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Episode: Side Stories: Fishy Business

Author: The Last Podcast Network
Duration: 01:04:42

Episode Shownotes

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true-crime news - but first, the boys lay out their plans for Tootsie's 17th Birthday Bash, Ed reacts to Investigation Alien on Netflix, 43 Monkeys escape from South Carolina research facility, Missing father of 3 allegedly faked his disappearance in

kayak accident before fleeing to Europe, Labradoodle helps solve mystery of owners murder, UK man in hot water over illegal fish pics, New Tour Dates, and MORE! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes and get exclusive access to bonus content.

Summary

In this episode of 'Last Podcast On The Left,' hosts Henry and Eddie explore a variety of strange stories, from humorous birthday celebration ideas for Tootie's 17th birthday to discussions on boxing and the absurdity of celebrity culture. They delve into bizarre incidents including the escape of monkeys from a research facility, a father's attempted disappearance, and a Labradoodle aiding in a murder investigation. The conversation touches on ethical concerns in animal research and whimsical speculation about bestiality claims, highlighting their signature blend of dark humor and insightful commentary on societal values.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Side Stories: Fishy Business) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:01 Speaker_01
There's no place to escape to.

00:00:02 Speaker_03
This is the last hop. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.

00:00:11 Speaker_02
Side stories. Yes. So Tootsie's turning 17.

00:00:22 Speaker_01
Yes. Are you going to come to her birthday party? Only. We're going to throw her a birthday party.

00:00:26 Speaker_02
We're going for it. The only way I'm going to this birthday party, and I floated this to you while we were drunk the other night. Yeah? What was it?

00:00:33 Speaker_03
I forgot.

00:00:34 Speaker_02
I still think it holds. We got to get her a stripper. You're buying it? Yeah. You got to get it for her. Do you think that if you hired a male stripper for a 17-year-old dog, and they arrived- I want them dressed like a dog. Well, you have little ears on.

00:00:51 Speaker_02
I mean, no, I want a dog suit. No, but we gotta see his dick and his balls. Well, yeah, when he takes off the dog suit, we'll see his dick. Because it'll be underneath the dog suit. That'll be instead of clothes, either that or a mailman.

00:01:03 Speaker_02
The only thing about- She fucking hates the mailman.

00:01:06 Speaker_03
She'll freak out. Yeah, maybe she shouldn't see the mailman's dick. No, I don't think that's allowed.

00:01:10 Speaker_02
He's always listening to Rogan real loud when he walks up, too. But is it, like, an issue for a stripper to do a lap dance for a cute little puppy?

00:01:18 Speaker_02
In terms of a very old puppy, yes, she's 17, that's technically underage, but it's more like she's, like, technically 119 years old, according to the dog years math. Alright, what if I get, like, what if I get, like, a hot, like, Pomeranian?

00:01:32 Speaker_02
Like, a male Pomeranian? Who decides it's hot? Me. You. You know, I can tell if one's good looking or not. Yeah, that's definitely a hot one, that's what I would say. Yeah, sure. But I wanted three or under, young, tight for Tootsie.

00:01:46 Speaker_02
I feel like this is, because dogs can't consent. And then we shave it. That's how a dog strips. We talked about this. You shave it and then it's just a pink doggie. I just feel like we need a male in there, I mean in terms of a human.

00:01:59 Speaker_02
I feel like having a human in there... She's seen my dick, I'll tell you that much. Honestly, I try to avoid being nude in front of the dogs. Do you really? Yeah, because it makes me feel weird. It is my mother's dog. Because they're so curious. Yeah.

00:02:12 Speaker_02
You know, whenever I'm nude, I feel like they're looking extra hard. Oh, I don't think... Tootsie's always staring cross-eyed at me. She is looking like... everything does sort of look like a ghost.

00:02:20 Speaker_02
And you think that that would not reflect onto the stripper? I think the stripper is going to get, I mean, we're going to pay it. You're going to pay it. I would love the idea of a stripper showing up dressed as a veterinarian.

00:02:31 Speaker_02
He has no idea what's going on, right? And he shows up. She doesn't hate the vet. She does shake sometimes at the vet. She doesn't know what the vet is. She just knows she's leaving. Thank you, Rob. She doesn't know what the vet is. You know what I mean?

00:02:42 Speaker_02
It's not the vet. It's more of the scenario. This might actually help. He comes in, and yeah, probably he might be a little confused at first. Side stories, lpotl.gmail.com.

00:02:52 Speaker_02
If you're a male stripper in the Los Angeles area, that wouldn't be fine with something like this. Send your rates. Send your rates, please.

00:03:00 Speaker_02
Yeah, they'd show up to the party and there'd be a bit of confusion, but then they'd see us all in a circle because what I would like to do is put Tootsie in a chair in the center of the living room, kind of like what you do.

00:03:09 Speaker_01
Yeah, there is a chair she likes to sit on too.

00:03:12 Speaker_02
And then we have them come in and we play like, this is how you do it. And then he takes off all of his clothes for, I mean technically we'll be watching as well, but then he has to be fine with giving Tutsi a blop dance.

00:03:25 Speaker_02
But it doesn't have to be sexual, you're not touching her little chooch or anything.

00:03:28 Speaker_01
I don't think he's taking his dick out at all. Male strippers, do they take their dick out? I don't think they do. If you pay them money.

00:03:35 Speaker_03
I think they keep it in their pants and then kind of open the top and be like, hey, check it out. Who would be confused? I think it's more like, look what I got.

00:03:48 Speaker_02
I'm just like, oh god, what do I have? Like it's that, oh no, is there something wrong with mine? Can you see, ma'am? Just a dildo sticking out of a vagina. Crazy, right? Crazy, right? You had no idea. Pretty cool, right?

00:04:08 Speaker_02
You're paying me to strip in front of a dog. Hi, welcome to Side Stories. My name is Andrew Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

00:04:15 Speaker_01
Yeah, what else should we get for Tootsie's 17th birthday party?

00:04:18 Speaker_02
I want Jungle Juice. Jungle Juice? Old-fashioned, man. Make it in the hot tub. Wow. I will say, just straight up, right before we get into it, we were a little off with our election prediction. And so, yeah, we're fine, obviously.

00:04:34 Speaker_02
We're just, you know, kind of just reorganizing and still be my Jill Stein. Be my Jillian Stein, please.

00:04:41 Speaker_02
But I will say, due to the changes that we have coming up, I do think that it was really important for us, and I think it's important for you guys to do this too at home, is that I sat Natalie down, right? Yes, she loves this.

00:04:52 Speaker_02
I sat her down and I said, now that the rights for you have reverted to me, I release you. You did that. And I think that's important for every husband to do to each one of you. If you have a wife out there. I have a wife. Release her.

00:05:07 Speaker_02
Do you want, do you really want control over her ute? I mean, the two utes. My cousin Vinny. Yeah, that's right. I haven't released Julie yet. We haven't talked about it. What, she's going to have to negotiate for her release?

00:05:21 Speaker_02
At least I think she should make a case for why she should be free. This is some husbands. Yeah. I just did it ahead of time. I just knocked it out knowing that she's going to kill me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:05:34 Speaker_02
Julie's not going to fucking kill you when the revolution comes. She's very strong. She could kill you probably, especially if you're asleep because you sleep so deep. She'll beat you to death with a fucking hammer. I'm a big guy.

00:05:43 Speaker_02
And, you know, Julie's, you know, she's strong as hell. Super strong. But she doesn't like violence. But when the revolution comes, when that blood wave of period comes to kill and wipe away us all, all men, she would get into it.

00:06:03 Speaker_02
She'd fall in the line. I think she would win the fight if we've ever fought. Because she'd have something to fight for and you're just awesome because you're a guy. And she exercises.

00:06:14 Speaker_03
There is that.

00:06:15 Speaker_02
She can beat you with stamina. She's got endurance. Yeah, she can beat you with stamina. And she's strong. I've seen her, she's got good length. In terms of like, can lift some shit.

00:06:24 Speaker_01
She's got the long reach.

00:06:26 Speaker_02
She's got good reach. She can keep popping sticks. She can pop a stick. Mike, how Jake Paul has to do with the Mike Tyson.

00:06:31 Speaker_01
I was gonna, yeah, you didn't want to talk about it, but I'm curious. What do you think is going to happen with the, you were wrong about the election.

00:06:40 Speaker_02
I'm sorry, I just had almost a seizure.

00:06:43 Speaker_02
Wrong about the election, I just bought into the propaganda because I wanted it because it felt nice, but it was another mirage of horse shit fed to us by a bunch of people who technically should, every single one of them should be fired.

00:07:01 Speaker_02
You're also wrong about who you wanted to win, but what I want to talk about now is I campaign for Jillian Stein every day in my backyard. Do you think Tyson's going to beat Paul? I'm worried it's going to be during our show at Sirius.

00:07:19 Speaker_01
Oh, very much so, yeah. I literally requested it.

00:07:22 Speaker_02
If you're in the Los Angeles area, just know SiriusXM down at the garage. We have a live show. We're doing a live taping of the last update on the left there. That's right. I don't know if we've advertised this.

00:07:31 Speaker_02
I don't know, but I'm sure people will show up. But it's during the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight, so that's going to be... So maybe no one will show up. No one might come.

00:07:38 Speaker_01
Because I think everyone in the world is going to be watching this.

00:07:41 Speaker_02
Everybody's a fucking moron, I guess. I guess people are going to watch it. Who do you think is going to win? I want to hear your opinion.

00:07:46 Speaker_01
Not us. Not us.

00:07:47 Speaker_02
Not the American people.

00:07:49 Speaker_01
No.

00:07:49 Speaker_02
No, we lose. We lose across the board. I love how this is just as big as the election to most people. Absolutely. And again, it's just sadly going to purely sully the pure and perfect world of the boxing industry.

00:08:05 Speaker_02
And I can't believe that anyone could possibly corrupt It's breathing the little bit of life back into it. No one gives a fuck about boxing.

00:08:14 Speaker_02
Honestly, I think that what I've read a little bit, Mike Tyson does look absolutely frightening in his pre-training. He's doing a lot of training. He does have heart issues. He is a six-year-old man. Jake Paul is 27 years old. 29, I believe.

00:08:28 Speaker_02
Whatever, it's fucking all the same, it's whatever. I hope he's older than me because he's closer to death. Jake Paul is like, literally like, he's fully trained at the top of his powers in order to do something like this.

00:08:38 Speaker_02
If they had met at the same age, Mike Tyson would literally turn him to a red mist. But the fact that he is not shows that Jake Paul definitely has a shot. If it lasts longer than a round, Mike Tyson's going to lose.

00:08:50 Speaker_01
Mike Tyson is so funny in every interview. He's just like, I'm just scared of who I am. It's the way he talks about it. I'm an animal and I shouldn't be outside.

00:08:59 Speaker_02
I love Mike Tyson and the fact that he's a horrible monster, right? But there are things that he says when he's just like, I just wish the people knew that the rage inside of me, it just takes over and I can't make these decisions.

00:09:11 Speaker_02
And like people ask him like, so like, what are you going to do when you get in the ring? I do not know. I become a chaos demon. I become death himself. And you're just like, damn, Mike, maybe not. You know, like maybe you don't got to, dude.

00:09:23 Speaker_02
Maybe it's one or the other. You know what's the wildest part?

00:09:25 Speaker_01
Every day I can barely contain my violence. Is Jake Paul. People hate him so much that we all want him to lose a fight to a convicted rapist. Very much so.

00:09:37 Speaker_02
Nothing would make me happier. No one is rooting for him. Nothing would make this convicted rapist, nothing would make me happier than watching this convicted rapist paralyze Jake Paul. That would make me extremely happy.

00:09:49 Speaker_02
It would show that maybe there is something fair in this life. But no, Mike Tyson's going to throw it as soon as they get to any form of real conflict. He's going to fall.

00:09:58 Speaker_01
I don't know if he's capable of throwing a fight.

00:10:01 Speaker_02
I don't know. I don't know. They're already kind of saying, we talked about this as we were driving in today, they legitimately might even pull the fight because of insurance issues. Mike Tyson's been having heart troubles.

00:10:10 Speaker_03
They're worried he's going to die in the ring.

00:10:11 Speaker_02
I think that weirdly Mike Tyson wants it that way. Oh, he should die in the ring. And so, but if he's going to die in the ring, You better do it. Mash in the face of that piece of fucking shit.

00:10:22 Speaker_02
I hopefully he leaves as much of a mark on this piece of fucking shit as much to get. But I will say you did Eddie, you did sort of, I've been watching the doc.

00:10:32 Speaker_02
You push me, you push back a little bit about the idea that like, technically it's probably good.

00:10:37 Speaker_02
Jake Paul got into boxing and working out because it got him sober, which is probably a good message for young men, but he's not, he's not a complete moron. No, you don't, you don't have to like him.

00:10:48 Speaker_01
No, but in order to get where he is, you have to have some kind of brain whatsoever.

00:10:52 Speaker_02
I will say watching him train though, he just seems slow. He is extremely slow. And so I just think Tyson's a lot faster than he is. If he was a real boxer, he would have been a boxer. You know what I mean? He has won some legitimate fights though.

00:11:05 Speaker_02
Yeah, because now he can because he's literally just dumping millions of dollars into training every inch of his body. But if he was a boxer, you would have been one instead of whatever he was. You gotta start training to be a boxer at like 13.

00:11:15 Speaker_02
You should be getting punched in the face at 9.

00:11:17 Speaker_03
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:18 Speaker_02
If you really want to be a boxer, that's what you do.

00:11:21 Speaker_01
Man, I love whenever people talk about Tyson's history. It's always like, I was on the streets of Brownsville and someone took one of my pigeons and ripped their head off and that was the first time I ever beat a man next to death.

00:11:33 Speaker_01
I knew what violence was and what I had to do.

00:11:36 Speaker_02
Why do they make me be this way? Why does everyone drive me to be a killer? And it's like, dude, you're like this. Let me backtrack a little bit because I know a lot of people that do train for boxing later on in life, and it is great.

00:11:49 Speaker_02
I'm getting back on a weight lifting.

00:11:50 Speaker_01
No, it's good to be healthy and shit.

00:11:51 Speaker_02
It's good to be healthy. It's just knowing that, you know, what are we doing it for? Jake Paul is doing it just because. He could have chosen to go into any profession with the amount of money that he had. He could have done literally anything.

00:12:05 Speaker_02
And he chose this, which I do think is a poor decision. People hate him. Yes, but I do think it's a poor decision.

00:12:12 Speaker_03
So you have to enter a place, an environment like boxing.

00:12:14 Speaker_02
He could have done a lot of stuff. He could have done what my big dream is to be the number one caterer of North Korea. If I could get into Korea with some- Have you ever cooked children? What? No, no, no. What I would bring to them? Collard greens.

00:12:26 Speaker_02
I'd bring them ham hock. I'd bring them some mashed taters and some Pepsi pie. I'd go down there with my big ol'- Pepsi pie? Because, yes, Pepsi pie.

00:12:35 Speaker_02
I mean, I'd be in full blackface, but that's why I'd be in North Korea, is to show them, because I feel like that way they'd let me do it.

00:12:43 Speaker_02
You know, like, if I showed up to be the number one caterer of North Korea, but I did it all in the character of old Mr. Johnson, Yeah. Right? Maybe they'll let me do it. Maybe. Maybe.

00:12:55 Speaker_01
I don't know. They'll like you.

00:12:56 Speaker_02
That's for damn sure.

00:12:57 Speaker_01
I don't know if they will, but they'll take me. You're charismatic. The other thing I'm watching on Netflix, other than the Mike Tyson fight, is Investigation Alien.

00:13:06 Speaker_02
See, this is how we get these fucks. Yeah. Right? And he chose, out of his own energy, to put on an alien documentary. If that does not show the power that this show has. I don't know what does. I mean it's your job.

00:13:26 Speaker_03
It's my job and I need to understand what the fuck you're talking about a lot of the times and there's some interesting shit in there.

00:13:32 Speaker_02
The cattle mutilation. This is really happening.

00:13:36 Speaker_01
They're sucking them up into a ship and cutting off their tits and their fucking dicks and shit and then their noses and their ears and they're emptying them with blood and they're putting them back no footsteps.

00:13:47 Speaker_02
I think that it's what they're doing. It's cattle mutilations. We don't quite know what's happening. That's more than mutilation. That's like sucking out blood.

00:13:53 Speaker_01
You know what they're doing is they're taking it and they're making meat back where they are because burgers are great. I mean. And it's like cheeseburgers for aliens. It's how we're going to fucking make peace.

00:14:02 Speaker_01
Cheeseburgers for peace is something I've been saying for fucking

00:14:05 Speaker_01
years he has been yeah you know like and it's like in these fucking these guys they got cows so they got cheese and they got burgers oh they got it all yeah and they're out there in the fucking galactic introverses fucking sharing burgers together see my thing is beautiful i

00:14:21 Speaker_02
I'm not quite certain about how physical in nature a lot of the UFO phenomena is. I think it's pretty much straight down the middle, half psychic, half physical.

00:14:32 Speaker_02
What's ever happening with the cattle mutilations, the reason why they're interesting is the way, like, you know, we've covered this on the show before, but normally just So you guys, you know, there was a rash of these again.

00:14:42 Speaker_02
There was like probably 15, 20 of them last year during the summertime up in the Pacific Northwest. All of this was happening in Oregon and Washington where the cattle get sucked up. They get what they call surgical or laser.

00:14:57 Speaker_02
A lot of them call it laser. They say scalpel, but they also say it's burns and it's very... It's like a laser scalpel. Yeah. And it's specific parts of the cow. It's like the ears, the nose, the mouth, the lips.

00:15:08 Speaker_01
Anything hanging off.

00:15:09 Speaker_02
Anything hanging off, and honestly, specifically, the dick and balls. And the udders. They get sucked off. Are they taking the vaginas? I don't know. We gotta call George. George Knapp. We need to get his number on.

00:15:25 Speaker_02
I want to be able to call him live while we're recording. I want to get his cell phone number so that we can just randomly call him every once in a while while we're talking to get into it. But a lot of people were... Obviously there's pushback.

00:15:38 Speaker_02
Main pushback is saying that it's predators eating them very specifically. But there'll be blood and there'll be teeth marks. It is true. A lot of these Cattle appear desanguinated which means that they have the blood taken out of them.

00:15:50 Speaker_02
I love how you knew I didn't know what that word meant They were left in a field and oftentimes they are then unperturbed by other predators, which is the most serious savages ain't touching them. It is very mysterious.

00:16:06 Speaker_02
They literally are left there, the corpses of these cattle are left there to melt. Until they become bones. Yes, and they don't get eaten. And the bones don't get eaten. It's very, that is what makes it specifically interesting.

00:16:18 Speaker_02
There's a lot of people, if you listen to, if you watch Investigation Aliens, there's a lot of farmers that think it's other humans doing this, but I don't really know what they get

00:16:26 Speaker_01
It would be impossible because there's no fucking trail. There's no footsteps and there's no blood.

00:16:34 Speaker_02
Blood would be everywhere. Blood would be everywhere.

00:16:38 Speaker_02
And the one part, one thing that he talked about was interesting when he was talking with the farmers, George Knapp was on the first episode talking about the idea that there was these weird crop circle-y style things popping up.

00:16:52 Speaker_02
as the mutilations would happen. And then they said that afterwards, nothing would really grow in the areas where the little crop circles happen. And they didn't look like the fake ones.

00:17:03 Speaker_01
Well, no, it grew back better, they said.

00:17:05 Speaker_02
Yeah, some of them did. Yeah, it was like this weird thing. It had a weird phenomenon inside of these circles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I think that there is a lot of mysterious stuff. I think that when they do, imagine there's a world

00:17:18 Speaker_02
where one strain of the UFO phenomenon is a physical alien that is here that does not operate on the same rules as our galaxies and our on our literally our galaxy and definitely our society And that what they do is what they view as research.

00:17:38 Speaker_02
Like, what if they're looking at us through a prism of their world? So there's things that they don't understand about what we do, why we do them, and what our things are.

00:17:50 Speaker_02
And that instead of a direct, oh we're experimenting on these cattle, that's why we're doing it. That's their version of, that's what appears to us after they're done with whatever the hell it is that they're doing.

00:18:03 Speaker_02
This is all saying that this is true. Why is it only cows and not horses and stuff? Don't know. They're not taking dogs, they're not taking pigs? No, it's very interesting. We don't know that. They're not finding people like this either. They do.

00:18:15 Speaker_02
Not with no fucking dicks and no blood in their bodies. I mean, not in this economy.

00:18:21 Speaker_02
But later on, you can find out it's more they get scooped, people get scoop marks taken out, they get implants put in, people have had their babies sucked out of them, they said, or they showed up miraculously pregnant and they got babies kind of removed from them.

00:18:34 Speaker_02
That's a good thing that happens. They get their titties sucked, they get their buttholes reamed.

00:18:38 Speaker_02
Quite often, a lot of times they'll have a filament shoved up their penis through your urethra to make them cum and they get super hard to the point where it hurts and they cum against their will. Do you find that to be assault? Yes.

00:18:52 Speaker_02
Well, isn't it science if an alien's doing it? Well, ask the 43 macaques that fucking escaped from the research facility that we just talked about. These fucking monkeys.

00:19:04 Speaker_01
I'm just saying, it's the same thing. Before we get into the monkeys, I have more questions from Alien Investigation. Sure.

00:19:12 Speaker_02
There was a battle in Brazil? Well, the Colarus UFO flap that happened in the early 1970s.

00:19:18 Speaker_01
It flew out of the ocean and started shooting people with laser beams?

00:19:21 Speaker_02
They do have USOs. This is a very specific style of UFO that we don't really see in any other country besides Brazil, which is the aggressive UFO. Well, they're saying they're in the fucking Gulf of Mexico and off the coast of California as well.

00:19:34 Speaker_02
Oh yeah, that's where we see them pop up, but they don't zap us. They only zap the South Americans. We cover this in the dangerous UFOs of Brazil episode that we did in 2020, but they talked a lot of this,

00:19:45 Speaker_02
It's an aggressive form of UFO phenomenon that attacks people. And we don't know why it is specifically only to Brazil. But there has been lots and lots of stories.

00:19:55 Speaker_02
It does remind one of these stories of the fairy folk and the people that take and would steal people. Because there was the famous story of someone that got pulled up by one of these and dropped. And then another one got zapped by one of them.

00:20:10 Speaker_02
And then another one got gassed by one of them.

00:20:12 Speaker_01
Yeah. And so if, if this is happening and they're in the water, are we going to look for them or we just, there's no funding for that. Are there submarines looking for the underground alien?

00:20:24 Speaker_02
I don't think you understand, Eddie, what's going on in our country right now and how we can't focus on this story. Do you know that they're turning little boys into girls in kindergarten? In kindergarten? On purpose. Well, yes.

00:20:37 Speaker_02
Bull boys go into kindergarten, they do surgery on their little penises, and they turn them into innies. They turn them into pussies so that they go vote for Kamala.

00:20:50 Speaker_02
And that's what we have to work on right now, versus your petty little, oh, there's UFOs in the ocean.

00:20:55 Speaker_01
I'm just curious. What do we want to know?

00:20:59 Speaker_02
Do we know? Do you think we actually know? I actually think that what we're seeing is the main issue is that the USO, the Unidentified Submerged Object. Yeah, not the USO that I know and love. No, no, no, not the real one. It's that the USOs are

00:21:17 Speaker_02
where we think this shit comes from there is a if there is a physical version of the ufo phenomena that is based on the planet earth let's say that's another stripe of it i believe with the phenomena

00:21:32 Speaker_02
right let's just say you could say all it could be any of it and so one of the theories is that there is a base on earth that shoots these things out and one of them says like in the middle of the pacific ocean essentially and that they pop up which is what we see there was a recent uh piece of footage i want to say it was on one of the investigating aliens episodes i haven't gotten to yet where you see this amorphous blob that looks sort of like a physical flare

00:21:58 Speaker_02
leave the water, it pops up out of the water, hovers and goes back in and plays around with it like it's a fucking dolphin. Very interesting. Yeah. And there's a lot of people talk about these coming up from the top. Yeah.

00:22:10 Speaker_02
80% of the oceans remain unexplored. Of course. We don't know what's out there. Yeah. It's most of the world. But that is the kind of the... Can we stop looking at the Titanic for two seconds?

00:22:22 Speaker_02
and you gotta make sure it's there Eddie yeah yeah it's not going anywhere make sure that it is continuing to be there they're fucking the aliens are next to hawaii you don't everyone do themselves a favor and go find the fucking aliens hang out in hawaii while you're doing it dude we got to james cameron is right now at the titanic what is his problem i think he's taking zooms from there avatars are aliens avatars are stupid they are stupid they are fucking

00:22:50 Speaker_02
Stupid! I really hate those movies. Avatar 5! It's gonna- I just- I can't believe- Remember how bad Avatar 2 was? I can't believe they're getting so many movies. He stole from himself! Like, every movie that he's ever done was in Avatar 2. I hate it.

00:23:06 Speaker_02
Avatar 2. I hated it so much. Would you think it's avatarded? Can we say that yet? Hey, yeah, yeah. Avatarded's okay. I think that, you know what, in 2024, yeah. Yeah, we're back, right? We're back in that way.

00:23:17 Speaker_01
We're back in avatarding.

00:23:18 Speaker_02
You can say that, yeah, you can say that. Thank you. Yeah, because what else would it be? Yeah, and you know what, if you write in and say, I can't say that, it doesn't matter because Henry's my boss. Yep. And guess who's my boss? Nobody.

00:23:32 Speaker_02
Guess who's nobody there. I can't blame anybody. It's just me.

00:23:34 Speaker_01
Well if you want to hear great stuff like this, come to the show November 23rd. We got a big show up in Humboldt at the Matteo Community Center. We're still selling tickets. We got Billy Wayne Davis is hosting. He's going to do a big fat set.

00:23:49 Speaker_01
And then we're going to come do a full side stories and then hang out with Billy afterwards. And then we're gonna hit up that town, we're gonna fucking paint it green, paint it brown. I'm gonna be a new man. I'm gonna be so happy when I'm up there.

00:24:02 Speaker_01
I've always wanted to see the big trees.

00:24:04 Speaker_02
I've never seen the big trees.

00:24:05 Speaker_01
I want to see the big trees so bad.

00:24:07 Speaker_02
And then on December 21st, Classy Night Out Christmas, baby. We're gonna come out, we're gonna have a really, really good time. It's at the Masonic Lodge here in Los Angeles. Tickets are on sale today!

00:24:18 Speaker_02
Yes, and we're having a lot of different variety acts in there. It's not just comedy.

00:24:23 Speaker_01
Yeah, we're gonna have a lot of people from the network and then we're gonna have some interesting acts as well. It's gonna be a great show! Make sure you check it out. And of course, we got our whole new tour for last podcast and I left.

00:24:32 Speaker_01
We got a bunch of shit.

00:24:34 Speaker_02
Come and see the New York show. Yeah, that's gonna be great. Please come down. It's gonna be fun.

00:24:38 Speaker_01
Honestly, we already sold a lot of tickets. You know, I've never been to Atlanta. I've only been to Atlanta once for a Tom Petty concert and I showed up, almost got arrested, and then went right back to Tallahassee.

00:24:49 Speaker_02
You're gonna have a great time.

00:24:50 Speaker_03
And so I've never been to Atlanta. I'm very excited to hang out in this town. We're gonna eat good. Yeah? We're gonna eat good. Are we gonna go to the Varsity?

00:24:55 Speaker_02
Because that's what people tell me. No. No? No. Do they have better hot dogs somewhere? We're not getting hot dogs. We're not getting hot dogs? No. Absolutely not.

00:25:03 Speaker_03
In Atlanta?

00:25:04 Speaker_02
No.

00:25:04 Speaker_03
What are we getting, peanuts?

00:25:06 Speaker_02
No.

00:25:06 Speaker_03
What do you mean?

00:25:07 Speaker_02
We're going to get real food. Like what? Good stuff. I got a whole list.

00:25:11 Speaker_01
You're being mysterious.

00:25:12 Speaker_02
I am. I'm going to take you out. I'm going to show you around. It's a lot of stuff to get. I might take you to Holman & Finch just to get some parts. Ooh, what's that? Holman & Finch is one of my favorite restaurants in the country. What are the parts?

00:25:25 Speaker_02
All sorts of innards. Oh, really? Yeah. You know I like my middle meats. Yeah, we'll get some innards. Oh, yeah. Now that we can't trust Boar's Head anymore. No, Boar's Head's out. Yeah, as far as liverwurst goes, anyway. But you know what's on the menu?

00:25:36 Speaker_02
Monkey?

00:25:38 Speaker_03
My cock, my cock is on the menu.

00:25:40 Speaker_02
Yeah, that's right.

00:25:40 Speaker_03
That's what that stripper's gonna say at Tootsie's birthday party. My cock is on the menu.

00:25:45 Speaker_02
She's biting my cock. That'd be huge. That'd be amazing. As long as her horn doesn't touch it. Because there was a thing called an erection. An erection. Yeah. Yes. Thank you, Eddie. I got an erection. He did.

00:26:02 Speaker_01
Just this week only.

00:26:04 Speaker_02
And we had to make sure his wife showed up. We had to call her in. She was in Ohio. Yeah.

00:26:08 Speaker_01
You know what's good is because he won, there won't be any insurrectal dysfunction. Insurrectal dysfunction. Does that pun work? As like going after the Capitol building? Insurrectal dysfunction.

00:26:22 Speaker_02
Eddie, I'm so tired. I couldn't care less.

00:26:23 Speaker_01
You couldn't care less? That is a fucking good pun. If you think that's a good pun, I want you to write in at, uh, Brighter Side. The Brighter Side. LPN at gmail.com.

00:26:41 Speaker_02
So this is a story about freedom. Amen, baby. And the thing is, is that, yeah, people are upset now, but you're going to be upset a lot more later on. Monkey see, monkey go, baby. They out there, dawg. This is in South Carolina. Fuck that state. Yeah.

00:26:55 Speaker_02
They warn residents to lock their doors and windows after more than 40 monkeys escape from a research facility. Now, these guys are out there. They're just gone. Um, there's some TikTok videos of these monkeys out there.

00:27:07 Speaker_02
They left, they are specifically were brought in. This is also one of these weird things that kind of makes me sick is because obviously they got to try to find these guys because they're going to be biting people, but they're goofies. They're young.

00:27:17 Speaker_02
They're cute. They're cute. Young ones. They're like six, seven pounds and they're extremely social and they're supposed to be very friendly. And the whole point of them, I guess they said the reason why they even brought them into be tested upon,

00:27:30 Speaker_02
is it was for non-human primate products and bio-research services. The Alpha Genesis Incorporated, I'm on their website right now, they're primate research specialists. Yeah, look at that. Oh wow, look at that. And they said the U.S.

00:27:48 Speaker_02
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed in a statement that the monkeys were previously living on Morgan Island as free-range monkeys, so just living their life, having a nice time, and they were brought to the Alpha Genesis facility, which just sounds really friendly and fun.

00:28:03 Speaker_02
Alpha Genesis Incorporated provides the highest quality non-human primate products and bio-research services worldwide. What does that even mean? Is that like giving them like hats and shoes and clothes? I have no idea.

00:28:14 Speaker_01
With a client base that extends across North America, Europe and Asia, we are dedicated to providing only the best and most cost-effective primate research and development support to the scientific community.

00:28:26 Speaker_02
You know what I don't like in there? The word cost-effective. Seems like that I feel like if I was a monkey, I wouldn't want to hear that.

00:28:33 Speaker_02
Yeah, maybe we should go over certain cotton costs They said they were supposed to be there to be conditioned to be around people. Oh, so they've got exactly what they wanted There's now 13 still at large

00:28:45 Speaker_02
And these monkeys, they're cute as hell, and Rob did bring up a thing right before us that I will find it interesting to see if there are any cryptid reports from here on out, from the forests of South Carolina.

00:28:57 Speaker_02
Because these macaques are out there, causing a lot of, you know, causing a kerfluffle, and people are gonna go look, and they're gonna see a little monkey out there, and you've got a couple of shots of ripple, and you're gonna turn into a Bigfoot.

00:29:08 Speaker_01
Yeah, I don't know if they're gonna make it through the winter, though. You know, it gets cold in South Carolina.

00:29:13 Speaker_02
No, they'll die by suicide.

00:29:14 Speaker_01
There's a bunch of monkeys that got loose in Davie, Florida. And you see people in Florida have seen them a couple of times. A couple of my friends where they saw them.

00:29:23 Speaker_01
I've never seen them, but the rumor is how they got loose was, well, there were two incidents. Hurricane Andrew fucking destroyed monkey jungle. And then also, um, when they were filming, this is a rumor.

00:29:33 Speaker_01
I don't know how true this is, but I love spreading it. Um, is, uh, when they were filming Tarzan in the fifties,

00:29:40 Speaker_03
At the end of the movie, they just let all the monkeys go. Tracks.

00:29:44 Speaker_02
I believe that. I more than believe that. If you were a real ally right now, what I'd do is if you see one of these macaques by the highway, Drive him down to Florida. Just drive him down to Florida, man. Just drop him out, man.

00:30:00 Speaker_02
Just let him go, because guess who deserves it? Florida. Go drop off all of these monkeys. Anything lives down there. Everything lives down there. That's why all your grandparents are there, because they're trying to live there for some reason.

00:30:14 Speaker_02
Yeah, so just know that we're all going down there. Just send all the macaques down there. Let them go. There's no reason for them to not be able to enjoy. You gotta feed the python something. They gotta enjoy Miami. That's right.

00:30:24 Speaker_02
All right, let him go out there. They're cute as hell. If you get one, yeah, a couple of them. And I'm going to just say this.

00:30:30 Speaker_02
A little bit of an update in the story of Peanut the Squirrel is that I did get an insider information from somebody that doesn't want to be revealed that said that essentially they didn't have a bunch of permits that they needed to have, which has kind of led to the

00:30:42 Speaker_02
It wasn't the Only Fans Karen thing necessarily, that's just a side quest for him. They definitely needed more permits for that. But, you know, like, as much as it's against every single regulation,

00:30:56 Speaker_02
scoop up that macaque, take it home, because it's 2024 and the rules don't matter. Yeah, man, free this motherfucker.

00:31:03 Speaker_02
You don't want to go back to goddamn... I mean, they're going to bite the living fuck out of you and they're going to eat one of your kids' face or bite one of their ears off, but what do you care? Yeah. You know, because you like the chaos.

00:31:13 Speaker_02
Just get the cappuccino and put it in your house. I can't believe that they have a place called Alpha Genesis Incorporated in South Carolina.

00:31:19 Speaker_01
My vet father-in-law, veterinarian, said that there has never been a squirrel with rabies.

00:31:28 Speaker_02
This is what I was reading about too. They said that apparently it is not, I guess, impossible for a squirrel to get rabies maybe, but there's very little of it. Yeah, he said he's never even heard of it all his years. I wonder why.

00:31:45 Speaker_02
Because they're quick. I mean, a lot of things are quick.

00:31:49 Speaker_01
Also, if you're curious about jobs at Alpha Genesis Incorporated, I'm looking at their job opportunities. They're currently hiring a new animal care manager. I wonder why.

00:32:00 Speaker_02
I wonder why. I wonder why. Wow. You see here, right here, apparently they can get rabies, but it's very rare. Very, very rare. You got to be careful with that. So, I mean, I don't think these monkeys, they're, I can't. Just let them be free.

00:32:21 Speaker_02
They are going to be now. You got to go get them. I don't know what they do to these poor guys. But then I did read about too, is that to get, that is also what's really sad about rabies testing is they do have to kill the animal to do it. Yes.

00:32:33 Speaker_02
Because it's only brain tissue. Yeah.

00:32:35 Speaker_03
No, they have to find, yeah, but why, how come they don't have to kill us to find out if we have rabies?

00:32:40 Speaker_02
Because we're going. Well, apparently once you're already doing that, you're dead. Yes. I mean, no one has survived rabies. Yeah, you can't. Once you show signs of rabies, you're dead. Yes.

00:32:50 Speaker_03
Yeah, which is a fucking cool disease. It's kind of metal. Did you see how they used to give you rabies shots?

00:32:55 Speaker_02
Yeah. Super long. Right in your stomach. Yeah, very bad. Like a long needle right in your fucking stomach. That's how you did it. My mom had to get one. They were horrible. Really? Yes. Why did she get one? She got bit by a dog as a kid. Oh, okay.

00:33:07 Speaker_02
I was going to say she got bit by her father. He was just a boomer Can't be upset with him now. This is another the talk about being upset with the father This is a story in this day and age.

00:33:23 Speaker_02
I find extremely inspiring and This guy gets it Ryan Borg ward Then what's that? Missing father of three faked his disappearance in a kayak accident and he fled to Europe. Oh yeah. This guy is awesome. I had no idea Uzbekistan was in Europe.

00:33:44 Speaker_02
You know what? I didn't either. We learn stuff every day. We learn stuff every day on this show. So this was on August 12th or on 532 local time. Deputies initially responded to a missing person's call and they went looking for this guy, Ryan Borgwart.

00:34:01 Speaker_02
Yeah. And they went to go with his vehicle and trailer were found later parked in the area of Dodge Memorial Park. And his last known location was the Green Lake. Certainly dodging his family. Yeah.

00:34:14 Speaker_02
Miss me with that and I mean having responsibilities Around an hour after the alarm was first raised authorities found a capsized kayak in the western part of the lake in an area where the water is around 220 feet deep it was that easy they found his the fishermen found his fishing rod His tackle box was found he found his wallet his keys and then they were like well He must be dead right

00:34:38 Speaker_02
During the news conference they realized that on August 24th a team of experienced divers and search dogs were brought in to help look for barn wart He has three kids And they could not find any thing but on August 7th Sheriff Brito said Podol said he met with his team and they decided the search had to go in a different direction they were trying to go find the different areas and now they're pretty fucking certain that

00:35:01 Speaker_02
that he is gone because that was the thing. They delved further, Borgwart had reported his passport missing and obtained a replacement on May 22nd before all of this happened.

00:35:13 Speaker_01
Okay, so May 22nd to August, it's not closed? Oh yes, oh yes. I feel like some of this stuff, he could be at the bottom of this lake.

00:35:25 Speaker_01
But he was communicating with a woman in Uzbekistan ahead of his vanishing and he taken out a $375,000 life insurance policy in January.

00:35:34 Speaker_02
That's what the thing is that it got paid out and then he left town. We left out or somehow we got this money.

00:35:40 Speaker_01
Or I think it was for his family.

00:35:42 Speaker_02
Yes. Yeah, so they have something when he leaves. I guess he just went to decide to go be with this Uzbekistan woman, which has just got to be, she's just got a fucking tight-ass crush. And she knows how to suck that cliché. Isn't it the opposite?

00:35:57 Speaker_02
Don't they always want to come here? Isn't it the whole thing? You know what happens a lot of times is that what he'll do is he'll lie to the woman saying, I'm going to bring you to America once I get over there to kind of help you and do stuff.

00:36:09 Speaker_02
And then he gets over there and he goes, well, I don't know if I'm hiding from my family. Yeah. And then he has a bunch of American money and it's fine. Oh, interesting. I've heard that Uzbekistan is surprisingly welcoming.

00:36:22 Speaker_01
Really? Yeah. Like if you go over there, you'll be walking around and people are like, come over for dinner. It's kind of like that. Really? Yeah, families welcome you into their houses and stuff. Sounds lovely. That's what I've heard.

00:36:34 Speaker_01
I don't know if it's true or not.

00:36:36 Speaker_02
I've never been. To be honest, I'm looking at even on this map that you're showing and I don't know where that is. Yeah. Is that the bottom of Europe? People magazine. Or is that in the Middle East? Is that Europe or the Middle East?

00:36:49 Speaker_02
Oh my god, we're fucking stupid. It's Asia. No, it's Europe. We are fucking so fucking stupid. Yeah. The two of us are the dumbest fucks. I'm sorry, I haven't learned about Uzbekistan yet. None of us know. It's you and me. It's not just you, buddy.

00:37:05 Speaker_02
I don't know a fucking thing about maps.

00:37:07 Speaker_01
Yeah.

00:37:07 Speaker_02
I don't know where stuff is. Then I don't care.

00:37:10 Speaker_03
There you go. That's what I've been waiting for.

00:37:13 Speaker_02
That's what I wanted. You know why? If I need to know, I'll look it up.

00:37:17 Speaker_01
I'm going to go to the bathroom and take a toozbekistan. That's it? Hell yeah. That's a shit. The sheriff is pleading. He says, Ryan, if you're viewing this, I plead with you, contact us or contact your family.

00:37:31 Speaker_02
Meanwhile, he's sitting there enjoying his camel milk, being like, I'm not going back to fucking America. I got it all here. I got nothing but aluminum foil binds and delicious snarsk.

00:37:43 Speaker_02
And then I get city air with my beautiful one-eyed wife that got saved from whatever local skirmish is going on. I think that they're beautiful over there. I hope. Good. I know they are. Yeah. So this guy, you know, someone who gets it at least.

00:38:03 Speaker_02
I want to do this guy's plan. He also lazily faked his own death.

00:38:09 Speaker_04
Yeah.

00:38:09 Speaker_02
If he didn't, now you could end up dead. He was on a kayak. He was exercising. Yeah, but he just like flipped it over and he says, oopsie. He got out of there. I mean, it seems like he did a lot of work. No, he didn't.

00:38:20 Speaker_02
If he did do a lot of work, what he would have done is taken what we've done. We talked about this with the Kruger's Dwarf Cult. They did a lot of work. He would take a man of another race. He would strip as much skin off of his face that he could.

00:38:32 Speaker_02
He would set him on fire inside of the kayak and then push it over the fucking side. That's what you do. There's no corpse. What we need here is a corpse. What if this is an elaborate advertisement for kayak.com's travel agency?

00:38:49 Speaker_02
Take a trip all the way from your family. That would be big. Honestly, that'd be huge for kayaks. What a good way to just, like, a kayak is a key to not be a father anymore. Yeah. Sign me up.

00:39:04 Speaker_02
So my favorite story this week is a labradoodle has helped solve its owner's murder. That's what it said. Its owner's murder. I thought it said labradoodle helped solve its own murder. And I was just like, what in the living fuck is this article about?

00:39:24 Speaker_02
Like, what does that even mean?

00:39:26 Speaker_01
Texas woman Mandy Rose Reynolds was murdered by a very bad man, prosecutors say, but her very good dog helped her catch the killer. How'd he do it?

00:39:35 Speaker_01
The dog, a Labradoodle named Titan, was found at the site in Robeson, Texas, where Reynolds' body was found burned beyond recognition in April of last year.

00:39:46 Speaker_01
The dog barked frantically at officers and refused to leave the area of the body, but also refused to allow police to capture it.

00:39:54 Speaker_01
A citizen found the dog at the same spot the next day, called Animal Control, who determined that Titan was microchipped and belonged to Reynolds.

00:40:04 Speaker_01
Police went to Reynolds' home and discovered that all of the 26-year-old's possessions had been removed. They tracked her Honda Accord to Wichita, Kansas, where her cousin, 29-year-old Derek Diagonalt, who knows, was arrested after a high-speed chase.

00:40:20 Speaker_01
Investigators determined that he shot Reynolds before burning her body in a plastic container. He was sentenced to life in prison last week.

00:40:29 Speaker_01
And the keys to this case were the heroic dog named Titan and extraordinarily cooperation between law enforcement agencies and multiple jurisdictions and states. The jury deliberated for around 40 minutes before sentencing him to life

00:40:46 Speaker_01
After the trial, Calvert said that Dagonaut did to Reynolds, shooting her in the head and driving her body to McLennan County and setting her on fire like a piece of trash was enough to justify the life sentence.

00:40:57 Speaker_02
Dude, it's Scooby-Doo! I know! And Labradoodles are supposed to be stupid! And Labradoodles are actually bad for dogs, too. They're bad because of the genetic manipulation that they've had over all the years.

00:41:09 Speaker_03
The man who invented Labradoodles says he regrets it. Yeah, sure, whatever. But at the same time, they're cute, they got a lot of energy, and they're hyper allergenic.

00:41:21 Speaker_02
Well this is the thing, people want a big dog, but they don't want a fucking poodle. What do you do? I don't know. Labradoodle. Labradoodle. So the dog refused to be captured and then just took them back to the victim's home?

00:41:34 Speaker_02
It just kept going to where the body was burned because apparently I guess it saw it.

00:41:39 Speaker_03
traumatized yeah and so it kept going to the place where they found the body and then they found out when they chipped the dog that it was hers and then when they went to her apartment she was missing and then they put two and two together that's what it is they couldn't identify the body yes so the dog identified the body the dog well the dog didn't solve the crime but no the dog was a witness and then he told everybody yeah the dog titan was a good boy guy that was a good boy and so he's been sent to be destroyed or

00:42:08 Speaker_02
Um, actually I think he's gonna be stripping for Tootsie this week.

00:42:12 Speaker_01
Whoa, yes! We gotta get him! We're gonna shave him and jerk him off in front of my little girl Tootsie. Come on, let Tootsie have a thrill!

00:42:20 Speaker_02
You think Tootsie gets horny anymore?

00:42:24 Speaker_01
I don't think so but sometimes she's like gets Randy with Rambo a little bit and then like jumps on him and like kind of attacks him a little bit. That's disgusting. And then he just sits there and he's like, what is this?

00:42:33 Speaker_02
That's her brother.

00:42:33 Speaker_01
I mean her nephew probably if you really want to get into it.

00:42:36 Speaker_02
Yeah sure. My sister. I still find it disgusting. Yeah. In that way.

00:42:41 Speaker_03
There's another man who doesn't find stuff like that disgusting.

00:42:44 Speaker_00
No.

00:42:48 Speaker_02
I've been talking about this for years. It is now. It is getting Jackie technically started on page seven, but it continues to go. And now it is. It's out there, man. Tom Cruise has sex with whole uncut fish. And I would not be surprised.

00:43:05 Speaker_02
I know everybody's been joking about this for a long time.

00:43:07 Speaker_01
I mean, they're gutted.

00:43:07 Speaker_02
Well, he fucks their bellies. Yeah, but they're gutted, though. He buys them at a store. Yeah. Make holes in them to be fucked. And so he does this, and a part of the—like, it's everywhere now. It's now out on the internet. It's funny now because

00:43:24 Speaker_02
I've been saying it for fun and games, and it's fun to do this towards a mega celebrity who can't really even fight all the various whack-a-mole things that are said about them at all times.

00:43:33 Speaker_02
But with the P. Diddy stuff, I actually kind of even wonder if this is kind of some of the stuff he has. Because they talk about what he has on all of these various hard drives. He has all this dirt on everybody. So we'll see if this is one of them.

00:43:48 Speaker_02
But at first, you're like, oh, you know, what a silly thing. But then you look at it, and you're like, no, people are selling pictures, and this is a guy, one of them, this guy named Hamid Fares, 44, and this is in London town, Birmingham.

00:44:01 Speaker_01
Well, before we go into this story, which is perfect for side stories, I want to go back to the Tom Cruise thing for two seconds. Yes. Morally,

00:44:12 Speaker_02
The fish is dead. This is about morality. He buys the dead fish. This is not about crimes and victims. This is about behaviors. It's not illegal. But, it's still like... Frowned upon, for sure. I do think, maybe I'm wrong. Wouldn't he stink?

00:44:30 Speaker_02
No, he washes right after. And it's just his dick and balls. Well, doesn't he do it at the grocery store and they find the fish all mangled in the bathroom? Sometimes he also sometimes does it in his limo.

00:44:39 Speaker_02
And so his limo might smell like it, but I think that he washes, and I think you'd actually be surprised, really good quality whole uncut fish doesn't have that bad of a smell.

00:44:48 Speaker_02
And then I, you know, for the most part, I'm sure he gets the best stuff. He's getting good stuff, whatever he's getting. And it's something I think that just calms him. I don't even know if it's sexual.

00:44:59 Speaker_02
I think that he does it to prove how gay he's not in his own mind, that he's so not gay, he could have sex with a fish. Oh, okay. But that's not how that works either. If you were to fuck a fish, what fish? Can't say a mammal.

00:45:15 Speaker_01
Can't say a mammal. Salmon.

00:45:18 Speaker_02
Salmon. Just straight up. The Pam Anderson of fish. It is. I mean it's actually an ugly fish in the face. None of them are attractive. Some fish are more attractive than other fish. I hate this. A salmon's face is repulsive. You really think.

00:45:34 Speaker_02
And when they swim upstream they lose their skin. I mean this. You really think. that there are some, I mean past your character on the show.

00:45:43 Speaker_03
I think a large mouth bass is way more attractive than a salmon.

00:45:48 Speaker_02
Absolutely. Beautiful fish. Sidestories L P O T L at gmail.com Yeah. All right, click on this, Rob. It says, what's the most fuckable fish, according to X?

00:45:59 Speaker_03
Octopus, by the way. Or a sponge would be a good fuck. Or sea cucumber. That'd be a good fuck. What is it showing? Oh, it's just a bit.

00:46:08 Speaker_02
Oh, yeah, you got got. You got got.

00:46:13 Speaker_01
Some dude in the ocean with his shirt off.

00:46:15 Speaker_02
You know what I'd fuck? Starfish. Starfish, really? Jellyfish? Wow, salmon's up there. How is jellyfish... Because they think that you can ball it up even though it will poison you. Wow. So is bass, by the way. But striped bass, not largemouth. Striped bass?

00:46:30 Speaker_02
Yeah. I guess maybe it's the same thing. I don't know. I don't think so. Yes. Yeah, probably. Alright, so Hamad Farris, he has a bunch of pictures of it. And he was found with it. He was a charity volunteer. And they called it extreme porn. And I call it...

00:46:49 Speaker_02
What are you going to call it? Noah's porn. This is Noah's porn, besides having his daughters in there. They showed adults having sex with live animals, a court heard. How would you know? It was a picture.

00:47:01 Speaker_02
Helmut Forrest was sent five sickening bestiality images by his so-called friend. Now, North Staffordshire, just the centre, heard the pictures, portrayed a person having intercourse with a live animal. They included a fish, chicken, dog, and monkey.

00:47:18 Speaker_02
The car was stolen There's five pictures so one of those animals was featured twice Popular Now they said that a friend sent me these and he thought it was disgusting And he showed everyone else and they told on him He said when they were first sent to him, he said this is disgusting I can't even believe that you would send me a video of a man and a fish saved to photofile

00:47:46 Speaker_02
I can't believe that you would do that. He does not remember receiving the images, according to him. You can only assume they were sent by the same person. And they were not downloaded by him. They were sent by someone else.

00:47:57 Speaker_02
Now, I don't think that it helps, but the fact that there are, you know what it was that for so long, everyone's like, oh, no one's having sex with fish. No one's having sex with fish. They definitely are.

00:48:07 Speaker_01
We saw that woman having sex with a fish. Yes.

00:48:09 Speaker_02
In Australia.

00:48:10 Speaker_01
Yes, we did. We saw that. Does that mean we are in trouble?

00:48:17 Speaker_02
we definitely uh... when we emailed it to each other is that not worse so i was on the news this goes on the news but still What if this was on the news? Then it wouldn't be, if pictures were on the news, then it wouldn't be bad.

00:48:31 Speaker_02
We just, we did all this research of the West Memphis Three and all it shows are these horribly mutilated corpses of these little boys.

00:48:37 Speaker_01
Man, they really show the fucking pictures of those boys.

00:48:39 Speaker_02
Yeah, so they really do. So yeah, I think we can handle maybe someone having their dick inside of a fish. I think that we can maybe handle someone's getting their pussy eaten out by a fish. I'd rather someone fuck a fish than a person. Against its will.

00:48:53 Speaker_02
Yeah. When you added the caveat, yeah. When you finally said the thing that made it not a disturbing sentence, I can agree with you, sure. But no, yeah. Up until then, I still prefer watching a human. What is this picture, Rob? It's a carp.

00:49:09 Speaker_02
It's a carp's pussy. Oh. It's a carp's vagina or a carp's mouth? Oh, it's his mouth. Mmm. Yeah, you could really go to town on that one. He could be a real fucking... No teeth in there, huh? No, man. No, they're pulled back.

00:49:22 Speaker_02
You can be real Dennis Rodman on that thing. No teeth? Yeah, you could slippity-slam that thing, fuckin' teach it a lesson or two. Yeah. Carp's a smart fish. Not if it fuckin' finds out that it's fuckin' mouth's super fuckable, then it's gonna be dead.

00:49:34 Speaker_02
It's gonna be a dead smart fish. Unless it's gonna be rich!

00:49:36 Speaker_04
Yeah!

00:49:40 Speaker_02
Well, it's more the reason why I even wanted to talk about this story is just the fact that... We haven't talked about humans fucking animals in at least a month.

00:49:47 Speaker_02
And I just think that with the current election season rollout, I think we can come back and talk a little bit. This is the news that we got this week. This is the news we received this week.

00:49:58 Speaker_02
I just think that it's more common than we thought it was and that people taking pictures of them fucking them fucking the fish is like way more on More common than we thought it was but is it weird to say?

00:50:11 Speaker_02
This might get me in trouble sure but for some reason in my mind when I'm thinking bestiality Like if you're fucking a fish Rob don't look at me when you're fucking a fish Like, is it really for pleasure? How ugly a salmon is?

00:50:28 Speaker_02
Tell me that's not a fucking hideous fish. I'm just so happy that it was just a fish. I didn't know what you were going to look up. But for some reason for me, when it's man on fish, it doesn't feel like bestiality. But I know it is. It is. Yeah.

00:50:42 Speaker_02
But it doesn't feel like it. Is it because they're cold-blooded? We think there's something about a fish that's like way less relatable. Oh yeah, I mean- Like a big fish? You can't really talk to them. Well, no.

00:50:54 Speaker_02
And they don't know that you're there, really. And I don't think that a fish gets- SidestoriesLPOTL at gmail.com. Does a fish get traumatized if you fuck its mouth? You can train fish. To suck dick? No, I mean to take treats.

00:51:08 Speaker_02
to suck dick is what I'm asking. Anything can take treats, they're small. Can it take a fucking dick in its mouth and survive?

00:51:17 Speaker_01
Look at this video I got here and you tell me if a fish could take, this almost made the stream, but this guy here, he just feeds these catfish with a spoon and they just come and they find him and they love him. See that's cute.

00:51:28 Speaker_01
Yeah, but he easily could just put his dick in one of these fish's mouths. chewing on it.

00:51:34 Speaker_02
He's not going to be, he's straining him to fucking clamp down on him. I don't think it's going to be super pleasant. He's surrounded by these things and he's like petting them like they're dogs. It's really weird. Yeah, that is strange.

00:51:45 Speaker_02
He definitely has a full on, why is he feeding catfish with a spoon? Well, cause he used to be a fisherman, but he was bad at it. And so now he just feeds them. So now he just makes them congregate.

00:51:56 Speaker_02
I used to be a fisherman, but now I'm just a fish party promoter. That's all I do. He's a friend of the fish. He strokes him, he grabs him, he hugs him. Oh yeah, he's hugging him. They don't know they're being hugged. They're thrashing around.

00:52:10 Speaker_02
Fish don't know what's happening, man. Look, he kissed it! He kissed it! He kissed it on the mouth! I'm done with this guy.

00:52:15 Speaker_01
He kissed it! I told you!

00:52:16 Speaker_02
He is grooming these fish. This is where this begins. This is where this begins. This is catfish grooming. These fish are getting catfish. They don't understand that they're going to all be raped by this man. Rob, you found him. How did you find that?

00:52:33 Speaker_02
Spoon feeding a catfish. This man is literally grooming the fish. Yeah, he loves them. Yeah, he's like fucking, what's his name, from Penn State. Jerry Sandusky! No, he's not playing!

00:52:47 Speaker_03
These aren't poor fish and he's planning a better future!

00:52:52 Speaker_01
Jerry Sandusky! This is the show now, folks. This is it!

00:52:57 Speaker_02
This is what we're doing now. This is the longest coverage we've done on a story all day. This is it! It's not going to always be like this. We're talking about people start killing their families again. These are issues. Yeah. Yeah.

00:53:11 Speaker_01
They're going to get, we're going to have a family. Everyone, all of the horrible people had a great week. They didn't kill their families this week.

00:53:18 Speaker_02
They were so yeah.

00:53:19 Speaker_03
Next week people will be killing families again and everything will be fine.

00:53:22 Speaker_02
The horror people, people were too busy celebrating last week to make news for this week. And yeah, they're going to be back. They're going to be back and they're going to, we're going to have it all be horrible again. And it's already been.

00:53:35 Speaker_02
We didn't talk about the man accused of attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction to destroy a Nashville energy facility, but that was just because he didn't get it. Yeah. And you know, we all hate a failure. Everyone's got a plan.

00:53:45 Speaker_01
Everybody's got a plan.

00:53:46 Speaker_02
The follow through makes the news. He was trying to blow up a bunch of this guy, Skyler Phillippe, a real skibbity toilet fucking moron, brackley headed piece of shit zoomer. Oh, he's a young man. Oh yeah.

00:53:56 Speaker_02
He went out there and he wanted to attack a bunch of national substations using drones with the explosives attached to him. But again, much like most of most some of the people in his generation, he fucked it up. Yeah. And so he did not do it well.

00:54:11 Speaker_02
He's arrested. He's going to go to jail forever.

00:54:14 Speaker_01
How about, speaking of young people having weird things happening to them, Mattel accidentally puts a porn website on the Barbie packaging for The Wicked.

00:54:24 Speaker_02
These guys fucking deserve whatever happens to them. This Wicked movie can suck my fucking dick. I'm actually very excited to see it. Good. I'm glad you want to see it.

00:54:36 Speaker_01
Why would you not want to see it?

00:54:37 Speaker_02
Have you listened to Wicked? I have never heard it, no. I've never seen it live. Sucks! People love it. Yeah, sure. People love Donald Trump. Man, I went and saw Back to the Future the musical this week. That was really bad. Oh, I bet. It was really bad.

00:54:53 Speaker_02
None of these guys got... There's no reason to make it.

00:54:56 Speaker_01
At least Wicked is an original-ish idea.

00:54:58 Speaker_02
I'm being grumpy today. I'm being grumpy. It's fine. It's just not for me. And then also, Ariana Grande sucks! Boca's own! She's a Boca alum! Boca, I love you, Ariana!

00:55:10 Speaker_01
Sucks! Yeah, I like it. Cynthia Erivo. Erivo?

00:55:16 Speaker_02
She's great. Is that her real name? The Wicked Witch. She's a great actor. She's great. She is great. We'll see how that goes.

00:55:23 Speaker_02
But yeah, they accidentally put Wicked.com, and for those of us from the 90s into the early 2000s, we know Wicked.com has nothing to do with the movie.

00:55:31 Speaker_02
WickedMovie.com is what they were supposed to do, but instead they put Wicked.com on a bunch of boxes for Mattel, and it just took them all to the straight up crazy hardcore porn. And they should actually deal with it.

00:55:44 Speaker_02
At least they didn't go to evilangel.com.

00:55:46 Speaker_01
Can we go to wicked.com real quick?

00:55:48 Speaker_03
I want to see what the kids are looking at these days.

00:55:52 Speaker_02
Oh, do they take it down? Oh no, good. That's the work firewall saying why are you doing this at work.

00:55:58 Speaker_01
Alright, yeah. You're right. Rob's 18.

00:55:59 Speaker_02
See, there's no titties though. No, there's no titties on this front.

00:56:04 Speaker_01
There's nothing. It's just an advertisement for porn. They didn't actually go straight to porn. Actually, you know what? They sell porn. You can't buy it. This is not even that bad. It's not even that bad.

00:56:15 Speaker_02
This is really not even that bad of a website. No, you have to buy it in order to see it. It's more just the terminology that they would have to have their parents explain, like just the tip and where my bussy is. It's in the back.

00:56:28 Speaker_02
They have this other thing called the Hunger... Fantasia? Yeah, the Hunger fuckin' Games or whatever. It's like, yeah, Fantasia. They don't know what this is. Yeah, yeah. Why is she the talk of the town? Because she gapes. But the kids don't know that.

00:56:40 Speaker_02
They don't put that on the cover. Sunny gold melons? Yeah, but they love curbs. So do a lot of people. There's circles curbs and apples curbs. This doesn't, this site doesn't show anything worse than a JCPenney catalog. It really doesn't.

00:56:52 Speaker_02
And I've jerked off to JCPenney catalogs dirtier than this.

00:56:55 Speaker_03
Yeah, absolutely.

00:56:56 Speaker_02
Physically they're here.

00:56:57 Speaker_03
Oh, when you start doing the collage work yourself and gluing the breasts from, you know, you take them from somewhere else and you glue them back.

00:57:03 Speaker_02
I like Jamaica woman. I don't like her feet, I'm gonna use the other woman's feet, I'm gonna cut her feet off. I'm gonna put the other woman's feet on. I hate her head. I'm gonna cut her fucking head off. Put a new head on there. I think this is good.

00:57:17 Speaker_01
People should be paying for porn. I do believe that as well. I think they should. If you're gonna watch it, obviously you don't want to get caught with your credit card receipts or whatever. Well, it doesn't matter.

00:57:25 Speaker_02
What the fuck would it matter if you got caught with your credit card receipt to do a fucking legit porn site? I feel like it's better, if you can, buy it. You know, it's safer for the actors.

00:57:37 Speaker_02
And the more private it goes, the more I'll be able to be hidden from the various Project 2025 stuff that's gonna happen. Are they really going to get rid of porn? They love porn. They'll try. You think so? They're not allowed to say they like porn.

00:57:49 Speaker_02
You're telling me Donald Trump don't watch porn? He can't. He doesn't maintain an erection anymore. Doesn't mean he don't stare at it. No, I think that they would try. I think they're going to try. But we'll see.

00:58:02 Speaker_02
Because they just don't understand that it's in the plan. So now we're just looking at pornography. Yeah, now this is just porn.

00:58:08 Speaker_03
Yeah, when you google Wicked.com and you image search it with the safe search off, then you see fake breasts.

00:58:15 Speaker_02
I will say I do like a nice mature woman. And they lead with them. These certainly aren't youngsters. Oh, they could be Rob's algorithm. Yeah, this could be it. I don't know. It's probably, it is quite possibly that. We shall see, Edward. Yes. We shall see.

00:58:30 Speaker_02
Will the nation continue to macerate? Yes. But will they do it on the solemn watchful eye of their Mac screen?

00:58:39 Speaker_01
Yes. Real quick, a quick shout out to Hvaldemir, the beluga. Remember we talked about him on the show not too long ago because he died.

00:58:47 Speaker_01
He choked on a stick and he died because he was a spy from Russia and then he ate a stick and everyone liked him and he died.

00:58:52 Speaker_03
He's got a doc, so congrats. I can't wait to watch your doc.

00:58:55 Speaker_02
We'll see. I'm very excited. It's one of those. Hopefully it really does reveal all of their sexual allegations. I don't know what else they're really going to go at. I don't know what we're coming for on Havaldomir. Is Havaldomir going to get cancelled?

00:59:11 Speaker_02
It doesn't matter. He's already a Russian spy and people like him, so I don't think he can get cancelled. People love Russian spies. We love them. They're fun. Yeah, we just elected one to be president. They're sexy. Oh, Secrets of the Spy Whale.

00:59:28 Speaker_02
I don't know what his secrets are, he's a whale. I don't really know what he was going to say in the first place and what he even knew, and now he choked on a stick. I can't wait to watch it. Oh, yeah, I can't wait to watch it.

00:59:38 Speaker_02
I like all different characters of Will's. So go ahead and check us out. We've got to live every day knowing that you never knew what was coming anyway, huh?

00:59:45 Speaker_02
And you're going to love that for yourself, and you're going to laugh your way all the way to the nut house of the fucking emergency room. That's the only thing you can do.

00:59:55 Speaker_01
It was great. This has been a perfect, flawless episode.

00:59:59 Speaker_02
A perfect episode. Yeah, we're gonna have more of these episodes. Yeah, something will happen this week. Oh no, we're a bunch of stuff. We technically still talked about a lot of stuff.

01:00:10 Speaker_01
No, I mean this was news. Yeah. And we pulled it from news sites. We did our research.

01:00:16 Speaker_02
I read the article. I'm a newser. Yeah, we saw stuff. We could've talked about nothing. but we didn't. Because we're good. Go to lastpodcastandleft.com. See us live, please.

01:00:27 Speaker_02
We have so many fun shows coming up and we are really, honestly, we're having so much fucking fun and they're all great. So go check that out. Yes, we're coming to the Wiltern last week.

01:00:38 Speaker_01
We are coming to Brooklyn. It's still on the website. We're coming to Brooklyn on December 7th at King's Theater. Atlanta on January 11th at Coca-Cola Roxy. We are coming to

01:00:51 Speaker_01
Grand Prairie, Texas, that's Dallas, at the Texas Trust CU Theater on February 22nd. March 14th, we are coming for you Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium. Can't wait. I can't wait for that.

01:01:03 Speaker_03
We should really, I'm telling you now, I want to do a Knoxville show attached to that. We're going to work on it. Let's work on it, please. If you're in the Knoxville area with a big theater, you let us know.

01:01:14 Speaker_01
Detroit, Michigan, the Masonic, April 18th, two days before

01:01:20 Speaker_02
420 yeah, we're gonna be there. We're gonna have a lot of fun. Yeah, and so we are gonna have a just know Probably bring our own weed to Detroit don't they smoke it. Oh, yeah, but it's kind of you know We'll get there. They gotta get there.

01:01:34 Speaker_01
I got a feeling Detroit's got some fucking kush. You know who we can buy weed from? Someone show me. Toronto's got good weed and we're gonna be there on May 3rd.

01:01:41 Speaker_02
It definitely is fine. If someone could please tell me, where's the good ups? Detroit. Sidestorieslpotlgmail.com because I went to one dispensary and I wasn't super jazzed. In Detroit? Yeah. Oh really? I walked there. Yeah.

01:01:54 Speaker_02
I had a 45 minute walk from downtown. Well that's why you weren't super jazzed. No, it was great. Once I got there, I'll tell you what, people were Shockingly friendly like I was walking down the street.

01:02:07 Speaker_02
I was in the middle of nowhere and I sort of realized like oh I shouldn't be doing this maybe and There was a barren field and there was a bush and I mean this this was a bush in a barren field Well, I'm barren and bush together then be And there was a man Cartoonish Lee crouched behind the bush as if he was hiding Okay, and he was there at all time.

01:02:29 Speaker_02
And then as I got close to him, he popped up and went hi And I just waved at him, and he just went right back behind the bush. Detroit! Nice guy. Woman spit all over, like she did a kind of vomit spit in front of me from her wheelchair.

01:02:43 Speaker_02
She went, I'm sorry. Alright, polite. It's better than Seattle. Honestly, it's extremely nice. Man, I mean Detroit's an incredible city of love and strength. Man, free the RoboCop statue.

01:02:58 Speaker_01
They built a RoboCop statue. They funded a RoboCop statue. Yeah, I thought it was up. No, they were going to put it in front of the science museum. And then at the last minute, they're like, nah, it's just sitting in a warehouse somewhere. Seriously?

01:03:09 Speaker_01
Yeah. They fucking freed the statue, man. It's got to go out someplace. That's fucking awesome. 11 feet tall RoboCop statue is just sitting somewhere. Man, waiting for a home.

01:03:20 Speaker_02
We got to go see that. Yes. Oh, I wish we could go look at it. I know. Put it at the Masonic. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. If someone got access to that, let us know. Go to LBNTV on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash LBNTV. Go see all the Twitches.

01:03:34 Speaker_02
We got a lot of stuff on there. Everything that is on there live then goes onto our YouTube page. Go and watch it there. Next week, we have Good Puts coming back for Thanksgiving special.

01:03:46 Speaker_01
Oh, very nice. Hoopa goo goo this week, baby. Thursday night live on Twitch on the LPN Twitch channel. It's gonna be 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.

01:03:56 Speaker_01
Amber and I will go against contestant A and contestant B and be judged by the great honorable Magistrate Schaefer.

01:04:06 Speaker_03
Yes, and hail the great LD, our leader. Yes. Yes, hail him.

01:04:10 Speaker_01
Yes. Love you guys. Stay good. Love you all. Listen to the brighter side of it. Hail Satan. Hail Voldemir.

01:04:18 Speaker_02
Until we find out what this documentary digs up on him. Be careful who your heroes are. Well, hail Titan the Labradoodle. Yep. Looking for a home, by the way. Yeah, I'm hoping they don't immediately kill him.

01:04:34 Speaker_03
Yeah.

01:04:34 Speaker_02
Test him for rabies. Toss them in the blender.