Ep 264: Rukmini Iyer AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

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Episode: Ep 264: Rukmini Iyer

Author: Plosive
Duration: 00:58:46

Episode Shownotes

Rukmini Iyer – author of the best-selling ‘Roasting Tin’ cookbooks – is this week’s dream diner. Do we finally get an answer to 'what do I do with the heads?' Rukmini Iyer’s new book ‘The Green Cookbook’ is out now. Buy it here. Follow Rukmini on Instagram and Twitter @missminifer

Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Summary

In this episode of 'Off Menu', hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster are joined by Rukmini Iyer, author of the 'Roasting Tin' cookbooks, to discuss her latest work, 'The Green Cookbook', which emphasizes effortless vegan and vegetarian cooking. The conversation is marked by humor as they explore culinary preferences, including the lighthearted contrast of beef jerky with vegetarian themes. Rukmini shares stories about her busy lifestyle, children's evolving palates, and practical cooking tips, featuring recipes like broccoli pesto. They also share amusing food experiences, nostalgically reflect on memorable dishes, and engage in culinary creativity throughout their dialogue.

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Full Transcript

00:00:13 Speaker_03
Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the crisp bacon of conversation, putting it on the buttered bread of the internet, adding the tomato ketchup of great times, and then why not a fried egg of humour, James?

00:00:29 Speaker_04
That is Ed Gamble.

00:00:30 Speaker_03
My name is- Ben's gonna cut my cough, so you're gonna sound incredibly weird. No, he won't cut your cough. He will, it's disgusting. I didn't know we cut coughs on this podcast. Yeah, so my cough's been cut out. Yeah. But yours will still be in.

00:00:42 Speaker_03
Mine was fake for the listeners. Yeah, you sound crazy.

00:00:45 Speaker_04
That is Ed Gamble. My name is James A. Kessler. I'm crazy. And this is the Off Menu Podcast. We own a dream restaurant every single week. We're inviting a guest. We ask them their favourite ever start, a maple dessert, side dish and drink.

00:00:55 Speaker_04
Not in that order. And this week, our guest is... Rukmini Iyer!

00:00:59 Speaker_03
The author of the Roasting Tin series of cookbooks, which are hugely popular. Some fantastic recipes. Anne Gamble, my mum, big fan. And Ben is a big fan, I think you said?

00:01:11 Speaker_04
The Great Benito. Sorry, for the listener, The Great Benito. Yes. But a new book is out. The Green Cookbook. Easy vegan and vegetarian dinners.

00:01:20 Speaker_03
I'm already excited. We've been sent a copy of it. I've been having a look through it. I can't wait, James.

00:01:25 Speaker_04
It's out now, so definitely get on that and get the Boastington books if you haven't had them.

00:01:29 Speaker_03
Yes, do. And it's always fun having a chef on as well, James.

00:01:33 Speaker_04
It is. It's nice to have a chef on, different perspective on food, which you'd think that we'd have mainly chefs on. But like idiots, we have mainly comedians. And idiots. And idiots on. And it's nice to get someone who really knows their onions.

00:01:46 Speaker_04
Absolutely.

00:01:47 Speaker_03
Literally! But if Rukmini says a secret ingredient which we have pre-agreed upon, we will unfortunately have to ask her to leave the restaurant, which would be embarrassing because I'm sure she's got plenty of interesting stuff to say.

00:01:58 Speaker_03
Yes, if we kick a chef out, it's egg on our face. Literally! And the secret ingredient this week is... BEEF JERKY! I don't know if it's going to come up. You know, we're going to be chatting about Rukmini's vegan and vegetarian cookbook.

00:02:13 Speaker_03
It would seem weird if beef jerky came up, but beef jerky is an acquired taste, James.

00:02:17 Speaker_04
It's an acquired taste? I think we both like it. Yeah, I like it.

00:02:20 Speaker_03
I don't really like the... some of the stuff you buy in the supermarket can be a bit gelatinous for me.

00:02:26 Speaker_04
Oh, it has to be a good beef jerky. I can't just grab anything off the shelf. It has to be something people say, have you tried this, it's great, it comes recommended, I'll have the beef jerky, but I'm not just grabbing it willy-nilly.

00:02:38 Speaker_04
No, you're not grabbing beef willy-nilly, are you? I'm not grabbing beef willy-nilly, but I think that we can only really chuck a chef out with a clear conscience if they're promoting a green cookbook and they chose beef jerky.

00:02:49 Speaker_04
Then we at least feel like we've got some solid ground to stand on.

00:02:52 Speaker_03
Beef jerky's not appeared on any menus so far, as far as I'm aware.

00:02:55 Speaker_04
No, it hasn't. I think maybe we've had biltong once.

00:02:58 Speaker_03
Maybe. Yeah, biltong's come up. Similar thing. Similar sort of thing, yeah. Dried beef. Yeah. But yeah, look, I'm not sure she's gonna pick it, but if she does, we are correct to kick her out. Yeah, I think we'll feel alright about that. So, let's find out.

00:03:11 Speaker_03
This is the off-menu menu of Rookmini Ayer. Welcome, Rukmini, to the Dream Restaurant.

00:03:24 Speaker_02
Thank you very much for having me.

00:03:25 Speaker_04
Welcome, Rukmini, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

00:03:29 Speaker_03
Big one today.

00:03:30 Speaker_04
Really happy response.

00:03:31 Speaker_02
Yeah, it's nice. Happy reaction to it. Yeah, no, no, happy to be out of the house. I don't get out much, so this is really good.

00:03:37 Speaker_03
That's it though, we rarely get that response to a genie, which is... Happy to be out of the house. Like that's, you know, not the magic of the genie, not the excitement to see a genie, just happy to be anywhere.

00:03:46 Speaker_02
Anywhere, anywhere. That's not the four walls of my house.

00:03:49 Speaker_03
Happy to be out of the lamps. Yeah, good, you're the same.

00:03:52 Speaker_04
Yeah, I just got out. Yeah. In a while. Since the last episode.

00:03:55 Speaker_02
And now you're stuck in here, a small room.

00:03:57 Speaker_04
Yeah. If I knew what the last episode was, because we record these randomly, but if I knew what the last episode that went out was, I could say like, you know, I haven't seen anyone since that person.

00:04:06 Speaker_02
Insert here.

00:04:07 Speaker_04
But, you know, I don't know.

00:04:10 Speaker_03
Ben, will you edit? No, okay. He won't put it in. No, he won't edit in the name.

00:04:15 Speaker_04
That's what my life must be like actually.

00:04:18 Speaker_03
What do you mean?

00:04:18 Speaker_04
I just like come out the lamp and I see a celeb and then I go back in the lamp and then I'm out again and it's just like a mad existence.

00:04:26 Speaker_03
what your life is in real life. That's true. You're just in your house and then you come here, you meet our guest and then you go home again.

00:04:31 Speaker_04
That is true. I don't really do much besides that. And you say you don't get out of the house much. Why? What's going on?

00:04:37 Speaker_02
Well, I feel like I do. It's just I go to nursery and back. That's it. That's the highlight of the day. Walk the dog to the nursery, drop the child, come back.

00:04:44 Speaker_03
Oh yes, you go to the nursery to take a child there. When you said it initially, you're like, as if you attend nursery.

00:04:51 Speaker_02
I mean, it's tempting. There's hand-painting, there's snacks every two hours, one-on-one attention with like a nice person, so I mean, not quite one-on-one, only one to four, one to five, but yeah, it seems like a great environment.

00:05:03 Speaker_02
I would stay, actually.

00:05:04 Speaker_03
What snacks are they having every two hours?

00:05:06 Speaker_02
They get nice stuff, like watermelon, breadsticks, yeah, like good stuff for snacks.

00:05:11 Speaker_03
I feel like breadsticks really drop off after the age of six. Like you get way more breadsticks and rusks.

00:05:17 Speaker_02
Crisp things. Yeah. I guess they're low salt. But I have a soft spot. You know you're on holiday in Europe and you sit at a table and you have some like bone-dry breadsticks in the middle of the table. It's like, yeah, I'll have them.

00:05:26 Speaker_04
Yeah, you want some seasoning on them.

00:05:27 Speaker_02
In the paper casing.

00:05:27 Speaker_04
Yeah, a little paper casing.

00:05:29 Speaker_02
Paper casing.

00:05:29 Speaker_04
I want something on them though. I want there to be some like seasoning on there. Dip. No, not even a dip. Yeah, a dip maybe, but like I want there to be like some salt or some...

00:05:38 Speaker_02
like little seeds or something.

00:05:40 Speaker_04
Something on there, yeah, yeah, don't just give me the bone dry.

00:05:43 Speaker_02
It's alright, I'll take it.

00:05:45 Speaker_04
They're doing that to make you drink more, right?

00:05:48 Speaker_02
Oh yeah, yeah, dry snacks. That must be it. But then you need more salt, don't you? More salt the more you drink.

00:05:52 Speaker_03
Oldest trick in the book, I fall for it every time.

00:05:54 Speaker_02
Yes, me too.

00:05:55 Speaker_03
Eat all the breadsticks, more beer please.

00:05:56 Speaker_02
Have a free olive. That's it, olives. It's all a trick, isn't it? It's a massive trick.

00:06:00 Speaker_04
What if they had those for snacks at the nursery?

00:06:03 Speaker_02
A lot of the kids do seem to eat olives. Yeah, it's a good thing. Yeah, my daughter and her little friends, I was like, you're literally two and a half, why are you nailing all the olives? Wow. Yeah, I know. It's sophisticated taste.

00:06:11 Speaker_03
Because olives used to be like the mark of growing up, right? Enjoy it the first time you enjoy an olive, but now... No more, no more. These kids.

00:06:18 Speaker_02
Evolution, man. I know, I know. She still enjoys buttered pasta though, so I'm not completely freaked out.

00:06:22 Speaker_04
Do you think it's the next step in evolution, is that children are going to eat olives?

00:06:26 Speaker_02
Yeah, they'll be like, can I have some anchovies at that please? Odd.

00:06:32 Speaker_04
Man, are there any foods that your kids have, or that your kids won't eat?

00:06:36 Speaker_02
Um, it really varies from day to day. My eldest is having, like, she's been on mushrooms. Not, you know, the exciting kind, just like the regular chestnut, button mushrooms, chestnut mushrooms. And, like, she just wants those.

00:06:48 Speaker_02
And you try and give her, like, a nice mushroom linguine or something, she's like, just the mushrooms. And then she sort of just stabs and eats the mushrooms. So, at least it's vitamin D, right?

00:06:56 Speaker_03
Yeah.

00:06:56 Speaker_02
Although, do you have to leave them out in the sun to make them vitamin D?

00:06:59 Speaker_03
Mushrooms?

00:07:00 Speaker_02
Yeah.

00:07:00 Speaker_03
I'm not sure.

00:07:01 Speaker_02
I don't know. I feel like I've heard somewhere. Yes, but only if you like left them on a sunny windowsill for like a little while.

00:07:09 Speaker_03
Okay.

00:07:09 Speaker_02
But I don't know how true that is. I shouldn't be offering medical advice on a podcast, should I?

00:07:12 Speaker_03
That feels like a risk as well, just leaving mushrooms out.

00:07:16 Speaker_02
Yeah, because when they go off, they're really, really bad. So, I don't know. This should come with a disclaimer. I don't know.

00:07:21 Speaker_04
Yeah, well sometimes Benito Googles facts, and this will be the earliest he's had to Google anything. It's true, he's already done it.

00:07:27 Speaker_01
Wow, amazing, thank you very much.

00:07:29 Speaker_04
It says, exposing mushrooms to UV light, whether by design or unintentionally, causes measurable increases in the vitamin D2 content.

00:07:39 Speaker_04
Now I don't know if they needed to specify whether by design or unintentionally, because obviously... Well, I guess mushrooms like dark places, but if you were worried about that you could put a UV sad lamp in your fridge,

00:07:50 Speaker_03
Yeah, that's good. And then, during winter, every time you open the fridge, cheer you up a bit.

00:07:55 Speaker_02
Exactly. And then some tasty vitamin D mushrooms on top of it. Yeah, why not? I think we should market this.

00:08:00 Speaker_03
Does it work if you leave a mushroom pizza out, do you reckon?

00:08:02 Speaker_02
No.

00:08:02 Speaker_03
Just leave that out in the sun.

00:08:04 Speaker_01
That's disgusting. Yes.

00:08:06 Speaker_04
He's asking because he's left a mushroom pizza out, he's just remembered.

00:08:10 Speaker_02
A tasty snack for when you get home.

00:08:12 Speaker_03
Quick question. I've left it on the windowsill. I hope a cheeky little fat boy from the bean there doesn't grab it.

00:08:17 Speaker_02
It's probably a fox.

00:08:18 Speaker_04
Yeah. Let's talk about the Green Cookbook. It's your new vegan and vegetarian dinners cookbook. It's very exciting.

00:08:25 Speaker_02
Thank you.

00:08:26 Speaker_04
When did you start working on this? Because these kind of things take ages, right?

00:08:29 Speaker_02
Well actually my publisher has a big stick and they've kind of like been like you will publish a book a year for the last sort of six or seven years.

00:08:35 Speaker_04
Do you want us to step in?

00:08:36 Speaker_02
Yeah, that would be great. That sounds bad. Do you have another stick? Just like a stick fight in the middle of the office. Seasoned with loads of salt.

00:08:44 Speaker_03
You can't bring a bread stick to a stick fight. You're in big trouble.

00:08:49 Speaker_04
Unless they've just had a beer. Yeah. That looks good.

00:08:52 Speaker_02
Maybe like a bamboo cane from the garden.

00:08:54 Speaker_04
Oh yeah, oh fucking hell, you'd tear someone up with that.

00:08:58 Speaker_02
Well, your tomatoes might suffer.

00:09:00 Speaker_04
If you've still got the tomatoes wrapped around it. Yeah.

00:09:02 Speaker_02
Yeah. Tasty snack again.

00:09:03 Speaker_04
Breadsticks, tomatoes. But then they'd be confused in the fight. They'd be like, I'm bleeding. They'd be splattered everywhere. Yeah, they'd be splattered everywhere.

00:09:10 Speaker_02
It took a dark turn, didn't it?

00:09:12 Speaker_04
No, no, no. We can get darker, I think. We're just getting started. We were going to talk about a cookbook, but we talked about a stick fight pretty early doors there.

00:09:20 Speaker_02
Cookbook, yes. Well, it's not in a roasting tin. So all of my previous books were pretty much more or less roasting tin books. And that's really great because it's so hands-free.

00:09:28 Speaker_02
You know, you want something really nice to eat and you do not want to be standing and cooking in front of a hot stove. I mean, I love cooking. You guys love cooking.

00:09:37 Speaker_02
but it's seven o'clock and you came home and you've had a long day and you just want something really tasty without all of the standing. So the tin books were to fill that space, like what can I chop it, chuck it in, have something delicious.

00:09:49 Speaker_02
And this feels like a progression because I've still got lots of one pots and one tins, which means less washing up, which is actually, it goes down really well with the dad slash bloke market because they're like, yes, no washing up at the end.

00:10:01 Speaker_02
But you can be even quicker and more efficient if you're using the hob sometimes. So one of my favourite chapters is Quick Cook, Quick Carb. So your carb takes as long to cook as your sauce. And the best one I think, should I give a best one?

00:10:13 Speaker_02
People always ask me the cookbook, what's your favourite? And it's like, well just have that, never mind the rest of the book. But the rest of the book is also good. It's the miso butter noodles with tomatoes and spring onions.

00:10:23 Speaker_02
And it literally just takes minutes to put together. You've got any old miso base will do, like white, red, what have you got? Spring onions, garlic, ginger, tomatoes, five minutes in a pan, miso paste, splash of rice wine vinegar.

00:10:37 Speaker_02
And then you just stir through those ready to cook udon noodles. And it's amazing. Actually, my daughter does eat that. What would you like for dinner? Miso noodles!

00:10:45 Speaker_03
That sounds so good.

00:10:46 Speaker_02
It's really good.

00:10:47 Speaker_03
The problem is I would do that for the first time and go, this is absolutely delicious. Then I have a jar of miso sat there and then I'm doing that every night for a week.

00:10:54 Speaker_02
Oh yeah, we get through the miso at home. Every single night. At least every week we have that. It's really nice.

00:10:59 Speaker_02
And then obviously if you want to protein it up, you could like add a bit of tofu and stuff, but it's just a really nice, I want dinner in 10 minutes. I have no patience. It's

00:11:07 Speaker_04
For a book like this, how many of the recipes are stuff that you've already been making with your family, and how many are ones that you're like, okay, I've got to do a cookbook. So now I've got to think of some more recipes.

00:11:19 Speaker_02
This one's been a nice one because it's been more organic. This has been things that I've just cooked at home more. It's worked. And then if I remember to write it down, or at least write down the headline of what it is.

00:11:29 Speaker_02
My recipe titles are always quite long. Miso butter noodles with spring onions and tomatoes because I want you to know what it is. That is the recipe.

00:11:38 Speaker_00
But I like that headline.

00:11:40 Speaker_02
You know, like if you were at a restaurant and they were just like, Well, I don't know. I don't know. And the fancy of the restaurant, they're like, egg, ham, green. I was like, well, I still don't really know what I'm getting there. It's irritating.

00:11:51 Speaker_03
The fancy, more hipster restaurants are just like... The fewer words.

00:11:54 Speaker_02
Yeah, fewer words.

00:11:55 Speaker_03
No capitals at the beginning of the word.

00:11:57 Speaker_02
Oh yes, that's very fancy.

00:11:59 Speaker_03
Noodles, 12. Yes, just 12. 12 what?

00:12:01 Speaker_02
Yeah. Oh my God. 12 tears?

00:12:02 Speaker_03
Like, what is this? Yeah, those guys.

00:12:05 Speaker_02
So I like it to be very obvious.

00:12:07 Speaker_04
I love the food when it comes. I don't like looking at the menu.

00:12:14 Speaker_02
You don't like looking at the bill at the end, I should have known.

00:12:17 Speaker_04
Hey, I'm rich. This podcast has made looking at the bill very easy. I'm not going to deny it.

00:12:25 Speaker_03
All the chefs go, you don't have to pay for that.

00:12:28 Speaker_04
Yeah.

00:12:28 Speaker_03
Mention us on the podcast. Okay, suckers. See you later.

00:12:33 Speaker_04
Are you absolute suckers?

00:12:34 Speaker_03
That's what I'll say. I'll say it to their face. I like washing up. I think next you should do a book for men who like washing up.

00:12:42 Speaker_02
Yeah, the really complicated book of stuff that's going to take you all night to make and give you a tonne of washing up. Well, it's basically any chef book, isn't it?

00:12:49 Speaker_03
Sorry, that's a bit mean, isn't it? No, it is. I always have a go at Tom Kerridge. Read one of his books. You need a blast chiller to do half the recipes. Yeah, Tom Kerridge's books are rubbish.

00:13:02 Speaker_04
He's a rubbish cook. If you are going to do a cookbook for men who like washing up, Ed could be in all the photos and you would shift a lot of copies.

00:13:12 Speaker_02
Man washing up? Yes, you're right!

00:13:13 Speaker_04
A lot of ladies would love a series of pictures of Ed washing up. Covered in suds. Elbow deep in suds. Nice little penny on.

00:13:23 Speaker_02
That sounds like a calendar.

00:13:23 Speaker_04
Just smiling at the camera.

00:13:24 Speaker_02
Sounds like you've given a lot of thought to this.

00:13:26 Speaker_04
Very flying off the shelves.

00:13:27 Speaker_02
Is that selling on your website?

00:13:28 Speaker_04
Yeah, yeah, well it would do. Ben's writing it down as an idea. When are we going to do a calendar actually? Huh? You should do a calendar. When are we going to do a calendar?

00:13:35 Speaker_02
You could do it with the dogs that come in. So either you go down the suds route or you go down the dogs that guests have brought in.

00:13:41 Speaker_04
Yeah, we were listing some of the dogs beforehand that have come in here and there's quite a few people have brought their pets in. Yeah. And toast of course. Tell us the cover. Well, we always start with still or sparkling water. Yes.

00:13:55 Speaker_04
Do you have a preference?

00:13:56 Speaker_02
I do. It is sparkling. I mean, I definitely thought that sparkling was totally grim for about 35 years of my life.

00:14:02 Speaker_02
And then I went on this spa day with my younger sister, who's much more sensible than me, and I was sitting down, having a nice spa day, and she, in the nicest possible way, was like, well, you know, if you order sparkling water, you don't have to have wine every lunchtime.

00:14:16 Speaker_02
And I was like, Yeah, let's try it. And actually, she's right, because it does fill a spot when you're like, oh, I kind of want something that tastes of something, but maybe I don't actually want wine every lunchtime.

00:14:28 Speaker_03
And I absolutely love how sibling that is as well. Just the most passive aggressive way of saying something.

00:14:34 Speaker_02
She's sensible like that.

00:14:37 Speaker_03
Because we've been talking on the WhatsApp group actually, the one that you're not in.

00:14:41 Speaker_02
And you do have wine every lunch, don't you? Yes, yes, yes. She is a lusher. No, so yeah, since then I think sparkling water hits that spot. And in lockdown I had a real San Pellegrino habit. I had a bottle a day.

00:14:52 Speaker_01
Oh wow.

00:14:53 Speaker_02
Yeah, it was a lot. Didn't have to see a dentist obviously, which is great as well.

00:14:58 Speaker_03
I think of all the habits you could have picked up in lockdown, having a bottle of San Pellegrino a day is fine. I know quite a few people who that was not their habit.

00:15:07 Speaker_02
You've got to find something to fill your day.

00:15:10 Speaker_04
Yeah. I mean, do you find though, there are certain things that like now they just remind me of lockdown. And even though I actually had quite a nice little lockdown, But I still don't like being reminded of it.

00:15:20 Speaker_04
I still feel weird when I walk down certain streets and go, oh, this is where I used to walk every single day. And I don't like it. It reminds me of lockdown. It feels weird. I think Aperol spritzers probably do. Aperol spritzers.

00:15:30 Speaker_02
Yeah, my friend and I, we get a big, like a nice cool box. Jam jars, like Bon Maman jam jars, because you don't want to drink out of a plastic cup. But I can't be arsed breaking glassware. Bon Maman hits the spot.

00:15:42 Speaker_02
And we just sit in the park and make up Aperol spritzers with ice and everything. And it was great. It's nice. But not really done it since, maybe over Aperol Spritz. It's like you have too much Marlboro Sauvignon Blanc in your 20s and you're like, no.

00:15:55 Speaker_04
I had too much chorizo broccoli pasta.

00:15:57 Speaker_02
Oh yeah, I heard about that.

00:15:58 Speaker_04
Yeah, now I can't eat it.

00:16:00 Speaker_02
But what do you do with the head of the broccoli now? Well, I thought we've got to figure it out now. Actually, there's some recipes here that you could use. The Green Cookbook might help me out. There's a really good broccoli pesto you can do.

00:16:09 Speaker_02
Oh, lovely. So you just stick it in your Maggi, a bit of garlic, a bit of salt, and you use that instead of your basil, and it's cheaper than using that much. Who has a broccoli amount size of basil? No one.

00:16:21 Speaker_04
Great, so I can make my own pesto with the heads.

00:16:23 Speaker_02
Well it's just really quick and you can cook it while your pasta cooks and it's super tasty.

00:16:27 Speaker_04
This is a huge moment on the podcast, for ages we've been asking what do we do with the heads. And I'm going to make the broccoli pesto. Make broccoli pesto, it's delicious.

00:16:34 Speaker_02
And it doesn't actually taste very broccoli. No. Like, it just tastes delicious and green and like really fresh and you're not cooking it but because you blend it, it goes really bright green. It's really tasty.

00:16:45 Speaker_02
Pop some nuts on as long as no one's got a nut, nutality.

00:16:48 Speaker_04
Pine nuts?

00:16:49 Speaker_02
Probably pine nuts, but anything will do. I know a lot of recipes for pesto are like, it's going to be pine nuts. Like mate, once it's blended, you literally cannot tell.

00:16:57 Speaker_03
Walnuts are really, I like walnuts in pesto.

00:16:59 Speaker_02
Yeah, I think that one actually, it might be a broccoli walnut, but you know my book. Yeah, there you go. It might be. And if you're feeling particularly like flexing, you could always use pistachios.

00:17:08 Speaker_04
I've got a bunch of pistachios in the cupboard doing absolutely nothing. Can a recipe be too green?

00:17:13 Speaker_02
Well, no, it can't. No, it can't. I mean, they're good for you. Greens are great for you. And tasty.

00:17:20 Speaker_02
Actually, if you wanted to use up your pistachios, I could recommend a pistachio and spring onion pesto that's in the book as well, which you do with marinated butter beans.

00:17:29 Speaker_02
And it's in the cooking for your friends section, like easy sharing platters, but it takes 10 minutes to put together.

00:17:34 Speaker_02
So you just warm up some jarred butter beans, ideally jarred because they're so tasty, with a bit of lemon zest, bit of coriander seeds, warm them through with some nice cherry tomatoes.

00:17:43 Speaker_02
And while that's warming in a pan for like five, six minutes, you just blitz up the spring onions, pistachios, like bit of oil, bit of lemon, few more coriander seeds, and blob it on top. And it looks so pretty.

00:17:54 Speaker_02
And it tastes like you spent ages cooking and you're like, it literally took me 10 minutes.

00:17:58 Speaker_04
I should do it.

00:17:59 Speaker_02
It's really good.

00:17:59 Speaker_04
For two years I've had a bag of pistachios in the cupboard. Okay well maybe get some new pistachios. My dad gave it to us as a housewarming present.

00:18:07 Speaker_02
That's a really good housewarming present. It's odd though isn't it? It's odd but nice.

00:18:14 Speaker_04
It's odd but nice. It's what happens when he visits without mum.

00:18:16 Speaker_02
I brought you some pistachios.

00:18:17 Speaker_04
Yeah, but he comes on his own. She was away. I can't remember why. We just moved into the house. Yeah, he comes over. Lovely man. He knew I should bring him something as a housewarming. Yes, must bring a bag of pistachios.

00:18:29 Speaker_02
Are they still in their shells?

00:18:30 Speaker_04
Yeah.

00:18:31 Speaker_02
Oh, no. That's a hassle.

00:18:33 Speaker_04
Yeah, that's a hassle. And yeah, my partner's allergic to nuts, but thanks.

00:18:40 Speaker_02
Is he telling you something?

00:18:41 Speaker_04
Yeah, I don't know what he... Me and you should move in here. Back to the past. Couple of boys are bags of nuts. Crack open these.

00:18:50 Speaker_04
They do remind me of my dad anyway, pistachios, because he used to eat them in front of the football or whatever or the cricket.

00:18:56 Speaker_02
Leaving a trail of shells.

00:18:57 Speaker_04
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barefoot. I remember that as well. He'd be barefoot while he was eating them.

00:19:02 Speaker_03
Was he using his feet to crack the nuts open? Yeah.

00:19:04 Speaker_04
Is your dad a big monkey?

00:19:05 Speaker_03
Yeah, he's a big monkey. It's definitely bread.

00:19:12 Speaker_02
I hate poppadoms. They're grim.

00:19:13 Speaker_03
I hate them. Rare to get hatred for one another.

00:19:17 Speaker_02
No, I really hate them. They're so nothing. It's like biting into just just just it doesn't taste of anything. It was your you wanted a flavoured breadstick. I don't want a flavoured poppadom. I just don't want a poppadom.

00:19:28 Speaker_02
They're just, they're just not very, very good.

00:19:30 Speaker_03
So what are you, what are you doing then? Because obviously you're saying you love, you love a breadstick at the beginning of the meal. It's nice to, you know, get going.

00:19:38 Speaker_02
If it's there.

00:19:38 Speaker_03
But when the poppadoms are there and there's no other food knocking around, are you dipping into the poppadoms?

00:19:44 Speaker_02
I'm going to say, I'm going to avoid the curry house as well.

00:19:45 Speaker_03
Are you?

00:19:46 Speaker_02
Just completely? Yes. If the poppadom's there, it's like, God, I know I'm in here now. And now I'm going to have to eat a restaurant curry. And you probably get this with any Indian heritage chef who comes on.

00:19:57 Speaker_02
But, you know, restaurant curry is just like not what you eat at home. It's always like one sauce. It's very gloopy. Like my entire life, when friends are like, should we go and get a curry? And I'm just like, absolutely fucking not.

00:20:08 Speaker_02
Or if we have to, then I just, you know, sadly disappointed the entire meal. And I don't drink beer either, and I think that goes well with a cognac. You can see that they go together. It's the whole ritual of it.

00:20:20 Speaker_01
Yeah.

00:20:20 Speaker_02
Yeah. So yeah, popdoms, like they will herald like a poor evening's dining for me. So that's probably why. Whereas bread, on the other hand, is great. And then you get to have all the butter.

00:20:29 Speaker_02
And again, I kind of keep on thinking about European holidays, probably because I'm so desperate to get out of the house and maybe the country on holiday.

00:20:35 Speaker_02
But you go on holiday with your mates when you're a teenager and you sit down and they bring the bread and then everyone's like, ooh, there's a really nice extra virgin olive oil. I'm just like, no, butter. British on butter. Yeah.

00:20:47 Speaker_02
I don't want my bread to kind of taste of, you know, like olive oil grassy notes. You know, I don't want my bread to taste like grass. I just want it to taste like butter, please. Ideally salted.

00:20:57 Speaker_03
Yeah. I'm always butter over olive oil. But if there is nice olive oil, I still think, you know. Is it the, and the really green olive oil as well, are you against that?

00:21:07 Speaker_02
I'm not against it, I think I don't have a, yeah, I know, just add it on. Not grass, I'm not like a cat. I don't, I don't think I'd want to add it on. I get, I get putting it in a salad dressing, but my palate is not sophisticated enough.

00:21:22 Speaker_02
Let's put it that way.

00:21:22 Speaker_03
I don't think that's the reason at all. I think you're being very modest there. Yeah.

00:21:26 Speaker_02
I like being sort of like, like smacked around the face with that flavour, but not kind of, just not grass.

00:21:33 Speaker_04
Any particular type of bread you'd like with the salted butter?

00:21:36 Speaker_02
Yes, I'd like two different kinds of bread please. So one of them, like something like a really nice pan dippy, like a kind of really crusty French, you know that baguette, like French baguette, but it's like, it's done like an ear of wheat.

00:21:46 Speaker_02
So it's super like fluffy on the inside, like really nice and crisp on the outside. I think I made it maybe at cookery school and I was just like, this is great. I haven't made it since.

00:21:55 Speaker_02
But you can you can kind of get it out, especially in a bread basket in a magic restaurant.

00:21:59 Speaker_03
That's the thing with bread, isn't it?

00:22:01 Speaker_02
Yeah.

00:22:01 Speaker_03
Is you can make it, but you can get it.

00:22:04 Speaker_02
Yeah, I'm not I'm not a bread maker. So I would always rather someone else made it.

00:22:07 Speaker_03
You can get it from a shop.

00:22:11 Speaker_02
Yeah, so no, not a salad, more like fluffy bread. And then moving around the world, you know Singapore chilli crab, when you order it, you get these little fluffy cube buns with it.

00:22:22 Speaker_02
And they they're like really soft on the inside, like a bit like a brioche. And they're and they maybe have been deep fried, but they're not crisp on the outside. They're still really soft and a little bit sweet.

00:22:33 Speaker_03
Yeah, have you before? No. Well, I've seen a lot of chilli crab is like really saucy, right?

00:22:37 Speaker_02
Yeah, it's got this red sauce and bits of crab and, you know, they put a bib on you and a bib on the table because it's just so extra and messy. And then you get these little buns to mop up the sauce.

00:22:49 Speaker_02
But I could leave the crab for you guys and I could just have a bucket of that, you know, have the crab. We just got some crab. I'll take the crab. I brought crab to your restaurant.

00:22:57 Speaker_04
I told you this podcast would come in handy one day. Yeah, here we go. We've got free crab.

00:23:01 Speaker_02
And bibs.

00:23:02 Speaker_04
Yeah, and some bibs. And some bibs, yeah.

00:23:04 Speaker_02
Well, crab's just a bit, it's a bit of effort, you know, when you have to, with the cracking and the claws. I'd rather just sit maybe and eat the bread and the crab can just sit there.

00:23:11 Speaker_03
Again, I don't mind the effort. I think it goes back to the washing up thing.

00:23:14 Speaker_02
You really are the max effort.

00:23:16 Speaker_03
Yeah, but like, me and my wife love like shellfish where you're like cracking into all of the stuff. Like it was her birthday yesterday, so all she wanted to do was go and eat a pint of prawns.

00:23:29 Speaker_02
And pull them out of there? Does she eat their eyes and stuff as well?

00:23:31 Speaker_03
No, see I'm sucking the heads. But no, I've seen her with lobster before where she's just extracting, it's almost like surgery. Every bit of meat is coming out of that, she's digging into the claws, she just loves that effort that goes into the meat.

00:23:45 Speaker_02
Does she like doing a bit of butchery as well? No, she's never done that, but... It's kind of interesting if you're into that.

00:23:50 Speaker_02
I say this as someone with a vegetarian book and who's largely a pescatarian chef, but at cookery school I really enjoyed that precision when you're like, here is a rabbit, would you like to very carefully dissect?

00:24:00 Speaker_02
And I was like, oh, this is kind of interesting. I couldn't do it for a job, I'd be dreadful as a medic or a vet, but I was like, I can see the technical precision here.

00:24:07 Speaker_03
Well, I guess it is the opposite of... being a butcher is the opposite of being a vet, right? You gotta think so.

00:24:15 Speaker_02
It's like a Sweeney Todd style operation.

00:24:19 Speaker_04
One's upstairs, one's downstairs, and they send the rabbits down to shoot. I will only eat meat that thinks it was having a haircut.

00:24:27 Speaker_02
Very, very niche.

00:24:28 Speaker_04
There's very few animals that have. You'd mainly be eating poodles and animals that are used to having a haircut. A sheep. A sheep, that's easy. Absolutely easy. Also, a long tradition of eating sheep, so... Yeah, yeah, so that's fine.

00:24:44 Speaker_02
Yeah, I'm selling my veggie book really well, aren't I?

00:24:46 Speaker_04
Yeah, yeah, this is going good, I think.

00:24:48 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah, what I mean.

00:24:49 Speaker_04
But we're teeing up the man-washing-up book, and, you know, you could also have some pictures of Eddie eating shellfish without a bib on.

00:24:57 Speaker_02
Shellfish. Well, you're really thirsty today. With sheep.

00:24:59 Speaker_04
Huh? You're very thirsty today. You catch me early in the morning. Your dream starter.

00:25:07 Speaker_02
Well, because my whole thing, as a person who writes recipes for people which are easy, I like restaurant food to be something I wouldn't make at home or wouldn't expect to make for me.

00:25:19 Speaker_02
So I would like all of my starter to be a deep fried platter, please.

00:25:23 Speaker_01
Yes.

00:25:23 Speaker_02
Because it's a hassle to do at home and deep fried food is delicious and I want a sort of round the world platter of pakoras on one side, really nice ones like cauliflower, aubergine, potato for double carbs, not onion bhajis because they're grim.

00:25:38 Speaker_02
They're all floury and they can go with the popdoms in the bin.

00:25:41 Speaker_03
Yeah, this is going back to your sort of dislike of going to a curry house, right? Anglicised.

00:25:47 Speaker_02
I know, I know, but pakoras my mum makes every year for my birthday, so I know they're great. And I'll still have them, like, as many times as possible. Then zucchini fries? I don't know why people call them zucchini instead of courgette.

00:25:58 Speaker_04
Is that what you call them in history? Yeah, I think I've seen those on menus, not really.

00:26:05 Speaker_03
Zucchini is in America. But it just sounds fancier I think because courgette fries versus zucchini fritti.

00:26:12 Speaker_02
Yes, zucchini fritti. That's what I want.

00:26:15 Speaker_04
People don't like courgette here really. Most people don't like courgette. And then if you cover it up by saying... It's a zucchini. Yeah.

00:26:21 Speaker_02
Yes.

00:26:21 Speaker_04
Zucchini fritti.

00:26:22 Speaker_02
Yes.

00:26:23 Speaker_02
delicious but really like the shoestring ones yeah not the like sometimes you order them and they've given you like fat chips which are courgette and I don't want a fat courgette just like a really skinny one and then if I'm in the mood like I am quite actually quite hungry so I am in the mood some nice tempura prawns so I've got like a round the world fried platter and then you could compare like the different crunch levels with the different batters I think that would be really interesting.

00:26:44 Speaker_04
You like to compare crunch levels?

00:26:45 Speaker_02
You could be like, oh look, we've got this graham flour batter on the pakoras, and that's got a certain kind of crisp, and they've got the tempura batter, the sparkling, probably Sampel.

00:26:53 Speaker_03
Are you getting Sampel Egrino in every single corner of this mail?

00:26:56 Speaker_02
Oh yes. Hashtag not sponsored. Would like to be sponsored.

00:27:00 Speaker_04
And would you score them? Score the crunch levels?

00:27:02 Speaker_02
You could, you could. How do you measure them? Just stuff them in your face.

00:27:05 Speaker_03
Yeah, you could stuff them in your face. With the zucchini, often not a crunch on those.

00:27:11 Speaker_02
I think you'd have to have them straight out of the fryer, because they steam. A bit like cauliflower, it can sometimes steam inside a pakora. So I think you need to kind of just, maybe you could fry them at table, like a crepe suzette.

00:27:23 Speaker_04
Yeah, it'd be my pleasure.

00:27:24 Speaker_02
Because it's really safe to do deep frying.

00:27:27 Speaker_03
Yeah, there should be more deep frying at the table.

00:27:29 Speaker_02
That'd be fun, that's an event, isn't it?

00:27:31 Speaker_03
If you went to a restaurant and they were like, our thing.

00:27:33 Speaker_02
Here's yours in the middle, like your Lazy Susan with a deep fat fryer in it.

00:27:36 Speaker_04
And everyone has to wear goggles.

00:27:38 Speaker_02
And rubber gloves and things, yeah.

00:27:41 Speaker_04
That'd go well.

00:27:42 Speaker_02
I'd do it.

00:27:43 Speaker_04
Rise up from beneath the table, it goes back down again after the course is finished. And then it can come back up later on and it might be full of ice cream.

00:27:53 Speaker_02
Fried ice cream.

00:27:54 Speaker_04
Yeah, yeah. That's a thing, right?

00:27:56 Speaker_02
Fried ice cream.

00:27:56 Speaker_04
I think people can do that.

00:27:57 Speaker_02
Yeah, you can.

00:27:59 Speaker_03
Yeah. Me and James watch a lot of shows, normally on Netflix, about sort of American fairground food. Yeah, yeah. And fried ice cream is a thing.

00:28:06 Speaker_04
Deep Fried Masters.

00:28:07 Speaker_01
Yeah.

00:28:07 Speaker_04
Interesting. Deep Fried Masters you might like because of your starter.

00:28:10 Speaker_01
Yes, it's possible.

00:28:11 Speaker_04
But they don't really do... When you said a deep fried platter, because we watch Deep Fried Masters so much, I thought, wow, that's a trashy starter.

00:28:18 Speaker_04
And then you explain what it was and I was like, oh yeah, you don't get those on Deep Fried Masters actually.

00:28:22 Speaker_02
I think I feel like it's a slightly trashy starter.

00:28:25 Speaker_04
No, I don't think so. Well, I immediately thought of when I used to work in kitchens, we did the combo for two as the starter, which was all deep fried. And that was like, you know... Mushrooms?

00:28:32 Speaker_02
Breaded mushrooms?

00:28:33 Speaker_04
Deep fried breaded mushrooms.

00:28:34 Speaker_02
I do really like those.

00:28:35 Speaker_04
Do you want to guess the rest of them? This is quite exciting actually. You got one already. What other ones do you think are on there?

00:28:40 Speaker_02
The combo for two. Chicken tenders.

00:28:44 Speaker_04
No. Should have been.

00:28:45 Speaker_02
What?

00:28:45 Speaker_04
That wasn't on there. Didn't even have chicken tenders on there. No. Onion rings? Yes.

00:28:50 Speaker_02
Oh, what about an onion flower?

00:28:51 Speaker_04
Huh?

00:28:52 Speaker_02
The blooming onion thing?

00:28:53 Speaker_04
Oh, no, no, this is not. This is like a chain place that has like a ball pool for kids and stuff. They're not doing onion flowers. One of the balls got in there as well.

00:29:02 Speaker_03
So deep fried plastic ball. Deep fried plastic ball.

00:29:05 Speaker_02
Mmm, delicious.

00:29:06 Speaker_03
Looks like an onion flower. Can we talk about the onion flower briefly? Because I'm absolutely obsessed with blooming onions.

00:29:13 Speaker_01
Yes.

00:29:13 Speaker_03
And you don't see them here. You can swear, Ed, on this podcast. That is good stuff, I'll give you a little bit of that as well. The other day, genuinely the other day, I googled Blooming Onion UK. Because you don't find them.

00:29:27 Speaker_02
Maybe that's part of your calendar as well?

00:29:29 Speaker_03
Yeah, me making a Blooming Onion.

00:29:30 Speaker_02
You could pose with that and say this is a fair relation.

00:29:33 Speaker_04
You're a last of the summer wine character.

00:29:36 Speaker_03
Blooming Onions aren't growing this year. Are you having any dips or anything with these deep fried things?

00:29:46 Speaker_02
You could surprise me with the dips. I quite like a really good homemade coriander chutney that would probably be good with the pakoras.

00:29:53 Speaker_04
If you like that, then I don't think you should let us surprise you with the dips.

00:30:02 Speaker_02
I don't think tempura prawns really need a dip. Definitely not sweet chilli.

00:30:06 Speaker_04
Yeah, fuck sweet chili. We've said that on this podcast before. We've got a lot of grief for it. It's nice to have a professional chef back us on this, but sweet chili is bullshit.

00:30:13 Speaker_02
Yeah, you might as well dip it in jam. I mean, why not just dip your strawberry jam?

00:30:17 Speaker_04
Which you would do, James. Yeah, but that's different. I'd love to dip stuff in strawberry jam, but like sweet chili is the opposite. It's just not good.

00:30:27 Speaker_02
Yeah, it's really poor. So yeah, not that. And then I don't think zucchini fritti need anything other than to be eaten immediately.

00:30:32 Speaker_03
They often come with like a mayo-y type dip.

00:30:37 Speaker_04
Save it for the breadsticks. That sounds like a delicious starter. Really good. Are you sharing this with people? Or is it just you?

00:30:43 Speaker_02
Oh, I could. You can share too.

00:30:45 Speaker_04
Yeah, have two.

00:30:46 Speaker_02
As long as I've got enough.

00:30:49 Speaker_04
Of course.

00:30:49 Speaker_02
Yeah. I think maybe as a magic restaurant, I wouldn't be too full. I could maybe polish off the whole platter and I'd still have room for extra stomachs like a cow.

00:30:58 Speaker_04
Dream main course.

00:31:05 Speaker_02
My dream main course, so it's going to sound a bit basic, salmon with hollandaise and asparagus, which is like, yeah, whatever. Any chef can knock out a hollandaise, yeah, boring, boring, asparagus, seasonal, boring. I mean, not boring, tasty.

00:31:18 Speaker_02
But what I would like, because it's a magic restaurant, is for this to taste like the first time I had it when I was a teenager.

00:31:26 Speaker_02
And this isn't one of those, oh, I didn't grow up having, because my mom, she knocks out a good bechamel, she knocks out decent homemade mayo, and we probably did have asparagus at some point.

00:31:34 Speaker_02
We went on holiday and there was this salmon pasta thing on the menu. And I just remember taking one forkful and just going, what is this? Like, I'd never had hollandaise before. And I was just like, this is, what?

00:31:49 Speaker_02
And it was just like this amazing moment. I called the waiter and was like, what?

00:31:54 Speaker_00
What's in this sauce?

00:31:55 Speaker_02
This sauce is amazing. And I actually asked the chef for the recipe.

00:31:58 Speaker_00
Oh, amazing.

00:31:59 Speaker_02
Okay, yeah, here's your own salmon, hollandaise, asparagus, homemade pasta. And they typed it out and sent me home with it, which is really nice. It was so sweet. And I've had hollandaise since.

00:32:08 Speaker_02
I think even at university, I was like, my first dinner party, I shall recreate this from this chef menu. And it's never been quite the same because you didn't have that moment of like, I've never had anything this delicious before.

00:32:20 Speaker_02
So I would love that moment again.

00:32:22 Speaker_04
I think hollandaise is a great example of that. Like, definitely the first time you have hollandaise is the best time you'll ever have it. And then you definitely go through a phase of every time you see it on a menu, you order it every time.

00:32:33 Speaker_04
And then you make yourself sick of it and then you don't really like it anymore.

00:32:37 Speaker_02
And then if you make it yourself, you're just like, I've used an entire pack of Lurpak here, so... Yeah, when you see what goes into it. Yeah, you don't want to see what goes into it.

00:32:46 Speaker_03
Is it just loads of butter?

00:32:48 Speaker_02
Yeah, so you put your egg yolk, Nigella's got a cheap version, but you basically warm your egg yolks in a bain-marie and add a little bit of vinegar, cube after cube of butter, and whisk continuously until it emulsifies.

00:33:01 Speaker_02
And if you mess it up, you can actually start it again with a fresh egg yolk and then drip your messed up mixture on top of the fresh egg. And it can take a lot of eggs, apparently.

00:33:10 Speaker_02
Which is weird, like you can almost do it infinitely with like the number of egg yolks that that same mess can contain. But if you add, you need to keep it cold so you can chuck in like a cube of ice if you need to.

00:33:20 Speaker_02
But it will be beautiful and delicious. But you just don't want to see it happen. This is so much butter. And there's no point doing a light version with less butter. Just don't.

00:33:30 Speaker_03
It's one of the only things, and I love the idea of it, but you know when you're like at brunch or something, and there's like Eggs Benedict and all of that. I love the idea of it, but every time I have it, it makes me feel ill.

00:33:43 Speaker_03
I think it's eggs with that. Eggs with eggs.

00:33:46 Speaker_02
Eggs on eggs with butter. It just always makes me feel sick.

00:33:50 Speaker_04
Yeah, stupid.

00:33:51 Speaker_02
It's a lot for breakfast. I think that's why it's nice with asparagus, because that's quite a light, dippy bit to have.

00:33:57 Speaker_04
Love asparagus. Asparagus and salmon with some hollandaise sounds delicious.

00:34:01 Speaker_01
Ah, thank you.

00:34:02 Speaker_03
Yeah. So you say you want it to taste like the first time you had it.

00:34:06 Speaker_01
Yes.

00:34:07 Speaker_03
There's a couple of ways we can do that.

00:34:08 Speaker_01
Yes.

00:34:08 Speaker_03
We can either just create that taste.

00:34:11 Speaker_01
Yeah.

00:34:11 Speaker_03
Or we can erase the memory of the first time you had it so you think you're having it for the first time again.

00:34:16 Speaker_02
Men in Black. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take that. Or what were those movies where someone's got Memento? Memento, yeah.

00:34:24 Speaker_04
For that, we have to kill your wife.

00:34:29 Speaker_03
Hang on, so you want the memory erased, but you want the tattoo to remind you that you have had it before.

00:34:37 Speaker_02
How many times I've had my salmon and asparagus.

00:34:39 Speaker_03
You've got Hollandaise tally chart going all the way down your own.

00:34:47 Speaker_04
It can take a lot of eggs. If you mess it up you can reuse it and put it in the next one.

00:34:54 Speaker_02
I wouldn't have full sentences, I'd just have eggs on the inside of my album. Eggs! What about egg yolks?

00:34:59 Speaker_04
Nigella.

00:35:02 Speaker_02
Must find Nigella and ask her.

00:35:03 Speaker_04
I have a polaroid of Nigella with her name written on it. If we were to do the Men in Black pen at you in the red light, what other things would you like us to erase from your memory?

00:35:14 Speaker_02
We could chuck other things in there.

00:35:17 Speaker_03
There could be meals, like meals you've had that you want to erase from your memory.

00:35:22 Speaker_02
Oh, I could erase poppadoms, but then I might accidentally have them again. Yeah, you don't want to do that. You need that experience in your life. I've tasted many things I really have disliked, like I generally like most food.

00:35:34 Speaker_02
I'm not like my daughter who will take a home-cooked meal and then like spit it out being like bleurgh.

00:35:40 Speaker_04
We could erase that whole spritz that you can do that again with your friend.

00:35:43 Speaker_02
Oh yeah, maybe actually Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, you could erase that. Then I might enjoy it again, rather than be like, had too much. That would be a nice one. But otherwise, no, food memories are pretty good. I always quite liked stuff I've eaten.

00:35:58 Speaker_02
I think I just wouldn't eat it if I didn't want to. You know, like awful people, do you want to try some tripe? I was like, I do not want to try tripe.

00:36:05 Speaker_01
Really? Love it.

00:36:07 Speaker_02
You really are the high effort guy.

00:36:11 Speaker_03
Tripe's delicious. I love the texture. I love that other people think it's disgusting.

00:36:16 Speaker_02
So I can be the tripe guy. There's a kudos there.

00:36:18 Speaker_03
I like the slight taste of farmyard.

00:36:21 Speaker_02
Yeah, that's what truffle's for. Truffle will do that for me.

00:36:24 Speaker_03
Yeah, but everyone likes truffle. So how am I going to seem like a big tough guy?

00:36:28 Speaker_02
Yeah, that's true. Even pigs like truffle, man. Yeah, exactly.

00:36:30 Speaker_04
You can tell him why you don't like tripe. Don't just take that from him. His little monologue.

00:36:35 Speaker_02
I just think the concept of Shoraf, yeah, just awful generally. Although I was quite experimental when I got into food. So I didn't used to always do food. I used to be a lawyer and I hated my life. And I was like, let's be experimental.

00:36:49 Speaker_02
Let's try and cook some lamb sweetbreads. So I did try and I was just like, you know, it's just not as nice as the effort it was to make this nice.

00:36:56 Speaker_04
There's someone else on the podcast who's become a chef after... Nisha?

00:37:00 Speaker_02
Nisha, she was a barista.

00:37:01 Speaker_04
Yeah, barista, sorry, yeah. Right. I knew it was someone, but I just never would have guessed it was her. She's mad.

00:37:07 Speaker_02
I think I'm definitely seeing a meme about pastry chefs being like half of them are ex-lawyers who just decided to be pastry chefs.

00:37:12 Speaker_04
Interesting.

00:37:13 Speaker_02
Why do you think that is? Because I hate their lies.

00:37:16 Speaker_04
They have to go into pastry.

00:37:18 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah, pretty much. There's soothing piles of whipped cream. It's just, you know, very nice for the brain.

00:37:24 Speaker_04
What was the biggest case you did as a lawyer?

00:37:25 Speaker_02
Oh, God, I was only a baby lawyer. I finished like a training contract and then like literally instead of qualifying, I went to cookery school, like straight off the bat.

00:37:33 Speaker_04
I was hoping you'd be like a huge one, like an OJ or something.

00:37:36 Speaker_02
No, no, nothing that exciting I'm afraid.

00:37:38 Speaker_03
When you said Baby Lawyer it gave me a great idea for a new cartoon.

00:37:41 Speaker_02
Baby Lawyer. Boss Baby. Baby Lawyer.

00:37:46 Speaker_03
I need your expertise. Similar to Boss Baby actually.

00:37:49 Speaker_02
Basically that but the spin-off version with lawyers.

00:37:52 Speaker_03
Boss Baby's Lawyer.

00:37:54 Speaker_04
Yeah, it's not like a courtroom drama cartoon of a baby.

00:37:58 Speaker_02
Most toddlers are like expert negotiators. Yeah, that's true. I mean, actually, you know, if we're trying to bribe her to do something, which my husband doesn't like me doing, it's like, if you get in the buggy, you can have a chocolate button.

00:38:07 Speaker_02
She's like, two chocolate buttons.

00:38:11 Speaker_03
So maybe, like Judge Judy, but Judge Baby. Judge Baby. With like kids, the cases are all kids. Yeah, cases have got to be kids. Yeah, they stole my sweets or whatever. And then the judge is a baby too.

00:38:21 Speaker_02
But, you know, the sentencing could be pretty harsh as well.

00:38:24 Speaker_03
Yeah, it could be.

00:38:25 Speaker_02
Death.

00:38:27 Speaker_04
You are sentenced to death! Every time it's one of them has to die.

00:38:30 Speaker_02
It could be worse, they could make you go to a soft play centre.

00:38:33 Speaker_04
Oh yeah, that'd be put in, with a deep fried ball. By the way, the gavel is a squeaky hammer as well. Oh yeah, it's got to be a squeaky gavel. Every time it makes a little squeaky noise. A dog toy squeaky gavel.

00:38:44 Speaker_04
Softens it, doesn't it, if they're sentenced to death. Your dream side dish.

00:38:56 Speaker_02
Can I have two? Yeah. Oh, thank you. So, dauphinoise, because I like to double carb, because dauphinoise is really great. Actually, I used to make that if I'd had a day in the office, which I hated, because I did hate my office and life there.

00:39:09 Speaker_02
I'd come home, buy a load of potatoes and cream on the way home, and make myself a double carb dinner of a tray of roast potatoes and a tray of dauphinoise.

00:39:16 Speaker_04
Wow. You love double carbs. You've shouted out a few times.

00:39:19 Speaker_02
Yeah, it's a very Indian thing, actually, double carbs. You know, having like a potato curry and rice, or having like potato pakoras, even bread pakoras. My mum has been known to talk about. I don't see anything wrong with double carbing.

00:39:30 Speaker_02
But now, with my sophisticated palate, I would quite like some greens on the side as well. I've gone full circle from like never having anything green.

00:39:37 Speaker_02
I think at university, friends would sort of put broccoli on a plate and be like, you don't have to eat your broccoli if you don't want to.

00:39:43 Speaker_01
It's like, I am 22 years old.

00:39:45 Speaker_02
But now I love it. I can't get enough. Tender Stem, love it. Kale. Kale's a funny one. So I've got a weekly Guardian Foods column. And whenever I do a recipe with kale, which is quite often because I love it, I tend not to look at the comments section.

00:39:59 Speaker_02
But if I do, about half of it's like, kale again? Hate kale. Can't stand it. It's like, guys, grow up.

00:40:05 Speaker_03
It had a moment, like five years ago, kale was everywhere, right? Do you think people overdid it?

00:40:11 Speaker_02
Maybe they need their memory erased again.

00:40:13 Speaker_03
I think people overdid it or they don't do it properly. Yeah. And it's like, almost like, you know, you've got thick stems in it as well.

00:40:19 Speaker_02
I think people don't trim the stems off enough. People don't trim it properly.

00:40:22 Speaker_03
And then it became connected, I think, with like health, health vloggers and things like that.

00:40:27 Speaker_02
So it became like... Yeah, like you don't want it in a smoothie, that would be...

00:40:30 Speaker_03
No, and that's what people were doing. So I think they connected kale with like, you know, Californian health influences. And obviously people hate those people. So I got really into kale, big time.

00:40:42 Speaker_03
But like covering it in oil, putting it in the oven and basically making kale crisps.

00:40:46 Speaker_02
OK, that sounds a little bit healthy. A crisp is a crisp.

00:40:51 Speaker_03
Kayla's not a crisp. Yeah, but you put loads of seasoning on it and stuff. Delicious. With crisps. I'd eat them with crisps.

00:40:56 Speaker_02
I was going to say double cream.

00:40:57 Speaker_03
Mmm, nice.

00:40:58 Speaker_02
So, you know, like if you soften it with the garlic and chilli and a bit of lemon zest with your olive oil and then, or butter actually, and then just like a little bit of cream through it before you serve. That does sound good. Really, really nice.

00:41:10 Speaker_04
Both of those sound nice. I like both of those guys.

00:41:11 Speaker_02
I like both of those. My daughter likes kale crisps. And I can pretend it's like a vegetable that she's eating, not just a piece of char.

00:41:18 Speaker_04
Guardian comments section is an absolute fucking bin. Absolute bunch of idiots.

00:41:23 Speaker_02
All of them.

00:41:24 Speaker_03
Well, comment section in general.

00:41:25 Speaker_02
Yeah. I don't know. I just, I never comment on anything. Like, if I'm online and I read an article about something, it's very rare that I would write a comment. I mean, no, I don't think I've ever written a comment.

00:41:36 Speaker_03
You might comment, but you'll do it like a normal person in your own head. I'll bitch at my husband about it.

00:41:39 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah. I'll talk to somebody next to you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just don't, I don't know. I suppose it's always nice when people are like, oh no, I really like this. Like, you want enough people to, who like things to comment.

00:41:49 Speaker_02
It's just that you're negative Nancy's when I call them that.

00:41:51 Speaker_04
It's crazy if they're complaining like, well, kale again! And it's like, no one's making you cook this every week.

00:41:56 Speaker_02
Don't make it.

00:41:56 Speaker_04
You absolutely must. Like, you're on the internet. There's infinite recipes on the internet. So why don't you just find something else that isn't kale? Why are you complaining?

00:42:05 Speaker_04
You don't have to, oh, I have to eat whatever's in the Guardian column every single week. Yes. All those right-wing people who hate the Guardian should just look in the comments

00:42:14 Speaker_04
And then they'll go, oh it's okay, people who read The Guardian are just like me.

00:42:17 Speaker_02
Yeah, they hate The Guardian too.

00:42:21 Speaker_03
So you've got the dauphinoise, and then what greens?

00:42:24 Speaker_02
Dauphinoise, the kale, and then maybe just some nice buttered cabbage. You know when it's not overcooked, just like your bog standard cabbage, but it's still got a little bit of bite, butter, and maybe some crushed Sichuan peppercorns.

00:42:37 Speaker_02
Makes it really nice, but not too many. You know Szechuan peppercorns, it's the kind of thing where you're like, oh, I love them, so is more, more. More is not more.

00:42:43 Speaker_03
No, it's like two. You can put two peppercorns in there and that'll do it.

00:42:46 Speaker_02
Yeah, and if there's too many, your mouth just sort of goes numb for like several hours.

00:42:50 Speaker_03
Yeah, goes bonkers.

00:42:51 Speaker_02
So just a tiny bit.

00:42:52 Speaker_03
Do you want the creamy kale?

00:42:53 Speaker_02
Oh, oh, no, you're right. Maybe we'll cut the cream since we've got the dauphinoise.

00:42:58 Speaker_03
Let's be sensible. And they're next to each other. You can always introduce a bit of the dauphinoise cream to the kale.

00:43:02 Speaker_02
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. On the table. Mix it all together. Be delicious. Thank you.

00:43:08 Speaker_04
It does sound good. And I think that goes with the salmon as well.

00:43:10 Speaker_02
Yeah, it doesn't. I suppose the dauphinoise may be a bit heavy to go with my handmade pasta and all the rest of it with the salmon. But, you know, I've got infinite stomachs, apparently, in your restaurant.

00:43:18 Speaker_04
Congratulations. Thank you. Your dream drink?

00:43:28 Speaker_02
A nice glass of white wine.

00:43:31 Speaker_04
I love how you pretended like you hadn't really thought about that and you landed on it just in case your sister's listening to this episode.

00:43:43 Speaker_02
Actually, sparkling water and red wine are a really nice combo. I had that a lot.

00:43:49 Speaker_02
Can I flex about my job before I was like, yeah, so I went into food like I was did did the law and then I was a food stylist or like a home ec for quite a lot of years and that's how I got into kind of cooking and had the idea for these timbers.

00:44:01 Speaker_04
What's a food stylist?

00:44:02 Speaker_02
Food science, so you know whenever you see food on a billboard in a cookbook, on telly, someone has cooked it and it's usually not Nigella or Jamie or anyone like you've got someone in who's cooked all the food, thinks about how it's going to look on the plate, like maybe got a pair of tweezers if necessary to like

00:44:20 Speaker_02
But actually, it's generally just, you've just made a really nice plate of food, put it in front of the camera, and it's been shot really quickly. So it's really different from back in the 80s.

00:44:29 Speaker_02
You know, if you think about the Panasonic microwave cookery book from 1975, it's got this bronzed chicken that looks like it's been sitting for three days under a load of varnish.

00:44:38 Speaker_02
It had, because you've got all the lights, and it's really hot under the cameras, and it's got to sit there. But nowadays, everything's digital.

00:44:46 Speaker_02
You just shoot it, and David Loftus, who does all the photos for my books, everything looks so beautiful and fresh. You could put your hand in and pick it up, because you could when he took the photo. The fresher it looks, it's because it was.

00:44:59 Speaker_02
There's not a lot of magic. Unless you're in commercials, which is different. But I got a really random job. The designer on my books, Penny, she's amazing. she sent me a message. I mean, if you offer for a job, it's in Morocco doing film.

00:45:12 Speaker_02
Do you want to come? And I was like, well, that sounds quite exciting. Like do it. So not, not the food, like not catering, but like the food they would eat in a dinner party scene in the film. And I was like, like, you know what?

00:45:24 Speaker_02
There's only one actor who would take me out to Morocco for this. Like, like if Ray finds it, I'll do it. And he's like, he actually is. I was like, you're fucking kidding me. Matt Smith's in it, Jessica Chastain was in it.

00:45:33 Speaker_02
And I found myself like in Morocco, like in the desert, like handing over a plate of food to like Matt Smith, handing over a plate of food to Ralph Barnes. And it's nuts because, because it's film,

00:45:46 Speaker_02
you have to have as much food as you think, you know, the director is not going to tell you how many takes, he doesn't know how many takes he's going to do.

00:45:53 Speaker_02
And you have to magically, you want your genie lamp really, have as much as they're going to need for every single take.

00:45:59 Speaker_04
Yeah.

00:46:00 Speaker_02
Otherwise you're just, and I think I handed over the food on my first time. I was like, my hands were actually shaking, just being like, don't mess it up, don't mess it up. And then Rafe finds it straight in the eye, Lord Voldemort.

00:46:10 Speaker_02
And he's like, you did really well there.

00:46:13 Speaker_01
Thank you so much!

00:46:15 Speaker_02
Which helps because Jessica Chastain wouldn't eat any of my food. She was just like, is this vegan? And I was like, oh yes, you know. And she didn't trust me. She got them to bring her some like steamed broccoli from her trailer.

00:46:26 Speaker_02
But Matt Smith really liked the food. He was like, why are we getting food like this in our hotel? And I was like, yes!

00:46:31 Speaker_03
He's asking for another take.

00:46:33 Speaker_02
Sorry guys, I messed my lines up. So in our downtime, my red wine and sparkling water thing was, we had a lot of free time when you're not on set.

00:46:42 Speaker_02
And Penny and I would just like sit in this amazing Riyadh courtyard, bottle of red, bottle of sparkling water. Is this real?

00:46:49 Speaker_03
So do you want this as your dream drink then? The red wine and sparkling water?

00:46:54 Speaker_02
Oh I think it would remind me of that, yeah maybe. Maybe I'll take that. Yeah, you can have it. Together.

00:46:58 Speaker_04
Being there.

00:46:58 Speaker_02
With a courtyard sunshine.

00:46:59 Speaker_04
Do you want Fiennes and Smith to join you? Not Chastain, she wouldn't eat the food.

00:47:03 Speaker_02
I'm not sure, I think I'd probably be too nervous to talk to them. You know, like that thing, I think I read it in a romantic comedy, Curtis Sittonfield's newish book. She writes it like with famous people, people don't actually want to talk to them.

00:47:18 Speaker_02
They want to tell their friends that they've talked to them. So if you have an encounter with a famous person, you're quite likely to be like, oh, wow, selfie, and then run away.

00:47:25 Speaker_02
Because then you can tell your mates, because if you had to actually have a conversation, you'd probably say something really stupid. So they can't come, I just get to like maybe spy on them for another table, like look there's celebs at that table.

00:47:35 Speaker_04
Yeah, so you have finds nearby.

00:47:37 Speaker_02
Nearby, yeah.

00:47:37 Speaker_04
Yeah, fair enough. What's your favourite film with him in?

00:47:41 Speaker_02
Oh, well, the menu was really good. It was really scary, but I'm going to go classic old school English patient.

00:47:46 Speaker_04
Oh, yeah.

00:47:47 Speaker_02
Yeah. Oh, I changed my mind. Grand Budapest Hotel, because it's really funny.

00:47:50 Speaker_04
Great, great film.

00:47:52 Speaker_02
It's much more funny. English patient doesn't have a lot of laughs in it.

00:47:55 Speaker_04
No, to be fair, it's not very funny.

00:47:57 Speaker_02
It's not very funny. It's quite intense.

00:47:59 Speaker_04
What about this? Would it be better if the main character was a baby? Just like the baby lawyer, but like the English baby.

00:48:07 Speaker_02
The English baby crashing a plane in the desert. Yes. Yeah, maybe not.

00:48:11 Speaker_04
Would crash it, to be fair, that's believable.

00:48:13 Speaker_02
Maybe you'd be a better pilot.

00:48:14 Speaker_04
That baby would be a bad pilot, that's why it crashed in the desert.

00:48:16 Speaker_03
And how about this? The Grand Baby Fest Hotel.

00:48:20 Speaker_02
I see a franchise opportunity here, where you just replace actors with babies.

00:48:25 Speaker_04
I think that works, or just Fiennes every time. For no reason, Ralph Fiennes gets replaced by a baby every single time.

00:48:32 Speaker_02
Lord Voldemort as a baby.

00:48:33 Speaker_04
Yeah, Voldemort baby. I mean that would be like when people say if you go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby would you do it? It was Voldemort. So that is the answer to that question.

00:48:47 Speaker_04
You find Harry Potter in that situation going well you tried to kill me as a baby. Actually that's true.

00:48:52 Speaker_02
But then there's no more books. That's it. It's finished.

00:48:55 Speaker_04
Voldemort tried to kill Harry Potter, baby. Why didn't you go back and kill Lord Voldemort?

00:48:59 Speaker_02
Wait, no, but that's the Cursed Child, isn't it? But it all messes up. Oh, I've got another red wine combo for you. So when I went to see the Cursed Child with my mate, she brought his birthday present for me. We had Haribo, fantastic.

00:49:12 Speaker_02
And, you know, rubbish theatre red wine. And they go together so well.

00:49:16 Speaker_03
That's cool. There's someone on Instagram who does Oh no, I've got mixed up. It's not wine. It's cheese combinations with weird things. Okay.

00:49:26 Speaker_02
Because obviously cheese and wine isn't weird.

00:49:27 Speaker_03
I think they did like Haribo and cheese.

00:49:30 Speaker_04
Can you remember what it was? No. Ed, this is the worst thing you've ever bought.

00:49:35 Speaker_02
No. Because, you know, if you think about like Membrio with a Mantego. Yeah. I'm thinking you've got your jelly.

00:49:40 Speaker_04
No, it sounds great because Ed just bought something that was A, wrong. It wasn't even related to what you're saying. And then he forgot what it was as well. He was like, oh no, it's not wine. It's cheese. Can you remember what it was? No.

00:49:52 Speaker_04
Have you got there in the end? I feel like an old man today. He's a little old mad head. Opposite of a baby. You would be the baby's nemesis. We should remake this episode with me as a baby. So we're having the San Pellegrino and the red wine together.

00:50:06 Speaker_04
Do you also want the Tangfastics there? Yeah, why not? I haven't had Tangfastics since I was in a train derailing. Have you not? That is quite a memory.

00:50:18 Speaker_04
Train came off the tracks and it was pretty full on and we were there for like five hours and all the train staff did was send one of their employees down all the aisles with a packet of Tangfastics, asking people if they wanted a Tangfastic.

00:50:32 Speaker_04
By the time it got to me and Josh Whiddicombe, back of the carriage, they only had like the rubbish ones left and we were absolutely gutted.

00:50:38 Speaker_03
So have you avoided Tangfastics because it reminds you of the traumatic train crash? I just think, what's the point? Let's get the bad ones. So, should we delete your memory of the train crash?

00:50:50 Speaker_01
Yeah!

00:50:50 Speaker_04
And then you can have Tangfastics again. It's quite a good memory because it makes me glad to be alive. But maybe remove the Tangfastics part because I would like to keep them.

00:50:57 Speaker_01
Then you can still enjoy them.

00:50:58 Speaker_04
Yeah, yeah. And marble cake, I haven't had that since that, because they said the buffet carriage is free, but they didn't man it. There's no one there.

00:51:04 Speaker_02
So it was just free for all with marble cake?

00:51:06 Speaker_04
So you just, well, again, by the time we got there, it was only marble cake left.

00:51:10 Speaker_02
Wow.

00:51:11 Speaker_04
You know, it wasn't, we still ate it, but Benito's looking at me like, you've told this story before, I'm going to edit it out, so move on. Your dream dessert. We arrive with your dream dessert, which is exciting for me.

00:51:25 Speaker_02
Well, it's a bit basic to always kind of go for the chocolate option. But I mean, I do quite like it and I will generally go for it. And I don't always have room. I'm more of a starter person. So there's often not room for a chocolate dessert.

00:51:37 Speaker_03
The correct way to be.

00:51:40 Speaker_02
But since I've got my infinite stomachs, I want some kind of chocolate dessert. Maybe you can help me create it. It's got some kind of like chocolate cake and then some kind of chocolate mousse.

00:51:50 Speaker_02
And then I really love raspberry and passion fruit with chocolate. I think it's the nicest combination. And you don't see it enough on menus, in cookbooks. I can remedy that.

00:52:00 Speaker_02
I really like it and I want some kind of maybe like chocolate mousse cake that's a bit like a Sara Lee but but nice and uh raspberry layer passion fruit layer maybe some like shaved chocolate on top something like that.

00:52:14 Speaker_03
Well let's come up with something and then you can put it in your next cookbook. Yes! What sort of cake? A light cake? A brownie layer?

00:52:20 Speaker_02
No, I'm not a fan of fancy.

00:52:22 Speaker_03
So like a sponge?

00:52:24 Speaker_02
A sponge, but more like a restaurant sponge.

00:52:26 Speaker_02
You know when it's like a little bit of a dense sponge, not like your nice homemade Victoria sponge, like more of a kind of a denser kind of sponge that would stand up to being layered with your like moussey layers.

00:52:35 Speaker_03
And do you want super light mousse or like a thick mousse?

00:52:40 Speaker_02
Medium, medium mousse.

00:52:41 Speaker_03
Dark chocolate, milk chocolate?

00:52:43 Speaker_02
Well, I guess they'd be the raspberry and the passion fruit ones.

00:52:45 Speaker_04
What, the mousse of the raspberry and the passion fruit?

00:52:46 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like raspberry and passion fruit mousse.

00:52:50 Speaker_04
And you go in cake mousse, cake mousse?

00:52:52 Speaker_02
Yeah, something like cake mousse, cake mousse. How many times?

00:52:56 Speaker_04
My favourite model is cake mousse.

00:52:58 Speaker_01
Cake mousse!

00:53:01 Speaker_04
Kate Moose, great model. She used to go out with Pete Donutsy. Oh no.

00:53:07 Speaker_02
That's dreadful. Her brother does run a banh mi stand, goes around the markets in London. Kate Moose's brother? Sells Banh Mi. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, it's got like a van with Banh Mi in it. And sells it, obviously. It's just like, mine.

00:53:21 Speaker_04
Have a look at this. Wow, good on him.

00:53:24 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just quite random. He looks quite a lot like her as well. Does he? If you're doing a celeb thing, you're like, oh, look, that guy looks a bit like Case Moss. And he's selling Banh Mi. Let's not talk to him. Cake Moose. Cake Moose.

00:53:33 Speaker_02
Sorry.

00:53:34 Speaker_03
Cake Moose is their name. Yeah, how many times because this is a dream restaurant so we could do like 60.

00:53:39 Speaker_02
Yeah, you could do it as many times as you wanted but I just think like a reasonable amount so you can get a bit of each on your fork because I don't have an infinite fork or an infinite mouth so just like just the right size for... Could.

00:53:49 Speaker_03
We could give you an infinite fork. Infinite fork would be a pain in the arse, man.

00:53:52 Speaker_02
Infinite fork would be the long fork. Like a tiramisu spoon but, you know, wrong.

00:53:57 Speaker_03
Are you getting anything on the end of the fork if it's infinitely long? Yeah, yeah, that's hard.

00:54:01 Speaker_04
Everything would just have to be infinite and then we end up... I don't know if this world even makes sense. No, no it doesn't. So you've got, what, four or five I'm guessing?

00:54:10 Speaker_02
Four or five layers, yeah.

00:54:11 Speaker_04
And how thick are the layers?

00:54:14 Speaker_02
A couple of centimetres? No, I think the cake's got to be one centimetre and you've got two for the mousse and then one for the cake and then two for the mousse, something like that.

00:54:20 Speaker_04
Yeah, two for the mousse, one for the cake.

00:54:21 Speaker_02
And then maybe the lowest layer could be some kind of chocolate mousse as well. So maybe there's three kinds of mousse, one kind of cake, chocolate shavings on top.

00:54:27 Speaker_04
Yeah. Okay, so it sounds like you should have three layers of the mousse.

00:54:31 Speaker_02
Yes.

00:54:31 Speaker_04
So bam, bam, bam.

00:54:32 Speaker_02
Yeah.

00:54:33 Speaker_04
And then that means you've got three layers of the cake because the mousse is on the top, is it?

00:54:37 Speaker_02
I guess.

00:54:37 Speaker_04
The top layer's the mousse?

00:54:38 Speaker_02
Yeah, the top layer could be some kind of mousse, yeah.

00:54:40 Speaker_04
And then you covering all that in chocolate as well?

00:54:42 Speaker_02
Yeah, like really nicely like shaved, so it's like quite shardy again, like the crisp. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm going for.

00:54:49 Speaker_04
Sounds nice. What are we calling it?

00:54:51 Speaker_03
Cake mousse.

00:54:51 Speaker_02
Cake mousse. Yeah. Cake mousse.

00:54:53 Speaker_03
And just that you don't want, is there any like cream or any sort of like drizzle going over it or anything like that?

00:54:59 Speaker_02
No, no. You don't need it.

00:55:01 Speaker_04
You've got all the moisture in the cake mousse.

00:55:02 Speaker_02
Yes, it's, yes.

00:55:03 Speaker_04
So it's the cake mousse dessert, which is your dessert. And if anyone tries to steal it and put it in their cookbook, we can all sue them.

00:55:08 Speaker_02
We've got, when we bring the baby lawyer to the... Baby lawyer's coming. It's my cake.

00:55:12 Speaker_03
to the court case. And it's a baby judge as well. Whoever steals the recipe is being sentenced to death. Yeah, they're all getting sentenced to death if they steal a cake mousse.

00:55:24 Speaker_02
Well, I will try and recreate it and then we can have a picture as well.

00:55:27 Speaker_04
Yeah, me and you can do the picture if you're making it and then Ed is washing up all the stuff you used to make it.

00:55:32 Speaker_02
This does sound like quite high effort. You've got a lot of bowls for these mousses and there will be a lot of washing up. I love it. I love the washing up.

00:55:40 Speaker_04
I'm going to read your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it.

00:55:42 Speaker_02
Okay.

00:55:42 Speaker_04
You want San Pellegrino, sparkling water. Yep. You would like pan depi.

00:55:47 Speaker_02
Yes.

00:55:47 Speaker_04
A fluffy cube.

00:55:49 Speaker_03
Fluffy cube. Just like an Englishman in a boulangerie trying to read the menu behind the person working there. Pan depi! It's called a boulangerie.

00:56:01 Speaker_04
You would like a deep-fried platter. You got pakoras, zucchini fry- zucchini fritti, tempura prawns, a homemade coriander chutney, main course salmon with hollandaise and asparagus, like the first time you ever had it.

00:56:13 Speaker_04
Side dish, dauphinoise, kale and buttered cabbage with crust Szechuan peppercorns. Not too many. Drink red wine and sparkling water like you had when you were doing the Forgiven and with a side of hammerbo tangfastic.

00:56:26 Speaker_02
Yes, yes, right.

00:56:27 Speaker_04
Dessert? Don't forget those. Cake mousse. Cake mousse. Amazing.

00:56:31 Speaker_02
Sounds great. Starving.

00:56:32 Speaker_04
That's good. I mean, it does sound nice. Before, when you came in today, before we went in, you said, oh, I think my menu won't be very coherent, but I think it is. I think it's very coherent.

00:56:41 Speaker_02
Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you very much.

00:56:42 Speaker_03
We have a lot worse.

00:56:44 Speaker_02
Ah, yes, I know.

00:56:45 Speaker_03
We have comedians on. Yes, exactly.

00:56:48 Speaker_04
That sounds absolutely delicious. What's Cake Moose's nickname? What? Who was called The Body?

00:56:53 Speaker_02
That was Giselle, I think. Wasn't Giselle The Body?

00:56:57 Speaker_04
Benito, Google who was called The Body. I know we're about to wrap it up, but it wasn't Cake Moose, was it? It might have been Giselle.

00:57:02 Speaker_02
Oh, we all got it wrong. Damn it.

00:57:05 Speaker_03
Has that ruined a joke that you were going to do? No. Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Omini. Thank you so much for having me on.

00:57:11 Speaker_01
Thank you.

00:57:18 Speaker_03
There we are, wonderful menu from Rukmini there.

00:57:20 Speaker_04
Very nice menu, lovely stories, I'd love to learn about food stylists and about the film that she worked on with all the celebs.

00:57:32 Speaker_03
And a lot of silly business as well in that episode, James. No, no, it's all very serious. Ah yes, very serious indeed. Very serious ideas for TV shows.

00:57:39 Speaker_03
Rukmini also did not say beef jerky so she was allowed to complete her menu and that has also allowed us to plug her book again. The Green Cookbook is out now and you got a little insight into the sorts of recipes that are in there during the chat.

00:57:53 Speaker_03
It's just made me even more excited to cook from it.

00:57:56 Speaker_04
I'm quite excited about the crispy roast tofu and aubergine with chilli peanut sauce as well. Yes. I love aubergine.

00:58:02 Speaker_03
And your broccoli pesto you're going to make. Yeah, we found what we're going to do with the heads. Finally, we did it. Now, I'd say we're back next week, but we're actually going to replace ourselves with babies for next week.

00:58:13 Speaker_04
Yes, it's the off-menu baby edition next week, where they don't get kicked out the drink restaurant, they get sentenced to death. Yes.

00:58:21 Speaker_03
Thank you very much for listening. We've been Ed Gamble and James Acaster on the off-menu podcast. Shout out to Cake Moss. Cake Moose. Oh, you messed it up. I messed it up. Bye. Bye.