687: Wedding Dress Shopping, My Favorite TV Shows + Some of My Biggest FEARS and How I Overcame Them AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast The Rachel Hollis Podcast

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Episode: 687: Wedding Dress Shopping, My Favorite TV Shows + Some of My Biggest FEARS and How I Overcame Them

Author: Three Percent Chance
Duration: 00:52:44

Episode Shownotes

In this episode, Rachel Hollis delves into the importance of facing fears, both personal and professional, to prevent them from growing. Rachel emphasizes persistence and courage in the face of adversity. She also shares her advice on handling public scrutiny and the fear of failure, using her journey of releasing

a new book as an example.Pre-order your audiobook of ‘What if YOU Are the Answer’ narrated by Rachel on Audible today! You can also pre-order your e-book or hard copy at Amazon, Barnes & Noble (they have signed copies!), Books-A-Millon, Bookshop.org, or wherever books are sold!It's Time for Last 90 Days! Get the Start Today Journal - https://starttoday.com/products/start-today-journal00:00 Facing Your Fears01:03 Welcome to the Rachel Hollis Podcast01:35 Celebrating Podcast Milestones04:39 Halloween Week and Fear05:57 Current TV Show Recommendations13:28 A Concert Mishap16:53 Wedding Dress Search23:06 Facing Health Scares25:45 Launching My New Book: What If You Are The Answer26:54 Facing Health Scares and Anxiety29:59 Confronting Fear and Embracing Courage39:14 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Shame49:46 Acknowledging Fear and Moving Forward51:36 Wrapping Up and Final ThoughtsSign up for Rachel’s weekly email: https://msrachelhollis.com/insider/Watch the podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/RachelHollisMotivation/videosFollow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/MsRachelHollis/ To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices.

Full Transcript

00:00:01 Speaker_00
But the only way out is through. And you want to be armed with information. Whatever it is you're afraid to confront, maybe you have a sense that she's cheating. Maybe you have a sense that your business partner is no good. Find out the truth.

00:00:17 Speaker_00
Because burying your head in the sand or pulling the covers back up over your head It just allows the fear to continue to fester and grow. It's not going to stay the same. It's going to get bigger.

00:00:31 Speaker_00
And anytime you start avoiding something or going around something rather than facing it head on, you're allowing that fear to win. And you are way too powerful to let something like fear control you because the fear is something you created.

00:00:48 Speaker_00
You get that, right? Your imagination created the fear, and thank you, imagination. I understand that you are trying to keep me safe. But if you created the fear, you can eliminate the fear. Hi, I'm Rachel, and in this show, we talk about everything.

00:01:09 Speaker_00
Life and work, health and healing, relationships with others and with ourself. These are stories for the seekers. These are conversations for the curious. This is the Rachel Hollis Podcast. Oh my gosh guys, welcome to another episode of the podcast.

00:01:39 Speaker_00
I actually meant to look and see which number of the podcast this is because Jack sent me a video the other day to check out and I was so astounded or pumped or something when I saw that we are on episode, so that I think this is episode 687.

00:02:03 Speaker_00
And that is only since we started to count episodes, because in the beginning, we didn't know we were supposed to. So in the beginning, I would just say, you know, scroll back and find that interview I did with such and such person.

00:02:16 Speaker_00
I didn't know that if I had episode numbers, it would be helpful to people who are looking for conversations. Anyway, 687, I think this is, which is pretty freaking awesome. I don't know. It's a lot of years doing this show.

00:02:34 Speaker_00
It's a lot of effort to get to that point. And I was just feeling chuffed up about it this week.

00:02:39 Speaker_00
So I was like, all right, good on us, me and Jack, and the Motley crew of people who've come in and out over the years and helped us to make this thing happen. And good on you guys for still being here after all this time. We are in year...

00:02:53 Speaker_00
oh golly, we are in year seven of doing the show. And I think this is one of those things that is very easy to start. It's really easy to start doing something. It's much harder to continue to do something, to have the consistency and to show up

00:03:10 Speaker_00
When things are awesome, it's easier. When things are slow, not so much. When you feel kind of bored, when you feel like it needs some higher vibes and you don't know where to get them.

00:03:21 Speaker_00
I'm sure many of you have projects or dreams or things that you work on and sometimes you're just like, man, I've been doing this a while and I feel like it's time to move on.

00:03:34 Speaker_00
it really takes a certain amount of grit to keep doing something consistently again and again. And honestly, if I have one tip, actually write about this in the new book, it's just keep doing the thing. Literally, just keep doing the thing.

00:03:50 Speaker_00
Because so many people that I started, like who were my contemporaries when I started writing back, you know, 10 plus years ago, or when I started with my podcast in 2017,

00:04:02 Speaker_00
So many people who were my contemporaries did it for a while and then sort of let it go and have left the race.

00:04:11 Speaker_00
Or maybe they did it for a while, stopped, and then a couple years later decided to start back again, but now they're behind because they just didn't keep doing the thing.

00:04:23 Speaker_00
So it's not a sexy tip and it's not a hack to get you there faster, but I do think It is a big component in having success in anything in life is the willingness to just keep doing the thing and try and get better.

00:04:39 Speaker_00
So episode 687, this is coming out in one of my favorite weeks of the year. Halloween week.

00:04:49 Speaker_00
I don't know if you have been following my continuous coverage of my love for Halloween on both social media and in my Sunday email, but if you have, then you understand that I am such a dork and I love this time of year so much.

00:05:04 Speaker_00
I'm actually pretty disappointed that I didn't think to wear a costume today. I'm really excited about my Halloween costume and I'm bummed.

00:05:14 Speaker_00
I really wish that I had recorded this episode for you in full costume so that those of you who are watching it on YouTube could experience just how great my costume is going to be.

00:05:25 Speaker_00
Because it is Halloween week, it feels like we should talk about fear. I know it's on the nose and probably a lot of podcasts are theming to fear, but you know what? You know I love a theme. So let's talk about being afraid.

00:05:44 Speaker_00
But before we get into that conversation, which is actually probably helpful, can we talk about some things that are not helpful at all but that I am very excited about and I would tell you about if we were having coffee right now?

00:05:57 Speaker_00
Number one, can we talk about the shows I'm watching? In case you haven't seen them and you are looking for some great things to stream, I just have happened to find a few lately and we have to talk about.

00:06:10 Speaker_00
Number one, we are obviously starting with Nobody Wants This. We're obviously starting there. Everybody is watching this. If you haven't watched it, I cannot recommend it to you enough. Fifteen people sent me a text and were like, have you watched this?

00:06:26 Speaker_00
And I'm like, of course, I've watched it. It's Kristen Bell. It's Adam Brody. doing the most. He is so cute. He is so charming. I mean, just love it.

00:06:39 Speaker_00
Not only are they adorable, not only is their chemistry fantastic, but the supporting cast of this show is so good. Sasha, the brother, we love him. Can't remember the sister's name, we also love her. Esther, Sasha's wife.

00:06:56 Speaker_00
And if you don't know what I'm talking about, just go watch it, it's on Netflix. If you do know what I'm talking about, I feel like you're agreeing with me right now.

00:07:04 Speaker_00
I loved the parents, like I loved his mom, she was so funny, that scene, I don't wanna give anything away. Here's why I think you're gonna love this show. It is a 90s rom-com, but it's a TV show.

00:07:16 Speaker_00
So it's multiple episodes giving us exactly what we want, two beautiful people falling in love, being adorable, great places in and around LA. Just watch it, you guys. Just watch it. And also, if you are listening to this and you work at any

00:07:34 Speaker_00
studio, streaming service, TV station, I don't know what that means, but if you work in the industry and you have the ability to like green light things, can we, will you just pay attention to how much

00:07:49 Speaker_00
people in my age bracket so let's I'm 42 in January so let's say like we're gonna do a whole segment let's say from 30 to 50. Can you just pay attention to how we're all watching this show and can you understand that we are here for rom-com.

00:08:07 Speaker_00
We are here for it. Remember that movie that came out this summer where it was the guy from Top Gun? Oh, what was, is it Hangman? Am I making up a name? Who's the guy? And he's also in Twisters.

00:08:20 Speaker_00
I say this to you guys like you're sitting in front of me, but you know what I'm talking about. It was like him and something Sweeney girl. Oh, wow. This is the worst description ever.

00:08:30 Speaker_00
But you know, they're like, they meet each other and they sort of fall in love. And then they go to the sister's wedding in Australia. I'm not sure why, but it was beautiful. We're here for it, guys. We want, give us the rom-coms. Give us It's Glossy.

00:08:43 Speaker_00
Give us Beautiful. Give us We're in Love. And there are jokes. I get it. I get that there is a whole world of people who want to watch true crime. They want to watch true crime. They want to find out about the girl.

00:08:57 Speaker_00
The husband murdered her and then put her fingers in the mailbox. And I don't even know. I made that up. And it's probably a true crime story, though, if we're being honest. I understand there are people who are really into that.

00:09:07 Speaker_00
But I wish you would listen to the fact that there are a lot of people who feel like life is hard. This election coverage is stressful. Just give us some joy. That's all I'm saying. Okay, so the first thing you guys need to watch is nobody wants this.

00:09:22 Speaker_00
The second thing, oh my joy. Okay, this is making me beam. Just beam. only murders in the building. I am so sad that it took me this long to get on this show because I love Steve Martin. I love him as an actor. Let's talk about Father of the Bride.

00:09:41 Speaker_00
I love him as a writer. Let's talk about Shop Girl. Oh, I loved that book when I first moved to LA. He's just so talented. You got Steve Martin, you've got Martin Short, which is delightful.

00:09:54 Speaker_00
And then Selena Gomez, who obviously I know because I like her music, but I am in love with her now. And I feel really confident that the other day when I was on my walk, that she walked by me.

00:10:07 Speaker_00
I looked over and my brain said, I think that's Selena Gomez. And then she looked at me like, please don't talk to me. Because you know, probably celebrity, they don't want.

00:10:16 Speaker_00
And not that I would have, oh my God, I would never harass Selena Gomez in person. But my point is, I just love her. Season one, yes. Season two, absolutely. Season three is the one with Meryl Streep. Melissa McCarthy showed up. Paul Rudd was in a season.

00:10:34 Speaker_00
This show, this one I think is on Hulu. I mean, it is delightful. I feel like it's a really great option for the people who like to watch the true crime, the fingers in the mailbox thing. I don't know why I keep saying that.

00:10:49 Speaker_00
I'll talk to my therapist about it.

00:10:51 Speaker_00
But I feel like it's a really great option for the true crime people who know they're going too hard on true crime and need some levity, because Murders in the Building is actually about these three strangers who team up

00:11:03 Speaker_00
because someone gets murdered in their building and they solve it. They do a true crime podcast and it's just, oh my God, it's so cute. And this is the last thing I'm going to say. I'm sorry, I'm gushing. Sorry, not sorry.

00:11:14 Speaker_00
Whoever does the wardrobe styling for this show, if you know them, will you just pass this clip on? You're just killing it. The outfits are fabulous, especially Steve Martin and Selena Gomez.

00:11:28 Speaker_00
And wherever you are getting her jackets and coats, we would all like that information because wow. So that one's delightful. Please check it out.

00:11:38 Speaker_00
My only sadness about Only Murders in the Building is they do go old school and they only release an episode every week, which is like kind of fun because it reminds me of like must-see TV or watching Friends on Thursday nights.

00:11:52 Speaker_00
But it is kind of a bummer because you do sort of want to binge. So anyway, that's my only thing. And then the last thing, which is very old and very unlike me, but I am really enjoying.

00:12:05 Speaker_00
On a whim, I started watching Killing Eve, which I think is on Netflix. This one is not delightful and sunny. This one is a little bit more dark. But Sandra Oh is amazing.

00:12:17 Speaker_00
I know this is an older show, but I assume that some of you also, like me, don't watch things right when they come out. So Sandra Oh is amazing.

00:12:25 Speaker_00
It's written by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who, I mean, I think every female writer has such a crush on, probably some of the guys too. But it's written by her, so it's like quirky and awkward.

00:12:36 Speaker_00
And truth be told, I do fast forward every scene where the killer kills people. So it's about a female assassin who, as far as I can tell, is also sort of a serial killer. That sounds dark, but it's actually delightful.

00:12:51 Speaker_00
I just fast forward the parts where she kills people. You know how if you take your cursor over the bottom of the screen, it'll just sort of show you it in fast forward? I just watch it in fast forward. I'm like, OK, she just killed him with a hairpin.

00:13:04 Speaker_00
Or she just killed her with an asthma attack, or whatever. So I know what's going on, but I don't take it in. Really big fan. So I feel like I've given you guys options. We did a full spectrum.

00:13:15 Speaker_00
We did from full rom-com, then we kind of hit it in the middle with only murders, then we went all the way to Killing Eve. But somewhere in there, is a great option for you to enjoy. So check those out. if you haven't yet.

00:13:55 Speaker_00
So Boo finds out that Hermanos Gutierrez and Leon Bridges are coming to town. And he's a huge fan of Hermanos Gutierrez. So he's like, oh my God, what a show. And it's at the Greek. This is so fun. We should go. So fantastic.

00:14:12 Speaker_00
We decide we're going to make a whole night of it. We're going to go on a date. We ended up finding our wedding bands, which was really fun. We went to this really cool jewelry store and found

00:14:21 Speaker_00
They like have all of these, all their jewelry is small, limited run designers, like not big business. Anyway, so we just went, we found our bands. I'm in love with my band. I think it's so sweet. I can't wait to get it.

00:14:36 Speaker_00
Then we went to dinner, which was very fun. We went to in Canto, in Los Feliz, if you're looking for a place. It was like Baja style Mexican food, delicious. Also very sceney. I felt super hip.

00:14:48 Speaker_00
I had to like yell at him because we're old and we can't hear each other. So that felt like, whoa, look at us, we're out. Then you can walk up the hill to the Greek, which is so fun.

00:14:58 Speaker_00
And I was wearing this fantastic outfit, feeling great, got so many compliments on my outfit. So you know when other women compliment you, you're like, oh, OK, I did it tonight.

00:15:14 Speaker_00
walk up to the Greek, he holds his phone out, the guy's scanning his phone, it won't scan in. And he's like, well, try your other ticket. He slides it over, trying to scan, it won't scan in. And the guy's like, oh, wait, what date is your concert for?

00:15:32 Speaker_00
And Kez says, oh, it's, you know, October 17th, which was that day. And he's like, oh, that's weird. Wait, what concert are you here to see? And Kez is like, Leon Bridges.

00:15:45 Speaker_00
And the guy's like, oh, did you buy tickets for the Greek theater in Berkeley, California? which is when we discovered that we had bought tickets, he had bought tickets to a concert in a city in the Bay Area. That was happening right then.

00:16:06 Speaker_00
So it's not even like you could sell those tickets and you definitely can't get to San Francisco. on no notice. Our private jet was busy at the mechanic that night, so it's not like we could just jump up there and see it.

00:16:21 Speaker_00
So he was so excited to go to this concert, and we were at a complete... There was a concert, so we walk all the way up. What? What a blow. What an absolute blow.

00:16:34 Speaker_00
And I just thought, Oh God, what if you were like, what if you were a teenager and this was like, you would save all your money and you would, it was this huge thing. And oh, wow. The whole way back down the hill, he was just like, so like, wah, wah.

00:16:48 Speaker_00
But we did get our wedding bands. So also, can I tell you guys something? I started looking for dresses.

00:16:55 Speaker_00
We're going to talk about fear in a minute, but honestly, if you're still here at this point, it's because you like hearing my stories and probably care less about the fear stuff.

00:17:03 Speaker_00
So I started looking for wedding dresses, and I don't know what I want, but I know I definitely am not going to wear white. I don't think. That just feels like it's pretty, but it also sort of feels like, who are we kidding?

00:17:18 Speaker_00
So I don't know what to get, and I don't think I want a wedding dress wedding dress because I don't know. I don't want to be uncomfortable. I want to look cute, but I don't want to be uncomfortable. So I was on, I was scrolling Anthro.

00:17:34 Speaker_00
I'm scrolling the app because to be totally honest, sometimes social media is very overwhelming, but I do want to look at pretty pictures. So I'll go scroll like anthropology or free people and I'll just look at outfits.

00:17:48 Speaker_00
I was doing this and I thought, oh, I wonder if Anthro has dresses that would be cool. And I found a couple that I was like, maybe it's this moment. It wasn't, but I did feel excited about like, okay, it's not this, but it's something.

00:18:09 Speaker_00
So in both instances, the dresses are red, which if you are listening to this instead of watching it, it will be on YouTube and you can come look at these pictures. The first one is, I really thought was going to be a winner. I was like, this is

00:18:26 Speaker_00
a good sort of chilly weather wedding dress and I had to get it in a size bigger than I actually wear because they didn't have my size but I thought that's fine if I like it I'll have it tailored and I put it on and it was like fine.

00:18:41 Speaker_00
Not like you want to put on your wedding dress and be like, oh my gosh, holy crap, this is amazing. I didn't do that. So I was like, okay, great.

00:18:49 Speaker_00
Then I got this other one that was a bit of a stretch for me because I have these big puffy sleeves, but it was so chic and I'm not going to have it either. I'm sending it back. But it was beautiful.

00:19:03 Speaker_00
And if any of you need like a red, beautiful dress, I did think this was very nice. Maybe a little bit too. These shoulder sleeves are gorgeous for a black tie event, but not your wedding. Anyway, so the search continues. I'll keep you guys posted.

00:19:24 Speaker_00
I don't know what I'm wearing, but I did think that perhaps it would be exciting to just see where we started. This is where we started with two red dresses from Anthropologie that I am sending back.

00:19:36 Speaker_00
We are down to the last of the Start Today journals. If you have one and you don't need it, just ignore this. But we're doing an end of season sale because it's the last of Start Today product and I have no plans to add more.

00:19:52 Speaker_00
We brought back this round for this year. So many people DMed me and emailed and were like, please, please, please start today. Please bring it back. We brought it back. I'm so happy you're happy. But this is it. I do not have plans to do more.

00:20:06 Speaker_00
So if you want one, Get it. Get it girl. Get it boy. Now is your time. That is, that is my update. That is all the things that I was, that I wrote down to talk to you about. Literally I put, tell them about TV shows and how Kez got the wrong tickets. Yeah.

00:20:24 Speaker_00
That's what we have going on. Okay. Let's talk about fear. We all experience it, right? We all have moments in our life where we're too afraid to do something that we know would be really good for us. Sometimes that fear is momentary.

00:20:39 Speaker_00
You see someone at the coffee shop you think is really cute and you wish that you had the courage to go over and say hi, but you chicken out and now, you know, we'll never know if that was something that was meant to be.

00:20:51 Speaker_00
Or there are seasons and years and sometimes decades where a fear of something isn't squashed, and so it starts to take over our life.

00:21:03 Speaker_00
And it starts to take over our life because we begin to make decisions around that fear, not in opposition to it, and it starts to spread and grow and get bigger.

00:21:16 Speaker_00
And I think the headline above and beyond when it comes to the things that you're afraid of, and I'd love for you to just think of some right now.

00:21:26 Speaker_00
This can be literal phobias, things you don't do because you have it in your head that, you know, spiders are terrifying or you'd love to try bungee jumping, but you know, what if the cord breaks or whatever?

00:21:39 Speaker_00
Those can be phobias and those can be, you know, you're terrified of a fear of getting something wrong. You're terrified of failing. You're terrified of succeeding. You're afraid of confrontation. You're afraid of telling the truth.

00:21:55 Speaker_00
You're afraid of speaking your voice. You're afraid of getting rejected.

00:21:59 Speaker_00
So whatever the fear is to you, I think that the biggest takeaway from today's conversation, I'll just give it to you right here at the top, is that the antidote to your fear is facing it. That's it.

00:22:16 Speaker_00
And yes, there are all sorts of layers, and there is therapy, and there is conversation, and there's figuring it out.

00:22:22 Speaker_00
But really, when I look at some of the biggest fears I've ever had in my life, the answer to them was when I finally got enough courage to face them.

00:22:32 Speaker_00
And when you finally get enough courage to face the thing, it's never as scary as you made it out to be. In fact, when I think of Most of the horrible things that have happened in my life, it's never the stuff that I worried about.

00:22:48 Speaker_00
It's always the stuff, I mean, that's why I wrote a book called Didn't See That Coming, because the most painful things I ever went through were the things that were a shock, were the things that I couldn't have anticipated before they were in my life.

00:23:02 Speaker_00
Honestly, I have just experienced a big one this week. I have been having pain in my breasts for the last like three and a half weeks. And when it first started happening, I thought it was cramps.

00:23:19 Speaker_00
Like, you know, sometimes when you're on your period, you get cramps in your boobs. I thought it was that. And it didn't go away. And it kept hurting and the pain sort of kept getting worse. And I started to really get nervous.

00:23:32 Speaker_00
And I am incredibly healthy. I don't get sick. I eat really well. I take care of my... I do all the things. So I was like, I knew in my gut, when I checked in with my inner wisdom, with my inner knowing, I knew that I was okay.

00:23:52 Speaker_00
But I knew that something was wrong and I didn't know what.

00:23:55 Speaker_00
And I think that anytime you have something going on in those areas that we all know could potentially be cancer, like let's just say it, when you're talking about your breasts, I think that's a concern we have.

00:24:09 Speaker_00
I have had, I found a lump like maybe 12 years ago and I tend to have, my boobs are very dense. They can be lumpy. Sorry. Wow. This is so sexy. I assume no dudes are watching this. I assume it's just other people who have boobs. So yeah, lumpy boobies.

00:24:30 Speaker_00
But yeah, I had a lump quite a while ago that I had to like go have an ultrasound done and do all these things. And it was really scary. It turned out to be nothing and it went away on its own. But this was very different. I couldn't find any lumps.

00:24:44 Speaker_00
There was no discoloration, but it just really was hurting. And it really freaked me out. And the more time it went on, the more freaked out I was.

00:24:52 Speaker_00
And I finally was like, okay, I just have to go get this checked because can we just all agree that we don't fuck around with our health? Ever, ever, ever.

00:25:01 Speaker_00
In fact, maybe someone listening to this or watching this needs to hear me say it right now because you have a pain or you have a lump or you have something you are not getting checked. We don't fuck around with that. We don't.

00:25:14 Speaker_00
If you are concerned about something, your intuition is talking to you, go have it looked at. Go have it checked. Please. If you've listened to this show for any time at all, you've probably heard me reference New Year's. I love a new year.

00:25:31 Speaker_00
I did the last 90 days challenge as a way to build up to the new year. I love ending the year with a calendar audit so that I can set up my year on January 1st for all of the intentions that I have to level up. I am such a dork about it.

00:25:47 Speaker_00
It's my favorite, which is why I picked the new year to launch my brand new book. It's called, What If You Are The Answer? And it is a framework to start your new year with.

00:26:01 Speaker_00
26 different questions that when I heard them for the first time, read them in a book, a friend asked them of me, the question was so powerful that it changed my perspective, that it forced me to confront hard truths or allowed me to level up on my level up.

00:26:21 Speaker_00
So, if you are part of this community, I want you to be the first to know, What If You Are The Answer comes out January 7th. We have the most incredible pre-order gift, which we are launching November 1st. I promise to tell you more about it soon.

00:26:36 Speaker_00
But in the meantime, if you want to pre-order your book now, or if you want to reserve a signed copy, head over to the link in the show notes and check out the new book, the new book cover, and what it's all about. Thanks for reading.

00:26:54 Speaker_00
I was like, I have to go have this done. And I went and had ultrasounds done. Even as she was doing it, it was really painful. And I was just like, even telling you guys about it, I feel a little sick to my stomach.

00:27:06 Speaker_00
I noticed, I was like trying to look at the ultrasound machine. I obviously don't know what you're looking for on an ultrasound, but you know, I was like trying to see it.

00:27:17 Speaker_00
And at one point I saw her like there were these sort of oval shaped dark pockets and I saw her dragging the little thing across the ultrasound machine to like measure it, which is, I remember that from, you know, when you're pregnant and they do that, they like measure the baby.

00:27:33 Speaker_00
So she was doing that, but with these dark pockets in my breasts. And I was like, oh my God, what is this? In fact, it's like, I told you guys earlier in the week, I was like, oh, I'm not really feeling well. Cause I just was super anxious about it.

00:27:46 Speaker_00
I was really nervous, and I couldn't be on, and I didn't want to record a podcast, and I didn't want to do social media, because I just felt really vulnerable and tender.

00:27:56 Speaker_00
And I think you guys get it, because I think if you're here listening to this or watching it, you are in my community, and you know my kids have already lost one parent, and that's where my brain went. It's so dramatic. You know me. I am dramatic.

00:28:11 Speaker_00
But it just scared me because I could see something on the ultrasound, but I didn't know what it was. And then when it got in the car, as soon as I got in the car, I obviously Googled, what is an ultrasound tech looking for during a breast exam?

00:28:26 Speaker_00
Because I asked her, like, hey, do you see anything? She was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm just the tech. I can't tell you anything. So I got in the car and I Google image, like, what is she looking for?

00:28:34 Speaker_00
And as soon as I looked it up, I saw on Google image what I had seen on the ultrasound, which was a cyst. So I have literally this morning just gotten the results. And It's nothing serious, but I do have a lot of cis. I have like five.

00:28:57 Speaker_00
So it's like she said there's, I need to look this up and I need to actually read the report, but it's like simple cis and then complex cis. I don't know what that means. And then a fibro blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know what that one is.

00:29:11 Speaker_00
I got to look up the word, but the headline was, what I had read on Google, which is it's pretty common during perimenopause and menopause, your hormones are shifting drastically. It's common to get cysts. They are uncomfortable.

00:29:25 Speaker_00
Sometimes they are painful, but they're not dangerous. And I'm going to try some holistic stuff that she told me about. And there's like castor oil packs you can put in just like a whole thing.

00:29:36 Speaker_00
She also said that I'm supposed to stop having so much caffeine. which feels rude. It feels rude. But okay, I'm taking it on board. I'm going to work through that one later because it's like, I feel like I've cut out everything except caffeine.

00:29:57 Speaker_00
Anyway, I'll deal with that later. But my point is, There was a lot of fear, and I was afraid of what the results were. But the only way out is through, and you want to be armed with information.

00:30:11 Speaker_00
Whatever it is you're afraid to confront, maybe you have a sense that she's cheating. Maybe you have a sense that your business partner is no good. Find out the truth, because burying your head in the sand or pulling the covers back up over your head

00:30:28 Speaker_00
It just allows the fear to continue to fester and grow. It's not going to stay the same. It's going to get bigger. And anytime you start avoiding something or going around something rather than facing it head on, you're allowing that fear to win.

00:30:44 Speaker_00
And you are way too powerful to let something like fear control you because the fear is something you created. You get that, right? Your imagination created the fear. And thank you, imagination. I understand that you are trying to keep me safe.

00:31:00 Speaker_00
But if you created the fear, you can eliminate the fear. OK, so in the new book, every single chapter is a different question.

00:31:09 Speaker_00
It's a question that I hope when you read it, maybe when you hear me say it right now, just allows you to have some introspection, some unpacking, to ask yourself some questions about what's going on in your life and maybe how you can take it on in a better way.

00:31:25 Speaker_00
So one of the chapters is called, Who Would You Be Without Your Fear? Who would you be without your fear? And I tell the story of one of the years in my life when I was the most afraid and the most sort of held captive by that fear.

00:31:43 Speaker_00
And I write about navigating through that. So I'd love to read you guys a little bit of this chapter. What I lacked in motivation, I made up for in intention. I decided right then, in that moment, that I'd become brave.

00:31:59 Speaker_00
Not just in some areas, but all over, every part of me, fully courageous. I had no idea what to do next, so I did what I always do in that instance. I asked the universe for help. Please help me learn to be brave, I prayed.

00:32:17 Speaker_00
I swear, at that exact moment, my love got a text. Everyone back at the house we'd rented with his friends had decided to do a polar plunge. To celebrate the new year, they were going to jump in the Atlantic, which on that day was a balmy 42 degrees.

00:32:34 Speaker_00
They were asking if he wanted to go with them. Nobody asked if I wanted to go. They knew better. But so does the universe. It knows better. When you ask it to help you be brave, it doesn't magically make you a certain way.

00:32:50 Speaker_00
It provides you with the opportunity to practice bravery. I'm in, I told him. Wait, what? He grinned. You're going to jump in the ocean with us. Yes. Now let's go before I change my mind. I walked back to our rental with conviction.

00:33:07 Speaker_00
I hadn't actually brought a bathing suit with me on this trip. Why would I? So, I wore my giant black period panties and a decades-old sports bra.

00:33:16 Speaker_00
The whole way down to the beach, wrapped in at least 18 layers, I mentally prepared myself to take off my clothes on a blustery, freezing beachfront. Never mind the water. I couldn't even contemplate that yet.

00:33:29 Speaker_00
I was just trying to figure out how to get undressed. A voice guided me. Don't think, just do. And so I did.

00:33:38 Speaker_00
There was a video of me that day, shocking everyone by stripping down to my skivvies on the rocky shore and walking directly into the slate-gray ocean without stopping.

00:33:48 Speaker_00
Once there, I screamed like I was being murdered, dunked myself up to my neck, still not getting my hair wet, thank you very much, and ran back out.

00:33:57 Speaker_00
I shook violently while trying to get redressed, but once I was back in my parka, I swear to you, something was different. I had certainly done scary things in my adult life, but never with stoicism.

00:34:10 Speaker_00
I'd usually whined or built up to it or freaked out. I'm a verbal processor by nature, and I always thought that talking about the things I was scared of would help me do them.

00:34:20 Speaker_00
Walking into the water without hesitation and without any narration on my part was something new. I was being brave for myself, not so that anyone else would think I was brave.

00:34:33 Speaker_00
So that's from What If You Were the Answer, which comes out on January 7th. And if you like the sound of my voice, you can pre-order it on Audible. You can pre-order it anywhere else too.

00:34:44 Speaker_00
And we are about to launch our pre-order gift campaign, which is really exciting and a promise. I'm going to tell you about it soon. But it's this idea that

00:34:54 Speaker_00
You know, we've heard the quote a million times or variations of this quote that courage isn't the absence of fear. It's doing something even though you are afraid. I was thinking about times in the last five years where I have really felt afraid and

00:35:10 Speaker_00
have hesitated in doing something because of that feeling.

00:35:14 Speaker_00
And one that popped into my mind that I think many of you can relate to is falling in love again after getting divorced, going through a big breakup, like the willingness to trust another man or to trust anyone.

00:35:29 Speaker_00
Honestly, many times I was like, I wish I was attracted to women because it feels like it would be much easier to be a lesbian. But that's neither here nor there. The ability to trust a man again was really hard.

00:35:45 Speaker_00
And I get a lot of questions into the hotline about this, like, how do you go again? And how do you find your way? And it's not just trusting someone to go on a date. It's not just trusting intimacy or sex, it's like everything. It's body image.

00:36:01 Speaker_00
It's, am I going to be judged? Are they going to think this thing? Am I this? Am I that? What if I really like them and then they don't like me back? Or what if he breaks my heart? What if I break his heart? There's just so much in that process.

00:36:15 Speaker_00
The fear that I had, and I mean fear of someone seeing me naked again, I'm sure there are people listening to this who have so much body confidence and you're just like super happy being naked. It's your natural state. You love it.

00:36:32 Speaker_00
That is something I've really had to work toward.

00:36:35 Speaker_00
So the idea of being with another man and like being naked and him seeing my stretch marks and my saggy stomach and having sex with someone who probably hasn't had sex with someone who pushed three babies out of their body, you know what I'm saying?

00:36:51 Speaker_00
I know you know what I'm saying. It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I said it. I said it. You know it's true. Anyway, there were a lot of fears about that experience.

00:37:03 Speaker_00
And I was thinking about this yesterday because I knew I was going to talk to you guys about it. And I was like, you know, you could say face your fear, just do the thing. But in this particular circumstance, I actually think

00:37:16 Speaker_00
It was, yes, having the courage to face it, meaning having the courage to go on a date again, having the courage to talk to someone, having the courage to believe that not all people are the same and I'm not going to get hurt again, like all of that stuff.

00:37:30 Speaker_00
But more than anything, it was learning to have faith in myself. That is actually the best advice I could give you if you struggle with this fear of trusting someone again, is what is more important is that you develop a trust with yourself.

00:37:47 Speaker_00
You have to get to the place where you know that you are going to take care of you.

00:37:52 Speaker_00
And I couldn't have dated again until I got to the place where I knew I would have the courage to call bullshit if it needed to be called, to walk away if it was necessary, to have confrontation, to say the truth, to show up as myself, like basically all the things that I didn't feel empowered to do before in my life.

00:38:14 Speaker_00
It was so essential to me that I had that opportunity with this next relationship. And that is not about the partner you choose. Yeah, you want to choose someone who's not trash. That would be really helpful.

00:38:28 Speaker_00
But that is really about you knowing yourself and you having faith in yourself that you go, okay, if all of a sudden I discover that you are a garbage human, I am willing to walk away. You know that you're holding your own net.

00:38:46 Speaker_00
You know that you can leap because you are the one who will catch yourself if you fall. That's the key, I think, at least for me, that was the key to this kind of fear was, no, I've got me.

00:39:00 Speaker_00
I've got me in this because the person that I love most in this relationship is me. And I'm never going to let you disrespect someone that I love as much as I love me.

00:39:11 Speaker_00
The second kind of fear that I was thinking about that I think some of you can relate to is the fear of putting yourself out there, is the fear of chasing the dream, is the fear of calling your shot, going after the goal, building the business, growing in your career, whatever it is you're trying to do.

00:39:31 Speaker_00
That takes courage. It takes audacity. It takes grit. It takes 10,000 hours. It takes showing up again and again. So there's like the fear we have before we even begin anything new.

00:39:44 Speaker_00
And then I think there's also fear of what if you do pursue something and you fail? What if you fail? What if the business fails? What if you make a mistake? What if you hurt someone? What if you publicly embarrass yourself?

00:40:01 Speaker_00
What if you do something that makes you even less sure about whether or not you can handle the pressure of trying to chase this dream? So how do you show up in those circumstances?

00:40:17 Speaker_00
And I've talked a ton about fear of failure over the years because I think it's such a popular subject because so many of us have it.

00:40:25 Speaker_00
But I was reading up on it yesterday and I was so fascinated to discover something I'd never, like a perspective I'd never heard before, which is that a fear of failure is actually a fear of shame. And I was like, dang, yeah.

00:40:43 Speaker_00
We're afraid that we're going to be ashamed.

00:40:46 Speaker_00
We're afraid that, you know, if the world knows that we actually aren't that great of a singer, or if the world knows that we're not as smart as we thought we were, if the world sees us fail, it's like that great expression, are you afraid of failing?

00:41:00 Speaker_00
Are you afraid of them watching you fail? That's about shame. That's about what it will feel like if people have a certain perception of you. And yes, other people's opinion is none of our business. We should know that.

00:41:13 Speaker_00
We should operate from that perspective. But that's much easier said than done. So what does it look like to show up again when you have failed or show up for the first time if you're not sure if you can succeed? I think for me, I wrote this down.

00:41:30 Speaker_00
To be totally honest, I wrote this down in my notes. And I was like, I don't know if that sounds too harsh. Because I want to give ideas that are helpful and beautiful and whole and organic and good. And this was just my gut instinct reaction to this.

00:41:50 Speaker_00
And I don't think that you could use shame as a motivation. But what I actually thought was, well, what would I feel more shame about? Would I feel more shame about pursuing this thing and messing up at it, getting it wrong?

00:42:05 Speaker_00
And I do highly recommend in an effort to face your fear, in an effort to desensitize yourself to this process, that you imagine, okay, what would happen then? What would happen then?

00:42:16 Speaker_00
I'm going to say one of my kids, one of my younger kids, is terrified of throwing up. Terrified. His big brother was the same way. I don't know if he heard his big brother talk about it, and now he has this fear.

00:42:26 Speaker_00
He's thrown up once in the last 10 years, and he is just petrified of it happening again. And he tends to be a worrier, so he'll worry about it a lot, that he's going to get sick. And the other night, I was like, OK, let's just talk it through.

00:42:41 Speaker_00
Let's talk it through. What happens if you get so sick that you throw up? And I could see, it was just like, he was so freaked out by this conversation. And I'm like, buddy, can we, will you just stay in, will you stay in the conversation with me?

00:42:54 Speaker_00
Will you just, you know, if you need to, there's a toilet right there. If this freaks you out so much that you throw up, the toilet's right there. You're going to be fine. Can we just talk it through?

00:43:03 Speaker_00
because your fear of not facing it in any capacity is actually making it much worse." So I was like, what happens if you get so sick that you throw up? And he said, I just don't want my body to feel like that. And I was like, oh, I totally get it.

00:43:19 Speaker_00
Nobody likes the feeling of that nausea right before you puke. But what would happen then? He's like, well, I would feel out of control. Like I can't control puking. I'm like, yeah, that's real.

00:43:30 Speaker_00
Like in there, there are times in life where we can't control it if we're going to puke. And then what would happen? And then what would happen? And we talk it through.

00:43:39 Speaker_00
And I'm like, but you know, you just like, you'd go in the bathroom, you'd throw up in the toilet, you'd rinse your mouth out, you brush your teeth, we throw that toothbrush away because that's disgusting.

00:43:50 Speaker_00
And we'd move on with our life and you probably would feel a lot better after you puked. And he was like, yeah.

00:43:56 Speaker_00
And it sounds so simple, but oftentimes just taking yourself through that process, okay, if the business fails, this is what it'll look like.

00:44:05 Speaker_00
Okay, worst case scenario, business fails, everyone sees it, you know, everyone in your town is like talking about it and like, oh my gosh, Sheryl failed at the barbecue baked beans pop-up shop, you know?

00:44:21 Speaker_00
She really failed at that and everyone's talking about it and your parents are bummed for you. They saw you fail and like the mean girls from middle school, they saw you fail. Like literally take yourself all the way through that scenario.

00:44:35 Speaker_00
Do your kids still love you? Does your dog still love you? Are you still okay? Are you healthy still? We make things so much scarier in our mind than they actually are.

00:44:48 Speaker_00
So this is one of those times where actually just playing it all the way through, and then what would happen? And then what would happen? And then what would happen? And you get to the very bottom of, and then what would happen? And realize it's okay.

00:45:03 Speaker_00
the bottom of that is actually not that bad of a place to be. And the likelihood that you would get 12 levels into and then what would happen, like if your life really goes that far off course, let's have another conversation.

00:45:18 Speaker_00
But the likelihood of that is very slim because in each one of those scenarios, you're just imagining worst case scenario. It's never as bad as we make it out to be. But I ask myself this question about shame. I say, what would I feel more shame about?

00:45:34 Speaker_00
Would I feel more shame about pursuing the kind of life I want to have? Or would I feel more shame about being 95 years old and knowing that I could have done cooler shit?

00:45:49 Speaker_00
would I feel more shame about not pursuing the ideas I had, not pursuing creativity, not pursuing a better life, even knowing that I, you know, hey, I chose this path, this path over here. pretty normal, pretty simple. Yeah, it's like, it was fine.

00:46:11 Speaker_00
Life was fine. But I never got to do those things. Maybe I could have been cool enough to go to the Met Gala. My 95-year-old self will never know.

00:46:21 Speaker_00
I would feel more shame about getting to the end of this life and knowing I didn't live it all the way to the edges. I'd feel more shame about that. And sometimes I need that kind of motivating factor to get myself to move.

00:46:41 Speaker_00
I've been telling myself a lot lately, this phrase over and over. this is scary, I feel fear, and I'm gonna do it anyway. Bringing out the first book in five years, it's scary for me. It feels scary.

00:46:59 Speaker_00
In the last five years, so many things have happened, and I feel like A lot of people have used the pain that we've gone through as a family as sort of their content.

00:47:12 Speaker_00
And a lot of really gross like misogynistic stories about my career and like how and just my attitude has been just do the work. Just put your head down and do the work, and that's what matters.

00:47:30 Speaker_00
And I don't read the comments, and I don't read the articles, and I don't look at the things that people say, but I am very aware that they do say those things.

00:47:41 Speaker_00
And I'm very aware that bringing out a new book just sort of like fans the flame on people who make a living criticizing other people. And that makes me feel afraid. I'm super blessed.

00:47:56 Speaker_00
I'm really incredibly lucky that I get to do this job and I get to do this work. And the good fortune that I have in getting to do work like this, it doesn't make me immune to feeling like there are bullies and you can't really do anything about it.

00:48:10 Speaker_00
And it makes me feel afraid. But I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to do it despite feeling afraid. Because I think that the work that I do can help somebody. I think that having a podcast or writing a book can help somebody.

00:48:29 Speaker_00
I don't fool myself into believing that I'm changing the world or that it can have these like global... It's not even that. It's like, I really think if one person heard this today and they're like, well, I'm going to confront my

00:48:46 Speaker_00
crazy stepmom because she ran off with my boyfriend and they stole my car. Like, if this conversation today gave you the courage to have a hard chat you need to have, or maybe it encouraged you to go watch Only Murders in the Building, I don't know.

00:49:06 Speaker_00
But I like to think that there's one person that is helped by the work that I'm doing, and so I want to keep doing it.

00:49:13 Speaker_00
And I know not all of you are in the same situation that I'm in, but I think we all have situations in our lives where we feel afraid.

00:49:21 Speaker_00
And man, it has really helped me to acknowledge that fear because, ooh, when I was interviewing Mike Gervais, he was talking about the idea that anger is fear. that anger is the more empowered way of expressing your fear.

00:49:38 Speaker_00
It's like when men especially get angry, it's usually because they're afraid. I remember when he said it, I was like, oh my God, like that's me.

00:49:47 Speaker_00
Because at the time we had announced the book, it was coming out and all of these different press outlets started reaching out saying like, hey, we'd love to have you on the show. And I was like, that's amazing. Thank you.

00:49:57 Speaker_00
And then immediately they were like asking questions about my ex-husband. And I have been really public about not talking about him. It is not my story to tell. I am being very respectful of his family.

00:50:13 Speaker_00
I am wanting to protect my children to the best of my ability. I'm not going to talk about it. And so when all these people started asking, like everything in me, I started, I was so angry. I was getting so pissed and I was like, you know, whatever.

00:50:28 Speaker_00
And then I was like, oh dude, that's what I'm doing. I'm not angry, I'm afraid. I am afraid of this situation and I'm afraid of going on live TV and starting to cry or feeling pressured or disrespecting his memory, his parents. I am afraid of that.

00:50:53 Speaker_00
I don't want to do it wrong and I don't know how to do it. So I'm feeling fear, but it is manifesting for me as anger. And wow, that is a gift to understand it. So the thing that has really helped me is just to acknowledge it. Okay, you feel afraid.

00:51:07 Speaker_00
And it's okay to feel afraid. And we're going to do this anyway. So anyway. That was a very long conversation about a lot of things. And I hope at least one of you got something out of it.

00:51:19 Speaker_00
If you like the idea of watching your podcasts, then check out the YouTube. Jack, Producer Jack, has been editing these in really fun ways. I show a lot of photos that I don't show on social media or video. It's sort of like behind the scenes.

00:51:33 Speaker_00
So if you enjoy a little BTS moment, you can check out the link in the bio and go watch this on YouTube. It usually takes us a few days. I'm just going to let you guys know. I want the videos to come out the same day as the podcast comes out.

00:51:49 Speaker_00
We're just not there yet. So we do get a lot of notes from people who are like, where is the YouTube? I'm like, give us like, give us a week.

00:51:58 Speaker_00
I mean, it's usually if the episode comes out on Monday, we usually have the YouTube up by the end of the week, but just like give us a second. But yeah, thank you so much for hanging out. I will be back soon with more conversation.

00:52:10 Speaker_00
You can always find all the things I talked about, like the journal, pre-order the book, follow me on Instagram, whatever. You can find it all in the show notes. I will be back next week with more conversation.

00:52:22 Speaker_00
And until then, as always, I love you and I'm rooting for you. The Rachel Hollis Podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis. It's edited by Andrew Weller and Jack Noble.