Armchair Anonymous: Thanksgiving II AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Armchair Anonymous: Thanksgiving II) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Go to PodExtra AI's podcast page (Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard) to view the AI-processed content of all episodes of this podcast.

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard episodes list: view full AI transcripts and summaries of this podcast on the blog

Episode: Armchair Anonymous: Thanksgiving II

Author: Armchair Umbrella
Duration: 01:07:28

Episode Shownotes

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about the craziest thing that happened at Thanksgiving.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the

Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Summary

In this episode of 'Armchair Anonymous: Thanksgiving II,' hosts Dax Shepard and Monica delve into the chaos and joy of Thanksgiving gatherings, sharing their personal stories and inviting listener anecdotes. They explore themes of vulnerability, humor, and the unpredictable nature of family traditions. From cooking mishaps to humorous moments during dinner, the discussion highlights the significance of shared experiences and the emotional weight behind Thanksgiving celebrations, embracing both the lighthearted and challenging aspects of these festive occasions.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Armchair Anonymous: Thanksgiving II) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_10
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

00:00:16 Speaker_10
I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Monsoon, Duchess of Duluth.

00:00:22 Speaker_11
Wow, that's me.

00:00:25 Speaker_10
I rolled out a couple oldies.

00:00:27 Speaker_11
Monsoon.

00:00:27 Speaker_10
Because nostalgia, Thanksgiving. Friendsgiving.

00:00:31 Speaker_11
Yeah, it's here.

00:00:33 Speaker_10
You like to say Friendsgiving? No, Monsgiving.

00:00:36 Speaker_11
Well, Monsgiving is its own thing.

00:00:38 Speaker_10
It's different than Thanksgiving.

00:00:40 Speaker_11
I do a day where I cook for only, sorry, sorry. No one's mad. Sorry guys. I only cook for like eight people because so far in my current kitchen, that's all I can do.

00:00:54 Speaker_10
Right, you'll widen out the net when you have a full kitchen.

00:00:57 Speaker_11
Yeah, that's something for us to think about, because then is that just Thanksgiving again, right?

00:01:01 Speaker_10
Sure, yeah.

00:01:02 Speaker_11
So I invite eight people over pre-Thanksgiving. It's happening this year on this Friday. Oh, okay. Yeah. And well.

00:01:11 Speaker_10
Tomorrow.

00:01:12 Speaker_11
Well, for the listeners, it was already Friday.

00:01:15 Speaker_10
Oh, yeah.

00:01:15 Speaker_11
Last Friday.

00:01:16 Speaker_10
Yeah. Okay.

00:01:16 Speaker_11
Anyway, and I make Alison Roman's Thanksgiving.

00:01:19 Speaker_10
Right. Correct.

00:01:20 Speaker_11
I make the whole thing.

00:01:21 Speaker_10
Yep.

00:01:22 Speaker_11
I already had a big issue with Turkey.

00:01:24 Speaker_10
You called her in a pinch.

00:01:25 Speaker_11
Oh, last year I called her in a pinch, but this year I've already had a big issue with turkey. I tried to order one from McCall's, couldn't get it in time.

00:01:34 Speaker_11
We had to do some pivots and squishes, and I thought maybe I was gonna have to move into chicken territory. Yeah, but I didn't, we made it work. Thank God. Thank God, I know.

00:01:44 Speaker_10
I'm not even there, so I don't care what you serve. I don't make the list of Monsgiving.

00:01:48 Speaker_11
This year.

00:01:49 Speaker_10
I have to tell you, it does make me think of Mons pubis.

00:01:52 Speaker_11
I understand. That's Monsgiving. And then we do our Thanksgiving, which is the best day of the year. This is my happiest time of year. I have Monsgiving. Then I have our Pod Thanksgiving, which is the best, secret turkey.

00:02:08 Speaker_11
Then I have Black Friday with Callie. That's a tradition. Then Saturday, I have Pig Day with Jess, where we get my Christmas tree.

00:02:17 Speaker_10
That's a tradition. Yeah, it's one, two, three, four. Yeah, pace yourself.

00:02:21 Speaker_11
Really something.

00:02:22 Speaker_10
Pace yourself.

00:02:24 Speaker_11
I will.

00:02:24 Speaker_10
Okay, well, Bree and I always called it Thanksgiving.

00:02:27 Speaker_11
And tell me about that.

00:02:28 Speaker_10
We call it Christmas and Thanksgiving.

00:02:30 Speaker_11
That's cute.

00:02:31 Speaker_10
I don't know why.

00:02:32 Speaker_11
That's cute.

00:02:32 Speaker_10
Same way we had the In-N-Out theme song, as you know. We would just isolate a part of a word and change it and that was for whatever reason our comedic overlap.

00:02:42 Speaker_11
Isn't that so funny how people build these things in relationships and they don't transfer over.

00:02:50 Speaker_10
Right. This is the story of Aaron and I's life. We're laughing so hard and everyone's annoyed out of their mind. We're just so deep now into these layers.

00:02:58 Speaker_11
But the things you and Aaron joke about and stuff, do you want to be doing that with everybody else and it's just not working? Or you really only do that there?

00:03:09 Speaker_10
Probably I would like it if more people had, because I'm having the most fun. No, I don't want to say that that's triggering. You and I have a lot of fun, things we both find to be really funny.

00:03:21 Speaker_10
But I'm most happy when I'm living in a comedic zone that is unique and novel and I don't, you know.

00:03:29 Speaker_12
Yeah.

00:03:30 Speaker_10
Yeah, I like, I like it.

00:03:31 Speaker_12
Yeah.

00:03:32 Speaker_10
Well, I just know that I can sometimes spend hours with Aaron, like just laugh, laugh, you know. You know the stories, like. My mother-in-law came in and was like, worried, she said to Chris, and I'm like, what is wrong with them?

00:03:43 Speaker_10
They've been laughing in there for, I don't know, she got suspicious maybe we were on drugs or something.

00:03:47 Speaker_11
Oh, that's fair.

00:03:49 Speaker_10
Given the history of both of us, it's a legitimate concern. But yeah, I like it. If I could feel that way all the time, I probably would want to.

00:03:56 Speaker_11
Yeah, that's interesting. Because I don't think so. I think what's born in the space between two people is very unique. I never try to like pull in what it was funny over there into a different relationship.

00:04:08 Speaker_10
Got you. I remember it being kind of a relief. So I had a friend, still a friend, Cole Garlic. When we were young, his name was Colin. He changed it.

00:04:18 Speaker_11
Oh my God. Yeah. And you, you're allergic to him now.

00:04:22 Speaker_10
Now I am. Garlack.

00:04:24 Speaker_11
Oh, wow.

00:04:25 Speaker_10
Not garlic, but colon garlic, you could see on a playground. At any rate, I started hanging out with him in sixth grade, and we liked to be so weird. The kind of faces I was making in the mirror to embarrass myself, he and I would do for hours.

00:04:39 Speaker_10
And do you know who has it? Lincoln.

00:04:41 Speaker_11
Yeah, you've talked about that.

00:04:42 Speaker_10
Lincoln and I will, half the time we look at each other we go,

00:04:45 Speaker_11
That's funny.

00:04:46 Speaker_10
And it just goes on and on and on. And we love making the ugliest faces we can. And not everyone likes that. And so I feel like, oh, this is so great. I got this back again, because I don't see Cole. He lives in Michigan.

00:04:57 Speaker_10
And it's a part of me that really needs to come out.

00:05:00 Speaker_11
Yeah.

00:05:01 Speaker_10
Yeah.

00:05:01 Speaker_11
That's great.

00:05:02 Speaker_10
Okay, Thanksgiving. Tell us a crazy Thanksgiving incident. We're using the word incident now. Let's see. Oh, if you're sensitive to meat, human meat. You were very sensitive. You can't listen to this episode for sure.

00:05:22 Speaker_11
I am not listening.

00:05:25 Speaker_10
But I don't think there's really any triggers here.

00:05:29 Speaker_11
It's a good episode. We are thankful for our armchair anonymous listeners and our armchairies.

00:05:35 Speaker_10
Yes, yes. So please enjoy Crazy Thanksgiving Stories.

00:05:40 Speaker_06
The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tiz the Grinch Holiday Podcast. Listen as his celebrity guests try to persuade the Grinch that there's more to love about the holiday season.

00:05:50 Speaker_06
Follow Tiz the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:05:57 Speaker_04
Hi there. Hi, nice to meet you. What a dazzling closet you're in. Lots of stimuli.

00:06:23 Speaker_03
very much. You'll appreciate actually this shelf collapse recently. And yesterday I forced my husband to fix it because I was like, I'm talking to Dax and Monica. I got to get in the closet. Wow. So it's got to be perfect.

00:06:34 Speaker_03
So we're back in tip top shape here.

00:06:36 Speaker_10
We need a hard deadline us husbands. We'll say we're going to do something for like a year and a half, right? We're the worst about that.

00:06:45 Speaker_03
Yeah. I won't say how long it has been down for his sake, but it was more than a day.

00:06:52 Speaker_11
To be fair, in my armoire, my shelf has collapsed also, and I'm also not doing anything about it.

00:06:59 Speaker_03
Yeah, I'm thrilled that we're back in action here, because I, like you, Monica, I love my clothes. I want them to have their special space.

00:07:05 Speaker_10
Where are you at? It's Eva, yeah?

00:07:07 Speaker_03
Yeah, yeah, you got it. I am in Richmond, Virginia.

00:07:10 Speaker_10
Oh, wonderful. We're increasing our callers from Virginia.

00:07:12 Speaker_03
I like that. You're spreading the word. Absolutely.

00:07:15 Speaker_10
Now, does your Thanksgiving story take place in Richmond?

00:07:18 Speaker_03
It does. This was probably 2018. And actually, at the time, my husband and I were living in New York. We're high school sweethearts, so our families actually all live in Richmond. And so we'd always come home for the holidays. And we hadn't really

00:07:31 Speaker_03
join the families together yet for like a big holiday meal. So this year, we actually just gotten married. And so our moms were like, Hey, we should do one big Thanksgiving meal with everybody together.

00:07:43 Speaker_03
And my mom offers to the host, which was great, very generous, very, our parents knew each other well, but it's the first time hosting the big family thing. There was some pressure. She wanted it to go really well. And my mom is great cook, great host.

00:07:57 Speaker_03
But one thing I will say about my mom, which she wouldn't cover your mom to admit, but she's not the best when it comes to time management.

00:08:06 Speaker_10
Sure.

00:08:06 Speaker_11
It's hard in the kitchen. It's shockingly hard.

00:08:10 Speaker_10
People make schedules for the day of like, this goes in the oven at this time, this come and that comes out and this goes in. You got to be organized.

00:08:17 Speaker_03
Yeah. Yeah. My mom's more like I've got this. She's not writing anything down really.

00:08:21 Speaker_10
Yeah.

00:08:22 Speaker_03
Absolutely. She always pulled it off. The guests would never know, but my sister and I, we know we experience it. And that hour before people arrive, it can get pretty dicey. So Monica, fun fact, I'm a Virgo too.

00:08:35 Speaker_03
So knowing this, I was like, I got to keep this on track. I'm going to show up early just to help her out, make a schedule, keep things going. To my surprise and to my mom's credit, she's got it under control.

00:08:45 Speaker_03
We've got the turkey on track, table is set, things are really going well. And I stopped and was like, we're going to really pull this off without any last minute meltdowns, any chaos. And I'm sure you can sense where this is headed.

00:08:58 Speaker_10
Can I ask, what was the scheduled kickoff time? And when did mom start getting at it?

00:09:04 Speaker_11
Mom started the day before. Yeah, you got to start sometimes two days.

00:09:07 Speaker_10
Sometimes in October.

00:09:08 Speaker_11
Yeah. For your stock.

00:09:10 Speaker_03
Yeah. I want to say we're like a 4 p.m., 5 p.m. type of Thanksgiving, like not afternoon, but not normal dinnertime. So an early evening was the plan.

00:09:19 Speaker_10
I'm glad I asked because I think we generally are aiming more for a two or a three.

00:09:24 Speaker_03
This was, I think, maybe 4 p.m. That is definitely not the time we ate, though.

00:09:28 Speaker_10
Okay. Okay.

00:09:29 Speaker_03
So about an hour before everyone arrived and my mom was like, Hey, we got to take the mashed potatoes out of the fridge. She had made them the night before again. Great preparation ahead.

00:09:39 Speaker_03
She took them out of the fridge, but the potatoes run like a cold glass casserole dish. So she's an experienced cook. She knows like dishes like that. You can't just put them right in the hot, hot oven.

00:09:50 Speaker_03
So she's like, let's sit them out and let them warm up a little bit before we stick them in the oven.

00:09:53 Speaker_03
The place that my mom chose to set the potatoes to come to room temperature was on top of the oven, which had obviously been on all day cooking the turkey. But also we have things on that stovetop all day. We had just taken something off.

00:10:07 Speaker_03
And luckily, my mom had walked to the other side of the kitchen to grab something, because at least what felt like within a few seconds, the potatoes and the dish completely exploded. Oh, yeah.

00:10:19 Speaker_10
The glass shattered.

00:10:21 Speaker_03
Yeah, I knew that could happen, but I guess in my mind I thought it would crack, sort of. This was a full, I mean, essentially a bomb that went off in the kitchen.

00:10:29 Speaker_10
A detonation.

00:10:30 Speaker_03
Yeah.

00:10:32 Speaker_10
Oh, wow.

00:10:32 Speaker_03
It was so loud. My mom and I, I don't know why this was our first thought, but we both thought someone had fired a gun in the house.

00:10:39 Speaker_10
Dad's firing his gun again on Thanksgiving.

00:10:42 Speaker_03
Didn't take as long to realize what happened because there was glass and potatoes everywhere in the kitchen. This is a normal-sized kitchen, but I'm not exaggerating when I say there were shards of glass everywhere in this kitchen.

00:10:52 Speaker_03
Other side of the room, in the sink.

00:10:54 Speaker_11
Fuck. What about the other food? In the other food? Yeah.

00:10:58 Speaker_03
Oh. cooking on the stovetop completely filled with glass we have just set the rolls out to rise and they're just like laced with charred glass this is devastating it's devastating of course she worked so hard to like do this on time

00:11:15 Speaker_03
all this and it's just a wash and so we like kind of process what happened and then I looked at my mom and was like are we still hosting Thanksgiving like we have this turkey in the oven but like that was pretty much all that was left and people were bringing a couple dishes the things you're looking forward to at Thanksgiving were pretty much ruined other than the turkey

00:11:35 Speaker_03
And looking back, we really should have called the whole thing off. I was married to my husband. Like, who are we trying to impress? My mom and I are borderline approval junkies. Show must go on. So we were like, we'll just make it work.

00:11:46 Speaker_03
Not really thinking through what the next couple hours are going to look like. So first things first, I call my husband and I'm like, one, you got to tell your parents, like, we're not eating. at four or five or whatever it was.

00:11:56 Speaker_03
Like we got to push this whole thing back. Don't get into it with them on the phone. Just tell them there was an incident and we'll explain later.

00:12:01 Speaker_03
And then of course I was like, and then you need to get over here because I need an extra set of hands on this cleanup. Like this is like a hours long job.

00:12:09 Speaker_03
So he gets over there and then one Easter egg that I forgot to mention, which is we actually weren't able to get everyone together on Thanksgiving day. This was the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday. So luckily grocery stores were open.

00:12:21 Speaker_03
So I called my sister and was like, hey, you got to go to the store and pick some store-bought potatoes and rolls and gravy up and bring it over so we have something to serve with this turkey.

00:12:30 Speaker_03
Of course, my mom's listening to me like rumbling, like, I can't believe I have to store store-bought food on Thanksgiving. And I was like, there's been an explosion.

00:12:39 Speaker_11
Yeah.

00:12:41 Speaker_10
We're in a bomb site right now. We got to make do with what we got.

00:12:45 Speaker_03
Absolutely. My mom was looking around and was like, oh man, what a shame. Like I have all these extra sweet potatoes and Brussels sprouts I didn't end up using. But those things take so long to actually cook and like soften up in the oven.

00:12:55 Speaker_03
So we just don't have time. We had 30 minutes before his family was going to show up. It was Black Friday. I had done some shopping that morning and I had got my mom an air fryer. And it was in my trunk.

00:13:05 Speaker_03
And I was like, I don't want to ruin her Christmas gift early. But I know she wants us to go really well. She wants to serve like a full Thanksgiving meal. We didn't have any vegetables to serve.

00:13:13 Speaker_03
So I was like, Hold on a second, I got in the trunk, get the air fryer and was like, Merry early Christmas. It's 2018. She's like, I don't know what an air fryer is.

00:13:22 Speaker_10
You're early on the curve.

00:13:23 Speaker_03
Big time.

00:13:23 Speaker_10
Yeah, I think we went 2020 with our big deep air fryer dive.

00:13:27 Speaker_03
Yeah, with the Oreos.

00:13:28 Speaker_10
The Oreos wrapped in the croissant rolls. Oh, the croissants.

00:13:31 Speaker_03
Delicious. Well, this was just Brussels sprouts.

00:13:33 Speaker_10
All right, well.

00:13:35 Speaker_03
But she, of course, was like, What am I supposed to do with this? And I explained, like, we can have crispy, delicious veggies ready in like 2030 minutes.

00:13:41 Speaker_03
Like, so we pop that open, we chopped up some veggies, and we had them on the table, like by the time everybody was there to eat. And, of course, it wasn't as good as it would have been if my mom had

00:13:52 Speaker_03
made it, but we have pretty much all the hits for Thanksgiving. And also it made for obviously great conversation over the dinner with everybody. My mom still jokes that she finds pieces of glass in her kitchen to this day.

00:14:05 Speaker_10
I was going to say, you might have been able to answer the conundrum when they entered and you said, whatever you do, do not take your shoes off today. Keep your shoes on throughout the house.

00:14:13 Speaker_03
Oh, yeah. We were shoes on in that house for months. My mom had to wear shoes forever. It was a disaster.

00:14:20 Speaker_10
Now, open question to everybody. There seems to be such a distaste for anything store-bought, but I'm just going to add, I've bought many of rotisserie chicken from my local grocery store.

00:14:32 Speaker_10
It's so much better than a human could cook in their own kitchen.

00:14:36 Speaker_11
I love a rotisserie chicken, but it's not as good as when I make a full chicken.

00:14:42 Speaker_08
Monica, have you gone to Lazy Acres to have that rotisserie chicken?

00:14:45 Speaker_11
You've obviously never had my chicken. That's fine. But I agree with you. They have good stuff, but not on Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving, you don't want to go store-bought with the exception of some people like the cranberry in the jar.

00:14:58 Speaker_10
And Stouffer's stovetop stuffing, which is not a real product. Yeah, that's Mandela effect.

00:15:05 Speaker_03
My mom could never. She's like using the old family recipes.

00:15:09 Speaker_10
Is she drying out sourdough like a few days before?

00:15:12 Speaker_11
Yeah, you gotta rip it up and then it dries. Oh, I'm so hungry.

00:15:19 Speaker_10
I would like to do a side-by-side taste test.

00:15:21 Speaker_11
Do you want me to make some turkey legs and bring them and see?

00:15:24 Speaker_10
Yeah, and I guess I'll buy some from the gas station. And we'll do a- We'll do a taste test. Blindfold. I gotta find a gas station that sells turkey legs.

00:15:34 Speaker_12
Oh, God.

00:15:34 Speaker_10
I guess I could find a renaissance festival.

00:15:37 Speaker_11
Yeah.

00:15:37 Speaker_10
They're big on turkey. They're probably good. They're probably outrageous, deep fried.

00:15:40 Speaker_11
Oh my God. Well, I'm so sorry about this horrible, horrible disaster.

00:15:44 Speaker_10
Now, did this create a tradition? Did your in-laws then host the following year?

00:15:48 Speaker_03
I guess we've sort of alternated who's doing it. I have somehow decided that I would host this year.

00:15:54 Speaker_12
I'm not sure how that's going to go.

00:15:56 Speaker_03
I'm like you, Monica. I love to cook. I'm excited, but I hope nothing like this happens. I've really learned my lesson. This is a PSA, honestly.

00:16:03 Speaker_10
Can I ask a Virgo question? Do you guys love cooking or do you love following directions?

00:16:11 Speaker_03
I think it's both. I think you like to follow the directions, but you also love creating something. And I just want to like be of service to people. So I just love serving people food that I've made. I think that's what it is.

00:16:21 Speaker_11
And when they say, yum, I love it. I've never had anything so good. Yes.

00:16:26 Speaker_10
Believe me.

00:16:26 Speaker_11
That's really what it is.

00:16:27 Speaker_10
30% of my self-esteem is based on my spaghetti.

00:16:31 Speaker_11
Exactly, you get it.

00:16:32 Speaker_10
I get it. I cook more like jazz improv, you know?

00:16:35 Speaker_11
I know, but imagine you've made turkey, you've made a big cloud potatoes, you've made a sweet potato dish, you made stuffing, and you did it by yourself and people are like, How did you do this? Can you imagine that feeling?

00:16:50 Speaker_10
I know, but do you guys agree it's hard to trust the response? It's kind of like watching someone open the Christmas gift. They're kind of obligated. I don't know that you ever get a real sense. You'd have to mic the bathrooms or the car's home.

00:17:03 Speaker_03
I'm always thinking that. I'm like, well, maybe they're just saying that, so my poor husband, I'm constantly like, do you actually think it's good? And then he tells me and reassures me, but I don't always buy it.

00:17:10 Speaker_10
That's why I always pass on the compliments that Kristen gives to Monica's food when she gets home from a girl's night at Monica's house, because she'll go like, my God, Monica's becoming such a great chef, and I think I better tell her that I received that third hand, because in person, who knows if you can trust it.

00:17:28 Speaker_11
You can also tell by seconds and thirds.

00:17:31 Speaker_10
how much everyone's eating. But what if everyone's on Ozempic this Thanksgiving? They're eating as much as they can, but it's just not a lot.

00:17:38 Speaker_11
Then they don't like it.

00:17:40 Speaker_10
Well, no, they might not.

00:17:41 Speaker_03
No, they hate it. I'm quitting. Okay. I can't even use second and thirds because my family and my husband's family, they would do second and thirds maybe even if it wasn't their favorite.

00:17:50 Speaker_03
They're just that type of family on Thanksgiving where they're really loading up.

00:17:53 Speaker_10
Great point. That's how the shepherds did it too. It could have been just average, but we're going to over consume.

00:17:58 Speaker_03
It's a holiday, so you just have to go for it.

00:18:01 Speaker_11
Oh, I'm so excited.

00:18:02 Speaker_10
Do you guys watch football at your house? Will you watch the Detroit lions?

00:18:06 Speaker_03
Not me so much. Maybe my husband and my brother-in-law might have it on. I've heard vaguely that they're doing better this season.

00:18:15 Speaker_10
For 47 Thanksgivings, we've tuned in in Detroit to watch the Lions get destroyed. But yeah, last year they almost went to the Super Bowl and they're doing well this year.

00:18:23 Speaker_11
Who are they playing on Thanksgiving?

00:18:25 Speaker_10
I think the Atlanta Braves. First time ever they're going to play a baseball team. Chicago Bears. Oh my God, a Civil War in armchair.

00:18:34 Speaker_11
It's Rob versus Dax.

00:18:36 Speaker_10
How are the Bears doing this year, Rob? They got a new quarterback. That doesn't sound like a great start.

00:18:40 Speaker_05
Well, I got the first draft pick the best quarterback and they're four and five.

00:18:45 Speaker_10
What's Detroit?

00:18:45 Speaker_05
Eight and one.

00:18:46 Speaker_11
Oh, I'm obviously voting for.

00:18:50 Speaker_10
Yeah, you got to.

00:18:50 Speaker_11
Yeah, I have to as a payback.

00:18:53 Speaker_10
I'll be OK with that.

00:18:55 Speaker_11
OK, OK.

00:18:56 Speaker_10
Well, we wish you a ton of luck hosting for the first time.

00:18:59 Speaker_11
You're going to be great. I need it.

00:19:01 Speaker_10
Let's let those glass dishes transition to room temp up on the countertop, maybe.

00:19:06 Speaker_03
Yeah, we're gonna go ceramic, I think, just to be on the safe side.

00:19:09 Speaker_10
Maybe go cast iron to just really, because that way, if it does detonate, everyone will be dead, so no one will have to deal with it.

00:19:15 Speaker_03
That's cool.

00:19:16 Speaker_10
That's a great Thanksgiving. Silver lining, yeah.

00:19:19 Speaker_03
Well, thank you guys so much. I know you hear this all the time, but thank you for everything you do. I am like a day one arm cherry. I get so much out of this show. This is surreal, but I really, really appreciate everything you guys do over there.

00:19:30 Speaker_10
Thank you. We really appreciate you. We can't really believe how much support we get.

00:19:34 Speaker_11
Yeah. Especially from smart, cute, nice Virgos. Yeah.

00:19:38 Speaker_03
That's really lucky. We're critical, you know. I know. I know. High bar. Oh my God. No, you guys deserve it. You guys are doing awesome things.

00:19:48 Speaker_10
Well, thank you so much. It's great meeting you. And I'm glad that we motivated the construction project.

00:19:53 Speaker_03
Absolutely. We'll see if it holds. Fingers crossed.

00:19:56 Speaker_10
It'd have been great if it collapsed in the middle, right? When she said that the dish exploded.

00:19:59 Speaker_03
I was nervous actually.

00:20:01 Speaker_10
All right. Take care. Happy Thanksgiving.

00:20:04 Speaker_11
You too.

00:20:05 Speaker_05
All right. Bye-bye.

00:20:07 Speaker_11
I really want stuffing now. that is like kind of something I guess you'd put wine bottles in or something. I cleaned it really well, but I was a little nervous because it was from the flea market. I was like, is it?

00:20:32 Speaker_11
I'll line it with wax paper before I put the mixtures in and mix it all up. Wax paper completely started disintegrating. So it was like in there.

00:20:42 Speaker_10
No, it wasn't leeching It was just I thought I would just pull it out and I couldn't then there were pieces of wax paper And I did you ate some oh well that explains That's where the fungus came from I guess I was eating with my toes that sure sure yeah toe-licking good

00:21:11 Speaker_00
They say Hollywood is where dreams are made, a seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored, and capture America's heart. But when the spotlight turns off, fame, fortune, and lives can disappear in an instant.

00:21:27 Speaker_00
When TV producer Roy Radin was found dead in a canyon near L.A. in 1983, There were many questions surrounding his death.

00:21:35 Speaker_00
The last person seen with him was Laney Jacobs, a seductive cocaine dealer who desperately wanted to be part of the Hollywood elite. Together, they were trying to break into the movie industry.

00:21:46 Speaker_00
But things took a dark turn when a million dollars worth of cocaine and cash went missing. From Wondery comes a new season of the hit show Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder.

00:21:58 Speaker_00
Follow Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of The Cotton Club Murder early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

00:22:11 Speaker_06
Hello, ladies and gerbs, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch Holiday Podcast.

00:22:18 Speaker_06
After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting, and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire.

00:22:28 Speaker_06
You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all.

00:22:40 Speaker_06
Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit. Can Cindy, Lou, and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out.

00:22:54 Speaker_06
Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

00:23:20 Speaker_11
Hi.

00:23:20 Speaker_10
There's two bucks going on. There's your Ohio hat. So you're a Buckeye. Correct. And then you have Bucky's blanket behind you, right? Is that a Bucky's blanket?

00:23:30 Speaker_07
You're very astute and observant. Yes. I didn't even make the connection between the two bucks.

00:23:34 Speaker_10
Are you an Ohio Buckeye living in Texas? Why do you have a Bucky's blanket?

00:23:38 Speaker_07
Well, I happen to travel down there once or twice a year. And every time I go down, I got to bring the kids back something from Bucky's.

00:23:45 Speaker_10
Okay. The kids love Bucky's.

00:23:47 Speaker_07
Yes. And if you can't tell the kids made me a fort.

00:23:51 Speaker_10
Oh, they made that really sweet. They did a great job.

00:23:54 Speaker_07
They did. I would typically have it in our master closet, but it isn't really conducive for this type of environment. It's the bane of my wife's existence. So I was forced to come up with another option. I think it's a better option.

00:24:05 Speaker_10
I love it. Do you have the same thing? Now my kids have just kind of left the fort building phase, but I have such conflicting feelings when I walk into the living room and the entire place is blankets.

00:24:16 Speaker_10
Cause I'm proud of them and I'm ruining the fucking cleanup. And I like, don't want them to make them and I want them to make them.

00:24:23 Speaker_07
Exactly. If you could see the rest of the space, it would be exactly what you're describing.

00:24:28 Speaker_11
Man, whoever branded Bucky's really did a great job.

00:24:32 Speaker_10
They weren't bucking around. They did a great, great job. OK, so you've got a crazy Thanksgiving story and we can't wait to hear it.

00:24:39 Speaker_07
It takes place back in 2011. My girlfriend at the time, we met in the spring of 2011. So the first major holiday that we were going to be able to spend together was obviously Thanksgiving.

00:24:52 Speaker_07
The relationship was blossoming and we were ready to move it forward. And she invited me over to her family's house for Thanksgiving dinner. This is a great opportunity show her parents that I'm upstanding young man.

00:25:05 Speaker_07
I've got my act together and to show that I'm full of dignity and grace.

00:25:09 Speaker_10
Yeah, real Michigander through and through.

00:25:11 Speaker_07
You can tell. Yeah.

00:25:13 Speaker_10
How disappointed was your own family? Because I got to be honest, when my daughters start telling me like, yeah, I've been with this dude for six months, I'm not coming to Thanksgiving. I'm going to be a little heartbroken.

00:25:22 Speaker_10
I'm going to be supportive, but I'm going to be a little heartbroken.

00:25:24 Speaker_07
Yeah, I mean, it kind of comes with the territory. You know, when your son or daughters found that person, they're not all yours anymore. And that was kind of the first step towards that. So it was fine. They understood. Okay.

00:25:36 Speaker_10
They wished you well.

00:25:37 Speaker_07
Yes, exactly. So went to their house, got there a little bit early to kind of ease the nerves a bit, enjoyed some adult beverages and kind of relaxed a bit. I guess to preface it, there's a couple of different types of Thanksgiving.

00:25:51 Speaker_07
You've got the more relaxed Thanksgiving where it's very casual, free flowing. You watch football all day. Hang out with the family you show up in whatever clothes you're wearing that day not a big deal then you got the more traditional formal.

00:26:06 Speaker_07
Sit down meal type thanksgiving that's what i was walking into so my nerves were a little bit ratchet up had you dressed up. Of course. Yes. Okay.

00:26:15 Speaker_07
So sat down for dinner and it's myself, my girlfriend to my left, her mom to my right, her father across the table. So we're at opposite ends of the table at the heads of the table.

00:26:27 Speaker_07
And then they've invited two friends that happened to be from out of town that didn't have a place to be for Thanksgiving. Didn't really know who they were, but they were at the opposite end of the table.

00:26:36 Speaker_07
So I'll preface what happens next by saying that my family has a unique, I don't know if it's a genetic trait or what, but certain types of food, whether it be like chicken or steak or bread, when we eat it, it doesn't get stuck in our throat, but it can give off that sensation that something is stuck, but it happens so frequently.

00:26:57 Speaker_07
I mean, it happens daily. All your family members suffer from this. A number of them do.

00:27:03 Speaker_10
Wow, I want to go to your Thanksgiving and just be constantly panicked I need to perform the Heimlich maneuver. Could you replicate the noise you would make? Is that what you were asking a while ago?

00:27:13 Speaker_11
No, no. My friend has this thing where his throat has webbing in it. Is that what you have?

00:27:17 Speaker_07
Honestly, I don't know what I have. He might have webbing. That's something I may need to look into. But it happens so frequently, don't think anything of it. So it's the formal dining room table.

00:27:29 Speaker_07
We've got the nice cutlery, the glassware, all the foods that you expect at a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Passing the food around, I'm loading up pretty much everything. I really enjoy myself some Thanksgiving dinner.

00:27:40 Speaker_07
I start my meal, make a calculated move, and start with an innocent, savory crescent roll, just to kind of wet the palate a bit and to ease into the better things and save those for last.

00:27:51 Speaker_07
So I take a bite of the crescent roll, and immediately I notice that sensation I was mentioning, where it feels like something's stuck, but like I said, I don't think anything of it. What a horrible disease. My panic meter is at a zero.

00:28:04 Speaker_07
Oh wow, you're so used to this. It happened at dinner last night, yeah. So I'm then thinking through my options, like, okay, let's move on to some green bean casserole. That's more of a slimy texture to it.

00:28:17 Speaker_07
So surely that is going to displace the crescent roll that's currently sitting in my esophagus. And lubricate the esophagus. I mean, it's a logical next move. So take a nice bite of the green bean casserole.

00:28:32 Speaker_10
Hold on, can I pause you for one second? This is such a disaster. All the people are making their plates and they're chatting and they're looking over at you and the last thing they're thinking is this guy is in a deep game plan to not start choking.

00:28:43 Speaker_11
Exactly.

00:28:43 Speaker_10
I'm sure your face did not betray you. It's not like you were telegraphing all these thoughts.

00:28:47 Speaker_11
Are you able to talk? Can you talk when this is happening or no?

00:28:50 Speaker_07
Oh yeah, I can talk, I can breathe like normally. Talk. It's a weird sensation. Weird, okay. I'm a very reserved person and I kinda like to take a back seat so nobody knows anything's going on at this point. Okay, great. Sure.

00:29:01 Speaker_10
Little do they know.

00:29:01 Speaker_07
The green bean casserole is ingested and it doesn't have the relief that I'm anticipating. Instead of acting as a battering ram and pushing the crescent roll through, it is now sitting on top of the crescent roll. It is beginning to stack.

00:29:17 Speaker_07
So my panic meter is now probably a five out of 10. Luckily, I've got my yeast in the hole. It's a foolproof way to clear anything that's sitting in there. The old trusty glass of water that's sitting at the table.

00:29:30 Speaker_07
I go and I grab the glass of water, take a nice big swig and waiting for that relief so I can relax. And the opposite happens. Instead of releasing all that food that's sitting in my esophagus, I feel it build up in the back of my face.

00:29:44 Speaker_07
You've got a clogged toilet on your hands now.

00:29:45 Speaker_11
Yeah.

00:29:46 Speaker_07
Yes, I needed a plunger to get rid of it.

00:29:49 Speaker_11
Oh my god.

00:29:51 Speaker_07
That sensation I never felt before and I could kind of hear like a gurgling sound, like a bubbling sound in the back of my throat as if the water is trying to make its way down through some sort of gap.

00:30:03 Speaker_10
Cameron, I can't tell you how much I would pay right now for video of this whole thing. If I had a camera trained on you watching all these developments.

00:30:11 Speaker_11
It's just like you keep putting stuff down.

00:30:13 Speaker_10
Also, if I'm sitting next to a guy who just built this plate and I look over and he's guzzling a glass of water.

00:30:19 Speaker_07
It was not going well for me. Oh, this is a nightmare. Now my panic meter is at a 10 out of 10 because I know I'm full blown choking at this point. Oh my God. So I am starting to gasp for air.

00:30:31 Speaker_07
And again, I'm trying to be reserved, but I really can't at this point because I'm literally choking and I can't breathe. And in between gas, I'm trying to hack up what's sitting in my throat. Oh, this is...

00:30:44 Speaker_11
Such a nightmare. Did you think like I should go to the bathroom and deal with this or no?

00:30:49 Speaker_07
I was too panicked to think. I sat where I was and was trying to handle the situation at the dinner table, which is not a good move. But my girlfriend's mother came around ready to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me. She didn't do it.

00:31:03 Speaker_07
And I don't know how she would have to begin with. She's five foot and I'm six two. So it's a little bit of a height differential. So I'm not sure there would have been much success with that. I'm gasping for air trying to release the food somehow.

00:31:16 Speaker_07
I'm able to finally hack up what's lodged in my throat, but in doing so, I've kind of upset my stomach.

00:31:23 Speaker_11
Sure.

00:31:23 Speaker_07
Okay. And so when I dislodge all the food, I ended up vomiting all over my dinner plate, obviously causing kind of a scene. Everybody's staring at me.

00:31:37 Speaker_10
This is awful. You're two, three bites in, you just yak like a dog on the plate.

00:31:42 Speaker_11
At a fancy, formal Thanksgiving.

00:31:45 Speaker_10
Gold-trimmed plate.

00:31:46 Speaker_07
Yeah, I wasn't making the impression that I had set out to make.

00:31:49 Speaker_10
And what are people saying like, oh boy, oh wow, is he okay? Everyone's forgotten your name at this point.

00:31:54 Speaker_11
Is that man okay?

00:31:56 Speaker_10
Is your guest okay?

00:32:00 Speaker_07
There actually was some concern, thankfully, that I was okay. I didn't feel okay. I was utterly just mortified and embarrassed about what had happened, but they did their best to console me and make sure I knew that everything's okay. Just start again.

00:32:14 Speaker_07
So I do.

00:32:15 Speaker_10
Start again?

00:32:16 Speaker_07
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's out of my throat. We're good to go.

00:32:20 Speaker_10
And the plate is then removed and then another plate is built.

00:32:25 Speaker_07
That part I don't remember specifically. All I remember is that there is a new plate that arrives.

00:32:29 Speaker_10
I can't believe, though, everyone's like, give it a second go. I would have been like, why don't you lay down for a while and let's get you a protein shake.

00:32:36 Speaker_11
Also, someone just threw up at the table. I feel like everyone was like, I'm going to take a minute also to eat because I'm not hungry.

00:32:44 Speaker_07
There was no fear and there was an eagerness to make up for codependency. Yes. I've given off a bad impression. I needed to make up for that. I fill up the plate again. I start to eat. And again, I feel that same.

00:32:57 Speaker_10
Of course you do camera. I don't know why you thought it was going to be different. You're like, I slammed my hand in a car door and, and that hurt. So I was like, I gotta slam this thing again.

00:33:07 Speaker_12
Oh, okay.

00:33:09 Speaker_08
I'm sorry. No.

00:33:10 Speaker_07
I learned from my mistake, though. I didn't try to force the situation. Instead, I just quickly excused myself and I make a beeline to the closest restroom, which unfortunately was five feet from the dinner table.

00:33:23 Speaker_07
And so I take a sip from the faucet, try to dislodge it, and again I feel it build up. So now all I think of to do is to just simply ram my fingers down my throat and force myself to vomit. Yeah, let's get everything out and start all over again.

00:33:39 Speaker_11
Again? New plate.

00:33:43 Speaker_07
Over the course of probably the next 30 or so minutes, it's a battle between me and trying to get something to pass on through.

00:33:50 Speaker_07
All the while I'm five feet from the dinner table while they are listening to the gagging and the vomiting that's taking place in the bathroom next door.

00:34:01 Speaker_10
What a mess. It's like she brought a fucking Rottweiler to dinner or something.

00:34:05 Speaker_11
Seriously. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Like, I feel the heat.

00:34:09 Speaker_10
Yeah, yakking that close. I wonder if they were like, because this is so unconventional, right? This is not like something people witness. I'm learning of this condition for the first time today that has stricken your whole family.

00:34:22 Speaker_10
So I got to be honest, my thing would be like, oh, that guy was hammered and we didn't notice. Now he's in there fucking puking on control. Like, he must have been shit-faced.

00:34:31 Speaker_11
Oh, see.

00:34:32 Speaker_10
What other logical explanation would there be?

00:34:34 Speaker_11
He's sick.

00:34:35 Speaker_10
He's a sickie.

00:34:37 Speaker_11
He is a sick boy. And you brought him here and he has a stomach bug.

00:34:42 Speaker_10
Oh, okay. You thought he's got a bug.

00:34:43 Speaker_11
That's what I would go to if this was happening.

00:34:46 Speaker_07
All right. Okay. The story does have a happy ending. I finally was able to get something to pass through. I don't remember how long it took, but it took an inordinate amount of time.

00:34:56 Speaker_07
And later that evening, my girlfriend at the time, when I realized that she had some genuine care that I wasn't going to die, I told her that I loved her for the first time. And then two years later, we got married and we've been married ever since.

00:35:11 Speaker_11
Your children like Bucky's.

00:35:13 Speaker_07
They like Buc-ees, they like the Buc-eyes, they like all Bucs. So, yes.

00:35:18 Speaker_11
So now you've been around that family a lot.

00:35:21 Speaker_07
Yes. And every time they pass me the green bean casserole, it is a running joke every single year. You're going to live with that till you're dead. Unfortunately, but they were able to overcome it.

00:35:31 Speaker_10
Well, I have one follow-up question after you were in there yakking for a long, long time. So close to the dinner table. Did you give up on eating that day? Does it ever get to the point where you're like, well, fuck it.

00:35:41 Speaker_10
Oh, we're going to try this again tomorrow. Let's answer that. And then I have a last follow-up question.

00:35:45 Speaker_07
I just threw in the towel. I said, I'm not even going to make a third attempt at eating because the first two were such a disaster.

00:35:51 Speaker_10
Let's just drink today. Now, my last question is, have any of the members of your family or yourself gone to the doctor and explain this whole thing and have they ever gandered in your throat?

00:36:01 Speaker_07
Yes, so it took two more instances of this happening. One was at a fancy dinner with the same, my in-laws. Oh my God. Which was a whole nother story. But I actually did go to the hospital to have it checked out.

00:36:15 Speaker_07
They do what's called an esophagram, where you drink the barium and then they see if there's any obstruction in your esophagus. Yeah. And they found nothing.

00:36:22 Speaker_07
So I am left completely and utterly clueless to what causes this, but it is a genetic thing in my family.

00:36:28 Speaker_11
I think you should try a new doctor and tell him about the webbing. I think you have that. There's almost like little, not spikes, but sort of that grow in. So a lot of food gets caught.

00:36:39 Speaker_10
Do you ever get pills lodged in your throat when you take medication?

00:36:42 Speaker_07
Actually, no, it's typically like the first bite I take of bread or a meat. And then after that, the muscles relax and it's not an issue. So I have no idea what causes it.

00:36:54 Speaker_10
Now I almost want to think it's like OCD, like you're so afraid it's going to happen.

00:36:58 Speaker_07
I think that did play into it. So immediately after that Thanksgiving incident, I did have a couple other of those instances, but I have not had that since. But when it does happen, my wife and kids know what's happening.

00:37:10 Speaker_07
Dad just excused himself to go throw up in the bathroom.

00:37:14 Speaker_10
Oh, so awful.

00:37:15 Speaker_12
Oh, my God.

00:37:17 Speaker_10
I can see this very much being the system in my house, too. This makes a lot of sense to me, even though it shouldn't.

00:37:24 Speaker_07
Silently leave and everybody knows what's happening.

00:37:26 Speaker_10
Well, Cameron, that was a great story.

00:37:28 Speaker_11
Yeah, really good.

00:37:29 Speaker_10
I really enjoyed that.

00:37:30 Speaker_07
I'm glad to share it with you guys. I listen every Friday and I love the Armchair Anonymous. It's a lot of fun. Hopefully somebody can relate to it, I guess.

00:37:38 Speaker_11
Yeah.

00:37:39 Speaker_10
There might be a legion of people that are like, I pulled that at a birthday party last month.

00:37:43 Speaker_11
I think there's a big group of you.

00:37:44 Speaker_07
These stories make me feel normal.

00:37:46 Speaker_10
Yes, that's the goal.

00:37:48 Speaker_07
I'm not alone.

00:37:49 Speaker_10
Well, great meeting you, brother. This was so much fun. Nice meeting you too. You guys take care. All right, you too.

00:38:11 Speaker_11
Okay, I'm gonna ask my friend what the name of that disease is.

00:38:14 Speaker_10
Okay, and I'm gonna tell you a story, because it reminded me of it while he was talking. Or do you want me to wait till the end? Maybe I should wait till the end and we'll talk to John.

00:38:21 Speaker_12
It's up to you.

00:38:21 Speaker_10
Well, let me tell it right now. It's very short. So Thanksgiving growing up for me was always at my Pippi and Grandma's house, my mom's parents.

00:38:29 Speaker_10
at that roadside motel you know about, the Colonial Motoring, because they had a big conference room and we would have Thanksgiving in there.

00:38:35 Speaker_10
And my grandfather, my Pippi, he had polio as a kid, and the residual effect of that polio was his throat was paralyzed. So when he ate, it was the most grotesque thing imaginable.

00:38:48 Speaker_10
He would chew his food forever, then he'd take a big gulp of water, and then, Monica, he would swish the food around in his mouth.

00:38:56 Speaker_11
Ew, ew, why are you doing it?

00:38:59 Speaker_10
Because you need to know every bite was like, you'd hear him at the head of the table. And he'd have to like kind of throw his head back. And then the result of all that was it took him like an hour and 40 minutes to eat. And we all had to hang.

00:39:14 Speaker_10
That was like the respectful thing to do. You can't imagine how slow my sweet Pippi ate and the noises that were coming out. And every now and then he'd be swishing and you'd hear. There'd be some of that going on.

00:39:26 Speaker_10
There was so much action going on at the end of the table.

00:39:30 Speaker_11
Could he drink?

00:39:31 Speaker_10
Did he drink alcohol?

00:39:32 Speaker_11
No, no. Was fluids a problem?

00:39:33 Speaker_10
That's what I'm saying. He would have to take a big gulp of water after he'd been chewing forever, then swish it around in his mouth and swallow.

00:39:40 Speaker_11
I'm asking, was he able to just drink water normally?

00:39:43 Speaker_10
That seemed to go fine. Maybe some swishing before he would swallow.

00:39:47 Speaker_11
Probably should have stuck with Slim Fast or something.

00:39:50 Speaker_10
Right, but he wanted those tasty morsels and all the trimmings.

00:39:53 Speaker_11
That was disgusting.

00:39:55 Speaker_09
It was a good opportunity for me to do my favorite person.

00:39:58 Speaker_11
Oh.

00:39:59 Speaker_09
This Thanksgiving, when you get your bird and all the trimmings, remember to hit your knees and thank the man upstairs. Take two, three hours and say your prayers. Say them good and say them loud. Take a couple bites. Hello. Oh.

00:40:12 Speaker_08
Thank God.

00:40:12 Speaker_09
Hello, John.

00:40:13 Speaker_10
Thank God for you, John. Good to see you. Monica just said, thank God, John, because you stopped me from doing Wilford Brimley longer. Oh dear.

00:40:20 Speaker_11
He was in one of those things where it was not going to stop, lest you appear.

00:40:26 Speaker_05
Need someone to step in. And where are you? I'm in Uniontown, Ohio. So Northeast Ohio, home of our favorite place. Cedar Point. Okay.

00:40:39 Speaker_10
America's roller coast. Ah, you know it well. We just spoke to a Buckeye who's down in Cincy. This story takes place in Cincinnati. Oh my, what if, what if John was at this Thanksgiving? My sister brought home this guy. Yep. Okay.

00:40:57 Speaker_05
No, but not to leave Monica out. The in-laws in this story actually lived in Suwannee, Georgia.

00:41:02 Speaker_11
No way! You got us all.

00:41:05 Speaker_05
Got to cover everybody.

00:41:06 Speaker_10
Six flags over Georgia meets Cedar Point.

00:41:10 Speaker_11
Six flags doesn't meet, it buys.

00:41:12 Speaker_10
Okay. Well, okay.

00:41:13 Speaker_11
Let's not talk about that.

00:41:14 Speaker_10
It's not kind and it's not polite. Okay. What year, what happened? Walk us through it, John.

00:41:20 Speaker_05
2018, we're in Cincinnati, Ohio. My wife and I got married in 2008, so we had been married for about 10 years at this time. We had children. We had been traveling back and forth between families. My family's in Northeast Ohio. I'm about

00:41:35 Speaker_05
fourth generation from a small town. So they're all located up there. And my wife's family had moved around quite a bit growing up from her father in sales. So they were in Georgia and my sister-in-law was in Cincinnati.

00:41:48 Speaker_05
So when we had no kids, it was no big deal going back and forth to Georgia from Ohio, throw kids in the mix. That becomes no fun. We start saying everybody meet in Cincinnati and everybody's happy. It's a neutral ground.

00:42:01 Speaker_05
Thanksgiving one year with her family, Christmas that year with my family flip flop the next year.

00:42:05 Speaker_10
Nice and clean.

00:42:06 Speaker_05
Yes. So I have two sons. My sister-in-law had one son at the time. Keeping the kids entertained during the preparation of Thanksgiving is not always an easy task. So we try to find something fun for everybody to do.

00:42:19 Speaker_05
My brother-in-law is a pretty active guy. He's in law enforcement. So he's like, hey, They're putting in this new bicycle park in a nearby town. I think it'd be great.

00:42:29 Speaker_05
We get all the boys loaded up, take the bikes over, keep everybody entertained before Thanksgiving dinner. We'll come home. Everybody will be hungry. Great. We've decided on this about a week prior to Thanksgiving.

00:42:39 Speaker_05
So I'm thinking, all right, this is my chance to bring up my childhood roots. You know, I grew up riding BMX and hitting jumps and doing all this stuff. So I'm like, dad's going to rule this Thanksgiving. Yeah.

00:42:51 Speaker_05
30 years ago, I used to be able to do this great thing. I stopped riding, but I was 13 years old. So, you know, no big deal. I still got it. So I look on my favorite place, Facebook marketplace. I'm going to go pick up a cheap bike.

00:43:04 Speaker_05
I'm going to take it down. I'm going to rule Thanksgiving. I find this nondescript bike for 50 bucks. And I'm like, Oh, this is a no brainer.

00:43:14 Speaker_10
And is it a BMX bike?

00:43:15 Speaker_05
Oh, yeah. It's actually a pretty nice bike, which should have raised some flags at the time. But I was like, this dude wants to get rid of it. And I'm pumped. I'm ready to, you know, get out there. And these kids don't know what's in for them.

00:43:27 Speaker_05
They're going to see it. So we get down to Cincinnati and we have an easygoing evening that night, wake up the next morning, bikes and everything get loaded in my brother-in-law's Honda Pilot, and we head over to the bike park.

00:43:40 Speaker_05
So we get there, and as I mentioned, this is a new bike park at the time. So new that everything is muddy. There's no grass, there's no nothing. It is pure swampy mud with beautiful asphalt blacktop track.

00:43:55 Speaker_10
So it's a pump track.

00:43:56 Speaker_05
Yep. Half of the area is like a real mellow pump track for kids. And my young nephew at the time was on one of those strider bikes where you're pushing with the feet, no pedals. I'm like, oh, this will be perfect.

00:44:08 Speaker_05
And then over to the side is like the X Games factor. That's like the jumps and all the stuff. So we start off on the pump track and the adults are kind of standing around. It's my father-in-law and I and my brother-in-law and the three kids.

00:44:22 Speaker_05
And there's a couple people coming and going, but it's pretty mellow. There's not a lot of people there. My oldest son at the time was about seven and he tires quickly of the pump track. He's like, this is lame.

00:44:31 Speaker_05
So we go over to the real jumps and I'm like, Oh, get ready. It's coming. Kids are kind of moseying around the track.

00:44:39 Speaker_05
And I'm thinking to myself now, I know when I was young and coming around jumps, people would go over the tabletops and they were getting air.

00:44:47 Speaker_10
You hit the doubles, hit the triples. You got to show off. That's right. That's why you're there.

00:44:51 Speaker_05
I'm like. hey, let's back up. Let's let dad step in here. So I'm thinking this is my time to shine. So I roll up to the first jump. So I push off and go down this incline and it immediately goes to a tabletop jump.

00:45:05 Speaker_05
And I'm like, all right, I start pumping. Well, when I was 13, I was 115 pounds soaking wet. Now I'm a full grown man on a child sized bicycle. There's a lot of momentum. Your center of gravity has changed greatly.

00:45:18 Speaker_05
I go down the track and I immediately realized I've got too much speed. This is not going to go well. So I hit the jump and attempt to adjust in air. And for whatever reason, I overcorrect. The handlebars go in a 90 degree angle.

00:45:36 Speaker_05
I hit the ground and the front tire smashes the ground and the handlebar goes into my left thigh and crash into the muddy ground grass next to us. Luckily, I had a helmet on. Thank God. I'm shocked.

00:45:52 Speaker_05
My brother in law kind of wanders over and he's like, Oh man, you ate it hard, didn't you? And I was like, it's not good. So I go to stand up and immediately feel blood rushing down my leg.

00:46:06 Speaker_05
and I sit down and in an attempt of self-preservation, jam my thumb into this gaping hole that's in my thigh.

00:46:16 Speaker_10
Really quick. So you have a puncture, the diameter of the end of the handlebar. Yes. Holy fuck.

00:46:22 Speaker_05
So for the listener, who's not been on a bike recently, that's like a half dollar. Yep. And I was so kind as to send some photographs.

00:46:29 Speaker_08
Oh shit.

00:46:31 Speaker_05
Oh, that's all those.

00:46:32 Speaker_10
Okay. Should we wait to look at them or should we look at them now?

00:46:35 Speaker_05
You can look at them now. It's going to be graphic now or later.

00:46:39 Speaker_10
Okay, so I'm looking at a handlebar with some, um, gore, some fucking literal meat. First of all, okay, John, this bike doesn't even have grips on it, does it? It's just got tape.

00:46:50 Speaker_05
It has grips. The distance you're seeing is how far into my leg it went.

00:46:57 Speaker_10
Oh my God, there's so much meat on the handle.

00:47:01 Speaker_11
Stop saying meat, stop saying that.

00:47:02 Speaker_10
Well, what else would you describe that as? It looks like fucking ground beef.

00:47:06 Speaker_11
Oh my God.

00:47:06 Speaker_05
There was a bruise on my butt that went so deep.

00:47:11 Speaker_10
Wait, it went through your thigh and pushed out your butt cheek?

00:47:15 Speaker_05
It did not go all the way through. Wow, holy shit. There was discoloration.

00:47:19 Speaker_10
How close were you to your femoral artery?

00:47:22 Speaker_12
I know.

00:47:23 Speaker_05
That's where we get to in the story.

00:47:25 Speaker_08
Oh my god.

00:47:28 Speaker_10
I'm gonna stop you for half a second and say, John, I'm so proud of your bravery. Because to humiliate yourself in front of your children, it's a unique low point in embarrassment. It's really hard to ever discuss again. This is awful.

00:47:39 Speaker_10
So I just applaud you so far.

00:47:42 Speaker_05
So I am there laying in a heap on the ground with my thumb in my thigh and trying to get everything under control. And my children have run up to me in tears. Dad's on the ground. He's hurt. Dad's going to die. And I'm like, everything's fine.

00:48:00 Speaker_05
Stop crying.

00:48:02 Speaker_11
Stop being a baby.

00:48:04 Speaker_05
I'm not crying. There was a lot of things going on. And luckily my brother-in-law being in law enforcement had been in a tourniquet training about two weeks prior.

00:48:16 Speaker_05
So he immediately comes John Rambo over, rips his belt off, throws it around my leg and start cinching up the tourniquet. I'm going to call 911, tells my father-in-law, keep pressure on it.

00:48:28 Speaker_11
Are you feeling woozy? Are you feeling like you're starting to lose it?

00:48:32 Speaker_05
I was 100% in shock. I don't remember feeling much pain. I was just trying to tell the kids to quit crying and be like, it's fine, it's no big deal.

00:48:40 Speaker_10
And being further emasculated by your already cool cop brother-in-law who's now saving you on top of it.

00:48:46 Speaker_05
Of course. I'm a traveling salesman living on an expense account with a beltline to show it and he's coming to save the day, so yeah.

00:48:56 Speaker_05
He requested to use an anonymous name since he isn't in law enforcement and to reference our childhood BMX favorite movie was Crew Jones. Is that from Rad?

00:49:05 Speaker_10
Rad. Oh, yeah. With the preposterous ending set piece.

00:49:09 Speaker_05
Hell Track.

00:49:09 Speaker_10
Yeah, with cereal bowls and spoons. How about the loving dance scene, Monica? Oh, it's all Monica. The bicycle dance scene is my favorite. This movie, the studio was like, okay, there's this huge rage among kids. It's BMX. They need a movie.

00:49:24 Speaker_10
And pause, it's Aunt Becky.

00:49:26 Speaker_11
Lori Loughlin, Massimo.

00:49:28 Speaker_10
Yes. So they're like, we got to serve them up a BMX movie, but it's got to also be a movie. So they fall in love. And there's this romantic dance bike scene in a dance studio. And the song is, send me an angel. It's terrible. Send me an angel.

00:49:46 Speaker_10
It was in their high school gym. Oh, it was in the gym? I thought she was doing ballet and he wheelied in. It was so corny. But we still watch it and loved it, yeah.

00:49:55 Speaker_05
We love it. So brother-in-law comes up with the belt, we cinch it off, everything's great. Father-in-law has his hands on it, and I'm noticing his hands are shaking, to which I'm like, this probably is a little worse than I'm letting on.

00:50:07 Speaker_10
What if you go, kids, resume crying. You were right.

00:50:11 Speaker_11
Didn't mean to gaslight you, this is very serious.

00:50:14 Speaker_10
Yeah, this might be my last time with you. Let's hug and cry.

00:50:18 Speaker_05
Brother-in-law is calling 911. The ambulance shows up and they have to install a proper tourniquet when they arrive and get me suitable to move. And they get me on this portable, kind of like a wheelchair, kind of like a gurney.

00:50:31 Speaker_11
Yeah, it looks like a gurney-ish on this picture.

00:50:33 Speaker_05
And then that was kind of their off-road thing. And right in that picture, I'm getting ready to transfer on to the gurney that goes in the ambulance. So they throw me in the ambulance and that other picture is me from inside.

00:50:45 Speaker_05
I have the wherewithal to pull out my phone and think, well, I need to message my parents and tell them, hey, happy Thanksgiving. So EMT looks at me and she goes, how's the pain? And I was like, fine.

00:50:58 Speaker_05
And she's like, I'm going to give you some fentanyl. This is 2018. And all you hear about fentanyl is everybody's dying.

00:51:04 Speaker_10
Especially in Ohio.

00:51:05 Speaker_05
Yeah. And I'm like, well, don't give me too much. Is this really necessary?

00:51:10 Speaker_10
We were so similar in this story until now.

00:51:13 Speaker_11
No, I like this part that you're aware, like, oh boy.

00:51:16 Speaker_10
When she asked me, I would have said 11 out of 10. Let's go.

00:51:21 Speaker_05
So we head off to the hospital and I'm coherent the whole time. And to the side, my brother-in-law loads us all in and calls my wife and says, Hey, we're coming back from the bike park. I've got all the kids. John is on his way to the hospital.

00:51:36 Speaker_05
You and your sister should go and meet him there. And that's it. My wife immediately goes white, off to the hospital they go. I arrive at the hospital the same time she's arriving, and in her recollection, when I arrived, I was gray.

00:51:54 Speaker_05
She said I looked like wet cardboard. The doctor's like, so, how much blood did you lose? And I was like, I've failed to measure how many cups of blood I lost. And he looked at the other doctor and she said, yeah, the EMT said he's kind of a comedian.

00:52:09 Speaker_05
Their first concern is the femoral artery and they're like, holy cow, we take this tourniquet off. Are we going to lose them? And you know, so they send me off to CT scan. The guy said it couldn't have been more perfectly placed.

00:52:22 Speaker_10
Silver lining.

00:52:23 Speaker_05
So it went in, missed my femoral artery, missed my femur bone, basically just hit all meat.

00:52:29 Speaker_12
Oh, there's that word again.

00:52:32 Speaker_05
And then basically the guy comes back and said, we're in good shape. All we got to do is stitch you up, staple you up. We're good to go. Oh, and we get back to the house from what everybody tells me.

00:52:41 Speaker_05
I basically came in, said happy Thanksgiving to everybody, went on the couch and passed out, missed all of Thanksgiving dinner.

00:52:47 Speaker_09
Yeah.

00:52:48 Speaker_05
Wake up the next morning and hear, way to go. My wife kind of giving me the, hey, thanks for scaring me to death and sorry. And we're swearing off athletic activities from here on. Sure.

00:53:00 Speaker_10
Repairing the relationship with the children.

00:53:02 Speaker_05
Doing my best to try to say, hey, our kids won't need therapy forever. It'll be okay. My thought the next day is, I cheated death. I'm a hero. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. You really flipped the coin.

00:53:15 Speaker_05
So I'm thinking, I am going to take these handlebars and I'm going to have to mount them in some place and be like, you know, look at these. And my wife's like, I want nothing to do with this bike. I want this bike out of here.

00:53:25 Speaker_05
I don't want to ever see it again. On the way home, I list the bike for sale on Marketplace. And two days later I get a message and the guy's like, that bike looks a lot like my bike. And he's identifying some of the key components of the bike.

00:53:38 Speaker_05
Come to find out this flipping bike is stolen. Curse from the jump, been inside my body. And I'm like, dude, I don't even want any money for it. Take it.

00:53:50 Speaker_05
And my brother-in-law, I called him right away when I got off the phone with this guy and gave him his bike back. And he's like, well, did you tell him what happened? And I was like, No, no, I left that part out. Sure.

00:54:02 Speaker_05
He doesn't really need to know that.

00:54:04 Speaker_11
He doesn't need to know it's full of meat.

00:54:05 Speaker_05
It had been through a lot in the time when it was out of his possession.

00:54:08 Speaker_10
He probably was like, this is so weird. This guy was clearly keeping the bike in his kitchen and he was making hamburgers and the bike fell over into the ground round and he didn't clean it up. What a jerk. That's probably what he thought.

00:54:22 Speaker_05
I got back to work after Thanksgiving. I was sharing the photos and the story with everybody at work, and I gained the kind nickname of Meat Plug from all the loving coworkers.

00:54:33 Speaker_11
You'd think you'd hear more meat stories on Thanksgiving, but... Well, I guess in that way it is on rant.

00:54:39 Speaker_10
Wow, John, what a great dad story. That's a real dad story.

00:54:42 Speaker_11
Classic dad.

00:54:43 Speaker_10
Moms aren't ever going like, I'm going to show them how good I was at 15 at this thing.

00:54:48 Speaker_11
No.

00:54:49 Speaker_10
Doesn't really happen.

00:54:50 Speaker_05
They're a little too wise, I think. Do you have a moment for me to invite my better half to say hello? Of course. This is my wife, Lindsay.

00:54:58 Speaker_10
Hi, Lindsay.

00:54:59 Speaker_01
Hi, Lindsay. Hi, nice to meet you.

00:55:02 Speaker_10
Did you find that retelling of the story to be honest? Did you agree with most of what you heard?

00:55:08 Speaker_01
Every time he retells it, I automatically get sick to my stomach and want to cry, because it was literally the worst day ever. Aw. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry you went through that.

00:55:18 Speaker_10
Yeah, that's not the ideal Thanksgiving.

00:55:21 Speaker_01
No, not at all. So now we just take it easy on Thanksgiving. We don't go anywhere. Lesson learned.

00:55:27 Speaker_10
Ride the couch, eat some food, watch the football. Not a time to be a hero.

00:55:31 Speaker_01
Nope, not at all.

00:55:32 Speaker_10
That's 4th of July in fireworks. That's when a dad should get into hero mode.

00:55:37 Speaker_01
Don't pass that along. Thank you guys so much. Lovely meeting you. Nice to meet you too. All right. Take care. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks. You too.

00:55:46 Speaker_10
Well, thank you, John.

00:55:47 Speaker_01
That was great with us.

00:55:49 Speaker_11
We appreciate it.

00:55:50 Speaker_05
Longtime listener. Happy to be here.

00:55:51 Speaker_10
Okay. Wonderful. We'll have a great Thanksgiving and take it nice and slow and back it down from there.

00:55:56 Speaker_11
All right.

00:55:57 Speaker_10
Take care. Bye.

00:56:02 Speaker_11
Wow. Wow.

00:56:03 Speaker_10
Wow. Your dad never pulled any of that kind of shit.

00:56:08 Speaker_11
No, no. That's why I think saying dads in general, maybe not men.

00:56:13 Speaker_10
Men, sure, but dads, they're trying to impress their kids. Back to Pip and my Thanksgiving, the other thing that would happen is we would play football on Thanksgiving.

00:56:22 Speaker_11
Sure, that's a big tradition for people, yeah.

00:56:24 Speaker_10
Yeah, the Roadside Motel had a huge field in back. and we would all play and it was generally snowing and it was cold. And yeah, uncles and grandparents, they went too hard. There was generally injuries. Wow.

00:56:37 Speaker_10
Cause you're trying to be your 20 year old self where you played football every day and now you play once a year on Thanksgiving when there's snow on the ground.

00:56:44 Speaker_11
It's like when you guys play volleyball.

00:56:46 Speaker_10
Yeah. Volleyball. Very similar. Or roller skating.

00:56:48 Speaker_11
You guys are all like really limping around.

00:56:51 Speaker_10
Yep. Takes us out for a bit. Okay. Let's talk to Nicole. Hi there.

00:56:55 Speaker_02
Hi, how are you guys? It's so good to see you.

00:56:58 Speaker_10
Well, it's wonderful to see you. Where are you?

00:56:59 Speaker_02
I am on a ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean right now.

00:57:05 Speaker_10
What? No way. You're on a cruise or a- No, this looks more like a military situation.

00:57:10 Speaker_02
I'm on a research ship. What? This is so cool. A research ship. Oh my god!

00:57:16 Speaker_10
What if we saw a whale leap out of the water?

00:57:18 Speaker_02
We're like really far away from everything. We are 1500 miles from Hawaii. Southeast. Basically right on the equator.

00:57:26 Speaker_10
Oh my gosh. This is so exciting. What are you researching?

00:57:29 Speaker_02
So we're all physical oceanographers. So we study currents and internal waves and mixing in the ocean. On this trip, there's something called tropical instability waves at the equator.

00:57:40 Speaker_02
If you Google image it, you can see these swirly features right at the equator. Do you want to know how they work?

00:57:46 Speaker_10
Yeah. Does it have something to do with the hemispheres? Tell me. I'm not going to guess.

00:57:50 Speaker_02
At the equator, there's currents that are going in different directions. So right at the equator in the Pacific, you've got water that's moving westward, so towards Indonesia.

00:57:58 Speaker_02
But then right north of it, and then also below it, like deep, the water is going the opposite direction, towards South America. But also right at the equator, you get this thing called upwelling.

00:58:08 Speaker_02
where there's like cold water that comes to the surface. So now imagine you've got a jet of cold water going one way and warm water on the sides. And so it creates this shear and it makes all these cool big eddy features.

00:58:21 Speaker_02
And we're basically interested in what that does to the ocean and mixing and the climate. Wow. Does El Nino come from there? It's kind of everywhere. But yeah, you often hear about the equatorial Pacific and these features show up during La Nina.

00:58:37 Speaker_02
years more than we happen to be in a lot in a year. Your life is so cool.

00:58:41 Speaker_10
How long will you be on this boat? And do you ever freak out at all that you're so far from land?

00:58:46 Speaker_02
Sometimes I freak out a little. On this particular cruise, I had to get an emergency root canal the day before. So I was a little freaked out that something would get infected and we're six days from land. Oh, God.

00:59:01 Speaker_10
That's scary. Six days from land.

00:59:03 Speaker_02
Yeah, I hated that sentence. But generally I have the utmost confidence in the crew and everyone knows what they're doing.

00:59:11 Speaker_10
And then last question about this. How long will you be out on this particular research project?

00:59:16 Speaker_02
About a month. We left on election day, November 5th. We'll be back December 8th.

00:59:21 Speaker_10
Wow. So you'll be having Thanksgiving at sea.

00:59:24 Speaker_02
I will be having Thanksgiving at sea.

00:59:26 Speaker_10
Okay. All right. So hit us with your crazy Thanksgiving story.

00:59:30 Speaker_02
Okay. So this Thanksgiving was back in 2007. I'm a senior. In college at UC Santa Barbara.

00:59:39 Speaker_10
Oh, IV DP Halloween.

00:59:42 Speaker_02
It's the day before Thanksgiving. So ordinarily I'd be driving up to my parents' house in the Bay area. like a five hour drive, but I had a physics lab in the afternoon.

00:59:55 Speaker_10
Oh, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

00:59:58 Speaker_02
That's rude.

00:59:58 Speaker_10
Yeah, that is rude.

01:00:00 Speaker_02
It was so rude. I was like, OK, I'll just wake up super early the next morning, get on the road at 5 a.m. It was kind of weird because the whole town is shut down. Isla Vista is a college town, right? So everybody is gone for Thanksgiving.

01:00:13 Speaker_02
The 24 hour burrito place is closed. But I was like, whatever. This is great. It's been a long quarter, I'm exhausted. It'll be so nice to like have an early night. So I packed my car ahead of time. I set the coffee maker.

01:00:28 Speaker_02
I set my alarm clock on my flip phone and stuck it outside my bedroom, just in the hallway. So I'd have to get up and get going the next morning. We'll switch perspectives to my parents' point of view.

01:00:41 Speaker_02
My dad wakes up at six or 630 and hasn't heard from me yet, but he's like, whatever, she just either didn't text or she's still sleeping because he knows that it can take me like a minute to wake up.

01:00:52 Speaker_02
It takes me a while to become a human in the morning. Very recently, I'd say in the last year or two, he's finally learned that he shouldn't approach me before I metabolize some coffee in the morning because he's just setting himself up for rejection.

01:01:05 Speaker_10
I live with you. So yeah, I'm very familiar with this.

01:01:09 Speaker_02
But once I've had my coffee, And I like sat for a while, then you can come in and you'll get a nice reciprocated hug. It'll be great. My mom wakes up at eight and she's like, did you hear from Nick? Is she on the road?

01:01:19 Speaker_02
And he's like, no, I haven't heard from her. And she's like, what? She was supposed to start driving three hours ago. That's kind of weird. It's Thanksgiving. She was excited to come start cooking. And she starts calling me and I don't answer.

01:01:29 Speaker_02
And she texts and I don't answer. And then. And she's like freaking out because she was not really happy with the fact that I was going to be totally alone the night before. She was a little freaked out that it was going to be this ghost town.

01:01:40 Speaker_02
And she starts tracking down some of my housemates phone numbers to see if she can get in touch with me. And through talking to them, they find out that one of my next door neighbors stayed in town the night before too. So give her a call.

01:01:54 Speaker_02
And she comes over and knocks on my door to see if I'm there and doesn't hear anything. So now my mom's really freaking out. Your car was still there, I assume. Car was parked in the back. Oh. She decides to call campus police.

01:02:06 Speaker_02
And she's like, I know it's way too soon to be putting out a missing persons report, but I'm just wondering. And I think because they're campus police and I live

01:02:16 Speaker_02
a block from campus and there's nothing happening on campus, they agree to go check on me. And they start asking my mom all these questions like, what kind of car does she drive? Has she been depressed or just like not really herself lately?

01:02:30 Speaker_02
Has she started seeing anybody new, anything out of the ordinary? And my mom's just coming up with all these scenarios in her head, like what happened? So they come over and start pounding on the door, nothing. Start like shouting my name, nothing.

01:02:43 Speaker_02
And eventually, I open the living room window. I live on the second floor. They have to like go over the rail and open the window and they come in and find my bedroom. And this is where I re-enter the story because I just woke up.

01:02:58 Speaker_02
to two cops standing in my doorway.

01:03:01 Speaker_12
Nicole, are you Nicole?

01:03:04 Speaker_02
Oh my God. My initial reaction is the house is on fire. And I look over and I see that it's 9.30 in the morning and I'm just like, shit.

01:03:11 Speaker_10
Four and a half hours past your alarm.

01:03:13 Speaker_02
Four and a half hours. Whoa. And I just immediately know as they're saying, your mom's really worried about you. I'm just like.

01:03:22 Speaker_02
yeah i bet i like specifically remember this feeling of trying to be respectful and sit up because these guys have gone out of their way to wake me up which is not part of their job description i don't think yeah yeah but i was like wearing this shirt that i knew just totally fell and exposed

01:03:40 Speaker_02
So I was just like, I can't get up. So I'm just lying there like, thank you. I'm so sorry. And they just kind of like shuffle out. And I go and pick up my phone and there are 37 missed calls and texts.

01:03:52 Speaker_02
And so I immediately call my mom and she tells me this whole story. And at first I'm like, my phone like must not have been on. But then I'm like, no, but that doesn't explain the banging and yelling of my name. I just, I'm a really excellent sleeper.

01:04:06 Speaker_10
I'll say.

01:04:07 Speaker_02
Wow.

01:04:08 Speaker_10
Yeah. I couldn't even go two hours past a known wake up time. Much less four and then people banging. And then presumably was your alarm going off in the hallway?

01:04:18 Speaker_02
It wasn't going off. No. I think it was one of those things where it just goes off for a minute and then you're on your own.

01:04:23 Speaker_10
Okay. It gave up at some point.

01:04:25 Speaker_02
It was a flippy. I think so. It was 2007 technology.

01:04:29 Speaker_10
I would have guessed, too, maybe you set it for PM. That's a mistake I make occasionally.

01:04:34 Speaker_02
I make that as well.

01:04:35 Speaker_10
Yeah, it's an easy mistake.

01:04:36 Speaker_02
That's why my phone's always on military time. Oh, yeah. Oh, to prevent that.

01:04:40 Speaker_10
That's a smart move. So did you get in the car at 930 all panicked and then race home? Did you make it?

01:04:47 Speaker_02
Yeah, and I'm so anxious the whole time. Yeah, I made it for Thanksgiving, but I felt so bad because I was like, I was supposed to help hook, not just like roll in.

01:04:54 Speaker_10
When you got there, did they go, Nick, are you using drugs? Were they perplexed by this enormous sleep in?

01:05:00 Speaker_02
My mom did say when I called her on the road, I was like, mom, they looked really mad. And she's like, well, they probably thought you were on drugs. Like nobody can do that. But no, they know me. I've never consumed any drugs in my life.

01:05:15 Speaker_02
I was just really good at sleeping. Did you have a flu shot the day before? I'm thinking that it was like, you know, when you're at the end of the semester and you're like in finals week and you're just pushing through, pushing through.

01:05:26 Speaker_02
And then the second your last final ends and you're so excited to go on break, you just get sick.

01:05:31 Speaker_11
Yes. Yeah. I'm thinking it was that phenomenon. I think it was that, plus this is the fault of the physics lab.

01:05:38 Speaker_10
Is that what it was the physics lab? Yeah. Although I'm going to now say I resisted the urge to tell you at the beginning of this story, but you and I are so opposite. So I would never choose to wake up super early to do a drive.

01:05:50 Speaker_10
I'd way rather drive at night. I would have definitely left the night before so I could wake up at home and all this.

01:05:55 Speaker_02
I'm definitely morning. My brain kind of stops working at some point in the evening and like it doesn't make sense for me to push on. I'd rather wake up at 3 a.m.

01:06:05 Speaker_10
Which means 730 with your conversion. Exactly. Oh, your poor mother, Thanksgiving. She had four hours of thinking you were, well, no.

01:06:19 Speaker_11
That's scary.

01:06:20 Speaker_10
No, she only had an hour. They will give a 9.30.

01:06:22 Speaker_02
That's a long hour and a half. She was clearly mad, but you can't really be mad at somebody for being unconscious. So there's like nothing to really do about that.

01:06:34 Speaker_10
You just gotta be mad at your husband at that point. That's the time to turn it.

01:06:38 Speaker_11
You transfer. Oh, my God.

01:06:41 Speaker_10
Oh, well, Nicole, I'm glad you survived that. I'm glad you survived your nap, I guess.

01:06:46 Speaker_02
Thank you so much. That's really kind.

01:06:49 Speaker_11
You needed the sleep.

01:06:50 Speaker_10
Come on, guys. Everyone get off my back.

01:06:52 Speaker_11
Women need a lot of sleep. That's the thing is you guys are acting like 930 so crazy.

01:06:57 Speaker_10
Well, it's not crazy unless you've set your alarm for five. Right. That's true. That's true. And you went to bed at nine.

01:07:02 Speaker_11
Remember one time, though, the night I got my COVID booster at like 1130, I woke up to banging and you were at my door. Do you remember that? You don't remember. But a bunch of people, bunch of people were calling.

01:07:18 Speaker_10
Was this when you also had the broken TV on your ground?

01:07:22 Speaker_11
That was a different time.

01:07:23 Speaker_10
Oh Jesus Christ. Another false alarm.

01:07:28 Speaker_11
Everyone was panicked. But eventually I guess I heard the door banging. But I probably wouldn't have if I wasn't already coming out of sleep. Or like maybe you were coming out of it at 9.30.

01:07:39 Speaker_02
When you're in that deep sleep REM cycle. Yeah, REM. Maybe Dax, you just never reached

01:07:44 Speaker_10
I think that is the case. Yeah. I don't think I'm ever there. I'm waiting to be attacked. Oh, well, Nicole, thanks for telling us that story. And I wish you guys a wonderful, is there a good Thanksgiving plan for the ship?

01:07:57 Speaker_02
There's three cooks on board that keep us very happy every day, and I'm sure they'll have something special for Thanksgiving.

01:08:05 Speaker_10
Oh, how about drinky poo? Is there drinky poo on the boat?

01:08:07 Speaker_02
There's none on the boat, none on U.S. research vessels. I worked on a British vessel a couple of years ago and you were allowed two units per day, which were like the equivalent of like a three or four percent beer, probably.

01:08:23 Speaker_10
All right. Well, Nicole, thank you so much for telling us that story. It was great to meet you.

01:08:27 Speaker_02
Yeah, you too.

01:08:28 Speaker_10
Take care. Wow, man, we just talked to somebody on a research ship.

01:08:32 Speaker_11
That was cool.

01:08:33 Speaker_10
Very. Her internet was banging, too.

01:08:36 Speaker_11
I know.

01:08:37 Speaker_10
We talked to a lot of home dwellers.

01:08:38 Speaker_11
For all these people who act like their internet's bad, it's like our boat lady had great internet.

01:08:43 Speaker_10
She's 1,200 miles from land. She had stellar internet.

01:08:45 Speaker_11
No more excuses, guys.

01:08:47 Speaker_10
OK.

01:08:48 Speaker_11
Happy Thanksgiving.

01:08:51 Speaker_10
Oh, yeah. Happy Thanksgiving.

01:08:52 Speaker_11
Do you want to say anything else?

01:08:53 Speaker_10
No, it's more of a downer. I was thinking I've missed a couple of things, but it wasn't because of sleeping in. You know, it was because of addiction. I showed up way too late to Christmas Eve one year and I missed my birthday one year.

01:09:04 Speaker_01
At least it was your birthday.

01:09:06 Speaker_10
Yeah, but it was rough because the messages were like, happy birthday, buddy.

01:09:09 Speaker_11
And then the next one, you slept through the whole day. Yeah.

01:09:12 Speaker_10
Yeah, I probably went to bed at like 9 in the morning on the morning of my birthday at Aaron's house. And then the messages went from happy birthday to where are you? Yeah, I was bad.

01:09:24 Speaker_11
I'm glad you're sober.

01:09:25 Speaker_10
Me too. Happy birthday. I love you. I love you.

01:09:31 Speaker_05
Do you wanna sing a tune or something, or a theme song? Oh. Okay, great.

01:09:36 Speaker_08
We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of farm cherries, we'll get some suggestions on the fly around this show.

01:09:58 Speaker_10
Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

01:10:12 Speaker_10
Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.