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Episode: How To Reinvent Yourself & Make The Greatest Comeback Of Your Life (At Any Age)

Author: Mel Robbins
Duration: 00:45:22

Episode Shownotes

In this episode, Mel is giving you the step-by-step roadmap of how to reinvent your life.Whether you’ve just graduated, you’re an empty nester, or you’re somewhere in between, this episode will provide you with the steps to make a pivot.You’ll learn why reinvention is not about fixing what’s broken, but

about tapping into your desires, following your curiosity, and taking bold action. By the end of this episode, you’ll be fired up and ready to take control of your future. This is an encore episode with new and exciting insights from Mel at the top of the episode where you’re getting Mel’s simple guide for stepping into your next chapter.For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, you’ll love listening to this one next: 9 Small Things That Will Make a Surprisingly Big DifferenceConnect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeGo deeper with Mel’s free video course, Make It HappenFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Disclaimer

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_01
Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I was just sitting here thinking, I cannot believe that we've been doing this podcast for two years already. I mean, it's just absolutely incredible.

00:00:14 Speaker_01
And so I've been reflecting in particular about all of the questions that we receive every single month from your fellow listeners around the world.

00:00:21 Speaker_01
And I was looking through it recently and I wondered, well, what are the most common things that people write in about asking for us to do an episode on? And let me share a few of them with you.

00:00:31 Speaker_01
Career change, finding purpose, making friends as an adult, Starting a new chapter after major life change. Restarting after a setback. Dating after a breakup. And you want to know something interesting?

00:00:42 Speaker_01
All of these are about the same topic, reinvention. And that's what you and I are going to talk about today. And one of the things that I'm going to do is I'm going to walk you through a step-by-step process for reinventing your life.

00:00:56 Speaker_01
I'm going to give you my favorite metaphor that I use when I have to reinvent some aspect of my life. And I'm going to remind you over and over again, you're never starting from scratch.

00:01:06 Speaker_01
You've got experience, wisdom, and resilience under your belt, and you're bringing that to whatever change you wanna make. And look, I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed, to go through a major life change.

00:01:17 Speaker_01
And I also know what it feels like to not know what you want, or even how to get started. So today, you and I are gonna flip that script and break down the topic of reinvention step-by-step.

00:01:28 Speaker_01
And by the end of this episode, you're gonna feel so fired up to take control of your life, you won't be able to sit still. Hey, it's your friend Mel. I'm so excited that you're here. It's always an honor to spend time with you and to be together.

00:01:48 Speaker_01
If you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.

00:01:51 Speaker_01
Thank you for choosing to listen to this podcast because it tells me that you're the type of person that values your time and you're interested in learning about ways that you can improve your life.

00:02:01 Speaker_01
And today, holy cow, you are in for an amazing experience because you and I are gonna be taking our relationship to a whole new level and embarking on a road trip. It's not just any road trip.

00:02:16 Speaker_01
We're going to be talking about the fantastic journey that is your life. And can you tell I'm excited? One of the reasons why I'm so excited about this topic is because I've met so many of you out and about as I'm living my life.

00:02:29 Speaker_01
And whenever I meet you in person, you tell me that you love listening to this podcast as you take a walk.

00:02:34 Speaker_01
as you're listening in your car, as you start your day, which means that as you're listening, you and I are walking, driving, talking and learning and sharing this journey called life together. It's true, isn't it?

00:02:47 Speaker_01
Life is one big, unpredictable journey. The twists, the turns, the pit stops, the detours, don't even get me started on the fricking breakdowns. But right now, you and I are together in this moment.

00:03:02 Speaker_01
And we are side by side, traveling down the road together. And I just love being here with you right now. It certainly makes it more fun knowing that I'm on the road of life with someone awesome like you.

00:03:15 Speaker_01
But here's a question I want you to answer for yourself. As you imagine yourself right now in this moment, are you in the driver's seat of your life with your hands on the wheel? Or are you just a passenger who's along for the ride?

00:03:33 Speaker_01
Now, the answer might not be obvious. Maybe you're in a career that doesn't really fit you. Maybe you've worked really hard and you thought you would love the life that you've worked so hard to create, but now that you're in it, not really.

00:03:51 Speaker_01
Maybe you've navigated your life like so many of us do based on what your parents thought you should do or making your partner happy or what your kids wanted or what you thought you should be doing. That's what it feels like to be a passenger.

00:04:05 Speaker_01
And my mission today is to guide you step by step to putting yourself firmly in the driver's seat of your life and grabbing that wheel and taking responsibility for navigating where you go next on this extraordinary journey.

00:04:22 Speaker_01
So no matter where you are right now, whether you just graduated,

00:04:27 Speaker_01
or you're stalling out in your career in your 20s, 30s, or 40s, or you're hitting the accelerator and you just wanna know how to go even faster, whether you're going through a breakup or hit a major life change, or maybe like me, you're an empty nester, or like our son, you've just started college and you feel like you're having to figure it all out as you're flying down the road, this episode is the roadmap you didn't even know you needed.

00:04:54 Speaker_01
And I wanna tell you something even cooler. No matter where you are right now, you get to choose your next destination. And even better, once you know where you wanna head next, there's a million ways to get where you wanna go.

00:05:08 Speaker_01
And that is why every single one of the questions that I get over and over and over again, whether it's about dating, career change, creating your next chapter, finding your purpose, it's all about reinventing yourself.

00:05:22 Speaker_01
learning how to be the driver of your life, learning how to be clear about where you want to go next, and then doing the work to chart the course that feels the most exciting, aligned, and empowering to you.

00:05:36 Speaker_01
And that is exactly what I'm going to teach you to do over and over and over again today. And I'm also super excited to do this by answering a few questions from your fellow listeners about this topic.

00:05:50 Speaker_01
And here's the thing, as you hear their questions, you might not be in the same specific situation that they're in, but I'm gonna tell you something. There's something about your life that you wanna change.

00:06:02 Speaker_01
There's an aspect of a relationship you're in that you wanna reinvent. And today is an opportunity for you to just stop going with the flow. It's an opportunity for you to wake up

00:06:13 Speaker_01
and realize that no matter where you are or what you're dealing with, you always have the power to take the wheel and turn your life in a brand new direction. And that brings me to our very first question from a listener named Sarah.

00:06:28 Speaker_05
Hey Mel, it's Sarah. Can you talk about starting over at 40 and being terrified doing it? I turned 40 last year and my life was not okay. I've been in a toxic marriage for 11 years with a man who also has a lot of health problems. Hashtag guilt.

00:06:49 Speaker_05
I was laid off from a job I loved and I have gained a crazy amount of weight. That's just the icing on the cake. I don't even know where to start. I don't even know if I have ever been truly happy. I would love to hear your advice on this topic.

00:07:05 Speaker_05
I want the second act of my life to be amazing. Help me, Mel. Thank you.

00:07:10 Speaker_01
First of all, thank you to Sarah for doing the work for all of us. And I want to say one thing out of the gate. Sarah said that she is terrified of starting over. First of all, everybody, you're never starting over.

00:07:22 Speaker_01
You're always starting from experience. This is so important for you to understand. Just because you got laid off, just because you've ended a relationship, you're not starting from scratch.

00:07:33 Speaker_01
You have all the experiences, good and bad, in your life that you can now use to reinvent and reimagine what the next chapter of your life looks like next.

00:07:45 Speaker_01
And I'm seeing the same question that Sarah's asking, whether it's those of you in your 20s that are writing and you've graduated from college and you have no idea how to begin creating the next chapter of your life,

00:07:59 Speaker_01
or you're writing in at the age of 33, and like Sarah, you've been laid off from your job. In fact, it seems like everywhere I go, at some point, everybody's kind of leaning over going, yeah, we just went through layoffs. So you're not alone.

00:08:13 Speaker_01
Or maybe you're on the other side of this. Because so many people got laid off, you actually have been promoted. But now you're freaking out because you feel like you're an imposter in this role and you're not capable of handling it.

00:08:25 Speaker_01
Or perhaps you're 55, seeing a lot of these kinds of questions. I am now an empty nester.

00:08:31 Speaker_01
I want this next chapter of my life to be incredible, and I'm starting to look at my spouse now that the kids are gone, and I'm like, oh, I don't know about this.

00:08:41 Speaker_01
Or maybe you just met the love of your life, and it's unbelievable, but you are worried, terrified, in fact, that you're going to screw it up. So I want to talk about Sarah's question globally.

00:08:55 Speaker_01
because she's not the only one who's feeling kind of scared about this notion of what this next chapter might be. She used the word terrified. You don't have to be terrified. This is one of the greatest opportunities of your life.

00:09:12 Speaker_01
So if you want to change, you either want to step into your power when good things are happening, or you want to just look out on the road ahead and create an exciting new possibility for yourself.

00:09:30 Speaker_01
You are listening to the exact thing that you need to hear. Now 90% of the questions that I'm getting right now are about the topic of reinvention. How do I reinvent myself? How do I reinvent my life?

00:09:42 Speaker_01
You may not be using that word, I mean Sarah didn't, but that is exactly what you and I are gonna talk about today. Because I want you to imagine a brand new possibility for your life.

00:09:55 Speaker_01
And if you, like Sarah, can say, I wanna be happy, I want the next chapter of my life to be amazing, if you can just even start there.

00:10:06 Speaker_01
All you have to do is start to think about what kind of a map do you need in order to chart a course to make that possibility that you see for your life a reality. And I love this topic of reinvention.

00:10:20 Speaker_01
I love it, love it, love it because I have this metaphor that I've been using for years when it comes to understanding reinvention. And what is the metaphor? The metaphor that I use is a road trip. That's right, life is one big road trip.

00:10:37 Speaker_01
And we're gonna use this metaphor of a road trip to demystify the entire concept and process of reinventing yourself or reinventing your life.

00:10:49 Speaker_01
And for those of you that have listened to my number one ranked audio series on Audible called Reinvent Your Life, you have heard me talk about this metaphor. And this is such a powerful concept because the fact is, life is a journey.

00:11:06 Speaker_01
It's one big road trip. And for too many of us, that road trip is boring and monotonous, and I want your life to be the most exciting, exhilarating, amazing road trip that you could possibly imagine.

00:11:24 Speaker_01
And every single year of your life is another mile marker on this twisting, amazing journey called life. For me, I'm at mile marker 56. That is how far down the road I am.

00:11:39 Speaker_01
And it's a useful exercise to think about it that way, because when I say to you, hey, I'm at mile marker 56, that tells me that there's a lot of road that I've covered behind me, but guess what? There is a huge open road ahead of me.

00:11:59 Speaker_01
And when you take responsibility for charting that course of where that open road is gonna lead you, you take control of your life. That's what reinvention is all about.

00:12:13 Speaker_01
It's about creating a map, picking a destination, and charting your course on this road called life. And here's what's exciting about that. You get to choose.

00:12:24 Speaker_01
You get to choose how fast you're gonna drive, whether you're gonna take the highway, whether you're gonna twist and turn, where you wanna go next. And so Sarah's question was, Mel, where do I start? We're gonna start by pulling over.

00:12:39 Speaker_01
And the reason why we're gonna start by just mentally pulling over together for a second is because Sarah is literally describing her life as if she is driving through a hellish, heavy rainstorm with hail dropping down.

00:12:55 Speaker_01
I mean, between the toxic husband and the weight she's put on and getting laid off from her dream job. Holy smokes, it's like raining sideways in your life right now, Sarah.

00:13:05 Speaker_01
But that's okay, that's okay, because we know that the rain doesn't last forever.

00:13:10 Speaker_01
We know that on the road ahead, there are gonna be sunny skies, and there's gonna be big fluffy clouds, and all kinds of amazing views, and you can make it through this rainstorm. And so, here's what we're gonna do, though.

00:13:22 Speaker_01
You can't possibly assess where you're going until you pull over for a second, and you reflect on where you're at right now. And more importantly, where do you wanna go next? I mean, think about the last time you got lost.

00:13:39 Speaker_01
When you get lost, does driving around help you find yourself? No, you gotta pull over, you gotta figure out where you are, you gotta consult the mile marker, you gotta look for landmarks, and then you gotta figure out, okay, where am I going next?

00:13:51 Speaker_01
And so pulling over is a mental strategy. Visualize yourself right now just pulling off the road of life onto the side for a second, because you need that break for just a second.

00:14:03 Speaker_01
You need to hit the pause if you've been dealing with financial stress, or you've been dealing with health issues, because by pulling over for just a second, you're acknowledging what Sarah's saying.

00:14:17 Speaker_01
You're gonna hit the pause button on your life as it is right now, and we're gonna take a second to collect ourselves, and then we're gonna figure out the destination and where we wanna go next. Now that we're pulled over,

00:14:31 Speaker_01
We're gonna talk about the next step to reinvention. And we'll do that when we come back. Welcome back, I'm Mel Robbins. We are talking about the topic of reinvention and we're using the metaphor of a road trip. And what happens on a road trip?

00:14:53 Speaker_01
Well, a lot of times you break down, a lot of times you get a flat tire, a lot of times there is a detour and life is not going according to your plan. And that is exactly what has happened to a listener named Jen.

00:15:08 Speaker_03
Hi Mel, it's Jen. I'm struggling going through a breakup, and it's hard because I thought I found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

00:15:17 Speaker_03
I was very happy, and I guess I thought I found my person, but this breakup has just affected me with work, and it's just a struggle. It's just a daily struggle to get up, and a daily struggle to get dressed. I would just love some advice.

00:15:31 Speaker_01
Thank you for being so honest about what you're dealing with. And what you're dealing with right now is a detour on the road trip called life. That is what this is.

00:15:44 Speaker_01
And all detours in life, whether it is a breakup, or it's the death of somebody that you love, or losing a job, or just anything that happens that takes you off the route that you thought you were gonna go down.

00:16:01 Speaker_01
And in those moments, it is important to pull over. It is important to feel sad and to let those emotions rise up. But you can't stay in that place. You can't allow it. You know, if you get a flat tire, if you get into an accident, what do you do?

00:16:21 Speaker_01
You pull over. You fix the car and you move forward. And that's what you have to do now. You have spent enough time being sad. You have spent enough time lamenting what happened. You have spent enough time looking for a solution.

00:16:38 Speaker_01
in the rear view mirror at this relationship.

00:16:42 Speaker_01
If you're somebody that is looking backwards, you're looking at the past, you're looking at the road behind you, and you're spending way too much of your time and your energy wishing things were different,

00:16:54 Speaker_01
feeling sad about the miles that you've already been down and that you wish you had done something different, you wish you would've ended up, you wish that here at 24 you would've majored in a different thing because that would, like, whatever it is that you're doing that involves the rear view mirror, stop.

00:17:14 Speaker_01
Because you're not going that way. Think about the road trip analogy. Does a car on a road trip drive forward down the road? Or do you go on a road trip by driving backwards? Are you getting my point?

00:17:32 Speaker_01
There's a reason why the windshield in a car is so much bigger than the rear-view mirror. You're not going backwards, and you can't drive forward if you're always staring in the rear-view mirror. And so you did the right thing by feeling sad.

00:17:52 Speaker_01
You did the right thing by pulling over. But now it's time for you to look out the windshield and look at the road ahead. And here's what I want you to do. Stop and look at the open road.

00:18:09 Speaker_01
Imagine if this detour that just happened, somebody that you're in love with broke up with you. That sucks. There's no way around it. It totally sucks. Just like getting a flat tire sucks. So what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it?

00:18:26 Speaker_01
Well, I'll tell you what I don't want you to do, because this is why you can't get out of bed. You are telling yourself that this happened because there's something wrong with you.

00:18:36 Speaker_01
You're telling yourself that this happened because you're not worthy, because you're not good enough, and that is complete bullshit. You wanna know why this happened? Let's go back to our road trip.

00:18:51 Speaker_01
This happened because every single one of us has a completely unique and deeply personal journey that we take on this thing called life. And I choose to believe that whatever detour hits you, It is aligned with what's meant for you.

00:19:17 Speaker_01
I also deeply believe that the best years of my life are on the road ahead.

00:19:23 Speaker_01
And if you can embrace those two truths, that every detour in life that does not go according to plan, it's not what you wanted, and there have been so many detours in my life that have been painful,

00:19:41 Speaker_01
but I can see now how they were aligned with pushing me in the direction I needed to go, giving me the lessons that were aligned with my purpose or the things that I needed to learn in order to make the years ahead even better, even happier, even more purposeful.

00:20:03 Speaker_01
You have to tell yourself that. Because what's the alternative? The alternative is you feeling like a victim. You feeling as though, you know, you're never good enough. Nothing's ever gonna work out. Bullshit. This detour is not something you wanted.

00:20:20 Speaker_01
This detour is going to open you up to something that you needed. I swear to God, when you start to think like that, when you grab the wheel of your life, when you take responsibility, not for the detour,

00:20:36 Speaker_01
but for how you're gonna navigate what happens next, that's when you tap into your power, and you can do that, Jen. This isn't about some guy breaking your heart. This is about you discovering how to love yourself. So, here's what I want you to do.

00:20:54 Speaker_01
Clearly, you believe that finding your person, is something that you need to do. So on a piece of paper, write down all the things that this person does for you. How do they make you feel? What are some of the things that they do for you?

00:21:15 Speaker_01
The kind of person that you're gonna fall madly, deeply in love with. Now all those things that you write down, do them for yourself. That is what this detour is trying to teach you, Jen.

00:21:26 Speaker_01
that the one person that you need to truly love and truly be in a relationship with, your person, so to speak, you already found that person and it's you.

00:21:38 Speaker_01
And so I think that this detour is giving you the breakdown you needed so that you could strengthen your relationship with yourself. That's why this happened. All right, next up, we have a question from a listener about feeling blah.

00:21:55 Speaker_01
And I know you're gonna relate to this, but first we gotta hit the brakes because I can only bring you this show at zero cost because of our sponsors. So let's hear a word from them and then we'll be right back. Welcome back, my name's Mel Robbins.

00:22:14 Speaker_01
I'm so excited you're here because we're talking about The Road Trip Called Life.

00:22:19 Speaker_01
How you navigate it, how you chart a new course, picking the proper destination to go to next, and most importantly, having the kind of attitude that the best years of your life are on the road ahead.

00:22:31 Speaker_01
And at any single moment, you can make a decision to take the wheel of your life and turn it in a new direction. And that brings me to our next question. from a listener named McKenna.

00:22:45 Speaker_04
Hey Mel, it's McKenna. My question for you is, what do you do when you feel blah? Everything is fine, life is going your way, nothing bad is happening, but all of a sudden you're stuck in the limbo of feeling absolutely nothing and lackadaisical.

00:23:03 Speaker_04
It can last a few minutes or even days. How do you push through and keep on keeping on? Right now, I want to withdraw from the world and recluse. But I have a family and young kids that I don't get to see much because of my work schedule.

00:23:18 Speaker_04
So the time I have is very precious and I'd rather not spend it a gloomy gust. Have you felt like this before? What do you do to get out of it? Thank you for everything.

00:23:29 Speaker_01
McKenna, oh, boy am I glad you asked me this question because there is no way in hell I am going to let you stay in that blah space. And you just asked if I've ever felt that way before. Of course I have.

00:23:42 Speaker_01
This is so normal to have periods of your life where you feel blah, where you feel lackadaisical, where you just kind of have no energy. And there are a lot of words for this. People describe this as feeling stuck, being in survival mode.

00:24:02 Speaker_01
Researchers have given it the label languish. It's just sort of this like nothing's really wrong, but nothing's really right. You don't really have any enthusiasm.

00:24:15 Speaker_01
And if I go back to our metaphor about life being one big long road trip, the way that I would describe it is that you're just on autopilot right now. That's right, cruise control is on. You're rolling down the road of life. You're exhausted.

00:24:33 Speaker_01
You're trying just to get to the next mile marker. Well, guess what? There's really, really good news here.

00:24:40 Speaker_01
And the first thing that I wanna acknowledge you for is that you've already checked the box on step one for changing this situation, and that is you recognize it.

00:24:51 Speaker_01
Seriously, it's really important if you relate to what McKenna's saying, or you're going through the motions in life,

00:25:01 Speaker_01
you're just sort of on autopilot, you're not really paying attention, nothing's wrong, nothing's right, you're kind of blah, you're kind of bored.

00:25:11 Speaker_01
Step one is you gotta check the box and say, boom, that's me, I'm on autopilot, and I don't wanna be on autopilot anymore. Step two is you gotta be on autopilot.

00:25:21 Speaker_01
You have to look ahead at that open road and you must intentionally figure out a specific destination that makes you excited to drive toward it.

00:25:36 Speaker_01
One of my fondest memories from childhood was the summer that my father rented a motorhome and we did a cross country family road trip to hit as many national parks as we could.

00:25:49 Speaker_01
And the big destination that my dad was like super excited about was we were going to reach Yellowstone and we were going to stay at that big lodge at Yellowstone and we were going to be able to see Old Faithful. So I remember

00:26:05 Speaker_01
You wanna know why that road trip was so exciting? It was because we always had something on the road ahead to look forward to.

00:26:12 Speaker_01
Whether it was the world famous Corn Palace, which was a stop, or Wall Drug, or Mount Rushmore, we were inching our way toward the big destination, Yellowstone.

00:26:25 Speaker_01
But along the way, there were all these cool things on the road ahead that we were excited to check out. You need that in your life. And now some of this analogy is starting to make sense, right?

00:26:37 Speaker_01
Because if you're staring in the rear view mirror, that's not exciting. You're not heading in that direction. If you look out at the open road and you don't see anything in front of you that you're excited about, that's a problem.

00:26:50 Speaker_01
And so here's the solution as counterintuitive as it may seem.

00:26:56 Speaker_01
When you look out on the open road, and for me, I always like to go and time travel about two years ahead because I think in 24 months, you can chip away and make just about anything happen.

00:27:07 Speaker_01
That's plenty of time for you to start working toward something new. You have to get intentional about where you're headed next, about that destination,

00:27:18 Speaker_01
about your Yellowstone, which had always been a dream of my father's, to take his family there, and there is something that you dream about, and it's time to start dreaming big again, especially if you're feeling blah.

00:27:32 Speaker_01
There are three reasons why you have to pick a new destination, and these are the same three reasons why having dreams matter.

00:27:41 Speaker_01
I've got super cool research to share with you about why this is so important when it comes to your life and to your energy and to purpose and meaning and enjoying this road trip called life. Number one, big dreams.

00:27:57 Speaker_01
a new destination that you're gonna head towards, having something out on the horizon that you're looking forward to, that you're working toward, it creates energy in your life, which is something that you're clearly missing.

00:28:09 Speaker_01
I can hear it in your voice, McKenna. It creates excitement. It gives you something to look forward to. It gives you a goal to work toward.

00:28:17 Speaker_01
And when you have this sort of destination out there on the road ahead, just picking your head up out of the monotony of your day-to-day life

00:28:26 Speaker_01
It creates momentum and that forward momentum right out the front on the road ahead, that's so important because that's missing for you right now, isn't it? When you see more of the same, same old, same old, you got to create an epic road trip.

00:28:43 Speaker_01
And speaking of a new destination, A destination like a Yellowstone, something out there two years ahead of now, it changes the way you see the world right now. It's very similar to opening up the aperture on a camera to let more light in.

00:28:58 Speaker_01
New destinations on the road of life open you up to more possibilities in your life. Things are hard right now. I get it. You got a lot on your plate. Well, guess what? Two years from now, you can change just about anything.

00:29:12 Speaker_01
And when you start to open up to bigger dreams, you start to retrain and reshape your outlook, your mind, your attitude to be bigger and better and more exciting than what you're dealing with right now.

00:29:26 Speaker_01
The third thing that happens when you get very serious about grabbing that wheel and cranking it toward a new destination, you're gonna suddenly, suddenly see all kinds of possibility and changes that you could make.

00:29:41 Speaker_01
See, this is the part where that blah feeling, it goes away really quickly.

00:29:47 Speaker_01
And I'm gonna give you an example and then I wanna talk about some research about why adding something exciting on the road ahead fixes that feeling of being on autopilot and shakes you free from that heavy blah languish that you're in.

00:30:04 Speaker_01
Have you ever noticed that the moment that you plan a vacation, let's say you're gonna take the kids to Disney, you're gonna get away, you immediately feel better. You're not even on vacation.

00:30:16 Speaker_01
Research shows that when you plan something like that, you get two bites at the excitement apple.

00:30:24 Speaker_01
The first one is just planning it and having that trip to Disney out on the road ahead because now you're excited because you're looking forward to it, and the second boost that you get is when you actually go on the vacation.

00:30:37 Speaker_01
But the reason why it's so powerful to have something out in the future is just think about how it impacts you before you go away. You're not even there yet.

00:30:47 Speaker_01
It's a week before you're gonna board the plane with your kids and go down to Disney, and you walk into work on a Monday, your boss can pile work up to your eyeballs. Do you care? I don't think so. Why?

00:31:02 Speaker_01
Because Disney is in your future, and that's pretty cool. So even the demands of your current day-to-day, blah, draining life, they don't get you down. Why? Because on the road ahead, you got something pretty cool.

00:31:20 Speaker_01
That trip, just planning it, just visualizing it, just thinking about what's in your future, it boosts your mood, it picks your thoughts up, it even helps you be more productive, and this is all simply because you intentionally put something out in the future, a new destination, that makes you excited.

00:31:41 Speaker_01
That's why this matters so much. And here's the other thing. I know what you're thinking right now. Mel, I don't have time for this shit. A new destination, a trip to Disney, I work so much I barely see my kids.

00:31:56 Speaker_01
Well, I gotta hit you with some research because particularly when you're exhausted and overwhelmed and it feels like something needs to give, Guess what? We tend to feel like we just need a break from it all.

00:32:13 Speaker_01
But the research proves something very counterintuitive. Because when you're overwhelmed like McKenna is, when you're feeling checked out, blah, you're on autopilot, cruise control, you're just kind of zoned out in life, do you know what you need?

00:32:29 Speaker_01
You need engagement. You need to add energizing activities to your schedule. And when you do that, something miraculous happens. you feel like you have more time. I know this is bananas, but let me just kind of unpack this study for you.

00:32:45 Speaker_01
This was done by Laura Vanderkam. She writes about it in this essay in the New York Times. There's a better way to reclaim your time than quiet quitting.

00:32:55 Speaker_01
She did a study in 2021 where she worked with super busy people, just like you, who feel exhausted and tapped out. The people in her study said things like, life feels very chaotic with so many different balls in the air. Same.

00:33:12 Speaker_01
My work to-do list is never ending. I bet you can relate to that. Or how about this one? I need a few more hours each day in order to have time to just manage my family and my life. Wouldn't that be nice?

00:33:26 Speaker_01
Well, what she did over the course of nine weeks, this is really interesting, instead of asking people to scale back or have better boundaries between work and life, you know what she taught them to do?

00:33:39 Speaker_01
She taught every one of these folks that are as busy and as burnt out as you that you need to add something.

00:33:47 Speaker_01
whether you're building in regular physical activity, or you're building in a new little adventure, or you're putting something that requires effort but it's meaningful to you, that you choose action over no action.

00:34:05 Speaker_01
So for example, instead of just passing out on front of the couch and watching your favorite series, pick up a book and read a novel instead. She also introduced people as busy as you to this principle of take one night for you.

00:34:20 Speaker_01
And that just means commit for a few hours once a week to doing something you enjoy. It can't be work related, not with your family, but just for a few hours each week. Instead of doing less, add something in. Join a choir, a softball team.

00:34:39 Speaker_01
And here's what's amazing about it. When it's something you're interested in doing, even though you look at your schedule right now and it's a giant Jenga puzzle and you're like, I cannot add one more thing to this thing, bologna, you can.

00:34:51 Speaker_01
Because when you sign up for something that matters for you, you commit to doing it, it nudges you to figure out the logistics, to arrange the childcare, to get your spouse or a friend or a family member to cover for you, even if life feels so busy that you can't even contemplate such a thing right now.

00:35:10 Speaker_01
And it works, it works. The participants in our studies, even though their schedules when they began the study were just as overwhelming as yours,

00:35:20 Speaker_01
when they committed to doing something like just singing in the church choir, you know what they reported? That their time felt more abundant. This is the Disney effect that I'm talking about. This is like picking your head up.

00:35:35 Speaker_01
out of a monotonous part of the road trip and seeing, oh, wow, every minute we're getting closer and closer to Yellowstone. Oh, wow, I got church choir this week. I got my pickup soccer league this week.

00:35:49 Speaker_01
I got the tutoring that I'm going to do as a volunteer this week. it re-energizes you.

00:35:55 Speaker_01
And in fact, people even reported making more progress at work, finding more time with their family, they had an increase of energy and engagement that spilled out into all areas of their life.

00:36:09 Speaker_01
You know, the fact is, we all have the same 168 hours every single week. But here's the thing about time, and it's also true about the journey of life.

00:36:20 Speaker_01
Your relationship to time and your relationship to where you are in life is also about the stories that you're telling yourself. Your life is always gonna be filled with to-do lists.

00:36:30 Speaker_01
But when you add something that you actually want to do, that's the secret. You gotta add something that means something to you. What happens is when you add that in and it competes with your to-do list, time feels different.

00:36:48 Speaker_01
you feel more in control of your life because you're saying, I know I got all this shit I gotta do, but guess what? I'm making it to choir. I'm making it to tutoring. Here's another study from just a few years ago that I think is really fascinating.

00:37:02 Speaker_01
So they took university students and they divided them into two groups. One group of students were told they could leave class 15 minutes early. So they gave them 15 minutes of extra time.

00:37:15 Speaker_01
The other group was asked to stay 15 minutes longer and help edit at-risk high school students' essays. You wanna know who felt like they had more time? The kids who took 15 minutes to edit those high school students' essays. Why?

00:37:36 Speaker_01
Well, logically, it doesn't make any sense, does it? Because we literally gave the other students 15 extra minutes. But what do they do with it? Nothing meaningful.

00:37:46 Speaker_01
They probably like walked over to the co-op or sat around and scrolled through social media. What happens to you when you intentionally spend time doing a rewarding and engaging activity? Your time feels less scarce. That's pretty freaking cool.

00:38:08 Speaker_01
And when you put time into something that is meaningful to you, or you find energizing, your whole narrative about your life and your power changes. You no longer feel like your life is a slog. I do this all the time.

00:38:26 Speaker_01
I'm probably somebody from the outside that you think is one of the busiest people you know, and I am, and there's that saying, you want something done, ask a busy person, because they figure out how to fit things in.

00:38:37 Speaker_01
And there's something about getting really disciplined and excited about doing something for yourself, even though you're super busy, that does spill out into the other areas of your life.

00:38:49 Speaker_01
In fact, my husband, Chris, right now, he's getting a master's in spiritual psychology. Does he have time to do that? No, not as a hospice volunteer, not as he is busy launching a new program for his men's retreat called Soul Degree.

00:39:03 Speaker_01
He doesn't have time to do that. But actually he does, because he is making the time. I have seen this research work in my own life, I am telling you, as counterintuitive as it sounds, please, look at the road ahead.

00:39:18 Speaker_01
The best days of your life are ahead of you. You have to start dreaming big right now. It creates this upward spiral. You can do this, there is a flame burning inside you. There is, you know it. You can feel it. You know that you're meant for more.

00:39:33 Speaker_01
You know you are not supposed to be broken down on the side of the road on this road trip called life. And I think we underestimate how quickly you can turn your life in a new direction. We spend so much time thinking it's not possible.

00:39:52 Speaker_01
We put so much energy into our excuses and our fears. And when you get to a point where you can say, I'm done feeling this way. I want this to feel good. I want to turn my life in a new direction. It is amazing how quickly things can happen.

00:40:09 Speaker_01
And so I want you to hear from a listener to this podcast named Denise, who had been thinking about doing something for 20 years.

00:40:20 Speaker_01
As she's going down the road of life, deep within her, the flame that was burning was, I would love to be a voiceover artist. I would love to do that. And for 20 years, she thought about turning her life in a new direction.

00:40:35 Speaker_01
Just thought about it, just like you keep doing. And then, she finally pulled over, she charted a new course, and she did. And check out what happened.

00:40:48 Speaker_02
I have had the dream of being a voiceover artist for 20 freaking years. I felt like a part of me died each day in Monday 9 to 5, and it's the sense of loss of a life unlived and unfulfilled. I just knew I cannot settle anymore.

00:41:07 Speaker_02
And now I'm reflecting on the past six months. I set a goal to have a live voiceover ACX profile by June 13th so I could narrate books. and the profile didn't go live until August.

00:41:20 Speaker_02
I wasn't hard on myself, but celebrated what I did do, actually taking and posting a photo of myself and taking action steps. Just today, I received my second narration job, so there are now two books in the works.

00:41:37 Speaker_02
I have three more auditions being reviewed. I'm auditioning for commercials and reaching out to potential clients with plans to be a full-time thriving voiceover artist by this time next year.

00:41:49 Speaker_02
So grateful for all the support and the lessons I've learned. Wow, I'm a happier, more committed to my dreams person with infused energy, drive, and excitement. I know the best is yet to be. Thank you, Mel and your team.

00:42:07 Speaker_01
I'm just basking in the sound of a person's voice who is fulfilled because she got serious about what she wanted her life to look like. She did that in six months. And this is something she was thinking about for 20 years. You only get one life.

00:42:35 Speaker_01
And what Denise said is right. Living on autopilot, that is a life unlived and unfulfilled. You do have dreams, and you do deserve to make this next leg of the journey of this thing called life as exciting and as amazing as you possibly can.

00:42:58 Speaker_01
So pull over, assess where you are, Remember, do not stare at the rear view mirror, but focus on the windshield because you're going forward, my friend. Remind yourself that the best years of your life are on the road ahead.

00:43:17 Speaker_01
And I promise you, you will travel far beyond what you can currently see. Because one day, this epic road trip that we call life, it's gonna be over.

00:43:29 Speaker_01
And if what everybody who has approached that final leg of the journey says is true, it's gonna happen for you and me in the blink of an eye. So please, find the courage to create a new course for your life.

00:43:45 Speaker_01
Find the courage to take the wheel and steer it in whatever direction your heart desires. And find the courage to enjoy it. And in case nobody else tells you, I love you, I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life.

00:44:04 Speaker_01
And I guess I'll see you on the road. I told you this would be a trip. Hey. Oh, wait. Hold on a second. Let me try it again. Okay. Try one more thing.

00:44:22 Speaker_00
Is that good setup, Trace? Jesus, my stomach. What the hell? I haven't even eaten anything today. I got some stuff happening here. Oh, why do I have the pickups?

00:44:43 Speaker_01
Oh, and one more thing, and no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

00:44:59 Speaker_01
I'm just your friend, I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

00:45:14 Speaker_01
Stitcher.