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Episode: Two Sentence Horror Stories

Author: Distractible
Duration: 00:54:50

Episode Shownotes

Boo Bob, Wicked Wade, and Mark put their years of spoopy gaming experience to the test in this ghastly challenge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_04
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00:00:38 Speaker_06
I don't have a joke. I literally use PayPal all the time.

00:00:41 Speaker_03
I actually also just use it. I don't know how to make that funny though. Like all my funny stories are about when things don't work. You know, when a fridge destroys my entire house, that sort of thing. It's okay guys.

00:00:50 Speaker_03
You could just say that PayPal is smart. That's fine. No, no, no.

00:00:53 Speaker_06
It's like, it's like a money catapult that throws your money at the people that need it.

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00:01:27 Speaker_06
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00:01:35 Speaker_03
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00:01:41 Speaker_03
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00:01:49 Speaker_04
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00:01:55 Speaker_01
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00:02:18 Speaker_00
Miraculous Mark has a mythical hard one and misses the macabre with his malefluent mirth. From Matt Damon to butt plugs. Yes! It's time for Two Sentence Horror Stories. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

00:02:41 Speaker_03
Hello and welcome back to hit podcast distractible. I'm your host for today because I am a winner by which of course I mean I won by giving up on almost every dream I ever had.

00:02:54 Speaker_03
I'm joined as usual by my two competitors for today's episode, Mark and Wade. Hello. If you've never seen the show before, I'm the host, which means I get to make up the rules. And also I will be assigning points.

00:03:08 Speaker_03
The guys are competing to earn as most points as possible as most close enough. But the points don't really matter. And maybe having the most points isn't even the goal. Who knows? It's all just made up. But it's very, it's very closely documented.

00:03:23 Speaker_03
I have a book here that I write everything down and it's very official, but it doesn't matter. But it's important to keep close track and accurate record. But who cares? I have a sort of a game we're going to play today.

00:03:33 Speaker_03
But before we get into the game, it is custom and tradition in our great nation of distractible to begin with small talk. So how are you guys doing today? How's it hanging? Mark. Yes. Oh, I was just saying hello. I thought you were raising your hand.

00:03:48 Speaker_03
Me, me. He really wants to go. Okay. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

00:03:52 Speaker_02
I have finally gotten my hands on the mythical 61 terabyte hard drive.

00:03:59 Speaker_03
Oh my God.

00:04:01 Speaker_06
Rip it out and show us.

00:04:02 Speaker_03
I don't have it right here. Actually. I just missed the package of it. I thought you had your hands on it.

00:04:06 Speaker_06
No, I actually, I would have had my hands on it, but you know, we did the last episode and I was like trying to track this package and you know, they can show it on the map sometimes, but I kept saying like, error, we can't, something went wrong, can't show it to you.

00:04:16 Speaker_06
I was like, oh, okay, I guess we can. Turns out they already tried to deliver it and they didn't get it to me. But I will soon have my hands on the mythical 61 terabyte hard drive.

00:04:28 Speaker_03
It's actually two of them. Well, that it's two of them is more impressive, but that you don't actually have them is way less impressive. That's cool, though. That's pretty big.

00:04:36 Speaker_03
I saw a like a tech blog, not an official thing, but I saw people theorizing that like large terabyte hard drives are in the near future, like in the next four years, it will be very commonplace to have a 6060 terabyte drive because we're we're reaching another sort of breakthrough point where memory is is going to like double and double again in the next short period.

00:04:57 Speaker_03
So.

00:04:57 Speaker_04
God, imagine the number of battle passes I can have on games then.

00:05:01 Speaker_03
I could have so many gacha games installed on my phone when it's 60 terabytes. Yeah.

00:05:06 Speaker_02
I miss the days when it was like, man, four terabytes, four! Oh, I'll never fill this!

00:05:13 Speaker_03
My first computer that I had that was like mine, which was a hand-me-down, but like my dad gave me his old computer when I was in maybe middle school, maybe high school, somewhere in there, had a 10, 20 gigabyte hard drive.

00:05:27 Speaker_03
And I, and I never, I never filled it up. I never had the issue of like, well, better delete some stuff. I just, it just, I installed all the games I wanted.

00:05:34 Speaker_03
I'm pretty sure I played Starcraft and the Brood War expansion on that computer and the original Call of Duty and all kinds of stuff.

00:05:40 Speaker_04
how much storage was on like a 1995 like windows 95 like a gig probably like 8 or 16 gigs somewhere in that region can't believe minesweeper takes up a terabyte now it'll be really fun when you have those hard drives mark i can't wait for you for that thank you it will be really boring because i'll be like

00:06:01 Speaker_03
Now I can have the entire project on one enclosure as opposed to strewn across two.

00:06:19 Speaker_06
Well, you know, I they can they're they they do have a camera now that could do 16k But I'm just like 240 FPS and what would you watch it on? Yeah. Well, yeah, what the hell would you watch it on?

00:06:31 Speaker_03
Isn't the sphere in Las Vegas, it's it's big pixels, but isn't that in 16k or something ridiculous? You need to render video in 16k for that in four years.

00:06:40 Speaker_04
Everyone will have one of those in their home.

00:06:42 Speaker_03
Every house will just be a sphere, a $3 billion sphere.

00:06:47 Speaker_06
High quality, like really incredible movie theaters still only project 4K because they don't need to be any more resolution because your eyes can't tell from that distance at that size.

00:06:57 Speaker_03
It can't tell. Well, what if you're in the front row? And you super can't fucking tell. All you're doing is staring at Matt Damon's chin for all of board identity. Dude, I saw I forget which one.

00:07:06 Speaker_03
I saw one of the Bourne trilogy, the original trilogy movies in. I accidentally was in the first row because I was a kid and I was like, oh, we should sit in the first row. That'll be epic. I have no fucking idea what happened in that movie.

00:07:20 Speaker_03
Like it was all the fight scenes and stuff because they're all so tight in those movies and nothing. It's just a lot of elbows and rolled up magazines. And I don't know.

00:07:29 Speaker_04
That's fun. I've never sat in the very front row. I'm always tempted to sit in the front section or two, but never the front row. Maybe like the sixth row. No, it's not the move. It's not the move.

00:07:40 Speaker_04
I don't like being in the back anymore because now that I'm in the back, I'm like, why am I going to the theater whenever it feels like I'm just at home looking at a screen a mile away?

00:07:47 Speaker_03
Well, yeah, I mean, the back row. Yeah, the back row is not what you want either. You want to be like two or three rows up from the front of the upper section. I my goal is to have my line of sight be about two thirds of the way up the screen.

00:08:01 Speaker_03
So you're like kind of high up, but it gives you like a nice, pleasant viewing angle if you're just sitting comfortably.

00:08:07 Speaker_04
You're not looking down or like this.

00:08:08 Speaker_03
But it really depends. Some theaters sound really garbage if you're too far back. And it's better to be further forward and have a better sound experience.

00:08:15 Speaker_04
This feels like the Big Bang episode where everyone tries to pick the right spot and Sheldon's like sitting somewhere random. He's like, this is the auditory sweet spot.

00:08:22 Speaker_03
Yeah, doesn't he do something really annoying to test that like scream or something?

00:08:26 Speaker_04
I don't remember, but I remember that episode now that we're talking about this where they're like, oh, perfect viewing angle. And he's like, no, over here is where the sound is the best.

00:08:34 Speaker_04
But the popcorn actually tastes the best if you are two thirds to the left of the screen.

00:08:40 Speaker_02
Does it?

00:08:40 Speaker_04
Oh, yeah. Because you get the right airflow in from the entrance, especially if the entrance is on the left.

00:08:45 Speaker_06
Yeah. The coordination of all the radiation from every source is focused right there.

00:08:49 Speaker_04
Yeah. It really just cooks at the right amount.

00:08:52 Speaker_03
I prefer to sit in the electromagnetic conversions of the theater myself. Just don't lean forward or your head will explode. If you mess up the resonant frequency of your skull, you're in big trouble.

00:09:05 Speaker_04
I like being approximately 200 feet from the exit door. That way, if the alarm goes off, I know I have precisely the amount of time the average person uses to escape. Sounds like a thing you would say. I'm too lazy. I'm just like, I'd rather finish.

00:09:17 Speaker_04
I'll finish the movie. If I die, I die.

00:09:24 Speaker_03
I don't have anything else that interesting. You haven't had anything.

00:09:29 Speaker_04
So, uh, I'm a Bengals fan, man. Life sucks right now.

00:09:32 Speaker_03
You don't even know. You don't even know how bad it could suck. Just wait till next week. I bet your bro breaks his wrist again.

00:09:38 Speaker_04
I mean, I guess they don't have to worry about the offense being good and the defense being the worst I've ever seen in my life. It's so like we have

00:09:45 Speaker_04
I think like it's got to be one of the top two offenses and probably the worst defense and it's just the it's so painful to watch everything go so right on one side of the ball and so wrong on the other and still lose every game pain.

00:09:58 Speaker_04
Don't if you don't watch sports, don't start. Don't ever start.

00:10:00 Speaker_03
If you're a betting man, at least you could feel comfortable always taking the over on Cincinnati. because there's no way they're going to stop anyone from scoring any number of points.

00:10:09 Speaker_03
Let me be honest, I haven't recorded an episode of going a little bit, but I don't know what the situation forgotten sports.

00:10:14 Speaker_06
Yeah, I don't know what the situation is, so I don't know if I should feel bad.

00:10:17 Speaker_03
The Bengals are one win, three losses right now. One in four, aren't we? Is it four now? I don't know. Feels like they've never won. But the last game was especially crushing because they could have won it and they really gave it away.

00:10:29 Speaker_04
And it was the Ravens Patriots Chiefs Commanders Ravens. Yeah, we're one in four. But Joe Burrows thrown the most touchdowns of any quarterback in the league.

00:10:37 Speaker_03
He's killing it. It's doing great.

00:10:39 Speaker_04
Like our offense is averaging like we had a bad first week. But other than every other game, since we're averaging like 34 points a game, but the defense is giving up like 34.5 points a game.

00:10:50 Speaker_03
which on any other team in any other city in the entire league is probably enough to be undefeated. How are they losing?

00:10:59 Speaker_04
The defense has been that bad. No matter how good the offense is, the defense has found a way to be somehow worse. Offense better every week. The defense worse every week.

00:11:10 Speaker_03
this is as much a reflection on the player who did it as the defense. But my favorite example of this from this past week is not the quarterback for the Ravens. He, he was, they were close to scoring.

00:11:22 Speaker_03
They were approaching the end zone and he was in the shotgun. So he's back from the center. He dropped the snap and was like, frantically like, Oh God, I get the, Like, and you'd assume like, that means it's a bad play, right? He does that.

00:11:35 Speaker_03
Our, our defensive line is like coming to get him. He's in impending doom. He picks up the ball and is frantically like, Holy fuck. Scrambles runs all the way from the middle of the field to the, to the very sideline, keeping the play alive.

00:11:50 Speaker_03
And then as he's like flying full speed out of bounds across his body, just goes and throws a perfect strike touchdown pass. to a wide open guy, 30 yards away.

00:12:01 Speaker_03
Like our, our defense is so incompetent that they literally fucked their own play up and still got a touchdown. And we couldn't do a thing about it. It was just miserable. That's sad. It was an incredible play. He's a very good quarterback.

00:12:15 Speaker_03
And there's a reason he was MVP for like the last two seasons or whatever. Like he's very good and it was impressive, but also one person had to do something on our side of the ball to prevent any of that from happening and no one could do anything.

00:12:28 Speaker_03
It wasn't even like the whole team is like if one guy had done one thing correctly, none of that could have happened because it was an unbelievable like long shot play. Very crazy, very depressing.

00:12:38 Speaker_04
It is a clown show, man. It's like taking people that don't know what football are telling them to line up in specific spots, not giving them any instructions than the other team snaps the ball and everyone's just running around like.

00:12:50 Speaker_04
Do we guard them? Do we guard a spot? Oh, they're behind me. What do I do about that?

00:12:56 Speaker_03
Do I stand here and look or do I get them?

00:12:59 Speaker_04
I don't want to go hurt the quarterback. I shouldn't tackle him. So maybe I'll just stand here and.

00:13:05 Speaker_03
No, it's like it's like those when you see like high school football or younger where there's one kid who's clearly just like way bigger than the rest of them. And the whole other team is trying to tackle him.

00:13:16 Speaker_03
And he's just like and runs into the end zone and just it's like that. But we're the kid and every other person in the entire league is the good kid at football. But Joe Burrow's doing great. It's fine. That's all you need. It's pain. That's all you need.

00:13:28 Speaker_03
Yay. I'm glad I came back to this city to root for this football team.

00:13:32 Speaker_04
I saw a stat where our head coach, like since he's become the coach of our team, we're like 12 and 30 in one score games, like very close games. Don't win them.

00:13:41 Speaker_03
That's all you need. That's the Bengals way. It's an organizational tradition. Really?

00:13:45 Speaker_04
You don't watch sports. Don't start. It's only pain.

00:13:48 Speaker_03
That's all you need. No, dude, I'm not. Hockey season starts literally this week. I think Wednesday, the season opener for the Blue Jackets starts. They were the worst team in the entire league last year. They were the actual bottom of the whole league.

00:14:02 Speaker_03
I love hockey, but it's going to be a long year trying to root for Columbus.

00:14:05 Speaker_04
I almost missed those days because now that our teams had some success, we're kind of like, dude, we can make the playoffs, but maybe we can make a run again. I miss the pre 2021 team where it was like, dude, we won four games last year.

00:14:18 Speaker_04
All we got to do is win five and we're better. I kind of miss that feeling of like low expectations.

00:14:24 Speaker_03
It's it's less pressure for sure. And of course, Andy, Andy Dalton, who was quarterback for the Bengals for a while, just living it up in Carolina. They lost, I think, this week, but still, like, he's played great in Carolina. He looks good.

00:14:36 Speaker_03
He's smiling. He's having a good time. Happy for that dude.

00:14:39 Speaker_04
I love Dalton. Miss him. I mean, I love Burrow. Don't get me wrong. I'd rather have Burrow, but like, I love Dalton. Nah, good for Dalton. Anyway, Mark, that's what's going on in the world of sports.

00:14:48 Speaker_04
Chiefs still win, the Bengals still lose, and fuck my life. Okay, yeah, it's all targeting you specifically, we all know this. Main character syndrome. And a bad one at that.

00:14:57 Speaker_04
This is like my, instead of going to hell, I reincarnated as a guy with bad luck. Bad plumbing, bad sports.

00:15:03 Speaker_03
That's what your character card says. Way tall, bald. Good at basketball? Bad plumbing, bad sports.

00:15:12 Speaker_04
Nothing about my charisma or my great joke?

00:15:15 Speaker_03
I was gonna make some jokes about it, but I was trying to get to the punchline faster. I sort of, I made the wrong choices in the middle there. We've all made the wrong choices in the middle of things.

00:15:23 Speaker_06
You know how it is. I mean, that's the story of my life. I'll do something, it'll be working, and I'll be like, it's too easy. Better change. Better change everything. Better try every other thing than the thing that's working right now. Must be a fluke.

00:15:34 Speaker_06
Just a series of failures after another. Then I come back to the thing I did before, and I can't do it right even when I try to do the thing I originally did. It's just me playing getting over it.

00:15:41 Speaker_03
Well, better change everything again.

00:15:43 Speaker_04
If you're playing getting over it right now, I'll watch. No, I'm not. I don't want to.

00:15:46 Speaker_03
I don't want to. I mean, that's fair.

00:15:48 Speaker_04
I win the episode if Mark can't beat getting over it. He wins the episode if he beats it. Ready? Go. In the episode?

00:15:54 Speaker_03
Yeah. Speedrun it, Mark. What's your fastest time? Eight minutes?

00:15:58 Speaker_04
I saw someone do it in two minutes, man. You got this. My fastest time is like a month and a half.

00:16:02 Speaker_07
I don't know if that's going to work.

00:16:07 Speaker_06
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00:16:19 Speaker_03
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00:16:24 Speaker_03
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00:16:33 Speaker_04
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00:16:39 Speaker_01
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00:16:44 Speaker_03
This episode of Distractible is brought to you by Amazon. Did you know holidays are in like a little bit, like coming up?

00:16:51 Speaker_04
Which is why I wait till about, I don't know, December 10th and I go online and then I'm like, the first thing I find that makes me think of somebody, I'm like, buy it, send it, ship it, done.

00:17:02 Speaker_03
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00:17:15 Speaker_03
Well, should we move on to the game portion of today's game show? Sure. Unless there's more small talk. I don't want to cut you off at the hand elbow. How deep am I cutting you off?

00:17:25 Speaker_04
No small talk. I've only got big talk left. I'm saving that for the big talk show I do. Oh, OK.

00:17:30 Speaker_03
Well, it's just a little game show, so don't bring that in here. Anyway, it's October, I think. Pretty sure. Still, it's just October. And that's the month of scary things.

00:17:41 Speaker_03
And so I'm gonna kind of steal Mark's idea that was really successful, but kind of make it my own. I call this game Two Sentence Horror Stories. I have some sentences that are very mundane things that anyone might say or might be written down.

00:18:01 Speaker_03
I'm gonna give you the sentence as like a prompt And the idea that I'm stealing from Mark is you're going to alternate who goes first. And the person who goes first, you can make it as scary as you want.

00:18:13 Speaker_03
But then the next, it's going to be the other person's turn. And they have the opportunity to make an even scarier two-sentence horror story.

00:18:21 Speaker_04
Are we making a longer story or just giving alternate endings?

00:18:26 Speaker_03
No, no, you you are adding a different second sentence every time. So the final product will be two sentences. And the goal is to make the scariest two sentence horror story that we can.

00:18:37 Speaker_03
But so you'll have turns to go back and forth so we can kind of riff. You can use each other's ideas. It's there are points and it's technically a competition because one of you wins.

00:18:45 Speaker_03
But I'm more interested in seeing how good we can get some two sentence horror stories. That's the whole thing. And I hope these prompts are good. I read a hell of a time. I tried to think through like, Oh, would this be good?

00:18:57 Speaker_03
But I can't, I have no idea. So I just came up with some sentences and I, I'm sure you guys will be good at making them spooky. Um, but yeah, it's a subjective.

00:19:06 Speaker_03
And if, if we don't, if we, if there's disagreement, if it is or is not scarier, I'm not sure what we'll do. We'll have to resolve that. But we're pretty good. I mean, when we were doing more stupider, I feel like everyone played pretty fair.

00:19:17 Speaker_03
We were all good. We're all objective, for sure. Who wants to go first? I'll go first.

00:19:22 Speaker_04
Mark waved. I gotta sneeze. I'm trying not to, so I can't say a word.

00:19:26 Speaker_03
You just said a whole bunch of words.

00:19:28 Speaker_04
Well, I couldn't before because it was right there. It was like the... You know?

00:19:35 Speaker_03
Anyway, Mark goes first. All right, Mark, the first sentence is I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone. And so I come up with the second half. Yeah, you give me the second sentence and it's a horror story. So make it make it scary.

00:19:49 Speaker_03
OK, so say it again. I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone.

00:19:53 Speaker_07
Wow.

00:19:59 Speaker_03
I told you, I tried real hard, but I have no idea if these are good prompts, so good luck. Especially since I was in a tent. Oh man, that just raises so many scary questions.

00:20:19 Speaker_04
And then I remembered, I don't have a door.

00:20:22 Speaker_06
I know, right? Yeah, it's terrifying. You're camping out in the woods, you hear ding dong, fuck, you're done.

00:20:29 Speaker_03
That's, yeah, that's not good. Everybody knows that's problems. All right, Wade, can you come up with something scarier than, especially since I was in a tent?

00:20:37 Speaker_04
I think this is subjectively scarier. I'm not going all out yet. I'm doing the slow burn, but here we go. Don't qualify.

00:20:44 Speaker_03
Just get me.

00:20:45 Speaker_04
I peered out the window and saw standing there the tax man.

00:20:50 Speaker_03
I mean, Mark's was funny, so I think a lot of things would be objectively scarier than that. I don't know, I thought we were all laughing to compensate how scared we were. Laughing out of fear? Yeah, I don't know, maybe.

00:21:01 Speaker_04
I wasn't going for funny or scary, I just, you know, a little bit scarier.

00:21:05 Speaker_03
Okay, well, okay. Mark, I think you can beat that. I believe in you. I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone. God, I've almost got something. I've almost got something.

00:21:15 Speaker_06
Oh, it's gonna- you're gonna shit. You're gonna shit. Go run to the bathroom, everybody. Listen to this. You're about to poop your pants. Um... Especially since I was on the moon.

00:21:39 Speaker_05
Hope everyone made it to the bathroom in time! Ah, fuck, shit.

00:21:43 Speaker_04
I feel like I gotta play this Mark's way, okay. I see the rules, how we're going. I didn't know he was a master craftsman.

00:21:50 Speaker_03
I haven't played an organ in a long time. Comedy of the moment aside, that is scarier than the taxman, I think. Technically. And the tent. If you were on the moon, and someone rang your doorbell, I would be pretty freaked.

00:22:05 Speaker_03
Especially since I'm on the moon. All right, Wade, what do you got?

00:22:09 Speaker_04
Dude, how do I follow these up every time? In the first one, I was like, all right, just give something the moon.

00:22:14 Speaker_03
You just got to think. Mark just takes his time and thinks it through. And that's how he comes up with these.

00:22:19 Speaker_04
I got them. They just sound so mundane compared to his expert delivery of these terrifying locations.

00:22:25 Speaker_06
Don't be intimidated by my something.

00:22:28 Speaker_04
You heard the doorbell ring, and what was the following?

00:22:31 Speaker_03
But I wasn't expecting anyone.

00:22:33 Speaker_04
And as it rang, I looked outside, and no one was there. And yet, ring it did.

00:22:38 Speaker_03
Maybe two sentences, but maybe there's a semi-colon in there. Yeah, you know, semi-colon, you know, I think that counts. That's going somewheres. That's going somewheres.

00:22:46 Speaker_03
I really feel like Mark's about to hit the side of the park, especially since he's so good at this.

00:22:53 Speaker_06
The crushing silence after my next one is just going to make me feel so much worse.

00:22:59 Speaker_04
Just don't build it up to anything, man. No, no, dude, we can't wait. The 10th of the moon? What do you have for us next?

00:23:06 Speaker_03
It's good that we're not rushing through this either. I only had two sentences. So we got this one and then one other one. So really milk it. Let's say the first sentence again. You gotta lead me into it.

00:23:14 Speaker_03
I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone.

00:23:18 Speaker_06
It was my third night on Firewatch in the middle of the woods, but I still saw a figure standing outside of the window door. Mmm. Spooky?

00:23:28 Speaker_02
Especially because I was in the woods. Especially because I was in a firewatch tower. Especially because I was underwater.

00:23:35 Speaker_04
All right, man, you can't have them all. That was scary. Wade, what do you got? Especially because our plane hadn't even landed yet.

00:23:41 Speaker_06
It's a real answer. It's here. You wake up for the ding ding.

00:23:48 Speaker_04
Someone's at the door. Passengers, is your captain speaking? Can somebody answer the door? That's fucking terrifying. Yeah, man, you know what? That's my final answer, because why not?

00:24:02 Speaker_03
All right. I think that one squeaks through. I'm going to say that probably would be scarier. I believe in you, Mark.

00:24:09 Speaker_03
I know you've just been hitting home run after home run, and eventually you might get tired, but I was even more surprised when I looked behind me and they were already inside. Oh, sorry, we didn't laugh. I feel like we should laugh, but that's.

00:24:23 Speaker_03
Like, that's not, that's not what you're going for.

00:24:25 Speaker_04
I feel like the original intent was not comedy here.

00:24:28 Speaker_06
Reverse that ooh, and repeat it, and hopefully it sounds like laughter.

00:24:32 Speaker_07
All right, wait, I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone.

00:24:44 Speaker_04
And staring at me from outside was my father, who had been dead for 20 years. That's kind of cool though.

00:24:50 Speaker_03
Yeah, I feel like that's that's not definitely scary, but like it's scary if you know he was dead for sure I guess you probably know if your dad was dead unless like you know well You know like maybe his boat sunk, and they never found the body and so he's dead, but like maybe not dead

00:25:04 Speaker_04
I feel like following sentence you describe how like he would dissolve and look not like himself.

00:25:09 Speaker_03
Oh, it's like a zombie dad situation. Oh, OK. That's not really two sentences, but I'll allow it. Mark, I'm ready. Say the first part again. I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone, especially because I had no door.

00:25:28 Speaker_04
I don't know man, can we get a different one? Oh no, I love this. Especially since I had no hearing.

00:25:37 Speaker_03
I think dead dead.

00:25:38 Speaker_04
That and behind me were both pretty good. I liked the behind me and the dead. I really liked the tent. I feel like we peaked at the start. Last one gets it though, so I think.

00:25:47 Speaker_03
Well, I might have been giving points out during the entire round.

00:25:50 Speaker_04
Yes, no, maybe.

00:25:53 Speaker_03
I don't know, it really depends how you think you did. Anyway, Wade, you go first in this one. Alright. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home.

00:26:03 Speaker_04
Which is especially scary because I don't have a dog. I'm in Mark's brain, man. I'm on the especially has to start with especially.

00:26:11 Speaker_03
That's that's a hard hitting combo, especially since blank. All right, Mark, what do you got? Say it again. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home. He stayed there for years, every day, always hoping I would come back.

00:26:27 Speaker_06
Get it? It's more sad than scary, but you know.

00:26:29 Speaker_03
It's like the setup. Fry's dog situation. Terrifying. What do you got, Wade? My dog always waits for me by the door when I get home.

00:26:37 Speaker_04
and I hear my wife talking to him, though she's been dead for a while now. Every day?

00:26:42 Speaker_03
Every day. I feel like I have some guesses as to what's going on there, but yeah, okay, that's creepy. Alright, say it again. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home.

00:26:51 Speaker_06
It's something. It's coalescing. Hold on. It's coalescing?

00:26:55 Speaker_03
It's coalescing. Swirling? It's swirling? It's coalescing?

00:27:01 Speaker_06
Oh, man.

00:27:06 Speaker_02
But then he wasn't there! But it wasn't there. He, he wasn't there!

00:27:14 Speaker_03
But he wasn't there! He wasn't there!

00:27:18 Speaker_04
Every day my dog waits for me. But he wasn't there. But he wasn't there. Terrifying. I got chills, man. I got one. I got one. Give it to him. You know what? Give it to him.

00:27:30 Speaker_03
All right, Wade. Hit us with it.

00:27:32 Speaker_04
Okay, lead me in. Maybe it'll help if you lead me in.

00:27:35 Speaker_03
My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home.

00:27:39 Speaker_04
Each day, a more and more deranged look in his eye, looking at me as though perhaps I'm not friend or family, but maybe food. Okay, crazy dog.

00:27:48 Speaker_03
Mark, ramp it up. Give me the setup. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home. Half of them was still there when I arrived. Okay, yeah.

00:28:01 Speaker_06
See, see, yeah. Thought I'd be funny man, huh?

00:28:04 Speaker_03
Yeah, yeah. All right, Wade. Ramp it up. Tighten the screw. Lead me in. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home.

00:28:13 Speaker_04
But on this day, he wasn't alone. And what was with him, I can't even begin to describe.

00:28:18 Speaker_06
Just say the first part of that. Just say the very first part of that.

00:28:21 Speaker_04
Don't remember how I started it.

00:28:23 Speaker_06
But today, he wasn't alone. That would've been... I think that's all you needed to say.

00:28:27 Speaker_03
I'll allow Mark's edit of your answer. Wade, it's your turn again. But today, he wasn't alone. No, no, that's Mark's answer. Right, but it's edited. But today he wasn't alone. See, that was Mark's answer.

00:28:43 Speaker_04
Oh, he gets my answer. He fixed it.

00:28:46 Speaker_03
He made it scarier. You gave an answer. He gave a scarier answer. It just happened to be your answer, but fixed. So it's Wade's turn again. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home.

00:28:58 Speaker_04
And I still see him there despite the fact the house had burned down.

00:29:03 Speaker_03
I don't know why I didn't say anything, I just nodded. For listeners, I was nodding.

00:29:06 Speaker_04
I don't know if it was a good nod or a bad nod, but he did nod.

00:29:09 Speaker_03
No, I was sort of assessing it, but I'll take that. Mark's turn. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home. Even he was fooled by the thing wearing my skin that day. That's creepy, that's edging towards creeping me out a little bit.

00:29:24 Speaker_03
Okay, all right, cool. Wayne? Lead me in, coach. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home.

00:29:31 Speaker_04
But I could tell the ritual was wearing off. The fur was disintegrating. The patches of burned flesh exposed.

00:29:38 Speaker_03
What do you think, Mark? I think that's creepy. It's creepy, yeah. In very close competition with your skin thing wearing your skin one. My skin marks? Yeah. Your skin mark, yeah.

00:29:49 Speaker_04
Where'd he get his skin? It's got skin marks all over it.

00:29:52 Speaker_03
If Mark likes it, then continue. Look, I ain't no judge of quality here. I think that's very clear. That's my job. Acceptable. Mark, are you ready? Oh. My dog always waits for me by the door when I come home.

00:30:06 Speaker_03
I was so surprised when I approached the door and heard the doorbell ring.

00:30:15 Speaker_02
Yeah, hope everyone's holding on to those toilets.

00:30:18 Speaker_03
Yeah. A plus for callback. Wade wins the point for the ritual, I think. Damn.

00:30:25 Speaker_04
Oh, man, I had a good follow up. Well, you could say it now, but it's not worth it, especially since we were on the moon.

00:30:32 Speaker_03
All right, Mark, here, I'll give it. I'll go in a different direction. I'll skip. How about this one? I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale. Hit me again? I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale. And then what?

00:30:52 Speaker_03
Wouldn't I like to know? Oh god. Don't you guys like play a lot of scary games?

00:31:07 Speaker_06
Oh yeah. You know, our instinct is not to perpetuate the scary, it's kind of to make fun of it.

00:31:14 Speaker_05
I'm sorry, I wasn't ready for that question. Okay, I actually have it.

00:31:19 Speaker_03
I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale.

00:31:23 Speaker_06
Oh fuck. The seller wouldn't answer my question of why my reflection wasn't looking at me.

00:31:30 Speaker_03
Oh, something. Yeah. All right, Wade. I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale.

00:31:35 Speaker_04
But each time I appeared in, my reflection looked older and older. The mirror looked newer. It's kind of a messed up curse, but yeah.

00:31:43 Speaker_06
That's like Dorian Gray, right?

00:31:44 Speaker_03
No, that's a painting. The painting ages and he doesn't. It's like inverse Dorian Gray. Mark, I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale. Yeah, right. Okay. And, and action.

00:31:57 Speaker_06
Well, you know, the thing about mirrors is they're, uh, there's sometimes you get a, when you have, you know, there's two, there were two, there were two of me in there. There's two, there's two of me.

00:32:18 Speaker_04
There's always two with mirrors.

00:32:21 Speaker_03
Yup. Uh huh. Yup. Good, excellent.

00:32:26 Speaker_04
All right, I'll have to top that. That's gonna be a tough one.

00:32:28 Speaker_03
Wade, I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale.

00:32:33 Speaker_04
Looking in, I couldn't make out the man's face behind me, but I was home alone. Good. Spooky.

00:32:38 Speaker_01
And then the doorbell rang on the moon.

00:32:42 Speaker_04
What happened next?

00:32:43 Speaker_06
Oh, I'll tell you.

00:32:44 Speaker_03
I'll tell you what happened next. Mark, what happened next? All right, lay it on me. I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale.

00:32:52 Speaker_06
It took me too long to realize my reflection wasn't flipped. And then it killed me. Then I exploded.

00:33:02 Speaker_04
It was one of those digital displays with a horizontal flip. No, antique! Ah, antique horizontal flip.

00:33:10 Speaker_03
Beautiful antique digital mirror at a garage sale. It's 2036. Uh, Wade, I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale.

00:33:18 Speaker_04
I set it on my desk and was horrified when I saw fingers emerging from its surface.

00:33:23 Speaker_03
I don't like that. That's very creepy. Let the genius flow. Don't make me get the hammer.

00:33:28 Speaker_06
I've got like 17 half ideas that go fluff fluff fluff in my mind at the same time and I keep trying to chase one thread down and it just, I don't know, hit me again!

00:33:38 Speaker_03
I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale.

00:33:42 Speaker_06
Something about, okay, coalesce this into a real sentence. Editors, do your thing. I, I pounded my fist against the mirror as I watched my reflection carry on with my life.

00:33:55 Speaker_06
Go, took my wife away and I stuck there in the mirror as it went on and left me in the mirror dimension where I was stuck forever and suffered greatly. for all of my sins and banished to eternity in this realm of reflective nightmares.

00:34:15 Speaker_04
This is like Data doing a William Shatner impression.

00:34:20 Speaker_06
Don't worry, just wait until the editors get a hold of that.

00:34:22 Speaker_03
I feel like the first sentence you said was it, though. I pounded my fist against the mirror as I watched my reflection carry on with my life. That basically says everything you were saying. That's what the editors are there for, you know? Mmm.

00:34:38 Speaker_03
That's good. That's creepy. And then there's a lot of other stuff that went on there, too. Wade, you found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale.

00:34:45 Speaker_04
I didn't buy it. But when I got home, there it was.

00:34:55 Speaker_03
I had you for the first half. I didn't buy it. And it would have fit perfectly over the buffet in the front room. All right. That technically was scary. It was there. He got home. I see what you're going for.

00:35:06 Speaker_03
I feel like you delivered it as a joke, but I see. I see. All right, Mark. 16 ideas left in there. Let's get one of those out. I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale. The same one that fell on my father. He was still inside.

00:35:28 Speaker_03
And then there was a doorbell? What are we doing here?

00:35:30 Speaker_06
Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, that same one that I had as a kid and fell on my both parents.

00:35:36 Speaker_03
Each corner hit both one of their heads. Instant death. OK, it's impressive it didn't break when it killed two adult humans. That must be a hell of a mirror. Hell of a mirror.

00:35:46 Speaker_04
Do you want to take another shot, Wade? No, man, I don't know if I could top that.

00:35:49 Speaker_03
I think I kind of wish I had just stuck with the first sentence. I like where we're really digging into some stuff here.

00:35:55 Speaker_04
I'll concede to my opponent on that one.

00:35:57 Speaker_03
Thank you. I feel like this was my round. This episode is brought to you by Coca-Cola Creations.

00:36:04 Speaker_04
I love Coca-Cola and I have had Coke in my life for my entire life.

00:36:08 Speaker_03
You love Coke.

00:36:09 Speaker_04
I love Oreos.

00:36:11 Speaker_03
Oreos are delicious. Coke is delicious. What happens when the best drink and the best cookie in the world get together? The best become besties.

00:36:20 Speaker_04
Try the new Coca-Cola Oreo Zero Sugar Limited Edition. Besties for a limited time. Taste it while it lasts. Copyright 2024, The Coca-Cola Company. Copyright 2024, Mondelez International Group.

00:36:31 Speaker_06
This episode is brought to you by Coca-Cola Creations. What happens when the best drink and the best cookie in the world get together? The best become besties! Let's taste the new Coca-Cola Oreo Zero Sugar Limited Edition.

00:36:43 Speaker_03
Mark, do you have yours? Are you excited? They sent us these special, and then we're gonna try them.

00:36:47 Speaker_06
I've been in an undisclosed location, kind of in a... Sucks to be you!

00:36:51 Speaker_04
Cheers, Bob! Yeah!

00:36:53 Speaker_06
I actually haven't had, like, a tasty treat in a while.

00:36:55 Speaker_03
It's been... Ooh! It's like if Oreos was a drink, honestly.

00:36:59 Speaker_04
It's kind of an unexpected flavor, but it's almost like kind of like the icing of an Oreo.

00:37:03 Speaker_06
What do you think, Mark? Editors, put in the sound of me glugging. It's great, guys. So good. Try the new Coca-Cola Oreo Zero Sugar Limited Edition. Besties for a limited time. Taste it while it lasts. Copyright 2024. The Coca-Cola Company. Copyright 2024.

00:37:22 Speaker_06
Mondelez International Group.

00:37:29 Speaker_03
Wade, this one will be extra scary for you. Are you ready for this? Yeah. I finally fixed that leaky faucet in the kitchen.

00:37:36 Speaker_04
And as I laid to sleep that night, I still heard the dripping, but more than before. All right.

00:37:42 Speaker_03
Mark, bless us. You gotta lead me into it. I finally fixed the leaky faucet in the kitchen. Uh-huh.

00:37:49 Speaker_06
Hold on. I had something and it was gone. Man, so spooky. Whoa, that's scary.

00:37:58 Speaker_04
I appreciate you toning it down so you don't scare us too much, man. Thank you for taking the time to simplify these so I have a chance. God, if Mark was trying right now, guys, I would be fucking pounded to the floor.

00:38:09 Speaker_06
Man, I gotta fill the episode somehow. I can't just win. Oh, man.

00:38:14 Speaker_03
Mark, I don't want to spoil this, but you could, like, use chat GPT if you wanted to. No!

00:38:19 Speaker_04
Oh, okay. No! You could phone a friend. I'll help you.

00:38:23 Speaker_06
Oh no, no, no. I got this. I finally fixed that leaky faucet. Oh! No, that doesn't make any sense.

00:38:41 Speaker_05
I was gonna say something like, especially since I was on the space station or something.

00:38:50 Speaker_06
That would actually be scary if you had a leak in space, but it's like, oh no, you fixed it, wait.

00:38:54 Speaker_04
Especially since I was on the moon.

00:38:58 Speaker_03
I fixed it especially since I was underwater.

00:39:03 Speaker_06
Oh man, good thing I used the scary tape.

00:39:13 Speaker_05
I mean if you start with unfortunately, I use the scary Every time you pull... I finally found a talent you might not have, Mark. You should not be a horror author.

00:39:48 Speaker_04
Luckily, I had a box of organs nearby.

00:39:50 Speaker_03
I don't know. I think Wade wins that one.

00:39:55 Speaker_05
Are you sure? I don't know, man.

00:39:56 Speaker_03
How scary is this tape before we... Oh man, dude, you don't know. Would you call it horrifying tape? Well, maybe not that scary. More like creepy tape. I think Wade takes it.

00:40:09 Speaker_04
I had ideas, but man, did I lose them during Mark's incredible round.

00:40:13 Speaker_03
Mark, you go first on this next one. I'm so ready. God, I'm ready. This is a softball, Mark. There's almost no way I can't. I can't see you struggling with this one. I'm giving this to you, buddy. I had the same dream again last night. A scary dream.

00:40:31 Speaker_03
Presumably. Now go. Action. I woke up screaming because of how scary it was. Yeah. All right, Wade. Top that if you can.

00:40:41 Speaker_04
I saw them again, coming closer, closer, but thankfully I still woke up before they got there.

00:40:47 Speaker_03
Nice, nice. Do you need me to lead you in, Mark? Can we hold your hand? No, lead me in, yeah. Hold my hand.

00:40:53 Speaker_01
I had the same dream again last night. And when I woke up, the doorbell was still ringing.

00:41:04 Speaker_03
Yeah, no, I got it. Yeah, I'm going to count that. I'm going to count that. That would be creepy if the doorbell had something to do with the dream, especially with you. I see it. I see the vision. Wait, let me let me in.

00:41:14 Speaker_03
I had the same dream again last night.

00:41:16 Speaker_04
What happened next?

00:41:19 Speaker_03
okay had the same dream last night but each day I wake up it's harder and harder to tell if I'm asleep now was I awake then the line is blurring that was like three sentences but I got the idea there's some colas in there maybe it's just me I'm not good at grammar mark my king hit us with a winner I had the same dream again last night I had the same dream again last night this time a month had gone by and they were getting longer

00:41:45 Speaker_03
Didn't expect that, did ya? Nah, I was ready to laugh. I thought we were gonna yuck it up.

00:41:49 Speaker_04
Lead me in, I want it to be fair. I had the same dream again last night. It became so troublesome, I went online and found that others were having the same dream at the same time.

00:41:59 Speaker_03
I see where you're going for it, but I think Mark still creeps me out a little bit more. Out of nowhere, Mark remembered what's scary in this world, I think. It's getting older.

00:42:08 Speaker_04
Alright, I feel like we've given a lot of leeway to some not-so-scary answers, but it's fine. It's cool. Whatever. You know what? He threw out a ball, and the ball went in the right direction, and I guess that's fair.

00:42:19 Speaker_06
I found one scarier option. Oh, no, no. I'm saying like I did. I don't have one. Don't ask me again. No, please. God, be done.

00:42:26 Speaker_03
Okay. Wade goes first. Who went first? Mark went first. So this will be, we'll call this the last one. Wade goes first on this one. This one is ocean or large body of water involvement. Very scary stuff.

00:42:40 Speaker_03
The waves were almost peaceful as they crashed against the shore.

00:42:44 Speaker_04
The waves were offset only by the dark shadows forming underneath. All right.

00:42:48 Speaker_03
Mark, the waves were almost peaceful as they crashed against the shore. I can't say those words. Why can't I say those words? Then I remembered I was looking at the ocean.

00:42:57 Speaker_02
Ah, fuck that. Pretty scary to me. Pretty scary.

00:43:01 Speaker_03
No, it's situationally. Yeah, I could see how that would be quite scary. OK, yes, I agree. I agree, Wade.

00:43:08 Speaker_04
And then I remembered I had Taco Bell and there was no restroom in sight.

00:43:12 Speaker_03
That's a problem. Problem. Yeah.

00:43:14 Speaker_04
Terrifying.

00:43:15 Speaker_03
Yeah. No, that would be pretty horrific. All right, Mark. He got you, Mark. Your turn. Oh, yeah. OK. All right. Here we go. Wait, hold on.

00:43:25 Speaker_06
It's like at first in your head, it's like, oh, yeah, this is great. And then you say it in your head a couple of times. It's like, well, maybe. Hold on. Give it to me again.

00:43:32 Speaker_03
The waves were almost peaceful as they crashed against the shore. Oh, how do you get the word? Give it to me again. The waves were almost peaceful as they crashed against the shore. Turns out.

00:43:48 Speaker_06
Turns out even an ocean of blood can be beautiful sometimes. Fuck! No!

00:43:56 Speaker_02
Terrifying! I was like, yes, this could be a great connection, but I couldn't fucking figure out the words!

00:44:01 Speaker_03
No, I'll take that. I'll count that. Wade! Lead me in. The waves were almost peaceful as they crashed against the shore.

00:44:08 Speaker_04
To my surprise, they passed through the feet of some horrifying silhouettes, beckoning for me to join them.

00:44:15 Speaker_03
I would say I think that that's a little bit, that's close, but a little bit creepier. Do you protest, Mark? No, I don't protest. Yeah, I think that's good. Mark?

00:44:24 Speaker_06
Okay, you know in Interstellar, where you're in that planet?

00:44:27 Speaker_03
Yeah, yeah.

00:44:28 Speaker_06
And they're like, hey, look at the mountains.

00:44:30 Speaker_03
Yeah, and then it's in a wave. Bring it here.

00:44:32 Speaker_06
And then I turned around and those weren't mountains.

00:44:40 Speaker_04
The waves were almost peaceful as they crashed against the shore, and then I turned around. They weren't mountains.

00:44:47 Speaker_06
Yes, that's it. That's what I said. Terrifying. I know. You can give it to me.

00:44:52 Speaker_04
Literary masterpiece.

00:44:53 Speaker_03
That's too scary, Mark. These are two-sentence horror stories, okay? Not two-sentence life-ruining thought experiments. Okay, calm down. Unfortunately, I think Wade wins that one.

00:45:07 Speaker_04
Oh man, my next one's gonna be especially terrifying since I was on the moon.

00:45:10 Speaker_03
Well, throw it out there if you've got one.

00:45:13 Speaker_04
Especially since we were on the moon. Okay, well.

00:45:16 Speaker_06
I got another one. I got another one. Okay.

00:45:20 Speaker_03
It made all the bodies slowly washing up seem at peace. I'm going to give you a point because that was on my internal list of things I thought we would at least get to on this one. OK, all right, got there. I got to be honest.

00:45:31 Speaker_03
I thought that one had a lot going on with like footprints on the beach going into the ocean or hands reaching up or whispers. And we were getting there, man. We were getting there. We're slowly working our way through this stuff. Mm hmm. Yeah.

00:45:44 Speaker_03
Speed round time. Yeah, yeah, speed round. All right, speed round. We're going to play a speed round. This we're moving on to two word horror stories.

00:45:54 Speaker_03
I'm going to say a word and then you're going to give me a second word that turns it into a horror story. Oh, no. Let's do it. Mark. Football. Human. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Wait. All right. Wait. Football. Plague. Yeah. OK. Mark. Football. I don't like the sound of that.

00:46:19 Speaker_03
So I'm going to say that's pretty scary. Wade football apocalypse. I'm going to say that gets too far out of the horror genre that gets into the post apocalyptic. I don't know why football caused the apocalypse type stuff.

00:46:30 Speaker_03
Isn't that more like action apocalyptic? Isn't that a second?

00:46:33 Speaker_04
Go that route, but like walking dead is kind of like horror.

00:46:36 Speaker_03
All right. All right. Mark's got one anyway. Mark football, but plug.

00:46:42 Speaker_04
Is that horror or is that just uncomfortable porn?

00:46:45 Speaker_03
It's like body horror. I don't know. It makes things clench inside of me. Wait, football? Catheter. It's not a catheter. Mark wins. That's just ridiculous. I've lost the plot of this game.

00:47:01 Speaker_04
Apocalypse, not scary enough. Butt plug.

00:47:05 Speaker_03
Alright, Wade, do you want one shot at the two word horror story? Give me another word. Get this one out of the ballpark and win some points. Wade. Wins. Terrifying. Alright, yeah, that's it. The word is Wade. Wade wins. Terrifying. Mark. Wade. Wade. Scary.

00:47:27 Speaker_03
All right, direct but honest. I like it. Wade, your word is Wade. Wade, hairy. Ah, nice. Yeah, good. OK, Mark, your word is Wade. Taller. That'd be scary, right? For short people, it is, Bob.

00:47:42 Speaker_03
If it's like the Stephen King story, like instead of thinner, taller. Sure, sure, sure. Wade, your word is Wade. Naked. That's tough to beat. Mark, your word is Wade. Butt plug. I think that one's only scary to Wade. I'm going to say Wade gets the point.

00:48:02 Speaker_04
OK, all right, fine. Is it me with a butt plug or me as a butt plug? Because it could be scary.

00:48:06 Speaker_03
I was imagining it was you as the butt plug, because that was the application. I assume that was the football one that we did. That would be scary for me. I don't want to be someone's butt plug. Yeah, that'd be bad news, probably.

00:48:16 Speaker_03
Or you'd be fine and be bad. I'm not going to think through it. Let's count the points. And for no particular reason, I'm going to read Mark's points first. Oh.

00:48:25 Speaker_04
Mark, I just gotta say, before he reads these points, I thought you were on today and your humor was top notch. I have not laughed so hard in a while. Thank you. Home run after home run. Thank you for that.

00:48:38 Speaker_04
It's a good thing we were doing two sentence funny stories.

00:48:43 Speaker_03
Two Sentence Belly Laughs, my favorite game. Mark, you earned points for 60 terabytes of lies. Better change everything. Especially since I was in a tent. Especially since I was on the moon. But he wasn't there. Uh-huh, and then what? There was two of me.

00:49:04 Speaker_03
Uh, murder mirror, I forget that one. Whoa, that's scary. Good thing I used the scary tape. Lasted a month, body's washing up, butt plug. For a total of 13 points.

00:49:21 Speaker_03
Wade, you earned points for Tasty Popcorn Breeze, If I Die, I Die, Depressing Bengal Story, Triple D, I forget what that was, something about your dad's being dead? I don't remember what that was about. That's true.

00:49:35 Speaker_03
I mean, yeah, it's probably, that's something. But He Wasn't Alone, The Ritual for Your Dog, But I Didn't Buy It. of still dripping, beach beckons, and naked Wade, leaving you with a total of 10 points. And now I'm gonna read the negative points out.

00:49:55 Speaker_03
Oh, oh no. Mark, you lost five points for being way, way, way too funny in an episode that was supposed to be more about the scary. And Wade, you lost zero points, leaving the total, Wade with 10 and Mark with eight points.

00:50:12 Speaker_03
I can't exactly protest it, I don't think I said a scary thing this entire episode. I think the scary tape was probably the scariest thing you said.

00:50:25 Speaker_04
My favorite Edgar Allen Poe poem. A drip I heard, through the door. A drip I heard, never more. A drip I heard as I ate a grape. Good thing I used the scary tape.

00:50:39 Speaker_03
That's really, really Dr. Seuss-y, but I'll allow it. Edgar Allan Seuss. Dr. Edgar Allan Seuss. Yeah, Mark, you earned a lot of points. Unfortunately, they were the wrong kind. Please bless us with your loser speech.

00:50:53 Speaker_06
Yeah, so everyone that's listening in or watching this is looking to the nearest person around you and worrying about Iron Lung. Don't worry, it's actually scary. Sometimes.

00:51:04 Speaker_03
It's, I swear, I know what I'm doing. Mark showed us some clips and there is a scene where he turns and goes, give me the scary tape! That's where it's actually a reference. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Well, don't spoil it. Listen, guys. No, sorry.

00:51:18 Speaker_03
Blur that out. Bleep that. Sorry, editors, fix that. Give me a little time to sort through all this genius. It'll get there, yeah.

00:51:25 Speaker_04
I like when you break the fourth law and look at the camera and go, then what happened?

00:51:32 Speaker_03
Is that the fourth law of filmmaking?

00:51:34 Speaker_04
Did I say fourth wall?

00:51:35 Speaker_03
You said law, yeah.

00:51:36 Speaker_04
Fourth law, fourth wall, fourth law. He broke the fourth, Newton's fourth law.

00:51:40 Speaker_06
Man, that was actually scary. He broke the fourth law. That sounds bad.

00:51:43 Speaker_03
That's the fourth most important law there is. Oh my god. Anyway, yep, I lost. But did I? But I don't think you did. I think we all won because of you, Mark. But also, Wade actually wins. Wade, give us a winner speech.

00:51:57 Speaker_04
Uh, great episode. I've really felt like despite winning, uh, Mark will be most remembered for his absolutely insanely terrifying responses. They're certainly gonna stick with me for a while.

00:52:09 Speaker_04
So I hope you all can watch something funny after this to help calm yourselves down so you can sleep without too many nightmares. I hope we didn't scare you too much.

00:52:17 Speaker_03
That's good. Maybe we should put a warning at the top just so everyone knows, like, don't listen to this in the dark or if you're easily scared, make sure you have your listening buddy. Anyway, congratulations, Wade, for being the actual winner.

00:52:28 Speaker_03
And congratulations, everybody, for hearing what you just heard. Thank you for listening.

00:52:32 Speaker_03
Make sure you follow the podcast on your preferred platform, but also make sure you watch on Spotify because there's a video component that's only available on Spotify. So if you want to see the genius that you're hearing.

00:52:42 Speaker_03
That's only available in one place. Check us out on socials. Mark is Mark Plyar. Wait is Lord minion 777 or minion 777. I am Icecurm. Merch, distractiblestore.com. Watch Edge of Sleep comes out on October 18th.

00:52:56 Speaker_03
Keep your ear to the grindstone and keep your nose sniffing because it comes out somewhere on October 18th. Make sure you watch it. I'm surprised you didn't plug that, Mark. I forgot the plan. That's the end of the show.

00:53:08 Speaker_03
I'm sorry we scared you so badly that you shit your pants. You can go change now. Podcast out.