Hello Screamrot fans, quick message at the start of this week's episode about upcoming live shows.
So you may or may not know that we put on sale our Christmas special live show at the Bill Murray pub pretty recently and it is going to take place on December the 8th.Now,
We gave access to tickets to that to the top tier of the Patreons and it sold out, I think in like two hours or something.When we put on a couple more tickets on sale after that, we freed up as many as we could.They went as well.
So we feel a bit bad.We didn't get to offer tickets to A, the lower tier of Patreons and B, you, the general public, rotters, people of the world that might want to come and see the show.So what we're hoping to do,
And it's getting more and more certain by the day is we're going to have a big show.It's going to be the end of January.We're looking at Friday, the 31st of January, and it's going to be a bigger venue somewhere in London.
And we can't say too much more than that right now, but we should have more news in the next week or two.There's going to be special guests.There's going to be people that we're lining up that we've spoken about on the podcast.
Maybe that might be there as well.It's all sorts of kicking off.
I recommend that if you want to come and see us live, you sign up for the Patreon and then that way you should get access to tickets this time because the venue should be big enough for everyone to get a go at them.
If you can't sign up to the Patreon for whatever reason, thank you so much for listening and hopefully you might get a chance to access tickets either way.
But the best way to have a chance to come to the Rotties, our big awards ceremony that we're planning in January 2025, is to sign up for the Patreon at screenrockpodcast at patreon.com. Thanks so much for listening as always.
Thanks so much whether you're a patron or whether you're not, we really appreciate everyone that listens and we hope to see you either on December the 8th if you manage to get tickets or January the 31st or there or thereabouts in 2025 for the big one, the Rotties.
Get your tuxedo dry cleaned and get ready for some chaos.Enjoy this week's episode.
Welcome to the Scream Rock podcast, the podcast where we discuss the weirdest and worst content that's been brought on our screens and indeed our minds.Shout out to everyone who subscribes over on Apple, Spotify, YouTube.
Of course, the people who pay their way on Patreon, the Illuminati, who wear their free hats.The Freemasons who enjoy two extra episodes a month.And of course, a shout out to Eugene who runs our Twitter account.He may be sent by God.
And most importantly, and not least, a big wink and a kiss to the ladies who listen who are some of those gorgeous and sexy ladies in the United Kingdom.I'm here with Jake Farrell.
Yeah, just doing a bit of a hype man thing just to start the episode.
Love it, love it.Second attempt at the intro.Yeah, did the hype man thing well that time.But we got better at it.So, welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
How are you?I'm all right, mate.I feel like when we do two episodes in a row, I almost feel like I hit my stride now in the second one.I look forward to it more.I feel more relaxed, more settled in.Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, we've had more sugar, more sweets, more snacks.
And it's also like, I think we've never drunk whilst doing this, have we?
No, I don't think, well, we did on the live show, I guess that doesn't count.
That's gonna be busy.I'll tell you what, you will have received, there will have been like a little bit of audio or video at the start of this about the live show.On the 8th of December, I can't work out if there'll be tickets left at this point.
I hope you can all come.Tough to say.Yeah, I like it when we do two in a row and I like having a drink while doing it.I think that's gonna be something I'd like to incorporate more, is drinking while we do this.
Yeah, that's what, how can we make this more risky? How can we make this more risky to my professional life?
I always feel like whenever you do anything, two beers is the sweet spot.
Well, two beers before a gig, I'm really groovy.Two beers over dinner. Nice.Driving the car?Driving my daughter to the playgroup.
I think I probably agree with that to an extent.I still don't really like doing it with comedy in general.I don't know if it's just like an anxiety thing or like I'm just worried they'll make me duller, if you know what I mean.Yeah, less sharp.
But then I think sometimes it loosens you up a little bit, doesn't it?
And yeah, maybe that being in the moment out offsets the sharpness thing.
Yeah, yeah, it's true.I'm at the moment, this will be one of the last few episodes you see me with this head of hair.Say more about that.So I'm getting a hair transplant for free.Wow.From true Geordie.
Is that true?He's not doing it.Sometimes Jacob says things on our WhatsApp group and I'm like, that's definitely not true.
Yeah, no, that's happening.
So basically, TrueGeordie, the YouTuber, who I do his football show with him sometimes, he obviously does a lot of promo.People will say, can you shout out our product at the start, and I'll pay him to do it at the start of his videos.
One of them was a hair transplant clinic in Turkey.I was talking to him about it, and his agent, and his producer, and all this. And they were like, yeah, the clinic have said to Brian they'd like to give him a free transplant.Because Brian's bald.
But Brian doesn't want it.
I thought he was shaved head by choice.
I think he probably could grow a bit of hair.But yeah, actually, maybe he is shaved head by choice.I don't know.But anyway, he's like, I don't want it.He's like, I like shaved head.So I was just like, I'll fucking have it.
And they were like, actually?And I was like, yeah.So I've been going back and forth with the lads in Turkey.
Been negotiating with them.
well do you know what it is and it's i'm not we know we joke about both of us being bald and i'm on the way to going bald but like what are they going to do to yours well so you know hairline reveal okay yeah the hair's doing a lot of work yeah yeah but it's still i push forward and uh you know the fringe covers it's high i've got a high and it has it has receded like that's oh don't worry i'm aware of that no no
I know, I know, but it's like, it's so shit when you see a picture of yourself from four years ago and you're like, oh.And even then you were worried about it, right?
Well, no, that's true, though, because I've always had very fine hair and always had a high forehead.But then I look back, and it is the last four years, and I've had kids, it's been stressful, things have been hard. It's like, yeah, fair enough.
It's documented, we talk about our health problems.
This is it, I mean, I like, I talk to, you know, me and my mates from back home talk about this, because there's a few of us who are going.
Well, it's only me at the moment.But we're like, fucking should be. Do you know what I mean?
I think we're basically out of the woods.It's like if you're 40 and you're bald, no one comments on that.It's when you're 21 and you're bald, that's the problem.Sorry, 20, 21 year old bald people out there.No, but you're right.
I'm not staggering you off.
I remember, oh God, there was a kid I went to school with and I still love him now.
Hoodie. Never a good nickname, I find.
Well, I mean, he's Adam Hood, but Hoodie... Oh, OK, great.
OK, I thought it was like, as in, happy slapping, OK, Hoodie.
Well, but he was that.That too.
Hoodie was a... I love Hoodie, right, but Hoodie wasn't blessed genetically. Hoodie had a problem with his mouth where it didn't produce saliva.So his teeth rotted away.
So his teeth had all sort of fallen out and he had to take these pills that were like synthetic saliva every day.
Jack and Ed Gamble has to deal with this.
So listen here, eh?Hoodie, who I grew up with, he didn't have teeth! No, Hoodie didn't have teeth.His teeth had rotted away and he had these saliva pills and he used to just throw them at people and spit them at people.
He also, like, Hoodie was bald at 15.Hoodie was like, it was gone at 15.And he also, I mean, he got fucking hench.
Obviously.I mean, if you're fucking bald and your teeth have rotted away, you're going to the gym.
I'm actually scared he's going to hear this because he's a fucking tough cunt.And what he used to do,
He wasn't short, but what he used to do, Hoodie, he used to stand on tiptoes all the time to deliberately get hench calves, and he had the henchest calves I've ever seen in my life.And he was a fucking violent bastard.
He used to just, like, he'd see you, and he'd go, you all right, Hoodie?You'd go, all right, mate, and just fucking grandad you.Grandad every... Grandad you?Yeah, like, you know, knee into the thigh to grandad you.
Maybe this was a hoodie thing.So maybe it was a hoodie thing.He did look like a grandad.
We grew up also, by the way, like 15 miles from each other.If this is a piece of folklore that didn't transmit that far, then him saying grandad you as though everyone's going to understand is insane.
People watching and listening to this, if you know about granddadding, please get in touch.Yeah, comment on this.
Granddadding, to me, was using your knee and driving it into the side of someone's thigh as hard as you can to sort of dead leg them so they sort of limp along and you go, ah, granddad!But Hoody would granddad everyone.Granddad everyone all the time.
The last time I saw Hoody was a few years ago.I was going home to see my parents. How old are you?Well, I don't know, like 25.
No, maybe more recent than that, I don't know.
I was walking down, my parents live on an estate which is like 10 minutes away from the train station and I was walking down this alleyway to get through the estate and as I came out onto the road there was this white van slowly creeping along following me and it kept following me and I was like, I'm gonna get shit kicked out of me.
I'm gonna get mugged because it had like a bag of me and I was like, oh fuck. Fuck's sake and then it's it's sort of pulled on to the coat.Oh my god me off and I was like, oh fuck and then hoodie poked his head out.Do you want a fucking spliff, bro?
Anyway lovely hoodie.Oh, yeah, he went bald at 15 Are you not scared of it?I am a bit like there is a part of me I remember talking to you like this in the past and I remember being like
Because as I say, I've always had quite fine hair, and I've always said to people, if I ever did it, I'd want to be like minted, because I'd want to be able to spend, I wouldn't, you know, like you see people like, you can get it for two grand if you go to, and it's like, no, no, no, I don't think you should do that.
I've always had this opinion with my tattoos, and people wouldn't believe this, but I actually spent decent money on a lot of my tattoos.Some of them were done by my mate Matt.Yeah, I was going to say, you've got 1664 on your leg.
That was done with a razor blade at a house party.But the ones on my arms, I'd always, I haven't had a new tattoo in 10 years or so, but I'd always spend good money, Because if you're going to have it forever, spend a bit more.
Do you know what I mean?So like hair transplant, I've always been like, go somewhere good, whether that's Turkey or the UK, spend a bit more, save up for longer.It's like parachutes.You're the best of the best.Yeah, right.Exactly.
Now, I'm getting gifted a parachute by a YouTuber who actively did not want the parachute.
Have you been able to like scout out whether these guys are like top of the market?
Yeah, well, this is the difficult thing is that all of them say they're top of the market.Do you know what I mean?So they seem good.They seem good.Oh, look.They're giving it away to a YouTuber.They must be great. They've done some footballers.
Big, big, big thing to who though?I mean, if it's Rob Holding, fucking hell, get me in there.I'll give you every penny I own.
Holdings is, Holdings is coming out.
Is it?Oh my God.His was the best hair transplant I've ever seen.
But his was too much. I always felt like I was like, that's mental.He's gotta be within the realms of possibility.He looked like a fucking Edwardian prince.Like, you know, all big and bouffant pullback.It's like, that's too much, man.
But the thing is, I don't actually need many done.Like, I only need the sort of temples filling in a bit, right?So they were like, the minimum amount of graphs we can get out of you is 2,000.We reckon we only need about 1,250.
So they were genuinely like, do you want them anywhere else? I was like, I'm not bad up there, bang a few in, why not?
Let's get some in there just in case.
I don't know, I just think, yeah, fuck it, why not?You know, I'm getting married in a couple of years' time, you want to look your best.If you could have cosmetic surgery, if you could have anything done, what would you do?Tits.
After Cuba, come back with a lovely big pair of jokes.If I could have anything, what would I get done?Teeth, anything like that?
Yeah, I think I'd probably, I'm like looking down the road and I feel like, I feel like I'm probably gonna have quite dodgy teeth, like even dodgier teeth at some point.I've got quite dodgy teeth on the bottom. There's no good veneers.
Invisalign's pretty good, isn't it?
I think if you're going to do it, do Invisalign.When I did go to Turkey a few weeks ago on my holiday, that fucking holiday, there was a few people on the way back who hadn't had the teeth done that time, but had teeth done before.
And I could hear them all talking, being like, God, I regret it.God, I wish I... Because it had so many issues afterwards, like a year down the line they all start bleeding and falling out.It's not that much cheaper, I don't think.
Would you say anything if I turned up like Bevo for a record one day?
I think you mentioned it.I think with teeth, everyone mentioned it.I think there are certain cosmetic surgeries where no one mentioned it.I think teeth, you're like, wow.I did a gig the other day actually, it's so funny.
I did a gig the other day where there was a geezer, front row, who had turkey teeth.They were bivouac levels.They were like fucking huge.
Like a size too big for his mouth.
Yeah, he looked like a horse. And I was like, wow, look at you, mate.And he was like, I know.And he was sort of, he was laughing about it.So I was like, let's fucking make this a thing.So I got him on the stage, you know, showing everybody's gnashes.
And it was so funny because it was very much a thing of like, this looks a bit mad.Half time in the interval with gig, smoking area. He had like five different people being like, where'd you get them?
Really?Yeah, yeah, give me the details.I want them.
Yeah, yeah, everyone fucking wants it.
What I see with the footballers now, particularly with the lads that come from South America, is that I'm pretty sure that some of them get it done early.It's like one of the first things they do.They get a bit of money, yeah.
I don't know what the state of dentistry is like in kind of Chile or whatever, but so like the Brazilian footballer Rafinha, he played for Leeds and now plays for Barcelona.
He had his, I'm almost certain he had his done and they had literally put in one size too big for his head.
They were like they just didn't look he looked like he was kind of rearranging them They look like a like he was wearing a rugby player or something.
I don't remember him having that.Arsenal have got a centre-back called Gabriel Magalhaes Yes, and he had a funny thing I remember we were away at Brighton a few years ago, and he just had him done right and one fell out oh and but and it's like
Like a British footballer would be like too proud to look for the tooth and never like I can afford anything I'll just get it sorted straight after the game whereas he was like after full-time that other players are gonna have been like we do it and he was looking for the tooth in the grass.
So look ladies, we should shout out everyone who signs up to the Patreon.
Where does this leave dents?Where are dents in all of this? They're our original sponsor since day one.
They gave us a discount code and I wouldn't use it because I was scared they were going to make my hands fall off.It's gone so fucking well for me that I'm off to Turkey soon.
That's where dents are in all of this.
Dents stops it falling out again, which I'm sure it will stop it falling out.Anyway, let's move on. Ladies and gentlemen, a quick shout out to everyone who signs up on Patreon.We've had an overwhelming amount of people who've signed up on Patreon.
It's been so beyond what we expect and just a genuine heartfelt thank you.
Partly because obviously it's put a bit of money in our pockets and makes this profitable and makes it more worthwhile to do financially, but also I love that it's given us the opportunity to make two more episodes a month.
We're now doing six episodes a month and I fucking love doing the Patreon episodes.
The Patreon episodes are different, but good.
They're a bit looser, aren't they?Because we don't stick to topic as much.It's almost like half intro, half topic.And rather than focus on one creator, we tend to focus on a few.But yeah, it's good fun.It's good fun.So thank you to the Patreons.
I'm on tour soon, and I'd love to see Patreons, non-Patreons, any ScreenRock listeners coming to see me on my stand-up tour.You can get tickets via the link in my Instagram bio.
to all three of the gigs in Aylesbury, then Leamington Spa, then London, we will write you a handwritten letter and you can come on one of the Patreon specials.
Yeah, you can.Yeah, you actually can.Right.I hope that doesn't have to happen.
Having cosmetic surgery chat is almost, it feels relevant to this week's topic in a way.
Yes, I hadn't planned that.But yes, this week we're talking about someone.
Now, this is one who was very heavily suggested by our patrons on our group chat where people are allowed to suggest who we talk about and we'll do little polls and elections to see who we talk about next.This guy came second.
to Jack Jones, who we did three weeks ago.And we said that time, we were like, we will do fragrance as well.So this week, ladies and gentlemen, we are talking about Mr. Jeremy Fragrance.Power! Oi, get on this.Can't wait.
Jeremy Fragrance, the number one fragrance icon who follows the teachings of Jesus.His words, right?As he calls himself.
Just say that again for me, please.
Jeremy Fragrance, the number one fragrance icon who follows the teachings of Jesus.What am I doing here? Jeremy Fragrance has gone mad.We do a podcast about people who use social media a lot, right?
And there are people we come across sometimes where, I think the word we use sometimes is whether they're in control and whether actually it's blown up so much for them that they've lost control.
Of the madness that is their world, of their emotions.
Of their world of social media and how they use social media and how much they're putting out and they're following.He's, yeah, he's mad. Jeremy's really gone mad.I mean, I was trying to think of a top line for these episodes of like, what is it?
You know, Gordon Ramsay's the most dynamic content. You don't really need to go much further than that.Jeremy's mad.Like he's really mad.And like, to the point where I, like, I think he does love fragrances.I think he does.
I think that's something we can all agree on.He does.But I think it's gone too far now.I'm not sure how much he loves fragrances and how much he just loves being Jeremy fragrance.Do you know what I mean?Jeremy?Yeah.
Are you going to get a new bell, by the way?Do you want to address that?
Yeah, sorry, we've had people, listeners who were like, we prefer the old bell.Completely understood, I'll get a new bell.Quite nice of them to do that.
If you ever become a Bavarian milkmaid, then that one will be handy.
Okay, Bavarian.So let's get on.So Jeremy Fragrance.Who is Jeremy Fragrance?Jeremy Fragrance is a German man who has worked in the fragrance industry for a long time.For a long time, he was, I guess, kind of a journalist in fragrance?
He used to... I think so.
Like an old school influencer, when influencers were like the gatekeepers of taste as opposed to like people with iPhones and 16s.
This is it.And so I've watched In the same way I did with Fucking Bevo, I've watched a 28-minute documentary about Jeremy Fragrance.And I'm kind of none the wiser, to be honest with you.
Have you seen it?You haven't seen it.So I didn't... It's on Vice.Vice made it.I didn't watch the documentary.
I actually... So Jeremy's got so big, and the cult of Jeremy Fragrance is so strange, and people are trying to understand it so much, and we're kind of adding to that canon of content.
They did a long piece about him in GQ and you read that and I read it thinking well this will tell me I'll understand him after this.Yeah, I understand him less after reading that than I do now.
But for anyone who's not heard of him, he is, like we always talk about, everything is content now.If you're a lawyer, you've got to make content.If you're a comedian, you've got to make content.
If you're a wine guy, you make content about wine.If you're a food guy, if you're Gordon Ramsay, you take the piss out of people's cooking.
It extends to the world of fragrances, like the least contentable thing in that.
Well, exactly, because it's one of the few senses that you cannot transmit across the internet.
You can see things, you can hear things.
Fragrance is a spray that you have to be able to smell.So this guy is really working to make content out of fragrance.
And just for a bit more context, what you're going to see now is someone that's in the realm of X Factor oddball, I would say.
Yeah, well, it's funny you say X Factor.I'll be very honest.I am actually, and I don't mind saying, I am slightly worried about this one. We've worried about people before.
Yeah, I'm more worried about this guy.
But just before I let you go on to that, this isn't a niche lunatic.Well, it is a niche lunatic.This man has got millions of followers.He's huge. Like he is, he is like Gordon Ramsay.
This is not someone who's like a kind of operating out of his bedroom now.
Like this is a, this is a person, like not that makes it okay that he's a, he's an X Factor oddball, but like just to contextualize, we're not just ripping on someone that only 10 people know about.
No, we're not punching down.
But I am, like, so we got a random message on Twitter the other day, I can't remember why, someone was like, oh, it was just a day or two after Liam Payne died, we got a message being like, have you taken down your Liam Payne video?
And we were both like, what?And the guy was like, oh, sorry, I thought you'd done a video about Liam Payne, but you obviously haven't, and we were like, no, we obviously haven't.
But it was funny, because I went back and thought, and I was like, well... we maybe would have done.Obviously, rest in peace to the guy.I think there were some sad circumstances around his death.
But I think as I get to say, Liam Payne has done some mad interviews over the past few years.
an inspiration to us comedically, Limmy, made a huge number of videos about the interview from the Oscars.He could never have known where his ended up, but now you look back on it and that interview was very cringy, difficult to watch, etc.
but like that yeah people did make videos like like us kind of reacting to stuff we've we never did about him but like it was common i think we would have done if he was if he was sort of well in himself and someone said to us you should do liam payne i i could see us going yeah yeah he's doing some funny stuff and i am a bit worried that whole thing has kind of scared me a bit because i'm because this this guy and i think what's interesting with this guy
As you say, he's huge, but when you go back and watch when he's on the way up, he's very confident, he's got a style, he sticks to what he knows, and now he's really big, and it does feel a little bit more fragile with Jeremy Fragrance now.
Yeah, and I think the question with all of this stuff, social media-wise, is how much they're choosing to buy into that, and how much they're a victim of it, if that makes sense.He did videos, right, where
And you're gonna watch videos as well where he is with women and he puts like women's feet in the videos, which is like a common thing in algorithms to like boost your video.He does videos where he eats eggs with the shell on, right?
And he does that to like, it makes you stop on the video.It means that the algorithm gives it to people.He's doing mad things. knowingly in order to gain an audience.
There are other parts of him where I think like, you don't know what's happening to you here.You're like a, what's that thing from James Bond where it's like, you're a feather in a hurricane or whatever.You have no idea what's going on.
Yeah, I think the level of agency you apply to his actions is very interesting.He is desperate to go viral all the time.And he, as I say, watch this documentary, there's a funny bit where he goes,
And I wasn't, we should also say, I wasn't really following him.
I've not followed him loads.I don't know, I was not aware.The Rotters have forced, this was the true intention of this podcast.I was going along happily in my life without knowing that there is a German man who's quite a devout Christian out there.
that sprays fragrance on women's feet and eats eggs.I didn't know this was happening.This is really new to me.I'm a bit bewildered by it all, if I'm honest.
This podcast started with me, like it genuinely started this podcast.So I used to send you mad shit on WhatsApp and you'd be like, please, I'm trying to quit social media.I'd be like, just watch this.And then we'd take the piss out of people.
We'd be like, oh, we should try and do a thing like this.It's got so big now that there's stuff I haven't seen that the public are pushing on us.And that's what Jeremy Fragrance was. He posts 23 reels a day.Fuck off.Yeah, but he deletes 21 of them.
Are you fucking joking?That's fucking psychotic.And do you know what he compares it to?What?Picasso.
He says in the documentary, he was like, you haven't seen all my content and the, you know, documentary maker of the interview is like, oh no, I've seen it.He's like, no, no, no, because I delete most of it.
And he was like, well, you post three or four a day.He was like, no, I post 23 a day, but I only keep two, the two that go most viral.The other 21, I delete.And he goes, it's very similar to Picasso.We all think Picasso is a great painter.
He painted a lot of paintings and you haven't seen all of them. So he's German, he's very eccentric, he's in incredible shape.There's another bit of the documentary... As you say, he's very Christian.
He's very Christian, but in a way that is quite fragile, that's like, okay, you kind of need to be a Christian, don't you, mate?And at one point, they say to him, they're like, so you're quite heavy on Trump, Jeremy.
And he's very conscious of this documentary.He's very like, oh, God, yeah, I don't like when you ask me that, man, you know?You know? Hey man, I don't really like when you ask me that.I want people to see I'm a good person.
And the guy's like, yeah, but you did do an Instagram post about Trump.And he was like, yeah, I did an Instagram post about Trump because I like Trump because he's openly Christian.
When's the last time you see someone who's a world leader who's openly Christian?And he starts getting excited talking about it. Fuck yeah, man, a world leader, openly Christian.
He gets so excited talking about it, and this is like a kind of like B-roll, not really part of the show, he gets so excited talking about how Trump is openly Christian, he drops to the floor and starts doing one-handed press-ups.
That's something he does quite a lot.When he's excited, he'll do a one-handed press-up.He'll just drop and start fucking pumping.
Is there anything in your life that you think you'd be so pumped about that you would just spontaneously drop to the floor and start doing one-handed press-ups?Well... Having a pint of madri.Every time you have a pint of madri.
What I do do, and I don't mind talking about this, my girlfriend... So, like, you know, me and my missus, we've got two kids of a young age.We both work a lot.We don't have as much time together as we'd like. Whenever she is like, okay, we're on.
I'm like, we're on.She's like, let's, you know, have a bit of intimate.I strip on the spot.And I'm not even doing it as like a funny thing. I'm not even doing it as like a funny thing.
Like wherever you are in the house.
Like kitchen, like living room, doesn't matter.Even if you're not going to have it off in that room.No, no, no.We know we'll always go upstairs.
But like I and I do it like if we're on holiday, like it's to say like the kids are sleeping on holiday and we're in the hotel and it's like, oh, we've got a minute, shall we?If we could be in the bathroom and I'll just fucking just drop everything.
And it's like a cartoon.I just just like shed.And she's like, baby, just wait till we get to the bed.
do you think there's uh do you think there's part of it where it's like the quicker i get into the nuddy she can't go back on it exactly no no it's before she changed her mind before she changed her mind get it off quick quick quick quick
Before I wind her up, we'll do something that annoys her, and she goes, no, we're not doing it anymore.
Get it off, get it out, get ready.
Get it off, get it out, get ready.Now, that's another thing.
Free it, say it's sorted.Get it off, get it out, get ready.
So, that's my kind of, that's what I think, that's my kind of inner philosophy towards lovemaking.Sure.Get it out.I can relate to that, yeah.When it's time, it's time.When it's time, it's time.You gotta go.You go before anyone changes their mind.
I want to say as well with Jeremy Fragrance, he has got a three-step philosophy to life.He's like, there's three things everyone needs.
In Jeremy Fragrance's mind everyone everyone needs a mission a mate and a master if you don't have those three things You're in trouble.What's okay?His mission is fragrance.He wants to tell the world about fragrance.
I think that's bollocks I think he wants to be famous.Yes, I think he cares much.He posts 23 reels a day
I mean the fragrance is very incidental to a lot of videos as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.He wants a mate and that's a big thing that we're going to get to when we start watching his stuff.He really wants a missus and he's searching for one.
I think the women who appear in the background of the video sometimes, they're not a long-term... They're not long-term partners.And a master and his master is Jesus.Right.So let's watch a Jeremy fragrance.This is kind of...
This is one that went very viral.This is quintessential Jeremy fragrance in the sense that he is smelling and describing a fragrance, a cologne.But he likes to get very excited.And it's interesting, he talks about fragrances.
He always says the top note is very important.The first thing that you encounter with a fragrance is so important.And ironically, that applies to social media as well.
And it's almost like he knows, it's almost like he thinks of his social content like a fragrance.He's like, make sure there's a good top note. A good hook.He gets so excited by the top note here that something happens.
Yes.We'll watch that.So this is Jeremy and this is one of, this is yeah, like Jacob says, kind of quintessential fragrance.This will really give you a sense of who we're dealing with.
Power!What was that?Was that something out of my nose?Oh, I coughed something out while screaming power.I'm sorry.That was a bit ugly, but okay.
This is the fragrance where my famous video started, where I'm screaming power because this is so powerful that I was impressed by it.This is my black tie fragrance.Wear it in the evening when you want to.
It's like a tonsil stone has come out of his mouth.
Well, yeah, so we should explain exactly what happened there So he's describing his own fragrance called power, which by the way, so is it about 400 pounds a bottle?Oh my god.
Yeah, and he openly says that like the the nozzle on it costs like 20 cents to make What he likes to do when he really likes a strong top night goes power power does it so loud and hard they coughs up what they call a tonsil stone and
I've done some reading, that's phlegm.I don't know what they meant.Compacted phlegm.He coughs up phlegm.A lot of people watch that and go, why did you not re-record?
Don't think Picasso would have put that one out.
I know what his argument would be, but I've got 22 more reels to do today. I've not got time for that.He doesn't have time.And that's the one that we ended up watching.And it's the one we ended up watching.It's the one that went viral.
It's the most requested one on the Rotter group chat as well.
It's the most requested one on the Rotter group chat.And this is why I love Jeremy Fragrance.He's fucking vulnerable, man.Like, too vulnerable, really, for us to be doing this about him.Yeah.
Like, he's one of the ones where I worry less about him finding this.He's earnest, isn't he?He's very earnest.
And I do think that the rotters or the people suggesting him were like, wanted us just to be like, this guy's a cunt, isn't he?And I don't think he is.He's strange.
He is strange, but there's lots of, he's eccentric, but there's a lot of eccentric people on the internet.And I'm still, but the thing that I keep going back to is like, he feels like a character.
But I think it's because he's so vulnerable and he can't hide his vulnerability.He's such a slave to the algorithm.He's so willing to just put anything out in the hope of going viral.But there, if Bevo had done that, we'd be like, oh, is it fake?
Has he scripted it?That's 100% not scripted. No way.He feels nervous about it.I mean, we're going to I think we should go straight into the next one.The next one is kind of the same thing in the sense that he just spit something out.
They didn't mean to spit out.It's a very vulnerable thing to do.Yeah, but he puts it out into the world anyway.
So this is Jeremy Fragrance talking about Perielis 360 Red, the fragrance.
And the last one I don't talk so much about is Perry Ellis 360 Red.I love it, man.It's the dildo of the fragrance industry.And yeah, it's not so funny, actually.Still don't know how to talk about the topic of masturbating.Difficult, man.
I do it, but I don't cum.You know, if I can be that honest.But it's simply to boost my power type of vibe. Alright, ultimately of course I want to have a girlfriend and a wife.Turning that girlfriend into a wife and have great kids.
So that's Perry Alice 360.
The amazing thing is, yeah, and I kind of know this, because I own, I mentioned this before, I'm like a shareholder in a business where we make a cologne, we make products.
I'm aware that nowadays, if you're trying to sell a cologne, the best thing that could ever happen is you pay a PR agent the most money possible, and the best PR agents in the world, in terms of that industry, would say to you, I can get Jeremy Fragrance to make a video out of your fragrance.
And you'd be like, oh my god, could you?They'd be like, yes, and it'll get X amount of millions of views. Imagine whoever the fuck that is, Perielis360, they go, oh, oh my god, oh my god, he's talking about us!Oh, he's just had a nervous breakdown.
He called us the dildo of the fragrance world.
He called us the dildo of the fragrance world, he spoke about how he masturbates, he spoke about how he doesn't cum when he masturbates, he spoke about how he only masturbates to generate power, and he wants to get a wife one day, not a girlfriend, he wants to get a girlfriend that becomes a wife, so we have some great kids.
And I think you're right, what is also happening is that he, if people are not watching, people listening, he looks like a Disney prince, right?He's an incredibly good looking man.
And you associate that with being like an alpha male, but he's clearly quite like, I don't know, not a nerd, but he's just quite like an awkward, he's not smooth.
Really awkward, really vulnerable.
Humour is generated from that incongruity of like, this guy looks like he's goofy, but he looks like he should be like a... Goofy's the word.
He's so goofy.It doesn't feel forced at all.Someone who's putting out this much content, who's got a character that's this rich, I should be asking if this is put on.I should be asking if that was scripted.I 100% don't believe it is.
No.But I think you're right.There's so much media about him being a real person. if like five years from now it was like some kind of long-term performance art project by a Berlin artist.
Like mate, it would be Jim Carrey.It has actually got a bit of Jim Carrey to it, hasn't it?Like it has got a bit of that.Also, like one thing I like about him, yeah, he is like, he is like Eurotrash.
It's like, it's like he's the concentrate that you dilute to get Eurotrash. Do you know what I mean?He's so like, hey guys, you're a fucking ya, anyone wanna go to a crazy disco with me?Jesus.Yeah, it's so like, yes, that is like fun European guy.
He's the right kind of German. He's the right kind of German.
He's modern Germany, isn't he?
But he's modern German, but he's kind of... I don't know where he's from.I've got no idea where he's from in Germany.
He's got Polish heritage, but he's from Germany.
Yeah, he's got Polish heritage, but he is German.But he feels kind of southern German.Fun German, you know?Yeah, a couple of steins German.Do you know what I mean?Fun German.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently in relation to the England manager.You know, you've got Thomas Tuchel, right?Now, there's been a lot of hoo-ha about him being German.Is it OK that we've got an England manager who's German?
I personally, I think it'd be nicer if we did have an England manager.I do think he's probably the best man for the job.I think the reason people don't like him, he's the wrong kind of German.Do you know what I mean?
He's creepy, go to Berghain alone German.He's not Klopp German.Do you know what I mean?
Do you know what a lot of that comes back to?Racism. No, yeah, it does.It does in those people.Xenophobia.Xenophobia and racism.But it's because Klopp has got an excellent hair transplant.
And Tommy Too Cool has got a Bobby Charlton comb over.It's gone.It's gone.And I think that's the difference.I think they're both charismatic individuals, but Jürgen is... He's a fun German!That's the kind of Germans we love.
Big Laugh, Steins of Beer.We don't love tactics nerd who's so intense about pressing that he gets angry with all of his friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
And I think that with him, definitely, and I think on reflection with Jürgen, an undertone of horniness to it all.Massive.I mean, not an undertone with Jeremy, an overtone.Top note.Top note with Jeremy.
Yeah, but you're right.And that's another thing I like.I love a horny Christian. I fucking love a horny Christian.
So it's interesting, so like, my family weren't particularly religious growing up.
So my mum, Irish, from an Irish family who are Catholic, like my nan's Catholic, my mum never did anything religious, we never went to church, never did anything like that. I think your family were a little bit more religious growing up.
Yeah, in that we were just like regular default Irish Catholics go to church and therefore we go to church.Like not super more, but we did all of the stuff.Did you go every week?Yeah, between the ages of like, until I was about 15, 16.
Did my communion and all that, did all that stuff.
I think this is a common thing, that when you're a teenager, and you think about culture at the time, there was a lot of anti-religious culture when we were teenagers, like Richard Gervais and Russell Brand.Dickie Dawkins.
Yeah, Richard Dawkins was a very big thing.I remember at the time being like, fuck religion, fuck Christianity, religion's the worst thing in the world, everything bad that happens comes from religion.
And then I remember getting a bit older and being like, Religion is actually class.I remember being like, it's quite nice.It's usually based on quite nice ethics and values.It's sort of a community thing.It feels very family.
And where I've ended up is the kind of middle ground I found is like, I like it when it's horny. I like religion when it's a bit horny, when it's a bit frisky.
Go on, keep going.Which is fun.
Right.It's like, I love a horny Christian.
I love... So you like American sexy Christians that like... But they don't have to be attractive.Okay.They just need to be horny.
It's not that I fancy them.
Right.I love... I'm going to need to understand this a bit more, I think.
Well, I don't think I do.But I'll make Jack.
I don't think he'd mind me saying him and his wife got married a couple of years ago.We were there.Right.And I think we were all aware that they were waiting for marriage.
Yeah.And maybe 10 months to the day after they were married, their little girl was born.Yes. I love that.
I love that I know, and they got married within like six months of meeting each other.
Do you think there's something about being religious that enables a more openness about sex?Because there's parameters about sexuality and religion, and therefore you have to be more open in relation to those parameters.
And I think the parameters are fun.
I think that's so often when people... See, you're contradicting yourself in that you're saying the parameters and the weighting of sexual intercourse and religion are fun, and also stripping into the nuddy in your bathroom.
But that's because I feel parameters.I get so excited.Look, you know, medal in the post, please, guys.I love shagging my missus. I fucking love going out with my old girl, right?And it's because there are parameters.
It's because there are two little fuckers.I actually said this to my daughter before coming here tonight.So I've got a gig that's early tonight, which means I'm going to be home by half seven.Kids will be asleep.
I'll make dinner for my girlfriend and we might have a little moment.She's going to fucking hate this podcast, right? We were all in the living room earlier before I came out, and we sort of said that to each other while the kids were present.
Not saying it to them, but my daughter was like, what did you say?And I was just on the wind-up, I was in a good mood.I was like, nothing, just me and mummy are going to have some fun when you guys go to sleep.
And my daughter was being really funny, she was like, no you won't.
she was like we're gonna wake up and i was like you're not gonna wake up she's like i'm gonna wake up but i'm gonna come and find you and that is the reason that parameter exists for me right that's why as soon as my missus is like baby i'm like yeah okay fucking off so you're getting at something psychological there about like the yeah the there is nothing more there is nothing less horny than people who are very casual and blasé about sex
who have no parameters, who are just like, yeah man, I'll just sort of fuck everything, I'll just fuck.God, this is getting a bit Jordan Peterson, go on.Yeah, fine.I hate, that was nearly too strong.I don't like polyamory.
Okay, but no, sorry, no, I shouldn't say that.That's like kink shaming.I don't like polyamory.I don't mind polyamory.You can say that, I think.I hate the idea of it, it sounds fucking stressful.
You're a traditional man. In regards to monogamy?
Yeah, I like monogamy.Give me a bit of monogamy.I like that.I don't want polyamory.But the thing I really hate about polyamory is it sounds boring.It's like, yeah, we just shag everyone.It's like, well, that's no fun.
Because if you're just allowed to shag everyone... You couldn't go to an all-you-can-eat buffet every day. Exactly that.The whole point... Do you get a meal deal sometimes?
And every now and then, do you treat yourself to the £5 meal deal where you get a smoked salmon sandwich?Yeah, why not?That feels good, doesn't it?Because it's a treat.
If you were having that smoked salmon sandwich every fucking day... Christmas dinner! Yeah?It's so good because you have it once a year.If you're having it once a week, you'll be like, this is fucking bollocks.Sex is the same thing.
If you're out there just shagging all the time, anyone, doesn't matter, I'm not doing anything wrong if I shag someone or someone misses.How fucking boring is that?What's exciting to you?
It's why, like, honestly, I reckon most of these people become nonces because they're looking up joking. No, but I do suspect they start doing like madder and madder stuff.Shove something up my arse.Let's put something else up your arse.
Let's have the chair up my arse.It's just like, let's just, I don't know.
I think it's like with any pursuit, there's like, you build up a tolerance to it that if it's not bounded by some useful parameters that keep the sense of mystery and excitement alive, then you become desensitized to it and over and over again.
And it's the same with food or cigarettes or drugs or sex or whatever.It like leads to that path of, ultimately addiction, I think.And that's why you can convert to Catholicism.
It's fun with him because you know there's a level of restraint.I mean, he says in that video, he feels a bit weird about wanking.
Well, it's quite sweet in a way, isn't it?
Yeah, it's juvenile.I have no idea how old this geezer is.I think he's definitely older than us.I would guess 40.
He looks unbelievable.And he smells great, probably.
And I have to say, and look, we're doing a lot of sexy chat, let's watch a sexy vid.
Which one do you want to do, the one with the toothpaste?
Well, we've basically got three in a row where it's Jeremy being sexy.
So here's the thing with Jeremy, a lot of his videos are him talking about fragrance, are him talking about what fragrances are good, some of them are about him talking about his own fragrances.Then...
You know, he gets a bit more excited and we'll have to sort of narrate these ones because there's no speaking going on.But he starts doing funny things with the fragrance.
Very strange things.And this is him in his bedroom doing a dance. Okay, there's a girl on the bed and you can just see her feet in the air.
He is gyrating, dancing.Wearing a white suit.Yeah, spraying himself.Quite a good move though, he's got a... not really actually.No, I think he's good.It's a bit like Leonardo DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street.
And she's just, you can just see her rear end on the bed and she's kicking her feet around happily and he's gyrating and spraying himself.
He's got half a bottle.He's soaked in sweat. Now, this hits on two important things, right?One is, like you said, he started off on YouTube, and he would make quite long, sincere videos reviewing fragrances.
That was why, hence the name Jeremy Fragrance.He's then just kind of been, by the natural selection of the algorithm, been whittled down to these like 10 second videos where it's like a tick box of,
He's doing a strange thing, there's a whiff of sexuality about it, and he's spraying a fragrance that it's not really important that he's spraying the fragrance.
And he's putting so much enthusiasm and trying to make it so short and sharp that he's spitting when he says the word power.
So that's the journey that he's been on.The second thing is... And this is alluded to in the GQ article, and I assume the documentary.It is very, very difficult, given that he is a man who is a devout Christian and quite a straight-laced guy.
It's very, very difficult to imagine that he is not on boatloads of cocaine whilst he's doing this.
I'm yeah, I can't tell to be honest with you.They do kind of ask him in the documentary.
And they ask him in the article as well.And he's just like, No, I don't do drugs.I'm just very enthusiastic.
Yeah.And I, I think it might be true.
I think it might be true.One thing he can't do he can't sit down.
Like, he actually can't sit down.Oh, really?So he frequently says to the interviewer, the interviewer in this documentary, it's worth a watch.He's just too active.
The interviewer keeps saying, he was like, can we just do a sit-down interview to really get into the meat of this?And he's like, no, man, no.And he keeps saying, he's like, if I sit down, I get tired, and I'll stop.And he can't stop.
He's like a shark.Yeah, exactly.He's like a shark.He has to keep swimming.And at one point, he has to get in a car.And when he's getting in the car, he's like, I don't want to.
No, I don't want to get in the car.
And he gets in the car and he just sits down and he starts yawning.He's like, I see, look at me.I'm getting so tired.Maybe I go home.I mean, yeah, he talks about how he masturbates for energy.At one point he says that he always goes to the toilet.
Goes for like a shit before making a video, which I mean, he's making 23 videos a day.So I don't know how that works.
Quite a common thing in the comedy industry as well, actually.
Go for a shit before a gig.I don't do it anymore, but I know what you mean.But again, it's like if I was doing 23 gigs a day and each one required a bowel movement, I'd be in hospital.Tough stuff.
But yeah, so the energy thing, I don't think he is on drugs.I think he's just really mad.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
I think the thing with this guy, I've never, and it's funny because we've mentioned sex and romance and stuff, and the three things he wants, he wants to have a mission, he wants to have a mate, and he wants to have a master.
He says himself, he's like, I've got the mission, it's fragrance.Again, I think it's social media notoriety, really, but he's got a master, God, and he thinks that's very important.Yeah, sweet.He wants to find a mate.
I think it's possible that a woman can save Jeremy. Do you know what I mean?I think a woman could save Jeremy because I think... Have you ever had that?Have you ever known someone who's really mad?
And they could be on drugs sometimes, but sometimes they're not, but they're just fucking mad.And then they get a girlfriend and you're like, oh, thank God.
We're all safe now.My mate, Kid Frankie,
Yeah, I'm aware of Kid Frankie.
Yeah, I don't like when his name comes up because I can feel the editing hours.I can feel them racking up in my brain.
So do keep this within... We won't talk about him too much because there's details about Kid Frankie's life that... That I don't need to go into here.Kid Frankie's mad.Kid Frankie's got a missus now.
He's less mad.And especially fragrant.
And I believe that Jeremy is sincere in his desire for a wife as well.
He really wants a wife.In this documentary they're showing him walking around New York and he's flirting.
He's a horny guy.I think we can agree with that.
But like he also wants commitment.
He doesn't just want to shout as you can see by the amount of I mean There's two more videos where I don't know if we even need no, I think they're more of the same one of them He's dribbling all over someone's hand while brushing his teeth is really just like he's he's a kind of savant for like Thinking of an image that would make someone stop on a video.
I think what he's doing I think what he's doing is he's trying to reenact a perfume advert and You know when you see like a Calvin Klein advert?
But it's got a weird, it will have a twist on it.It'll have an odd like surreal twist on it that he's like, he's dribbling or something like that.
This is it.But then like, I don't know, like a Calvin Klein advert, there'd be like a man in underwear.
Looking kind of sexy.A woman on a bed in underwear.Kind of sexy.What?There's a panther on the bed?That's a bit crazy.Still kind of sexy.Calvin Klein.Right?
It's like he's trying to do that, but it's like a really horny 14-year-old German boy is trying to recreate it.It's like, OK, in my room.Yeah, feeling sexy.Lady on the bed.Let's spit on her foot, man.
Crazy.Play me, Calvin Klein.I think the toothpaste one is a good example of that.Let's just watch that quickly.
This is in his head, he thinks this is a perfume advert.
If anyone's not watching, he's holding a woman's hand, brushing his teeth, and just gobbing all of the toothpaste onto her hand.And now he's just made her slap him.
And now he's dancing.And I honestly, in his kind of like horny 14-year-old German brain, that was a perfume advert.Now he's licking the spit off her hand.He's dancing even more.Have you ever met a horny German?
He's a horny German, Klopp's kind of a horny German.I've been on lads holidays before where you meet a horny German and they are fucking powerful.They've got that kind of complexion, that kind of tall, tanned, blondish hair.
Healthy, big, big hands.Always very big hands.And you're a bit like, shit man, I think you probably could sleep with me.You know how sexuality is a spectrum?
Well, the Catholic Church doesn't agree with that.No, go on.
But it is, right?And you know, like, you know, they say that man, woman, whatever, we're all on a spectrum.No one's 100% one thing.
I think Jeremy's playing into that as well.Jeremy's got a campness to him, but also at the same time, a potent heterosexuality.
This is the thing I don't mind saying.I'm really straight.
For the sake of argument.
I was talking to my girlfriend about this the other day, like, I have very rarely, I've not, I've never, like, you know, like some guys, like when they'll kiss another bloke.
Do you know what I mean?Because it's funny, is it?It's funny, right?I've never done that.Right.My mate Kane, you know Kane.Yeah.He was at a festival once, took too much of everything, real cocktail and stuff, stripped naked, ran around kissing boys.
So he's obviously somewhere on the spectrum that I'm not.
Or he was on loads of drugs.They freed something within him, didn't they?
They unlocked something that allowed him to express himself.
That's the other option.You're just too repressed.
Maybe, I don't know, but I've never had any kind of, and I'm not saying I get gay thoughts when I see Jeremy Fragrance, but when I see him, like, he's tanned, he's hench, I quite like all the white stuff.
He's got big hands again, yeah.
Yeah, he's got big hands, and he'll spray himself and he's sort of gyrating.Like, I'm not turned on.
But I'm like, yeah, I feel sexy.
Yeah, okay.Yeah, yeah, yeah.I don't fancy Jeremy Fragrance.Oh no, no one could suggest that.I'm just saying, I'm just saying.Just saying.It's sexy, man.Sure, just a bit horny. I know what you mean.I know what you mean.
And I think that's good that he's put you in touch with that side of yourself.
I think this is fucking cool.
I don't think.Is he harming anyone?I was about to say, he's not harming anyone.
Well, he's not harming anyone.
With Beaver, I feel like something terrible is going to happen at all times.He does feel vulnerable.I don't want people to take the piss out of him, because then when he's like, oh, I want to meet a wife, I think that's a bit sad.
Well, I think he needs to meet a wife.I think his bollocks are going to explode.
You're not a medical doctor, mate.
You shouldn't be that horny at that age.That's the issue.Now here's the goddamn problem.We know what it is.You shouldn't be that horny at that age.That's the kind of like, where's my fear with Jeremy?What's the issue?What am I hoping for?
He's got a mission, he's got a master, he doesn't have a mate, and look, he's clearly shagging.I mean, some woman's willing for him to fucking spit Colgate all over her hand.
I mean, how do you price, unless that is someone that he's in a relationship with, how do you price up the hourly rate for doing that?
Yeah, yeah, well, I do think that could be possible, that he's hiring people in.
That would be sad for me as well, because I don't want him to be lonely, I don't want Jez to be lonely.
I think he is lonely, I think he's deeply lonely, I think he's so horny, and I think his bollocks are going to explode if he, like, he kind of, Yeah, that's the fear with Jamie Fragrance.
He's too horny.Do you remember we talked about, I can't remember who it was, was it Bevo? No, Davis Clark, where we were like, one day, he'll just turn off the iPhone, shut down the account, and we'll never hear from him again.
That'll be Fragrance Gets Married.
If Fragrance Gets Married, that's where he could just have a lovely life with his German, probably Christian wife, in wherever he was he grew up, and just an idyllic life.They can spray fragrance on each other all they want.
They don't have to video it.Just do it for fun.Because they're horny.
That's what it is, yeah.He needs to end up in a meadow.
where he can spunk all over the gap, spray his little fragrance and just do what he needs to do.He's not a man built for cities.
No, no, too stimulating.I think city life overstimulates him.
That's why he's always doing push-ups.That's like his thing.It's like, you know, he's got some weird thing where he masturbates and doesn't ejaculate.So he does a lot of push-ups.And I think it's because he's overstimulated all the time.
I think the smells are too much for him.We need to make him free range.
Well, we hope we can send Jeremy, not like when they put down a dog and they send him to a farm in the country, but really send him to a farm in the country with his wife.I don't know that we've explained him any more than we were able to.
It's inexplicable.He's a horny guy who sprays fragrances and thrusts. That's it, that's what you've got.
I'll just chop it, we'll just go from the intro to that end of episode.
Yeah, if you want the short analysis it's that.
At some point I've admitted to gay thoughts in this episode and I've told you what I do, I've told you way too much about myself in this episode.
I know what Jacob's doing this evening, I'm going to text him about half eight.Thank you so much for listening as always everyone, we'll be back next week with another prize specimen from the internet to talk about.Until then, up the rise, cheers.
Because I'm telling you, honey.
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