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Episode: AEE 2315: Who Asked You? Rude Phrases to Avoid in English

Author: Lindsay McMahon and Michelle Kaplan
Duration: 00:18:03

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Full Transcript

00:00:00 Speaker_02
This is an all ears English podcast episode 2315. Who asked you? Root phrases to avoid in English. Welcome to the All Ears English podcast downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English?

00:00:18 Speaker_02
We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American hosts, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, and Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer. coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.

00:00:39 Speaker_02
To get real-time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the All Ears English app for iOS and Android. Start your seven-day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash app.

00:00:59 Speaker_00
Do you ever worry that you're saying something rude to someone in English? Today, get three blatantly rude phrases that you should avoid at all costs in English.

00:01:15 Speaker_01
Can you understand everything we say on this podcast? That's a fantastic first step. Your next step is to understand natives out there in the real world and to connect to them with utter complete confidence.

00:01:30 Speaker_01
Take our free English fluency quiz and find out what you can do to finally reach your English goals. Check it out now. allearsenglish.com slash fluency score. That's one word. That's allearsenglish.com slash fluency score.

00:01:52 Speaker_02
Hey there, Aubrey. How are you today? I'm great. How are you, Lindsay? Really good. Feeling good today. Sun is shining. What are we talking about on the podcast?

00:02:00 Speaker_00
I have a question to start us out here. Lindsay, what is the most polite culture that you've ever visited?

00:02:07 Speaker_02
Well, a lot of that is in the eye of the beholder just because certain polite things could be happening, but I may not have been aware of them, right? So it's a complex question.

00:02:15 Speaker_02
But I would say when I lived in Japan, I was just really, really surprised by the level of politeness, of formality. The service was unbelievable to the point where when I came back after a year and a half in Japan,

00:02:29 Speaker_02
I got a flight, an American Airlines flight back from, I think, Vietnam, because I'd gone to Vietnam, and I could not believe how rude the waitresses, the stewardesses were on the flight.

00:02:40 Speaker_02
And they were just normal, but they were so, to me, my mind had been switched. My frames and my expectations, they were flat out rude.

00:02:48 Speaker_00
That's really interesting to think about, right? Like this is actually what I used to be accustomed to, and now it seems so impolite because of what I'm now used to. Oh, that's really interesting. Interesting.

00:03:00 Speaker_02
Yeah. So this is the topic we're getting into, which I think is so important at the business level, at the connection level, travel, it's everywhere. Politeness, being rude. It's so true.

00:03:11 Speaker_00
And especially to think about how different this is across different cultures, right?

00:03:16 Speaker_00
This may be very different where you live or where you've immigrated to compared to the U.S., but there are certain phrases in English that are very rude, or especially can be rude depending on the intonation, but sometimes they're just rude all the time.

00:03:32 Speaker_00
And we recently got a question, Baruz wrote in asking about the phrase, who asked you? And part one of answering his question was Saturday, pack your English with idioms. So we answered part of his question and we promised to follow up.

00:03:46 Speaker_00
And that is today. Ooh, I am excited.

00:03:49 Speaker_02
So today our listeners are going to get how many rude phrases to avoid? Four? Three? Three of them? Let's see.

00:03:54 Speaker_00
Yes. Three rude phrases in English that you might hear you definitely want to avoid so that you don't give a fence.

00:04:02 Speaker_02
This is going to be a must get episode for our listeners. Right. We really and we're going to tell you exactly what the connotation, why you want to avoid it. And this is an important one today.

00:04:13 Speaker_00
So, yeah, absolutely.

00:04:15 Speaker_02
Start with the first one. Well, first, we want to remind our listeners, Aubrey, to hit the follow button, because if you like this kind of topic, then we are for you. We focus on connection, not perfection, guys. So hit the follow button.

00:04:26 Speaker_00
Yes, absolutely. If you missed this part one that we're talking about, you might be missing a lot of episodes. So be sure to hit follow so they drop right into your queue. All right. Number one, Aubrey, what is it? Yeah.

00:04:37 Speaker_00
Number one is this question Baruz asked about who asked you. This is implying that someone gave an unwanted opinion or should not have spoken. And it's very rude. Like there is no way that you could say this.

00:04:51 Speaker_00
I tried to think about and I was Googling like, is there any way you could say this sarcastically and it would still be fun? Really? No, it's always rude.

00:04:59 Speaker_02
Yeah, I can't think of any. I can't think. I mean, yeah, generally just steer clear, stay away from it. For example, you might hear someone saying it, right? For example, I think you should break up with that guy. Then they would respond, who asked you?

00:05:16 Speaker_02
Or this soup needs more salt and the chef gets offended. Well, who asked you?

00:05:21 Speaker_00
Who asked you? Anytime someone could say this, There are so many better options. First of all, it's just very rude. It really is sending the message of like, I don't care about your opinion. I don't want your opinion. And nobody asked for it.

00:05:34 Speaker_00
And there's just nothing polite about those phrases. Like anytime you would want to give someone that message, it's rude.

00:05:42 Speaker_02
Yeah, just back away. Back away.

00:05:44 Speaker_00
Back away. Just don't say anything. Or there are definitely more polite ways to say this, right?

00:05:50 Speaker_00
So you might hear this, you might hear it on TV, but recognize that it is always going to be taken in by the person that it's said to as mean, as impolite, as offensive.

00:06:03 Speaker_02
Yes. Do we want to do this roleplay, Aubrey, just so our listeners can recognize it when they hear it?

00:06:08 Speaker_00
We have just a very mini roleplay here. Well, we'll hear what this might sound like.

00:06:12 Speaker_02
Yeah.

00:06:12 Speaker_00
I don't think you should take that job.

00:06:14 Speaker_02
Well, who asked you? Yeah, it's just blatantly rude, right?

00:06:18 Speaker_00
And the intonation, it wouldn't really make sense without that rude intonation because that's what you're saying, right? If you say, like, who asked you? Then it's kind of like, are you literally asking me who asked me?

00:06:28 Speaker_00
I guess nobody, but it's just strange.

00:06:32 Speaker_02
Just stay away from it. So write that down as the, you know, and cross it out, write it down guys and cross it out because you're not going to use it.

00:06:38 Speaker_00
Don't use it. We do not recommend this phrase.

00:06:41 Speaker_02
All right. Good. All right. Second one we don't recommend is mind your business or, or really I say mind your own business.

00:06:47 Speaker_00
I hear both. I think I also say mind your own business more. Yeah. Sometimes I think people will, because you will hear these sometimes when people are trying to be funny or sarcastic. And so they'll say it more playfully.

00:07:00 Speaker_00
They'll say like, mind your business and drive your own, right? You might hear that. But again, even if someone's trying to be playful and sarcastic, it's still going to come across as pretty rude.

00:07:11 Speaker_02
Right. So someone might say, are you sure you should take that job? And you might say, mind your own business.

00:07:17 Speaker_00
Yeah. You're telling someone not to pry. You're telling them like, this is not your business. You should not be asking. You should not be involved. These are such like the typical ways to break a connection, right?

00:07:32 Speaker_00
When you're telling someone, I don't want your opinion. I don't care what you think.

00:07:36 Speaker_02
Yeah, honestly, these days I feel like our listeners are more likely to hear these on TV shows, you know, like a Seinfeld or something.

00:07:44 Speaker_00
Yeah, maybe or a reality show. Like if someone's really angry and they don't care anymore about being polite and they're fine with being rude. And there's also a certain level of immaturity sometimes.

00:07:53 Speaker_00
If someone is saying something like this, they just don't have the maturity level to realize how rudely they sound.

00:07:59 Speaker_02
Yeah, Aubrey, we might have to do a follow-up episode to give alternatives to these. You know, what do we say instead? Right?

00:08:05 Speaker_00
Yeah, right. Follow for the follow-up. We'll share. What can you say instead if you don't want someone to pry or you don't want someone's opinion, but you want to say that politely?

00:08:16 Speaker_02
Yes, there are solutions, guys. So we'll come back to this topic in another episode. Quick roleplay?

00:08:22 Speaker_00
Yes. So a little mini roleplay. You start us out.

00:08:25 Speaker_02
All right. You really shouldn't text and drive, you know, mind your own business.

00:08:32 Speaker_00
Weird. I can't even imagine. It's just so rude.

00:08:35 Speaker_02
Oh, I'm excited. Go ahead. It's rude. It's rude. It's very short. It's unrealistic. You just there's no way to make it polite. Right.

00:08:44 Speaker_00
Exactly. That's the thing. Right. And so many phrases were like, oh, yeah, if you change your intonation, if you're trying to be sarcastic, it's OK. These phrases, that's not the case. It's just always impolite.

00:08:56 Speaker_02
100 percent. I'm excited for this next one because this is a little more nuanced. And I think the first two, maybe our listeners maybe have heard that these are kind of maybe heard them on TV being barked at someone.

00:09:07 Speaker_02
But this next one, there's another level of nuance.

00:09:10 Speaker_00
Exactly. And this next one is one of those that could be more polite. You could say it, you know, depending on the context. So it's figure it out. And this is said to tell someone to do something on their own without asking for help.

00:09:23 Speaker_00
But there is sort of another meaning that we use, which is just more like, you know, Like if I say, oh, I need to figure this out. I need to figure it out. There's no rudeness there. It's just like, I need to discover how to do something.

00:09:37 Speaker_00
But when you say it to someone to end a conversation, then it can be very rude.

00:09:43 Speaker_02
Well, this is making me question because I just said this yesterday in an email, not to our team, but to a partner we work with. Now I'm thinking, oh no, but not blatantly.

00:09:52 Speaker_02
I didn't say you need to figure it out, but I couched it in other words, right? But that was the point that I was trying to say, we've done our job. There's nothing else we can do here.

00:10:01 Speaker_00
I think we need to do a case study and you need to bring that email onto the podcast and let's like, you know, because sometimes you do need to get that message across.

00:10:09 Speaker_00
Like you need a vendor, a client, someone does have to put in the work to figure something out on their own. How do we say that politely? Because sometimes that's the message that needs to be conveyed. Interesting. Okay.

00:10:21 Speaker_00
I can't wait for the follow-up episode.

00:10:22 Speaker_02
This is great.

00:10:25 Speaker_00
The time when it's rude is when like if someone is saying they don't know what to do and the response you give is like, well, you need to figure it out.

00:10:32 Speaker_00
With zero empathy, with zero trying to like, let's figure this out together or giving any kind of grace. That's what's rude. So let's do a mini role play here.

00:10:41 Speaker_02
Right. Okay. These instructions just don't make any sense.

00:10:45 Speaker_00
I don't know. Figure it out.

00:10:49 Speaker_02
The important point here is what do you put around it? What did you say in the email before? It's all about the context here. You can convey the point, but you need to put a lot of empathy in the email or as you're visualizing.

00:11:01 Speaker_02
Here, you just said, oh, figure it out.

00:11:05 Speaker_00
Figure it out, right? There's no understanding. I could say like, those do look really complicated. When I have some time, I'll have... There's so many things you could say to show empathy, to show understanding.

00:11:16 Speaker_00
And if all you say is, figure it out, and you leave, that's how you end the conversation. It's extremely rude.

00:11:23 Speaker_02
Good. This is very interesting. I'm glad we got to that one because it's a little less common. Maybe our listeners wouldn't know it, but here we go. Let's take a quick break, Aubrey, and we'll come right back. Awesome.

00:11:33 Speaker_02
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00:11:46 Speaker_02
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00:12:07 Speaker_02
Okay, what do we need to know about sarcasm when it comes to these phrases?

00:12:11 Speaker_00
Yeah, so often when people say this, they're trying to be sarcastic. Maybe they're trying to be playful. They do maybe want to get the message across that like, you know, they think some they don't want someone's opinion, for example, but They can.

00:12:26 Speaker_00
Sarcasm often still can be interpreted as rude.

00:12:29 Speaker_00
And so that's, you know, we kind of mentioned this, but this is why we don't recommend these phrases is even if you're trying to be sarcastic or use sarcastic intonation, these phrases will still be interpreted as rude.

00:12:42 Speaker_02
Okay, perfect. Well, let's show our listeners how this all comes together in a what not to do example, right? What not to roleplay. Okay.

00:12:51 Speaker_00
Do not have this conversation. And you and I are making coffee in this roleplay.

00:12:56 Speaker_02
Aubrey, are you a dark roast coffee drinker? Are you an espresso drinker? What kind of coffee do you like, by the way?

00:13:02 Speaker_00
I switch it up. We have an espresso, so sometimes I drink espresso, but I like a latte, I guess, cafe au lait. A lot of milk and sugar in my coffee. Alright, got it.

00:13:13 Speaker_02
So we're getting the full context here. I'm drinking my coffee black.

00:13:15 Speaker_00
This might be pretty accurate, this roleplay, because you're a black coffee drinker.

00:13:18 Speaker_02
Yeah, I drink my coffee black, pretty much. Alright, here we go. Let's get into it. So did you just put in three sugar packets? Okay, mind your business. Well, sugar is just so bad for you. Who asked you? I like my sugar with coffee and cream.

00:13:34 Speaker_02
Thank you very much. I mean, every now and then is okay, but every day, you got to figure it out. Oh, nice.

00:13:42 Speaker_00
And this could be a conversation you might hear among friends, right? Yeah. This is a conversation you might have if you know someone really well. Never with a coworker you don't know. That'd be so rude.

00:13:53 Speaker_00
But close friends will sometimes criticize or pass judgment. But it is rude. If a friend said this to me, I would be like pushing back like, okay.

00:14:03 Speaker_02
Yeah, it's judgy, right?

00:14:04 Speaker_00
Yeah, for sure. And this might be where, like, I still wouldn't use these phrases because I still like I'm still responding in a pretty rude way.

00:14:12 Speaker_00
But this is where you might hear them like on TV or something because someone feels like they're being criticized or judged. And so maybe they would say that. Who asked you? Mind your business. Yeah.

00:14:23 Speaker_02
But you still kind of, I think you pulled back and this is quite subtle, but our listeners are ready for it. I think you pulled back on the full rudeness because you said, OK, Mind your business. You kind of lighten things a bit.

00:14:35 Speaker_00
It's true. It's amazing how there are some simple words you could put before one of these that make it so much more playful. Okay.

00:14:44 Speaker_02
Harsh.

00:14:45 Speaker_00
Mind your business. Yes.

00:14:47 Speaker_02
It's not just the word you chose, it's the way you said it. It's the delivery, the intonation too, right?

00:14:51 Speaker_00
Yeah. And I think I could add before when I said, who asked you? If I said something like, dude, Who asked you, right? Something that is adding more informality and making it even more playful.

00:15:03 Speaker_02
Aubrey, that's another episode idea. Oh my gosh, we could add that to our next month's episodes. Who knows, right?

00:15:10 Speaker_02
What else you can put here to, yeah, maybe you do want to use something that could be interpreted as rude, but you have a good relationship and you're going to say something at a word that will lessen the rudeness a little bit.

00:15:20 Speaker_00
Yeah, for sure. Hit follow, guys. You never know. You never know what Those both sound like amazing episodes.

00:15:27 Speaker_02
We go into very specific things here on All ears English. And then at the end, I said, I mean, every now and then is okay, but every day, you got to figure it out.

00:15:39 Speaker_00
Yeah, it's interesting. Like it is still rude, but you could maybe see a friend saying this, like you see them having so much sugar and be like, okay, you got to figure it out. This is unhealthy.

00:15:49 Speaker_02
Yeah, for sure. It's like you're on your own. You got to solve that problem, right? You have a problem to solve is what we're saying.

00:15:55 Speaker_00
Yeah. But like you said, we do need to do a follow up because this whole role play, I can think of so many things that would be less rude.

00:16:01 Speaker_00
That would be a more kind, like if you really do feel like I'm eating too much sugar, there are kind ways you could say that.

00:16:07 Speaker_02
Yeah, that'll be in a follow up. Aubrey, what's our takeaway for today?

00:16:10 Speaker_00
Yeah. So guys, some phrases in English are quite rude, and you should avoid them, right? Today's phrases, we just recommend you avoid them entirely so that you don't accidentally come across more rude than you mean to.

00:16:23 Speaker_02
All right. Great topic today. Super important. Hopefully our listeners, you'll learn something new about this topic of politeness and rudeness. It is incredibly important in business and life, right? And travel.

00:16:35 Speaker_02
When we travel, we want to make sure we're acting in a polite way, respectful way. Yeah. So true.

00:16:40 Speaker_00
Awesome.

00:16:41 Speaker_02
Thanks, Lindsay. Okay, good stuff. Take care. I'll talk to you soon. See you next time. Bye. Thanks for listening to All Ears English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score.

00:17:02 Speaker_02
And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.