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Episode: Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within

Author: iHeartPodcasts
Duration: 01:32:26

Episode Shownotes

How do you handle negative self-talk? What helps you overcome self-doubt? Today, Jay sits down with Grammy Award-winning artist Alicia Keys as she shares her journey of self-discovery, resilience, and holistic living. Alicia founded Keys SoulCare, a skincare line emphasizing holistic well-being, and is a co-founder of the initiative She

Is the Music, advocating for gender equality in the music industry. The conversation sheds light into Alicia's evolution from a young girl with dreams to an icon balancing a multifaceted career. Jay and Alicia discuss the highs and lows of fame, navigating self-doubt, and the pressures of public life, providing listeners with valuable insights on managing stress and fostering a positive self-image. Alicia reflects on her childhood fears and the challenges of finding self-worth, candidly revealing how these experiences shaped her. She emphasizes the importance of staying grounded through practices like affirmations, journaling, and mindful rituals—habits that help her stay true to herself amid a whirlwind career. Jay and Alicia then talk about the beauty of affirmations and the importance of letting go of perfectionism, a journey that led Alicia to adopt a more holistic approach to life. In her partnership with husband Swizz Beatz, she finds a harmonious balance of "flow" and "design," where they support each other's growth and freedom. This dynamic extends to their parenting style, where they teach their children gratitude and self-acceptance while instilling a sense of humility and grace. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Embrace Your True Self How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Fear How to Find Confidence Within Yourself How to Turn Negative Thoughts into Positivity How to Discover Your Inner Strength How to Set Boundaries for Self-Care How to Be Kind to Yourself How to Trust Your Own Choices The journey through self-doubt, fears, and external pressures highlights the importance of staying grounded, trusting intuition, and letting go of the need to seek others' approval. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:54 What Would You Say to Your Younger Self? 05:34 When You Have the Need to Protect Yourself 09:02 From Being Doubtful to Becoming Curious 13:43 What Is Your Affirmation Today? 15:30 Stop Being Mean to Yourself 19:06 Finding the Will to Love Your Own Skin 26:49 Spend More Time with Yourself 32:14 The Gifts and the Gaps 36:19 What Have You Learned From Your Partner? 38:06 Having Healthy Conflict in Your Relationship 45:53 Finding Balance Between Control and Flow 47:51 The Love for Crystals 51:32 Losing the Ability to Trust Yourself 57:15 What Are Your Go-To Rituals to Feel Better? 01:00:08 Teach Your Children to Practice Gratitude 01:03:45 Allow Other People to Speak and Just Listen 01:05:22 Creating Safe Space for Children 01:09:35 Hell’s Kitchen on Broadway 01:15:19 Be Clear with Your Vision 01:22:12 How Have You Protected Yourself from Fame and Success? 01:26:32 Alicia in Final Five Episode Resources: Alicia Keys | Website Alicia Keys | YouTube Alicia Keys | Instagram Alicia Keys | Facebook Alicia Keys | TikTok See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Summary

In this episode of 'On Purpose with Jay Shetty,' Alicia Keys shares her journey of overcoming self-doubt, emphasizing the importance of trusting one's intuition and the transformative power of affirmations. She discusses her initiative, Keys SoulCare, which promotes holistic well-being. The conversation highlights the effects of external influences on self-perception and the necessity of self-compassion in personal growth. Alicia reflects on her relationship dynamics with Swizz Beatz, advocating for open-handed love and effective communication in nurturing mutual respect. This episode offers actionable insights on embracing one's true self while navigating the complexities of public life and parenting.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

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00:01:56 Speaker_06
You're going to get to that pole. You see that light? After the pole, you're going to get to that light. You see that tree after the light? You're going to get to that tree. And I discovered that that is how we get where we're going.

00:02:08 Speaker_06
If there's something that you love, go after it, because it's meant for you.

00:02:15 Speaker_00
The number one health and wellness podcast.

00:02:18 Speaker_12
Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.

00:02:24 Speaker_15
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. I'm so grateful for the amazing conversations that I get to have, which are all about human evolution, growth, purification, and cleansing.

00:02:39 Speaker_15
Today's guest is someone who has talked about this at length in her amazing memoir, in her documentaries, in so many forms. And today I'm so excited that we finally have her on the podcast in the flesh,

00:02:52 Speaker_15
person, although her voice and her energy speaks through the microphone at any time. Today's guest is the one, the only Alicia Keys, a 16 time Grammy award winning singer. Let me say that again, 16 time Grammy award winning singer.

00:03:08 Speaker_15
songwriter, musician, producer, founder of Key Soul Care, which you'll be hearing about today, New York Times bestselling author, film, television, and Broadway producer as well, accomplished actress, entrepreneur, and a powerful force in the world of activism.

00:03:24 Speaker_15
Alicia is one of the original founders of She Is The Music, an initiative to create change for women and build an equal future for music.

00:03:32 Speaker_15
Alicia sold over 65 million records, over 5 billion streams, and built an unparalleled repertoire of hits and accomplishments.

00:03:43 Speaker_15
Hell's Kitchen, the 13-time Tony Award-nominated original stage musical Alicia diligently worked for 13 years to create, opened on Broadway at the Schubert Theatre on April 20th, 2024.

00:03:56 Speaker_15
Today, we're talking about Alicia's holistic beauty and skincare line, Keys Soul Care, which I can't wait for you all to try. Welcome to On Purpose, Alicia Keys.

00:04:07 Speaker_06
That's so weird. Like, when you do all of that, there's something about it that's just so fascinating and wow. And thank you for having me and I can't believe we're in the flesh for the first time on this show.

00:04:21 Speaker_04
On this show.

00:04:22 Speaker_06
You know what I mean? This is so good and I love your show and I love your life's purpose. It's so beautiful. So thank you for having me in your space. I'm loving this.

00:04:33 Speaker_15
You've been so wonderful to me over the years, honestly. We've had such a sweet relationship whenever we've collaborated. Right.

00:04:40 Speaker_15
And from day one, you've always been so giving, but seeing as you reacted to that in that way, I wonder whether little Alicia, if she saw that that was her life ahead, what would have been her reaction if she heard all of those things were going to happen in her life?

00:04:54 Speaker_06
Like, you lying. Like you lying, right? I mean, you know, as a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions and desires and wishes, but you just don't know what is going to come for you.

00:05:14 Speaker_06
You don't know what's in your world or what's going to come into your world. And I think a lot of times we are built to doubt the possibilities for ourselves.

00:05:25 Speaker_06
And so for self-preservation and protection, we say, I mean, it's probably not going to be that way for me or, you know, you know how it goes for me. You do these things. And I remember doing these things.

00:05:37 Speaker_06
And it wasn't until I stopped doing those things that things really started to change. So I still have a piece of inside of me that that is that little girl that's kind of like, you know, you protect, you want to protect what might go wrong.

00:05:53 Speaker_06
And so I find that I do that sometimes, which maybe is what happened when you just rattled off all those things. And I was a little bit like, that is so crazy and weird and strange and amazing at the same time.

00:06:07 Speaker_15
Yeah, well, that's very relatable, I think, for people to hear that right now, to think that there was a time in your life where doubts and anxiety and fear would creep in further.

00:06:18 Speaker_15
It always exists for all of us, but that it controlled a part of your life. What were some of the doubts and fears and anxieties you had growing up, whether it was to your dreams or whether it was to life in general?

00:06:29 Speaker_06
Yeah, what you mean about... How about yesterday? You know what I mean? How about like three days ago? As a kid growing up, I think some of my fears really circulated around, I remember I felt fearful that I wouldn't

00:06:48 Speaker_06
or I felt like I had to protect myself from being hurt from people that I loved. I remember that. That was a thing, and I had to figure my way through that. There was a sense of lack that I was worried about.

00:07:04 Speaker_06
I was worried about this state of lack or not having enough money or not being able to hold on to what you started to get or things like that. I had to do a lot of work around that.

00:07:17 Speaker_06
That was a big one because you really can perpetuate that cycle just simply by the fact that you believe it can happen. You know, and so that was a big one. I think that, you know, there was a lot of fear or anxiety or worry around rejection.

00:07:34 Speaker_06
You know, there was a lot of that, especially as I started to become more a public figure where people, you know, could kind of choose to like or dislike. It was a difficult journey to understand that you're never, going to please everyone, period.

00:07:51 Speaker_06
And you're going to tear yourself apart trying to make sure every single thing is the way someone else wants it to be. But I had a lot of fear about that. And it was a struggle for me. And I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be liked.

00:08:10 Speaker_06
I wanted to hear a positive reflection back to me. And so it took a long time to kind of be like, Yeah, I don't, I can't depend on that. You know, I have to find my own stability. I have to find my own intuition. I have to find what I believe in.

00:08:28 Speaker_06
And at least I can stand on that. At least I can say I really believe that one, you know, if it didn't work out, but I really believed it. And I'm proud of it. You know what I mean? And that's a big one.

00:08:38 Speaker_06
You know, talk about even yesterday, I mean, Hell's Kitchen, where we talked about Hell's Kitchen, which is my musical, which has been a big dream in the making. There were moments where I'm like, is this going to work?

00:08:49 Speaker_06
Like, what if the whole, I have this whole vision. I know what I want, but what if for some reason the whole thing doesn't go the way I want? What does that mean? I mean, you have, many, many, many dollars.

00:09:02 Speaker_06
You have investors that you promised them to trust you. Can I carry this? Can I hold this? Can I manifest this? I mean, I would speak to my kids about it just because I wanted them to know that it's scary. You know, it's scary to dream.

00:09:20 Speaker_06
But does that mean I'm not going to dream it or not going to try it? No, I have to. So tons of things have been that.

00:09:29 Speaker_15
I feel like so many people who are listening right now would say, Alicia, I feel the same way. I talk to myself in my head and I think, I can't do it. I'm not meant for it. It's not going to happen for me.

00:09:41 Speaker_15
And at the same time, they have this voice inside of them that says, you're made for more. You're made of more. I know I need to believe in myself. And we kind of feel this internal battle.

00:09:52 Speaker_15
How did you, what was the work you had to do in order to go from someone who was anxious, doubtful, to become someone who manifested this beautiful, incredible full life?

00:10:04 Speaker_15
not that it's easy, not that it came immediately, but what was the work in the beginning stages that you had to reorient your mind? That's a great question.

00:10:14 Speaker_06
I think one of the things that I had to come to terms with is that pretty much nothing is going to come in a time frame that you think is going to come.

00:10:22 Speaker_06
So that's, and that's helpful because I think a lot of us are, you know, I mean, we're in such a digital space and we see all these things and we're bombarded with all these images and we're bombarded with all these kind of like carefully crafted posts of perfection.

00:10:40 Speaker_06
you get freaked out about it. But I'm, you know, and fortunately, I didn't really have to grow up looking at that. So I empathize deeply with this generation. We have to evolve as young people on a whole other level than I even had to navigate.

00:10:58 Speaker_06
But what I mean by and why it relates is I felt like I grew up in New York City, everybody's a hustler, you got to go fast, you got to make it happen, you got to stay up all night and get up crack of dawn and it's not going to happen if you don't.

00:11:13 Speaker_06
And I realized, wait, you know, as hard as I try to push the thing forward, When it's time, it's time. And if it's not time, it don't matter what I do. It doesn't matter how much sleep I don't get. It's not going to be time until it's time.

00:11:29 Speaker_06
And so I think that that steadiness of like, kind of, you just have to put one foot in front of the other is just as simple as that.

00:11:38 Speaker_06
And I remember when I did my first marathon, I ran in Greece and I figured I'd never do another marathon, so I might as well do something unforgettable. But I couldn't figure out how I was going to make it. Everything hurt. My feet hurt. My back hurt.

00:11:51 Speaker_06
My lower back hurt. My abs hurt. My body ached. And I couldn't figure out, how am I going to get there? And I remember I was running with my friend who trained with me and helped me, and he said, you see that pole? you're going to get to that pole.

00:12:07 Speaker_06
You see that light? After the pole, you're going to get to that light. You see that tree after the light? You're going to get to that tree. And it was literally that step by step.

00:12:16 Speaker_06
And so I discovered that that is how we get where we're going, like this increment of small, determined moments. And so I think that, as well as coupled with

00:12:30 Speaker_06
Taking that negative talk out of your space, like being very conscious, it happens, it's in your head, you hear it, you're like, tell yourself the opposite thing. I mean, that's how I started to really get into affirmations, which

00:12:48 Speaker_06
I realized that I had to create what I wanted to hear.

00:12:52 Speaker_06
And oftentimes, it's so many times, it's the barrage of everyone else's doubts and fears, and your parents, you inherited theirs, and you inherited all your peers' things, and you got all these things inside you that are not even yours.

00:13:05 Speaker_06
And so I had to create this connection with affirmations that allowed me to say what I wanted to hear. And so I had to become very mindful to notice the negative so that I could replace it. And when I did that, It really changed everything.

00:13:21 Speaker_06
It changed a bunch. And I had to stop saying things that I heard my mother say. I had to stop saying things that I heard whoever else I trusted say, because it wasn't serving me. Because she had picked up some stuff that I didn't need to pick up.

00:13:35 Speaker_06
I didn't need to hold it. Stuff like that has been how. How many marathons have you done now? I've done two. Okay, that's impressive. I did Greece and I did New York.

00:13:45 Speaker_16
Yeah, wow.

00:13:46 Speaker_06
And I realized, the craziest thing, I realized that what I was experiencing, that ache, that pain, that lower back, the thing was childbirth.

00:13:55 Speaker_06
I didn't know that because the first time I hadn't given birth, but when I gave birth, I recognized the sensations and it was similar to a marathon. It was kind of crazy, but there was a strength there that was really empowering.

00:14:10 Speaker_06
So only two, my brother's trying to get me to do another one. I'm like, nah B, I'm not doing it.

00:14:16 Speaker_15
My wife's doing London this year, I think, for the first time. She's been training. It's cool.

00:14:21 Speaker_06
When you do it, it's phenomenal, and you really discover that your mind is stronger than your physical being, and you really can find this place that you didn't know you could.

00:14:32 Speaker_15
Absolutely. What was your affirmation this morning?

00:14:36 Speaker_06
My affirmation depends on the day, right? So today, my affirmation is just, I'm going to be on time. I struggle to get my kids to school on time. It's killing me.

00:14:53 Speaker_06
My youngest son has just changed schools, and he's going to another school, so now I'm taking both kids to two separate places. I'm struggling. And my second affirmation is I forgive myself. It's okay. Like, grace. Have grace for yourself.

00:15:07 Speaker_06
You're trying your best. It's not like you're messing around and doing whatever. You're really trying your best, and you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Have some grace.

00:15:16 Speaker_15
I love those, they're so practical. I think all of us could do all of them. Right? They're great, yeah. And the time one's funny because it reminds me of my mum. My mum had to do the same for me and my sister. It's not easy.

00:15:25 Speaker_15
Because I went to an all-boys school, she went to an all-girls school, and so my mum would have to drop her and then drop me or the other way around sometimes.

00:15:32 Speaker_06
It is, it's more than a notion. You think I could do this if I just leave by this time and for whatever reason that time comes and goes over and over. So it's all good.

00:15:42 Speaker_15
But I love how simple that is. Like I think a lot of people also think affirmations always have to be this. profound, like, incredible statement and you're like, it's just to be on time and it's to forgive myself.

00:15:54 Speaker_15
And that's so real because we need to forgive ourselves every day. Yeah, it's okay.

00:15:59 Speaker_06
It's okay. It's really okay. So, you know, because you want the best. You want the best for yourself. You want the best for your family. You want the best outcome, you know.

00:16:08 Speaker_06
And it all comes from a good place, but I think sometimes we can beat ourselves up so badly about things that, you know, we can just give ourselves a little bit of a break and we can start again and try again and it's okay.

00:16:20 Speaker_15
What was the last thing you beat yourself up about really badly where you were like, I really made myself feel uncomfortable?

00:16:27 Speaker_06
I really try not to do that. I really do. I feel like I have a pretty good sense of self. And I feel like I have a pretty good sense also of reality. And so I don't over obsess.

00:16:45 Speaker_06
And I don't over kind of like, I'm not overly mean to myself, but I did think about that the other day. And I said, I did this. I didn't put it up yet, but I did this. I do these things called peace of peace.

00:16:58 Speaker_06
And, and I call this speak to me nice because you're not going to let someone else talk to you just any type of way. You're like, excuse me, how did you just, you just speak to me nice. But you yourself will speak to yourself in these crazy ways.

00:17:18 Speaker_06
And so I kind of was like just reflecting on you telling yourself, me telling myself, speak to me nice, like talk to me with kindness and love. I learned that from my son a lot because my youngest, he's like, he's a little tough on himself.

00:17:33 Speaker_06
And I'm like, hey, speak to yourself nice. And so, I think that is something that I've learned how to embody, and I really try not to spin out too much. But there are times, of course. But I'm like, this is really doing no good. I'm really freaking out.

00:17:51 Speaker_06
And I was just like, why? What are we doing in this space, in this cycle? Sometimes you got to freak out though, because you got to learn something from it.

00:17:59 Speaker_06
You have to take away whatever that is, or that energy, or that person who's spinning you like that, or that trigger that's triggering you like that. And you do have to kind of spin out just to be like, whoa, that actually gets to me a lot. Why?

00:18:13 Speaker_06
I've been learning a lot of that too.

00:18:16 Speaker_15
Yeah. I always like to remind people that guilt blocks growth and shame doesn't help you shift and judgment doesn't help you transform. Guilt blocks growth completely. It makes you wallow more in your guilt and shame makes you feel stuck.

00:18:34 Speaker_15
and shackled by it. Yes. And transformation is stunted when we're not able to be nice, kind, give ourselves grace. And it's funny because we almost think we can guilt ourselves into moving. Like if I guilt myself enough then maybe I'll change.

00:18:50 Speaker_15
I'll be motivated.

00:18:51 Speaker_06
Maybe I'll be motivated.

00:18:52 Speaker_15
Maybe you will for like a couple of days. But over time it runs out. If you shame yourself into change, maybe for a couple of days you'll eat better, work out more, whatever it is that you have your personal challenges with, but it's not sustainable.

00:19:06 Speaker_15
Like shame and guilt are not sustainable emotions and they run out of steam very quickly. And I was thinking about something that you've spoken about before is your journey with your own skin. and like how you've had skin anxiety.

00:19:19 Speaker_15
And I know at one point you went completely like no makeup at one period of time in your life. And then now of course you have this, you know, you're in the beauty industry now as well. And you really care about how people care about their internal.

00:19:34 Speaker_15
and the casing that we all have. And I know that you live a conscious, spirited life, which I really want to dive into, but I think often those of us who live spiritual lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body.

00:19:50 Speaker_15
And you can kind of- Disconnect from it, maybe. Yeah, disconnect from it. And so I wanted to ask you, how has your relationship changed with your skin that was something that brought you anxiety? Oh my gosh.

00:20:05 Speaker_06
I mean, it was forever. It was literally forever that I really struggled with my, with my skin. And, and you know, you're a teenager and your hormones and you get it and it's cool. And then all of a sudden I was like 18 and then I was 24.

00:20:23 Speaker_06
and then I was 28, and then I was 30, and then I was like 35. And I'm like, whoa, when does this thing stop? Like when? I thought like 16, 18, 21 maybe. Why is it continuing?

00:20:36 Speaker_06
And it was really hard to, especially to be in spaces where you would present yourself and you would feel just so self-conscious. I just felt so self-conscious. And I'm like, but there's a big bump right here.

00:20:50 Speaker_06
And then most people are like, I don't even see the damn bump, but I see the bump right here and it's huge. And it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable. You want to know why, too. You want to know what's the matter.

00:21:04 Speaker_06
Is something wrong? Why? Am I thought? What can I do to help this? And so that definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in the music world when I was 18, and so that was right kind of at the precipice and then the stress of the whole universe.

00:21:25 Speaker_06
of music was just so much. And I was trying my best to play it cool. I'm like, I can handle it. I can do it. But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.

00:21:33 Speaker_06
I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders and try to kind of like be calm or cool while doing it. And it was tricky. And my skin, I learned that my body reacts to stress. Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts to stress.

00:21:53 Speaker_06
Many of our personal bodies do this, which is obviously why even many dis-eases come to us from stress because

00:22:02 Speaker_06
It's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which is why it is so important for us to figure out what gives you peace, what calms you down, what makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin and you're yourself and these type of things.

00:22:20 Speaker_06
Of course, I didn't know what that was for a long time, but I realized that it was these relationships I was attracting.

00:22:27 Speaker_06
It was the level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no space for me to reflect or to sleep or to be with my friends and have those outlets that do give you a sense of calm.

00:22:47 Speaker_06
And so my skin was so reactive that I said one day to myself, if I one day, I'm going to make something that fixes this, this. I'm going to do something about this because I know I'm not the only one."

00:23:02 Speaker_06
And I realized as I began to live and experience so many different parts of my life, motherhood and raising young kids and finding time for yourself and getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me in real life, I realized that you really have to take care of your soul.

00:23:26 Speaker_06
Like you have to take care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care really came from all of these understandings and all of these realizations that no one's going to do it for me.

00:23:38 Speaker_06
Like no, as much as I really, really wish someone would stand up and be like, you, you're not good for her, get out of here. That thing, you, you need to stop.

00:23:46 Speaker_06
No, I have to be the judge of that and therefore I have to find my way to the understanding of how do I hear myself to know what is good and what is not or what is real or what is true. And so there were many things that brought me to that place.

00:24:01 Speaker_06
Some of them were meditations that brought me there and really brought me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No, I know six friends said this.

00:24:15 Speaker_06
Well, I know that very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think said this, but what do you think? And that became the practice of soul care and also these ideas of ancient rituals.

00:24:27 Speaker_06
And what are some special ways that we can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted to journaling. And I have a very difficult time. As a kid, I had a difficult time expressing my truth.

00:24:43 Speaker_06
And I realized that when I would journal or do this stream of consciousness, I could actually just release it. I could let it go. And if I'm not good at doing that to someone else, because I didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself.

00:24:56 Speaker_06
And so these practices of how do you depend on yourself to find your own grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which eventually became how I said, I'm going to make that thing to fix that thing. became this key soul care.

00:25:12 Speaker_06
And the idea was, to me, it's a philosophy. It's a way of life. It's a lifestyle. To me, you know, you know, the beauty industry or skincare industry, just like the music industry, all of it is kind of creating how to live within the chaos.

00:25:30 Speaker_06
And so how do we do it? Nobody teaches us normally. It's a blessing if someone does. But normally it's not. So finding these ways through affirmations,

00:25:40 Speaker_06
through the idea of really connecting to yourself and using the affirmations are on every bottle because the idea is you wash your face, you do that every day with the golden cleanser.

00:25:51 Speaker_06
You can also think about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many times we're over here, over there, back there, over there. How can you just be right here with yourself right now?

00:26:00 Speaker_06
And so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient rituals and where skin meets soul and soul care because we have air care, hair care, nail care, body care, home care, but we never had soul care. Why? So I wanted to start it.

00:26:16 Speaker_15
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more as someone who was very negligent of a lot of this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it. I've seen the value of, I'm a big fan of affirmations.

00:26:30 Speaker_15
I think even when it comes to cleansing my face, what that means, what that feels like, how different I feel internally because of it, how it can be a reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul, as well as that which is around me.

00:26:48 Speaker_15
There's so much of that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul that I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected they all are.

00:26:57 Speaker_15
What you were saying about stress I found really powerful because, so for me, my stress shows up as tightness in my body. Like I feel my stress is like it gets stored in my neck or my shoulders.

00:27:09 Speaker_15
And then I'm just feeling tight even though I was like, I didn't know I was stressed. I didn't know what I was going through. And as you're saying, for some people it shows up in their skin.

00:27:18 Speaker_15
I was going to ask you, there's a bit of an addiction we also have to stress and drama. And there's this feeling sometimes where we prefer it when we have stress and busyness and we're workaholics and we like the drama.

00:27:32 Speaker_15
And almost when there's peace, we almost get confused and lost because- Scared even. Exactly. We get scared, right?

00:27:38 Speaker_15
So what would you say to someone who's actually, they're listening to us right now and they're like, wow, I just realized that's who I am. I actually like, I choose stress. Do you think people come to that realization?

00:27:52 Speaker_15
I don't think people do it consciously, but I think unconsciously when I sit with people, they'll find that their inherited choice is to naturally stay busy, work a lot, create drama in their relationship, whatever it is, because we're more used to it.

00:28:10 Speaker_15
Not because we're bad people or because we're wrong, but because we kind of feel familiar And I'll give you the opposite example. I have lots of friends who'll be like, oh, I'm dating this guy and it's really peaceful on board.

00:28:22 Speaker_15
And so there's that, right? Where people actually have like peace and stillness and connection. We're like, yeah, there's nothing to talk about. So I don't think it's something that people do on purpose.

00:28:34 Speaker_15
And I don't think it's something that people even do it consciously. But I think we do like to stay busy and stressed to some degree. Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for On Purpose. It's finally here.

00:28:53 Speaker_15
And for World Mental Health Day, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI.

00:29:04 Speaker_15
So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast, and know that you too are having an impact. I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, their sweatshirts, a hat, t-shirts.

00:29:18 Speaker_15
Check it out on our website, jschettyshop.com. That's jschettyshop.com. And remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI.

00:29:30 Speaker_06
I am familiar with that as well. And I kind of was just telling you that I had the best summer. And it was my first summer where, you know, the last two summers I was on tour. And obviously those are just such a monster universe to try to like harness.

00:29:44 Speaker_06
And this summer was just like, I was like, I am creating peace this summer. I am doing the things that everything I can imagine I want to do, I'm doing it this summer. And it was really liberating, really liberating. But it also does reflect

00:29:59 Speaker_06
to myself, back to your point, the connection to the busyness equaling success or the busyness equaling something positive, when surely there's positivity there for sure, but there is an addiction that I think comes with

00:30:19 Speaker_06
this idea of having to feel every minute and feel every second. And also there's the avoidance that we're all likely experiencing where we don't really want to face all the things underneath things.

00:30:31 Speaker_06
So if we stay as busy as possible, we are like, literally, we don't even have time to think about those things or to reflect on those things.

00:30:40 Speaker_06
And so I do understand that lifestyle because I, I feel like for quite a while, I didn't even, I, I would just say yes because I'm used to saying yes. And I realized, wait, okay, you don't have to say yes. So do you want to say yes?

00:31:00 Speaker_06
Do you actually want to say yes or do you just feel obligated to say yes for any number of reasons? So I think it's very powerful. I think you're right. There's totally the drama that we are we've been conditioned. That's the right word. Right?

00:31:23 Speaker_06
It's around us. It's what we see every day. We've seen our parents experience it in different ways. We've seen our friends go through it in different ways. And therefore that becomes the normal for us.

00:31:38 Speaker_06
And when we kind of crave it, we become addicted to it. even without knowing it. So I think that practice of like, that perhaps is one of the opening.

00:31:48 Speaker_06
When you said, how did you get to a place where you could, you know, find yourself in a, where you are, I think part of that practice really did have to come to spending time with myself. And I made every excuse why I couldn't spend time with myself.

00:32:01 Speaker_06
My kids, I can't do it. My kids, you know, I can't leave them by themselves. I can't do it because I got to, you know, who else is going to do? I got to feed the family. You know, we got to do. And they all seem valid. Makes sense to me. Yeah, that's true.

00:32:15 Speaker_06
You're kids. You should probably make sure your kids are good. And if I don't make sure I'm good, how can I make sure anybody is good ever? And so spending time with myself was, I fought against it so much.

00:32:29 Speaker_06
But when I started to do it, I realized that I was more powerful than I'd ever been. And I was faster. I was able to do things quicker and more efficiently because I wasn't so cloudy. And that was cool. That was cool.

00:32:46 Speaker_06
When you start to feel that, where you're like, ooh, I don't have to spend so much time doing whatever action because I actually know what I want to do, and I'm decisive. Man, that felt so good. I had never felt decisive before in my life.

00:33:01 Speaker_06
I'd never felt clear without thousands of other opinions. I never felt like my own self. So that was big. But spending time with myself was, I believe, one of the keys to that.

00:33:15 Speaker_15
Yeah, when I'm hearing you talk about how much we have to filter from the outside world, you mentioned a few times your parents, people's parents, like a lot comes from our parents.

00:33:25 Speaker_15
And I know you spoke about it so beautifully in your book that I got to interview about, which I love that it was such a beautiful memoir that you wrote a few years back. And I was wondering, I always think about our parents giving us gifts and gaps.

00:33:40 Speaker_15
And they give us certain gifts and they leave certain gaps. And we end up spending our whole life trying to get other people to fill those gaps and give us the same gifts. And it creates a lot of good things and issues.

00:33:52 Speaker_15
So I was going to ask you, what would you say are the gifts you got from your mother and father and what were the gaps that they left and how did they affect you?

00:34:00 Speaker_06
Okay, let me sit up for a sec. Fix my shirt real quick. The gifts, the gifts, one of the gifts that I got from my mother, I would say, is her, is her strength.

00:34:16 Speaker_06
I feel like I really, I really bore witness to a woman who was like, not to be, like she just really, now I don't know if she wore that as an armor, you know, or what that was, but I found her to be quite like,

00:34:33 Speaker_06
like straight and clear and strong and there was kind of no getting around it. And you kind of just knew, okay, this is what it is.

00:34:45 Speaker_06
And I feel like I really received a lot from that as a woman, as a young woman, as a woman who would have to be at the forefront of her own life and career and really have to be in my space of power, be around a lot of people that want to take your power, steal your light, you know, lead you in the wrong spaces.

00:35:05 Speaker_06
I had to kind of be in my strength and I did receive that from her. what I received from my father was, I think, I think, I think I also received a level of self-determination because I had a unique relationship.

00:35:27 Speaker_06
My mother and my father were not married or together. And so one, I had to learn that that's actually not unique or different. You know, there's not some kind of like, family structure that's like the main one.

00:35:39 Speaker_06
I think we get painted that picture so much and then we feel... So true. We feel uncomfortable that ours doesn't look like that. But, so I had to kind of know who I was also, even in our relationship. And so I got a sense of self as well. Sense of self.

00:35:56 Speaker_06
The gap from the sense of self that I received from my father was probably maybe some feelings of not being worthy. So I received some of that and I had to restructure my brain around. And from my mother, I think I got a sense of fixing.

00:36:20 Speaker_06
I had to fix everything because in a lot of ways, if she was strong and angry, I had to be like soft and accommodating and kind of fix the situation. And so I think I received some of that, which I also had to rewire.

00:36:38 Speaker_06
No, no, no, I can't fix everything. I just can't, and I can't be in my relationships like that, because that's not going to work. Man, took lots of time, but those are my gifts and my gaps. I'm asking that to many people. This is a great question.

00:36:53 Speaker_15
Yeah, I think it has such a, we don't realize how much of an impact it has on every relationship that comes after those relationships with our parents and how it becomes like the guiding map of our whole life.

00:37:07 Speaker_15
And then you look back and you go, why am I expecting someone to give me this gift? It's like, because my parents gave me it, now I want everyone that loves me to show me they love me in this way. And I want them to fill this exact gap.

00:37:18 Speaker_15
And if they don't fill this gap, then they don't love me.

00:37:20 Speaker_15
Because that was where that self-worth you were saying of like, because if you were made to feel unworthy in a certain way, then you think anyone who doesn't show you love in that way, then they don't think you're worthy. But they may not.

00:37:33 Speaker_15
They're not aware of the gift and the gap. And they've got their own as well. So that's the complex part. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot. And I mean, obviously you've been married for what, 14 years now?

00:37:43 Speaker_06
Yes. Congratulations.

00:37:44 Speaker_15
Thank you.

00:37:45 Speaker_06
That's amazing.

00:37:46 Speaker_15
That's beautiful. We're like, whoa, that's crazy. We love it. We love it. Yeah. I always, whenever I see you both, you seem so happy and joyous and, you know, complimentary to each other.

00:37:57 Speaker_15
I think what I find really fascinating in relationships is what people end up teaching each other. What would you say Swizz has been able to teach you and what have you taught him?

00:38:05 Speaker_06
He's definitely taught me how to be much more in the flow. It's all about the magic of the moment and allowing the flow. Just slide into the slipstream. Let it happen. Let it happen. That's been a big lesson he's given me.

00:38:25 Speaker_06
And what I've been able to give him is probably a little bit more of like, let's design what we want to have.

00:38:35 Speaker_06
You know, as we're letting it happen, let's also like design it and craft it and strategize it and create it and schedule it so that it can really, really happen. And I love how we balance each other like that.

00:38:48 Speaker_06
There's been just so much growth between us and so in such a positive way because we really do complement each other. So it feels natural in those ways.

00:38:58 Speaker_15
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Take a moment to reflect on someone you're grateful for. Maybe a friend, a mentor, or even your therapist. There are people who show up for us in big and small ways, and it's important to acknowledge that.

00:39:14 Speaker_15
But let's not forget to thank ourselves too. Life can be chaotic, and some days just getting through is a win. So be kind to yourself. You've overcome so much already. And remember, gratitude can also empower you to grow.

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That's BetterHelp.com forward slash JaysTop3. Sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible. But when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life.

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One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the small wins in life.

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00:42:20 Speaker_15
So I'm you and my wife, Swizz. So I'm like that, I'm like very intentional, very like, I'm like strategy, designed, intentional life. Right. And she's just like this ball of energy. Dream, dream.

00:42:34 Speaker_15
But I wanted to ask you, because those things seem like they're at loggerheads with each other, right?

00:42:39 Speaker_15
Like they seem like on the outside, that would seem like, well, if he's like, go with the flow and you're like, yeah, but we need to know what we're doing.

00:42:46 Speaker_05
What time.

00:42:47 Speaker_15
That sounds like, a terrible matchup. Like that sounds like a fight ready to, you know, wait to happen.

00:42:53 Speaker_15
Yeah, an explosion because that's completely contradictory in terms of him being in flow and same with Radhi, like being completely this bundle and ball of energy and joy. And then we're both trying to be more thoughtful and strategic.

00:43:08 Speaker_15
So how does that, how have you allowed each other to operate as who you are and take without feeling like someone's trying to change you or that you've got to be someone else or they've got to be someone else.

00:43:21 Speaker_06
Yeah, no, I think it's a good point. Well, first of all, I don't think, I think actually it tends to work better when there's two different perspectives, right?

00:43:29 Speaker_06
Because if you think exactly what I think and I think exactly what you think, then we might get to that place of, boredom that we discussed. But what I took from what you said on board, I took almost like, there's not a stimuli, right?

00:43:43 Speaker_06
There's not like the stimulation that comes sometimes. And I think that might happen if you're almost too similar.

00:43:49 Speaker_06
There's a stimulation from meeting an opposition and meeting like a different way of thinking and then having to think about it and put it into your world. So yeah, I think that

00:44:02 Speaker_06
The flow is just because I love how he thinks, and how he thinks is so uniquely him, and it does inspire me. And yet I can still be connected to my own. And similarly, I think how I think does inspire him. He says, let me think about that more.

00:44:17 Speaker_06
Let me put a little more thought into how we're doing this. And yet doesn't have to take him from his own. So we've, ever since the day our vows, were about this idea of loving with an open hand. There's a beautiful thought of loving with an open hand.

00:44:34 Speaker_06
you know, that everyone should be free to fly as they want to fly. There should never be a closed hand over or around someone. You know? Oh, I really like that. You know, it should be this open hand. And so we really have always looked at it like that.

00:44:49 Speaker_06
He'll always say, she's her own boss. I don't have anything to do with whatever she's choosing. Don't call me and ask me to try to get her. I can't. She's her own boss, so talk to her about whatever that might be.

00:45:04 Speaker_06
And so there's always been that respect there that we each have our own way of flowing and it works.

00:45:10 Speaker_15
It works. Yeah, that's beautiful to hear and I love that. Did you write that? Was that a poem that you came across?

00:45:16 Speaker_06
I don't remember where that came from, but I wrote a song about it that never came out. No way. Yeah, and I always loved that metaphor.

00:45:23 Speaker_15
So do I. Just as when you were moving your hands for anyone who's not watching.

00:45:27 Speaker_06
Right.

00:45:27 Speaker_15
Alicia was moving her hands from being open to holding one of her hands closed.

00:45:32 Speaker_06
And we do that. We stifle each other and hold each other and demand these things and don't want people to be free to express and feel fear and worry when people are bright and shining.

00:45:45 Speaker_06
And we feel sometimes afraid of that, that they would somehow not need us anymore or not want us anymore. But there's this beautiful thing of just being this equanimity. That's what I've always experienced with him, is like this

00:45:59 Speaker_06
the equanimity between us that I've never felt anywhere else. And it's natural. We just have a similar frequency that we vibrate on and it just works.

00:46:10 Speaker_06
And I've been in situations where it's like, man, I kind of have to keep, can you come up here with me? Or I have to go, you know, find that. But it's like, we're not quite on the same level.

00:46:22 Speaker_06
And so that means something, you know, finding that frequency that vibrates with you is a thing.

00:46:28 Speaker_15
Yeah, no, I love that. I wrote a chapter in my last book called, Your Partner is Your Guru. And it's that, I feel that way. And I think that the quality that's required so much in long-term relationships is humility.

00:46:43 Speaker_15
And it's the hardest quality to have with your partner often, where we have our biggest egos. And we say this is the person we love the most, but they're the person we have the least humility with.

00:46:55 Speaker_15
Like if they don't like what we're wearing or if they give us feedback or... It hurts the most because... It does.

00:47:02 Speaker_06
Because the love is so, so, so pure. Yeah. Yes. Good point.

00:47:07 Speaker_15
But it stops us sometimes from... opening up as you're talking about, as you have been able to.

00:47:13 Speaker_15
Like it stops you from sometimes learning from that person because you think your way is the right way or that what you learned and what you inherited was the right way to solve a problem. Especially I'm imagining when you have kids.

00:47:24 Speaker_06
That's what just hit me like a ton of bricks because we do find ourselves in those circumstances where naturally something that he might feel is quite different from what I might feel in regards to the kids. And

00:47:39 Speaker_06
And I think that anytime that's happened, I can reflect that there surely is a better way of communicating what it is. And I find that that is the most powerful part.

00:47:53 Speaker_06
How do you choose to communicate with the people that you love is really the key to kind of life.

00:48:02 Speaker_06
That energy that you're giving and how you're choosing to communicate will make the difference between something where you both can evolve and both can say, I get it.

00:48:11 Speaker_06
I see what you mean, and you can see what I mean, and we can kind of find our way through it, or a big argument. It's just a pain, because then you got to do all that, which we actually don't argue. We don't argue.

00:48:25 Speaker_06
Surely we get upset or we disagree, but there's not like a yelling and screaming and an arguing and a chaos and a slamming and a throwing. There's not that.

00:48:36 Speaker_06
We respect each other too much for that, and I really appreciate that that's the energy, because I do also appreciate that many people have to. or choose to, or find themselves in the place of experiencing that type of, you know, interaction.

00:48:53 Speaker_06
And man, I mean, that is just so stressful and hard all around. So I'm proud that we can, like, find that place. And it is possible. It is possible.

00:49:03 Speaker_15
Well, it sounds like you've both been quite intentional about your relationship from your vows, from the beginning of like, what does this look like? Right. And what are the barriers around disagreements?

00:49:13 Speaker_06
Right.

00:49:13 Speaker_15
Like we're allowed to disagree, we're allowed to, and the same with me and my wife, we have a rule as well, like no yelling, no raising the voice, no, obviously nothing physical, but like, there has to be a very clear way of solving this.

00:49:26 Speaker_15
And we're allowed to disagree, we're allowed to end, on completely two different sides of a conversation. We don't have to end with the perfect resolution.

00:49:34 Speaker_15
It may not be the way, but we don't have to get there in a violent, aggressive, or tension-filled way through our words or our actions or how loud we are, because that pushes the person away so much. I've read this poem that was talking about

00:49:51 Speaker_15
when people argue, they have to shout and scream because that's how distant their souls are.

00:49:57 Speaker_15
And so even though you're standing right in front of them, their soul is so far away from you that you have to shout in order to communicate, but you don't realize that that just pushes them further away.

00:50:09 Speaker_15
and that actually if you whispered and you were quiet and- You would draw them closer. You would actually draw them closer. That's a bar. Yeah. I love that. I love that metaphor. I need to hear this song that you've written about the hands.

00:50:23 Speaker_06
I'll find it. At least I'll send it to you, but I'll find it. I really like it. It's special. It's a special song. I wrote it when I came back from Egypt.

00:50:31 Speaker_06
And so it was a while ago, but I took a special trip to Egypt and I did a lot of songwriting right after that. And that was kind of one of them. And it was actually in honor of my godmother, who did experience quite an abusive relationship.

00:50:43 Speaker_06
And so the line was, the tightest grip is an open hand.

00:50:51 Speaker_15
I love that. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. How do you decide that a song doesn't come out? Because how many songs does an artist make that never- So many. In your lifetime, how many songs would someone have never- Two, three hundred. Wow. Yeah.

00:51:13 Speaker_15
20 albums left.

00:51:14 Speaker_06
So many, so many that just, you know, half done or, you know, didn't quite just come together or just didn't have that special thing enough to go to the next level or time passes and your relationship to yourself is changing.

00:51:29 Speaker_06
So what you were expressing at one point just doesn't represent where you are now. And so then that kind of has its own. In fact, one of my albums, Keys has a song on it called, Is It Insane? And Keys came out in like 2023.

00:51:44 Speaker_06
And Is It Insane was written in like 2000. It's like, but it was not ready until that moment. And then it was ready. So back to that whole thing where nothing's ever ready when you think it's time. And then finally you're like, oh, it's time. I get it.

00:52:04 Speaker_15
Yeah. And time's usually, you're so, when you said that earlier, I thought of it. I was like, time is actually what puts anxiety onto everything. If we say I have to have achieved this by this age,

00:52:14 Speaker_15
that's now the anxiety because if it took twenty three years it took twenty three years and you got there in the end but if you said this has to be ready this year, that's what put anxiety on everything and i was thinking about that you're so right that when i make something,

00:52:31 Speaker_15
not on the universe's time and not on divine timing and it's on my timing, that's when- You're stressed about it. That's when I'm stressed about it.

00:52:39 Speaker_06
You're freaking out.

00:52:40 Speaker_15
Yeah. And of course there are things you have to, like if you have contracts and commitments and- You have to get it in a time.

00:52:46 Speaker_06
Yeah. You do your best.

00:52:47 Speaker_15
Yeah. But it's when we're asking or trying to manifest things that we put time on it changes. You were saying you love crystals earlier. I was wondering, what's your favorite crystal and where did you find it? How did you learn about them?

00:53:00 Speaker_15
I feel like you have such a deeply spiritual side and I want to hear about it because I don't think we've dived into this before.

00:53:07 Speaker_06
That's a good one. Man, okay, so where did my love for crystals come? First, I think that I've learned that going to these crystal shops, there's something so beautiful about the process.

00:53:22 Speaker_06
And I remember doing a beautiful book called The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron, I believe her name is, and like tried and true book, like classic. And one of the things that was beautiful about it is she says, take yourself on an artist date.

00:53:37 Speaker_06
So once a week, you were meant to take yourself on an artist date, which meant you could go with no one except yourself. And you had to think of what would serve you on that date, which is quite hard for many of us. Like, what will make me happy?

00:53:50 Speaker_06
Where would I like to go? In crystal shops. is what I discovered was one of the things I loved. I loved the peace and the serenity. I loved exploring every name. I found that if I went to one, it would be exactly the one I needed.

00:54:06 Speaker_06
I would just look at the way it looked and I would pick it up. I'm like, that's what I need right now. I need more courage. I need more, I need more manifestation. I need more clarity.

00:54:18 Speaker_06
When I did take my trip to Egypt that we talked about, I learned that the native, it was native to where we were, was the lupus lazuli, that blue powerful stone. And I just became fascinated with it.

00:54:29 Speaker_06
So the more that I discovered, the more that crystals became a part of my life. Even in my son's pocket, I'll put a crystal if he's feeling worried.

00:54:39 Speaker_06
Or if he's feeling like, or if he needs a little grounding, I'll put a crystal in his pocket, or I'll tell him, hold it, just because I do know there is something about the power of crystals.

00:54:48 Speaker_06
And that, in fact, is one of the most kind of secret parts of key soul care, because the crystals are infused into the offerings. And we have these beautiful offerings called the illuminating serum, which I just love,

00:55:04 Speaker_06
We need to illuminate as much as possible, and they are really based on these crystals. So one's the Moonstone Aura, and that is so good manifestation. One is the Bronzite Aura, and that is all about courage.

00:55:17 Speaker_06
And one is the Quartz, the Golden Quartz Aura. So each one has these powers that even you should put on your body, in your universe.

00:55:29 Speaker_06
And I just love that because there is such a, there is a strength, there is a power, there is a mysticism, there is a, there are these ancient rituals.

00:55:37 Speaker_06
Like our ancestors did these things hundreds and hundreds of years ago and we've sometimes lost touch with those rituals and those ancient ways. And so I love discovering them and they really give me a sense of like,

00:55:54 Speaker_06
I feel like I have something in my pocket that like is going to help me and I really, really love it or on my body.

00:56:02 Speaker_15
Yeah, now you can put it on your body.

00:56:03 Speaker_06
You know, it feels like, and it illuminates you so it also gives you that glow that's just really already within you.

00:56:10 Speaker_15
Yeah.

00:56:11 Speaker_06
That's the point.

00:56:12 Speaker_15
No, I love that you've infused it in the offerings because I feel like I too love that.

00:56:18 Speaker_15
Sometimes you see a crystal and you're just drawn to it or you see a gem and you're just drawn to it and you can't explain it because it's not like you were into that color or you're into that shape and all of a sudden you're just like, why am I attracted to this thing?

00:56:32 Speaker_15
Because you need it. Because you need it, exactly. I think we've lost the ability to trust ourselves on what we need because everything's become didactic and tactical and kind of too formulated.

00:56:48 Speaker_06
I'm very moved by this because as we were just talking about kids and you know as a parent you think about We do take, we can, we have the power to take the trust from people when they feel like they can't trust themselves because we judge them.

00:57:15 Speaker_06
on something that they've decided. And we do this as adults to each other, we do this as parents to kids, we do this as friends, you know?

00:57:24 Speaker_06
And we do this thing where we judge a person, and now we've taken away a bit of their trust in themselves because they feel like, hmm, this person made fun of me when I did this. I won't do that.

00:57:35 Speaker_06
But your instinct was to do this, and you loved it when you did it. You were happy, you were excited, you were giddy. And perhaps we allow people to steal that from us, but many times we're not in a position of awareness.

00:57:49 Speaker_06
So we just find that we then distrust ourselves. And I think that's a big one, because how can we start to trust ourselves again? How can we practice like, no, no, this is good for me. You might not like it, it's cool. You don't have to do it.

00:58:05 Speaker_06
I'm not telling you to do it, I'm telling you I'm doing it. And I think that's really, And I hope that we can first be a little bit more conscious of always injecting our opinion on everybody as parents, as friends, as elders.

00:58:22 Speaker_06
And secondly, as the people who have to navigate our way through that, remembering that if that was our first instinct and we felt joy with it, you know, then there's something in there to learn or explore or find the color in or curiosity.

00:58:38 Speaker_06
And I want us to do, I want us to not forget that. That's a big one you just said.

00:58:44 Speaker_15
No, so well said. I couldn't agree with you more. And I remember when I first trained to be a coach, the number one training was how you don't project your life and your limits onto anyone. Like that's the core skill because That's all we do all day.

00:59:00 Speaker_15
Like someone says their idea and we project our view to it straight away, right? Like someone's like, hey, I want to be a singer like Alicia Keys. And you're like, nah, it's not going to happen.

00:59:08 Speaker_06
Yeah, but that's probably not, so you might as well. Yeah.

00:59:10 Speaker_15
And it's like, but you have no idea what they're saying. You don't, you're not listening to them. There's no, there's no learning and you're just projecting what you feel.

00:59:17 Speaker_15
Or someone says, hey, I think I'm quitting my job and pursuing my passion on this thing. And you're like, no, no, no, don't do that. Like that's risky. And it's like, well, maybe they don't see it. Maybe it's needed. Yeah, maybe it's needed.

00:59:26 Speaker_15
Maybe risk is okay for them. And you're so right that our friends, our family, and we, we do that to others. And we do to our partners as well. Like when they're just saying, hey, you know what? I think I need a weekend off this weekend.

00:59:39 Speaker_15
And you're like, no, maybe there's a few things you need to get done. And they're like, yeah. And what you said so beautifully is we stop people from trusting themselves. Like, I think that really resonated with me.

00:59:54 Speaker_15
That's why I feel the fact that you've infused all these crystals into your offerings, I love that because it's a daily reminder of trusting. Yes. I always say this to people, I'm like, we don't use our senses enough.

01:00:10 Speaker_15
Like the scent is so powerful, right? And your products smell amazing. And the scent's amazing. And it's like, we underestimate how much we know what we need by scent. Like, I love it.

01:00:22 Speaker_15
I remember when I first got a massage and they brought out all the different oils and they said, smell, which one do you want? And they were like, you know by smelling. And I was like, what does that mean?

01:00:32 Speaker_15
And then you do it and then you're like, oh, wait a minute. I do know. I do know that I need number three, which has lavender and eucalyptus or whatever it is, because I'm seeking rest and relaxation. Or I do need citrus because I'm seeking energy.

01:00:45 Speaker_15
And you know, right? But we don't use that scent. We don't use our power of scent, of sight, of sound to know what we need.

01:00:55 Speaker_06
And the part that I love about what you said and the knowing, the affirmation on the illuminating serum is I give myself permission to glow.

01:01:06 Speaker_06
Because I just, so many times we just, or we stunt the growth, or we stunt the glow, or we feel embarrassed by the fact that we are, you know, bright and, or we, to your point about the addiction to the negative, like if we are feeling good, how many times have you felt good, but your friend wasn't feeling so good?

01:01:26 Speaker_06
So you kinda, they might say, well, how are you feeling? I'm all right, but you're really actually great. And you're actually glowing.

01:01:34 Speaker_06
And I think sometimes we dim, you know, I know we dim our light, which is another affirmation on the candle is, you know, this idea of not dimming your light. Like don't dial it back, you know, because we do it. And it's only because we don't,

01:01:54 Speaker_06
We want to be kind to the people that we're around, but I think there's an inspiration that comes from giving yourself permission to glow. There's the empowerment that a person looks at you and says, They look like, and I want to feel like that.

01:02:10 Speaker_06
I'm going to do more of that, giving yourself that permission. I love that. It's a really special reminder.

01:02:17 Speaker_15
What are your go-to rituals when you are having a day that is just hard, stressful, tough, demanding? What's your go-to non-negotiable set of rituals that Alicia Keys turns to when?

01:02:30 Speaker_06
When it's really, really crazy.

01:02:31 Speaker_15
Yeah, when it's really tough.

01:02:32 Speaker_06
I definitely find that one of my go-to's is for sure a meditation. I just find that I try my best to meditate frequently so that I do find that that balances you. You don't have to kind of fix what's happening, you find a continuity with the balance.

01:02:51 Speaker_06
But I do find that when I need it, I really relate to a meditation. It kind of just brings me back to the center. It brings me back to, again, that quietness. I get a second of quiet.

01:03:04 Speaker_06
Even if I have to wake up before the kids, I'm gonna wake up at 5.30 so I can have 20 minutes of just like, or I'm gonna make up at 5.45, whatever it is, and I really,

01:03:16 Speaker_06
find that settles my spirit, because usually if I'm having a tough one, I'm not sleeping well either, because it's just like the internal noise and all those things. So I really love the ground there. I will journal.

01:03:30 Speaker_06
I find that the journaling is also really, again, I've always had to just kind of release things more freely than I find I can do with other people. So that really helps. A really good workout, key.

01:03:46 Speaker_06
Get me sweating, get me feeling the power of your body. That helps me a lot. Then, of course, I'm going to wash my face. I'm going to release, as we talked about, the golden cleanser. It's going to let me let it go.

01:04:00 Speaker_06
I have this beautiful, rich transformation cream, and on it, It says, I welcome all circumstances as a catalyst for change. And so I can probably reflect on the fact that this isn't bad or good. This is just a catalyst to change something.

01:04:19 Speaker_06
And then I get my illuminating ceremony because I'm going to be glowing and I'm giving myself the permission. And I do love a bath. I do love a bath. I do love back to the oils or the herbs.

01:04:31 Speaker_06
I find that even the crystals can come into play if I need to just kind of like ...

01:04:37 Speaker_06
release something, and definitely the intentions and the affirmations come into play, because I find that whatever's bothering me, it's something that's challenging me.

01:04:45 Speaker_06
Maybe I don't want to fail at something, or I don't want something to go wrong, and I kind of use that to say whatever it is that I might need. hey, sometimes it's just gonna be a hard day. Maybe it'd be a hard week.

01:05:02 Speaker_06
Maybe it'd be a hard month, but doing that consistently, I know I'm fueling myself and I'm pouring in there and I feel better.

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01:08:28 Speaker_15
What works for kids? Like what rituals do you feel you've actually been able to pass on?

01:08:32 Speaker_15
Because they're young and I always feel like a lot of parents want their kids to do things, but I feel like you may be mindful in knowing what works and what doesn't and them having their barriers. What do they like and what do they not like?

01:08:45 Speaker_06
Well, I used to force Egypt to meditate. I was like, you want whatever you want, come meditate with me. That worked for a while. He's really big now and he's 13. So I feel like I could still kind of push him into it, but it was cool because he, I think,

01:09:01 Speaker_06
When I do my meditation, he can say every word, so can Genesis. And even though they don't necessarily do it with me all the time, they know it and they feel it and they hear it.

01:09:11 Speaker_06
And so I do think that idea of kind of like just sitting with yourself again is a great practice for kids because it doesn't have to be long, five minutes, cool, really quick. A lot of the times, I'm also talking to my kids a lot about gratitude.

01:09:27 Speaker_06
I think gratitude is the key, key. It's the most simple but potent key to changing the energy.

01:09:37 Speaker_06
I know I've felt times before where I'm like, I'm just pissed off that someone did something and I'm like, and I'm sick of it, I'm trying to take it, and I am steaming. And I'll just like start to list what I'm grateful for.

01:09:51 Speaker_06
It changes everything, everything. And I try to also share with my kids that, you know, give thanks. Give thanks and also pray. Make a prayer for what it is you're thankful for and what it is you're looking for.

01:10:06 Speaker_06
And I promise you, you will open every door for yourself. I promise. Every time I leave the room, my older ones, sometimes I'll pray with them. Sometimes I let them, you know, be in his own zone. And I say, don't forget to pray.

01:10:17 Speaker_06
Don't forget to be grateful and pray because the gratitude is key. I really do feel that it's a key ingredient to settling and definitely to joy, which I think is what we're all looking for.

01:10:34 Speaker_15
Absolutely.

01:10:35 Speaker_06
Right? Absolutely.

01:10:35 Speaker_15
It's joy. I love hearing what you're passing on to the kids and I think so much of it is them watching you do it, or them doing it with you.

01:10:42 Speaker_15
And I think you're setting a good example and that makes it easier because there's only so much you can tell a kid to do something, but if you're there doing it, showing up, turning up, then they're going to join you.

01:10:51 Speaker_06
They get used to it.

01:10:52 Speaker_15
Yeah, they get used to it. And they see that at least mom values it. Even their names though, like Egypt and Genesis, I feel like those names are so powerful.

01:11:00 Speaker_06
Man, I love those names.

01:11:02 Speaker_15
Yeah, they're really powerful.

01:11:04 Speaker_06
I mean, yeah, Egypt, it's been so cool because even just as watching him grow and he's always been super into architecture and math and I'm like, man, maybe that, I feel like the name connection really brought that to him in so many ways and Genesis is,

01:11:22 Speaker_06
Like, whoa, I'm like, we might've needed to rethink naming that boy Genesis. But it's so good. He's so kind of strong and clear and he doesn't bend. And I really appreciate that for him because I spent so much of my life bending and contorting.

01:11:43 Speaker_06
shifting and changing and trying to please that I love. He's like, no, and he won't. That's it. I'm like, okay, I need you to try to be a little bit fluid, like a little fluid on occasion, not every time, just once in a while. But I love that for him.

01:12:02 Speaker_06
I love that he's clear. He's clear and that's it.

01:12:05 Speaker_15
What's something you've been trying to learn recently or work on recently internally for yourself?

01:12:11 Speaker_06
The kids are working. What have you been? I think I've just been working on just listening. Yeah, I think that we all have such big personalities.

01:12:23 Speaker_06
I think I feel for the kids sometimes, like their dad has this huge personality and we have this big personality and I answer every question and I react to everything and I'm always saying, yeah, oh, yeah. And sometimes I'm like,

01:12:40 Speaker_06
I think I can just be more silent.

01:12:42 Speaker_06
I think I can just actually, let me allow them the space to, and everybody, the space to just kind of feel, share, say what they're saying without neither encouragement nor discouragement, just like perceive what they're saying and let them just speak.

01:13:00 Speaker_06
So I think the listening is really cool, not always reacting, not always sharing, not always saying something.

01:13:08 Speaker_15
just like being more more more silent more taking the space just yeah that's what i'm working on yeah i love that i couldn't agree with you more i think it's like it's such a rare thing actually for someone to actually just listen and

01:13:25 Speaker_15
not have a reaction and for them to know that they can keep, I feel like when you listen that way, people feel like they can actually speak from a deeper place.

01:13:34 Speaker_15
They're not just thinking and speaking, they're feeling and speaking because you're listening from a feeling space as well.

01:13:40 Speaker_06
Yes.

01:13:41 Speaker_15
And I wonder, how do you explain fame to them or explain, or do they, how do they, how do they interact with, you said your big personalities, but both of you have big lives. Like how did they make sense of it?

01:13:54 Speaker_15
Or are they still too young and they don't?

01:13:56 Speaker_06
I mean, they're pretty present, you know, they're pretty present. I think about that often. I mean, I'm, I'm very much about I want us all in spaces that feel very, very normal. I am very, very about that.

01:14:14 Speaker_06
I love to take them to their classes, and I love to drop them off at school, and I love to ... We go and we go hang out at the park, or we go somewhere, we do what we do. And I really love that ease.

01:14:27 Speaker_06
So I really want to put them in environments that feel like that. So of course, you know, on the other side, they're on the tour bus for three months and that's also different.

01:14:38 Speaker_06
So they, I think, but I do think they have a pretty good balance about it all. And they're pretty like everyday kids, you know, and I love that about them too. I wonder how it feels or how they affect them. They're both very empathetic.

01:14:52 Speaker_06
Like I know sometimes if we're out and someone, you know, they might've caught someone who wants to take a picture, but ma, just take a picture, ma. And you know, when it's the right time, I'm like, okay, cool.

01:15:01 Speaker_06
But if it's the wrong time, then it's also, but I'll go say hello. So happy to see you. Hope you're great. Thanks for saying hi. And it just might not be the right time. And that's okay too. So just showing them the boundaries too.

01:15:15 Speaker_06
But I think that, you know, sometimes I'll say, Genesis will be like, ma, You know, in school, they're like, that's Alicia Keys. It's like, so annoying, mom. I'm like, that is annoying. I feel you, that's annoying.

01:15:32 Speaker_06
But you could just tell them that's your mom. Like, you could just tell them, I know that, I see what you mean, but that's actually just my mom.

01:15:38 Speaker_06
So you could tell them that, and then each of, you know, he's getting big and really strong in basketball, and he's like, doing so many amazing things. He has a great instinct.

01:15:48 Speaker_06
And, you know, really, like when we'll walk into a room, it'll be me and Swiss. And if it's in the basketball universe, they'll be like, there's Egypt. Like they actually are starting to know Egypt's talent. And so it's really good.

01:16:00 Speaker_06
And it's wonderful that he has all of his own space. And I think sometimes he might feel like, that's what I want. I want to make sure that it's not because of whatever else, you know?

01:16:11 Speaker_06
And so I feel for them, but I think that they're pretty cool about everything. They have a good head on their shoulders. They're kind, they're loving, they're thoughtful. That's beautiful. I'm really proud of them for all of them.

01:16:24 Speaker_06
We have a beautiful big blended family and I'm proud of all of them because each has such a special, unique, cool personality and I'm just like, y'all are really cool.

01:16:35 Speaker_15
I love it. I feel like you've been in the music industry for so long. I want to know how Hell's Kitchen felt like to be able to take parts of your story, inspire, to see your music on Broadway. I mean, that feels like, was it a different challenge?

01:16:58 Speaker_15
What was that like for you to have to go from recording in studios, making music, traveling to then doing Broadway? What did that look like for you? How were you creatively involved?

01:17:10 Speaker_06
It was definitely, as you said, it's been a 13 year process.

01:17:15 Speaker_06
And I think that's made it very cool, like really almost enjoyable, because whereas maybe sometimes with, because it was such a passion project, I knew it wasn't all going to happen quickly or at once.

01:17:32 Speaker_06
And so I would be able to kind of take myself out of my like, quote unquote, normal life and go into this workshop phase with Hell's Kitchen.

01:17:40 Speaker_06
And I'd be able to figure out like, what are, you know, what's the storylines me and the writer, the book writer would get to it. And we'd say, here's the themes and here's the, and here's the stories, and let's start to build this universe.

01:17:52 Speaker_06
And then when the director came in, Michael Greif, he was really instrumental. He's kind of like that, me and Chris Diaz, who's the book writer, are a little bit more the newbies, and then Michael Greif is like the parental figure.

01:18:06 Speaker_06
He's like, this is what we do. We do this, we do this, we do this, we're good. And sure enough, we'd be like, wow, we needed that. We didn't really know where we were going. So he was like a beautiful guide and light.

01:18:18 Speaker_06
And then as time passed, you know, being able to connect with the public theater, who's the theater who did, you know, Hamilton and Chorus Line and all of these incredible, incredible shows, even the softs they did.

01:18:32 Speaker_06
And, you know, there's so many beautiful things that they, that created another level of like, clarity and just refinement and really being able to bring it to life. So all these things kind of happen in pockets.

01:18:44 Speaker_06
It'll be a three-week process and then we'll hold tight for a minute. It'll be a two-month process and then we'll hold tight a minute. And then it'll be six months of just heavy and then we'll hold tight a minute. And so it really gave me the capacity

01:18:58 Speaker_06
to hold the container for the story and for the meaning. And I would always be able to come back to it and say, this feels right, or something's wrong about that. We have to figure that out.

01:19:09 Speaker_06
And then when we brought in the choreographer, she became another part of this beautiful tapestry and she was creating movement around the songs in a way that I just never

01:19:20 Speaker_06
heard it before and the orchestrator who's also been a partner to me in many ways musically, Adam Blackstone, you know, we would create different versions and instrumentals and I wrote new songs.

01:19:31 Speaker_06
And so it was all these pieces and parts and you could start to feel little by little how it was all the right timing. But I feel like the biggest, I wouldn't call it a challenge, I'm looking for the right word, the biggest-

01:19:47 Speaker_06
Yeah, maybe the biggest growth or the biggest awakening that I had with it was realizing that I could take this moment and I could almost take everything that I ever didn't do right and I could fix it. I could learn from it.

01:20:07 Speaker_06
I could take it, the knowledge, and I could put it into this process and I can fix it. I could do it right because I actually had the experience.

01:20:20 Speaker_06
And so my intellectual experience that I had gave me the ability to really look at it in a way that I had truly never had before.

01:20:31 Speaker_06
And then because of that knowledge, really cultivating the strongest team of really awesome people in this particular universe to assist me as a newbie, you know, as a person who hadn't quite

01:20:46 Speaker_06
traverse this path yet, was so inspiring and enlightening and empowering to really see that when everybody is the best at their field, you really can create something that truly is magical. And so I learned so much from it.

01:21:07 Speaker_06
And obviously that's been years and years and years and years and years. And even just seeing it off Broadway and having to navigate our way through, how can we perfect the story? And there's still more to perfect. There's still more to craft.

01:21:19 Speaker_06
And doing that and being open and listening and really just being open, too, was tremendously rewarding. So that day when we got that announcement that we had been nominated for 13 Tonys, It was freaky.

01:21:36 Speaker_06
The 13, the 13, it was just all like, something's really divine here. Wow. It was unbelievable. It's been such a hands-on. I am notoriously anal, but in the best, most loving way. Yeah.

01:21:54 Speaker_06
Because I know what it's supposed to be and I'm not going to let it go until it's right what it's meant to be.

01:22:00 Speaker_15
Have you always been like that with all your music since day one and everything? Yeah.

01:22:03 Speaker_06
Yeah.

01:22:03 Speaker_15
It takes that. Yeah. That's what it takes.

01:22:06 Speaker_06
I've also learned how to back off to let it flow, let it vibe. It's okay. You got to back off of it sometimes, but I'm definitely a smidge of a control freak.

01:22:19 Speaker_15
Walk me through how you've refined that perfectionism because in one sense, the reason why you have 16 Grammys and all the rest of it is because

01:22:28 Speaker_15
all the success has come from that level of work and ethic and effort and perfection and, you know, all of that, like tinkering and iterations and, and everything.

01:22:39 Speaker_15
And then where have you learned to let go or where have you, what, what is it that you've done to flow? At what point do you allow it to flow? If someone's listening and they're like, at least I'm a perfectionist too.

01:22:49 Speaker_06
Yeah. I think that, you know, definitely having the vision for what you want to create is wonderful. And you likely are the only person that has that vision. If you, you know, pass that off to somebody, the vision will shift, right?

01:23:07 Speaker_06
So, which might be needed at a certain point. But I think being comfortable saying, I really have this vision, I'm very clear about it And following that is wonderful.

01:23:20 Speaker_06
Then I think starting to let other special, not just anybody, but special folks who you realize they're additive, you know, that what you create together or what they bring to the table can enhance the vision.

01:23:38 Speaker_06
It is important to let that in, because if you don't let it in, you're going to actually steal from the vision, ultimately. So I think that has been a beautiful process. And when you know that feels right, you know.

01:23:53 Speaker_06
When it doesn't feel right, and it's super hard, and it's like a struggle, and you're arguing everything, okay, it's not the right person. You can let that go.

01:24:01 Speaker_06
But when you do see that things or people are becoming additive, it's really good to allow that in, allow that to come in. And then you get inspired more. And you're like, oh, I didn't know that we could do that. Now I can take that and

01:24:19 Speaker_15
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01:27:43 Speaker_06
Take it even better because we've brought that part into it. So I think that's a really special part of the creative processes. And I have learned that with even songwriting, like, so fun when you start to bring additional energies into the space.

01:27:59 Speaker_06
Not all the time, so you lose sight of your vision or of your center. That's happened to me too. I'm like, wait, let me go back to the simplest because I've made this a bit complicated or overly done.

01:28:13 Speaker_06
But I think there's something really great about that. And then you keep seeing that it's growing and it's adding. And then you can still hold space for division, but allow what helps it in and what makes it grow in and what makes it better in.

01:28:29 Speaker_06
I don't think you have to be worried about that. It's a beautiful thing.

01:28:32 Speaker_15
Yeah. I've definitely developed so much more respect and appreciation even more than I already had for artists, the closer I've got to the industry just from watching.

01:28:42 Speaker_15
because you forget that so many projects are truly pure passion and that they took 10, 15, 20 years.

01:28:52 Speaker_15
And when you hear about something like that, that you're saying for someone like yourself, who's already successful, already has tons of accolades in an area that's directly related, but then to think you had to wait

01:29:05 Speaker_15
13 years and work for 13 years to pull that off, you start recognizing that it takes so much patience and love even when you have already proved yourself.

01:29:16 Speaker_15
Because I think there's this feeling that people can get tired of proving themselves or having to prove themselves. That's right. It can feel exhausting sometimes. Yeah.

01:29:26 Speaker_15
But the truth is that if you're growing and you're building and you have something you care about, you're constantly having to prove yourself in a new space.

01:29:34 Speaker_06
Right, and I think there's something really exciting about that too, because I think if you could open every door, you would take it for granted.

01:29:48 Speaker_06
You know, you're like, I could open that door too, and I'll open that door, and yes, can we open every door? Yes, we actually can open every door. But is it always going to be easy or the simplest?

01:29:59 Speaker_06
No, it's going to take time and you're going to have to figure it out and work your way through it and come back to those places that you're like, oh, I got to dredge up this confidence again.

01:30:09 Speaker_06
Like I thought I was good in this department and here it goes again. And all those learnings and challenges that kind of takes you through just being a human being. is, I think, the beautiful part and the excitement and the thrill and the stimulus.

01:30:23 Speaker_06
And then you're like, I am willing to work for this. I'm willing to put in the time for this. I'm willing to even fail. And what does that mean? What does it even mean? Actually, I don't know what that means.

01:30:39 Speaker_06
I am willing to work and to try and whatever comes from it is going to be what I need. It's going to be exactly what's needed. So it's beautiful. I really enjoy it.

01:30:51 Speaker_06
And I really find that I'm more grateful than ever, for sure, for being able to spread my wings and be ceiling-less or be edgeless, because I really want to be able to explore as much as I can. And it feels really good to keep trying.

01:31:09 Speaker_06
But most important, I think the seed of what you said is The love. It's all that matter. If there's something that you love, go after it. Because it's meant for you.

01:31:23 Speaker_06
And it might not be the way that you thought it was going to be, or the length of time you thought it was going to take, or whatever all the other things are. But man, I know it's meant for you if you love it.

01:31:33 Speaker_15
Yeah, you'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagined it. The timeline will be different. The way it looks will be different. The way it feels might be different.

01:31:42 Speaker_15
Even how you visioned it may be completely different, but you'll get there. Right. And the journey will probably be better and a better story than you imagined it to be. Ever. And hearing you say that is so fulfilling.

01:31:56 Speaker_15
I want to ask you one more question before we end with a final five. And this question's more just the way I've experienced you. Even today, I'm like, you've been in the industry for so long.

01:32:06 Speaker_15
Since you were 18, you said, you know, so much success, moved around, done so many different things. And I feel like anytime I've been with you, your energy is always like upbeat. You've always been positive. You've always been giving.

01:32:18 Speaker_15
Like there's always been a a really nice spirit and way about you that you have. And I feel like you've never become jaded by the industry or jaded by things around you. And you see that a lot for people and not in a judgmental way, you observe it.

01:32:33 Speaker_15
But it seems like you've protected and carved out your space and your like happy place and your safe space. And I was wondering, how have you done that when

01:32:42 Speaker_15
so many people can look at something and be like, oh, well, I don't want to, you know, people be like, I don't want to be too Hollywood. I don't want to do too this. I don't want to go to that.

01:32:50 Speaker_15
But it feels like you've been able to protect yourself regardless, you know, being in a big thing. And I wonder how you've been able to do that and how you've been able to craft that. Oh, man.

01:33:02 Speaker_06
This is, I love this question. I think that one of the, back to the gifts of what I got from my mother, you know, she was always really kind of, somehow she made me think about how I made people feel. And I remember that.

01:33:22 Speaker_06
I remember, you know, it'd be simple things. I'd change my mind about going to a birthday party and she would be like, well, how would that make you feel? And so somehow she helped me to find my empathy and I can put myself into other people's shoes.

01:33:39 Speaker_06
And I really appreciate, that was a gift. And so I can look around me and I can feel empathy for other people. Like I want to connect with people. I care about that. I love bringing good, I want people to bring me good energy.

01:33:56 Speaker_06
I don't wanna bring someone else anything else but good energy. Like I care about the energy that I cultivate in a space. And I also have learned that if I can't bring that energy, then I can remove myself from that space.

01:34:10 Speaker_06
Like I don't have to be in a space if I'm not feeling good, you know? Because I can also not feel good. I don't have to always feel good either. That part was a lesson. Took me a while to get there too, you know?

01:34:23 Speaker_06
But I appreciate that I can, I want to bring that. I'm conscious of what I'm bringing into a space and into a room. And I want what I bring into a space to be something that feels good. And so I think that that's kind of, that's it.

01:34:41 Speaker_06
I think that's really it. And so just the distinction between the two, giving myself permission to maybe not feel like I can fill that space is great. And then when I can and when I'm ready, I do. And that's what I want to do. I want to bring that.

01:34:57 Speaker_06
And I hold other people to that. I'm like, hey, I don't bring you that energy. I don't want you to bring me that energy, you know, because my energy is precious and it's important and it's special.

01:35:09 Speaker_06
And it's just not free, I don't just give it to those who don't deserve it. So I also had to learn the value, back to one of my gaps, of who I am and what my energy is and what a gift it is to be able, all of our energy is a gift.

01:35:26 Speaker_06
and we can kind of choose how do we want to give it. And so I love that and learning when it's when to give it and when not to give it has also been a part of the journey too. I think I'm doing better with that. I think I'm doing better.

01:35:44 Speaker_06
Man, a lot of undeserving people got a lot of good Alicia energy. And it's like, man, no more of that. No more of that. Like, you got to know your limits, you know? Like, okay, cool.

01:35:54 Speaker_06
That doesn't mean I have to be unkind to that person, but they don't have to get my best beautiful energy. They can kind of...

01:36:01 Speaker_15
Yeah.

01:36:02 Speaker_06
Hold tight over there.

01:36:03 Speaker_15
And you only realize that by giving it and knowing that you overgave or undergave. Right, right, right, right. And you only know that by trying it out.

01:36:11 Speaker_15
Like I know there are people in my life who I believe deserve way more better energy from me because they always have that from me and I may be overspent in this area and it's like looking at your

01:36:20 Speaker_15
bank balance at the end of the month and going, where did I overspend and where did I underspend? And energy is the same thing. Where did I overspend my energy and who did I overspend my energy with and who did I underspend with?

01:36:31 Speaker_15
And let me reflect on that. I love that. Thank you. Alicia, I've met, the first time we ever did the interview was only audios during the pandemic. And I remember like, obviously, I mean, it's a no brainer that you have the most beautiful voice.

01:36:44 Speaker_15
But I remember just listening to you because we were so present because I could just And it was a time. Yeah, and it was a time, exactly. It was a time.

01:36:52 Speaker_15
But I'm so grateful to be able to see all your expressions today and just, you know, see you come to life. And we end every On Purpose interview with what we call a final five. Every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

01:37:05 Speaker_06
One word or one sentence.

01:37:07 Speaker_15
Yeah, but I'll probably ask you for more because I always break my own rules. All right.

01:37:11 Speaker_06
I'll try to be swift. I'm not good at that.

01:37:14 Speaker_15
It doesn't matter, it's fine. At least in case these are your final five. So question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

01:37:23 Speaker_05
Nothing before it's time. My grandmother, nothing before it's time.

01:37:26 Speaker_15
I love that one. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

01:37:32 Speaker_06
The worst advice that I ever received was that I had to kind of change myself. to be accepted or that even if I felt uncomfortable, I should do a thing because it's what was going to be best received.

01:37:52 Speaker_15
Yeah, that's good to hear. I always like to make a list of all the worst advice everyone's had because people are going to hear it again. Right. And hopefully they'll remember this moment when they hear it. It's a good book. Yeah.

01:38:02 Speaker_15
Question number three, what was it like to perform at the Super Bowl?

01:38:05 Speaker_06
Oh man, it was crazy. It was totally insane. This is a longer than a sentence. Yeah, do it, that's right. It was, I found it so fascinating because it had to be built.

01:38:18 Speaker_06
The whole thing had to be built and they had to time it and under three minutes it could be built. And then we had to have our performance in the amount and it had to be tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And so, and it was live.

01:38:29 Speaker_06
So it's crazy to see a live thing have to like operate in that level of like finite detail. I was like in awe. And then obviously the place and the people and the vibe and the energy. And it was just like really fun.

01:38:43 Speaker_15
Yeah, it was like your dress and the piano and it was insane.

01:38:47 Speaker_06
It was crazy. And underneath the dress was the world's best puppeteers. So they were actually puppeteers underneath the dress to make it fly like that. That was fantastic.

01:39:00 Speaker_15
How did your control freak nature deal with that? Like three minutes and like the puppeteers?

01:39:04 Speaker_06
You know, I just, we had practiced so distinctly that I knew everything that was going to happen and it was perfect. Control freak until you can.

01:39:16 Speaker_06
As an artist, at a certain point when you're flowing and creating and writing and singing, you do just have to be in the moment. The control freak part comes when I'm designing or creating the thing. But once I'm in the thing, you have to just go.

01:39:32 Speaker_15
Oh, so that's beautiful.

01:39:33 Speaker_06
I love that.

01:39:34 Speaker_15
That makes so much sense. That's a great clarification on the earlier point, too. I love that. And that completely makes sense. The architecture, the design, that's where the perfectionist kicks in.

01:39:42 Speaker_06
Otherwise, though, it's like magic. Whatever happens, whatever happens, it's just perfect for that moment.

01:39:47 Speaker_15
Yeah, that's beautiful. Question number four. What's the first offering you want me to use and the first offering you want Radhi to use? And I want you to give them to me now. You can share them.

01:39:57 Speaker_07
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. All right. Well, I want you both to wash your face. Yes.

01:40:03 Speaker_06
But I want you to use the Aura Mist. It has rose. It has rose.

01:40:12 Speaker_15
I think we might start spraying this in the studio every time now someone comes in.

01:40:15 Speaker_06
And literally it just calms you instantly.

01:40:18 Speaker_15
Yeah, the scent's beautiful.

01:40:19 Speaker_06
And it's, I'm as free as the air. Oh, is that the affirmation? That's the affirmation.

01:40:24 Speaker_15
I'm as free as the air.

01:40:25 Speaker_06
And you always are as free as the air. But that's just a beautiful reminder.

01:40:29 Speaker_07
And Rania, my best friend.

01:40:30 Speaker_06
Yeah, that's beautiful.

01:40:31 Speaker_07
Is, these are the Let Me Glow

01:40:34 Speaker_06
Serums, and this one I think is the Bronzeite. I give myself permission to grow the bronze aura. So she's going to get all three of these because she's glowing and she's so spectacularly authentic. I just adore her.

01:40:49 Speaker_06
So let me glow in all of the shades so that she can just be like ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. She already glows. So we'll give that to her. I can't wait to see her.

01:40:59 Speaker_15
I love it. I can't wait for you to see her as well. That's beautiful. Thank you so much. We're so excited.

01:41:02 Speaker_06
Thank you.

01:41:03 Speaker_15
Thank you for sending so much for my team as well. Yes, let everybody glow up. We appreciate it so much. Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show.

01:41:14 Speaker_15
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

01:41:20 Speaker_06
I think my law would be that you cannot hurt another being. You cannot hurt them physically. You cannot hurt them emotionally. You cannot hurt them. You cannot hurt another being. There's no reason. There's no difference.

01:41:42 Speaker_06
There's nothing that allows the physical or emotional or spiritual you know, negligence or hurting of another being.

01:41:55 Speaker_15
I think that's a great law. It's a great law and then we'd actually have to look at why we'd want to hurt others and where that comes from and then actually heal our own hurt as well.

01:42:06 Speaker_06
That's incredible. I love that. That would be really amazing if we could look to that.

01:42:14 Speaker_15
It's beautiful. Alicia Keys, thank you so much. It's the best ever. I'm always happy when I'm with you.

01:42:21 Speaker_06
Thank you.

01:42:21 Speaker_15
I've always enjoyed collaborating and if only I could sing, you know.

01:42:26 Speaker_06
We'd be doing a song. We do, I know. But this is our song. Yeah, this is our song. You know?

01:42:30 Speaker_15
I'm so grateful. I'm so excited for people to use Keys Soulcare and to have access to it and to transform their heart, their soul, their mind and their body through this beautiful new offering.

01:42:43 Speaker_15
And even the intentionality, I was looking at how everything's called an offering, there's no products, it's called rituals, not just routines. I love all of that to it. And I think

01:42:54 Speaker_15
I do believe that physical, and I'll call them products just for what I'm trying to say, but I think physical products are so important to remind us of what to do internally. Because we use them every day.

01:43:05 Speaker_06
We do call them product offerings. So you can kind of like gel the two together. But you're right. It's like the physical embodiment, the embodying of the philosophy or the practice. And I love that. And you live that. You guys live that.

01:43:20 Speaker_06
And thank you for these questions that also made me pause and think about how I wanted to share them. And I love this show. This show is so good. But you know that already because it's like a smash, so what?

01:43:37 Speaker_15
No, you're the best. It means the world. Thank you for trusting me.

01:43:40 Speaker_06
Absolutely. Thank you so much. You too.

01:43:43 Speaker_15
Thank you.

01:43:43 Speaker_06
Big love.

01:43:44 Speaker_15
Amazing.

01:43:45 Speaker_15
If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do.

01:44:02 Speaker_15
If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.

01:44:08 Speaker_00
Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. As an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value. That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it.

01:44:20 Speaker_11
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01:45:19 Speaker_13
This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video, phone, or chat. Here's BetterHelp Head of Clinical Operations, Hesu Jo, discussing who can benefit from therapy.

01:45:34 Speaker_10
I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day.

01:45:41 Speaker_10
But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody.

01:45:54 Speaker_10
There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people.

01:46:04 Speaker_10
So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody.

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Find out if therapy is right for you. Visit BetterHelp.com today. That's BetterHelp.com.