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Episode: Parlor Games

Author: Distractible
Duration: 00:51:20

Episode Shownotes

It's all fun and games until we bring out the sweaty lawyers and Wade's camera cuts out. NOTE: This episode was recorded months prior, but is being released now to work with the host schedule. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_01
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The special sauce that they only use for the Big Mac to have it on a new sandwich? Yeah, the Chicken Big Mac. It's not not a Big Mac.

00:00:26 Speaker_01
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00:00:38 Speaker_02
I don't have a joke. I literally use PayPal all the time.

00:00:41 Speaker_03
I actually also just use it. I don't know how to make that funny though. Like all my funny stories are about when things don't work. You know, when a fridge destroys my entire house, that sort of thing. It's okay guys.

00:00:50 Speaker_03
You could just say that PayPal is smart. That's fine. No, no, no. It's like, it's like a money catapult that throws your money at the people that need it. Yes, that's good.

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00:01:57 Speaker_00
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible! This episode, bra-wearing Bob resurrects cunning linguistic play and gets the gents into the fray.

00:02:08 Speaker_00
Maladroit Mark advises profuse prison pouches, peen-cleaning, and argues with the Arbiter for his ally. Weighty-weighed judges on moisture levels might be ugly and is oft accidentally on the nose.

00:02:22 Speaker_00
From deeply illegal dampness to syllable-smashing silliness. Yes! It's time for Parlour Games. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

00:02:40 Speaker_03
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I just can't stop winning, which is why I just can't stop being host, because that's how the show works. This week I'm joined by Mark and Wade.

00:02:54 Speaker_03
like literally every other episode we've ever done. And they're going to be competing to see who gets to post the next one. Because if they win, they can post the next one. That's how it works.

00:03:02 Speaker_03
And other than that, there aren't really any rules except for our Constitution, which we ignore anyway. But we don't though we follow it very strictly or not. It's hard to say. Anyway, what's up guys? How you doing? How you been? Great.

00:03:14 Speaker_03
I'm going to take initiative this episode because I learned that can earn you points with Mark and he's not hosting.

00:03:19 Speaker_03
And maybe my initiative will give me points and his mouth is very open and I hope it stays that way during the duration of my assumedly small talk I've got here. You earn no points, but go ahead. He really counterspelled me as I was going for it.

00:03:33 Speaker_02
I did.

00:03:33 Speaker_03
I was not going to. I was not going to lose the initiative point two episodes in a row. I learned my lesson Olympics can grew hops just in case bump. Penis so small talk.

00:03:44 Speaker_03
I learned last episode you guys are like where you talk about Hibachi and Diablo a lot, so I'm bringing something to the table that is neither one of those things.

00:03:51 Speaker_01
You know what that is?

00:03:52 Speaker_03
Hibachi football is back. We've only had one season ending injury and two other minor injuries that are somewhat concerning. And it, as of the time I'm saying this, we've only had like one or two preseason games.

00:04:15 Speaker_03
By the time we get through four, we might still have a team, baby. Woo! Can't wait. Football is almost back. Don't count on it. I'm not. I'm very pessimistic when it comes to football. I try to be realistic.

00:04:28 Speaker_01
Maybe being realistic is being pessimistic sometimes, but when it comes to football, I always think things are gonna go horribly wrong and yet I'm always excited going into the season like everyone else idiot.

00:04:38 Speaker_03
This is our year. No chiefs three Pete. It's who day nation baby bro. Juro's gonna take us to the top. We're gonna ride that donkey slowly into the canyon of despair and he's gonna bring us out on the other side.

00:04:54 Speaker_03
I mean, Mark, have you seen the Cincinnati quarterback this year? Look at him. He looks just like Eminem. No, we did talk about that on a, we did talk about that. He still does. Yeah. He still looks like that.

00:05:06 Speaker_03
Turns out hair takes longer than a week to grow. I mean, he could get it dyed a different color.

00:05:11 Speaker_01
I'm bald. That's it. That's all talk.

00:05:13 Speaker_03
All right. That's a bald point for weight. I guess water. No, that's Mark's thing. Damn it. You're only bald to me. You're nothing else.

00:05:21 Speaker_02
I am going to use my time to not talk about myself, but to talk about a hilarious article.

00:05:27 Speaker_01
I talked about football, which isn't myself either, but for the record.

00:05:30 Speaker_02
That's fair. So I'm going to follow in Wade's big, big footprints. And I'm going to read you the title of this article. Innocent looking attorney charged with smuggling into prison. And I'm I'm going to show you a picture of this attorney.

00:05:45 Speaker_02
Well, he looks innocent. I will let you and all of our lovely viewers at home judge the innocence of this attorney for yourself.

00:05:55 Speaker_03
I mean, okay. He's very wet looking.

00:05:59 Speaker_02
There's so much going on in this picture.

00:06:02 Speaker_03
There's a lot of wet. I do associate the amount of wetness with innocence. The wetter you are, generally, the more innocent you are. Who's assess- is this the journalist's assessment that this person looks innocent?

00:06:15 Speaker_02
I think it- I have to be real, the actual title of the article is not that, but the title that someone attributed to it when they posted it was that. And I just- I was like, innocent looking attorney, what is that? And then I clicked it.

00:06:27 Speaker_02
at this face joining me. And I'm not saying like anything other than like, I'm not trying to like disparage the appearance of this particular attorney. It's just like, this is the least innocent looking photo I've ever seen in my life.

00:06:38 Speaker_03
And that, that just made me laugh really hard. He definitely looks like he knows you caught him. There is so much moisture. It's not even like, he's not going to put up a fight.

00:06:48 Speaker_03
This is the picture of the look right before he's like, yeah, okay, here you go. I had a phone up my butt and I've done it before, officer. This is where everything comically falls out of his suit jacket right after he goes like, it wasn't me.

00:07:05 Speaker_03
Carton of cigarettes. The picture is from like chest up. If you like zooms out and around his waist, you just see like the outline under his clothes of like a cell phone, a file, like a shovel, just comical prison break stuff.

00:07:22 Speaker_03
Attorney Tommy Jarns weighed 102 pounds yesterday, but came into the prison today weighing 304. Oh, you know, you know, man. Went to FOGO last night and just couldn't help myself.

00:07:35 Speaker_03
You know, I sometimes you gain a couple hundred pounds because you eat a whole sword full of meat. What are you going to do? I just want to know. I don't care about what he smuggled, what he was doing illegally.

00:07:45 Speaker_01
Why is he so wet?

00:07:46 Speaker_03
That's the thing. I don't think it's all sweat, but what else could it be? Like there's some random spots on the outer part of the jacket. His hair is wet, but only on the sides of his head. Those those are drips.

00:07:59 Speaker_03
As a person who sweats profusely in almost every circumstance, I will say that the wetness on the top of his shoulder lapel area, those are just drips. You can see he's got like longer sort of hair coming down the side there. That's drips that happens.

00:08:14 Speaker_03
But the top of his head looks dry. His forehead looks dry. That's a that's a lie. That's a lie. The dampness is deep. Yeah.

00:08:22 Speaker_03
Because if you think about the way your head sweats, the top of your hair doesn't get wet because water doesn't like climb that much. And that's I see. Yeah, I guess that's true.

00:08:31 Speaker_03
The capillary action of your hair is not enough to like soak all of your hair, but it go it starts on your scalp and then it goes down and it seeps. But his face and his neck don't look like he's got sweat beads rolling down at all.

00:08:42 Speaker_03
He probably has a handkerchief wedged in somewhere. Yeah, they're going down.

00:08:46 Speaker_02
You can see him traced in. Let me see if I could zoom in for you. Let's get some more detail here. So you got rivulet coming down there. Oh, OK. On the zoom in. Yeah.

00:08:54 Speaker_03
Now, now I see it on the forehead. No, that's that's just drips. That's look, I don't know if I've ever looked as innocent as this person looks.

00:09:05 Speaker_03
My day-to-day goings-on, but I've definitely looked as sweaty as they look I did not see the head sweat So now it makes more sense. He's very sweaty. I mean look at his chest his upper chest is soaked through I know that I saw that right away.

00:09:18 Speaker_03
That's a heavy sweat man.

00:09:19 Speaker_02
I've been there this however it seems like he was hit with the water cannon because if you notice this dry spot in the center his tie must have been blocking it and

00:09:27 Speaker_03
No, it's because that's four layers of fabric is a person who wore a lot of suits in law school in the South when it was 100 plus degrees out.

00:09:34 Speaker_03
The last part of the front of your shirt to get wet, especially because if you have your collar done up, that part of the strip of buttons often doesn't even make contact with your skin, depending on how your shirt fits.

00:09:46 Speaker_03
Oh, that's doubled over fabric layered over itself. That's just it's wet underneath 100 percent.

00:09:52 Speaker_01
OK, he's very sweaty. Let's let's I'll just I'll accept the fact that he's sweaty.

00:09:56 Speaker_03
I know about sweating in suits, alright? Let's ask this question. Is he sweaty because of nerves? Is he sweaty because of the heat?

00:10:05 Speaker_01
Or because of the amount of things probably shoved uncomfortably into orifices that he's trying to bring into prison?

00:10:10 Speaker_03
That's the face of a man who's losing the battle to keep his butthole closed. Three cartons of cigarettes are in his intestines right now.

00:10:17 Speaker_02
Yes, officer. I just really need to get inside. It's my client. My many clients need me anyway. So I just wanted to share that for all of you to enjoy. I don't know the name of this man. I didn't read the article in trouble.

00:10:30 Speaker_03
Yeah, I think if he was actually caught smuggling stuff in or into or out of prison, that's not great for like grace.

00:10:40 Speaker_01
You can't break people out of prison. You can't break things into prison. What can you do at prison?

00:10:44 Speaker_03
It's not great for law license and freedoms. All right.

00:10:49 Speaker_02
I have a picture of all the items that he had on his person. Oh, no. Is it a lot?

00:10:55 Speaker_03
I hope it's like the Joker where it's just like all playing card, a whole bunch of just random shit. Hold on. Hold on. Let me get this framed up for you guys. Pocket lint. But it was inside of his anus.

00:11:06 Speaker_02
Actually, no, he had all of this. which seems to be about 500 cigarettes, a whole bunch of weed. I think there's multiple, multiple bags of marijuana.

00:11:25 Speaker_03
What are those rolling papers? What is all that stuff?

00:11:27 Speaker_02
The things at the bottom are cigarillos. Oh, OK. And then in the center might be rolling paper for making marijuana cigarettes. Two phones, a thingamabob and wires. That looks like a scale is what that looks like. Oh, like a mini scale maybe.

00:12:01 Speaker_02
Anyway, that's quite a bit of stuff to hope you get through with no questions asked.

00:12:07 Speaker_03
I mean, I'm sure he wouldn't admit it, but do you think he's done this before and he just happened to get caught this time? Or do you think this is a first try?

00:12:15 Speaker_03
There's no way you haven't done this before and you start with that much and you're like, go big or go home. Big first try. I agree. I agree.

00:12:23 Speaker_02
You don't know to vacuum pack your cigarettes without having done it before. This feels experienced.

00:12:32 Speaker_03
I mean, that'd be that'd be my guess. If someone was like, you have to try and smuggle something into a prison, my first guess would be like, well, you probably you want to airtight seal it, right? Because they probably have a dog or something.

00:12:44 Speaker_03
OK, I would I would start with vacuum sealing in a lot of cases. I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have either. for either for liquid purposes or... I would have had raw cigarettes, not even in a package, right up my anus.

00:12:57 Speaker_03
Couldn't you have your own pack of cigarettes? You could have that, right? No, you can't bring that. You leave that in like a locker outside when you go to visit. You're not allowed to bring nothing. They're real strict about prison stuff, man.

00:13:08 Speaker_03
I don't know why. Yeah, it's like this is my butcher knife. I always carry this with me. I'm a lawyer, chef. That's my belt file in case I need to get my belt off quickly and I can't get my hands to the buckle. I have a nervous attorney.

00:13:22 Speaker_03
I smoke a lot of this just for me during the interview. I smoked three cartons a day. This isn't even a full day supply.

00:13:29 Speaker_02
So that's that's my not my small talk.

00:13:32 Speaker_01
At least he looked in it. What was the actual name of the article?

00:13:34 Speaker_02
Uh, the actual name of the article was Mississippi attorney accused of bringing contraband into correctional facility, which is way less fun than innocent looking attorney charged with smuggling into prison.

00:13:45 Speaker_03
I love innocent looking attorney. Can we, can we petition? What state was this? Mississippi. Mississippians. We need to make a petition to change the name of this article.

00:13:55 Speaker_02
You can take it up with 12 News WJTV, focused on you.

00:13:59 Speaker_01
All right, let's petition them to change the name of the article officially to Innocent Looking Man.

00:14:03 Speaker_03
Why is their news channel bump a Morning Zoo style bump? I don't know. It's focused on you, WJTV. And that's the way the cookie crumbles. It's very edgy news. It's focused on you. That's what it is. I know reporters have like taglines and stuff.

00:14:21 Speaker_03
Does any of them have like inappropriately funny ones, do you think? Probably. There's a guy on the nightly news is like, and of the 56 passengers on board, unfortunately, only two survived a huge tragedy at the airport tonight.

00:14:37 Speaker_03
And that's the way the cookie crumbles. This is Jack Rafferty. If that don't tickle your taint. This has been Jack Rafferty. And that's what's going on in your neighborhood. I sniff glue and I'll sniff you. Jack Rafferty signing out.

00:14:53 Speaker_03
If there's a real reporter named Jack Rafferty, I'm really sorry, that's out of my ass, random guess. Is that a real person? I hope not.

00:14:58 Speaker_01
I don't think so.

00:14:59 Speaker_03
Someone Jack Rafferty. I mean, there's definitely a person named Jack Rafferty in the world, but like... Jack, if you're watching, listen, we're not trying to call you out.

00:15:06 Speaker_01
We don't really know.

00:15:06 Speaker_03
We're just... Raffman, hey!

00:15:09 Speaker_01
And what's the tagline on the Thriller music video?

00:15:11 Speaker_03
Any resemblance to the occult or real persons now or in the future is coincidence. Okay, Jack Rafferty is apparently a boxer and also he's a character in Sin City. That's the last person I want to piss off.

00:15:23 Speaker_02
Well, let's see if he's got well, let me check his record and then we'll see how much we could make fun of him. Okay.

00:15:27 Speaker_01
Yeah, that's fair. Police record or boxing record. He's 28.

00:15:31 Speaker_03
I don't know even a I think even a bad boxer I might I want to stay on good terms with I don't think I'm he's from the UK he his record is 23 and oh never lost 14 knockouts his aliases the demolition man five nine you know doesn't say the weight how does it not say the weight that's the key thing about boxers it doesn't say the weight it's what weight class they're in look I don't know what to tell you it doesn't say the weight

00:15:56 Speaker_01
He's the weight champion of the world.

00:15:58 Speaker_03
I fight all covers. Have at me.

00:16:01 Speaker_02
He's got a Wikipedia page. Let me look. No, he doesn't. It was redirected from human 805331.

00:16:08 Speaker_03
Jack Rafferty is human 805331. Guys, the simulation is cracking. They didn't cover that one. The truth is coming out. Open your eyes. Yep. He has no weight. So he's a cyborg? Are you all right? Your sideboard? Welterweight. There it is. He's a welterweight.

00:16:28 Speaker_01
Welter. Which is?

00:16:30 Speaker_03
Welterweight. Which is fairly light. Welterweight. He's the guy who sells the blue meth, right? 147 pounds. What a baby. What were we calling him? Jack Rafferty. He was a news guy. This wasn't an insult at all. Why were we?

00:16:43 Speaker_03
Mr. Wait, because he had an inappropriate tagline was why it was he was talking about people dying in a tragic thing. And then that's the way the cookie crumb sniffing glue and sniffing you. It's not a good it's not a good look.

00:16:54 Speaker_03
It's not a professional, you know. I don't want to imply that. I saw a clown drown in a pool once and he just floated. Jack Rafferty sending it. It's that, it's signed off.

00:17:04 Speaker_03
I stole that from Bill Hader, one of his SNL skits where he makes fun of Dateline.

00:17:09 Speaker_02
I mean, if you think about it, like with Bob Barker, it was like, always spay and neuter your pets. Always remember to clean your foreskin, everybody.

00:17:17 Speaker_03
It was a fun game show. Maybe it's a fun news segment. It was fun boxing segment. Well, not your version, but the other. Thanks for watching Wheel of Fortune. Make sure you wash your taints, you filthy animals. This is... Pop that pussy. Jack Rafferty out.

00:17:30 Speaker_03
You guys want to see the picture of the attorney again?

00:17:32 Speaker_02
There he is. Can we put him through like that AI filter that makes people smile? And let's see what a smile looks like. Ooh, uh... I'll work on that while you, uh... while you start the episode. I'll get this smiling. Okay.

00:17:44 Speaker_03
Oh yeah, episode. I thought we were recording. I thought we were just chatting. Yeah, no, we're just messing around. No, that's good because that's sort of the mood for today. Uh, we're just... we're just messing around. We're just playing games.

00:17:54 Speaker_03
This episode of Distractible is brought to you by Amazon. Did you know holidays are in like, like a little bit, like coming up?

00:18:01 Speaker_01
Which is why I wait till about, I don't know, December 10th and I go online and then I'm like, the first thing I find that makes me think of somebody, I'm like, buy it, send it, ship it, done.

00:18:12 Speaker_03
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00:18:24 Speaker_03
This episode is brought to you by Batman Arkham Shadow available only on MetaQuest 3 and 3S. I'm just excited to be able to use Batman's gadgets. Shot, glove, punch, the Rat King, just the bat versus the rat.

00:18:37 Speaker_03
That's going to make for some really good headlines. Become the Knight. Batman Arkham Shadow is included when you buy Metaquest 3 or 3S. Available now. Learn more at BatmanArkhamShadow.com. I'm going to be really honest.

00:18:57 Speaker_03
I mean, these are games that lots of people play, but I saw another podcast do this episode and I thought it was really funny and I thought you guys would enjoy it. And it was the basement yard. I saw clips of it. And so lots of people have done this.

00:19:11 Speaker_03
They're not even the first ones. But I should. I don't know. I felt like I should credit people. Anyway, we're going to play parlor games, guys. Guys ever play parlor games?

00:19:19 Speaker_01
Is that where you get your head shades and you play cards while it happens?

00:19:22 Speaker_03
You'd be really good at that, but no, it's they're basically like word riddle games. So there's a there's some kind of rule and you guys have to figure it out. And there's there's some different ones. So they're going to work differently.

00:19:37 Speaker_03
But basically, I'm going to say some stuff and you might need to say some stuff or you might need to just make guesses. And if you know the game ahead of time, maybe just play along and don't ruin it for the rest of us. OK.

00:19:49 Speaker_03
But I have a suspicion you guys might not know.

00:19:52 Speaker_01
Can I ask a question before we get started? When you said word association games, it made me think of like I spy with my little eye.

00:19:57 Speaker_03
I didn't say word association games. I'm good at listening.

00:20:01 Speaker_01
OK.

00:20:01 Speaker_03
But did you say whenever you guys would play that game as a kid, would you say like I spy with my little eye or would you do? We had a version was Ridley Diddley. I.D.D. I see something you don't see in the color of it is.

00:20:12 Speaker_03
Your head must just be a wonderful place to hang out. What the fuck? What version of like I spy did you guys play we played I spy where you say I spy with my little eye Something that is okay. You didn't Ridley diddly IDD What is that Nothing, I guess.

00:20:33 Speaker_03
Bob's back to you. Riddle DD, look at me! I see a thing over there! I played with my nieces recently. They did the I Spy version. I was like, wait, they don't know the Riddley Diddley IDD? What's the game called? Did you still call it I Spy?

00:20:46 Speaker_03
I don't remember. Because I feel like if you still called it I Spy, the answer is self-evident. If it's I Spy or Riddle DD.

00:20:54 Speaker_01
Did anyone else out there play that version?

00:20:56 Speaker_03
I'm sure there maybe is someone, but not us.

00:21:00 Speaker_02
I have an update. Yes. I'm going to share my screen. Okay. You guys remember our friend, the attorney? Yes.

00:21:09 Speaker_03
I got him smiling. Oh, it's a slow... Oh, that's a nice smile, though. That's nice, right? It's not at all unsettling, and is mostly nice. Yeah, that's pretty good, right? Anyway, that's it. Alright, goodbye. Parlor games.

00:21:23 Speaker_02
Fiddle me, Dee!

00:21:24 Speaker_03
Fiddle me, Dee! Fiddle my Dee! I see something you don't see.

00:21:28 Speaker_02
Fiddle my Dee! I got something for you to see!

00:21:33 Speaker_03
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Guys, we're gonna play a game called Green Glass Door. And it's a simple game. It's about, there's a door, it's imaginary. Glass or grass door? Glass.

00:21:48 Speaker_01
Makes more sense.

00:21:48 Speaker_03
Green glass door. And the whole point of the game is to figure out what things we can bring through the door. And I'll start, and I want, you guys are gonna have to try to figure out what you can bring through the door, okay?

00:22:00 Speaker_03
This is so close to the attorney story. I know, right? This is he played this game and he lost. So you better be careful. OK, so so I'm going to go through the door. I am going to bring feet, but not shoes.

00:22:14 Speaker_01
We tell you you're allowed or what? What do we know?

00:22:17 Speaker_03
I'm telling you I can bring feet, but I cannot bring shoes when I go through the door. And so now we're basically I want to go around and you have to try and make a statement where you say I can bring thing, but I cannot bring other thing.

00:22:29 Speaker_03
It has to be correct statement. Okay, so we're guessing right now what we can? Yes. Based on what you brought.

00:22:35 Speaker_03
There is a rule that you're trying to discern, and I will tell you if you're correct or incorrect or what, and I want you to figure out the rule. That's the game. I can bring ants, but not pants. Can't bring either of those. Okay.

00:22:50 Speaker_03
I bring hands, but not gloves. That was the obvious one. No, can't bring either of those. See, our guess is still wrong, Mark.

00:22:58 Speaker_02
We learned something. That's why I didn't pick it, because I knew it would be dumb.

00:23:03 Speaker_03
I am going to bring sunglasses, but not shades. I'm going to bring a brain, but not a skull. Actually, that's that's backwards. You could bring a skull and you definitely cannot bring a brain. It's a chapstick container thing. It's about chapstick.

00:23:24 Speaker_03
He's on the chapstick thing. This is not a game I invented. This is a game. Keep thinking, Mark. Keep thinking. He's trying to circumvent the chapstick thing. Uh-huh. He's mad at the subreddit. Maybe. I'm going to bring despair, but not hope.

00:23:40 Speaker_03
You can't bring either of those. But I appreciate the sentiment. I see what you're getting at. All right. Let me go. I'll go in a different direction. I'm gonna bring weed, but not alcohol. You guys seem like you're really close.

00:23:55 Speaker_03
So if you figure it out, don't just blurt it out, okay? We wanna give the other person a chance to catch up.

00:24:00 Speaker_02
Oh, so close.

00:24:02 Speaker_03
Oh, yeah. I'm sure you're right at, you're right there. Keep trying. I'm going to bring

00:24:12 Speaker_02
Yep. I'm gonna bring... I'm gonna bring poop, but not a septic system. That's correct. That's correct. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's correct. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

00:24:30 Speaker_01
I'm going to bring road, but not head.

00:24:34 Speaker_03
No, you can't bring either of those. Sorry. All right. Great. I am going to bring A broom, but not a dustpan. One that doesn't fit right now in my brain is sunglasses and shades. It's a simple rule.

00:24:53 Speaker_03
Mark, if you get another correct answer, you're free and we can sit here together and laugh at Wade while he suffers.

00:25:00 Speaker_02
Oh, good, good, good. I'm going to bring grass, but not a lawnmower.

00:25:09 Speaker_03
That's correct, Mark. I think you have no idea why it's correct, so we're gonna keep going.

00:25:18 Speaker_02
No, I know. I just can't blurt it out.

00:25:21 Speaker_03
Okay, yeah, don't blurt it out. We know Mark knows.

00:25:24 Speaker_02
Clearly he knows.

00:25:25 Speaker_03
It's the confidence of a man who knows. Yes, of course. Okay. I'm going to bring steel. Yep. But not slippers. Unfortunately, that's incorrect because you could bring both of those. Obviously, Wade, don't you get it? Archie, you're getting closer.

00:25:46 Speaker_03
I could feel you making progress. I am going to bring happiness, but not sadness. Actually, I can bring that. You know what? I'm wrong. Wait a second. Wait, I didn't think it all the way through. I'm wrong. That's incorrect. I could bring both of those.

00:26:00 Speaker_03
I could bring happiness and sadness. So I'm just as I just as you got. Well, look, I've not I got the rules right in front of me and I still messed up.

00:26:06 Speaker_02
So, you know, obviously, man, you don't need to act dumb to help him feel better here.

00:26:12 Speaker_03
I'll act dumb. I'll act dumb to make him feel better. All right, Mark. Give us give us another correct answer, Mark. I believe you. I believe in you.

00:26:19 Speaker_02
No, no, I don't. Oh, we're all goofing here. I got one, I think.

00:26:25 Speaker_03
I'm going to bring light, but not the sun. Oh, I'm sorry. You can't bring either of those. See, I was just being dumb. Wait, come on, you know what the deal is here. Yeah, I'm going to bring sass, but not spores. That's correct. That's correct.

00:26:44 Speaker_03
Oh, you get it now. I think. I don't know. That's excellent. That's very good. I am going to bring teenagers, but not adults.

00:26:56 Speaker_02
I'm going to bring. I'm going to bring a cow, but not milk. I'm sorry, you can't bring either of those, buddy. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

00:27:07 Speaker_03
Well, I'll cross that off my list of possibilities. Now I definitely know what it is. You're just narrowing it. You're honing it in so you know specifically what the rule is. Wade? I'm going to bring moose, but not nose. That is correct.

00:27:22 Speaker_03
You can bring moose. And nose is not allowed. I am going to bring... I am going to bring wheels, but not tires. That's the face of a man who knows what he's about to say. Confident, correct answer, and you guys have both figured this game out.

00:27:42 Speaker_03
Let's go, buddy.

00:27:43 Speaker_02
I'm going to bring... I'm going to bring... Just, come on, you got it, you're right there. I'm gonna bring... but not... I'm gonna bring... what? Okay, wait.

00:27:58 Speaker_03
How about, I'm gonna bring... I'm gonna bring... I'm gonna bring water, but not rain? I'm sorry, you can't bring either of those. That is incorrect. Wade, do you want to give him something to help him out? Yeah, I'm going to bring spoons, but not forks.

00:28:14 Speaker_03
That's a good one. That's a good one. You can bring spoons. I'm also going to throw this out there. We can keep going on this game if you want to try and figure it out, Mark. But every correct answer that Wade gives is earning him more points.

00:28:26 Speaker_03
And if you want to throw in the towel and have me either give you a hint or give you the game, We can do that, but it will potentially cost you. See fake frozen or real frozen? He's fake frozen. He's thinking.

00:28:39 Speaker_03
Let's see if I can give you one that'll help you out. I am going to bring pool, but not pond.

00:28:47 Speaker_02
I'm going to bring pussy, but not pop. That's correct. Yeah, I knew it would be. You can bring pussy.

00:28:59 Speaker_01
Maybe I don't know the rules as well as I thought, because I... I would have thought you could bring Pop.

00:29:04 Speaker_03
Well, let's try this again then, shall we, Wade? What do you got? You've just been getting correct answers even though you didn't understand what's going on here? Who would do that? Apparently, I'm going to bring Tools. I'm not going to bring Pole.

00:29:18 Speaker_03
That's correct. You can bring Tools. You cannot bring Pole. That's correct. You don't think you know the answer? I mean, I think I do. Should I just say what I think it is? Mark, do you want to go again before I take a guess?

00:29:27 Speaker_02
I think I know what it is, but now. Yeah, I think I know.

00:29:31 Speaker_03
We'll put two points in the air. You both say what you think it is. If you're both correct.

00:29:35 Speaker_01
Do you want us to message you or say it out loud?

00:29:37 Speaker_03
Let's just do honor rules. Let's just say just don't change your answer. Whatever you think it is right now. Let's say that. And Wade, you go first.

00:29:45 Speaker_01
What I originally thought was you had to say something that had two of the same letter or more, and you couldn't say something that didn't have a repeat letter, but Pop threw me off.

00:29:54 Speaker_03
So I'm guessing it has to be vowels or S's?

00:29:59 Speaker_02
Mark, what do you think the rule is? Two letters on the inside of the word that are the same, and then the other one does not.

00:30:06 Speaker_03
That's why shades wouldn't work, but sunglasses would.

00:30:09 Speaker_02
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

00:30:11 Speaker_03
OK, you're both wrong. So I'm going to do another example. I am going to bring a tree, but not. Bushes. I really thought one of you guys was going to have the right answer. Okay. The two letters thing though. That's been a real common theme. Yeah.

00:30:28 Speaker_03
I mean, what have, what have I brought? I've brought sunglasses, weed feet. I'm bringing tree.

00:30:34 Speaker_01
I think I know the rule now. I think the two letters just have to be together somewhere in the word. Anywhere in the word, just two letters have to be next to each other. S's, O's, E's. It doesn't matter as long as they're touching.

00:30:45 Speaker_02
But there's another part of the rule because the other because there are some things that you can bring and can't bring. But then he said he said you can bring tires, but not wheels. And that one doesn't make sense. Other way around.

00:30:55 Speaker_03
You can bring wheels, but I brought wheels, but not tires. Wheels is next to each other. They said tires, but not wheels. That's why I was so confused because I thought you said tires, but not wheels. I think he said wheels first.

00:31:08 Speaker_03
I think I said wheels, but not tires. I wrote down that I said wheels and tires. Okay. All right. Okay. You might be right about that.

00:31:13 Speaker_01
I can bring wheels, can't bring tires. I can bring sunglasses, can't bring shades. I can bring plumes, but not poles.

00:31:17 Speaker_02
So it's a two-letter thing, but what is the other one? There has to be another rule for what can't be there.

00:31:23 Speaker_03
All right, this is being semantic, but that's not correct. Do you want me to just tell you what the rule is? At this point, yes, please. It needs to be a double letter anywhere in the word.

00:31:32 Speaker_03
Technically, I guess I was unclear what you meant by the letters need to be inside. The tree has two E's at the end of the word. They're not inside the word. Yeah, it just needs to be two letters, double letters right next to each other.

00:31:47 Speaker_03
That's what he said wrong. That's what he said. That's not what he said. Yes, was that one? He he he said, what was the one you said? Pop threw you off because it had two peas in it, but they're not next to each other. So originally, I guess wrong.

00:32:02 Speaker_03
It's not just two of the same letter in the word. It's two letters next to each other. Yeah, I guessed wrong and Mark guessed wrong.

00:32:08 Speaker_01
And then when we went back through, we did one more. I said, OK, they just give me two letters touching.

00:32:11 Speaker_03
Yeah. Wade's newest guess, Wade's latest guess is correct.

00:32:14 Speaker_02
Wait, I was under the assumption of what he was saying was they had to be adjacent. That was a given that they must be adjacent.

00:32:22 Speaker_03
That's not a given, that's not what he said. That's what he said, and that's what I was thinking anyway.

00:32:26 Speaker_02
When he became wrong, I was like, ah, there must be specificity of where those two letters should be.

00:32:31 Speaker_03
Mark is arguing that he did know it, and on what happened.

00:32:35 Speaker_02
I'm arguing that Wade knew it, because he said Pop threw him off, so his guess was that it wasn't that, it must not be that. He said two of the same letters next to each other.

00:32:44 Speaker_03
That's what he said, and you said that was wrong. Pop threw him off because I couldn't bring Pop. Yes, and that's why he qualified his guess to just be the two letters and the other one could not be. And then you said that wasn't it.

00:32:56 Speaker_03
And so I was like, OK, it must be specificity of where those two letters are. And I was like, wait, I feel like you and I both understand what you said. And Marcus, I'll give him the points if you want.

00:33:05 Speaker_02
Yes, because I was operating the assumption. My guess, my guess was still the same. But because you said he was wrong, I was operating on the assumption that he was guessing the two same letters next to each other because that's what it was.

00:33:18 Speaker_01
I did not feel misled there. I just, my original thought was like, okay, you just have to have two letters in the word. So like, pop would count because you got P and P. Stop would not because there's just no repeating letters.

00:33:31 Speaker_01
Stops would work, originally I would have thought. However, I learned no. Sassy would work because you have the S-S. Or stoop would work. because you have the Oh, so I eventually got there.

00:33:40 Speaker_01
But originally, I just thought it was any like, you have to have any letter twice. But when I first was guessing, that's what my thought was, was just you had to have two of the same letter anywhere in the word, not necessarily next to each other.

00:33:50 Speaker_02
And that may have been what you said, but I was operating the assumption that you knew they had to be next to each other. I did not originally.

00:33:56 Speaker_03
Therefore, when he said you were wrong, thinking that he understood that you meant two letters next to each other, because that's what my guess was, too. And you know what?

00:34:05 Speaker_03
Two points for Wade for being correct, apparently, but also a point to mark for sportsmanship, because that's just good sportsmanship. I think Judge Judy is pretty close.

00:34:15 Speaker_03
OK, Wade gets two points, Mark gets one point for being a good sport and giving Wade two points.

00:34:21 Speaker_01
I still want to understand. Is it two letters together or just two letters in the same word? It's together.

00:34:26 Speaker_03
It's two letters together anywhere in the world. It doesn't. It's listen. Look, you both basically had it. If I'm honest, I'm not sure even what I said, let alone if I and my weight gets two points in markets. Well, let's play the next game.

00:34:39 Speaker_03
This game is challenge. I don't have any red flags left. Technically, when we have the hot tub boat episode, I think that refreshed everything because the boat that's the thing. I'll save it.

00:34:49 Speaker_01
I want to make sure I know what I'm challenging before I challenged.

00:34:51 Speaker_03
I still don't even I couldn't even describe accurately what the challenge would be. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because the next game is going to really this is different. Ridley Diddley, I-D-D. It's not a real thing.

00:35:01 Speaker_03
I feel like you looked into it and it just doesn't count. Ridley Diddley, look at me pee. Is that what you said?

00:35:07 Speaker_02
No, Ridley Diddley, I-D-D. I see something you don't see. Ridley Diddley, D-D-D. Here I am. Watch me pee.

00:35:15 Speaker_03
This episode is brought to you by Coca-Cola Creations. I love Coca-Cola and I have had Coke in my life for my entire life. You love Coke. I love Oreos. Oreos are delicious. Coke is delicious.

00:35:28 Speaker_03
What happens when the best drink and the best cookie in the world get together? The best become besties. Try the new Coca-Cola Oreo Zero Sugar Limited Edition. Besties for a limited time.

00:35:38 Speaker_01
Taste it while it lasts. Copyright 2024, The Coca-Cola Company. Copyright 2024, Mondelez International Group.

00:35:45 Speaker_02
This episode is brought to you by Coca-Cola Creations. What happens when the best drink and the best cookie in the world get together? The best become besties. Let's taste the new Coca-Cola Oreo Zero Sugar Limited Edition.

00:35:56 Speaker_03
Mark, do you have yours? Are you excited? They sent us these special, and then we're gonna try them.

00:36:01 Speaker_02
I've been in an undisclosed location, kind of in a- Sucks to be you!

00:36:05 Speaker_03
Cheers, Bob! Yeah!

00:36:07 Speaker_02
I actually haven't had like a tasty treat in a while.

00:36:09 Speaker_03
It's been... It's like if Oreos was a drink, honestly.

00:36:13 Speaker_01
It's kind of an unexpected flavor, but it's almost like kind of like the icing of an Oreo.

00:36:17 Speaker_03
What do you think, Mark?

00:36:18 Speaker_02
Uh, editors, put in the sound of me glugging. It's great, guys. So good. Try the new Coca-Cola Oreo Zero Sugar Limited Edition. Besties for a limited time. Taste it while it lasts. Copyright 2024. The Coca-Cola Company. Copyright 2024.

00:36:36 Speaker_02
Mondelez International Group.

00:36:43 Speaker_03
I have a story and you have, but I can't just tell you the story. You have to get it out of me by asking yes or no questions. And you can ask me any question you want, but you have to ask me yes or no questions.

00:36:56 Speaker_03
And this is not like the 20 questions where I'll give you a wishy-washy, I will tell you yes or no, or possibly maybe, but the maybes get no explanation. The maybes, the maybes will just come up when they, if they come up, that's the thing.

00:37:10 Speaker_03
It's a story that you experienced. This is a real story that happened.

00:37:14 Speaker_01
So odds are you've told it on this podcast before.

00:37:17 Speaker_03
Got it. I have not. This has never come up on the podcast. And it's it's this is this can be investigative. The point is not for you to get. The point is not what the story is. The point is the game. We're trying to figure out the rules of the game, right?

00:37:29 Speaker_03
We start and we alternate. Sure. OK, Mark goes first since I think I screwed him out of points last time or I'm not sure. It doesn't matter who goes first. Did he did you have any context to what the story is about? Is that my question?

00:37:42 Speaker_03
That's your question. And No.

00:37:46 Speaker_01
Who was that? Why? That's not it. Oh, I'm panicking.

00:37:50 Speaker_03
Hold on. Were you alone? Yes. Were you afraid? No. Were you naked? No. Do you wish you were naked?

00:38:01 Speaker_01
No. Was it at your house?

00:38:04 Speaker_02
Yes. Were you in the bathroom?

00:38:08 Speaker_03
No. Was it in your garage? Yes.

00:38:12 Speaker_02
Did your car fall on you?

00:38:14 Speaker_03
Yes. Was it when you were changing a tire?

00:38:18 Speaker_02
Yes. Did you die? Yes.

00:38:20 Speaker_03
Oh, gosh.

00:38:22 Speaker_04
All right. OK, wait, hold on.

00:38:26 Speaker_03
You guys are really asking some probing questions here. This is fascinating. Wait, so you did die? I had to answer that question with a yes. Remember, these are riddles. So there's a rule. The story is irrelevant.

00:38:38 Speaker_03
The story is perhaps, perhaps nonsense even. But there's rules as to why I'm telling you what I'm telling you. And there are correct rules and incorrect rules. Oh, fuck. I wasn't playing that game at all. I was just asking a question about the story.

00:38:51 Speaker_03
What did we just read? OK, I thought it was fairly clear from the first thing.

00:38:56 Speaker_01
I was just excited to get some yeses. I lost the plot for the yeses.

00:38:59 Speaker_03
I mean, yeses are good because it gives you information, but nos also give you information and you haven't even gotten to maybe yet. Did you live? Yes. I want to give you it's so bad, but it's a little early for that. I feel like we can do this.

00:39:17 Speaker_02
So you weren't in your garage?

00:39:20 Speaker_03
Yes. Were you dressed? No. I didn't know. Were you dressed? No. You was in the garage. What the fuck did you ask, Mark? You said, so you weren't in the garage. I said, yes, I weren't. Here, I got one. Am I holding up two fingers? No. Shit.

00:39:53 Speaker_03
You didn't ask it right. You didn't ask it right.

00:39:56 Speaker_01
Am I ugly?

00:39:57 Speaker_03
Maybe.

00:39:58 Speaker_01
Did I step out of bounds?

00:40:00 Speaker_03
Am I not cute? Yes. Interesting question phrasing there. I like it. Am I ugly-le? No, it's not a word, but I think no is the answer still. Did you see Taken? No.

00:40:18 Speaker_02
Did you watch Taken? No. Did you see Taken 2?

00:40:24 Speaker_03
Yes. I hope you just figured out. That is such a good question to get it on.

00:40:33 Speaker_01
Am I Buffalo?

00:40:34 Speaker_03
Yeah. Yeah. Wait a minute. Okay. Maybe I don't get it. Have confidence. I believe in you. What do you think of 33? Yes. Is he for? No. Guess we're getting a lot of numbers in here. You want a hint about the numbers?

00:40:52 Speaker_01
No, I'm not. I'm not obsessed with the number part. I'm doing something else.

00:40:55 Speaker_03
OK. Where were you on the night of January 23rd? No. Were you on Darla? Yes. It's not a word association. You're allowed to think about what you ask, but yes. I have one theory and one theory only right now.

00:41:11 Speaker_02
I kind of have a theory. I'm trying to... Am I Big Buffalo? Yes. Am I Buffalo Wings? No. Am I Purple Buffalo? Yes. I think I know what it is.

00:41:25 Speaker_03
I don't know if you do. Bob, were you Tree? Yes. I think I got it. I do too. Can we guess? Give me a question and tell me if you think the answer is yes, no, or maybe.

00:41:38 Speaker_03
I want to test if you're accurate before you give each other any clues in whatever the theories might be.

00:41:44 Speaker_02
So the answer to this question is going to be yes. I'm trying not to ask a question that we've asked before.

00:41:52 Speaker_03
Yeah. Is this scandalous? And you think the answer should be yes to that? Yes. Yeah. Incorrect. Well, it's making up rules. The Caesars is making it up. They are made up, but they are already made up and they have been the same the whole time.

00:42:06 Speaker_03
My answer is going to be yes. Do you wear a bra? That is correct. Yes. This answer is going to be no. Are lollipops scrumdiddlyumptious? No. Yeah. Okay, all right. This is gonna be maybe. Is Mark smelly? Maybe, that's correct. Here's a, it's gonna be a maybe.

00:42:25 Speaker_03
Is Wade stupid? I'm sorry, the answer to that is no.

00:42:30 Speaker_01
This will be a no. Is Wade smart?

00:42:32 Speaker_03
No, I'm confident that Wade has a theory that is at least accidentally correct. I have no idea because I think you've changed the rules.

00:42:42 Speaker_03
I don't well, I'm not going to say it's impossible that I misspoke because I literally do that in every single episode, but I don't think I did because the rules are fairly straightforward.

00:42:50 Speaker_03
And I think Wade has them, but I don't want to cut you off, Mark. I feel like you're really building to something. Uh, well, well, I was and now I have no theory.

00:42:59 Speaker_02
Okay. Uh, do you like zebra? I don't know what this is going to be.

00:43:04 Speaker_03
Yes. Do you like zebras? No, I'm walking in. I'm walking in mine. Yeah, wait, like message it to me or something. And well, but it doesn't make sense. Would you like me to answer some questions, Mark? Yeah, that's all you've been doing. Am I a kid? No. Am I?

00:43:25 Speaker_03
Salty, maybe. Am I bright? No, but am I edgy? Maybe. Are you candelabra? Yeah. Yeah. Are you a psychologist? No. Are you psycho? Yes. I got nothing. I got nothing. I got nothing. Am I right, Bob? Am I right? Wade is correct. He did figure this one out. What is it?

00:43:52 Speaker_03
Wade, do you want to explain it?

00:43:53 Speaker_01
Yeah, you can correct me if I'm wrong, if I'm not fully right. The last letter of the word, the last word, has to be a vowel for him to say yes. If it's a consonant, he says no.

00:44:03 Speaker_01
If it's a Y, he says maybe, because Ys are sometimes vowels and sometimes consonants.

00:44:09 Speaker_03
The name of the game is sometimes Y because sometimes Y is a vowel. There were some crazy coincidences on number of syllables.

00:44:23 Speaker_02
really threw things off for me.

00:44:25 Speaker_03
And then once that train was gone, as soon as I said ugly or whatever it was, and he said, maybe it was silly and stupid. And then I was like, okay, there's something. So I was paying attention.

00:44:35 Speaker_03
I thought what it was afterwards was if there are three consonants at the beginning of the word, it's maybe two consonants in the beginning of the word was, uh, no. And then one consonant and vowel would have been yes.

00:44:49 Speaker_03
I didn't think about the beginning, which is why I said psychology, because I was like, P.S. Why? That's got to be something.

00:44:55 Speaker_03
No, I could tell both of you guys at different points got really coincidentally the answers you were looking for because you were you would ask a question and I was like, yes. And you were like, oh.

00:45:06 Speaker_03
And I was like, that shouldn't have given anything away.

00:45:08 Speaker_01
I was on a number of letters in the first word of the question for a while. I was like, OK, odd number R was yes and even no or something like that. And I was like, and so he has something else marked and it's completely ruined my idea.

00:45:20 Speaker_01
I was like, oh, OK. But I got on to you with the whatever. Whatever the first word is, you gave me a maybe. I was like, what the fuck was different about that one than any other one? I was like, oh, they think of is like ends and why?

00:45:32 Speaker_03
Yeah, the why it was really the thing if you happen to get onto the why that was kind of the giveaway eventually, because that one I was stuck on it for quite a while. It's been a tight competition up to this point.

00:45:43 Speaker_03
I Mark had a lot of questions during that last game that I really liked. And you earned more points than Wade did during the game. But Wade earned the points for actually solving the puzzle. I like are you on Darla? That was my favorite one.

00:45:56 Speaker_03
That was a very good one. I like that a lot. But Mark, you earned points for Innocent Attorney, Moisture, Jack Rafferty, Terrifying Smile GIF, Poop Septic, Grass, Pussy Pop, Sportsmanship, Am I Beautiful, Taken 2, and Purple Buffalo.

00:46:16 Speaker_03
I was really hoping Taken 2 was where you figured it out because that would have been really fucking funny.

00:46:21 Speaker_02
Well, it was like the syllable count of the last word really did, kind of. That was where I was like, I got it!

00:46:28 Speaker_03
That was for the other way it clicked with me. I was like, with the Y and taken, taken two is like two ends in O. Why? The vowels! The vowels!

00:46:37 Speaker_03
Well, Wade, you earned points for football, footballed, ass briefcase, Mississippi petition, sassy spores, moose nose, spoons, forks, tools, pole. Turns out he was right and solved the puzzle. Mark, you earned a grand total of 10 points.

00:46:55 Speaker_03
And Wade, you earned a grand total of 12 points. That seems closer than I would have thought. I got to get better answers in the middle.

00:47:03 Speaker_03
Honestly, Mark came back a lot just because in the last one, the am I beautiful questions, the taken questions, and then the purple buffalo really got me. They really tickled me. I thought I had it.

00:47:14 Speaker_03
Well, unfortunately, that means Wade has to give a winner's speech. Wade, what do you have to say for yourself?

00:47:19 Speaker_03
I think it's very fortunate I have to give a winner's speech I want to stand a little bit of a podium here I think it's been a while maybe since I hosted maybe not that long I can't remember but anytime I lose it feels like it's been forever since I've won uh I want to give an apology

00:47:35 Speaker_03
to Shakira who I've not mentioned in a little while and I've seen some beautiful posts from people about Shakira and statues and performances and her SNL appearance and I don't know that she's gotten the spotlight for me she deserves.

00:47:48 Speaker_03
Queen we are so back and you're in my thoughts always and good game or whatever you do. I was curious if something happened with Shakira so I'm glad to hear that that's okay. I hope not.

00:48:00 Speaker_03
And luckily for everyone, we get to hear a wonderful loser speech from Mark.

00:48:05 Speaker_02
I figured out the rules of the podcast, right? I've deduced it. I've never known those.

00:48:10 Speaker_02
See, the trick is whoever's hosting is trying to pad out the small talk as much as possible and it keeps the actual competitive part of the game smaller if it's bigger.

00:48:21 Speaker_02
And me coming in with all of this glorious Smalltalk was my undoing, because I lost the ability to have more actual rounds to play. So from here on out, I shall pledge I shall not ever have Smalltalk again.

00:48:33 Speaker_03
I don't like the sound of that. I'll double up my Smalltalk. We used every ounce of content I had prepared for this. If we had less Smalltalk, I had nothing.

00:48:43 Speaker_03
Bob, you will earn bonus points next episode if you come with lots of Smalltalk to fill in for Mark's missing Smalltalk. Thank you. I'll just make stuff up. You just ask me yes or no questions and I'll tell you a whole story.

00:48:53 Speaker_03
I'm going to come in with five minutes of planned game, 55 minutes of small talk space. Perfect. Well, congratulations, Wade. But congratulations even more so to Mark for figuring out the rules of the podcast.

00:49:04 Speaker_03
I think that's really going to bear a lot of fruit going down the line. I think a lot of Mark victories are coming up in the forthcoming episodes. Make sure you check out our merch at distractiblestore.com.

00:49:14 Speaker_03
Make sure you follow the podcast with the little plus thingy or subscribe or whatever it's called. And then you'll always know when there's new episodes because there's a lot of them constantly. Always more. Also, Mark is Markiplier.

00:49:26 Speaker_03
Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777. 3-7. Embrace these nuts! They're not on camera. Hang on. All right. Don't show him. Don't show that. Don't show that. I am my scurvy. That's the end of the episode. Like we always say the end of the episode podcast.