Good morning, millennials.Welcome back to the Toasterween 2024 extravaganza.I'm Halle Parker.
No, you're not.What's her last name?Annie James, Annie James.Oh, I did know that.I'm Annie James.And we are joined with special guest.
Oh, hello, I'm Aunt Jessie. Oh and Jessie is here!Hello!
What's her last name?Jessie Doubtfire Garten Kelsey.
Oh and Jessie is here to see you both.It's so good to see you.
By the way, everybody says Chessie with a C. It's a J. Her name is fucking Jessie.
You look it up, you Google.It's Jessie with a J. Why do people say Chessie with a C?
Then you might want to take several seats.It's literally Chessie.Google it.I love that none of us know the names of our characters.Excuse me, none of us.I literally knew my name.Actually, check it.It's Chessie.
You're positive it's Chessie?
Yes.I was getting ready.That's what makes the lore so strong.If she were Jessie, she'd be any other Jessie. Jackie as I was getting dressed today.I literally had to say Alexa I could not remember Hallie's last name.
Like I knew Annie James and I literally said Alexa.What is uh, What the fuck's her name Annie's Hallie's last name and Parker?
Yes, Nick Parker my daddy Legend so funny as I googled Annie James this morning like for accessory ideas and then I forgot my own name.
So Ben and I are in the same studio.We are on different cameras.You just it's important to know what's really going on behind the scenes at toes to wean it is six Thousand degrees in this place.
We are both wearing You have no idea how hot it is.
Oh, you have no idea on my face time like Claudia We always have this angle, but Chessie looks like I can't breathe.She's been taken hostage.Oh
I can't breathe, this is like the tightest.Look at this sweat mark, can you see?I have under-boob sweat marks.
It's so hot in here.So hot.It's giving summer kids, and it's giving cross transatlantic continental podcasting, which is so parent trap coded.
We have one fan, and I was very generous, because Chessie was already sweating through her shirt when we got here.But Ben, I am letting you know, we will be sharing that fan.
You have no idea how hot it is over here.You have no idea.
Chessie's bosom is moist.
No, Claude, do you see?No, Addie, do you see?
Do you see Ben's sweat mark?
It's getting bigger.Look, look.Listen, it's that summertime Napa Valley heat.
It's that summertime Napa Valley heat.And you know, growing up on a vineyard with my servant, Jesse, I obviously know what it's like to exist in the warm climates.And I travel a lot because my dad is really wealthy.So I'm only at this camp for fun.
I'm spending the rest of the summer at my vineyard.Most of us are at this camp for fun.I would hope so.
Nick Parker is so rich, not enough people talk about how rich he is.
They both are, both the parents.Independently wealthy, and then when they come together, blended.By the way, alternate title for The Parent Trap, Three Identical Strangers.Or blended.
Yeah, like the way they were both so wealthy, it's better, because if they had gotten separated and one had to go with a poor parent and one went with a rich parent, that wouldn't have been fair.
No, it was just really like two completely different lifestyles, but both at a very high level of living.
at a very high level of living.
So happy Toast-O-Ween, everyone.The day is here.Halloween.What fun.
Yeah, and it's nice.I like October because I celebrate Toast-O-Ween, but also my birthday, October 11th.My birthday is October 11th. Halle, we're not sisters.We're twins, Basil.
And by the way, I know a lot of you guys think that I'm Annie Parker, the twin from The Vineyard.The Vineyard twin.However, that's just what you think.
However, you look like the camper from The Camper and the Counselor.
I do, because she's kind of wacky looking.What do you mean?
You know, but she has like wild red hair.Like my hair is really insane in this wig.
No, you really look like her.I think you should tell people that to you.And the uniforms are also green and white.And is Ben the counselor?
I look like Sadie Sink's older brother in Stranger Things.
Is that her brother?Yeah.Does that make Ben count as Mitch? Yeah, because counselor Stitch has like a sexy physique.Yes, always showing off her bosom.Right.Hmm.
How scary is this tank top?
Thanksgiving maps.Amazon's finest.You love that shirt when you're dressing like a lady.
I don't think that there could be a thicker version of this shirt, though, Jackie.The thin one that we wore for Ina Garten was nice and thin, very Olivia.This one, this is a coat!This is a winter coat.
That's not your Ina Garten shirt?
No, that Ina Garten shirt is long gone.It's probably at your house.
Wow, and I wonder, what did you wear for Donna Kelsey?
Oh, you wore Jenny Kay in cashmere.I bet you were so hot that day.At least you're not wearing cashmere.
I think it was cold that day.
Oh, you look fantastic as Donna.I just pulled it up.
It's such a shame, 80 degrees in New York on Halloween.What are you?
It's so true.Ben is also wearing like an excessive amount of House Labs blush and a Makeup by Mario lipstick.
It does.You've got a lovely blush to you, a lovely sheen.So out of all the ladies you've played over the years, who's your favorite?
Like, I am Ina Garten in my soul.How easy is that?But the Doubtfire Donna Kelsey was really fun.Ooh, my sons.Sugar in my sons.
Sugar in my sons.I just want to say all of the women that you're playing are the elk of the same woman.It's true. It's so true, very maternal spirit.Even Chessie, she's always whipping shit up in that kitchen.
A kitchen is not an unfamiliar place to them.Home and hearth, a big chili.Chessie loves a chili.
Chessie loves a chili and her golden retriever.We should have brought Romeo.Should have brought him.They had a dog.
Romeo could have cosplayed as a golden retriever.
If Margot still worked for us, she would obviously be Meredith Blake.Obviously.Somewhere out there, she is being Meredith Blake.She literally was born Meredith Blake.
I'm just saying justice for Martin.Martin was a strong character.
Martin's your man.Stand by your man, Chessie.
Martin's a strong character with those leather pants.
Although it would make more sense for Ben, in the context of the three of us, to be my servant, not yours.Of course.And he has to be a woman.How boring.Oh, of course.Of course.
But I was telling my friends, I went to dinner with my high school friends, what is toast to weed?And I was like, we're being Annie and Halle, and Ben is being Chessie.They're like, not Martin.I'm like, no, you don't understand.
He has to play a woman.He has to.
I don't know what it says about myself.I love dressing as a woman.
You know who else I love dressing as a woman?
Very good.And Bruce Salford.
And we're in trouble.And we're in trouble, but.No, I feel like I can make jokes because I feel like Caitlyn Jenner actually appreciates those jokes, like she thinks they're funny.
1,000% and because Ben is an ally who loves to dress like a woman.It's so true.I'm an ally.
And you do, and from the back, it's actually very funny to see Ben, like today when he put on the wig for the first time and then he walked, he turned around and walked away, like seeing from the back, this like six foot broad, it is so funny.
In person, you guys, and the wig is, It's not 100%, you know?They don't have a Chessy wig.
Like, it was, you had to really... This wig, I'm sorry, this wig is a Shonda.
I think you've never looked better.
This wig is a complete shame.
But I'm just saying, she doesn't have these bangs, does she?
She does, it's like very 90s Farrah Fawcett, but you look more like Morgan Wallen.And you didn't... That's who it is.
You didn't shave for the occasion. It's funnier when he's a bearded lady.
No, I'm Chessie Chesthair.Chessie Chesthair. Let me just pull it down a little.How's that?
Oh my god.And by the way, this is the first show.Ben is going to be here for however long we want him to be.We set up a whole little studio for him.He's literally right next to me.We're pretending like we're not in the same room.
We're literally right next to each other.And I think Ben's going to stick around for the stories.OK.Not a little sprinkle of Chessie on the stories.That's what they need.Yeah.And Ben, feel free to chime in or just scroll on your phone.
What are the Fast Five?What are we talking about, ladies?
Yeah, what are we chatting about, gal pals?Ooh, what are we chatting about, gal pals?Oh no, it's where Mrs. Doubtfire turns Jamaican at some point?
You just said Irish and Jamaican.She is Irish.
Yeah, no, that sounds right.That feels right.
What are we talking about, gal pals?Let's get into it.
Honestly, Chessie was a little overbearing.
I know, but Annie needed that sort of... Guidance.Boundaries in her life.
Yeah, I mean, I just prefer my servants, like, a little more relaxed.What are you gonna do?It's also really crazy that, like, both girls had servants.
Like, because Chessie was a little above and beyond.She wasn't just, like, a nanny.She was, like, a cook and a clean-in.And Martin was dressed like a full-grown... Martin was a straight-up butler.
Butler, yeah.But I guess that's, like, in a single-parent household, like, they had, like, they definitely needed additional childcare. So true.So they arrived at the same conclusion.Correct.Just branded a bit differently.Yeah.
You actually look like the twin, like with the headband, the whole thing.
Thank you.This is the most comfortable tostoween I've ever had.How nice.
I honestly thought you looked great.
No, this wig is amazing to me.Should I go red?I think you maybe should. And I feel like today, because we're always talking about redhead representation, I feel like we're really doing the most for the redhead community.
Yes, which we need the most.At dark times like this.It's so true.
And by the way, yesterday when we were going through all of our Toast-O-Ween costumes over the years, we did forget Viserys and Daemon Targaryen.We did.So good.Does that make it our most forgettable?Because we literally forgot it.I guess so.
Don't wipe your lipstick off.They're all really 10 out of 10, so like, fine, you want to find a 9.9 in there?Fine.It's so true, but it's crazy.
I'm not wiping my lipstick.I was wiping the sweat off of my upper brow.
OK, but I literally saw you wipe your lipstick, and now you have lipstick stain.I mean, upper lip.Because you wiped it on your pants.Honestly, it's so Chessie.Oh, crap.She's kind of a mess.Oh, crap.Messy.
Messy Chessie.Messy Chessie.
So Morgan Wallen, Annie, and Hallie are so excited to be here today.Happy toast to you and happy Halloween.I can't believe it's finally Halloween, honestly.It's been Halloween for three weeks.
People started so early.I don't like Halloween on a Thursday.I'm calling it.
Did you tell the story, Claude, to the toasters of the hooligans below?
She did.Last Saturday night, she did.Of course I did.And honestly, let's not go there anywhere else.Let's round up the dreadful things we did this week, okay?
That was the worst night of my life.Hang on.
I saw a lot of comments about this yesterday, aside from my audio, which I believe is fixed.But the 45-minute conversation about the creators list, which we did address at the end of the episode yesterday, if you made it there.
Maybe some of you fell off before that.And we apologize.That went on too long.
That went on too long. And that's on us and our personal interests and really not being able to separate our personal interests from the interests of the toasters.And it's usually just a big circle.
There is a sliver outside of the circle, I guess.We couldn't read the room because there's nobody in here.And for that, we apologize deeply.
Ben, have you cooled down like I have?I'm OK right now.
I can't breathe.You could literally make a soup with the amount of water under my breasts.
Do you want to take your blouse off?
I don't think the people are ready for that.That'll be the end of the show.
Make yourself comfortable.Yeah, I guess we can't let it get off the rails.We haven't even started.We haven't even started.Martin, we haven't even started.
And by the way, do you think Martin and Chessie were well-suited for one another?
I don't think so either.I think he was like Mr. Right Now.You know, he's there, he's a warm body.There's really no one else around.They're gonna be together for the rest of their lives.Let's make a go of it.It's convenient.
There was honestly a 0% chance that Martin liked women.That's just not a thing.I looked at them and I was like, This is mismatched.
Like, if anything... I think you're mistaking, like, British for gay.
Like, they're just different over there, you know?
That never occurred to me, though now that you say it, it seems kind of obvious.However, Chessie was not like other women.
Chessie is an all-American woman.
She was all-American for sure.
I'm so excited for our camping trip.I'm so excited for our camping trip.Chessie, what kind of treats are you going to be packing for us?
Oreos and peanut butter, of course.For you fat bitches.
That sounds great, honestly.I know Meredith will really appreciate it.Chessie, what do you think about Meredith?
I think Meredith is a stupid cunt.Like, she's so fucking mean to my, what's his name, Dennis?No, that's literally his name.
He's, she's so fucking mean to my Nick.I feel like Jermay, private school girl.
And by the way, there is a subplot within the film of obviously Chessie being in love with Nick Parker, correct?
Yes, but I think she realized a long time ago it's just not gonna happen for her when he likes like 26 year old bitches.PR girls, yeah.
That's really how it should have ended, though, with me and Nick Parker.
Elizabeth.What a queen she was.
Oh my god, we've literally not even spoken about Elizabeth this whole time.Your mother.Yeah, she's kind of in the background, but... She's a simple woman like that.
Did they, like, intentionally name her Elizabeth so that we would, like, draw royal comparisons?
So, actually, that's so interesting because I feel like when we were, like, now when I think about Elizabeth James, like, she is so, like, reminds me of Princess Diana.I feel like I can't keep the two apart.
Actually, there's a whole generation of young girls who grew up thinking that the mom from Parent Trap was Princess Diana.
Me.William and Harry have said that the character reminds them so much of their mom and they used to watch it as a source of comfort.Yeah, I don't know if it was one or both of them, but, like, they've said it too. Oh, that's so sweet.Yeah.
No, it definitely is not just us.But yeah, there's definitely some intentional confusion.Intentional confusion.
Well, we actually have a lot to get into today.So Annie, Hallie, and Chessie will, of course, be a part of this entire episode.But Jax Claude and Ben are going to be diving into the Fast Five, because we still have a job to do.
You know, a toaster ween is kind of the perfect balance of fun and work hard, play hard.
Yeah, work hard, play hard, read ads, tell stories.Of course.
Oh my, Chessie thinks you're hilarious.Chessalish!
That was pretty good gal pal, pretty good.
Gal pal.Okay, well now without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know. And the Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by Carraway.
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Thank you Cotton.Look at Ben's sexy shoulder.I had to take out my shoulders.I couldn't breathe.I realized also this costume could double. With a big boom.
Boom, double up, boom, boom.Boom, boom, boom.A lot of people thought we were going to be the Costco guys for Halloween, and it definitely was like a top three idea.And if we had been, whom do we think we each would have been?
Ben obviously would have been the Rizzler. I think I should have been the Rizzler.
I was going to say, I want to have been able to have been the Rizzler.But I would have needed to have been Big AJ.I'd have no choice.I'm just the tallest.And one of you shorter ladies would have needed to have been the Rizzler.
I think you are AJ.Big AJ is the kid.Buddy is Big Justice.And I'm the Rizzler.Wait, AJ?No, it's not Big AJ.
It's AJ and Big Justice.Big Justice is the kid, though.Yeah, which do you want to be, Ben?AJ.
I have to be AJ, but I want to be the Rizzler.
I want to be AJ.Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.Have you ever heard him laugh?It's fucking crazy.
I did when I met him.He was laughing up a storm.
Oh, who was I talking to last night that, like, literally Jackie met the Costco guys and it's the craziest thing on the planet?
I don't met the Rizzler, though.I think Taylor Donahue.And the Rizzler is kind of just, like, off on the side, sometimes there, sometimes not.They, like, go.Yeah.So that would be, like, perfect for me, because you guys are in the room together.
And then, like, I'm the Rizz.
I'm the Rizz with the Rizz.
The Rizzler Jackie's on a torpedo to fame.This kid, did you see him on Fallon?
It's insane that they were on here in Fallon.
Oh my God, he literally sat there, just like in his big chair by himself.You had AJ and Big Justice together.It was the Rizzlers show.He sat next to Fallon.He showed Fallon how to do the Rizz.
I feel like, I can never remember which fucking twin I am.I'm Halle.I feel like Halle Parker showing a little vag.I'm just gonna go fix my shorts off camera.You two talk amongst yourselves.
Yeah, Chessie's showing breast, I'm showing vag.
Isolation cabin for you.Okay.Not the naughty version of Parent Trap. So what's up, Riz?I'm back.Oh.
You're the chiseler, Chessie Rizler.I'm the chiseler.
OK, let's get into the stories, because first up, we have some exciting news.
And I actually feel like, Chessie, you might be able to weigh in, because it's a blend of celebrity and sports news, because Nina Dobrev and Sean White are engaged after nearly five years together.
I really like this couple, and I wasn't waiting for them to get engaged.I don't know why they just give the vibe of forever young, we don't need marriage, I like to snowboard for a living.I didn't think that they were on the traditional trajectory.
He does snowboard for a living.This is added to the list that we can never remember of couples who separately I don't really participate in their work, but together I ship wholeheartedly.
That's exactly who they are.I never watched Vampire Diaries.Ben was obsessed with Sean White.Obsessed. You kind of look like Sean White with the wig.
I was just going to say, I kind of look like Sean White.
If you put on Claudia's wig.
I kind of look like Sean White, or a version of him.You look like Sean White's mom.When I tell you a young me was so fucking obsessed with Sean White, he is unbelievable.Those half pipes, those X game runs, those Olympic runs, he's incredible.
That said, I thought they were married already.They've been together, it feels like, for a very long time.
Five years is like a long time to then get engaged, because you think if someone's dating for five years, oh, they're not doing the marriage thing.The marriage material.But now they're going to get engaged, and I guess married?
I feel like some people get engaged just to get engaged, don't you find?
Have you seen that video?
Yeah, by the way, Jackie, getting engaged in Hollywood isn't what it means.If you get engaged in the real world, you're most likely getting married.If you get engaged in Hollywood, it's just new jewelry, and maybe you'll get married, but.
Yeah, I feel like someone got engaged recently, and I'm like, I don't see these two planning a wedding, hiring a wedding planner.Channing and Kravitz?No, no, because she was married, and he was married.They obviously do marriage.Yeah.Someone else.
I'm like, they're not like, you know. going to the chapel, gonna get married.
Have you seen the Sean White biopic on Netflix, Jackie?
We weirdly have.We watched it.It's fantastic.That family, like they would literally sleep in their car so he could compete and win.He's so impressive.Like the true American dream.Love him.
Ben is obsessed.Like Ben, if you could have like done anything in this life, like that's what it would have been, right?
If I could have been like an Olympic snowboarder,
Or like skateboard or like that culture, you know?Yes, sick.BMX.
I loved it.I thought that's what like high school kids like wore.Like I showed up to the first day of high school like wearing skateboarding sneakers and skateboarding shorts.And that's why nobody talked to me.
And no, by the way, Ben had hair much like the wig that he is currently wearing.He had so much hair.He was like an obese ninth grader with his skateboarding outfit like.
What does skateboarding sneakers and shorts look like?Is that not a band?Jackie, you'll know.Ben, what's the brand?Google it.CDC.No.
Jackie, it will literally.The CDC.
Jackie, this sneaker will light bulb in your brain.Such a classic look.Okay, DC shoes.
Yeah.DC skateboarding shoes.
Yeah, because they're giving me on clouds instead.They've taken over the search, clearly.
Oh, I know. Oh, no, Chessie.Yeah. Oh my goodness.
I would say that they were dark times, but I remember them fondly.They were fantastic.
I wouldn't say that they were dark times.I feel like you were so unburdened by any sort of self-awareness or self-doubt.And I mean this in a positive way.I think a lot of people at that age are so crippled with what other people think of them.
And then there are people who just do not give a fuck.And Ben was raised to just have self-assurance.And he just walked into that first day.That was his interest.Didn't he look like the typical skateboarder? No.
I had just watched Brink.I thought this was my time.I thought me and my friends were going to compete.Little did I know I went to a Jewish private school and nobody wanted to look like that.
Got it.That is so funny.Yeah, you were barking up the wrong tree.Similar to how Jackie and I really wanted to be cheerleaders who went to football games.Meanwhile, we went to Yeshiva, the Geneva cheerleading squad, or a football team.
Right, right.Nothing.Cure Act.Feel free to cheer in the basement.
Feel free to cheer on your own time.
Wigs are so itchy.Like, it's insane.
Next year, can we do Glee?I want to be Sue Sylvester.
Ooh, I'll be Roz Washington.And I'll be Mr. Shue.
We'll represent the faculty.
I know.Do you think part of the reason I hate Mr. Shue more than the average person is because I see a little bit of myself in him?Rejection? Yeah.
No, I don't.Okay.I think he's super hateable.Oh, okay, okay, thanks.Yeah, yeah.
Are you ready for our next story?So Mazel Tov to the happy couple, like.I'm actually really happy for them, and they will have a star-studded wedding.They're not gonna have a registry, you know what I mean?
No, no, but they will have a star-studded wedding, and they're definitely getting married on, like, top of the mountain.So you think they're getting married?Oh, I'm sorry, if they get married.Yeah, I hope they get married.
Like, you know, Kelly and Miles, Aaron Rodgers, they like run in that crew.
Yeah. So 50-50 in terms of marriage.
We watched the episode of Glee last night where Finn's mom and Kurt's dad got married.So cute.
It's like such a great show and such a terrible show all at once.
It's so true.We talk about it all the time.And me and Ben, we've pretty much come to the conclusion that the worst member of Glee Club is Kurt.But I'm pretty sure that's like a universal truth.
No, that is not who the worst member is.
No, I know who Ben's gonna say.
The worst member is Artie.By far.
Okay, let me explain.Homophobic and ableist.No, let me explain.
This is my problem.No, no, no.Artie, if they just cast a real handicapped person, I'd be rooting for him.That said, whoever that actor was, he can walk.
So all I think of every time I see him is, okay, eyesore, you can walk, get out of that wheelchair.But if he really
It's funny that you said homophobic and ableist because the point of Glee is like no matter who we would have chosen you would have said like, you're anti-Latino, you're anti-Semitic.
Right, every single person except for I guess like Rachel and Finn.
All I know is it was a shame that they didn't cast a truly handicapped person.
Rachel's a Jew, yeah.I guess Finn is the only one who's like nothing.
He's heteronormative.Was.Cognonormative.What's the word?Neurotypical.Neurotypical.
Bad brother.Bad brother.Bad friend.Bad friend.Yeah.
Yeah.He didn't- To Kurt.He didn't defend Kurt up against, uh- Karofsky.
What's his name?Karofsky.Karofsky.And- We're up to the part where Kurt is getting, like, relentlessly bullied by this piece of shit, like, who's such a good actor, I want to reach to the screen and actually kill him with my own two hands.
Like, he's so fucking evil.
Awful.Awful.And what does Artie do?Just sit there.
really can't do much else.
Well, I think after Glee aired, like it ushered in an era, not because of Glee, but just like times change where it was like, if someone is something you shouldn't have, like a straight person play a gay part or all these things.
And I think that this Glee has been marred in scandal a little bit because already in real life could walk.And I think if it happened now, like they would have chose someone truly handicapped.
Yeah, by the way, they literally have no roles. What'd you say?
No, you're right.Like they have no roles.
Like it's like the nicest.It's like a gift to be able to write in a handicapped person and cast a handicapped person because they have no roles and they choose this incredibly ugly capable person.Ben!I'm sorry.Holy shit.I'm sorry.I'm sorry.
But he's like so normal looking.Like, what are you talking about?
I said what I said.I said what I said.Hurts my heart.
Chessie wants to trash talk today.
First and last toast-a-ween where Ben stays the whole time.
Why too unhinged?I'm bringing in a little bit too much of the good guys.
Oh, is that what that is?
Oh yeah, we go crazy over there.If you guys want to listen, Chessie's going there next.
What are you doing on good guys next?
It's a great question.Yesterday, we actually had Yvette Brown on, who was Helen in Drake and Josh from the movie theater.Yes.It was really fun.That was really fun.So tune in when that comes on.
Just big things over at Good Guys.That is a big thing.She was also in Community.Did you ever watch Community?No, we started it once, like 10 years ago, and immediately didn't like it.
I don't think Ben, I don't think Claudia, you would have the patience for it, but Ben, you would fucking love it.
Okay, yeah, I know you love Community.
I watched it when I was on, and I loved it, and then Zach did a rewatch recently, so I would like let him finish out his episode in the bedroom, and so, so good.
Wow.Cloud, maybe we need to try it.
Maybe.No, it might just be like a Ben Solo mission.
That doesn't happen.Like, I have nowhere to watch.
No, that frame is literally meant for art.
It's art.I mean, we watch the TV in the living room and in the second bedroom, but he has nowhere to watch.
Of course, but I'm always in the bathroom.
You don't watch any shows that Ben doesn't watch, Claudia?Of course I do, but I watch way more TV than Ben.Got it.
So you don't watch anything that your wife... I watch only what she watches, and then she watches more.
Yeah, it's a nice life.No, it's fine.I'm exposed to shows I would never have watched.I love Only Murders in the Building.We just finished it.Fantastic.
By the way, did we get through one story or two?We got through one story.Okay, let's keep it moving.
Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, okay.Ben thinks that this is the Ben show.Yeah, my bad.Oh, whoa, whoa!I like this show, and I'm doing the good guys.Whoa!Please, we don't care.Whoa!
Whoa!Okay, next story. Kiki Palmer is revealing she was shocked to see her ex's comment about her Usher concert attire.
So Kiki Palmer did an interview with People Magazine in this week's cover story and she opened up about what really happened when she attended Usher's hit concert last year and how she handled the fallout with her ex.
So for those who don't remember, Kiki Palmer was in a relationship, had a baby, all seemed well until her boyfriend went on Twitter and was like, what are you wearing to the Usher concert?You're a mom.
Yeah, it was like kind of the loseriest thing on the planet.And it was just like the first in a, uh, the first card to fall because eventually the whole thing came tumbling down and we found out what was really going on between them.
And he was like incredibly abusive.And honestly, I feel like we as a society moved on from that too quickly because it was seriously one of the craziest things on the planet.
Yeah.His tweet said, it's the outfit though.Dot, dot, dot.You a mom to her, which was wearing like a Givenchy dress at an usher concert looking part.She looks sick. looking pargy as hell.So she says for her part, quote, I was speechless.
I was at a photo shoot and everybody was looking all weird.I was like, are y'all good?And then I randomly was on my phone and I saw it was so crazy.I didn't want to engage with something that wasn't reality and fan the fire.
In her opinion, I was just at a concert doing what I do as an entertainer, creating a fun moment.How it became a storyline that me and Usher are in love, I don't know.I wish, honestly.They were, in fact, not in love and never have been.However,
She says, as we all know, things are never really what they seem.As for what contributed to the end of her unhealthy relationship with Jackson, she blames the stress of new parenting, and she says, I imagine fame.
She says that fame, it's always been a monkey on my back all my life.I'm used to it, but I've always known, and not just with my romantic relationships, but with my family, my friends, fame has always become a burden.
I mean, that's incredibly magnanimous of her, because like, no, what ruined the relationship is him being a big fat loser, not like fame or like stress.
But this is, you know, the father of her child and I guess that's like a role she takes really seriously and she's not gonna like disgrace him publicly even though like I would fully support.
Yeah, there's only so much she's gonna say but there's also a lot that we know just because of what's out there so she's like addressing the obvious things while also being respectful.Protecting her family.Yeah, respectful to her child mostly.
Yeah, and that's huge of her.
And seriously could never be me.
It takes a lot of self-restraint.
It does, it does.And she's doing a lot of press because she has a book coming out and I imagine it's hard to avoid questions like this because it was this big thing last year.And honestly, it's so crazy.
Yeah, yeah, it really is.What do you think, Chessie?
Straight from Chessie's mouth.
You heard it.No, like, why is he being mean to her?No, not good.Not good.You're just, like, going out on the town, trying to look good, and then all of a sudden your man's coming and stomping on your good night.
You're typing publicly on X nonetheless.
Yeah, Chessie doesn't like that.Fuck that shit.Chessie doesn't roll that way.Chessie.Fuck that shit.Chessie, what kind of woman are you in a relationship?Are you, like, very independent?
I'm gonna fuck him up in the relationship.That's what I'm gonna do.
Oh, Chessie's from the wrong side of the tracks.
Okay.Thanks, Chess.Chessie, what's your love language?
My love language is a fist bump.
Oh, okay.Very Sue Sylvester of you.That is clearly so Chessie coded.
Yeah, me and Martin, we bump fists.
Bump uglies.And uglies, yeah. Well, our next story, some relationship news, because Ethan Slater, the man formerly known as Spongebob, who's Aria, this is, I'm like- What do you mean former?It was a former role.
Um, Chessie, so you know Ariana Grande has a new man, she met him on the set of Wicked.He probably looks like one of the kids in your high school who was also wearing DC Sneak. 1000%!He's shocked to know that he's dating Ari.
Meanwhile, they were both in marriages.He had just had a baby when they met.And the timeline is really weird, but Ari maintains nothing nefarious happened, even though that's virtually impossible.But OK, she's seriously like, if you guys only knew.
So I'm trying to hold space for that.
She will seriously take this to her grave.She is not letting up on the timeline being acceptable.
Without telling us anything.So anyways, now Ari's dating this guy, Ethan Slater. And Wicked is coming out.
He was like a relatively unknown actor.He had played Spongebob on Broadway, like really small potatoes.
Oh, wait, he wasn't even I thought he was the voice of Spongebob.He played Spongebob on Broadway?Yeah.
The voice of Spongebob, I'm surprised you don't know.He's like a 75 year old gay man.He's like kind of an icon.
And he's probably rolling in it.And that would be a catch.Correct.Yeah.But no.So she's dating this guy.
who's in Wicked, so now they're all doing this Wicked press, and he's doing press of his own, and he's being asked a lot of questions, and he's reacting to speculation that her song Imperfect for You is about him.
So she put out an album last year called Eternal Sunshine, just wanna say it's ES, which is also Ethan Slater, and a lot of the songs are about her crumbling relationship, just like about her, and she has this song Imperfect for You that people think is about him.
So he did an interview with GQ, and when asked about the song's lyrics, he didn't exactly reveal if it's about him.He said, quote, she's such an amazing performer, and I think everyone knows how good she is as a recording artist and all that.
But I'm just really blown away by the songwriting.I love that song, he says.
Yeah, it's not really a noteworthy interview in any way, other than the fact that he's really acknowledging Ariana as a human being and his girlfriend publicly and saying nice things about her as a songwriter and a person.
Literally every question is asked.How's the movie?Ariana's amazing in it.You guys are not gonna believe everything.
I mean, Jackie, if you, it's like, seriously, it's the equivalent of us dating Glenn Powell, okay?I would not stop talking about it too.
Yeah. But I think he's like, I think this is his media strategy, like I'm not denying anything, I'm just gonna like constantly shower her with praise.Compliment.And what can anyone say to that?
Even if it wasn't a mismatch, I'm just not sure that the boyfriend or the man would ever not just shower the wife or girlfriend with praise if asked in press.
If Claudia was doing a movie and somebody asked me what I thought, I would say she's amazing.
I don't, you know?You're similar to Ethan in the sense that you're with someone who's totally out of your league, so what? What do you make of all of this?
No, but like, if you were also in the movie, like, yes, that would be one answer to one question.But like, you would have other things to say about yourself.
But Jackie, he's such an inconsequential character.
You're right.It's very PR.It's PR driven.
But I think it's a good strategy.It's almost like word salad about Ari's amazingness.Like, we fucking get it.Thank you.
It's word salad about Ari's laziness.
And then you get fatigued by the answer, so you don't want to hear about him anymore.It's a fantastic strategy.
When does Wicked come out?
It's like out?Oh, it is?I don't know.November 11th?No, Thanksgiving.November 22nd.OK, people are talking about it like it's out.
Yeah, a lot of people have seen that they keep like hosting screenings and stuff, but it's out Thanksgiving.
Yeah, this is like a really long lead time on the PR.
I'm pretty down to see it, though.
I heard it's amazing.I just saw a headline.I am so down to see it.
Oh, bitch, I'm first in line.Like, I'm so down to see it.
My husband's gonna be excited.Oh yeah, your husband loves going to the movies.
And he's gonna be excited that I'll want to go with him to see something.
He does love the movies.And you are a good friend that you typically accompany him to the movies when you're together.
I do go with him to the movies when he wants to go to the movies.I don't.
So that's really nice of you.And you know what?Can I say something about your husband?He's so right for that.What's not to like about the movies?The snacks are amazing.
It's the right activity where you leave the house, but you get to do the thing that you do in your house, sit down and watch TV. He's, it's a good hobby.
The last time I went to the movies with Zach, I ran into Cuba Gooding Jr.getting snacks.
In the Hamptons, I ran into Cuba.
Oh, in the Hamptons, yeah.I forgot you guys went in the Hamptons.Jackie, did you see that the first celebrity named in like a P. Diddy doc, because they're saying that the celebrities, the first one named- Was it Cuba?Was Cuba.
By the way, that makes a lot of sense.
So of course, which is like, seriously, it's not a reveal.I wanna know, like, the people, we already know some of these people are dogs.Like, who are the people who were constantly showering with praise, who are dirty dogs.
So it was like a promising concept that like the first name was revealed, but it's like you can't mar someone who's already been marred.Like next up, who?Kevin Spacey, like Shocker.Harvey Weinstein.Right.
I'm sorry, what the hell was Cuba Gooding Jr.doing in Pearl Harbor?
Oh, yeah, we talked about that when we watched... What was he doing?
You can't do snow dogs in Pearl Harbor.
You can't.Listen, that's why he was as famous as he was at the time.So versatile.He had range.He had range.
Get you a guy who could do both.Are you okay?Not very L.A.of you.
He's an absolute asshole.But snow dogs, he was great.He was great.
I've actually never seen snow dogs.
It's kind of like separating the artist from the art.Like Van Gogh.
Why, what about Van Gogh is not palatable for you?
His ear, wasn't he like a psycho?
He did cut off his ear.Yeah, but he only hurt himself.
Yeah.I'm just saying he cut off his own ear, that's pretty nuts.
I feel like that's something you would do.
Maybe.Would I cut off my ear for her?
Yeah, good question.If I said to you, listen, I can't tell you how or why, but the universe will rip me from you.Like I will never see you again if you don't cut off your ear right now. And it was fully factual.I wasn't having a psychotic break.
Fuck.All right, I guess I'll cut off my ear.
And you have to be the one to physically do it.
Yeah, but he didn't cut off his ability to hear.He just cut off the top of his ear.
A chunk of the lobe, yeah.
All right, I'll ditch the top of my ear.
Are you ready for our next story, number four? Am I?I don't think so.I'm ready.
I don't think so either.It doesn't look ready.Oh my God.So unlike me to be so unprepared.Okay, is it the fourth story on Toast-O-Ween that's brought to you by Amazon Live perchance?Perchance it is.
So for those of you who live under a rock, Amazon Live is a shoppable experience on Amazon where you can learn about the hottest products from influencers and creators like meself and shop while you're watching.
So you'll find beauty must-haves, get ready with me demos, live try-ons from all the latest trends, and the Garchi Parchi swirlies, of course.
So you can tune in and ask questions in the live chat, and you'll be able to have a lot of fun and get your questions asked by whoever is streaming.So if you like tea, there's plenty of it.
They've got reality stars like Kyle Richards, Lala Kent, Paige DeSorbo.Paige actually has a new show, it's called In Bed With Paige DeSorbo, where she invites top-tier guests to join her favorite place, her bed.
Ben and I have done a ton of Amazon Lives, different categories.The most recent one we did, we actually filmed in our apartment and it was very, Ben cooked like a three-course meal for us.
We made mac and cheese and chicken sandwiches and it was super fun and all of our home cooking stuff is like from Amazon anyway, so if you're into cooking, you could watch and have fun and ask questions and then also shop all the items that we were using.
It was very Rachael Ray of us, you know, in a non-problematic sort of way. So again, if you're just looking for fun gossip, I feel like a lot of stuff goes down on Amazon Live.
You can find it from all your favorite swirlies, and you can stream and shop my channel on Amazon Live by going to amazon.com slash live slash girlwithnojob, or you can watch, enjoy the best of Amazon Live on their new live TV channel,
on Freevie or Prime Video under the DIY section, and you'll be able to shop along on your phone.
So make sure to tune in live and follow all your favorite twirlies so that you never miss a stream, because then you can ask questions live about beauty or whatever, but also just gossip.It's really fun.
Today's episode is also brought to you by Taylor Farm's Chopped Salad Kits. They deliver the freshest, best tasting salads to eat at home or on the go.So Taylor Farms is one of our favorite sponsors here.
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The sweater I wore yesterday and the day before were both from Avara, and I actually have an Avara box right outside the studio that I need to open. I'm at the stage in like the seasons where my pants never change, but my tops always do.
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Thank you, Aklada. You're welcome.Our next story, a little memoir news.Someone is writing a memoir.
Tina- The Rizzler?No, not the Rizzler, Tina Knowles.I wish.
Oh, oh my God, I had a dream about Tina Knowles over the weekend.Okay, Gabourey Sidibe locked me and Beyonce up in this tree, like we were stuck up there, me, Tina, and Beyonce, actually.And Tina.
Yeah, and the power went out on this fake island that we were on, and so everybody down below couldn't help us, because the cranes and everything couldn't operate.So me and Beyonce are stuck in this tiny branch.We can barely hold our own weights.
It was really traumatic.And then we finally get down, and we go to a pool party, and everybody's hating Gabourey Sidibe, including us.She fucking locked us up in that tree.It was really crazy.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.Well, I guess Tina Knowles is now writing a book about it.Good, good, because it was traumatic.She's sharing her memoirs, and the title is... Uh-huh.Matriarch.Okay, you know what?That's pretty strong.
It should be Memoirs of a Mama. It should be, but Maytrick is a strong one, and that really is exactly what she is.So the businesswoman, designer, and mother of Beyonce and Solange recently announced her new book.It will be available April 22nd.
She shared some details on Instagram, saying, I've always been a storyteller, and it's something I learned from my mother.
When I had a family of my own, I believed that my daughters needed to know where they came from in order to know where they were going.
I'm now ready to share my story with all of you so that we can celebrate these themes of strength, motherhood, black pride, and identity. She's a good one to write a book.
I feel like she's seen a lot, but I do think that she's probably limited in what she can share because Beyonce's so private.
Yeah, I would say like if this book couldn't, you know, be real and not just like surface lyrics, I think it would be very good.But you know, the surface lyrics do get you, wouldn't you say, Chessie?
And Chessie, who do you think is an artist right now out there who's like kind of notorious for their surface lyrics?
Blake Shelton?Are you saying that as Morgan Wallen or as Chessie?He came out swinging.
No, that's his name.Isn't that his name?Yeah.Blake Shelton?Yeah.Every single song he sings.That's like the classic surface lyric country.Like about the boots and the barn and the girl and the beer.
I feel like you're thinking of Luke Bryan.No, no, no.He's not.I am.
I am, I am, I am.Who did I say?
You said Blake Shelton.Jackie, no, he's not wrong technically, but I know that Ben doesn't have a single Blake Shelton parent.
Blake Shelton is married to Gwen Stefani?
Love him.I'm thinking Luke Bryan.
I think both.I think you kind of hit the nail on the head with Blake Shelton.
No, I watched Luke at Stagecoach come out with his backwards hat, and the beers and the broads and the beers and the broads, and I was like, this is fucking surface lyrics, okay?This is surface lyrics.
And the opposite of surface lyrics is like a Kacey Musgraves.She goes deep as shit and makes me feel something.
As Chessie.What sort of genre do you think Chessie is most drawn to musically?Honestly, Kacey Musgraves. I think she listens to Alan Jackson, honestly.
I think she likes Billy Joel.I think she sits on her vineyard listening to Uptown Girl.
It's kind of not a bad call.I feel that.I could also see her being a deadhead. Oh, do you think Chessie does drugs?
Oh, she definitely smokes weed for sure.
For sure.And also another correction when we were saying like the OG Stan group, we said the believers and then someone said justice for the deadheads and they were right for that.
I think the deadheads are the OG stands.With like a name.With a name.
Yeah.Never was.Are you saying that as Chessy or as BSC?
I'm saying this as BSC, yeah.
It's just so funny how someone could be like a regular person and then like you find out they're a deadhead and it just means they have this like double life where they like- Where they do drugs.
Where they travel the world for concerts and like upend, you know, their personal life like for the grateful dead.
Yeah, it must be jarring to have a coworker who's seemingly boring and normal, and then they mention that they went to a Dead concert, and you're like, oh, you camp, you do drugs, you wear tie-dye.
You don't just go.I know someone in my close circle is a Deadhead, and you would never expect it.It's not about the drugs.I think you could be a Deadhead without doing drugs.That's not what's shocking.
What's shocking is then his partner, who's never listened to Grateful Dead, has to go on these journeys with him and travel to the ends of the country to see the Grateful Dead. You wanna know who it is?
You don't see one Dead concert.That's the thing.You see a hundred.Who is it?
I knew it.I was gonna say that.I knew it.
And Dana goes to like campsites.Okay, but let me say this.
But Dana is prepared for that because she is a Schumerhead.Okay?
Dana is a Schumerhead and she does go to the Comedy Cellar once a week to try and see Amy Schumer.That's true.
But it only takes her to the Comedy Cellar.Like that's not very far.Like she's been to like Wyoming to see Da Dead.Da Dead.Da Dead.
Yeah, I could, by the way, I could easily peg Josh as a deadhead, in the best way.Josh is the best.
Yeah, and he's very straight-laced, like he's not a party kid, so I guess he must really like the music.
Yeah, no, it's about the music.
Yeah, it's always about the music.
Yeah, I think people are like that with that band Phish.
Aren't they the same thing?Like, OK.They are.They're similar.If you're a Deadhead, you're also a Phishhead.
And Pearl Jamhead.I think that Phishheads, no, Pearl Jam is pretty awesome.I think that Phish.No, it's actually not.Roger Waters, it's not awesome.Oh, yeah, true, true, true.Yeah, true.True to that.Even though we separate the artists from the art.
Pearl Jam is the worst band on the planet.
Yeah, of course, we don't.We don't.
We don't.We don't.We don't do that.We don't do that.But Phish, I feel like Phish is more drugs. than dead.Like, I see fish.
You guys are focused on the drugs, the two of you.Yeah, we're young.
I mean, they're definitely a major player in these concerts.
I wonder the Venn diagram of Toasters and Deadheads, like, what does it look like?It's small.It's small.No, but I think it's small but mighty.
Because I think Toasters are mighty and Deadheads are mighty, and like, however many there are in crossover, I think they're strong but mighty.
That's beautiful.They're weird, for sure.They're mighty weird.
Chessie, you don't mean that.
I do, there's like 20 of them and there might be more.
Chessie's an asshole.Yeah, Chessie's a bully.And that's how she got to where she is in this life, by bullying her way.
I'm just saying, you would be a bully too if you were this fucking hot. I literally have like a hair that's interacting with my contact.
I have these headphones over my hair.
Over my hair, Jackie.I can't hear.Do you see this?It's over my hair.My ears are clogged with this wig.
Okay, well then let's get into the fifth and final story so that Chessie can finally unburden herself.
Ben's not wrong.The wig hairs are being pushed into my ear canals with the headphones.You're right.And they're like synthetic and really prickly.I was feeling that too.
No, literally Jackie's here wearing her own hair and AirPods.What a privilege.
She's very laissez-faire about it.
We're better than ever.More in my cell than ever.
We're here with these freaking cans.These cans.
It's so worth it, Chessie.You look fantastic.You do.
Are you ready for our fifth and final story?So then you can burn them yourselves.Yes.Ilona Maher is getting personal with People Magazine.Who?Ilona Maher, the rugby player from the Olympics.You don't know Ilona Maher?
She's on Dancing with the Stars now?
Yes, I do.I just didn't.I thought it was Ilana Mayer.
OK, well, it's Ilona Maher.You're not wrong for that.
Alona Marr is her, it's Alana Mayer.
It's I-L-O-N-A.You made her a Jew.
Who's Alona Marr?I'm alone at the bar.
With Alona Marr.I'm alone at the bar with Alona Marr.She did a huge spread with People Magazine, some gargy pargy pictures, like dressing up like Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe.
And she's complaining that her DMs are filled with mothers who are very proud of her and find her very inspirational for their daughters.L-O-L.And not enough NFL players or billionaires.Actually, zero.
No, that's so fair because her thing is that because she's a rugby player, she's built different.She doesn't look like a stereotypical feminine woman.She's very built.She's more jacked.She's stronger than a lot of the guys that she dates.
And a lot of people find that intimidating.And on Dancing with the Stars, she's always doing things that are groundbreaking.She lifted her partner as opposed to her partner lifting her.And it's true.
Honestly, the NFL players who date 90-pound girls, it's not fair.It's only right that they date Ilona Maher. You know?
Yeah, and I'm shocked that there's not a handful of guys reaching out to her.But there's not, she says.And she loves the moms, no shade, and she's so happy to be a great- Of course, of course.But she's looking for the NFL players and a millionaire.
All I have to say is she is fucking awesome.She's awesome.
She really is.I love her.Such a badass.Not to bring it up, but every time we talk about her, it's worth mentioning, I knew about her so many years ago.
Now that she's big, you don't talk about her anymore.People thought you're boycotting her. I don't talk about her.She's always in the news.We don't always talk about her.
Well, I'm certainly not boycotting a lot of our people.Okay.I just feel like everyone's talking about her now.Like I don't need to, but I thought it's like you set her free.I got her to where she launched her into the world.
Exactly.Sit back and watch.
No, she's super cool.I'm trying to think of like who could date her.
Well, we can put it on our list.
Honestly, she's going after the wrong guys.NFL players aren't it.It's NBA players, because they are so tall.She needs a nice seven foot guy that will feel like the six foot woman is really five feet.
The six foot one NFL player is not where she should be looking.
But no, she's right about NFL, because her thing is not so much her height.It's really that she's very strong and broad.
No, but you're right, Ben.
I think she needs to expand the search to include NBA because you could have an NFL player, just like on Love is Blind, like Hannah was talking to Nick and she thought he was going to be so big, but he's a kicker and he just looks like a normal guy.
What about like a Chris Humphries?I know he's like old news, but like his build, 6'9".
Yeah, I will always ship Chris Humphries with whomever.
She's got to go for the power forward center in the NBA, 6'9 and above.They're going to love her.
Okay.I don't disagree.Thank you for that.Wisdom.They're gonna love her.
She'll no longer be alone tomorrow alone at the bar.
Hopefully this reaches her.
Because we like to give like actual tangible advice here actionable advice.
Alona Mar, no longer be alone at the bar.
We need to make Alona Mar the Dr. Seuss book.Alona Mar, alone at the bar, looking for a man.Near and far.Near and far.A man who's a star.Alona Mar went to the bar and couldn't find the man, but he doesn't seem far.
OK, we lost it at the end, but it's fine.
Alona Mar, alone at the bar.
Honestly, pretty good.I'd read it.
Went to find a man, again, who wasn't far.
She likes that, that Alomar.
Wait.This drink tastes like tall. What's that from?Parent Trap.What's that from?Parent Trap.Let me read about it.
Wow, full circle.By the way, this wig smells like ass.
What do the people do to these wigs before they put them in the Amazon box and send them?Like wipe their ass with these wigs?Like he, hey, we have a really nice wig.Let me just wipe my ass with it before I send it to the customer.
I honestly think that that might be what's happening, for real.Like, why wouldn't it be what's happening?
Yeah.Or like, what is this hair made of?Is it, like, bad hair?
Ben, and by Ben of course I mean Chessie, we can't thank you enough for devoting your morning to Toast-O-Ween.
You've become a real cornerstone of it, and I've just been wondering if Chessie has any last words that she'd like to impart, any wisdom to the listeners of today.
No, look, this has been great.Listen to good guys and go to SprintSociety.com!
Chessie's kind of a capitalist.She's just hawking product.
Hawking products, I'm afraid.I'm just saying the parallels.She sits on a vineyard.We sell wine products.
Right, and you get your wines. Grapes from Nick Parker's Vineyard.
Yes, from Nicky P. Nicky P's Vineyard.Nicky P's Vino.Yeah, Nicky P's Vino.
Do you think we could do a spritz code CHESSY to get you something today?
Absolutely.Let's do spritz code CHESSY, C-H-E-S-S-I-E for 20% off at spritzsociety.com.
I love that.Bringing it full circle.
You guys, another tostoween in the bag.I will say, you know when you know you did something good, like this?
And now, just for a big reveal, I'll take off this.
Yeah, yeah.Show us your final sweat stains.Oh, by the way, the under boob sweat stain cleared up.You're good.How do I look?You look naked.
No, I feel naked and afraid.
Also, the headphones are making the wig look even more like a mullet.Mullet.It's like pressing down and then fanning out.
How do people wear tight tank tops?Like, what is the goal?Like, it's terrible.Yeah.It's terrible.
It's not your best look, I'll say that.
You guys.I think we should sign off.You look good, Chess.You look good.
You guys, thank you so much for listening to The Toast.Happy Toast-O-Ween, the millennial morning show where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.
So if you're watching us on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.We're also available as a podcast anywhere a podcast can be found.
Search Spotify, TuneIn, search Republic Radio, iHeartRadio, CastBox, all the places we visit in the podcast.We've been a beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are.Happy Toast-O-Ween to all who celebrate.Hope you guys have a very spooky day.
