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Episode: everyone is gross and weird

Author: emma chamberlain
Duration: 00:42:01

Episode Shownotes

to be human is to be gross, weird, disgusting and bizarre. we're all gross and weird. but most other people don't see us being gross and weird. it makes me shudder to think about it. however, ironically, today, i'm going to be sharing with you all of the gross and

weird shit that i do when i'm alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Summary

In "Everyone is Gross and Weird," Emma Chamberlain explores the inherent oddities of human behavior, emphasizing that everyone has unappealing and strange habits that often remain unseen. Through humorous personal anecdotes, she illustrates the chaos that can ensue during private moments, such as experiencing tonsil stones and an unexpected episode of projectile vomiting. Emma encourages listeners to embrace their quirks and imperfections, normalizing the bizarre aspects of life and highlighting the shared experience of being 'gross and weird.'

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (everyone is gross and weird) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_00
To be human is to be gross and weird. To be human is to be disgusting and bizarre. To be human is to poop and pee and pick your boogers and talk to yourself in the mirror and itch your armpit and then sniff your finger.

00:00:17 Speaker_00
To be human is to be ultimately gross and weird. And that's normal. We're all gross and weird. However, most other people don't see us being gross and weird.

00:00:31 Speaker_00
On occasion, our family member, best friend, or significant other might catch us being gross and weird. And depending on our closeness to that person, it might not be so bad. But for the most part, other people don't see us. being gross or weird.

00:00:49 Speaker_00
Some of our grossest and weirdest moments usually happen alone. And there's something kind of stressful about that. I know I personally find myself feeling like, oh my God, I'm a freak and no one knows. I feel like an imposter.

00:01:06 Speaker_00
I'm putting off this facade to the world that I'm cool, I'm cute, I'm clean. Actually, nobody thinks I'm clean, and nobody has since I was a teenager when I one time said on the internet that I don't like to shower.

00:01:21 Speaker_00
That has stuck with me, and people have thought of me as unhygienic for the remainder of my career. So maybe my feelings are irrational because people actually do think that I'm gross and weird, so that's kind of nice.

00:01:35 Speaker_00
But people don't know how gross and weird I am. People don't know how gross and weird you are. We are the only ones who are with ourselves 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to see every single side of ourselves.

00:01:51 Speaker_00
Our most disgusting and bizarre of moments come out when we're alone. Recently, in my moments alone, I've been finding myself doing shit that I cannot imagine other people seeing.

00:02:03 Speaker_00
Like, truly, it makes me shudder to think about others seeing into my home, seeing into my car, seeing into my mind in my moments alone, because some of the shit I do is just fucking weird or gross or bizarre. Like, it's kind of mortifying.

00:02:24 Speaker_00
However, ironically, today, I'm going to be sharing with you all of the gross and weird shit that I do when I'm alone to make you feel less gross and weird about yourself and to hopefully entertain you. and to get it off my chest.

00:02:41 Speaker_00
This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. One of my favorite trips is a trip to Palm Springs with my friends. You know, I don't live very far away from Palm Springs. It's a short two hour drive away, but what made it so special was our Airbnb.

00:02:58 Speaker_00
It was just a little weekend trip, but getting to stay all together in one house made it particularly memorable. It was the perfect balance of privacy and community. And we were able to sort of live normally, cook dinner, watch TV.

00:03:13 Speaker_00
We all hung out by the pool together. Airbnb also has something called guest favorites. All of the most loved homes on Airbnb based on reviews and reliability and are rated above 4.9 stars on average.

00:03:26 Speaker_00
I've used this many times when booking Airbnbs because it sorts it through to the best. I am very much looking forward to my next Airbnb trip. I'll let you know where I go. This episode is brought to you by PayPal.

00:03:39 Speaker_00
If you're like me, I know you're always doing a million things at once. Running errands, grabbing coffee, online shopping at like 2 a.m.

00:03:45 Speaker_00
for like who knows what, getting some work done, but then getting distracted, but then going back to work and now, oh my God, it's 4 a.m., what's happening? It's chaos, but it's our chaos. And that's why PayPal will always be that girl.

00:03:58 Speaker_00
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00:04:03 Speaker_00
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00:04:17 Speaker_00
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00:04:32 Speaker_00
Terms and cashback limits apply. See PayPal app. This card is issued by the Bank Corp Bank, N.A. pursuant to a license by MasterCard International, Inc. and may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted. This episode is brought to you by Bumble.

00:04:48 Speaker_00
Dating can be exhausting. Even just getting to the dating stage is a little bit overwhelming. You know, I'm not somebody who loves casually dating. I like to be in a relationship.

00:04:59 Speaker_00
Finding somebody you're attracted to is challenging enough, but then making sure that you're compatible is a whole other challenge. Well, Bumble is helping take some of the pressure off. Now you can make the first move or not. It's entirely up to you.

00:05:13 Speaker_00
Thanks to Bumble's new feature, opening moves. It's a simple way to start conversations. Just choose a question and let your matches reply to kick off the chat. Try opening moves on the new Bumble. Download Bumble now. Let's begin with a story.

00:05:31 Speaker_00
One of my most disgusting stories. I actually cannot believe that this happened. And please refrain from harsh judgment because this story is hard to fathom. And it's, it's a little weird. So just bear with me here.

00:05:51 Speaker_00
So I was sitting at my desk in my office, working on my computer one evening around 5 p.m. Sun was going down. It was getting dark. I was like, ugh.

00:06:04 Speaker_00
I was sitting there at my desk working, and I was starting to get a little bit distracted, as I do sometimes after working for a few hours. And I noticed that I had a weird taste in my mouth. I think I have a tonsil stone.

00:06:18 Speaker_00
I get tonsil stones every once in a while. If you don't know what a tonsil stone is, let me educate you. This is a little bit disgusting, I'm warning you, so bear with me. Tonsil stones are small, hard lumps that form in the tonsils.

00:06:37 Speaker_00
They're made of food debris, bacteria, fungi, and minerals like calcium. Tonsil stones are caused by debris trapped in the tonsillar crypts, which calcifies. This can often be food, although bacteria, fungi, and mucus can also form tonsil stones.

00:06:55 Speaker_00
They can also form due to allergies when you have an upper respiratory tract infection like the flu, common cold, or post-nasal drip.

00:07:04 Speaker_00
I personally get tonsil stones in my left tonsil because, number one, I have very bad seasonal allergies and post-nasal drip. It's mucus issues.

00:07:17 Speaker_00
In addition to that, from inspecting my left tonsil, I have a lot of folds and creases and crevices in my left tonsil that basically are begging for things to get caught within the folds of it, right? So I have very good dental hygiene, oral hygiene.

00:07:37 Speaker_00
I brush my teeth twice a day. I always get good reports from the dentist. It's not that, it is that I have allergies and a particularly folded, increased left tonsil. Now, the first time I got a tonsil stone was traumatic for me.

00:07:55 Speaker_00
I had no idea what the taste in my mouth was, because this is disgusting, but tonsil stones, you can kind of tell that they're there. You can't feel them, unless they're really big, but mine never get that big. You can taste them.

00:08:08 Speaker_00
And I'm very hyper aware of my body, okay? So the second I start developing a tonsil stone, I can taste it. And it's subtle, but I can taste it. And the taste of it comes in waves. It's disgusting.

00:08:22 Speaker_00
And I've asked people in my life, boyfriends, my parents, like, hey, can you smell this on my breath? It's disgusting. I know. I'm sorry. And all of them have so far said no. And I know that one of them would at least be honest.

00:08:36 Speaker_00
All of those people, those are people in my life that are not yes men, okay? Yes women, if we're talking about my mom. They would tell me. So luckily, my tonsil stones are not severe enough to cause social issues, but to me, they're disgusting, okay?

00:08:52 Speaker_00
And to make the matters even more disgusting, if I taste one or smell one, disgusting, I will shine a flashlight into my throat and look at my tonsil.

00:09:05 Speaker_00
And I'll take my long acrylic nail and I'll push my tonsil around and look and see if there's a little tonsil stone hidden on my tonsil. Now, you can see them very easily. They're not on the inside of the tonsil, they're on the outside.

00:09:20 Speaker_00
It's almost like having a pimple on your tonsil. And it's like a white little growth. Now mine are very small, usually. Mine never get that big, which is great, but I can still find them and remove them.

00:09:34 Speaker_00
And removing it consists of picking it out with my nail, spitting out the excess, and then gargling with salt water until it's really clean back there, and then moving on with my day. So let's go back in time to 5 p.m., working at my desk.

00:09:52 Speaker_00
I taste a tonsil stone in my mouth. I have a little mirror in my office. It's there for decor purposes, not really there for a functional mirror, but just adds a bit of texture to the room.

00:10:06 Speaker_00
For the first time in my life, I decide, you know, I'm actually going to use this mirror because I think I can taste a tonsil stone. And I start flashing my, you know, flashlight into my throat to try to get this thing out.

00:10:18 Speaker_00
And I'm looking around and I'm looking around and it's clearly in one of the folds or it's not big enough to see yet, you know, one or the other. So I'm like really digging in there.

00:10:29 Speaker_00
And I will say, you know, I have a pretty good gag reflex, like not to be weird, but like I, I can really dig my finger back there and like get in there. You know what I mean? And I'll gag a little bit, but like, I'm pretty good.

00:10:43 Speaker_00
I have a good tolerance for that. So I'm really getting in there.

00:10:47 Speaker_00
my eyes are watering like it's it's getting intense okay like i'm really digging and really making myself gag but it i was like i need to find this thing it's like really bothering me and honestly i was also kind of procrastinating i was like i don't really want to be working right now on my computer i'd much rather be doing something else so let me just like spend an hour trying to get out this tonsil stone that i can't even find apparently

00:11:11 Speaker_00
All of a sudden, the unthinkable happens. The unthinkable happens. I projectile vomit, I kid you not, onto the floor. Actually, not just on the floor, on the rug in my office, on the curtains in my office, on the wall. I mean, it I was in shock, okay?

00:11:38 Speaker_00
I've tested my gag reflex enough, I've never thrown up. And I've pushed myself to the limit. I thought I had a, what? Throw up all over the floor.

00:11:49 Speaker_00
Not just like a cute little bit, no, no, no, my entire lunch from a few hours, but it was an unbelievable tragedy. I'm glad no one else was there, okay? Because it was a tough cleanup process.

00:12:03 Speaker_00
There's only one person on the planet who I would allow to do it. It's me. I don't even think I'd allow my mother to clean that up. And I'd let her clean up a lot because she's my mom.

00:12:12 Speaker_00
And I still am like, mommy, you know, but no, that was even I. That's that's a mess only you can clean up. It was unbelievable. It was a freak accident, but it was one of those scenarios where I was like, oh my God, thank God no one else is here.

00:12:32 Speaker_00
Like randomly throwing up. Oh my God, I've been having like a lot of weird random throw up incidences recently, like alcohol all of a sudden making me throw up after one glass of wine. That is not an exaggeration.

00:12:43 Speaker_00
Go listen to my episode about my alcohol intolerance, question mark. Apparently, I have that now. Self-diagnosed. Should probably go get it tested before I jump to conclusions. But anyway, go listen to that conversation if you want.

00:12:57 Speaker_00
It's an episode from a week ago or two. Insane. Insane situation. So yeah, me accidentally throwing up everywhere in my office. You know what's so fucked up too?

00:13:09 Speaker_00
Normally I try to remove my tonsil stones in my bathroom because that's where all of my other mirrors are.

00:13:16 Speaker_00
So it was like this freak accident that I was in my office where there's a rug and there's a curtain and it's like, you know, whereas if I would have done that in front of the sink in my bathroom, I would have then thrown up in the sink, which would have been,

00:13:31 Speaker_00
Gross and whatever, and it's not ideal to throw up in the sink, but it's better than throwing up all over your, you know, beautiful rug. Luckily, that's a one-off story. Let's move on to a reoccurring theme in my life.

00:13:48 Speaker_00
This episode is brought to you by Bumble. Dating can be exhausting. Even just getting to the dating stage is a little bit overwhelming. You know, I'm not somebody who loves casually dating. I like to be in a relationship.

00:14:01 Speaker_00
Finding somebody you're attracted to is challenging enough, but then making sure that you're compatible is a whole other challenge. Well, Bumble is helping take some of the pressure off. Now you can make the first move or not. It's entirely up to you.

00:14:15 Speaker_00
Thanks to Bumble's new feature, opening moves. It's a simple way to start conversations. Just choose a question and let your matches reply to kick off the chat. Try opening moves on the new Bumble. Download Bumble now.

00:14:29 Speaker_00
This episode is brought to you by eBay. This is what you do when you've just found that statement handbag on eBay and you want to build an entire wardrobe around it. You start selling to keep buying. Yep, on eBay.

00:14:42 Speaker_00
Over that all black everything phase, list it and buy all the color. Feeling more vintage than ever? It's out with the new and in with the pre-loved. Next thing you know, you've refreshed your wardrobe basically without spending a dime. Yeah.

00:14:58 Speaker_00
eBay, the place to buy and sell new, pre-loved, vintage, and rare fashion. So I currently have bleached blonde hair, and in order to maintain the beautiful blonde color, and not have it turn yellow, I use purple shampoo.

00:15:19 Speaker_00
If you've never bleached your hair or you've never been blonde and you don't know what that means, it's bright purple shampoo that you use in your hair every other shampoo and condition session.

00:15:30 Speaker_00
to basically deposit cool-toned pigments into your hair to counteract the warm tones that your hair naturally want to develop.

00:15:47 Speaker_00
It's kind of hard to explain and it's weird, but basically like if you don't continue to deposit cool tones into your hair, your hair will turn warm toned. And a lot of times that's not what you're going for, especially if you have blonde hair.

00:16:05 Speaker_00
So anyway, you have to use purple shampoo. And the catch is with purple shampoo and conditioner is that you need it to sit on your hair for anywhere from two to five minutes, right? So every few showers I am left with five minutes to kill.

00:16:23 Speaker_00
And a lot of times I don't want to shave my legs. So you want to know what I do? I lay on the ground. I just lay on the ground in my shower. And I know that this sounds somewhat normal, but like, I need you to imagine me like, I'm such a, I'm so lazy.

00:16:42 Speaker_00
that instead of just kind of standing there like a normal person, waiting the five minutes, I cannot bear that. I have to lay on the ground. And so I'm laying flat on the ground in the shower. And usually when I get down there, I get really cold.

00:16:59 Speaker_00
So then I'm adjusting the temperature every like five to 10 seconds for the next, at least for a minute out of that, trying to get the temperature comfortable. Then my legs will start to get cold. So then I'll like lay down with my legs crunched in.

00:17:14 Speaker_00
And so the water's hitting my legs. And then I'll realize like, oh, fuck, like I think my hair is getting wet and I don't want my purple shampoo and conditioner to wash out. So then I'm like kind of like putting my hands under my head in the shower.

00:17:26 Speaker_00
Then like my tailbone and back start to hurt because I'm like laying on the ground. So then I'll like try to sit. But then my hair's getting wet, so then I lay down again, and then I'm like laying on my side. And then I'm like, what am I even doing?

00:17:38 Speaker_00
Like I should probably just stand up. Then I stand up again. Then I'm like, I don't want to stand up. I still have like two more minutes. So then I sit back down. Then I lay back down.

00:17:46 Speaker_00
Like if somebody were to sit there and watch me try to kill five minutes in the shower, it is a catastrophe. I need to figure out something to do.

00:17:55 Speaker_00
Like, I either need to get, like, a shower mat so that I can lay down comfortably in the shower, or I need to get, like, a shower chair or something. It sounds ridiculous, but my current routine is clearly not working. And it looks fucking weird.

00:18:09 Speaker_00
I know it looks weird. It might not sound that weird, but if you were to be sitting there and watching me, you'd be like, she is a fucking freak. She's, like, changing the temperature. She can't get it right. She's, like, moving every 10 to 15 seconds.

00:18:21 Speaker_00
Like, just fucking choose a position, you know? Speaking of lying down in the shower and it being kind of unusual, I also will lie down in random, unexpected areas of my house. Like, I'll be in my closet getting dressed, and I'll be like, I'm tired.

00:18:44 Speaker_00
And I'll sit down in my closet that has, you know, some carpet in there, and I'll lay on the floor in silence for like five minutes.

00:18:54 Speaker_00
Or like the other day, I was in kind of an emotional mood, which I hadn't been in in a while, and I was feeling sort of sentimental, which is something that happens, you know, sometimes when I'm alone.

00:19:04 Speaker_00
And I was standing by my dining room table, and I saw my little kitty walking up to me, Declan, my little orange kitty, the boy, my little boy kitty. He's walking up towards me, and I sit on the ground, and then I lay on the ground.

00:19:20 Speaker_00
and I call him over to me, and I make my little kitty lay with me on the ground for, like, five minutes, I'm crying. I start crying for some reason. Again, if somebody fucking watched this, I think it would be a little bit unusual.

00:19:34 Speaker_00
Like, I'm pretending to be a normal human. Everything is as usual. I'm in my garage, okay? Another example. I'm in my garage organizing my garage. My garage has a lot of junk in it.

00:19:47 Speaker_00
And, um, mainly stuff that I'm sent, which I've talked about this briefly before, but like, you'll hear a lot of people say this once they are in the public eye or there are any sort of public figure, the second you become a public figure, you just start getting sent stuff.

00:20:05 Speaker_00
And I'm even guilty of this myself. I have a brand. I've worked with brands. I've created products. And I've sent them to other public figures. I'm guilty of doing this myself. But you end up just having a lot of stuff.

00:20:20 Speaker_00
So I have just a garage filled with a lot of stuff. And a lot of it ends up getting donated. Some of it ends up getting kept. And so I spend time every few weeks being like, what am I donating? What am I keeping? Whatever.

00:20:34 Speaker_00
And sometimes I'll be doing that and I'll decide all of a sudden, you know what? I'm going to lay down on the cold cement floor, dusty, cold cement floor of my garage. I'm just going to lay down.

00:20:47 Speaker_00
In the middle, like imagine me, close your eyes and imagine me in my garage. You don't know what my garage looks like, but just imagine me in a garage with a bunch of stuff in it. Boxes, all this stuff. Imagine me just working away as normal.

00:20:59 Speaker_00
Nothing, nothing too weird. And then all of a sudden just laying down on the ground. You'd think I was possessed by something. It's very odd. It's very odd to see, but, but I do it and don't even think about it. So yeah, moving on.

00:21:14 Speaker_00
Another weird thing I do is I feel like what I wear around the house is kind of weird. For one, I have these orange shorts, okay? They're an orange, a rusty orange pair of sweatshorts from Aritzia.

00:21:33 Speaker_00
They're like a size larger than what I would normally order, right? But they fit perfect. like they're the most comfortable. They're like a little baggy. They're a little baggy in the butt, right? Like they don't fit properly. Okay.

00:21:48 Speaker_00
That's what I mean by they're like not the right size. Like they look a little off because they're, it looks like I'm wearing a diaper. I wear these shorts 99% of the time that I'm at home.

00:22:01 Speaker_00
Like right now I'm not wearing them cause it's very cold in my house. Cause I like my house to be cold. And during the winter I just like won't turn the heater on.

00:22:08 Speaker_00
I'll just let it be like fucking 60 degrees in my house, 50 degrees in my house because I like it.

00:22:14 Speaker_00
which is another weird thing I do which is like keep my house really cold and then walk around with a robe on and then with a blanket around my shoulders and then with a heating pad and then it's like really weird it's like I'm walking around like a fucking snowball because I don't know why I like that but I do anyway

00:22:33 Speaker_00
Back to the orange shorts, I am constantly wearing these orange shorts. It's really hard to even get to wash them because I'm usually wearing them while the laundry is being done. I sleep in them every night.

00:22:48 Speaker_00
for guys that date me, I'm always thinking about it. I'm like, I wonder if they wish that they had a girlfriend that at night would put on cute little silk pajamas, and their butt looks all cute in it, and maybe a little shoulder's popping out.

00:23:04 Speaker_00
Ooh, a little shoulder. Oh my God, so sexy. So smoldering. And the hair is looking so...

00:23:11 Speaker_00
I am wearing my fucking orange shorts and at my like sexiest, if you will, like a fucking Brandy Melville tank top from like six years ago that just for some reason is like the perfect softness that I can't get rid of it.

00:23:27 Speaker_00
Like it just, I will never get rid of it. It's, there's something about it, you know, like that is, and it's just nothing fits right. If I look, it's not cute, it's not flattering. It's a mess, but that is what I have to wear at home.

00:23:40 Speaker_00
And you know, I work from home a lot and I work in this outfit, okay? This is what I work in because it allows me to focus and feel comfortable, you know? But if you saw me walking around, I look horrible.

00:23:54 Speaker_00
There's like a few little cozy outfits I have for at home that are cute. You know, I have like two sort of at home when it's really cold sort of sweat sets, like whatever that I can wear around the house.

00:24:07 Speaker_00
And I wear those sometimes and I look put together when I wear those. But for the most part,

00:24:12 Speaker_00
90, let's say 95% of the time, I'm wearing those orange fucking shorts in some sort of really worn-in, about to fucking disintegrate t-shirt, or like, again, at my sexiest, a six-year-old Brandy Melville tank top.

00:24:29 Speaker_00
It's not that weird, but it does feel a bit weird. It's like, girl, do you have it? Why are you wearing the orange shorts again? Like it's weird. It's like, it's very odd. I don't know. Maybe it's not odd.

00:24:42 Speaker_00
Something a bit more odd than the orange shorts and bundling up in like 15 layers around the house in a way that makes no logical sense would be some of the shit I do in the mirror. Like I'll, I'll like get out of the shower.

00:24:58 Speaker_00
Okay, now it sounds like, oh my God, it sounds like this is going in a weird direction. I'm not talking about, I have to see my butthole. Like, that's not what I'm about to say.

00:25:08 Speaker_00
Although every once in a while you have to do that just to see like what's going on in there. But that's not where I was going with this. Like, let's say I'm like doing my makeup or something, right?

00:25:19 Speaker_00
Or I'm getting dressed for the day and I'm looking in a mirror, you know, whatever. Sometimes I will suddenly become entranced, but not by myself in some sort of self-love way, like, wow, what a beautiful woman.

00:25:33 Speaker_00
That, unfortunately, doesn't happen for me. But I'll become distracted, like, huh, how am I perceived by others? What do I look like? I'll almost pose for a photo in the mirror.

00:25:44 Speaker_00
I will look at what I look like when I'm posing in certain ways or what I look like from different angles, and I do that frequently.

00:25:54 Speaker_00
I don't even know why or how it starts, but I will say something interesting about it, even though it looks fucking weird. When I'm looking in the mirror, it's almost like I'm practicing posing in the mirror, okay?

00:26:08 Speaker_00
Which is not completely useless for me in my life because I do photo shoots here and there. You know, I go on a red carpet here and there. Not as much recently because I'm not... I'm not loving the vibe. Not loving the vibe of a red carpet right now.

00:26:26 Speaker_00
It just does not sound ultimately fulfilling for me.

00:26:29 Speaker_00
So not recently, but I've had years there where I've gone to many red carpets, and there's something helpful about understanding the connection between your body movement and what it looks like in the mirror.

00:26:44 Speaker_00
It's nice to understand, like, oh, if I move like this, I look like that. And it's impossible to know that unless you move around a lot in the mirror. you know, in a way it's actually been like a helpful weird thing that I do.

00:26:56 Speaker_00
And maybe that's subconsciously why I do it because I'm trying to teach myself movement to appearance connection, you know, like make that connection. I don't know, but either way it fucking looks weird.

00:27:08 Speaker_00
And I will say it, I think it's made me photograph better. Like I think I photograph better now because of this weird thing that I do.

00:27:16 Speaker_00
It's not like the fucking like posing in the mirror that like you see in like a music video Some fucking hot girl like feeling herself in the mirror. It's like weirder than that. It's just a bit more unhinged I don't know.

00:27:28 Speaker_00
It's just cringe Okay, next weird thing. I do this is weird like some of the things I've mentioned this far It's like that's not that weird. This next one's pretty weird. So I have grown accustomed to a squatty potty and

00:27:41 Speaker_00
If you don't know what that is, it's basically this little stool-like contraption that you place where your feet go when you're sitting on the toilet to elevate your feet, probably eight inches or so off the ground.

00:27:56 Speaker_00
to allegedly align your colon or something in the correct position for pooping.

00:28:05 Speaker_00
Basically the reason why the squatty potty was created apparently was so that your body while sitting on the toilet could be in the proper position to let poop come out easier because allegedly sitting normally on the toilet as though you're sitting in a chair is actually not the ideal position for poop to easily come out.

00:28:25 Speaker_00
Because you got a lot of stuff going on in your lower abdomen. You got a lot of tubes and pipes and all this.

00:28:31 Speaker_00
And so in order to straighten things out, I guess, not straighten things out, but like create the least amount of blockage, I guess, apparently having your knees up while you're going to the bathroom is very helpful. I agree with this.

00:28:44 Speaker_00
Like, I think it absolutely makes a difference. So I have Squatty Potty's all over my house, but sometimes when I'm in public, I don't go to Squatty Potty, okay?

00:28:53 Speaker_00
They actually do sell portable ones, but I just find it disgusting, the idea of, like, unfolding a Squatty Potty, putting it on the floor in a public bathroom, and then refolding it back up and putting it in my purse with all the bathroom bacteria on it.

00:29:08 Speaker_00
No thanks. So what I will do is, I've done this many times when I've pooped in a public bathroom, kick over the mini trash can, okay, if there's like a mini trash can, I'll kick that over and I'll put my fucking legs up on it.

00:29:25 Speaker_00
One time, oh my God, I'm actually remembering something hilarious. I'm so used to doing this. I have one bathroom. It's right off the kitchen, right off the dining room, right off the living room. It's sort of like the communal bathroom.

00:29:41 Speaker_00
And then I have my own private bathroom in my bedroom. And so that one obviously has a squatty potty in the whole nine. But that bathroom doesn't have a Squatty Potty in it.

00:29:53 Speaker_00
Just because I was like, it's the one that when guests come over, they tend to use. I don't know, I just didn't put a Squatty Potty in that one. One time, I went pee in that bathroom.

00:30:05 Speaker_00
And there's no squatty putty in there, but there is a little trash can. Now, I was just going pee, okay? And I was not alone, okay? My boyfriend was at my house. I pulled the little trash can over. I have my legs up.

00:30:18 Speaker_00
I literally, I do what I would do if I was in a public bathroom. I kicked over the fuck, just to go pee, by the way. I wasn't even pooping. But I just, for some reason was in autopilot. I was on my phone, like doing a text, like texting somebody.

00:30:31 Speaker_00
I was very in the zone. So I kicked it over and I had my legs up on it and I was like peeing and I was like bent over like on my phone with my leg. And of course it's my boyfriend. I'm very close with this person.

00:30:43 Speaker_00
He walks in and I'm fucking, I have my legs up on the trash and he's like, what the fuck is, what is going on? I was like, Oh, Totally. So let me explain. And I had to explain this to him.

00:30:58 Speaker_00
I was like, okay, so like, I'm used to the squatty potty when I'm in a public bathroom, this is what I do. I don't know why I just did it right now. I'm only peeing. Like, and he was like, what the, he's like, I can't even fathom.

00:31:08 Speaker_00
And I was like, I know, I'm so sorry. So, um, I made myself a delicious, delicious matcha latte today that is better than usual. What a treat and I'm just sipping on it and I'm just enjoying it. Okay, moving on.

00:31:27 Speaker_00
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00:31:43 Speaker_00
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00:32:01 Speaker_00
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00:32:17 Speaker_00
Now, I know, like, people are like, oh shit, like, I got that song on repeat too, like, yay. I don't, I like don't fully believe that people have songs on repeat to the extent that I do.

00:32:29 Speaker_00
I am convinced, maybe naively and narcissistically so, that I have like a weird, I take it to a weird level. Most people are like, oh man, I have that song on repeat. I listened to it like three times in a row.

00:32:43 Speaker_00
I'm like, oh yeah, I have that song on repeat. I've been listening to it for eight hours straight, four days straight sometimes. Like I will become obsessed with a song and will just fucking, I cannot stop.

00:32:59 Speaker_00
Sometimes for over a week on end, over and over and over again. And I just, to me, that can't be normal. Like, I just, I can't imagine other people are doing that. I mean, I guess other people must be doing it.

00:33:11 Speaker_00
I'm not like a fucking anomaly, you know what I mean? But it is pretty weird to me that I can handle hearing the same exact song over and over again. for a week straight at times. It's just very odd to me.

00:33:26 Speaker_00
Next, when I'm alone and I remember a cringe memory or I have sort of like an intrusive thought about something that is maybe uncomfortable or embarrassing or tragic or whatever. When I'm alone, I will have physical reactions to these things.

00:33:45 Speaker_00
When I'm around people, I don't tend to have those types of intrusive thoughts or like cringe memories come into my head because I'm distracted. I'm with other people. But when I'm completely alone, I will have those thoughts.

00:33:59 Speaker_00
and I will physically cringe and twitch when I think about them. And I'll notice myself doing it and I'm like, wow, you're like physically reacting. Like this is so interesting. Like it's, it's not odd.

00:34:12 Speaker_00
I think it's normal to have a physical reaction sometimes to cringe or painful thoughts. You know, like when you think about something extreme, you will react extreme. It like makes sense.

00:34:25 Speaker_00
But it's just one of those things where like, if somebody were to be looking in on me, all of a sudden, like I'm like driving alone, all of a sudden I like have a full body cringe, like my whole body, like you see the cringe.

00:34:39 Speaker_00
It starts in my toes and it crinkles my nose. You know what I mean? Wherever it goes, I always know. Colby Calais. And to me, like, it just, it looks weird. It looks weird. It's like, did she just get a shiver?

00:34:50 Speaker_00
It's like when you are peeing and you get a little shiver, it's like that, but I'm completely alone and it's out of nowhere. You would never know why it happened.

00:34:59 Speaker_00
It's like one minute I'm cleaning the garage, the next minute I'm lying completely flat on the floor in the garage. And if you were an onlooker looking at that, you'd be like, I cannot, like, this is a little weird. What's going on with her?

00:35:12 Speaker_00
Okay, moving on. So this next thing is like kind of a funny stereotype, but it's actually something I do. And I think this must be somewhat normal, but like when I eat by myself, I eat like a fucking pig, okay? I just, I eat with my fingers.

00:35:29 Speaker_00
I'm like, I eat really fast. I like probably fucking chew with my mouth open. And at the end I lick the fucking plate. I eat like a pig when I'm alone.

00:35:40 Speaker_00
Unless I'm feeling cute and I'm reading while I eat or I'm working on my computer while I eat, which happens sometimes too, but for the most part, if I'm eating and I'm by myself, it's pig-like. It's absolutely pig-like. It is animalistic.

00:35:55 Speaker_00
And I will literally physically pick up my plate and lick it. And it's hard for me when I'm eating dinner with my family or my boyfriend or whoever, or one of my best friends, and I'm like, I can't lick the plate with y'all.

00:36:08 Speaker_00
Like, I've never been closer with anyone. I love you guys, but I cannot lick the plate with y'all. I can't. I just can't. Even with you, it's too much. You know? Like, there's just a certain way that I eat when I'm alone that, like, no one should see.

00:36:23 Speaker_00
And it's funny, because at times I get really hungry, and I forget that I'm not alone, and it kind of comes out a little bit. And I'm like, I know you're looking at me a little weird, even though you love me. You know?

00:36:35 Speaker_00
Anywho, last but not least, this is something that I've talked about before in an episode, but if you all could see it, you would think it was fucking bizarre.

00:36:46 Speaker_00
My job consists of a lot of filming myself, recording myself, for the most part, actually, these days, recording myself. This podcast, I mean, twice a week, we're on here, we're talking a lot. I do, you know, I make these episodes a lot, twice a week.

00:37:03 Speaker_00
And a lot of times I don't get it right the first go. So I'm re-recording stuff. I'm saying things again. So it'll be, it'll, I'll, I'll give you an example. I'll say something like, I really like candles, but candles aren't my favorite.

00:37:18 Speaker_00
And then I'll stutter on something and then I'll say, you know, I really don't like candles. Well, candles are, I really don't like candles. Well, candles are kind of,

00:37:28 Speaker_00
I don't like to collect candles, I'll say things over and over and over again before I get it right. You have to redo things, you have to re-say things because sometimes you stutter, you don't get it right, whatever.

00:37:38 Speaker_00
But then you have to say it again with the same cadence and it's very odd. Notoriously, as you may know if you listen to this podcast and you heard my episode about my meltdowns a few weeks ago now.

00:37:49 Speaker_00
You would know that I sometimes rerecord my podcast intro over and over and over again, up to, I don't know, 60, 70 times. I don't remember.

00:38:00 Speaker_00
Before I get it right and I can actually get into the flow state and start recording an episode and talking normally. Can you imagine watching me re-record my podcast intro saying the exact same thing 60 times? Pretty crazy.

00:38:13 Speaker_00
I'm like, hello and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes. And then I'll be like, mm, that one wasn't good. Hello, you guys. Welcome back to Advice Session. This is a series called, oh, I fucked that up.

00:38:26 Speaker_00
And then I'll go over and over and over and over. And to watch that is to be disturbed by it. So anyway.

00:38:34 Speaker_00
It would be honestly interesting to, like, Truman Show my life and, like, watch all the weird shit that I do when I'm alone, because I bet there's stuff I can't even remember. But this is all the stuff that I can remember.

00:38:48 Speaker_00
And I hope it makes you feel a little bit less gross and weird. We're all gross and weird. And if you're thinking to yourself, Emma, that stuff isn't that weird, I bet your stuff isn't that weird either.

00:38:58 Speaker_00
Whether you talk to yourself or, I don't know, pick your nose and eat it. Those are two things I don't do, but I don't judge you if you do, okay?

00:39:08 Speaker_00
I still can't, the concept of picking the booger and eating it is crazy, but I don't judge because you know what, everybody has their favorite snacks, I have mine, you can have yours, so that's all good. Anyway, I love you all. I appreciate you all.

00:39:23 Speaker_00
I hope that this made you feel a little bit less gross and weird. New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. Tune in if you want. Find Anything Goes on social media at anythinggoes, and find me on social media at Emma Chamberlain.

00:39:36 Speaker_00
I love you all. I appreciate you all. It's a pleasure to hang out, and I hope that we get to hang out soon. So yeah. Okay, bye.