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Episode: IN-DEPTH: Greatness vs. Contentment (w/ Kendra Adachi)

Author: Cal Newport
Duration: 01:06:14

Episode Shownotes

This IN-DEPTH is brought to you by Defender. In this episode of IN-DEPTH, Cal welcomes the bestselling author Kendra Adachi to talk about her new book, THE PLAN, which introduces the innovative idea of “compassionate time management.” Kendra and Cal discuss how to move beyond the forever pursuit of “greatness”

to instead seek satisfaction in your current life; the ways in which time management and productivity writing ignores the specific concerns of women; and why flexibility and pivoting are more important skills than precise planning. Video from today’s episode: youtube.com/calnewportmediaLinks:https://www.landroverusa.comhttps://www.calnewport.com/slowThanks to Jesse Miller for production, Jay Kerstens for the intro music, Kieron Rees for the theme music, and Mark Miles for mastering.

Full Transcript

00:00:15 Speaker_01
I'm Cal Newport, and this is In Depth, a semi-regular series where I interview interesting people about the quest to cultivate a deep life.

00:00:27 Speaker_01
Today's episode is presented by Defender, a vehicle designed for those of us seeking adventure in a distracted world. I'm excited about today's show because I'll be talking with Kendra Adachi. I've known Kendra for a while.

00:00:40 Speaker_01
She's a leader in a movement that she calls Compassionate Time Management. You might know her from her Lazy Genius podcast or from her book, The Lazy Genius, but she has a new title out. That's what we're gonna be talking about today.

00:00:56 Speaker_01
A new book that is called The Plan, Manage Your Time Like a Lazy Genius.

00:01:04 Speaker_01
So Kendra and I are exploring similar spaces that I explored in my prior episode with Oliver Berkman, but we come at it from different angles that I think are fascinating and useful for our quest on this show to understand depth, how to build a life that matters without getting obsessed about the process of the building.

00:01:24 Speaker_01
I think Kendra's fantastic on it. Here's some of the issues we get into in today's episode. Why being a genius in one thing means you might have to be lazy in many other things, and that that's okay.

00:01:36 Speaker_01
We talk about why the unceasing pursuit of greatness, which is the focus of a lot of time management productivity advice, this idea that everything you're doing now is about achieving some greatness in the future.

00:01:47 Speaker_01
We get into why that can be self-defeating and exhausting, and how the alternative, which Kindra calls integration, which involves living wholly with your current situation can in the end be so much more fulfilling.

00:02:03 Speaker_01
We get into my own recovery from greatness, pursuit, addiction, we get some free therapy here from Kinder about my own middle-age evolution of what I think is important in my life and I think this is critical

00:02:17 Speaker_01
We get into why time management and productivity writing tends to neglect the reality of women and how Kindra is trying to remedy that with this book and her podcast and writings in general. Now, I gave a cover blurb for the plan.

00:02:31 Speaker_01
In fact, I think I'm the only male blurber of this book, something that I'm very proud about. Here's what I wrote on the cover of Kindra's book.

00:02:41 Speaker_01
Strikingly original and compassionate, Kendra offers a vision of time management that embraces the unique messiness of your life instead of trying to optimize it away."

00:02:51 Speaker_01
I very much agree with that sentiment, and I think you might too after you hear our conversation. But first, I want to say a word about today's presenting sponsor, Defender. Let's start with the idea of a presenting sponsor altogether.

00:03:05 Speaker_01
This is new, but it was what I have

00:03:07 Speaker_01
said from the beginning of this series, my goal is to try to find for each episode, a single presenting sponsor, a high quality brand I actually like, that would then allow us to present the interview without interruption.

00:03:24 Speaker_01
So that once we get to the interview, we can really get lost in the conversation without ad breaks. Well, I couldn't be more excited that our very first such presenting sponsor we have found for this series is Defender.

00:03:38 Speaker_01
The iconic Defender line of vehicles has been reimagined for a new generation of explorers.

00:03:44 Speaker_01
The Defender 90, 110, and 130, which can seat up to eight passengers, all maintained a legendary off-road capability for which Defender is known, but now combined with legendary new on-road capabilities as well.

00:04:00 Speaker_01
This includes, for example, 21st century technology, such as 3D surround cameras,

00:04:05 Speaker_01
the ability to see underneath your car, as well as to see through your rear window, even if it is obstructed, a next generation PV Pro infotainment system and intuitive driver displays.

00:04:17 Speaker_01
What I really like about the fender, however, is that psychologically speaking, it keeps you connected to a sense of adventure.

00:04:26 Speaker_01
So even as you're enjoying all those technologies on your smooth driving commute to work, you will be reminded, because you're in this iconic vehicle brand, that adventure awaits and that there's more to life than just the pragmatic, through the motions, chores that you might be looking at today.

00:04:47 Speaker_01
It's a mindset that I think at our current age of email and Zoom meetings is important to keep in mind. sometimes you want to just get out there and get after it, whether that be physically or metaphorically. So I'm glad that Defender is our sponsor.

00:05:02 Speaker_01
You can visit LandRoverUSA.com to learn more about Defender. And with that, Let us now get to our interview with Kendra Adachi, presented without any interruption. All right, well, Kendra, it's great to see you again. Thanks for coming on the podcast.

00:05:21 Speaker_01
I've been looking forward to this one. You've done something very interesting with this book that I'm looking forward to getting into. So we'll start with it. Let's start with the book. It's called The Plan, Plan Capitalized, because it's an acronym.

00:05:34 Speaker_01
We'll get to that in a second. Manage your time like a lazy genius, a certified New York Times bestseller. Thank you. I should say. For a lot of people who know you, the phrase lazy genius, like, of course, this is like what you're associated with.

00:05:48 Speaker_01
But for the part of my audience that's new to the world of Kindra, maybe like bring us up to speed on this term. Lazy genius was not chosen at the last minute as you're writing this particular subtitle. This is a long existing concept in your universe.

00:06:03 Speaker_01
So what do we mean by that?

00:06:05 Speaker_00
Yeah, that's right. So a lazy genius is someone who is a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. And the key here is that you get to decide what matters to you and whatever season of life that you're in.

00:06:19 Speaker_00
We're just most of the most of the rhetoric I heard for so long, years ago, over a decade ago, was either you're just amazing at everything, like, she can do it all. Or you are like, messy hair don't care.

00:06:33 Speaker_00
Like there was these two extremes of either you're amazing at everything or you just care about nothing and you've given up. And even that giving up is like a badge of honor.

00:06:41 Speaker_00
Now that's definitely something that is in, I would say, the female space a lot more. But it's a really tough, spectrum to kind of swing between those two ends.

00:06:53 Speaker_00
And I think most people, not just women, most people live in a very wide middle where there are things that they want to be excellent at. You want to give your genius energy and your time to these things that matter to you.

00:07:05 Speaker_00
But if you do that, you do have to be lazy about other things. You do have to sort of let things slide or be happy with C-level work or delegate them a lot or whatever.

00:07:13 Speaker_00
So what I try to teach people is not just, it's not necessarily about like hacks and specific tips.

00:07:22 Speaker_00
It's more this almost lifestyle of paying attention to where you are in the season of life you're in and naming what matters there so that you can actually make wise decisions about your time.

00:07:34 Speaker_01
I mean, I learned that phrase for the first time, lazy hair don't care. In your interview with Sharon McManus, who also has a cool new book out, and I was like, that is a cool phrase.

00:07:44 Speaker_01
Well, and there's also an interesting sort of niche in the market out there of, I guess, people who are in that camp.

00:07:52 Speaker_01
but aren't really because they're spending a lot of very focused time trying to market that message and writing books about that message or whatever. It's the, the, the performative laziness is an interesting thing.

00:08:02 Speaker_00
It is. It really is. And that's, that's why I found such resonance with this message because a lot of people, we sort of already know intuitively that trying to do it all doesn't really work. Yeah.

00:08:13 Speaker_00
Sometimes we keep going, but there are actually more resources out there for people who are trying to do more.

00:08:20 Speaker_00
So it's easier to find a path, sort of, to feel like you're making some headway in this direction, even though I'm not sure a lot of us do, at least with not some expense that we pay.

00:08:33 Speaker_00
on the back end with our health and our time and our family and whatever. But this other side, yeah, the performative laziness, it's just as unfulfilling and is just as unsustainable as trying to do it all because it's not authentic to most people.

00:08:49 Speaker_00
We actually do want to care about things. Life is fulfilling because we feel a purpose in certain directions. You just can't feel a purpose in every single one.

00:08:59 Speaker_01
This is an odd connection to make, but stick with me here. I want to connect that to college admissions. Let's do it. Okay.

00:09:06 Speaker_01
When I was younger and I was writing books for students, I got very into giving talks and even wrote a book about this, about college admissions and the stress surrounding it.

00:09:16 Speaker_01
And this was this very interesting dynamic that arose in the early 2000s when there was a huge stress as the echo boom sort of squeezed into a smaller number of spots and colleges got more competitive. What I found was there was a.

00:09:30 Speaker_01
A whole industry whose response to the stress of college admissions was just to preach the message, there's more to life than Harvard, right? Just chill out, you shouldn't be so stressed about college, life is long, it doesn't matter that much.

00:09:45 Speaker_01
And most of these people were ivy league educated. And there's a sort of like pull the ladder up behind you.

00:09:51 Speaker_01
And so this wasn't resonating with the people who are suffering the most stress because they were the most locked in on like, it really matters where I go to college. So they were just completely tuning out that message.

00:10:00 Speaker_01
So then I came in, I was giving these talks around the country where my whole approach was validating, okay, this is a valid,

00:10:10 Speaker_01
you know, ambition, you care about the college you go into, but the stress of the way that people are doing this is not worth it.

00:10:16 Speaker_01
So maybe we can find a way, this is like lazy genius ahead of time, maybe we can find a way to keep interesting options open for colleges, but you're not going to burn yourself out at the age of 17.

00:10:26 Speaker_01
And it was a really hard path to go because there was the, the crew of like, no, no, no, just, there's more to life than college and parents are bad because their kids want to get into it.

00:10:34 Speaker_01
And then on the other end, it was, you know, type, tell your study, tell your eyes bleed. That's all that matters. Yeah, yeah.

00:10:41 Speaker_01
And that in between resonated because people say, yeah, I have this ambition, but also I don't want to sleep three hours a day when I'm when I'm 16. So that's right. But I love that sweet spot.

00:10:50 Speaker_01
So okay, here's the terminology from your book that I thought was profound. Talk about integration versus greatness as this spoke to me in a lot of ways.

00:11:02 Speaker_00
I love hearing that. I've read so many time management productivity books over the years. Like I, for the purpose of trying to do it all, like that was my original reason.

00:11:16 Speaker_00
And as I was researching this book and trying to think about what this was going to be, I just had this like light bulb moment where I realized, wait a minute, almost every single book I've ever read,

00:11:29 Speaker_00
and every episode, podcast episode that I listen to, like everything in the space in general is trying to make me better. It's trying to make me amazing. It's trying to level up and 10X. Everything is just this upward movement.

00:11:44 Speaker_00
And I went, I don't want that though. Like that's not what I want the goal of my day-to-day life to be. It's not greatness. Because if that is the goal, I will always be behind. I will always feel like a day is a failure. Cause what does great even mean?

00:12:02 Speaker_00
Like what's the, what's the measurement for that? There's no universal gauge for what that's going to be like.

00:12:07 Speaker_00
And when you talk about a female experience in particular, where you're, you know, kind of holding like, um, you're holding the domestic tasks of the home. It's like the invisible scaffolding of your household management, all those things.

00:12:22 Speaker_00
It's just, it feels so debilitating to feel like you have to be great all the time. And, but our, even our country in many ways is built on that.

00:12:35 Speaker_00
It's built on potential and chasing your dreams and you hustle your way to the top and anybody can get what they want. And I think that in many ways, that's really beautiful. Like that's a hopeful, beautiful thing that we can have as part of our DNA.

00:12:50 Speaker_00
But this expectation that everyone wants to be great and has the capacity and interest to be great in every element of their lives is just like false. I just think we've been sold a lie. So instead, what if we have a different goal?

00:13:10 Speaker_00
What if instead of greatness being our goal at every turn, what if it's integration?

00:13:15 Speaker_00
What if it is being a grounded whole person right where we are, where we do not, it's like you just said about those college kids, where we are not sacrificing our humanity on the altar of productivity, on the altar of optimization, on getting more done in less time.

00:13:32 Speaker_00
What if integration is where we began? So what that, it honestly changes everything. If that is your lens, if you're looking through a lens of integration, you stop asking questions like, well, how can I make the most of this day off that I have?

00:13:50 Speaker_00
How can I make the most of the, everything no longer becomes about making the most of. How can I be here right now and honor who I am and who's in front of me and my season of life, It's just a very like, it's a very present perspective.

00:14:07 Speaker_00
And I will say it's a bit of a hard sell though. Because it's not, it's not very like, you can't make a list out of it. It's not a very sexy sell. And yet it's the most sustainable fulfilling sell sale I think that there is for most people.

00:14:23 Speaker_01
What's the role, because I can't help like connecting to this. I'm thinking about the role of technology in this, right? Because I went back, this is like a hobby horse of mine.

00:14:33 Speaker_01
I'm very interested in like the state of book publishing on these topics versus other discussions on these topics. And I actually think book publishing has gotten to like an interesting place. I have it here somewhere.

00:14:45 Speaker_01
I went through and actually got the top 10 top 10 bestsellers on Amazon right now in time management. And I went through them and like right now in this moment. Very few of the books that are big right now are about Tartanaxing or doing more.

00:15:05 Speaker_01
Those are almost like we're in like a backlash. Some of these I don't know as well. Number one right now is Buy Back Your Time. I think that's like one of these entrepreneur books where it's basically saying, outsource stuff.

00:15:16 Speaker_01
If you're an entrepreneur, you see that as a business investment like any other, that book seems really popular, Slow Productivity is up there, which is the opposite of that. 4-Hour Workweek was like the original, complete dismissal.

00:15:29 Speaker_01
I mean, it's interesting.

00:15:30 Speaker_01
Ferris is seen as the optimization man, but that book was like the original work is so unimportant that you should just figure out a way to take advantage of the internet to automate something that makes you just enough money that you can learn tango.

00:15:40 Speaker_01
It's just like nihilistic, almost like anarchist book. The organized mind is up there right now, which is just, that's actually a neuroscience book. Deep work is on there, which is about like, Hey, busyness is not as valuable as we think. Right.

00:15:51 Speaker_01
12 week year is, is I think a traditional corporate,

00:15:54 Speaker_00
get more done, right?

00:15:55 Speaker_01
Because it's like compress your time frame, so you'll be more urgent. Yeah.

00:15:59 Speaker_00
Yeah. It's kind of like if you rename what a year is, you have more years available to you.

00:16:03 Speaker_01
So you can hustle harder because you have the pressure. Yeah. And then we have essentialism, your book, art of laziness, getting things done. So it's like the, and getting things done also, I have this long argument about is that's like a cry to cure.

00:16:17 Speaker_01
This is like David Allen, like, how do you like maintain your sanity when we have so much damn stuff we have to do all day? It was like this weird sort of nihilistic. But online, the conversation is much different. It is much different.

00:16:29 Speaker_01
Everything you're talking about feels like it is in lights on the marquee online. The morning routine stuff, the fitness stuff is crazy. Yeah, it's everywhere. men and women, every man doing fitness stuff online is like a superhero and muscled body.

00:16:47 Speaker_01
And it's like, well, why aren't you like this at 45? What are you doing with your time? This is only three hours a day and weighing all your food or whatever. Why can't you do this as well? The connection, the optimization, the hustle culture.

00:16:58 Speaker_01
And so this is all, it's like the heart of productivity discourse had moved online. And it seems like it's for the worst. And I'm wondering if, because of algorithms, because of what works.

00:17:08 Speaker_01
It's the discourse around productivity because it has shifted online has shifted towards extremes. And that is why like a book like yours is resonating with so many people because we're tired of that online.

00:17:21 Speaker_01
That online space is treatment of this is really trying to exhaust us.

00:17:27 Speaker_00
Well, it's because contentment does not drive the social media marketplace. you know, the messages of contentment are not going to keep people on line. You know, so it's, it is a, there's always a deficit.

00:17:40 Speaker_00
You know, we have to be told where the bucket is emptying or where we can do better so that we'll stay on. And we're like, Oh wait, is that a problem? I guess I, okay, well let me see how this guy can do his burpees when he's doing it.

00:17:52 Speaker_00
You know, like it's, it is kind of silly. And I think to a point, we are... I think most people are intuitive and wise enough to sort of see, you know, they take kind of the... is it like the blue pill or the red pill?

00:18:09 Speaker_00
Like they see the machinery of it all. And yet we're so easily influenced by it because contentment is not something that is highly valued for a lot of people in Western capitalistic culture.

00:18:26 Speaker_00
Like it's just not something, it doesn't drive anything forward. It doesn't make money. If you're happy with your life, if you're happy with what you have, if you're like, you know what, this is enough, that's not great for the industry. And so it's,

00:18:42 Speaker_00
It makes sense to me that the online messaging doesn't align as much as the publishing world because it's not going to, you know, it's not going to keep the internet moving anyway. But I also think it just, it just speaks to our

00:19:02 Speaker_00
I don't know, it's like there's this deep need that we have to feel like that our lives mean something, that they matter, that we want our lives to have purpose.

00:19:14 Speaker_00
And if we don't already have an answer to that question for our own lives, we're going to fill in the blank with what the internet is telling us we should do. do because we don't have anything there.

00:19:24 Speaker_00
So that's why really the ultimate work that I want to do is to help people name that to where are you right now? What matters to you right now? What makes you feel like yourself? How do you feel like you're contributing? Are you resting?

00:19:38 Speaker_00
Like you are a, like a tree planted by the water, right? You are not a balloon floating in the air. Like let's be planted where we are. And I think that that if the more that people are that way individually, the more that contentment and

00:19:57 Speaker_00
just things being enough as they are. It feels like you're not being counterintuitive. It feels like you're not being countercultural.

00:20:05 Speaker_00
It's like, again, back to your college admission thing, that you were trying to convince these people, there is a third way to think about this. But they didn't know, because the only things that were filling in the blanks were these two extremes.

00:20:15 Speaker_00
So it's like, we're trying to widen that gap and help people see it through a completely new paradigm.

00:20:23 Speaker_01
Well, so maybe you can help me because, you know, I'm a recovering greatness addict. This is like a recurrent theme in my own life is moving beyond that narrative, which has been a driving narrative for my life for a while.

00:20:37 Speaker_01
And now I'm kind of at the limits of the various things I've been doing for 20 years.

00:20:41 Speaker_00
Yeah. You've done a good job. You have a lot of things that you've been great at.

00:20:45 Speaker_01
Yeah. But I'll tell you, it's Sisyphean, right? Because no matter where, this is what I found. Exactly. My book is number two on the New York Times bestseller list. So what's the thought? What's it take to get the number one?

00:20:58 Speaker_00
Exactly. The finish line is always moving. It's always moving.

00:21:02 Speaker_01
But there is a satisfaction, right, in the hatching of the plan. I think this is a lot of what sort of that hustle-oriented productivity is leveraging. There's a satisfaction in I have a plan.

00:21:15 Speaker_01
Imagining the reward of the plan allows you to get a down payment on feeling good about it. Yeah. And so there's that kind of fulfillment you have.

00:21:24 Speaker_01
It's I don't know if it's distracting from life or orienting life or whatever when you have some sort of plans in place. So I'm trying to figure out with your help, how does a integration mindset

00:21:36 Speaker_01
sort of replace that need to have too much, have your focus on a future state. Like, oh, I have this plan and this exciting, I can daydream about the plan.

00:21:44 Speaker_01
How do we get more satisfaction out of being more present with our life as it is now and what's good about it and what we're doing with it?

00:21:53 Speaker_01
Like, help me walk through as a recovering greatness addict, how to move more towards like an integration mindset.

00:21:59 Speaker_00
I think that you are, and I'm the same way.

00:22:02 Speaker_00
people who are really good planners in the normative way, people who are really good at organization in the narrow way that we've all been taught it should look, it's harder for us to actually disengage it because we are rewarded.

00:22:19 Speaker_00
because we're good at it, we can get that dopamine hit when we make the plan and when it might come true. And so it's actually, I think, harder work for people who are naturally gifted at preparation and organization and even optimization.

00:22:35 Speaker_00
And if your actual work, if your career trajectory is one that people would envy, people see you, I know people see you as somebody that they want to follow. Like, I like, Cal has done it. What did Cal do? How can I do it like Cal did?

00:22:55 Speaker_00
So it's actually a lot harder for people who are good at the thing to disengage from the thing. And I will say, You had mentioned it before, that plan is capitalized because it's an acronym.

00:23:07 Speaker_00
So the three of the letters of that acronym, the P, A, and the N, prepare, adjust, and notice. Those three words work in harmony with one another. They work equally with one another.

00:23:24 Speaker_00
And what has happened is that we have been given this very narrow view of what it means to be a planner. And I think a way that we can disengage from this idea of greatness and looking at our lives through a lens of integration and almost in this

00:23:44 Speaker_00
state of recovery almost, is to look to the people in our lives who are actually really, really good, maybe not at preparation, but at making adjustments in the moment, who are really good at noticing what's happening in the room, that they know what's happening with the people, that we walk in and we're like, okay, here's our checklist, let's go.

00:24:00 Speaker_00
And they walk in and they go, the vibe in here. Yeah. somebody's worried about their job or somebody is what, you know, like there are people who are really gifted at these other just as important elements in my opinion of planning.

00:24:14 Speaker_00
And so if we can expand our definition of what it means to be a good planner into someone who is also really good at pivoting, really good at immediate problem solving, that they don't have to have the color coded lists, that they don't have to have the, you know, the Google calendar that's,

00:24:33 Speaker_00
set up in such a way that every single minute is accounted for. That there are people who can, again, they're intuitive and they walk in a room and they're relational or they're quiet or they just know what's going on under the surface for people.

00:24:48 Speaker_00
People like that have been left out of the conversation of what it means to be a good planner. And therefore, they don't have a problem with what I'm saying. They're like, oh, I'm on board because you're leaving space for me.

00:25:01 Speaker_00
For people like you and I, it's like, oh, wait a minute, but I'm really good at this though. Like, why do I have to stop?

00:25:10 Speaker_00
And I would say that for people like both of us who are, yeah, kind of have this addiction, have had this addiction to greatness and optimization and leveling up all the time, is for us to look back and go like, what? What is it done?

00:25:29 Speaker_00
Like, what is it good for? It has gotten me things, of course. It's gotten me, it's gotten us career success or whatever. But if you stop and go, if that's where I begin,

00:25:44 Speaker_00
If I open my eyes in the morning and I put on a pair of glasses and that lens is a lens of greatness, like how much am I going to get done today? How impressive am I going to be?

00:25:54 Speaker_00
How organized am I going to be in this very normative sense that I'm already good at and have been affirmed in? Listen, it is really hard to switch those glasses to glasses of integration because it's smaller.

00:26:09 Speaker_00
It makes people smaller in a way at first that's really scary, I think.

00:26:15 Speaker_00
I think moving to a place of integration, it sort of takes, you take yourself off the pedestal in a way that's like, oh, it's like, it's uncomfortable because for many of us, I will not speak for you in this,

00:26:29 Speaker_00
my success, my, I was valedictorian of my high school class. I was voted most dependable by my high school, my senior class. Like this has been my, I was in second grade.

00:26:40 Speaker_00
Teachers were like, starting then I was always the room monitor when the teacher left the room, you know, like I do things well, I can be depended on and I'm going to be excellent at them.

00:26:52 Speaker_00
If that has been your trajectory for a long time, it's really hard to separate that from your value as a person. Yeah. It's really scary. And this doesn't have to become like a, you know, a therapy session or whatever. But I think that's why it's hard.

00:27:06 Speaker_00
Because when you're rewarded for being great, and you're great at being great, why would you wanna let that go? But it's also exhausting on the inside.

00:27:14 Speaker_00
And you think if you don't, like if I didn't make the New York Times for this book, I've written three books. The first two made all four lists.

00:27:21 Speaker_00
And this one, I'm like, well, if I don't make this one, everybody in the industry is gonna think I'm an idiot and I don't know what I'm talking about. even though the book came out a really competitive month.

00:27:29 Speaker_00
Greatness becomes this, it's like the core of your identity in a way that takes you out of your own life. And it's kind of like you have to choose, I have to choose. I would rather

00:27:44 Speaker_00
be a person who is okay with the disappointment of not being great at a thing and being with myself in that, then being great and feel like a husk of a person. It's a very soul level choice.

00:27:58 Speaker_01
Well, let's stick with it then. You mentioned, from a practical perspective, you mentioned the pyramid. So it's prepare, notice, adjust. And they're supposed to be in balance, right?

00:28:08 Speaker_01
So it's sort of like an equilateral triangle if we're gonna be nerdy about it.

00:28:11 Speaker_00
Yeah, tetrahedron, I think is what the real word is. Planned tetrahedron doesn't sound as good as a planned pyramid, so we had to go with planned pyramid.

00:28:18 Speaker_01
Now you're speaking my language. Let's get into the right polygon references. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, let's talk about... If there's no trigonometry in your time management book, what are you doing?

00:28:30 Speaker_00
What are we doing here?

00:28:30 Speaker_01
Absolutely. All right, so walk us through that though. Okay, so prepare, adjust, notice, trying to keep these three things in balance. And then you have live. I've heard it both described as the foundation and also as the point. It's the point.

00:28:43 Speaker_00
Yeah, the point. I would say the foundation of the pyramid itself is what matters to you in the season that you're in.

00:28:50 Speaker_01
Okay, all right, so walk us through this.

00:28:51 Speaker_00
Yeah, we're gonna make—so let's throw a triangle on the ground, okay? That's the foundation of our pyramid here. The triangle on the ground is what matters to you in the season that you're in.

00:29:00 Speaker_00
What matters to you right now, if you think back, Cal, to when you were 23, what mattered to you at the age of 23 probably does not matter now. And it shouldn't.

00:29:09 Speaker_00
I think a lot of times what matters to us is going to change as we grow and we evolve as people and our families change and all of that. So it's wise, it is so wise to not lock in on something that matters to you.

00:29:25 Speaker_00
15 years ago, you're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to change your mind. So name what matters to you right now in the season you're in, and then you have those three.

00:29:32 Speaker_01
And you're saying, by the way, that that scale of season can also be very variable, right? Like this could change throughout the year, as well as change throughout your life. It could change over the decades, but it also could change within the month.

00:29:43 Speaker_01
Like you have these different scales, which I think is an important concept.

00:29:46 Speaker_00
Yeah, like my, we are recording this the week after Thanksgiving. My daughter has had pneumonia for the last 10 days. We have been in, that's been the season that we're in.

00:29:57 Speaker_00
What matters right now with the kids sick at home and we're moving into like family coming in. and I have to cook a big meal and all the things. Your priorities have to change based on what matters right now. It is a deeply, deeply wise thing to do.

00:30:11 Speaker_00
And the reason that it feels strange to do that, just to go down a rabbit trail really quickly, is because most of the traditional productivity books historically have been like,

00:30:24 Speaker_00
make a plan, you know, figure out your idea life 30 years down the road, reverse engineer it and stick with a plan. And if you don't, you're an undisciplined person. Like that's sort of the vibe. That's not sustainable or realistic for anyone really.

00:30:40 Speaker_00
So yeah, name what matters in your season. Your season can be whatever boundary you need it to be. And then the three sides of the pyramid are prepare, adjust and notice.

00:30:54 Speaker_00
And just for like the sake of under, I won't go through all of them, but just to kind of get a vibe, there are principles for each one of these letters to help you sort of know, like, how am I, where, where am I in this? Just reminders for us.

00:31:07 Speaker_00
So like prepare, some of the mindsets for prepare are not everything can matter. As you're preparing, you have to believe that not every single thing in your life can matter in an equal way. A plan that you make, a plan is an intention.

00:31:21 Speaker_00
It is not a pass-fail. If you prepare something and it doesn't go to plan, it doesn't mean it failed or that you failed. It just means the intention didn't happen. It's life. It's the way it goes.

00:31:31 Speaker_00
For adjust, match your expectations to the energy that you're willing and able to give.

00:31:37 Speaker_00
If you have, so often if we decide that we're going to do something, we have expectations for something, and it doesn't happen, we try to hack our energy rather than adjust our expectations, right? So that's a way that we adjust.

00:31:52 Speaker_00
For notice, staying grounded is better than staying on task. That's a weird one for people to get behind. They're like, wait a minute, the task is all the things.

00:32:01 Speaker_00
I think you need to start by being with yourself and in that moment going, what matters most right now? Like if for me, the times that take me out of that the quickest are my children.

00:32:14 Speaker_00
And so if a kid is still lying on the couch and his ride is picking him up for school in five minutes and he does not brush his teeth and he doesn't have his shoes on and he's 15 years old and I start to go, he can legally drive a car in a year and he still forgets to brush his teeth, what are we doing?

00:32:30 Speaker_00
And I will turn into a rage mother, a Hulk monster, but if I go, okay, hold on, notice, what matters right now actually is that I stay connected with my kid. not that I force him to be this compliant person that I want him to be.

00:32:44 Speaker_00
For me, that's my goal. So I'm going to go, what matters right now? I'm going to stay grounded rather than getting him on task. I'm going to be kind so that I can go to him and stay kind and preserve this relationship.

00:32:56 Speaker_00
And then also be like, get off the couch and go brush your teeth. You know, it's like, we're not, it's really important when I talk about this, it's really important to make sure that people understand, I'm not saying don't do your stuff.

00:33:11 Speaker_00
Don't be good at your stuff. Don't try to even be great.

00:33:14 Speaker_00
But if you begin with this far out future view, with this lens of I've got to do all of it perfectly well and I cannot deviate off course, rather than this fluid, very human wise responsiveness to your life, you will burn out so fast.

00:33:31 Speaker_00
But you can, I believe you still, you get your things done. better and in a way that brings you more fulfillment when you are a tree by the water. You know, when those roots keep going deep. And then back to the pyramid, the L is the point.

00:33:49 Speaker_00
It's the top.

00:33:50 Speaker_01
It's pulling up the 2D shape into a 3D.

00:33:55 Speaker_00
Yes, which is to live our lives, to be where we are, to enjoy our people, to go outside and do the fun things we like to do. I don't wanna live only when I'm 70 years old, and I've done all of these things to get me to this future ideal place.

00:34:14 Speaker_00
I wanna live today. I wanna live my life right now.

00:34:17 Speaker_01
Well, I mean, first I'll say to my audience, Partially why this is important is we don't cover this well. I don't do a ton of time management advice. I'm known for it. But what I do talk about tends to be very narrowly focused.

00:34:33 Speaker_01
I think this is another issue. Very narrowly focused on the modern knowledge work digital office. And it's like a survival game. It's this, oh my God. I'm getting 150 emails a day. I'm feeling murderous towards the inventor of Zoom.

00:34:51 Speaker_01
And it's this, we gotta fix this. But how do I survive that eight hours in the office without going insane and actually getting things done?

00:35:00 Speaker_01
But what I've learned, and I have to argue my audience a lot, is the mindset that you would use for how do I manage this weird, terrible, busy period at the beginning of COVID where everything's moving online in a particular job, and I have 10 bosses yelling at me, it doesn't translate to other things.

00:35:16 Speaker_01
It doesn't translate to all the other parts of your life. It's not a good way to go about almost anything else that's happening in your life. It is very artificial.

00:35:23 Speaker_01
I had this, actually we agreed in the end, I had this conversation with Oliver Berkman about it where I was basically, he was talking about his ideal way to sort of plan. And I think there's a lot of similarities with your book.

00:35:34 Speaker_01
And I was like, yeah, that is right. And the stuff I'm talking about is the like some unfortunate reality of like particular jobs. And you want to get away from it as quickly as you can throughout your day.

00:35:45 Speaker_01
So I want to first give that disclaimer to my audience like this is great because I don't cover well, how do you deal with all of your life and not just how do I deal with my email inbox, which is a much more boring.

00:35:55 Speaker_00
How do you deal with all of your life? But guess what? How do you deal with your inbox is essential to how you deal with your life. I mean, it is, it's all connected. It's a lot harder to talk about how to deal with your whole life because it's so big.

00:36:08 Speaker_00
You know, like the email problem is something that feels, okay, well, this is manageable. I can figure this out. I can focus my energy on this and solve this problem, that this is a huge problem in my work.

00:36:17 Speaker_00
And for a lot of people it is, so it's deeply valuable. But you're right, like trying to, most of those approaches, yeah, they don't, you're right, they don't translate as well to the rest of life very easily, very seamlessly.

00:36:30 Speaker_01
And I like, something that's interesting about the book is in the prepare, leg of that base, the edge of that triangle that builds up into the pyramid. Yes. You have advice for systems, right?

00:36:43 Speaker_01
Like when you're preparing, trying to figure out like what makes sense to do, you talk about like what's a good way to think about a to-do list, for example. Sure.

00:36:49 Speaker_01
And you have like a nice model there for something that's less strict than specific days. You talk about like a planning rhythm, like how, you know, you're kind of planning out what you want to get done at different timescales.

00:36:59 Speaker_01
But the vibe is these systems aren't the hard part. Like, yes, like you want to, you need to write down what you need to do somewhere so you don't have to keep track of it in your head. Yeah, you need to think ahead.

00:37:09 Speaker_01
Someone's coming and you want to know that like I need to start preparing a week in advance or whatever, but it's decentered in your book. It's actually the psychology is what's more important. The systems are kind of the easy part.

00:37:23 Speaker_01
Like, yeah, be organized and like make some reasonable decisions, but you have to adjust and you have to notice and you can't fall away. The adjustment is a fantastic point. I mean, I often talk about fairy tale planning.

00:37:34 Speaker_01
It's like when we're sitting down and trying to plan our day or our week, we write like a fairy tale about, in theory, if you are taking Felix Felicitas or whatever the potion is from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I definitely don't have three boys who read that book recently.

00:37:48 Speaker_01
In the perfect day, like we often plan like that. Wouldn't it be great? Yes. If I was able to get like three hours of riding in plus this, plus this workout.

00:37:56 Speaker_01
But during the workout, I'm going to do my, my, uh, conference scheduling for my kids on the Peloton bike. And then like, as I move from then you, you lay out this day and then you fall in love with the, what a great fairy tale.

00:38:05 Speaker_01
Like I'm really comforted by the idea of a world in which all of this works out like this. And you feel great about that fairy tale world you built.

00:38:13 Speaker_01
And then like 12 minutes into that day, of course, the Peloton bike is on fire and, you know, you've missed, your kid has to come home sick or whatever. And you're like, oh, this wasn't a realistic plan. It was a fairy tale plan.

00:38:25 Speaker_01
So that ability that like, yeah, adjustments the whole game. It's not like a rough intention. And then you start to, you roll with it. It's like, I think of mission control in Apollo 13. You're rolling with the oxygen tanks exploded.

00:38:39 Speaker_01
Like that's your skill is like rolling with and making reasonable decisions, not making a fairy tale come true.

00:38:45 Speaker_00
So I love that. That room was full of problem solvers.

00:38:48 Speaker_01
Yeah.

00:38:48 Speaker_00
It wasn't full of planners. It was full of problem solvers. Um, I say, I say this in my work a lot. Learning to pivot is more important than learning to plan. I think we are better served as people in cultivating the skill, or maybe just the comfort.

00:39:10 Speaker_00
Maybe it's not even a skill. Maybe for some of us, it's just like, I am not gonna freak out because this fairytale plan didn't work, or even just a basic non-fairytale plan. I'm going to be okay that not everything is okay. Like, I'm going to be here.

00:39:26 Speaker_00
That's what it is. That's the psychology of it. Because we are required, our lives require us to pivot far more than they require us to plan. But we don't...

00:39:39 Speaker_00
recognize that really because so much of what we have been taught, especially in the early 2000s, it was all about preparation. That was the whole thing. So it makes sense that people of this generation, so to speak, are like,

00:39:58 Speaker_00
well, what am I if I don't have my list ready to go? Like, if I don't know what my day is going to look like, if I don't have, you know, theme work days, if I don't, if everything doesn't fit into this category or bucket or whatever.

00:40:10 Speaker_00
And it makes me think of recently, I did an interview on another show that's hosted by two women. And one of them, she's like, I have, she held up her, she held up her planner and like, she had post-it notes, she had lists everywhere, right?

00:40:23 Speaker_00
And then the other host, she said, I've never made a list in my life. And they said, what do we do? How do we meld these? What do we need to do to get to the middle? And I said, y'all, you don't have to make a middle. Do what works for you.

00:40:36 Speaker_00
You don't have to fall into this normative way of planning that we've been taught because it really only works well for a small sliver of people who are naturally wired to do that. And so there's this

00:40:50 Speaker_00
we have to give ourselves permission to be okay that the things fall apart 12 minutes in, that that's expected, that we really, that us expecting our plan to not work is not fatalistic. It's not even, um,

00:41:09 Speaker_00
It doesn't keep us from getting our stuff done. I just think it's realistic. And we go, it's probably not going to work. If it does, that's so rad. But at least to have a baseline to work from rather than nothing or that it's so rigid.

00:41:26 Speaker_00
that it's not flexible, right? Because most of our lives are deeply flexible, especially a woman's life.

00:41:32 Speaker_00
If she's at home taking care of her kids and she's doing, you know, like I have spoken to so many people over the last couple of years about this book and the number of women, especially who are like, I feel so seen because like 93% of the time management books are written by men and 70 to 90% of them are read by

00:41:58 Speaker_00
And so we need a broader definition of what it means to not necessarily just plan or organize but to really live and these ideas of contentment and pivoting that these things are valued.

00:42:15 Speaker_00
at a very high level, above greatness, that we value those things more than we value the greatness. It doesn't mean we dismiss the greatness, but you're right. It's like they're de-centered. The greatness and the task fulfillment is de-centered.

00:42:30 Speaker_00
The humanity is in the center where I think it needs to be.

00:42:35 Speaker_01
Well, I want to talk about the audience point, because I think this is also a fascinating point about the genre in general. So, I mean, this book, though,

00:42:43 Speaker_01
as a broad audience, you're very specific in the book that you have women in mind, in particular.

00:42:48 Speaker_02
Yes.

00:42:48 Speaker_01
As an underserved, as you said, 93% of time management productivity books are written by men. I probably wrote 25% of those myself.

00:42:56 Speaker_00
And they're all real good.

00:42:57 Speaker_01
I've read every single one of them, Cal. But the readership is not only split halfway, but even, you said, 70%. Yeah. And I've come to realize this later in my career that there

00:43:10 Speaker_01
The people writing these books, we don't necessarily think how specific our voice is. Because there's really only been two major, there's been two dominant voices as far as I can tell in time management and productivity.

00:43:21 Speaker_01
We have the corporate voice, which was like the dominant voice from like Stephen Covey on through the 90s, which was very much to like, this comes out of helping people in like a large company. like manage and be a manager. This goes all the way back.

00:43:34 Speaker_01
Right. And then we got the kind of the wave that I was a part of, which I think of as like, I don't know, the, the blogging bro voice.

00:43:42 Speaker_01
This was like the more entrepreneurial coming out of like new media, online spaces coming out of like the blog revolution in the 2000s. And there's like Tim Ferriss and there's me, et cetera, whatever.

00:43:53 Speaker_01
Those are two very, I mean, those are perfectly fine voices. Like they're speaking to particular audiences, but they're very specific. And I learned this one because, you know, some of my books have sold enough copy now as I hear from a lot of people.

00:44:03 Speaker_01
And man, I learned quick. The way I think and talk about things is not universal. And it took me a while to understand this because I'd be like, I don't understand these complaints. Like, I'm very engineering and logical. I guess it's not.

00:44:15 Speaker_01
I am delivering information that is like an optimal way of thinking about how the brain functions. And so now I've really come to appreciate this idea that there needs to be many different flavors. of talking about these issues.

00:44:28 Speaker_01
So talk about, so with women audiences in particular, this has been very ill served. It has. So in what ways, like what is it, what is it that you're noticing was missing that you're able to fill in?

00:44:43 Speaker_00
Yeah, I think an important word here is that what we have been given is just incomplete. None of it's wrong. I mean, there are definitely things that I don't align with that I'm like, I don't really want to live my life that way.

00:44:57 Speaker_00
But it's not that it's like fundamentally wrong. It's just we all get to choose, right? But the advice has been incomplete, especially for women. And this is a pretty broad thing. We live in a patriarchal society. It was built for men by men.

00:45:15 Speaker_00
And women have not had a whole lot of time where their voice has been loud enough for the changes and adjustments that we are wanting on a cultural level, on a systemic level.

00:45:31 Speaker_00
There's just not been a lot of time where those things are now so part of the culture that we can feel it. Like I still feel, I still feel like more is expected of me than is expected of my husband. Like women are not allowed to be mediocre.

00:45:58 Speaker_00
We can't be mediocre mothers, mediocre spouses or partners. We can't be mediocre to our jobs. Like we have to be excellent at everything. Dudes can be mediocre in places and they don't really get a lot of flack for it.

00:46:12 Speaker_00
And so when you are in a position where you are holding almost It's a generality here, but it's a generality for a reason. It is something that is very true for a lot of women.

00:46:26 Speaker_00
Women are expected to hold more than their male counterparts are in the home and in work.

00:46:31 Speaker_00
And we're the ones probably getting the Christmas gifts and figuring out like the logistics of getting the kid their thing for this field trip that they're doing. And they're just all of these invisible pieces that are floating around all the time.

00:46:44 Speaker_00
My husband doesn't know the names of my kids' friends' parents. He doesn't have their numbers. I do, right? Because I'm the one who's home. I work from home. He doesn't. And so it makes sense that I would have them, but also it's too accepted.

00:46:59 Speaker_00
that women are holding so much more, but women are also not given as much support to do those things.

00:47:04 Speaker_00
And one of the ways that that shows up is in the books that are available to women, that they are written not with their own life experience in mind. And we're also not paying attention to, like, you can read the plan and be a dude.

00:47:18 Speaker_00
I don't come after you. I don't come after you hard because I think that this is actually a way of viewing our lives that is attractive to a lot of people, men and women.

00:47:32 Speaker_00
Because a lot of us are like, man, trying to be great at everything really is exhausting. Let's find a new paradigm. So it's not exclusively for women. But there's a chapter in the book about periods.

00:47:44 Speaker_00
Because listen, if you're a lady and your energy is changing, if you're in your 40s and you're going through perimenopause right now and you have a part-time job of having to eat protein now, it's a whole thing that dudes just don't understand.

00:47:56 Speaker_00
And it's okay that they don't, but we need wider resources for the lived experience and the cultural pressures and the relational expectations and all of these things that women hold. And so if you say,

00:48:12 Speaker_00
yeah, you need to prioritize getting eight to 10 hours of sleep every night. And I'm like, well, are you, my kid, my kid wakes me up in the middle of the night. What are you talking about? That's not a thing.

00:48:22 Speaker_00
Like they're just, it feels unrealistic, but what, this is the last thing I'll say about this because I can get a little, um, heated because I care so much about women having, uh, their, their, their lives honored in this way.

00:48:38 Speaker_00
But what, what I think happens, is that if all of the resources say, here's how it's done, and a woman cannot do it, she thinks she's the problem. It's not the system.

00:48:56 Speaker_00
It's not that that book's not for me, or this part or this part might work, but not the whole thing. It becomes an identity thing. It's like, the problem is me. And so the very beginning of the plan is to show us all, the problem is not you.

00:49:12 Speaker_00
The problem is not you. The problem is that this industry of time management and productivity is built on a lens and a centering of greatness and optimization and leveling up. It has been historically.

00:49:23 Speaker_00
It is starting to shift, which I am so glad that we're part of that.

00:49:27 Speaker_00
But if all you're hearing is be great, do great, it's possible, see, everyone else is doing it, and you're just over here struggling day to day, and you're like, I can't even take a nap. Like, what are you talking about?

00:49:41 Speaker_00
It's, it feels really devastating on like a soul level. And cause we think the problem is us and the problem is not you.

00:49:50 Speaker_01
It's not you. Well, I think it's much needed. I think my, my impression of male centric time management productivity is that it's sort of a psychological vacuum.

00:50:04 Speaker_01
So like there's very little psychological reality in it because it's more simplistic about it. It's all kind of optional. Like, oh, why didn't it be cool?

00:50:15 Speaker_01
It'd be cool to get in really good shape, but like, I don't, I'm also, if that's not me and I've got the, the, the belly and the, that's fine. Like a high five, like you do, you, like, you don't feel, it all feels optional.

00:50:27 Speaker_01
It might be really cool to get super organized and make my, my web business like take over whatever. It would be cool to pursue that, but like, I don't care if I don't. And like, you know, no one's going to judge me if I don't.

00:50:38 Speaker_01
And so there's a lack of psychological language, I would say. So, I mean, I can imagine there's multiple groups. that we need specialization in this topic.

00:50:50 Speaker_00
Yeah.

00:50:51 Speaker_01
Because I mean, everyone has to deal with the issue of just life, organizing life, figuring out what to do or what not to do, how to, you know, make sure the electric bill gets paid or figure out.

00:51:02 Speaker_01
And there's so many different relevant ways of receiving that. So I really love this idea. And this is the obvious big missing one because it's half the population. So like, let's start with,

00:51:13 Speaker_01
Women, this is half the population and the majority of actually the readers of these books.

00:51:17 Speaker_03
Yeah.

00:51:17 Speaker_01
But you could imagine other age stratified is something I've been thinking about recently. Absolutely. If you're 24, maybe more of like this, the more like online, you know, I don't know, get after it, like whatever, like actually maybe that's like.

00:51:32 Speaker_01
keeping you out of trouble, and maybe that's good. When you're in your 20s and you have all this time and you're laying a base of whatever that'll be, so then you can like, as you have kids and you have no time, you'll be okay or something.

00:51:41 Speaker_01
I don't know, maybe that's better. I hear a lot from people who are nearing retirement. as another group and like, well, wait, I'm thinking about things completely differently. Like how do I? So I love this movement and I love what you're doing with it.

00:51:54 Speaker_01
And you say the response has been strong. I'm not surprised that you're here.

00:51:57 Speaker_00
It has been.

00:51:58 Speaker_01
Yeah.

00:51:58 Speaker_00
Yeah, it has been. It's definitely been stronger from women than from men. Most of the rooms I speak to are majority women, but I spoke at a conference a few weeks ago and it was half and half. And it was really interesting that I had to,

00:52:15 Speaker_00
I had to kind of get the get the guys on board a little bit because it was a room full of entrepreneurs. They were very successful people. Again, their greatness is honored. And that's not bad. Like that's morally neutral, right? It's a great thing.

00:52:29 Speaker_00
But yeah, the life experience this. this psychological language, you're right. It's not something that we're hearing enough across the board.

00:52:39 Speaker_00
Women are hearing it and they're resonating with it very quickly because they're like, oh, I know that's my life. I see that. But I want It's why I'm so grateful that you even asked me to be on your show, because this is not a message for women.

00:52:52 Speaker_00
This is a message for all people. I told the men in this room, I said, you might not align with this. This might not be how you want to see your own life, but I guarantee that there are people on your team It's how they would want to see theirs.

00:53:06 Speaker_00
And so it makes you a better leader for you to understand and widen the perspectives of the people that you work with, that not everybody wants to be accessible 24 hours a day. They don't want that kind of job.

00:53:20 Speaker_00
They don't want that kind of the hustle and the greatness that you think that they aspire to. They actually don't. And so let's honor people's humanity more than you prize their productivity. Let's start there and see them in that.

00:53:38 Speaker_00
And so it's a really important message for all of us to just be exposed to. It's exposure therapy right now. Like I just want more people and men to hear that women, we feel like we're whining

00:53:56 Speaker_00
that we're like, it's just so hard to take care of the kids and to do the thing, you know, dah, dah, dah, dah, because it's not your lived experience. It's very easy to say, well, maybe they just need to figure out a different system.

00:54:07 Speaker_00
You know, we're, we are all under the umbrella of thinking, well, maybe you just need a different system rather than recognizing that the system could be broken in some ways. We're in a different system. We're swimming in different water.

00:54:20 Speaker_01
Yeah. Yeah. Well, look, I found, as a man reading it, two different ways that I found it really useful, right? So one was, as you were just talking about, being able to better understand other people, especially women's experience.

00:54:33 Speaker_01
And two, just a straight up advice. I found really useful because there is not a lot of advice out there in that space that says, okay, when you're not just focusing exclusively on greatness on a particular goal is like everything.

00:54:48 Speaker_01
How do you structure your life? Like, what do you do? That is a huge void.

00:54:52 Speaker_01
I mean, just speaking more like, you know, across all audiences, that's a big void that there now is starting to be more of these sort of humanistic productivity books that are that are coming at it. But it's it is a new thing.

00:55:05 Speaker_01
And it is a huge void for when you're stepping away from. I'm just all in on like crushing my 10x business. What do you step into? And I think for a lot of people, a lot of men, when they step, when they, they, it's not that they even step out of it.

00:55:19 Speaker_01
They just, it's not going well for them. It's too easy to fall into various addictions, for example, to just get lost, be it in substances or be it in, you know, digital distraction or just anger.

00:55:30 Speaker_01
And like, it's, it's difficult to, how do you structure an integrated life? And, and that space I think is a, is a critical space. And so I loved it. Yeah. The period chapter was a little less relevant to me. Sure.

00:55:42 Speaker_00
But if you are, if you are around or live with a woman who has a menstrual cycle, it's actually, it makes you compassionate. Like my, I call my whole thing, compassionate time management.

00:55:57 Speaker_00
I want us to be more compassionate towards ourselves and towards other people, however they choose to run their lives and spend their time.

00:56:05 Speaker_00
We all get to choose, but we just haven't had tools that align with this very different choice of contentment and integration versus the future and greatness and all of that.

00:56:18 Speaker_00
We needed a new lens, and that lens is being expanded by a lot of people right now, and it really is a beautiful thing.

00:56:24 Speaker_01
I give our generation credit for that. Can we take credit for this, right? Can we millennials take credit for... I mean, I feel like we are the generation who figures these things out.

00:56:35 Speaker_01
I had this whole gloss before that, like, we were the generation that was raised on follow your passion. Yep.

00:56:40 Speaker_01
And then went through the financial crises, 9-11, these various things and realized, like, wait a second, your job's not going to be the source of all of your meaning in life.

00:56:47 Speaker_01
And then we were the ones who got really interested in the 2000s and lifestyle design and life hacking and trying to figure out, like, well, how do we, how do we, like, rebuild things? And we're very self-reflective in that way.

00:57:00 Speaker_01
So I think it makes sense that our generation is starting to free time management and productivity, I guess, from the Stephen Covey generation.

00:57:09 Speaker_00
I know, I think so. We're like curious problem solvers. Yeah. Like on a very soulful human level.

00:57:16 Speaker_00
Like, okay, let's, I want to, I think it has, there has to be something to that of not growing up with technology at your fingertips either, you know, like being skeptical of it. Like I was taught to like,

00:57:29 Speaker_00
don't trust Wikipedia, anybody, like all of those things. But I agree with you.

00:57:34 Speaker_00
I think there's a, we can make jokes about it, but it is really fulfilling to see this wave happening where people feel lighter about their own lives in a way they haven't before. I think it's really special.

00:57:49 Speaker_01
Our generation having kids change things. Like I say, this has like been my big revelation was when my three boys, All got to basically elementary school age.

00:58:01 Speaker_01
There was this huge shift where it was, oh, we need every minute of that time possible, which felt very different than before, whereas more sort of survival mode, all hands on deck is this kid like.

00:58:14 Speaker_01
physically and safely being taken from here to here and has like food or whatever, you know.

00:58:17 Speaker_00
It's all logistics. For a while, it's just logistics. It's logistics.

00:58:20 Speaker_01
And then that very much, I was like, three boys who want to spend as much time with dad as possible. And it completely changes the way you think about, for example, work.

00:58:25 Speaker_01
You're like, okay, well, so like, how does work serve to help set up a lifestyle that has like as much time as possible for this? Because there's like an eight year window or something like that, where that's really important.

00:58:36 Speaker_01
I mean, I think a lot of this, at least for me as parenthood has been a big driver of these, these evolutions. Yeah.

00:58:42 Speaker_01
Yeah, these evolutions of productivity thinking and we hit various limits as we, you know, as we get to certain ages, as we get into our 40s, it's like, okay, I kind of am as far as I'm going to be able to go. in this pursuit or that pursuit.

00:58:56 Speaker_01
And it turns out I'm not going to play professional baseball. Okay. I'm finally able to say like that ship has sailed. Like this is how successful of a person I'm going to be in my job. And I'm, it's good.

00:59:06 Speaker_01
Uh, but I, there's, I don't see there being a big jump after this. There's, there's a big sort of shift. Like, okay, so how do we organize life? It just seems like the right conversation to be having right now.

00:59:17 Speaker_00
I agree. Yeah.

00:59:18 Speaker_01
And your book does it beautifully.

00:59:20 Speaker_00
Thank you. Thank you. It means the world that you read it and are talking about it. And I'm just, I'm excited. I sometimes call myself Pollyanna with a clipboard. I'm so idealistic and I'm like everything you guys. We can make this world so beautiful.

00:59:37 Speaker_00
And here's the list of how to do it. I just feel really excited about this message getting spread out there that people start to feel like themselves in their own lives rather than machines in something of their own manufacturing.

00:59:54 Speaker_00
That's not the way any of us want to live. So thanks for giving it a platform. Of course.

00:59:59 Speaker_01
Well, speaking of platforms, we only have a minute left here. You have a sort of well-known extensive platform online. Maybe can you help explain for my listeners how to get all things Kendra?

01:00:11 Speaker_00
Yeah, all things Kendra is at the Lazy Genius Collective. I have a podcast, The Lazy Genius Podcast. It comes out every Monday. We're coming up on 400 episodes, so we've been doing this a long time. And yeah, The Plan is my third book.

01:00:24 Speaker_00
The first two, The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen are kind of foundational books I reference a lot in the episodes.

01:00:32 Speaker_00
Everything is meant to help you name what matters to you and feel permission to live your life in a way that makes you feel like a person.

01:00:40 Speaker_01
Okay, so go to that website.

01:00:42 Speaker_00
Go to that podcast.

01:00:42 Speaker_01
You have a great newsletter. Thank you. Big Instagram presence as well.

01:00:46 Speaker_00
Yeah, yeah.

01:00:47 Speaker_01
Or so I hear.

01:00:47 Speaker_00
It's like, it's big-ish, and I'm not there very often to make it bigger, because I just choose to be lazy about Instagram, and that's okay.

01:00:55 Speaker_01
I like it. Yeah. That I commiserate with. Yeah. All right, Kendra, well, always a pleasure to talk with you. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for helping to share the word. The book is The Plan. Check out the Lazy Genius Collective as well to find out more.

01:01:08 Speaker_01
And thanks for coming on. Thanks, Cal. All right, so that was my interview with Kendra Adachi, brought to you by Defender, a vehicle designed for those seeking adventure in a distracted world. So thank you, Defender, for sponsoring today's interview.

01:01:22 Speaker_01
Well, I really liked that discussion. We covered a lot of ground. There's one point in particular that I want to underscore here.

01:01:29 Speaker_01
I really liked, early on in the interview, where Kendra set up this dichotomy, which she says is very common in the communities and spaces where she often exists.

01:01:41 Speaker_01
And she says there's often this dichotomy, especially among women in productivity discourse, where you have two choices. You can be the super achiever.

01:01:52 Speaker_01
You're eating your, whatever they ask for you to do now, 400 grams of protein an hour while working out two hours a day at the gym and crushing it with your Instagram photos and working 50 hours a day and all this sort of craziness.

01:02:07 Speaker_01
Or you have to be, and I believe her term was something like have the wild hair energy, the messy hair energy. which is you have to lean into your only other option is to lean into, Oh my God, look how messy my life is. And like my act isn't together.

01:02:20 Speaker_01
And you know, this is just, this is just how it is. It's like, I'm, I'm, everything is completely chaotic. And she said, it doesn't have to be either of those things. Neither of those are very good options, but there's an option in the middle.

01:02:32 Speaker_01
And I think we often forget this option because that first option, the sort of super achiever option for all of us, when it becomes unattainable, We know we need to do something different.

01:02:44 Speaker_01
But if our only other option is just let everything go to chaos, that's just as bad. So I think of compassionate time management as one way of describing an approach to that space in between.

01:02:57 Speaker_01
Right, it's a way of saying, yeah, you gotta care about things. You need to plan your to-do list. You need to look ahead of what's coming up.

01:03:06 Speaker_01
You need to make decisions and pivot when something doesn't work and make priority decisions about what should I do instead and how are we gonna pull this off?

01:03:12 Speaker_01
And if this kid's gonna be homesick for school, there's a complicated logistical chain that makes the rescue of the Apollo 13 capsule seem somewhat simplistic by comparison. I gotta get on the ball, I gotta make this happen.

01:03:22 Speaker_01
You need to do those things, but also, Have compassion for yourself, not try to do too many of those things. Recognize that some seasons of life, it's just, this is what's going on, is trying to keep up with details.

01:03:33 Speaker_01
And other seasons of life, you have some freedom to actually push on something, or to push harder on an optional project. And that can shift over time, and that's okay. And the things can go slower. I talk about this in my book, Slow Productivity.

01:03:45 Speaker_01
Work at a natural pace. We don't know, looking back historically, when we see people who did great things, we don't know how long it took them. If they took twice as long or half as long, we wouldn't know the difference.

01:03:54 Speaker_01
We would just say, that was a cool book you wrote. It was a cool impact you had. So be able to let things take more time. To be lazy about more things so you can be a genius on other.

01:04:04 Speaker_01
To not have to be the very best at X, Y, and Z, but to be good at something that matters on your own terms and that's good enough. That middle space between the messy hair energy and the super achiever is a space that we don't explore enough.

01:04:18 Speaker_01
I'm trying to explore that more with my deep life philosophy.

01:04:21 Speaker_01
By saying the goal is a lifestyle, not a grand accomplishment, not a specific thing you can point to and impress other people by, not a particular number in your bank account, but a holistic view of your lifestyle, opens up a lot of freedom for how you get there.

01:04:34 Speaker_01
And in particular, if a particular path you're taking is not working well, it's stressing you out, it's unsustainable, you can switch to something else. You can give yourself that grace. So I really love this type of thinking.

01:04:44 Speaker_01
I've been using the term humanistic or humane productivity in some of my recent conversations. Kendra has this idea of compassionate time management. We have Oliver Berkman is in on this space too.

01:04:56 Speaker_01
He's kind of approaching this space from a related direction.

01:04:58 Speaker_01
I guess Oliver is saying something sort of similar to Kendra, at least in the part of like be organized enough to make progress on the thing that matters and not to let too many things fall through the cracks and then be okay with that.

01:05:13 Speaker_01
not having to optimize everything else enough. You got enough time towards something. You have your arms around enough things. I think Oliver, I think Kendra, I think me, we're all kind of surrounding similar topics and it's a great one.

01:05:24 Speaker_01
So Kendra added a great voice to this conversation. And so I was glad to have her on the show. So thank you for that, Kendra. We'll have another one of these episodes coming up pretty soon. You know, again, semi-regular.

01:05:36 Speaker_01
I do these as I have interesting people to talk to. And there's a person I've wanted to talk to who agreed to talk to me recently. No spoilers. I'm going to try to get that up, you know, maybe in a couple of weeks or so, and we'll continue.

01:05:47 Speaker_01
If you have any feedback about the show, your best bet is to send that to producerJesse at jesseatkalanuport.com. He makes sure I see what I need to see. Be back on Monday, of course, with our normal episode of the show. Until then, stay deep.