How To Declutter Your Home: 5 Tips That Actually Work AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (How To Declutter Your Home: 5 Tips That Actually Work) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Go to PodExtra AI's podcast page (The Mel Robbins Podcast) to view the AI-processed content of all episodes of this podcast.

View full AI transcripts and summaries of all podcast episodes on the blog: The Mel Robbins Podcast

Episode: How To Declutter Your Home: 5 Tips That Actually Work

Author: Mel Robbins
Duration: 01:03:57

Episode Shownotes

If you find that the clutter keeps piling up, this episode will blow your mind.You’re going to learn a foolproof decluttering method that has transformed Mel’s home.The incredible Dana K. White, founder of the hit blog, A Slob Comes Clean, and author of How to Manage Your Home Without Losing

Your Mind, is here to help you tackle your clutter and the overwhelm that comes with it. Today she shares a five-step process that’s revolutionized the way countless people manage their lives—and it’s not about buying more containers or wasting time making everything look perfect. This is decluttering like you’ve never heard it before, designed to make your life easier, your mind clearer, and your home more peaceful. This episode will give you the first step to finally feeling less underwater (no matter what your shelves, desk, or bathroom counter looks like right now!). This is an encore episode with new and exciting insights from Mel at the top.For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.If you liked this episode, which was packed with personal stories and open dialogue from Mel, you’ll love this one: How To Create Better Relationships: 6 Surprising Lessons From 28 Years Of MarriageConnect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeGet Mel’s new book, The Let Them TheoryFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letterSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes Disclaimer

Summary

In this episode, Mel Robbins discusses the burdens of clutter and presents a fresh perspective on decluttering with Dana K. White. They explain that decluttering involves not only removing items but also creating a peaceful environment that enhances mental clarity. Dana emphasizes the distinct yet complementary processes of decluttering and organizing, advocating for a five-step approach that begins with removing trash and easy-to-return items. The conversation underscores the importance of shifting mindset around possessions and making immediate decisions to alleviate the stress of clutter. This episode offers practical strategies to help listeners regain control of their spaces.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (How To Declutter Your Home: 5 Tips That Actually Work) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_01
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I have to tell you something you may not know about me. I am a slob.

00:00:12 Speaker_01
I mean, it's almost embarrassing and something I would rather not talk about, but the time has come for me and you to face this issue head on.

00:00:20 Speaker_01
If you have people coming over anytime soon and you would rather they not get past the welcome mat, or if you just have parts of your house For me, it's like the bathroom doors or the laundry room that are hidden disasters.

00:00:32 Speaker_01
Shut the door, Chris, you know, when the company's, sit right next to me right now because you're not alone and you are in the right place. You and I have got to talk about clutter because clutter weighs you down mentally and physically.

00:00:44 Speaker_01
I mean, just think about it. When you walk into a room that's packed with stuff or you open up a drawer and you can't find what you're looking for, your brain feels it.

00:00:52 Speaker_01
You may be in your car looking at old soda cups or tissues that are left from the day before. This was me this morning. I had to find some in my car. I'm like, how long have those coffee cups been in the back seat?

00:01:01 Speaker_01
Or you may be in the house or office looking at a cluttered counter or kitchen. Just take a second to notice. Isn't that clutter weighing you down? I'm here to tell you it's not only weighing you down, it's holding you back.

00:01:14 Speaker_01
No, you do not need to buy more storage bins to hide the mess. You don't need to take a trip to the big store to get organized or color code anything to start cleaning up your act.

00:01:25 Speaker_01
You can take back your home and your life with a few simple decluttering steps that actually work in real life for real people like you and me. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here.

00:01:46 Speaker_01
I just love this topic. I especially love this topic for right now, based on the fact that the holidays are coming up like a driver that is riding your rear end right now on the back of the car, whatever the heck that's called.

00:01:59 Speaker_01
Well, first of all, I should probably start and say it's an honor to spend some time with you and to be together. And if you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. The fact that you hit play on this episode, it tells me something.

00:02:12 Speaker_01
It tells me you value your time and you hate the clutter, right? It tells me that you want simple ways to clean up your act. You'd like to be proud of your house. You'd like to be proud of your counters.

00:02:22 Speaker_01
I mean, wouldn't you like counters that are squeaky clean? I know I would. And I also know that you're interested in learning about ways that you can improve your life.

00:02:30 Speaker_01
And one of the simplest ways to improve your life, and this is actually really important, is to improve the space around you. your environment matters.

00:02:39 Speaker_01
It like sends these cues to your eyes, to your nervous system and the space around me in my home, in my studio and in my car. I mean, it could be described as I'm looking around, there are balloons in the corner in the office.

00:02:56 Speaker_01
There are stacks of let them books and manuscripts that are almost a year old, lying around. There is a box sitting next to the printer that has some beige sweatshirt on top of it. I don't even, who the heck, the sweatshirt.

00:03:11 Speaker_01
There is a hairspray, but I'm embarrassed. Thank God I'm not on video right now. But here's the thing, you didn't tune in to hear about my clutter. You tuned in to hear how you can change your life by getting control of your clutter.

00:03:26 Speaker_01
Because mess isn't just physical. the mess around you creates a mess in your mind. Clutter in your physical space, whether it's clothes laying on the floor of your closet or piled on top of the laundry room or it's, do you have one of those drawers?

00:03:42 Speaker_01
They're always in your bathroom where you go to pull it open and there's some tube of something in the back that you probably haven't seen in seven years that is poking up and jamming the door open. This stuff clutters your mind.

00:04:00 Speaker_01
and it makes it harder to focus and harder to feel more in control. Well, what if I told you there is a simple way to not only clean up your house before all your relatives come for the holidays, but to break free from this unnecessary overwhelm?

00:04:15 Speaker_01
Well, in today's conversation, you and I are gonna flip the script on what decluttering really means. Because decluttering isn't really about tidying up your space.

00:04:27 Speaker_01
It's about unlocking a new way to feel clearer and peaceful and more in control of your life.

00:04:35 Speaker_01
And it doesn't require you to reorganize your closet, or to get more storage bins, or to color code your bookcases, or to make your pantry look like it's an Instagram post.

00:04:49 Speaker_01
Our expert today is a woman named Dana K. White, and she is a hero to millions of people because she is going to show you how the act of getting rid of stuff is the key to decluttering your thoughts, reducing your stress, and making space for what truly matters.

00:05:09 Speaker_01
And what she said made me realize. She said, Mel, you have decluttering and organizing all wrong. See, for me personally, every time I would try to get organized, you know what I would do?

00:05:23 Speaker_01
Like just think about times in your life you're like, I gotta organize my closet. I gotta organize my desk space at home. Oh, I gotta organize my bedroom. I gotta organize the pantry. What do you do when you feel like I gotta organize things?

00:05:36 Speaker_01
You literally get in the car or you get on the subway and you go to a store and you buy more things. Does that make sense? that in order to organize your things, you buy more things.

00:05:47 Speaker_01
And the reason why you're trying to organize your things is because you have too many things. In fact, I was on the road, because I've been on the road a lot, promoting the Let Them Theory book.

00:05:57 Speaker_01
And do you ever have this feeling like where you go on a trip and you spend all this time packing only to open up your suitcase and you go, I hate everything that I packed.

00:06:05 Speaker_01
I literally packed for a week and I packed exercise clothes, two pairs of jeans, three pairs of underwear. I'm gone for seven days. I don't know how the math works on that now.

00:06:14 Speaker_01
Even if I turn them inside out, I'm not gonna last seven days with three pairs of underwear. I didn't pack a bra. I packed two t-shirts. Like that's what I took on a trip, you guys. And so I not only have too much stuff, I got the wrong stuff.

00:06:30 Speaker_01
Let me tell you what I used to do when I would come home after a trip, having packed all the wrong things. I still do that, that's the ADHD. But I'm gonna tell you what I don't do anymore. So the old me, I would roll in from a trip.

00:06:44 Speaker_01
Does this ever happen to you? I don't know if I'm the only one that used to do this, but holy cow, this was like clockwork what would happen. I would roll on in, and I would roll my suitcase into my bedroom, and would I put my clothes away? No!

00:06:57 Speaker_01
Why would I want to do that? When I can crack my suitcase open, lay it on the floor, not even unpack it, and then walk into my closet and go, you know, I think I should organize this.

00:07:10 Speaker_01
I think right now what I should do is I should organize my entire closet. What Dana White is gonna say is get rid of things. And look, this is not gonna be an episode about hoarding. You don't have to pull up a dumpster into your front yard.

00:07:26 Speaker_01
You don't have to make 55 trips to the town dump. This is not what her philosophy is. You are going to love what Dana White is going to teach you. See, once I saw the difference

00:07:37 Speaker_01
between organizing, which is just making your crap look pretty, and actually, truly decluttering. It transformed how I manage my stuff.

00:07:51 Speaker_01
And it helped me let go of the overwhelm that I felt every time I walked into the mudroom, which was always a disaster, always. So was my bathroom, by the way. So were the kitchen counters.

00:08:03 Speaker_01
And I started to realize, wait a minute, decluttering, it's not about being perfect. It's not about the right storage solutions. It's about clearing space to create a calm, focused mind. I mean, this is a mind-blowing conversation.

00:08:21 Speaker_01
I remember when I first met Dana K. White, I could barely talk because my mouth was on the floor. I'm like, I've never thought about my life this way. I've never thought about the things that I have this way.

00:08:37 Speaker_01
She made me realize how much time and energy I waste moving things that I don't even use from one place to another. It's like insane what you're about to learn.

00:08:49 Speaker_01
And I really want you to take a good hard look in the mirror and truly be honest with yourself about your relationship with your stuff.

00:08:59 Speaker_01
Because you are about to meet a four-time best-selling author, including the best-selling book, Decluttering at the Speed of Life. by Dana K. White. Dana is a speaker. She is crazy viral on YouTube. She's the creator of the No Mess Decluttering Process.

00:09:17 Speaker_01
So she is gonna walk you through her powerful decluttering approach that will help you finally get stuck. And I realize as I'm telling you these stories, you're like, well, clearly it didn't work, Mel.

00:09:27 Speaker_01
And I would say, after learning everything that you're about to learn, I went from a house where every room had clutter to a house where I would say, 30% of the spaces have clutter, which is unbelievable. And more importantly,

00:09:47 Speaker_01
When I walk into the kitchen, which is kind of my safe space, that's where I like to see the clean counters, it's like, anybody else, you're like, that's your domain, don't screw with the kitchen.

00:09:56 Speaker_01
You can put your crap in another place, but don't walk in Christopher Robbins and put your cheese, your cheese, I meant your keys, your keys and your water bottle in front of my beautiful black pots that I bought at a antique place, like one of those big, it's called, what is that thing called?

00:10:17 Speaker_01
Brimfield, Brimfield, if all my antique and kind of junk shoppers, you're going to know that Round Top is another one big kind of, you know, I'm so just so ADHD today. It's I have clutter of the mind, everybody.

00:10:30 Speaker_01
But it drives me bananas because I have set up this counter where you walk into the kitchen and you see these beautiful three antique pots and they're gorgeous and they're under these this nice painting and it's beautiful part of the counter.

00:10:43 Speaker_01
He walks right in and puts his freaking keys and his freaking water bottle and the mail and the dog treats and God knows what else right there. And I'm like, what? Well, I don't do that anymore. I see it.

00:10:56 Speaker_01
I then clearly use the let them, let them, let them, let them put their stuff there even though I've asked a hundred times for them not to do that. And then let me use Dana White's strategies and let me

00:11:14 Speaker_01
use decluttering at the speed of life to create calmness and a sense of peace and to remove things in a very simple way without creating additional stress or additional piles, when she shares with you the tool, You're gonna be like, come on now.

00:11:34 Speaker_01
And I'm gonna tell you, it will change your life. It'll change your relationship with the people you live with. It'll open your eyes to the magnificent distinction between organization and decluttering.

00:11:50 Speaker_01
And so if you're feeling buried alive by the clutter, This conversation is exactly what you need right now.

00:11:58 Speaker_01
If you are bracing for the holidays because you have no idea how to pull the place together, heck, maybe you haven't had friends over in years because you're embarrassed at the state of your apartment or your house. This is gonna change your life.

00:12:17 Speaker_01
And since I first released this conversation, it went crazy viral on YouTube, and so I thought this is the perfect thing for me to give to you as a gift. And by the way, if you heard this like a year and a half ago, I'm gonna tell you something.

00:12:30 Speaker_01
You need to hear it again. You cannot hear this conversation enough. When I listened to it again recently, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is incredible. This is absolutely incredible. Wow.

00:12:44 Speaker_01
And now I'm looking around at that beige sweatshirt, I know what to do with it. And that cardboard box, I know where to take it. Oh, and those balloons, I know exactly what to do with those too. And guess what? Bada bing, bada boom.

00:12:54 Speaker_01
But I'm gonna clear out the space, which is gonna clear out my mind, and it's gonna take absolutely no time at all.

00:13:03 Speaker_01
I will not allow you to keep people from coming to your house or not crossing the threshold over your welcome mat because you're afraid of what they're gonna think about your mess.

00:13:14 Speaker_01
And I refuse to allow you to continue to beat yourself up over the state of things or to continue to walk into your closet or your kitchen or your bedroom or where your desk is at work and throw your hands in the air and just be like, I'm never gonna get together.

00:13:29 Speaker_01
Yes, you are gonna get together. Yes, you can. have a clutter free, I can't even say the word, it's so exciting. Yes, you can have a clutter free life. You can, and you will. Because Dana K. White is here to help you do that.

00:13:49 Speaker_01
Dana White, I'm so excited you're here. Thanks for having me on. Dana, when you've got a person like me, who's literally a disaster in certain places in our home, just overwhelmed by everything, where do we even start?

00:14:01 Speaker_00
I mean, it's you're where you are. You have the makeup products all over the counter and you think that that's what I want. Those images on Instagram and it looks like a magazine. Yes. Are we ready for me to tell you what the difference is?

00:14:18 Speaker_01
Yes. What is the difference between that perfection that I want and where I am right now?

00:14:25 Speaker_00
Here's the reality. Organizing and decluttering are separate things. They are not the same thing, but I always thought they were the same thing. I would look around at my mess and I would think, I have got to get organized.

00:14:35 Speaker_00
Because that logically makes sense, right? But the problem was I would buy a bunch of products, bring them into my house. The organizing energy was gone by the time I got home and I just dropped them by the back door and they turned into more clutter.

00:14:47 Speaker_00
So it never made a real impact on my house. I was at such a rock bottom point that I honestly thought I was giving up by saying, I don't even have it in me to get organized. I am just going to declutter. Wow. In my mind, I thought, that's how bad I am.

00:15:10 Speaker_00
I've just got to declutter. I can't even think about organizing yet. Decluttering changed everything in my home.

00:15:18 Speaker_00
So the beauty of realizing that organizing and decluttering are not the same thing and that you can just declutter and that just decluttering will change everything. It's just starting to get stuff out of your house.

00:15:31 Speaker_01
So are you saying Dana, that as an organization expert, that in order to have a home or a workspace or any area of your life feel manageable,

00:15:43 Speaker_01
which would be the opposite of how I feel right now when I look at my bathroom sink or my closet, that you just gotta forget about organizing because you're not ready to organize. that you need to first declutter. Is that what you're saying?

00:15:57 Speaker_00
Yes. You need to declutter. Decluttering is everything. When I decluttered, then I knew what I had. I knew where it was. I could get to it easily.

00:16:10 Speaker_00
I could access it easily because I'd gotten rid of all that extra stuff so that when I opened the cabinet, I just saw what I needed and I could get to it without moving 15 things. Decluttering made my house look better, function better, feel better.

00:16:24 Speaker_00
It was the thing I had been needing that I didn't know I needed. I thought I needed to get organized.

00:16:31 Speaker_01
So what is the difference between decluttering and organizing?

00:16:37 Speaker_00
In my mind, organizing was bins and boxes and systems and all these things that I would look at those images on Instagram of the color coded things and all that. You look at that and you think that's it. I need the colors.

00:16:54 Speaker_00
And so you bring the colors in and then you're trying to fit all the stuff in there.

00:16:59 Speaker_01
I'm laughing because I thought the solution to my bathroom sink problem was to go to Walmart or Target and buy a bunch of bins to put all the stuff that's on my counter in. Why doesn't it work for me to go buy a bunch of containers for this stuff?

00:17:14 Speaker_00
Everyone has a clutter threshold. It's the amount of stuff that you personally can keep under control. It's the reason why you and your friends can go shopping together, buy the exact same things, She puts it in her house. It looks like a magazine.

00:17:29 Speaker_00
You put it in your house. It looks like a thrift store, right? Like that, that difference between like, she can handle this stuff. I brought all this stuff into my house because I wanted it. I saw potential in it.

00:17:42 Speaker_00
I'm a lovely person who sees value in things that no one else sees value in, right? Like that's a great quality, except that I was bringing it into my house and I couldn't handle it.

00:17:52 Speaker_00
Hmm, it was not possible for me to keep my house under control with the amount of stuff that I had in my house. So it's not aesthetics. Some people hear clutter threshold and they're like, oh yeah, this drives me.

00:18:03 Speaker_00
No, I'm talking about what can you handle? What's easy for you to keep under control? So if a space is continually getting out of control, get rid of more stuff. Oh, it's still getting out of control? Get rid of more stuff.

00:18:15 Speaker_00
Until you realize at some point, this is what happened to me as I was like, wait a minute, I can do this. Like I can keep this under control. And that's where I realized there's this point, this level of stuff that I can handle.

00:18:28 Speaker_01
You are a genius. When I hear the word organization, I think it looks pretty. I just have to get the bins that line up and the labeler that has the nice font and the little tags in my laundry room.

00:18:41 Speaker_01
And then I take all the shit that I have and I stack it all in there and then I make it look nice. I spend six hours in one space and I bought all the crap, the baskets match and it looks like a photo shoot and everything's in its place.

00:18:57 Speaker_01
You're right, I'm managing shit that I can't manage.

00:19:01 Speaker_01
Because the second that our son walks in the laundry room and pulls out the thing and puts it in a different place, then everything's out of whack again, and I feel unorganized again, and it all spills out from there.

00:19:12 Speaker_01
And then I go buy a different basket because it needs to be a bigger basket. I am driving myself and my husband crazy. How do you know what your clutter threshold is?

00:19:26 Speaker_00
I hate to tell you this, but there is literally no way to know other than to declutter. You can just know if my house feels overwhelming. I'm over my clutter threshold. If my house is consistently getting out of control, and I feel bewildered by that,

00:19:47 Speaker_00
then I'm over my clutter threshold. So the only way to find your clutter threshold is to declutter.

00:19:54 Speaker_01
I think I'm starting to get what you're saying. You're saying there is a critical difference between organizing your stuff versus decluttering. Organizing is just moving everything that you already have around to different places.

00:20:11 Speaker_01
And the problem is that you are organizing because you feel overwhelmed by your stuff. So no amount of baskets or containers will take that overwhelm away because you have too much stuff.

00:20:21 Speaker_01
The root problem is you have too many things, too many things on your desk, too many things in your closet, too many things in your mudroom.

00:20:27 Speaker_01
So you have to start with decluttering, which is a nice way to say, it's time to get rid of a bunch of your stuff because it's all overwhelming you.

00:20:37 Speaker_00
Let me just say, The less stuff you have, the less stuff that can pile.

00:20:43 Speaker_01
Right? You are a genius. The less stuff you have, the less stuff that you compile, and the less piles that you have, the less overwhelmed you're gonna feel.

00:20:52 Speaker_01
Here's what I also am starting to find really fascinating about your approach, is that it makes sense when you look at the research about how our brains work. See, when there's too much input, too much going on in your family, or too many things,

00:21:09 Speaker_01
on your desk or in your mudroom, your brain gets overloaded. It can't process all that stuff.

00:21:15 Speaker_01
And so what I'm realizing is the reason why we have this instinct to just organize it all and put it in baskets and make it look good and put colors and labels on it is because we're trying to make it less overwhelming to our brain.

00:21:30 Speaker_01
when actually what we need to do is hit delete and remove a lot of the stuff that is overwhelming to us. But I'm still hung up on the containers.

00:21:44 Speaker_01
Maybe I've been brainwashed, maybe I've watched too much HDTV, but I feel like this process is missing containers. So how do you handle the desire to either put things in piles or put things in containers?

00:21:56 Speaker_00
I used to think that containers were for putting things in, right? Organized people love containers. They buy containers. Their house looks great. I must need more containers. And so I would bring containers into my house.

00:22:11 Speaker_00
So here's my little scenario that I get. Let's say my friend whose kids were the same age as mine, you know, her little craft area looked amazing. Mine was this huge pile disaster spilling out of the cabinet, okay?

00:22:25 Speaker_00
And I would look and say, oh, she has her crayons in a red bucket. That's the difference between her and me, right? Like she has a red bucket, I don't have a red bucket. That's why my space is a disaster.

00:22:35 Speaker_00
So I would go and buy a red bucket and I would dump crayons in there and I would realize, oh, I still got 700 crayons left over. Why does this not work for me the way it works for her? So I would go out and buy two more red buckets.

00:22:49 Speaker_00
And then I would put the rest of my crayons in those red buckets. I go to put the red buckets on the shelf and my shelf wouldn't fit three red buckets. And I would think, are you kidding me? Why is this so hard for me?

00:23:01 Speaker_00
Like, why does this not work for me? And then eventually I would be like, well, obviously I need more shelves. So I'd buy more shelves. And then at some point I would think, well, I don't have any room for more shelves.

00:23:13 Speaker_00
Obviously I need a new house and we can't afford a new house right now. So I am doomed to be disorganized. That is just how my brain worked. I just thought that if I, you know, ran out of space in a container, I bought another container.

00:23:27 Speaker_00
And in reality, her house was smaller than mine. But in my mind, my issue was that my house was too small, right? Like, which doesn't make sense, but it made total sense to my brain.

00:23:37 Speaker_00
So when I was working, I was talking to myself and I was saying container, and I went, container, contain. Like the word contain is in there. Serve as a limit, set a boundary. You know, like firefighters contain a fire, they create a boundary.

00:23:57 Speaker_00
And as long as the fire stays inside the boundary, they can keep it under control. Their whole goal is to keep it within this boundary. And I realized, oh, a container is not for putting things in.

00:24:09 Speaker_00
A container is meant to serve as a limit, to serve as a boundary. And that changed everything for me because I was able to say, okay, here's the red bucket. It's not going to fit everything, but it's the boundary.

00:24:26 Speaker_00
So I'm going to put my favorite crayons in first. And when it's full, something happens in my brain. And I realized, oh, maybe I don't need a thousand crayons. Oh, okay.

00:24:39 Speaker_00
Before I would pick up every single crayon and be like, well, I mean, I know it's broken, but broken crayons still color, right? Oh yes, that's right. So I would make all these and it took forever for me to analyze every single one.

00:24:54 Speaker_00
And instead it's just, I'm going to put my favorite ones in first and I'm going to let the container make the hard decision for me. Wow.

00:25:02 Speaker_00
And then when I go to put the the red bucket on the shelf, I have to acknowledge that the shelf is also a container, the shelf is a limit. And it determines how many red buckets I can have.

00:25:16 Speaker_00
And the size of the room determines how many shelves I can have. And the size of my house is the size of my house. So like the size of my house is the size of my house. And if I'm going to put my favorite things

00:25:29 Speaker_00
in first, and I'm gonna realize my house is a container, my house is a limit, what's my favorite thing in my house? It's the people who live in it, right? So like we deserve space first. And so that just shifted everything.

00:25:44 Speaker_00
It actually doesn't matter how valuable something is, how much sentimental feelings I have toward it, it doesn't have space. I can keep anything, but I can't keep everything and my house ever have a chance of being under control, okay? Wow.

00:26:02 Speaker_00
So that's the container concept, which changes how you look at your house and how you look at your stuff and lets me let go of things because I'm like, it's not me. It's the container. I don't have the space for it. And that is very freeing. Wow.

00:26:20 Speaker_01
That's obvious, but it makes so much sense. And more importantly, I feel like I can do it. Don't you feel like you can do it?

00:26:32 Speaker_01
Huh, okay, now what I would love for you to do is, can you walk us through your five-step process that we go through when we declutter? And I wanna get really granular.

00:26:45 Speaker_01
So let's take a quick break, hear a word from our sponsors, and when we come back, let's go step-by-step through the actual process you created. We'll be right back. Welcome back.

00:27:05 Speaker_01
I'm Mel Robbins, and I'm here with Dana White, who wrote the life-changing book, How to Manage Your House Without Losing Your Mind. This applies to home, work, everywhere that you feel overwhelmed.

00:27:16 Speaker_01
And she's about to walk us through her five-step process that she created for decluttering. All right, Dana, where do you start?

00:27:24 Speaker_00
Yeah, I recommend what I call the visibility role.

00:27:28 Speaker_00
I recommend that you go to the place that visitors to your home will see when they either come inside or are standing at the door and you're trying to keep them from coming inside right because it's a mess, whatever. That is the place to start.

00:27:46 Speaker_00
And we're gonna go through the decluttering process there. I'll explain that. But the reason why you want to start in a visible space is that you will see the progress that you're making. You will see your house getting better.

00:27:59 Speaker_00
The people who live with you will start to see your house getting better. You'll experience that it is easier to live in a space with less stuff.

00:28:08 Speaker_00
Because here's the thing, so many times when we get that desire to declutter, we go to the pantry, we go to the linen closet, we go to the top shelf of the master bedroom closet.

00:28:17 Speaker_00
We do those spaces because we think, okay, if I will work really hard on this, we really don't use this space that much. And so maybe it'll actually stay that way, right? When in reality, you can work really hard on that.

00:28:31 Speaker_00
You talked about like, you know, all the color coding and blah, blah, blah in this random closet. And then at the end of the day, your husband, you know, is like, so what'd you do today? And you're like, Oh, I have been organizing all day.

00:28:42 Speaker_00
And I don't know about you. I'm not going to project this on you, but in my experience, I've had that exact scenario happen. And my husband would be like, really? Okay, well, what is more defeating than that? Right?

00:28:56 Speaker_00
Yes, like is to feel like I have been organizing all day. And I'm still embarrassed to open my front door.

00:29:03 Speaker_01
Yes.

00:29:04 Speaker_00
But if you work on visible spaces first, then you see the progress that you're making. And you inspire yourself to keep going because you're like, Oh, wow, that looks good. I may not have noticed when it was messy.

00:29:19 Speaker_00
but I notice now when it looks great, and then that inspires me to keep going. Okay, do you want me to talk about the actual process?

00:29:25 Speaker_01
Yes.

00:29:26 Speaker_00
Okay, I do. See, I have to have like real steps because I have to remind myself still. I still look at a space and go, and I'm like, nope, I have steps, okay? All right, so the first step is trash. Grab a black trash bag or whatever you have available.

00:29:43 Speaker_00
Ideally, it's black just because then you can't see what you just put inside of it. your family can't see what you're putting inside.

00:29:50 Speaker_01
Can I just confess something? Yes. I'm almost embarrassed to tell you this. So Oakley, he's our 18 year old son, cleaned his room Sunday. Okay. And he put all kinds of clothes in a bag that no longer fit him so we could donate them.

00:30:10 Speaker_01
I spotted a flannel shirt that I paid a lot of money for. and I tore open the bag and I pulled it out of the bag just this morning. It happens, right? Yes. You know what I'm gonna do with that?

00:30:24 Speaker_01
I'm gonna hang it in my closet cause I can wear it, but I don't even want it. What is wrong with me, Dana? Nothing's wrong with you. This is normal. So is that why you have a black bag so you can't see the stuff that you're throwing out?

00:30:38 Speaker_00
Yes, that's exactly why. Now with that, if you're like, I don't have black trash bags, start with whatever, start with a, Paper sack, it doesn't matter. But if you have a black trash bag, use that for exactly the reason that you're talking about.

00:30:52 Speaker_00
But I'm talking about trash, not necessarily donations at this point. The reason I start with trash is it is literally the easiest of the easy stuff. I am not talking about deciding whether this item is trash.

00:31:05 Speaker_00
I'm talking about just saying, that's trash, put it in the bag. That's trash, put it in the bag. it starts the movement. Okay. Like there are literally no decisions to be made, no emotions to be felt. It is just the action.

00:31:18 Speaker_00
And that immediately makes the space less overwhelming because there's less stuff in it than there was before. Okay. But also, helps my brain start to adjust to what's actually there. Because when I look at it as a big pile, the pile is overwhelming.

00:31:37 Speaker_00
There's important stuff in there, I'm sure. And so it feels like the whole pile is full of important decisions, difficult decisions to make.

00:31:45 Speaker_00
But as I'm looking for trash, I'm seeing what's actually there, which then helps me be ready to move into the next steps of the process.

00:31:52 Speaker_01
Okay, so we start with trash and a black bag and anything that is trash, are we just talking papers and crap people have not thrown out and that kind of thing?

00:32:03 Speaker_00
If you have to think about it, skip it and we'll get to it in the next step.

00:32:07 Speaker_01
I love that you're breaking it down because this is like a real thing that we struggle with. Like I see a pile and you're right. I can become paralyzed because I think there might be something expensive or important in there.

00:32:20 Speaker_01
And so I don't know if I'm ready to sort through all that stuff. I just don't want to see the pile because I want it to be pretty.

00:32:26 Speaker_00
You're saying is, I just want it to be pretty. Change your mindset to, I'm going to make this space better.

00:32:33 Speaker_00
That means I can literally throw away two pieces of trash, get distracted, step away, step away, because I'm just don't want to do this right now. And I've still made it better, which means I have been successful.

00:32:48 Speaker_00
Like, if I do anything, I have achieved better. Okay, so all right. Sorry, that was a little preachy break there.

00:32:55 Speaker_01
No, I think it's I think it's perfect, because I don't feel successful in this area.

00:32:59 Speaker_00
But you are successful with every piece of trash. It is better because my goal is to have less in this space. If you have less in this space than you did when you started, you have successfully decluttered.

00:33:09 Speaker_00
You're not done, but you have successfully decluttered, right? Okay, so let's move to step two. Step two is the easy stuff. So trash was the easiest of the easy stuff, cause it's just going straight into the trash bag.

00:33:22 Speaker_00
But the second step is the easy stuff. Easy stuff I define as anything that already has an established home. It's just not there for whatever reason. Like I'm not gonna agonize over why is this in the mud room?

00:33:37 Speaker_00
It's just, oh, this goes in the kitchen or whatever. I'm gonna take those things to their already established homes immediately. I can take as many as my hands will hold. But I can't take any more than that. Like I'm not gonna put them in a box.

00:33:54 Speaker_00
I'm not going to set them aside and do it later. I'm gonna go everything that comes into my hands that I pick up, that I identified as easy, having an established home, no decision to make, no emotions to be felt.

00:34:08 Speaker_00
I am just gonna go ahead and I'm gonna take it there now, okay? So again, I am making the space better. I can step away at any time because I'm making progress and only progress, right? Got it. Then the third step is donations, okay?

00:34:22 Speaker_00
When you are someone who hasn't felt successful at decluttering before, it feels like all decluttering decisions are gonna be difficult.

00:34:29 Speaker_00
So we wanna narrow down the ones that you really have to make decisions about and go ahead and just stick stuff in the donate box. The key with the donate box, like the black trash bag, is that the box itself needs to be donatable.

00:34:42 Speaker_00
So don't stencil the word donate on the outside of a cute wooden box. Like that's not what we're doing. Right? Because that's organization. Right. And to it just sets myself up to have to go back through that box again.

00:34:58 Speaker_01
Right. So you're basically just saying, no, I have a box that's already going to get donated to.

00:35:05 Speaker_00
Write the word donate so that you remember that was a donate box, but don't decorate it. Don't make it something you're going to want to reuse. Got it.

00:35:12 Speaker_01
Now, when you do this, Do you recommend that you just take that box and just put it in the back of your car? Or do we leave it somewhere?

00:35:21 Speaker_00
I always have a donate box or two or three in a spot in our garage that is ready to be taken wherever it needs to go. The decision making, though, is where the real power is.

00:35:35 Speaker_01
You just keep dropping grenades in my head. This is so good. I don't want to stop, but let's take a quick pause, listen to the sponsors, and we'll be right back with more amazing advice from Dana White.

00:35:59 Speaker_01
Welcome back, I'm Mel Robbins, and I am here with author Dana White, How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind. And let's jump right back into it, Dana. What comes after donate?

00:36:10 Speaker_00
Okay, so at this point, we have removed trash, easy stuff and obvious donations, right? So we are down to things that at first glance, you're like, either yes, they go here or I have no idea on this item, what to do, okay?

00:36:27 Speaker_00
So this is where my two decluttering questions come in. When I started this, I had seen lists, beautifully written lists of all kinds of questions to ask yourself about items and whether you wanna donate it or keep it.

00:36:41 Speaker_00
I had too much stuff in my house to ask myself 10 questions about everything. Besides, those questions generally let my brain spin out. Like, do I love it? Well, yeah. I love all this stuff. Why would I have it in my house if I didn't love it?

00:36:59 Speaker_00
I couldn't ask myself those kinds of questions. So I came up with two questions. And if I can answer the first one, I don't even have to ask the second one. So the first question is, if I needed this item, where would I look for it first?

00:37:17 Speaker_00
It's really important that you ask exactly that question. Where would I look for it first? It is an instinct question. Okay, the word would is the key word. That means if I needed my headphones, where would I look for them first?

00:37:40 Speaker_00
It is literally the first drawer or cabinet that I would open Even if I had no confidence, they would be there. It is because something it needs a home, right?

00:37:53 Speaker_00
Like the whole place for everything and everything in its place that organized people say and think is so obvious. I was always like, what are y'all talking about? I don't have places for things. Like what?

00:38:04 Speaker_00
Like it just didn't make any sense in my brain. And so I had to come up with where would I look for it first?

00:38:12 Speaker_00
Because here's the thing, the beauty of putting something in the place where you would look for it first is that when you look for it, you find it in the first place where you look for it.

00:38:21 Speaker_00
Isn't that the goal that you've had all along wanting to be organized?

00:38:25 Speaker_01
What I'm realizing my goal is that I just want shit to look pretty. I've never even thought about organization as a way to make my life easier.

00:38:34 Speaker_01
And it's a genius question because I've put things in cabinets and drawers because I didn't know where else to put it. Yes.

00:38:42 Speaker_00
What I used to do was think about where my grandma kept hers. Yeah. And think, okay, well, she her house was always great. So I should put mine in the place. Yeah.

00:38:54 Speaker_00
But how many people say as a joke, or there's a Facebook meme or something that says, I got organized and now I can't find anything. Yes. Right. It's hard in the beginning because you don't trust yourself. Right.

00:39:08 Speaker_00
And this also is part of that accepting how I actually function as opposed to how organized people function. And I wish I was like them. Fingernail clippers were the thing when I came up with this question, as I was like,

00:39:26 Speaker_00
Everybody else in the whole wide world surely would put their fingernail clippers in the bathroom drawer because that's where they're supposed to go, right?

00:39:37 Speaker_00
But in my family, whenever somebody is looking for fingernail clippers, they look in this junk drawer that's like on the edge of the kitchen. That is just our reality. And I said, you know what?

00:39:49 Speaker_00
I would rather have things be in the first place where we look than try to be like other people and never be able to find anything in my house.

00:40:01 Speaker_01
That's amazing. See, I don't know where to put nail clippers. So I just look in Chris's top drawer of the bathroom.

00:40:09 Speaker_00
That's right. That's great. If that's where you look first, that's where they should be.

00:40:14 Speaker_00
But then there's a second part of the question, which is not actually a question, but is actually the key to my no mess progress and only progress decluttering process. Okay. And that is when you answer that question, where would I look for this first?

00:40:29 Speaker_00
take it there now. No piles, because before I would step away for an hour or three weeks or whatever.

00:40:37 Speaker_00
And those neat little piles where I had totally made all these decisions, those neat little piles now morph into one big pile outside the space that I was initially decluttering. So my house looks worse than it did before. People,

00:40:54 Speaker_00
get all worked up over this. Like, they are like, no, but that's can't be the most efficient way. And yet in the end, it is. So here's the deal. I used to make all these piles. I would be like, okay, this is the stuff that goes to the kids room.

00:41:11 Speaker_00
This goes to the garage. Yes, this, this goes to the bathroom. And when I'm done, yes, I will go deliver all these things through the house. And that makes so much more sense than taking it there right now. Yes.

00:41:26 Speaker_00
But that's how things work in an ideal world, where I don't get distracted in the midst of a project. I don't stop halfway through. Nobody starts bleeding, right? Like, I just, that's the ideal world. I don't live in an ideal world. Okay.

00:41:42 Speaker_00
So I decided I'm going to go ahead and take it there right now. No piles. When I do that, I can stop. I'm accepting the fact that I will get distracted or life will happen. I can stop at some point and the space is only better. It is never worse.

00:42:04 Speaker_00
I have never created a bigger mess. I'm taking one item at a time. making a final decision on it, and I'm acting on that final decision.

00:42:12 Speaker_00
So it's either gone in the trash bag, it's gone to its already established home, it has gone in the donate box, or I have established a home by asking myself where would I look for this first, and then I take it there now.

00:42:23 Speaker_00
Okay, so that's the key to all of this and people will resist it. Wow. And then I'll say, just try it. And then they will try it. And then they will email me and say, I cannot believe the difference.

00:42:33 Speaker_00
I cannot believe I have actually made real progress decluttering for the first time in my life. It's working like it's changing my house because of that. Go ahead and take it there right now. But people don't like it, but it's still.

00:42:48 Speaker_01
I think it's genius because I completely related to moving and sorting and organizing things into piles and then running out of energy or time or getting distracted and not actually taking those piles anywhere. And then you're right.

00:43:04 Speaker_01
And it makes it worse. Yes. You come back to the space and you have to make all those decisions again. Oh my God. I feel like I do this every weekend.

00:43:15 Speaker_01
that every weekend it is me on that hamster wheel of making piles and running things around and pulling apart stuff and holy smokes, this is revolutionary.

00:43:26 Speaker_01
I get very paralyzed when I have an item and I've spent a lot of money for it or somebody's given it to me or I might need it some point 10 years from now. What's the difference between I'm throwing this out versus I'm donating?

00:43:44 Speaker_00
So all of those questions that you have in your mind. Yeah. Those are the natural questions that people think they need to ask when they're decluttering. I don't ask those questions. I stick to the facts. Okay.

00:43:57 Speaker_00
And so my process leads me through and helps me make those decisions, but without all of the emotions, because I brought all this stuff into my house because I saw the value in it. Right?

00:44:07 Speaker_00
And so before when I would declutter, I would make value decision after value decision, which is exhausting, right? It's so emotionally exhausting.

00:44:15 Speaker_00
And I know it is that then I would put off decluttering because I was like, I don't have it in me to make those kinds of decisions today. Right? Like, so instead I say, okay, if I needed this item, where would I look for it first?

00:44:30 Speaker_00
And then I take it there now, and then I look at that space. And sometimes this is a common question people have is like, what do I do when that space is its own big decluttered mess? All I'm gonna do is I'm gonna not leave that space any worse.

00:44:45 Speaker_00
And I'm gonna say, what am I willing to get rid of from this messy space where I would look for this item first? What am I willing to get rid of from here that will create the space that I need for this item?

00:44:59 Speaker_00
And so it helps me instead of saying, does this thing have value? I say, is there a space for it? Can I just give you an example?

00:45:07 Speaker_01
I'm starting to realize how nuts I am about this stuff. You are not nuts. I'm realizing how much noise and just how much drama I add to the process of organizing. And so I'll give you an example.

00:45:26 Speaker_01
I see this jacket and because I bought it for him when he was 15, Oakley literally wore it for about a minute before he grew out of it and it was expensive. And so I see this jacket, I grab it, I'm like, okay, We live in Vermont. People visit.

00:45:44 Speaker_01
Should I hold onto this in case somebody visits and they didn't pack a jacket? Maybe this would fit me and it would fit this." And then I attach all this meaning and I create these stories about why I need to keep the thing and the value of the thing.

00:45:59 Speaker_01
And if I asked myself, if I needed this item, where would I look for it? I'm even stalled because I go, well, I don't really need it in the mudroom.

00:46:07 Speaker_01
Maybe I should create a place in the basement for extra clothes for guests who forgot clothes that you need when you visit Vermont. What is going on?

00:46:18 Speaker_00
Well, okay. Is this normal? Yes. What you just described is your brain spinning out. Yes. That is exactly how my brain worked. Everything you said made sense to me. I get it. Right. And yet, when I thought that way, my house was a disaster.

00:46:36 Speaker_00
And I was frustrated with it. And I had all those feelings of what is wrong with me? Yeah. Okay. So, so, I mean, I, I hate to just be like, let's go back to the process, except that... No, let's go back to the process.

00:46:50 Speaker_00
The process is what talks you through all of this. Okay. Okay. So the second decluttering question that I only ask myself is my first response to where would I look for this first, whether it's about the jacket, whether it's about a stapler, whatever.

00:47:05 Speaker_00
If I look at the item and I'm like, where would I look for this first? And my answer is, You know, like, okay. Then I asked myself the question, if I needed this item, would it ever occur to me that I already had one? Okay.

00:47:29 Speaker_00
We're not going to bring the scenario into it. We're just going to ask the fact based question. If I needed this jacket, Would it occur to me that we already had one? And it's tough because you're holding it in your hand, right?

00:47:44 Speaker_00
Like it's there, it's in front of you. I had to make progress in my home. I had to get stuff out of my house, right? So I had to make these hard calls and say, I'm gonna be honest. If I needed this, would it occur to me that I already had one?

00:48:00 Speaker_00
Because I didn't have a place where I would look for it first, which means I would not have even gone looking for it. Instead, I would have done without, you know, we would have said, hey, here's six sweatshirts, kid who forgot your coat, right?

00:48:16 Speaker_00
Or, hey, let's run by the store and grab one, you know, or whatever. Those are both valid options. That right there is me saying, this is my reality check, I'm gonna stick it in the donate box. Wow.

00:48:30 Speaker_01
You know, this is fascinating because it is a whole new way to think about this. The reality of the decluttering process, if I'm tracking, is not that you go, okay, this Sunday, I'm doing this in the mudroom.

00:48:43 Speaker_01
It's that you walk out of your bedroom, you're like, it's 7.15 in the morning, there's now a giant mess in front of me at the base of the stairs. And you're saying you can do this process right now. I see the jacket. It doesn't belong there.

00:48:59 Speaker_01
I have a choice in that moment to say, if I needed this item, where would I look for this first? And if the answer is the mudroom, I walk to the mudroom and hang it up. If the answer is, ooh, doesn't fit him anymore, do we even need to keep it?

00:49:16 Speaker_01
And I go to the second question. What was the second question?

00:49:22 Speaker_00
If I needed this item, would it ever occur to me that I already had one?

00:49:26 Speaker_01
If I needed this item, would it occur to me that I already had one? And the answer is yes, because I have the exact same size and a jacket for me. So yes, I have one. So let's just say, let's indulge my psychoness, okay? Okay.

00:49:40 Speaker_01
Because I think we all have that. If you're a creative mind, you're also thinking, huh, someday, 15 years from now, there might be a scenario where I wish I had this, right? So let's just say I go, okay. I, where am I gonna look for this first?

00:49:57 Speaker_01
And I make a snap decision. This goes in my guest closet, right? And I have a little rack in the basement.

00:50:04 Speaker_00
No, you didn't make a decision. Uh-oh. asked yourself a question that revealed your instinct of where you would look for it first. Sorry. No, no, no. Great, great, great.

00:50:15 Speaker_01
If I needed this item, where would I look for it first? And my instinct would be it would be in the basement in a little area I've created for extra stuff in case somebody needs to borrow something. I don't know why I need this, but I had it.

00:50:32 Speaker_01
So I would then go downstairs to the basement, to this place that has not been created yet. And I would put the jacket there. Yeah.

00:50:42 Speaker_00
If that's the place where you would look for it first, then you put it there. But if there is no thing there, like there's no place for it, but there's a pile of other stuff. Okay, I'm not gonna leave that any worse.

00:50:53 Speaker_00
So what am I willing to get rid of in order to make room for this jacket? Often, which means something is leaving your house, right? So you are decluttering, but often it will help you realize, oh, wait.

00:51:08 Speaker_00
there's not actually a good place for this here. Or wait, I'm not willing to get rid of any of this stuff in order for this jacket to stay. And it will help you realize, oh, I can just donate this item.

00:51:20 Speaker_01
Yeah, that's what I'm getting through all of this. Like I'm realizing this process helps you deal with yourself.

00:51:26 Speaker_00
Yes, but if you don't take it there now, you're living in this land of hypotheses. I'm still thinking about the damn jacket. Right now, you're like, Oh, I'm going to put it down there. Yeah, I'll make a space down. Yes. Yes.

00:51:39 Speaker_00
But you're not dealing with the reality of the actual space. You're not dealing with the reality of if I take it down to this spot, and then I realized this spot is full of spiders and all this stuff. And I don't want to leave a jacket down here.

00:51:54 Speaker_00
I mean, like, but when I go there, it forces me into that reality. So much of what I do, probably 100% honestly, if what I do is just A process that helps me accept reality.

00:52:06 Speaker_00
Reality about myself, reality about my stuff, reality about my space, all that. I love this.

00:52:12 Speaker_01
Before we get into the final step, I just want to point something out to you listening.

00:52:16 Speaker_01
If you're starting to kind of roll your eyes at me about like this stupid jacket and the details that I'm going through and all this stuff I'm confessing, I want you to know I'm doing it on purpose because I want to make a very important point.

00:52:32 Speaker_01
Everything that I'm telling you, I am thinking. This is going on in my brain, but it's happening in nanoseconds and in my subconscious. But it weighs on me emotionally. That's what she's talking about when she talks about these like value decisions.

00:52:47 Speaker_01
And you do the same thing.

00:52:49 Speaker_01
Whether it's the report that you keep shoving to the pile on the left because you don't want to deal with it and you're overwhelmed with everything else and all of this stuff is sitting on your desk, or it's a spare change that is piling up in the cup holder of your car and now there's like dirty gum wrappers and stuff in there too and you keep thinking, oh, I should clean it out, but then this, or the receipts.

00:53:09 Speaker_01
How about those receipts that are choking your wallet? but you're not dealing with it because you're afraid you might lose something if you pull it out. We all do this.

00:53:19 Speaker_01
And I'm trying to make a point that not dealing with something doesn't mean it goes away.

00:53:25 Speaker_01
In fact, there is this subconscious cognitive load that you're carrying as you are subconsciously processing all the emotions related to just starting the process.

00:53:39 Speaker_01
And this is important to talk about because we're not really talking about organization here. And we're not really even talking about decluttering. We're talking about how you can take proactive steps to feel calmer.

00:53:54 Speaker_01
to feel more in control, to feel more at peace and to help your brain not be so overwhelmed. It doesn't need to be processing all your concerns about the coat or the change or the report.

00:54:08 Speaker_01
And so when Dana talks about clutter, don't stay on the surface because this goes way beyond stuff. I'm not crazy and neither are you. But when your brain is overwhelmed,

00:54:22 Speaker_01
What I'm learning is you and I need to start the decluttering process in order to help it full stop.

00:54:30 Speaker_01
In fact, now that I'm becoming very clear about your process and the connection to the cognitive load, I'm starting to see things in the space right now here in our office that are pure clutter.

00:54:42 Speaker_01
that have emotional weight to them, and they need to leave. And I'm gonna explain one of them right now, and it's gonna sound ridiculous, but as I explain this example, I want you to look around where you are.

00:54:56 Speaker_01
And I want you to let your mind spot something that you know needs to go. It's like stupid. You put it in something, you made it look nice, but you haven't touched it in a decade. I'll tell you what mine is.

00:55:09 Speaker_01
Hey, Jesse, could you grab me that mason jar over there on our caddy? The one with the colored pencils in it? Great. Thank you. So I'm holding a mason jar right here.

00:55:20 Speaker_01
And in this mason jar are watercolor pencils that Chris's mother gave to one of our kids 10 years ago for Christmas. I've never used them. Once. But here they are sitting in a beautiful mason jar because I've freaking organized them.

00:55:35 Speaker_01
I've put them in a container to make them look pretty. I don't know why. Figured might as well keep them in the office in case we have spare time and the team would like to do a little arts and crafts project.

00:55:45 Speaker_01
I actually moved these from our house outside of Boston and brought them here. This is crazy. But you know what my brain is saying? But when JJ gave them to the kids, she said, now kids, these are real art supplies. They're expensive.

00:56:00 Speaker_01
Make sure you take care of them. Did they take care of them? No. But now here I am organizing them in a jar. We need to get rid of them. There is something in your space right now that I want you to do the threshold test. Look around.

00:56:14 Speaker_01
Something that maybe you've organized. Or a pile that you keep ignoring. And you're gonna notice your brain is now gonna start to spin. That's that cognitive load I'm talking about.

00:56:24 Speaker_01
And what Dana's teaching all of us is that every single day throughout the day, when you notice this kind of stuff, you can empower yourself to make the space better. To remove things that you don't need.

00:56:38 Speaker_01
To declutter so that you create space for peace. for focus, so that you also create space so that the things you actually love and use have space.

00:56:50 Speaker_01
This is honestly so simple, but it's really life changing the way that you've explained this today, Dana. Wow. How do you stop bringing new stuff into your home?

00:57:03 Speaker_00
So you know how when you get sick from some kind of a food, and then you never want to eat that food again. It's because you had a negative experience with it. That's the beauty of decluttering.

00:57:18 Speaker_00
There's a big difference in what you see at the store or the garage sale. You'll start to see it as future clutter and it will naturally

00:57:28 Speaker_00
keep you from bringing things into your house because of the pain and just the physical effort that you've put out decluttering.

00:57:35 Speaker_01
I'd love to just go to a question from a listener and we got this question from a ton of people.

00:57:41 Speaker_03
Hi, Mel. It's Therese. What do you do if your spouse is a sloppy person, but you're not? I feel like I am constantly trying to organize our house and keep it clean, but my husband has such a difficult time keeping it that way.

00:57:58 Speaker_03
I am constantly picking up after him. Anyone that comes over knows my side of the room versus his side. We are childless by choice, but sometimes I feel like I have a house full of them. Help. Thank you.

00:58:12 Speaker_01
Dana. Yes. Please help us because I am her husband. Chris's clutter threshold is higher than mine. He is always picking up after me. And it's frustrating for him because he has often said, it makes me feel like you think I'm your mate.

00:58:32 Speaker_01
How do you handle this conflict between an organized person and somebody who has a lower threshold?

00:58:39 Speaker_00
The first thing I would do is tell a little story about my husband.

00:58:44 Speaker_00
He was very nice and sweet about it, but he just said, he said, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I've realized that there, it's like there actually is something wrong with you.

00:58:58 Speaker_00
And I was so happy that he said that to me, because what he was saying was, because he went on to say, I've realized you don't do this on purpose. You are not refusing to close the cabinet doors.

00:59:17 Speaker_00
You just literally don't notice whether they're open or closed. You are not putting something down thinking, oh, he will get rid of that later. you don't realize it. I've realized this is how your brain works. And I was like, thank you. Exactly.

00:59:35 Speaker_00
It comes down to that clutter threshold. And remember, you're probably not going to help the other person do better in these types of things by organizing. You're going to help them by

00:59:48 Speaker_00
decluttering, even some of your own, like stuff in that common area.

00:59:53 Speaker_00
So do you recommend that a couple do that together to start in the common space, so that you both learn the process start, I recommend that whoever is listening to me, you're the one who cares enough to be, you know, listening to this podcast right now.

01:00:10 Speaker_00
And so you go ahead and deal with your own stuff. Like don't start with the other person's stuff. That is a recipe for disaster. And yet their stuff is more obviously clutter, right?

01:00:23 Speaker_00
But start with your own stuff first, and neutral stuff in visible spaces.

01:00:30 Speaker_00
As you do that, and your family starts to see it's so much easier to live in our house with less stuff, then other people start to get on board, their view of stuff and clutter starts to change.

01:00:41 Speaker_01
For anybody listening, can you just let them know a little bit about the emotional aspect of trying to let go of stuff and going through the process of decluttering.

01:00:56 Speaker_00
Yeah. So my five-step process specifically, purposefully does not use emotions to declutter.

01:01:07 Speaker_00
because I was so emotionally attached to my stuff, either because it represented who I thought I was gonna be someday, or who I had been in the past, or just sentimental things that people had given me.

01:01:22 Speaker_00
As you start with these things and you make visible progress before you've ever even dealt with anything that has emotion attached to it, is you see the progress that you're making. And you realize, Oh, wow. Open space. Less stuff changes my house.

01:01:44 Speaker_00
By the time you get to more emotional stuff, it looks different to you, right?

01:01:49 Speaker_01
Oh, that's great. Well, you've changed my life. Dana, we have loved having you on the podcast. Thank you so much. Thank you. I can't I can't wait to hear how you put everything you just learned into use to create a better life.

01:02:05 Speaker_01
And in case nobody else tells you, I'm gonna tell you I love you, especially you slobs out there, you people who can't get your shit together like me, you bathroom counter clutterers, I see you, you're my people, and for you if you're the OCD neat nick, I love you too.

01:02:22 Speaker_01
Please use today's episode to be kinder to yourself, to declutter, and to go create a better life. Alrighty, I'll see you in a few days. You ready? Okay, can you hear me? Oh, now I can hear you. Okay, great. Okay, here we go. We're rolling.

01:02:43 Speaker_01
Oh, I'm gonna air my dirty laundry. We're gonna get dirty. No, is it dirty, cluttered? No, I'm coming clean. Oh, nice. Okay, okay, here we go. Got it. That way I won't look at you.

01:02:56 Speaker_01
Jesse keeps standing back there going like this to me, cause I'm looking at you Donna. Oh my God. I don't know. Okay. All right. Okay. Fabulous. Perfect. You're awesome. Thank you very much for doing that. Thank y'all. Thank y'all.

01:03:18 Speaker_01
Oh, and one more thing, and no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

01:03:34 Speaker_01
I'm just your friend, I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

01:03:53 Speaker_03
Stitcher.