This episode was originally released as a bonus episode of Real English Radio and is now being released to the public.Enjoy.
I really need someone to tell me if having kids is worth it.I'm 30 years old, I've been married for six years, I think my partner would be an amazing dad.
And I've been waiting for this moment of clarity to hit me for the last, like, four years, and I, it's just not happening.When I think of myself with a kid today, I'm terrified.But when I think of myself in 20 years, I see myself with a family.
How am I supposed to bridge those two people?So please, is the loss of sleep, is the loss of identity, giving up your body, like, is it worth it?
All right, what's going on, my friend?You already know you're listening to yet another episode of Real English Radio.I'm your host, Tony Kaizen, and today we're talking all about parenthood.
And right before I started recording this episode, I was asking myself if we've talked about this already.I vaguely remember another episode about should I have kids or should I get married or something like that.
So maybe we're revisiting this topic, but there's nothing wrong with that, right? You know, review some vocabulary, some ideas, get the wheels turning and all that shit. You know what I'm saying?
So today we're talking about parenthood, possibly for the second or third time, because I really can't remember.But the woman in this clip has a very simple question.She's asking, is having kids worth it?
Is it worth all the effort, all the pain, giving up your body, et cetera, et cetera?Or should I really just focus on myself, enjoy a long life with my partner, and not even think about having children? That is her question.
Now, before we move any further in this episode, I'm going to go back to the beginning as always and explain the nouns, the verbs and the adjectives.
All right, so let's do it.
I really need someone to tell me if having kids is worth it.I'm 30 years old.I've been married for six years.I think my partner would be an amazing dad.And I've been waiting for this moment of clarity to hit me for the
Okay, so she's 30 years old, she's been married for six years, and she thinks her partner would be an amazing dad.But she's been waiting for this moment of clarity to hit her.
Now a moment of clarity, just in case you don't know, is just this moment in time when you come to a sudden realization. You weren't really expecting to come to that realization or you weren't necessarily trying to come to that realization.
It's just this moment in time where everything just clicks and you're like, oh, now I get it.Now it makes sense.That's your moment of clarity because things are now more clear to you, right?
And she's saying, I've been waiting for this moment of clarity to hit me. And she obviously doesn't mean literally.It just means like if something hits you, if an idea or a realization hits you, it's kind of the same concept of a moment of clarity.
When she says this moment of clarity hits me, it's like suddenly, bam.
As if you physically got hit with something and just imagine how that would probably startle you a little bit or you'd be like, oh shit, you would jump because you're not expecting it.
So if that moment of clarity hits you, it just quickly surprises you.That's really what she's saying.
But she's been waiting for that moment of just sudden realization where everything becomes clear and she has the answers to all her questions, but it's just not happening for her, which is why she still has this question.
Is parenthood worth it?All right, let's continue.
years I think my partner would be an amazing dad and I've been waiting for this moment of clarity to hit me for the last like four years and I it's just not happening when I think of myself with a kid today I'm terrified but when I think of myself in 20 years I see myself with a family how am I supposed to bridge those two people
All right, how am I supposed to bridge those two people?Because right now, it's hard to imagine herself having children.But in the future, she sees herself with a family.
So how is she supposed to bridge those two people, her current self and her future self?So in this case, when she says bridge, it's like a figurative way of saying connect two things.
Because if you think about an actual bridge, it typically connects one side of, how can I say this clearly?
When you think about a bridge, you have point A and you're on one side of probably a river or another street or something that you're going to be passing over, and then on the other side is point B. So that bridge connects point A to point B. So she's saying, how can I connect my current self who's terrified of having children to my future self who actually would love to have a family?
How do I go from this to that when I'm so terrified and I don't know if it's going to be worth it.I really hope that makes sense.All right, so we're going to continue.And remember, you can always hit me up with your questions if you have any, OK?
All right, let's continue.
Myself in 20 years, I see myself with a family.How am I supposed to bridge those two people?So please, is the loss of sleep, is the loss of identity, giving up your body, like, is it worth it?
Okay, now the last thing I'll explain, she said, so please, is the loss of sleep, the loss of identity, and giving up your body, is it worth it?
So that last thing, giving up your body, you've probably heard the phrasal verb give up many times, but just to remind you, in this case, it basically means to sacrifice or to let go of something.
You know, it's in your possession and you're going to let go of it.Or this thing is valuable to you, but you're still going to sacrifice it for some greater purpose.So giving up your body,
If you're a woman, you kind of have to sacrifice your body in a way because now it's not just yours.You have this baby growing inside of you that you have to take care of and think about.And you're not just eating for yourself anymore.
You're not just exercising for yourself.You're not just living for yourself anymore.But also for this baby that's growing inside of you, which is something that obviously we as men don't really have to consider when having children.
But obviously she's asking that question because it's understandable, right?Like nine months.And then whatever happens like after that, I imagine after you have the child, like your body still needs even more time to recover.
And then you gotta try and get back in shape, shave off all those pounds, all that baby fat, you know what I'm saying?So that's her question, right?Like, is parenthood worth it?And it's interesting because this video is a standalone video.
She posted that video by itself.But the beauty of TikTok allows you to do something called stitching.So if you see a video that you find interesting, you can create your own original video that's connected to the video that you just saw.
I mean, I'm sure you've at least heard of TikTok and maybe you've used it and you've seen something like this before.I'm sure I've played clips on the podcast before that have had the stitching feature.
And the reason I'm saying that now is because I'm about to play another clip. of a woman answering the question that was asked in the first clip.So again, the first woman asked, is it worth it?
Losing sleep, losing your identity, giving up your body, et cetera, et cetera.Is it really worth it?And so now a mother who saw this video decided to stitch her own video to it, and that's what I'm gonna play for you now, all right?
So here is her response to the question, is having children worth it?
I really need someone to tell me if having kids is worth it.
You know, I've passed this video like multiple times and I've always wanted to respond and I just couldn't, I couldn't find the words, but I think I finally found them.
I think if you're asking if kids are worth it, then you're not ready for parenthood.I know that sounds harsh, but you're just not.Parenthood is not about what you get, which is kind of what your question implies.Is it worth it?
Am I going to get something out of this?It's all about what you give.
Okay, so the first part of this clip, she's saying, listen, if you're asking that question, you're probably not ready for parenthood.And parenthood just describes the idea of being a parent, like childhood describes the idea of being a child.
Motherhood describes the idea of being a mother, right?So you might not be ready for parenthood, or you might not be ready to be a parent, if you're asking that question, is having kids worth it?And she says, I know that sounds harsh,
but you're just not ready.So the word harsh, H-A-R-S-H.This word is similar to severe or very critical, you know?So maybe that sounds too critical.Maybe that's hard to hear.
Maybe it sounds like I'm being mean or aggressive or cold, or I'm not being very empathetic to your situation, but that's what I think.You're just not ready to have kids if you're still asking yourself, is it worth it?So maybe that's harsh.
But that's what I think.So she goes on to say that parenthood is not about what you get, which is what her question implies.Like, is it worth it?Asking that question kind of implies that you expect to get something in return for your sacrifice.
And this woman is saying that's not what it's about.It's really about what you give, not what you get.
OK.All right, let's move on to the next part of the clip.
First, no one can tell you what parenthood is going to be like.You want to know why?Because every person's parenthood is completely different.
When you sign up to become a parent, you sign up for one of the wildest rides of your life that you have zero control over, zero preview of, and no one can tell you what's going to happen. You could have a genius that changes your life forever.
You could have a kid with mental or health challenges that needs you to completely re-modify your life.You could have an athlete that makes you spend every weekend on a soccer field that you hate.
Or you could have a theater student that has you attending shows left, right, and center.But through all that, you're going to have to figure it out.Now,
All right.So her point is that nobody can tell you what parenthood is going to be like.Nobody can really ask you or not ask you.Nobody can really tell you whether or not parenthood is worth it.
Because at the end of the day, everybody's experience as a parent is different.Everybody's child is different.Even if you have multiple children, each child is going to be different and raising each child is most likely going to be different.
So nobody can really tell you that.When you sign up to become a parent or when you commit to becoming a parent, you basically commit to one of the wildest rides that you have zero control over.So wild is like crazy, unpredictable, uncontrollable.
And when she says ride, she's talking about a journey.So a wild ride is like an uncontrollable, unpredictable journey.And that's how she describes being a parent.You have no preview.
There's nobody that can show you what it's going to be like, give you some kind of hint or preparation.None of that exists. None of it.And you have to accept the fact that you might have a kid with mental health issues.
You might have a kid who's a star athlete.You might have a kid who's a psychopath.You might have a kid who becomes the president.You just never know.You never know.
And then she goes on to say, one thing I wanted to explain was, you could have an athlete that has you spending every weekend on a soccer field that you hate, or a theater student that has you attending shows left, right, and center.
Let me see if I can find that part of the clip again.
that makes you spend every weekend on a soccer field that you hate, or you could have a theater student that has you attending shows left, right, and center.
Okay, so when she says left, right, and center, you could have a theater student that has you attending shows left, right, and center.
She just, this is like a phrase or an expression that just means all the time or like all over the place, and that probably doesn't make much sense. But if you think about the context, she's saying a student that has you attending different shows.
So imagine your child is a ballerina or something like that, and that child might have to perform at this theater and then that art center and then this venue and then that place.
So you're going all over the city, all over your state to attend these shows.You're going left, you're going right, you're going center. I hope that makes sense.
It's just a, like a creative way of saying that you're going to be going all over the place all the time.And you're not just going to be going to one place all the time.Damn, I hope that makes sense.
Because it's not something that you're going to hear every day, but without context.And if you've never heard somebody say that before, it might not make sense.So hopefully now it makes a little bit. more sense.
And then the last thing she says is, through it all, you're going to have to figure it out.In this case, through, that's not what she said.She said, but through all that, you're going to have to figure it out.
So in this case, the word through, it just, It indicates the idea of experiencing something.That's why we often say, I'm going through a difficult situation, or I've been through many difficult times in my life.
To go through something, it just means to experience something.
So when she says, through all that, you're going to have to figure it out, she means while you're experiencing or going through all of those things, while raising your children, you're still just going to have to figure it out.
find solutions, solve problems, deal with unpredictable situations and stuff like that, you know?
All right, cool.Let's move on to the next part of this clip.
But through all that, you're going to have to figure it out.Now, I'm not saying that parenthood is without joy, please.There is joy in the giving.And I will tell you that kids for me are the biggest catalyst towards growth.
They will test your marriage.They will test what you think about yourself.They will have, especially if you want to be a good parent, they will have you healing parts of yourself you never even thought of.
They will bring you the highest joys and the hardest lows, and every stage will be different.
Also, I will say, as a woman, no matter what you do, no matter how great your husband is, no matter what, you will bear a lot of the physical burden of having children just because you're the one birthing them.It's a reality, a biological reality.
Okay, so she goes on to try and show you the bright side or just remind you that it's not all misery, it's not just painful sacrifice, but there is a lot of joy, which is another word for happiness or pleasant emotion.
There's a lot of joy that comes with being a parent. And she says personally, having kids was the biggest catalyst towards growth.Now a catalyst is something that initiates or provokes a change, right?
So the biggest catalyst towards growth means it was the biggest thing that motivated her or maybe even forced her to grow as a person, you see?
And so she goes on to say that kids will test your marriage, they will test what you think about yourself, they will have you healing parts of yourself that you didn't even think of, trauma from your childhood, things that are causing you to be a toxic parent, they're gonna force you to at least consider those things and hopefully change them and improve them, you know?
She says that kids will bring you the highest joys and the hardest lows, right?The most positive, pleasant, happiest moments of your life, and also some of the most challenging, difficult, sad, infuriating moments of your life, you know?
And then she goes on to say that also as a woman, no matter what you do, you're going to bear a lot of the physical burden of having children.
So just to refresh your memory, when somebody says, no matter, blah, blah, blah, it's another way of saying, it doesn't matter, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah is not important.So no matter what you do. regardless of what you do.
What you do is not important.No matter what, in any case, in any situation, you are going to have to bear a lot of the physical burden.So to bear a burden, B-E-A-R is the word, bear, like the animal.
But in this case, we're not talking about an animal.In this case, the word is being used as a verb.So to bear a burden just means to carry that burden on your back, literally or figuratively.And in this case, it's figuratively.And a burden,
It's just a heavy responsibility or duty.So to bear a burden just means to carry this heavy thing on your back.Again, in this case it's figurative.And that heavy duty or responsibility is taking care of your children.
And in this case, it's the physical burden, right?Birthing the child, carrying that child for nine months, and then breastfeeding the child if that's what you choose to do.All of that is on you as a mother.
No matter how amazing your husband is, no matter how amazing the father is, he's not going to have to do that stuff.It's just a biological reality of having children as a woman, right?All right, let's get on to the last part of this clip, my friends.
It will also test your marriage and either make your marriage grow or really break it down.Kids don't heal a marriage.They really reveal it.And you will never ever be the person that you are today again.Never.There's no going back.
no matter what happens with that kid.So don't ask if kids are worth it.Ask if you're willing to go on a ride where nothing's predictable.There are going to be great moments and bad moments.And if you're up to giving that much of yourself.
All right, so let's just summarize this last part of the clip.She's saying that having kids will test your marriage and either make it grow or break it down.
Now when she says break it down, it's a phrasal verb that describes destroying something or weakening something.
So in this case, if having a child breaks down your marriage, it's the thing that causes your marriage to deteriorate or fail or fall apart.Those are different ways of expressing a similar idea, right?
And then she said that kids don't heal a marriage.So to heal something basically means to become healthy again.So imagine that you get a cut.Somebody cuts your arm with a knife.
And I know that sounds dark, but it's the first example that came to my head.Somebody cuts your arm with a knife and now you have this wound.
Your skin is open, there's blood and everything and over time you have to take care of the wound so that it heals properly.
The skin is going to regenerate and there will be a scar left in that place where you got cut and now it is fully healed or when you get a tattoo. The artist is using this machine and a tiny little needle to insert dots of ink under your skin.
And so it's basically creating a ton of tiny little wounds.And over time, the ink has to settle in your skin.The skin on top of that ink has to regenerate itself so that it just looks like normal skin again.And that process is called healing.
You have to let your tattoo heal.Okay.So getting back to the context, kids do not heal a marriage.Basically what she's saying is having kids is not going to save your marriage. Which, strangely, is what some people really believe.
They think, well, my marriage is shit, let's have a kid, and then hopefully that'll bring back the spark.Hopefully that'll bring some love back into the house.
This kid will force us to become a better partnership and better parents and better lovers, et cetera, when that is not the case.At least that's what she's saying in the video, and I definitely agree with that.
She's saying that kids don't heal your marriage, they will reveal your marriage.
They will take all those hidden parts of your marriage, all the problems that have been swept under the rug, all those things you've been neglecting, all of that is going to come to the forefront once you have children.
All the problems in your marriage will become extremely clear once you have kids.It will show you the strength of your relationship.It will not make your relationship stronger. Right?At least that's what she's saying.
And then she says, you'll never be the same person again.There's no going back once you have kids.So don't ask if having kids is worth it.
Ask if you are willing to make that commitment to such a wild and unpredictable ride, because it's going to bring you some of the greatest moments and also some of the most challenging moments of your life.And you have to be prepared for that.
And honestly, accept the fact that you might not get anything tangible in return. You just have to accept that, right?Now that clip was pretty long, almost three minutes.
I'm not going to play it again, but I'll leave timestamps for this episode just in case you want to go back to the beginning of the clip and listen to it uninterrupted, all right?
But now I just want to get on to a couple of talking points related to this clip because although we've talked about parenthood and kids before, or at least I think we have, It's still something that's interesting to think about, right?
That question, is having parents worth it?Because some people really do, when it comes to parenthood, some people really do have that idea that having children is supposed to benefit them in some way.
They're thinking, what can I get out of having children?And to be honest, I never really thought about it that way, about what am I going to get from having children?
I mean, watching my parents raise me, watching my sister and my brother raise their children, just watching people raise children in general, to, I mean, to expect to get something out of birthing and raising children to me just doesn't really make sense.
And I'm not saying that to say like, you know, I got all the answers and I see life super clearly and I'm so smart and fucking wise.It's just to me, it seems that Parenthood really is all about giving, like you chose to have the kid.
The kid didn't ask to be born, so you're responsible for taking care of this kid. And taking care of someone doesn't really involve getting something in return.Right?
If you're getting something in return, you're not taking care of that person, you're servicing.That's not the right word.You're serving that person.Like at a restaurant, or in a hospital, or at a dentist office.Right?
You go to the dentist and they take care of a cavity, or they remove a tooth, or they put braces on your teeth, or whatever. You know, they're expecting to get something in return.
They're expecting to get some cash in return for having done something for you.What are your kids going to give back to you after you feed them or buy them clothes or take them to soccer practice?What are you expecting to get in return?
And maybe I misunderstood her question.Maybe that's not what she's talking about.But that's just what I think when I consider this idea of getting something in return for being a parent, you know?
I imagine there's a lot of intangible stuff that you get in return, like she talked about, you know, personal growth.
healing parts of yourself you didn't even know were broken or damaged, you know, taking on a greater sense of responsibility, having a greater sense of purpose in life, having another reason to get out of bed and be better as a person.
Those are things that you can't really put your hands on or pay for, but I imagine they at least could come with being a parent.I don't know what they do.I don't have kids.But I imagine those are some potential benefits of being a parent.
And so I think the second clip that I played, this woman, even if this isn't what she was trying to do, I think that she's basically trying to redefine I contradicted myself.
I don't know if she's trying to do this, but I got the impression that she was trying to redefine the idea of what it means to be a parent.And it's not about what you get from it.It's about what you give to it.
And that really is a fundamental shift in thinking because Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, who I talk about a lot on the podcast, he also has this similar idea that You're not even an adult until you have children.
Because when you're only living for yourself, you're only thinking about yourself and what you can get from life or from other people and get for yourself.
You're just a child, because that's how children think, only about themselves and what they can get.They want to take and take and take and ask for this and that and that.
Without even really comprehending what it takes to get those things, they just know they want it, so they ask for it.And then they're mad when they don't get it, because they don't understand how life works.
And so as an adult with no kids, you're still kind of in this adolescent state of only having to think about and worry about yourself.
You're not really an adult until you have kids because you don't really have any responsibility until you have kids.And I'm paraphrasing.That's not exactly what he says.
I don't know if that's exactly what he believes, but that's more or less the idea that he talks about, is that to become a truly responsible and mature adult, you need to have children and have someone or something else to take care of and worry about.
And maybe if you don't have kids, at least have a pet or something like that.I don't know what Jordan would say about having pets, but I'm just saying he has a similar idea.
That you got to grow up a little bit and mature a little bit and realize that this is not about you anymore and what you're going to get from this.You're choosing to commit to giving yourself and everything you have to somebody else.Right.
That's what it means to be a parent, according to Jordan and this woman in the clip.And so, I don't know.I do think, though, I do think that asking the question, is having kids worth it?I do think that's a valid question, especially in 2023.
I think that's a valid question, because in the past, having children was just what you did.And you also could be confident that working hard at your nine to five job you'd be able to make enough money to support those kids and have a decent life.
Not a life of luxury, but a decent life.Whereas today, it's not just the emotional and psychological aspects of having children, but like, am I gonna be able to afford it?Having children is extremely expensive.
Being a person in today's world is expensive, right?Everything's more expensive for everybody.So imagine trying to raise kids, multiple kids. And so I think it's a valid question to ask.
It's like, well, if I'm going to make this monumental sacrifice, if I'm going to put all this money and time and energy and love and patience and understanding and this and that into these children, is it really going to be worth it?
I think, I don't know man, I think that's a valid question.I really do.
Because when you're young and inexperienced, growing up in the times that we're in today, if you've never had any experience taking care of other people or taking care of children or any preview of parenthood, I think it's a normal question.
Just like, imagine if we think about something other than having kids.Is taking this job going to be worth it?Is starting a business worth it?Is this worth it?Even though nobody can answer that question for you, I do think it's a valid question.
I think it's normal to ask yourself that.You know?So maybe it does indicate a lack of preparedness.Maybe it does indicate that you're not ready to have kids just because you're asking that question.But I don't know, man.I don't know.
I don't know about that.What do y'all think?
Is simply asking the question an indication that you're not ready?I don't know.I don't know.
But something else that is interesting to think about is the effect that having chids, I wanted to say kids and children at the same time.I do that all the fucking time. I don't know why.Anyway, having kids.I lost my train of thought, shit.
Oh yeah, the effect that having kids will have on your relationship, right?Your marriage.This is something else that really I think is impossible to prepare for, right?
And that's why when it comes to having kids, I don't see any reason to rush into that shit.
I'm not saying just wait for the sake of waiting, but one thing that scares me the most about the idea of having children is having children with the wrong woman.You know what I mean?Because...
The person that you're committed to in a relationship can be one way right now.And they could do a complete 180 after having kids.
And when somebody says that, when I say they do a 180, I mean they turn 180 degrees, which means in the opposite direction.They go in a completely different direction.They become a different person.Their personality changes.
They start behaving different.And you're like, what the fuck is going on here?This is not the person I married.You know, shit like that scares me.
Um, just raising kids with the wrong person or like, uh, stuff like postpartum depression, you know, when a woman for whatever reason gets depressed after having kids, maybe because this current state of her body or like what she thinks about the future after having kids, I don't really know what happens or what the cause of postpartum depression is, but stuff like that.
kind of concerns me as well.
And I guess as a man, one thing that you're not necessarily prepared for is how much less attention you're probably going to be getting once you do have those children, because your wife is going to be paying attention to the children, not you, right?
If anything, you need to be even more supportive than you were before, right? as a husband?I don't know.Obviously, I'm not married.I don't have kids.I'm just talking about what I imagine.Francisco, I know that you're married.You've had your children.
Alejandra, married with kids.So maybe y'all can shed some light on the effect that having children had on your marriage.I'm very curious to know because obviously everyone's marriage is different.Every person is different.Every child is different.
The effect that kids are gonna have on people's relationships will be different from couple to couple.But it is something to think about.Because even when I think about my parents, I don't know the effect that we had on their marriage.
And when I say we, I mean me and my sister.I don't know exactly, but what I do know is that from a very young age, I could see that my parents didn't love each other anymore.I was probably, 12 years old when I started to notice that.
And they stayed together for years.They stayed together, I think they got divorced when I was like 20 years old or something like that.And when I got older, I felt that I could finally ask them about these things without it being weird.
And so I just asked my, I think I asked my
I might've asked both of them, and I don't remember who gave me this answer, but one of my parents said, we actually stayed together until you guys got old enough to take care of yourselves because we didn't want the divorce to affect you guys.
We didn't want to break up the household and then stress you guys out and have that affecting you.So we just stayed married long enough for you guys to become adults, and then we got divorced.And I don't know, man, that's fucking...
I'm not saying that it's the right or wrong choice.I don't know what I would do in the same situation, because on one hand, you could see that as compassionate, right?You care about your kids and you don't want to stress them out.
But at the same time, your kids aren't stupid, most likely, and they can see that y'all don't love each other, you know?And that also is going to have an effect on your kids.
Like when I think back to my parents' marriage, when I think back to when I was growing up, They were the first example I saw of what it means to be married.
And based on what I saw in my house, I was like, I don't want to get married or have kids if this is what it's going to be like.Fuck this shit.You know what I'm saying?So it's just I don't even know what I think about it.
I just know that it's interesting to think about.
the effect that kids have on a marriage and what happens when you don't love your partner anymore, but your kids are four years old and seven years old, are you going to get divorced and have them going back and forth between houses?
Are you going to stay with your partner and be fighting all the time?Are you going to pretend everything is good?I don't know, man.I don't know.All I know is it's not something that you have to consider if you don't have kids.
If you're not happy with your partner, you just fucking leave.
You don't have to worry about how it's going to affect your kids or anybody else.You just know you're not happy.You tried everything.It's not working.And you guys have agreed this is going nowhere.So let's just end it.
But as soon as you put just one child into the mix, everything's different.
You got different shit to consider.
You know. I don't know.I don't know.
Another thing that I think about quite often when it comes to having kids, I said before earlier in this episode that the idea of having kids scares the shit out of me.
I think another thing or another reason that it scares me is because I feel that as a parent, especially as a father, that I'm supposed to be able to teach my children things.
That I need to be able to prepare them for real life. You know what I mean?
And sometimes I don't know if I am ready to do that.Like, do I really know everything that I need to know in order to be able to prepare a young man or a young woman to survive in this world?
I guess that really what I'm asking myself is, would I be a good father?And obviously it's a question that's impossible to answer, but the lack of the answer is what scares me. Cause it's not like I can just take it back.
You know, like for example, if I buy a motorbike and it turns out that I'm a really shitty rider, if I buy a new car and I'm a really shitty driver, it's like, you know what?I shouldn't be driving.Let me sell this car.
Let me take it back to the dealer and just take the train or the bus or some shit like that.With a kid, where am I going to take it?You know, well, I'm a shitty dad.This is, I shouldn't have done this shit.
Let me just take it back to fucking, you know what I mean? What are you going to do, put the kid up for adoption, bro?Come on, man.Oh, fucking hey, there's just no no no take backs when it comes to having kids.It's like it's yours now, dog.
Fucking figure it out.Figure it out.I don't know.It just scares me, man.Like the idea of being a shitty father scares the shit out of me.That genuinely scares me.That I wake up at 43 and I realize I'm a piece of shit, father. I don't know.
I don't know.I just don't want that because I find it like the idea of living with the fact that I'm a shitty father is really difficult knowing that I chose to have this kid and I wasn't ready to take care of it.
or based on my personality or my behavior or my lack of preparedness.I've now fucked this kid up for life.He's got mental health issues.He's not ready to survive in this world.He doesn't have enough love or affection.
I'm not able to teach him things like all that.It frightens me a little bit.And not to the point where I don't want to have kids, I'm just saying that it's a it's a fear.That I have.
Because it is, it's unpredictable, like I said earlier, like you might give birth to a psychopath, then what? Then what?
You realize like your kid's seven years old and you see him killing squirrels and shit or he kills the family cat, kills the dog or some shit while you're at work.Then what?
Then he graduates from small animals and now he's like, like you wake up in the middle of the night and he's standing in your bed just looking at you and your wife.He's got a fucking steak knife in his hand.Then what?
You gave birth to a fucking psychopath.Now what?What are you going to do?What are you going to do?
And your kid tries to kill you in your fucking sleep.
What you gonna do?You gonna murder your own child?
Send them away so that somebody else has to deal with it?What are you gonna do?Or your child has cerebral palsy or Down syndrome or some shit, you know?
And now your life is dedicated to taking care of that child.Shit like that.I mean, there's just so many things that could go wrong.And I know that there are so many things that can go right as well.I'm not trying to paint a dark picture.
I'm just saying, going back to the original question, is it worth it?I think that's a valid question, bro.There are a lot of risks that come with having children, especially today, especially today.
When you think about the price of raising children, when you think about the dangers of exposing them to the internet too soon, social media and all that shit, fucking A, man. I don't know.I don't know.
Actually, Victor, if you're listening to this, I'm curious to know what were some of your fears and anxieties before deciding to have a child?Alejandra, Francisco, if you can think back to when
you didn't have children, but you were preparing or you were considering the idea, like what were some of your fears or concerns?And then after having children for a few years now, which of those fears was unreasonable, right?
What were the fears that you had before having kids that you realized you shouldn't have been afraid of to begin with, or some things that you didn't consider that you wish you would have considered before having kids?
This is what I want to know from the parents that are listening, you know? Is having children worth it?And how has children affected you as a human being, your marriage, your other relationships, the way you think about life, stuff like that.
And now that you've been a parent for a few years, what are things that you think everybody needs to know or be prepared for before having children?These are the questions that I have for y'all. All right.
And with that, I think this is a good moment to end the episode, my friend.So again, is having parents, is having parents worth it?Jesus fucking Christ.Is having children. Worth it.That is the question of the day.All right.
And there were some more talking points and questions that I had prepared, but I'll leave those in the study guide for this episode.And you can write about those on Discord or in your journal, or we can start some conversations about them.
But the main theme, the main question here is having children. Is it worth it?All right?That's what I want you to think about today, my friend.But this has been another episode of Real English Radio.
I am your host, Tony Kaizen, and I'll talk to you soon.Peace!
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