Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappens ad-free right now.Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Kill List is a true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those whose lives were in danger.Follow Kill List wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C True Crime shows like Morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.
Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on YouBros.I'm Ronnie.That's Ben.Hi, Ben.
Happy Halloween.Why, thank you. So good to see you.What a spooky day to be here.What a spooky, spooky day.Sure is.I'm going as all of Lisa Barlow's attorneys.
What are you going to go as?I'm taking this to the top.I'm going to go the distance this Halloween.
Going the distance.From a distance.That's where I go when Whitney fucks with me.You better stop fucking with me when I
I'm not going to be Lisa Barlow's assistant.I'm going to be a monk because it goes with my head, and that's how to pick a costume.What goes with your head, Ben?
What goes with my head?I don't know what goes with my head.Maybe a halo.I don't know.Maybe I can just put on some funky hat and be spooky in the process.I don't know.I don't know what goes with my head.
I don't know.Stop putting me on the spot. Well, we hope you're having fun out there, everybody, and staying safe, not biting into apples with razors in them.We are doing Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.New York just went up.
Our Patreon bonus, with Krappens On Demand this week, will be Southern Charms trailer trash.Patreon has just been simplified.It's much easier.It's a one-monthly rate now, much simpler.Go over there, sign up.
If you're already on there, nothing for you is affected.It will be the same as usual.You're grandfathered. Everybody else, go over there, and thanks to everybody for the support.Let's not ado further, okay?
I don't want ado, I don't want any more adoing.Let's get to the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, where we open at Angie's mob party, and Lisa's on the phone with her internet security guy, McAfee.
Whitney's accusing me of something I didn't do so I want you to get the police involved and I want you to prove her wrong because right now she's she's lying right now and I'm livid I am livid we are going the distance going the distance
Ma'am, the police won't even come when people are walking out with caseloads of stuff from the CVS, okay?They have to lock up the deodorant, because the police don't even care if your ass comes in there and steals the whole store.
You think they're going to come because Whitney told the damn lie?They'd have been here every day.They'd have been here every season.Actually, I guess they have kind of been around lurking every season on this show.
Well, hey, I'm jealous of their cop force. Yeah.
Whitney's like, I am not lying.You know what?Every time I think that we're friends, you fuck it up.So then Lisa goes over to Justin and John and she's like, you have to deal with the lies and shift it to shit.I could never, Justin.
And he's like, she's not a liar.It's like, no, I would never ever.She is a liar.
Justin does that creepy smile thing he does where he's like, she's not a liar.She's not a fucking liar.He's like, yeah, she's a liar.She's a liar.John's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.You better ease up on my wife.Then he holds him back with his chest.
He puts his hand on his chest.Justin's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.Don't put your fucking hand on my chest, man.Don't put your fucking hand on my chest. Please, you're seven feet tall.
I saw you in real life and I was terrified about what you were about to do to New York City.Sir, you're very tall.You are not afraid of that little Wonder Bread man's hand.Come on.
Yeah.John's like, hey, don't say those fucking words to my wife.He's like, I didn't say that.Yeah, you did.What did I say?You said she's not a fucking liar. Can you, Justin, can you walk away, please?Please, Justin.No.
What Lisa just did by charging at my husband is wildly inappropriate because she's trying to incite the husbands into this drama now.And what does she expect to happen?
Oh, she's trying to incite the husbands, is she, Whitney?What about you having your husband call the guy to come over with the girlfriend to make Brittany cry more? Please, you literally are inciting, ma'am.
I'll tell you what Lisa expects to happen, not for Justin to aggressively respond to her and take a few steps towards her in that manner.
Yeah.You cannot own your stink, ma'am.And that is your problem.And she's like, we're not friends.Friends don't lie.Friends don't lie about me.And Angie's like, Oh, you know what, guys, guys, we are going to ask Mary.Mary, come save us.
We are doing a blessing for the union.Mary has a great speech about how no one gives her enough money for her birthday.She's one of Mary's greatest hits.
Liar.She's a liar.I'm going the distance.Good luck with that.Going the distance with this liar.And Lisa's like, this is slander.You're accusing me vehemently, stating that I did something that I know I did not do.
Somebody take her temperature, because she is clearly sick.
Hey, just said, do you have a fire extinguisher at Whitney Needs It?Because her pants are on fire.Liar.
Liar. Meredith, in her one of three lines this entire episode, once again, Meredith really cut out of the episode.What's going on over there?She's like, Whitney, why won't you just believe her?
Whitney's like, I just told her I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, and she keeps calling her attorney.I didn't call my attorney.I called my private investigator, and he's going to investigate, and he'll call my attorney.
Give her the benefit of the doubt.You're lying.Liar!No, I'm not.You're lying!I need you to take a long breath.My daughter is here, Electra, and just because she is named after Greek gods does not mean that she is used to dealing with such tragedy.
Lisa's like, I did not do that, or anything around it.I did not do that.And just like, okay, everyone, fingers down.I do not need chaos in my home.If I had rented an event center, like Meredith's house every season.
You guys go at it, pull hair, take each other out, be not Greek, but this is my house.So we are not gonna do that here.
So now, Angie's like, yeah, we should have started this hours ago.Mary's like, yeah, we should have.Because right now, I think I'm trying.
Mary, I don't know if she's drinking or what, but Mary's like, and then the last thing, I was like, Dorinda, come through, Dorinda.I don't know what she's thinking.You know, she's usually pee-poo.
And the pee-poo and the blah-blah, that's what you see all babies do.You know what, baby, fuck you.That's what they usually do.Babies are stupid and needy, baby.
I'm like giggling like a baby.I'm like, do more.They're like doing peek-a-boo to me right now.I'm like.
No, she wasn't really that drunk.She just stumbled a little bit.But you get Mary Cosby there all the way to do a speech and she's like, Whitney, Whitney, would you hold Lisa's hand please?
She's like, I'm good.I don't hold the hands of liars.
I was like, it's very important to me.So Lisa grabbed me by the hand, she's like, don't lie about me.Okay, Heavenly Father, we want to thank you right now.We ask you to bless Angie, bless Electra, bless Sean.Don't bless Brittany.
I don't even know who Brittany is.I don't care about Brittany.And bless all the ones under the sound of my voice, again, except for Brittany.We want to feel your spirit.We pray in the name of Jesus.
And also, if someone could wrap up some hors d'oeuvres for me to go, I don't want to do it myself. but there are boxes in the kitchen right here.So please do that for me.Thank you very much.
Then Lisa comes right back over to Whitney.She's like, I did nothing to you through GMs, through bank accounts.None of that is from me.You know what?
Just remember that.I wouldn't do that to you.I could hate you and I wouldn't do that to you.
You remember when you're sitting in Sing Sing.
So then Justin's like, well, why do you keep calling her a liar then?And she's like, because she's lying about it.He's like, no, she's not.She's not lying.And then all of a sudden, John comes out of nowhere.
John, it feels like he just got flung out of machine and thrown into the couch area by Justin.He's like, whoa, whoa, break it up.And it came in like really kind of hot, I thought. in a way that did not really match the moment.
I know he was protecting Lisa, but I actually felt like John was the one who just was like, I think he's not used to doing this.
He's like, wait a second, Lisa will really like it if I have like a very over-the-top display of protecting her in a moment that doesn't really need it that much, but okay, I'll do it.So he just like jumps and he's like, hey man, hey man.
And they're like, whoa, whoa, John, John, John, stop it, stop it.He does this every time he has to actually walk into the Wendy's instead of the drive-thru.
Do you remember that old SNL sketch of the guys whose heads, it was like, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.Night at the Roxbury?Yeah, Night at the Roxbury.
They would just shake their heads, and then they'd be going up to hot chicks, and it was always Sherry O'Terry, and then she would get in the middle, and then they'd just dance, and she'd be like, she'd be in the middle of them.
That's what John was like in this situation.He was just like the Sherry O'Terry ragdoll in between Lisa, but for no reason, he's just like.
It's just like, he was like, like a ragdoll physics kind of video game character that got thrown into walls.
It's like, it's like Chris and Dodie took over his body because that's how I imagine if Chris and Dodie were a protective male, I think that's how she would back.Stop it.Seriously.Seriously.Stop it.I'm getting in the middle.I'm interfering.
I'm stopping this breaking it down.I'm ending it right here.
So Justin's like, you better get him away from me.I'm going to pound his ass.I'm going to pound his ass if you let him near me ever again.John's like, you don't need to talk like that to Lisa.And so then Heather's watching it across the room.
She's like, that feels big.It's so big.Look what's happening right now.This is just so much.This is amazing.
I have never seen the husband's fight before.And even when we were at each other's throats.So this scares me.It feels unrecoverable.It's horrifying.So Whitney's like, Angie, Sean, thank you for having us before it gets too heated.We're gonna go.
And then Lisa's like, I am exhausted by this. Every time I feel like we're taking two steps forward, Sheila goes, back to this bullshit.And then for her to accuse me of that bullshit, I bought her first fucking piece of jewelry.
Did I intentionally leave it in a hotel in the Midwest so I would never have to look at that cheap piece of shit again?Perhaps.But I did buy it.
I bought that piece of jewelry.Do you remember when my neck turned gray?Yeah.That's why.I was like doing Wicked with my neck.
He said, you erased me.Why is only my neck green?I've been so erased!He's like, all right, Cynthia Erivo, you're going to be fine.You're going to survive this.
I was doing a regional production of Wicked, but I thought regional meant just a regional part of my body.
So Sean's watching this, and he's like, wow.And then he goes, that was awkward.Like, would it have been better with Meredith Markzike?
So now it's a new day, and we're at Lisa and John's house, and John is like, he comes in from the store with store-bought chicken, and he's like, hey, I cooked us chicken.
Oh my gosh, I love that chicken, grocery store chicken, literally the best chicken I've ever had in my life.
I've had such a quiet day.I needed it after last night.Mr. Boxer!Mr. Boxer!Will you take up new sports, John?Are you a boxer now?You're a real Rocky, John!John!Do you have your gloves on?Because you should box!John!
John, you're my million-dollar baby.
He's like, thanks.It's like, yeah, I had to stand up for my mouthy wife.
Oh my God, like now I'm mouthy?You better get ready to fight again, Mr. Boxer.Mr. Iron Mike Tyson, better watch my earlobes, am I right?Mr. Evander Holyfield, Mr. Lady from the movie about the girl boxers with Michelle Rodriguez.
wow i like she goes oh now i'm mouthy and he goes yeah now so we go to justin and whitney's and justin is dumping cans of blue jays down the sink because he's taking it out on the barlows what's blue jays i don't remember i don't know i don't remember it either i'm like uh i hope he got his brands aligned properly because otherwise he's just throwing away perfectly good
whatever that was.It looked like it was beer, but you know, in Utah, they have strange beverages.So it could have been like, oh, it's Coffee Mate flavored coffee that you can get in a can.
And he's like, yeah, if they're not going to support us, why would we support them?
She's like, but don't you want to give it to someone?There are so many poor people that could use a beer.
yeah, don't give away all the beer.So he's like, yeah, no, it's going to the drain.And she goes, but so you're going to dump out all the Vita tequila too?And he's like, oh yeah.
Hey Whitney, next time don't mention like the hard stuff on camera because I, I didn't want to throw that out, but now I have to.So here we go pouring out the tequila, the free tequila that we got.
So wait, are you going to dump out the Vita tequila too?
He's like, yeah.She's like, okay.Well, I guess we don't accept gifts anymore from the Barlows.Wow.So you're just going to dump a brand new bottle, all that free tequila.Wow.I, you know, this is just a fight for TV, right?We can keep the tequila.
There are thirsty children in other countries who would kill for that tequila.
Oh, then give me a box, mother.
Lisa's like, we were kids.
Fine.Give me a box.I'll send it to a mother.
I know.That's what I used to say.It's like, they're starving children.Well, fine.Let them eat this.So we go back to Lisa and she's like, I was so surprised at Justin's reaction last night.
It's like, yeah, he went from a smile to I'm going to kill your face with the blink.And then that's when my protector alarm or whatever you want to call it, just went off.That's why I started flailing and flopping around like crazy.
Yeah, that was really strange.But you know what, though?
I don't think you're in the wrong.I thought Justin's reaction to you was super aggressive.Little did he realize he was dealing with Mr. Boxer, Riddick Bowe over there, Iron Mike Tyson.
that over and over again.Oh, so she's like, yeah, like if Whitney walked over to john and said your wife did whatever to me, john would just be like, Oh, okay, Whitney, whatever.
He wouldn't be aggressive and tell him like, he's never gonna do that.Okay.Justin does have that creepy, like, little dimple smile whenever he's mad, even when he's mad.Yeah, he's gross.Justin lost a lot of points in this episode.
I don't know how he really ever had a lot of points.
Like, yeah, I think I think he really hasn't gained many points since the chocolate syrup artwork scene.Yeah, but I've stayed downhill. Yeah.
So we go back to Justin and Whitney and he's like, the impact of John, like I had a rage that I haven't had in a long time and I tried to stay calm and I know you were freaking out.Babe, I was freaking out because I never seen you do that before.
Yeah.Well, when have you seen someone come into my space like that? Never, not even when Bobby's soda bookie came in and tried to take away our table lamp as collateral, because she hasn't paid her soda bill.I don't know what I'm talking about.
Has anybody seen my Dr. Pepper lamp?
No, please go back to bed.
You need to sleep it off.
You said soda lamp, right?
I was trying to like envision a world where Bobby had like a drug dealer but it was giving her soda and she didn't make her payment so they came and took the table lamp as payment but it came out all strange because it seems like I'm the one who might actually be uh
No, I'm at caffeine high at the moment.
So she's like, all you said was, don't call my wife a liar.
And he's like, a fucking liar.She's like, yeah.So then we go back to Lisa and John, and she's like, are you going to talk to Justin?He's like, well, if it comes down to it, I like him.I think he's a cool dude.
Now we just need to figure out a way to move forward.And then back with Justin, Whitney's like, Well, that's our first time that we've ever had a situation.I was uncomfortable around John and it's 2024.That's like murder.
Well, I think she wanted a fight to distract from what I had just called her out for, which is, um, I called her out for talking to podcasters, huh? So I mean, I mean, Instagrammers.
So then we cut back to Lisa and she's like, she's like defaming my character.She's like using a lie to attack me.So I'm like, you have no proof because I've enjoyed it.Okay.
If I wanted to get something out there, I would go to the post or New York times, or maybe even good morning America.And it goes like, Oh no.What about. Don't don't bring Michael Strahan into this, but you know what nobody give up.
Today I would have told Debra Norville or Jane Polly or Jane London.I would have gone to the top
So she's like, yeah, Whitney, you're hoping that this gets you like $100,000 in sales when it airs?
Good luck!We feel so bad for Whitney!We're buying her healing necklaces!
But meanwhile, they just put your brands on camera, which I think was... Actually kind of helpful.
Hugs.Yeah.So now we go to the lab and laser and Brittany walks in, says hi to Heather and they sit down and everything.And Brittany is like, Oh man, last night.I mean, what in the world was all that?And Heather's like, I know.
How did that even happen?I mean, I can't believe there was even a fight.I can't believe the husband.She's like, wait, what are you talking about?I'm talking about me and Jared.Isn't that what everyone was talking about?
Of course.Of course you were Brittany.Of course you were. Something else happened at the party?What could have happened that was bigger than me and Jared?He's an Osmond.Heather's like, oh, that too.
Well, let's take it one step at a time because there's just so many dramas.Wasn't it fun?First of all, Erin.She's like, oh, my God.Look at me.I'm just sweating.I'm misting.I can't believe we're talking about me.What?Erin and me?
Oh, my God. I have questions.Horrifying questions.Jared showed up at the party.His girlfriend's there.With another date.You look like a war widow.And then they do this weird little video thing where they try to make it seem like war. widow footage.
So by the way, instead of doing these scenes, give us just like Meredith Marks.Can we just see her opening up a can of something?Let's just give us something."So Brittany is like, you know what?My heart's with you.You know that.
Aaron's a great guy and I don't want to hurt him at all.And she's saying this to what's-his-face, to Jared.And Jared's like, yeah, he seems like a great guy.Maybe you should Hang out with them, South Face.
It's time for a commercial.It's time for a Krappens commercial.
Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of sriracha that's living in your fridge?Or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of Monopoly?
Introducing The Best Idea Yet, a brand new podcast from Wondery and T-Boy about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with and the bold risk-takers who brought them to life.
Like, did you know that Super Mario, the best-selling video game character of all time, only exists because Nintendo couldn't get the rights to Popeye?Or Jack, that the idea for the McDonald's Happy Meal first came from a mom in Guatemala?
From Pez dispensers to Levi's 501s to Air Jordans, discover the surprising stories of the most viral products. Plus, we guarantee that after listening, you're going to dominate your next dinner party.
So follow The Best Idea Yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.You can listen to The Best Idea Yet early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.It's just the best idea yet.
In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of a beloved wife and mother.But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker.Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her.
And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is The Kill List.A cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders.
This podcast is the true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those whose lives were in danger.And it turns out, convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy.
Follow Kill List on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C true crime shows like Morbid early and at free right now by joining Wanderu Plus.
Check out Exhibit C in the Wanderu app for all your true crime listening.
So then Heather's like, I mean, what happened to, I'm going to repair my relationship with my daughters and I'm going to be single.She's like, well, that's still on the table.I am single and my daughter still hate me.So there's still that to repair.
And she's like, well, I'm going to give it to you.Cause apparently she's like completely detached from her kids.Is that true?I mean, that's something I read on the internet, but has she mentioned that on the show?
She has mentioned something with her kids, but we have not gotten too many details about it because she's really only focused on Jared.So Heather's like, I'm going to give it to you straight.
There are strains because she's put the men first.I mean, I think she says that in this one.There are strains because she keeps putting men first, which I guess is all you need to know.
Oh, great.Sounds good.That's your future, Jennifer Affleck.So Ether is like, I'm going to give it to you straight because I know you're still in the Mormon church and you would not accept it any other way but straight.
So I love you. You would never know it's that straight though because it won't have sex with you until you're married.But I'll still give it to you.
I'd love you.I don't want you to look crazy.Although that train may have already left the station, but you're talking crazy and I don't know how even to talk to you about it because we've had the same conversation over and over again.
And she's like, well, I feel like that's just so condescending, Heather.She goes, I'm not trying to be condescending, but it's very hurtful.
It's very hurtful.How do you think Jared would feel about that?
Well, I understand what it might be hurtful, but I'm just trying to give it to you heterosexually.And that's just common sense.
But have you ever loved someone and then you're stuck and then you're just in the same cycle that everybody's insisting on hearing about every moment, every toast you give, every party you arrive at, check out at Marshall's.
Everybody's just constantly wanting to know about you and Jared, who's probably obsessed with you and thinks that you deserve the same level of fame that he hasn't even achieved on his own.
Yeah, like, haven't you been in this situation just because you love someone?"And Heather's like, yeah, I've had toxic relationships.Yes, I have had that.It's just like, whatever romantic thing you're trying to stir up here, no, it's toxic.
So Brittany is like, huh, huh, and what did you do?She goes, I fucked up my entire life. Oh, well, it's just hard.
I mean, I'm still searching for the love that I've never gotten, and I feel so alone with my kids being gone and my mom passing away, who's my best friend, I just want to add.
I just feel alone, and I think the only thing that can really fill the void would be attaching myself to the Osman family.
But aren't your kids gone because you keep choosing men over them, or am I getting this wrong?That's what's really bugging me.I'm not really sure about the facts.But the mom thing, yeah, of course, that's extremely sad.
But as far as not finding the love that you've always craved, it's because you don't crave real love.You crave some weird fucking attention from other people.It's all for show so you can get attention from other people.You crave drama.
You're never going to get real love.You're a narcissist.Sorry.I know we're not supposed to diagnose stuff, but I've seen proof of nothing else.
But we have good luck.We have but we are actually certified to do so because we went to the medical school of Ben Ron, Ben Ron University.And in ourselves, we've accredited ourselves and given ourselves advanced degrees in psychology.
So yeah, you're a narcissist fix it.Okay, because no one can ever fill you up like you need to be filled.You're like a pitcher with a hole in it. Okay?You constantly need to be filled.And guess what?We're short on water.Okay?We've got to be careful.
I'm not sure if she's actually a narcissist, but I feel like what she is is like unbelievably needy.She's insatiably needy.I forget, there's a term for it.Annoying, but either way, it's too much and she needs to get that fixed.
Like you said, at the end of the day, just get fixed.So now we go to Bronwyn. and Todd and they go to a little restaurant where they're put into like a little pod and they order some food.And Bronwyn's like, so sweetie, how was your trip?
You got everything done.Everyone was asking where you were.They were like, where are, where are the Werther's Originals?We are yearning for them.And I was like, Todd's out of town.When he gets back, I'll have my supply back.
It's like, well they all know I'm in New York, so I don't know why anybody was asking you anything.I was in New York, just where I said I was gonna go.What the hell?People are idiots.
Todd really travels three to four days a week, which provides an opportunity for my favorite thing, which is to do an airport pickup in costume.
That way, when he tells people, oh, I was picked up at the airport by a giant dinosaur, people are like, there, there, Todd.And he's even closer to being put away, and I can take all his money.
And then we see a montage of her going to the airport dressed in all these different costumes.
She really does do this.She really does.I was like, what? A shark, a frog, a mushroom.I thought when she said costume, she was going to put on like some fabulous look.She literally goes to the airport dressed as a frog, a mushroom, a panda.
And it's like, there are many costumes.This is not like she does one or two things for the show.I was like, oh, this is a thing she does.
You know, it's just so weird because, and I know I'm saying performative again right after a Britney scene, but she keeps telling us how wacky she is, and then she keeps costuming herself in such wacky ways, but then her actual personality is like, mm-hmm, I think we need to have a discussion about this.
It's like she's not wacky.It's just performative wacky.I just don't get it.I am enjoying her, don't get me wrong, but I just, I haven't gone to that far yet.I mean, I like her.
The struggle to seem like happy and wacky and everything's okay, but then she's married to this super grumpy old guy and she's wearing like, I don't know, like dressing gown smiles.
And there's like a huge age gap, but she's dressing like she's being childish on purpose.I don't know.There's just like a whole factor about this that I can't quite wrap my mind around yet.And it's disturbing, but also fascinating.
So what I like about it is that I don't This is weird, because normally I would have a reaction of like, this wackiness is fake, as I would also feel it's performative.What I actually feel like is her personality is I am wacky.
But just because I'm wacky doesn't mean that you can come for me.I will get I will come back for you, which I kind of like, you know, for me, that's how it reads.I'm not saying that your read is wrong or anything like that.
But like it reads kind of like, like you sort of think like wacky people are just gonna be wacky.And then actually, if you come for them, they crumble and are like, She's kind of like, I'm wacky, but I also worked in corporate America, so watch out.
Maybe we can, maybe it's because she's been so involved in drama that we don't see the wacky side as much, but every time.
Well, the wacky, I agree.The wacky thing is kind of weird because her personality has actually been kind of like, I'm mad.
personality outside of the wackiness, like outside of the wacky clothes and the wacky costumes, I actually really like it.It's the wackiness that's throwing me off because it just doesn't feel like earned wackiness.
It feels like someone who can't sing trying to hang out with theater kids because it looks like they're having fun, if that makes any sense.It's like you don't belong at this table.And you're lucky to not belong at this table, really.
I mean, none of us want to here, but here we are.And here you are, you don't have to be at this table, but you're just here.And it's, it makes me it makes me sad in a way.
Well, also, let's just get it out of the way that like, really all wackiness is performative.Let's be honest.And she is flirting a bit, I think with like Katy Perry wackiness.But I think I have, I've not had enough right now to be annoyed at it.
But I could certainly see it teetering into that territory.
But for right now, I'm not really annoyed.I'm just confused by it. If that makes any sense.Because I like her like, you're going to talk and I'm not going to apologize until you apologize.I love all that.
It's this like, oh my God, I dress like a parade and it's hilarious and I dress like mushrooms to get my old husband.It's not annoying.It's just like, I don't understand the theme.It's off theme.
It's it's it's strangely, I'm just saying I am amused by how it is in her life, because I am amused that she's like, I'm gonna get into a shark costume.But also I will get angry at you.And I think that's, that's a funny duality.
Like, so she does do this thing.And Bronwyn's like, so tell me about your schedule next week.Oh, you don't have to bring out the Palm Pilot.You don't need to It's okay, it's over, Palm Pilots are over.You don't have to do this, Todd.Todd, please.
Please, you don't have to keep your schedule on your Palm Pilot anymore.Please, go to the iPhone.
Well, we've been talking about doing a 10-year anniversary party, but I was thinking the first big thing we did together should be that, you know, that was that Indy race in Long Beach that we did.
He's like, that was the race that set you up with Mario Andretti and Lucille Ball, if you wanted to see the guy from The Bachelor.That's all you cared about.
Yes, well, that should have been your clue that we were not from the same generation, sweetie.OK, have some more applesauce.So I looked at this race in Thermal.It's a big deal.So it's 10 years, almost the day that you and I went to Long Beach.
So I thought this would be fun.We'd bring the ladies and the husbands.And I'm a little on the fence about Brittany, who I was talking about.
Oh, race in Thermal.How do you have a race in your underwear?
No, Thermal is a town.OK.
Then how come this whole town's wearing them?
Why is everyone drinking out?How do you have a race out of the thing you drink out of?
That's a thermos.And it's, again, we're going to a town called Thermal.It's just two different things.
It's the cutest town I've ever heard of.
There's Nermal the cat, but like, yeah, it could be a cute town too, I suppose.
I think this is when they showed her texting and she's like, ''Oh my God, it's crazy here.I hope there's a fight.''She wrote, ''I think I just manifested violence because it happened.''I was cracking up.
He's like, ''Well, I mean, so that thing about Brittany and the two men, I mean, I know there's a thing about polygamy in Utah, but what did they do?
A threesome in the paddy wagon?''
She's like, ''No.'' On the way home, I don't know, maybe they did it on the way home because they came separately, which is sort of a pun if you think about it.And he goes, well, you never know.
He goes, yeah, so I don't think I'm going to be having her in Thermal.
Well, why would you have Brittany in your underwear?
OK, Todd, again, it's a town.It's a town, Todd.
And, you know, I just don't know about Heather.I mean, should I invite her?Should I not invite her?I just don't know.So, you guys, we haven't even talked about Gwen yet.
It's just such a rollercoaster with all this stuff with, you know, the grandparents.I'm so sorry.Just construction dust everywhere.It's just terrible.I'm allergic to this topic.
I'm allergic to thinking about Heather right now.It's just a lot.But anyway, Gwen.And he's like, well, Gwen's the grandparent.Well, those people, they've never done anything nice for Gwendolyn.
That's how you know I've done something nice for her, because you know her full name.And these people are kind of despicable human beings.
I know.And so Bronwyn says that Todd's really protective of Gwen.And he sees this as a sandpit that will be too messy for him.
Yeah.And she's like, well, I don't want her to be angry just because I'm angry.And he's like, I'm done talking about it.
We're done here.Please stop.Get off of my lawn.You tried to deliver the wrong paper to me one more time.
Check, please.Just get the check.The dinosaur has asked for her check.
Um, I'm sorry, sir, but, uh, I don't believe Apple pay works on a Palm pilot.
I can pay for apples on this if I want to.
Please sir.Stop throwing apples at us.
Like he knows what Apple pay is so belligerent today.
He's literally trying to pay with apples.
I got eight more days to get this wagon to Oregon, so come on, hurry up.
So then Lisa goes to a dinner with her sister Denise, who is Lisa.It's Lisa in a different face.
She's like Lisa meets Lisa Marie Presley.And so Denise, RIP.RIP.And so Lisa's like, Denise is my younger sister.
I'm number 3 of 6, she's number 4 of 6, and I love my sisters because we're both together, 3 and 4 of 6, although we're not 3 and 4 of 12, which you would think, but we're actually the same 6.
Okay, if you have a 3 of 6 and a 4 of 6, how many of 6s do you have of 6?
Oh my God, I love the math.I know, am I right?Math is so fun.I hate math.Me too.I literally hate it too.So Denise is like, oh my God, I miss it here on the mountains.There's so many mountains.It's so mountainous.
Yeah, so much mountains here, mountains.So yeah, so what's going on with you and your low mountain area in Austin?Not much is going on here.Okay, cool.Cause I'm going to talk now.So hold on one second.I'm getting a phone call.
Oh God, it's John. Hey, Mr. Boxer.Is this, is this, is this one of those?Hey, Mr. Boxer.Hey, is this Tom Cruise in Far and Away?I feel like I'm talking to a boxer right now.
I'm just sitting at lunch with Denise.We're talking about mountainous things.Let me call you back.Love y'all. And Denise is like, oh my God, is John okay?No, because we have a codependent.We're codependent.It's a problem.
I called him like, what's that?Like six times on the way here.I was like, John, don't forget to turn off the lights in the living room.John, don't forget to turn on the dishwasher.John, don't forget to go to boxing class.Just kidding, boxer.
I was like, hey John, Sugar Ray John, how are you?
So she's basically like, yeah.You know, John and I really compliment each other really well.I talk and he's quiet and it just works so well.And we're at a party and he just wants to protect me.
So he went all floppy and threw himself at a sofa and he almost hit someone in the process.It just made me feel so supported and loved.
But then, it's so hard with Jack on, because Henry is not as social as Jack, and you had all of Jack's friends to hype him up, you know?Because they'd be like, hey, squirt.And it's really nice to tell a short person, apparently.
And they would include him.One time, they all got their hair combed forward, and I don't know. It didn't look great.
It looked like a backwards turtle, but it still made Henry excited.He could go somewhere.That's over.Then I think he set up last minute invite for his birthday party, and they went to another kid's birthday party instead of his birthday party.
He was so embarrassed.I was like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed too.I made him stop calling himself my son for a week because I don't parent unpopular people. I just felt so bad.Wait, hold on.
This story was so sad.I was so sad for Henry.First of all, like, the last minute invites.Well, I don't know the story.Maybe Henry decides the last minute he wants a birthday party.But like, don't send your invites out so late, Lisa.Don't do that.
But also, regardless.Hello, children of Utah, you got invited to a Barlow birthday party, and you're not showing up there. Your priorities are all wrong, okay?His mother is an icon in the gay community.You show up.
When you get invited to a Barlow birthday party, you show up.I don't care what other birthday parties, what other soda jerks there are out there.You go to a Barlow party and I don't want to hear any more of it.You're all grounded.
Yeah.They're like, well, we went last year and really how she was serving us was Kit Kats.My stomach hurt.
Yeah, me too.I pooped for days.
I don't think I can go.Poor Henry.
Yeah. say what you will about Lisa Barlow, you know she probably throws a kick-ass kid's birthday party.Every breakfast for her is like a kid's birthday party.
It's like Wendy's, it's like pizza, it's like soda, it's everything you could ever dream of when you're a kid.So you know it's gonna go down at Henry's birthday party.So I'm telling you, those kids really missed out.I wanna be invited next time.
♪ Commercials, here comes one right now. ♪
So, um, it was a sad story.
So the sister's like, all of a sudden there's a, all of a sudden there's a commotion and all their sodas go flying across the cross the restaurant and John's just lying on the table.Like I got everyone.Don't worry.I'm here.
Don't feel too bad, because this was just a scene for Lisa to talk about what a good mother she is after she's been told she's not a good mother.
So she's like, the one thing I dissect is how I am as a mom.Like, consider it a frog.I cut it open, and I'm like, ew, why did I do that?It's so gross.
So now we go to Angie, Whitney, and Bronwyn going for a walk.So Angie is like, is this where you walk, Bronwyn?And Bronwyn's like, sometimes.You usually have my dogs, not friends.I guess I'm saying you guys are all like dogs.Whatever.
Angie's like, I know.Don't get a nose job.They never stop running.
Are dogs afraid of your nose?No, I meant your nose. Never stops running.Oh, your punctuation is weird.It's how I am.I'm remembering my lines.Lines.
I'm just doing some jokes.I'm just trying out some material that I'm going to use on Elektra later.Hey, Elektra, what's the deal with noses?They never stop running.Hey, do you hear the one about the vacuum?It sucks.
Hey, did you hear the one about the antenna wedding?The ceremony was boring, but the reception was great.Ha ha ha ha, Greek TV.
Hey, Elektra, how do you noses?How do you noses?
Say goodbye.Smell you later.Opa!
Hey, hey, why is six afraid of seven?Because seven ate nine, but to be fair, nine did sort of taste like baklava.
So Andrew's like, yeah, well, anyway, do not get a nose job.And Brom was like, don't get one.I've had two.I'm dying for a third.I was hoping someone was going to hit me at your party.I need an excuse.
Winnie's like, I'll tell you something.I was pissed.I am pissed.I think that Lisa and John are my husband.Line.
Don't you think they owe him an apology?
Yeah, I was gonna say that.Stop stealing my thunders.Well, John did text Justin, so we'll see.
Flashback to two hours earlier. Hey, Justin, oh, hey, it's me, Justin, reading a text from John.Hey, Justin, you and I should probably talk about things and how things went down the other night.
I'm just gonna be really direct with him and say, sounds good, definitely wanna talk things out.Yeah, you tell him.You really direct him by saying, sounds good, definitely wanna talk things out.
I was just going to ask Lisa a few clarifying questions about what I found out.
There's a few clarifying questions, huh?And so Braum was like, yeah, I just wanted to hear, like, why would you think it's Lisa?
She's like, well, because we narrowed it down that it was Lisa Barlow.
Why did you think it was Lisa?Because we decided it was Lisa.Andrew's like, I don't want to believe that she would do this, but I think that when she gets angry, this is how she gets her revenge.Lisa hurts other people to make herself feel better.
Well, I don't have that experience with her at all.I'll tell you, every single time I've dressed up like Yoshi from Super Mario Brothers to go to the airport, Lisa's totally supported me.
I know, but Bronwyn, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.And it's not a matter of when, it's a matter of who.And if it's not a matter of who, Whitney, what?
You were talking.You were, shut up.
Whitney, I don't know if you realize, but you did actually, what was the next one?If it's not a matter of when, it's what?Okay, keep talking Bronwyn, huh?No, Whitney, you missed it. I know.Well, OK, I hear both of you.
Unfortunately, I hear both of you, in fact, because Whitney, that was a really long monologue by Whitney.But I'm just sad that what's happened.And I just, I don't know, I can't say that I've ever seen that side of Lisa.
And Whitney goes, well, she's going to treat you differently because you have everything she wants.Bronwyn goes, oh, oh, I don't love that.I hope that's not the case.Are you saying she's trying to take my husband?
No, I meant just that you have like a nice house.That's it.
So this makes no sense.So what are you saying, that she's going to be nice to Bronwyn because Bronwyn's rich?And she only is nice to rich people because she wants to be rich, but she's not rich.And Whitney's not rich to be nice to.
She's upwardly mobile.Whitney's basically saying, she'll punch down on me because, you know, Justin and I are, you know, we're just like upper middle class.But Bronwyn, you are married to a guy where you both have real money.
So she's going to be nice to you.
Yeah.Okay.So Whitney's like, well, if you're throwing a glamorous party, she'll be there.Loser. Wouldn't everybody be there?What a weird accusation.
I think so.You'll probably be there too, Whitney, I hate to tell you.Yeah.
So Whitney's like, well, Bronwyn's like, I'm not going to question my friendship with Lisa Barlow.Okay.I mean, you just have to love Lisa for being exactly who she is because she's not going to change.
I mean, she won't even change into a doggy-eared outfit, which I've offered her. But, uh, she called me a freak.We just went on with her day.Cause that's Lisa.
She's fine.Problem.When he goes, well, speaking of parties, it was Todd and I's anniversary this week.So, you know, not our wedding anniversary, but anyway, we're going to have a, we're going to have a party.
We're going to have, we want to bring all the ladies and their husbands to go to thermal, to the indie race.So we're going to be in the same house and we're all going to talk, take our husbands.And when he's like, we're staying at a house together.
This is literally the first thing she has said since the last thing that came out of Whitney's house was, if you had a party, she would probably go.And now she's going, we all get to stay in a house together for your party?
So we got to talk.So Justin, John, Lisa, Whitney, you guys have to be in the same room.So obviously Brittany is not invited because stupid people aren't allowed.
And I'm on the fence about Heather because it's really fun coming into a show and just trying to immediately get one of the leads kicked off of the show.So I'm going to see if I can handle that.What do you guys think?
Well, and you probably will someday.And in the meantime, I think Heather is losing out on relationships.She's only fully supporting Lisa.She's not trying to see both sides now, like Joni Mitchell.
And she's taking things I say when I think it's in confidence and taking it to Lisa without giving me the opportunity to say it in Greek.
Squiggle, squiggle, line, line.I haven't finished class yet.Alpha, beta, gamma, gamma, delta, gamma.So then over at Brittany's house, she's got a bunch of family over and Heather comes over. And she's like, oh, hi, Heather.
Jared's not here right now.I'm going to tell you why really soon, OK?So listen, this is part work, part family.It's a family night slash fireside.OK, so I just want you to come in.
It's basically a bunch of white people emoting with lots of warbles in their voices.So come on in.
This is like this is Whitney's future on Mormon wives.So Heather's talking about how she used to have church groups like this all the time, and it's been like so long since obviously she left the Mormon Church.
I don't know if you guys heard she's a bad Mormon, so.So Heather's like it just feels like going back to your first apartment.
I would never want to live there again, but I can remember what it felt like, and I remember how happy I was when I lived there.So Angie shows up. Did she ever live in an apartment?Why do I feel like Heather never lived in an apartment?
I feel like she always lived in the modern farmhouse, like her whole life.
She doesn't even live in a modern farmhouse now.She lives in like that, like 80s style, like Robert Goulet style.
Lives like a former public library turned into a house.It's like a library flip.
Library flip, but it's still a library at the end of the day.She's still getting jobs.
Sorry.Heather's like, wow, you're doing one of these.
I feel like I should stand up and help you because this used to be my thing.Not that I'm jealous at all.You just keep doing your thing, person who's never been kicked out even though your life is a mess and you're dating people and not being married.
I hope you're enjoying not being kicked out.This is super, super fun being left out of this.Thank you for having me over.Have people look at me like I'm the whore of Babylon while you serve people sugar cookies.This is feeling great.
Thank you so much.God, I'm glad to be here.
So then Angie shows up and she's like, hello, I brought a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes, some heroin and some information about what it's like to be gay.So thank you so much for having me here at your Mormon get together.
I did.I brought you wine to a Mormon religious event.Oh, that is just so inappropriate. She's like, well, I see Britney drink wine every single time I'm with her.There is no reason that she would not like wine now.Sorry.Tattletailing on you.Yep.
And then we see a montage of Britney drinking wine throughout the season.So, Britney's like, okay, everyone, thank you so much for being here.This is such a huge group this month.Although, unfortunately, Jared couldn't make it, which makes me sad.
But wait a second. Oh, my God.Is that Jared?Oh, no.It's just a leaf outside.Okay.Well, anyway.
Don't worry.I've got Aaron here to hold the Book of Mormon for me while we wait for Jared to arrive.You're good, right, Aaron?I'm great.I'm doing great over here.Okay.Now, we're going to lead you guys in a hymn.
I'm going to lead it like a choir conductor, even though I'm not really, but I have been a Miss Saigon. I was like, Jesus, are you Nangdi?Who sings like that?Her vibrato sounds like it's on a slow boat to some place.
She sounds like my elementary school music teacher, Barbara Brofsky.
She's like, oh, come, come, you sailor.Sailor, you're just on a mormonism.
It's like slow walking that vibrato.Slow walk. So anyway, she sings, and then she does this while she's doing it.She's like, listen, and both of my hands are closing because I'm directing you like a choir director.Lady, it's a hymn.
They know the hymn, okay?
Nobody needs me, Bernstein.Sit down.I was cracking up.That was actually the most Barbara Brofsky thing because Barbara Brofsky would always do this thing.She would chop her hands down straight forward and then out to the side and then back up.
And then every time, it was just like her de facto way of singing.She'd be like,
joy to the world the lord heard your so um yeah she is acting like she was directing a choir and she talks about how like her dad gets up and talks about um his uh his wife and how like they used to do things all together and they used to play pickleball and no one no one played pickleball like her it's very sweet and um britney talks about you know like that's why she believes she wants love because she is
You know, she, her parents were together for all those years and she loves love and all that stuff.And we also, in the middle of this, we see a photo of like the whole family together and they look like they're performing.
And I was like, did Brittany come from like a performing family?Were they like a local family? family that did bits where they were trying to be the next Osmunds.
Yeah, because weren't they all wearing matching sequined outfits and stuff, and the kids were singing for their family.Yeah, they're trying to do the whole Osmund thing, like Sound of Music thing, which is cute, I guess.Weird, but cute.
I mean, I just watched Gypsy for the first time, and I was like, this could wind up being a really fun thing to explore, you know?
Yeah.So then Brittany's like, so how was that?Was it just like you remember?And Angie's like, it's been a moment since I've been surrounded by Mormons, but I will tell you, I think that vibrato has brainwashed me into doing whatever you would like.
I am.What am I? Russian, I am Russian.
Well, I have stuff to tell you guys.Okay, um, you can you can, you can just listen for a moment.Okay, Bronwyn invited me to her house tomorrow.Oh, I actually feel like she wants to be friends with you.Because I'm getting to know her.
Well, do you so you feel like you're getting schmoozed by her?Because I feel like I'm getting schmoozed by her.Well, I mean, to be truthful, my experience with her is different.I thought she was very direct.
Yeah, that's what I don't get.Heather is really on the losing end of this battle because she's trying to make Bronwyn seem like this monster, but Heather is the one that started it, clearly.Everybody can see that.Bronwyn is so direct.
She's like, you're so fake.Bronwyn's like, here's exactly how I feel about you.I don't like that you start shit between people and then you try and blame me for it.Heather's like, stop being so phony and just tell me how you really feel.
Heather, she does it again.
I feel like Heather wanted Brittany to be the next cast member, and instead it was Bronwyn, and I feel like Heather's jealous about that.Oh, not jealous, she's upset that she didn't get her way about it.I kind of get that vibe.Yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense.That theory works for me.So then Angie's like, um, well, she brought that information directly to me, which seems direct.And she goes, that doesn't seem direct.That seems slimy as fuck.
Well, that's very direct.She's, well, she slimy as fuck in reaction to the fact that you took what Angie said to Lisa.So Bronwyn is being a good friend to Angie, because this show is all about like, I show up, I'm ride or die.
So she's like, Hey, just so you know, this stuff is being said about you.I don't know.I think that's pretty direct.
And well, especially when Heather, like you said, is what Heather just did.She's, she's, she's in trouble for taking information to someone else.And then now Bronwyn takes information.She's like, what a slimy person.Sorry, started it.
Now yeah, and that and Heather did the says the same thing again, she goes, you know, you know, I, I did come to you.
And I guess when you said it, because because Angie was like, I didn't know, like, you shouldn't have said taking that information to Lisa.Listen, listen, I guess when you said it, I said, Don't mom shame Lisa about electronics.
But that's a clear lie because she didn't say it.And they even show the clip where Heather and Angie, where Angie's talking about it.And Heather never says that.She never says that.
She said that at a later time when Angie first confronted her about it.She said, well, I feel like your mom's shaming her about electronics.Am I right?
Yeah, it's, it's correct.So Angie is like, Angie's like, my dog, we see that you see the flashback again of Angie saying my daughter needs me, she needs a present mother, like, I don't let her sit and fucking game until two in the morning.
So I can like, leave the computer as a fucking babysitter, which Angie could theoretically make an argument that she said that as like, sort of like, she's like, generally speaking, although it does feel like a pretty targeted towards Lisa.
So Angie is like, I never said anything about her being a bad present parent, just an absent one.And I never said anything about her parenting style.And if I did, I would say it's terrible.
But whatever that's between you and me, Heather, don't tell her that.
And Heather's like, well, all I said was exactly what you said.She's like, so when you take it to her like that, but I didn't take it to her like that.Who told you I took it to her like that?She goes, well, Bronwyn said she was crying.
She goes, well, she cried to me.Bronwyn doesn't fucking know.Bronwyn wasn't there.That's messy.That is just messy.You know, if I told someone that you said, that's totally my business.
And I don't appreciate someone telling you that I said what I said that you said about it.That's just messy.
Uh, well, let me ask you this.How do you think I felt when she said that about me?Like, where was the support for me?She goes, Oh, what do you mean?You're sitting here watching her all bitch at me and tell me to fuck off.
Where was the support for me?Are you telling her you're kind of being a shit friend to Angie too?Like maybe she needs to hear that from you.Heather's like, I don't really think I follow.
And Angie says, I've known Heather since I was 15 and Greek.And she always wanted to sit with the cool kids table.And she would do anything to be at that table, even if it means sometimes taking up for the wrong person.
I don't need to sit with the cool kids.I only need to sit with the big dogs."So Angie's like, I've seen you do this before on Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip.And she's like, woo, with friends.What are you trying to get at, Angie?
I've seen you support people, whether they're right or wrong, dot, dot, dot.Do I really have to say her name?Heather's like, what are you talking about?Jen?
That is a low blow, and that hurt my feelings.I think I have a very cloudy past with being blindly loyal to my church, to my friends, but that's not what's happening now.
This is the problem with Lisa and Angie's friendship, and that's why I told Lisa in the first place.To make it about me and my loyalty is to miss the mark. you were disloyal by taking what Angie said to Lisa.You are the disloyal one, ma'am."
She's like, well, but I'll let you know when I wake up with a black eye.You still haven't told us what happened with your goddamn black eye.
Now you're throwing Jen, who you stuck with till the second she was in jail and it wasn't popular to stick with her anymore.And then you blame Jen for doing it, but said you don't remember how.
So you're not even loyal to her, who you were blindly loyal to the rest of the time.
And she goes, I feel like you are in a place where you want to prove your loyalty to Lisa.And she goes, absolutely.Wait, you just got mad at her. for telling you that you haven't like your whole thing is that you are blindly loyal to someone.
And now she's like, I absolutely want to be blindly loyal to Lisa.I can't believe you to keep being blindly loyal.
I don't even know that she deserves so much support from you.Seriously.She's like, well, Then tell me more so I can understand your side.Has Lisa said something about it?She's like, well, I've seen you in the past, but we've moved on from the past.
And Bermuda changed a lot for me.And she's been a good friend to me.You know, people make t-shirts out of my saying now, and I'm going to need some respect.
I've been a good friend to you, and you're not treating me the same.She goes, well, because I think I am.I am treating you the same.No, you're not holding her to the same standard that you're holding me to.
She goes, OK, well, that's food for thought.I had never considered that.Delicious, delicious food for thought.Does it come on a stick?I would love that.
Well, this is the first time you've indicated this to me, and this is making me think and take pause and like, I love you.I respect you. I enjoy betraying you, and I want you to feel supported by me.
I don't think that you should question my loyalty just because I'm a loyal friend to her who will throw you onto the bus incessantly and make you look really, really shitty and break up your friendship.No.
Yeah.Okay.Well, I'm done thinking about it now because it was food for thought and I've started taking Thadozembic.And you know what?I'm not going to feel shame for it either.
Okay? So now we see about a 10 minute sequence of a car trying to parallel park, going back and forth.It's like, it's like, the car is fine at first.And you see, like, all you have to do is just move forward a little bit to the right.
But instead, it's like back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.And I was like, Who's this gonna be?I mean, I was like, is it Mary?Is it Whitney?It's gotta be Mary or Whitney.Surprise twists.After five minutes of this car parking, it's john.
Well, you know the first time you drive a car that doesn't have the camera in the back, once you get a camera, you're like, oh, my God, this is crazy.Who even needs this?I'm still going to look.
But then after you've had it, you get so used to it that you're like, oh, my God, how do you drive a car without a camera?And I feel like that's John being in the car without Lisa for the first time in years.He doesn't have someone going,
John, go right.No, go back.Go right again.You stupid.Go back again, Mr. Banks.Cut the wheel.Go forward again.Go right.
So without her, he doesn't know how to park.
So they park.He parks.He sits down with Justin.They're like, hey, hey, hey.And so Johnny goes, before we go any further, obviously, we have different perspectives on it.If you'll hear me out, I can hear you out.
He goes, yeah, yeah, I definitely want you to understand what provoked that.Because the fact that that went down the way it did, I mean, it was wild.That surprised me.He's like, well, Which part of it surprised you?
Um, the conflict itself, like when Lisa came directly at me, I obviously I'm like, I'm gonna defend my wife.And like, I didn't feel like what she was saying was appropriate any sense, more or less the whole party.So like, I'm obviously gonna respond.
I'm so sorry.But could you wait just a minute?Yeah.I don't know what we're gonna have.But you know what I think we should have?smashed potatoes.I've heard those are great.Can we get the smashed potatoes? Justin do you want smashed potatoes?
We'll get the smashed potatoes.That should do it for now excited about those smashed potatoes What is up John's ass about these smashed potatoes?He's like in love with smashed potatoes does Lisa not let you eat smashed potatoes.
He's never heard of them I don't know what his deal is, but I've never seen somebody that drolly excited for smashed potatoes.
Yeah, he was very excited So John's like well If I were to take a step towards Whitney, I guarantee you, you'd be like, dude, you gotta stop.And so Justin's like, okay, sure.Yes, I did do that.I understand that.
But what about the second time when you flung yourself at me, like with those toys you get out of a cereal box and fling at a wall?Like what was that about?
Well, I do apologize for that.It was a snap reaction, kind of like still from what had happened before.So I was just trying to get any type of separation or, you know, I would have been separated.
So, you know, do you feel like you're in a position where now maybe you should apologize to Lisa?And he's like, wow, wow. Now I'm yelling aggressively at a woman at a party.Nope, see nothing wrong with that.
Oh, you're gonna have to be more specific on what I did wrong there.
John's like, yeah, I guess we'll play it by ear.Where are those potatoes?So now we go over to Bronwyn's house.It's the main event.This is Heather coming over. to have a sit down with Bronwyn after building tension over the season.
So Heather comes over, the boxers are there, and it's all nice, like, oh, hi, how are you?And so Bronwyn's like, you know, I think I have a lot of the blame thus far. And you know that I mean this because I'm going to nod a lot when I talk.
And Heather has not been well-rounded before.She's not seen a well-rounded version of me.But I think Heather's very funny.And I think that she's very smart and very witty.And I think we don't get along because we're really similar.
Yeah, that's it.We're just exactly the same.I mean, she's a more boring version of me with normal clothes, but, you know, whatever.And Heather's like, I'm so surprised that she invited me over.
I can only assume she wants to apologize and make amends for the way she's been behaving because she's been kind of an asshole.So they walk around the house and it's crazy, as we know.And there are little piles of dried poop everywhere.
And that is bad. Oh, it is disgusting.And this is why I cannot get on board this lady's train.I'm sorry.This is the final nail in the coffin for me with this one.I can't.Someone with that many dogs who doesn't train the dogs is bad.
And the fact that the poop is dried, I mean, there's very, very days old poop there.You don't even have help that can help you with this.Something's wrong in that household.Something stinks.And it's not just the poop.
Yeah, the poop and the and the pee puddle.That's, that's not that's, that's disgusting.Repulsed.So Heather is like, um, if Mary's house reminded me of Whozill, Bronwyn's house reminds me of the Pound Puppy's Palace.
I'm gonna take a moment for everyone to Google that reference.It's very specific and old.And I don't know if actually anyone knows what that looks like.So I'll give you a moment. Okay, you're back.Great.Okay, so I want to keep eye contact.
But I also want to be careful where I step.Because might I suggest next time that the first person you have to see your home be the pooper scoopers.
Good one problem.Just you can do that one could go on a t shirt.No, it's not.It's not as catchy.Right?You're seeing on a follow through super scoopers.
So Ron was like, well, I'm glad you wanted to come over, because I wasn't sure you were going to say yes.Well, I was just surprised you invited me, because it seems like you don't like me very much.
Well, I was surprised that you wanted to come, because it seems like you don't like me very much.So passive-aggressive pickleball.This is fun.
Yeah.Oh, and by the way, Bronwyn also shows Heather her enormous or Todd's enormous collection of Starbucks mugs from around the world.And Heather's looking at it like, Oh, weirdo.
I'm like, Heather, you're the one who told the story about insisting on a bolero jacket for a wedding.So let's relax.But it is kind of weird.So Brom, yes, passive aggressive pickleball.So Brom was like, you know, I just,
You know, I think we chatted very little at Lisa's event when I first got to know you.And then we got together a couple days after and we talked about the event.And I left thinking, you know, you and I were having fun.
And I thought we were having, you know, talking about everybody, like just talking shit, you know, but I didn't know them super well.
And I thought you were telling, you know, you know, you were telling Whitney things that I said to you maybe in a different tone than maybe I had said them.Like you were, you were, I was being funny, haha.
And you were being like, I mean, I'm Heather and I mean, you know, just things like that.
Yeah.I just thought I was messy because you are messy.That's it.That's not a great way to handle that.I apologize for those things.
I thought if Heather's going to tell everybody what I said with her stank on top of it, then I can tell Angie exactly what she said.Heather's like, but that is by definition messy.Yeah, but also.
That's your other storyline is that you just did the exact same thing. So then Heather is like, so Ron was like, well, I know that you feel that way.So I said, I can apologize if it comes across.And she goes, it comes across or it is messy.
And she's like, okay, if for us to move forward, you need me to say I was messy, then I was messy.
That's not a great way to build the bridge, especially because you were already earlier being like, well, I was messy, so why are you hedging and being like, I can see how it came across as messy, or if you need me to say it was messy, I'll say it was messy.
You should just say it was messy.And by the way, Heather should stop being sanctimonious about messy things, because how many times in the past have we seen Heather be like, I'm going to eat my popcorn and see what happens.This is hilarious.
This is front row entertainment.When did all of a sudden Heather become so precious about things being mentioned?
Literally this episode.She's like, oh my God, they were fighting.
Bronwyn's like, I met Heather, she's telling everyone I'm vicious and two-faced, and so I'm willing to be the fallible friend, but she needs to at least understand that she's part of the problem.
And so Heather does the whole, like, when she's losing an argument, it's like the same old, like, oh no, I mean, I guess you're a saint and you're better than me and you just understand everything better than me.
So I guess, good for you, you're just so much better than me.Look at me, just dorky Heather, not invited to the rich kid's table.
Yeah, not can't sit with the big dogs.Well, at least I'm not sitting with dogs that poop everywhere So brahma cuz brahma's like I want you like I'm gonna say I will admit that I was messy But I also need you to admit that you were being messy too.
And so Heather's not gonna do that and brahma's like I You know, she's like, OK, well, you're better than me.And Braum was like, I don't want to be better than you.I just want you to understand, you don't ever talk shit on people.You're never messy.
She goes, that's not fair.I don't feel like any of this is genuine.I don't understand why you even invited me over just to look at your stupid stack of Starbucks cups.Who cares about that?I don't like it.
Yeah.And Braum was like, well, I wanted to be honest.I'm having a trip to Bermal. You're not invited because I just wanted us to be friends.So maybe you could be invited.But, you know, you and I are never going to move past this.
And she's like, oh, so you're planning a trip and I'm here to like, what, sing for my supper and like earn an invite?Well, not be a dick, maybe, would be one way.
Heather, you know, Heather is furious because Heather's like, I am the star of this franchise.I have a tagline that was used on Jeopardy.It was used in Congress.
And now I am in the position where the newbie comes in as having the cast trip and wants me to prove to her what I belong on the cast trip.You know, she was live there.And this was such a power move by Bronwyn.
I was like, wow, this is this is kind of shocking.
Well, and we always say, you know, it sucks in a first season when someone really swings and a misses in their first season and tries to come on and do shit like this.Like, I'm having a party and the leads aren't invited.
And it's usually just like a thirsty, horrible thing.But in this case, she's giving Heather every chance and Heather's just being a brat.So she's like, okay, well, you've literally just talked yourself out of a cast trip.So have fun.Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure they're gonna find a way for Heather to come on this trip.Heather will show up anyway.Heather's gonna be like, I don't understand what I should be I thought of my own friends.So she will show up.
That'll be the twist at the end of next episode.I guarantee you, Heather will show up at the door.So Bronwyn's like Heather. I think you want, because, I'm sorry, Heather's like, so you're playing a trip, you want me to sing for my supper?
She's like, no, Heather, I think you want to feel that way about me.And at this point, I have apologized.She's like, no, I'm very confused by you.
I thought you wanted me to come over so we could, you know, apologize, so you could apologize for the things that you've done.Which, by the way, she did. She did, yeah.
And she's like, well, but you don't have to apologize or take responsibility.Is that what you thought was going to happen?And she's like, well, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.You're pretty unpredictable, aren't you?
I mean, I just, and I don't know if it's what you say about me behind my back, because I've seen how you talk about people behind their back.I mean, oh my so self righteous.It's so funny watching Heather flop around and fail.
Like she really did think I'm going to come back this season and be the big dog.And she is just failing to a newbie.And it's, it's funny to watch.
She tried to take out the newbie.She tried to take out Bronwyn because the truth is this.Bronwyn was like talking some shit.She was like, she was like being shady in that car.And
And now Heather all of a sudden turned that into, I can't believe she would say that.And now she's trying to make it sound like Bronwyn was so vicious.I saw how vicious she was to Whitney in that car, and I don't want to be the victim of that.
I'm like, are you kidding me?This was so light in general.And the fact that she has twisted it and tried to make Bronwyn seem like this craven person is like her trying to like, basically haze the newbie and Bronwyn's like, No, I worked in finance.
I shall not be hazed, madame.Okay.I bought hazed.So, and she's like, well, I could apologize.Oh, so then it moves to the prenup, right?Because Bronwyn's like, oh my God, Heather, give me a break.
You've also, cause Heather goes off on this thing about what a jerk she is.And she's like, and you do have a very skewering humor, you know?And I don't know.I've seen how you, I'm terrified with how you talk about people behind their back.
And you have skewering humor."And she goes, well, you also have skewering humor, Heather, and you've come very hard for me.I'm not a good friend.I'm terrifying.My husband was stupid not to have a prenup.She goes, you're putting words in my mouth.
She goes, no.She goes, well, I do think it's stupid for anyone not to have a prenup.Marriage is a financial transaction, and you and I both know it.I mean, it's so sad.
Yeah.And Bronwyn's like, in no way, shape or form, was that a friendly comment?And Heather's like, I could apologize for asking about the prenup.I don't give two shits about the prenup.
But this was her trying to find a reason to not include me on the trip.She's not only shown me her shitty house, she's shown me her shitty intentions.And I don't really care for either of them.
I'm like, she was literally actually trying to find she's, she's not trying to find a way for you not to be on the trip.She was actually trying to find a way so that way she didn't have to not invite you, because she doesn't want to invite you.
And she was like, maybe if I can see glimmer that there could be a friendship here, I can invite her.But actually, no, you're just not being cool.
Yeah, you're doing this to yourself.And then she goes, why do you have to mince words with me?She literally just told you in plain English what her problem is.And Heather's like, well, I feel exhausted.I'm like, I can't even eat my coffee cake.
Wow.Not the coffee cake.The coffee cake is the true victim in this.So Bronwyn's like, I'm sure you do because you're keeping up this facade.She goes, you know what?I want to leave.I appreciate the invite for having me over.Your home is lovely.
I feel exhausted and sick to my stomach.This is not like the type of friendship that I want to have.And I'm glad that you have so many new friends to supplement.
So Bronwyn walks her to the door, and she's like, well, to not be able to say anything that you've done in this is truly lacking self-awareness, okay, Heather?She goes, oh yeah, I'll work on my self-awareness.Thanks for the tip.
So Bronwyn says, I'm not giving Heather a phony version of me, but I did think about what the best version of me that could show up for this conversation was, and if that's not good enough for Heather, that taps into one of my most serious fears, is that the very best of me is not good enough
someone else.I was like, Oh, she just played that card.
So smart.Coming victim card.My whole thing is I'm not popular enough for the popular kids.And Bronwyn just came and stole it.She's like, I'm taking you're not coming on the trip.And I'm taking your, your insecurity as well.
My drama drama is gonna be like, I remember those Mormon kids who shamed me for getting pregnant and you were like one of them.That's what's coming next.Yep.Wow.
Good.Very good.Good.Good to see people making money moves.Yeah, well done.Brahman.Well, yeah, well done.Well played.Well played, my friend. Um, next week.Yeah.
Yeah.Do that though.That's that's listen, like everyone has, everyone has their blindsides.Um, yours involves poop, but next week it looks to be a good episode.Meredith looks to be back again.I, I, I, I need some more Meredith marks this season.
It makes me worried.Or is this going to be, is this like the end of the line for Meredith marks?I hope not because as we all know, Meredith marks is icon mother, literally a mother.So we'll see, uh, messiness ahead.
Thanks, everyone, for being here and for listening to us yammer on on this very spooky episode.Bye, everybody.Bye.Watch what Krappens would like to thank its premium sponsors.Ain't no thing like Alice in King.
Ashley Savoni.She don't take no baloney.We're fanning out for Bethany Fanon.
Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.Dana C. Dana Dew.Erin McNicholas.She don't miss no tricolous.Jamie.She has no less namey.
Hava Nagila Weber.Know your worth with Jason Kurth.Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.
She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.
Kristen the Piston Anderson.Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino.Let's get feely with Maggie Sheely.Megan Berg.You can't have a burger without the berg.
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.The Bay Area Betches, Betches.
And our super premium sponsors.
Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.
We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neil.Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.
Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.She's a little bit loony, Junie.My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo.We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley.
Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender.The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters.
Give him hell, Miss Noelle.Ring that bell, poor Rachelle.She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke.Shannon out of a can and Anthony.Let's take off with Tamla Plain.
She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture.
We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
Sign in
