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Episode: Wade For President

Author: Distractible
Duration: 01:07:00

Episode Shownotes

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Summary

In this episode of Distractible, titled 'Wade For President,' hosts Mark, Wade, and Bob humorously discuss Wade's fictional presidential candidacy. They explore lighthearted anecdotes, including DIY parenting experiences and reflections on video games like 'Guardians of the Galaxy.' The conversation touches on various comedic cabinet nominations, blending pop culture references and political satire. While addressing serious topics like pain management and the opioid crisis, the hosts maintain a lighthearted tone throughout, ultimately proposing whimsical and unconventional government roles, embodying the show's blend of humor and camaraderie.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Wade For President) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_06
This episode is brought to you by Indiana Jones and the Great Circle. Uncover one of history's greatest mysteries in Indiana Jones and the Great Circle. A first-person single-player video game set between Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Last Crusade.

00:00:12 Speaker_03
The year is 1937. Sinister forces are scouring the globe for the secret to an ancient power, and only one person can stop them.

00:00:19 Speaker_05
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00:00:35 Speaker_05
Copyright and trademark 2024 Lucasfilm Limited. All rights reserved. This episode is brought to you by Energizer.

00:00:57 Speaker_03
Are you saying you threw away the Game Boy when your batteries died?

00:01:00 Speaker_06
Yeah, it's dead. It's dead.

00:01:02 Speaker_03
Isn't it less expensive?

00:01:03 Speaker_05
That's why I keep the number one longest lasting battery at the top of my list every year. Stock up on Energizer Ultimate Lithium, the number one longest lasting AA battery today.

00:01:14 Speaker_00
My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.

00:01:28 Speaker_01
Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash campaign to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

00:01:42 Speaker_01
LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.

00:01:44 Speaker_08
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Destructible. This episode, Bruce Wayne Wade plays Mr. Freeze, then makes his bid for unlimited power.

00:01:56 Speaker_08
Builder Bob beams with parental pride, promotes elucidation via excrement, monarchical mastery, and the Gallifreyan. Muted Mark has clogged watery tubes, makes plays for VP, Harvester Horror, The Burn, Zeus's Boy, and Spader.

00:02:13 Speaker_08
From Nordic Cables to Ramesses II, Yes, it's time for Wade for President. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

00:02:30 Speaker_03
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host- Ooooooh, Spooky! You caught me when I was moving my light. How'd you do that, man? Joined as always by my friends and spoopy co-hosts, Mark and Bob.

00:02:44 Speaker_06
I don't think it's the right month for that anymore, Mark. I think you need to calm down. We're past that.

00:02:47 Speaker_06
That's why I was trying to move it, because it was in the position where I had it, and it was red, and so technically it should be up there, but oh man, so hard. Lights these days lazy sack of shit.

00:02:58 Speaker_06
Well, it's also I have it wedged in my window against like a loose sound panel and the wall It's fallen down many times. It's too bad. They don't make stands for those. I'm going for it. Here we go

00:03:10 Speaker_05
I'm good, Wade.

00:03:11 Speaker_03
I'm doing, I'm doing quite well. If this is your first time joining, this is the show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and the winner gets to host the next episode.

00:03:18 Speaker_03
We usually, and will continue, the trend of starting this off with some small talk, which I myself have some, but I will choose to go last with it. I feel like it's polite to let you two tell your small talk first. So, how's things?

00:03:29 Speaker_05
Oh, you know. Oh, you know. I've been building stuff. I built a, I built a wardrobe, a hardwood wardrobe. I didn't cut the pieces. It was, it came pre-cut. But I screwed it together. God damn it. But also I built a thing.

00:03:43 Speaker_05
It's like a little tool organizer shelf thing that you're supposed to hang on the wall in the garage and like you put your drills in it and charging. I included James in it. James, our almost two year old baby.

00:03:54 Speaker_05
And he loved it because mainly it was just screwing things together, which he could help with pretty easily. And he liked he would put his hand on the drill and then I would and he'd be all. because he thought that was the coolest thing ever.

00:04:06 Speaker_05
He put his hand on the drill, like on the back, like on the safe part. OK, just like I held the drill and he like put his hand on it and then I pulled the trigger and it vibrated and he thought it was cool. But we got like 90% of the way done.

00:04:19 Speaker_05
And it turns out a shelf is just a baby sized couch. And he like literally the whole time he had been sitting on parts of it and standing on it. But then we got like 90% done and it's just a little him sized like wooden bench thing.

00:04:32 Speaker_05
And he just sat in it and was like, Oh, you built me a chair. Thanks dad. So now we have a work pro branded tool chair holder baby set up in our living room that I don't know if I'm ever going to get back. It was very fun.

00:04:46 Speaker_05
James is coming into a big, uh, dad era, which is fun. Cause I feel like he was kind of all about mom for a long time, but now we're doing stuff.

00:04:53 Speaker_06
We're building things. Well, the toys they have for kids that are, you know, workshop based, they have that cardboard router table where you push the cardboard through.

00:05:03 Speaker_05
Oh, those are cool. We're getting one of those so bad once he's old enough. Those look awesome.

00:05:08 Speaker_06
Yeah, I think it's I think it's really cool. I think everyone eventually goes through a power tool phase. Like I had my Ryobi phase that I'm definitely over.

00:05:17 Speaker_05
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

00:05:18 Speaker_06
I don't yearn for Ryobi days to come around every summer. I don't yearn for it. Yeah, me neither. Me neither. I don't yearn. I'm not yearning right now.

00:05:26 Speaker_05
I've never yearned, actually. Never. I didn't actually know that you could make yard in the past tense. Yeah, year- yearned? Yearn- yearned? She yearned! I yearned for you. Wade's literally not even paying attention. Wade's gone.

00:05:39 Speaker_03
I was counting something and broke my brain. How high did you get this time? 17. You didn't even make it to 2 and 2. I was trying to get to 15, but I end up at 17.

00:05:53 Speaker_06
What are you counting?

00:05:54 Speaker_03
I don't know.

00:05:56 Speaker_02
It's just for fun, just practicing.

00:05:59 Speaker_05
Gotta make sure these skills stay sharp. You and James need to hang out, man. That is the funniest thing. When he wakes up in the middle of the night or whatever from a nap, he'll literally just sit up and he'll either go, where mama? Where dada?

00:06:14 Speaker_05
Or he'll just sit up and go, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Right? Anybody? One, two, three, four, five, six. So he just starts scouting. He just loves it. You guys would get along so well.

00:06:27 Speaker_03
I also wake up in the middle of the night. I'm just like, one, two, three, four, five. And Molly's like, what the hell? I'm like, six.

00:06:33 Speaker_05
I don't know if he can get all the way to 15 yet, but I don't know if you can either.

00:06:37 Speaker_06
I apparently cannot. Uh, we have breaking news. Did you know that? This is actual news. Just two hours ago, two undersea internet cables connecting Finland and Sweden to Europe have been cut. Oh, cool. Who are we cutting off? Finland and Sweden to Europe.

00:06:54 Speaker_03
What the fuck did I just say, man? Yeah, but like which side is cut off? Is all of Europe gone or is it Finland and Sweden that are gone?

00:07:00 Speaker_02
Which direction did the internet flow?

00:07:03 Speaker_06
Yeah, it was two cables one up one down get get with the picture man.

00:07:08 Speaker_05
Oh, okay Yeah, well so no one in in those kind no one in Sweden or Finland is gonna hear this then because they don't have the internet anymore I assume

00:07:16 Speaker_06
It must be. So everyone, please download this podcast, package it up into your local cassette tape. Press it into a solid gold record. Mm-hmm. And then ship it. Ship it to Finland and Sweden. They need it. They yearn for it. They are yearning.

00:07:32 Speaker_06
They will have been yearnding. And they need it.

00:07:36 Speaker_03
They're yearning. They're waiting. They're yearning waiting. Nevermind, I tried.

00:07:41 Speaker_05
Nah, that's what Trogdor did to the village. Mmm, he urinated the people, right? That'd be a whole different kind of dragon. Why do I always have piss shooting out of things when we come up with things?

00:07:51 Speaker_03
We had a whole superhero episode where I gave you guys the ability to have amazing powers and you guys were shitting and pissing at each other. Yeah, like really hard.

00:07:59 Speaker_06
Look, just, it's the rules of Yes And. We can always rule it down to a common denominator. Someone starts it and then we all have to jump on it, but that doesn't mean that we all abide by that opinion.

00:08:09 Speaker_03
Who started it this time? Me.

00:08:11 Speaker_02
Good work, me.

00:08:18 Speaker_06
Yes, that's right. The world's greatest detective. He deduced it. He got there.

00:08:24 Speaker_03
Batman trying to deduce who is Batman comes to the conclusion it's Bruce Wayne. Looks in the mirror. Holy shit. Who am I? Who am I?

00:08:36 Speaker_06
Screaming at himself in the mirror, hanging upside down from the ceiling. That just, I don't know why, but that made me think of, you've seen the Avengers, right? You know Drax, the character Drax.

00:08:45 Speaker_06
That character was so funny, and then they made him tell actual, like, stupid jokes. Just like, I'm an idiot, and here's a joke. But he's so funny. Like, there's a scene, uh, he's meeting him and the rest of the galaxy dudes, whatever their name is.

00:09:01 Speaker_05
Those Guardian guys. The galaxy dudes!

00:09:04 Speaker_07
Galaxy dudes!

00:09:06 Speaker_06
I love Chris Pratt and Galaxy Dudes Volume 3. Uh, which I still haven't seen. I kind of fell out of the Marvel movie thing. I need to see, uh, Wolverine and... What's his face? Ah, Wolverine and Ryan Reynolds.

00:09:18 Speaker_06
Anyway, I was just thinking that, like, the joke of, like, what we were saying there was like, who's Gamora? I'll do you one better.

00:09:24 Speaker_06
Why is Gamora and it's like that's a stupid joke, but his joke right after is so much funnier where it's like you shoot him. I'll shoot him and Drax goes do it. I can take it like that's so much funnier than the actual joke.

00:09:38 Speaker_06
He said and that goes with his character from the first movie where it's actually like he's just way overconfident and kind of dumb in that way and it's like man.

00:09:46 Speaker_03
There was a Guardians of the Galaxy video game that came out a few years ago and it took me a little while to get into it because like the voice actors are completely different than the people in the movies and you kind of get used to their look and whatever.

00:09:56 Speaker_03
But the writing and the characters, I don't know. I ended up loving them more in the video game than I did any of them basically in the movies.

00:10:04 Speaker_03
And Drax is one of them where it's like he's actually, they have time to like flesh out his character and it's like, okay, this is really good. So highly recommend the video game if you want to get that feel. Bye, welcome back.

00:10:16 Speaker_05
It says your device has changed, Mark. It says you're starting a new recording due to a change in devices. Uh-oh. No, nothing. Nothing. Sorry, bud. He always does this during my episodes.

00:10:33 Speaker_05
Yeah, you'll notice whenever Mark hosts, never mysterious technical problems. Do you have a dry erase board near you? You might just need to write your answers down for the rest of this one.

00:10:43 Speaker_03
Yeah, John Krasinski this shit, Office this. Do you have a wall? Can you throw your thing behind you down and just write on the wall?

00:10:50 Speaker_03
I don't know why, but I thought you were going to go with, can you throw your feces at the wall in the shape of your answers? I would give a lot of bonus points if he could spell words by just flinging shit at the wall behind him.

00:11:00 Speaker_03
Okay, buddy, you got a shit-broken-it's-funny point. Since I didn't listen to any of your small talk, I figure I made it up to you.

00:11:06 Speaker_06
Damn. Uh, so my small talk is the same as it's always ever been is just about the render farm. I have solved water cooling. Wow. Don't talk about Glauber salts again. Don't go there. Why not? I don't need to right now. Right now. I don't cause it's winter.

00:11:23 Speaker_06
So I don't need to worry about cooling too much. Water cooling is a lot like factorio. I was just playing that last night. Yeah, I know. Right.

00:11:30 Speaker_06
So factorial is about like optimizing your your distribution and automating things so that it all flows in a good direction. And you know, you can get clogs in your factorial factory because you can have things going and then it won't go out.

00:11:43 Speaker_06
You have an end to an out and an out to an end. And it needs the belts need to be perfect. And also, you don't need extraneous belts because you'll run out of space and stuff like that. Right.

00:11:51 Speaker_06
So water cooling has always been a very scary part of computer building to me, and I've never done it because I always worry about catastrophically exploding my computers with water. To be honest, I did that the first time.

00:12:02 Speaker_06
I think I told you guys the first time I did, I had to put it outside and drain it. Well, that's just because I didn't know what kind of plug I was using. It was an inset plug or an outside plug. I've now successfully water cooled eight servers.

00:12:14 Speaker_06
I'm really proud of that. I've got custom blocks. Well, I didn't make them, but the blocks for the CPUs, I put them in there. I created my own routing with the loop inside a very elegant way of like the tight angles and stuff like that, because

00:12:28 Speaker_06
If you go to a server manufacturer and you buy their proprietary water cooling solution, it's thousands of dollars, thousands of dollars, but the block I got is 60 bucks, right? So it's 60 bucks for that 60 bucks for another one.

00:12:41 Speaker_06
And then the pieces, the connectors are like five bucks a piece. You need dozens of them. You need way more than you'd ever think. And if you get the quick disconnects, they get pricier.

00:12:50 Speaker_06
but I did it all and it works and I set up the quick disconnects properly so that if I ever need to do maintenance, I pop them out, no water goes anywhere. Like dry breaks, you mean? Exactly, yeah.

00:13:00 Speaker_06
So they just like couple and they uncouple really easily. So I pop all those out. The only thing that I didn't, I don't understand is there's some liquid physics going on that don't make any sense to me.

00:13:12 Speaker_06
because I know the general principle is like you need to put the fluid in when you're filling it and then air rises to the highest point in there and it'll, you know, you want to vent that so you can always fill it.

00:13:23 Speaker_06
So you want where you're filling it to be the highest point and then it goes down. But what they don't tell you, well, they probably do, but I didn't read it.

00:13:30 Speaker_06
is the way the loops can sit and go up and down also create like many high and low points in the loop.

00:13:38 Speaker_06
It's like the false vacuum thing in the universe where they say we're resting at what we think is the base point, but actually we're going to all collapse into nothingness.

00:13:46 Speaker_06
And so what happens with that is pressure can start to build up explosively inside these tubes. I haven't had anything explode except where I was filling it in so many times. It's like old faithful. I watch as it goes in.

00:14:01 Speaker_06
I see an air pocket come back up and it sounds, it sounds like it's rumbling. And I have to put my finger over the thing or else it's going to push water up from behind it before the air gets there.

00:14:16 Speaker_06
So I push that and then once I look at the tube and I see the air is like filtered to the top, then I let it go. It's just like, it's very strange. It doesn't feel like building computers at all.

00:14:29 Speaker_06
It feels like a, it feels like I'm a car mechanic, just like trying to cobble together the system. It's very fun. And water is going everywhere. I've ran through so many rolls of paper towels.

00:14:39 Speaker_06
I've lost more fluid than I've put into the thing, but not in the computers.

00:14:43 Speaker_03
You've probably spent thousands of dollars on this. On the parts? No, I was joking. Oh. I'm at like negative 10 points to start this episode. It's not a great start for me. No, come on. It was funny, man. I laughed.

00:14:56 Speaker_05
I thought it was very funny. I was just being respectful and being quiet. Thank you. We love this episode. We love this episode.

00:15:03 Speaker_03
I've not even done anything.

00:15:05 Speaker_05
I've never built custom water loop stuff, but I've watched lots of videos on it. That's that's very funny.

00:15:10 Speaker_05
Well, so you have dry breaks, so you could use like a like a pick or something to sort of like open the dry break and bleed the air from your little pockets that you have probably.

00:15:19 Speaker_06
I could I just worry about breaking any kind of O-ring or seal inside there or jamming a mechanic or mechanism in there.

00:15:27 Speaker_03
And then suddenly I got like, Oh, O-ring break. No.

00:15:29 Speaker_06
Do you have trauma about O-rings?

00:15:32 Speaker_05
Probably they make like a dry bleed connection, like a dry break bleeder where it's like you can connect it to the dry break and it's the right connection. But then it's just a bleeder that opens to the atmosphere or something.

00:15:42 Speaker_06
I bet they do. One of the problems with water cooling is that there's so many different manufacturers. There's so many different standards of parts. Most of the tubing that I do is 13 is 1013.

00:15:53 Speaker_06
It's 10 millimeters inner diameter, 13 millimeters outer diameter. Most of the actual threaded screw holes are quarter inch. Some things are very standardized, but all of them are tiny itty bitty parts that cost like five bucks a piece.

00:16:07 Speaker_06
And so you're like, oh, it's cheap. Oh, man, I need 96 of these.

00:16:11 Speaker_03
Wasn't wrong by it adding up to thousands of dollars.

00:16:14 Speaker_06
It sounds like by the end of this it does But when you think of the server thing, it's it's like thousands of dollars per actual server on the rack So that it adds up way quicker for there and in the end you would still have to hook it all up and get other stuff So it works out to be cheaper, but it's there's something very fun to it.

00:16:31 Speaker_06
It's like it's the exact same difference of a buying your own computer and building, buying your own parts and building your computer or buying a pre-made computer. What if you buy your own parts and have someone else build your computer?

00:16:41 Speaker_06
That costs money. Unless I do it and then I do it for free.

00:16:45 Speaker_05
Unless you trick Mark into doing it.

00:16:47 Speaker_06
Hey, you guys want to come over? Yeah, no, I felt very cool because I had a pressure tester. So whenever I would build the loop, I would have a pressure tester, plug up one and put the pressure test pump air in to test for leaks.

00:17:01 Speaker_06
It felt very it felt very official. I felt very confident doing it. And it was actually really fun. I haven't I don't work with my hands a lot. And

00:17:10 Speaker_06
I don't know, something about wrestling the pressure was very fun and super frustrating at sometimes, but very fun.

00:17:15 Speaker_03
Good work. I listened. I paid attention. Thanks, man. I'm going to give Bob an extra point for me not paying attention to what he had to say. Thanks, man. So my little bit of small talk.

00:17:26 Speaker_03
I don't know how interesting it is, but Molly had her wisdom teeth removed this last Thursday. It was kind of a lot. The first day she got home, surgery went well, and it was mostly resting.

00:17:36 Speaker_03
And they gave her a lot of pain meds, which I don't still don't know if it was quite enough, actually, but a lot of pain meds. I had to go pick up like her prescriptions, pain meds and then like antibiotic and stuff.

00:17:46 Speaker_03
And they didn't call them in or anything. They just gave me a written prescription. So I had to go drop off the prescriptions, which there was a line for. I think this is always the answer. Tell me if I'm wrong.

00:17:54 Speaker_03
But like if you drop off a prescription, the answer is these will always be ready in one hour. Hmm.

00:17:59 Speaker_05
Mine are never that fast mine are always like this afternoon.

00:18:03 Speaker_03
We'll call you so an hour or more an hour It's a bit of a drive to get to where like her meds are so I was like well I'd spend half an hour driving back and then coming back again. So do I just eat? What do I do?

00:18:15 Speaker_03
Meanwhile Molly's at home like in bed supposed to be like, you know, I don't know I don't think she's supposed to be alone at this time or after surgery, but I'm like, yeah

00:18:21 Speaker_03
Let me just stay gone for two hours while she just had surgery get her meds go home every 30 minutes She has to have an ice pack put on her head and a little strap or whatever and then 30 minutes later Take it off or put in the freezer for two straight days that became so much more tedious than I thought it would

00:18:38 Speaker_03
It was like, what can you do for the 20 minutes in between ice pack? Sit down for a sec. Like you could not really do anything. It was just my life for the first two days was ice pack.

00:18:48 Speaker_03
And meanwhile, she's like, you know, drugged up, whatever the first day, the second day, I think they actually went pretty smoothly. I think the pain meds and everything else were still doing a pretty good job.

00:18:56 Speaker_03
The second day, she actually seemed like she was doing really well. And then days three, four and five. pain really escalated. She was very miserable. They gave her a strong narcotic pain medication, oxycodone. They gave her five total pills.

00:19:10 Speaker_03
And they're like, this is supposed to last you five days. And it wasn't even like the 10 milligram, it was the five milligram. And I had to cut them in half to make them last long enough. And those don't cut in half super cleanly.

00:19:21 Speaker_03
So there was a lot of like wasted pill. But man, oh man, was five of those not enough for recovering from mouth surgery.

00:19:29 Speaker_06
Yeah, that's pretty harsh. They've been super restrictive. They like the whole medical industry has been incredibly restricted because admittedly, there was an opioid crisis.

00:19:39 Speaker_06
There was definitely over prescription of opioid painkillers, and it was a problem that was killing people. But now it's overcorrected. Like I had a similar thing. I broke my foot. I had a broken bone that I could not move around with.

00:19:54 Speaker_06
And they they were just like, yeah,

00:19:57 Speaker_06
Advil that'll fix it that'll take care of it and it's like it is just one of those things where pain management Has kind of gone out the window as far as like health care and that's a big proponent of it It's gone way too far.

00:20:12 Speaker_03
I had something really minor. I don't remember what it was I remember like in 2018 ish I went in for something and I swear they gave me oxycodone then as well when you broke your balls on tour

00:20:23 Speaker_03
And I feel like I had a whole bottle of it that was like half full and I maybe took two of them and then like we just had to dispose of the rest.

00:20:30 Speaker_03
I guess I could have sold it illegally and made lots of money, but I decide what I should do is give it back or whatever.

00:20:35 Speaker_05
Oh, no, you keep that until later when you're like, I can really use an oxy and then you just enjoy that. That's a joke. Don't do that.

00:20:42 Speaker_03
I didn't because we ended up having two half full bottles of it. So I was just like, I feel weird having this in my house. Let's get rid of this. But now whenever Molly really needed it, five pills just felt really quite not enough.

00:20:54 Speaker_05
Yeah, no, I remember I had my wisdom teeth out when I was like a senior in high school or maybe a later teen years. They gave me whatever the fuck I wanted. I had no pain.

00:21:05 Speaker_05
I had as many drugs as I needed to be pain free for the entire recovery, which I imagine was good because it's an incredibly painful thing. I don't know if she had two out or four out or what. I had all four. It's miserable.

00:21:18 Speaker_03
Well, as you get older, it gets worse, we found out. So when you're younger, they remove it. And I guess bone will heal on its own and kind of grow back into the gap. But as you get older, that doesn't happen.

00:21:28 Speaker_03
So they had to do a bone graft on top of the removal. Fun. Yeah, they gave her very little pain meds for that.

00:21:34 Speaker_03
The normal over the counter stuff like that was a pretty high dosage of pain meds, but nothing compared, I don't think, to the narcotic pain meds. Take some extra strength Tylenol. That'll fix you.

00:21:43 Speaker_06
Blow up your liver at the same time.

00:21:45 Speaker_03
Yeah, they're like, here's your five oxycodone, but also take 1000 milligrams of this 800 milligrams of that. And here's your two and a half milligrams a day of the actual good one.

00:21:55 Speaker_05
No, that sucks. I mean, I don't even know if it's accurate to say that the opioid crisis is over. I think it would be more accurate to say they're starting to rein it in. No, like Narcan is more widely available and more people know what to do with it.

00:22:08 Speaker_05
And it's there are less the deaths are trending downward, but it's still a thing. But like,

00:22:13 Speaker_05
It turns out if you're a doctor who needs to prescribe actual pain management stuff, you have to actually give a shit about your patient and think critically about it, because some people do need some of that and some people probably should not have access to as much of that.

00:22:25 Speaker_05
And it shouldn't just be on or off, which really sucks. Sounds like Molly's dealing with a lot of pain and that stinks, but.

00:22:31 Speaker_03
It's been a not a fun past couple of days for her.

00:22:33 Speaker_06
Yeah, that's a larger conversation in the whole like medical industry as a whole.

00:22:37 Speaker_05
I mean, I talk like I know the answer, like there's an easy answer. I'm sure that there's not. And I'm sure I can't even offer anything valuable.

00:22:43 Speaker_05
But it sucks that because of that, I'm sure there are a lot of people who are like, man, can I just fucking have.

00:22:49 Speaker_06
painkillers for like a week or two just for this for my broken foot this is one of the avenues where I know people have a lot of knee-jerk reactions about AI this is one of the avenues where I think it'll actually help a lot you guys said did you see the story about this machine learning model was able to detect breast cancer better than doctors looking at a radiograph I

00:23:10 Speaker_06
I have seen that. It's very interesting. Yeah, no. So that's the kind of advances that I want to see because it's what it's good at. The machine learning thing. A lot of we've talked before. It's not AI.

00:23:20 Speaker_06
It's not actually intelligent, but it's good at detecting patterns, deducing things out of seeming noise, you know, stuff that's indiscernible to human eyes.

00:23:28 Speaker_05
That's the thing about the cancer cells is it's patterns that are on a pixel level where it's like a doctor who's seen tens of thousands of images of that. would still have no way of really telling, oh, this is that kind of cell versus whatever.

00:23:41 Speaker_06
And that can extend into other factors of medicine, because right now the problem is doctors are tapped. There are not enough. Nurses are tapped. They're not enough. They're underpaid or they're overworked. Kind of similar thing.

00:23:55 Speaker_06
But it's just like so individual care goes down. And this isn't just an American problem, it's a worldwide problem.

00:24:01 Speaker_06
But with these things, you can actually if you can get better, faster diagnoses, if you can get like, you know, a conclusive answer on like treatments and stuff like that and possibilities and like help the deuce down, it could help out tremendously.

00:24:14 Speaker_06
And that would be really nice. So that's the kind of things that I should be used for. And I hope advance into the future.

00:24:20 Speaker_05
And also, I should help to make sure I buy the correct products off the Internet.

00:24:25 Speaker_06
I love ads. I know everyone does, but I'm saying if they were just more relevant to me, if if machine learning models knew me as a person was able to identify. In fact, meet me in my own home with these ads wherever I am on toilet in my glasses.

00:24:42 Speaker_05
I don't want smart glasses with a camera that faces outwards that analyzes my world. I want a projection of ads into my glasses. People talk about like, oh, I just mentioned this thing and then I got an ad for it like it's lit.

00:24:54 Speaker_05
I want the ad to beat me to the punch as I think of, oh, I should buy one of these. My glasses are like here, 30% off at your favorite store. Blink wants to purchase.

00:25:05 Speaker_03
Now, not everyone wants that. So what if you have like a subscription service for like, I don't know, $12 a month to remove the ads from your glasses?

00:25:11 Speaker_05
That's true. That's true. You want to be able to pay to head to not have to pay for more. Oh, that's a higher tier. Yeah. Oh, hold on. Does not compute.

00:25:21 Speaker_03
Cut the cable. Cut the cable. I'm Finland. Cut it. Finland me.

00:25:26 Speaker_05
This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

00:25:38 Speaker_05
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00:25:47 Speaker_05
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00:26:01 Speaker_05
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00:26:15 Speaker_03
So I have decided based on how much I think that this brings people together and is just an uplifting topic that brings the world happiness. I'm going to run for president in four years. President Barnes on the way. I never thought about that.

00:26:34 Speaker_03
I feel like Barnes is too long of a name for a president. Something about just shorting it to President Bald. So I might change my last name.

00:26:40 Speaker_05
I like Barnes. It's folksy. It's like you're a man of the people. I do. I like my name. I think if you're going to short it at all, you should just make it one barn. Wade Barn. Whenever I want to go out at night, Wade Bar.

00:26:52 Speaker_06
Change it based on where you go. You're a man of the people. Very flexible.

00:26:55 Speaker_03
Wade, flea market now. Here's the thing. I have to pick a vice president and there's like all these cabinet positions and attorney general. You guys are going to help give me definitely the best picks for each position. I went ahead and wrote them out.

00:27:11 Speaker_03
If you guys are wondering why I was counting earlier, it's because I need write down position. As president, I'm going to do insert things that you want me to do here. AI will fill it in because that's the way the world's going, right?

00:27:23 Speaker_03
Give me actually, though, just the most unhinged picks for each position. Specifically unhinged? However you want to take it, but like, we're not here to like break down military careers and like the actual Democrat, Republican, whatever.

00:27:38 Speaker_03
Do they have to be alive? Do they have to be alive? No. We can reanimate some cabinet members. They don't even have to be real. Oh, we have the technology. And in four years, we'll basically have flying cars and stuff anyway. So.

00:27:49 Speaker_03
So let me give you the list here. I've got Secretary of Agriculture, Commerce, Defense, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, Homeland Security, Housing and Urban Development. The interior, very mysterious.

00:28:02 Speaker_03
I don't know if it's like the interior of a car, a house. Interior what? Labor, State, Transportation, Treasury, Veterans Affairs, and Attorney General. Without looking up what any of them do, we're just gonna take our best guesses.

00:28:15 Speaker_06
Alright, you gonna prompt each one of those? Because I didn't remember anything. Yes. Okay, good.

00:28:19 Speaker_03
So first up is Vice President. I need you each to give me a vice presidential nominee to choose from. I don't know what vice president even actually does other than like make appearances.

00:28:29 Speaker_05
I know that the vice president is supposed to fill in for whatever your shortcomings are as a candidate. Basically, you want a vice president who attracts all the voters that you can't attract. And so I'm thinking. hair, the just the most hair.

00:28:47 Speaker_05
Yeah, actually. And I'm not saying your vice president should be here, but I'm thinking like like the Geico cave man would be a great pick for you. You shining, shimmering, splendid up there.

00:28:58 Speaker_05
And then your vice president goes to speak and it's 90 percent hair with a mouth and eyeball sticking out of it. Cousin It would be an outstanding vice president. This is where I'm at. This is where I'm at with my with my thinking. We have most hair.

00:29:11 Speaker_05
Geico Caveman, Cousin It. Wait, was it the hand or is it the hair?

00:29:16 Speaker_03
No, Cousin Thing was the hand. Thing is the hand.

00:29:18 Speaker_06
OK, yeah, got it. For those who don't know, the vice president, among a few other roles, presides over the Senate. I am the Senate. tie breaking boat in the Senate. I don't know, presides over the Senate is probably the wrong term for that.

00:29:32 Speaker_05
No, that is accurate. Actually, the vice president technically is like the president of the Senate or whatever, whatever title.

00:29:38 Speaker_06
And then they do the tie breaking vote if there is a tie. So you need someone that is going to be of the people and help you out. But think of Dick Cheney, right? Who is really president during Bush's era?

00:29:54 Speaker_03
The pheasant he was hunting.

00:29:56 Speaker_06
Dick Cheney's shotgun. I mean, if we're gonna be perfectly, huh? Dick Cheney and Bush were out hunting. Bang! That's what happened to you. Isn't that how he talks? Yeah, that's how he sounds. I don't know what I have for you. So you don't want Cousin It.

00:30:13 Speaker_06
Cousin It would be too powerful. You want someone that is of the people, but not too powerful that they would usurp your rule. Because as we know, President is King.

00:30:25 Speaker_03
So I need someone shorter than me.

00:30:27 Speaker_06
Yeah, so they need to be less intimidating, they need to be subservient, a very beta kind of person, not gonna be in your way, a very yes man, do anything you ask, forever and ever, and ever.

00:30:44 Speaker_03
Are you nominating yourself?

00:30:45 Speaker_06
What? No! What are you talking about?

00:30:48 Speaker_03
Okay, just double checking, man.

00:30:50 Speaker_06
I just am saying it could be anybody and you know, I do have hair a lot of it.

00:30:58 Speaker_06
You just need someone who's not too short, not too much shorter than you, but shorter enough that people go like, wow, I'm only looking at that guy and not at that guy because I can't even see that guy. So like Tyler height? Nah, shorter.

00:31:11 Speaker_06
No, Tyler's right. Tyler's where you want it. That's a great height. Any shorter than that's just embarrassing. I don't think because you definitely don't want someone taller than you, you know, who knows how tall cousin it really is.

00:31:23 Speaker_06
So you want someone right there, probably at the national average, because you want them to really identify with the people right at that line of average, maybe a bit above it, maybe a bit above it. You know, it could be a wiggle room here and there.

00:31:36 Speaker_05
I feel like it's I'm with Mark, but I feel like you definitely want to make sure your vice president is someone who's very relatable. No weird hobbies, no niche interests.

00:31:45 Speaker_05
Just off the top of my head, stuff like obscure or radioactive camera lenses or, you know, buying computer equipment from China and shipping it over on a boat.

00:31:57 Speaker_05
These are sketchy things that's going to it's going to come up when you have a vice president who's really being looked at by the American populace. So someone without any of those sorts of activities in their personal history.

00:32:10 Speaker_05
And anyone can be shorter. I could be shorter than I am up to four inches shorter, depending on how much I might need to shorten myself. You can't get taller, but you can always get shorter. Oh, you can absolutely get taller. You can hunch. You can.

00:32:29 Speaker_05
There's knees. There's hips.

00:32:30 Speaker_03
There's all kinds of bendy parts. Let me get this straight, Bob. Are you rescinding Geico Caveman and Cousinette and putting yourself in the fold?

00:32:36 Speaker_05
I've been growing this beard for a reason, and it is not just to compete with the beards that both of you have. It's for my future, and America's future.

00:32:47 Speaker_06
You know, since Bob's throwing his hat in the ring, I might as well just chuck it in there.

00:32:51 Speaker_03
Whoa, that's crazy. I didn't know you met you. I might have to give this one to Mark only because, Bob, your first instinct was more hair, and Mark has more hair than you and I both.

00:33:02 Speaker_05
He doesn't have hair anywhere above, I mean below his neck. I have chest hair! Look! You have a countable number of chest hairs. There's some body hair. I wasn't taking body hair.

00:33:14 Speaker_05
I could count your chest hairs on my fingers and toes, assuming I know how many that is. That's the only patch. If I pull my shirt down any lower anywhere else, there's no hair. That's it.

00:33:25 Speaker_05
You went to Turkey and had chest hairs implanted just so you could do this and be like, look! Look! Don't look anywhere else.

00:33:31 Speaker_03
We've all had that manscape sponsor. I was just assuming we were all bald from the neck down. Let's prove it. Let's all prove it. All right. Buttholes three to my buttholes. I don't know.

00:33:41 Speaker_05
If you have a hair there, you have hair everywhere. That's a litmus test right there.

00:33:46 Speaker_03
Just based on Bob's own criteria, I got to give the first VP point to Mark. The more hair, the boldness. Whatever you say, president and friend. It'd be the first time the president walks into a room and everyone runs past them. Are you Markiplier?

00:34:02 Speaker_05
you guys walk up to like the G eight or something just like world leaders. But, and some one of the other heads of state, it's just like, Oh, Markiplier. Oh my God.

00:34:13 Speaker_03
My kid's such a fan of you. I don't know why. Yeah, that might work to our advantage.

00:34:18 Speaker_06
Yeah, I wouldn't be elected because I don't have a college degree, but... Is that required? It's encouraged. Let's not talk about that.

00:34:24 Speaker_03
What's the next position? The Secretary of Agriculture. What do they do? I think they hand out rakes. The green giant.

00:34:33 Speaker_06
Not the jolly one, just the green regular giant. He can be jolly, but you know, these days with what farmers have to go through, Monsanto breathing down their necks and all the immigrants taking all their jobs as farmers.

00:34:47 Speaker_03
That's true. We do have an Ohio eating the pests and immigrant farmer crisis.

00:34:52 Speaker_05
I'm not going to argue that the green giant is not formidable, for sec ag what you really want is just someone or something that really represents America and you could not do better in that regard than a field of corn.

00:35:12 Speaker_05
There is no more American symbol of agricultural dominance in this world than a large field of corn. Nobody's not getting behind field of corn for SecAg when they're trying to get that nomination pushed through the Senate.

00:35:30 Speaker_06
It's genius. We're like a news channel. We now go live to the Secretary of Agriculture. Hey SecAg, how you doing out there?

00:35:41 Speaker_05
Secretary of Agriculture addresses the Joint Testative Senate and Congress. It's just a field of corn, but there's like a harvester going through it just like... To a bunch of Secret Service agents come running out of the sides like, oh my god!

00:35:54 Speaker_02
They're all diving into the thresher! Get down, sir! He can't be stopped! Get down!

00:36:04 Speaker_05
Next Sekereg is just harvester bucket full of corn. Is next of kin. Next of can.

00:36:13 Speaker_03
Hey, Mark himself admitted it. I don't think this needs much debate. A green giant, great, but like he lives on the can. The corn goes through it all. Even through the American people. Done. Corn field. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking.

00:36:29 Speaker_03
Starting to regret my my VP pick here. I don't know.

00:36:32 Speaker_06
Yeah, this is who you're relying on for his hairiness. I'm in the Senate and I will break those tie votes. I'll get your pick through. If I believe in the better candidate, I'll push through. I'm not going to let ego get in the way here.

00:36:48 Speaker_03
Thank God for that. Next up, Secretary of Commerce going to be a money pick. This is a tricky one because your instincts will tell you pile of money.

00:36:57 Speaker_05
I'm just going to cut you off at the pass. That's not the answer. You want someone who really understands not just the financial markets. You want someone who has been there. This is going to sound confusing. He's not the best fast food mascot.

00:37:13 Speaker_05
or representative of the most successful chain, but he brings something else to the table. I want to say you want the Burger King as your Secretary of Commerce. Clowns, clowns get paid. And Wendy does well, I'm sure.

00:37:28 Speaker_05
But there's the Burger King himself is just a different, you know, different class politician. All right, Mark, top the Burger King.

00:37:36 Speaker_06
Yeah, I got this man. So you know what they say you should give power to those who don't want it because that's who actually deserves it.

00:37:43 Speaker_06
So what we're going to do is we're going to take Bernie Sanders, we're going to make him a billionaire, we're going to give him billions and billions and billions of dollars. We're going to force him to be a billionaire and then put him in that role.

00:37:57 Speaker_06
And he will rise to the occasion. He'll struggle a bit because he'll he'll have to deal with that. He's now one of the billionaires. But billionaire Bernie Sanders, he would make the best decisions. Bar none.

00:38:08 Speaker_05
Just him standing in the field. And this is Bernie Sanders. And I am once again asking you, please take some of this money. Oh, my God. I can't live like this.

00:38:19 Speaker_03
Apparently his net worth is somewhere between half a million and three million dollars. So we're just gonna give him billions Mm-hmm.

00:38:27 Speaker_05
I thought more I mean that's kind of his whole thing of any politician I can think of Bernie might be one of the ones where I think he actually mostly does live the values that he talks non-stop about and is not just like a

00:38:40 Speaker_05
a millionaire, billionaire who's cashing in on the fact that he gets to sit in on, you know, private committee sessions and learns all this shit that he could use to trade stocks or whatever. Like he I think he actually just is.

00:38:50 Speaker_05
He just wishes, you know, things were better.

00:38:52 Speaker_03
I think he and Field of Corn would get along really well, too.

00:38:56 Speaker_05
Oh, yeah. That's some synergy right there.

00:38:58 Speaker_03
I gotta, we gotta move on. I gotta give this one to Mark. Billionaire Bernie Sanders. I just keep thinking about him hanging out with the photoshoot with Field of Corn. I just love the image.

00:39:06 Speaker_06
Just him forced to be in a room with Elon Musk because all billionaires have to hang out. Just fucking red in the face. Fucking angry every day. That's what I want.

00:39:16 Speaker_03
Also the image of Burger King as like master and commander like with his hand outside the window like looking in sadly as it's raining on him I enjoy for some reason.

00:39:24 Speaker_06
By the way, I didn't mean that like, that's what I want because I want to torture Bernie Sanders. That's not what it is. I want him angry in that room.

00:39:30 Speaker_03
No, we got you. You're like masochistic for Bernie Sanders. We got you. Exactly.

00:39:34 Speaker_06
Wait.

00:39:34 Speaker_03
Yes. Secretary of Defense. This is not that important of one probably. So let's go quick on that.

00:39:40 Speaker_06
I mean, the only thing that jumps to mind is Kratos. Probably good about it. Well, he killed all the other gods. So maybe you would just like kill all the generals. I don't know if that's a good idea.

00:39:49 Speaker_05
All right, well, Kratos, people will say this is pandering and I will say, oh, no.

00:39:58 Speaker_05
I think it's arguable, if not definitively true, that one of the best defenses of 2010 era football is the Legion of Boom, the Seattle Seahawks secondary from the days of Russell Wilson and their Super Bowl victories.

00:40:17 Speaker_05
And then the beast mode himself and the heart of the Legion of Boom, Bam Bam Cam. You can't get a better defender than Cam Chancellor. You can't beat the Legion of Boom.

00:40:28 Speaker_03
What the fuck did you just say? I don't know. I understood all of it. See Mark, this is why you're more VP material.

00:40:36 Speaker_05
Some might say this is bannering because I know Wade likes football and we share that interest.

00:40:41 Speaker_03
But I'm not a Seahawks fan. And in fact, I was a Peyton Manning fan and watching them demolish him in the playoffs hurt. That was like one of the best offenses of all time.

00:40:49 Speaker_05
How is no getting around those guys, though? Like what a group.

00:40:52 Speaker_03
OK, Kratos, who Mark also might just kill the other generals and take over.

00:40:57 Speaker_05
It might be a bad pick. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. I don't know.

00:41:02 Speaker_03
nobody's getting in this country it's getting batted down whatever comes our way with the legion of boom bob you get the point yeah i feel pandered to but it worked uh another not very important one secretary of education

00:41:16 Speaker_03
Do we even need one of those? I feel like I know enough. Skip. I think education is destroying this country. For sure. I'm sad now. Do you have to fill it or can we actually pass? I will leave.

00:41:27 Speaker_05
This choice is yours. Oh, I can't think of his name. What's that actor's name? The guy, the smart guy from Idiocracy. The one guy. What's his name?

00:41:36 Speaker_03
Oh God, he's one of the brothers, him and... He's one of the Wilson brothers, right?

00:41:40 Speaker_05
Yeah, Jarn... Jarnigan?

00:41:43 Speaker_03
Jarnigan Wilson.

00:41:44 Speaker_05
Jarnigan Wilson. Luke Wilson. He's not the one, he's the other one. Luke Wilson, who plays Joe Bowers, Joe from Idiocracy.

00:41:53 Speaker_03
You want Joe from Idiocracy or Luke Wilson?

00:41:56 Speaker_05
I mean Luke Wilson, but he has to play Joe from Idiocracy during his entire term.

00:42:00 Speaker_03
So I haven't I know of this movie. I've not actually seen it. I need to see it's on my list. I've been told about like three times in the last two years, which is wild.

00:42:06 Speaker_03
But he's like the only one that still has a moderate amount of intelligence by the end of the movie, right?

00:42:11 Speaker_05
I forget how he gets. I don't remember the plot of the movie, but basically he like goes to the. future or something. He gets cryogenically frozen.

00:42:18 Speaker_05
I think in the future everyone's like he's an idiot or something modern time and he's like a normal average guy who's a genius where he is because he's the only one with any intelligence at all. Also, I fucking love Terry Crews in that movie.

00:42:32 Speaker_03
Okay, so we have Luke Wilson as what's-his-face from Idiocracy. Mark, Secretary?

00:42:37 Speaker_06
Kratos. There's no better lesson than the lesson Kratos learned after he was tricked into killing his own family and he wore the ashes of his dead wife and child. That lesson stuck with him and he turned that education upon the gods themselves.

00:42:54 Speaker_06
He learned them a lesson and they learned him a lesson. That's a lot of learning.

00:43:00 Speaker_03
You know, I feel like teachers aren't really allowed to punish students and, like, you get away with a lot in school nowadays. Maybe we need to hearken back to the God's times of education. So you know what? I like Luke Wilson.

00:43:12 Speaker_03
That's such an obscure pick. But let's get Kratos in there. Let's really teach some lessons to people.

00:43:17 Speaker_05
Didn't see that one coming. Gotta be honest.

00:43:20 Speaker_03
I also just realized I've been writing down your guys points backwards for a minute, so I had to fix a couple of things.

00:43:24 Speaker_05
Oh, God. Cool. I fixed it. I have 100% confidence that you fixed it correctly this time.

00:43:32 Speaker_03
I was like, man, Bob's really running away with this, but that's because I also gave him Bernie and Kratos.

00:43:38 Speaker_05
All of them are for me. Those are my ideas. I thought of that.

00:43:42 Speaker_03
Secretary of Energy. We need someone real energetic. Sec Edge. Oh, Sec Edge. Oh, yeah. Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog.

00:43:51 Speaker_05
I'm assuming right now that is the drive in the drive in fast food restaurant. Sonic. Yeah.

00:43:55 Speaker_03
Yeah.

00:43:56 Speaker_05
No, no. Sonic the Hedgehog. Got to go fast. Common misconception about this role. Everyone thinks you want something. Who is who is energetic? Who has the who knows about energy?

00:44:07 Speaker_05
Nobody knows about energy like an animal slash person slash person animal who has to manage it very carefully. I would nominate Flash, the sloth from the DMV from Zootopia, for second. He's that joke where he tells a joke and he's all...

00:44:29 Speaker_05
Ha, because he's slow, because he's a sloth. Sloths know about managing energy, and it's about management. It's about keeping it even and maintaining stores and keeping it safe.

00:44:40 Speaker_03
He would know. And relates well to the people working at the DMV. Deals with all kinds of people.

00:44:45 Speaker_05
Everybody loves DMV workers. Am I right? He's right. He's right.

00:44:49 Speaker_03
Well, I mean, if you're going to say it, all right, then I'll give it to Bob. Wait, no, he's not that right. Flash wins. Damn it. Secretary of Health and Human Services. This one sounds stupid. Got to be really important.

00:45:01 Speaker_03
I mean, health, human service, health probably matters. Human services like dentist. Human services like shoeshine.

00:45:10 Speaker_05
Secretary of Doctors and Shoeshiners. Got it. Dr. Scholz! Perfect pick! That's mine!

00:45:15 Speaker_04
I pick it, I know it wasn't my turn!

00:45:17 Speaker_05
I got it!

00:45:17 Speaker_03
Man, just hopping in there. Hey, Dr. Scholz will get things underfoot.

00:45:22 Speaker_05
Who could possibly be a better doctor? I assume they need to be a doctor now because this is the premise we're operating under. other than the doctor who the the doctor yes who yes what who the doctor wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff

00:45:41 Speaker_05
Oh, anyway, it would have to specifically be David Tennant because he's my favorite one. But the doctor in general, like he's he's the one he's the doctor.

00:45:49 Speaker_03
I love Dr. Scholz because, man, my feet a lot better. But time travel.

00:45:54 Speaker_06
Well, you said human services. The doctor is not human. How would he know what's best for humanity? And if you actually have watched the show, pretty much everyone around him dies. Oh, that doesn't seem like his fault. It might be his fault.

00:46:13 Speaker_06
He's also killed a lot of things.

00:46:15 Speaker_03
I'm going to make this a really intelligent decision. Hey, Mark, odds are even. Odds? All right. Why'd you do it on the floor? Probably didn't have much desk space.

00:46:24 Speaker_05
It's okay, Bob. You won. All right. Hey, that's the first dice roll I've won in quite a while.

00:46:31 Speaker_03
Uh, another not that important one, Homeland Security. I'm pretty secure in my homeland. Are you insecure about your homeland?

00:46:38 Speaker_06
Homelander in the name can't really have anybody else in that role.

00:46:43 Speaker_05
I'm not going to lie. That was my first instinct. He's fine, but also, oh, you know. What's his name? I choose Osmodeus from the Watchmen. Is that that guy's name?

00:46:59 Speaker_03
Ozymandias or something?

00:47:00 Speaker_05
Ozymandias. Whatever. I don't know. Osmodeus. The douchey guy who lives in the pyramid castle in the Antarctic or something and saves the world by destroying a lot of it. Ozymandias. Ozymandias. That's what I meant.

00:47:14 Speaker_03
Ozymandias is the, uh, smart guy, right? I thought you meant the blue penis guy. You mean the smart guy. No, that's Dr. Manhattan. Ooh. Spoilers, everyone, for this movie that came out in, I don't remember what year, like 2004 or something.

00:47:27 Speaker_03
But he's one of the few bad guys that is actually really smart and doesn't waste time with the monologue at the beginning. Like, he waits till he wins. Is he a bad guy?

00:47:37 Speaker_05
Yeah, is he? Is he? Is he?

00:47:40 Speaker_03
He's a villain in the film, but maybe he's not a bad guy. Is he, though?

00:47:45 Speaker_04
Is he, though? He's an antagonist.

00:47:47 Speaker_05
There we go. Oh, OK, maybe.

00:47:50 Speaker_04
But is he, though? Is he? Listen, I bought a few cities for world peace.

00:47:57 Speaker_03
Are you arguing in favor of Bob's pick?

00:48:00 Speaker_02
Yes, I am.

00:48:03 Speaker_03
I thought Homelander was a shoe in but Bob pulled that I honestly I didn't think I was gonna be in Homelander But Ozzie Mandius is just so good.

00:48:14 Speaker_05
He was so good. He was and very smart very very smart. Yeah evil I mean, good. He's good. Maybe he's unclear. He's unclear.

00:48:24 Speaker_03
This one, probably the most important pick housing and urban development. I love comfy house.

00:48:30 Speaker_05
I have a twofer. We love doctors in these positions. You love having doctors. Looks good. Doctors are smart. But this is about housing and urban development. This is HUD. Dr. House MD.

00:48:43 Speaker_03
I've not finished the last four episodes. I'm actually watching that show right now.

00:48:45 Speaker_05
Oh, you don't know how the series ends? Okay, I won't spoil it for you, but I will say this is what he does after the series ends. The ending is fantastic. So I'm glad you get to experience that for the first time.

00:48:56 Speaker_03
Okay, I won't say anything else then. Dr. House. Dr. House. Okay, Mark. Bob the Builder.

00:49:03 Speaker_06
Can he build it? Yes, he can. What a slogan. That's the thing. You want someone on your team that's gonna rally the people, be easy to remember, and everyone will love.

00:49:13 Speaker_03
Too perfect, Bob. I gotta give it to Bob the Builder.

00:49:15 Speaker_06
You gotta give it to me? The Builder? I'll take it. No, no, no. Bob the Builder.

00:49:19 Speaker_03
Yes, that's me. I'm Bob. Mark wins the point, but you might win the position.

00:49:23 Speaker_06
I don't know if he's Bob the Builder. More of a Wreck-It Ralph look to him, you know?

00:49:27 Speaker_03
His small talk was, and I quote, been building things. Uh, Bob is in fact the builder, so Mark gets the point.

00:49:34 Speaker_06
No, no, wait, wait, no, I'm representing, no, I'm representing Bob the builder as his representative. I, all contract negotiators must go through me.

00:49:43 Speaker_03
Okay. I think that just gave me a fever. So my vice president is representing the nominee.

00:49:49 Speaker_05
Yes, I am. Yes, I am. There's going to be a lot of signing of waivers of conflict of interest issues in this administration, I think, but you'll get there.

00:49:59 Speaker_03
So you wanted to win the point, but you don't want it to be this Bob unless you're representing him.

00:50:04 Speaker_05
He does represent me, probably.

00:50:06 Speaker_06
No, no, it's not you and Bob the Builder. He owns the trademark for this guy is a patent troll. He came in, tried to swoop the name.

00:50:14 Speaker_03
I mean, Jack Black is Steve from Minecraft. So can't Bob be Bob the Builder?

00:50:19 Speaker_05
No, it's not a title. It's a descriptor. I am the builder who is named Bob.

00:50:25 Speaker_03
Okay, we're gonna get to Attorney General eventually. It's gonna be a very important pick to help me win this lawsuit. Okay, we got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 left, guys. We're flying through this.

00:50:37 Speaker_05
What, do we need to do some lightning rounds or something? Lightning rounds. Secretary of the Interior. Anyone with agoraphobia? Fear of the outside world. They know the inside very well.

00:50:48 Speaker_06
They know about interior because they don't fuck with outside. The TARDIS from Doctor Who. It's bigger on the inside.

00:50:55 Speaker_03
Oh, OK. Feel like TARDIS might be occupied helping Doctor Who, who you won with. So I got to give it to agoraphobia.

00:51:03 Speaker_05
You can't have the TARDIS without the doctor. And we do it. We already chose not the doctor.

00:51:07 Speaker_06
Well, the TARDIS is no longer in the administration because Wade just removed the TARDIS from the administration. So, you know. Excellent choice, sir.

00:51:14 Speaker_03
Okay, Secretary of Labor.

00:51:16 Speaker_06
A woman in labor. It rotates out. Once they're done, another one in. It's a line of women just on the precipice of birth.

00:51:24 Speaker_05
Yes, exactly. That's what it is. So you get a constant fresh ideas. Obviously, I'm going to use Mark's playbook. The choice for the Secretary of Labor would be Sisyphus, because he knows about labor.

00:51:36 Speaker_05
Sisyphus was punished by the gods for cheating death by being forced to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity. Possibly one of the hardest forms of labor there is. Is he happy, though?

00:51:44 Speaker_03
This person has to be the secretary of labor while also either being in labor or pushing a boulder up a hill.

00:51:49 Speaker_05
Well, they have to understand what they're dealing with. Either way, they have to understand.

00:51:53 Speaker_03
I feel like this administration needs a woman's touch. We're going with the woman in labor.

00:51:56 Speaker_06
That's true. I don't I don't think there's been a single female pick yet. Unless the field of corn. I don't, yeah, I don't know how that works for corn.

00:52:02 Speaker_03
I guess we'll leave it up to the field of corn to tell us.

00:52:04 Speaker_05
Secretary of State. I feel like any state would be good at this, but I'm going to go ahead and pick Ohio. Oh, love the pick. Some will say this is pandering, but I think we all know it is.

00:52:13 Speaker_06
I pick the state of Georgia because it also is a country. Ooh. But then it's only half Secretary of State, then it's partially Secretary of Country. They call a country in some terminology can be a sovereign state and it is still.

00:52:27 Speaker_03
Sorry, Mark, but unfortunately it's all Ohio and it always has been. Secretary of Transportation.

00:52:31 Speaker_06
Elon Musk. Car. They can't just keep picking inanimate objects. All right, Lightning McQueen. I walked into that one. I walked into my own trap. I accept.

00:52:41 Speaker_03
Voice is not even mine. Lightning McQueen. Gotta trust my VP here.

00:52:46 Speaker_05
Uh, Secretary of the Treasury. There's an obvious correct choice for this one. It's such an obvious choice that I'm afraid it's too obvious, but clearly Scrooge McDuck.

00:52:55 Speaker_06
A fool's answer if ever there was one. The real answer is the sand lion from the beginning of Aladdin that opens into the treasure room.

00:53:04 Speaker_05
I'm sorry, he doesn't even know the candidate's real name. Uh, do you? Do you? It's the Cave of Mysteries. Is that the name of the lion? I thought it was the cave of wonders. That's the lion is the cave of wonders. That's what I said.

00:53:20 Speaker_03
I'm glad Bob knew the name. This is a Cave of Wonders, it sure is. Thank God I'm your president, yo. This is why you're in charge. Okay, Scrooge McDuck has a pool of treasure. Ah, but Cave of Wonders has genie, and I love genie.

00:53:34 Speaker_06
And that cave's gonna guard that treasure. You cannot touch. Only the diamond in the rough can touch the truest treasure. Lead not you to temptation, but deliver you from the Cave of Wonders.

00:53:45 Speaker_05
I'm just going to throw it out there. Every time you want to every time you want to talk to your secretary of the treasury, you're going to need to first talk to your secretary of beetle halves because you're going to have to find those two.

00:53:55 Speaker_05
Goddamn scarab. Nominate Jafar. for the Secretary of Beetleheavs. Jafar in his crazy desert wanderer salesman costume is the Secretary of Beetleheavs.

00:54:09 Speaker_03
Oh, but his bird's going to shit all over the White House. That's OK. That's all right. That's going to Cave of Wonders. I like Geno. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Thank you. Secretary of Veterans Affairs.

00:54:19 Speaker_03
I don't know why veterans are having a lot of affairs, but I guess we got to have a secretary for them. This guy. Fuck around and find out, am I right? What was it? Veterans Affairs.

00:54:30 Speaker_05
I would nominate Ashley Madison. Oh, I see why you're- Tell us why. Who is Ashley? For anyone who's unaware, AshleyMadison.com is a website where men, I think mostly, but people can go to have affairs, basically.

00:54:46 Speaker_03
Wasn't there a big data leak and like- There was. Ashley got hacked and all of her secrets came pouring out. Look, it's hard. It's a hard world, okay?

00:54:55 Speaker_05
It's not Ashley's fault that she was targeted by online hackers, but if anyone should be a secretary of any kind of affairs, it's probably Ashley Madison. Well, that's really helped me hone in on my pick.

00:55:06 Speaker_03
Oh boy, I can't wait to hear who it is.

00:55:09 Speaker_06
Oh, I need to commune real quick.

00:55:13 Speaker_03
This entire episode has helped Mark find God, everyone.

00:55:17 Speaker_06
I found the answer. Answer clear. Jesus. Jesus. If there's anyone that knows about veterans affairs more than Jesus, I would love to know. I would love to know.

00:55:28 Speaker_03
I have to choose between a website where you go to cheat on your spouse and Jesus.

00:55:33 Speaker_05
Look, I don't want to cast aspersions, especially not on him, but I've heard he likes to take three day long naps. Where do you think he's going for those three days?

00:55:43 Speaker_03
After three days, he rises, whereas some of us guys every day we rise. You know what I mean? No, what? Morning wood joke. I'm glad this is your choice to make, Wayne.

00:55:53 Speaker_06
I would divert your eyes to my title.

00:55:55 Speaker_03
Mark's title is Mark, representing Jesus. Man, you have a wide cast of clients. Bob the Builder and Jesus.

00:56:02 Speaker_05
Crazy roster of clients he represents. This is ridiculous. You know what, Mark? Sure, you get it. You get Jesus. Whatever marks do it over there.

00:56:10 Speaker_05
He's just pulling in a huge whales constantly God recognized one mark a blur my kids such a fan of you Like a thing with an autograph then you took a quick picture with Jesus and that was that history was made that was it Yep, all right.

00:56:24 Speaker_03
This is an important one Attorney General.

00:56:28 Speaker_05
Oh I have a winning suggestion and technically I went first last time but Mark was supposed to go first So do I get to go first this time sure David Spader's character from Boston legal?

00:56:38 Speaker_06
I know classic he was the best attorney ever look this guy wants to nominate Jason Spade

00:56:53 Speaker_03
And by the way, by David Spader, did you mean James Spader? Yeah, no, no, he said David Spade. He said David Spade. You did say that.

00:57:01 Speaker_06
I was like, that's not right. So he nominated the wrong person. I nominate James Spader.

00:57:07 Speaker_03
Jason Spader. What's his name? Let me tell you, the character's name is Alan Shore. Alan Shore, that's who I meant. You know what? You both want the same person. I agree. You both get a point. All right, I'll take it.

00:57:21 Speaker_03
Neither one of you actually said Alan Shore. I got David Spader and James Spader.

00:57:25 Speaker_05
Like I couldn't remember his name. I know him as Red from the Blacklist mostly. So that's not, that's not who I wanted to nominate.

00:57:33 Speaker_03
You both want Alan Shore. I'll give you both Alan Shore. Bye bye. Apparently one Alan Shore.

00:57:41 Speaker_05
We both want Alan Shore. That's it.

00:57:43 Speaker_03
That's the guy from the show. That is all of the positions as far as I know. Do you think there's any secretaries we need that we don't have?

00:57:50 Speaker_05
I'm just going to throw this out. How can you possibly become president and not have a secretary of boats?

00:57:55 Speaker_03
See, I had secretary of technology written down because, like, I feel like Internet and technology are becoming so big, they really need more dedication than what maybe that sounds boring. Boats, however, secretary of boats, SEC boat.

00:58:07 Speaker_03
Bob, who's your SEC boat leader?

00:58:10 Speaker_05
This might be controversial, but if you really think it through, it's got to be Captain Crunch. Knows boats, knows naval warfare, provides delicious snacks.

00:58:18 Speaker_03
Mark, who's the leader of Secretary of Technology?

00:58:20 Speaker_05
Hold on.

00:58:21 Speaker_06
Hold on. Doing research. Hold on. Wait. Wait for it. Wait. Yep. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Is that what it is? Yes. Yes. The character from Ralph Rex, the Internet. No, no, no, no, no. The secretary of boats is the captain from the hotels dot com commercial.

00:58:40 Speaker_05
Isn't he Captain Obvious? Is that what it is? He's he's Captain Obvious.

00:58:44 Speaker_06
That's what it is. Captain Obvious. Here's my second pick. You know who has a lot of boats? Gabe Newell. He's a lot of boats. Oh, yeah. He owns many, many multimillion dollar yachts.

00:58:57 Speaker_04
Why?

00:58:58 Speaker_06
Cause he's rich as tits. Cause Steam makes him so much money that he doesn't know where to put it. Also, he likes knives. I know that about Gabe.

00:59:06 Speaker_03
Alright, last one. Secretary of Technology. I'm making it a thing. You pick one? Uh, both. I like boat. We get two secretary of boat.

00:59:16 Speaker_06
That's fair. You know what? That's fair. Oh, CEO of Nvidia, that guy, whatever his name is, he seems to have been killing it with technology. So I pick him.

00:59:27 Speaker_05
Gabe Newell owns what can only be described as an armada of luxury yachts worth around one billion dollars in total. What the fuck? Dude, Gabe Newell is so loaded. You can only be on one boat at a time. How many boats can you do?

00:59:43 Speaker_05
You need every body of water large enough for a yacht. He's got a yacht. What the fuck? Anyway, Secretary of Technology. Sorry, getting getting sidetracked. I pick Steve Apple. Steve Apple.

00:59:55 Speaker_06
You know, Steve Apple, the guy who's in charge of Apple. You know, you should pick in an apple. I don't know what his role is. I've never known. But it's that guy that is in the presentations that I don't know if it's real.

01:00:07 Speaker_06
Did he actually go and do parkour all the way down the building to the bottom floor to do another segment of the presentation? And again, don't know what he does, but he can parkour down all of the Apple campus. And that's pretty good.

01:00:18 Speaker_06
But I'm not changing my answer.

01:00:19 Speaker_05
Apparently, Craig Federighi did some sweet parkour moves at WWDC 2024. Did you wait? Did he actually do this? Did he actually? No way. It looks like him. I mean, it could just very well be an actual parkour person with like a wig and a mask or something.

01:00:35 Speaker_06
But no, there's no way. There's no way, right? No, there's no way that's him. What? I don't know what he does. I pick him. No, I don't.

01:00:42 Speaker_05
Or he said my I pick Craig Federighi or Craig Apple.

01:00:46 Speaker_03
I didn't feel like deciding, so I've got Steve Jobs and CEO NVIDIA both. You haven't decided for like the past three entries. Uh, two. Only two, and they're the two fake cabinet positions.

01:00:56 Speaker_03
This is the kind of decisiveness I expect from my presidential candidate. Maybe I just like them both so much that rather than picking one arbitrarily because there's always only been one, I'm thinking outside the box and saying, you know what?

01:01:07 Speaker_03
Two minds is better than one.

01:01:08 Speaker_05
There's never even been one. You're jumping straight from zero secretaries of technology to two because I'm innovative.

01:01:15 Speaker_03
I'm thinking outside the Xbox PlayStation five. Got it. Let me go through real quick. Our picks here and then I'll calculate points. President me. No discussion.

01:01:22 Speaker_03
VP Mark, Secretary of Agriculture, a field of corn, Secretary of Commerce, I believe was billionaire Bernie Sanders, Secretary of Defense, Allegiant of Boom, Secretary of Education, Kratos, Secretary of Energy, the sloth from Zootopia.

01:01:37 Speaker_03
I believe on that name's Flash. Secretary of Health and Human Services went to Dr. Who based on a flip of a dice, roll of a dice, roll of a dice. Secretary of Homeland Security went to Ozzy Mandias. Housing and Urban Development, Bob the Builder.

01:01:51 Speaker_03
Secretary of the Interior, people with agoraphobia. Secretary of Labor, woman in labor. I should deduct points from everyone for that being the only female candidate that was offered this whole time.

01:02:02 Speaker_06
No, Ashley Madison.

01:02:03 Speaker_05
Yeah, Ashley Madison. That's true. That's true.

01:02:06 Speaker_03
I don't know if that's really a lady or just the name of the website. It has to be, right? I don't know. Is she real?

01:02:11 Speaker_05
I don't know the story of Ashley Madison. I'm not going to lie.

01:02:15 Speaker_03
Well, while you guys look up Ashley Madison, because I'm not putting that on my computer, let's go over Secretary of State, Ohio. Secretary of Transportation. Did I give that to Lightning McQueen or Elon?

01:02:25 Speaker_03
I think I gave it to Lightning McQueen because Mark was just like, yes, that one. Secretary of the Treasury. Cave of Wonders.

01:02:32 Speaker_05
Mark, did you find the Ashley Madison answer? Yeah. It's even better than we thought, Wade. It's two women, probably. No. Oh, wait, what are you seeing? I'm seeing something different.

01:02:41 Speaker_05
I'm seeing that Ashley Madison was founded by a guy and the name is two popular female names from North America. Right.

01:02:51 Speaker_06
It is both Ashley and Madison. And the guy who founded is Darren J. Morgenstern.

01:02:58 Speaker_03
Which, I believe, reiterates my point that you guys should both lose points for only nominating one female to the cabinet. Jesus beat Ashley Madison anyway. Oh, that's right. Attorney General, we went with both of you, James and David Spader.

01:03:13 Speaker_03
Secretary of Boat was Captain Obvious and Captain Crunch. Secretary of Technology, Steve Appleslashjobs and CEO NVIDIA. I thought I went with Craig Frederighi. Maybe you did, but I didn't write it down because I'd already written stuff down.

01:03:25 Speaker_03
What are the points? Uh, Bob, you got points for being a builder. Wade not listening. Hare? Hare. Sec Ag. Cornfield. Legion of Boom. Flash Sloth. Doctor Who rolled evens. Ozymandias. Agore. Probably Agoraphobia. Ohio. Lightning McQueen. Captain Crunch. Boat.

01:03:47 Speaker_03
Alan Shore. Steve Jobs Apple. And you lost five points for not enough females nominated for cabinet positions. That's pretty fair. Well, I nominated one. I nominated one. I don't get anything for it though. Well, I've not gotten there yet.

01:04:02 Speaker_03
Mark, you got points for shit broken. It's funny. Custom water cooling. Buy internet for Finland and Sweden.

01:04:09 Speaker_03
words, vp, bernie, kratos, bob builder, woman in labor, cave of wonders, jesus, conceding boldly multiple times to bob, alan shore, ceo nvidia, it looks like it says hotel but gay i don't think that's what it says hotel boat guy

01:04:29 Speaker_03
God, I've got terrible writing. It doesn't get better no matter how many episodes we film. But Mark, you lost five points for you both not nominating enough women to positions.

01:04:37 Speaker_05
So really, neither of us is punished at all, just like it would be in the real world.

01:04:43 Speaker_03
Damn.

01:04:43 Speaker_05
Punish him.

01:04:44 Speaker_03
I'll take 10 points off of myself for appointing you both to nominate people and failing. Ultimately, I'll take the blame as president. I will take the blame. Yeah, I think that does fall on you and not us at all. All right.

01:04:55 Speaker_03
Mark, you ended up with 10 points. That's not enough. Bob, you have 11 points.

01:05:01 Speaker_05
That's enough.

01:05:02 Speaker_03
16 to 15. That was close. So close, Mark.

01:05:07 Speaker_04
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:05:09 Speaker_03
Everybody, it's time. I need to get I don't know how presidents raise money for like their advertising. Maybe it's like a GoFundMe or something, but look forward to that coming out. We'll be raising money for our war. War closet.

01:05:21 Speaker_03
Are you trying to say war chest? That's it. War chest. War closet. War chest. Doesn't matter. We're gonna need more money. So we're gonna have a chest. We're gonna have a closet. Might have a side table. We're gonna raise some money for this campaign.

01:05:33 Speaker_03
You all know who I'm selecting and why. I can do good math. Vote for me. Mark's on the ticket. Bob's building. What else do you need? Vote for Mark. Everyone knows it's just a vote for Mark. And friend for president. 2028.

01:05:49 Speaker_05
Every vote for us gets one Mark's signature sent to their end friend for president presented by Markiplier. That's it. That's the episode. Bob, winner's speech.

01:05:59 Speaker_05
Even though we've decided it's not sure, I'm going to take the being the builder who is, in fact, Bob the Builder on your cabinet. And I'm honored for the appointment. And I'm sure there will be no trouble getting me confirmed.

01:06:10 Speaker_05
And it's going to be great. I assume we've already won. It's going to be great serving under you, sir, and mostly serving Mark. So congratulations, Mark. Mark.

01:06:20 Speaker_06
As vice president, I take this loss with grace and dignity, and I look forward to me and the president's hunting trip we're going to be taking very soon. I just need some time to myself.

01:06:33 Speaker_06
Just us, no one else, no witnesses, no press, no cameras, no nothing, out into, you know, the local swamps, wherever we may find the game that we're hunting. Some say it's the most dangerous game, but you know, that's where the thrill comes from.

01:06:51 Speaker_06
Anyway, look forward to that, and then we'll be back to ruling with an iron fist as soon as I recover from this terrible unjust loss and then we will rectify those errors that were made. Well said.

01:07:08 Speaker_03
If you haven't already, you can find us online for now. Markiplier, Bob Meister, me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. We have merch, distractiblestore.com. Stay tuned for the next one where Bob will do something.

01:07:20 Speaker_03
Until then, I've got my presidential dice and don't worry, I'll be rolling it. Let's just hope for some nat 20s for this country. Podcast out.