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Episode: Connection

Author: Michelle Chestovich MD
Duration: 00:12:15

Episode Shownotes

Physician coach Michelle Chestovich MD shares how to create more connection in your life...at work and at home.Want to join the email list to here about coaching opportunities? Send an email to Michelle.chestovich@gmail.

comThis Podcast offers a pathway to continuing education via this CMEfy link: https://earnc.me/gLJ7wA

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_00
You are listening to episode 162 of the Remind Yourself Podcast. Welcome to the Remind Yourself Podcast, the podcast for physician moms just like you who want to ditch mom guilt, stop yelling, and start enjoying their lives today.

00:00:22 Speaker_00
I'm your host, Michelle Chestovich, certified life coach, family physician, and mom of four. If you want to overcome overwhelm for once and for all, this is the place for you. Hello, Mama Docs, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here.

00:00:41 Speaker_00
And I'm really excited about our conversation today. Today, I'm going to talk about something that many of us crave, and maybe something that's just not top of mind. Many people say they want more time, they want more energy, so on and so forth.

00:00:55 Speaker_00
But when I really get into conversations with people, they also crave connection. And that makes so much sense. As humans, we are wired for connection. We love to be in community and to feel like we fit in.

00:01:10 Speaker_00
And yet, sometimes even in your busy household or your clinic or hospital organization, there's a lot going on. There are a lot of people around. but you don't feel connected.

00:01:22 Speaker_00
And I'm sure it's, you know, pretty self-explanatory that being around other people doesn't create feelings of connection. But I'm going to share with you some simple things that you can incorporate into your daily life to feel more connected.

00:01:36 Speaker_00
And I've noticed this increasing over the last few years as I've shifted into doing more group coaching. I still do one-on-one coaching, so if that's something you're interested, I'm happy to talk to you about it.

00:01:47 Speaker_00
But I love the fact that when we come together in a group of physician women who are struggling, that it creates a feeling of connection.

00:01:56 Speaker_00
It also creates a feeling of community, but it helps us because we remember we're not alone, that other people are struggling, and that other people can see and hear and be with us in our struggles.

00:02:10 Speaker_00
And that often is really what being feeling connected is all about.

00:02:16 Speaker_00
Because I'm sure you have instances where you've shared something with somebody that you're going through and they are either trying to fix the problem or they're a bit dismissive and moving on to the next thing.

00:02:25 Speaker_00
And you feel kind of depleted and you feel almost more alone. It is the opposite of feeling connected. In fact, it can create a feeling of disconnection when we have a conversation with someone and we don't feel seen and heard.

00:02:41 Speaker_00
And so I've noticed over the years in this group of physician women that I have coming together is that we're really good at listening and hearing and empathizing, right? So there's a great feeling of connection.

00:02:53 Speaker_00
And over the weeks that we're together, we have a 12 week program. So we're coming together for 12 weeks in a row.

00:02:59 Speaker_00
We really get to know one another and people become even more forward and more comfortable sharing their thoughts and their concerns with others. And again, the connection seems to grow.

00:03:11 Speaker_00
So what starts out as like a small little bonfire of connection seems to build and build over time. And I just, I love it. And it makes me so happy that I can help facilitate this feeling of connection and community.

00:03:27 Speaker_00
And what was really cool is the other evening, there was a particular physician who was talking about something that was causing her trouble in her office.

00:03:35 Speaker_00
And she's a relatively new attending, doing an amazing job, but still feeling like there's some hills to climb.

00:03:41 Speaker_00
And another woman who's, you know, been practicing medicine for several years, and who's got a lot of experience, was able to speak up and say, hey, I know where you're at. I've also been there. And this is also what I see.

00:03:55 Speaker_00
And so I just thought that was such a beautiful way and such a beautiful example of the amplification of community and connection that we were feeling together.

00:04:05 Speaker_00
And another really cool thing in the same session that we had, a woman was talking up sharing experience that she had with her husband. And she said,

00:04:13 Speaker_00
This is interesting, and she didn't say it quite this way, but basically, my relationship with my partner has improved so much through going through this program, and I wasn't expecting that.

00:04:24 Speaker_00
Like she wasn't focusing on improving the relationship and the communication and the connection with her husband, and yet through all the other work that she was doing, it was a beautiful byproduct. And I just smiled.

00:04:35 Speaker_00
I said, I'm so glad you're seeing this. I see it time and again. People come in with one particular issue or a few particular issues, right? And we start to improve upon that with tools that you learn.

00:04:47 Speaker_00
And all of a sudden, the way that you're seeing the world, the way that you're reacting to the world shifts a little bit. And that little shift starts to show up in all areas of your life. And it gets better, which is just super duper fun.

00:05:01 Speaker_00
So time and again, I've had people say, hey, I'm working on communication and feeling more connected with my medical assistant.

00:05:08 Speaker_00
And now I've also noticed that my relationship with my partner has increased and or my relationship with my mother or my neighbor has gotten so much better. They've increased a feeling of connectedness.

00:05:20 Speaker_00
Because you start to understand what creates connectedness in the first place. It's not just being in the same room having a conversation.

00:05:27 Speaker_00
Because as I previously mentioned, you can have a conversation and be sitting right next to someone on a couch and feel very disconnected. Feeling disconnected and feeling connected are emotions in your body, which then drive actions.

00:05:41 Speaker_00
Either you're feeling disconnected, you probably pull away, right? You get a little bit more annoyed. You see all the things that your partner's not doing right. But when you're feeling connected, you're more vulnerable, you speak up.

00:05:53 Speaker_00
So how do we create this feeling of connection? How can we understand, okay, I'm feeling disconnected now. And it's not a matter of sitting near one another that makes me feel connected.

00:06:05 Speaker_00
But it's the way that we're thinking that creates that emotion, right? So how can we think, quote unquote, differently? I'll tell you what, it doesn't just come from the sky.

00:06:16 Speaker_00
And the work that I do with women physicians that I work with, before we become real deliberate with what we're thinking, we need to understand where we are right now. Why are we feeling disconnected?

00:06:28 Speaker_00
You tell me all the things and I help you explore all of the thoughts and things that are going on that are making you feel disconnected. And then we start to make baby steps.

00:06:39 Speaker_00
What are some times, for instance, that I do feel connected with my partner? And why? And how can I amplify that, right? Turn up the dial on feeling more connected. Turn down the dial on feeling disconnected.

00:06:52 Speaker_00
Because here's what I'll tell you is that this is life and we are humans on earth and we're going to have all the emotions and that's perfectly fine.

00:06:59 Speaker_00
But when we have some of these emotions that really fuel us and make our relationships better, why wouldn't we want more of that? And I help teach you how to create these feelings of connectedness on purpose and on the regular.

00:07:17 Speaker_00
So not only can you feel more connected with other colleagues of yours, you can start to brainstorm. How can I feel more connected with my staff at clinic, with my colleagues?

00:07:27 Speaker_00
And in fact, a couple of weeks ago in the group, we started talking about that. that we wanted to feel more connected, more fulfilled in our job. And then when we have meaningful conversations, that helps. And yet it's not easy, right?

00:07:38 Speaker_00
You all know this in the busy course of a day, in the clinic, in the hospital, in the OR, you don't have time to sit down and say, hey, let's take 10 minutes and have tea and have a conversation.

00:07:48 Speaker_00
But there are simple things you can do that help build that feeling of connection. So we were kind of brainstorming on that as a group.

00:07:55 Speaker_00
So again, there are simple things that you can do, actions that you can take, that can make you feel more connected. But in fact, it usually begins earlier in the process. What am I thinking that creates this feeling?

00:08:09 Speaker_00
Because we all want more connection with our partners, with our families, with our colleagues, with the community at large, right? We want to feel more connected with other women physicians.

00:08:22 Speaker_00
We want to feel more connected with the community in the neighborhood in which we live. Again, you've heard me say this before, but oftentimes our brain on default, as physician women, we notice what's wrong. where we're not connected.

00:08:33 Speaker_00
We can point out all the reasons why that other person is so different from me and we're so disconnected. But it doesn't take too much work to just acknowledge, okay, this is what my brain is doing on default. Is that helping me through life?

00:08:47 Speaker_00
Or can I shift my brain ever so slightly and become more deliberate to create these feelings on purpose of feeling connected? Because when you truly feel connected in your body, it's so much easier to speak up for yourself.

00:09:01 Speaker_00
It's so much easier to express your care and concern and even your objections, right? When you feel connected, you feel safe. And so I just wanted to share with you that if you're feeling disconnected right now, number one, you're not alone.

00:09:17 Speaker_00
And number two, explore a little bit. Why am I feeling so disconnected? What are the actual circumstances that are going on? What are the things that people are saying or doing that are making me feel disconnected?

00:09:29 Speaker_00
But more than that, right, because it's actually not the circumstances that make you feel disconnected, what am I thinking about those things that are making me feel disconnected? And how can we have so much compassion for ourselves?

00:09:41 Speaker_00
And then just remember something really simple on purpose that helps create that feeling of connection. Because this is something that we all crave as humans.

00:09:51 Speaker_00
And I think that we're still coming back from feeling really disconnected from a lot of people after the pandemic. And I love to foster a feeling of connection with your colleagues, with other people around the nation as well as in your own home.

00:10:07 Speaker_00
There's nothing that's, I mean this could be a whole other talk for another day, but there's nothing much more lonely than being in your own home and feeling disconnected.

00:10:17 Speaker_00
So I'm here to tell you that creating connection is possible and that by you just making a subtle shift in how you show up to colleagues, to your neighborhood, to your partner, it just seems to flow in the right direction.

00:10:32 Speaker_00
Now, we never get to decide how other people react to us, but when we have that feeling of connection, it's so much easier to show up how we would like to show up in that relationship.

00:10:42 Speaker_00
If you would like to learn more about this, I highly suggest that you join the next round of StressRx Group Coaching. We begin on May 8th, and registration is going to open the last week of April. So keep your eyes and ears open.

00:10:55 Speaker_00
If you're on my email list, you will be receiving information about it. If you are not yet on my email list and you would like to be, Click on my email, send me a message, say, hey, get me on your email list.

00:11:06 Speaker_00
I want to be first to know when I can sign up for this. Because this program teaches you how to do these things. It teaches you how to simply build connection.

00:11:15 Speaker_00
It teaches you how to relieve stress on the regular, how to set boundaries, how to build your confidence. And what is the result of this? You will again find joy in medicine. You will amplify the relationships that you want amplified in your life.

00:11:31 Speaker_00
And you will learn how to have your own back through self-compassion and self-validation. And life all of a sudden feels a lot easier. Okay, my friends, that's what I have for you today. Go give it a try. Go build some connection.

00:11:46 Speaker_00
And until next week, peace and love to all of you. Are you ready to take control of your life and put these tools into action? I'm here to help. I offer free consultations for physician moms to see if my one-on-one coaching package is right for you.

00:12:03 Speaker_00
You can sign up for a free consult at www.MamaDocLifeCoach.com.