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Episode: the forbidden crush, advice session

Author: emma chamberlain
Duration: 00:35:05

Episode Shownotes

hello and welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and i give you my unprofessional advice. today's topic is the forbidden crush. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_00
Hello and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is the forbidden crush. Okay.

00:00:16 Speaker_00
Having a crush is already complicated enough, but when you have a forbidden crush, wow, that is tough. You know what a forbidden crush is? It's a crush that you're not supposed to have. We all get those every once in a while.

00:00:30 Speaker_00
Today I'm gonna be giving you advice on how to deal with the forbidden crush. Let's begin. This episode of Anything Goes is presented by Amazon. I'm obsessed with finding gifts that'll just blow people's minds. But let's face it, shopping is stressful.

00:00:47 Speaker_00
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00:00:55 Speaker_00
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00:01:27 Speaker_00
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00:01:40 Speaker_00
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00:02:04 Speaker_00
Visit originpetfoods.com to learn more. That's O-R-I-J-E-N petfoods.com. Somebody said, what to do if you have a crush on your friend's ex? Oh, no. Well, this is really tough. Because on one hand, you can't control who you have feelings for, right?

00:02:30 Speaker_00
Like, if you have a crush on someone, you have a crush on someone. If we could control who we had a crush on, life would be a whole lot fucking easier, right? We wouldn't be stuck in three-year-long crushes with someone who doesn't like us back.

00:02:43 Speaker_00
But because we don't have control over it, that shit happens to everyone, okay? So I think first you should recognize that you're not a bad person for having a crush on your friend's ex.

00:02:56 Speaker_00
What determines your character is what you do about the situation. So I encourage you not to feel guilty about the crush to start, right? And actually that sort of applies to any forbidden crush.

00:03:10 Speaker_00
You don't need to feel guilty about the crush itself, because there's nothing you can do about it, okay? Your character is determined based on what you do about the crush. Your actions are what you are judged based on.

00:03:23 Speaker_00
You know, that is what your character is based on. So, with that being said, okay, this is your friend's ex. Now, I think one of the most helpful methods for figuring out a plan is to put yourself in your friend's shoes first, okay?

00:03:39 Speaker_00
How would you feel if your friend started dating your ex? I can almost guarantee you would really not like that, okay? Although, it might be complicated. If you're somebody who's never been in a serious relationship before, you've maybe never

00:03:58 Speaker_00
I don't know, like felt like you were in love with someone before. You don't know what that feeling feels like. It might be challenging to sort of empathize. You might be like, well, I don't even really know what that feels like.

00:04:08 Speaker_00
Like it, it's almost like how right now I can't imagine what it would feel like to have a child. Like I can't imagine what that love would feel like because I've never felt it before. And so when I think about like how much my parents love me or,

00:04:24 Speaker_00
I don't know how much people love their kids. I'm like, I can't really imagine what that feeling would be like. But when I ask my parents about it, like, what does it feel like to have a kid? Like, what does that feel like?

00:04:35 Speaker_00
They're like, it's unlike any love you've ever felt before, you know? And I think it's the same thing with romantic love. You don't know what that feels like until you've experienced it, right?

00:04:44 Speaker_00
So if you have not experienced it before, and maybe that's why you're like, uh, Like, I don't know. What should I do? Like, should I just date them? Like, maybe it's not a big deal.

00:04:56 Speaker_00
Find someone in your life who has been in love before and talk about it with them.

00:04:59 Speaker_00
I can guarantee they will tell you not to make any sort of move on your friend's ex because the feelings that we have towards our exes are very complicated and very deep and very painful usually. And so chances are that won't work out well.

00:05:15 Speaker_00
However, I look at my own dating roster, and I look at the guys that I've dated, and there's a few on there where if, like, one of my friends wanted to date them, I'd be like, I don't fucking care, but it's because I was never in love with that guy.

00:05:29 Speaker_00
Like, I've dated guys that I did not love, ultimately, and they did not love me, and that's fine. In that situation, it's a bit more complicated.

00:05:36 Speaker_00
Like, okay, if it's your friend's ex from like middle school and they never loved each other, that's probably fine. You know, you should maybe talk about it with your friend, but chances are it's probably fine.

00:05:47 Speaker_00
If it's your friend's ex and they broke up a year ago and they dated for five years and they were in love the whole time, that is something you should not get involved in. I think overall, it's best to avoid the friend's ex.

00:06:00 Speaker_00
And I think that's common sense. And I think you know that, right? I mean, by the way that you phrased the question, it sounds like you know that. And it sounds like what you're really asking is like, how do you get rid of the feelings?

00:06:13 Speaker_00
Now, that's something that's a bit more complicated, right? Because... There's no foolproof way to stop having a crush on someone. You know what I mean? Like, you kind of can't control it. But there are things that make it easier.

00:06:29 Speaker_00
Number one, avoid spending time with your friend's ex. The less you're around them, the less you can feed the crush. Every time you're around your crush, you make the crush stronger, you make the crush worse.

00:06:42 Speaker_00
If you're not around the person, you end up kind of losing interest and getting distracted by someone else. Which leads me to my next piece of advice. Start hanging out with new people. Try to find someone new to have a crush on.

00:06:55 Speaker_00
Make that a goal for yourself. And last but not least, be patient. It might take a little bit of time, but eventually the crush will go away.

00:07:01 Speaker_00
And you'll be glad that you didn't act upon it, because trust me, that shit gets so messy, I can almost guarantee that that is not something you want to do. Next, somebody said, I have a crush on an old friend that moved far away.

00:07:15 Speaker_00
They're coming back for a week. Any tips? To me, this is sort of a forbidden crush situation because it's very painful and challenging to have a crush on somebody who doesn't live near you.

00:07:27 Speaker_00
I mean, listen, is a long-distance relationship doable for at least a certain chunk of time? For sure. Like, can you kind of make that work? For sure. Is that complicated as well? Yes.

00:07:40 Speaker_00
But I think that, you know, you shouldn't completely rule someone out because they don't live near you. Like there's workarounds with that. So you have a crush on this old friend. They're coming back for a week. What should you do? Here's what I would do.

00:07:56 Speaker_00
Okay. At this point, they live far away, right? So you can kind of be a bit riskier, I would say, with your actions because ultimately they will leave again.

00:08:07 Speaker_00
It's not like you're going to run into them at the grocery store the next day after confessing your love to them and now it's awkward. They do ultimately end up leaving again. So that's kind of awesome. And I would take advantage of that.

00:08:18 Speaker_00
And I do think that there's something to be said for kind of confessing your love, you know, and seeing what happens because somebody's got to do it sometimes, you know what I mean?

00:08:30 Speaker_00
I will say, though, before you make any sort of move, you have to weigh out the pros and cons, okay? There is a risk whenever you tell a friend that you have a crush on them that that might ruin the friendship. It might make the friendship awkward.

00:08:44 Speaker_00
That is definitely a risk. But I think you have to weigh the pros and cons with yourself. Like, is it worth it to potentially ruin the friendship for the chance that we might be able to be together? That's something only you can decide.

00:08:58 Speaker_00
Once you come to that conclusion, move forward accordingly. Listen, if you end up deciding, you know what, I value this friendship too much, I can't tell them. It's just, I can't do it.

00:09:07 Speaker_00
All right, well then when they come and hang out for a week, just enjoy their presence. Hang out with them as much as possible and look at them and enjoy having a crush on them because I'll tell you,

00:09:15 Speaker_00
Having a crush on somebody is one of the most fun things in the entire world. Is it also one of the most horribly painful things in the whole world? Yes. But is it also one of the most fun things in the whole world? Yes. And you know what?

00:09:25 Speaker_00
You can flirt a little bit in a way that's respectful and won't make them uncomfortable. There's little teeny ways that you can flirt. Have fun with doing that.

00:09:33 Speaker_00
Just enjoy being friends and maybe flirt a teensy bit in ways that are understated and respectful, okay? That's fun. But if you're like, you know what? Fuck it. I don't care. Like, I've had this crush for so long. They don't even live near me anymore.

00:09:49 Speaker_00
We're barely friends. Like, we don't even get to talk as much anymore. I'm just gonna tell them that I like them. I would recommend telling your friend at the end of the trip, like on their last day, be like, Listen, you know what?

00:10:02 Speaker_00
This is awkward, but I've always liked you. I like you. I have feelings for you. If you don't have feelings for me, I fucking get it. However, I just can't keep it in anymore. If you don't like me, I hope we can still be friends because

00:10:16 Speaker_00
it's okay i'll move on but i do like you or you could even like leave a note in their bag and they can read it on the plane like something like that okay why not and then you don't have to see them again for a while i don't know i think that's fun this episode is brought to you by adidas

00:10:34 Speaker_00
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Sports are on your terms again. You got this. Visit adidas.com slash you got this to learn more. This episode of Anything Goes is brought to you by Amazon. I will admit gift giving is not my love language.

00:11:08 Speaker_00
However, there are many people in my life who do care about gifts. Gifts is their love language. And so when it comes to gift giving, I love a one-stop shop. And that's why Amazon is so phenomenal because it truly is a one-stop shop.

00:11:23 Speaker_00
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00:11:32 Speaker_00
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00:11:44 Speaker_00
Okay, so my boyfriend of eight-ish months broke up with me in April on a FaceTime call because he was moving away to boarding school and he doesn't want to do long distance.

00:11:54 Speaker_00
We were in no contact for like three weeks, but then it was his birthday and he got in touch with me because I didn't wish him a happy birthday. Ooh, that was savage mode on your part.

00:12:03 Speaker_00
Now, we are back in contact and have seen each other in person a few times since. I know we are definitely not getting back together, but I love hanging with him. So what do I do?

00:12:12 Speaker_00
Because I'm worried I'm going to get hurt, but I also don't want to lose him. And we're going to the same festival in two weeks and want to spend time together, but part of me thinks he might cut me off after that. What do I do?

00:12:24 Speaker_00
Do I keep spending time with him all summer and hoping we, I don't know, somehow get back together? Or do I just stay friendly and we be friends all summer? Or do I cut him off so that I don't have any chance of getting hurt? Thank you.

00:12:41 Speaker_00
Yes, I understand this dilemma. This has happened to me, something sort of similar, where my boyfriend broke up with me. I was heartbroken about it. We started talking again.

00:12:57 Speaker_00
He was like, I don't want to be together, but I like talking to you and stuff, but we're not getting back together. And I was like, totally. And then deep down, I was like, I'll get him to get back together with me. I'll find a way.

00:13:11 Speaker_00
He'll fall in love with me again or something. And so I continued hanging out with him and I ended up getting very hurt because it just didn't end up working out the way I wanted it to.

00:13:22 Speaker_00
Anyway, moral of the story is I've definitely experienced something very similar to this. My advice is this. You know the truth. The truth is you're probably not getting back together. Okay? You're admitting that to yourself. You're admitting that to me.

00:13:36 Speaker_00
You're probably not going to get back together.

00:13:38 Speaker_00
Okay, I think a lot of times when we continue hanging out with someone, spending time with them, and we deep down want to get back together, it's because deep down we think that we actually could convince them to get back together with us.

00:13:55 Speaker_00
You know what I'm saying? Like you, I think that you actually do deep down think that there's a chance that you can get back together. Otherwise you'd be like, all right, I have to, you know, I have to move on.

00:14:06 Speaker_00
There's a sliver of you inside right now that says there's a chance we might get back together. And I understand that because that's exactly what I did. I would tell people, I'm like, no, we're not getting back together.

00:14:16 Speaker_00
We're not getting back together. No, he doesn't want to get back together with me. He doesn't want to get back together with me. But I kept hanging out with him because deep down inside of me, I didn't want to believe that to be true. And I,

00:14:27 Speaker_00
I held out hope. And guess what? It did not work out for me. Okay. Because I decided to, you know, sort of like make a rule with him. I was like, I only want to like hang out and stuff if you're only talking to me.

00:14:41 Speaker_00
Like I'm the only girl you're talking to.

00:14:43 Speaker_00
And then I wasn't, although he kind of told me I was, but I think he was just saying that so that I'd fucking shut up and I would just hang out with him and we could all hang out and still be friends and everything would be fine.

00:14:54 Speaker_00
And then I later found out that he was talking to other girls when he told me that he was just talking to me. And then I was heartbroken and felt like I got cheated on, even though it's complicated. He was not honest with me.

00:15:05 Speaker_00
but also like he didn't we weren't technically dating very complicated but it caused me so much pain okay what i would recommend you do i would recommend you have a conversation with him and be like listen to be honest i love spending time with you i really want to get back together and i want to try to make long distance work and if we can't do that then i don't think i can be around you it's too painful for me and i think that we need to just take a break and maybe we can

00:15:32 Speaker_00
reconnect in a few months, a year, but I can't do this right now otherwise because I'm going to get my heart broken a lot worse. That's what I would recommend doing.

00:15:41 Speaker_00
However, sometimes the best way to learn is to touch the stove and feel that it's hot and learn that it's hot and learn that it burns. And that's what I did. And I will say, in my sort of parallel situation,

00:15:54 Speaker_00
when I ended up finding out that he was talking to other girls and he did some other things that were not very nice to me, I got so fed up that I like called him on the phone and exploded on him and hung up my phone and never talked to him again.

00:16:07 Speaker_00
And that's how I ultimately broke the cycle with him was by trying it again, getting burned, going back for more, getting burned worse, going back for more, getting burned worse, until ultimately I was like, I cannot talk to this man again.

00:16:21 Speaker_00
I hate him so much that I can never speak to him again. Now, ideally, we don't hate our exes. I mean, how beautiful it'd be if we didn't hate our exes.

00:16:28 Speaker_00
But I think sometimes you have to keep going back for more until ultimately you hate them and they've hurt you so badly that you can never go back to them again. you know, and sometimes that's the best way to break the cycle.

00:16:40 Speaker_00
So I think if you think you have it in you, you have the discipline and you have the desire to have that uncomfortable conversation and potentially leave that conversation with the answer that you both are not going to talk for the next six months to a year,

00:16:56 Speaker_00
I would recommend that. However, I would not judge. Like, I also understand just trying it and getting burned potentially until you ultimately can't be with them at all anymore and you hate them.

00:17:09 Speaker_00
Obviously, I think one is better, but I also think both will teach you a valuable lesson. Somebody said, I have a crush on a guy who has a girlfriend, but he isn't loyal to her and has cheated three times. What do I do?

00:17:23 Speaker_00
Okay, well, it's tough because I don't necessarily believe once a cheater always a cheater because I do know people who have cheated who have since come around and I really truly believe are not cheaters anymore. I think it depends, right?

00:17:40 Speaker_00
I think it depends. However, if you have a crush on this guy and he's currently with a girl right now and he's cheating on her over and over and over again, chances are he's going to do that with you, okay?

00:17:52 Speaker_00
If you have a crush on someone who cheated on someone like five years ago, okay, whatever. And they haven't cheated since, okay, whatever. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's fine. I think that there's different types of cheaters.

00:18:04 Speaker_00
Like, there's someone who's a serial cheater

00:18:07 Speaker_00
who it sounds like this guy that you have a crush on is a serial cheater he's currently with a woman and he's cheated on her three times over and over and over again he's not learning from his mistake right and it's current so is there a chance that 10 years down the line he might not be a cheater anymore maybe but

00:18:25 Speaker_00
right now he's a cheater, okay? So you need to take that for what it is. Again, I think it's different if you have somebody who maybe cheated on their girlfriend three times when they were in high school. Okay, who cares about that? That's different.

00:18:39 Speaker_00
If they're like now in their mid to late 20s or something, for example, that could be a completely different person for all we know.

00:18:45 Speaker_00
So I mean, I think the context of the cheating is important, but I think in this scenario, because the cheating is recent and it keeps happening, this is a serial cheater. If he's doing this to her, there's a 95% chance he'll do it to you.

00:18:59 Speaker_00
Because people who cheat, for the most part,

00:19:02 Speaker_00
especially like serial cheaters what I've observed in life thus far is that it has nothing to do with who they're with like they love the game of cheating they're they get turned on by the sport of cheating it makes them feel good to cheat there's something about it that's very rewarding for them and it doesn't matter if it's you or it's the girlfriend that he has now okay he's probably gonna cheat again so my recommendation to you is you gotta let this one go and you know as I mentioned earlier

00:19:31 Speaker_00
There are various ways to do that. Number one, stop spending time with this guy as much as possible. Number two, make it a priority to find a new crush.

00:19:42 Speaker_00
And number three, be patient because eventually the crush will go away, but you have to be patient with yourself and forgiving of the process. This episode is brought to you by PNC Bank.

00:19:54 Speaker_00
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00:21:11 Speaker_00
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. November is a good time to stop and appreciate all the people in your life. I have a lot of people in my life that I'm very grateful for, especially my parents. My parents are so patient with me.

00:21:29 Speaker_00
And when I reflect on the last year and all of the challenges that I've faced, they have been there through every single challenge and have supported me. And I'm just really grateful for them.

00:21:39 Speaker_00
While we're talking about being thankful, here's a reminder to send some thanks to yourself this year. It's not an easy thing to do, and if that's something you really struggle with, therapy can help. It's a great way to show yourself some love.

00:21:52 Speaker_00
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00:22:06 Speaker_00
It's simple, convenient, and really not as intimidating as you think. Plus, it's all online. So let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash anything today to get 10% off your first month.

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That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash anything. Next, somebody said, how to navigate being in love with your best friend.

00:22:34 Speaker_00
This is kind of similar to having the crush on the old friend, and some of the advice carries over, which is you need to weigh the pros and cons of confessing your love, because there is always the risk that it ruins the friendship dynamic.

00:22:48 Speaker_00
However, if you feel it's worth it to potentially fuck up the friendship dynamic because you are so in love with them that you're like, I can't keep this in anymore, and it's uncomfortable to even be friends with this person because I'm like so in love with them, I can't even hang out with them without

00:23:06 Speaker_00
being overwhelmed by how I feel about them, then I think it might be worth it to confess it, you know, in one way or another. And there's a bazillion ways to confess it. If you're ballsy, you can say it to their face.

00:23:18 Speaker_00
The way I tend to do it is usually in like a silly way because I don't know how to do anything serious. Or, oh, I don't know how to do anything sappy and romantic. Seriously. Ask any boyfriend I've ever had.

00:23:30 Speaker_00
Yeah, I'm not a very sappy, romantic person necessarily. I usually just turn it all into a joke because I'm uncomfortable with it for whatever reason. But if you're feeling ballsy, you can confess it to their face. You can write them a little note.

00:23:46 Speaker_00
You can send them a text. However you need to do it, you can do it. And from there, you have to expect all potential outcomes. The worst could happen and the best could happen. As with all things at all times.

00:23:58 Speaker_00
Like at all times the best or the worst could happen, right? And you have to be prepared for that. So I don't know. It's hard because I think only you can decide what you want to do. And you know going back to the first way of handling it,

00:24:13 Speaker_00
You could also decide, okay, you know what, I can't tell them. I don't want to ruin the friendship dynamic. This friendship's too important. I'm just going to try to get rid of this crush.

00:24:23 Speaker_00
And it's a bit harder when it's your best friend because you spend so much time with them. The methods that I recommended earlier are a bit more challenging.

00:24:32 Speaker_00
especially number one, which is spending less time with them, that's pretty tough when it's your best friend. So again, it might take longer for the crush to dissipate. You might need to really focus on hanging out with other people.

00:24:46 Speaker_00
You can hang out with your crush too, but hanging out with new people and, you know, getting flirty and having fun and trying to find a new crush, that might cause you to neglect your best friend. It's very challenging.

00:24:56 Speaker_00
Being in love with your best friend is very challenging. But I think only you can find the perfect recipe for you because it just depends on all of the individual variables, you know?

00:25:08 Speaker_00
How much you value the friendship, how excruciating the crush is, how hard you think it's going to be to get rid of the crush if you ultimately decide not to tell them that you have a crush on them, how heartbroken you'll be if they maybe distance themselves if they don't like you back, how you're going to feel if they don't like you back,

00:25:28 Speaker_00
if you think you're going to be able to be friends, if they don't like you back, like all these things. Only you can sort of find the plan, you know, only you can make your plan.

00:25:38 Speaker_00
But I do think it's important to have a plan because having a crush that's this intense and this intimate in your life, it's very uncomfortable and I think it'll drive you nuts. So I do recommend figuring out a plan to help soothe the situation.

00:25:58 Speaker_00
And again, there's many options, but only you can choose. Somebody said, can you crush on someone and still consider yourself to be in a happy relationship slash still be in love with your partner? This is probably controversial.

00:26:12 Speaker_00
Like I can imagine everyone has a slightly different perspective on this depending on their experience. When I was younger, I think I would have said like having a crush on anyone else is like really unhealthy.

00:26:25 Speaker_00
But that was also short-sighted, like I'd never been in a relationship longer than a few years, you know? And oftentimes we're looking for a long-term relationship that will last us years and years and years and years.

00:26:36 Speaker_00
So that's a far different sort of thing, right? Like when you've been with somebody for 30 years, it's almost impossible to not maybe have a moment here and there where you're attracted to someone else or you have a crush on someone else.

00:26:48 Speaker_00
And I've absolutely had crushes while in a relationship and I've always thought it to be pretty harmless.

00:26:56 Speaker_00
And so I do think it's possible to have like a little innocent crush, like find someone attractive or charming even when you're in a relationship. I think it's a bad sign when you like actually want to act on it.

00:27:10 Speaker_00
Like I've had crushes in almost all of the relationships I've had.

00:27:15 Speaker_00
almost not all of them but it's always been like so innocent you know what I mean it's like oh my god that person's so cute like somebody's my type and I just like think that they're cute and maybe I talk to them and I'm like they're so cute but I ultimately love my boyfriend more I never am like oh my god I'm like upset that I have a boyfriend right now like I wish I could go run off with this guy

00:27:36 Speaker_00
It's always like, oh my God, I would totally have pursued this person if I hadn't met my boyfriend first, but my boyfriend is a better option and I'm fully aware of that. And so I'm good.

00:27:47 Speaker_00
I also have had situations where I've had a crush while in a relationship and I've been like, oh shit, this is a sign that maybe something's off and something was off.

00:27:54 Speaker_00
Like anytime I've ever had a crush in a relationship and been like, oh shit, I actually kind of do wish I could go run off with this other guy. That is because the relationship was really going bad. So I think that's my answer.

00:28:07 Speaker_00
The severity of the crush, I think, paints that picture for you. I think you can have a little, cute, minor, harmless crush and still be in a healthy relationship. I think it's normal and I think it's human.

00:28:18 Speaker_00
And I think it's sort of naive to imagine that we only find one person intriguing and attractive. I think it's okay. I don't care if the guys I'm dating think a girl is hot sometimes, as long as they think that I'm

00:28:33 Speaker_00
ultimately who they want to be with instead. That's all I ask. Like, you can think another girl's hot. You can have a crush on another girl. Just, number one, don't let me know about it. And number two, choose me instead and don't fucking act on it.

00:28:45 Speaker_00
That's it. And that's sort of... the way I exist as well. But if I actually wish I could act on it, that to me is a sign that the relationship is not healthy and is not happy.

00:28:56 Speaker_00
And I've also asked people about this who are in long-term monogamous relationships, and almost every person I've asked has said, of course I have a crush every once in a while. I'm human.

00:29:09 Speaker_00
So I totally think it's doable, but pay attention to how severe it is. Next, somebody said, I have a crush on this guy, but my best friend absolutely hates him. She told me she'd be very upset with me if I dated him. What should I do?

00:29:26 Speaker_00
This is very challenging because you're choosing between your best friend, okay, and your heart, who you have a crush on, who you love. Actually, you probably don't love them yet because you just have a crush on them. I'm conflicted here, okay?

00:29:41 Speaker_00
Because on one hand, I'm like, you should probably listen to your friend to an extent, I guess, because your friend is somebody that you know really well, okay?

00:29:52 Speaker_00
You've known this person for a long time, you consider them a friend, or not even necessarily a long time, but it sounds like you've known them for a long time if they feel comfortable enough saying, you shouldn't date this guy, I fucking hate him.

00:30:01 Speaker_00
If you date this guy, I will have a huge issue with it. This is probably somebody that you've been friends with for a while, and they probably know you pretty well. I would hope that they have your best interest at heart.

00:30:12 Speaker_00
You're friends with them because hopefully you know their character and you admire their character. I would consider your friend's opinion, you know, and I would honestly sit down with your friend and have a serious conversation about it.

00:30:24 Speaker_00
Like, hey, why do you feel this way? get on the same page with your friend about why they feel this way and try to figure out their intentions.

00:30:32 Speaker_00
Because, listen, as much as we love our friends and we hope that they have our best, you know, our best interests at heart, there is a chance that your friend is sabotaging you. I mean, I don't like to think pessimistically like this, but

00:30:45 Speaker_00
you should pay attention and I don't know try to figure out if there's any sort of ulterior motive behind your friend trying to prevent you from dating this guy like I don't know is there a chance that your friend has a crush on that guy too and she doesn't want you to date him because she's going to be jealous is there a chance that

00:31:04 Speaker_00
you know, she's afraid of you getting into a relationship because she doesn't want you to be in a relationship before she's in a relationship.

00:31:11 Speaker_00
There is also a chance that your friend has ulterior motives and it's important to find those out, figure those out. And obviously your friend's not going to tell them to you directly.

00:31:19 Speaker_00
So you're going to have to sort of read between the lines and figure out for yourself as best as you can.

00:31:24 Speaker_00
Because if your friend doesn't have your best interests at heart, it actually might make more sense to be like, you know what, fuck it, I'm actually going to try to date this guy because it's something I want to do.

00:31:33 Speaker_00
And maybe this isn't a friend after all, if they would rather sabotage something that I want to do, or I want to potentially create, aka a relationship with your crush, because for some selfish reason, like that will upset them.

00:31:49 Speaker_00
So that's sort of my advice there is to figure out the intention of your friend and depending on the intention that you discover, act accordingly.

00:31:57 Speaker_00
If your friend truly has a valid reason why they don't like your crush and why they don't think you should date your crush, okay, maybe it's something to consider.

00:32:05 Speaker_00
If they can't really give you a valid explanation, chances are it's because they don't have one.

00:32:10 Speaker_00
And for some sort of selfish reason that they're too scared to admit to you, they don't want you to date this guy because it's going to piss them off for, you know, some sort of selfish reason. And that's not really fair to you.

00:32:22 Speaker_00
And you should just go and date this person. And maybe you need to find a new friend. OK, that's all I got for today. The forbidden crush. I'm really relieved that nobody was like, I have a crush on my math teacher. What do I do?

00:32:35 Speaker_00
Because that is just something I can, I don't have, I don't have the mental strength to help you with that. I don't, I can't help you with that. So feeling relieved, feeling blessed, all of these are manageable. You're all going to get through this.

00:32:51 Speaker_00
And that's it. That's it for today's episode. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. New episodes of Advice Session every other Sunday.

00:33:01 Speaker_00
Stream anywhere you get podcasts, although video is exclusively on Spotify. Find Anything Goes on social media, add Anything Goes.

00:33:09 Speaker_00
Find me on social media at Emma Chamberlain and find my coffee company online, chamberlaincoffee.com or on social media at chamberlaincoffee. That's all I have to say for today. I love you all.

00:33:20 Speaker_00
I appreciate you all and I will talk to you later and I love you and you're so awesome and don't forget that. Okay. I love you. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Adidas.

00:33:28 Speaker_00
Whether you're a professional athlete or lacing up a pair of sneakers for the first time, everyone feels pressure. Okay. For me, it started when I was a young tween.

00:33:38 Speaker_00
There were a lot of pressures that I experienced as a cheerleader, not only from coaches, but also from within. You want to be good because you're like, if I'm not, then what am I doing with all this time that I'm dedicating to this thing?

00:33:51 Speaker_00
The only problem was, even though I did well under the pressure, the pressure still made me miserable, and it made me anxious. But it wasn't until I got older that I realized that sports should be where you escape pressure, not feel it.

00:34:04 Speaker_00
For me now, it's less about perfection and being the best, and it's more about doing what feels good and what makes me happy. With the right mindset, you can beat anything, including pressure. You got this.

00:34:15 Speaker_00
Visit adidas.com slash you got this to learn more.