Hello and welcome to today's episode of my podcast, where I'll be diving into a topic that affects countless individuals.It's the confidence myth about public speaking. You may have heard people say that great speakers are born, not made.
Well, this belief can set up unrealistic expectations and lead to a cycle of self-sabotage that prevents many people from sharing their valuable ideas. In this episode, I'll explore the myth that confidence is an innate trait.
I'll discuss how this misconception discourages many aspiring speakers from taking the stage and ultimately impacts their performance.
You'll learn why confidence is not just a magical quality bestowed upon the lucky few, but rather it's a skill that can be developed and nurtured over time.
My goal today is to debunk this confidence myth, helping you feel more motivated to speak in public.
By the end of this episode, you'll have a deeper understanding of what confidence really means in the context of speaking in public, how its absence can affect your performance, and actionable techniques to cultivate your confidence.
I'll cover the essence of confidence, delve into the psychological underpinnings of self-doubt, and discuss straightforward methods to help you tackle both the motivation to speak and the confidence to shine from the stage.
In short, I want you to leave this episode with one clear message.Anyone, and I mean anyone, can become a great speaker. Let's find out more by starting to unpack why the confidence myth exists in the first place.
Society often equates confidence with speaking ability, portraying confident speakers as engaging, eloquent, and natural. This, of course, creates a misconception that only those who appear naturally confident can succeed in public speaking.
In 2020, there was an interesting research by Bloom and Dwyer who showed that societal pressures can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy in potential speakers, further fueling this myth.
When we see colleagues, co-workers or even famous speakers effortlessly commanding this stage, it's easy to feel inferior and believe that we should be able to do the same.This mindset can be incredibly disheartening and discouraging.
For example, many professionals often look at TED speakers and assume that the ability to deliver a compelling talk comes from an innate talent.But it's crucial to recognize that many of these speakers have spent years honing their craft.
This perception creates a gap between aspiration and reality, leading many to question their capabilities. So how does this myth impact our motivation to speak?
When individuals believe that confidence is an innate trait, it discourages them from attempting to speak publicly.They may think, I should be able to do this, but can't.
This, of course, creates a vicious cycle where stress, performance anxiety, and low self-esteem feed into each other.In an act of self-preservation, aspiring speakers often avoid speaking opportunities due to fear of judgment.
This avoidance makes perfect sense in the context of feeling inadequate or incapable.However, the truth is that they simply haven't learned or been taught the skills needed to speak confidently.The result?
low self-esteem, and that continues to validate their fears, perpetuating the myth that only the naturally confident can succeed.
Research shows that avoiding speaking situations often leads to a more profound fear of public speaking over time, and in fact, according to a study by Hoffman and co.back in 2012, which was published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders,
individuals who regularly avoid public speaking engagements often find their anxiety levels increasing with each missed opportunity.So in other words, the more you get out there, the better you'll feel.
And of course, this highlights the importance of challenging the confidence myth and encouraging individuals to step outside their comfort zones.So now that we understand the broader implications,
Let's explore what I really mean by a lack of confidence.Well, in the context of public speaking, a lack of confidence can manifest itself as fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and awkwardness.These are all internal feelings, aren't they?
and they're often viewed negatively.Of course, the problem with negative emotions is that they feel uncomfortable.As human beings, we naturally want to avoid discomfort.
So this avoidance often leads to missed opportunities and just reinforces the cycle of self-doubt. For example, a speaker may experience anticipatory anxiety days before the event, leading to sleepless nights and heightened nervousness.
As the event approaches, they might feel physically ill, further embedding the belief that they're not cut out for public speaking. So where does this lack of confidence stem from?Well, past experiences play a very big part.
Negative experiences of similar situations can significantly affect future attempts.If you've ever stood in front of an audience and felt the sting of criticism, you understand how these memories can shape your perception of future public speaking.
But it doesn't have to relate to actual speaking situations.For example, my fear came from not being able to answer a teacher's question back in the day.It was years ago, decades ago, I was a tiddler, well, 10 years old.
But it was that excruciating feeling of everyone's eyes on me in the classroom that tipped me over the edge, and I carried that forward for years, decades.
So the more we remember those difficult situations, those difficult moments, whatever they are, the more we distance ourselves from the idea of speaking publicly because we just don't want to remember those uncomfortable feelings again.
We didn't like it the first time it happened.We're reluctant to repeat the experience. Even a minor incident, like forgetting a line or mispronouncing a word, can lead to the belief that you're not a capable speaker.
The emotional weight that we carry of those moments can linger long after the event, creating a mental barrier that just makes future attempts feel insurmountable.
Another common source of lack of confidence is the tendency to compare oneself with more experienced speakers.When you look at someone who speaks with poise and skill, it's easy to think, isn't it, I'll never be that good.
This mindset can breed self-doubt and can lead to feeling inadequate. This comparative mindset often leads to imposter syndrome, where even highly competent individuals believe that they are frauds compared to their peers.
Finally, let's talk about the fear of judgment.Judgment, in essence, is simply the comparison between one thing and another. The societal fear of being judged, especially in professional settings, can be overwhelming.
Many people worry about what their peers will think, which can stifle their desire to express themselves. This fear of judgment can also be exacerbated by social media and digital platforms where people can be very quick to shoot you down.
The pressure to present a polished, a superhuman version of oneself can lead to increased anxiety when faced with the prospect of public speaking.
Okay, let's bring this discussion to life by examining how a lack of confidence affects speaking performance. When anxiety takes over, it often leads to physical symptoms that can hinder performance.
You might experience shaky hands, a dry mouth or nervous fidgeting.These reactions can distract you from your message, detract from your overall presence on stage.
For example, a speaker may find themselves sweating profusely, their heart racing uncontrollably in their chest, or their voice wavering and shaking.
This physical response not only diminishes the speaker's performance, but also sends signals to the audience that may undermine their confidence in the speaker's message. A lack of confidence can also affect your cognitive functioning.
That's because when you're feeling anxious, it becomes harder to think clearly and articulate your thoughts during a presentation.
This sense of overwhelm can lead to stumbling over words, forgetting key points, or losing your train of thought altogether. And research bears this out.
Anxiety consumes brain function, leaving little room for the speaker to process information or respond to audiences' questions effectively.It's one of the reasons why preparation is so crucial.
That can simply help reduce cognitive load in the moment and allow brain space to focus on delivering your message. Finally, a lack of confidence can lead to disengagement with the audience.
If you're consumed by self-doubt, you may find it challenging to connect with your listeners, resulting in a flat or lifeless presentation.If you've ever sat in the audience and felt the speakers struggle, you know it's no fun for anybody involved.
Disengagement can lead to a negative feedback loop.If the audience senses your nervousness, they can get bored.They can lose interest and even start checking their phones or even walking out.Things like that.
And of course, that just makes it worse when the presenter notices it, creating a challenging cycle that can be difficult to break. So, enough of the bad news.What are some simple techniques that could help?
Well, just before I get to that, here's a quick note, because if you love these conversations about body language, confidence, speaking on stage and speaking out publicly with confidence, please subscribe.
I'm here to support you on your journey of becoming a more powerful, a more confident, more capable and accomplished speaker, and I'd hate for you to miss out on any future episodes.
Okay, promotion over, let's look at some simple practical techniques to help you shine next time you face an audience.Well, first and foremost, recognize the important difference between being a great speaker and having the confidence to speak.
Being a great speaker is not about confidence per se.It's about learning a set of skills that result in the confidence to know you can.Confidence is a state of mind.It's an emotion.
You already have confidence somewhere in your life, because there are many things that you're already very certain about.
For example, you may be confident about your age, or you could be confident that you know your home address, because that's where you live.
It was psychologist Carol Dweck who conducted extensive research on the growth mindset, emphasizing that individuals can develop abilities through dedication and hard work.This notion applies directly to public speaking.
It's not about being born with a particular talent, but rather about having the willingness to learn and grow.Yes,
It's true, you might not yet be confident that you're a great speaker, but that's only because you need to acquire and practice the necessary skills.
So, understanding the distinction between the two, the difference between skills and the confidence to use them, can help alleviate the pressure.Instead of fixating on how you appear to others, focus on building your speaking skills.
Well, let's break that down a little bit further.Public speaking, as I've just said, is a set of simple skills.Skills that can be learned and can be practiced.And some of these include these.
Knowing how to structure your speech and present your ideas clearly.Researching your topic in enough detail to ensure you're well informed. building rapport with your audience, managing questions, and responding to unexpected situations.
Practicing your tone, your body language, and your delivery will all help keep the audience engaged. and using the stage and the equipment needed for the size of audience you're addressing.
These are all skills, these are all topics within the realms of confident public speaking, and each one can be learnt and built upon and practiced.
And in each case, each learning, each skill will aid to your knowledge and confidence and therefore your ability. And there are many experts who agree with this.
Dale Carnegie, for example, says that effective speaking is a skill that could be mastered through practice and experience.I mean, think about it logically.
If you knew significantly more about these areas than you do right now, that would be a big step forward, wouldn't it? Okay, let's put this theory into action.
Here are some practical techniques you can use to help practice and prepare for your next speaking engagement.First up, visualization exercises.They can be incredibly powerful for building confidence.Before stepping onto the stage,
Take a few moments to close your eyes and imagine yourself delivering your presentation successfully.Picture the audience responding positively, nodding along, and engaging with your message.
This technique can help train your mind to expect success, which can significantly reduce anxiety.
According to Sullivan's 2013 study published by the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, visualisation can improve performance in various fields, including athletics and public speaking.
Now, if the idea of speaking to a large crowd feels daunting, start with smaller engagements, perhaps sharing your thoughts in a team meeting or giving a toast at a friend's wedding.
Gradually increase the size of your audience as you build confidence, but do it without overwhelming yourself. The exposure effect in psychology shows that repeated exposure to a stimulus can lead to a more favorable attitude toward it.
Or in everyday language, the more you speak, the more comfortable you'll become. Next, why not join a public speaking group like Toastmasters?They can provide an excellent environment for practice.
These groups offer structured meetings where individuals can practice speaking in a supportive atmosphere.The feedback you receive from fellow members can help you identify areas for improvement while also reinforcing your strengths.
Let's also look at ways you can build confidence in the moment whilst you're actually on stage.These work because self-confidence is an internal experience.These techniques all shift your focus externally.
The advantage of doing that is because when you're actively engaging with your audience, you're unable to dwell on your inner fears and anxieties.So, start your presentation with a personal story or anecdote.
It helps humanize you and also connects you with your audience on a deep level.When they relate to you, they become more invested in what you have to say. Ask questions and invite audience participation.
It not only helps break the ice, but also breaks down that invisible barrier between you and them.It creates a dialogue rather than a monologue, making the experience more interactive and engaging for everyone, and that includes you.
And pay careful attention to the audience's reactions as you speak.If they appear engaged, you'll notice how your confidence gets a shot in the arm.If the opposite is true, then at least you'll notice it and have the chance to do something about it.
As we wrap up this episode, I want you to imagine yourself as a knowledgeable, trained, practiced speaker, capable of sharing your ideas confidently.
Picture yourself walking onto the stage with poise, engaging your audience and delivering your message with skill, passion, and natural authenticity.
Overcoming that confidence myth not only enhances your communication skills, but also opens doors to new professional opportunities.
Whether it's landing a promotion, leading a team, or connecting with new colleagues, the skills you develop through public speaking can transform your career trajectory.
Research from 2020 by Vinenco, published by the International Journal of Business Communication, suggests that strong communication skills are one of the top predictors of career advancement.
By investing time in developing your speaking abilities, you're also investing in your future success. You can do this.Start by practicing visualization, seeking out smaller speaking opportunities, and joining a supportive community.
Remember, confidence is built through experience and practice.Confidence is knowing you can.So all you have to do is learn how, and then do it enough times so that you're certain.
As you embark on this journey towards becoming a confident speaker, reflect on the skills you already possess and how they can be applied to public speaking.
With dedication and the right mindset, you can redefine your relationship with speaking and overcome the confidence myth. Thank you for joining me on this exploration of the confidence myth, and I hope you found it helpful.
If you or someone you know struggles with confidence in public speaking, be sure to share this episode with them.
And stay tuned for future episodes, where I'll continue to delve into the world of public speaking, offering insights and strategies to help you excel.Don't forget to subscribe to my podcast and connect with me on social media.
Check the show notes for details. Until next time, remember, you don't have to be born a great speaker to succeed, you just need the willingness to learn and grow.Speak soon!
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