have it on the beach, and we'd all be cleaning up the ocean or something.
And that's a worthy cause, and I'll do that the next day.But for my birthday, I want straws.You just know he would kind of ruin the party with his bad energy.And you know what?
I feel like he wouldn't actually be cleaning up the beach.He'd be sitting there watching everything.
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Thank you exclusively at Turtola.Our fifth and final story that's going to lead in TV Recap is Martha.Now I actually think we should flip the tables and do the recap and then do the story because the story is about the documentary.
She has a few details that she would have changed and so let's talk about the thing as a whole first.
She's going to be so close to it.So I can say it's like an outsider.I thought it was perfect.And I thought, I don't know if this was the goal of the documentary, but I think that it really puts so much respect on her name for what she built.
Like I knew that she had this big media company.I know that Martha Stewart's weddings is still a thing.And I know at a certain time, like she was the biggest and the best when it came to like food and cooking and home.
But I really didn't know how she grew up super poor and how she was just this type of woman who was good at whatever she did.Like, I think I'll fuck around and work at Goldman Sachs or whatever the equivalent was.
And she was crushing it, making a quarter of a million dollars a year.And I didn't know this about her. charisma and this talent and this energy, and I feel like it really accomplished two things.One, put a lot of respect on what she built.
And I don't know if I knew that she, and now I understand that line, the first self-made female billionaire.What she did was insane.Taking a company public that was built exclusively on her.
I did not realize that she was the first female self-made billionaire.Also really the first influencer because now there are so many companies that revolve around one person.One person is marketing like their lifestyle.
Whether it's a New York Stock Exchange type of company, or just a big influencer.It happens on so many different levels.And it's so impressive that she was the first, that it was her idea.That is a new business that had never been done before.
And I feel like we missed Martha Stewart's heyday, because by the time she went to prison, we were still not even reading.Socially conscious.Right.She was huge in the 90s.We were just growing up.We weren't her target audience.
And I'm sad to have missed it.I tried to actually buy her book last night, the entertaining one.
And it's not in print anymore.
But it was really interesting to see how someone, she became like an adjunct at Martha Stewart Living, Martha Stewart Magazine, Martha Stewart Media, how someone actually becomes that like tangibly without having like a leg up in this world and how she really like used her skills that she knew to start a business and that was like her catering business.
Her catering business became a cookbook.Her cookbook, she had ideas flowing over, became a magazine.So organic and like really step-by-step.No one took a look at her one day and said like, you could be a media empire.
It was really her just knowing how much she had to offer.
The documentary was so great because I feel like you really got to know her personality and she's funny She doesn't give a fuck and I also love that they highlighted like there were a lot of rumors at the time during the trial but also before that she was kind of a nightmare and a bitch and like there are they had all this old video footage of like her being kind of Stern with people and I love that she didn't apologize for that She was like, yeah, like I was literally running a billion-dollar company and like people were being moronic like yeah, sorry I had to talk to people in a stern way like
I kind of like that she didn't apologize for that, and no one would have made a singular comment about a self-made billionaire man who was a dick.
Yeah, who was very exacting in what he wanted.And someone said that in the documentary, no one would say this about a man.
And the person said, it's cliche to even say that, because any time a woman does something, we'd say, you don't say this about a man.But it's so true.
It's so true.And I just loved getting to know her personality.And it's clear she's She is who she is and she's always been this way.She's known what she wanted from a very young age.
And I loved the documentary from the first moment, but really when she told the story about coming home and telling her dad that she got engaged and he slapped her for marrying a Jew and she didn't give a fuck and she literally got married and had kids with this guy, I just, queen, queen.
I did not know what she was gonna say.I'm like, why did her dad slap her?
That was chilling.Chilling.Also, I didn't realize that she had spent so much time close to Judaism in her life.
Yeah, I mean, her kids are Jewish.
Yeah, one kid, right?One kid, yeah, but she has grandkids, too.Oh yeah, she was upset that they weren't included in the documentary.No, I thought it really painted a really great picture of how Martha Stewart Living came to be.
I was so impressed by her.Literally, she's renovating her house, painting her walls, doing her own garden, building her own garden, having chickens.Really, it's giving you know, ballerina farm, like I guess to us is a modern day version.
But she was also doing like so much content, like so much teaching.That's a word that she used a lot, like so much educating.And what a great resource that was.And also while also, I love the Joan Didion piece that they kept quoting.
I thought that she really, like really, I guess that's why she's Joan Didion, but really like put perfectly towards like the impact that Martha had.And like, it wasn't about like female hobbies.It was about like female power.
The fact that she could find so much power in domesticity, to me, I find so interesting.
I agree.I thought that article was great.And I love that they remarked on two things.One, that like, yes, her traditional sort of like homemaking business was actually like a huge win for feminism.
And then also I thought it was so interesting how really the biggest peak of her career, like when she went public, was when she was in like her 40s and her 50s, which was so cool to see.But also that like,
because socioeconomically and just what was happening in the culture was that so many of the young women, when Martha was like 50, so many of the young women who were getting married were raised by mothers who were thrown into the workforce and never taught them these things, right?
So you think about how, and Martha learned it from her mom, because her mom was a schoolteacher.And her dad.Made her 16 meals a day, very traditional.And then when she was becoming a mom,
they all worked and that's like the culture change and so I thought it was so interesting and I love that they just didn't like clown on it as like you know bad for women you're teaching women to make cakes they should be in the workforce like shut up.
No and she said even women who are in the workforce like they still feel this.Drawn to the home.Yeah because that's their that's you know home and that's their domain that's the heart of their family and so you can work and also
still want to have a warm home where you create things and you cook things.
Yeah, and sustain all that.So actually, I think they said most of her audience was working women, not just people who sit at home and are looking for things to do.
And honestly, the documentary was so interesting.And her company went public.And I felt like it was almost over.And I completely had forgotten the whole jail thing.And then the second half of the documentary is really dedicated to that whole journey.
And if you would have asked me, I would have said, yeah, she got a tip. bought or sold or whatever, and she went to prison for it.And I so did not know how not the case that was.
Now, I think when it comes to whether or not Martha actually did it, we will never know.She maintains her innocence, and I'm sure they had very little evidence.He said, she said, some loser secretary saying, yeah, I heard him, whatever.
But they were not able to bring charges onto Martha Stewart for insider trading.I did not know that.She did not go to jail for insider trading.She went to jail for lying to the government because they couldn't get her on insider trading.
So they were able to go through one of her depositions and be like, well, this isn't 100% true.And we're going to take you to trial to prove it.
So they were so clearly making an example of her, and that guy Jim Comey, whatever his name was, was some loser attorney general.He wanted to make his bones off this, and you know what?
It worked because he ended up, like you said, being the head of the FBI, right?So he built his career on the bones of women like Martha Stewart.It was honestly... Now I don't even care if she broke the law because they abused the justice system.
What a waste, first of all, like Martha Stewart, 45 grand, she was a fucking billionaire.She was on the board of Revlon, of the New York Stock Exchange, so many publicly traded companies, like she needed 45 grand, please.
Right, no, that whole part like actually made me sick, like gave me a pit in my stomach, the fact that they could just like use- Destroy everything she built.Yeah, and like that she's going to prison. for a real prison.
And he didn't tip her off the stock guy.So whatever reason she had for making that trade did not come because she knew that he didn't get his drug approved.It was sickening.And I just like, I remember Martha Stewart going to jail.
I didn't really know the details of it.
But I feel like for- Like you even say now, like Martha Stewart went to jail for insider trading.She did not.She went to jail for lying to the government.
And it just like really just, Makes you question, like, I feel like at the time, were people like, and there was some news coverage that was like, this was unfairly harsh, you could see like a- No, but they were eating it up.
Yeah, but- This ice queen who was allegedly rude to work with is also stealing from the government, like, it was so egregious- Well, no, it's not from the government, if she's traded, it would be- Taking advantage of- The investors, but-
Yeah.It was egregious.It was so upsetting.And honestly, I feel like the end of the documentary tried to be like, and she's back, and she's got this new life, and actually going to jail set her free from her perfectionism in a lot of way.
I did not feel that optimism.I felt mad.
Jackie, me too.I felt big mad.I'm not over it.And I do remember the official, the comeback of Martha Stewart.I didn't realize it hinged so much on the roast of Justin Bieber.That's so funny and interesting to me and really brilliant.But I agree.
And she is back, and I know she's you know, better than ever, but it made me so mad because her company went completely kaput.They were, what, $35, $40 a share, and then they were under $5, almost $2.
Like, it made me so mad because everything everybody had said, right?Like, you can't take a company public that's based on one person because that person's reputation, that person could get hit by a car.
Like, all of the things, they ended up being right, right?This billion-dollar company did go because of her reputation, but she didn't do it. Or even if she did, it's not right how it went down.
It was so, I was so mad, and honestly, when she was leaving prison wearing that crocheted poncho that one of her inmates made her, let me tell you, queen shit.
No, and then she did her show, and they're all wearing ponchos, and the dogs are wearing ponchos.
It's a shame that her show didn't work out, that Mark Burnett show, and I understood why it didn't, but I think I was just like, I don't know how she could have, what moves she could have made to,
right the ship at that point like I think everything had to fall apart.
She was advised to not speak out and that was like a mistake that she regrets but I think even if she did speak out during the trial like it was such a coordinated from every media there was nothing she could have done like they wanted to destroy her and they successfully did and I was so angry and I felt so sad for her because when you think about
how much it took for her to get to the place.Like she knew she was gonna take her company public and everybody was like, you're crazy.She got Kmart to advance her the money to buy her company back.Like everything she did was so fucking impressive.
And I loved how the first thing she did when she made it big was go to Kmart.And she's on Letterman and Letterman's being such a dick.Kmart, Martha Stewart shops at Kmart.
And she just like so understood the American woman being like 70 million people shop in Kmart every single month.And just because you're shopping at Kmart doesn't mean you don't deserve nice things.
And she was so every woman, she wasn't really snobbish, even though the whole thing had like a very sort of elevated vibe to it.I was so angry.I'm still angry.I'm sure she is too, by the way.
You could tell there are certain things that happened to her in her life, like even her first divorce. that she really wasn't over.It was so clear, she was so sad about that.The loss of a billion dollars?
She said she personally lost, and I also did wish they asked a couple more questions about her personal finances, because she's clearly very wealthy, but she became a billionaire, and then she said during the course of the trial, she lost, personally, a billion dollars.
I think that was because of her stake in the company, and the company losing so much.Yeah, of course.
So how much money did she have at the end?
When they did that zoom out on the drone at the very end of her property, her property is insane.
Yeah, so let's get into the fifth story, which is she has some notes on the documentary.She's not thrilled with a couple things, including what you just mentioned.So she has criticized the film by R.J.
Cutler over multiple editing choices that she disagreed with.She said, quote, those last scenes with me looking like a lonely old lady walking hunched over in the garden. Boy, I told him to get rid of those, and he refused.
But I tell you, she's so funny.She's so funny.She said, I hate those scenes.Hate them.She also took issue with the project's musical score, claiming it didn't reflect her taste.
She said to RJ, quote, an essential part of the film is that you play rap music.Dr. Dre will probably score it or Snoop Dogg or Frederick.I said, I want that music.And then he gets some lousy classical score in there, which has nothing to do with me.
They did play a Snoop Dogg song at the very end, because they did a big part of the documentary, really giving him credit for a lot of her comeback.And so I thought that was a good nod.
But I'm glad they didn't play rap music throughout the whole documentary.It wouldn't have fit.
I agree.And maybe that's where she is now.Or was she listening to rap music while she was renovating Turkey Hill?I don't know.She wasn't.She was listening to classical symphonies.The music fit to me.I didn't notice it.And that's a good thing. Yeah.
Then she also said that the director used very little footage from her personal archive, noting there was not even a mention of her two grandchildren.
She also felt the doc placed too much focus on her 2004 obstruction of justice trial, which led to her serving nearly five months.
We needed that much because to understand really what they did to her and how coordinated it was, she should be glad.She should feel vindicated.But I think maybe she's at this point in her life where she can't care about it anymore.
Yeah, she said it was not that important.The trial and the actual incarceration was less than two years out of an 83 year life.I considered it a vacation to tell you the truth.The trial itself was extremely boring.Even the judge fell asleep.R.J.
didn't even put that in.The judge was asleep at the bench.I wrote it in my diary every day.
No, Martha is so funny, like the shit that she says that like you obviously think in your head, but you never say out loud.She was like, oh, and that wench from The New York Post is there.She's dead now.I'm glad she said.Thank goodness.
Yeah, she is.I mean, at this point, like, she doesn't give a fuck.The worst thing that could possibly have happened to her, happened to her.Has happened.So, let's let it rip, huh?
I only wish this documentary came out sooner because I think it will usher in a renaissance for Martha Stewart.I think there's gonna be more, like, the way that I looked to buy her cookbook, I think thousands of people are going to do.
I wouldn't be surprised if they reissue it.I wouldn't be surprised if she writes more new ones.Like, I think that the, big moment that she has so deserved, even though she's had big moments, I just don't feel like they're as big as what she lost.
No, agreed.And they tried to say that in the documentary, like she's back, a new generation reclaimed her relevance and she's huge.But no, not like.
No, and I think she deserves to have all of the things that she once had.She deserves it all back.And I only wish that this has happened sooner.
And also, like, that I knew about, like, because honestly, I loved everything that I saw in the documentary.I wish that I hadn't known about what she had done sooner so that I could have maybe gotten some books and learned some things.
I want to watch her show.
yeah it was an infuriating documentary yeah and the first hour was so inspiring like really like just this badass woman in business who started with fucking nothing like really nothing and when she was talking about like her house in the Hamptons oh my god so sick like she's such a queen and I really forgot and I was like I wonder how they're gonna wrap this up like and then I forgot about this huge thing that happened to her so late in life and and I
It really made me angry, like for real.
Yeah and I buy magazines in the grocery store checkout aisle and like they are lacking because Martha Stewart Livingston is not there.That's where she should be.
So I just I'm just graceful.I'm mad at like what I've missed out on in this years of my life.
Like I should have had Martha guiding me and I don't and I didn't have that guidance when she said that she got put in solitary for 24 hours in the food and water because she accidentally she didn't know that this person was a guard and touch their necklace being like you necklace.
I was shook.It's so crazy.She's very tough.Oh, and that piece of shit.Google guy, Microsoft Charles.Yeah.I didn't realize that they had dated for so long.
He didn't visit her in jail, and then he broke up with her, like, laying naked in bed.
And, like, sent her a jet to pick her up from jail, which was very generous, but only to break up with her.
Yeah, but she could have had her own jet, but also, like, who—this just, like, speaks to, like, I think Hollywood stuff, like, rich people stuff, where it's like, I'm sleeping with someone, and I'm letting you know that I'm engaged to someone else, and that's why I'm breaking up with you, but I'm also engaged, but we—
But you're my girlfriend, by the way, for 15 years, but I'm engaged.
It's insane.No, and that's what she said also about Ina Garten when she was on Watch What Happens Live.So many people really abandoned her because the stink of being a convict.
And she ran in hoity-toity, fancy business lifestyle circles, and people didn't want that.And so that was probably another huge hit, even getting out of prison.You're free, but nobody wants to be near you.Yeah.
Which ends up being a blessing, by the way.
Yeah, and she has herself.She's so strong.I don't know, I liked how she wouldn't even make herself a victim for one second.Even with her husband cheating on her, that's just a tough person mentality, and I think it's really admirable.
She was so funny, talking about how horrible it was to be cheated on, and the guy was like, you also had an affair, though, yes?And she's like, yeah, but he was Irish.She's so funny.No, she was like, he never knew.
And they were like, no, we spoke to him, he knew.He knew. And he was a mensch, like, yeah, it didn't end right, but he, like, loved her and he supported her, he let her do whatever she wanted.
Yeah, but he had an affair with the girl who worked for her on their property.That's not menschy.Yeah, but she had an affair too.That's not menschy.
It was an imperfect marriage.I wouldn't say mensch.No, I wouldn't say mensch.
But I would say, you know, they hurt each other.
Yeah, I just, like, loved him for, like, picking her out and loving her, like, instantly and marrying her and really bringing her up in this world.
And she was able to do so much that she never would have been able to do without, like, sort of the access and the lifestyle that he gave her.
Or it might have just taken her longer, but she got to take a few steps forward. Yeah, and so for that, I like him.Yeah, and he let her, like, do whatever with Turkey Hill.Literally.I love Turkey Hill.I know.
She's such a queen.I love her.
I know.I just want, like, to consume more of her, but, like, where can I find it?I know.We need Martha back.I guess she has her show with Snoop now, but it's, like, more, like, gamesy.And it's not on anymore.
I want the education that she's promised us.Yeah, we need Magnolia Network to pick her up.We do.
Just Martha in the kitchen teaching.So those were the Fast Five stories that you needed to know.
And now it's time for Queenie and Weenie of the Week, our favorite time of the week, where Jackie and I just sort of sit back and take at a glance look at the week.And we deliver two awards, Queenie of the Week and Weenie of the Week.
Someone who acted like a queenie and somebody acted like a weenie.It's not that serious.It's just like meant to be a fun little game.It's a seven day title.We're having fun.So let's start with Queenie. My Queenie is, of course, Martha Stewart.
She's an honorable mention for me, but she's actually not my Queenie.
Oh, well, I'll just wrap up the conversation we just had about her because, um, I couldn't, like... It's hard not to let a Friday episode influence Queenie and Weenie, but, like, after what I saw last night, like, she's absolutely the Queenie of my week.
I agree, she deserves it, and I'm glad you gave it to her because I wanted to give my Queenie to Chessie Soffer, who made Toast to Ween so funny and so great and was so down to play, down to clown, and brought so much joy to so many people.
I was literally in the tub hours after Toast to Ween, cracking up, people just tagging me in their stories, random moments filming Ben throughout the episode.Chessie is a Queenie, and she deserves the title.Yeah, she deserves the world.
Now, my weenie is kind of directly in response to your queenie.
My weenie is James Comey.Yeah.You know, I didn't have a weenie of the week.I went through everything.You know, I oriented myself to the week, my photos, and then also reading the descriptions of our episodes.That's usually where the weenie finds me.
And there was no weenie this week until one Jim's James Coney.
My runner up weenie of the week was going to be us for dropping the ball on deer toasters.But compared to what James Comey did to Martha Stewart.That's nothing. Nothing.Also, it's weenie like behavior.
Like if you're not good enough at your job for like a promotion, then that's, just say that.But trying to build a career off the backs of successful women and successfully destroying them for your own personal gain is disgraceful.
You are a piece of shit.And Martha Stewart is a queen.
Yes, and if you really couldn't find some real corruption on Wall Street to charge, do better.Well, then you're not very good at your job.
That's what I'm saying.We're not very good lawyers, are we?He's clearly like inept and just took an easy way out.And everyone wanted to take down Martha.She was at the top of her game.She was a powerful woman.She wasn't like nice.So it was easy.
You know, the press was down. That doesn't make you good at your job, it makes you a scoundrel and a weasel.Scoundrel and a weenie.So Martha, we will protect you.She's like on our list of people we will heretofore protect.Yes, yes, yes.
Oh actually, I can't believe we have talked about Martha Stewart for literally 45 minutes and I have not shared the fact that I sat next to Martha Stewart at a dinner party and I actually did stand up in front of Martha Stewart.
Remember when we sat next to her at dinner and she left Margo's phone case?
Yes, yes, yes, but she was at a restaurant.I forgot about that.She was at a restaurant, and we happened to be seated at the next booth to her.No, no, I was at the same party as her.It was a dinner party, and we sat next to each other.
And she was a queen, and then the host of the dinner party was like, Claudia, just stand up.Should we have her do a joke?And I seriously wanted to kill him, but I did it.What'd you say?
I was about to release my special, so I did a little bit for my special.Which one?Which bit? about vaping on the plane.And I had my vape with me.Martha thought it was hilarious.Like she was cracking up when I called the flight attendant to see UNT.
And then like, I was also seated next to her.So we were just like chatting all day and it was amazing.And I just can't believe I talked about her this entire time without inserting myself.That's how powerful Martha is.
It's true.I hadn't even thought like, Yeah, she liked Margo's phone case.What does Margo's phone case say?Don't fucking touch me.
It's a heart and it says don't fucking touch me and Margo's phone was flipped over on the table because we don't use our phones at dinner and she picked it up and she loved it.Yeah, Martha was like that's funny.
Now knowing her, yeah, she should get that phone case.
Yeah, I don't think she, I don't even know.
I know it's so personal to her, so she's gonna have her criticisms of it, but I think that if it takes off in the way that I think it will, it just came out yesterday or the day before, I think it will be another sort of kindling, like how the Justin Bieber roast was for her.
It will ignite, I think, another wave of Martha obsession.
1,000% and really nothing that comes next could ever make right what happened.But we could start with a billion.
How about we start with a billion and we'll work, but adjust it for inflation and for the years she would have spent investing with all her good tips.
Right.By the way, that's also what she was saying when she was like hanging, she was like, I started hanging out with billionaires through, I forget what it was.
And she was like, and these were, you know, back in the day to be a billionaire, not that being a billionaire now is anything to scoff at, but like because of inflation and things like that, like back in the day, a billionaire,
was a billionaire, she was like, it was different.
Yeah, so let's start paying her back.Where can I subscribe?Where can I send the check?
That's our show, that's our week.You guys, thank you so much for another fabulous week of the Toast of the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.
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Love ya, bye.Have a great weekend.
