Today I’m launching my podcast (!!), and I must admit I’ve never been more terrified about a new venture as I am about this first episode. Not only am I experimenting with a new medium, but today I’m also sharing my own story with food. And it’s complicated.

Food is my creative outlet; it’s my favorite pleasure; and it’s the focus of my career. And while I currently experience freedom and ease around food, for several years of my life it was my biggest source of anxiety and stress. In this episode I share my story—how a deep-seated fear over my body resulted in borderline anorexia for years in my late teens and early twenties; how I denied that period of history out of shame when I went to culinary school; how I had to confront my past as a new mom with massive digestive issues; how food has became a source of healing, connection and self care. How this is a practice. How it takes compassion.

I’ve never shared this full story, and it’s incredibly scary. But although my story is unique to me, I also know that it’s not abnormal. Almost everybody I know has had a complicated relationship to food at some point in their lifetime. If this is you, please know that you are not alone.

The stresses that we have around food don’t come from us, but from sources outside ourself. We are deeply conditioned around food and our bodies, from the media, to our culture, our families, our religions, social media influencers, food corporations, wellness companies… the list goes on (see last week’s newsletter). In sharing my story I hope that we can begin to talk about food and our bodies and in a more open way, and I hope that together we can begin to untangle some of the webs that have ensnared us into believing that our bodies aren’t good enough. We don’t need to use food as a way to control our bodies, but we can use food as a way to care for our bodies in a rich, loving way.

Please me know if you give this episode a listen (I’ve also included a transcription below). If you’d like to share your own story in the comments, I am here for you. I will hold space and listen with love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing the same.

* Mind, Body, Spirit, FOOD newsletter: https://mindbodyspiritfood.substack.com/

* Find Nicki on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nickisizemore/

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