#860 - Sam Morril - Travis Kelce, OnlyFans & New York Chaos AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast Modern Wisdom
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Episode: #860 - Sam Morril - Travis Kelce, OnlyFans & New York Chaos
Author: Chris Williamson
Duration: 01:09:29
Episode Shownotes
Sam Morril is a stand-up comedian, writer, and podcaster. America is a strange place, full of quirky customs and bizarre rituals, from tipping practices to unconventional dating trends. So I figured I'd ask one of my favourite comedians how to navigate this odd land. Expect to learn how long it
really takes to adjust to NYC, why Sam felt like a medieval country bumpkin for a while, the surprising stats behind American passports, why Spanish supermarket pineapples are a dating hotspot, what Sam thinks about Lizzo’s weight loss journey. whether the Kelce brothers’ podcast fame will continue and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get a Free Gift, 5 Free Travel Packs, Free Liquid Vitamin D and more from AG1 at https://drinkag1.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) Get expert bloodwork analysis and bypass Function’s 300,000-person waitlist at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Summary
In this episode, comedian Sam Morril shares his humorous take on the challenges of adjusting to life in New York City, likening himself to a 'medieval country bumpkin.' The conversation covers various aspects of American culture and quirks, including dating dynamics, the popularity of social media, and how personal experiences shape comedy. They discuss the complexities of celebrity relationships, particularly involving Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift, and touch on broader societal issues such as the low number of Americans with passports. Ultimately, the episode blends comedy with insightful commentary on navigating modern life in America.
Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (#860 - Sam Morril - Travis Kelce, OnlyFans & New York Chaos) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.
Full Transcript
00:00:00 Speaker_00
Hello, friends. Welcome back to the show. My guest today is Sam Murrell. He's a standup comedian, writer and a podcaster. America is a strange place full of quirky customs and bizarre rituals, from tipping practices to unconventional dating trends.
00:00:15 Speaker_00
So I figured I'd ask one of my favorite comedians how to navigate this odd land.
00:00:20 Speaker_00
Expect to learn how long it really takes to adjust to living in New York City, why Sam felt like a medieval country bumpkin for a while, the surprising stats behind American passports, why Spanish supermarket pineapples are a dating hotspot, what Sam thinks about Lizzo's weight loss journey, whether the Kelsey brothers' podcast fame will continue, and much more.
00:00:43 Speaker_00
But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sam Murill.
00:01:05 Speaker_02
This is delicious. You haven't decided whether- I know, I don't like it, I don't think.
00:01:10 Speaker_00
But you keep drinking it. I keep drinking it. God damn it.
00:01:12 Speaker_02
I keep drink- and I'm like, I don't think I like it, but I've had like 10 sips and I'm like, maybe I do, I don't know. How long did it take to get accustomed to New York City?
00:01:20 Speaker_02
I mean, I don't know because I've lived here my whole life, but you picked like the worst strip. This is a really bad block. I mean, it's like all the people just selling fake bags. Who the fuck thinks these are real bags?
00:01:31 Speaker_02
I mean, if you're a tourist, you're like, oh yeah, the guy who hasn't showered in three days and smells like BO, that's a real Louis Vuitton right there. Reputable stock retailer of luxury items.
00:01:42 Speaker_02
Yeah, just buy a fucking bag that's cheap that's actually not going to break the second you buy it.
00:01:47 Speaker_00
I don't know, this place feels really hard to adjust to as someone who's not from here. I feel like a medieval country bumpkin going to the big city or something to have to speak to the baron or whatever. And I come in, I'm like just overloaded.
00:02:01 Speaker_00
It's so loud, noisy, everything smells. And then it's also energizing. But yeah, it's just, it's odd to adjust to. And people that live here are just like, oh, it's just what life is.
00:02:12 Speaker_02
That's exactly my point. I can't drive, but I can tell you which subway gets you to like Brooklyn. I can't really can't, I can drive, but I'm bad. So you have your license, but- It was a bull, here's what happened. I took three tests.
00:02:26 Speaker_02
I failed the first two drivers tests. I passed the third one because I got in the car and I was like, please don't fail me, I'm terrible. And the instructor laughed and then I hit a cone and she was like, all right, you got it. Took sympathy on you.
00:02:39 Speaker_02
Yeah, but then it was like, because of that, I don't drive out of like respect because I know it's a bullshit license. Oh, okay. So I like never drive. Probably for the best. Yeah. I did it the other day, but it was like six blocks. Jesus Christ, yeah.
00:02:55 Speaker_00
Well, another thing, do people raise children here? Because I've never seen, well, I don't know, I just never, they don't look like they're going to school. Why do they go to school? Is there an underground, like subterranean children kindergarten area?
00:03:09 Speaker_00
I don't know.
00:03:09 Speaker_02
You see the little kids with the rolly bags and the, yeah, they look like businessmen. It's great. They're already jaded. They're already like, fuck, I gotta go to school today. It's terrible, yeah. Oh, fuck. Got a spelling test. Yeah, they're miserable.
00:03:25 Speaker_02
Matiche's being a dick. Yeah, dude, no, they're kids. I was a kid here. I mean, we grew up here, but it's definitely an energy. When people are like, this city's terrible, I'm like, I can't argue with you. There's a lot of problems.
00:03:40 Speaker_02
I feel like every building's always falling apart. There's always people drilling. You just walk around, there's people just drilling on the side of buildings to make sure loose bricks don't fall out and land on someone. You're kidding.
00:03:50 Speaker_02
Yeah, it's called section 11 law. So they will have to drill on the side of your building. So if you're like, it could be like, we could be doing this podcast and there could be a guy just like right outside the window, just like drilling.
00:04:01 Speaker_02
And what's he doing? He's making sure the bricks don't fall out. By weakening the bricks? By checking? I don't know enough about it, but I know that's what they're doing.
00:04:10 Speaker_00
Yeah, I think I've heard you describe New York City as you're in a constant state of irritation, but you're always grateful Yeah, it's well, that's life.
00:04:17 Speaker_02
It's like every day for me is like I'll bump a stranger and I'll be like I fucking I hope this guy dies for bumping me, but then like I go to bed every night and I'm like good day That's like my energy, it's like, I'm angry, but I am grateful, yeah.
00:04:31 Speaker_02
Yeah, this city is a constant state of irritation, but then like sometimes I think, sometimes I think life is that way, but then maybe it's just because I'm a New Yorker, but I travel so much for work that like, you know, I'm in airport after airport, so travel is a constant state of irritation, I'm always frustrated.
00:04:47 Speaker_00
What about when you go to Montana or whatever and you just this down regulation and you hear these birds I've heard stories about people that live in cities not being used to silence. Is that is that a real thing?
00:04:58 Speaker_02
I have to put on like a noisemaker.
00:04:59 Speaker_02
I put on like white noise I can't sleep with just well also though if you're in a hotel like I need the sounds of the couple next door arguing or whatever the housekeeper they're just having a conversation from one room to the other and you're like
00:05:13 Speaker_02
Do you think this is a good idea at 8.30 in the morning?
00:05:15 Speaker_00
But on top of that, you also need this sort of ambient volume because of... I need something.
00:05:21 Speaker_02
But is that... So you don't need that? That's a New York thing? Yeah. Okay.
00:05:24 Speaker_00
Not at all. I need noise. which is pretty wild to think, but I guess it's just whatever you get used to. But yeah, man, coming here, the energy is fantastic, but living here must be a trip. It must be an absolute trip.
00:05:39 Speaker_02
Yeah, I guess I'm away enough to be grateful. I'm away enough to like, you know, but then you always, no matter where you live, you're excited to go home, I think.
00:05:47 Speaker_02
You know, I think of that movie Up in the Air all the time, that Clooney movie, where he's just always just staring at the flights, and you're like, well, that's the life of a comedian. So, whenever I land, I'm just like, fuck yes.
00:05:59 Speaker_02
And then you get home and it's miserable, but you're like, but this is my misery, you know? This is the misery I'm comfortable with.
00:06:04 Speaker_00
Whitney taught me something where she said that in order for art to imitate life, you have to live a life. And it kind of brought on why comedians and other artists, if they start to get more successful, they start to spend more time on the road.
00:06:23 Speaker_00
And then the only things that they have to talk about are airports and dinners, backstages and stuff, because their life is just infused with that. So yeah,
00:06:32 Speaker_02
You don't want to be that comedian where after every show a guy walks out, you're like, a guy came up to me after a show and he said, and like, that's your whole act. And you're like, no, you got to have like real stories.
00:06:40 Speaker_00
Life.
00:06:41 Speaker_02
Yeah.
00:06:43 Speaker_00
Speaking of Montana, I went to my first PBR, professional bull riding. I thought that was Pabst Blue Ribbon or whatever. The beer? I went to a professional bull riding thing. Have you ever been to one of those? I hear it's fun. Dude, it's wild.
00:06:58 Speaker_00
So, my favorite part of the whole thing, the bulls themselves have walkout songs.
00:07:04 Speaker_02
They don't pick him.
00:07:06 Speaker_00
I don't know. I mean, it was it's all associated with and they've got highlight reels of like their best rides ever. And you know, this bull trampling on a Brazilian man. And it's like he hasn't been ridden in four years.
00:07:20 Speaker_00
And this thing comes out and it's just But when it first comes out, it's fully dolled up and it's got like flowers around it. Then the next time it comes out, they tie this stuff under its stomach that irritates it.
00:07:32 Speaker_00
That's why it keeps doing the bucking thing. It's got this stuff tied underneath it. And yeah, there's always like a little Brazilian dude on the top of them and they fuck him up and then they go off.
00:07:42 Speaker_02
Are the guys little in that or are they a little bigger? Because the horse racing, the jockeys are tiny. Mixed bag.
00:07:48 Speaker_00
A lot of the guys seemed like muscular, but pretty short. I'm going to guess being tall would be a disadvantage in that, because you're just going to get ragged around.
00:07:55 Speaker_02
I've done them in the bars, the bulls, and I don't last as long.
00:07:57 Speaker_00
Same thing. Yeah, you would struggle. So yeah, I mean, your pivot, if the comedy thing doesn't work out, pivoting into PBR might not be a good idea. No, no. But yeah, one thing that I really loved is a guy
00:08:08 Speaker_00
like a compare that's also a clown had full sort of face makeup on but a lot of your experience is mediated through this one dude because he's explaining what's going on they only need to stay on the balls for eight seconds and most of them don't so it's a
00:08:28 Speaker_00
48 second periods punctuated with minute and a half long breaks while this bull is just trotting around and there's a dude with a lasso trying to get it and Fuck it off into the pen. So the next guy can come out.
00:08:40 Speaker_00
That's that's that's the worst job I think the guy has to bring the bull back in with the lasso. Yeah Yeah, they seem to chill out for it depends on how well disciplined the bulls are. But yeah, I I The one that I did at Big Sky. Guy, ex-Navy SEAL.
00:08:54 Speaker_02
That's Montana? Yeah.
00:08:55 Speaker_00
It was sweet. Yeah. Guy jumps out of a helicopter, flying an America flag behind him while an angelic 12-year-old sings the National Anthem and fireworks went off. It's like... This is some America. This is some real America.
00:09:09 Speaker_02
Then Kevin Spacey tried to ride the 12-year-old.
00:09:11 Speaker_00
Yes. Yes.
00:09:12 Speaker_02
That's what... He only lasted eight seconds. He didn't go that young. That's not fair. It wasn't in Hollywood. No, everyone was of age. I have a Kevin Spacey joke in my act right now.
00:09:24 Speaker_02
So I have a joke about, like, I was watching a Hitler doc with my girlfriend, and she goes, you know who'd be a good Hitler is Kevin Spacey. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I could see that. And she goes, but he can't because he's canceled.
00:09:35 Speaker_02
And I'm like, he can't play Hitler?
00:09:37 Speaker_00
That would be good. That doesn't seem fair. Well, imagine the pipeline of canceled actors to unspeakable roles. Yeah, but he can't. But what he did isn't Hitler. He's not shittier than Hitler. Right, that's true.
00:09:52 Speaker_00
Did you see one of the actors from Friends retrospectively sort of cancelled the show about a lack of diversity?
00:10:00 Speaker_02
That was Adam Goldberg. That was the guy who was on like one episode. Right, yeah. He's not one of the actors from Friends, really, though.
00:10:06 Speaker_02
Somebody that was once in Friends said that there wasn't sufficient- Look, you can have revisionist history, right? You could be like- It was a white fucking show. It was a very white show.
00:10:14 Speaker_02
I was never into Friends, but like a lot of those shows of that era were very white. Like Seinfeld was very white, you know?
00:10:21 Speaker_00
Didn't he say something about how Italians can play Jews, but Jews can't play Italians?
00:10:26 Speaker_02
I think he said that in the same... So there's this weird one... I think Jews can play... My friend, my buddy's a Jewish actor, he's played an Italian. I think Jews can play Italians, for sure. I think it works both ways. That was one of his complaints.
00:10:40 Speaker_00
That he can't play... Maybe he's not a cool enough Jew. Maybe he's not tanned enough. Maybe Jew with a tan equals Italian. Is that the way that it works?
00:10:46 Speaker_02
I think no they work because they both have they both have overbearing mothers Jews and Italians We can both tap into the same shit overbearing mother But then like Jew with the overbearing mother is like like Gloria Soprano is a very different mom than my mom But my mom was my mom was it was more like anxiety Then aggression than aggression.
00:11:06 Speaker_02
Yeah, right. Okay, but Gloria Soprano fucking hated her son she was it was all anger and resentment my mom is more just like
00:11:13 Speaker_02
ah like don't do this like my dad sent me a fucking email my dad sent me an email about an apple juice recall the other day and i was like i'm 38 you think you think i'm you think i'm pounding apple juice like those days those days are over but that's how much they worry that's my boy like that's the jewish my mom
00:11:33 Speaker_02
True story, we were walking on the street once, and I saw a dead pigeon, and I go, ugh, dead bird. And my mom goes, don't touch it. And I was like, what do you think happens when I'm not around, Mom? I'm not going to touch the fucking bird.
00:11:44 Speaker_00
How old are you at this point?
00:11:45 Speaker_02
It's like five years ago, six years ago. She's like, she worries so much. Dude, she's always on the road. She's like, don't drink. And I'm like, I'm going to. I'm an adult, I've made my own decisions. What age do you think your mother sees you as?
00:12:00 Speaker_02
I think they always see you as their kid, you know, I think they can't shake that. I don't have kids so I don't know, maybe someday I will.
00:12:07 Speaker_00
12 or 13 and they just sort of tap out at that and you've got this man in front of you with a beard who's on stage but it just happens to be your 12 year old son.
00:12:15 Speaker_02
My mom's so bummed by some of my bits, like Here's the thing, they insist on coming to shows, and then I see her horrified look in the crowd. For some reason, they're always sat within eyesight.
00:12:26 Speaker_02
I had a joke, I had this long bit about going to my, it's an old bit of mine, but I went to this girl's house, because she was like, come over and I'm gonna give you a blowjob, basically. And I was like, I'm there.
00:12:38 Speaker_02
And what happened was, I go, and while she's blowing me, the door swings open and a guy was there, and they set me up, basically. It's a long bit, but I remember looking at what I just turned to the crowd.
00:12:49 Speaker_02
I see my mom's face and she's doing this and I'm like You want it to come? This is a tape.
00:12:54 Speaker_00
What do you expect?
00:12:55 Speaker_02
Yeah, and but she's like I'm your mother and then she asked me like is that a real story and I was like I could lie to you, but yes, it's all real. It's all real and she was not happy but
00:13:05 Speaker_02
You know, I try to tell her like, look, who's considered the greatest comic ever is Richard Pryor. And I'm sure his mom want to love some of his shit. And my mom said, well, his mom was a prostitute.
00:13:15 Speaker_02
I was like, I still don't think she wants to hear about her son lighting himself on fire freebasing. I think you're still a mom. Like some of the shit you talk about on stage is regret, and you kind of, that's funny.
00:13:27 Speaker_00
It is kind of like hearing a public therapy session, solo therapy session. Yeah. Regularly, like just pulling out all of the stuff that you wish that your son wouldn't talk about anymore.
00:13:39 Speaker_02
But therapy very much honed because some comics make the mistake of being like, I'm just, you know, I'm figuring some shit out up here. And I'm like, yeah, the crowd doesn't give a shit. That's you pay a therapist for that, you know?
00:13:48 Speaker_02
But, you know, if I just tell a story, I went to a girl's house and she blew me. That's not funny. That's bragging.
00:13:54 Speaker_02
But I tell a story about going to a girl's house and I'm scared for my life because I was like, what the fuck is a guy coming in here for? Why, you know? That's funny, because it's weird and uncomfortable. And obviously, not just that is funny.
00:14:05 Speaker_02
The whole story is what made it funny. But we're not supposed to be winners in the end. Comics aren't supposed to win in the end of the story.
00:14:13 Speaker_00
One of my friends, Michael Malice, said he wouldn't be able to get away with half of the stuff that he can if he was taller than 5'6". I think he's 5'6". And I kind of get the sense that it's not too dissimilar with that as well.
00:14:27 Speaker_00
That if you come off as too sort of perfect or braggadocious, It's just not that likable.
00:14:32 Speaker_02
Who's the most famous insult comic ever? Don Rickles. Look at him. He looks like a hippopotamus. You know? I mean, if he's just a gorgeous guy on stage ripping on people, you'd be like, this guy's an asshole.
00:14:42 Speaker_02
Jimmy Carr's an interesting one when it comes to that. Yeah. Because Jimmy's kind of- But Jimmy's not an insult comic. Jimmy's a one-liner comic who's just really good with off-the-cuff heckler moments.
00:14:52 Speaker_00
Yeah, that's true. That is true.
00:14:54 Speaker_02
Jimmy's like posh on stage and he's, you know, he's distinguished, but that's who he is offstage too, you know?
00:15:01 Speaker_00
I've never not seen him in a suit. Went for breakfast at Austin, Texas. 95 degree morning walk suit. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah. Speaking of relationships, Spanish supermarket shoppers use pineapples to search for love in a surprising new craze.
00:15:18 Speaker_00
Have you seen this? No. Let me tell you. A social media trend in Spain where people are encouraged to seek out prospective partners in supermarkets with the help of pineapples has led to some chaotic scenes.
00:15:28 Speaker_02
Because it makes your cum taste better? Is that why?
00:15:30 Speaker_00
I mean, I don't get it. I haven't even got into the- Oh, so I jumped the gun there. In the city of Bilbao, Northern Spain, police were reportedly called by workers after a flash mob of hopeful singles packed a Mercadona store and overwhelmed it.
00:15:47 Speaker_00
Singletons have been drawn to the branches of the supermarket chain, where it is claimed that they can find romance if they visit between 7 and 8 p.m. and put a pineapple upside down in their trolley.
00:15:58 Speaker_00
People are encouraged to go to the wine aisle to find others with the same fruit in the same position. If they like someone, they bump their trolley against theirs, indicating they're interested in chatting to them.
00:16:07 Speaker_00
If the feeling is mutual, they can bump back or just start talking, according to the Spanish-based English-language news website, Olive Press.
00:16:15 Speaker_02
The Spanish are overcomplicating this. How about just going up to someone and saying, Hey, I like you.
00:16:20 Speaker_00
No, you have this, this beautiful dance of upside down fruit and, and little carriages that it go, is that not? So how did you and mum meet? Oh, in the wine aisle of- I don't think the pineapple story is great either.
00:16:34 Speaker_02
You think the pineapple- I flipped the pineapple. I think your kid's going to be like, you're an upside down fruit, dad. The hell? I don't- I think this stuff is so complicated, especially when you have all these apps to get laid on.
00:16:47 Speaker_02
Just go on one of the apps. I mean, I know it's not a great story, but like, have some fun.
00:16:51 Speaker_00
It's quicker. Yeah, what do you make of the sort of, you're in a relationship. Yeah. From the outside perceiving it, what do you make of sort of the modern state of dating?
00:17:03 Speaker_02
Well, I sure as fuck miss those date-and-nap days. Those were fun. I mean, it's relentless. I mean, here's the thing, the grass is always greener, so I'm happy in my relationship, but I also like, I'm like, oh man, that was awesome.
00:17:15 Speaker_02
That was, you could just get laid like that.
00:17:17 Speaker_02
You could be a loser and still just be putting up numbers because it's just, you know, you see people just like on the street, like, you know, and you're like, holy shit, this is like, like social media is addictive.
00:17:27 Speaker_02
This is like, the only downside is really you are, Pictures aren't everything, right? Like, you meet someone in person, there's an energy you pick up on. And it's like... Pictures don't matter. You can't, you don't really, you know, account for voice.
00:17:45 Speaker_02
And then they have that voice feature, but that always feels weird, you know?
00:17:48 Speaker_00
To send a voice note to somebody that you've never met. Ugh, it's creepy.
00:17:50 Speaker_02
Exclusively... Worse than a dick pic. It's more violating.
00:17:53 Speaker_00
Exclusively for the reason of... trying to get someone to think that you're cool or sexy, and then how many times you re-recorded or changed the tone of your voice in order to be more sultry than you actually are.
00:18:05 Speaker_00
I've never used the voice note message.
00:18:08 Speaker_02
Are you single?
00:18:09 Speaker_00
I am. And are you cleaning up Raya right now? I'd spend a little bit of time on Raya, but even that, it just feels like Pokemon trading card game, but virtual. And it's like, well, you've got it. The admin of being single is so
00:18:24 Speaker_00
fucking arduous dude like did you know if you spent all day working and sending emails backwards and forwards then going into your private life and go away and better deal with the dating admin that doesn't exactly feel like a fulfilling way to spend an evening and you get caught up in the text and you have multiple and then you have the dates and they get repetitive and boring and
00:18:44 Speaker_02
I think those apps are shallow, because you're leading with the picture. So you're going with who you find most attractive, more than most interesting a lot of the time. And then you're on the date, and you're like, this fucker, this chick sucks.
00:18:56 Speaker_02
You're pretty, but I don't care at all. You're coming from podcast therapy, then you go on a date, you're like, I got to carry this shit too? I got to bring the heat on the date?
00:19:04 Speaker_01
What the hell?
00:19:06 Speaker_00
I'm tired. Well, I think that's definitely a byproduct of growing up, getting a little bit older as a guy, that girls that are pretty but not that interesting, you're like, I can't do this. I can't. You're tired. I can't do this.
00:19:22 Speaker_00
I can't do... It doesn't really matter how pretty you are. because it's mind-numbing. Yeah. If there's nothing, if there's nothing else.
00:19:31 Speaker_02
That's why I mean, everyone wants to meet in person, but the apps are just so addictive. But yeah, meeting in person is better always because. you get to know somebody.
00:19:39 Speaker_02
A couple of relations I've been in, we kind of got to know each other over FaceTime, because it was just someone I kind of knew a little bit before, and they lived in another state. So we'd talk on FaceTime.
00:19:49 Speaker_02
So I really got to know them before we even had sex, which I was like, holy shit, this is so different than what I'm accustomed to. But maybe that's why I dated them.
00:19:56 Speaker_00
Just like my grandfather did.
00:19:58 Speaker_02
Yeah. But I mean, I jacked off on FaceTime to him a few times, but you know. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. It was wholesome.
00:20:06 Speaker_00
It's strange to think about the... Like, I think that there's a market for a dating app that's just video messages. So you don't have a profile, you don't have anything else, and you just get to see a video message backward and forward.
00:20:21 Speaker_00
Because within the space of 60 seconds, you can work out whether or not this person is someone that you're bothered about. It's not just the voice note thing. Right, within two minutes of being on your date, you go, ah, I should have bailed out.
00:20:33 Speaker_00
I shouldn't be here.
00:20:34 Speaker_02
That's why the dinner first date is a terrible move. Because if you're not vibing with the person.
00:20:40 Speaker_00
Locked in for the next 90 minutes.
00:20:40 Speaker_02
And then they're like, I'll have this appetizer, this main course. We're sticking around for dessert. And you're like, fuck.
00:20:45 Speaker_00
Yep.
00:20:46 Speaker_02
I already don't like you. Yeah, but, uh, no, you got to do drinks or coffee or whatever you do.
00:20:50 Speaker_00
Walking date is highly recommended, apparently. Is it? Yeah, because you side by side. And that means that there's less sort of intensity like this. And also you can get away with a 15 minute, you know, 30 minute. We'll just test the water.
00:21:04 Speaker_00
But then I wonder whether... You do seem cheap, though, if you're like, we should take a walk.
00:21:07 Speaker_02
And she's like, are you homeless? Why the fuck are we walking? You know, I don't know.
00:21:12 Speaker_00
Yeah, that is true.
00:21:15 Speaker_00
I do wonder whether the subtext of going for a walking date is, I'm really unsure about whether or not I can deal with spending more than 20 minutes around you, so let's do something that I can, oh, I must, I have to get a grapefruit or two from the supermarket, I'll see you later on, you know what I mean?
00:21:33 Speaker_00
Gotta get a pineapple and flip it upside down to find someone better. Go fucking Spain with it. Yeah. We'll get back to talking to Sam in one minute, but first, I need to tell you about AG1.
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00:22:37 Speaker_00
That's drinkag1.com slash modernwisdom. Another news story that I noticed this week, Americans with a passport, in 1990, 4% had a passport and now still less than 60% do. So it's like... But 4% in 1990? 4% in 1990. That's crazy. Yeah.
00:22:55 Speaker_00
I don't know whether it's the fact that It's such a big country that you basically have 50 countries inside of one continent, so people don't feel the need to travel.
00:23:08 Speaker_00
But it's kind of not surprising that America sees itself as the center of the world, given that for most people who live here, it is the center of the world. I don't know how many people have ever traveled.
00:23:20 Speaker_00
Even the ones with a passport, you would assume that at least 50% has never left this country, which is pretty wild.
00:23:26 Speaker_02
Well, that is pretty, look, I love America. I'm always gonna live in New York, but 4% is kind of a sad number. I mean, don't you want to get out of here? I guess, you know, some people have stuff keeping them back.
00:23:41 Speaker_02
It's expensive to travel, but shit, man, that's a... There's an awful lot of world outside of 50 states. Yeah, dude. I mean, I guess it also depends what state you're in, right? Because if you're in Texas, Mexico is pretty easy.
00:23:55 Speaker_02
If you're up north, Canada is pretty easy, but... Yeah, shit. Where's your favorite place to travel?
00:24:04 Speaker_00
Uh, I love Italy.
00:24:06 Speaker_02
I've never been, I tried to, I'm doing a Euro tour and I tried to add it, but it couldn't, I couldn't add Germany and Italy to this one. And the two that I've never been to and I really wanted to go.
00:24:14 Speaker_00
So good. I went to Venice for the first time a couple of weeks ago. My thing is history and culture and tours. I want some dusty. 55-year-old ex-academic woman who knows all of the history of a place. With big jugs?
00:24:30 Speaker_00
With big jugs, to slap a headset on and walk me around telling me unpronounceable surnames of an architect. That's... I could spend the rest of my life doing that. And Venice was just obscene.
00:24:43 Speaker_00
These tiny little streets that are not that much wider than you are, rickety buildings. All the buildings are held up by bits of wood so they don't fall over because the ground's shifting below them. It's crazy. I was in love. So that was awesome.
00:24:57 Speaker_00
Florence, kind of similar, but less water. Awesome. And then Rome, similar but bigger. So yeah.
00:25:02 Speaker_02
My girlfriend was born in Rome. She grew up in America, but she's born in Rome and her mother's Italian.
00:25:09 Speaker_00
So she has this incredible- That's the Italian Jewish connection. Yeah. We make it work.
00:25:14 Speaker_02
We make it work. Yeah. I love, I don't know, for some reason, Italian, I mean mob movies were such a thing for me growing up because my brother was obsessed with Goodfellas and Godfather is like this iconic American movie.
00:25:27 Speaker_02
So there was this Italian, it sucks that I'm reducing Italian culture to mob movies for this point.
00:25:32 Speaker_00
It's the synthesis, it's pizza and mob movies.
00:25:34 Speaker_02
Yeah, but pizza is also very important to me, so.
00:25:37 Speaker_00
We had a problem, so this drink thing that we made, we... And I love Negronis, so. Uh-huh. We tried to recreate it in the U.S.
00:25:45 Speaker_00
I've heard a rumor that the same problem we encountered, which was the hardness of the water, has got something to do with why, is it pizza or pastries or something? Pizza. Pizza.
00:25:53 Speaker_02
New Yorkers, we will tell you your water's not good enough. Is it true? Is that legit? I don't know. I've heard people say it's not true. I mean, look,
00:26:02 Speaker_02
they've got they figured i've had good pizza in la it can't be just you know because of the water yeah but new york yeah we have good we have good water here for sure i mean you and i should go to flynn michigan and try the pizza then we got to figure it out we got to crack it it's got a lead lined crust on the outside i'm like i'd still try it
00:26:26 Speaker_00
What do, you're a big sports guy, what do football fans think about the Kelsey brothers?
00:26:34 Speaker_00
It's the first time in, as long as I've ever sort of paid attention to American sports, where you've had an acting top flight athlete, two, multiple athletes, with so much other public facing stuff.
00:26:50 Speaker_02
Well, podcasts, public relationships.
00:26:52 Speaker_00
I mean, what's that? Is there a purist out there in the sports world that thinks that?
00:26:57 Speaker_02
No, because he's still performing. I think if he was an athlete who who lost a step and then, you know, was like, I'm podcasting. I think when you when you're
00:27:05 Speaker_02
playing like shit, and you're podcasting, your teammates are probably like, maybe stop the broadcasting career.
00:27:10 Speaker_00
But after two Super Bowls back to back, like, go fuck yourself.
00:27:13 Speaker_02
Yeah, he's a phenom. His brother was a great lineman, and he retired, but Travis Kelsey is in the conversation for best tight end of all time, and he's still unguardable, and he's got the best quarterback. So, I mean, they're unreal.
00:27:29 Speaker_02
A lot of people are convinced that Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift were put together by like, you know, Democrats to be like, you know, they're like, it's not a real relationship. They're both Democrats.
00:27:43 Speaker_02
They're using them to get votes, which is, I'm like, well then get two fucking Republican celebrities. Get Kanye and Caitlyn Jenner to date. That's getting you some votes. That's more eyeballs.
00:27:54 Speaker_02
But my thing is, his performance hasn't slipped with this Taylor Swift thing either. That's the other thing. We're talking about his podcast and his performance.
00:28:04 Speaker_02
It's funny how much shit he's getting because every athlete Kim Kardashian started sleeping with just started to suck. And he's still good.
00:28:14 Speaker_00
You think sleeping with Taylor Swift is a performance enhancer?
00:28:18 Speaker_02
No. No, I think someone that famous is probably draining you a little bit, but he's probably got endless stamina. He's a world-class athlete. Elite athlete.
00:28:29 Speaker_00
Yeah.
00:28:29 Speaker_02
No, I think just being around that level of Celebrity, I'm sure there's parts where he's like, fuck, I should probably be lifting right now or doing some training and I got to put on a top hat.
00:28:39 Speaker_00
Evading the paparazzi or whatever it is I'm going to do. Sacrifice child blood at the full moon for a pentagram on the floor with people in hugs.
00:28:45 Speaker_02
I have to dress like a sailor at the US Open. I should be lifting weights, but you know.
00:28:51 Speaker_00
Can you imagine if that was the truth, if it is a Democrat conspiracy or Pfizer or whatever gave them both an unlimited amount of money or something, but you get the call.
00:29:01 Speaker_00
It's like, Mr. Kelsey, you have been called up to do the duty for not only your political party, but the future of your country. It's like, all right, well, I guess, you know, I'm kind of always wanted to serve in one form or another.
00:29:14 Speaker_00
What is it that you need me to do? It's like, we need you to bang Taylor Swift.
00:29:19 Speaker_02
Yeah, not awful. There's worse jobs. Yeah. I think Katie Holmes got the same call, but from Tom Cruise's people. We need you to do a duty. We need you to protect an American movie star. You need to help him pretend he's not gay.
00:29:36 Speaker_02
Will Smith, same call to Jada Pinkett and so on down the line.
00:29:40 Speaker_00
The Will Smith arc is fascinating.
00:29:42 Speaker_02
Yeah.
00:29:43 Speaker_00
Absolutely fascinating. I remember this video of his where he was on a treadmill and there was a dude next to him on a treadmill and they were going to have a competition to see who would quit last.
00:29:54 Speaker_00
And Will said something along the lines of, either I'm going to pass out or I'm going to beat you. You know when Will was kind of He had this sort of almost Tony Robbins-y, motivational sort of era, or at least this was part of it.
00:30:08 Speaker_00
I remember a bunch of different videos. I was like, ah, like, I really like that. This is before Goggins and Jocko and kind of that world of like, you either win or you die stuff came through.
00:30:17 Speaker_02
Yeah.
00:30:17 Speaker_00
I was like, huh?
00:30:19 Speaker_02
Will's like a kind of a shredded guy.
00:30:21 Speaker_00
Masculine hero, I am legend, he's jacked, he's in like a bunch of movies. What was that one, Hancock, where he was the drunk superhero?
00:30:28 Speaker_02
Yeah.
00:30:29 Speaker_00
But really charming, kind of unique, complex, slightly complex characters.
00:30:33 Speaker_02
That could have been so much better, that one.
00:30:35 Speaker_00
That movie?
00:30:35 Speaker_02
A great premise.
00:30:36 Speaker_00
Yeah. And then you just look now and I don't know, so you know Danny and Ryan from the Boy's Cast, they're both big Will Smith fans and they're really worried, unironically, this is not a joke, worried about Will Smith.
00:30:54 Speaker_00
um and it's weird it's just such a weird arc that to to kind of see what's happened and then there's these weird videos of him behind the scenes she's got this um i've told you not to record me do you see that one no where this is my life and you're sort of and it's her it seems like sort of berating him a little bit or it's really it's really really uncomfortable to watch it's obviously just in the house or something and this guy just looks broken dead behind the eyes
00:31:18 Speaker_00
such a weird arc.
00:31:19 Speaker_02
Isn't it amazing that you're so envious of some of these people's lives? It's only natural when you see how much someone has going on. You're like, wow. And then they're often miserable. I mean, he really seems like an unhappy guy.
00:31:32 Speaker_02
It's almost like being that famous for, what, almost 40 years? It's not healthy.
00:31:38 Speaker_00
What other outcome could there have been after being famous for that long? I think he's probably, my guess is he's probably
00:31:47 Speaker_02
Probably gay. I don't know. I mean, could I get sued for this? All right. Allegedly gay. Allegedly. No, it's like the marriage is definitely bad.
00:31:57 Speaker_02
You don't just slap someone in the face after they make a joke about your wife, because things are stable at home. That's not, it's just not what you do. If someone makes fun of my girlfriend, I'd be like, hey, don't, you know, just don't do that.
00:32:09 Speaker_02
All of us in an award show would probably be like, ha ha, and then just fake it, you know? But you don't be like, keep her fucking name out of my mouth and then slap a guy on live. It's crazy, it's crazy behavior. Something's not right at home.
00:32:23 Speaker_02
I mean, she was publicly talking about having an affair, right? I would probably wouldn't stay with someone who did that. I don't know what the divorce looks like. I don't know what the prenup situation is.
00:32:34 Speaker_00
I mean, she seems like a, Absolutely psychopathic person. Yeah, she seems like a legitimate crazy person.
00:32:43 Speaker_02
I can't imagine someone I'm sure he fucked around to Lord knows with who maybe women maybe with guy don't fucking know what they're doing, but But if someone cheated on me and then went on a book tour talking about cheating on me, I'd be like Probably time to wrap this up.
00:32:59 Speaker_00
I mean she say something was to do with I Rappers too didn't who was it that she said that she was the muse for?
00:33:07 Speaker_02
Didn't you don't just hate someone who fucking huh?
00:33:10 Speaker_00
Tupac was she apparently that was part of the tour.
00:33:14 Speaker_02
She might be fucking good then I mean dude, she's responsible for Will Smith and to all eyes on me me against the world and men in black in the 90s Go Jada, she might be good.
00:33:26 Speaker_00
One of the things, even with the Kelsey Taylor Swift situation that I think about, and I guess Will Smith's one as well, is how difficult it is to have a relationship normally, and then how difficult it is to have a relationship with
00:33:40 Speaker_00
a few hundred million or a few billion people's eyes on you as well.
00:33:43 Speaker_00
I didn't think, mercifully, almost no one's ever gonna, really no matter, even like someone like Rogan, like his relationship, his marriage, is just not any part of anybody's conversation. No one really gives a fuck.
00:33:57 Speaker_02
He's done a very good job of compartmentalizing his private life and keeping it private, which I think is- I think it's crazy he's married to a Filipino boy, but he's done a great job. And good job, Joe.
00:34:10 Speaker_02
I just, navigating a relationship that's that public must be essentially... Um, no, it's, it's, uh... It's gotta be hard, I mean, but Thomas, you're talking about these people, their spouse is also famous, so when you're dating a famous person, people are fascinated with it, I guess, and, I mean, look at Ben Affleck and J-Lo, it's, you know... What's their currently about to break up, or breaking up?
00:34:35 Speaker_02
I thought they broke up, I don't know.
00:34:36 Speaker_00
Right, okay.
00:34:37 Speaker_02
There was a... I saw... I mean, it must be addictive. Ben Affleck's got the addiction thing, so it must be addictive to make what you know is a bad choice, and fucking her is a bad choice for him, clearly. It keeps ending, right?
00:34:52 Speaker_02
But he's gotta be like... It must be like a drink.
00:34:54 Speaker_00
Oh, do they keep breaking up and getting back together?
00:34:56 Speaker_02
Well, they were dating like 20 years ago, remember? Yeah, like 20 years ago they dated.
00:35:00 Speaker_00
Okay.
00:35:01 Speaker_02
And now back and now broken up again. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's clearly not working, but it's like, it is like a, it's a beautiful thing if that works out. You're like, I guess it was you all along. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:11 Speaker_00
It's a nice story. The one relationship, Jay-Z and Beyonce just seem like, I don't know, that's the one that appears to just be moving Smooth, but they might them everyone's got problems.
00:35:25 Speaker_02
I I don't buy that like Brianna Chris Brown pop problem That was oh, yeah, I was gonna say that wasn't a pro that seemed to be very smooth cutting dry. And yeah, he Man, he really bounced back from that. Huh?
00:35:36 Speaker_02
Some some people have really stayed cancelled who have done way less bad shit Have you ever checked out the Chris Brown reddit?
00:35:44 Speaker_00
No, it is cult-like People love him so much. It's a real force of nature to see. And if you see any... Would you say that they have a toxic relationship with him? I don't know.
00:36:01 Speaker_02
I think they probably do.
00:36:03 Speaker_00
I don't know. It's very obsessive. I don't know what it is. I need to do a deep dive on it. I've seen a couple of videos that kind of break it down. But if there's ever any criticism, it's kind of this swarm.
00:36:14 Speaker_00
Presumably it maybe appears on the subreddit or some other channel of some kind. But yeah, Chris Brown's a uniquely sort of positioned... Did he... Is it Chris Brown that did the Super Bowl this year? Is it him? No, this year's Kendrick Lamar.
00:36:26 Speaker_00
Kendrick Lamar. That was it. Yeah. But yeah, just wow. Very, very obsessive fan base. So don't get on the wrong side of them, I think. Don't do a Chris Brown joke. That'd be a bad idea for you.
00:36:38 Speaker_02
I've done so many. Have you? Of course. How could you not? It's like he was like the insert domestic violence joke guy for a while.
00:36:45 Speaker_00
Role model for domestic violence. Yeah. I mean, you had to like- The poster child for domestic violence.
00:36:49 Speaker_02
You had to throw him in. I don't know. I feel like every comedian's made a Chris Brown joke. It's like talking sprinting without talking Usain Bolt. You can't- exactly! Don't fucking- don't beat up Rihanna.
00:37:02 Speaker_02
And you're not gonna expect comics to make jokes about you, you know?
00:37:08 Speaker_00
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00:38:07 Speaker_00
Staying in New York, one of the guys came on to breakfast the other day and said that he'd just seen Ryan Reynolds walking his dog. Oh, nice. I'm like, Ryan Reynolds seems to be pretty much like the perfect dude.
00:38:18 Speaker_00
That he's just funny, and his relationship's great, and he buys a football club, and he does stuff for charity, and he builds billion-dollar businesses.
00:38:26 Speaker_02
Sold us, yeah, the gin, the aviation gin. That's what Mark and I are trying to do with our whiskey, you know?
00:38:30 Speaker_00
Tell me about that.
00:38:31 Speaker_02
We have our own Bodega Cat whiskey and we, uh, we're, we're, we're getting state in the States. You need to get distribution state by state. It's, it's a tedious process.
00:38:43 Speaker_02
So Mark and I, you know, Mark Norman and I started our own whiskey Bodega Cat and it's, you can get on bodegacatwhiskey.com, but you know, we're, Going through 15 cases a week at the Comedy Cellar right now. It's great.
00:38:53 Speaker_02
We're at the Strip House, the Steakhouse on 12th Street, which is my favorite steakhouse. We're at, uh... The Stand, the other comedy club, New York Comedy Club. We're, uh... Comedy clubs throughout the country right now.
00:39:05 Speaker_02
Just, I think, started up at the Comedy Store, the Improv. We gotta get the Mothership in Austin, too. But we're on it. We're moving and, uh, it's, uh... It's a long process, man. Liquor's some mob-run shit.
00:39:19 Speaker_01
Really? Still?
00:39:20 Speaker_02
Oh, dude, it's crazy.
00:39:22 Speaker_00
Just the rings you have to kiss and, you know, it's been a process, but... Well, we did taste testing and stuff for a productivity drink, but I imagine that the taste testing for getting a whiskey right is a little bit more... We didn't know we were supposed to spit it out.
00:39:38 Speaker_02
We got fucking hammered.
00:39:39 Speaker_00
You're kidding.
00:39:40 Speaker_02
Usually, when you're sampling whiskey, you're supposed to... But we were just like, gah, gah, we're idiots.
00:39:47 Speaker_00
It progressively got better. It's weird, the last ones that we try are always the best ones.
00:39:52 Speaker_02
This is smooth. Yeah, we were pretty fucked up. But we went with one that was like, everyone has a bourbon. We're like, let's do rye. It's a little. What's the difference?
00:40:01 Speaker_00
Not a whiskey connoisseur.
00:40:02 Speaker_02
Oh, it's more rye. I mean, bourbon is a little naturally more, Sweet like makers is more sweet than like say like a rye is typically a bit more spicy Our rye is not that spicy.
00:40:17 Speaker_02
It's got like It's kind of got like a caramel vanilla type flavor, it's got a little spice perfect for a Manhattan, it's my favorite drink I like a Manhattan, a Negroni, a Martini. Anything. I like the classics.
00:40:37 Speaker_02
Paper Plane's a good cocktail if you've never had it. What's that? It's whiskey, Aperol, Amaro Nonino, and lemon juice in equal parts. It's fucking great.
00:40:48 Speaker_00
Manhattan's the one that's got nothing in it that isn't alcohol, right? There's no mixer. I think it's a good drink. A Martini's the same way. That's true, that is true.
00:40:56 Speaker_02
But you do, yeah, a Manhattan is whiskey, sweet vermouth, a touch of bitters, and a maraschino cherry. There, that doesn't have alcohol in it, the cherry.
00:41:07 Speaker_00
Fruit, it's a fruit salad, glorified fruit salad.
00:41:10 Speaker_02
It's easy. Although by the time you have it, it has some alcohol in it, because you dunk it in.
00:41:14 Speaker_00
It's funny that people end up creating products that are built around the thing that they do. So for me, I wanted something that I could have before a podcast that would be good, so I'd do this. A lot of comedians drink.
00:41:25 Speaker_02
I got into alcohol because it was open bars. I was like 18. I was like, I get to drink for free here? I'll be a comedian. That was literally what, I mean, and then you were like, oh shit, I have to work hard.
00:41:37 Speaker_02
But at the time I was like- The thought process was free drinks. Oh, my parents were terrified. I remember they came to a show and I was like blackout drunk on stage. I just was like, I get to drink for free. I was young.
00:41:45 Speaker_02
I couldn't control myself, you know?
00:41:49 Speaker_00
Secret Service accidentally included the 9-11 hijackers in a tribute post to the victims this year. In a post on X marking the anniversary of the attacks, the Secret Service included the terrorists in the death toll.
00:42:03 Speaker_00
So the flag hanging in our headquarters is a solemn reminder of 9-11 and its mission's purpose, testament to freedom and sacrifice, to honour all 2,996 lives lost But the actual correct number of victims is 2,977.
00:42:16 Speaker_00
They had to amend it and get rid of the 19 hijackers.
00:42:22 Speaker_02
A lot of people lost their lives that day. So let's not, let's not just, you know, you got to throw the terrorists in there too.
00:42:27 Speaker_00
I didn't know, it kind of does make sense. You don't want to honor exactly the hijackers, but if you're going to cite how many people died that day, like are we talking demographically accurate here or are we talking in terms of tribute?
00:42:39 Speaker_02
I've always said that terrorists and comedians have a lot in common, because we both get bummed when not enough people make it to a gig. You know? Cause I feel like terrorists would be like three people on a bus. This is fucking bullshit.
00:42:51 Speaker_02
You know, I guess I'll do it tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that's insane, man. That's a geez.
00:42:59 Speaker_00
You must've been here.
00:43:00 Speaker_02
I was. Yeah. Can you recall the day? Of course. Yeah. It was like, you know, people had cell phones, but no one had service. So I remember New York's an amazing city because everyone, by the way, in school the morning,
00:43:16 Speaker_02
The morning the planes hit, I had a Spanish teacher we all did not like, and she decided to give us a pop quiz. And we're like, we're under attack. You're giving us a fucking pop quiz? And she was like, you should have studied.
00:43:30 Speaker_00
We're under attack not only from the Middle East, but also from you. That's so true. I mean, I was like,
00:43:38 Speaker_02
I was like, well, she's like, you should have studied. And I'm just like, I'm going to fucking fail a test. Cause you know, I did, I should have studied. But, uh, and then I got out, I think on the test I wrote, you suck. Cause I didn't study.
00:43:49 Speaker_02
And I was like, I'm just going to take the L here. And then, uh, and then we got taken out of school. My dad was like, let's line up to donate blood. Cause they might need blood at the hospital. So we went to a hospital.
00:43:59 Speaker_00
How far away were you? Were you able to see?
00:44:02 Speaker_02
No, my dad saw it from his office. My dad worked in Times Square, so he saw the second plane hit from his office and was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, and then he went to pick me up at school. We lined up to donate blood every hospital we went to.
00:44:16 Speaker_02
They were like, we're good, unless you have this blood type, we're good.
00:44:20 Speaker_00
Because so many people had done it too.
00:44:21 Speaker_02
So many people, yeah. That's how New Yorkers are. We'll say fuck you to you in the street, but when shit gets serious, we will donate blood. We'll help out. How old were you? Jeez, I was 15.
00:44:31 Speaker_00
Can a 15-year-old give blood? Oh, yeah. Yeah?
00:44:35 Speaker_02
Oh, okay. It's a nice youthful... I had AIDS, but I didn't tell them that, you know? They didn't know that. But, yeah, no, I... Yeah, we all lined up, my whole family, but... Crazy day. Crazy fucking day.
00:44:51 Speaker_02
And I was in New Orleans for Katrina, so that should follow me around. You thought it might be you? It might be... God might be trying to send me a message. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's... It's wild.
00:45:01 Speaker_00
What was the subsequent few, I don't know, month, couple of months in New York like after that?
00:45:10 Speaker_02
It was, uh, it was, there was a bit of tension. I think there was definitely some, uh, looking back, there was definitely some Islamophobia, which is really unfortunate. And, uh,
00:45:26 Speaker_02
I think there was, everyone in the city knew someone who lost someone, you know, and- Yeah, 3,000 people, that's- Great, well- Enough to touch a country.
00:45:37 Speaker_00
Don't forget the terrorists. Yeah.
00:45:38 Speaker_02
But it was crazy. It was terrible. It was a terrible thing, but you know, it's a resilient city.
00:45:49 Speaker_00
It's a wild thing, I watched, was it, recently the 25th anniversary documentary started coming out and to look at just- Doesn't feel right to call it a 25th anniversary.
00:46:06 Speaker_02
That's what they called it. 9-11 to 25, buckle up guys. The comeback tour. I went on a, one of the planes years, it was like two years ago, I think it was the 20 year anniversary they did.
00:46:19 Speaker_02
It was, you're going through security and it said 9-11, never forget. I'm going through airport security, I can't forget what I'm going through. Maybe don't remind me of a plane crash when I'm at the airport.
00:46:29 Speaker_00
Yeah, especially if you're going on a Boeing.
00:46:31 Speaker_02
Yeah, oh my god. Fucking, that's another one, Alaska Air. Talk about, you look online and they're like, we're having a discount, the flights, you go on Expedia, all the Alaska Airs are like 500 bucks cheaper.
00:46:45 Speaker_00
As a man that spends a lot of time on planes, I imagine that's something you might pay a bit of attention to.
00:46:49 Speaker_02
Yeah, if it was a girl I'm not that serious about, I'm like, I'll fly in on Alaska Air.
00:46:55 Speaker_00
You might make it, you might not, who knows. How many times does Boeing want to face plant? They've got the astronauts that are stuck in space as well.
00:47:04 Speaker_02
Although given how things are going in our country right now, they might be better off.
00:47:10 Speaker_00
But yeah, whether it's intercontinental or transatlantic or fucking interplanetary, they're able to sort of fail at each different step of the way. Have you ever been on a plane where you're like, this is going down?
00:47:26 Speaker_00
The worst turbulence I've ever had was on a flight, a 17 hour flight from Johannesburg to Atlanta. And that I was laid flat trying to get some sleep and I was lifted off complete like absolute free fall air.
00:47:43 Speaker_00
That's how much- Like exorcist level, fucking levitating. And then Christmas this year, flying back to the UK,
00:47:52 Speaker_00
tons of delays taking off out of Austin, and the pilot came over and said, I know that we've been nearly two hours in being delayed for takeoff, but don't worry because the jet stream, Gulf stream is really strong at the moment, so we'll make the time up in the air.
00:48:10 Speaker_00
By the way, that's not a thing. We'll make the time up. It's the same distance. But he's able to go faster. I don't buy it. He managed to get us into going down one of those water park slide chute things with a pressure hose behind it.
00:48:27 Speaker_00
But the entire journey, I would have happily arrived two hours later and not been dishwashed for the entire journey. But those were the two that come to mind.
00:48:36 Speaker_00
And when you're in a really big plane, when you're in a little plane, you're like, oh, OK, this is probably, there's a bit of me in the back of my mind that thinks, yeah, but it's like a ping pong ball.
00:48:43 Speaker_00
You know, it gets blown around a lot by the wind.
00:48:46 Speaker_00
But if you're in an absolute monstrosity with 500 people in it, in order for this to actually get shaken around a lot, I don't get that nervous, but those are two times where I sort of... I've been in a little one where I was... My friend Gary and I, it's so funny, I saw a comedian, Jim Norton, at the Comedy Cellar, and he goes,
00:49:05 Speaker_02
Oh, where are you this week? And I said, I'm in Rochester. And he goes, oh, I hope you're driving. I hate that flight, that little plane. I was like, no, I'm flying. It's a long drive. From New York? Yeah, it's like a six-hour drive from New York.
00:49:16 Speaker_02
But he's like, I hate it. We're on the plane. Gary and I, we booked tickets sitting next to ourselves. We're on the flight. Gary and I, we booked tickets sitting next to each other. Some woman is like, I'm sitting here. And I'm like, oh no, we booked it.
00:49:30 Speaker_02
But then I just looked at him, I'm like, it's a 40 minute flight. Like, fuck it, just give her the seat, who cares? And then we're in the worst turbulence ever. It's like shaking. We're going down and the instructor, like he doesn't even speak.
00:49:41 Speaker_02
I'm like, oh, we're about to German wings this shit. This guy's about to kill us. We're freaking the fuck out. I look at him, the woman who was supposed to be sitting in the back row starts going,
00:49:54 Speaker_02
And there was a moment where we were looking at her like, fuck you, bitch. If you die, we won't be that upset. But then he just top-gunned it. So we're going down and just flew. And we were like, what is he? Is he fucking with us? Is this some cruel joke?
00:50:07 Speaker_02
And then it turned out, 10 minutes later, he comes on the speaker like, sorry, guys. It was too windy to land. I didn't want to get on the thing. I had to focus, so I want to get us around.
00:50:18 Speaker_02
But then the guy picking us up at the airport was like, man, one of those planes top-gunned it. We're like, that was us, dude.
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00:51:22 Speaker_00
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00:51:27 Speaker_02
There's a movie, I don't know if you ever saw this, Argentinian movie called Wild Tales. It's great. It's a bunch of really dark shorts, basically.
00:51:37 Speaker_02
And one of the shorts is everyone's on a flight, and two people start chatting, and it turns out they have a connection to each other, and they're like, that's weird. And then the person behind them is like, did you say you know this person?
00:51:48 Speaker_02
And it turns out everyone in the flight knows each other. And then it's a guy who got them all on a flight and kills them all.
00:51:56 Speaker_00
Oh, it's some sort of vengeance thing? Yeah. Oh, that's cool.
00:51:59 Speaker_02
It's a good one. The whole movie's great. I spoiled one for you, I'm sorry. There's lots of others. The last one at the wedding's the best one. It's incredible.
00:52:08 Speaker_00
Wacky people, watch that.
00:52:09 Speaker_02
I'm sure you can just stream it where you rent movies. What's it called? Wild Tales. It's from probably 10, 15 years ago. It's awesome.
00:52:16 Speaker_00
That's sweet.
00:52:17 Speaker_02
Every one of them is good.
00:52:18 Speaker_00
Yeah, I wonder, you know, when you think about the media that gets loaded onto planes, so many movies have got plane crashes in, but there's no way, there has to be some sort of limitation of what you can put on, that you can't put movies that have got really extreme plane crashes in, because
00:52:41 Speaker_00
Because if you're sitting next to one, you're like, I don't want to see that shit, right? Yeah, for sure.
00:52:46 Speaker_02
You ever watch a weird, I remember they had the movie Secretary on my flight once and I'm just watching this and it's like a lot of BDSM. It's James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. There's a secretary that he's really sexually inappropriate to.
00:52:58 Speaker_02
I mean, it was pre-Me Too. It's very dicey where he's just making her do crazy kinky shit as a secretary. And I'm just watching this and there's just like people next to me like, what the fuck you want?
00:53:09 Speaker_02
You could tell they're like, this is not okay, but fun movie.
00:53:13 Speaker_00
There's a cool insight around airplanes where people that sit in economy have to walk through business to get there, there's a nine times increase in passenger agitation.
00:53:29 Speaker_00
So the number of incidents where somebody gets logged as being disruptive or whatever, it's increased by nine times if the people in economy have to walk through business class.
00:53:40 Speaker_00
So it's called the poverty parade, that basically everyone that's really nice has already sat on, they've got their champagne or their orange juice or whatever, and then everyone else has got to sort of traipse past with their eyes down.
00:53:49 Speaker_00
Does the proletariat have to go into their blood and feces and straw at the back?
00:53:54 Speaker_02
That's a good point. I think for years, I think flying coach for so many fucking years, every weekend, like cheapest flight possible, I think it'd fuck my neck up. I'm 6'3", I would just fall asleep like, and I was like, I think I have neck problems.
00:54:10 Speaker_02
But, you know, yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sense. You see a lot of incidents. I mean, people, that woman had a whole career made, that woman who had like a meltdown on the plane. This is what we do with celebrity now.
00:54:23 Speaker_00
Oh, that motherfucker there is not real.
00:54:25 Speaker_02
Yeah, and she's like got a following now of people. It's so funny how people, instead of us being like, that person's clearly mentally ill, we're like, oh, we should continue to lift this person up.
00:54:33 Speaker_00
Yeah, she was the supernatural hawk tour, wasn't she? She was. Hock 2 is a big one. Well, I mean, the meme, I've been, it's something I've been totally obsessed by over the last three months, all of this summer, the speed of memes and news.
00:54:48 Speaker_00
You know, we went from Hock 2 to Biden's senile, to Trump's shot in the ear, to Kamala Harris coconut season, to Bratgirl summer, to, you know, and every single one erased all of the ones that came previously. No one's talking about Trump being shot.
00:55:05 Speaker_00
No one is being, he got shot in the ear, or it was a piece of glass or whatever. Two months ago.
00:55:13 Speaker_02
Yeah.
00:55:13 Speaker_00
And everyone's already, I'm way over it. That's old news.
00:55:17 Speaker_02
Yeah, it was two months ago, the assassination attempt.
00:55:20 Speaker_00
13th of July, let's say 14th of September or something. Like exactly, almost exactly two months ago.
00:55:24 Speaker_02
You know, it's interesting, Andy Warhol used to say, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes, but he didn't have this type of social media when he was around. Like, you can parlay this into maybe a lifetime of success.
00:55:36 Speaker_00
Hulk too missed it without monetizing on OnlyFans. That was the pivot.
00:55:40 Speaker_02
But then, but that, she's so young that I respect her for not doing that. Cause she could've done that, she could've been like, I'm just gonna get naked and be a... But clearly she's like, nah, I wanna do some other shit.
00:55:50 Speaker_00
The Cash Me Outside chick did pivot into it, I think she's one of the top creators on OnlyFans now. Oh my god. I think there was a... Cash her finger in herself.
00:56:00 Speaker_02
Yeah.
00:56:01 Speaker_00
outside. There was a breakdown of businesses, their revenues and the number of employees that they have. I think OnlyFans has less than 60 employees and its revenues are in the billions.
00:56:14 Speaker_02
Yeah, more than pro sports they say.
00:56:17 Speaker_00
Yeah, yeah, all of, every NBA player put together- I saw that, yeah. Is less than the revenue of OnlyFans. Yeah.
00:56:25 Speaker_02
Which is weird because- Who's OnlyFans LeBron? Who's like the biggest pay person?
00:56:29 Speaker_00
I don't know, I don't know. Let me see if I can find out. Top, this is gonna, I'm gonna be pixeled for the rest of my time by searching top- I've never done it. I've never like subscribed to someone on OnlyFans. Top OnlyFans creators.
00:56:43 Speaker_02
I mean, this has got to be- By the way, it's so funny to call them creators. Just some chick getting drilled on her couch, and we're like, she's a creator.
00:56:50 Speaker_00
Creative. Erica Mena, monthly earnings, 4.5 million. Not bad. Bad Baby, there's a lot of H's in that, 4.33 million. Tana Mongyu.
00:57:05 Speaker_02
Who are you jacking off you? Honey, it's not what you think, it's a bad baby. I was jacking off to a bad baby.
00:57:13 Speaker_00
Well, they have a Pornhub, a really great, their data science team. This sounds like the dog ate my homework excuse for watching Pornhub, but the data science team at Pornhub is actually really, really great.
00:57:26 Speaker_00
And they'll tell you what the top trends are and the top searches and what's changed year on year. And this particular one state has got a foot fetish.
00:57:35 Speaker_02
Is that like Napster though for porn stars now? Because they're not paying them?
00:57:39 Speaker_00
Oh yeah, that's a good point.
00:57:41 Speaker_00
So I'm friends with an adult actress in the UK and she said that the whole job of Pornhub now for most, at least women, maybe guys too, is it's the front end of the funnel that drives the traffic into... So it's like YouTube for comedians is Pornhub for... Correct, correct.
00:57:59 Speaker_00
More like Instagram. where you've got your little short clips, and that's what'll go up on Pornhub. You get to watch, you know, five minutes.
00:58:07 Speaker_02
Just her sucking a cock. Subscribe to my actual channel.
00:58:10 Speaker_00
Honestly, yeah. To watch the full video, see below. Yeah, you get to see it in 360p, but the full 4K surround sound experience is available on my website. Yeah, I don't know, Matt. I mean, it's absolutely fascinating.
00:58:21 Speaker_02
I used to have a joke about I would look at so much porn that it would like funnel into my, because on the dating apps, you can choose like what kind of ethnicity you would want on some of them. So I'd be, you know,
00:58:30 Speaker_02
I'd watch so much porn that it would funnel into it or I'd be like Asian, milf, neighbor, handjob.
00:58:39 Speaker_00
Yeah, I do wonder what the future is going to end up being, whether we look back on this period as like an odd Every period's odd. But yeah, that is true, I suppose.
00:58:57 Speaker_00
You look back at the Victorian era, and it's like, you showed too much ankle there, Melinda. How could you? You know what I mean? That's a little bit off.
00:59:04 Speaker_02
Well, dude, everyone is in their own world right now. Everyone, it's like that thing, the meme, the bitch thinks he's the main character, something like that. But you'll see a guy on a bike riding by.
00:59:15 Speaker_02
I almost got hit by a guy on a bicycle a few days ago, because he's filming himself talking for some vlog. And I'm like, Some idiot, he could've gotten like badly hurt, I could've gotten maybe hurt, but he's like, it's all for content, man.
00:59:28 Speaker_02
And he probably got me at the end being like, fuck you, like I'm angry.
00:59:30 Speaker_00
But like, that's all part of the video now.
00:59:31 Speaker_02
Is that Sam Murrell in the background of that guy's cycling vlog? That's what I love about this city. I saw a woman scream at a guy going the wrong way on a bike, zooming by, and she goes, asshole!
00:59:41 Speaker_02
And I'm like, ah, I love an angry old lady in this city. They're fun.
00:59:44 Speaker_00
Well, those e-bikes, because I haven't been in- They're fast. And people wearing helmets, dude. Absolutely. It must be at least 20 miles an hour, maybe more, that they're able to go in this dedicated cycle lane.
00:59:59 Speaker_02
Same with the scooters. Yeah. Dude, I learned to drive in New York. I'm a bad driver, but I can drive in Manhattan, which I think is one of the hardest places to drive because
01:00:09 Speaker_00
so many fucking things are happening like it's yeah you need to be one of those waymo uh cars but you need that for your head you've got eyes wrapped all the way around your back i don't know there's i'm still very much in even i've spent a total of a month in this city across my life
01:00:26 Speaker_00
there is a confidence that New Yorkers walk with, it's like a rhythm, self-assured vibration that they move through the city with, that if you're not, if you haven't been indoctrinated, you just do not have. I haven't got it in the time.
01:00:39 Speaker_02
Well, the people have the right of way over the car, so it's like, we're more confident. Like, Colin Quinn is like the quintessential New Yorker to me. Who's that? He's a great comedian, Colin Quinn. He's got a Netflix special called New York Story.
01:00:50 Speaker_02
It's one of the greatest stand-up specials ever, I think, and I love Colin. And he has a joke about how people will be driving like, oh my God, I almost got hit by that person. Because we walk with so much confidence, but it's the truth.
01:01:03 Speaker_02
We feel like we run the city. And when you are driving, you're kind of like, what the fuck is wrong with that guy?
01:01:10 Speaker_00
I could have hurt him. So if you're a New Yorker, if you're a domestic, born and raised New Yorker, do you walk everywhere? Do you take the tube? Or is it sort of a choice based on your preference for whether you cycle?
01:01:24 Speaker_02
I don't bicycle. My dad never taught me how to ride a bike. I'm worthless, dude. The more I'm talking, I'm like, holy shit, I have no abilities, no motor skills.
01:01:31 Speaker_00
I can just say a rude thing.
01:01:36 Speaker_02
That's all I got.
01:01:38 Speaker_02
um my dad once took me to ride a bike in central park and just let go of me and i went down a hill and i crashed into a fucking tree and was like we're done with that and that was it he was just like i give up bailing out yeah and so i've i've ridden during covet i was
01:01:52 Speaker_02
when we didn't know what was going on, I rode the bike a couple of times downtown, but I was getting wiped out. I sucked at it. And no, I don't do the scooter.
01:02:01 Speaker_00
I thought the tube was basically just a homeless fight permanently happening 24 hours a day.
01:02:07 Speaker_02
No, that's the media. Look, there's crazy shit happening on there, but they love when it does, because it's like New York's falling apart. I ride the subway everywhere. I'm a walker. I walked here. I like the subway.
01:02:23 Speaker_02
When I take, if I do take a car, I try to always make it a yellow cab, because, you know, they fucked over the yellow cabs, the city, the medallions worthless, so I try to- But did they not just pivot to becoming Uber drivers?
01:02:34 Speaker_00
Is that not the solution?
01:02:35 Speaker_02
Well, the problem was, if you have a medallion, that was kind of an investment, and you would, the medallion so you can get the cab- Expensive. Yeah, they would retire on them. They would sell them for like over a million dollars, you know?
01:02:47 Speaker_00
Because there's a limited number of taxi spots available?
01:02:49 Speaker_02
Yeah.
01:02:50 Speaker_00
Right. So it's a scarce result. It's like the original Bitcoin. It's a Bitcoin of the fucking taxi world.
01:02:55 Speaker_02
But then they just let Uber people... Oh, you have a car, you can be an Uber driver. So that's fucked them over completely. So I try to stay loyal to the cabs.
01:03:04 Speaker_02
Look every once in a while you regret it because in a world with no ratings You don't know what you're walking into sometimes so like I'll be in there and the guys like this guy's an asshole He's you know, but I try to stay loyal to the calves
01:03:17 Speaker_00
What's your advice for people flying into and flying out of New York? Because for the first time ever, I flew into Newark coming here. That's pretty sweet.
01:03:25 Speaker_02
Yeah, well, you have options. You could take a cab. You could also take the train. You could take Amtrak in, which is kind of nice. And then, you know, the subway, you got that. JFK, you can take the subway if you want to go public transit.
01:03:38 Speaker_02
But JFK is a tough, that's a bad airport.
01:03:42 Speaker_00
Which is wild, because it must be one of the busiest airports in America.
01:03:44 Speaker_02
Well, look at LAX. That's a terrible fucking airport, and that's a... I've never had any bad experience.
01:03:48 Speaker_00
I mean, I hate the... Get on the bus to get to the cab to get to the city. That, that... It's insanity. Very painful. It's like, you look like you're in, like, a detention camp. It's insane. Yeah, that is true. You're one of the Uyghurs. Yeah.
01:04:01 Speaker_00
Just waiting to be... It's awful. Shipped off somewhere. Yeah, that's funny. Ah. Where else have I been to that was interesting? Atlanta is a wild airport.
01:04:10 Speaker_02
That thing's a city that just exists as a... Oh, it's three miles to get to where you need to get an Uber. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, and there's that big loop train thing. Now we're doing what I said I shouldn't do as a comedian.
01:04:23 Speaker_00
Just talking about airports all the time.
01:04:26 Speaker_02
Everyone listening right now is like, I'm gonna fucking put a gun in my mouth. What else is coming up for you? Well, I got this special on Prime Video called You've Changed. I'm proud of that one. It's got some really good jokes in it.
01:04:38 Speaker_02
Spent a couple, over a year and a half touring with that, so I feel pretty good about that hour. It's called You've Changed because there was a bit in it where... It's a true story. A woman tried to cancel me.
01:04:51 Speaker_02
I had a trans joke in a Netflix special, and it was actually a really positive joke. It was a fun joke. It was very positive about trans people. And it went viral, and all these trans people started weighing in. Like, you know, hell yeah.
01:05:03 Speaker_02
One of them was like, this is how you do it. I was like, I'm a fucking good guy, I guess. The next trans person was like, this is our person now. And I was like,
01:05:10 Speaker_02
You know, this could back, I support, but you don't want to be the voice of the fucking movement. And then the next trans person was like, this is my least favorite comedian. And yes, I know his work. And I was like, who the fuck is this person?
01:05:20 Speaker_02
So I started clicking on the profile and it's someone who tried to cancel me in 2013. And, uh,
01:05:28 Speaker_02
and she hated my jokes, and he used to be a she, which I don't give a shit about, like, it's your life, do whatever the hell you want, but every post that he writes about me now is, fuck Sam Morrell, he made bad jokes in 2013, so I finally responded, but you know that people can change.
01:05:42 Speaker_02
Very clever. So that's the special, it's called You've Changed, and it's a fun special, it's on Prime Video, I think it's like hard jokes, top to bottom.
01:05:49 Speaker_02
I got the rights back for my Netflix special, so that's on my YouTube channel, that's called Same Time Tomorrow. I got this, which is a special I self-produced on YouTube in 2020, which I'm proud of that one too. But then I'm on tour.
01:06:03 Speaker_02
I'm announcing a new theater tour starting, I believe, first week of February, doing the tour bus and the whole thing. And I'm coming literally everywhere. This is probably coming up after my Euro tour. So I got Spokane.
01:06:16 Speaker_02
I'm doing a weekend at a club in Spokane, Washington, October 24th through 26th. I'm doing a weekend in, Cleveland at Hilarity's, one of my favorite clubs, November 21st through 23rd, I believe.
01:06:26 Speaker_02
And I'll be popping up all over just to work on the material before we go back to theaters. And I'm coming to every American city, truly every city. So samorell.com and hit tour, and I'll be coming to your fucking city.
01:06:40 Speaker_02
And I post my shit on punchup.live slash samorell, because they don't send to me.
01:06:43 Speaker_01
What's that?
01:06:44 Speaker_02
My friend Danny Frankel started an app. He used to work at Facebook.
01:06:48 Speaker_02
The issue for me at Facebook and Instagram is I'm sure you deal with this they they bury any post that has anything Problematic in it and guess what they decide what's problematic becoming increasingly Strict I put a I was wearing a very like loud pair of tracksuits
01:07:04 Speaker_00
pants yesterday that looked like what a karate teacher from the 90s would wear. So I put, can't wait to roundhouse kick someone in the face wearing these bad boys.
01:07:12 Speaker_00
Within 30 seconds my account had a warning and I had to go through a bunch of things because it had been auto detected that I was inciting violence.
01:07:19 Speaker_02
It's insane.
01:07:20 Speaker_02
wow that's really it's getting dangerous dude and it really uh for jokes like you know sometimes sometimes you say something sarcastically sometimes you're and but guess what if you're sarcastic a comedian says thing that he doesn't really mean exactly but then you they read that some robot that can't detect sarcasm sees that as like a threat or like something that's hate speech but
01:07:46 Speaker_02
You kind of have to look at a person's track record and what they actually believe. I'm not going to actually say what I believe all the time, but if you know who I am, you know what I believe. So what's the punch up? punchup.live.
01:07:56 Speaker_02
And he's got an app now for punch up. But Danny's become my good friend. He left Facebook because he loves comedy. And he, you know, I think he did really well over there.
01:08:03 Speaker_02
But now he wants to, he wants to take down Ticketmaster essentially, because he thinks they're taking so much. I mean, you see what the government- So what is it? It's a place, it's many things. It's a place where you can see uncensored comedy.
01:08:17 Speaker_02
Like YouTube, like specials? Sure, you can put anything on there. I put a lot of clips on there.
01:08:21 Speaker_00
Only fans for comedians.
01:08:23 Speaker_02
Basically, but I just ask for your email instead of your money, because I just want your email for when I tour, so... Yeah, I post clips up there that will get flagged by Instagram, and I'm not super provocative, but these are just gonna get flagged, you know?
01:08:37 Speaker_02
So I post clips there and I post all my dates there and I collect emails there so I can, uh, and I don't spam you. I just want to, you know, have your email. So when I'm coming to your city, I'll tell you it's geolocated.
01:08:48 Speaker_02
So you give me your zip code and I will be like, Hey, come to your city this week or something. But I love what he's doing. It's nice to have like a free speech platform that's not run by a right-wing lunatic.
01:08:59 Speaker_02
Cause then you're just like, well, like it's free speech. And then you log on some of these and it's just like the N word. And you're like, this isn't really what I wanted.
01:09:04 Speaker_00
Hard R's and Jew jokes all the way down.
01:09:06 Speaker_02
Yeah. And guess what? I got a lot of Jew jokes too, and they're not hateful. So they're a little hateful, but they're about me. Self-hating Jew, different.
01:09:14 Speaker_00
Sam Merrill, ladies and gentlemen. Dude, I appreciate the heck out of you.
01:09:16 Speaker_02
Thank you for coming on the show.
01:09:20 Speaker_00
Yeah, you too, man.
01:09:20 Speaker_01
This was fun.