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Episode: Remembering Eddie Van Halen

Author: CNN
Duration: 00:28:26

Episode Shownotes

Before they co-founded one of the most successful rock bands in history, Alex and Eddie Van Halen were two kid brothers with a love of music. In an emotional, and musically rich interview, Alex talks about Eddie’s life and death and the communication he feels he still has with him.

Alex also plays some of the unreleased music they were working on before his brother’s death in 2020. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Summary

In this touching episode of 'All There Is with Anderson Cooper,' titled 'Remembering Eddie Van Halen,' Alex Van Halen shares his profound grief after the loss of his brother, Eddie Van Halen. He reflects on their deep bond, their childhood love for music, and how Eddie's passing has left a lasting impact on his life. The conversation includes Eddie's struggles with addiction and illness, the creative journey they shared, and the significance of music as a form of communication between them. Alex emphasizes the enduring nature of their connection through memories and unreleased music they worked on together, encapsulating the complexities of grief and legacy.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Remembering Eddie Van Halen) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:01 Speaker_00
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00:00:12 Speaker_00
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00:00:28 Speaker_05
Wherever you are in the world and in grief, welcome to all there is. I'm Anderson Cooper. I took a week off and was with my kids on vacation. Wyatt is four and Sebastian almost three.

00:00:47 Speaker_05
It was amazing to swim with them in the ocean, play with Wyatt in the pool for hours. You're like a minnow. and listen to Sebastian squealing with delight when I tickle him.

00:01:01 Speaker_05
I was reminded of something my dad, Wyatt Cooper, wrote about my brother and me as kids. I must see that they do not lose their gift of laughter, he wrote.

00:01:10 Speaker_05
There's more music in the laughter of one child than in all the poems of all the poets who ever lived, more sunshine than in a century of summers. He died two years after he wrote that, and with him gone, I did lose that gift of laughter.

00:01:25 Speaker_05
I buried it along with my sadness and fear and anger. I've realized lately how much I've used work to avoid all those emotions, to avoid grief.

00:01:35 Speaker_05
While I was away one night when my kids were asleep, I listened to the most recent podcast episode with Francis Weller, and I want to play you something he said that really struck me.

00:01:46 Speaker_02
We don't have much knowledge in grief, as Rilke would say, and so consequently we push back against it, and we don't know how to engage it, to write, to dance, to talk, to share, to bring it to ritual.

00:02:01 Speaker_02
We are so passive around grief so that when it comes, We are basically caught off guard and unawares of how to respond. So it's how do I get out of this as fast as possible? And we have so many ways to do that.

00:02:16 Speaker_02
All the distractions, the busyness, the alcohol, the drugs, anything you need is available to get us away from the depth of those places.

00:02:27 Speaker_02
I think what happens as we begin to become less avoidant and resistant to it is that we begin to develop a companionship with it.

00:02:35 Speaker_05
A companionship with grief.

00:02:37 Speaker_02
Yes, this is what I call the apprenticeship with sorrow. We begin to stop fighting it and begin to see that it's actually the way in which my deepest self comes fully present.

00:02:55 Speaker_05
I've definitely used work to distract myself from the depths of those places, as Francis said, and I know some of you listening have as well. But what does it all amount to, all this work and striving and stress? I'm grateful for the career I've had.

00:03:12 Speaker_05
It's been and continues to be remarkable and interesting to me. It's given me stability and a sense of accomplishment and purpose. I'm grateful. But in the end, does any of that matter?

00:03:24 Speaker_05
I think about the last week of my mom's life, spending time with her, just talking, holding her hand, being with her. Are you scared?

00:03:36 Speaker_06
I'm not either.

00:03:40 Speaker_05
She lived an epic life, but all those famous people she knew, all the things she achieved, in the end, what mattered to her was the people sitting around her bed, holding her hand, telling her, I love you. I love you very much.

00:03:53 Speaker_02
I know you do, darling, and I love you very much. You know that, don't you?

00:03:58 Speaker_05
I do.

00:03:58 Speaker_02
Always and forever.

00:04:01 Speaker_05
Yeah, me too. I know when I'm old and sick and dying it won't matter to me what I did. What will matter is what my kids think of me and what kind of person I was in their eyes. Is all this striving just a distraction from that?

00:04:17 Speaker_05
Am I brave enough to focus instead on building that companionship with grief that Francis talks about and a greater companionship with my kids? All of this brings me to my guest today, Alex Van Halen.

00:04:34 Speaker_05
Alex and his younger brother, Eddie, were founding members of Van Halen, one of the most successful rock bands in history. Alex was on drums, Eddie on guitar. David Lee Roth became the first lead singer and Michael Anthony was the bassist.

00:04:48 Speaker_05
Eddie, or Ed as Alex called him, died in 2020 after a long battle with cancer. He was 65 years old and is considered to be one of the best guitarists to ever play. Alex is now 71 and he's just written a book called Brothers about his life with Ed.

00:05:06 Speaker_05
How has grief been for you?

00:05:09 Speaker_04
I always thought of myself as kind of a stoic kind of guy, you know, tough. I was the elder in the family, so I had a certain role to play. You were the protector. Yeah. Do you feel like you are grieving? I'm grieving all the time.

00:05:24 Speaker_04
I'm not trying to put it aside. I'm not saying I'm running from it, because that doesn't solve the problem. It's there, you feel it. Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's just, times can be overwhelming.

00:05:35 Speaker_04
And the more I dwell on it, the more complicated it becomes. When I'm alone and I put on a piece of music and I hear him play, I just break, I break down. That's it, you know, uncontrollably.

00:05:48 Speaker_04
But knowing what I know about the human body, you just let it happen. Otherwise it'll happen in the line at the grocery store. And I wouldn't, that wouldn't look so good. None of us. I thought he was going to die. He'd always bounce back.

00:06:01 Speaker_04
He had the most incredible DNA that I've ever seen in anybody. He could do more drugs than anybody and still wake up the next day and perform. I don't think anybody really thought he was going to die. So when he passed, it was really a shock.

00:06:14 Speaker_04
Did he know? I don't think he knew. Being human, you think you're going to go on one more day, one more day. You keep going forward, but then one day, you don't.

00:06:25 Speaker_04
So up to the very end, we were still making music and we talked about what are we going to do next year? But it was clear that he was going downhill. There's a song that you guys were working on.

00:06:37 Speaker_04
Yeah, we usually recorded almost everything in the studio while they're playing. I just want to play a little bit of the song. So there are a lot of fragments of pieces.

00:06:57 Speaker_04
This is one that I really liked because having just Ed and me in the studio was always the way to let things breathe.

00:07:05 Speaker_04
You have four people in there, everybody starts throwing in ideas, nothing gets to, becomes, you have to wait till it grows into fruition, you know? Give it time, give it space, let it breathe a little bit. It's how you communicated with each other.

00:07:21 Speaker_04
Yes, yeah, exactly, yeah. Music was the way he spoke to the world. I think his soul is in the music. He died during COVID. Yes. It was difficult because his immune system was down. So the last thing he needed was to get infected by anything.

00:07:43 Speaker_04
So there was always a distance between us. At his house, we had to watch him from outside in the driveway from the window. You couldn't sit by his bedside? You couldn't hold him? No.

00:07:54 Speaker_04
The last time we did that was when I took him to Switzerland to have some treatment by some unbelievable doctors, but he was in a lot of pain most of the time. Most people have no idea what kind of pain he was in.

00:08:08 Speaker_04
Physical, emotional, mental, you name it. Then he started to lose the function of his extremities. It all compounded, and every day it was something, some other part that's not functioning anymore. It was cancer.

00:08:22 Speaker_05
that went to his brain.

00:08:23 Speaker_04
Yes. And they did something called a gamma knife operation where they cut the cancer out, which was successful. But in the process, it caused a swelling in his brain. So they put him on steroids. And, you know, typical

00:08:39 Speaker_04
I'm only laughing about it because even in a life and death situation, the decision was, well, two's good, 20 must be better. So he took handfuls of steroids and it made him Superman temporarily.

00:08:52 Speaker_04
But we got him off to Switzerland to get him off that stuff, so.

00:08:56 Speaker_05
You were able to be with your brother at the end.

00:08:59 Speaker_04
He had a stroke and- Yes, he had a massive stroke. We were in the room with him when he actually took his last breath. We just sat there. Everybody was in their own headspace. All I know is that when he stopped breathing, I didn't hear anything.

00:09:14 Speaker_04
I didn't see anything. There were no bells. There were no angels. It was just, it stopped. And then the room was empty. That was it. And then they pulled the plug because he was on a ventilator.

00:09:26 Speaker_04
And because of COVID and the restrictions of the rules, they immediately carved the body off. And that was it. Then we didn't see him anymore. a very uneventful ending to an eventful life. But you know what? He fought until the very end.

00:09:40 Speaker_04
That's how I want to think of Ed's life in terms of that he never gave up.

00:09:45 Speaker_05
You wrote in the book, I watched you take your last breath. In that moment, all the stuff that you did or made in this world, you can't take it with you.

00:09:54 Speaker_04
We travel through time, or we travel through existence, and you come, and then you go. It's part of the natural order of things.

00:10:04 Speaker_04
I think the real problem is that when it happens out of what is the norm, which is a full 75 or 80 year life, and to have it be shorter than that, it doesn't make sense. Am I angry at it?

00:10:15 Speaker_04
Yeah, there were times when I would yell and scream, Ed, what the fuck is wrong with you? What are you doing? Ed, if you stop doing all them damn drugs, you know? You can't do this to your body and expect to live a full life.

00:10:28 Speaker_04
So it's anger at him for... Had he stopped, he might still be here. The emotional part of me just says, Ed, you're not done yet. That'd be nice to have you hanging around. My kids don't have an uncle anymore. Your son doesn't have a father.

00:10:42 Speaker_04
I don't have a brother. Ed's whole life was searching for something. I don't know what it was. Because musically, we could play anything. Ed, come on. Maybe you could have been here a little longer. But then you realize, I have no control over that.

00:10:58 Speaker_04
Maybe it's not my place to tell him to be here longer. Maybe he knows intuitively that this is it. I'm done. I'm leaving. He was never satisfied. There was always that itch to do something else. So I don't know.

00:11:11 Speaker_04
I'm still grappling with some of those things because to me it doesn't make any sense.

00:11:17 Speaker_04
Can I mention Billy Bob Thornton had this little clip, it just popped on my computer and it really was very articulate and succinct and it was just completely right on the spot.

00:11:28 Speaker_03
Well, let me actually, I'm going to play what Billy Bob Thornton said. My brother, Jimmy, he was a young guy. In 1988, he died suddenly of a heart problem that they didn't know he had. I've never been the same since my brother died.

00:11:42 Speaker_03
There's a melancholy in me that never goes away. I'm 50% happy and 50% sad at any given moment. And the only advice I can give people for when you lose someone like that is you won't ever get over it. And the more you know that and embrace it.

00:12:03 Speaker_03
the better off you are. I don't want to forget my brother, and I don't want to forget what it felt like when he died, because he deserves it. That's how important he was to me.

00:12:12 Speaker_03
So if I have to suffer, and if I have to be sad for the rest of my life, and if I have to be lonely without him, without his particular thing, his sense of humor, and what he brought to life, then that's the way I honor him.

00:12:28 Speaker_03
You know, I'll be sad and melancholy about that forever, and I know it, and I accept it, and I live with it.

00:12:35 Speaker_04
I think Billy Bob Thornton's answer was probably the most articulate and accurate in the sense of you're going to have to live with it for the rest of your life. And I'm more than happy to do that.

00:12:46 Speaker_04
If that's how I pay my respects to you, Ed, that's how I shall do it.

00:12:52 Speaker_05
We're going to take a short break. When we come back, more of my conversation with Alex Van Halen.

00:13:03 Speaker_02
We have one more act for you this evening. I don't even need to say his name. Mr. Bob Dylan.

00:13:10 Speaker_06
From the director of Walk the Line and Ford vs. Ferrari. If anyone is going to hold your attention on stage, you have to kind of be a freak. And starring Timothee Chalamet as Bob Dylan.

00:13:19 Speaker_07
Are you a freak? Hope so.

00:13:22 Speaker_06
Inspired by the true story. I want to know which side he's on. This Christmas.

00:13:29 Speaker_04
They just want me singing Blown in the Wind for the rest of my life.

00:13:33 Speaker_06
Bobby, what do you want to be? Whatever it is they don't want me to be. He defied everyone.

00:13:40 Speaker_07
Turn it down! Play it loud!

00:13:43 Speaker_06
To change everything. He's our Elvis. Timothee Chalamet, Edward Norton, Elle Fanning, Monica Barbaro.

00:13:53 Speaker_03
Make some noise, BD. Track some mud on the carpet.

00:13:58 Speaker_06
A complete unknown. Only in theaters Christmas Day. Rated R. Hunter 17.9 and middle without parent.

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00:14:35 Speaker_05
More now with Alex Van Halen. You were in the band together your entire lives. 65 years together.

00:14:59 Speaker_04
Almost every day, if not physically, at least mentally and spiritually, if you will. And we had conflict every moment of the day. That's how I was taught to make art, is that you don't want to all agree on the same thing.

00:15:12 Speaker_04
You got to have some friction, so to speak.

00:15:14 Speaker_05
Ed talked about when you guys would play, in the earphones that you had on, he could hear others, but he had to hear you. It was the connection between you two that was essential to making the music.

00:15:30 Speaker_05
Ed said, all I had in my monitors when we played live was Al's drums, a little bit of Dave's vocals, a little bit of mine, a little bit of Mike's vocals, but all I hear is myself and my brother.

00:15:42 Speaker_05
It seemed to me like such a metaphor of your relationship, that even in success, with all the stuff swirling around you and all the personalities and the record executives and David Lee Roth, in the end, when push came to shove, it was you and him.

00:15:55 Speaker_04
Yeah. You know, it started off as a two-piece, Ed and I with the original, the guys who put the band together. But at the end of the day, when there's a disagreement in the band, I'm taking his side and vice versa, because we protect each other.

00:16:09 Speaker_04
That was the most important thing that we were taught. Stick together.

00:16:13 Speaker_05
There was a day when you guys were teenagers. You heard your brother playing Going Home by Alvin Lee. I just want to play a little bit of that and then ask you about the importance of it.

00:16:42 Speaker_04
When Ed played that, it just blew me away.

00:16:44 Speaker_05
And he was playing it just from listening to it. Yeah. That was the moment you realized he was a virtuoso on the guitar. Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. There was no doubt about it. Your dad was a musician. Yes. Your mom was from Indonesia.

00:16:58 Speaker_05
Your dad had met her in Indonesia, lived there for several years, and then ultimately you guys came to the States. Even at the height of your success, your mom was still disappointed.

00:17:09 Speaker_04
That's a mild way of putting it. You know, we never quite measured up to what she wanted. That's incredible.

00:17:15 Speaker_05
Yeah. For your brother, you think that weighed more heavily on him, her attitude?

00:17:21 Speaker_04
Ed was really very sensitive in that sense.

00:17:25 Speaker_05
Your dad had a heart attack in 1986 and died several months after. He was only 66, is that right?

00:17:34 Speaker_04
66, yeah. You described yourself as being devastated. Beyond. It was just, I can't even put it into words.

00:17:43 Speaker_04
Whether it's because we're all conditioned to believe a certain how it's supposed to end, and that this particular instance, it contradicted everything I was aware of, or the fact that He's no longer here.

00:17:55 Speaker_04
We've related to him, not just musically, but in a sense of humor and his expert. I mean, you can go anywhere in the world with him and he could find his way. And that confidence gives you a confidence.

00:18:07 Speaker_04
I have a piece of footage of us leaving Holland as we get on the boat. And the four of us look like a duck with four ducks walking in a row. And we're waving. We have no idea where we're going, what we're walking into.

00:18:19 Speaker_04
But as long as the boss is leading, we're good. That's the confidence he inspired. Your dad struggled with alcohol.

00:18:27 Speaker_05
Oh yeah, he loved it.

00:18:37 Speaker_04
My grandfather died from it. My dad's brothers died from it. My dad died from it. I came very close. And Ed, he battled it his whole life.

00:18:51 Speaker_04
And people don't respect or appreciate what kind of battle you're going through when you're trying to slay that dragon, if you will. I mean, it's an ugly, ugly monster. You gave it up finally. I wouldn't call it giving it up.

00:19:03 Speaker_04
I had to quit because I thought I was going to die. And so I went to rehab and it was a painful process. Was that after your dad died or before? Two or three months after he died. So that was a really motivating factor for you to give up? Oh, absolutely.

00:19:18 Speaker_04
Absolutely. Yeah. I thought that maybe by not dying from alcohol, it would absolve his sins, so to speak. So I thought I owed it to him.

00:19:27 Speaker_05
Before he died, he actually played on one of your albums. You brought him into a recording studio. Yeah, it was actually, it was Dave's idea. It was David Roth's idea?

00:19:37 Speaker_04
Yeah, and I gotta say thanks to Dave, because that was really a cool thing for him to do. I'd never seen my dad get so nervous because he knew that his capabilities had really diminished.

00:19:46 Speaker_04
But the moment we started playing, it took like three or four takes, and that was it. We're done. Let's go out and have a couple of beers.

00:19:52 Speaker_05
Is it okay if I play a little bit of your dad playing? Absolutely. He would love it. This is Jan van Halen on the clarinet, and the song is Big Bad Bill is Sweet William Now. Afterwards, I think he had a great time with it, you know.

00:20:15 Speaker_05
When your dad died, your reaction was that you and your brother went into the studio and you just played music.

00:20:21 Speaker_04
We just played for hours. It's the only way we could deal with the overwhelming, we didn't even know what to call it. You know, it wasn't referred to as grief back then. We were tough guys, you know, have a couple of beers and let's go on with it.

00:20:34 Speaker_04
So did you talk with him about your dad or was it just, let's go play?

00:20:39 Speaker_05
Let's go play.

00:20:41 Speaker_04
We just played, whatever it was, it didn't matter.

00:20:43 Speaker_05
I just want to read several paragraphs from the book. You said, you're talking to Ed, you said, you never stopped. The real problem isn't that you drank alcohol, it's that you drank the Kool-Aid.

00:20:55 Speaker_05
People telling you you're a genius, that you're the greatest guitar player who ever lived. All true. But you ate it up, and then you were overwhelmed by the burden of it. Our dad told us from the beginning, don't believe your own bullshit. Just play.

00:21:07 Speaker_05
And if you're playing a wedding, wear a tux. Give everything you got. Fulfill your obligations. You're the head of the family. Do your job. But love stays. That's the truth. We still communicate. You're still with me, Ed.

00:21:19 Speaker_05
Because we live in a Western society, people want to dismiss that as projection. But ask any physicist. Energy can be neither created nor destroyed. When a cloud dissipates, what happens to the water? It isn't gone. It's just changed form.

00:21:32 Speaker_05
The same thing goes for you, Ed, or any other human being on this planet. So I'll never say goodbye.

00:21:39 Speaker_04
No, I'm getting a lump in my throat. But you feel that. You believe that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Can you talk about that? In a lot of different cultures, death is not the end. And I prefer to believe that.

00:21:52 Speaker_04
This is going to sound a little out to left field, so to speak, but he communicates in different ways with me. And I can't really go into that because the moment you mention it, it breaks that bond. It's kind of a really thin, thread of signs.

00:22:10 Speaker_05
There's a lot of people who feel signs and see signs and it gives great comfort and it's only recently that I've begun to, excuse me if my voice cracks, it's uncontrollable.

00:22:27 Speaker_05
I've recently begun to actually feel my brother and my dad who died long ago, but I've actually started to sort of feel them inside me in a way that I never have before. And it's an extraordinary feeling.

00:22:45 Speaker_04
The first real direct communication, if you will, was more of a smell. His unique fragrance was everywhere. And I couldn't figure out rationally, where is this coming from? Is it the closet? Is it the clothes? Is it the stuff that he washed with?

00:23:03 Speaker_04
Or maybe it's just my mind wants to smell that? I don't know. But it was there. Lately, it's been fading a little bit. But the feeling it leaves you with is positive. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There are other dimensions of existence.

00:23:19 Speaker_04
My dad explained that it's all about frequencies. If you had a receiver and an amplifier and you modulate it between the different frequencies, you can go from KLOS to KMET to whatever radio stations there are. It's all there.

00:23:34 Speaker_04
It's all there in the airwaves. But you have to be in tune with it. Then you'll You understand what it is. He's around here somewhere. I think he thought he was done here, and that's why he left. That's my mental way of dealing with it.

00:23:48 Speaker_05
One of the things you write about is your rise and the early club days, you know, when you were, didn't have a record deal, you know, just trying to make it.

00:23:57 Speaker_05
And you say what we didn't know at that time was that there's a way in which the club days were the pinnacle of our experience on planet Earth. That's when we got the highest highs because the potential of being great was still out there.

00:24:09 Speaker_05
That's when the dream of Van Halen was the most magical because it was still a dream.

00:24:14 Speaker_04
Because that's when you're alive, you know? It's just human nature, I think, that when you've reached a certain goal, the air leaves the room, so to speak.

00:24:22 Speaker_05
But I'm wondering if, in your secret heart, when you think of your brother, is it those days you think of?

00:24:31 Speaker_04
Now that you mention it, yeah, it's the most prominent in my memory, because being in the basement with the leaking pipes, and there was no heat down there, and it didn't smell great. We didn't care. Load up a couple more, let's play.

00:24:47 Speaker_04
But you have a common goal, and you have something, because you're hungry. I still have the piano that we came over here with. It's in the hallway. And the cigarette burns from when Jump was written. It's still on there.

00:25:01 Speaker_04
Those little things bring back the memories, and it brings back the smells, the feelings, the touch.

00:25:08 Speaker_05
Is there a song that, when you think of your brother, this is the song you think of?

00:25:13 Speaker_04
I can think of several different ones, but we all used to bring pieces of music into the basement. And I remember when Ed brought in Running with the Devil. That chord structure and that whole deal.

00:25:30 Speaker_04
The moment I heard that, I said, okay, you're writing all the songs from now on, because we can't compete with that. And it had nothing to do with speed. It had nothing to do with articulation. It had nothing to do with anything other.

00:25:44 Speaker_04
It was just absolutely brilliant to my ear. It was amazing.

00:26:04 Speaker_05
That's what we'll end the podcast with then, running with the devil. It was really lovely talking to you.

00:26:08 Speaker_04
Anderson, thank you man.

00:26:14 Speaker_05
And that's all there is. You can watch a video version of this interview on YouTube or at our online grief community at cnn.com forward slash all there is online.

00:26:24 Speaker_05
You can also listen to voicemails there from other podcast listeners about their experiences with grief, leave comments of your own and listen to all the seasons of the podcast as well. I'll be back with another edition of All There Is next week.

00:26:37 Speaker_05
I hope you find something in these podcasts that help you in your grief, and I hope they make you feel a little less alone. Thanks for listening. I'd love to hear your comments at cnn.com forward slash all there is online.

00:26:54 Speaker_05
All there is is a production of CNN Audio. The show is produced by Grace Walker and Dan Bloom. Our senior producer is Haley Thomas. Dan D'Azula is our technical director, and Steve Lichtai is our executive producer.

00:27:06 Speaker_05
Support from Nick Godsell, Ben Evans, Chuck Haddad, Charlie Moore, Carrie Rubin, Carrie Pritchard, Shimmery Cheetreet, Ronald Bettis, Alex Manassari, Robert Mathers, John D'Onora, Lainey Steinhardt, Jameis Andrest, Nicole Pesseru, and Lisa Namorrow.

00:27:21 Speaker_05
Special thanks to Wendy Brundage.

00:27:40 Speaker_01
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00:27:53 Speaker_01
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00:28:08 Speaker_01
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