Side Stories: Squirrel Stories AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast Last Podcast On The Left

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Side Stories: Squirrel Stories) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Go to PodExtra AI's podcast page (Last Podcast On The Left) to view the AI-processed content of all episodes of this podcast.

Last Podcast On The Left episodes list: view full AI transcripts and summaries of this podcast on the blog

Episode: Side Stories: Squirrel Stories

Author: The Last Podcast Network
Duration: 00:57:54

Episode Shownotes

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news starting off with a slew of updates AND THEN the story of the week: beloved internet star Peanut the Squirrel euthanized by New York State DEC, Four UK cult members jailed after storming courthouse with handcuffs in

plot to abduct coroner, Listener Stories, and MORE! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes and get exclusive access to bonus content.

Summary

In this episode of Last Podcast On The Left, hosts Henry and Eddie discuss various strange stories, including Peanut the Squirrel, a viral internet sensation euthanized by New York State, prompting a broader discussion about animal rights and societal responses to such events. They also cover the bizarre case of cult members in the UK attempting to kidnap a coroner based on delusional beliefs, illustrating the absurdities of sovereign citizen movements. The blend of humor and tragedy pervades the episode, reflecting on various societal aspects while maintaining an entertaining tone.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Side Stories: Squirrel Stories) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:01 Speaker_05
There's no place to escape to. This is the last hop. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.

00:00:11 Speaker_03
Side stories. Yes. Another Jill Stein morning to wake up to. God damn! What an incredible day in the new Stein-amaniac nation. I can't believe she, in the biggest surprise of all, jumped ahead of both the candidates. I would love to crawl inside of her.

00:00:39 Speaker_03
Jill Stein Jill.

00:00:40 Speaker_02
Spend a week and a half with my head up her tush.

00:00:45 Speaker_03
Jillian Stein. Yes! Yes, God. Wow, what a new world to be in. Yeah, the green party for her bush. Oh yeah, she dyed it. Yeah.

00:00:54 Speaker_02
So she could feel young. Yeah, she's got a fern between her legs.

00:00:57 Speaker_03
So she won't feel worse when she's having sex with the Grinch. Yes! Welcome to Side Stories. Hail Jill Stein! I'm your host, Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson and what a hilarious day. Oh my god. To pre-record a podcast. I know.

00:01:13 Speaker_03
Yes, this comes out on Wednesday. Yep, it does. And Wednesday is the day after America's election day.

00:01:22 Speaker_02
Closely watched by the entire world, Eddie. Oh, very nice. I remember being in a cab in New Zealand, Auckland. And then the driver was kind enough to ask me the great question, are you voting for the orange man or the bitch?

00:01:38 Speaker_04
It's completely true.

00:01:44 Speaker_03
Other countries do it differently. They're supposed to be super sweet over there, too. They're not. It's a lie.

00:01:51 Speaker_03
Everybody, when we were in, especially in New Zealand, the big joke was that when Eddie and I were together, everybody would be like, so where's your guns? And we're all like, they're home asleep with their minders.

00:02:05 Speaker_03
They actually had to take a break because of how much I was shooting them before I left.

00:02:08 Speaker_02
Yeah, I left them in the kennel. Yeah, they were there with my nanny, my gun nanny. I kissed them goodnight and I snuck out of the house, but I'll be back soon enough.

00:02:17 Speaker_03
They won't even know I'm gone. They have no sense of time. They can't wait to be fired again But for those of you that you know, we're here in a time of uncertainty, especially on Tuesday election day Yeah, we don't know what's gonna happen.

00:02:30 Speaker_03
I am gonna say I have spent the several last days researching the new the newly revealed or partially revealed Epstein tapes from this reporter Michael Wolfe.

00:02:44 Speaker_02
That should be our new national anthem.

00:02:46 Speaker_03
I tell you what. Put a beat under it. Hot fire. Yeah. This Epstein spittin' hot fire. I can't believe that this stayed underground. This should be fucking everywhere. Dua Lipa needs to sample this. We get, you know what we do? Puffy does a beat on it.

00:03:03 Speaker_03
Oh, well, because also, please. Oh, yes. Before we even begin, you bring them up. We just want to say every, guys. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. Newly arrested but not yet convicted.

00:03:27 Speaker_03
Maybe serial human trafficker and music producer. P Diddy. Happy birthday to you.

00:03:40 Speaker_02
Yes, what a wonderful day to celebrate one of our favorite troubled producers birthday Yes, you know you if you want you can go ahead and and look at His family singing him happy birthday, and they tagged a whole bunch of people in there including Quincy Jones

00:03:58 Speaker_03
Miss him too. Yes. Also died. Got out clean. Yes. Got out clean. Can't believe it. Wow. Happy birthday, P. Diddy. See you in hell next year. Now, go back to the Epstein tapes. Now, they were recorded. Apparently, about 100 hours of Epstein interview footage.

00:04:15 Speaker_03
How have we never heard of any of it till now? Because Michael Wolff's a fucking Benedict Arnold and a traitor to the human race. And he's a reporter who has decided to save that material for his own podcast, Fire and Fury.

00:04:27 Speaker_03
And now what it seems to be is that one of the things that might seem to signal was that one of the major sources for his book, Fire and Fury, was Jeffrey Epstein about the insides of the Donald Trump White House, which shows that they were closer

00:04:42 Speaker_03
for far longer than our beloved former president wanted to say that they were, and that they were best friends, according to Epstein, they were absolutely the closest friends possible for 10 years, and that he said Donald Trump's not a nice guy.

00:04:58 Speaker_03
And you know, I don't take Jeffrey Epstein's opinion like highly for a lot of things except for masseuses, islands, and Donald Trump.

00:05:08 Speaker_02
So I feel like if you're going to believe him... I don't even think his choice in islands isn't even that good. Yeah, no, it's filled with pedophiles.

00:05:16 Speaker_03
I mean, that's the worst part. Never mind the birds. But, no, hey, Eddie, that's not true. The pedophiles weren't indigenous to his island. They were flown in. They are an invasive species.

00:05:30 Speaker_02
We're looking at a picture right now. Who's this with Trump?

00:05:34 Speaker_03
See that is Melania. Really? Oh yeah, she used to be very hot before she turned into a twisted crone of evality.

00:05:40 Speaker_02
I didn't even recognize her.

00:05:41 Speaker_03
Yes, no, she looked like that. She was purchased by Epstein and given to Trump. She is some form of spy for several countries, so is Epstein.

00:05:48 Speaker_03
Ghislaine Maxwell certainly is now sitting in jail for Jeffrey Epstein and probably for Trump because unfortunately when Kamala Harris. I mean, when she wins on some level, I do believe that that is certain.

00:06:02 Speaker_03
She's going to end up pardoning him because I don't know why. I don't know why they feel they need to do that. Yeah. Who's she going to pardon? Trump. Come on. Mark my words.

00:06:11 Speaker_02
No.

00:06:12 Speaker_03
She's definitely going to pardon Trump. She's a prosecutor. It doesn't matter. She loves putting people in prison. That's the whole thing.

00:06:17 Speaker_03
The problem with Democrats is they have this idea about precedent and the idea that you pardon because Nixon was pardoned. So I think they're going to end up doing the same thing.

00:06:24 Speaker_02
I don't think Biden would have pardoned him.

00:06:27 Speaker_03
I don't think Biden knows where his shoes are. If I was Biden, I would pardon my son immediately. Yeah, but that shows bipartisanship and technically Hunter Biden earned that jail sentence by being hilarious. Yes, I know.

00:06:39 Speaker_03
You know, like, Hunter Biden is awesome. All right, but he needs to serve a little jail time. He's going to get out and he's going to be even better. You think so? Yeah, he's going to be funny. He needs a television show. I like Hunter Biden.

00:06:51 Speaker_03
You know, back in the day, you know, where Hunter Biden would have been king. QVC. Oh my god. If he had come back to QVC and did a whole line of like, you know, like pant fillers.

00:07:02 Speaker_02
Laptop patterns.

00:07:03 Speaker_03
Oh my god, dude. Laptop cases.

00:07:04 Speaker_02
Yes.

00:07:05 Speaker_03
Saying like, don't open.

00:07:06 Speaker_02
Yeah.

00:07:07 Speaker_03
Top secret. He's going to make so much fucking money. Hunter Biden, look at these pictures of him on the beach. He's got a natural six pack. He looks fucking great.

00:07:14 Speaker_03
And then what we'll see is, I think that we're going to have Hunter Biden in some sort of celebrity boxing match with Donald Trump Jr. And then hopefully Donald Trump Jr. gets paralyzed in the middle of it. We'll find out. We'll find out.

00:07:26 Speaker_03
But obviously, I just want to make sure you guys understand that we've talked about Epstein for a long time.

00:07:32 Speaker_03
We've been talking about Peyote now, which seems to be another one of these gigantic Sisyphean human trafficking cases involving politicians and money. And it's just more of it.

00:07:42 Speaker_03
Right now, until I see footage of Kamala Harris inside of one of these giant infrastructures of pedophilia, so far, she's fine. So far.

00:07:51 Speaker_03
Yes, and so we'll find out, but I think that as soon as your, how do you put it, Don Cheadle didn't deserve to be lumped in because he took one plane one time, one time on the Epstein planes. Oh, Don Cheadle was on the Epstein. Oh, one of them, yeah.

00:08:07 Speaker_03
Famously, what Epstein would do is- But lots of people were on the planes. Exactly. That's how he muddied the waters. That's what he'd did to make it seem really, really difficult to parse who was a criminal and who was not.

00:08:17 Speaker_03
That's the reason why what he did was that on top of his gigantic, this is Jeffrey Epstein, on top of his gigantic pedophile cabal, he also gave millions and millions of dollars to extremely important scientific study, you know, like Harvard and Princeton.

00:08:32 Speaker_03
He gave money all over the world. So he became this benefactor to science as well. and also implicating all of them in his crimes as well, which also allowed them to maybe slow the roll on talking about how bad of a person Jeffrey Epstein really was.

00:08:46 Speaker_02
Oh, so that's good that he did that.

00:08:52 Speaker_03
It's complicated. Because partially it was about Epstein saving his cum so he could make a race of super babies in the future. Yes. His belief that he could save his own dick and head. Do we still have his cum?

00:09:04 Speaker_03
I have some, but that's only because people sent it to me. I didn't buy it.

00:09:07 Speaker_02
You had it frozen in an autograph.

00:09:09 Speaker_03
Yes, I have it in an ice cube tray in my freezer. But otherwise, no, that's kind of what he was.

00:09:15 Speaker_03
He was in the transhumanist movement, the idea of delimiting aging because Epstein thought he would live in the future in space in a whorehouse on the moon.

00:09:25 Speaker_02
You know, growing up, I knew this kid named Jeffrey Epstein. I just feel so bad for him. Did he move to New York?

00:09:33 Speaker_03
He was older. He was older than us. But then, yeah, we'll see how this all goes, but it's certainly not anxiety-inducing. at all. Now the next big thing I want to bring up is an apology and a correction. Vincent Price. Yeah. He's bisexual.

00:09:46 Speaker_02
He was.

00:09:47 Speaker_03
I was right. And some people said he was famously bisexual, but obviously not because I didn't know. I mean, I knew. And so, and you know a lot more about this stuff than I do.

00:09:56 Speaker_03
I don't know as much about ass eating as you did in that moment, but you were correct.

00:09:59 Speaker_02
I don't think he ate ass.

00:10:01 Speaker_03
I think that if you're back in the day, if you're not eating ass, what are you? I mean, I think his mustache is too tiny.

00:10:07 Speaker_03
I thought the mustache is what made it tickle. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

00:10:21 Speaker_03
He shared anecdotally that his first two wives divorced him because they weren't comfortable with his sexuality. His third wife, Coral Brown, was also openly bisexual, and the two remained married until her death. Ooh, they were a team.

00:10:33 Speaker_03
Price served on the board of PFLAG after his daughter came out as a lesbian, and he was one of the first actors to publicly spread awareness about the HIV-AIDS epidemic.

00:10:42 Speaker_03
So yeah, he's sucking dick, he's fucking eating scrum, he's licking pussy, and he's fucking ass. God bless Vincent Price. I love this guy. I love this guy. That makes me like him more, obviously. Obviously. I like anybody that's an equal opportunity.

00:10:58 Speaker_03
Get two dicks in there and a pussy on his butt.

00:11:00 Speaker_02
I mean, that's probably why he was forced to do horror movies. What? Well, because if he was openly gay in Hollywood back then, they probably wouldn't have put him in a real movie.

00:11:09 Speaker_03
No, it was the only place that allowed him to truly reach the edges of his performance. Also, I think that it was because he was a leading man in that world, and he identified with horror.

00:11:20 Speaker_03
Like, he wasn't like a lot of people that get into horror and then resent it immediately. There's a lot of actors that do that. They make their nut in horror and then they're like, I'm more than horror, and then they want to get out of it.

00:11:31 Speaker_03
Vincent Price was not like that.

00:11:32 Speaker_02
No, he was down all the way through to thriller.

00:11:35 Speaker_03
Yeah, he fucking understood what was going on. And yeah, he rapped for Michael Jackson.

00:11:38 Speaker_04
Mm-hmm.

00:11:39 Speaker_03
Ooh, House of Flax. Your place, your home is like the House of Flax. It is. Yeah. Because I do eat a lot of flax, but I haven't eaten as much because I've been eating more. I got some of that kefir. Kefir's great.

00:11:49 Speaker_03
I got that and I mix that in with my chia seeds.

00:11:52 Speaker_02
I'm out of chia seeds. I went through the whole gallon.

00:11:55 Speaker_03
You believe that? Yeah, dude. No, I'm blowing through these things. That's how much of a fucking cuck I am. I got a fucking inch on my vertical. I ran out of chia seeds. I went to the grocery store to vote for Kamala Harris on the way.

00:12:06 Speaker_03
That's how much of a cuck I've become. I used to be a no rules, pork fat, cigarette smoking, no voting piece of shit.

00:12:15 Speaker_02
That's right. And man, look at me now. Look at you now. You're still a fucking piece of shit. I went and bought some chia seeds at Gelson's and man. They were expensive. They are! You paid for each seed there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:28 Speaker_03
That's how you know it's good. Someone also brought up a bit of an update on the story about the poor young girl, Gursamaran Kaur, who got trapped in the Walmart oven.

00:12:42 Speaker_03
they're saying that a couple of things are a bit hinky with the story is the fact that it happened at midnight and she had no backup essentially what they are talking about is that this is somebody would have to turn the thing on it sounds like

00:12:55 Speaker_03
everything that could go wrong went wrong while they were understaffed and so what it sounds like they have been specifically understaffed for a while a lot of people kind of pointed towards that it seems to be sort of a sentiment of immigrants doing twice the work that they're supposed to be doing in these stores essentially because of weird you know like societal bullshit racial racist implications yeah and that maybe they were

00:13:21 Speaker_03
kind of left to their own devices at night, and she should not have been alone in that back area. They were never supposed to have been alone, and so she fell into it. So it could have been some massive, horrible, horrible accident.

00:13:32 Speaker_03
And of course people are also claiming that it could be murder. Of course, much like the other update we had where that murder was based on the bear, that dude- Oh, please, let's get into it.

00:13:42 Speaker_03
One last little update here, which is really, really arfed, but the guy that we thought got murdered by a bear, unfortunately, now we know that immediately, well, it was a dude.

00:13:56 Speaker_02
Yeah, we knew it then.

00:13:57 Speaker_03
Yes, we knew someone, the man that got murdered, Dustin Kedjersom, he was murdered and they found a beer can right by the scene that they labeled for DNA, they checked for DNA, and they immediately caught the dude, a guy by the name of Darren Christopher Abbey.

00:14:12 Speaker_03
He was immediately nabbed for this crime. So, hey, cops are working. Yeah. They're doing their job out there.

00:14:19 Speaker_02
They got him, got him. Man, you know, just like, you kill someone with an ax and chug a beer and toss it on the ground.

00:14:26 Speaker_03
Hey, I mean, if I kill somebody with an axe, I'm gonna need a beer.

00:14:29 Speaker_02
Yeah, I know, but do it at home. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, save it for the car.

00:14:33 Speaker_03
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The car ride home. If you killed somebody with an axe, you're allowed to have one beer while driving.

00:14:41 Speaker_02
We've already done horrible things. Just imagine getting a DUI after murder, like on top of your murder charge.

00:14:48 Speaker_03
Maybe the DUI could get you out of the murder, because then you could be like, oh man, I was too busy getting processed. I couldn't be in there. Then all of a sudden, yeah, you got the DUI, but you got off scot-free for murder.

00:14:57 Speaker_03
Maybe this is an excellent tip for murderers.

00:15:01 Speaker_02
I also have a small update that I found today. We're talking about mosquitoes recently and whether we should get rid of them or not, but scientists make a shocking discovery about mosquitoes. If the males are deaf, they don't mate. Wow. Yeah.

00:15:17 Speaker_02
So if they have no sense of hearing, they don't mate.

00:15:21 Speaker_03
Let me give you a little piece of advice to the mosquitoes. All you got to do is, you don't need to hear, just go, yeah baby, wow, that does sound crazy. Well, too bad the ones that need to hear it won't.

00:15:32 Speaker_03
But I'm saying, if you say, like, you don't know, you're being talked to by a lady mosquito. Do you think mosquitoes have sign language? I don't know. But you're trying to say, like, lady mosquito, but you can read lips.

00:15:40 Speaker_03
They can read the little, like, mosquito lips.

00:15:42 Speaker_02
Oh, yeah, the little long snout. But it doesn't even matter.

00:15:45 Speaker_03
It doesn't even matter. In order to get laid, you got to do the thing where you go, yeah, baby, yeah, she's crazy. Oh, yeah, baby, that sounds, wow, wow, what a horrible day at work. Do you need a massage? What's your major? That's all you need.

00:15:57 Speaker_03
You don't need to actually hear. Think about that, male mosquitoes.

00:16:01 Speaker_02
Yeah, but they say eliminating mosquitoes. Sense of hearing could be the key to eliminating mosquito-borne diseases such as yellow fever and Zika. Whatever happened to Zika? You know, I don't know. I miss Zika. Have we seen any Zika babies recently?

00:16:17 Speaker_03
Can we get them up on the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are the Zika babies voting? Yeah. Has the polling gotten to the Zika babies? Yeah, I don't think they're 18 yet. No, maybe not. No, but if you gotta, whatever happened to Zika?

00:16:31 Speaker_03
The Atlantic says it's an article that says whatever happened to Zika, like it was just some lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:38 Speaker_02
You think you're old now, remember them? Zika, and it's just like a... Where are they at now? Zika babies.

00:16:47 Speaker_03
Oh my god, they were on Dancing with the Zika Babies? I didn't even know that was a show.

00:16:52 Speaker_02
That's amazing.

00:16:54 Speaker_03
Oh yeah, it persists at low levels in several countries. Still, Zika's around. Alright. Don't worry, you can still get Zika. Okay, good. But it just makes the baby's head smaller, which is, you know, it's not good. I mean, I ain't having kids.

00:17:08 Speaker_02
Exactly. I'll take Zik's. But I think you can get sick too. I think I'm fine. I'm gonna say I'm good. You have Zika right now? I don't know if it's true or not. You got that Zika? Man, it's expensive. Yeah dude, tell me about it.

00:17:25 Speaker_03
Alright, we got it right. So that was like, we did some updates, we got some stories. Now one story is truly Honestly, the selection cycle, a lot of stuff's kind of come up. There's been a lot of information. Yeah.

00:17:40 Speaker_03
Between the Epstein tapes, between, again, Hunter Biden's laptop, between, obviously, Donald Trump, you know, is a pedophile and a rapist and a criminal and a liar and stuff like that, and a lot of kind of evidence.

00:17:53 Speaker_03
But one story really... Okay, you saved liar for last. Yeah. That was the worst one. I mean, the worst part is the way he dresses. The hypocrisy. The hypocrisy. Always the hypocrisy. But then...

00:18:04 Speaker_03
But there's a story that cuts through all the noise on one of the most, like, wacky days I've ever been through as a person.

00:18:12 Speaker_02
We are in it, buddy. So please, Eddie. Social media star Peanut the Squirrel has been euthanized after being seized from a New York home. And not only was he seized, He had a little hat on. Yeah, well that's his most famous photo.

00:18:32 Speaker_02
He is right now currently almost at 800,000 followers.

00:18:36 Speaker_03
Holy shit.

00:18:37 Speaker_02
On Instagram.

00:18:39 Speaker_03
Is that not too big to be fucking assassinated in this world? Killed by the government. What did he know? What did the peanut the squirrel know? He was seven years old. Whoa. It's pretty old for a squirrel, right? He's been around a long time.

00:18:52 Speaker_03
He probably saw a lot of those peanutty parties. Yeah, yeah. So... You ever been to a peanut party? Peanutty? Back in the day? Fucking gerbils all covered in oil. Yeah. Little hamsters fucking getting gang banged by two fucking Datsuns.

00:19:07 Speaker_03
Peanutty parties were fucking off the fucking limb, dude. Things were out of control, man. Almonds everywhere.

00:19:16 Speaker_02
So...

00:19:18 Speaker_02
peanut the squirrels uh i'm not gonna say they call him owner but i don't you know i think more of like life partner no one owns a squirrel yeah yeah yeah you're not allowed to um mark longo so his house was raided and they came and they took peanut the squirrel and then they also took i think he had a raccoon named fred i think is i think was the raccoon's name and uh they took both of them and they euthanized him when they

00:19:47 Speaker_02
wanted to test for rabies.

00:19:48 Speaker_03
No, I did not know that they have to just hack them up into salsa in order for them to check to see that they have rabies or not.

00:19:54 Speaker_02
No, it's actually like a sausage grinder and they put it in tail first so they can hear it scream the longest. Yep, sure. Definitely, that's how you know it has rabies or not, that long of a scream.

00:20:03 Speaker_02
Now, I heard that in which you taste it and you wait months and you see if you get rabies.

00:20:08 Speaker_03
Yeah, well apparently the main issue was that it bit one of the police officers to try to take it out of its house. You don't grab a man's squirrel and expect not to get bit. This is the thing, how did we get here? How did we get here?

00:20:20 Speaker_03
So the cops went to go, at first, they're saying that they went in because the squirrel and the raccoon are legal for them to have. And they decided that they were living out loud too much, right?

00:20:33 Speaker_03
The idea is that they have been throwing their squirrel-based lifestyle in the faces of over 800,000 people.

00:20:38 Speaker_02
Well, there's also Peanuts Freedom Farm, which is these people, they have a rescue farm with lots of horses and ponies. And so the squirrel was rescued. I know that the peanut squirrel was rescued. Yes, because he saw the mom get hit by a car. Yeah.

00:20:54 Speaker_02
Mark Longo. So Mark Longo is the owner and the custodian of the Peanuts. And he saw Peanuts' mom get hit by a car. And then he was like, oh my God, we got to find this mom's baby squirrel.

00:21:06 Speaker_02
And he found Peanuts the squirrel and he rehabilitated Peanuts the squirrel, raised it, and then released Peanuts the squirrel in his backyard. And then the next day, Peanuts the squirrel showed up back with half his tail eaten off.

00:21:16 Speaker_02
I mean, that's the problem. He sounded like he was bad at it. Yeah, so he decided that Peanut was then going to be an indoor squirrel.

00:21:23 Speaker_03
You know, I don't know how would the police even know that he had an indoor squirrel to come take?

00:21:30 Speaker_02
Well, the police were raided the house. TMZ reports that the authorities were after pornography and not animals when they raided the house. And the animals just happened to be in the house. All right. So what we now know, the main twist.

00:21:46 Speaker_03
Yes. Is that Mark Longo and his wife have an OnlyFans channel.

00:21:49 Speaker_02
Yeah, and they bang on OnlyFans and take money. And also, if you go to Peanut the Squirrel's Instagram account and you watch a lot of these videos, I will say Peanut the Squirrel's in a lot of the videos, but so is Mark Longo's cock.

00:22:02 Speaker_03
Oh yes, there is a. It's very present. He's wearing a lot of grey sweatpants, there's a lot of crotch-forward material. Yeah, the squirrel jumps on his ass a lot.

00:22:13 Speaker_02
Yeah, you can see that. He's definitely a side. It's definitely like, okay, here's Peanut the Squirrel, but I also have an OnlyFans.

00:22:19 Speaker_03
I have a huge cock, yeah. And so, I mean, there's nothing wrong with them having this job. They are sex workers. They're rehabilitating squirrels and they are fucking for money.

00:22:29 Speaker_03
But apparently someone decided that that was, I guess, inappropriate because they also sometimes watch kids sometimes. Yes, they also babysit for some of those neighbors' children. So what they got was Karen. Yes.

00:22:42 Speaker_03
So Karen called the police on them because they found out that their kids were being watched by two people with an OnlyFans channel.

00:22:50 Speaker_02
We don't even know who called it or nothing.

00:22:53 Speaker_03
None of that's been released. This is completely my call.

00:22:55 Speaker_02
This is a theory.

00:22:55 Speaker_03
This is a theory, yeah. And they got angry when they found out. I mean, he's got a huge- Johnson. He really does.

00:23:00 Speaker_02
He's got huge cock and balls. Yeah, he's showing it all the time.

00:23:02 Speaker_03
To be honest, I would kind of feel weird dropping my kids off after watching this huge fucking dick flop up and down.

00:23:08 Speaker_02
This dude's got a squirrel with a watch. on his shoulder.

00:23:10 Speaker_03
Only just because and a huge fucking massive cock pointed out of his gray sweatpants.

00:23:15 Speaker_02
There's no way you can't notice the cock.

00:23:17 Speaker_03
As someone who doesn't try to look for cock, it's right there. It's mostly just because if I was the father, it'd be more like I don't want you to get used to looking at this cock child and thinking that's what fathers have.

00:23:28 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:23:29 Speaker_03
And it's like eye level for a child. But I do understand in some ways, I don't actually understand, it's just it's out of sheer ignorance that they don't understand that you can be both like an OnlyFans person and not a pedophile, right?

00:23:40 Speaker_02
Absolutely.

00:23:40 Speaker_03
You can just do that. He was sleeping, it's his wife! And the big key here is that, which is the lamest of OnlyFans, by the way. I want you to understand how lame that is for a married couple.

00:23:50 Speaker_02
I think a dude jerking off by himself is lamer than Oh yeah, by far. By far, yes. Correct.

00:23:56 Speaker_03
I think that is worse.

00:23:58 Speaker_02
You are absolutely correct. Yes, yes, yes. But I will say, a guy ramming a dildo in his ass, way cooler than both of those.

00:24:06 Speaker_03
I mean, you're obviously here for work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? If you're pegging yourself on camera, you're doing the work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put the time in. It's the same as the coal mines from our great-grandfather. It takes an athlete.

00:24:20 Speaker_03
It does, it does, because you've got to get back there. I can't do it. I'd rip up my fucking colon.

00:24:25 Speaker_02
Well, you could always put it, you know, take out the suction cup one, jelly it up, throw it in the end of the bathtub. I feel like I just hurt myself.

00:24:32 Speaker_03
To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing. But again, the issue is, is that people can't parse the idea that people can be both sex workers, rehabilitating animals, and not pedophiles. Correct.

00:24:42 Speaker_03
So somebody saw all of this at once, decided they were pedophiles, unless it does become revealed that they shot child exploitation material, right? Which is the actual, which would be an actual issue. But none of that is even.

00:24:55 Speaker_03
And if that's not remotely on the table, if you're just looking for a married couple fucking on camera, then good luck, police officers. And then, yeah, you might get bitten by their fucking squirrel. Don't call me. It's like, why are you in my house?

00:25:06 Speaker_03
And then they wipe out fucking Peanut the squirrel and Fred the raccoon.

00:25:10 Speaker_02
Yes. Yeah. They fucking. iced them. And now there's a GoFundMe set up. We were talking about this earlier. So much money goes through GoFundMe. So much money. I don't even understand it.

00:25:20 Speaker_02
But now there's an honor of Peanut and Fred support Peanut's Freedom Farm. Now, Peanut's Freedom Farm is the place where they have all these animals and stuff like that. So far, they've raised $203,000. I will say, though, we don't really know

00:25:35 Speaker_03
We want the money to be going to the Peanuts Freedom Farm and we cannot necessarily say we support this full-throatedly because I have no idea if this money... I can give a shit if you give them money or not. Yeah, obviously.

00:25:45 Speaker_02
I don't care at all if you give Peanuts Farm, uh... Peanuts gone now, so it doesn't even really matter. Yeah, Peanuts, I mean... What was he really doing to help the farm anyway, other than being an internet star?

00:25:55 Speaker_02
I think the cock was doing the heavy lifting on Peanut's Instagram account. It's very possible, but I don't think Peanut really, I mean lots of people got squirrels.

00:26:03 Speaker_03
I don't want to blame Mark Longo. I think it's, unless again something more nefarious comes out, I think that he was doing the best he could for these animals and he just was, but that's how you make money.

00:26:13 Speaker_03
There's not a lot of money in a rehabilitation center for, unless you have a petting zoo adjunct,

00:26:18 Speaker_03
something else attached to it and believe you have money going there you know in the social media I mean peanut 800,000 you're making a couple bucks yeah a month so a New York politician has now introduced peanuts law

00:26:31 Speaker_02
which says officials... You can't legally kick a football. Jake Blumenkrantz, repping... This is from TMZ, of course. Great news place.

00:26:44 Speaker_02
Jake Blumenkrantz, repping Assembly District 15 on Long Island, has drafted Peanuts Law, a Humane Animal Protection Act, which would impose a 72-hour wait before euthanizing any sanctuary animal. Yeah.

00:26:58 Speaker_03
Is Trump actually angry about the euthanasia of the squirrel? Wow, I've never been on the same side of this. This is the one time where people eat them. Yes. I think that they don't know the OnlyFans angle of the story, which is why they're even angry.

00:27:17 Speaker_03
So they don't even understand why it even happened because these people don't read. But I do understand that's the only time this is a cross. It's this, it's Peanut the Squirrel and aliens are the only aisle crossing We all want Peanut to be alive.

00:27:31 Speaker_03
Everybody wanted Peanut to be alive.

00:27:33 Speaker_02
But we had to see if he had rabies.

00:27:35 Speaker_03
I mean, the way you know of it, it didn't have rabies. It was a home-based squirrel. Yes.

00:27:39 Speaker_02
No, I know, but it bit a cop. Yeah, because it was arresting its daddy. But also, I agree with Peanut on biting the cop. Yes. And I remember when we were arrested, one of my buddy's dogs bit a cop, and then it just had to go to jail for three weeks.

00:27:52 Speaker_02
That's cool, though. That's cool for that dog. Yeah, it just went to dog jail for a little while, and then it went off to college. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of funny.

00:28:00 Speaker_02
But yeah, so Peanut, very dead, people are upset about it, but also the town official refuses to get the governor involved over the dead squirrel. He says, I will not.

00:28:14 Speaker_02
The Chemung town supervisor, George Richter, tells TMZ that he has no knowledge of the squirrel saga exploding on his turf. Mark Longo and his wife claim

00:28:25 Speaker_02
claimed two of their rescue pets, Peanut and Friendly, were unjustly seized and killed over alleged rabies concerns, but this man will not contact Governor Kathy Hochul about the death of a squirrel. He says it doesn't matter.

00:28:40 Speaker_03
Oh yeah, this is, it's interesting because it does, the social media presence of the story got bigger and bigger. But I actually weirdly think it points to an issue that I notice I've dealt with on my own with police and animals. Yeah.

00:28:54 Speaker_03
Which is they don't want to deal with it. Yeah. They just don't want to get involved in animal ownership or things going on inside of the house.

00:29:02 Speaker_02
Richter said, I am not calling the governor over a dead squirrel. She won't do anything anyway. She won't. I mean, what are they going to do? I don't know.

00:29:09 Speaker_03
It's like, I don't know what they're going to do. Honestly, though. Give you money back. It's a squirrel. I mean, yeah, it's cute. It's popular. I mean, don't say that to Mark Longo and his cock.

00:29:19 Speaker_02
I know. All right? Because you think he's going to be able to get it up? Oh, I'm sure they're only fans. He's going to have to. They're more popular than ever. Yeah, I hope that he's able to get hard after all this. Yeah, I know he will.

00:29:30 Speaker_03
Because he can just sit and every single time he goes to fucking nut inside of his fucking married legal wife.

00:29:34 Speaker_01
Mark Longo.

00:29:35 Speaker_03
He looks at the little shadowy spot where Peanut the Squirrel used to be and he just probably His cum goes back in his balls.

00:29:43 Speaker_02
How do we find his OnlyFans and see how it's doing? Can we subscribe? I want to watch one. I just want to watch what fuck his wife wants.

00:29:53 Speaker_01
I mean, you can, but you really can't. It's hard to find.

00:30:00 Speaker_02
Do you think Peanut was on the OnlyFans? Then that's a little too crossover.

00:30:05 Speaker_03
But I don't know whether or not, I don't think that he, I don't think that it was like, there wasn't like, he put, what, on his balls, you'd put like hummingbird food on his balls, and then Squirrel would come and lick at his balls. Wow. It's nuts.

00:30:20 Speaker_03
They don't know it's nuts. We call them nuts. That's the human nomenclature for our testicles. Yes. I mean, to them, they could call them oranges. I bet they would bite. Oh, yeah. I don't want them nowhere near my testicles. No, absolutely not.

00:30:32 Speaker_03
At least it's little fingers. I don't want to be near a squirrel. I think squirrels bite the shit out of you. Now, Fred the raccoon, how do you feel about raccoons in houses? Oh my God, look at this hanging. This is just... It's all his cock.

00:30:44 Speaker_02
This is so much cock. It really is. Just so much of his cock.

00:30:52 Speaker_03
It's all these comments saying, just realized these videos are about squirrels.

00:30:59 Speaker_02
Unbelievable. Well, we do feel for you, Squirrel Dad. It's upsetting what happened to you. And now you only got one way out. You gotta fuck your way out.

00:31:10 Speaker_03
Just like the rest of us. We did get- Oh look, he did have one here, yeah. Oh no, that's- No, uh oh, uh oh. Uh oh! Oh, okay. Squirrel daddy. Oh, there he is. Squirrel daddy, yep. Oh, it's all solo.

00:31:25 Speaker_02
Yeah, of course. Now it's lame. I thought he was banging his wife.

00:31:28 Speaker_03
But no, it's all solo and then the whole, oh no. Yeah, this is not good, man. Maybe the squirrel is involved. Yeah, I don't know. I hope the squirrel's not involved. Squirrel doesn't know.

00:31:37 Speaker_02
Well, we have a list of exploitation material who's involved with these people. They say they're a fundraising manager for Peanuts Animal Sanctuary. They say the farm is a sanctuary that began with a man's love for a squirrel peanut.

00:31:49 Speaker_02
The baby squirrel has been seen on international television and has been loved by millions. Mark and his wife, Donnie, built the sanctuary around their love for rescuing peanut.

00:32:01 Speaker_02
They also successfully saved dozens of horses from slaughter and some being sent just for becoming pregnant. Wow.

00:32:09 Speaker_03
Yeah, and they've rescued over 200 goats. Again, hopefully this has nothing to do with the OnlyFans. Yes. Because then where, I mean, this is one of those fun, what I'm hoping we're not, is heading towards one of the harder apologies that we'll have.

00:32:23 Speaker_03
You know what I mean? where it's like because we don't know really maybe what the whole story is and then I'm kind of wondering... We are not taking his side. No, not necessarily.

00:32:30 Speaker_02
No, I am.

00:32:30 Speaker_03
This is news. I'm just not judging him for having an OnlyFans. I'm not judging him for... We did judge him. We did say that the saddest OnlyFans is a man alone, but that's fine. I think that's fine. No, that's judging everybody.

00:32:41 Speaker_02
That's fair. I think that's fair. That's not just him. Anyone who jerks off on OnlyFans, I think that's the saddest version of OnlyFans. I do think so too. Actually, I think I'd take that back. If you're doing... Comedy. Oh, yes. Un-only fans.

00:32:54 Speaker_02
Because it's too edgy. Crazy.

00:32:57 Speaker_03
Oh, it's so edgy. Yeah. That's the lowest. That exists. Oh, I know. Yes, that is the lowest of the low.

00:33:03 Speaker_02
Yeah, so we take it back. Yeah, I'm sorry.

00:33:05 Speaker_03
You're right. You're up the rung, Squirrel Daddy. If you're just jerking off, it's better than telling jokes. But you better not have put that fucking squirrel anywhere near your fucking cum, dude. Yeah. Okay, because I'm going to be upset.

00:33:15 Speaker_03
Everyone's going to be upset with you. All right? I'm putting my reputation on the line. My Kamala Harris voting reputation, I'm putting on the line that you're not fucking these squirrels. Okay? Because I'm trying to stay good.

00:33:30 Speaker_03
I'm trying to stay with it, stay with the young.

00:33:32 Speaker_02
Yeah, man. You see Henry's got his wonderful, his American hat on. It's not my flag, I'll eat your ass. Yes, this is my fake-out hat. Yeah.

00:33:40 Speaker_03
Because it looks like you get upset when you look at it and it says, I'll eat your ass. God yes, just have fun on there squirrel dad to just leave this squirrels out of it All right, we got one we have another story here.

00:33:55 Speaker_03
I love you know me you love your sovereigns You know I love my sovereign citizens and with the case I made the last time that we talked about sovereign citizens is this idea that they

00:34:07 Speaker_03
Sovereign citizens are funny and silly and a waste of everybody's time until they get really dangerous. Yes. And I am of the opinion that at some point these guys are going to get dangerous more than silly. Of course.

00:34:23 Speaker_03
Because the more frustrated that they get, the more they realize that their court Horseshit and quantum grammar doesn't work the more they are gonna realize. Oh, maybe we need to start doing this the old-fashioned way Yeah, well, they can't get along.

00:34:37 Speaker_03
That's why they do what they do They are literally it's like Satanists to like the idea of a Satanist grouping is so funny Yeah, cuz it's like so an idealist individualist like, thought process. It's like, you're trying to group us all together?

00:34:53 Speaker_03
We all think that we're our own god and master. You know what I mean? It's gonna be hard to get us to pay dues.

00:35:00 Speaker_03
But this guy, the sovereign citizens are just, they are such a huge pain in the ass and I just wanted to use this as a fucking example of exactly what it was I was talking about. And they're not just in America, folks.

00:35:11 Speaker_03
Oh no, they are all over the world and just like us, oh the UK is getting our fucking, you think that we came from nowhere, UK? You all think you're fucking fancier than us? We just went to London. We went to an afters. You ain't good looking.

00:35:24 Speaker_03
Some of them are hot. They're very attractive, but at the afters, you ain't no better than us. No. I saw no kings and queens in that fucking afters. That's for fucking certain. Alright, so just know y'all ain't no different. I do love London. Love London.

00:35:40 Speaker_02
I could really spend some time there.

00:35:42 Speaker_03
Oh, you will one day.

00:35:42 Speaker_02
Even though I just called everyone ugly.

00:35:44 Speaker_03
When we leave, when we were supposed to be expats.

00:35:46 Speaker_02
I'm very ugly.

00:35:47 Speaker_03
You're ugly as well. No, you're handsome. You're handsome in a way. I'm attractive to a certain group. Same as me. There's a type of person that arrives for us.

00:35:55 Speaker_02
There's a type of person that's like, oh my god, let me slice me some of that ham.

00:36:00 Speaker_03
And then everyone else is like, what are you talking about? Well, mostly they're like, excuse me, sir, do you drive the bus? You know what I mean? Like you just look like we both look like just a random civil servants. You know what I mean?

00:36:12 Speaker_03
So this group, a group called the, they named themselves something really, really stupid and general again. They were called the Federal Postal Court.

00:36:22 Speaker_03
uh... this group of morons in the u k tried to kidnap and kill someone uh... they were led by a guy by the name of mark christopher and the group of uh... idiots that were with them was matthew martin shiza harper and sean harper these are normal quote-unquote normal people

00:36:38 Speaker_03
They wanted to shut down Essex coroner's court and abduct senior coroner Lincoln Brooks in April of 2023. Now, what they decided was that he was a part of a gigantic human trafficking ring with no evidence whatsoever.

00:36:52 Speaker_03
They had built up a case sending essentially sending fake. arrest warrants to the coroner's office over and over again saying that they were going to come arrest and corporally punish this coroner for being a part of a human trafficking world.

00:37:08 Speaker_02
I'm just so confused by all of this because if you are in fact a sovereign citizen and you don't believe in government, how are you your own government and a leader?

00:37:17 Speaker_02
Because you shouldn't be allowed like your whole like the way you look at things shouldn't even be I'm a leader.

00:37:23 Speaker_03
You're inherently

00:37:25 Speaker_03
I honestly it's the reason why I do believe people vote for Trump right where you're either purposefully ignorant right where you're you specifically want to be ignorant you don't do the reading and you are stick in the mud and you want things to be one way and you want to be your way or the highway and you don't really care what anybody else says I think that's one I think two maliciously ignorant I think the people that are specifically hateful and cynical and want to uh essentially like

00:37:52 Speaker_03
manipulate people by saying a bunch of stuff that's fake because they think if they're on the winning side of it, they will be impervious to any problems after the fact. Right?

00:38:01 Speaker_03
So this idea that as long as I'm on the winning side, as everybody wins and I get to be on top, I get to be a part of this much like people that went along to go along with the Nazis.

00:38:10 Speaker_03
So stuff like this is like when people show up to, when they get involved in something like this, they believe that maybe, just maybe, if we flip the entire system, we become lords on the other side.

00:38:23 Speaker_03
Mostly because they don't want to pay tax bills, they want to pay parking fees, and they don't want to deal with marriage licenses. which is bizarre. No, it's not. It's more than just bizarre. It's criminal.

00:38:33 Speaker_03
And it's completely utterly, uh, there it's just, you, you are a fucking moron. Now, if you go to MKChristopher.com, you can go and see the actual website that you could go and get quote unquote business consultation.

00:38:46 Speaker_03
As you can see, when you look at this website, it is filled with quantum grammar. So you've got the colon Mark dash Kishon colon Christopher dash global chief dash,

00:38:57 Speaker_03
federal postal court, dash, judge, and with a colon, all of this fake shit, because it says it releases you from any form of judicial coverage or, like, anything.

00:39:09 Speaker_03
And so right here, it says, start here to eliminate your domestic and commercial mortgages and debts. The process on my part is done through showing engineered fraud on your documents, agreements, and contracts.

00:39:20 Speaker_03
These guys believe that they have this ability to show these, like,

00:39:25 Speaker_03
essentially loopholes to the to various government bodies and they're gonna be like oh my god you're right I can't make you pay your mortgage anymore yeah oh you're right that those that legal fee doesn't hold it for you anymore now they went after court do coroner I mean excuse nothing to do with anything it has nothing to do with anything no they've just they fixated on somebody that they could get at and so when they arrived but is that coroner in Britain the same as a coroner in America do they like study bodies and shit

00:39:55 Speaker_01
I'm not quite certain, to be honest. I'm not quite certain.

00:39:57 Speaker_02
It all is very, the whole thing is just extremely confusing and it's just them, I think that's what they live on, is being confusing. Yes. This is how they get away with shit for so long. And nonsensical.

00:40:09 Speaker_03
Because they're just saying random things. Because you just want them out of your face. Yes. And because the guy that was in charge, Mark Christopher, he went by the title of Chief Judge of England and All Dominions.

00:40:19 Speaker_02
They went in there- But if you don't believe in government, you can't have that title.

00:40:23 Speaker_03
But he's taking it upon himself. Okay. He says that he received, this was an earlier trial. He said that the group came to, it says area coroner. So this was a part of a legal thing, right?

00:40:37 Speaker_03
They said they were going to come and they were going to arrest this person. They had zip ties on them and they had a car. They were literally going to arrest them and bring them someplace and beat this person to death.

00:40:46 Speaker_03
Michelle Brown, who'd been conducting inquests from paperwork and without witnesses or family present, told an earlier trial that the group had come into her courtroom.

00:40:53 Speaker_03
He said that the leader, Christopher, kept demanding that I find and get her boss. That was the idea of going in there and essentially saying, describe the emails.

00:41:01 Speaker_03
It claimed the warrants were to be for seizure of goods and persons, and it doesn't really make sense. They kind of randomly chose him and have been stalking this man, and then they finally came to essentially murder him. And they jailed all four.

00:41:15 Speaker_03
They're all immediately in jail. But it was all, it wasn't actual murder. They didn't actually kill anybody. No, not yet. No, they tried. In the UK, they can do stuff like that.

00:41:28 Speaker_03
In the UK, they also do stuff like, there was a story, I want to say it was also in Canada, they can also do that, where they can get you pretty hardcore for just showing significant planning.

00:41:38 Speaker_03
When you don't have to it's not like kind of like in America where it is Difficult like someone really like let's say someone's threatening you with murder that you really can't do anything about it until they murder you But then you can do something about it.

00:41:50 Speaker_02
Yeah, so they they wanted to arrest this man Because they said he was involved in necromancy.

00:41:56 Speaker_03
Yes. They said that it was a boy that he was using the dead For improper rituals for the US government for the UK government UK government. Yeah, and And this guy, he's obviously very scared. Oh, he said it ruined his life. He had to go into therapy.

00:42:13 Speaker_03
He had to leave. He doesn't know what to do anymore. These guys have been hounding him in this like nonsense shit.

00:42:17 Speaker_03
And the thing is, too, is that when you look at their depositions, like if you look at their like, when you click into these like document things of what you're supposed to do, they are, they are,

00:42:29 Speaker_03
ridiculous they are fucking ridiculous they have this whole step-by-step walk through create your own life life claim but live life claim and certificate of live birth this is all fake it costs 333 pounds and you call in and this guy essentially teaches you how to scam the system

00:42:49 Speaker_03
the proper way. Yeah. And this stuff looks like a crazy person wrote it. Like if you look at the FPC, like the FPC, cause it's all written in quantum grammar too. So it looks even worse than it is. So it looks like someone with schizophrenia wrote it.

00:43:03 Speaker_02
Yeah. And it says how to join. It's like for me to qualify the training suitability for you, you must book Zoom appointment with me before you can be part of my university. Email me to book a Zoom appointment." And then he puts his email address.

00:43:17 Speaker_02
The investment for this life-changing training is 7,449 Great British Pounds. Oh yes. But if you don't believe in money,

00:43:27 Speaker_03
They do believe in money. They just don't believe that the reason why it's confusing any is because it's essentially nonsense. It is nonsense. It's nonsense in the very, very bottom of it is full on.

00:43:39 Speaker_03
Like, that's kind of the thing where it's a little too easy for cult leaders to jump in it. It's a cult leader starter pack being a sovereign citizen.

00:43:48 Speaker_03
and it's a little too easy because mark christopher i think that he didn't do enough work because he has this whole thing with soul university where it's all this quantum grammar shit that he stole from the other guy already covered so he didn't even make this system up he stole this from david winn miller it's just all like

00:44:07 Speaker_02
It's just like you bullshit, you bullshit, you talk about absolutely nothing, and you change words and punctuation.

00:44:13 Speaker_03
That's exactly what- Until, like- You kill somebody. Yeah. No, no, that is the- This is why it's worthy to cover. It's not worthy in and of itself. The story itself is extremely boring and stupid.

00:44:24 Speaker_03
These morons showed up and tried to fake arrest somebody who had nothing to do with a fake crime in order to kill them.

00:44:31 Speaker_03
But the problem is, is that on some level, much like why we are covering Kruger's Dorp in so thick of detail is because it's important to see that stupid shit that looks silly from the outside leads to murder sometimes.

00:44:46 Speaker_03
and that you have to keep your head on a fucking swivel about what you allow into your brain and into your very, very soul. You have to have a grain of salt about the things you read. I read a lot of crazy shit for this show.

00:45:01 Speaker_03
I throw myself into a lot of crazy research for this show, but I know that I have a foot outside of the research, because that's what allows me to see how fucking stupid it is. You cannot 110% give in to any single ideology.

00:45:16 Speaker_02
Yeah, when it comes to learning about sovereign citizens, and I'm very impressed by how much you've actually retained, It makes me nauseous, like, every time I read into what they're saying.

00:45:27 Speaker_03
I get, like, really mad. It's called the barrier to entry. It's done on purpose. It's why Scientology is gibberish. And that goes as far to the literally ancient schools. It's like listening to a guy named Gurdjieff, who's like a teacher that I do enjoy.

00:45:41 Speaker_03
But he talks about this idea that knowledge is a quantity and there's a limited amount of knowledge.

00:45:47 Speaker_03
which is why back in the old days in the quote-unquote the Egyptian secret schools they took all of the secret secret knowledge and they hid it behind a bunch of rituals and mishagosh and all the stuff that was difficult to get through so that it would be this damaging information that the gods are not gods at all but it's based upon our the star movements and that everything is attached to an understanding of

00:46:09 Speaker_03
the earth here on the here that we can touch tangible earth and we say these ridiculous stories about gods and allegories in order to teach people that are not ready to know that there is no gods it just seems like an excuse for why they're poor exactly that's why they're well it's more why they're rich yes it's the opposite it's why they're rich and you're poor because you can't be trusted with the resources do you think they celebrate christmas who sovereign citizens

00:46:38 Speaker_03
I actually think that they have to, I think the day that they have to observe his president's day. Really? I don't know. No, I think that they, because technically it's not religious. It just happens to have a religious sidekicker. Yeah.

00:46:52 Speaker_03
There's a lot of religiosity within it, but it's not inherently religious. Inherently it's political. It's more of a shithead militia versus a cult. Just get a driver's license. They won't. They hate not getting DUIs, man. They love DUIs. They love them.

00:47:11 Speaker_03
They love driving drunk. They love getting parking tickets and not paying them. It's so hard for them. That's their passion. I mean, I did that for a while, and that's why I don't have a driver's license.

00:47:19 Speaker_02
See? But I respect my non-having driver's license.

00:47:22 Speaker_03
No, and you don't drive. I drove your car recently. That was different. That's a long story. It had to happen. It had to happen. He can physically drive. And I didn't allow it. He stole my car and called the police.

00:47:37 Speaker_03
You wanted to pick your dog up from the... I needed help. You sat next to me in the car. You were teaching me how to drive. Yeah.

00:47:44 Speaker_02
I was like, you're a learner. Yeah, I'm a learner's permit. You had to drive because I have car me in my lap. Officer, listen. He is my learner's permit.

00:47:52 Speaker_03
I'm the driver. I have a dog. All right. But just so you know, guys, before you fall into any of these slippery slopes, this is a big thing. I just want to say to maybe, maybe we can even let's take a little break here. Right.

00:48:07 Speaker_03
I would say you're a sensitive person. Okay. Step away from the podcast for a second. I'm talking to my little boys here. I'm talking to my young boys. I'm talking to my Gen Z. Any, if there are any broccoli heads that are listening.

00:48:17 Speaker_05
All right. I shaved the side of my head for you.

00:48:19 Speaker_03
I know it's cool. Isn't it? Wow. Cool. That's so lit. I got,

00:48:23 Speaker_05
Face tattoos.

00:48:24 Speaker_03
Wow, you must be so sensitive and poetic.

00:48:28 Speaker_05
I got a teardrop next to my butt.

00:48:30 Speaker_03
That means you murdered somebody in prison.

00:48:31 Speaker_05
No, but next to my butt. It's for all the dookies I've slain.

00:48:34 Speaker_03
Well, you're huge. Thank you. You're a huge boy.

00:48:38 Speaker_05
I stay big.

00:48:39 Speaker_03
We just got to just remember that. How do I gently say pull your fucking head out of your ass and read some books? You know, and just read something outside of your little sphere you gotta get in there, okay? I mean it. I'm 40, I was an edgelord, too.

00:48:53 Speaker_03
Oh yeah, very much so. I still am. Yeah. Technically.

00:48:56 Speaker_02
Made a whole career off it.

00:48:57 Speaker_03
I'm angry. Yeah. I won't say the Starbucks branded content. Your hat says, eat ass. Alright, just remember, we're all in this boat together, and we're gonna have to make it through no matter what, alright?

00:49:09 Speaker_03
Until that solar flare hits and then I never have to hear from any one of you ever again. We'll keep doing radio. Oh, we will, but it'll be by ourselves. It'll be in this room, and then people will be invited to the smaller.

00:49:23 Speaker_02
Oh my god. What else happened this week, man? I don't know. They found a head in Edinburgh.

00:49:28 Speaker_03
Oh, they thought it was a decoration, which is pretty hilarious. The guy got his head popped off from by a bus. Yeah. It's very sad, but also like... At 74.

00:49:38 Speaker_02
Edinburgh it's like that.

00:49:39 Speaker_03
Yeah I mean that's a good way to go at 74. If I made somebody laugh with my death.

00:49:44 Speaker_02
Yeah. If I get that far and I'm like gonna die within a year or two anyway, pop my head off in public.

00:49:51 Speaker_03
Oh man. God I would love to scare the shit out of a whole elementary school.

00:49:55 Speaker_02
I would say 84 would be the number. It's a severed head.

00:50:02 Speaker_03
Oh my god. Joe Biden you look great. He's not running, I'm allowed to say whatever the fuck I want. Yes, I miss you, Joey. We all miss Joe Biden. Can't believe he died six weeks ago. Guys, we're at the end of our episode today. I got one letter.

00:50:18 Speaker_02
Oh, yeah. Which one is it? S, you fucking asshole.

00:50:26 Speaker_01
I just think that this one might be stupid. This one might be stupid.

00:50:31 Speaker_02
All right, but let me see. Yeah, it's a UFO one, so you gotta read it, whether it's stupid or not. We can make fun of it if it sucks. All right, here we go.

00:50:39 Speaker_03
I have a story for this show about a UFO sighting from when I was a child. In March of 1998, my family, mom, dad, older brother, and younger sister, and I were visiting my grandparents in Lake Placid, Florida for my grandfather's birthday.

00:50:54 Speaker_03
On our way home that evening, we saw something that has stuck with me ever since. As we were traveling north towards Orlando, ooh, place of my birth, yep, My father, who was driving, saw something directly to our left and pointed it out to us.

00:51:10 Speaker_03
Above the lake, quite high in the sky, was a bright yellow light. The light moved very slowly through the sky, flying parallel to us.

00:51:19 Speaker_03
All of a sudden, another light appeared nearby the first, and then another, until there were a total of seven of these lights. These lights appeared to be connected to one another and not independent craft.

00:51:31 Speaker_03
I distinctly remember being very upset that the family camcorder battery was dead, and I couldn't get the proof. These lights stayed in the sky for almost an hour, traveling silently parallel to our car.

00:51:42 Speaker_03
They eventually turned towards us and silently flew over our car, and that was the end of our sighting.

00:51:48 Speaker_03
The formation or flying pattern of these lights was quite like the Phoenix lights, and years later when I learned of that incident, I was shook to my core. I believe I saw the same phenomenon.

00:51:58 Speaker_03
At the time, my father and mother were just as confused and scared as us kids were. My father still has no explanation for what we saw, nor does my mother.

00:52:06 Speaker_03
Cut to today, when I asked about the scariest moment of my life, and I remembered this incident. It was just then that I realized I haven't spoken to my parents about what we saw since 1998. So I decided to phone them up.

00:52:19 Speaker_03
My father distinctly remembers the incident, but is skeptical it was probably some military super-secret technology.

00:52:25 Speaker_03
My mother, on the other hand, straight up called it a UFO and that whatever it was, it wasn't any conventional aircraft that we were aware of. Then she dropped the bombshell on me. It was in the news, you know.

00:52:37 Speaker_03
I searched and searched, but no combination of words would get me a proper hit until I get a very, very specific. I found a link to a sighting recorded on 3-24-1998, my grandfather's birthday.

00:52:47 Speaker_03
And while the report doesn't exactly describe what we saw, it's very similar. A couple were on their way home and saw two orange lights that appeared to blink in and out at will, appearing in different parts of the sky as if they instantly teleported.

00:52:58 Speaker_03
It's been on my mind all day and it's the first time I've ever really been convinced that we saw something that night and not the overactive imagination of a child run rampant over two and a half decades.

00:53:07 Speaker_03
You know, I really do think that the corroborating sighting is interesting because we've talked about this many times in group sightings where one half will see something different than what the other half will see and they're all there at the same time watching something.

00:53:20 Speaker_01
Yeah.

00:53:20 Speaker_03
Like most notably when we just covered the aerial school and that phenomenon where you had some kids seeing one thing and some kids seeing teachers seeing something and but they all saw something at the same exact time.

00:53:31 Speaker_03
And so I think it's very interesting.

00:53:33 Speaker_02
But also don't you over time like if you like talk about something after two decades it changes in your mind. Maybe.

00:53:40 Speaker_03
I don't know. Depends on the memory. I think that sometimes it's either you either add to the memory or the memory becomes so locked in because you've thought about it over and over and over again. But we never know. All of history is in memory, Eddie.

00:53:54 Speaker_03
So what's up with the Phoenix Lights? The Phoenix lights were the Phoenix lights. I know, but what did they look like? They look like a triangle, like essentially like a flying V over Phoenix. It's the largest UFO sighting of all time.

00:54:08 Speaker_03
Because I know it's going to be a major part of the new George Knapp documentary. Yes. I'm very excited to get into more detail about this, but then I believe it was the governor

00:54:20 Speaker_03
of Arizona came out and made a bunch of fun of it the next day saying that we've caught the culprit from the incident last night and a guy in a gray costume came out and he arrested him on live television and everyone laughed and shit.

00:54:32 Speaker_03
But then later on, oh yeah, Fife Symington, the governor of Arizona, he then came forward later on and said he actually did this as a way to feel better because he saw the lights himself and could not get any formal explanation as to what they were.

00:54:49 Speaker_03
Wow. And he went to the highest levels that he could get to as governor and he could get no explanation as to what they were. It's a pretty awesome alien costume. It is great. It's a really, really good alien costume.

00:54:59 Speaker_03
They don't make them like they used to. They certainly don't. They don't. But, yeah, I mean, just keep looking towards the sky. Live every day knowing that your eyeballs are your telescopes.

00:55:08 Speaker_03
And love every day knowing that your balls can be your suit cushions. And you can laugh, just thinking about the fact that, then what's the rest of you?

00:55:17 Speaker_02
I don't know. Just a big old tush. Yep. Well. Thank you, President Jill Stein, for all that you've done for us.

00:55:25 Speaker_03
I want to say thank you for naming it National Podcasters Day. It's been so good getting the flowers and the money that I've been getting all day. Thank you for the free crystals from Marianne Williamson.

00:55:38 Speaker_03
I'm going to go celebrate my Green Party membership tonight. Yes, absolutely. Me too, as well. My own membership of my own party, you'll see. Just get out there. I think that today I just want to make sure to remind you, get out there and vote.

00:55:53 Speaker_03
It's never too late.

00:55:55 Speaker_02
If you're still in line, stay in line. They have to let you vote. Stay in line. That's right. And if the machines are broken, ask for paper.

00:56:08 Speaker_02
And I think if you leave your left shoe, you vote for Kamala, and if you leave your right shoe, you vote for Trump.

00:56:12 Speaker_03
And they test it by smell. Also know that if you ball up your ballot and you throw it through a window and it makes it into a trash can, technically, you vote. Yeah, but for LeBron James. Yes. LeBron James. Bring Bronny James. Make him a starter.

00:56:28 Speaker_03
Vice President. Bronny James. Patreon.com, slash slash podcast on the left. Pay us money and watch us perform. You're gonna like it. Go to at, to LP on the left for all of the social medias. Yes, that we're a part of.

00:56:39 Speaker_02
Humboldt! We're coming for you, baby! Yeah, baby. November 23rd, Henry and I are gonna be up there with Billy Wayne Davis at the Matteal Community Center.

00:56:48 Speaker_03
We're going to have fun. We're going to have a lot of fun. I'm very, very excited. We're going to be stoned as hell.

00:56:51 Speaker_02
Yeah, we're going to see some fucking Redwoods. We're going to have a good time. And then December 21st, we're going to be doing Classy Night Out. At the Masonic, baby! Yeah, tickets, if they're not on sale yet, will be on sale very soon.

00:57:05 Speaker_02
It's a small venue, so make sure you rush to get your tickets. It's going to be a lot of fun.

00:57:09 Speaker_03
We've got Jackie Zabrowski is going to be on the show. We're going to have so much fun and a bunch of special guests, too, which I'm really excited about.

00:57:14 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you guys so much. Be good to yourselves.

00:57:18 Speaker_03
Be good to each other. Yes. Remember, again, unfortunately, we are all in this hot air balloon together that is suspended by flames alone. Yeah. So just remember that. Hail Satan. I don't feel like hailing it. Happy hunting.

00:57:34 Speaker_02
Oh, yes. Hail Jill Stein. Hail Jill Stein. Thank you for all you've done for this fucking place. Seriously. Thank you. Thank you for your sacrifice.

00:57:44 Speaker_05
I love you. I want to see the inside of you. Save it.