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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.This is part two of the recap.If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed.It's right there.
And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.
So then Alexis is like, oh my God, Joe knows these women longer than I have.And she just got married and he's an amazing guy.So then just hugs and hellos and stuff like that.And then Emily and Shane come and she's like, give me some champagne.
Oh, there's a Malibu wall too.I love that that's Jen's thing.Do you have Malibu in this country?
And then I was like, wait a second, Alexis, I feel like you don't look tacky.I look tacky because I wore white.That's a tacky decision.By the way, Emily doesn't really look tacky.
It's like, I know you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding day, but it's like not really a tacky dress.I feel like you kind of failed it.
She's doing it on purpose.She's being, so she can go up to everybody and goes, I wore this when I got married.
It's the same dress.It's been 15 years, same size.Suck it Heather Dubrow.
Yeah, I think that's probably the ulterior motive.And the bros like, really, because I'm wearing something by Susan Bender, ha.
So don't worry, I had her so size 12 on the inside, just so no one was triggered.
And then either does arrive in this big, roughly fluffy, purple thing.And then Terry's like, wow, you're just you're just missing a sheet.What does that mean?
She looked like a bed?I don't know.
Maybe like, or a Swiffer, maybe?I don't know.What do Swiffers have to do with sheets? I don't know.It didn't make sense to me.Yeah.I mean, so they, you know, blah, blah, blah.
They're talking about their dresses and how we see a photo of Emily in a black dress from 1994.And we see some, you know, we see their looks from back in the day, you know, and I mean, Tamara will always win these.They're always insane looking.
And then it shows Katie as a toddler in 1989.And she's like, yeah, they're all very old.
Yeah, she pulls the age card, which never really lands well.I feel like it never lands properly on any of these shows.So Heather, they're just talking about the dresses and everything.
And they're like, again, they're coming down on Alexis for not actually being tacky because she's like, no, this is like a $10 bouquet and like a dress made out of polyester.I mean, like this is a very tacky outfit.OK, I mean, look at the fabric.
Okay like my hair did i didn't even need it for it to be this cute that wasn't on the drawing board but it did turn out cute i realize i realize i'm mixing all sorts of different midwestern accents together in some crazy madness but it's undecipherable to me hers i can't tell what it is she uses like a lot of different ones.
she's from ohio so some of that ohio accent comes out but i'm not good enough at doing an ohio accent so i just sort of like go all the way across the country to different regions well you know that accent changes a lot because they're a swing state so they can't really
Well, look at that.That was a good political project, right?
That was good.Dad and politics, guys.Dad and politics.Come back for more.So then they're talking about Gina's outfit.Heather goes, well, that's definitely not the best outfit she's ever worn.
And Emily goes, no, but it's definitely not the worst either.
Yeah, to be true.I was a little upset that we did not get like a standard, you know, montage of Gina's outfits.Because this is like a post department, this show post department's been going nuts.And I thought this was a perfect opportunity for them.
They went nuts earlier in the episode, by the way, when we were going to all those different houses, like Nikki, Nikki's house and everything. They did some crazy high speed carousel that was totally unnecessary.
And didn't even like the scene would start and it was still going.It was there, you could hear them talking and the things were still zipping by.I was like, all right, it's gone too far.Post department time to like rain it back in.
Okay, like it was one thing when you did like, made it look like it was raining.And it was just different, like faces of Heather Dubrow or something, but this is too much.
I love it.I love their arts and crafting over there in post.The end was really good too.I like their Instagram.They had all of that stuff.Heather passes Katie coming in and Emily's like, did she say hello to you?She goes, no.
Then we see a flashback to 10 minutes earlier.Emily and Heather walk into the bar and pass Katie and Matt walking outside. Yeah, none of you said hi to each other.So why is it on her to say hi to you, you snotty asshole?
She's not a hostess at your fucking restaurant, Heather.
Yeah, they're both angry at each other because neither of them said hello.So they're both accusing each other of giving each other a cold shoulder.So Matt, who is Katie's Matt, is like, yeah, that was cold as shit.And they're all very angry.
And then Katie tells us, I feel like a snub me once at Sutton's, shame on you.Snub me twice, you're a bitch. It could also be snubby once you're a bitch too, just saying.
Yeah, I like saying hi to people that hate me.I like watching them squirm and try and get out of it.Like, hi, how are you?Good.It's a Southern thing, you know?But it's fun to watch them just be like, hi.Why is he being so nice to me?
Because I'm a good person.How does that feel?How do you feel my agape just warming you up and rolling all over you?Have a great night.Love your dress.
Okay, so then Emily is talking the previous day about how it's weird that Katie said that your boys said that, and she's like, oh, you know, my mom isn't Heather Horrible.She thinks to just make things up like that.No one made it up, Heather.
You're fucking horrible.And I can guarantee you that somebody in every place you exit says that as you leave.God, she's horrible.God, she's fucking horrible.
And Emily's like, sometimes I think she wants to wear your skin.Well, Susan Bender did offer to make a pantsuit out of my skin, so that would be okay.
But really all I had extra was the lobe skin that I collect every year, every time I get a little nip and tuck.And it's really hard to turn lobes into a pair of capris, you know what I mean?
Every year at the holidays, I do donate one inch of skin to all my Alfredos. The thing is this, Katie is not obsessed with Heather.I think that Katie was being shady off camera.Katie had met Heather.
Heather was dismissive of her at Sutton's party and Katie's like, what's up with this bitch?And then all this stuff, there was talk about like, did Heather stage those photos?Did she not?And Katie's like, I'm going to find out.
And so Katie asked her friend, we all know this. She found out, I don't think it's obsessive to do that.I think she's just being shady.She's like, this person was a bitch.And I bet, I bet she did stage that because she was a bitch to me.
I'm going to find out.And then Gina is the one who encouraged her to bring it up on camera.Then she was like, Oh my God, I can't believe you brought that up on camera.It makes Katie seem like she's obsessed with Heather.
And then this whole thing, you know, Kaylee told, told this story about the kids and I was just going to end there in the pottery class.Kaylee should not have told that story. And Katie should have shut it down the moment it started.
That is 100% on Katie.But it was Tamara who was actually the one who was like, guess what Katie said?
Katie made her daughter say.
So I don't think Katie is obsessed with Heather at all.But now they're going to create this narrative like she is.And I think that's unfair.
Yeah, she's not obsessed with you.She just thinks you're an asshole.And it's not a big deal when you're like, oh my God, even the kids think she's assholes.She's an asshole.Isn't that hilarious?It is hilarious.Get the fuck over it.
You know, the only place I don't believe that they've called Heather an asshole when she's left is like in Arby's, but only because I believe that she never walked in there in the first place.Literally church.
You probably leave weddings and the preacher is like, God, she was horrible.Who was that? You're horrible, accept it, okay?
She can't even get the skin reference, right?Because Emily goes, sometimes I think she wants to wear your skin.And Heather goes, yeah, like Hannibal Lecter.Well, first of all, Hannibal Lecter did not wear the skin, it was Buffalo Bill.
And second of all, you don't even have to say that part, because that's why Emily said it in the first place.
I'm sorry, can I get different skin to wear, please?This one's way too large.How dare you, Heather?
Oh, I was hoping it was Wendy Malek's.So Emily is like, well, here's the question back in present tense.
How many espresso martinis before I say something?
So she and Heather joking about like, oh, if Emily gets to level three, she's going to start some shit, et cetera.
Yeah.Okay, so then Emily's trashed really fast, which gives me hope that she's going to go pop off on somebody, but she doesn't.So then Katie and Tamara are talking about how it's weird between Tamara and Jen.
She's like, yeah, it's just so bad, how weird.Has Shannon did this to me?All the love I've given Jen.
And then we cut to Shannon being like, oh gosh, oh gosh, laying down like that, my neck is a little tweaked now.
I have to walk like this all the time.Oh, hello.Who's the bride?I'm sorry to be looking at you sideways.I'm fine.It's called the fun in the neck.
Fun in the neck.And everyone's like, oh my God, hi.Oh my God, it's Queen Victoria.I love Queen Victoria.
Oh, well, but what about the Duchess of Corona del Mar?No?Anyway, I have a whole box of t-shirts, so I think if you could help me get this to catch on a little bit, it'd be wonderful.Thank you so much.
That's just a Corona Del Mar.Anyone?Ronnie's talking, but he's on mute, so I'm just gonna keep saying, that's just a Corona Del Mar!
I guess Vicky's not talking to me.Oh, she's not!Well, she didn't say hi to me.Just me, over here on an island by myself, as my best friend Jen ignores me.And now one of the people that I've given the most to, Vicky Gunvalson, ignores me too.
So then Jen walks in, she's like, oh my god, thank you so much, party, agape, this is wonderful.
Oh my god, look, a Malibu wall, that's just absolutely wonderful.
And then they do, they throw the bouquet, and then Jen catches it, and Alexis hugs her and everything.And then Everyone's just so happy.
It's like a Barbie wedding and then we see Jen's parents there and she's like, you know It's almost like a surreal experience that I am at my own engagement party I mean if you would have told this girl three and a half years ago This is where you're going to be at agape.
I would have said no way Really?That's amazing.I can't tell how grateful I am for the partnership.I have with Ryan.It's like Pinch me.He's too good to be true
So guess who's here?Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.No one yet.Okay, so then let's see what's happening after.Joe is saying hi to people, and then they all go inside to get Jen a drink.
Well, Joe, by the way, we find out that Joe, she goes, when she was 23, Ryan was her boss at Countrywide Realty Group, which is about when she was on this show.So it's crazy to think that Ryan was Joe's boss back in season one and two of this show.
Like, that's actually wild.
He's always been circling, as they often are, eh, Ben?They're always circling.So then they go inside to get Jen a drink, and Tamara's like, actually, I gave up on drinking.
What do you think about that?Because I don't like alcoholism, and to prove that I don't like it and that it's not safe, I've now become a non-drinker.So I hope that people can understand the love that's coming from my soul, my soul, my heart now.
What the fuck are you doing?What are you on today?
Well, I wish they would have shown that clip of Eddie staring at her while she had a cocktail at Katie's house, because that was amazing.
But instead they show a montage of her saying to Ryan, such a little bitch, such a little bitch, such a little bitch.
So then Jen is talking to Shannon.She's like, why are we tucked away?Are we avoiding people together, Shannon?Why is this?Not that I don't love being alone with you.
I really love it.Shannon, look at us, like sisters.She's like, well, I just haven't seen most of the people since I walked out and flew home by myself on something called Spirit Airlines.
I was almost a spirit.I'd almost crashed.Do you know they make you sit on a metal fist?That's how you get home.
I'll tell you, let me tell you something about spirits.
Mine was broken by that flight.So then Gina's talking to Tamra.She's like, you know what, Tamra, I'll be honest, like your fight with Shannon is now fucking up your relationship with Jen.
Now it's bringing shit about me that could fuck things up in my life.
And I just feel like we were collateral damage in this fight.And that would make me feel really good if you said you felt bad.
And then she's basically saying that tamra is a sort of person that's not good enough to burn down the bridge you have to burn she's gonna burn down the entire town i'm like that's true but also you've been on the show for like seven years and i don't know how you're only discovering this now.
And Tamara's like, I'm so sorry for that.I truly understand what you're saying.I hear you.And we'll do anything to make sure to keep you as a customer.So please, within 30 days, just bring it in.
We'll scan it, and it'll go back to the card that you paid on.All right, toots.
What is this customer service Tamara bullshit?It's so weird.I know.It's like too late.And also, if you're going to go through the whole season as a villain, don't switch it up now.At least be consistent.
So then we go back to Jen and Vicky and Shannon, and Shannon, they're like getting a little cold and everything, and Vicky's like, is there food?And Shannon's like, well, leave it to Alexis to throw a cheat party with no food.
Wow, I see.Let's see how John Jansen enjoys his salmon stuff with nothing.
I tried to have hopes in this party, but are there nachos?
And so then we cut to Emily kissing Shane, Heather's kissing Terry, Eddie's kissing Heather, wait a minute.And so he's like, has a drama.
She's like, oh wait, you kissed Eddie too?You're like a burrito in a jeans jacket.I didn't know I got to kiss everybody.
And so Eddie's like, this is a moment of love.Terry's like, yeah, you've had three on it.You are cut off.
So now Ryan is showing his, he's wearing like an Amazon suit, like literally, I'm not being shady, he lives like, I got this off Amazon, he's like showing it off and everything, and everyone's like, this is amazing.
And now Jen is talking to Matthew, Matthew Boyer is the one who is like the bookie, the bookie, the famous bookie in the Otami scandal. And so Ryan's like, you want to know something amazing?How did I meet you?Remember who introduced us, Matthew?
It was Joe.And he's like, yeah, she doesn't even recognize me.She goes, I don't even know if Ryan's going to remember you.I go, oh yeah, no, he does.So it turns out that Joe DeLaRosa
is the one who got Ryan embroiled in a future FBI scandal that he was able to get himself out of for reasons that we don't totally know why.
And then we see Ryan defending himself at that party where Tamara was attacking him.And he's like, oh, Matt's one of my, I mean, he's a friend.We go to Vegas.We go to Vegas.It's so fun.And Emily's like, what did the FBI raid him?
And he's like, you know, bookie business.He has a bookie business.
So you just went?He's like, mm-hmm.I love books.
So that notebook great thing.
And then matthew with back to present matthew makes a joke hey this guy here this is my money launderer haha haha haha haha haha haha joke i don't know i don't know if that was a joke sounded like a pretty bold like fuck the police but the purple.
So then Emily's talking to Katie and she's like, I want to talk to you about something.
When Callie came and stayed with my children, she did an amazing job.I said, oh, good, good.But when she left, my boys looked at me and they were like, mom, is Heather mean?Because Kylie told us that Heather's mean.
And Katie's like, oh, well, can I tell you what she told me?Yeah, you could tell me.So then we see a flashback of this.And we see a little bit more, which is that we see Kaley telling her story, Kaley.
And then she said like, yeah, we don't really like Heather.She's mean to our mom.And then Kaley says, I think it was here where she was like, Yeah.A few beats later, she goes, I thought it was so funny.
And I was like, I think she's kind of mean to my mom too.So we bonded.So actually, here is what I think the story is.The kids say that Heather is mean.She's like, yeah, she's a little mean to my mom.And the kids are like, Callie said she was mean.
I think the kids framed Callie. She did say something, but she is not the one who initiated.
Yeah, I think you're onto something with that one.And so Emily's like, I'm not saying Callie lied, but you know, then you went and told Tamara.I didn't tell Tamara, Kaylee did.So you know what, if you want to skewer someone, skewer Kaylee.Okay.
She wanted to look up her Facebook and ruin her life.
That's how to do it. Way to throw your daughter under the bus there, Kaylee.I'm Katie.She's like, I didn't say it.It was just my wretched daughter did it.So I was like, I'm not saying that Kaylee lied, but I'm not saying she told the truth.
And as we all know, eight year old boys are always going to say the truth, even if it could get them into trouble.
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So then Heather is over there, right?So she's listening to all of this and she's just giving her dirty looks and waving her hands and looking around like, can you believe this poor person?
And so Katie's like, come on, guys, it was a mother-daughter moment.We were giggling.She's, oh, giggling about the fact that I'm mean.
Yeah.She's like, yeah.And by the way, Katie is also like, I said these things to Callie because she's a little bit older and we're able to talk about adult things to my older children, not like Bandon, who's only six years old.
I would never talk about this.
And then it cuts to Bandon saying like, was Heather being a jerk today again for the millionth time?
She's like, not on camera.How did I miss that?That's funny.It was amazing.Uh, yeah.So yeah, I think, you know, Bandon was like, clearly it had heard all the gossip, but by the way, I don't think that's, that's not bad on Katie.
It's what we talked about last week, which is that like parents talk shit about their friends all the time.And we, as kids all heard it and we soaked it in and like, this is not crazy.
Yeah, so then giggling about the fact that I mean she goes, yeah. She goes, you know what, Katie, I'm done.And she's just like, OK, be done.And I love this, Katie.She's just rolling her eyes at Heather, like, oh, fuck off.
You fucking stick up your ass, hypocritical loser of a woman.Nobody cares, Heather.Go be mean to somebody else.
And I love that Heather's whole proof is like, I'm not mean by writing someone hard with no sense of humor in a party and not just being like, oh, kids.
wait yeah you're really relaxed there heather this was the katie i've been wanting to see all season and i loved heather being so rattled right now because she really leans into like soap opera talk because she's like i am done with all of your lies and all your come after me and all of your nonsense
She's very campy.Katie's like, oh, I'm coming after you.And she goes, I laugh when people are being ridiculous.And she goes, oh, really?Oh, just laugh.Just laugh.Why do you think it's so funny?
And she goes, because you're always putting your nails in my face and shutting me up, and I'm over it.
Yeah, and I was like, because you're boring and you lie.Oh, God got her on that one.You're boring.The ultimate Heather's vile.She's gross.
And Katie goes, I'm not lying about it.You lied.And you swore on your kids and you lied.And Heather goes, that is bullshit.Okay, everyone, please gather around.How dare you? It was like a llama's drawn out, how dare you.
She really does.But you did lie.We all saw it.You swore on the children and you lied.So what are you going to do about it?She's like, how dare you bring up my children?And so I was like, listen.She goes, oh, you're just so evil, aren't you?
You're just so badass. Katie's not even being evil.You just called her boring and whatever, and she's just sitting there laughing at you, laughing in your face.And I love finding someone that is not controlled by Heather.It's glorious to watch it.
And that ruffle was really working well for Katie.This is the sort of fight that you have. when you have a big blue ruffle on your shoulder.And so Emily's like, wait, guys, this is my fight.
So look, do you understand, Katie?The implication is that when you brought that up, it implies that I'm a bad parent, just like my father.
I was like, okay, okay.She's like, I'm sorry.
But do you understand how it jeopardizes my relationship with Heather, who is my good friend this afternoon, and then tomorrow I'm going to go back to talking shit about her?
She's like, okay, fine, I should have called you.From now on, that'll happen.And Heather goes, oh, from now on?Yeah.The fuck else would she say?I'll get in a time machine and undo it?No, she's saying, I'll do what you ask for now on.
Heather is doing, and she didn't even get to have the final word in this argument because it went back to Emily.So she's just standing there like, oh.So all she can do is just turn things into question marks.
Katie's like, well, I'm going to go see Matt.Oh, so you're going to go see Matt.Got it.Got it.
So now Heather takes off her gloves, her clothes.Heather gets cool all of a sudden.It's weird.Emily's like, are these your gloves?Did you take them off?
Oh, I get it, you took the gloves off.
She goes, I did.And now look, I'm gonna stew and give dirty looks all night with my big dark button eyes.Let's see how it bothers her.Katie's like, whatever, loser.
fuck off the fact that katie just eggs her she throws an egg at her like the ugly house on the street the fact that katie wanted this to be a conversation in this group is so distasteful to me it is beyond it is like going into nobu and being served sushi on the plates that all the other normal people eat off of it is disgusting well actually the one who brought it to the group was tamra so
Yeah, exactly.I want to check into that.I want to check into that scaredy pants, trying to come after Katie so you don't have to go after Tamara.Katie's not scared of you.Good luck next season, because she's going to get another season now.
Yeah, yeah, I think she earned it.Alexis is like, hey, so are you good?And she's like, well, my daughter may need to have a talk now, because Emily said it was the opposite.She goes, yeah, but I don't think your daughter's going to be lying.
I mean, I think there is something else going on.She goes, Well, she's almost 20, so I don't think she's lying.I mean, so basically she's like, I'll talk with her, but I'm pretty sure she's telling the truth.
And I actually think that like all of the above is true.
I think that's what we discovered from this, which is that the kids said something, Kaylee co-signed it and the kids took the co-sign and went running to the parents and said, this is what Kaylee said.
And they didn't include their part of the conversation.And we know they did this because that's what people do.And that's what the current argument is between Shannon and Tamara at the moment about those text messages.
Yeah.So then they're joking with Heather, like, oh my god, your gloves came off, literally.She took off her earrings, too!And so they're laughing, and then Joe and Jen, like, oh my god, the hoops came out!
And you know, Heather was like, I'm not wearing hoops and I don't understand why you would highlight that in the first place.She has no idea what it means when the hoops come out.
Sorry, I do not play basketball.So then Joe and Jen are taking pictures in the photo booth and stuff.And then Jen takes, you know, fun and games moment while we're moving towards more drama.Look, things are going well at the party. whatever.
So Heather shoves Tamra towards Jed.She's like, you need to talk to Jed.
So Tamra's like, hey Jed, you look so beautiful.I'm so super happy for you.I'm just so bummed that we didn't get to talk the other day.But I understand.Sometimes it's difficult.
The people that we love most, we try to ignore them so we don't have to feel such a gush of love.Because the love I feel for you won't stop gushing out.So you might have respect for that.
But Tamra, Tamra, please just stop, OK?I don't want to rehash things.
I think that's our problem.
Well, see, hey Betch, so I wanted to understand that there was like more to that than what she showed you.And I have all the texts and I wanted to show them to you so you understood better.
And Shannon brought that up to get between us, Betch, our great healthy relationship that was going to be forever friendship.
And Tamara's like, you know what, Jen, you shouldn't be mad at me.You should be thanking me.And one day.
You will, you will, you will, you will.
How dare you!Get out of my confessional, Heather!Sorry, I just really like saying it now.
So then Jen's telling us, Shannon could be all over that text thread, but the difference is, when she apologizes, I believe her.Because Shannon was smart in going to her and saying, you know, whatever.
Oh no, that was to Gina, where Shannon's like, you know, I'm sorry I did that stuff.Which is probably the smartest way.
Yeah, because Shannon has mentioned many times, I have been working on myself, even though we haven't seen a huge amount of change in Shannon, but she's talked about it.Whereas Tamara has not said that.
So they're like, well, Shannon's working on herself.So I believe her.
So then Jen is like, you know what, we never even talked about Katie's, you talk shit about Ryan, and you tell women, and then you tell the women the shit. I'm like, thank you very much for highlighting to me how bad of a friend you are.
He goes, yeah, well, by the way, a lot of girls talk shit about Ryan, OK?And I understand that I went low at Katie's party.And I apologize.That was me crying.I'm sorry, because I thought we were doing good.And I thought we were making headway.
And she's like, well, you know, Tamara, it's just like, we just keep going through the same things.And then it goes right back.And I'm just very uncomfortable.
She goes, you know what?I'm not here to fight with you.So if you're going to raise your voice at me, I need you to just walk away.It's so hurtful the way you're raising your voice.
I'm like, Tamara, I just don't want to fight anymore.
Oh, she hit me.She hit me, everybody.She hit me.Why?
If you want to leave, leave, please do.Thank you so much, because I don't know where I am with everyone.
Stop yelling at me, bitch.It's not my fault I didn't go to the Fashion Institute of Orange County.
So Tamra walks away, and Jen's like, I am just so tired of being sad about Tamra and I's friendship.
And the truth of it is, she's not a friend.Tamra needs a lot of work.And I can't wait to come back next season and be like, God, I'm so glad I fixed my friendship with Tamra.
So then Katie is ranting to, or Vicky is ranting to Katie, and she's like, I'm not fighting with any of these bitches.I'm not involved.And guess what?I do not have anger.Guess what I have?A job.I have a job.Get a job, Katie.Seriously, get a job.
We're women.You know?Yeah.
You know what, Tapper?Her ego is bigger than the state of California.So then inside Gina's like, oh my God, why don't we do like a group photo?Where's Shannon?
Where's Shannon?Where's Shannon?Did she leave?No, she's right over there.
So they're going to now do a group photo.And they're all gathering together.And this takes a few moments for them to gather together.They finally get together.And they all have to yell, 3, 2, 1, Tacky!So like, Tacky!
So then Gina's like, well, it's so weird you're in the room with Tamara and you haven't crossed paths.She's like, that's okay.
I would just want everyone to understand that I've been doing nothing but working on myself and creating boundaries, boundaries.That's why I left London.
Because you, my friend, Tamara, you blasted me for four fricking days in a row for a trip I was so excited and I am done.And when I say I'm done, I mean it.And that is creating healthy boundaries for myself.I am, where's the bus boy?Take my plate.
Like she starts having a fit and literally nobody did anything to her.
No one did anything.She literally just, she was like, I will handle the fight myself.
Okay, I have learned through this process that I don't have to rely on other people to have a fight.I will do it all on my own.So therefore I have a healthy boundary and the boundary ends right here.Good day to you all.
You shall not see me for the rest of this party or this episode for one single second, goodbye.
And when she leaves, Alexis is like, have another drink. So then Tamra starts laughing, and she's like, I didn't even have to do anything this time.
And Shannon goes over to Eddie to pass by him, and she's like, your fucking wife, there's something else there.
She's something else, Eddie.
And so they're like, there she goes, running, running again.
Where's Steve?Steve?Has anyone seen a strange gay man who arrived with Victoria?No?
Okay.Steve?Steve?He's wearing something called a cock ring.Anybody has seen that?Oh, by the way, I am leaving.
She keeps walking around the hallway just to tell people, I'm leaving.She sees Matt and she goes, I'm leaving.He's like, what happened?It's like Matt's been dating Shannon for five years.
What is it?Well, he also works in golf, so it's hard to say, but golf voice and dating Shannon for five years voice is pretty much the same.So Shannon's like, whoever you are, I used to say all the time, I am done.And then I'd come back.
And when I say I am done now, I mean it, I am done.So he goes, yeah, well, maybe it's time to walk away because, you know, I care about you and you've been kind to me.She goes, excuse me.
That angers me what you just said that I, oh, I should just walk away.I should walk away.Oh, I guess I am bothering you. I guess my conversation's not good enough for you, Mr. Waiter.So, well, you better take that back, because guess what?
I am not coming back.This is the last you're going to see of me, because I do not go—once I go away, I go away for good.Wow.Wow.Wow!
I am the strongest person in this group!"She's, like, freaking out and walking out for, like, the tenth episode out of ten.So then Tamra, they're basically like, "...share the pizza after time." And now she's still arguing with Matt or whatever.
And she's like, good night, good night.He's like, why are you arguing with me?You're the one here.I'm standing here by myself.You came up to me.
He's like, oh, well, have a good night, person who wants to be alone.Oh, now he wants to be alone.Have I just been broken up with?Who is this person?
I just can't believe it.He told me I should get out of here.
What?I mean, this, this, the insolence.Wow, this is certainly an ungrateful person.I am, you know what?I am the strongest person here.You are saying that these are the strongest person.
I'm a very strong person who may be having 40 to 50 negative thoughts at this moment, but I'm happy.I'm a happy person who just happened to also have to take a flight back by herself on Spirit Airlines on a fist.
But I'm happy and strong because of it.And I'm not going to walk back here.
So then Tamara leaves, too, because she's like, I'm above this, I'm leaving, whatever, it's toxic.So she leaves, and then Gina's like, oh my god, can't we just do a toast to Jen?And they're like, okay.
So Shannon comes back, and the girl's like, come on, Shannon, and they put her in her arms.She's like, don't put your arms around me, I don't want to look needy. Does anyone have a glass of water and a cane?
Just a cane, just to support me a little bit.
I just need, I'm afraid I may have some emotional debris in my anus.Could someone just please, I don't want to look needy, but could someone stick their finger in my butt so that way I can proceed with this party?Thank you so much.
So then she comes by, she's walking by back to the table and she sees Katie and she's like, oh, well, we have to talk about what your husband just said to me.It was really inappropriate, Katie.Really inappropriate.
Well, I don't want to even repeat it because it was really inappropriate.And also I kind of can't remember, but it was inappropriate.He goes, she goes, he said to me, maybe it's time for you to walk away.And I go, are you serious?And he goes, no.
And then I said, are you serious?And he goes, what?And I was like, at that point, I wasn't really sure what we were talking about.So I just walked away.
So then, Johnny J is here and everyone's like, oh my God, it's Johnny J. Johnny J is here.And he exits a large SUV and all the women run to watch.And Emily finds Shannon.
She's like, oh, Shannon, I just wanted to let you know John Janssen's here.
Yeah, this is so ridiculous that Johnny Jay shows up in his SUV to make this sort of outdoors appearance.He's not going to go in the party, but he's going to be there, mic'd up, to greet his wife and whisk her, or his girlfriend, to whisk her away.
It's like, oh, sure, Johnny.
He's so gross.He is so gross.So he comes, and Alexis is like, oh my god, everybody, you have to go.Johnny Jay's here. Then back with Shannon, she goes, well, she didn't take my man, she took my problem.
I actually just got another notice from him in the mail today, so I guess he's still there, but you know what I mean.
He was my man, so I guess he. I guess I still have the problem, and she has the man now that I think about it.
But I am strong.I am strong.By the way, for the record, Shannon still has not left.Despite her previous declarations, she is now fully back in the party, sitting, laughing, and smiling, and having a nice time.
Yes.So now it's time to spy on Johnny J. So Emily's lifting up Gina, and they're being wacky.
They're like, oh my god, can you see him?
So then it's wacky and Katie's like, we're not involved.We're not involved.We're not involved.Lift me up.Lift me up.Lift me.This is so funny.
I'm laughing.This is so funny.I can't even open my mouth to laugh because I'm smiling so hard.Oh my God.Oh, I'm so glad that I left this party.I'm a strong.
I'm not going to let anybody like Cameron Judge or Alexis Bellino or John Jansen get me to a point where I'm going to stoop to their level.I am going to bed at night knowing that I am doing the best that I can.
I'm exhausted.This is so tiring.Please stop hurting me, everybody.Please, I'm out.I'm out.
And then the best part of the season, of course, we all know, The best part of any Orange County season is when the end of season music plays and we see what happens, what's going on with everyone's lives.It's not the updates that matter.
It's that music is so good.I live for it.
So good. Yesterday was Halloween, but the real national holiday was that it was Orange County Wrap-Up Music Day.So good.
It just keeps doing that over and over, and I'm like, yes.I'm grinding to it.I got my hand in the air like, yeah.Oh, yeah, you're right.It does have a little bridge where it's like.Yeah, so good.
Shannon, like you said, they're doing it on little Instagram posts, which I couldn't really read, but that's more of a me thing.
They put a, no, they put a drop shadow on the text that was unnecessary and it made the text actually read as blurry.So my note is, if you have a white background and you're using black font, you don't need to use a drop shadow as well.Okay.
But we do see that Shannon's girls are thriving in New York City and Paris and Shannon is slowly entering the dating pool again.Although Alexis may have taken away her problem, one still remains with the unsettled lawsuit.
So then Alexis and John Janssen go away in a car, and John Janssen's like, she absolutely creates a narrative out of one side of her mouth.She was saying she never loved anybody more, but at the same time, she was harming you, Johnny J. Harming.
Getting intoxicated and saying things that were untrue to people.
Okay, slacker.God. I hope he doesn't lose his job while he's in retirement.So then he leaves, and he's like, it's just, it's unfortunate that it's come to this.I just want people not to believe lies about me, and I still want to be on camera.
So then- Yeah, you really saved your reputation this season, John Jansen, you fucking skanky loser.Everybody hates you now.I mean, at least before we could have been like, well, Shannon does that kind of crazy sometimes.
but now wow you've really helped shannon to overcome the season by being such a cock so congrats yeah so then gina and emily are like falling over after they've been spying and emily bc emily's end of season which is shane finally went to the doctor and his tests were normal and emily upped his life insurance and the twins have a new babysitter who doesn't spread rumors
What a sad season ending.Remember that thing that Emily talked about for five seconds one episode?That's her season, everybody.That's all we have to talk about.So then outside, Eddie and Tamara are walking to their Uber, or waiting to their Uber.
And Tamara's like, they just want to be nasty to me.And her wrap up is Sophia attending community college for studio arts.And Tamara intends to speak her truth and be the bigger person.And she's still waiting for Jen's wedding invitation.
And then Heather is talking to Terry and she goes, Katie said to me, you said I swear on my children's lives and you lied.Whatever I am done with her, there is no coming back from that.
So then- She doesn't wanna come back, Heather.No one cares, Heather, bye.
Little did she realize I also swore on Drake.So that's really rude what she said.
So, Nicky's first real estate deal broke a record for the highest sale in Long Beach, and while Terry's nose still doesn't make him look like George Clooney, he isn't snoring anymore.What are these updates?
Why are they choosing the most random elements this season?
That's super weird. So then Katie, she loves Matt, you know, they have like a nice huggy ending and hers is she's not gone to South Korea yet, but she will meet her birth mother hopefully later.
And Heather will not be getting a souvenir or a new Alfredo.
Yes, and so then Shannon throws a bouquet and Gina catches it.And Gina's wrap-up is that she's still living apart from Travis, but they share custody of Meatball and Clover.
And Gina is optimistic about their future as Travis gets closer to finalizing his divorce.
So then Jen gets up and gives a speech.She's like, hi, everybody.I just wanted to say a few words.Thank you so much.And also, you know, I love Ryan.I just want to tell Ryan, thank you so much.And really, to this drink, it's so delicious.
Malibu, thank you so much for the drink you gave us.Everybody, let's agape each other all the time.
Agape to you, agape to you.And thank you so much.
That's it.Nothing could ever go wrong with this perfect relationship.It's like three weeks later, everything goes wrong in the perfect relationship.Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
And then we have this very rushed wrap-up that feels almost like a coming-up-after-the-break wrap-up, but it's not.It's actually just what we see.And so we hear Katie going, what's going on?
And then we go, Ron is being accused of laundering money through casinos in Vegas.And then we see headlines, OC star Jennifer Petranti's fiance, Ryan Boyajian, is connected to Shohei Otani gambling scheme.
Yeah.And then all these headlines, it's 16 millions in MLB gambling scheme and a reality blurb.Tamara judge declares she was right.
the true headline that matters the most.So Jen is on a couch with Ryan, and she goes, this feels like a lot to me, and I thought it was for you too.
He goes, you know what, honey, life throws things at you that you cannot control, like paint on a jacket.And that's why it's called life or fashion.
I love you, and I am so sorry that we are here in the middle of a scandal that I'm totally innocent in.
Yeah.And she's like, but now everyone wants to question me.It's going to be a bloodbath for me.It's like, I don't give a shit.Well, your friend group wants to come and sit with me and say, what are your business dealings?
Because I'm not part of his bookie business.So let him come.Also, Jen, like, I love Jen and I love her on the show, but girl, no one can feel sorry for you.What the fuck is wrong with you?Like, honestly.Yeah. Wow.
So then Emily, it's like, she makes irresponsible decisions and she's oblivious.She has to have some idea.And she was like, yeah, I mean, there's blinded by love, but no one's this stupid.This is really stupid.
It's called Digmatized, okay?And Ryan's like, I believe everything is the Lord's plan and everything is working for us.So suddenly Ryan's religious.Out of nowhere, he's mentioning the Lord.
So he's going to shroud himself in religion to make himself- Usually you have to get to prison before you do that whole thing.The whole like, I've changed.
I've found the Lord.Let me out early, y'all.
But the best part, when he goes, I believe the Lord's plan and everything's working for us, they just cut to Jen's dog and it's just, does a Bea Arthur look right to the camera?
It's like it's in the office.The dog just stares into the camera like, would you believe this motherfucker?I've got to rely on him to be fed.I'll tell you what, I'm being fed.
Bullshit.Woof.Yeah.So then now Tamra arrives to lunch with Emily and Tamra's like, how does it feel to be right?
I'm trying not to gloat.I'm trying not to.
You should glow.And she goes, My god is never wrong.I knew that he was involved in something.
And then Heather joins everyone and she's like, Oh, hello, everyone.So nice that we're meeting here at this McDonald's.No, this is a nice restaurant.Oh, okay.So what the actual fuck?Where are my bowls?This isn't Nobu, Heather.Oh, okay.Sorry.
I'm just really, I'm really out of sorts today.
Alexis is like, I'm short-circuiting.I'm short-wiring.I'm like, okay, where's my wire?It's short, can't even reach it.
What else is new in Alexis' life?She's short-circuiting when she goes to Kmart.Kmart doesn't exist anymore.
Heather's like, well, his friend Matt, I knew that he was a professional gambler.I knew that.Well, bookie anyway. And so now, Katie and Gina are also discussing this.And Gina's like, oh, my God, that was the guy at the party?
And she's like, yeah, that's what my husband went to the back because he was like, at any point in the night, the feds could come raid him.And so they show a flashback where this douchebag, Matthew, is like,
Yeah, obviously it's all over the news, guys.I mean, I might go to jail.You know, people I'm friends with, I'm not going to rat on them.That's for damn sure.These mics are turned off, right?
Oh, by the way, Ryan, if you met Ryan, he's my money launderer.
Yeah, things that you shouldn't say on camera when there's an investigation swirling around you.I'm not going to rat on my friends.That makes you sound like you're really innocent.Yeah.
So Gina's like, if she stays with him, it's going to ruin her life. So now, we go back to the other restaurant, and Emily's like, Ryan was dealing with something that was illegal.
It's around $16 million into his account, and he didn't even know where it came from.
Wow, so when are you guys gonna believe me then?
And Emily's like, but it's a federal investigation, wow.
I was right about Brooks, I was right about Ryan, I was right about, I forgot other things, but I'm sure a lot of other things too.So what about that?
The point isn't that you're not right, the point is that you're an asshole about it. You don't like me?It's your delivery.So then Emily's like, he could go to prison.I kind of hope he does.
Cause I can't wait to go buy him a blazer.Restart his life.
So then Tamara puts on an FBI hat.
She goes, no, I was just thinking, you know, it's like, Oh, well you should've went to the engagement party.That would have been tacky.I would just say, if he chooses to go ahead and get married to him, if she gets married to him, she's a dumb ass.
So now Jen goes over to Katie's house, and Gina's over there still, and they're like, are you okay?And she's like, my God, it's like a lot.
It's like a lot.I don't know what to do or what to think.
And Gina goes, I feel that you were in an unhealthy relationship, okay?Wow, thank you.Gina, listen, it's sunny 90% of the times in the city.Anything else?No, but it's a fact.I just wanted to share that with you.
But what part of him is not good for me?Girl.She's like, um, everything happening right now.
Have you noticed, like, FBI?He has, um, criminal friends.
She goes, I was in a marriage for 23 years to a man who couldn't have a fucking conversation with me in our own home if I begged for it.Now I have a man who feels like my best friend.I feel like I tell him everything.
I feel like he tells me everything, except for, you know, the crimes he commits, things like that.
First of all, I don't think you want Ryan to tell you everything at this point because that could be a problem for you.Second of all, asking for the bare minimum of a lover should not mean that you have to be stuck with Ryan.
There are a lot of people who will also have conversations with you in a romantic relationship.It doesn't mean you have to take the first one that comes your way.
Yeah, but this is the one that she left her family for.
I mean, this is the one that she cheated on her husband for in the parking lot of the gym, allegedly, and, you know, ditched her husband for and like, kind of blew up everybody's life, as they point out in a minute, you know, because Emily's like, it's hard for her to come to terms with the fact that she blew up her life and left her husband and put her family through all that for this man who isn't who he presented himself to be, you know.
It's called the Sunk Cost Fallacy.This is the living embodiment of it, is Ryan.
So she's like, I don't want to do this anymore.
And then we have her wrap up, which is that Ryan was never accused or charged with any wrongdoing and received full immunity.And then Matthew, his friend, pled guilty and is now facing up to 18 years in federal prison.
So it sounds pretty much like Ryan ratted out everyone.It was like, bye.
Sounds like Ryan ended up ratting people out, basically.So that's much better. Now you're not marrying a criminal, you're marrying a rat, you know?So that's always good.We could do like a little rat tattoo-themed wedding.That would be nice.
So that's the end of that.The season reunion is coming up over the next month or so. So we'll be here to talk about that with you guys.Super fun season.I loved it.
And we'll be back later this weekend with a trailer trash for Southern Charm and also a new Dwell Hello over on Wondery Plus.So thanks everybody so much for being here.We sure love you guys.Okay.Bye.
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