689: What BIG Thing is Actually Little? AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast The Rachel Hollis Podcast

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Episode: 689: What BIG Thing is Actually Little?

Author: Three Percent Chance
Duration: 00:41:15

Episode Shownotes

In this episode of The Rachel Hollis Podcast, Rach shares her experiences from London, including a recent walk, her favorite hotel, wedding dress shopping, and a fantastic experience at the theater. The main topic focuses on overcoming fear. She shares personal anecdotes and a selection from her upcoming book What

if YOU Are the Answer. Rach encourages listeners to push through mental barriers and challenge those fears to live a more fulfilling lifePre-order your audiobook of ‘What if YOU Are the Answer’ narrated by Rachel on Audible today! You can also pre-order your e-book or hard copy at Amazon, Barnes & Noble (they have signed copies!), Books-A-Millon, Bookshop.org, or wherever books are sold!We're on The Final Batch! Get the Start Today Journal - https://starttoday.com/products/start-today-journal00:00 Introduction: Questioning Advice00:49 Welcome to the Rachel Hollis Podcast01:21 A Day in London02:54 Exploring London and Theater Experiences08:19 Wedding Dress Hunt and Upcoming Events15:26 Intermittent Fasting and Personal Insights16:33 Overcoming Fear and Taking Action21:26 The Burden of People-Pleasing24:00 Embracing New Year Resolutions25:24 The Joy of Solo Adventures26:36 Questioning Advice and Family Myths30:31 Pushing Boundaries and Taking Risks32:42 Inspiring Stories from Guests40:34 Final Thoughts and EncouragementSign up for Rachel’s weekly email: https://msrachelhollis.com/insider/Watch the podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/RachelHollisMotivation/videosFollow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/MsRachelHollis/ To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices.

Summary

In this episode of The Rachel Hollis Podcast, Rachel discusses her solo travel experiences and emphasizes the importance of overcoming fear and mental barriers that prevent personal growth. She shares anecdotes from her recent trip to London, including her enjoyment of theater and wedding dress shopping, while advocating for listeners to confront their fears and seek advice from those who are successful in desired fields. Through personal reflections, Rachel encourages embracing authenticity and pursuing dreams, underscoring that experiences, regardless of outcomes, contribute to enrichment and self-discovery.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (689: What BIG Thing is Actually Little?) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

00:00:01 Speaker_02
Why do we take advice from people who have never done the thing we want to do? Why would you ever take advice from someone you don't admire?

00:00:12 Speaker_02
If someone is succeeding in an area that you want to succeed in and you admire both their success and their approach to how they got there, by all means, model behavior.

00:00:25 Speaker_02
but we are constantly taking advice and feedback from people who have never done what we're trying to do.

00:00:31 Speaker_02
Which makes it so crazy, because then our life is only going to be a reflection of people who did not know what they were talking about, and likely never pushed themselves outside of a comfort zone, so don't have any real world experience.

00:00:49 Speaker_02
Hi, I'm Rachel, and in this show, we talk about everything. Life and work, health and healing, relationships with others and with ourself. These are stories for the seekers. These are conversations for the curious. This is the Rachel Hollis Podcast.

00:01:21 Speaker_02
Hi guys, it's Rach from my hotel room in London. I just got back from a walk through St. James Park and I thought I was going to record this for you guys in a really cute outfit because I'm going looking for a wedding dress later, which is super fun.

00:01:40 Speaker_02
But I thought it was going to be in my cute little shopping outfit and I was going to show you the things. And then I got back and I was like, honestly, Do you guys can handle walk outfit rage? It feels like. So here we are.

00:01:53 Speaker_02
I am trying for the first time these little tiny wireless podcast recording mics that I think I see all over the place now. Jack actually got this for me like two years ago and begs me to use it and I never do.

00:02:08 Speaker_02
Allegedly, you're supposed to be able to clip it on your shirt, which would be the ideal, but it honestly just doesn't sound as good.

00:02:15 Speaker_02
So I'm going to hold this tiny little square, this tiny little microphone during this entire podcast interview, because I thought it would be fun to do

00:02:25 Speaker_02
a podcast on the road, but specifically because today I want to talk about the things that we don't do because we make it too big a deal in our mind. And one of those, for a lot of women especially, is traveling.

00:02:38 Speaker_02
Specifically traveling alone, which I have done a ton over the last decade, but I didn't do when I was younger because I really didn't know that that was a thing. Yeah.

00:02:48 Speaker_02
So I want to talk about it, but first I want to tell you about my trip and life and what's happening. I came out to London to meet my fiance. He's from here.

00:02:59 Speaker_02
So he comes several times a year, either for work or to see his family and his friends and reconnect and check in. And I stuck over here for like Four, five days, just a super quick trip.

00:03:12 Speaker_02
I once a year ask my big sister to come down from Oregon and stay with the kids. And the kids love it because she's the super fun auntie. So they get some time with auntie and I get a little trip away, which was honestly so nice.

00:03:27 Speaker_02
I'm staying at my favorite hotel in the whole world, which is saying something. I'm at the Covent Garden Hotel in Covent Garden and they're so beautiful.

00:03:38 Speaker_02
I'm like looking at a magazine of all their stuff you can get like her dinnerware and every like can you see the hotel or if you're watching this on YouTube you can see the hotel behind me. The rooms are gorgeous.

00:03:49 Speaker_02
They always have these massive windows with like beautiful light. I love them because they're colorful. They're just always really like cozy and warm and beautiful. And my boo and I have stayed at this hotel probably 10 times over the last four years.

00:04:05 Speaker_02
We've brought the kids here. It's just a really special place for our family. And it's the kind of place where they have the same people work here forever and ever. So you walk in the door and they're like, Oh, how are the kids?

00:04:16 Speaker_02
Like, they're just wonderful. But yeah, so we're staying here. I was actually having my favorite dinner here last night, which is fish and chips. It's delicious.

00:04:24 Speaker_02
If you are going to London or you're here and you haven't gone to the restaurant at the Covent Garden Hotel and got the fish and chips, I know it seems silly because you're like, could you be more basic? But it's so delicious.

00:04:38 Speaker_02
So we always come and we have a glass of champagne and fish and chips. And I was sitting there last night, two really sweet women walked over and they were like, I was looking out the window. I was by myself.

00:04:48 Speaker_02
I was looking out the window and I heard Rachel. And I turn around and this happens a lot. If someone calls your name, the normal

00:04:57 Speaker_02
reaction, the normal thing to do is you look at them and you go, oh God, why does this person know me and I don't know them? And so I'm staring at her like, did we go to high school together? Did I meet her at work?

00:05:09 Speaker_02
And she's just like expectantly smiling at me. And I'm like, and then she says, love you. And I was like, oh, I love you too. Thank you so much.

00:05:19 Speaker_02
So anyway, it's always really cool to be in another country and find someone who listens to the podcast or reads the book. So that was cool. But oh my God, I have to tell you guys what we did last night. We went to see a play at the West End.

00:05:33 Speaker_02
It's one of the reasons, I'm sorry, no one's paying me to tell you this much about this hotel, but it's one of the reasons this hotel is so fantastic. If you like theater or musicals, it's right near the West End so you can walk to everything.

00:05:44 Speaker_02
We went to see a play I would have never in a million years picked. But Kez's best friend was like, oh my gosh, have you heard about this? It's amazing. It's got the most insane reviews. You should go see it. And it's a story of the Lehman Brothers.

00:05:58 Speaker_02
It's called the Lehman Trilogy. It's legitimately one of the best things I've ever seen on stage in my life. First of all, the play is like three hours and 20 minutes. Your girl wants to be in and out in like 75 minutes, Todd.

00:06:13 Speaker_02
So when I saw it was three and a half hours, there are two intermissions. I said to Kez, I was like, honestly, we'll sneak out after the first, you know, if it's bad, we'll sneak out after the first intermission. We'll go get dinner. It'll be fine.

00:06:25 Speaker_02
I was spellbound. I was riveted. And that's pretty, I feel pretty impressed by that because I love musicals.

00:06:34 Speaker_02
So for me to watch theater for three plus hours, guys, I am telling you if you have any plans coming to London or you live here, you have to go see this play. The acting was unreal.

00:06:48 Speaker_02
The three men in this play, I can't even believe the amount of dialogue that they memorize, the amount of accents they do, the amount of characters they play.

00:06:58 Speaker_02
It's a story of the Lehman Brothers, like, you know, the bank, and of course, you know, the Lehman Brothers. If you're in America, you know who that is. But it's the story of them generations ago, coming as immigrants into America, into Ellis Island,

00:07:14 Speaker_02
and starting, you know, selling clothes and then building their way up. And it just, oh, my gosh.

00:07:21 Speaker_02
And the stage was designed by, I'm going to sound so dorky right now, but there's this incredible set decorator, set designer, I don't know what she's called, named Es Devlin. And I knew about her because there's a Netflix documentary.

00:07:34 Speaker_02
We are going way deep, guys. There's a Netflix documentary about incredible artists, and she's one of them. And she's really famous for these very cool, very unique theatrical designs. And the stage of this play is insane.

00:07:52 Speaker_02
I'm not going to tell you what it is because I didn't know what it was and I was astounded. It is so cool. I just, I know not all of you are theater nerds, but I'm guessing some of you are, and please add that to your list.

00:08:06 Speaker_02
It was the acting, the writing, the, oh my gosh, it was great. Anyway, so that's what we did last night. We're out in the country for a few days with his family. We came into London.

00:08:19 Speaker_02
There's some work stuff I have to do, but this afternoon we are going to Liberty to look for wedding clothes. Now, I told you guys last week I'm in this hunt for a wedding dress, but I don't want it to be a traditional wedding dress.

00:08:34 Speaker_02
Liberty in London is one of my favorite stores. I've never actually bought anything there, but I walk through it every time I'm here. It's just so beautiful and the clothes are so beautiful.

00:08:44 Speaker_02
And I thought, man, if there's a place to find an interesting dress, it's probably Liberty's. So we're going to walk over there later today. And yeah, I'll keep you guys posted. I showed you my my first two options.

00:08:57 Speaker_02
And I'll show you what I find today if I find anything. Speaking of dresses, I was a little bummed because I realized. So next week I was invited to this fabulous party.

00:09:13 Speaker_02
Last year, Lilly Singh, who I've had on the podcast, invited me to her annual Diwali party. And it was the most fun I've had at an event ever. Like, and by event, I mean, like, it's something for work. You know, it's not your cousin's baby shower.

00:09:35 Speaker_02
It's not your aunt's birthday party where you can sort of let loose. And this is like other people in your industry, like,

00:09:42 Speaker_02
a bunch of podcasters and like writers and actors and you you want to sort of you want to wear a cute outfit you want to be on your best behavior but my gosh does Lilly Singh throw a party and we I went with my friend Rosie and we danced our butts off for like four hours it was so much fun

00:10:03 Speaker_02
So when I got the invitation this year, I was like, thank the Lord. I, I've, I did a good enough job as a guest last year to get me into this year. I was so excited. So it's coming up, had some dresses in the mix I was really excited about.

00:10:18 Speaker_02
And then I just realized I'm going to be on my period. And my apologies, cause I know that there are a few of you who've never had a uterus who are listening to this. Just bear with me for a minute.

00:10:30 Speaker_02
I am at an age where the period is very unpredictable. Is it going to be like chill and fine? Is it going to be like, I'm an axe murderer and I've just murdered someone and it's just a bloodbath? Like, I don't know what I'm going into.

00:10:49 Speaker_02
And if you've ever worn, I mean, this is, this party is black tie. This is like the fanciest most beautiful outfits you've ever seen. I can't be in a dress and be trying to, like, deal with a menstrual cup in a ball gown.

00:11:09 Speaker_02
So I had some really cool dresses in the mix, and I just was like, I think I'm gonna have to do, like, a top, because I think I need to wear black. I think I just need to cover my bases, because what if on the day of the party I'm

00:11:23 Speaker_02
you know, hemorrhaging. And you know, I know that some of you know what I'm talking about. I'm sure that some of you are younger and you're like, oh, there's no way that your period is going to prevent you. No, bro.

00:11:36 Speaker_02
It is like there are times where my period is so intense. I'm I don't know if I could leave the house because I'm just going to cause problems for myself and scar other people and probably stain chairs.

00:11:51 Speaker_02
So I'm a little bummed that the timing of that is lining up in such a way and then it also does make me faint. I feel like I'm getting nudges from the universe more and more to consider progesterone. It's something that Dr. Taz recommended.

00:12:06 Speaker_02
If you saw my interview with Dr. Taz, she did my blood work and she recommended that I go on progesterone because a lot of the perimenopause issues that I'm having are related to the fact that my progesterone is so low.

00:12:18 Speaker_02
And one of the things would be these just really intense periods. And honestly, I just, I've had friends who've done it and had really great reactions to it.

00:12:29 Speaker_02
And I just, I'm thinking now that it's like, when it starts, when something starts to control your life, when you're like, Oh, I really want to do this party, but I don't think I can because I'm worried that I'm going to like bleed all over everybody.

00:12:41 Speaker_02
That might be a time to, uh, to consider changing things up. So that is a big place that I find myself at, of wondering what's next in the perimenopausal world. Because I work so hard to balance things naturally, but I think I might be out of place.

00:13:04 Speaker_02
And obviously you can get progesterone, like it would be bioidentical. I would do something totally as natural as possible, but I just don't like adding medicine or supplements because my system is so sensitive.

00:13:17 Speaker_02
And I feel like I always get whacked out. and I'm terrified of getting whacked out in a hormone-related way.

00:13:24 Speaker_02
So TBD, I am getting home in time to go trick-or-treating, obviously, just in case you were like, wait, the Halloween queen, like she won't be in town for, yes, of course I will be in town.

00:13:36 Speaker_02
Of course, I mean, I wore, look at these, I wore my orange socks on my walk today. Because I'm like, yeah, black and orange, let's go Halloween. I only have a few more days to celebrate, so I'm really excited.

00:13:49 Speaker_02
And by the time this video comes out on YouTube, I will be able to show you what my Halloween, I don't want, I guess I could tell you now, I'm going as Mei Mei from Turning Red. If you know, you know. I hope you know that movie is so fantastic.

00:14:07 Speaker_02
If you have not watched Turning Red, it's the cutest movie. And I was trying to find what's a character that has this length hair. And I was like, oh, it's maybe I'm going to spray it orange, put an outfit together.

00:14:19 Speaker_02
Did I try and get the kids, like literally any child of mine, to do this costume with me? You know I did. You know I did because their entire lives when they were younger, we did family costumes every year. It was like the joy of my life.

00:14:36 Speaker_02
And then they got so old that they wanted to pick their own costumes. And now it's like, oh, I want to be this character from this TV show you've never heard of, mom. And I'm like, oh, fine. But y'all, I did.

00:14:47 Speaker_02
OK, it hasn't happened yet, but I did convince Kez to be matching costumes with me. And is he going as a girl character? Yes, he is. He's like the boy version of a girl character. I wanted to be all the girls from Turning Red. Le sigh.

00:15:02 Speaker_02
But I at least got one member of my family to do it. So we'll see how he does. I mean, he's so down to clown, like he's he'll do whatever. But I waited four years before I asked this man to dress up in matching Halloween costumes for me. And I feel like

00:15:20 Speaker_02
That was a big, that was big on my part. You know how much I love this holiday. So I waited a while. I started intermittent fasting. Did I tell you guys this? I started intermittent fasting and I'm starving right now because it's time for me to eat.

00:15:33 Speaker_02
But I really wanted to record this for you. Remember when I had Dr. Mindy on the show? Forgive me if I told you this last week because I actually can't remember. Remember when I had Dr. Mindy on the show, her whole thing is fasting.

00:15:47 Speaker_02
Like if you are someone who has a uterus or used to have a uterus, this is how you fast with your cycle. And I wanted to see if it would work because I really like intermittent fasting or I did back in the day and I'm loving it.

00:16:00 Speaker_02
I actually feel really good and I'm really excited.

00:16:05 Speaker_02
I don't want to give you a full like thumbs up or down until I've done it for a full month because I don't feel like that's... Unless you do something for your entire cycle and it works for your entire cycle, it's probably not the answer for you.

00:16:19 Speaker_02
So I'll wait to give you my full opinion, but right now it's feeling pretty good. Let's talk about some real things. Though I suppose everything I just told you, those are real things.

00:16:31 Speaker_02
Let's talk about the actual talk of this episode, which is this idea that we hold ourselves back from doing stuff we are interested in doing because we're afraid, because we've never seen anyone do it, because we're not sure if that's a normal thing, because we want to be normal, because no one in our family has done that.

00:16:53 Speaker_02
There is a chapter in the new book that is called, What Big Thing is Actually Little?

00:17:01 Speaker_02
And the question is to, I hope, help you to be introspective about if there is something in your life that you are making a really big deal out of, and it's, as my teenagers would say, Mom, it's just not that deep.

00:17:16 Speaker_02
Like, is there anything in your life that you need to stop overthinking and worrying about and obsessing about because it's just not that big a deal. I did a podcast tour, gosh, last year, I guess maybe like a year ago-ish, 18 months ago.

00:17:35 Speaker_02
I'd ask the audience, I'd be like, let's do a game of never have I ever. But in this game of never have I ever, audience

00:17:43 Speaker_02
The intention is that you are going to name the stuff that you've always wanted to do, but you never do because you're afraid, because it's, quote, thus not something someone like you does, because you've never seen anyone do it.

00:18:00 Speaker_02
And then I would ask the audience, I'd be like, who's always wanted to get a tattoo? But you've never gotten a tattoo because of a million things you tell yourself. You'd see like half the audience raise their hand.

00:18:10 Speaker_02
Who's always wanted to ask a stranger out on a date, but you didn't have the courage to go across the coffee shop and talk to someone you didn't know and a bunch of people raise their hands? Who's wanted to go skydiving?

00:18:21 Speaker_02
Who's wanted to start their own business? Who's wanted to have that confrontation with mama that they've been holding on for 38 years and they just need to tell her what's up?

00:18:29 Speaker_02
You know, who's wanted to, and you, all these people raising their hands, but we don't do it because we make a mountain out of a molehill.

00:18:38 Speaker_02
We make it such a big thing in our own mind that we terrify ourselves from doing the thing that if we just faced it, if we just tried, if we just went to the concert by ourself, if we just traveled to the place you want to travel to, like if we just did the thing, we'd understand it's really not that big a deal.

00:18:59 Speaker_02
So in this chapter of the book, I talk about, I talk about all the things in my life that I really made way too big a deal of and how much time it stole from me. Like how much time have you wasted not booking the trip?

00:19:19 Speaker_02
How much time have you wasted not talking to the girl? How much time have you wasted not telling the truth, not being yourself? Yeah, it's scary as hell, but I promise you when you just do it,

00:19:35 Speaker_02
All the wind comes out of this blow up monster that has been keeping you stuck where you are. So I want to read you a little excerpt from the new book on this to see if you'll find it helpful.

00:19:50 Speaker_02
So one of the examples I use in the book is this idea that we end up doing the same things as everyone else we know. We live in the same town. We go to the same school. We eat at the same restaurants.

00:20:03 Speaker_02
We follow a path laid out for us by family or friends because we're not really sure what else to do. And they seem like they got a pretty good idea. And, you know, people like us do things like this. So you just kind of follow in that path.

00:20:17 Speaker_02
And if you're not careful, you'll accidentally create a life that is someone else's making. So the example I use in the book is like someone else buying you a gift that you don't necessarily like, but man, they bought it for you.

00:20:32 Speaker_02
And so you'll just try it on for size. And then you just start living out the way they do things because they seem like they know what they're doing.

00:20:42 Speaker_02
Imagine someone you love buys you a beautiful pair of very expensive, very tall, high-heeled stilettos that are two sizes too small for your feet. You can tell she's really proud of this thing she's giving you.

00:20:56 Speaker_02
After all, Louboutin is her favorite brand, and this is the exact size that she wears. You can appreciate the lovely gesture. This friend always looks so fabulous in her shoes, and she cared enough to get you some.

00:21:10 Speaker_02
Plus, you don't really know what kind of shoes would suit you anyway, so you go for it. You squeeze yourself into someone else's ideal and learn to make it work.

00:21:20 Speaker_02
She's happy because she's been able to influence you to become more like her, which validates her choices. But you're the one who gets blisters. only you don't realize that at first.

00:21:31 Speaker_02
You're grateful to have someone else's guidance and you assume, this is just the way we do things. When I was younger, I would get these wild pangs to do something, anything that was different from the same routine over and over again.

00:21:46 Speaker_02
I'd sign up for a half marathon and talk someone from work into doing it too. I'd see an ad for an interesting play and beg my husband to join me.

00:21:55 Speaker_02
Pasadena's annual show house would open for viewing, and I'd convince my dad to drive for four hours to walk through it with me.

00:22:02 Speaker_02
That one was worth it, though, because if there's one thing Pasadena does well, it's classic architecture and waspy interior designers with impeccable taste.

00:22:12 Speaker_02
Sometimes I could get a buddy to come along on my schemes, and if they ended up digging the experience, that was the absolute best.

00:22:20 Speaker_02
But more often than not, when you invite someone to something you're super into, but they're only lukewarm about, especially if you're a people pleaser, it typically just ruins the whole experience for you, the person who actually really wanted to be there.

00:22:35 Speaker_02
Look, despite what the internet would have us believe, most people aren't narcissists.

00:22:41 Speaker_02
If they get to your musical, or your renaissance fair, or your meeting for organic gardeners to discuss the importance of urban plants in the city's overall ecosystem, a real thing I signed up to attend once.

00:22:54 Speaker_02
Most people will politely endure it even if they're bored.

00:22:58 Speaker_02
The problem is that if you're a people pleaser, aka you likely have childhood trauma that forced you to be hypersensitive to the emotions of others in order to survive, you are incapable of not knowing that they're bored.

00:23:13 Speaker_02
And so you feel terrible because you invited them to this thing and you're actually quite enjoying yourself, which somehow makes the fact that they aren't enjoying it so much worse.

00:23:24 Speaker_02
So you'll get overly chirpy and bright-eyed like a cheerleader trying to hype them into loving this chamber orchestra as much as you do. Or you'll feel super anxious. Or maybe angry. Or perhaps bitter.

00:23:37 Speaker_02
To circumnavigate the way you're feeling, you'll suggest that you're really not that into this either, so why don't you just leave and go do something they want to do instead? I have been in that exact scenario too many times to count.

00:23:50 Speaker_02
And maybe you have too. If you've listened to this show for any time at all, you've probably heard me reference New Year's. I love a new year. I did the last 90 days challenge as a way to build up to the new year.

00:24:06 Speaker_02
I love ending the year with a calendar audit so that I can set up my year on January 1st for all of the intentions that I have to level up. I am such a dork about it. It's my favorite, which is why I picked the new year. to launch my brand new book.

00:24:23 Speaker_02
It's called, What If You Are The Answer? And it is a framework to start your new year with.

00:24:32 Speaker_02
26 different questions that when I heard them for the first time, read them in a book, a friend asked them of me, the question was so powerful that it changed my perspective, that it forced me to confront hard truths or allowed me to level up on my level up.

00:24:51 Speaker_02
So if you are part of this community, I want you to be the first to know. What if you are the answer? Comes out January 7th. We have the most incredible pre-order gift, which we are launching November 1st. I promise to tell you more about it soon.

00:25:06 Speaker_02
But in the meantime, if you want to pre-order your book now, or if you want to reserve a signed copy, head over to the link in the show notes and check out the new book, the new book cover, and what it's all about. Thanks for reading.

00:25:24 Speaker_02
A couple of years ago, my niece told me she was bummed because she couldn't take a road trip she'd been dreaming about. I was so confused about this pronouncement because she worked for me at the time and my company has unlimited paid vacation days.

00:25:37 Speaker_02
When I asked her why she couldn't go, she explained that she couldn't find anyone to go with her. She was 28 years old at the time. Guys, when you're an adult, you can 100% go on a road trip by yourself. In fact, it's one of my favorite ways to travel.

00:25:54 Speaker_02
You can listen to audiobooks or your favorite podcast. You can put on a groovy playlist to Daydream or, if it's been a minute since you've had a good cry, put on the Beaches soundtrack and get super deep into your feelings.

00:26:07 Speaker_02
You can go to dinner by yourself and on vacation by yourself too. You can go sit in the lobby bar of the best hotel in your town and pretend to be on vacation by yourself. Make up an alias and a tortured backstory. wear a caftan or maybe a tuxedo.

00:26:26 Speaker_02
You can do anything at all that sounds fun and you can do it totally alone. It's really, truly not that big of a deal. I go on and on about this idea in this chapter about the things that we don't do because we don't see other people do them.

00:26:46 Speaker_02
But it comes back to this thing for me of like, why do we take advice from people who have never done the thing we want to do. Why would you ever take advice from someone you don't admire?

00:26:59 Speaker_02
If someone is succeeding in an area that you want to succeed in and you admire both their success and their approach to how they got there, by all means, model behavior.

00:27:11 Speaker_02
But we are constantly taking advice and feedback from people who have never done what we're trying to do.

00:27:18 Speaker_02
Which makes it so crazy because then our life is only going to be a reflection of people who did not know what they were talking about and likely never pushed themselves outside of a comfort zone. So don't have any real-world experience.

00:27:32 Speaker_02
It was just my dad's birthday, and on his birthday, I happened to see this really beautiful pheasant. I was out in the country, and in England, they have these gorgeous pheasants, and I'd never seen a pheasant in real life except the stuffed ones.

00:27:48 Speaker_02
I'd never seen a pheasant in real life until I came to England. So I see this gorgeous pheasant and I take a picture and I send it to my dad and I'm like, dad, here's your birthday pheasant. I got you a birthday pheasant. I thought it was hilarious.

00:27:59 Speaker_02
My dad loves birds. And he sent me back this note, oh, thank you for the pheasant. And then he, oh, in England, they have so many pheasants and they do pheasant hunts. And he's telling me all this stuff about pheasants in England.

00:28:11 Speaker_02
And I'm laughing because I'm like, you've never been to England. You've never been here. I've been here so many times. It's like very much my family culture of like, I know everything, especially the patriarchs, like I know everything I can tell.

00:28:27 Speaker_02
And I'm like, thank you. I'm literally looking at an English pheasant in person right now. But I was laughing at this idea of like,

00:28:36 Speaker_02
When I was a little girl, the members of my family who were older, we were taught to respect our elders and they would tell you things like capital T truth and this is what it is and this is how you, I remember, oh my gosh, I remember my family had all of these

00:28:52 Speaker_02
lures and that, you know, if you turned your light on in your car at night, like the way my parents reacted, you'd think we'd be arrested or like, you couldn't have any nice shoes. If you had nice shoes.

00:29:04 Speaker_02
I remember my crazy aunts being like, Oh, someone will cut your feet off to get your shoes. And as a little girl, I was like, Oh my God, someone would cut my feet off to get a pair of LA gear. Like that's what happens if you buy nice sneakers.

00:29:21 Speaker_02
And as an adult, I laugh until I cry thinking about that. Like as if someone wants to rob you of your shoes, like they're going to steal your Jordans, but they brought what a saw, like they brought a bone saw to cut your feet off.

00:29:37 Speaker_02
They wouldn't just tell you that they're robbing you and ask you to give them the shoes off your feet. That feels much simpler. My family had so many stories that were always about fear and always about, you know, don't put your head up.

00:29:55 Speaker_02
Don't go too fast. Don't talk to people you don't know. Don't, you know, we don't do that kind of like there were so many freaking rules. And I understand that it was how they kept themselves safe.

00:30:06 Speaker_02
But my question for you is what are the stories that your family used or your culture used to try and keep you safe? that you don't need because you are a grown-ass human.

00:30:21 Speaker_02
You are 55 years old and you are still afraid to do things because mama told you that good girls don't do them or daddy told you that you might get hurt. OMG. Book the vacation. Like, where? Do you remember?

00:30:38 Speaker_02
Do you remember in, oh my God, what's the Sandra Bullock movie? Oh, Miss Congeniality, where Paris, the girl who ends up winning, spoiler alert, she ends up winning, the one who does the batons.

00:30:51 Speaker_02
And at the end, Sandra gives her like flaming batons and it's so fun. But she like got a pair of panties and her parents told her those were Satan's panties. And so she never did anything scary or cool because like, it's that.

00:31:03 Speaker_02
And I'm laughing because it happened to me. I freaking know it happened to some of you. So it's worth asking yourself right now, what are some of the ways you have held yourself back and not done the big thing, chased the dream?

00:31:16 Speaker_02
Or maybe it's not even the dream. Maybe it's the simplest, stupidest thing in the world. You know, I said the idea of going to a hotel bar in your town and pretending to be on vacation. And you got like a little your shoulders did a little dance.

00:31:30 Speaker_02
You got a little tickle in your stomach. That might be fun. That might be exciting. I never thought about that before. Do it. Oh, my God, Cheryl, do it. Pam, do it. Steven, let's go. Come on, you guys. Go do something. Go try.

00:31:48 Speaker_02
What is the worst that's going to happen? Are you going to be right back here next week, drinking your coffee, driving to work, doing the same old thing? Shake it up. Oh my gosh. Try something a little bit different.

00:32:02 Speaker_02
There's another, I know I keep talking about this book, but it comes out January 7th, so please pre-order if you want to. But I have another chapter where I talk about this idea of did you win or did you learn?

00:32:12 Speaker_02
Because it's only failure if you call it that. It's only failure if you decide it is. Otherwise, it's just you learning something cool and doing something cool and trying something new. And maybe it goes horribly awry.

00:32:27 Speaker_02
Maybe you go to a three hour play and it's the worst thing ever and you have to sneak out. Or maybe you go to a three hour play and you literally weep when it's over because you didn't know human beings could do such beautiful things.

00:32:39 Speaker_02
Oh, please go see that play, you guys. Anyway, I thought it would be cool if we compiled some of the best moments of some of the celebrity guests and teachers and authors and rock stars, whoever that we have on the podcast.

00:32:56 Speaker_02
And we have them share just really quick moments, like the best of when they push themselves outside of a comfort zone, when they did something they didn't think they could do. Because don't just take my word for it.

00:33:08 Speaker_02
Let's listen to what they have to say. Hopefully, if a bunch of us hype you up in this podcast episode about you trying something new, then maybe you will realize that this is a big thing that's actually really little. Were you well received?

00:33:26 Speaker_02
Was it funny? Was it awful? Like, how did it feel getting out on the stage for the first time?

00:33:32 Speaker_04
April 10th, 1997 is the date.

00:33:34 Speaker_02
To be specific.

00:33:35 Speaker_04
To be specific. Yeah, well that's when everything, you know, first kicked off. I got a chance to put my name basically in a hat at a place and then, you know, I was able to go up and it went very well. I was surprised.

00:33:50 Speaker_04
It was only like three minutes, but it was just me doing what I did as a kid in high school. You know, I was getting up in front of people and just doing impressions and characters. There was no real joke in there.

00:34:00 Speaker_04
It was just the fact that I could nail the voices. But everybody was like, oh, that's cool. And so little by little, I just started making those voices do funny things.

00:34:08 Speaker_02
Right.

00:34:09 Speaker_04
And so in the beginning, I was very dirty. So I was all my cartoon characters. Everybody was having sex. It was very inappropriate, but it was funny.

00:34:15 Speaker_02
Right.

00:34:16 Speaker_04
And so I started building off of that.

00:34:17 Speaker_02
Got it. And then you start going on the road. You stay here in Southern California.

00:34:24 Speaker_04
What's crazy is that within three months I was already working on the road. Crazy. The guy that was booking the bar, you know, established comedian and stuff like that, he was booking the opening acts on the road at a couple of different comedy clubs.

00:34:42 Speaker_04
And he's like, hey, kid, you know, you got 15 minutes of time on you. You want to go on the road? And I'm like,

00:34:47 Speaker_04
Yeah, and so my first show I was doing Tucson, Arizona I was opening up for a couple of other comedians and that was awesome because I was able to do what I did in front of two established comics and then those two established comics had their own comedy nights and

00:35:02 Speaker_04
And so it was like back then, it's like, you go out, you do a show, somebody sees you, you exchange numbers, you have conversations, you're social that way. And then from there, you're like, hey, you know, I got a friend who does a thing over here.

00:35:15 Speaker_04
Well, I got a friend who does a thing over there. And so you would save information and you'd make phone calls and that's how you would, you know, you'd get other gigs.

00:35:23 Speaker_01
That's incredible. I remember when I was still in Florida, I had worked in this nightclub It was a 50s and 60s nightclub. And I was a DJ. I was the only female DJ there.

00:35:39 Speaker_02
Stop it. What was your DJ name?

00:35:41 Speaker_01
It was still Cheryl. Okay. But it was like, you know. Friday and Saturday nights were huge nights. And then we would go live on one of the radio stations. And then there was an opening for a DJ at this other sort of regular nightclub.

00:36:00 Speaker_01
So at the place where I worked, which was Studebakers, there were two turntables and a microphone, two turntables. You know, it was all about knowing the music, reading the crowd.

00:36:12 Speaker_01
And we had such a great time, but then I saw that there was an opening at this other nightclub. And I thought, you know what? I'm just going to go in and apply. And I walked in and there's a big DJ booth and a huge video screen behind it.

00:36:30 Speaker_01
There were laser, you know, a laser light show. There was a fog machine. I'm positive I was the only female that had gone into, you have to audition. And it took me a second because I thought, I don't know what I'm doing.

00:36:54 Speaker_01
But I do, like I really know music. I'm a smart person. If somebody else can get up there in that DJ booth and press a button and make a laser light show go on, I feel like I can figure it out.

00:37:10 Speaker_01
And there was a moment where I was like, do I go up and what if I just humiliate myself? then that's going to be okay. Yeah. I humiliated myself at a nightclub in Tallahassee. It's going to be okay.

00:37:24 Speaker_02
Exactly. Exactly.

00:37:26 Speaker_01
So I went up there and You know, I looked around, I saw the equipment, it was pretty simple. Saw the music, it was totally different than everything I'd done, but I was like, okay, I'm just gonna go balls to the wall, here I go.

00:37:45 Speaker_01
I'm either gonna fail like hugely, and everybody will be like, oh yeah, that's why we don't let girls DJ. Or, you know, I'm gonna have fun. And I went up there, I had fun, I put on a great show. I had the laser lights going. I had the fog machine going.

00:38:03 Speaker_01
I was playing great music.

00:38:05 Speaker_00
They offered me the job. I began telling my writing students, who I had right away, write what you'd love to come upon. Write what you need. So I wrote these four novels, and then I had a baby by myself, absolutely dirt poor, and I did what you do.

00:38:23 Speaker_00
I went to the library and the bookstore to find a book about being a poor single mother who did this with a modicum of grace and humor. nothing.

00:38:32 Speaker_00
They were all just this happy horseshit that made it sound like a Hallmark card, which it really isn't, a Hallmark movie. And so I wrote the book I wanted to come upon that said, God, it can be so boring some days. God,

00:38:49 Speaker_00
you're going to get in touch with your rage. You know, and I wrote stuff like, tonight I'm thinking about wrapping up the baby really carefully in blankets and leaving them outside just for one night so I can get some sleep.

00:39:02 Speaker_00
And other mothers were like, thank you, thank you, thank you. Or in operating instructions, I wrote, oh God, now he's raising his loathsome reptilian head. And this was not in the other baby books, but mothers and fathers are going,

00:39:15 Speaker_00
God, thank you because it gave them permission to have real feelings and for their experiences not to freak them out.

00:39:25 Speaker_03
because we gotta chase the edge of our capabilities. And when you're right at the edge of your capabilities, whether it's physical, technical, or emotional, when you're right at the edge of your skills, it's where the unlock happens.

00:39:39 Speaker_03
So when you're in a living room having an intimate conversation, or you're walking on stage, and you can feel your whole body light up, and it's because you don't know how it's gonna go. Your body's lit up. It's ready to respond.

00:39:49 Speaker_03
And you don't have the way to frame this as an opportunity versus a threat. So that's a first principle for the best in the world. They see the world around them as opportunities and challenges as opposed to threats and danger primarily.

00:40:05 Speaker_03
So that's a very important filter to develop. And you and I can practice that.

00:40:11 Speaker_03
And over time, when you start seeing and framing things as opportunities to get better, to learn, to take it a little further, to explore a little deeper, your relationships become more intimate and deep and trusting.

00:40:24 Speaker_03
Your skills become a little bit more refined and honed. That is an entry point into the next version of you.

00:40:34 Speaker_02
I will be back soon, guys, with more conversation. I'll be back in LA when I hit you up next week. If you want to watch this podcast instead of listen to it, Jack does really cool things with editing. We add B-roll.

00:40:45 Speaker_02
You can see sort of behind the scenes of my trip and a bunch of fun stuff. Please check it out on YouTube. But until I am back next week, as always, I love you guys and I'm rooting for you. The Rachel Hollis Podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis.

00:41:06 Speaker_02
It's edited by Andrew Weller and Jack Noble.