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Episode: AEE 2323: How to Talk About Holiday Magic in English

Author: Lindsay McMahon and Michelle Kaplan
Duration: 00:19:44

Episode Shownotes

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Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_01
This is an all ears English podcast episode 2323. How to talk about holiday magic in English. Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English?

00:00:18 Speaker_01
We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection. With your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl.

00:00:34 Speaker_01
coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA. To get real-time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the All Ears English app for iOS and Android.

00:00:50 Speaker_01
Start your seven-day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash app.

00:00:59 Speaker_00
Warning, this episode is not for younger listeners, because today we answer a listener question about how parents can keep holiday magic alive.

00:01:13 Speaker_01
Hello, Aubrey. Are you excited about the holidays coming up soon?

00:01:17 Speaker_00
I am so excited about the holidays. I know not everyone out there celebrates Christmas, but there may be some type of holiday you're celebrating soon. It's fun just to get into the holiday spirit.

00:01:28 Speaker_01
Oh, I'm really excited. Yeah, just to maybe see family a bit more, maybe just work a little less or slow down, take some days off and just relax. I am super excited.

00:01:39 Speaker_00
So this is a family time, right?

00:01:41 Speaker_01
Yeah, this is what we're getting into today. But we do have a really, really, really important caveat for any of our listeners that happen to be listening today with their children. What is it?

00:01:49 Speaker_00
Aubrey, yes. So some of you have let us know that you listen with your children, which we love. That is awesome. We are going to be talking about Christmas magic and Santa Claus today.

00:02:01 Speaker_00
And it's a message that you might not want very young children to hear. So just a heads up, you may not want to listen to this episode with young children.

00:02:09 Speaker_01
Yeah, but we have 2,000 plus other episodes. So if you're in that moment where you think you want to turn it off right now, go back to our other episodes. So many options for you. Right.

00:02:19 Speaker_00
And then come back and listen later without the kids because this is going to be a great episode. We don't want you to miss it. Yes. But we also little not appropriate for little ears.

00:02:28 Speaker_01
Exactly. Well, let's get into it. Let's ask the big question, Aubrey. Can I ask you?

00:02:34 Speaker_00
Well, let me ask you, because we'll both answer this. I'm going to ask you first, Lindsay. How did you find out that Santa wasn't real?

00:02:43 Speaker_01
Yeah, I just remember having a conversation with my mom. Maybe I was a little on the older side. I think usually first children tend to learn later, right? I think I was about nine. And I started to ask the more pointed questions. How does this work?

00:03:04 Speaker_01
How exactly does he get down the chimney? And how can he possibly go to all the houses in the whole world? And my mom started saying things like, well, what do you think? Like, not in a rude way, kind of more in, she didn't want to say it, you know?

00:03:18 Speaker_01
But she wanted to kind of facilitate a space for me, but not tell me the true answer. What about you, Aubrey? Were you like three?

00:03:24 Speaker_00
Sounds like your mom handled it really well. No, I never, I have never had a conversation with my parents about Santa not being real. I was high school, college, Santa was still bringing presents.

00:03:37 Speaker_00
It's like at some point I just knew, but we just never had a conversation. I never asked. It was like, don't ask, don't tell. If you believe, he will keep bringing you presents. We just never talk about it.

00:03:50 Speaker_01
Wow, that is so interesting. We all have our own unique experience. I mean, I know for sure if you're a middle child or a third child, you probably learn earlier usually, but in some cases, things aren't talked about in households too, right?

00:04:02 Speaker_00
And it depends on the child. So I'm going to share sort of what's happened with some of my kids. But first, we want to share this amazing question we got that inspired this episode. Lindsay, can you read this question for us? All right. Here we go.

00:04:15 Speaker_01
Absolutely. And just one more caveat. If any of our listeners have joined in recently before we did our last caveat, if you're listening with a young child, maybe listen to another episode today. All right. And then come back on your own to listen in.

00:04:29 Speaker_01
Here we go. Hello, everyone. I'm Mai from Japan. I enjoy listening to your podcast and the stories of each host every day. I have a question. I'm very curious how children in the US who believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy eventually end up.

00:04:44 Speaker_01
I have a nine-year-old daughter who recently asked, does Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy really exist? It is so adorable to watch my daughter believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, but I honestly don't know how to answer the question.

00:04:58 Speaker_01
This is not a question about English, but if you could introduce my question on your podcast, could you tell me your experience or any heartwarming story if you have one? Oh, that is beautiful.

00:05:07 Speaker_00
It's an amazing question, and it is about English, right? Because a lot of you are teaching your children to be bilingual, or you have immigrated somewhere where your kids are, you know, starting to create their own traditions.

00:05:19 Speaker_00
You're creating your own family traditions in an English-speaking country, and you do need to know, how do I say this? What are the phrases I would use? What are my kids learning at school? It's interesting. There's a lot to think about.

00:05:30 Speaker_01
Oh, 100%. And thank you to Mai for asking this question. It's a great question. Before we do get into it, I want to request for our listeners to hit that follow button because we're looking at 2025 and we have options.

00:05:44 Speaker_01
I know for me, the podcasts that I actually follow are the ones that drop into my queue and those are the ones I end up listening to. I don't go searching for others very often. Same. Yeah.

00:05:55 Speaker_01
So, that's the way to make English a habit and to learn the right values, what we think are the right values around English, which is connection, not perfection. Human connection. Okay? Hit follow.

00:06:04 Speaker_00
Yes, absolutely. So, hit that follow button, everyone. We love it. Alright. Okay. So, I have been asked this question because I have four children. Yeah. And I think I have a good answer. So I'm excited to share.

00:06:14 Speaker_00
I want you guys to stay to the end to hear a couple of different answers because kids are very different. And each parent knows this. If you have more than one child, it's going to work differently. They're going to need maybe a little different answer.

00:06:27 Speaker_00
But first, I think it's interesting to think about this isn't just about Christmas. There are a lot of things where parents tell little white lies to their children.

00:06:36 Speaker_00
We have Elf on the Shelf, which is supposedly a real elf that goes to Santa, and then it moves every night. This is kind of a little white lie.

00:06:45 Speaker_00
And then the Tooth Fairy, Mai pointed out as well, a lot of parents, the children hide their teeth under the pillow, and then it disappears and there's money, and the Tooth Fairy has replaced the tooth.

00:06:56 Speaker_00
So there are kind of a lot of lies that we tell children, right, Lindsay?

00:06:59 Speaker_01
Yeah. Elf on the Shelf, I think, must be new because my niece does that, or she did. I think she's past that age by now. But this must be new because we definitely didn't have Elf on the Shelf.

00:07:10 Speaker_00
It's newer. It comes with a book that came out maybe 10 or 15 years ago. Okay. It's been a little while, but newer than when we were little.

00:07:17 Speaker_01
Yeah, for sure.

00:07:18 Speaker_00
And so there's a little stuffed animal elf that you're supposed to bring out or shows up on December 1st. Yes. And then keeps an eye on the kids to make sure they're good, which is kind of creepy. And then moves every morning is in a different spot.

00:07:31 Speaker_00
But our kids have loved looking for the elf every morning to find out where she has ended up. And it's really hard to remember to move her.

00:07:38 Speaker_01
It's hilarious. They love it. But that's the first thing I thought too, creepy.

00:07:44 Speaker_00
Kind of creepy. And one more job for parents to have to do. I have to set an alarm in my phone for both the Tooth Fairy and the Elf on the Shelf to remember these things. Yes.

00:07:53 Speaker_01
Oh, wow. I love it. So what do we want our listener, Mai, and the rest of our listeners to know then? Do we go ahead and answer this question?

00:08:00 Speaker_00
So her actual question was, children who are told these things and who believe these things, like parents telling them, how do these kids end up? So I think the question is kind of like, does this affect a person to have their parents lie to them?

00:08:12 Speaker_00
And so I researched that a little bit. We're going to talk about this a little bit. What factors should you consider when you are telling these little white lives? What are the possible consequences?

00:08:21 Speaker_01
Yeah, it makes me think of, what is it, Miracle on 34th Street, where, do you remember that movie where the girl was always told that he didn't exist?

00:08:30 Speaker_01
And that was just the parents' parenting style, and then some magical things happened in the movie, right? Do you remember that?

00:08:37 Speaker_00
Yes, vaguely, but yeah, same kind of thing. And almost every Christmas movie does this really well, where it's like, if people believe, then Christmas magic exists, right?

00:08:46 Speaker_00
But it's interesting, at least in the US, most parents do promote the myth of Santa Claus, right? Most children accept it as real. You found out at about nine. My twins are 10 and still believe in Santa Claus. But they are right there where you were.

00:08:59 Speaker_00
They're starting to ask questions. They're starting to hear other kids at school talk about it not being true. So it's interesting. Some families never openly talk about whether Santa is real or not, like mine didn't.

00:09:09 Speaker_00
And some families tell their children quite early. So then it becomes tricky because the kids at school, some of them are like, you know, mocking other students for believing. That's too bad.

00:09:20 Speaker_01
And I think especially if, like I said earlier, if you're an oldest child, you probably will believe longer because they want to keep it going for your brother or sister because

00:09:28 Speaker_01
Generally, I think siblings would tell each other that if you're the younger one, it gets ruined pretty young. No, we don't want that.

00:09:35 Speaker_00
We're going to quickly go into a few of the things. I researched a little bit online. Just the sort of the things to consider when you're deciding, should I tell my children this is not true? What age? So first is to consider the developmental stage.

00:09:49 Speaker_00
And what I found was basically children are able to distinguish fact from fiction in very early childhood. But this is going to be a very personal thing for each child.

00:09:59 Speaker_00
If your child has a reason to have trust issues, if they're questioning whether it's real or not, if they're saying, just tell me, kids at school are telling me, then you're going to want to follow your own instincts, but it might be time to just be honest like your parents were, Lindsay.

00:10:13 Speaker_00
And maybe like your mom did, instead of outright saying, okay, Santa's not real.

00:10:17 Speaker_01
She wanted me to come to the conclusion.

00:10:19 Speaker_00
come to the conclusion yourself.

00:10:21 Speaker_01
Yeah, my mom actually was a child psychologist. She was a child developmental psychologist, so maybe that's where that came from. So give her a little credit for sure.

00:10:29 Speaker_00
Yeah, I can see that and she probably knew that. Just number two here is you want to think about how it could affect a relationship. So for me and allowing my children to still believe Santa has existed,

00:10:42 Speaker_00
exists, there is no effect to the relationship, right? It's not something where it's creating this potential loss of trust, right? We are building trust together.

00:10:52 Speaker_00
And it will be once my kids find out, it will be something that they'll see it as like, Oh, you know, mom and dad did this in order to make Christmas magical and fun, rather than like they were trying to deceive us.

00:11:04 Speaker_01
Of course. Now that is so important for them to come away with the right message. Right.

00:11:09 Speaker_00
Yes.

00:11:10 Speaker_01
Yeah. And then the impact of the child. What do we need to know here?

00:11:14 Speaker_00
Yeah, so this is where we get, there are a lot of different opinions, both among child psychologists, among parents. Some will definitely say that any lying encourages children to be dishonest and think dishonesty is acceptable.

00:11:26 Speaker_00
Others will say you can help them see the magic of Christmas as different, as a way to be creative and just to believe in the impossible, right? And that that's a net positive.

00:11:39 Speaker_01
Yeah, because later in life, some aspects in life do feel magical. aspects of reality can feel very magical in life. So maybe this is just warming them up to the magic that does exist in life.

00:11:49 Speaker_01
And so if we look at if we look for it, you know, exactly right.

00:11:53 Speaker_00
If you believe that nothing difficult is possible, then your whole life, maybe you won't try things at work or in life that could have lead to, you know, great results.

00:12:03 Speaker_01
Or even just looking at a sunset as magical or the fact that children are born every day is actually magical. There are some true miracles that happen. It's not literally magical, but it feels like a miracle. It feels that way.

00:12:18 Speaker_00
You'll get more joy if you allow it to feel magical, those types of things.

00:12:25 Speaker_01
So maybe we're trying to foster a sense of awe, right? How to inspire awe in children and how to look for it, which is really a foundation of a happy life, I think.

00:12:35 Speaker_00
Absolutely. And this leads to number four, which is when it's all about creating traditions, if you do build traditions around Elf on the Shelf or Santa Claus or

00:12:42 Speaker_00
whatever myths you might have in your culture, maybe there are little white lies that you tell children, children are told in your culture. If it is about creating memories and family traditions, then that probably will be a net positive.

00:12:53 Speaker_00
And one day, once your kids know the truth behind all these myths, because there are tall tales and myths, like think of the Vikings or, you know, a lot of things around all of these traditions that not everything's 100% true.

00:13:05 Speaker_00
If in the end, the goal is to create tradition, then it should be positive.

00:13:10 Speaker_01
Yeah, maybe. And we're doing a lot of other things tradition-wise other than just stuff around Santa Claus, right? Going to get the tree. If you do celebrate Christmas, if it's another tradition that you celebrate, there could be other rituals, right?

00:13:23 Speaker_01
But we can build this in 100%. Okay, Aubrey. So do you have a specific answer here for Mai? Do you want to directly answer her question?

00:13:32 Speaker_00
Yeah, I wanted to share. So I understand how you feel, Mai. It's like, I don't know how to answer this question. I'm not sure what the right answer is. And for each child, it's going to be different.

00:13:41 Speaker_00
I think you'll want to kind of consider everything we've talked about today. But I found when my kids ask, I've said, you know, Santa Claus is part of the magic of Christmas and Christmas magic can only exist if you believe in it.

00:13:55 Speaker_00
And so this fits well with what kids hear in a lot of Christmas movies. It also works for the Tooth Fairy to say, you know, the Tooth Fairy only has magic if you believe in her. And then you're not actually lying.

00:14:07 Speaker_00
And the children, as they get older, like my twins now, it's like I tell them that and you can kind of see something click where they're like, I am choosing to believe because Christmas is more fun if I believe and it's magical, right?

00:14:20 Speaker_00
So I'm not saying, yes, it exists. No, it doesn't exist. I'm like, it's only magical if you believe.

00:14:25 Speaker_01
Oh, smart. It's a smart answer. I like it. I like it. Yeah.

00:14:29 Speaker_00
And this recently happened to with my son who has a wiggly tooth. And he said, I know the tooth fairy isn't real. A kid at school told me that. And same thing.

00:14:37 Speaker_00
I said, well, the tooth fairy won't bring you teeth if you don't believe in her or won't bring you money if you don't believe in her. And he's like, just kidding. I believe.

00:14:46 Speaker_00
So if you want that magic to continue, you can, but it needs to sort of be understood by both of you that this is magic that we all choose to believe or say we believe in order to keep some of the fun in Christmas. Oh, that's so fun.

00:15:02 Speaker_01
I'm curious for our listeners, we have the Tooth Fairy. I guess the Easter Bunny sort of was a thing at some point. Still, absolutely.

00:15:09 Speaker_00
It still is for us.

00:15:12 Speaker_01
But what do people have in other cultures too? I'm just curious. There must be lots of other things that we could learn about. Guys, leave a comment on this episode on YouTube or on Spotify and let us know what traditions you have. Super interesting.

00:15:27 Speaker_00
Yes, I want to know about all of those traditions. We're going to have to do something in one of our live speaking events to find out.

00:15:33 Speaker_00
I think of, I don't know if you ever saw Darby O'Gill and the Little People, it was about like leprechauns and banshees in Ireland, some of their myths and traditions.

00:15:41 Speaker_00
And I would love to know in every culture, yeah, what are these myths and what are some of the little white lies that you tell kids to keep things magical?

00:15:48 Speaker_01
Yeah, such a wonderful question from our listener. Is there another episode where we could continue on with the holiday magic here, Aubrey?

00:15:56 Speaker_00
Yes, you guys don't miss episode 1907 right here on the Aller's English Podcast was Three Ways the Holiday Spirit Can Create Connection in English. So go check that one out as we enter the holidays.

00:16:08 Speaker_00
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, whatever holiday you celebrate, you can connect in English about these celebrations.

00:16:15 Speaker_01
Yeah, and I think a takeaway thought for our listeners who maybe aren't parents and don't think about this dynamic is what is your relationship in the world to awe, right? Do you have that sense of awe?

00:16:26 Speaker_01
Do you take a moment in your daily life to watch the sun? Like this morning when I was just getting out of bed, the sky was totally pink and I looked at it for a minute. I was like, wow. Wow, that is awesome.

00:16:36 Speaker_01
It's such a daily thing, a normal thing, but there's magic in everyday life and I feel like we can really truly be present and happier if we pay attention to those things. So ask yourself that question.

00:16:47 Speaker_01
How many times a day are you kind of just watching things in awe, just watching the world unfold in that way?

00:16:54 Speaker_00
I love that as a takeaway. Yes, that is so true for all of us. If we're not noticing and experiencing awe, we're missing some very magical moments. So yeah, notice those things.

00:17:05 Speaker_01
All right. Great stuff. Thanks for bringing this question to Mai and thanks for answering it, Aubrey. It's a good one. Really important. Awesome. Thanks, Lindsay. All right. Take care. Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to All Ears English.

00:17:22 Speaker_01
Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.