Esther Calling - Why Can't I Find Someone? Is it Me? AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

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Episode: Esther Calling - Why Can't I Find Someone? Is it Me?

Author: Esther Perel Global Media
Duration: 00:40:28

Episode Shownotes

Esther speaks to a woman who feels frustrated and stuck in her dating patterns. She loves going on dates, regularly meets people out and about, and feels open to having multiple forms of a relationship. And still…she gets to one or two or three dates before the relationship fizzles out.

Esther gives her a new way to think about it and reframes her frustrations. Esther's has two new courses out. If you are interested in Bringing Desire Back or Playing With Desire in your relationships, then click the link below for more. For more go to: https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Summary

In this episode of 'Where Should We Begin?' with Esther Perel, a woman discusses her frustrations with dating at 33, feeling stuck in a cycle where connections fizzle out after one to three dates. She expresses her desire for deeper connections while maintaining a balanced life. Esther encourages her to reframe her experiences, emphasizing the societal dynamics of dating, the importance of mutual accountability, and integrating dating into her lifestyle through social activities. By aligning personal values and exploring new opportunities, she can improve her chances of finding a meaningful relationship.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Esther Calling - Why Can't I Find Someone? Is it Me?) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_05
Hi Esther. So when I wrote in, I mentioned a few different things, which I'm trying to summarize under one question, so please bear with me. I'm 33 and dating is a challenge.

00:00:11 Speaker_05
I'm genuinely trying to find someone who is compatible with me, who I can see a long-term future with.

00:00:18 Speaker_05
I've tried the avenues that I can think of, the apps, asking friends and family if they might know someone, and unfortunately I'm not able to meet the kind of person who I'm aligned with.

00:00:31 Speaker_05
My question is, how much effort is a healthy amount to put into the pursuit of dating? I feel like I talk about it a lot, and it's not in a woe-is-me type of way, it's in a how-do-I-solve-this-problem way.

00:00:44 Speaker_05
I'm genuinely curious about this, and that's why I think about it and talk about it a lot. I'm not ruminating, but I am trying to understand and analyze it.

00:00:55 Speaker_05
Also, unlike other aspects of my life, where I know that if I put in a certain amount of effort or focus, I'll get better outcomes, there doesn't seem to be a correlation in that way with dating.

00:01:07 Speaker_05
I also know that after a certain point of thinking about the same topic, there are diminishing returns, and I'm just wondering where that line is.

00:01:16 Speaker_05
There is a lot of discourse online, like on Instagram and TikTok, where women are feeling this way, and the response is to decenter men and decenter dating, which I respect and can empathize with, but I don't think that's the right solution for me because, in my opinion, it's addressing the wrong problem.

00:01:35 Speaker_05
This isn't about desperation of being someone's girlfriend or wife. To me, this is about building a true partnership, which is why I don't want to give up on it or distract myself with something else.

00:01:50 Speaker_05
I have amazing relationships with my friends and family, which I'm so grateful for, and I'm really happy with myself. I would just also like a partner who I can have a romantic relationship with and share other aspects of my life.

00:02:05 Speaker_05
I feel I have pretty reasonable expectations of my future partner, too.

00:02:09 Speaker_05
Like, I don't expect them to be my everything, but I'd like them to be a companion who I'm on the same page with in terms of our values and aspirations for the future, and who also truly appreciates me. Like, very normal stuff.

00:02:24 Speaker_05
So, I am optimistic, but I'm also exhausted.

00:02:35 Speaker_06
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00:03:02 Speaker_06
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00:03:18 Speaker_06
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00:03:28 Speaker_06
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00:03:57 Speaker_06
And in a way you have been more detailed about the optimism. The optimism is I know good relationships, I have good relationships. I don't know if you've had romantic relationships as well. I have, yeah. You have good ones.

00:04:16 Speaker_05
Yes.

00:04:17 Speaker_06
Good. So you have good family ties. You are in a good relationship with yourself and you know in general to put in the effort for things that you pursue. So there's a lot of elements to your optimism.

00:04:32 Speaker_06
The exhausted part and besides I have not found the person and there seems to be a diminishing return I'm not clear on what is your experience and maybe I can ask you to tell me a little bit more about that

00:04:49 Speaker_05
So I have been in two serious relationships and I would say that they were generally good relationships but they were not the right person for me.

00:04:59 Speaker_05
Besides that I have tried dating and mostly just used the dating apps because I think that's probably the easiest way. And I haven't really found the kinds of people on that app that I feel I would be compatible with in the long term.

00:05:18 Speaker_05
And then I've also gone about it in the way of, you know, asking friends and even family members if they could introduce me to somebody who they think I might get along with. I haven't been successful.

00:05:31 Speaker_05
I mean, nobody's introduced me to anybody through, you know, that way. And then I've also tried to be really open-minded with the people that I already know, friends that I have, even, you know, former co-workers, just people in my social circle.

00:05:47 Speaker_05
And I haven't really been able to find the right person in that way either. So I'm just not really sure where to look. And I guess that's what I'm finding a little bit exhausting at this point.

00:06:03 Speaker_06
I just want to add one other category, not that that is the answer, but just because there is reaching to my social circle, reaching to my professional circle, going on the app, and then there is serendipity.

00:06:19 Speaker_05
Absolutely. And that's the optimistic part, I think.

00:06:22 Speaker_06
You're sitting on many planes, right?

00:06:24 Speaker_05
Because you travel.

00:06:25 Speaker_06
I do. You sit on planes, you sit in airports, you are in queues. You know, the places where many times we used to meet when we didn't have our head in our phones and we actually looked up and saw who was behind and in front of us.

00:06:41 Speaker_06
So I'm just curious, are you at ease with happenstance, spontaneity, serendipity?

00:06:47 Speaker_05
Absolutely, I would love that. I think that's kind of the romantic part of me that wants to meet somebody on an airplane or in a queue, as you said. I just don't know that I can rely on that. And so it feels like I need to be more intentional about it.

00:07:06 Speaker_05
And that's what I'm finding challenging is like, how much effort do I put into this?

00:07:14 Speaker_06
But I think you said it very well in your question. I want to have a robust life, culturally, professionally, socially. And from that place, I also want to meet someone for the next project of my life.

00:07:33 Speaker_06
I don't want that to be the defining feature of my identity, of my sense of self-worth. But I also don't want to personalize the story as in, I am feeling defeated and so I'm going to deny the need.

00:07:49 Speaker_06
I'm going to make this no longer something that I pursue because I haven't been successful at it. I want to remain open to it, but I don't want my entire day and my entire structure of my life to be organized.

00:08:03 Speaker_06
around I have a date, I need to go look at the app, I need to cancel everything else because somebody has just told me we have a date, then they cancel, then I have no plans, then I feel like I've put my whole dating life ahead of everything else because it takes priority because you never know.

00:08:22 Speaker_06
And that's the piece of effort that becomes not rewarding.

00:08:27 Speaker_05
Absolutely.

00:08:28 Speaker_06
But I don't know enough about how you're doing it. So, you know, to me, the effort is a level of openness. The effort is that people date not by putting their life on hold, as in I leave my life to go date and I create a distance between the two.

00:08:50 Speaker_06
And then when the date doesn't work out, then I feel like there's a void. The way that the effort becomes much more manageable is that you do your life and if you happen to have a date, you invite the date into your life.

00:09:05 Speaker_05
Agreed.

00:09:05 Speaker_06
But you may already be doing that.

00:09:08 Speaker_05
So I actually don't find the dating part, as in like finding a date, challenging. I usually am able to go on a first date, and I usually have a really nice first date, and even maybe a nice second date.

00:09:22 Speaker_05
But then it's like, there's a difference in the effort that I'm willing to put in versus the person that I'm dating, and that's where the disconnect happens.

00:09:32 Speaker_06
Tell me more.

00:09:34 Speaker_05
Sure. So I met somebody who really seemed to be aligned with me in so many different ways and we had a great first date.

00:09:44 Speaker_05
We talked about some serious things because I wanted to be really intentional with where I was putting my time and my effort and I wanted to make sure this person was

00:09:54 Speaker_05
I mean, I don't want to make it not fun, but I wanted to make sure that we were working towards a similar goal, and it seemed that we were.

00:10:01 Speaker_05
And then we went on a second date, and that was lovely, and we had a great time, and again, building up more of a serious type of a framework and an understanding with each other.

00:10:14 Speaker_05
And then, because of my lifestyle and also this person's lifestyle, I was traveling, he was traveling, and we tried to stay in touch. And I was willing to put in that extra effort.

00:10:25 Speaker_05
And we had spoken about how much time and effort are we willing to put in when we're not physically together. And I just realized that I was putting in a lot more effort than he was. And after a while, unfortunately, he just kind of ghosted me.

00:10:39 Speaker_05
And that's happened a few times. I'm just like, why is this happening? What do you do when that happens? So in this case, what happened was basically he just stopped texting me. And there was a regular cadence of communication. We had a time difference.

00:11:03 Speaker_05
I would wake up in the morning and I would have a text from him and I would message him back and expect that he would get back to me at a time that was more appropriate for him. And that was going on for like a few weeks.

00:11:15 Speaker_05
And again, we had planned to see each other when we were in the same country again. And when we were planning the details of that next meetup, he just stopped replying to me. And I wasn't really sure

00:11:30 Speaker_05
what had happened because I couldn't see anything in the conversation that would lead to him feeling a different way about me. Did you ask him? I did. I did ask him, is everything okay? Did something change? Never got a response.

00:11:51 Speaker_06
In very simple terms, it's beyond upsetting. Because you begin to question yourself, you begin to question your sense of reality. Did I miss something? Was the whole thing an illusion? Is that what happens between people these days?

00:12:06 Speaker_06
We just toss each other away for whatever it's worth. It's not going to change what you feel, but I can't tell you how often I hear it. It's between date four and five. Things seem to be going actually quite well. It's not things are just dragging.

00:12:25 Speaker_06
And the interesting thing is I hear it from everybody, from he, she, they. I wish I had advice for this, but I don't. I mean, not that thing specifically.

00:12:39 Speaker_06
I think it's much more of a cultural thing and a large societal phenomenon than it is anything specific to do with you.

00:12:48 Speaker_06
Questioning what's missing in me, or what have I done, or what did I not say, or what should I have said differently, this kind of microanalysis of every move. is also off because it makes us personalize social behaviors that have become acceptable.

00:13:05 Speaker_06
That I would like to encourage you not to do. It's like it feels bad enough you don't have to feel bad about yourself.

00:13:13 Speaker_05
Yeah, and I'm trying not to feel bad about myself, but then it's hard to know what to do differently the next time.

00:13:22 Speaker_06
Because you know what? Because if you feel bad about yourself, it gives you a weird sense of agency, that there's actually something that you can do differently.

00:13:33 Speaker_06
And I'm not sure that there is much that you necessarily want to do differently in the dating online. But what you may want to do differently is create new situations that increase the possibility of meeting people.

00:13:49 Speaker_06
I'll tell you one that I like a lot, and I've said this in other places, but those who have followed it, I've liked what they've told me, so that's why I like it. It's about bringing people together.

00:14:02 Speaker_06
You, with two or three other friends, each of you bring three, four people. that you don't know.

00:14:09 Speaker_06
And you do it every two weeks and you begin to increase the number of people that become a part of, some of them may become part of your social circle, some of them may just stay for the night. But the next time

00:14:23 Speaker_06
You ask those people to bring two or three people with them. You do it potluck, you don't have to cook for 30 people. But the idea is to kind of proliferate new connections from within, but to the outer circle.

00:14:40 Speaker_06
It's curated, so there is a choice element to it, and there is chance in that there is enough unknown that you can be surprised. I like that. That's a good idea. I'll try it. We have to take a brief break, so stay with us and let's see where this goes.

00:15:09 Speaker_00
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00:17:37 Speaker_06
This week, I'm releasing a new digital course. It's the Esther Perel Desire Bundle. It has two parts, bringing desire back and playing with desire. But it addresses the many sexual dilemmas, erotic stalemates,

00:17:54 Speaker_06
gridlocks that patients and people that I meet on the podcast come to me with, and I wanted to give you a way of taking me home rather than just coming into my office.

00:18:08 Speaker_06
There's a special promotion code that you will find in the show notes, and if you want to go directly to the course, it's at estherperel.com. What are things you enjoy doing in your leisure time?

00:18:31 Speaker_05
I actually enjoy quite a few things. So I am really into dancing. So I go to dance class a few times a week. What kind? Belly dancing, actually. So I really enjoy that. I love going to the beach and doing anything kind of water sports related.

00:18:56 Speaker_05
snorkeling, swimming, surfing, paddle boarding, anything that gets me out in the water. I love going to art galleries and museums, anything kind of creative.

00:19:11 Speaker_06
So the reason I ask is because I'm looking for opportunities, right? So I have two, there's two sets of questions in my mind. One is the setting and the other one is the conversation. So, set and setting, where does one meet people?

00:19:30 Speaker_06
And I always think when I think about dating these days, how I integrate it into your life, so that you don't go to look for the dates, but you have situations that may be propitious for dating.

00:19:44 Speaker_06
Belly dancing is probably not the dance where you may meet Probably not. Partners, unless they come to watch you, but that may follow. But there may be other kinds of dancing that are more partner dancing that you may enjoy to do too.

00:19:59 Speaker_05
True.

00:20:00 Speaker_06
You like art, you like going to galleries. Sometimes it's about going to a talk in a gallery, but that's not, you know, the problem is people are not talking to the neighbor standing next to them.

00:20:10 Speaker_06
However, there is a way to bring 20, 30 people, 15 people, whatever. to a gallery even with somebody or to someone's home and to create a salon. You just create situations where people come together because we want curation.

00:20:28 Speaker_06
And what the app does for us is it's meant to curate. But that doesn't mean we have to relinquish all our opportunities for curation. But I have another question.

00:20:40 Speaker_06
Tell me more about the conversation when you said we were going more serious, we were trying to align our values. What exactly was serious? What is the values? What's the deeper layer?

00:20:54 Speaker_05
We spoke about our longer term goals for ourselves and for the lifestyles that we imagine for ourselves. and how a partner would fit into that and our hopes for family and the way that we would live and prioritize different things in our lives.

00:21:20 Speaker_05
So for me, being able to travel a lot is important. That's something that I let people know upfront that this is a really big part of my identity and a goal that I have for the future. Is that something that's in alignment with you?

00:21:38 Speaker_05
I don't personally really know if I want to have biological children. It's not like a main goal for me. So having a discussion with the other person to see like, is that really important for you? What kind of a parent would you like to be?

00:21:55 Speaker_05
Like lots of different deeper questions that are not just like, I find you attractive. Do you want to, you know, go on a date with me?

00:22:03 Speaker_06
What model of relationship did you grow up with? How did your parents meet?

00:22:08 Speaker_05
My parents actually met through my aunt. So my mom's sister was friends with my dad, and she made the introduction. And interestingly enough, they were both considered to be old for the time, as in they were both in their 30s, and they had sort of

00:22:29 Speaker_05
resigned the fact that like, they didn't think that they were going to find a partner. And then they met each other and they both had very strong opinions about things.

00:22:37 Speaker_05
And apparently their first conversation was an argument and they both really enjoyed that from, you know, being able to have a very spirited conversation with the other person. And they were like, I think I think this person could be the one.

00:22:51 Speaker_05
So that's how they met.

00:22:54 Speaker_06
Did they live a traditional relationship? Did they become westernized? What models of relationship did they embrace?

00:23:04 Speaker_05
So I would say not traditional by any means, but not necessarily western either. just in general, both my parents have had pretty international upbringings as well. My grandfather was a diplomat. My other grandfather was in politics.

00:23:19 Speaker_05
So they both kind of have lived in a lot of different places and have a very sort of multifaceted identity of their own. And then together they raised me and my sister in a pretty non-traditional way as well. They both are feminists.

00:23:35 Speaker_05
They instilled a lot of, you know, messages of like empowerment and independence to both me and my sister. And that's like the foundation that I'm coming from.

00:23:47 Speaker_05
So also I think, you know, meeting somebody who has very traditional gender ideas is off-putting for me.

00:23:59 Speaker_06
How long do you stay in communication before you meet in person? How quickly do you figure all of this out and how?

00:24:09 Speaker_05
So I typically like to speak to somebody on the phone before I meet them in person, because I feel like you can have a great conversation over text, but you may not actually be able to carry a conversation.

00:24:23 Speaker_05
So I like to speak to them on the phone, usually within like a few days. Again, I don't like to waste my time or their time. So a phone conversation, and then if that goes well, then I'd like to meet them sooner rather than later.

00:24:38 Speaker_06
Was that always your premise or did that augment with years?

00:24:47 Speaker_05
So I was in two very serious relationships for like one was for five years and the other one was for two years. So pretty much my entire 20s I was in relationships. So I didn't really have a lot of dating experience outside of that until

00:25:04 Speaker_05
like my early 30s and by that time I just feel like people are a lot more pragmatic and you know don't want to waste each other's time so.

00:25:14 Speaker_06
Do you think that that approach is conducive or it kind of makes you be so focused on the price that you end up not seeing what's in front of you?

00:25:27 Speaker_05
So I think like my intention when I'm meeting somebody is not necessarily to see whether they're the one, but to see if we have some kind of connection or spark and maybe they could be a friend.

00:25:37 Speaker_05
So I think I go into the first meeting quite open-minded, but then when we meet and if we do seem to be connecting, then I want to see more about the long-term expectations and are we compatible in that way and then proceed from there.

00:25:57 Speaker_06
You know, I ask you because sometimes when we are so focused and clear and instrumental in a way, right? I don't want to waste my time. I don't want to waste your time. It changes what we are looking at.

00:26:13 Speaker_06
It changes our perception and it changes what we value and what we pick up.

00:26:19 Speaker_06
Interestingly, when you meet someone casually, spontaneously, unplanned, not premeditated via meaning, because I know why I go to an app, but if I happen to just meet someone, you know, at the bakery, I'm not at all thinking about not wasting someone's time.

00:26:40 Speaker_06
I'm enjoying the surprise. And I'm wondering to what extent does this change our experience? There's something that kind of closes off the story sometimes. I think it's unavoidable.

00:26:54 Speaker_06
I'm not saying this is something you do, nor that it's something you must change. But I do have a sense that if I meet you, And we start talking and I enjoy it. And then we extend it from three minutes to 10 and to 20.

00:27:09 Speaker_06
And then we say, let's continue this or where are you off to? I was just going about here. Well, you want to join me or none of us are thinking about I don't want to waste your time. Are you my type? Do you at least answer the basic questions?

00:27:24 Speaker_06
Do I answer your basic questions? There's something, it's more fun. It's more open ended. And I don't know how one creates that in the virtual world, that sense of, you know, anticipation. We are in the midst of our session.

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00:30:41 Speaker_05
In my experiences so far, I actually really enjoy just the pure curiosity of like, who is this person that I'm gonna meet? What are they like? And I've met many characters in my day and I'm happy to keep them around as friends.

00:30:55 Speaker_05
But I think what's also annoying and what has been the challenge for me so far is that I'm not usually the one putting in a ton of effort at the beginning. It's usually somebody else who,

00:31:07 Speaker_05
seems to be taking more of the initiative with me up until day four, like you said. And then I start... Do you bring it up with them? I have actually. I've kind of said that there's a pattern and they're like, that's so weird.

00:31:23 Speaker_05
I don't know why that happened. Like, you know what I mean? Like completely just like... making it seem like it could never be them, like they could never do that. And then, lo and behold.

00:31:32 Speaker_05
But that's the very person who you just talked about, he did that too? Absolutely. We talked about all of these things. He said, I don't know what you're talking about, and then he did it? Absolutely.

00:31:40 Speaker_05
We talked about all these things that, you know, we've disliked in our dating experiences before. And that was one of the things that we had in common of when there seems to be mutual interest and then somebody just ghosts.

00:31:57 Speaker_05
You know, he did the same thing. It's not an isolated incident. Like this has happened to me like three times. It was the last one that made me, you know, write into your show and be like, let me get a professional's opinion on this.

00:32:10 Speaker_05
But it wasn't the only time.

00:32:12 Speaker_06
I haven't said anything that you don't know yet though. I wish I had an original thought about it that you may not have heard yet, but I have a feeling that we're hearing the same thing over and over.

00:32:25 Speaker_06
The only thing I may have said is that when you wrote to him and you knew he had suddenly gone blackout, instead of, is everything okay? I mean, that may be the first one, is everything okay? And the second one is, we said we wouldn't do this.

00:32:42 Speaker_06
Let's just give each other the courtesy. It's totally fine. Let's just not dump each other like that. I don't know if you would get an answer, but at least you have kind of closed the loop.

00:32:56 Speaker_05
Yeah, I think that is the struggle because the reason that I haven't sent the follow-up message, I think the way you phrased it is really good.

00:33:06 Speaker_05
Like, we said we wouldn't do this, but the reason why I haven't sent a follow-up after I haven't gotten the response, you know, from, are you okay, is because it does feel a little bit embarrassing.

00:33:15 Speaker_05
Like, it feels like, I don't know what the right word would be, but. Yeah, like you're crawling. Yeah. And so that's why I haven't, but then it also means that there's no accountability for that behavior.

00:33:30 Speaker_06
That's right. So, this is the thing. You don't want to crawl, you don't want to beg, and you don't want to blame. Because then they shut up. So, it's this very fine tune. But because of how you described, we talked about it.

00:33:45 Speaker_06
We discussed how it's happened to us. We discussed the things that we don't like in the system. We discussed the things we appreciate in the system. You have a reference. And the reference is

00:33:57 Speaker_06
It's too bad, because we really talked about it, and we both seem to dislike similar behavior. Why fall into this right now? I get the message, but I would appreciate you conveying it to me in a way that is civil, that is caring, that is kind.

00:34:17 Speaker_06
Kind is probably the word, more than caring. That's it. I think we can do better. We may never see each other again, but we can do better. This is a call to humanity. This is not a call to me and you. This is a call of the society we want to live in.

00:34:36 Speaker_06
Afterwards, why create a situation that's going to make us go to therapy to discuss this?

00:34:41 Speaker_05
Exactly.

00:34:45 Speaker_06
And then it becomes a problem to bring to my therapist rather than this is a societal issue in which something is off and we should not let this happen. You know, we are screaming for a lot of different ideals.

00:35:00 Speaker_06
Let's scream for the ideal of civility and kindness and maturity. It's not a good feeling to walk around knowing that you treat people poorly. So you feel better. You will learn to say no, not interested, moving on.

00:35:17 Speaker_05
I feel like right now, I am like, I'm burnt out with the apps. I don't want to do this anymore. Is there also a part of me that needs to like be okay with the possibility of just like never finding somebody?

00:35:36 Speaker_06
It goes from finding to never finding. No. Life can have twists and turns in every direction. And one of the special things about life today is that people meet partners at various stages of their lives, in all kinds of unforeseen circumstances.

00:35:56 Speaker_06
The story is much less linear than it used to be. You met somebody, you married them, then you had sex with them, then you had babies with them, et cetera, et cetera.

00:36:07 Speaker_06
This is a bit of an older story, but it still is the story in the majority of the world. This is a, we're in a different reality.

00:36:15 Speaker_06
You can start at 25 and you can start at 55 and marry for the first time and have a family in ways that you never had, et cetera, et cetera. So I don't think of it as yay, nay. hopeful, hopeless. I don't. But I think it's it's harsh.

00:36:36 Speaker_06
It's it's because you go back and forth between, you know, Where am I at? How much do I put this as the focus? That's why I keep saying it's an important piece and you remain open to it, but you don't leave your life in order to go date.

00:36:55 Speaker_06
You integrate the dating into your life. That is clear because that's the most important piece of the sustainability. Otherwise, what you're describing, I get burned out, I get off, for a few months I don't, then I feel like I should start again,

00:37:10 Speaker_06
Then I go back, put the profile back in, review the profile. I mean, that whole... I'm not surprised you start with the sentence, I'm optimistic, but also exhausted. Because it's exhausting, and not just to you.

00:37:25 Speaker_06
It's exhausting, and at the same time, it's the most extraordinary curation that has ever happened. It's a lot of different things. All I can say is don't just stay focused on that.

00:37:38 Speaker_06
Create as many other touch points because you actually don't know where that person will, in that meeting will take place. You know, with this person I can imagine a story of life, a life story, not just a love story.

00:37:57 Speaker_05
Okay. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

00:38:06 Speaker_04
This was an Esther calling, a one-time intervention phone call recorded remotely from two points somewhere in the world.

00:38:13 Speaker_04
If you have a question you'd like to explore with Esther that could be answered in a 40 or 50 minute phone call, send her a voice message and Esther might just call you. Send your question to producer at estherperel.com.

00:38:27 Speaker_04
Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel is produced by Magnificent Noise. We're part of the Vox Media Podcast Network in partnership with New York Magazine and The Cut.

00:38:37 Speaker_04
Our production staff includes Eric Newsom, Destry Sibley, Sabrina Farhi, Kristen Muller, and Julian Att. Original music and additional production by Paul Schneider. And the executive producers of Where Should We Begin are Esther Perel and Jesse Baker.

00:38:53 Speaker_04
We'd also like to thank Courtney Hamilton, Mary Alice Miller, and Jack Saul.

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