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Episode: the (possibly delusional) small town fantasy

Author: emma chamberlain
Duration: 00:43:06

Episode Shownotes

i've been living in los angeles for 6 years now, and i finally love it here. but my dad and i recently went on a road trip and it really made me contemplate my future. i'm ruminating on the various pros and cons of living in big cities vs small

towns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Summary

In this episode of 'Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain', Emma reflects on her six-year relationship with Los Angeles, shifting from initial admiration to grappling with its challenges and complexities. After a road trip with her dad, she begins to fantasize about small-town life, exploring the contrasting lifestyles of urban and rural living. Emma questions societal beliefs linking success to big cities, emphasizing that fulfillment can be achieved anywhere, especially in a digital age. The discussion highlights the duality of city life, balancing opportunities against pressures, and her desire for a calmer, more community-oriented environment when considering future family life.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (the (possibly delusional) small town fantasy) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_00
Hey, do me a favor and excuse my raspy voice today. I know it's sexy. I know it's mysterious. I know it's distracting. But I went to the Sabrina Carpenter concert last night. I sang my heart out and now my vocal cords are fatigued.

00:00:17 Speaker_00
I hope you can understand. I mean, to go to the Sabrina Carpenter concert and sing your heart out is to be human. That's all I have to say. If you go to the Sabrina Carpenter concert and you don't sing your heart out, you might be an alien.

00:00:30 Speaker_00
You might be a reptile. I don't know. Go get it tested. There's something wrong. Go get that checked out. If you wanted a test to see if I was human, my voice is raspy the day after the Sabrina Carpenter concert because I sang.

00:00:43 Speaker_00
Because that is what humans do. Anywho, so my voice is raspy, and it's kind of fun because I haven't lost my voice in a while. I've been a bit more chill in my lifestyle recently.

00:00:55 Speaker_00
I tend to lose my voice more when I'm more of a party girl, going out more, and I just haven't been recently, so my voice has been really solid. My vocal cords have been really solid, but Sabrina Carpenter, demolish them. Please, please, please.

00:01:11 Speaker_00
demolish them. And now my voice is raspy. But anyway, let's make a really big pivot here. Okay. I'm about to, I don't know how to transition to the next part of my conversation. So we're just going to do a really strong pivot.

00:01:22 Speaker_00
Like I'm going to snap my fingers and you're just going to pretend that all the stuff I said before, like you're just going to pretend I didn't even say that because we need to switch subjects in a very big way. Okay. I snapped my fingers.

00:01:35 Speaker_00
Here's the deal. I've been living in Los Angeles for six years now. And I finally now love it. Six years later. I've probably loved Los Angeles for the past year.

00:01:48 Speaker_00
So let's say for the first five years, my relationship with Los Angeles had many ups and downs. You know, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I loved it because it was new and exciting and I was making new friends.

00:01:59 Speaker_00
The city itself was this symbol of freedom and independence and also a huge milestone in my career. So it was very exciting and positive. But very quickly, things got complicated. And my relationship to the city of Los Angeles changed a little bit.

00:02:18 Speaker_00
I started to see the negative sides of the city. Now, I think some of that was accurate because as with all cities, as with all things, there's negatives.

00:02:33 Speaker_00
But I think a big part of my perception of Los Angeles was skewed by the industry that I'm in that is based here in Los Angeles. And I started to see the negative sides of this industry, which also sort of skewed the way that I perceived the city.

00:02:53 Speaker_00
And so, for many years, I struggled with that. But I was here because, for career purposes, it seemed unthinkable to leave. And, you know, a lot of people around me at that time also didn't love Los Angeles.

00:03:08 Speaker_00
And we were all very immature, in my opinion, and wanted to be punks and wanted to hate everything.

00:03:16 Speaker_00
you know it's part of being a teenager young adult like rebelling against shit and hating stuff and wanting to be different and all of that led to me hating Los Angeles and I think the the people around me and then

00:03:32 Speaker_00
You know, I grew up, I surrounded myself with different people and I started to see the light in Los Angeles. I built a really great group of friends.

00:03:41 Speaker_00
I started to figure out where I liked hanging out in this massive city, where there's like-minded people, where there's things that I like to do. Yeah, I just grew to actually really love this city.

00:03:54 Speaker_00
I grew out of my negative punk lens of hating everything. The older you get, the easier it is to see the bigger picture. Yeah, I just decided to see this city from a positive lens. And now I really love Los Angeles.

00:04:09 Speaker_00
There are still things that I don't like about it, don't get me wrong. It is challenging to live here in a lot of ways, but I'm choosing to love it, and that's amazing. And then, Like, finally, I love this city. God damn it.

00:04:23 Speaker_00
And then a few things happened that made me kind of start fantasizing about leaving one day. This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. One of my favorite trips is a trip to Palm Springs with my friends.

00:04:41 Speaker_00
You know, I don't live very far away from Palm Springs. It's a short two hour drive away. But what made it so special was our Airbnb. It was just a little weekend trip, but getting to stay all together in one house made it particularly memorable.

00:04:57 Speaker_00
It was the perfect balance of privacy and community. And we were able to sort of live normally, cook dinner, watch TV. We all hung out by the pool together. Airbnb also has something called guest favorites.

00:05:09 Speaker_00
all of the most loved homes on Airbnb based on reviews and reliability and are rated above 4.9 stars on average. I've used this many times when booking Airbnbs because it sorts it through to the best.

00:05:22 Speaker_00
I am very much looking forward to my next Airbnb trip. I'll let you know where I go. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. If you're like me, I know you're always doing a million things at once.

00:05:33 Speaker_00
running errands, grabbing coffee, online shopping at like 2 a.m. for like who knows what, getting some work done, but then getting distracted, but then going back to work and now, oh my God, it's 4 a.m. What's happening? It's chaos, but it's our chaos.

00:05:45 Speaker_00
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00:05:54 Speaker_00
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00:06:08 Speaker_00
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00:06:23 Speaker_00
Terms and cashback limits apply. See PayPal app. This card is issued by the Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license by MasterCard International, Inc., and may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted. This episode is brought to you by Bumble.

00:06:39 Speaker_00
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00:06:50 Speaker_00
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00:07:18 Speaker_00
Now, fantasizing about leaving Los Angeles is very different from actively living in Los Angeles and being like, this place fucking sucks. This place sucks. You know, like those are two different things.

00:07:30 Speaker_00
Um, I would say it's not like now I hate Los Angeles again because of a few things that happened recently. It's more like now I'm starting to think about life after Los Angeles and

00:07:43 Speaker_00
It is making it a bit challenging to live here sometimes because I'm starting to fantasize about life after it. But yeah, I don't hate this city. But I'm thinking about leaving one day and what that might look like.

00:07:56 Speaker_00
You know, I've been watching videos of people who live in small towns. Not even necessarily small towns, but normal sized towns, maybe even on farms, living in a van.

00:08:07 Speaker_00
Like there's a lot of influencers online these days who post content about living in a very different way than the stereotypical influencer lives. Like most influencers, you know, live in LA or New York. They're doing the big city thing.

00:08:24 Speaker_00
They're, you know, whatever. I mean, I did it, right? But I'm starting to watch these people living in small towns, or even normal-sized towns, or farms, or in a van, and I'm like, huh, that kind of looks awesome too.

00:08:39 Speaker_00
And in addition to that, I think what really sent this thought pattern into orbit was recently going on a road trip with my dad that made me realize how much awesomeness there is in America. I've lived in California my whole life.

00:08:59 Speaker_00
I've never lived further than 30 minutes from a big city. I grew up outside of San Francisco. And the area that I grew up in was very suburban, and it was not necessarily a bustling city. I didn't grow up in San Francisco.

00:09:17 Speaker_00
I grew up outside of San Francisco in a very different environment. It did not feel like a city at all. But I was always close to things that resembled a city. or an actual city. So, I don't know.

00:09:30 Speaker_00
I think my perception of the rest of America and what everything looks like, I was like, what's out there? It was just the unknown for me. But my dad and I went on a road trip. We hung out in Idaho. We hung out in Wyoming. We hung out all over Colorado.

00:09:50 Speaker_00
It was fucking awesome. And it really made me contemplate my future. You know, I'm ruminating on the various pros and cons and false promises and hidden benefits of both lifestyles, big cities and small towns.

00:10:07 Speaker_00
And I want to bring you into this conversation because I think it's interesting. But before we begin, let's get on the same page about some definitions. Like what's a big city? What's a small town like?

00:10:18 Speaker_00
Now, to me, a big city is one of the big cities, okay? LA, New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Austin, if we're talking about America, Paris, London, Milan, like big cities, famous cities, cities that sell merch that people actually want to buy.

00:10:40 Speaker_00
When I think of like a medium city, I'm making up my own fucking definitions here. When I think of a medium city, I think of areas outside of the big city that feel quiet and suburban.

00:10:52 Speaker_00
But if you really look at, you know, the population and the access to doctors and different types of grocery stores and clothing stores, and like, if you actually look at it, it's a big city. Kind of like what I grew up in. And then a large town.

00:11:11 Speaker_00
Again, making up my own definitions here. When I think of like a large town, I think of a town in the middle of nowhere. A town being smaller than a city, right? It's not like a city. It's a town. It's not very big.

00:11:27 Speaker_00
But it's not technically a small town because there's a decent amount of people and a decent amount of business around. It's classic suburbs, but it's not like 10 miles from a big city.

00:11:38 Speaker_00
It's kind of in the middle of nowhere, potentially in a less bustling state or country or whatever. To me, when I think of that, I actually think of that as being a small town, but most people would think of that as like a large town.

00:11:52 Speaker_00
What a real small town is, a really small town, like population 5,000 people, there is like one grocery store, nothing is happening here. It is microscopic, you know? That's technically what a small town is. To me, that's like a micro town, okay?

00:12:12 Speaker_00
When I think of a small town, I think of a large town. But again, that's because I'm a fucking city slicker, okay? My perception on the size of cities and towns is all fucked up, because I've always lived pretty close to one.

00:12:27 Speaker_00
But for the sake of this conversation, let's just get this straight, okay? Big city, Los Angeles, New York, Paris, London, San Francisco, you get the idea. Medium cities, areas outside.

00:12:38 Speaker_00
of those cities that still have activity because they're close enough to those cities. Small town, a town in the middle of nowhere. No big city around in the middle of nowhere. And then a micro town is like 5,000 people. What a real small town is.

00:12:55 Speaker_00
Emma's coming up with her own definitions because she's selfish and a freak. But for the sake of the conversation, I know I need to get this cleared up or else it's going to get confusing. This episode is brought to you by Bumble.

00:13:06 Speaker_00
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00:13:17 Speaker_00
Finding somebody you're attracted to is challenging enough, but then making sure that you're compatible is a whole other challenge. Well, Bumble is helping take some of the pressure off. Now you can make the first move or not. It's entirely up to you.

00:13:31 Speaker_00
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00:13:45 Speaker_00
This episode is brought to you by eBay. This is what you do when you've just found that statement handbag on eBay and you want to build an entire wardrobe around it. You start selling to keep buying. Yep, on eBay.

00:13:58 Speaker_00
Over that all black everything phase, list it and buy all the color. Feeling more vintage than ever? It's out with the new and in with the pre-loved. Next thing you know, you've refreshed your wardrobe basically without spending a dime. Yeah.

00:14:13 Speaker_00
eBay, the place to buy and sell new preloved vintage and rare fashion. You know, as we grow older, we reflect on the beliefs that we developed as a kid. I mean, we're like sponges when we're young, right?

00:14:29 Speaker_00
We're listening to our elders, our peers, the media, society, culture, like everything seeps into us. One of those beliefs that I've recently been thinking about a lot is to find ultimate success in life, you must move to the big city.

00:14:47 Speaker_00
The peak of success can only be reached in the big city. How many times have we heard the story of the small town kid moving to the big city to become a star? We're shown this narrative over and over and over again.

00:15:03 Speaker_00
our entire childhood and our entire life. This is a story that we're all accustomed to. It's almost like a fact in our minds. If you want to go and be a star, you need to move to the big city.

00:15:18 Speaker_00
Is it true that to be a big star, in a lot of cases, you do need to move to the big city? Yes, that is true. And so I'm not shitting on that fact.

00:15:29 Speaker_00
Although I do believe that there are ways to be a big star, depending on what that means to you, anywhere in the world. There's a way. Within the age of the internet, there's absolutely a way.

00:15:40 Speaker_00
What bothers me is less the fact that the big city can help you be a star. And in a lot of scenarios is necessary for that, depending on the industry you want to get into, how you want to be a star, et cetera.

00:15:51 Speaker_00
What bothers me is this sort of belief that if you don't dream of, of life in the big city, then your dream isn't big enough. It's not celebrated to dream of building a strong career in a small town. Have they ever made movies about that?

00:16:08 Speaker_00
Do, you know, your family members celebrate that at Thanksgiving? No, they celebrate the cousin that's moving to the big city. There's more high-paying jobs, more diverse job options.

00:16:20 Speaker_00
There's a lot of opportunity in the big city because there's a fuck ton of people and a fuck ton of stuff that needs to be done. It's definitely the most ideal location for certain career niches, like the flashy ones, especially.

00:16:34 Speaker_00
I mean, listen, if you want to go and start an apple farm, you should not move to the big city, obviously.

00:16:39 Speaker_00
But for a lot of flashy niche careers, like going into tech, going into acting, going into, you know, writing screenplays, you know, social media management, like all these sort of niche career paths, For the most part, those are in the big cities.

00:16:59 Speaker_00
Lots of opportunity for networking, but also more people for making friends and finding people to go on dates with. More people in general means higher social success rate.

00:17:09 Speaker_00
The more options, the merrier, which, you know, some would argue makes it harder because it's so busy. There are so many people that it's hard to make any sort of meaningful connection, you know, because everybody's moving at a quicker pace.

00:17:22 Speaker_00
But some would argue it makes it easier. I actually think it makes it easier, personally. You know, I'm meeting new people all the time. There's so many people in Los Angeles. I'm meeting new people constantly.

00:17:32 Speaker_00
Also, in a big city, there's access to literally everything. Every single type of doctor you could imagine who are specialized in different things, all going to be in the big city.

00:17:43 Speaker_00
shopping, any kind of store you want to go to, anything you want to buy, it's here. You know, a new product gets launched. It's probably getting launched in the big city. Like you have access to everything.

00:17:54 Speaker_00
You have the most access out of anyone in the entire world. Like, okay. Like I had to buy a weird, I'm giving an example briefly. I was working on a project with someone.

00:18:04 Speaker_00
We were doing a project with a costume and we needed to buy something that was like prosthetic, you know, like for movies, how there's like prosthetic ears and nose and teeth and stuff.

00:18:13 Speaker_00
So we needed to buy prosthetics, which is like a very niche, random thing to buy. And we needed to buy them that day. Okay. And I knew exactly where to go in Los Angeles. There's a prosthetic store, a costume store in Hollywood.

00:18:29 Speaker_00
I knew exactly where it was. I knew they'd have exactly what we needed. If I lived in fuckin' rural, rural, I don't know how to say the word rural. Rural fuckin', I don't know, Ohio, okay? And I needed to buy prosthetics last minute.

00:18:48 Speaker_00
Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Also, because there's so many different types of people, I think big cities tend to be more welcoming to differences because people are immune to people. Nobody knows anyone.

00:18:58 Speaker_00
Everybody's a stranger in a big city and nobody's phased by anyone.

00:19:03 Speaker_00
You can be you the most comfortably in a city, I would say, because cities attract a bunch of creative people, a bunch of eccentric people, and those people are able to fully express themselves because they don't stand out in a city.

00:19:20 Speaker_00
There's so many different types of people that all look so different and dress so different. It doesn't even matter. Everyone's numb to it in a really beautiful, spectacular way.

00:19:32 Speaker_00
Growing up even in a medium city right outside of San Francisco, I felt nervous when I wanted to express myself with fashion. I was like, oh, and I wasn't even wearing anything avant-garde. Okay?

00:19:45 Speaker_00
I was just wearing stuff that wasn't trendy in the mainstream, wasn't trendy in my town, and I would get really nervous. There was a very distinct aesthetic in my town, and I was scared to go against it. And that's not even in a small town.

00:20:01 Speaker_00
That's in a medium-sized city. The city's a great place to express yourself. You can be free. Last but not least, this is kind of surface level, but living in a big city provides a level of social status.

00:20:14 Speaker_00
For better or for worse, being like, Oh yeah, I live in New York. Oh yeah, I live in LA. There's like a weird status that that gives you like, Oh, they're doing something. They're on a mission. They have goals. They have dreams.

00:20:27 Speaker_00
It's ridiculous, honestly, but it kind of does do that and it's interesting. So listen, there's a lot of truth to the value of living in a big city and I will never take that away from the big city.

00:20:42 Speaker_00
But I also think that living in the big city is not necessarily all sunshine and rainbows, in my opinion. There are a lot of challenges that come with living in the big city that don't make it, for me anyway, an obvious answer.

00:20:58 Speaker_00
For starters, it's expensive to live in a big city. It's sort of this thing of like, there's a potential to make a lot more money in a big city, but the cost to live in a big city is a lot more. You're not getting a bang for your buck in the city.

00:21:10 Speaker_00
Okay. That's for sure. There's more pressure, this pressure to keep up with the pace of the city. There's a pressure to succeed. Everybody, for the most part, living in a big city has some sort of dream.

00:21:24 Speaker_00
There's like an energy in cities of like, oh, we're all just, we're trying to make our dreams come true, you know, and continue to make them come true.

00:21:33 Speaker_00
Like, there's a lot of people in big cities who have made their dreams come true, and then, you know, now they're trying to maintain it. There's a lot of competition for attention, to get a reservation at a restaurant,

00:21:45 Speaker_00
to talk to the hot guy at the wine bar, get in line for the best bagel in Los Angeles. There's competition everywhere. Like living in a city, you're competing for everything. You're competing for space. You're competing for time.

00:22:01 Speaker_00
You're competing for attention. You're competing constantly. And that gets exhausting. Speaking of exhausting, the pace of a city is so fast and intense. Everybody's on the move. Everybody's got somewhere to be. Everybody's working every day.

00:22:18 Speaker_00
Everybody's fucking grinding. It's grind set. There's a lot of noise. Like you can hear the fast pace. You go outside and it's not quiet. Actually, it's pretty quiet where I live. I'm very lucky. I live in a very quiet little corner of Los Angeles.

00:22:32 Speaker_00
It's fast and it's loud, you know? And that's fatiguing. It's overstimulating. You never get to feel at peace, I feel like, in a city. You never get to feel peace. It is not until you leave that you feel peace.

00:22:46 Speaker_00
And that's part of why the city is fun and inspiring, because it is so fast-paced and it is so overstimulating, but also that does get fatiguing. Parking, transportation, doing things safely, a lot of things are harder.

00:22:59 Speaker_00
Also, I think big cities tend to attract fascinating ideologies, some very positive, some very negative, you know? Like, I think there's this beauty in the open-mindedness of a big city.

00:23:16 Speaker_00
So many different beliefs and opinions and religions and everybody's so different in a big city that it defaults to being a safe space for so many different ideologies, moral compasses. you know, sets of values, like it's wide open, you know?

00:23:36 Speaker_00
And that's really great in some ways because there's a lot to learn from each other in that way, as long as we're all handling it maturely and rationally, right? Like there's so much to gain from that.

00:23:47 Speaker_00
But that also means that there's going to be some bad apples in there as well. When you have such a wide range of beliefs and ideas and thoughts on things, I mean, of course there's going to be some bad apples, right?

00:24:02 Speaker_00
And there's definitely also some bad apples in small towns too, but I think there's a lot of vulnerable people in big cities who have big dreams, who will do anything to get there.

00:24:11 Speaker_00
The pressure to keep up is so strong that a lot of people can find themselves weakened and broken down from that.

00:24:20 Speaker_00
and they can fall into some bad circles, hanging around with people who are obsessed with status and money and cheating their way to the top, or, you know, falling into sort of a group of people who have sort of been beaten down to a point that they don't even have a sense of morals anymore.

00:24:41 Speaker_00
Like, you can go down the wrong path really easily, and there are a lot of wrong paths around. The moral compass of a city is hard to pin down. Fame, power, these things tend to be the priorities in big cities.

00:24:57 Speaker_00
It's a lot of the reasons why people even move there to begin with. Now that's complicated. You know, I personally struggle with that.

00:25:05 Speaker_00
When I go and visit a small town and people are less concerned about what they look like and are more just like down for like a cool conversation. Like it's like, wow, that's cool.

00:25:18 Speaker_00
It's hard to find that in a sea of every different type of moral and belief. You know what I mean? And every extreme. And I also think it can be really hard to build meaningful community in big cities.

00:25:30 Speaker_00
It's like, it's weird because I know I mentioned it as a positive side of big cities. There's so many different people. It's easy to find people because you don't like hanging out with this group of friends.

00:25:41 Speaker_00
Go out one night to a bar, you'll meet a completely new group of people if you want. There's so many different people. There's endless people to meet. That can make it easier. It can also make it harder because it's so overstimulating.

00:25:54 Speaker_00
There's so much decision fatigue. It's so overwhelming. It's so intimidating. It's like, where do I even start? So depending on who you are, I think it can be an advantage or a disadvantage. I have found meaningful friendship here.

00:26:07 Speaker_00
You know, it's been complicated, but I have, it was easier in some ways than it was tougher in other ways. I think life in the big city is definitely romanticized. I would say it's dangerously romanticized. Now, two things can be true at once, right?

00:26:23 Speaker_00
I still live here. I could leave if I wanted. I'm making an active choice to be here. I think what I mean by dangerously romanticized is I think people underestimate how easy it is to go down the wrong path.

00:26:36 Speaker_00
to lose your way, to fall victim to the pressure, to the overstimulation, to the competition, to the sketchy morals and values. It's easier than you think. It's also so extreme.

00:26:51 Speaker_00
It's such an extreme lifestyle that it can create extreme emotions, at times extreme joy, at times extreme darkness. So, there's pros and cons, as with everything. The choice to live in a big city is neither right or wrong. It's neither good or bad.

00:27:09 Speaker_00
It is everything all at once. For a lot of people, it makes sense for their career, lifestyle, fulfillment in life. Like, it absolutely makes sense for people to live in the big city, myself included.

00:27:21 Speaker_00
I think it's good that I live here at this phase in my life and in my career. I completely see the value in it. That's why I'm still here.

00:27:28 Speaker_00
But I wish that somebody would have told me when I was younger, even though I'm glad that I moved here and I'm glad that I'm here. I wish somebody would have told me that I didn't need to, you know, you can make your dreams come true anywhere.

00:27:45 Speaker_00
That is the age of the internet. Don't feel like you need to be there forever to succeed. Like open your mind. Consider all possibilities. Consider all options. Now, again, would I have still arrived at the same conclusion? Would I still be living here?

00:28:05 Speaker_00
Probably, but I don't know. There's part of me that sort of feels upset that I felt like I needed to live here to fully succeed. I have such a problem with the way that we attach status and success to whether or not we made it to the big city.

00:28:23 Speaker_00
I hate the idea that if I had stayed in my hometown in the Bay Area, Northern California, right outside of San Francisco, which is still kind of a big city, by the way, I hate the idea that if I had stayed there, it maybe even reached the same level of success.

00:28:42 Speaker_00
as I am at now, right, that I would have felt like, ah, I didn't reach my fullest potential. Because in retrospect, I don't think that that's true.

00:28:51 Speaker_00
I think I could have stayed there, and I'm glad I didn't, but it's like, it makes me think about other young people trying to figure out what the move is after college or whatever, trying to figure out what the move is right after high school even, and maybe even feeling ashamed about staying in their smaller town.

00:29:11 Speaker_00
That is not as celebrated, and I just fucking hate that. Like, it bothers me. I wish that there was less of a pressure on young people to dream stereotypically big. Dreaming big does not look any particular way.

00:29:28 Speaker_00
I think dreaming big means dreaming of a life that's going to be fulfilling and beautiful and as catered to you as a person as possible. That's what dreaming big is. And it takes a long time to get there for everyone. Like I'm still dreaming big.

00:29:44 Speaker_00
I'm dreaming big now in a different way where I'm like, I don't even, I thought I wanted one type of lifestyle. Now I'm here and I'm like, you know, I would make some changes to this.

00:29:55 Speaker_00
A lot of my dream was co-built by culture, you know, and what people believe is the big dream. And now I'm like rewriting my big dream because I'm realizing that not all of my dream was mine.

00:30:11 Speaker_00
There's this pressure to take the flashiest next step, not the next best step for you. Like in high school, there's this pressure to go to a flashy college.

00:30:23 Speaker_00
And the kids that choose to go to community college or go to trade school, there's like a weird stigma around that. I think that's so fucked up. It makes me so sad.

00:30:34 Speaker_00
The only thing that should be sort of not celebrated is if somebody's like giving up completely, which if somebody's giving up completely, that means that there's something wrong with them emotionally and they need support and love and help.

00:30:48 Speaker_00
And so it requires that type of attention.

00:30:50 Speaker_00
But any next step that is productive and catered to somebody's interests, or what they think they're going to be good at, or what type of job is going to let them have time to have hobbies on the side, or what type of job is going to take up all their time but it's something they're passionate about, or whatever it is, like whatever fucking choice is made, working on the family business, who cares?

00:31:15 Speaker_00
Making any sort of next step should be celebrated. And that sort of leads me to what I think the pros and cons are of living in a smaller town. This episode is brought to you by Marc Jacobs.

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00:32:14 Speaker_00
And I mean, visiting some smaller towns recently, I was like, I see the appeal here. There's a lot of beauty in this lifestyle. Less pressure, less stimulation. It's a healthier pace. It's a more human pace. The pace of the city is too fast.

00:32:35 Speaker_00
I think it's safer a lot of times. Not always, of course, you know, it's complicated to make a blanket statement like that. But I think a lot of times, you know, smaller towns are just safer.

00:32:45 Speaker_00
There's a lot of danger in a big city from busy traffic to just more crime in general. I feel unsafe walking around in Los Angeles sometimes. I get really scared. Same thing in New York.

00:33:00 Speaker_00
I'm definitely in a phase of my life where I'm thinking about, okay, what type of environment do I want to raise my children in? I cannot imagine raising my children in a big city.

00:33:10 Speaker_00
It terrifies me mainly because of, I mean, obviously the safety element that I just mentioned, but Also, the morality of the city. You know, like Los Angeles is very flashy and kind of surface level.

00:33:23 Speaker_00
If we were to look at the average morals and values of the people here, now, if you were to take it down to a granular level, there are many people here with incredible morals, values. It's not everyone.

00:33:36 Speaker_00
But some of the loudest, most influential voices here in this city the people who demand the most attention are the ones with the worst morals, right? And they're around us.

00:33:47 Speaker_00
I don't know, I would be frightened to send my kid to school and like everybody at school has a fucking Gucci belt and it's like, okay, this is just like ridiculous. Like that's something I don't like. And at 16, who knows?

00:34:00 Speaker_00
Girls are getting lip injections. I want my kids to hopefully have a childhood. I want to protect them from that stuff. And I think it would be very challenging to do in Los Angeles.

00:34:12 Speaker_00
And I think there would be a way to do it, but I just don't know if that's a battle I want to fight. I think in a smaller town, I don't know, it just tends to be a bit more humble. Maybe. Obviously, there's narcissists everywhere.

00:34:23 Speaker_00
There's freaks everywhere. It's everywhere. But I think you can choose a small town that has a good set of morals and values that you like. What do you like in a community? I think in a small town, you can find that.

00:34:38 Speaker_00
There might be a lot of small towns that don't sort of match my energy, but there's definitely some out there that do. I mean, I can think of quite a few, especially even in California.

00:34:49 Speaker_00
There's some smaller little beach towns and stuff that very much match my philosophies and my values in life, like what I find important. I love the idea of a tight-knit community as well.

00:35:02 Speaker_00
The idea of everybody kind of knowing each other and taking care of each other and looking out for each other, that's something that's very challenging in a big city. It's kind of cool that that can exist in a smaller town or a smaller community.

00:35:15 Speaker_00
You definitely get more for your money. A lot of times there's more nature, which is something that I find the older I get, the more I crave. But also, I'd be remiss to not mention the cons.

00:35:27 Speaker_00
Like, I think there's a lot of potential for the pace to be too slow in a smaller town. It's too boring. It can be really lonely if the community sucks. Less access to stuff, doctors, help during emergencies, niche foods. Like, I'm a vegetarian.

00:35:48 Speaker_00
I sort of eat maybe a bit different, more niche sorts of foods. It's harder to find in a small town. If I want to buy clothing, there might not be a mall, like depending on, you know what I'm saying? Like just less access.

00:36:00 Speaker_00
Depending on what type of community you live in, people might be more judgmental of self-expression and individuality. It might be a less inspiring, less creative sort of environment. And when somebody goes against the grain, it's noticed.

00:36:14 Speaker_00
And definitely less job opportunities, depending on what type of job you have. You know, it depends. It can be totally fine if you work remotely or if you know, you're self-employed or whatever, or you run your own business or whatever.

00:36:28 Speaker_00
Like, okay, maybe it could be totally fine and not impact things at all, but it also could be really challenging to find the right job for you. So, I mean, I don't know. And even for me, like, it might impact my job to an extent, you know?

00:36:42 Speaker_00
I might have to get creative and work harder in some areas to make up for the fact that I'm not in the epicenter, you know? I'm somebody who is sort of pondering the pros and the cons of all of these options, which in itself is sort of a luxury.

00:36:59 Speaker_00
Having the choice to move to a small town or even fantasize about a small town is very different than feeling stuck there.

00:37:08 Speaker_00
Many people look at a city slicker like me, who's contemplating moving to a smaller town at some point, and they scoff because they think I'm romanticizing the reality. Because there are many challenges that come with living in a smaller town.

00:37:23 Speaker_00
And there are many people who feel stuck in that environment and would do anything to switch places with me. And so it seems sort of out of touch in a lot of ways. And I can understand that. That's why I'm being honest about it.

00:37:34 Speaker_00
Like, I'm aware of the pros and cons. and I'm also aware that I might be romanticizing it.

00:37:41 Speaker_00
I'm not leaving Los Angeles anytime soon, but I will say that it's definitely on my mind that when I get a little bit older and maybe become a mommy, which is really sickening to think about, to be honest.

00:37:55 Speaker_00
It's exciting in a lot of ways, but it's also like, I feel still so young, you know, that like the thought of having children, I just really it's it is a really crazy thought. It is a crazy thought.

00:38:08 Speaker_00
But I am definitely heavily contemplating moving out of L.A. and potentially moving to a smaller town. I think it'd be healthy for me. I think it would be good for my future children. And I may never, you know, move back to a big city again.

00:38:24 Speaker_00
You know, like I did it. I'm happy I did. I have no regrets. I would never tell anybody not to do it because it might be exactly what you need. But I also would never say like, if you want to make it, you got to go to the big city. I would never say that.

00:38:40 Speaker_00
Dreaming big does not mean where you live, where you end up. I think the moral of the story is it's really hard not to make decisions based on what is considered the most impressive. And we don't think about quality of life.

00:38:56 Speaker_00
And we don't think about what we actually like doing, what aligns with our morals and our values. We don't think about any of that. Majority of kids, I would say don't.

00:39:05 Speaker_00
And there's a lot of kids that I think maybe feel bad about themselves for not having a stereotypical big dream. And that is something that I just think is a really big shame.

00:39:18 Speaker_00
Anyway, when I fall asleep at night, recently I've been thinking about living in a smaller town and living a slower paced lifestyle. The irony of it is, I think there's probably many people who live in a small town who dream of what I'm doing.

00:39:34 Speaker_00
The grass is always fucking greener. I think the best thing you can do is make decisions based truly on what will make your life as fulfilling as possible. But also, I might feel that way and then try it and then hate it. Who knows?

00:39:48 Speaker_00
But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Anyway, that's all I have for today. Let me know what you think. Do you dream of the big city? Do you not dream of the big city and feel kind of bad about it? Do you love living in a small town?

00:40:03 Speaker_00
Do you hate living in a small town? Do you think that I'm fucking delusional because I've only ever lived in a big city and now I'm like fantasizing about living in a small town and I'd fucking hate it? What do you think?

00:40:15 Speaker_00
What do you think about all of it? What do you think about the cultural pressure to live in the big city? Tell me your thoughts. Tell me your feelings. Tell me your everything. Add anything goes on social media. Shoot me a message. Shoot me a comment.

00:40:28 Speaker_00
Whatever. I love to read through. Find me on social media at Emma Chamberlain. And that's all I got. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. Find the show anywhere you stream podcasts.

00:40:42 Speaker_00
And I just appreciate you all listening and hanging out. Okay, I love you all. Talk to you later. Okay, bye.