3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast On Purpose with Jay Shetty

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Episode: 3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure

Author: iHeartPodcasts
Duration: 00:22:39

Episode Shownotes

What makes you feel confident about yourself? How do you build your confidence when it’s low? Today, Jay discusses a topic that's all too familiar - the constant barrage of unrealistic beauty standards. He challenges the notion of a singular "most beautiful woman in the world" and explores how societal

expectations and media influence our perception of beauty. Jay breaks down the historical and cultural factors that shape beauty standards, from the ancient Greek ideals of symmetry and proportion to the modern-day obsession with youth and perfection. He highlights the role of social media in perpetuating unrealistic beauty ideals and encourages listeners to question these norms and embrace their individuality. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Embrace Individuality How to Build Self-Love How to Set Boundaries How to Appreciate Uniqueness How to Practice Mindfulness By understanding the forces that shape our perception of beauty and cultivating self-love, we can live authentic, fulfilling lives. Remember, true beauty radiates from within. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:21 Different Ways We Think About Beauty 07:32 Definition of Beauty Through History 13:49 Beauty Standards of the West 16:11 What Do We Believe to be Beautiful About Ourselves? 17:05 3 Ways to Build Self LoveSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Summary

In this episode of 'On Purpose with Jay Shetty', the host discusses how societal and cultural narratives influence perceptions of beauty and self-worth, particularly through social media. He examines the evolution of beauty standards from ancient Greece to modern times, emphasizing the need for self-love and individuality. Jay prompts listeners to define their own beauty standards, encouraging authenticity as a path to confidence and fulfillment. The insights shared aim to help individuals appreciate their uniqueness and navigate societal pressures effectively.

Go to PodExtra AI's episode page (3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure) to play and view complete AI-processed content: summary, mindmap, topics, takeaways, transcript, keywords and highlights.

Full Transcript

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00:03:32 Speaker_00
So many of our perceptions of ourselves are based on other ideas that have made their way through time and lasted as almost generational curses. We're judging ourselves and the people around us based on standards that we didn't choose.

00:03:48 Speaker_00
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to On Purpose.

00:04:00 Speaker_00
I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I'm so grateful that you're here and taking the time to spend the next 30 minutes with me.

00:04:08 Speaker_00
Now, in a moment when time and attention are the most valuable assets, your choosing to come here to explore interesting questions, learn new habits and practices, and dive deep isn't something I ever take for granted.

00:04:23 Speaker_00
Now, if you're a long-time listener to this show, you probably know that we've always followed a format of sorts, where we dive into a topic and then I offer you tips, hacks, solutions, and suggestions of how best to navigate it.

00:04:39 Speaker_00
Recently, though, I've been wanting to go a step deeper, to question the appearances of things some of us might take for granted, my intention being to figure out what's really going on, especially in the information age where most of us are bombarded all day with the same appearances.

00:04:59 Speaker_00
Now, think about it. If you're someone who spends any time on social media, and I'm guessing that includes most of you, no doubt you're overwhelmed with images and videos of beautiful people doing things that are incredible. Their faces are flawless.

00:05:15 Speaker_00
Their hair's just right. Everything's perfect. And usually, they're on their way to a party or a city that you feel like you're missing out on. Now, with all those images bombarding us on a daily basis, we may feel, sure, we experience insecurity.

00:05:31 Speaker_00
Sure, we may experience envy and jealousy. But there is conditioning and wiring happening right there and then. And for this reason, today's episode is posed in the form of a question. I think so many of us are dealing with challenges with self-worth.

00:05:46 Speaker_00
We hear so many insights on self-confidence, self-love, self-care, but it doesn't seem to be breaking through. And I think that's partly because we don't even know how we're being conditioned.

00:06:01 Speaker_00
So i want to start off by asking you a question and the question may seem broad and random but i promise you there's a reason because we're going to investigate it so the question i want to focus on today is who is the most beautiful woman in the world.

00:06:18 Speaker_00
Now, when I first ask you that question, either you'll come up with an actual name of someone you know, or maybe it's a celebrity or a model or a well-known person.

00:06:28 Speaker_00
And sure, we could have gone down the lane of who's the most handsome man or whatever it may be, but I want to stick with this for a second.

00:06:35 Speaker_00
Because this question led me to take an intensive dive into the ways we think about beauty from all different angles. Historical, cultural, philosophical, even mathematical. A quest that traces all the way back to the ancient Greeks.

00:06:54 Speaker_00
Has the definition of beauty changed over time? And how much is it influenced by where we grew up and the era in which we came of age? Are there certain constants or ground rules about beauty?

00:07:06 Speaker_00
Or do the qualities that come together to create the most beautiful woman in the world change from year to year, decade to decade? And if beauty itself changes, how much has to do with us?

00:07:20 Speaker_00
The innate preferences and biases that each of us is born with? And how much has to do with the big business of selling dreams, whether it's beauty, fashion, makeup, music, or film? The Greeks, I want you to know, were preoccupied with beauty.

00:07:37 Speaker_00
But more than intrigued by beauty as a concept, they were intent on figuring out, using logic, reason, and ideally measurement, what made someone or something beautiful.

00:07:49 Speaker_00
To them, beauty wasn't subjective or a person, and the definition of beautiful didn't vary depending on who you asked. For the Greeks, beauty had to be rational.

00:08:01 Speaker_00
Among the top characteristics, according to philosophers and mathematicians of that time, were order, symmetry and definiteness.

00:08:10 Speaker_00
Meaning, for example, that a sculptor creating a statue of a Greek goddess should ensure that both her arms are the right length.

00:08:19 Speaker_00
that her hands should match those arms, that her head should balance on shoulders neither too big nor too small, and that if she is pictured running or simply lounging around, that her every muscle and movement be portrayed in intricate detail.

00:08:36 Speaker_00
For the ancient Greeks, beauty was a function of math. Beauty was all about harmony and proportion. One other thing stands out too.

00:08:45 Speaker_00
For Plato and other Greek philosophers, beauty was also linked to a person's goodness and morality, an idea that was later picked up in fairy tales and Disney films.

00:08:56 Speaker_00
In other words, if you were beautiful on the outside, you were probably beautiful on the inside too, though it's hard to speculate which came first.

00:09:06 Speaker_00
Because they lived in ancient Greece and weren't inclined to calling something beautiful without taking a shot at figuring out why, Greek philosophers did everything in their power to determine if beauty could be measured using mathematical formulas.

00:09:22 Speaker_00
which is how mathematicians like Pythagoras produced a concept that many centuries later would come to be dubbed the Golden Ratio.

00:09:32 Speaker_00
Ask him, who was the most beautiful woman in the world back then, and odds were he would say Helen of Troy, a woman largely credited with precipitating the Trojan War. Why did they say that? Easy!

00:09:46 Speaker_00
Her face contained the same precise mathematical theorems they kept seeing in objects belonging to the natural world that were unanimously deemed to be beautiful. Things like nautilus shells, the leaves on trees, pinecones and pinecone seeds.

00:10:03 Speaker_00
It took a few centuries for this theorem to be given a name, the Golden Ratio, though looking back, it shows up in the face of Mona Lisa, in the Parthenon in Athens, and in the Great Pyramid of Giza, though no one can say for sure if they were created with the Golden Ratio in mind.

00:10:22 Speaker_00
But back to Helen of Troy. What role did the golden ratio play in the fact she was widely considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world? For Pythagoras and other Greek mathematicians, the number 3 had a special significance.

00:10:37 Speaker_00
By dividing the human face into three sections or divisions, he and his colleagues could come that much closer to defining the ingredients of extraordinary beauty. The first measurement was from a woman's hairline down to the middle of the eyes.

00:10:53 Speaker_00
The second measurement started from those same eyes and ended at the bottom of the nose. The third and final measurement was from the bottom of the nose to the base of a woman's chin. The conclusion?

00:11:05 Speaker_00
The most beautiful faces on the planet were two thirds as wide as they were long. What's more, if all three measurements were roughly equal, a woman's face was more likely than not to be universally seen as beautiful.

00:11:20 Speaker_00
The colour of a beautiful woman's hair mattered too. Confirming blonde hair in ancient Greece was by far the preferred colour. Rarely do you see any illustrations or all paintings of dark haired or red Greek gods. Either female or male. Why?

00:11:38 Speaker_00
Because as I mentioned earlier, beauty for the Greeks was also connected to inner goodness and a kind of moral purity. One's outward appearance, the purest possible reflection of the virtue contained inside.

00:11:52 Speaker_00
Great art and sculpture, in some ways the earliest form of media, also played a powerful part in how the definitions of female beauty evolved.

00:12:02 Speaker_00
Nearly 2,000 years after the end of the Greek Empire, Renaissance artists like Botticelli, Leonardo, Rubens, and Raphael portrayed women as a physical type, curvaceous, fleshy, maternal, and mysterious.

00:12:18 Speaker_00
This ideal, incidentally, has endured for centuries and across all cultures. Today, female beauty has no link to extreme thinness. Believe it or not, that idea has been around since the 1960s.

00:12:31 Speaker_00
But shapeliness, not to mention youth, since curviness and youth both communicate to suitors that she's the right age and healthy enough to conceive and raise children. In short, the media can prioritize certain looks and figures. All it weighs.

00:12:47 Speaker_00
But at the end of the day, some things are hardwired in us as animals and won't ever change. Evolution, it won't surprise you to learn, always has the final say.

00:12:58 Speaker_00
But I want to revisit the idea of symmetry and proportion and the idea that everything from the face to the arms to the hands should exist in complete harmony.

00:13:07 Speaker_00
It's easy to dismiss this concept as old-fashioned and even dated, but it still plays a part in how we look at beauty today. In fact, the ancient Greeks are largely responsible for the Western standards of beauty that appear in our media today.

00:13:21 Speaker_00
Think of Snow White or Cinderella or Ariel in The Little Mermaid.

00:13:26 Speaker_00
Their beautiful appearance is inseparable from their goodness and innocence, whereas the witches and ogres and villains surrounding them, who are eager to do them harm, are seen as the opposite of beautiful, as if their evil dispositions have negatively affected the way they look.

00:13:45 Speaker_00
Another factor that's been linked to beauty, a woman's voice. In the 1980s, social scientists did a study hoping to show a connection between women's voices and their levels of beauty.

00:13:56 Speaker_00
They did this by having a team of male volunteers speak on the phone with a group of women. I should add this was voice only. The men couldn't see the women, nor the women see the men.

00:14:08 Speaker_00
After the male volunteers were asked to assess the most beautiful voices with the faces of the most beautiful women, the researchers conclude that vocal attractiveness was indeed correlated to the beauty of the women in question.

00:14:22 Speaker_00
I might also add that the more youthful sounding voice, the more attractive it came across. Once again, blame evolution. Imagine you're visiting Ethiopia, where some tribes in the south still make use of the centuries-old practice of lip plates.

00:14:37 Speaker_00
These discs are inserted into a woman's bottom lip and are seen as signs of both beauty and status. Scars or scarification are also commonplace among such African ethnic groups.

00:14:49 Speaker_00
A knife or a razor is used to make cuts in the skin and ash or clay or pastes are then rubbed into the cuts, which creates bumps and patterns on the skin that take anywhere from 6 months to a year to heal.

00:15:01 Speaker_00
These two are widely considered great emblems of beauty. In New Zealand, especially among the Maori tribes, facial tattoos serve an almost identical beautifying purpose.

00:15:12 Speaker_00
They also communicate to the world a woman's identity, her social status, her heritage, and her own professional achievements. It's quite literally like having your family tree and your place in it seared onto your skin.

00:15:26 Speaker_00
How do you feel about unibrows? The ancient Greeks loved them, probably because they were so symmetrical.

00:15:31 Speaker_00
Today in the Central Asian country of Tajikistan, a unibrow is still considered a signature of great beauty, versus in the West, where a unibrow is often considered, well, not entirely desired or welcome.

00:15:44 Speaker_00
Tajikistan women who don't naturally have a unibrow stretching over their eyes can even buy products to enhance the brows they were born with.

00:15:53 Speaker_00
You can see that different cultures value different things, and our conditioning means the culture we were raised in, the culture we grew up in, defines what we see as beautiful and attractive. But think about this for a second.

00:16:08 Speaker_00
Consider for example the Japanese concept known as wabi-sabi, which emphasizes the beauty that is found in imperfection. I absolutely love this idea. A perfectly manicured back lawn is considered in Japan unacceptable and unnatural.

00:16:25 Speaker_00
No back lawn has ever looked like that. Perfection, this idea argues, may be symmetrical, but at the expense of what we love in the objects and people we loved most, namely, their imperfection.

00:16:41 Speaker_00
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00:16:51 Speaker_00
And for World Mental Health Day, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI.

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So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast, and know that you too are having an impact. I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, their sweatshirts, a hat, t-shirts.

00:17:16 Speaker_00
Check it out on our website, jschettyshop.com. That's jschettyshop.com. And remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI. Sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible.

00:17:34 Speaker_00
But when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life. One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the small wins in life.

00:17:44 Speaker_00
I encourage my team to pay attention to small wins because it helps them see positive outcomes and the steps that they're achieving on the road to a bigger goal.

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Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Good health starts with taking preventative steps.

00:18:32 Speaker_00
Using sunscreen, eating healthy and exercising are proactive measures that do as much work to create a healthy lifestyle as they do to prevent health problems.

00:18:42 Speaker_00
And speaking from my daily routine, adding simple habits like mindful journaling, regular meditation and prioritizing mental well-being has made a real difference.

00:18:52 Speaker_00
These small yet consistent practices have become my anchor, not just preventing health issues, but helping me feel good in my everyday life. Being proactive is important for good oral health too.

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Let's return now to the beauty standards of the West, which, as we see, seem to change every decade or so. Until the 1920s, as we've seen in other cultures around the world, great beauty was marked by a full face and a curvy, voluptuous body.

00:21:11 Speaker_00
Then the flapper showed up, a woman skinny as a boy with short, bobbed hair and an androgynous appearance. She was followed by Greta Garbo, lean, strong, and enigmatic, a woman of few words.

00:21:24 Speaker_00
Two decades later in the 1950s, beauty standards changed again, with the media serving up two female options, the girl next door, embodied by Doris Day, and Debbie Reynolds, and another kind of girl represented by Marilyn Monroe.

00:21:39 Speaker_00
In the 1960s, beauty standards changed again with the arrival of Twiggy, an English supermodel weighing 91 pounds who became a cultural icon in London, introducing, or should I say reintroducing, the world to the concept of androgyny.

00:21:55 Speaker_00
In the 1970s, the pendulum swung back again, with the TV show Charlie's Angels and Farrah Fawcett posters plastering the bedroom walls of every teenage boy in America.

00:22:06 Speaker_00
Suddenly, it seemed good health and athleticism was in vogue, though this look was soon swapped out by the pale, skinny women who began to appear in fashion magazines in the 1990s. Now, I have no judgment over which is more attractive or not.

00:22:21 Speaker_00
It's what's interesting is how it's being presented to us.

00:22:24 Speaker_00
Now, as I've walked you through this journey of history, of culture, we can just see that when we try to answer who's the most beautiful woman in the world, it almost feels like it changes every decade. And today it may change every week.

00:22:42 Speaker_00
And what becomes interesting is that our bubble becomes our truth. So if you go online and ask who's the most beautiful woman in the world, and AI will come up with its own semi-scientific assessments.

00:22:55 Speaker_00
And among the names that come up, you'll see Jodie Cromer, Zendaya, Bella Hadid, Beyonce, Simone Biles, Janelle Monáe, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, Margot Robbie.

00:23:07 Speaker_00
But what's really interesting about all of this, we would say, well, they're all beautiful in different ways. So the question that we really have to ask, as opposed to who's the most beautiful woman in the world, what do we count as our beauty?

00:23:21 Speaker_00
And what do we believe to be beautiful about ourselves? Are we choosing the same things that society, culture, and history changes and updates like fashion every so often to be our definition? When I

00:23:37 Speaker_00
first saw Radhi, I genuinely was very attracted to her. I thought she was beautiful from the moment I saw her. And I still believe she's absolutely beautiful and gorgeous today.

00:23:48 Speaker_00
But so much of what I've learned today is learning to love her for all the nuances, the subtleties that I never knew before. The quirks, the curious parts of her, the parts of her that, you know, that surprised me.

00:24:05 Speaker_00
And so I want to talk to you about what it really means to build self-love and self-worth.

00:24:11 Speaker_00
The first is understanding the parts of yourself you don't like and recognizing whether you don't like them because you don't like them, or you don't like them because someone else told you not to like them, because someone in history, culture, art somehow got through to you from all of these decades ago, and you're carrying around an old idea about the way you feel about yourself.

00:24:38 Speaker_00
So many of our perceptions of ourselves are based on other ideas, like the ones I've shared today, that have made their way through time and lasted as almost generational curses.

00:24:50 Speaker_00
We're judging ourselves and the people around us based on standards that we didn't choose, values that we didn't create, and symbols that we didn't select. The second thing I'll say to you is find out what makes you feel confident.

00:25:08 Speaker_00
It may be developing a new skill.

00:25:10 Speaker_00
I think what people don't realize is that until you develop skills, the skill of communication, the skill of knowing how to present yourself, preparing to have the skill of knowing how to introduce yourself in a room, without those skills, no matter what you do, it's very hard to feel confident.

00:25:29 Speaker_00
Because you could dress however you want, you could show up however you want, you could be invited to something incredible, and you'll still feel like an imposter.

00:25:37 Speaker_00
You'll still feel out of your depths or out of your comfort zone without a set of skills.

00:25:43 Speaker_00
Identify the skills that you haven't invested in, skills that you've missed out on, skills that you haven't prioritized that can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself.

00:25:53 Speaker_00
The other thing I want you to do is take a look at how this is an ever-evolving, ever-changing conversation and notice how through times you've seen updates and how you've seen updates and upgrades on what is seen as beautiful and how it keeps changing and keeps you on your toes.

00:26:11 Speaker_00
It supports industries, it builds industries, it allows for industries to actually exist just because we believe we're not beautiful enough, we're not fit enough, we're not strong enough. And start writing down your own definition.

00:26:26 Speaker_00
Start writing down your own description. Start writing down your own perception. And start disconnecting from the others.

00:26:35 Speaker_00
If you need to unfollow, unsubscribe on social media, if you need to change your algorithm, if you need to just switch off from social media in order to create your own views of beauty,

00:26:47 Speaker_00
to create your own ideals of attraction, that may be the best thing you ever do because otherwise you'll be chasing something that was defined decades ago. So many of us are pursuing a version of ourselves that we don't even know we'll like.

00:27:02 Speaker_00
But we believe because others may like it, that hopefully we will too. And the truth is, when we try to become who we think other people will like, Even if someone likes us, we may not like ourself.

00:27:14 Speaker_00
And liking yourself is worth so much more than however many likes you receive on a post on social media. I want to thank you for listening today. I hope that it's been an education. I hope it's been enlightening.

00:27:28 Speaker_00
I hope that it's given you insight into recognizing that when you try and answer these questions, when you try and chase a version of beauty, you could chase any definition for any decade and you'd still be behind. Thank you so much for listening.

00:27:43 Speaker_00
Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. I'll see you soon. If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Meghan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out.

00:27:57 Speaker_03
My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for five minutes. It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, now I'm looking at myself like I've been hacked.

00:28:07 Speaker_03
But day three when I did it, I was like, you know what? Her thighs are cute.

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The State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

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Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options is selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

00:28:48 Speaker_01
This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video, phone, or chat. Here's BetterHelp head of clinical operations, Heshu Zhou, discussing who can benefit from therapy.

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