#2236 - Protect Our Parks 13 AI transcript and summary - episode of podcast The Joe Rogan Experience

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Episode: #2236 - Protect Our Parks 13

Author: Joe Rogan
Duration: 04:22:27

Episode Shownotes

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker and one half of the sketch comedy duo "Gilly and Keeves" with John McKeever. Watch his new comedy series, "Tires," and special, "Beautiful Dogs"

on Netflix.

www.shanemgillis.com

Mark is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Soup to Nuts," on Netflix.

www.marknormandcomedy.com

Ari is the host of the "You Be Trippin'" podcast. His latest comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube.

www.arishaffir.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Full Transcript

00:00:01 Speaker_01
Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06 Speaker_07
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12 Speaker_04
Boys, boys, we're up. Hey.

00:00:14 Speaker_02
Hey.

00:00:15 Speaker_04
Let's go. Party. Headphones, you know how we do it.

00:00:17 Speaker_03
Black guys can be gay now.

00:00:18 Speaker_04
What happened?

00:00:19 Speaker_03
Black guys can't be gay. It's allowed. They were never allowed to be gay.

00:00:22 Speaker_04
Well, I think the diddy thing let it all out of the closet. Like, hey, what kind of numbers are we talking about here?

00:00:27 Speaker_02
Yeah, I need something concrete He's got a new recipe What's the new recipe check it out tastes just like Buffalo Trace Yeah, Buffalo Trace Racist and homophobic. It's got blood diamonds in it. Okay, but a cat. Oh

00:00:52 Speaker_04
It's pretty good. It's different. It's different. It's better than the old one. Yeah, it's smoother. Is that an official endorsement? Okay, now buffalo trays. Easy. Oh, they win.

00:01:08 Speaker_05
You gotta do blind taste test.

00:01:09 Speaker_04
I'll take it. Pretty good though. That's an upgrade from last time. I'm fucking around kind of. This is good. This is, Bob O'Jay's really good, but that's way better than the first version. Thank you! Bodega Cat's good.

00:01:20 Speaker_04
Like if I got that at a bar, I'd be like, oh, that's nice. Yeah.

00:01:23 Speaker_02
You know what's fun? We didn't even change it. I lied. Really? Ah, you see? Marketing. Really? It's smooth. Lying work. How do you not change it? No, we changed it.

00:01:32 Speaker_04
I was like, that doesn't make any sense, because the first one was like, it kind of had like... Marketing Norman. The first one kind of had like a rushed taste to it.

00:01:40 Speaker_04
You know, like if you're doing a gig in Cincinnati and, you know, they're not really using well whiskey. You know what I mean? You order a drink at the bar and you're like, what is this?

00:01:49 Speaker_02
It's a local low-level brewery. Distillery. Sorry. Thank you. Hey, how about some stogies, huh, boys?

00:01:58 Speaker_04
I got some.

00:02:00 Speaker_05
I brought you guys some from fucking Cuba, and then they stole them at the airport. You've battled TSA, dude.

00:02:07 Speaker_03
TSA owns your ass.

00:02:09 Speaker_05
Goddamn, they keep beating me. You got your lighter in front of you and you screamed at them. That was so great. I was in full fucking bitch mode, and Shane's like, whoa. Yeah, I didn't know you had this trauma with them.

00:02:19 Speaker_04
Yo imagine being them no imagine dealing with people stinky feet and bullshit excuses and then some giant dude comes in with a gun lighter Hope your wife gets raped I was with Ari once when Ari farted on a TSA person. He said, I just farted on you.

00:02:44 Speaker_04
No.

00:02:45 Speaker_03
Yes, he did.

00:02:45 Speaker_04
No, 100%. This is like young Ari. Young Ari was even more crazy. Young Ari was great. Young Ari was even more crazy. And young Ari was like, this is what you choose to do with your life?

00:02:55 Speaker_04
This is what you choose to do with your life, violate people's freedom? This is what you choose to do with your life? He would never, ever let them put him through the cancer machine. He only would get touched. So he would like, no, no.

00:03:08 Speaker_05
I was getting swabbed down by an Asian guy who goes, isn't this demeaning in your culture, what you're doing? Young Ari was an anarchist.

00:03:17 Speaker_04
Oh, he was like uncomfortable. I was like, Jesus Christ, Ari, I don't want to go to jail.

00:03:20 Speaker_05
So Young Ari, what was that, 40 years ago? Rogan would constantly be calling 9-1-1 and waiting.

00:03:27 Speaker_02
Don't say 9-11 at an airport.

00:03:28 Speaker_04
Because I know Ari. Ari's like one of those dudes that he has a switch. And when he crosses over to the other side, you're going to have to wrestle him out of that room. He's going to kill somebody. I spaz.

00:03:37 Speaker_05
I spaz. I spaz.

00:03:39 Speaker_04
Well, it's just an extreme conviction. He extremely believes in his convictions. And when someone's doing something he thinks is immoral or unethical, he gets fucking furious.

00:03:53 Speaker_05
The best one for TSA, you remember when they started going like, state your name? And I'm like, what? Why is that a new one? And it was only in some places. And I was like, why? And one guy at LAX was like, I'm like, why? Why do I have to say my name?

00:04:03 Speaker_05
And he goes, because my boss wants to take more power than other people's. And I'm like, oh, OK. All right, Ari Shaffir.

00:04:09 Speaker_04
That's honest. Nice. Yeah. That's all you wanted. State your name. State your name. Fuck off. Say my name. I remember the old days, dude. When I first started traveling, you could give your ticket to somebody. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

00:04:22 Speaker_04
You can just give your ticket to another person. Like, hey, I got a ticket. Yeah. You just have a ticket. I'm going to stay here. Do you want to go? That's awesome. And you, boom, you can get on a plane.

00:04:30 Speaker_05
That's great for bitches.

00:04:31 Speaker_04
Oh.

00:04:32 Speaker_05
You're like, I'll find one of them. I'll lock this Bryce in. I'll lock this Bryce in and I'll find a bitch.

00:04:40 Speaker_02
You used to have to go wait with your girlfriend at the gate. Remember that?

00:04:42 Speaker_05
Oh, you had to. Now you don't have to.

00:04:44 Speaker_04
And you could meet them at the gate. That's one good thing. That's one good thing. Because the gates would be packed with people waiting to meet their friends. Now all those mutts, they have to be down there at the baggage claim.

00:04:54 Speaker_04
People don't talk about the good that came out of 9-11.

00:04:58 Speaker_03
I got recessed that day. That's another one. That was a big day.

00:05:02 Speaker_05
That whole area downtown has been rejuvenated. Do you remember where you were? Yeah, I was in eighth grade.

00:05:07 Speaker_04
Bro, that area killed Donna Summer. What? She got lung cancer from, I think it's lung cancer, some horrible lung disease from breathing in the toxic fumes from the burn pits. What?

00:05:17 Speaker_05
The government said there were no toxic fumes.

00:05:21 Speaker_04
A lot of firemen will disagree. A lot of those people that had to clear out that area, they're all fucked up from chemical burns. That fire burned for weeks down there. No Jews in the building.

00:05:32 Speaker_02
Not one.

00:05:33 Speaker_04
Mm-hmm That's why TSA text message like a chat group that you guys are involved in one Jew died He thought he had time to go back in cause a deal That's the mother load of conspiracy theories you lose your life if you start like going down the rabbit hole of like Tower 7 oh, yeah, I

00:06:00 Speaker_05
The best is Eddie Griffin with 9-11.

00:06:02 Speaker_04
He is a conspiracy guy.

00:06:04 Speaker_05
He told us there was gold. There's gold. The trains never stop, motherfucker.

00:06:08 Speaker_14
Yeah, he had a whole ran on stage.

00:06:10 Speaker_05
The trains ran 24-7. Like what?

00:06:12 Speaker_14
The trains ran? Transporting gold out.

00:06:15 Speaker_04
You're gonna transport gold on the subway? That seems risky. Have you ever been on the subway, sir?

00:06:23 Speaker_05
I transported a fucking box of human feces, and I was worried. I was gonna get mugged. Why'd you have that for big J's birthday?

00:06:30 Speaker_04
I have shit in this tupperware for you One of the wise men mr. Guys he should have missed you guys to Miss you guys too. We have to save the world.

00:06:46 Speaker_04
It's been too long too long Busy making a fucking way in the world Shane and I were taking a piss and we're like dude It feels like we're about to jump out of a helicopter like before we do this thing.

00:06:56 Speaker_03
It's just like

00:06:57 Speaker_12
Let's go! Let's fucking go!

00:06:59 Speaker_03
I was in the car on the way here, just looking out the window, like... I was so happy. I know, it's a beautiful day, and we're gonna ruin it in the studio in the dark.

00:07:06 Speaker_05
It is beautiful.

00:07:07 Speaker_04
It's always beautiful here.

00:07:08 Speaker_03
I had to remind myself, it's like, dude, we're day drinking with friends.

00:07:11 Speaker_04
Yeah! Come on, man. This is what life is for.

00:07:13 Speaker_05
It would be nice, though, if you put, like, a Toronto, like, retractable roof in here and get some sun.

00:07:18 Speaker_04
Oh, that'd be cool. That'd be a problem. Yeah, it's an engineering issue. It's a safety and security issue. I hear it a lot at camp. Yeah, people could fucking parachute into the podcast. Remember that guy parachuted into a Holyfield fight?

00:07:31 Speaker_04
Holyfield versus Riddick Bowe.

00:07:33 Speaker_05
Wow.

00:07:33 Speaker_04
The guy parachuted in and landed in the ring. And fuck the whole fight up. Fuck the fight up, because it delayed the fight by many minutes. And then the guys cooled off. I think it was like late in the fight, too. See, round seven. So here it is.

00:07:46 Speaker_04
Round seven. Mills Lane, the referee. Saying stop. He missed. He missed.

00:07:54 Speaker_02
He gets his ass beat immediately.

00:08:06 Speaker_04
They are beating the fuck out of this dude. He did not expect this. Meanwhile, maybe he was there to save the world, you assholes. Was this pre 9-11? Yes. Yes. So this is not even thinking of terrorism. No, no, they were just fucking that dude up. Oh, the hang glider. This was the 90s, I believe. I believe it was the early 90s. Damn. They're all in there touching him for no reason. Does it say what year that is, Jimmy?

00:08:16 Speaker_04
It had to be the 90s because I know I was living in New York. I think I was living in New York when this was happening. Landing and immediately getting beat up is so fucking funny.

00:08:31 Speaker_04
Did you see that white guy wearing the Howard University shirt? With the hat on? Yeah. That was a bad hat. Look at the hat on that guy. He's so fucking white. Back then you could wear blackface, that's true. Yeah, I mean long enough just go that you know Tropic Thunder was wet.

00:08:44 Speaker_04
What year was that 2008?

00:08:57 Speaker_04
You can still do it if you control your invite list. You see Jay Leno? He's in full blackface. What happened to him? He fell down a hill. He got hammered and fell down a hill. Apparently he owed a hill some money. What was that? He fell. That was a Chris Brown.

00:09:12 Speaker_04
He was at a hotel. He saw a fucking TGI Fridays at the bottom of a hill. He said, I'm going to get a brewski.

00:09:35 Speaker_04
Well gotta realize that guy was in a motorcycle accident like a year and a half or so ago fucked his knees up So he's probably very unsteady on his legs, and then before that he was severely burned He was severe severely burned like in Final Destination Have you met him No, he's not a robust man. Like he's a guy that if he fell off of a motorcycle, he's getting fucked up Oh, right, and he got fucked up.

00:09:49 Speaker_04
So to me like him falling and hitting his face on the ground Jesus Christ listen that could happen to any one of us But if you're this guy, you probably can't stop yourself from falling flat on your face Oh He doesn't give a- he's talking shit to death, dude.

00:10:05 Speaker_04
Yeah, he's tough. He goes and gets pictures and he goes, yeah, you motherfucker. Well, this guy rides a fucking motorcycle all the time. You're never gonna get me. He's sober. He rides a motorcycle all the time. Looks like a foreman at a mine. He's got an eye patch. That's when he got severely burned. What did the hill do? He really does look like a Bond villain. So when you- Oh, the eye patch.

00:10:23 Speaker_05
Oh, syphilis. That's the burn.

00:10:25 Speaker_04
If you get that, so that was two years ago I guess, so if you get that fucked up by a fire and then you fall on a motorcycle and you break your knees, like what was his motorcycle injuries?

00:10:34 Speaker_03
Find out what his motorcycle injuries. Man, that was Bernie Sanders.

00:11:08 Speaker_05
He just doesn't look like the same guy he looks he looks pretty frail now he never complains to collarbone getting clothesline as vintage motorcycle Clothesline by wire strung across a parking lot where he's driving through a Hasidic Jewish neighborhood. He's getting like Wiley the Coyote injuries Recovering from the burns where a fucking engine blew up in his face I'll be 72 in four years

00:11:17 Speaker_04
He's still out there turning wrenches.

00:11:19 Speaker_03
He's fucking 70 years old working on these cars. He's tough.

00:11:22 Speaker_02
Everybody's complaining everybody's a victim. Not Jay Leno.

00:11:23 Speaker_03
Look at him there. That's us leaving to protect our parks. Oh, you can see a tire on his face.

00:11:31 Speaker_04
That actually looks like a skin graft. Oh, man. Yikes. Yeah, that's what that looks like. Dude, Leno kind of rules for this. Yeah, he does. I love him. Look, the guy's out there. I don't want to make a pun. Let him take over the Daily Show. He's got a hell of a chin. I don't have the balls to ride a motorcycle. He's got a hell of a chin, dude. Yeah, you got that right. Damn, tough guy. Clean comics. They're psychos.

00:11:52 Speaker_04
He was really good back in the day. Really good in the 70s. When I started, people were saying, obviously with everyone was like, Pryor number one, and then like, who's number two? And then they go, a lot of people said Leno.

00:11:59 Speaker_04
Leno was an edgy motherfucker when he was young, but he wanted that job, man.

00:12:22 Speaker_04
We got to realize what that carrot was to guys from that era if you have a chance to host the tonight show That is the end-all be-all fuck Selling out Madison Square Garden doing stand-up fucking HBO special the tonight show was the spot you were the King you may take over Carson that you are on the level of Frank Sinatra you guys would be friends now

00:12:35 Speaker_04
Yeah, there were like four jobs back then exactly you can make other comics That was the job if you were a guy coming up in the 70s And then in the 80s that job was the fucking ultimate top position well This is the tonight show now wouldn't you say that's a ridiculous, but I? Mean it's not clean, and you don't to wear a suit, but no I didn't want this

00:12:47 Speaker_04
The difference is like I'm not changing who I am to get this because I needed also no I think that's what Jay Leno did of course I think he was an edgy like he was it like leather jacket fucking talking shit about people. Yeah Good, dude.

00:13:06 Speaker_03
You ever see one letter man. We eating a hoagie. He's just sitting there eating a hoagie fucking with Letterman. Oh He was good.

00:13:12 Speaker_04
Also, when he took over, he had a day where he's like, you can host today. He booked Michael Richards. He goes, I want you. He was booking like weird edgy people for his version of that show.

00:13:28 Speaker_04
He was a real comic, but I think that job just like demands compliance. You have to fit into that position.

00:13:32 Speaker_02
And then, you know, remember that Bill Hicks bit about him interviewing Joey Lawrence? Joey, you got a girlfriend? Yeah, well, no, she thinks so.

00:13:37 Speaker_04
Jay Leno reaches in and grabs an Uzi and sprays his brains out.

00:13:53 Speaker_02
I used to be a good cop He unloads the clip and reloads it and his brains spray out into a NBC peacock Because he's a company man to the bitter end I asked Jay Leno about that bit once He had a weird response.

00:14:02 Speaker_05
He was like, yeah, you know, he didn't want to do jokes for everybody. I forgot he talks like he's from the 20s, too. He's getting three Stooges injuries.

00:14:09 Speaker_04
He'd be like, oh. Norman, you and Leno should have a convo. He was a fun guy on the podcast.

00:14:22 Speaker_04
Because he was telling these crazy stories about old school shows that he did, like this mafia guy yelling at a priest, and Jay Leno was screaming and swearing, it was wild.

00:14:34 Speaker_04
Wow, you know his old move, before there were a bunch of clubs around, in the late 60s, he would go to a strip club, put 50 bucks on the bar, and go, if I bomb, keep it, and if I do well, just give me the 50 back. Really? True stories. Blenno. Wow, so he would not even be working for free? Blenno rules. Blenno's great. He just became a different guy to get that show. That's really what it is. That happens a lot in L.A. That's the sitcom thing, man. You see it a lot with guys that are really good comics coming up, and then they get on a show, and they start being careful.

00:15:01 Speaker_04
They start pulling back. You have a Netflix show. It's different. That's a different animal. Yeah. But also, he went in Dice-style, where he's like, I'm going to be me, and then they're like, we're signing you for you. Smart. So he can keep being him. Yeah. It's possible to keep being you, but it's very difficult.

00:15:15 Speaker_02
Most people, they get trapped by the fucking siren song And the, you know, the Banshees lead them into the rocks.

00:15:20 Speaker_05
Thankfully, stand-up is always the most. Incentive that's the most incentive.

00:15:26 Speaker_05
Yeah, you could possibly have it should be But people that are the really captivated by the idea of having a show for them.

00:15:51 Speaker_04
It's like the ultimate I made it I got my own show stand-up so much easier so much so much better I remember when I found out how much money people would make doing stand-up like if they sold out a whole weekend at the Irvine improv I was like, that's what I get at a comedy club what they get at a comic close when I get on sitcoms a season Yeah, no No The Wells Fargo bro relax, but you remember when you first started selling out comedy clubs. Oh my god. This is like sitcom money adding shows money

00:16:12 Speaker_04
Yeah, teacher for the year money. Yeah for a whole year.

00:16:35 Speaker_02
Yeah, what a teacher gets in a whole year you get in a weekend It's not though cuz it's hard to get there it's you could they could do it too you don't like teaching you Put together an act The reality of comedy is it really takes 10 years to be any good Yeah, it's like a 10-year. It's funny to see the friends from like high school go from like oh Oh, that's cool, but also like I feel sorry for him We're all trying to get big in the business and always like barely able to pour McDonald's and then like as you start Oh, he's doing okay, and then like either like hell yeah or jealousy like why do you get this? Oh?

00:16:51 Speaker_02
Yeah, there's a lot of that for two decades. Well.

00:16:53 Speaker_04
You know where the real jealousy comes from

00:17:01 Speaker_04
From people that don't have any growth in their profession where they it's not possible Like this is the height of you can maintain this and you need to budget your lifestyle, and you'll be fine, but there's no dream There's no chase. There's no thing so when they see a guy like you chasing stuff putting together specials getting more popular Oh my god.

00:17:20 Speaker_04
He sold out what oh, that's crazy that that's sort of like fucks with people because they realize like they didn't make a choice That's exciting You got to grow you hear that Jamie Jamie looking Mexican as fuck now. Jaime Vernon. I thought he looked more Persian.

00:17:31 Speaker_03
You can pass as anything, brother. Like a rug.

00:17:36 Speaker_04
Oh, cause you got that long hair too. You look good, dude. Ponytail, mustache. What does that hat say?

00:17:44 Speaker_04
I don't know. It was in my house. Fuega house. What is that? I don't know, they sent it to me. I think it's Aaron Rodgers. Oh, okay. J-Mo, pull that up. Is that Aaron Rodgers? Actually, don't pull it up. I think it's Aaron Rodgers. Speaking of Jets, 9-11, we brought it back. Hey, that's the weave. That's the weave.

00:18:04 Speaker_05
Brought it back to the weave. I was like my black ex. Are you sitting in the Trump seat? How's it feel? God, the Jets feel powerful, bro. Yeah, you can feel it. He's got a big fat ass.

00:18:24 Speaker_04
He does have a thicky. Make you want a Diet Coke. A big rump in that McDonald's apron? Oh, I got to have a dick off of Trump. He's the RFK Jr. saying that he was like complaining about what he eats.

00:18:25 Speaker_04
He's like, you get on the plane with him and it's garbage, it's poison, it's all, you either have KFC or McDonald's. He could jump in there just like, shut up. Yeah, he's like, you have KFC or McDonald's. Those are your two options. RFK talks about trunk away, I talk about DeRosa. They're talking about RFK for the HHS role like Health and Human Services. Well, you're on a plane with a guy eating poison

00:18:50 Speaker_05
You need Susan powder to run that it's like maybe I should eat poison. I'm doing great.

00:19:17 Speaker_04
I have fruit loops today I just feel RFK mad at me Use a VPN and get on a Canadian Amazon Shipped across the sea if you heard RFK talking about a son taking mushrooms Oh, it's wild he was like I thought these were all drugs and then I saw him get better He's the voice of a generation his son the one who served

00:19:23 Speaker_04
Because he fight all the time you get into arguments and hockey and then like took these drugs And he like he's a cooler person and whoa look into it one of his sons went and fought funny crane. Yeah Yeah, you go do it.

00:19:33 Speaker_02
They'll let you go over there oh Nah, they don't want me. Half gay.

00:19:36 Speaker_05
Just get half fit. Do five chin-ups. You can watch it. I've been watching it. You can watch the war.

00:19:41 Speaker_04
It's crazy.

00:19:42 Speaker_05
No, you don't want to watch it. It's weird. It's like trench warfare.

00:19:45 Speaker_05
It's like five on five. Let's see it. It's weird. Whoa. Like Iowa basketball?

00:19:48 Speaker_02
Would you go? Yeah.

00:19:51 Speaker_04
No, you're watching it the same way people watch those little fucking, what are those little cameras called? What are those things called?

00:19:56 Speaker_03
GoPros. It's like GoPro footage of a guy doing a BMX.

00:19:59 Speaker_03
Tricky yeah, it looks like that.

00:20:04 Speaker_03
Yeah, you're it's like people And the drones are shitty you're right. They're like little shitty drones. You see it like a park.

00:20:12 Speaker_04
There's suicide drone Yeah, and it's you just hear them They shoot down they just land on you and blow you up damn man. We got it good. Oh

00:20:22 Speaker_04
There's a video of a guy throwing his AK at the drone, and the drone explodes in the air and saves him. And he saves him. Yeah, saves him. But for now.

00:20:27 Speaker_05
Different kind of warfare.

00:20:28 Speaker_04
If we're talking about it, what are we doing over there? Yeah, pull out.

00:20:32 Speaker_14
Meanwhile, what is Biden doing allowing Ukraine to launch long-range missiles into Russia? Cut it out.

00:20:38 Speaker_04
Trying to go out with a battery?

00:20:39 Speaker_14
I love when these presidents do something last minute that they know is going to get reversed.

00:20:42 Speaker_05
They're just like, here, I'll throw this in. No, they did it. I know but he's like, yeah, it's like I'm done I'll just wait till the next guy comes in has to change it. He's messing.

00:20:50 Speaker_04
He's trying to make a messy for Trump It's very well. It's not just messy.

00:21:04 Speaker_05
It might be a war might be the end of the world It could be the end of the world could be a hot war where they could suspend this changing of the guard, too Who knows what the fuck could happen aren't they just trying to occupy Russia? Just keep them on the deal. Oh

00:21:07 Speaker_02
I don't know. I don't know either.

00:21:08 Speaker_04
If you've got shit, if you've got a guy that's coming in that wants to find all the corruption and find what happened during 2020 and find out who colluded and check emails and check, there's a lot of incentive to do some wild shit to keep him from taking that position. I know that's super tinfoil, Hattie. I mean, it's not Hunter. Why else? Why was Hunter at Prisma?

00:21:29 Speaker_05
Right. Good question. What does that mean? What are those terms? They hired?

00:21:37 Speaker_04
Biden's son was working for Burisma, which is a huge company in Ukraine. He was making millions of dollars for a job he was completely unqualified for.

00:21:48 Speaker_04
He was on the board of an energy company in Ukraine while he was, I think it was like while he was on crack.

00:21:59 Speaker_05
How about that crazy speech where Biden is on stage with a couple of guys and he's talking about how he fired the prosecutor, he got the prosecutor fired, or they wouldn't have got the money?

00:22:01 Speaker_04
See if you can find that. Because this is, it's so crazy, this guy's ego is so nuts that he said this publicly just to flex.

00:22:09 Speaker_03
He's basically just explaining the power that he had as vice president while his son was working for Burisma. And he's just expressing it publicly.

00:22:20 Speaker_04
And it should be a crime. It's like, what you're saying sounds like It doesn't sound like what I want from the president. It sounds crazy. But for a crackhead, he got a lot done. He was going wild. Yeah. That boy was going wild. A lot of hookers. Actually, I'm coming around on Biden. Hunter? Biden's nice.

00:22:35 Speaker_04
Hunter rules.

00:22:36 Speaker_03
Joe's funny.

00:22:42 Speaker_04
Now that Joe's at the end and he's kind of... Well, Joe, first of all, if you think it's Joe's idea to launch those missiles, there's no fucking way. Joe has nothing to do with that. Joe had a giant smile on his face when he was sitting there with Trump.

00:22:49 Speaker_05
Giant smile. Did you see Gaffigan's joke about, about that is apparently, yeah.

00:22:55 Speaker_05
Gaffigan's joke about, uh, it goes, um, there's only a couple of Democrats that don't, that don't like, um, Kamala and it's Joe Biden's family.

00:23:02 Speaker_04
So like play this so we could hear it started from the beginning. Uh, billion dollars.

00:23:16 Speaker_04
No, I said, I'm not going to, we're not going to give you the billion dollars.

00:23:19 Speaker_04
They said, you have no authority. You're not the president. The president said, I said, call him. I said, I'm telling you, you're not getting a billion dollars. I said, you're not getting a billion. I'm going to be leaving here. And I think it was, what, six hours. I looked. I said, I'm leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor is not fired, you're not getting the money.

00:23:35 Speaker_04
Oh, son of a bitch.

00:23:42 Speaker_03
Got fired and they put in place someone who was solid at the time.

00:23:44 Speaker_04
So this is your reference prosecutor. He was very, very sharp when he was younger. He was still full of shit, but he was sharp. Yeah. What was that in reference to?

00:23:52 Speaker_04
See if you can find it. Well, they said it was a corrupt prosecutor. Well, that's the thing about Ukraine. They keep trying to get their own guys. Ukraine's corrupt as fuck. Always has been. Always has been. He owes us a lot of money.

00:24:08 Speaker_04
He owes me money. That's not a big deal. Yes. Billions. Tucker told me they had a deal, a ceasefire in place in the UK and the US.

00:24:15 Speaker_04
We're like, nope, no ceasefire. Keep it going. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh boy. What about Gaza? Ukraine? Ukraine. I like that. Ukraine. You guys, that's a mess. Yeah. Just give back those people and just have everybody chill out.

00:24:32 Speaker_04
Those people are all dead, dude. No, they just got a couple more back. Oh, really?

00:24:37 Speaker_03
Yeah, the women, they're trying to impregnate all the time, so they've got tasks to do.

00:24:41 Speaker_03
Well, still, you can't blow up a bunch of kids, though. Yeah, so just give that shit back. I know, but also, you know. Yeah, I know. Everybody's shitty there. It's fine.

00:24:48 Speaker_04
You guys are running off the score. Here, Bayer, don't let the blame burn hood, pushed out Ukrainian prosecutor because he didn't pursue corruption cases.

00:25:01 Speaker_05
So whistleblower complaints centering on President Donald Trump's phone call with Ukrainian president has spurred a number of allegations and counter allegations as Republicans and Democrats jockey for position amid an impeachment inquiry at the heart of Congress probe into the president's actions.

00:25:13 Speaker_04
It is his claim that former vice president and 2020 Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden strong-armed the Ukrainian government to fire its top prosecutor in order to thwart an investigation into a company tied to his son, Hunter Biden.

00:25:24 Speaker_06
But sources ranging from former Obama administration officials to anti-corruption advocate in Ukraine say the official, Viktor Shokin, was ousted for the opposite reason Trump and his allies claim.

00:25:35 Speaker_06
Of course they say that. It wasn't because Shokin was investigating a natural gas company tied to Biden's son.

00:25:43 Speaker_06
It was because Shokin wasn't pursuing corruption amongst the country's politicians, according to a Ukrainian official and four former American officials who specialize in Ukraine and Europe. That sounds... like a convenient narrative.

00:25:55 Speaker_04
I don't know what's true, but that sounds a little convenient. Oh, no, no, no. He was fired because he wasn't investigating corruption.

00:26:05 Speaker_03
We insist that they investigate corruption in other countries. And if they don't, we won't give you the money.

00:26:09 Speaker_04
In fact, we are so ethical that if we don't look at your papers and find zero corruption, you don't get the billion dollars.

00:26:16 Speaker_02
Well, son of a bitch. They fired him. Well, shut the fuck up. What am I, a child? You think I'm a child?

00:26:21 Speaker_05
It works. Trump's gonna pardon him. They're all doing it. It's just government. Hunter. Is he? Yeah, he said that. It's just government.

00:26:29 Speaker_02
They're all fucking bullshits. Let Hunter out, dude. Listen, imagine that guy being your dad, you'd do crack too.

00:26:36 Speaker_05
You'd be out there, getting wild, getting foot jobs, filming it, leaving it on a laptop. These guys lost. Yeah, also when you're making millions of dollars for a job.

00:26:46 Speaker_04
You really shouldn't have you go wild of course.

00:26:46 Speaker_05
Yeah Kim Kardashian Make so much money.

00:26:50 Speaker_03
Let me drink before work Tony Inchcliffe has four thrones

00:26:58 Speaker_04
I'm thinking of getting a new throne

00:27:06 Speaker_04
It's tough, dude. Don't get me started on that fucking shit. But we need thrones. We should get four thrones that we only use in Protect Our Parks.

00:27:20 Speaker_04
That we reel in for this? Oh, that's fun. How about that? What should they look like? Like a Midsommar thing. Put a toilet in it. Oh, that's not bad. Imagine we're sitting here smelling. Are we shitting it? It'd be just like a bus. Don't shit on the bus.

00:27:33 Speaker_04
We don't be shitting the whole time. You got that right. Just look at each other in the eyes. You already shit in a box, what are you talking about?

00:27:46 Speaker_04
You shit on stage, it's gankfest. Dude, I went into a public bathroom yesterday at a football game, and this guy shit so bad that as I walked in I could barely hang on. I was like, oh no, it's a big bathroom, like six, seven stalls.

00:27:58 Speaker_04
Wait, you went to the UT game? No, no, it was a high school game. Oh, what? What? Yeah, you're not allowed there. It's fun High school football is fun. It was fun.

00:28:14 Speaker_04
So anyway, I go it was fun a hot cocoa for two dollars and watch some shitty snapper get replaced halfway through and they play good I used to be Fairfax. I fucking rules. You'd see people get like swapped out like I'm enjoying football. I'm enjoying football. You'd be such a good Notre Dame fan. Oh I'm enjoying it. But the point is, this kind of shit- We need the NIL. We need your NIL.

00:28:27 Speaker_04
Hold on a second, Joe. I'm just talking business. The moment I walk in, I was like, oh, I can hold it.

00:28:32 Speaker_02
I was like, no, I can hold it.

00:28:38 Speaker_05
His shit was so bad that in a big bathroom, it just overpowered the whole bathroom.

00:28:41 Speaker_04
Football bathrooms are up there with JFK Airport.

00:28:58 Speaker_05
Airport dumps airport dumps are bad guy from fucking Senegal Jfk I had with an all-time like me and O'Connor were a JFK we landed and got drunk We got drunk at the Buffalo Wild Wings. Oh, yeah, it was it was on a Sunday So we were watching football and we got hammered, but we started fighting. We always fight about shit. Oh, he's a liberal dude He loves blue ski. We were getting Fucked up arguing about that and then in the middle of the argument I went to go take a piss and it was a wet floor.

00:29:23 Speaker_03
I just fell on the ground at the JFK airport. I was laying in the bathroom at JFK and he walked in.

00:29:26 Speaker_04
We had just been fighting. This is an argument loser.

00:29:33 Speaker_04
Yeah, you know I mean you can't be laying on the floor in a bathroom and be like actually I know what I'm talking about.

00:29:35 Speaker_04
Obviously I'm the biggest piece of shit that's ever lived. Yeah, you lose no matter what. Yeah, if you follow JFK, you're... Like what's soaked into your clothes?

00:29:45 Speaker_03
Oh, you go to those public bathrooms and the floor is just soaked. Soaked! You walk in and you're like...

00:29:53 Speaker_02
High school football? I was the mascot for my high school. No way. What was it? What kind of outfit? I was a cavalier. What's that? With a big head. It's like a pirate. Oh, dude.

00:29:58 Speaker_04
And I got fired the first game. Oh, no. Too many puns? It was when this was big. You didn't suck it? I didn't suck it, and they let me go.

00:30:11 Speaker_05
It's funny when you find out that like like Hinchcliffe was a fucking umpire in high school He had a wrestling match with David Lucas on stage That's how you were there

00:30:33 Speaker_04
Yeah, he fucked David Lucas up. David Lucas is like 300 pounds.

00:30:54 Speaker_02
I'm being nice. But Hinchcliffe can fucking wrestle. He can wrestle. He did a duck under, got behind him, pushed him onto his back. David Lucas was scrambling trying to get to his feet. Hinchcliffe was controlling him. He was furious. He couldn't believe it. Tony was the top.

00:30:56 Speaker_03
David was out of breath in four seconds. Wow.

00:31:00 Speaker_04
There's four seconds of exertion and he was ready to have a heart attack. Let's go.

00:31:03 Speaker_03
He's got the Lizzo body. Tell that fellow. Gotta clean that up. Hinchcliffe. He almost lost the whole election. Yeah, he did. No, he gained him votes. They were gonna write stories.

00:31:16 Speaker_03
They had stories already written that if the election went to Kamala, they were gonna blame Tony Hinchcliffe. Who's that? A bunch of different media outlets. It would have been the funniest. No, Democrats.

00:31:28 Speaker_04
It's so funny how they thought Latinos just hadn't made up their mind yet, and this was enough to sway. They're just a bit racist.

00:31:33 Speaker_04
Well, yeah, just Democrats just that's not fully but a bit latino is a big group.

00:31:48 Speaker_04
Yeah, like it's like it's also they just know so hard like you make fun of Puerto Ricans The Bronx would be like, how dare you right? We make fun of Russia. We're white, you know, we're not like hey, don't fuck with whitey. It was embarrassing It was also it was so lame to be going after that so hard when there's so much wrong with the world. I Well, they're out of stuff. Literally every major city is failing under opioids and homelessness.

00:32:06 Speaker_04
It's just bad advice from the beginning. Like the very beginning is bad advice. I mean, listen, it's like the New York Giants. You're putting some fucking local kid at quarterback. He's going to do the best he can. Some lady came in with two months to go like, I don't know. Try your best. Oh, yeah.

00:32:21 Speaker_04
Is it true that she got put in because Biden endorsed her as he was leaving and that that wasn't initially the plan? I've seen that. I've read that several times. He like refused to endorse her for a while actually I think because she pushed him out because she pushed him out but then once he did he found out Allegedly, this is what I had read.

00:32:39 Speaker_04
Yeah that they wanted to do a primary but Biden said publicly I'll just endorse Kamala then he didn't think that Kamala could win and This is the allegation. So he was like, fuck you. Look at his smile on his face. I think it's DEI. I think nobody can tell a black woman she can't be the one. But the smile's insane. But a primary can tell you.

00:32:53 Speaker_04
If she crumbles in the primary the way she crumbled in the primary for president, then if Gavin Newsom or Josh Shapiro, whoever it is that gets the words over on her, that person emerges naturally. Right. It's just like she fucked up. She's just not good.

00:33:07 Speaker_04
It has nothing to do with anything else. No, I talked to a lot of liberals and they were like, this isn't our guy. We wish we could have gotten our guy in there. You know what's real nice? What? The left is the conspiracy people now. They're like, this election was rigged and Trump faked an assassination. Dude, I've heard them talk about how the right is created.

00:33:25 Speaker_04
I've heard them talk about how the right has created a billion-dollar internet ecosystem of podcasts. Oh, right. But imagine that. But imagine that.

00:33:38 Speaker_03
Like, as if there's some fucking grand conspiracy where a bunch of people just speak freely. So the right has organized this, and he was comparing it to, like, radicalizing Islamists. Wow.

00:33:52 Speaker_03
He was literally comparing it to, like, young, confused people get radicalized, and his take on it is that they could be brought towards feminism. No, we're just trying to sell tickets.

00:34:01 Speaker_03
I will say, world politics has extremely helped all of us here. Here, here. World politics has been very beneficial.

00:34:05 Speaker_04
Them coming after us has just raised us up hella. It also makes you realize you have to say something. You have to say something because they're so insane.

00:34:13 Speaker_02
You did that on purpose, dude. You're a cocksucker.

00:34:15 Speaker_04
He says hella, and he says it fucking wrong.

00:34:17 Speaker_02
No, no, I said it right there. Come on, you boomer. How does he say it? He doesn't know. He's East Coast. I'm West Coast. Yeah, whatever. You're taking what, Oakland slang? You live in New York. Yeah, but I have ties. You're from Maryland. No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:34:33 Speaker_03
You're East Coast from birth to now. None of that. No, I lived in L.A. for a long time. I became a man in L.A. It didn't work. Lost my virginity there. Really? No. Yeah, yeah.

00:34:58 Speaker_04
Took the hymen. That was your uncle. You lost an internal. How old were you when I met you Ari? You were like 24. I was 24, but the development of a fucking 16 year old. You were an odd fellow. Just out of religion, I didn't know anything. Well those old photos of you, you were hideous. How old were you the first time I took you on the road? Jeez, what was I, 81? But that 28 was like really, it was like 22. Wow. I was just undeveloped. Because of the Diaz story.

00:35:23 Speaker_14
Oh yeah, Diaz just wouldn't. He wouldn't show up, so you had to hire him as a backup. So instead of just firing your opener, who just wouldn't come. Joe would be at the airport, be like, Joey, where are you? He goes, off. I'm almost there. In bed, not even getting out of bed. And then eventually Joe was like, I don't have an opener again.

00:35:23 Speaker_04
Instead of just firing Joey, he goes, I guess I'll take two people now.

00:35:28 Speaker_04
So it's either one or two, depending on if Joey showed up. It was too much fun when Joey showed up.

00:35:31 Speaker_03
It really was.

00:35:33 Speaker_04
And I knew, I had a good friend who was a junkie in New York, my friend Johnny, and he died. Johnny the pool player? Yeah, he was my best friend. And he died after I was, I was only out here for a couple years and he died. Out in LA.

00:35:50 Speaker_05
Yeah, I was in LA and I'd met Joey while he was still alive and I was like, this is the same guy. Like he's the same kind of guy. Get it while you can. I knew the type, I knew like, and I missed Johnny so much after he was gone.

00:36:01 Speaker_05
So it was like, whatever I have to do to keep this guy around. This was Joey, Joey's still used, he's not used anymore, he's way healthier, but back then he was like, the end was in sight. He was used in a crazy way. What was he using? Coke.

00:36:13 Speaker_02
One time he was like yeah, I did crack for six months. I'm like why?

00:36:27 Speaker_04
Because the coke dealer was like out of the way home and the crack dealer was on the way home Joey was off the rails, but if he loved you he was your best friend He was like one of the best friends you could ever have if he loved you yeah, I

00:36:33 Speaker_05
And so I was like, I gotta do whatever I gotta do. So I didn't wanna push him. So I would always tell him, if you ever need help, I'll help you. He goes, I don't need no fucking help.

00:36:42 Speaker_04
But when we would go on the road, if he would just not show up, I would say, listen. Anytime you wanna go on the road with me, you're gonna get paid.

00:36:51 Speaker_04
You can work with me anytime you want, but I'm gonna bring another opening act.

00:36:59 Speaker_04
If you don't show up, in Joey's defense... Thank you, Joey, for being such a cokehead. In Joey's defense, it was only like three times over the course of like 10 years.

00:37:07 Speaker_05
It's like three times. It's not that bad.

00:37:09 Speaker_04
I thought it was every other weekend.

00:37:11 Speaker_05
But it was like big weekends.

00:37:13 Speaker_04
I was headlining at Rascals in New Jersey. I was like, shit.

00:37:16 Speaker_05
This is a big one.

00:37:17 Speaker_04
This is a big one. And then they had to use a local guy. So it's like, and I was thinking I was gonna hang out with Joey and I'm hanging out with this guy, which is half of the fun of being on the road is being on the road with your friends.

00:37:27 Speaker_05
It's literally half.

00:37:28 Speaker_04
One time we were going to Pittsburgh and I booked a commercial.

00:37:31 Speaker_05
I was like, dude, I got to miss a Thursday show. And Joe was like, fuck that. No, dude, you can't do that. Like we had a thing and I was like, I need this for insurance.

00:37:37 Speaker_03
And he's like, no, fuck that. I'll just use somebody local. And then he's like, this city smells like suicide. Come down.

00:37:45 Speaker_04
What was the commercial can we watch that was it Activia I Think it was I don't know which one it was IBM maybe or something. Oh, wow Commercials were big back in the day.

00:37:58 Speaker_04
Yeah, everybody wanted a commercial first That was like the attainable if you got a commercial you paid your bill. It was a substitute teaching or dog If you got on a sitcom, that was the the Holy Grail. No, that was Gaffigan Gaffigan was the Hemmy guy. Remember that? No, no, no, no, no.

00:38:11 Speaker_13
That's John Reba.

00:38:12 Speaker_04
Oh, sorry, Reba. No, but Gaffigan did like 80 commercials. He did a ton of commercials. He's got that squeaky clean. New special out. First special on Hulu.

00:38:20 Speaker_02
Oh, nice. Is that right?

00:38:21 Speaker_05
Hilarious. Hilarious. Yeah, I was going to say.

00:38:30 Speaker_04
Don't go all up in your business is Joey comedies Hunter Biden He's a completely unique human he's not anybody's anything he's a he's a one-of-a-kind sweet guy he's the best and he's great now still amazing on stage and

00:38:51 Speaker_04
He borrowed 200 bucks from me when I was starting and I didn't have it. And he's like, can I borrow 200 bucks? But it was like, this is bullying for sure.

00:38:56 Speaker_05
And then like, I gave it to him. I'm like, okay. I had to be like, all right, at least I'll never have to give that to him again. And then like four days later, he's like, here you go, thanks. I'm like, oh, okay. I guess we're not some big friends.

00:39:06 Speaker_05
That's a setup. That's a setup. Can I get a thousand now? And then he vanishes. It's when he's going back to Colorado, he gets a thousand out of you. You know he's giving it back to you. Joey's the best.

00:39:17 Speaker_04
He's doing sets again around town. Beautiful. All over Jersey.

00:39:20 Speaker_05
Yeah, he was supposed to be here for a weekend in December, but I think he canceled. You don't say. I think he was on for a couple days.

00:39:33 Speaker_05
It's like he wants to, when he's here, he's back in the flow of things, he realizes how much he misses it, but it's hard to get the energy to fly to another state. I know. And he's so fat. It's gotta be tough. He's been fatter. He's not so fat. Oh, really? Oh, bro, he got huge.

00:39:45 Speaker_05
Yeah, I didn't think he looked as... Yeah, he's fine. When I met him, he wasn't fat at all. When I met Joey, he was like a linebacker. He was fucking huge.

00:39:52 Speaker_04
He was like this big guy, like intimidating guy. He was thin, like big barrel-chested fucking dude. And then when he got fat, he got really funny. That's literally what happened.

00:40:04 Speaker_04
He stopped giving a fuck about being on TV. He was like, this is a pipe dream. It's never going to happen. Stopped giving a fuck about being in movies, and he just started being himself. He would do the Cuban egg roll. He'd get a towel from the back that the handyman used to use, and he'd use it as a cape.

00:40:35 Speaker_05
You just walk and shake his pants down big influence on me Yeah, you ever see my magazine my the the album that I've recorded in like 1999 I took a bunch of pictures of Joey and they're in the album sleeve and one of them is Joey Buck naked with combat boots on I think he has Timbaland's on and he's got a cape cape and

00:40:45 Speaker_04
And he's got this cape on, but he's completely naked. It was inside the album cover. His big belly, hog hanging out. That's great. That was fun. We used to be kind of allowed to, like, show a guy's dick inside of a CD cover back then. He did it on a man show.

00:41:00 Speaker_04
He came out naked. More like ED.

00:41:10 Speaker_04
Well, we did two versions Comedy Central insisted that we do one where Joey wasn't naked we did it was fine And then we did it with Joey came out naked and like let's get this party started. It was huge.

00:41:21 Speaker_05
Everybody died laughing I'm like, yeah, listen to me Let's try just a man in clothes coming out a show like that then

00:41:40 Speaker_04
You were gonna do a Joey show it today You could not do it with any sort of a network or corporation you would have to do it like Gillian Keith style or you're in control of it like Only fans dad imagine someone giving you Notes on only fans dad Production notes show me only fans dad Jamie go to only fans dad you got to figure out a way to tell him that Oh my god

00:42:21 Speaker_04
That's such a visceral laugh Go to only fans dad was that a fun gig no, it wasn't it was a disaster Yeah, it was a disaster really yeah Yeah, because it all happened right around the same time that the Janet Jackson nipple thing happened so everybody panicked and all a bunch of stuff that we had gotten approved and

00:42:31 Speaker_02
Everybody was in a pain worried.

00:42:39 Speaker_05
It was just the mindset in Hollywood Yeah, it was like tone down all the outrageous since you can get in trouble by the way not even that greater nipple I didn't think her nipple was out. I thought there was a pacing on it

00:42:43 Speaker_04
No, it was a nipple. They showed the actual nipple. I think. I would have remembered.

00:42:48 Speaker_04
Me and my friends stood up and cheered. It was a huge scandal if it was just a pasty. That's crazy. I swear it was a pasty underneath. I think it was a nipple ring, I think. No, there was no ring. Let's see it.

00:43:13 Speaker_05
Don't show it on screen, but let us see it. Yeah, it's a ring. Let's go she's got a crazy son on that that's a hypnotic eyes wide shut ring Would you have a tear away that was a Super Bowl show some titty

00:43:29 Speaker_04
My mascot job was bad so that freaks so many people out that they stopped like anything controversial It was a quarter second look at Kylie or Kendra or whatever the fuck her name is Marks is hard. Yeah, she's the hottest Kardashian. Oh, yeah, I think so you've got choices Well, there's so many of those whores.

00:43:42 Speaker_04
Kim looks like an alien.

00:43:43 Speaker_02
Kim looks like a full alien.

00:43:44 Speaker_04
Does she? Yeah. She still looks good.

00:43:48 Speaker_02
It's made in a lab.

00:43:51 Speaker_04
Is that because you know what she used to look like, or is it because- No, I saw a picture of her on a billboard. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And someone's like, that's Kim Kardashian. No, she's pretty. She's pretty, but like, it's like an AI. She's definitely hot.

00:44:02 Speaker_04
No, she's hot, but she still looks like Maiden of Light. I'll call Pete Davidson right now.

00:44:06 Speaker_04
He was inside those guts.

00:44:10 Speaker_04
Didn't he like burn her name on his arm or some crazy shit? Oh boy. I have no idea. Pete's all together. That sounds like a good move. Yeah. Holocaust. That's a, my bad. Two weeks later, you go, fuck.

00:44:23 Speaker_04
I don't know what I was thinking on that one. Yeah, and don't get any tattoos of ladies. I think Johnny Depp got Winona, and then he changes to Wino. Yeah, he got one on his fingers, too. Johnny Depp fucked Winona?

00:44:34 Speaker_05
Beck fucked Winona, too. No way. Buck read a whole album about her. Oh, Beck. Damn. Forgot about Beck.

00:44:45 Speaker_04
Yes, he changed was all about her he said he couldn't write it for two years if you broke up with her Jesus Everyone knows your name or something like that. It's all about like you fucked everyone in this town. I got a deal with this It was one of the greatest albums of all time come on.

00:44:58 Speaker_04
Yeah, no it really was the I've heard of an amazing breakup album That's a weird one Scientologist is a Scientologist.

00:45:07 Speaker_05
Yeah Bobby went to see him at a Scientology show What Hollywood what's that like?

00:45:08 Speaker_04
I mean, it was just about the music, but only Scientologists and me and a fucking hooker fucker. I've worked with Scientologists for a good time, though. They were great.

00:45:16 Speaker_02
They're probably nuts.

00:45:17 Speaker_04
They were great. They have to be. Yeah. You know the guy who wrote it. There's video of him, L. Ron. Really? There's video of him.

00:45:23 Speaker_02
He was a fucking completely insane person. He was a guy.

00:45:26 Speaker_04
He was a completely insane ... He wrote the most words of fiction ever in human history. Whoa. More than Shakespeare? Of fiction, more than everyone. He never had a second draft. It was just science fiction. It was gibberish. No, no, no.

00:45:38 Speaker_04
It's not just gibberish. Oh, really? Oh, it's horrible.

00:45:44 Speaker_04
His science fiction is horrible. It was like a bestseller. He was huge. No, no, no. Not really. Dianetics was a bestseller. He just posted a lot of these crazy science fiction stories in these magazines and books that used to be monthly publications in the 50s and the 60s. But he had that machine, too. What was that machine? Oh, the E-meter? E-meter. Yeah, it's all nonsense.

00:46:05 Speaker_04
It's just two cans with a string. I did it. He pulled it off. Yeah, I did it. You did it? I was in San Diego. How clear were you? I'm clear as fuck, bro. No way. I'm like, no, we don't need you. You're good.

00:46:19 Speaker_05
The dude, I could tell, he was super unmotivated.

00:46:22 Speaker_02
He was a guy who was a member who they're forcing to go and try to recruit people.

00:46:29 Speaker_04
And I was out there filming for a television show in San Diego. And so I went to this, they had a thing in the park.

00:46:32 Speaker_16
And I just went, oh, we had downtime. So I'm like, what are you guys doing?

00:46:33 Speaker_04
And he's like, oh, you know, Dianetics, this and that. Have you ever had your E-meter tested, whatever? Fired up. I got time. Fired up. I was asking the dude a bunch of questions. I was high.

00:46:44 Speaker_04
So I was asking the dude a ton of questions. Just like, what is this? If you were high, they were probably getting you. Where did you learn all this stuff from? What's the story behind your religion?

00:46:56 Speaker_04
And you could tell the dude just didn't want to do it. He was not interested in recruiting anybody. He was just like, I have to do this. Going for the credits. You have to do it. Yeah, he's cool credits.

00:47:04 Speaker_03
But the problem is you got nothing to hide.

00:47:06 Speaker_04
All those Scientology queefs.

00:47:07 Speaker_03
They're all hiding something. Dude, I went. How much of it is the gay? I went with Natasha Leggero, who went down to the one in Holland, Vermont. Just be gay.

00:47:13 Speaker_04
And we went in there. You watch a video.

00:47:15 Speaker_03
It's all like mid-level 80s actors.

00:47:19 Speaker_02
And then they say this book is for ages 8 to 8,008. And I'm like, what does that mean? The guy's like,

00:47:27 Speaker_04
Can we get your address we can send you more stuff and I'm like, oh, I don't know like let me just get your address I'm like, okay and Natasha's like, what are you doing? Bobby Lee

00:47:43 Speaker_04
Robert E. They were sending me shit for a solid decade. You know who I still get calls from?

00:47:58 Speaker_02
The fucking Ivermectin people. Nice. For four years. What do they want? They want me to buy more drugs.

00:48:04 Speaker_05
I'm like, I'm not going to buy. They go, it could come back. Do you know how risky ... Shut up. How much of a risk taker do you have to be to say, what else you got?

00:48:12 Speaker_04
What else you selling? I'm still getting hit up by Tim Walz. I get texts. What's Tim up to? They want more money.

00:48:17 Speaker_05
He needs money. They lost a lot of money.

00:48:20 Speaker_04
$20 million in the hole.

00:48:23 Speaker_02
Bro, they blew a billion dollars. Tim Walz, the vice presidential candidate. Oh, the other one. Yeah. The vice. He's the vice. The fake hunter, fake football coach. He's a fucking full-on liar.

00:48:34 Speaker_04
Lying about football is crazy. Lying about everything is crazy. That's Shane's Dolan Valor. That's his most-

00:48:39 Speaker_03
I didn't care about lying about going to war. Or going to war.

00:48:44 Speaker_05
Or being in Tiananmen Square. That was a wild one.

00:48:48 Speaker_02
Bro, you lied about everything. Lying about being a head coach and you were a fucking dork assistant. Yeah, you're carrying water.

00:48:56 Speaker_05
Remember Hillary Clinton did it too with Benghazi, right? She was like, I was there, we're under fire. Yeah. Who's Benghazi? Wait a minute.

00:49:05 Speaker_04
McDonald's was a lie too, wasn't it? Yeah, that was a lie too.

00:49:10 Speaker_05
Not only that, but they photoshopped her face on an existing photograph of a girl from the 1980s that did work at McDonald's, and it was a white girl. So they photoshopped Kamala's face.

00:49:19 Speaker_05
Just some internet jackass did it, I'm sure, and said, oh, we have proof.

00:49:22 Speaker_04
But they were trying to pass it off as it was real. But why is working at McDonald's good? Because it's victim-y. It's like the lowest level.

00:49:28 Speaker_05
It's a lowest level job. But why is that? Who cares? You're working class. In these days when you don't brag about your hardships. To say if you came from McDonald's to the president's pretty sick.

00:49:41 Speaker_04
Also, when you're a person who's like trying to con their way into a job where you're going to make an insane amount of money, it's really cool to say, start it from the bottom now. I see, I see. Start it from the bottom now. Old school is here.

00:50:01 Speaker_04
I talked to some Puerto Ricans about a about a journey to the block oh And and they were like she was like I got a ham sandwich with Fanta if you know you know and then they're like Drescher was like that's not a thing What are you talking about you heard it from Santa she's been famous for 80 years.

00:50:08 Speaker_02
She doesn't even know what? Yeah, why are you pretending?

00:50:10 Speaker_04
You know what you were a fly girl? They all love pretending Everyone wants to be real Yeah, it's hard you feel insecure if you've made it too far.

00:50:23 Speaker_02
You should know my dad was an academic and I grew up in wealth Yeah, smarter than everybody.

00:50:24 Speaker_04
Well, I knew friends who worked at McDonald's. They would hide it.

00:50:27 Speaker_05
They're like, that's a very re take on things though Yeah, you're well trained. Oh, sorry. My dad worked hard Really hard

00:50:39 Speaker_04
That you'll never understand the struggle because you never had to struggle mmm Yeah, she really blew it my favorite multi-million dollar Hollywood saying it's hard I Was listening to it like it was a statement She blew it and she lost the election

00:50:57 Speaker_04
Yeah, she was hot when she was young I bet she oh, yeah Videos of her with Montel Williams. Yeah.

00:51:14 Speaker_04
Oh, yeah Is that your daughter they said and all that was a Willie Brown? No, she got real mad. No. Oh

00:51:28 Speaker_02
That was funny.

00:51:34 Speaker_05
She's working her way up. That's something to brag about. It's a strategy. Why is that any less of a strategy than a pharmaceutical executive strategy? Yeah, it's the same.

00:51:46 Speaker_05
Why is it like using your good looks to your advantage and making your way into a political system that's fucking completely corrupt? Why is that negative? Matt Reif did it? Yeah, he did.

00:51:54 Speaker_04
Use those looks. Why not? He did. Smart move. Yeah, he's hot. It's pretty shocking Adrian Appaloochee has a special. Shows you how funny she is. Joey Diaz, buddy. She's lost a lot of weight. Has she? Yeah, she's lost a lot of weight. Big mistake. Fat is funny. She's still fat. She's still fat. Don't get me wrong. She's still holding it.

00:52:18 Speaker_05
But she's not as. Not as. She's so funny too. She'd be a category of not as. Funny lady. Oh, she rules. And fearless.

00:52:24 Speaker_05
Goes for it. Just goes for it. I think she doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck.

00:52:30 Speaker_04
I don't think she understands to give a fuck. Like she actually doesn't care. She's pretty great when people walk out angry. She goes.

00:52:35 Speaker_02
Yeah, I guess I get it Yeah, she's moving here.

00:52:40 Speaker_04
No way Yeah, I talked her into it are you helping he reached out to me said you got to talk Adrian into moving here And I had her on the club. She was already convinced.

00:52:53 Speaker_02
She was like sure Rogan on me that I might Yeah, she's funny man.

00:52:55 Speaker_04
We need more.

00:52:58 Speaker_05
She's funny in a different way like she's got her own vibe. She's not like anybody else It's fun

00:53:12 Speaker_03
Yeah, I like her it's so like at both sides fuck both of you Yeah, yeah, fuck everybody and just serious never smiles once on stage from the Bronx. Yeah Yeah, the reviews of her specials either.

00:53:16 Speaker_05
I haven't seen it yet, or it's great That's awesome. Yeah, her mom was a comic. Oh shit. Yeah.

00:53:24 Speaker_04
Oh, that's right Booked you that Your mom start doing it again after she'd been doing it a while didn't her mom try to do it again, maybe That's tough magic go to a club see your mom there I

00:53:39 Speaker_04
Bro, it's probably better than your dad. Yeah, or your ex-wife. If your dad sucked as a comic. My dad thinks he's really funny.

00:53:50 Speaker_04
My dad's very funny, but he was like, put me in tires.

00:53:54 Speaker_05
He was like joking, but I could tell my mom, like my mom was like, Just put him in the show.

00:53:59 Speaker_04
I'm like, I'm not putting my fucking dad in the show. Why not? He said, I don't know if he could act. You gotta give him like a one line. It doesn't work like that. One line, get him out of there. Go start acting. Dead body.

00:54:13 Speaker_05
I would like that, but then he had a heart attack, so he's on the sidelines for a while. All right, yeah, he's good. All right. He's bad. He's not allowed to drink which is tough to watch the old man poor guy Haven't watching him fucking sit there watching football He's he's working his way back so he can drink yeah He's working on his heart, so he has to do like cardio like he just goes on long walks and

00:55:02 Speaker_04
Dude he was in the hospital my mom didn't tell me how bad it was to like not Freak us out, and then I got there, and he was like fucking like Like he had fluid in his lungs so they couldn't operate so he was like this could be it and We're sitting there, and they were like yeah, well you're gonna have to stop drinking. He was like oh

00:55:07 Speaker_05
68 years old, and a hell of a run. What? It was a nice like, no, a hell of a run with drinking.

00:55:16 Speaker_04
It was just very nice to be like, yeah, you did, bro.

00:55:17 Speaker_03
That's a hell of a run.

00:55:18 Speaker_04
Get him on edibles. Get him started at least. Give him an option. I don't know how I'll handle it.

00:55:22 Speaker_03
It'll be funny. You start him with a 5 milligram.

00:55:27 Speaker_02
Just a little jammy that gives you a little smile on your face. Makes the colors a little brighter.

00:55:31 Speaker_04
You bet him on sports all day. Give him a couple to get started. He can still do that. Get high and be like, I know he's going to pass for 5,000 yards. Yeah, maybe he'll have good intuition. Oh, yeah.

00:55:55 Speaker_04
He might have like some... He's skinny now, he's walking around, he's... He's in hell, dude. He's in hell. He's stuck in the house with my mom all day, she loves it. Is he eating healthy? Yeah, he has to. But we'll catch him, we'll catch him.

00:55:56 Speaker_02
He's just fucking eating his burgers.

00:55:59 Speaker_04
He's eating them at night. By the way, he actually is. You'll be over there, you'll see him at the fridge like...

00:56:06 Speaker_04
Give me that cheese, daddy. Oh, he goes in there, eats, and then pulls out one water. Rolls the car in neutral out of the driveway, starts it on the street so he can go off to Burger King in the middle of the night. He's eating like Trump.

00:56:18 Speaker_02
Can't hear you pushing it.

00:56:20 Speaker_04
Can't hear you pushing the car out. It's starting at the neighbor's house.

00:56:23 Speaker_05
It was what he was eating when I got home.

00:56:28 Speaker_04
The last time I went home to see him, he was literally standing at the counter eating a cheeseburger, and I was like, bro.

00:56:33 Speaker_02
The boys working his way back to be that's good. That's good.

00:56:43 Speaker_04
Yeah, you should have mine But then he's like look I've been in the Jerry tires is next tires Are you garbage I bet he's got some stories he was fucking garbage. Oh

00:56:57 Speaker_04
He was garbage as fuck. He lived in like a... He went on Are You Garbage? No, no, I'm just saying. Oh, I thought you were serious. I did go on Are You Garbage. The island of Puerto Rico should go on Are You Garbage. You son of a bitch. We gotta remove that from the internet. No, I love Puerto Rico. San Juan, baby.

00:57:12 Speaker_05
No, no, I'm kidding. That's the Tony joke.

00:57:25 Speaker_05
Wild thing is that joke was based on his need to like he gets freaked out about the environment He gets freaked out about the pollution He's like how long have there been plastic there's only been plastic for six years it's big bigger than fucking Texas. And so he sits getting obsessed by garbage, and then he finds out about Puerto Rico.

00:57:41 Speaker_02
And so then he comes up with this joke, there's an island of garbage, I think it's called Puerto Rico?

00:57:46 Speaker_05
And it's like, but the joke was actually out of his concern that Puerto Rico is being smothered by garbage. He actually loves Puerto Rico. It's like, he's just a retard. He's just a retard.

00:58:06 Speaker_04
And he doesn't understand, people don't know the whole backstory to that joke. They know that's a joke about Puerto Rico, you're doing it in a fucking Trump round. You should have defended him. You should have come out and just been like, He's retarded. That would be the right way to say it. I kind of did.

00:58:07 Speaker_03
I mean, I basically said that. This is where it came from. Tony's just... He's a fucking insult comic. He's the best insult comic in the country. If you want to watch that roast, watch that Tom Brady roast. It's so funny watching Jon Stewart go like...

00:58:33 Speaker_03
It was wild luster that they saw that joke and everyone's angry within one minute and it's like no nothing to like let me Analyze the arts. Let me just figure out what this is, but it's like I know what it is. I'm done with it It's just the meaning to like everything.

00:58:42 Speaker_03
It's exactly what we were talking about earlier That does happen to people where they can become someone else but Stuart has not done that.

00:59:12 Speaker_03
Yeah, he's still He still goes on stage with Chappelle he still he does podcast he's very reasonable when he does them I think he also got disillusioned by that fucking Apple gig where they've cancelled his show because he wouldn't do he was want to do a thing on China and they're like no fucking way really and like that was it I You can't talk shit about China. You can't even tell the truth. You can't say if you're on an Apple show and Apple has this insane manufacturing deal with China. All their phones. Slave labor. Everything. Think about that. It's the craziest thing. What about the Uyghurs? These virtue signaling people. Like Schultz.

00:59:27 Speaker_03
Anytime the liberals get at you just go go get a Samsung if you really care. Yeah, it didn't John Cena.

00:59:46 Speaker_04
He had to do a whole thing remember that yeah, oh, yeah That's when I was in the streets before he did a bit about that for a while That's when I knew the China was gonna win cuz they already got our mascot. They got our guy.

00:59:53 Speaker_03
He's the most American looking guy. That's true Cena fucking rules where job is His wrists are so big, it looks like his forearm is cut off here. It looks fake. It looks fake. It's crazy.

01:00:06 Speaker_03
It looks like his arm should be way longer, but they moved his hand up his forearm like he's got no wrist. It does look like that. They're hams. Bro. Damn. That's the Down Syndrome community's bro. He is the number one Down Syndrome. John Cena, bro.

01:00:30 Speaker_02
Hitting a fucking salute, running in in jean shorts, fucking people up. Dude, that shit rocks, dude. He's Mr. Make-A-Wish. He is.

01:00:31 Speaker_04
I didn't like with Tony with all the comics Wayne and that really You're always gonna have that from weak people that aren't happy with where they are. That's what it is So people are waiting to jump on time. That's it. That's it.

01:00:40 Speaker_16
Like what now that he can't fight back. I'll jump in there, right? Exactly. They never shut on some low-level guy.

01:00:44 Speaker_03
He's doing great and you can You're allowed to not like him if he's doing great if you're

01:00:55 Speaker_03
Like you don't know what he was doing. You don't know what he was doing.

01:01:00 Speaker_04
He was just doing what he always does He's an insult come are you saying you don't like insult comedy, so you don't like Rose say that two months ago Why are you saying it right now listen man roasts are one of the things that's gonna save comedy because they're so funny that it's Undeniable to Netflix so Netflix gets the highest ratings.

01:01:14 Speaker_03
They've ever had ever on this Tom Brady road. It's completely non PC It's some of the wildest jokes Tony calls him a Confederate fag

01:01:26 Speaker_02
Like, it's some of the wildest, and it's killing, and it's so funny, and people love it, and they keep sharing it, and people keep sending it to their friends, and clips are made out of it.

01:01:30 Speaker_04
It's huge for Netflix. Without that, you don't get the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want on stage. I make fun of Tony a lot, but that was...

01:01:39 Speaker_04
That was like a nice moment. Gangster! Gangster! When he did the roast, he killed it. And I gave him a joke right before. And this is how in the pocket he was, because he stood up from the table and was like, hello. I was genuinely happy. I was watching him fucking kill.

01:01:56 Speaker_04
And then the joke I gave him, I gave it to him right before he went on. What was the joke? I don't want to say. All right, Puerto Rico? It was an insult personally at one of the comedians.

01:02:05 Speaker_04
Right before he tells the joke he looks he literally looked over me it was like

01:02:28 Speaker_04
And he'd go up from the audience like that. That ain't easy to walk up like that.

01:02:39 Speaker_04
Well, you know, they wanted him to do his set seated, and he was like, this is stupid. I didn't respect him.

01:02:42 Speaker_05
Any store guy, they're like, no, you're not one of the cool kids. So it's like, dude, fuck off. Just let the guy shine. Wow, just a lot of resistance to him with the powers of being a hungry wolf. A lot of resistance to that Hinchcliffe fella. So much butts in here, that fuck. Well, just say you're mad he's at a Trump rally. That, all right, that I get.

01:03:00 Speaker_05
But why are you going to use the joke as a vehicle to get angry? The joke is nothing. It's both things.

01:03:06 Speaker_04
The joke is nothing but the fact that if the joke just released on YouTube, eh, people would get mad. Maybe the Kamala Harris camp would use it to show that this guy's a Trump supporter. But it's not connected to Trump.

01:03:18 Speaker_04
The fact that it's at the Trump rally, which is so crazy that he did it there. That was bad. Nobody checked his set. But they're also waiting. It's like Alexandra Cortaz Cortazio sitting there. What? Who? Yeah, say it again. Alexandra Cortaz Cortazio? Yeah. You have been doing that Duolingo shit.

01:03:31 Speaker_14
She's sitting there waiting like, what can I be angry about? And she's like, that's why.

01:03:34 Speaker_04
And it's like, that's not the target market. They're trying to win, man. Well, it's looking at it like they should be reasonable. Why would they be reasonable when they're trying to win?

01:03:44 Speaker_00
They want to exploit every last possible thing and Tony gave him a bunch of rope. Yeah, and they hung him Well, they they were already calling it a fucking Nazi rally, right? And then you have a comedian go up there that probably a lot of them had no idea who he was sure, right?

01:03:56 Speaker_00
Even like the people talking about it and then he's I mean the fucking watermelon carving joke That was the one that should have been that was so stupid. That was an improv

01:04:04 Speaker_00
I gave him that one. I thought it was funny. I don't know. Well, yeah, at a comedy club, not at a Nazi rally.

01:04:14 Speaker_04
At a fucking roast battle. I like the comedy club. Be great at a roast battle. Yeah, once they made it a Nazi rally, then it's like, well, nothing is going to work here to you guys.

01:04:23 Speaker_04
It's a full German Nazi rally. Israeli flags at a Nazi rally. I saw like four Israeli flags hanging from the rafters. Yeah, there was Israeli flags that people brought.

01:04:33 Speaker_04
The whole idea that was a Nazi rally was crazy. Maybe they were just pro-genocide. No one believes it, man. That's why they're not talking about it now. I might have to flag that one. Pull that one out.

01:04:46 Speaker_04
I like where the comics do like when they'll try to defend somebody, but they're so scared of the backlash They go look I didn't like that joke, but it's his right to say You don't like jokes how about when Patton took a picture with Chappelle and he had a Photo of him writing an apology on a piece of paper was weak.

01:05:05 Speaker_04
Yeah, I think he felt really bad about that He did that was the height of all the pressure he felt bad about that wait a week let the press go away then if you have to weigh in Well, the internet coming at you is scary. People panic. Yeah, don't read it. Tony handled it really well. So hard not to read it. He goes, take a joke, fuck off, and then just not another word about it.

01:05:27 Speaker_05
I had to read the thing about the view because I just thought it was funny I was trying to say that I believe in dragons. Wait, what is this? I just checked it. I checked it and then the lady goes I just double-checked it. She goes I checked it. He believes in dragons.

01:05:33 Speaker_04
It should be like Sasquatch, bitch.

01:05:38 Speaker_04
It was from a wildlife biologist who came on my podcast. It was Forest Gallant. Galante? Galant.

01:05:42 Speaker_04
How do I say his last name? Great guy. I love him.

01:05:44 Speaker_05
He's awesome.

01:05:45 Speaker_04
But he was saying there are... Yeah, right? He's fucking off. Jaymo, let's do it. Jaymo, you haven't called anything up.

01:05:52 Speaker_03
See if you can find Forrest's clip where he's explaining dragons.

01:05:54 Speaker_04
Now that Jaymo looks like a Mexican, he's lazy. This is where it came from.

01:05:59 Speaker_04
The view decided from this and from me talking about it with Adrian Appaloochee the other day, explaining what Forrest says and saying that I don't think that there was pterodactyls living with people.

01:06:06 Speaker_03
I said it. No. She said, maybe they did live with us. I'm like, no. My position is it's probably crocodiles or some big Komodo dragon or some big lizard that did kill people.

01:06:20 Speaker_04
And so people fought them with swords and shit and they came back with a story and then the artist drew it. Yeah, if you saw one of those at night and you had a stick, yeah, it'd be like I fought a pterodactyl. I thought a picture of Joe Rogan and a unicorn.

01:06:31 Speaker_05
All throughout these same time periods, there's been giant lizards.

01:06:35 Speaker_05
All throughout these same time periods, there have been Komodo dragons, there have been crocodiles that have been here for a fucking hundred million years or whatever they've been for. Probably been more.

01:06:56 Speaker_04
So the idea that that people didn't encounter giant reptiles is stupid And then there's the other thing is like people were really bad at describing things that they'd never seen before So if you're a European traveler and you go to the Nile River and you see a fucking crocodile Take a guy So let's

01:07:01 Speaker_04
I mean we know there were large flying lizards during the times of dinosaurs, right? The only weight that it could possibly hold is that like a few of those somehow survived much later than we previously thought.

01:07:18 Speaker_04
But do I think that there were dragons attacking human beings and civilizations? No, I don't. It's so much cooler if there were. The fact that we know that pterodactyls did exist, that's cool.

01:07:28 Speaker_04
It would be way cooler if they existed with people. Right, 2,000 years ago. Why is that?

01:07:32 Speaker_03
Why is that so much cooler to us? I don't know.

01:07:39 Speaker_03
People would dedicate giant chunks of their life trying to find out if pterodactyls did coexist with human beings. I swear, I thought you had pterodactyls on your shirt there, and I was like, yeah, this is the most autistic thing I've ever seen. I think that's a rhino. Why can't pterodactyls be real?

01:07:52 Speaker_03
This is the most important part this is right after she was saying we are run by ABC News you should trust us not Joe Rogan who believes in dragons

01:08:33 Speaker_04
By saying we should trust them because they're double-checked by ABC News and then making the stupidest fucking statement Like you're you're you didn't listen to what I said Yeah, you didn't listen to what the wildlife out and that's only a part of what he said I can't there was something before that where he was explaining encounters with giant reptiles.

01:08:37 Speaker_05
It's also Listen, it doesn't make sense to me that a middle-aged woman could be dumb. I

01:08:52 Speaker_02
When you're worried about losing your job, and you're worried about podcasts taking over, and who's the source of news, and we said Donald Trump is Hitler, but half the country disagreed with us, and he won, and this is fucking great, and Joe Rogan believes in dragons! It's just frantic.

01:08:59 Speaker_04
Bro, if you believe that Donald Trump is Hitler, and everyone who supports him is a massive racist, and if you are any ethnic or gay, you need to get the fuck out of this country. Because if you believe all that, it's bad for you here. But Sunny Hostin, she makes some good points. Who's that? She's the other one.

01:09:12 Speaker_04
That's not gonna clip well. I'm just saying, like, if they really believe us, what are you still doing here?

01:09:17 Speaker_05
Jamie, there's a photo that I have on Instagram.

01:09:44 Speaker_03
Jamie there's a photo I have my Instagram of a whale that's on a wall in an old Italian church it was from like 2017 or 2018 I was in Ravello and there's this church that it's so old the church is a thousand years old but it's built on top of another church and they don't even know how old that church is there's like a glass floor and you look down you see the old church they don't they have no idea how old it is but they had a painting of like the whale from the from the Bible who is it Job who is it Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. That's right, Jonah.

01:09:54 Speaker_03
So look at this, this is this ancient, ancient church, but there's a photo of a whale that's in, is it in that? Where's Ravello?

01:10:01 Speaker_04
It's around the same time.

01:10:03 Speaker_03
I know I put the photo on Instagram. Oh, Italy. That's the church.

01:10:08 Speaker_03
But in that church, the whale doesn't look nothing like a whale. The whale looks like a monster.

01:10:10 Speaker_04
So that's what it's like.

01:10:14 Speaker_05
Their drawings was like, they came back and described, those fucking mercenaries couldn't draw.

01:10:21 Speaker_04
So the guys who came back, the savages, the fucking animals that were hacking off heads in the Congo, they don't, they're not drawing. So they explain it to an artist.

01:10:32 Speaker_04
And then the artist draws it, and they could probably barely remember, because it's probably so traumatic.

01:10:40 Speaker_05
A 16-foot crocodile comes launching out of the river and takes one of your boys and eats him in front of everybody. He's like, wah! That's it. So that's what they thought a whale looked like.

01:10:55 Speaker_03
Whale, yes, that's a crocodile That is the story from the Bible that they had never seen a whale before so they drew this thing They got the guy yeah, I mean guys looked like and they're struggling. Yeah, they weren't good.

01:11:01 Speaker_05
It looks like a alien monkey They're doing it in tile.

01:11:05 Speaker_02
It's a very difficult medium to work with what's a higher primary thing is this I?

01:11:13 Speaker_04
Look at that guy isn't that wild though So their version of things that we know that what looked like we're all fucked up already Yeah, so that's probably what dragons are what dragons are probably giant crocodiles

01:11:43 Speaker_04
There you go, and there's some people that went to the Congo in the 1800s that said they saw crocodiles bigger than their boats 40-foot boats and crocodiles were bigger than their boats The thing about crocodiles is they don't they don't die right just stay alive until something kills them So they keep growing so if you got a crocodile it could be 300 400 years old and that would be like a 60-foot crocodile And then really they might have seen those back at that old And that's when people had guns, right? So the people with the guns are probably killing all the ones that are really big.

01:11:53 Speaker_04
So those ones that are really big, they've been eating other crocodiles. They've been eating everything. They cannibalize each other. They eat everything that moves.

01:12:06 Speaker_04
So to get to that point is so hard that when you whack those dudes, the ones that are left are, like, 30 years old, 50 years old. Like, you'll probably have smaller crocodiles. It kind of makes sense. That's probably what dragons were. Probably were a bunch of people that never experienced crocodiles before and just got Fucked up by these 20-foot crocs. Imagine seeing that and not knowing what it is. What does Joey Behar say? Joey Behar? When people tell her like, hey, so that's not true. I just want to say for the record, I have no hate for Joey Behar. If I saw her, I'd give her a hug. I don't care. I'd probably say the same thing about me if I was her.

01:12:37 Speaker_04
It's no big deal. I don't care. But it's a silly thing to say it undermines your own personal credibility if you say we're so good because we're we're supported by ABC News and they say Joe Rogan believes in dragons in the next sentence. And no chance she comes back goes oh guys I was wrong somebody told me the wrong shit.

01:12:58 Speaker_04
If it was a joke that would be I know she wasn't joking but it would be hilarious for Joe Rogan the guy who fucking believes in dragons.

01:13:01 Speaker_15
I wonder if there were some kind of flying lizards at one point in human history. You know, if you go, well, this is what the Bigfoot myth is about. The Bigfoot myth is about a thing that really existed. It's called Gigantopithecus, but it lived like 100,000 years ago.

01:13:15 Speaker_04
So by the time, at least we think it did, we know for sure, no later than, I mean, later than that, for sure, 100,000 years, we don't know earlier. It might've been earlier. It might've lived 50,000 years ago. We just don't have an example of it. But that was a thing that was passed on in stories. It's dead now.

01:13:25 Speaker_15
It doesn't exist anymore.

01:13:26 Speaker_04
But people were telling a story about a thing that was real. That's probably what dragons are.

01:13:58 Speaker_04
It's probably people telling a story about a thing that was real And if a hundred two hundred thousand years ago, there were some reptiles that could fly We know that pterodactyls were fucking real if they just find one of those things it would change everything and you got to realize They've only been finding dinosaurs for 200 years. Mmm 200 years ago. They didn't know what the Jews started burying those bones Well, there was a bunch of dudes who had fake dinosaur bones. You're trying to trick us. Don't attack us. It's been nice weather today. You know, there was a bunch of dudes who put, like, other bones and claimed they were dinosaur bones. There was a bunch of frauds. Well, those were the actual Jewish dudes. I heard there's money in bones. Jamie, when did they discover dinosaurs? Ari, you look like a pterodactyl. Imagine discovering dinosaurs, going, oh, is this still around?

01:14:19 Speaker_04
I think most of them are at the White House. Pelosi, get out. She just filed for re-election. She's like 79. She's 84. 84 with those tits. She just fired for, yeah. Pretty huge.

01:14:31 Speaker_04
Here it is.

01:14:35 Speaker_04
Okay, so exactly, exactly 200 years ago, they found the first dinosaur. Damn. So they've only known about dinosaurs for 200 years. Wow, what? And there's a giant chunk of the planet that has not been discovered. We had a podcast the other day. They've only looked at 5% of sub-Saharan Africa.

01:14:50 Speaker_05
They find whale bones in the Sahara Desert out there. Whale bones in the desert. Who knows what the fuck's out there? It's not impossible to imagine that since there used to be flying lizards that at one point in time there were. 1677, someone discovered it?

01:15:07 Speaker_02
1677, someone created with discovering the first dinosaur bone, but his best guess as to what belonged to it was a giant human. Oh, wow.

01:15:18 Speaker_04
So funny to find a giant femur and be like, damn, that guy was huge. That's my favorite conspiracy. The giants used to roam the earth. And they were created by the Anunnaki breeding with people. I believe it. I'm down. And that the government, the Smithsonian has been hiding giant bones. You know they made Yao Ming. They got the two tallest people in China to fuck. That's a good move. For real. But that's a good move. Yao Zing. I mean how many fucking Division 1 football players are out there because their parents said, listen, you're a big lady. I'm the big guy.

01:15:45 Speaker_04
I think we can make some kids that can make us some fucking money. Let's go. If you're really into football, and you're a big fella, and you see this big lady at the bar with some nice hands, look at those hands. I need hands. Yeah, I need a lady with a grip. I need a lady with a fucking mitt.

01:16:02 Speaker_04
If you have a lady and she's tall, but she's got some dainty hands, you could have a brittle kid. You don't want a brittle boy. I believe in giants. I went to an NBA game, and I met Zach Eady.

01:16:15 Speaker_04
Yeah, JMO bring up Zack Edie Edie if you saw that guy if you lived back, then it's all guy like fucking Zack.

01:16:25 Speaker_04
Oh, yeah What's that guy the mountain from Game of Thrones? He's a seven-foot human he used to come into the store, and it was like he's only 10 inches taller than me, but I Yeah. What is he, Siberian or something? He looks like Mongol.

01:16:38 Speaker_04
He's Chinese. Oh, okay. He looks a little funky. Oh, this isn't Yao Ming. Who's this guy? He plays for the Sixers. What is his nationality? It looks a little giant Chinese nationality. I believe he's an American, bro.

01:17:02 Speaker_04
Yeah, but what is his yeah family's background Toronto a Seven four Jesus Christ, I took a picture what is his nationality? Played ice hockey and baseball I

01:17:18 Speaker_04
Ice hockey would be tremendous for any sport, right? That's a hard-ass sport on your legs. Oh, yeah. Well, the best players only play like 20 minutes a game. Wow. They play like a third of the game. It's that hard. Yeah. Yeah, but they play so many games. It's nonstop. Every fucking other day. Yeah. Well, yeah. You just can't. You can't play a long shift. It's too much.

01:17:41 Speaker_04
I think the hardest is soccer. Those motherfuckers, there's no commercial breaks. They're sprinting the whole time. There are some breaks. Every single time a guy gets touched, they all lay down. But that's what you need to do. Well, that is on purpose.

01:17:53 Speaker_04
Everybody in America is like, oh, fucking pussy, get up. It's like, bro, they're so tired. Yeah, that's true. They're all like, yes. Rugby might be it. Rugby might be it. Rugby's the roughest. They don't stop. They don't stop, and there are no pads. It's American football.

01:18:06 Speaker_04
Rugby no American football is the the reason it's a three-second play is because they would die. There's no time a full sprint crazy Those are Giants.

01:18:18 Speaker_05
Yeah Cardio in terms of that they might be soccer or rugby or Aussie. Yeah. All right, then cross-country is the craziest

01:18:25 Speaker_04
When we went to Dallas, we were at the Cowboys versus the Jets.

01:18:29 Speaker_04
It was the first NFL game I've ever been to. And we were not far away from the players. And you see how enormous they are. You're looking at 350-pound humans just walking with mortals. And they're faster than us. Yeah, they're huge.

01:18:41 Speaker_04
They're so fast.

01:18:48 Speaker_03
Who was that one guy that was almost 300 pounds, and he ran a four-second plus 40? Aaron Hernandez. I mean, there's a now...

01:18:53 Speaker_04
You're just swinging at anything! You're just swinging at everything! It's an island of garbage? Yeah! You know what they thought mermaids, those were manatees.

01:19:04 Speaker_04
That's how drunk and hoarded they were. I've heard that rumor, I don't believe it.

01:19:20 Speaker_04
They've been poked in the eye since they were two and drinking rum all day Guys poke them every time they get an argument There's no glasses you just went blind you're eating terrible food.

01:19:26 Speaker_04
Yes, they're blind by 20 they thought a manatee was a woman I don't believe a nice a nice plump woman like I could see both really rich ladies that eat the grapes hot Yeah, the ones the what do they call those? That's true. That's true. It meant you had money.

01:19:38 Speaker_04
Yeah, you were hot and now that people are poor, right? So back then that was a hot fat lady. Yeah Jennifer Aniston's real thin and Gwyneth Paltrow. They're all billionaires. Yeah cheeseburgers the 39 cents on Wednesdays exacto mundo

01:20:02 Speaker_03
Yeah, even like Oprah keeps trying to lose weight. She's always been, huh? Always.

01:20:06 Speaker_04
She's like, comes in. The best is Sherry Shepard coming out. Did you ever see that one on The View? No.

01:20:12 Speaker_02
Sherry Shepard came out for what?

01:20:19 Speaker_04
She lost all this weight, came out in that orange bathing suit, and they're like, we did it, I lost all this weight. They wheeled out a cart of ribs for her to celebrate. She's in a bathing suit, eating ribs, getting fat again. Jamie. Why would they do that to her? That's such a hater move. It's really funny. It'd be like, hey, I'm done with alcohol. There you go. Let's go.

01:20:37 Speaker_04
Here you go, Phil. One year sober, let's celebrate. Damn. Yeah, that Ozempic's taking over. But that's crazy that they did that to her. Yeah, they're like, you did it. Celebrate now. I don't like it.

01:20:46 Speaker_04
Bro, you remember the time Oprah had that lady on? It's in Chimp crazy. Stay there. Oprah had that lady on who got her face bit off by the chimp. Stay there. And she showed her face on TV. Oh, yeah. The lady was wearing a veil over her face, like, let's see your face. Come on. She pulls the veil away. Like a nope.

01:21:01 Speaker_04
What are you doing? She should go Muslim. May as well go Muslim at that point. Trick a man. Can you imagine being a good Muslim man? You go, this lady seems cool as shit.

01:21:09 Speaker_03
She doesn't have any eyes. It's like Jay Leno.

01:21:13 Speaker_04
She doesn't have any eyes. You can see it coming. Really? Yeah. Her whole face is gone. She's like, you sound like a man for me. That's it. That's crazy. Oh yeah, she looks good.

01:21:27 Speaker_02
Wait, that's Dr. Phil? No. Wow.

01:21:32 Speaker_04
Sherry's bathing suit body. Damn. Now you can eat. No, you can't. Now you keep not eating. Oprah fluctuates. She's like Elliot Bish.

01:21:43 Speaker_04
When do they move people off that show? Sherry's not on that show anymore, right? No, she's not. She started going back to clubs. That was 15 years ago. She was one of the real comics. There you go. I knew her as a comic way back in the day. I didn't know who Sherry. Sherry Shepard was a store comic, and then she got on The View for like, I don't know, three to 20 years. Right. Damn.

01:22:02 Speaker_03
That's a tough gig fuck. I think the view is gonna get canceled. No, I don't keep going right now.

01:22:14 Speaker_02
They're all spazzing out Watch these two matriarchs right the older ladies Yeah, kind of set the tone of the show if you know, that's the part of the problem Star Trek and the other one They're out of touch. One of them's pretty hot.

01:22:23 Speaker_05
Whoopi Goldberg's, like, did you see what she did to that Staten Island Bakery? Yeah. No. Crazy. What? She ate everything.

01:22:31 Speaker_02
Staten Island Bakery, their boiler went down, and she placed an order of cupcakes for her birthday, and they couldn't do the order. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

01:22:36 Speaker_05
I can't imagine yet how this would go bad.

01:22:38 Speaker_04
So she places this order.

01:22:45 Speaker_03
They say, we can't promise you that we can do this because our boiler is down. So we can't fulfill this order. And so then the next day, the boiler is back up. She has someone else call the same bakery. And they get the order in, because now the boiler's up. She claims the reason why they didn't take her order is because they didn't like her politics. And so she says this on The View.

01:23:19 Speaker_04
So then the bakery has a press conference, where they say, we've been in business for 150 years. This is not what happened at all. We don't discriminate against anybody, regardless of anything. We just had a problem with our boiler. And she's singling out a family-run business. And then there's a line around the block for the bakery. It's bananas.

01:23:23 Speaker_05
And then she doubles down. She made a video and she didn't even apologize.

01:23:29 Speaker_05
In fact, she said the same thing.

01:23:29 Speaker_03
I like how they can't even see a possibility where it's just an innocuous idea. Her best was like, wasn't it like the Holocaust? And she was like, that's white people problems.

01:23:37 Speaker_04
Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's crazy.

01:23:41 Speaker_03
Well, she got kicked off the show for a couple of days. That's right. Remember? They were like, Oprah, Oprah, or whatever her name was. Thin Oprah. Thin Oprah. Damn, I swear you had a fucking stroke. I might have swung COVID. I told you you were sad. What's going on?

01:23:53 Speaker_03
These people are just too out of touch to be running that show. Mitch McConnell.

01:23:58 Speaker_04
Isn't that guy in charge of something now? Didn't they put Mitch McConnell in charge of something?

01:24:01 Speaker_03
Really? He just did. He's fucking locking up like a Windows 95 computer.

01:24:08 Speaker_16
He's got the spinny wheel. He just locks up all the time. What did they just put Mitch McConnell in charge of, Jamie?

01:24:14 Speaker_05
Comedy Central. Something about appointments. Put on Futurama.

01:24:19 Speaker_03
All things comedy he's going to take over. Futurama.

01:24:21 Speaker_04
What is it? Defense spending. You run anything by that dude. He can't count anymore. Chairman of the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on Defense and Chairman of the Senate Rules Committee.

01:24:32 Speaker_04
Get him up there. That's what we need. Yo, that guy locked up twice on TV. Hell yeah.

01:24:37 Speaker_03
Fully locked up.

01:24:38 Speaker_04
Like, didn't know where he was. They had to grab his arm, take him off the stage. Mitch McConnell? Yeah. You ever see him lock up? Yo, bro, it's bad. There he is. He's got the turkey neck.

01:24:45 Speaker_03
Jamie, pull up the video of Mitch McConnell locking up. He was like the face of evil for a while. Watch this video. He just stepped down. He's going to step down. People thought that he was going to step down, but he didn't.

01:24:56 Speaker_02
This is an old clip. He can't step. He was old a billion years ago.

01:25:00 Speaker_03
Bro, but it's the way he locks up is terrifying. It's almost like the guy's having a stroke. It's very strange.

01:25:06 Speaker_04
Maybe the women of The View are geniuses, because we're all talking about it. It's a ton of press. Yeah, The View's a genius. Joe, do you remember this? Yeah, look at this. Oh, this is great. This week, it's been good bipartisan cooperation. Jesus Christ. His lips aren't moving.

01:25:18 Speaker_04
Oh, no, but hold on. It's like when a girl eats your ass, you didn't know she was going to. You're like, oh, shit. Oh, this is going great.

01:25:30 Speaker_02
Oh.

01:25:32 Speaker_04
Bro, look at this guy. He's waving back and forth like he's ready to go.

01:25:36 Speaker_02
They're all looking like, what's going on?

01:25:37 Speaker_04
Oh, he's melting.

01:25:39 Speaker_02
Look at the extras.

01:25:58 Speaker_04
Dude, this is a full lockup. Oh, man. Anything else you want to say? Let's go back to your house. Let's go back to your house. Yeah, I'm done. Oh my god. So that guy just got a new job. He's running shit. Is that Canada's top general? Megan Rapinoe?

01:26:01 Speaker_05
That's Emma Wilman as the top general in the country.

01:26:03 Speaker_05
How bizarre is that? That that guy just got a new gig. That was Emma Levine. He's so done.

01:26:08 Speaker_04
Who's running shit? I thought you had it.

01:26:09 Speaker_05
Oh, there it is. Who's running shit? Yeah. Who's running shit? Juice. That's what you're saying, Juice? But at least it should be young Jews. Own it, man. Your people are running shit. I love it. Yeah, we run everything. Ancient Jews. Ancient Jews. Pelosi's an Italian. Old Jews. Timeless Jews. You guys are like crocodiles.

01:26:24 Speaker_03
Right? Isn't she?

01:26:25 Speaker_04
She's Italian. Our noses go bigger and bigger until we're dead. Is Pelosi Italian?

01:26:30 Speaker_04
Yeah, I think she... Pelosi, that sounds... She's got them Italian yams.

01:26:32 Speaker_04
She's got a photo with JFK back in the day. She invests like a Jew. Back in the day.

01:26:34 Speaker_02
Wow. Yeah, she was like a kid back then. Oh, yeah. She gave him some head.

01:26:37 Speaker_04
God damn it, I have to pee.

01:26:39 Speaker_02
I was trying so hard. Hang in there, buddy.

01:26:41 Speaker_04
Nice. That'll make me go soon.

01:26:50 Speaker_04
Yeah, it's a wacky time to be alive. I can't tell if it's a great time. Oh, it's a great time.

01:26:57 Speaker_05
Or it's a horrible time.

01:27:01 Speaker_04
As soon as that happens, if you're at all running a company, which the government is, right, you should be like, oh, hey, no. We're replacing you that's something you can't be in charge. Yeah, you're you're you're so it's not we'll give you a pension now Did this like Fetterman Fetterman had a stroke?

01:27:28 Speaker_04
Oh, yeah Yeah, that's like that's an old guy you can't take away their license that they do stuff like that 100% that guy could be out of red light just locked up Or just go right into an intersection not even know he got his foot off the brakes you ever you ever be at a red Light high and fall asleep, and then when you wake up with somebody honks you go.

01:27:39 Speaker_04
Yeah, I should pull over yeah I just heard about people you ever gone like that you ever texting for like 20 minutes you look up. You're like damn. That was dangerous. Yeah

01:27:44 Speaker_05
Holy never yeah, I use the Apple CarPlay thing.

01:27:49 Speaker_05
Oh, yeah Press to text you say text Mark Norman. What would you like to say? Margaret and says it back to you.

01:27:56 Speaker_02
Sometimes it fucks it up, which is a real problem If you have any weird naming Street, right like that that won't work.

01:28:02 Speaker_03
That's Bert every time Bert sends a text It's like what is this? He goes?

01:28:05 Speaker_04
Oh, it's feature checks like or fat fingers. Oh Yeah, or slurring. Speech-to-text is really easy if you're busy because you can get away with doing it like in five seconds what would take you like 20 minutes to type out.

01:28:18 Speaker_04
The best was Dana White went to a flip phone so we could feel the buttons so we could have a business meeting. Tell me if I'm wrong. Yeah, you're wrong. I'm wrong?

01:28:24 Speaker_04
And text under the table? He definitely texted under the table, but that's not why.

01:28:29 Speaker_05
He just started out with a flip phone, and when everybody was going to smartphones, he's like, I can just text with my finger.

01:28:35 Speaker_04
And he was so busy, he's like, I don't have time for fucking apps. Like, what are you doing? But isn't that T9? That shit takes a half hour. But you can feel the buttons. He could do it without looking. Damn. You could feel the buttons. So him and I were having dinner, and he sent me a text without looking. He goes, I'm gonna send you a text right now. I don't have to look at my phone. Was it accurate? It was accurate. I was like, wow.

01:28:50 Speaker_04
It wasn't crazy. He used like the letter U for you. That's when that shit started. That used to drive me crazy. Even back in the T9 days. Don't you do this. Two of them now, you son of a bitch.

01:29:00 Speaker_04
Even in the T9 days, I used Y-O-U. Even that? Yeah, not U-R either. Y-O-U apostrophe R-E. I don't know if I did that. Could you even do an apostrophe back then? You can. Yeah, you can do it.

01:29:12 Speaker_04
It's a four button thing. Oh yeah, we're talking to Mr. Flip Phone right here. I gotta get back there. I gotta go back like the island. Well, Dave Attell's still on it. That's true. Dave has like 40 phones. I saw him the other night, he had some killer new.

01:29:26 Speaker_05
He's so timely and relevant. Always. Two minutes on White Lotus, it was gold.

01:29:30 Speaker_03
What's White Lotus? It's a good show. It's a TV show on HBO.

01:29:36 Speaker_05
It's got a giant fake cock in it that really tricked me.

01:29:45 Speaker_04
Steve's on got your heart now the season two oh it's like a real hot guy and he goes in and changes while girls uh oh yes yeah did you see Peaky Blinders how about that scene where that that lady suck oh that guy's sucking that other guy's cock pull it up ladies literally sucking a guy's rubber cock

01:30:00 Speaker_04
What yeah, there's like an orgy, and this lady is it's either a lady or a guy's video Some guy was sucking another guy's cock picky blind. Yeah, I'm gonna be to the Irish you go first.

01:30:04 Speaker_02
It's gonna be mean alright Yeah, you guys can do it.

01:30:06 Speaker_04
Yeah, we can Talk about I'm gonna hold it I had some I had a few at the Delta lounge

01:30:36 Speaker_04
I did a show in Charleston Great great crowd, but yeah after it that's a drink in town Norman Norman got me into the lounge once and I was like Oh, I'm a good drink. He's like, what are you there's free drinks? Why'd you order that?

01:30:39 Speaker_04
They have a whole list of free drinks. No, it's jewelry that I am. Oh, definitely.

01:30:44 Speaker_05
Yeah, I've seen Norman eat

01:30:46 Speaker_04
Wings off a plate going to the kitchen at the cellar. He's like, whoa, that's untouched. Oh, yeah. We had that steak last night at the stand, or two nights ago. Whose steak is it? He's just like, let me just have a piece. A third of it just goes off and puts it in his mouth. Never got caught. Yeah. I don't know whose that was.

01:30:58 Speaker_04
Hey, buy some bodega cat for everybody while Joe's in the jitter.

01:31:02 Speaker_02
That was a funny defense of believing in dragons. And then going, Sasquatch. Sasquatch is real, though.

01:31:11 Speaker_06
I love when you're like, you could've got me on a real fight. Yeah, you could've got me on Sasquatch.

01:31:13 Speaker_02
I think they got him on that one. Now, the view rules. What's going on with you? Uh-oh. You seem fucked up. I don't know. I know that's the worst thing somebody can say to you, so I do apologize. You seem fucked up. I don't know.

01:31:26 Speaker_03
You're quiet when I got here. Editing my special. I got a special coming out.

01:31:28 Speaker_04
Oh, shit, a new one. January 14th, Netflix. They already covered you. You should drink up a little.

01:31:32 Speaker_05
Get fired up. Dude, I'm doing whiskey all day. This is my third one.

01:31:36 Speaker_04
We started before you got there. Oh shit, you had three drinks?

01:31:40 Speaker_02
And we started before we started.

01:31:41 Speaker_07
We started before we started. You're drooling. You're a mess. And we're back.

01:31:47 Speaker_02
All right, now I gotta wee wee.

01:31:50 Speaker_05
Yeah, we have no leader with Joe Rogan going. We're all just floating. Things are weird. Yeah, I was just like, what's going on?

01:31:56 Speaker_05
Are you okay? We had nothing.

01:31:59 Speaker_04
I mean, it is a fun time.

01:32:01 Speaker_05
It's a fun time. It really is. It's scary, but it's a fun time. These times?

01:32:09 Speaker_05
Yeah, as long as the war doesn't really break off, a real actual hot war, if they can stop these motherfuckers from doing that, it's a fun time.

01:32:13 Speaker_02
My lady keeps telling me to chill, because I keep following that. What?

01:32:17 Speaker_03
That fucking lady's nuclear war book. Who? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just destroyed me. Annie Jacobson. It fucked me up.

01:32:21 Speaker_05
Terrifying. One from Broad City? No. Yes.

01:32:26 Speaker_02
Author she this lady wrote a book about what would happen during a nuclear war. Well.

01:32:38 Speaker_02
I would I'm in I'm in we all would yeah, but And how dumb it is and how quickly it like both have a policy. That's like all right. Yes Like if they think there's a nuke I was in Cuba, so me and Bobby were researching the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Bay of Pigs while we were there. And man, how close it was with that submarine. Three out of four Russians were like, we can't talk to Russia. So there must be a reason for that. I bet they're attacked. We should launch.

01:33:01 Speaker_05
And one out of the four was like, hold on, though.

01:33:04 Speaker_04
Saved the entire world. Let's wait an hour. That's how close it was.

01:33:10 Speaker_04
And if he launched, then America would have to launch.

01:33:19 Speaker_05
I know we're supposed to support the bros, but the guys on the fucking nuclear subs, they're gonna just destroy the world and then what? You fucking surface? Yeah. And go, all right, well. Right. What are you coming back to, by the way? Yeah, stay down those lines.

01:33:27 Speaker_02
You're coming back to a destroyed world. Yeah, don't do it. Not like the spots you can go to. The whole world's cooked. The whole thing's gone. Iceland. Not even that. We're that we're so close that Russians had to warn the United States.

01:33:40 Speaker_04
They were launching that missile at Ukraine Yeah, cuz it would end the world.

01:33:56 Speaker_05
Yeah The first time one of those missiles has ever been used it's based on an intercontinental ballistic missile But they called a mid-range so it's a mid-range ballistic missile And it easily could have a nuke on it so when they launched it They had to let the United States know that they were launching it But they didn't say if they had a nuke on it or not. Oh really no I

01:34:02 Speaker_04
Shit. Bay of Pigs is wild. I don't think they said, let's Google that, because what I read said- I thought they had to say, they had to have said there's no way. Give it a Google.

01:34:12 Speaker_05
Do you think they said- I think they said there's no way. This is just a show. I hope that's true, because- Because that would have ended the fucking world.

01:34:20 Speaker_05
The thing that I read said that they didn't.

01:34:21 Speaker_04
I do not know if that's true though. But it's so hard to know what's true and what's not. There's so many different stories out there. You know what I would like to know, is that footage of those- Do I believe in dragons? Do I not?

01:34:32 Speaker_04
Bigfoot's real. The video of that missile landing, though, was that real? Yeah. I saw that.

01:34:41 Speaker_04
Because that looked fucking cool as shit. That was awesome. Cool as shit. It looked like lightning. Yeah, like it sucked downward. Yeah. I mean, these are like some basically experimental things.

01:34:52 Speaker_04
Am I drunk enough for you now? The stuff that we've seen is so small in comparison to the stuff that we have. We have stuff that would wipe out entire shelves of the continent. Let's do it.

01:35:07 Speaker_05
You would kill everyone in the UK instantaneously. Good.

01:35:10 Speaker_02
They're just a launch.

01:35:12 Speaker_05
Get them some fluoride first.

01:35:19 Speaker_02
If they really wanted to go ham, you know, if there was some sort of a real nuclear war and a bunch of them launched and you hit Chicago with three big missiles with nukes on it, those things are a thousand times stronger than the Hiroshima bombs.

01:35:28 Speaker_03
A thousand. Twice would be enough. Let's see what the total is.

01:35:33 Speaker_04
What is the most powerful ballistic missile that carries a UFO bomb? What can it do? Whoa! Whoa! Are those real? It's like raining down. It almost looks like the reverse footage of missiles firing. Yeah, it does.

01:35:53 Speaker_04
Jamie, how much more powerful are today's nuclear bombs than what they use in Hiroshima?

01:35:59 Speaker_04
And how much more powerful is today's weed than the 70s weed? Don't you think there were some people in the 70s that had the real shit? Probably, right? Yeah. Probably. Guys getting cooked. When Jay used to come to L.A. and he goes, New York weed's as good as L.A. weed. I'm like, challenge accepted.

01:36:12 Speaker_02
And he assumed his weed was good. Do you remember the time? The 70s must have been that.

01:36:21 Speaker_02
A bunch of dorks going, oh, this weed is good. And the heads were like, no, no, no. Remember the time we fucked up? We went to Philly and we fucked up because we disregarded their weed? Philly weed.

01:36:33 Speaker_05
Silly Philly weed we got obliterated and we could barely talk on stage heroin It's like anything blow you get okay blow out there. So how much bigger is it then Hiroshima? Okay, so look how tiny Rogan's close.

01:36:44 Speaker_02
Oh, yeah Kill Tony 15 kilotons for little boy and the Russian ICBM has 800 kilotons

01:36:51 Speaker_02
Oh my god. I don't know what that means. That's a lot. It would just suck.

01:36:58 Speaker_03
It would suck so hard. A hundred. I would look at those New York maps and see where I lived in Queens. That's so crazy. Great. We'd just be on fire. We'd be in the fire zone. I would love to be someone, later generations would come to see me like playing video games, Frozen. Jacking off, yeah.

01:37:12 Speaker_03
Oh yeah, Pompeii. Yeah, Pompeii jack-off guy. That's true. A couple of those guys were gay. How do you know? Pull it up? No, no.

01:37:20 Speaker_05
They were trying to say they were gay because they just want people to think they're gay. They love putting gay on people. Abraham Lincoln was not gay, bro. Yeah, they were huddled. I don't know. Bro, these guys were dying in the middle of a fucking furnace of ash. We may as well try some cock.

01:37:32 Speaker_05
Don't you think they just hug each other? I mean, what would you do if your friends were there? I would not hug you. I would not hug any of you during that. You wouldn't know what to happen.

01:37:39 Speaker_05
You would cling to each other.

01:37:40 Speaker_02
Let's hug. There's a dog, like, mid-run. Bro, you would cling to each other.

01:37:45 Speaker_05
You would cling to each other.

01:37:48 Speaker_03
You'd be all cooking together. I could use a hug. Instantaneously.

01:37:56 Speaker_04
I'm not cuddling with you guys, I'm not sucking your fucking belly in. Oh, she's eating her out. It could have been some guy just hanging out with his friend too, you fuckheads.

01:38:01 Speaker_05
What?

01:38:02 Speaker_04
Leave him alone. Could have been a mom and a daughter. But wasn't everybody gay back then though? Historians love putting gay on everybody. I'm gay.

01:38:09 Speaker_03
Whoa, go back up, go back up. Nice cock, dude. Nice.

01:38:17 Speaker_03
Home to an open atmosphere surrounding sexuality and sex. Uncut. Multiple depictions of penises and sexual acts in statues and wall paintings. Oh, maybe they were gay. Thank you! How about maybe everybody was gay back then? Maybe it's like Afghanistan.

01:38:29 Speaker_03
He's like that Spartan guy from Seguros, but I guess... Why not go gay? What do you got to lose? There's no cameras. Alexander the Great was not gay. What? Come on. I thought he was gay. Not gay. How do you know?

01:38:40 Speaker_05
How do you know? There's no record of him being gay, but he put up some statues of bros. How about that Rasputin cock? So what is the rumor for him being gay? What's it come from? It came from the movie Alexander. No way. Really?

01:38:54 Speaker_05
That he was just gay the whole movie? Really? That's it? Somebody had to be gay back then though. Yeah. Oh, they were all gay. They were all gay.

01:39:02 Speaker_03
But if Diddy was, I mean, is it like Diddy gay or is it like a real gay? I think it was Diddy. I think it was kind of gay. Diddy gay. I think it was. It's power gay? I think it was Diddy gay. I think he was having orgies.

01:39:16 Speaker_03
It's unknown if Alexander the Great was gay, but historians believe he likely had relationships with men, so he might not have been gay just because he fucks dudes? What are you trying to say?

01:39:18 Speaker_04
It's just like you're so sick of these Joe Behars that you're like, let me just fucking dude. Dude, it was so long ago. They're just making shit up.

01:39:23 Speaker_04
If it was between Whoopi Goldberg and Alexander the Great, he's getting fucked. At least I can talk to the guys.

01:39:30 Speaker_04
Ancient Greece, many men engaged in same-sex relationships without shame.

01:39:31 Speaker_04
Yeah, I think everybody was gay back then. Why not? Why not? I think there's a lot of, a lot of pedophilia. They're gonna say that about us then.

01:39:38 Speaker_04
They're gonna go, look man, every billboard was guys kissing. No, not as much. No, no, no. These guys just had the excuse to meet to talk about parks. This is like climate change. This is a blip that goes up and then it's gonna come down again. I don't know. That's what it's like.

01:39:46 Speaker_04
Yeah, guys sucking each other all over the place. It's like, hey, hey, that's kinda gross. It's never gonna end in style. I don't know. I saw that Jaguar ad. It's always going to be a cert. That just killed Jaguar like fucking Kid Rock killed Bud Light. I mean, what were they doing? What are they doing? You didn't see the Jaguar ad?

01:39:59 Speaker_04
I get most of my news from being on this podcast. Good. This is reliable. I'm like ABC News. The Jaguar ad is the fucking craziest speech.

01:40:08 Speaker_03
The guy gives a speech like it's four years ago. Wait.

01:40:15 Speaker_04
Like he's in the throes of the fucking BLM movement and like the wokest of woke times. Really? He should be wearing a mask when he does this speech. See if you can find this speech. The ad is ridiculous. This?

01:40:23 Speaker_03
Yeah, this is Jaguar. What is this, the Olympics? This is sports cars.

01:40:26 Speaker_04
Alright, well, it's not so bad. It's kinda cool.

01:40:31 Speaker_03
Yeah, it's pretty cool. A lot of colors. Well, this is just weird, which is fine. I like weird. Target.

01:40:48 Speaker_05
Okay, yeah, but I'm asking for the press conference that Megan Rapinoe So the press conference is where the guy starts talks the ad is just weird but then the press conference a guy talks about how inclusive they want all diverse and this is

01:40:50 Speaker_04
You got wrong ones. Jacksonville Jaguars. Shout out Gabe Davis.

01:41:02 Speaker_04
It's about inclusivity and a bunch of nonsense.

01:41:06 Speaker_02
And the way they say it, it's just like, are you selling cars or not? Why are you selling this political ideology?

01:41:10 Speaker_04
I thought you made sports cars. You ever see Century of the Self? Yeah, hell yeah. What's that? They're no longer selling the thing that has the value. So, like, pianos stop going from, like, this is a good Steinway piano with good sound to, this will bring your family together.

01:41:27 Speaker_04
And when you see the guy from fucking True Detective going, the freedom I get from driving on the road, it's like, that's got nothing to do with your motor. They're selling that to everybody on every front. It's like Subaru made with love. But this thing you're selling, this thing you're selling is not your audience.

01:41:39 Speaker_03
Your audience is people who want to hear cars that go vroom, vroom. Oh dude, the Jaguar coops are fucking badass. They're pretty cool.

01:41:46 Speaker_04
They are badass. Not anymore. That's the problem. They're badass for guys like us. The Jaguar was always in the shop. That was the thing. That's true.

01:41:53 Speaker_05
The new ones are more reliable. You say that about every single car.

01:41:58 Speaker_04
I think the new ones are owned by Ford, actually. They bought them. Yeah.

01:42:01 Speaker_05
The new Jaguars, the V8 coupe is a fucking beast. Wait, Ford does this? It's an amazing car. I don't know. I think this is a different... They hired a guy. Did you find the press conference?

01:42:17 Speaker_04
Jamos scrubbed it Kamala scrubbed it in it's just people complaining like making videos complaining Remember the Trump Joe Rogan episode you searched Joe Rogan Donald Trump And it was like a bunch of fucking reaction videos came up first They made it impossible to find the video and we had to complain and they said it was an accident.

01:42:33 Speaker_04
Yeah, but like how did this accident happen? They wouldn't say

01:43:00 Speaker_05
See, here's the thing, like maybe there's a way that you can, this is me completely speculating, but maybe there's a way, like I don't like Ari Shaffir, and I run some sort of a super PAC, or I think Ari Shaffir has a podcast that's dangerous, and I might be able to do something by mass complaining about your podcast, like mass flagging it, right?

01:43:09 Speaker_02
Like if I have a bot system and I can get like a million people to mass flag your video, maybe it gets put into a category where it's more difficult to find. They do that.

01:43:20 Speaker_04
I'm just imagining if I ran a company and it was potentially like a beheading Taliban video and it got mass flagged, you'd want it really hard to find. So you would hide the actual title of it.

01:43:26 Speaker_05
You would make it so it's difficult to search.

01:43:29 Speaker_04
I'm just being as charitable as possible. That's what I could imagine.

01:43:34 Speaker_04
I don't think they want people to know that that's possible.

01:43:35 Speaker_02
So when you ask them, how did it happen, they don't give you a straight explanation.

01:43:43 Speaker_04
Because if that's the case, and this is again, completely me speculating, but if I'm speculating that you find out that that's a thing, and I bet somebody does know it's a thing, if it is a thing, they definitely don't want it publicly known.

01:43:54 Speaker_04
Because then all these other foreign countries, anybody who wants to stifle any kind of news story, anything, could just start using this process to hijack

01:44:05 Speaker_04
Anytime I've come under public fire It's like the videos that have nothing to do with it go lower because people are just like let's just flag them So you have like you said a thousand people flagging it the box goes. This is probably problematic Yeah, and they don't they don't have the time to be searching everything the amount of shit that gets posted every second on YouTube is Mind-blowing.

01:44:21 Speaker_04
Yo, can we talk about that Trump speech about going?

01:44:23 Speaker_05
We're not gonna do that shit anymore. I Oh, yeah, that was nice.

01:44:32 Speaker_03
That's the only one I've tried to explain to people like what I'm trying to in the kindest way possible And this is what I come up with when I make fun of the dead golden girl They can't ban me for bullying anymore Betty White. Yeah, they'll have to go. That's definitely not bullying. We won't ban your account. Hmm You can actually get an answer. But I want to hear what he said, because it was so, it hyped me up.

01:44:50 Speaker_03
What he said is that you cannot have censorship on social media sites. And you can't have the government interfering with free speech.

01:44:54 Speaker_04
I don't see the way he said this video anywhere.

01:44:55 Speaker_03
I watched the video, Jamie.

01:44:56 Speaker_05
I watched it. I'm not saying you didn't. I'm just saying I can't find it. OK, well, keep looking. You need some regular.

01:45:01 Speaker_03
You can't have faces of death up there. Keep looking, because I know you can find it.

01:45:06 Speaker_04
It only shows that this is the source of it is the Financial Times. It says it was an interview. Yeah, but I watched it on Instagram. I did too. I typed it all over the place.

01:45:13 Speaker_05
I'm not seeing it. Did you type it on Instagram? Jaguar ad? Yep.

01:45:17 Speaker_04
Or Jaguar press conference? Yep, I typed in the guy's name. Damn, do they scrub it? Maybe.

01:45:22 Speaker_05
That's crazy. They might.

01:45:23 Speaker_04
Wow. That could see him scrubbing.

01:45:29 Speaker_04
Did you see they scrubbed Jeffrey Epstein's connections to Bill Clinton off of Clinton's Wikipedia? Boy, Clinton's slippery, huh? Really? He's good.

01:45:31 Speaker_03
Yeah, yeah, yeah. In July.

01:45:37 Speaker_04
Duncan changed my Wikipedia to, Ari doesn't have any jiggle, but he's hidden it among his friends. How the fuck do I know? Boy, you can't find it, Jamie.

01:45:41 Speaker_02
You're right.

01:45:44 Speaker_02
Also, the only people I type in Jaguar and that guy's name literally says no result.

01:45:57 Speaker_04
This is crazy The video it must have been such a disaster They must be so terrified of things like this of people like us talking about it Shane's about to get into the sponsorship I've always loved Jaguar Bud Light and Jaguar drinking and driving Look at those freaks! That's crazy!

01:46:07 Speaker_04
Jaguar managing director, uh, how do you say his name? Hold on.

01:46:21 Speaker_04
The intended message had been lost in a blaze of intolerance on social media and denied that the promotional video was intended as a woke statement. Fuck you. It wasn't. Joe put his name together. It's raw dong lover. Oh,

01:46:58 Speaker_04
Completely different price point was a tweet I saw that Move away from traditional automotive Stereotypes Glover said that while the overall buzz the new campaign had been very positive look that ad didn't bother me at all I thought the ad was cool The things that he was saying vile hatred and intolerance in the comments regarding the individuals that appear in the video Well that I don't agree with but what I do agree with was the things that he was saying were like crazy Like you're supposed to be a car company.

01:47:07 Speaker_05
Tell me how awesome your car is. What are the quotes though?

01:47:10 Speaker_05
You gotta look at Matthew McConaughey talking about Lincoln. It's got nothing to do with the car. It's the same shit. They all do the same shit.

01:47:19 Speaker_05
This is a press conference. This is a guy on stage that was saying all these crazy things. That's what everybody exploded about. That's what you can't find. You can still find that commercial because the commercial is cool.

01:47:29 Speaker_04
I don't give a fuck if you want people painted up and dancing in a commercial. It's visually interesting.

01:47:49 Speaker_04
It's like Apple, but now Jamie Google Jaguar top-of-the-line Coupe Whatever it is the va v8 coupe Jamie type in 8008 on a coupe The top-of-the-line whatever their fucking new one is is it called coupe do you actually?

01:48:01 Speaker_04
That thing is a beast is it not cool me some volume so I can hear with a second wait hold on timeout They say coupe in England. It's like Porsche. Yeah exactly

01:48:06 Speaker_05
See if you can find one that has sound, because this thing sounds fucking incredible. It's a good-looking ride. It looks like a Datsun 280SX. What are you talking about? What do you mean? Go to videos, Jamie. What do you mean? You hear this thing. Now, this is the type of car that you're not going to... I love you, buddy.

01:48:28 Speaker_04
Give me some, like, go to where they're driving it. Here we go, right there. Go to where they're driving it. Oh, he's driving an Aston Martin. Here it is. These two guys are going to get caught in a volcano sucking each other. Like Pompeii.

01:48:42 Speaker_04
Let's go to the woods where no one can see us. Let's test the steering Throttle house. It's uh, I'm excited with electricity. It was an amazing car rear-end me. That's all I would have bought one before that press conference

01:48:59 Speaker_04
Well, the 69 Jaguar is like the most coveted collectible. Well, it's a coveted collectible. I drove one of those. Mitzi let me drive one of those for a while.

01:49:08 Speaker_04
Elon used to have one of those. Really? Yeah, they're cool. It's got the long front end. Yes, exactly. They're interesting. There's a company that takes them and makes them resto mods now. So they make them drivable. So you could drive one today and don't feel like you're going to die every time you hit the brakes. Yeah, they're unreliable.

01:49:23 Speaker_04
If you're driving a 1969 car today, they're fucking garbage. I got a 73 Beamer, and I've never had one problem with it. This is the guy. This is his head of marketing. Oh fuck, what's he wearing? Listen to what this guy says.

01:49:35 Speaker_04
Mateo's up there telling us what to do. Why'd they hire an American man? Because he's got a great shirt on. He's dominating in that shirt. He's like George Michael.

01:50:05 Speaker_04
Driven by a belief in diversity, inclusion, creativity, motors, and most importantly, action.

01:50:15 Speaker_05
We've established over 15 DEI groups such as PRIDE who are here tonight in the back.

01:50:21 Speaker_05
Women in Engineering and Neurodiversity Matters. This is so retarded. This is kind of Bud Lighty. Transitionary. No, no, no.

01:50:33 Speaker_05
Transitioning at work. Transitioning at work? Yeah.

01:50:37 Speaker_13
Tranny fluid.

01:50:38 Speaker_04
Oh my God. It's so crazy that it has nothing to do with the product. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy. This is what you're doing. You're pushing an ideology on a bunch of people that just want cool cars. Like what? Hey, I don't disagree with any of those things.

01:50:51 Speaker_02
I want everybody to be happy, but shut the fuck up when you're selling cars. What am I buying? Personally like the annoyances like that level of like politicizing a brand.

01:51:01 Speaker_02
That's like a big company. That's Jaguar. Huge.

01:51:04 Speaker_04
On the right, the only time you see like a right wing, it's fucking MyPillow. It's literally fucking gold coins and MyPillow. Those are the guys giving speeches. They're like, this country, we need a fucking... And it's like, fuck my, I mean, fuck those guys. It's funny.

01:51:22 Speaker_04
But when it's a major company and they're like, we're gay, fuck you. He listed eight things and not one of them was the steering wheel.

01:51:30 Speaker_05
Right well letting their employees be their authentic self. What does that even mean letting them be there?

01:51:42 Speaker_04
I see you you're putting that Come at you tomorrow when I get that You're putting that above think about that for three days and then come back at you You're putting that above making a good car, and that's all anybody gives a fuck about yeah, you guys are stupid Boeing cut out the DI Well, they're all cutting it out because it's killing their business. It's what killed the Democrats we could use a little on this show Couple old honkies talking shit. He puts the glasses on cuz he doesn't like what he just said We're gonna get Bryan Simpson in here. He's gonna hide. Get Simpson's fucking.

01:52:06 Speaker_04
Kathy Griffin, something. Let's do the Kathy Griffin. That poor lady. Trump head. Kathy Griffin got the raw deal. Yeah. I hope, that was a wild one. That was. That Trump head, especially when she had bid on the fucking show. Which show? That's what's even crazier. Which show?

01:52:20 Speaker_03
She was on The Apprentice. Was she really? Yeah. I don't know. She was a guest.

01:52:27 Speaker_03
But it's like, wasn't she? I don't know about that. Wasn't Kathy Griffin on The Apprentice? But who took her out? Which side took her out? The right. The right. That's so crazy because the right is such... A lot of them are as gay as the left. The woke right. They call it the woke right.

01:52:50 Speaker_04
Kathy Griffin says Donald Trump smelled really bad on The Apprentice. Yeah. Okay, that's funny. I bet Kathy Griffin didn't smell that great. I bet she smelled pretty bad herself. I could smell you over me. Yeah, that was from an award show that they sponsored. It's called the Attitude Awards. What was? The Jaguar. Oh, so he's just there to speak about that. That's the problem too.

01:53:02 Speaker_04
Like we're hearing it about Jaguars, but he's just there to speak to that audience. Yeah.

01:53:06 Speaker_05
Which is, either way, you're still, you're publicly addressing the Jaguar, like you're representing Jaguar.

01:53:14 Speaker_04
But I mean, if we're talking about the fucking decor awards, and we talk about Tony's Thrones, it's like, what about his comedy? That's not what we're doing here today. That's true. If I went to the gay fucking arena show, I'd be like, Jaguar's gay. Yeah.

01:53:26 Speaker_04
If I'm trying to sell Jaguars and everyone's gay. The problem is if it gets online, right? And then people are talking about it.

01:53:31 Speaker_04
Always the problem is when it's shown to an audience that's not your intended audience. Right. Same with Tony. I'm just here to perform for these people. Exactly. It's like the Daniel Tosh joke. They took it out and put it on the news. Right, but the thing is we don't want a company to be attached to anything like that. We don't want a company. We want a company to just sell cars.

01:53:48 Speaker_03
I don't want you to get politically active. No.

01:53:50 Speaker_04
It's frustrating. I don't want it on either side. If Ford was like really heavy on right-wing issues and constantly chirping about right-wing politics and Christianity. Fuck abortion. Yeah, he's going to do that. Come on, man.

01:54:05 Speaker_05
Getting all Jesus-y. Some people drove people to abortions in Fords. Shut the fuck up.

01:54:10 Speaker_04
Yeah, you know like shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear it I want you to sell cars, but I get if that guy's there to speak to those people But the thing is he's speaking. Yeah, they did That's what I was arguing about Budweiser can't had a gay can every June every single one. Yeah. Well, they sponsored pride Yeah, that's what I mean. The pride can't for price Yeah

01:54:33 Speaker_15
All of them. Look, we all like gay guys. Of course, they're funny as hell.

01:54:41 Speaker_05
Well, I hate any kind of discrimination.

01:54:44 Speaker_04
And imagine being gay and all of a sudden someone's telling you you can't be gay.

01:54:48 Speaker_02
Like Ben Shapiro had the craziest take on it.

01:54:52 Speaker_04
Ben Shapiro, he thinks you should treat it like you treat not murdering somebody.

01:54:56 Speaker_02
It's like it's a sin. There's a lot of things you want to do. Oh, that's the old Jewish thing.

01:55:00 Speaker_04
You treat it like gluttony, drunkenness, or whatever.

01:55:02 Speaker_05
It's like, you just got caught with that desire. You should overcome it.

01:55:04 Speaker_04
What do you Jews do? First of all, relax with you. You Jews are involved in like gay activities. Do you like keep it on the hush hush? Yeah, they literally dig underground.

01:55:14 Speaker_04
Do you dig underground? That's for storage. Is that what the tunnel's for? No, that's for storage. For storing bloody mattresses? That's for storage. But no, we keep it hush-hush.

01:55:26 Speaker_04
Why are you storing that? How come you ever burned that?

01:55:27 Speaker_02
That's not it.

01:55:28 Speaker_04
Listen, there's plenty of yeshiva rabbis who are fucking kids.

01:55:31 Speaker_05
They report them. They go to jail sometimes.

01:55:36 Speaker_11
Sometimes they cover it up. It's always the Catholics. They always blame the Catholics. You guys are all fucking kids. But wait a minute, isn't it more Catholics, though? It's way more Catholics. I think teachers fuck more kids than priests now. Yeah, the girl teachers in Florida. They just busted another lady. See? I'm sure she was hot as fuck. I bet she was. I bet she got busted. I bet she was. Big old titanium.

01:55:51 Speaker_04
The priest is creepy. Crazy look in her eye.

01:55:54 Speaker_03
It's all about boy sex or girl sex.

01:56:00 Speaker_05
Jamie, bring up some hot ladies. Jamie, search Pornhub.com. Use a VPN for that. Jamie, bring up some hot child rapist females. I think this lady had, she had the kid porn on her computer too. Oh, the Asian. This is her.

01:56:09 Speaker_11
Not bad! Oh, no, not Asian. Dude, you would work for that in a bar. These girls are hot! What are they doing?

01:56:15 Speaker_05
Because they want to fuck the guy that they couldn't fuck in high school. That's Adrian Appaloochee's joke. Adrian Appaloochee.

01:56:19 Speaker_11
Is that what she says?

01:56:25 Speaker_05
How bad are men that women have to turn to a fucking 14-year-old boy to fulfill their desires?

01:56:26 Speaker_02
This wasn't happening in the 80s, though. I think they see a guy that's going to be a stud, and they say, I want to get him personally.

01:56:31 Speaker_05
Look at this teacher. Look at that teacher. Oh, my God. Bite that lip. Put those glasses on. You dirty lady. Let her.

01:56:37 Speaker_04
Let her. Tell me about scripture. Do you have your magic underwear on? Set it loose. And the kids are into it. She's so hot. So that makes it also okay.

01:56:43 Speaker_05
Yeah, the kids are hard as a rock.

01:56:44 Speaker_04
It's consensual. They can come 30 times a day. And they become prom king after this. You're the most popular kid in the city.

01:56:49 Speaker_03
Yeah, but they got Big Mouse, these fucking kids. Yeah, well, I would die. That's what it is. She made sex tapes. 28 of them. Bold. Bold. With a 13-year-old. What a wild bitch. Man.

01:57:00 Speaker_03
Missouri goes. Asking other students to keep watch. She was having sex with kids while asking- She was asking other kids to watch while she banged a kid. Fuck the automobile. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're talking over everybody. We're just watching it.

01:57:14 Speaker_03
She's asking other kids to watch out. Look. She had a lookout. One-on-one teacher of the year.

01:57:20 Speaker_05
They were on the lookout. Who's this lady holding a fish, dude?

01:57:23 Speaker_04
If she fucked a kid, I'm gonna be pissed. She fucked all the kids. That's her. Oh, man. Look at her. Florida, middle school, always Florida. Always Florida. 14-year-olds.

01:57:30 Speaker_04
Yes, ma'am, you did it. You did it. Good job with the fish and the legs. Too many jamos. That lady goes to the gym. She's a freak. She can't take it. Man. She's born to be wild. There's not a lot of hot male pedophiles. Born to be wild.

01:57:46 Speaker_04
She's always got a fucking can of alcohol in her hand.

01:57:48 Speaker_02
She's ready to go. She's like that Vegas senator. Did they go to jail, these gals? I hope not. Please, let them back out. Just bleach their hair and change their name. Look at that mustache and ponytail. You're a fucking sex pervert.

01:58:17 Speaker_04
If it's consensual just They move around those Catholic priests what I say bumper sticker like the honor roll move her around like they move those Catholic priests They should have a new division of the Trump administration Just move freaks around to some kids who don't know how to write That'll motivate you. Yeah, get some kids who know how to keep their fucking mouth shut.

01:58:39 Speaker_04
We found a group of boys who really understand how to keep a fucking secret, these little rats. This is Billy Madison. Yes! Want to touch the hiney?

01:58:44 Speaker_02
Can I have a beer too? Yes, sir. That nice lady sucked your dick and you got her locked up in a cage. Veronica Vaughn.

01:58:52 Speaker_05
So hot. There's so many of them and they're hot. They're all hot! That's what's crazy. Also, these kids can get a boner. You can't get a lot of boners. That's the thing. They get a lot of boners. They know wrong is right.

01:59:00 Speaker_04
I lost my virginity to like a 50-something year old and I think she was just like, I need a guy who can get hard. Nice Rogan, nice, nice.

01:59:08 Speaker_05
We're back. That's what we do. It's good to have you back. Thank you. That's what we do.

01:59:15 Speaker_03
Jamie, what type of music are we gonna listen to while we bong these beers? Something without a copyright.

01:59:21 Speaker_04
Born to be wild. I think we need to hear that. Jamie, give me that. Find a cover. Get a cover version.

01:59:27 Speaker_05
Oh, wait, are we allowed to play music? Yeah, we're going to do it on Spotify. Oh, sick.

01:59:31 Speaker_02
We released these only on Spotify, so we can still go wild.

01:59:32 Speaker_05
No.

01:59:34 Speaker_02
Yeah, that's what we do now. Didn't we disagree? Yes.

01:59:37 Speaker_04
Can we do clips on YouTube? Yeah, they'll put clips on. All right. It's just songs. Palestine! Yes.

01:59:47 Speaker_04
What a country. What a country. What a country. Were you guys happy when Trump won? No.

02:00:08 Speaker_04
It was funny because I've done the last three times with Trump. The first time he won, I've never voted. I don't vote. Same. So I wasn't like, I still have that, but I didn't think I wanted Trump to win until he won the first time. And then when he won, I was like, yeah.

02:00:31 Speaker_02
I'll tell you what me and Bobby didn't find out who won till Saturday Bobby Kennedy Bobby Kelly Oh, and I am feeling in New York a liberal area a calmness.

02:00:34 Speaker_02
Yeah, they're all chill They took a day daddy's home.

02:00:36 Speaker_04
They took they took like a day to be like Not feeling it. I'm feeling a sense of kind of relief. Yeah, I'm not I'm just like I don't observe observer gotta know they're out of control. I Well, people were more mad at Tony than the whole Trump winning. It felt like fake.

02:00:51 Speaker_04
That's just our world. Cowards and traitors.

02:00:53 Speaker_05
If you go and tell anyone, you go, Tony Hinchcliffe. Do you remember that? They go, I don't know. That's just our world. He's easy to hate.

02:01:01 Speaker_04
That's true.

02:01:02 Speaker_05
Especially if you don't know him. He's trying.

02:01:04 Speaker_04
He's trying to get hated. He likes being hated. He's a villain in a pro wrestling show.

02:01:11 Speaker_04
He's a heel, and the heels went wide, and it became a different vibe.

02:01:11 Speaker_03
When it was Stone Cold, I think, goes in Kansas City and goes, Kansas City, your women are all ugly and your barbecue tastes like ketchup and cardboard. Stone Cold? I think so, yeah.

02:01:25 Speaker_05
He better not have. He's just healing, it's fun. I'm clearly just a Down Syndrome guy at wrestling.

02:01:31 Speaker_02
Healing is fun. And that's what Tony likes to do. But it's like, if you're one of those people that's not doing well, and you see this guy selling out Madison Square Garden in 40 minutes, you're like, what the fuck?

02:01:41 Speaker_04
People get mad. They get angry. David Taylor said this. He's worded it so well. He goes, all the comics got mad. I'm not going to say any names.

02:01:48 Speaker_05
You know them, the ones that got mad at Tony, because they spent eight straight years trying to be politically relevant and none of them could really do it.

02:01:56 Speaker_03
And they were earnest while they were doing it.

02:01:58 Speaker_04
And then Tony, with some jokes, became the national talking point of politics and it tore them apart. Mmm. That's that's I am Tony should flip it. He goes if you hate me you're homophobic Yeah Thank you.

02:02:12 Speaker_05
He's not no he's somehow against all odds. He's all these are cold You don't need to Jamie gonna let it go with this I want to hear born to be wild once Jamie Jamie Jamie Jamie Jamie put on fucking born to be wild

02:02:23 Speaker_02
Let's go. Jamie looks like the MyPillow guy now. Jamie does look like Mike Lindell. That's the name.

02:02:36 Speaker_02
Wait, wait on it.

02:02:40 Speaker_04
Wait for the hook. Head on the highway.

02:02:43 Speaker_02
Yes. Looking for adventure. This is a better start now. And we'll never come my way. Oh, he's going.

02:02:49 Speaker_04
I can't believe I was worried about this day. Day drinking rules.

02:02:55 Speaker_05
And we'll never come my way.

02:02:57 Speaker_04
You haven't finished it This is your cold plunge come on

02:03:20 Speaker_04
Fire all your guns at once and explode into space.

02:03:30 Speaker_04
Like a true nature child. We were born, born to be wild. We can fly so high. Never wanna die.

02:03:47 Speaker_05
You mentioned not being American how fucking gay you are? You're Jaguar gay.

02:03:52 Speaker_03
You're fucking Jaguar gay.

02:04:00 Speaker_02
I take back all I said about the Jaguar guy. I kind of support the Jaguar. I see the point now that I realize it was a big ol' pride meeting. Yeah. Yeah.

02:04:07 Speaker_04
He was speaking correctly for that environment. He was doing what Tony did. It's just a promise. There you go. And it was given to the wrong audience. You gotta fucking let go of Tony.

02:04:13 Speaker_02
I mean, I love him.

02:04:13 Speaker_04
It's true. I don't know. I love him, too. We all love Tony. He's fine. When he gets on stage now, it's like fucking Richard Pryor just arrived. They go nuts. Which is good. That's what he needed.

02:04:27 Speaker_04
I introduced him a couple of times, like right after it was happening. The pop was fucking insane. I got legitimately distressed over comedians coming after comedians. It really bothered me. Yeah, it's a bummer.

02:04:36 Speaker_05
Yeah, I'm like Santa Claus.

02:04:39 Speaker_04
I'm making a list, checking it twice. Of course, but also, how are you surprised by this?

02:04:42 Speaker_04
Comedians across the board are fucking dildos. I don't feel like they used to be. We keep talking about a time that I've never been around when it existed. That's the L.A.

02:04:50 Speaker_02
times. The L.A. times in the peak, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that.

02:04:56 Speaker_02
They would shit on us being dirty, but not publicly. I was never around. No, it was fun. The L.A. Times is where everybody went woke, like 2014 to 2018. It was fun. The L.A. Times? The L.A.

02:05:04 Speaker_03
Times, when we were in L.A.

02:05:08 Speaker_03
with the Comedy Store, when you filmed your special. You filmed your special in 2014. I came back to the store. It was poppin'.

02:05:14 Speaker_04
It was poppin' and it was super positive for a long time. The only thing that would get you on is you're too lowbrow.

02:05:30 Speaker_04
But it wouldn't be a public admonishment of your material media fuck that up Well, it's like people don't feel like they're getting enough attention for what they're doing. Yeah Also like I don't know.

02:05:34 Speaker_13
Again, I'll say it again.

02:05:38 Speaker_02
I was never around when comedians were positive. You were in the wrong spot. If you were with us in LA, it was fine. It was alt versus mainstream. I wasn't even doing it. It was alt versus main. New York was pretty positive, too. But in New York, we hung out with the alt people. We hung out with them. Alt people like Patton, those kind of guys.

02:05:51 Speaker_04
They were mad at us for being better than them, and we were mad at them for being witty. Well, the thing was, we were free.

02:06:01 Speaker_03
We were free. We could do the stuff still that they did when they used to do. If you go back to Patton's earlier albums, he'd get canceled for a lot of those bits. The retard bit. He's got a bunch of- But also, all we saw was- They're funny. But they're funny. They're funny. All we saw with Pat was- He was great. ... so tag heavy. Yeah. Well, he's a great comic. Yeah. He's a great comic, and especially back then when he was free.

02:06:14 Speaker_03
His KFC bullshit was great. Oh, yeah.

02:06:18 Speaker_05
It was like, God damn, this set up. Tag, tag, tag, tag, tag, tag, tag. Like, wow. You know what I said to him once, and it's totally true. He's like the best I've ever seen at making a premise work where I would have never imagined. He'd take a premise, he'd be like, where's he going with this? I can't believe this is working. Yeah.

02:06:32 Speaker_05
Calling his Tivo retarded. When his daughter called someone at Starbucks a monkey. Yeah. Remember that? I never heard that one. They're great bits, man. They're killer bits.

02:06:42 Speaker_02
He's funny. But you get captured, man.

02:06:49 Speaker_03
If you're around a bunch of other fucking cowards and everyone's like backstabbing everybody and there's this like weird compliance thing where you have to

02:07:04 Speaker_05
Completely adhere to an ideology 100% hook line and sinker or you're cast out as a Nazi Yeah, but he doesn't because his his true self is oh cool Chappelle wants me there Although but in that while we got into this respond got into this to be free You gotta have a bunch of people like us Yeah, a bunch of where we're all friends and we all are free And if you don't have that you don't know what the fuck to do, bro I barfed in Shane's toilet and blamed that on O'Connor. I know I

02:07:19 Speaker_05
I knew it was you, you scum. O'Connor was like, too far.

02:07:22 Speaker_03
I'm like, bro, you were so drunk, you must have done it. Immediately, I knew that was you. And then Kyla was like, were you here?

02:07:27 Speaker_04
I'm like, did you get my present? She was like, I knew it was you. Obviously it was me. That was when we did the 999. The 999. Yeah, that was a mistake. Bro, when you did a skankfest and shit in that Tupperware and they opened it up, I gagged watching the video.

02:07:40 Speaker_05
No, no, no, that was Legion of Skanks. Legion of Skanks, what did I say?

02:07:44 Speaker_05
Skankfest, I just shit on stage. I'm done now. That was the Heights. How did you get the note in the turd? shoved it up my butt. No. Jesus, son. Shoved it up my butt, rode in. You know how G.G. Allen sucked? Oh, musically, yeah. Me too. Comedically, I've got nothing but that butt shot. That butt shot, I'm number one.

02:08:02 Speaker_02
You're a prop comic now. You're shitting on stage. He's the only shit comic.

02:08:06 Speaker_03
If somebody tries to shit on stage now, they're like, oh, you're stealing from Arnold. You can't take your shirt off anymore. Are you Bert Kreischer? There was a bunch of guys who used to take their shirts off, right? Really? There has to be. You're turd Kreischer.

02:08:16 Speaker_02
I can't believe that Bert was the only guy in the history of stand-up to take his shirt off on stage. It has to be. Joey definitely has. He's the only one who did it two times in a row. Right and then 1,000 times in a row right like did Joey ever take a shirt off on stage? It took his whole clothes off.

02:08:41 Speaker_03
I don't just bottoms just bottoms kept his top on always There's gotta be a person other than her is it possible the bird invented taking your shirt off when you do your set probably Janet Jackson The thing is his last recorded set with his shirt on Really? Pull it up! Well, every time he used to do the O.R., he used to leave his shirt up.

02:09:02 Speaker_04
Because he felt like the O.R. was too real there. He felt bad if he took his shirt off. Minnesota, Penn State, pull up the score. Pull up the score. Now he takes his shirt off every time he gets on stage. He has to. You're trapped.

02:09:21 Speaker_14
He gives away his shirts. He throws them to the crowd. I don't think he's even trapped, don't I? I think he likes it. He would definitely stop if he wanted to. Of course, but it's also like the crowd likes it, he likes it. Who cares? I think he feels free. Yeah. What happens if he gets ripped? That'll never happen. Oh, yeah. What happens if Bert Kreischer gets ripped? If he finds his true self. He's on the tee. If he gets under 300 pounds, it's a massive coupe. Coupe. Coupe d'etat. Jamie, I was expecting the Golden Gopher's Penn State score.

02:09:39 Speaker_03
Oh, I like that.

02:09:42 Speaker_03
Oh, I never forgot what they did Penn State Never forget what happened. They raped a bottle. That's right. How crazy is that?

02:09:55 Speaker_04
How crazy is they covered that up forever and the best was a dozen going well, I can't just live next to her children's school If you look into that one though, that's one that's like, that's a conspiracy one.

02:10:01 Speaker_05
What do you mean? That's not one guy.

02:10:05 Speaker_04
He was running, it was called Second Mile Foundation, it was a bunch of kids.

02:10:10 Speaker_04
It was for like, it was like Boys Town in the, what's the thing from Nebraska? Whatever He was running like a child. Yeah.

02:10:30 Speaker_04
Yeah, he was he was running like second mile was for like kids without Parents were tell And he was and he was dead Sandusky no, he's still kicking really is he really is in prison. He's in prison.

02:10:35 Speaker_03
I'm sure I didn't get him He's too old though Oh, what are you talking about? They would kill him. Yeah.

02:10:41 Speaker_04
Yeah, I'll kill anybody if you got a general population.

02:10:43 Speaker_03
I mean he might be protected Yeah, he's probably protected.

02:10:52 Speaker_04
Maybe they're playing football protect our pervs I Heard I heard somebody somebody what's the name Lee was was a Harvey Oswald

02:11:00 Speaker_04
dating somebody who worked in prisons, and she's talking about Epstein, and she goes, Pete Lee, and she goes, anyone who's at all a celebrity, at all, screech level, gets watched 1,000 minutes a day. And for Epstein to be unwatched is undoable.

02:11:12 Speaker_05
Also, that was under the Trump administration. When Epstein got killed.

02:11:18 Speaker_05
Listen, it didn't matter what administration.

02:11:21 Speaker_02
That is some very powerful people.

02:11:23 Speaker_04
It has nothing to do with who's the president. Why hasn't that come out?

02:11:27 Speaker_03
Not a word, not a list, not a thing, nothing. Well, jizz is still there. Yeah, what's going on with that? And I would imagine it's not going to either. No, it ain't. It's lame.

02:11:38 Speaker_04
Everybody's like, when Trump gets in office, the Epstein... Yeah.

02:11:39 Speaker_05
Yeah, right, he's gonna tell it himself.

02:11:42 Speaker_04
It was fun.

02:11:45 Speaker_04
We were on an island.

02:11:47 Speaker_05
We would have all gotten on that plane. Let's be honest.

02:11:52 Speaker_04
And the reality is they were running that for a long time, and there was probably a whole network of connected, powerful people that told you it was cool. Nothing's going to come of it. We're going to have a good time.

02:12:01 Speaker_02
We're going to go to the island. Meet Stephen Hawking.

02:12:04 Speaker_05
No one probably told you these girls were 16. All you knew is there was girls there.

02:12:07 Speaker_04
I bet there was also some adult sex designed to be the coolest thing possible.

02:12:17 Speaker_04
Yeah, same kind of situation you get there you get loose first of all celebrities Do not feel comfortable unless they're around people that are like them celebrities Yeah, if you're Jamie Foxx like Jamie Foxx is cool when he's around Kevin Hart cuz Kevin Hart is famous, too Yeah, he's taking a photo

02:12:28 Speaker_04
So you know these people that are like super powerful world leaders What's their fucking peer group other super powerful world leaders?

02:12:39 Speaker_04
Then they mix in a bunch of scientists and a bunch of like very influential Intellectual people that are interesting to hang out with yeah, and then you get a free trip to an island you're partying And then they're telling you it's cool.

02:12:48 Speaker_04
We do this all the time, and you're like okay And then you go to

02:12:54 Speaker_04
It's like imagine you're Clinton you go to a man. What's the picture? What the fuck is that all about?

02:13:11 Speaker_05
Sex to where like like and like wait, what's going on that room like you're not cool 100% Yeah, I'm sure there's a bunch of ladies the whole thing is your door. You're just fucking 19 year old. Oh They're all married guys. You're all in trouble.

02:13:23 Speaker_05
You're all busted Also, if you're fucking a bunch of girls and you're supposed to be some guy who talks about physics No, I don't want to listen to you about physics.

02:13:29 Speaker_04
I got video of your dick You like pleasure you like dick pleasure unlike me I don't I don't

02:13:44 Speaker_05
So there's all these people that are a bunch of hypocrites that are judging a bunch of people that went to this fucking island that you would have went to too Especially if you didn't know what the fuck was going on and you're some dork who teaches complex mathematics at Princeton You looking for some money? You looking for funding for this? They're like, hey, there's gonna be some rich guys there. Oh shit, there's fucking kids here. And Epstein would fund science. He funded a bunch of different science projects.

02:13:58 Speaker_04
Damn, and then you have fucking clean. It was a well-designed trap that would trap literally any human on earth. Listen man, the Israelis know what they're doing, right Ari? Yeah, they do know what they're doing. Dude, that pager thing was...

02:14:09 Speaker_04
Oh, that was diabolical. Slick. Great. That was great. You gotta appreciate that. That was James Bond shit.

02:14:20 Speaker_04
I mean, you had to go from like, they're gonna buy from this site. It was, what a fucking win. Intercept the packages. Who buys a pager?

02:14:26 Speaker_04
These guys were doing it because everything was compromised. Because in today's day, with Pegasus, the Israelis have Pegasus. They listen to any phone they want. They listen to your phone, my phone, anybody's phone they want to. Shit. Uh-oh. Even when your phone is off, they can listen to it. Yikes. These murderers would take their phone with them to bury a body.

02:14:44 Speaker_04
Dumbass leave it at home. Leave that phone at home. They can't help but check the cat.

02:14:52 Speaker_03
Yeah, but you don't watch tick-tock They're addicted to the reels, but the P Diddy, why can't we get anything concrete? Oh, we really have the hotel hallway beat at that one.

02:15:07 Speaker_03
That one is in the process He's in jail, there's a lot going on there's a lot of lawsuits That one is like we're gonna find out Jamie Foxx just recently said that P Diddy poisoned him and that's why I got that stroke

02:15:12 Speaker_04
I've heard that I talked about it on stage. He said it. He said it got poisoned. He said it He goes I didn't have a heart attack for the vaccine.

02:15:24 Speaker_03
It was Diddy shutting me up See if you can find that cuz he said it on stage Diddy was poisoning people? Bro, I think there was some crazy shit going on like Cosby shit like drugging

02:15:41 Speaker_04
There's there's alleged murders a bunch of people that got pneumonia a bunch of convenient people that died of pneumonia Jamie Foxx addresses whether Diddy was responsible or swine 23 hospitalization while filming Netflix special.

02:15:46 Speaker_05
Holy shit Jamie Foxx has a Netflix special?

02:15:53 Speaker_03
Did they not care about, at all, stand-up? Jamie Foxx is hilarious. I see him at clubs all the time, working out his bits. I only respect grinders.

02:16:03 Speaker_03
The audience members had varying accounts of the comedian's words. Two of them claimed that Foxx said Diddy was responsible for what happened to him, that he's the one who called the FBI on Diddy, who's currently in prison awaiting trial on sex trafficking charges.

02:16:14 Speaker_03
Source close to Diddy insisted to Daily Mail that there is no truth to Sean Combs putting Jamie Foxx in the hospital There's no chance it was a joke. I Mean, yeah, it was a joke, but joke based on truth or nacho truth. It is possible. That's That's totally possible, but it's also possible.

02:16:34 Speaker_04
He was Explaining while he wind up going to hospital and he hasn't talked about it since he never talked about it.

02:16:36 Speaker_02
Look at this

02:16:41 Speaker_05
This big homie CC, a celebrity security guard, claimed in an interview with Cam Capone News last week that Fox was poisoned by Diddy. I know Combs poisoned Jamie Foxx and Jamie Foxx reported him to the FBI because of it. Jamie Foxx reported this man to the FBI because of this, he claimed.

02:16:55 Speaker_05
So I've seen that video where that guy's talking about how Jamie Foxx... Report is poison three times. I think in it. Oh, he said it as well. He's like, why do I have cyanide in my system?

02:17:12 Speaker_03
That's a legit question, why do I Jamie Foxx wipes away tears as he gives his artistic explanation

02:17:13 Speaker_04
Mystery illness. I love tears in a comedy special. That's how I fall into clickbait. What is that? Artistic explanation of mystery illness. I know we're on a weird site and that's how you fall into clickbait. Oh boy. So I don't know if it's true.

02:17:28 Speaker_04
We won't know until we see the actual Jamie Foxx Netflix special which Ari has bookmarked. He's ready to go. Did you see the Rosie O'Donnell like a bunch of like stuff if we're talking about it?

02:17:36 Speaker_05
She looks like Steve Bannon.

02:17:40 Speaker_03
Her just making jokes over the years about Diddy and him going to jail and what he's doing wrong. Really?

02:17:43 Speaker_02
It was like Cosby, it was like Weinstein. Rosie O'Donnell was joking about it?

02:17:46 Speaker_04
Yeah, it was like they all knew about it, but you can't quite talk about it. Meanwhile, all these people are moving to Europe. That's right. How wild is that? Like Ellen just moved to England, like, see ya. Well, better healthcare.

02:17:57 Speaker_04
Is he talking about it here?

02:18:02 Speaker_03
Pull it up. This is December 10th.

02:18:08 Speaker_04
That's why I couldn't get a December date! Wow, it's called What Happened Was. That's gonna be a big one. It might be like a one-man show rather than stand-up. If they make a trailer like that, that's like... What happened?

02:18:24 Speaker_04
And he's like, I got drugged by Bob Petty. Right. So funny. It's gonna win a Grammy. So I wake up and I'm sucking LeBron's dick. I don't know how I got here. Another guy scared of China.

02:18:32 Speaker_04
LeBron. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Although, I was talking with my friends earlier, I don't think LeBron, LeBron's one of the only famous guys that never got hit with a pedophile fucking accusation.

02:18:43 Speaker_04
He might have never fucked a child. As crazy as that is. LeBron might be the man. Do you ever say fake reading Malcolm X's book? He does fake read a lot. That's when he does his interviews, where he shows up with a book. He's in the locker room, he just can't put his book down. I defend him on that. We've all. We've all done that. I've read the first chapter of every book on earth.

02:19:02 Speaker_05
We've all done that. I have stuff on our bookshelf. I went over to Callan's house once, and he had something like Catcher in the Rye sitting on his coffee table. I go, you're not reading that.

02:19:13 Speaker_04
I go, you have that out there when girls come over. He goes, you're right. He goes, how did you know? I go, you scumbag. I go, that's like so obvious. I'm pretending you're a reader. It's also a serial killer book. Every serial killer has it.

02:19:23 Speaker_04
Calhoun was so nutty when I first visited him, when I first started hanging out with him.

02:19:30 Speaker_04
He didn't have a lock on his door, and someone broke his doorknob off, and he left it off. And so he didn't have anything. He had clothes and a couple of books that he pretended to read. And a lady, a homeless lady, walked into his apartment while he was sleeping and was cooking breakfast.

02:19:45 Speaker_04
And he goes downstairs, he smells something cooking. He goes downstairs, there's a homeless lady in his kitchen cooking. She's like, you got it going on, honey. Look at all the stuff you got here.

02:19:55 Speaker_03
And he's like, you have to leave. What? Calum was wild. Damn. He didn't even have a doorknob.

02:20:18 Speaker_04
There was a hole in the doorknob area where you could just push open the door So he would just shut that door and go to sleep in Venice damn You're gonna die he's gotta be careful cuz squatters they're hard to get rid of well back then there was no squatters There's none of that back then I don't know when all that shit started happening when people decided they can move into people's houses But it wasn't a common Israel then They have laws, you can't get rid of those people. I know, it's crazy, especially in some states.

02:20:29 Speaker_04
I heard a story of Stano, but he had homeless people on his porch. He's like, whatever. Well, the homeless lady stabbed the guy.

02:20:36 Speaker_05
Yeah, and he goes, whatever, just don't be weird, but it's fine. And then he comes home and the chick had stabbed the dude. He goes, you guys gotta go.

02:20:41 Speaker_04
What? And they go, no, no, we're cool.

02:20:42 Speaker_04
He goes, it's too much, you guys, you gotta go. She has too much.

02:20:48 Speaker_02
He videotaped her with blood on her hand, and she's staring at her hand. She goes, I'm a cunt. I'm a whore. I'm a cunt. I'm a whore. She was sounding like crazy. She was schizophrenic. And he's like, nah, you're just a cunt.

02:20:56 Speaker_02
She was completely schizophrenic.

02:20:58 Speaker_04
These people were like camped out. Stanhope had a house in Venice that had the American flag painted on the side of the house. The whole house was the American flag. That's fun.

02:21:14 Speaker_05
It was hilarious, and we parted his house multiple times Yeah, and he was just such a silly boy, and he let these people just sleep And it's I mean you let these people just sleep there. Do you know him?

02:21:18 Speaker_04
He was yeah, they're good friends Venice Venice Venice is creepy. There's something weird about that area. He loved it.

02:21:26 Speaker_02
It's perfect for Santa for him He fit in like OJ's glove It was perfect

02:21:29 Speaker_04
Is he still in Bisbee? Yeah, he's the king of Bisbee. Why would he leave? Didn't his house catch on fire or something? You can live in a teepee out there. It never gets hot, never gets cold. When it gets hot, it doesn't get too cold.

02:21:44 Speaker_05
Alright boys, do it for America! Yeah! America versus Israel. Oh shit, that's the end of that. Israel's done.

02:21:55 Speaker_04
Not bad, not bad.

02:22:00 Speaker_04
Did you see Tony play drums on stage? With Jelly Roll? With Jelly Roll. That ruled. No. That fucking ruled. He played simple, man. He played drums. He killed it. That fucking ruled. He killed it. Jelly Roll's the fucking man.

02:22:10 Speaker_04
Jelly Roll's the man. Oh, yeah. Good guy. He's the man. He was out here the other day. Hangs out at the club. So cool.

02:22:18 Speaker_05
I DM'd him, like, hey, buddy, we've never really hung out. We should, like, everybody I know likes you.

02:22:21 Speaker_04
Let's hang out. If you're in New York, come hang out. And he was like, yeah, dude, that's great. Here's my number. Text me. And he gave me a few. It was cool

02:22:54 Speaker_02
I was like, hey man, it's all right. Nothing. I'm like, well, nice. Severely doubt. Yeah, he wouldn't do that, but that is very funny. That is very funny. Especially to do it to you.

02:22:57 Speaker_02
I told you the Kid Rock watch story last time, right?

02:22:59 Speaker_05
That was great. That was good.

02:23:03 Speaker_04
He gave us a fake watch and left, and he was like, I want you to have this. Fake diamond. Me and my friends fought about it for 20 minutes. He gets it. I was like, oh, this is from Amazon. This is a $5 watch.

02:23:11 Speaker_05
He wore it all night to trick us.

02:23:12 Speaker_04
How crazy was the garden with all those guys? It was crazy.

02:23:17 Speaker_02
Kid Rock, Dana White, John Jones bowing to Trump.

02:23:21 Speaker_04
It was like the gladiator bowing to the emperor. The pop when Trump walked in the building was like, you had to be there to understand.

02:23:27 Speaker_05
It was like, it always is a huge pop when he shows up every time.

02:23:32 Speaker_03
But this was like triple that.

02:23:33 Speaker_05
It was a five minute standing ovation. Five minutes. Five minutes. Wow.

02:23:42 Speaker_05
It is crazy we've lost sight of, like, a president-elect is coming in, which is awesome. We've just lost sight of what that means.

02:23:46 Speaker_04
I can only judge someone by how I experience them. And I like the guy. He's fun.

02:23:57 Speaker_04
But it's funny he shit on you and then he comes on. He plays. He barely shit on him. He said something kind of crazy though. I wonder how loud I'm going to get booed at the UFC out of all the places. Maybe at the mothership.

02:24:10 Speaker_02
But also, Shane at Kill Tony MSG.

02:24:23 Speaker_04
Which is shitting on as Trump shitting on Rogan It was so funny watching from the sideline of shit They all knew and then you come up the applause and shades. Okay, that means he's here. I don't deterred and just going

02:24:47 Speaker_03
There's nothing weirder than being a part of a presidential election, it's real weird weird Nothing weirder, especially like Ari you were here the fuck you were and like episode three or some shit You know this podcast imagine like this fucking thing has somehow another effects but climbing on that we used to do in my spare bedroom and

02:24:56 Speaker_03
I was just talking to somebody at like an airport or something like, does he do that from his house? I'm like, no, he used to.

02:25:00 Speaker_04
And then he had enough porn stars on that go like that. It was mostly Andy Dick. You shouldn't be around my family. I didn't want Andy Dick at my house. And then there was a few other people. I was like, we have to have a location. And then we did it at Red Bands for a little while, but that was too complicated.

02:25:12 Speaker_04
We were the first one to get a studio. Yeah.

02:25:13 Speaker_02
Whoa. Yeah. Fleshlight was in there. Yeah, I just, I was like, I got to get out of my house.

02:25:19 Speaker_04
I have young kids and I have too many weirdos coming over the house. Yeah. Me alone shouldn't be at your house. You were over there before the podcast, bitch. But it was like one of those things where I was like, OK, I think it's growing.

02:25:30 Speaker_04
So I probably should like accept it and move on. The next move's the Ranch Boys. I can't wait. Oh, I've been looking. I've been looking. We're going to do something crazy. Can't wait that. We're going to have a helicopter pad. Let's shoot some guns. Oh, we're going to have that.

02:25:42 Speaker_04
I'm going to make a tactical range, like blown out cars and shit. Hurry up. Let's blow up a cow. I'm looking at locations. They're trying to fight Russia. Let's hurry up. I don't really think Putin's that stupid.

02:25:57 Speaker_04
I think he's going to realize what's going on, and I think they're probably working this out. Alex Jones said that Trump is having secret meetings at Mar-a-Lago. I hope it's true. I hope it's true when I'm trying to come up with some sort of a- Putin will mark my words. Zelensky tried to come on. Whoa. Yeah, they tried to get Zelensky on. I was like, what are you talking about? When you get an offer for somebody, they must come at your bookers or whatever.

02:26:19 Speaker_02
Do you stop and like, hold on, let me think about this, whether I want to be part of the story or not. Whether it'll be interesting or not.

02:26:22 Speaker_05
Well, I wanted to stay out of the presidential election shit. Yeah, what happened? Because it's gross. Because I feel like I had to. I felt like this is so nuts.

02:26:28 Speaker_04
This is so nuts. When that Tim Walz guy,

02:26:30 Speaker_05
That guy's, it's so nuts that that guy was gonna be the vice president. You're telling me this whole thing's fake then. You're telling me you don't care if someone's a liar.

02:26:40 Speaker_04
You don't care if they lied about their military rank, where they served. You don't care if they lie about being an assistant. You don't care if they lie about Tiananmen Square. There's too many things. This is so crazy. You would get fired if you were an assistant manager at a fucking oil changing company.

02:26:55 Speaker_04
You would get, you'd jiffy a little bit farther. So let me ask you a question though. In two years from now, there's no more Kamala, there's no more Democrats for a while. We're deep into the next thing.

02:27:03 Speaker_04
Can all these people now make fun of the current president? Yeah, they should be able to. They should be able to. They should be able to. You should always be able to make fun of people.

02:27:14 Speaker_02
And if Trump does something stupid, we're going to be right here making fun of him. It doesn't mean you don't like the guy.

02:27:18 Speaker_04
I do think he's the best chance to avoid World War III, which is a pretty good candidate. Also, J.D. Vance, Vivek, Tulsi Gabbard, all these people, R.F.K.

02:27:28 Speaker_02
Jr., all these people are very promising.

02:27:34 Speaker_04
The anti-war lady, Tulsi Gabbard, going to Trump, and the pro-war guy, Dick Cheney, going to the other way, that should kind of tell you what you need to know about international wars.

02:27:39 Speaker_02
How about the fact that the left was openly embracing the fact that Dick Cheney avoided Kamala? They weren't going like, what? That's like Epstein endorsing you. No one was standing back and saying, this guy's responsible for how many fucking people died in Iraq? Have you ever seen Vice, the movie about him? Yeah.

02:27:55 Speaker_04
Kind of made me a fan about It was supposed to make you not like him really probably I've Jamie have I talked about this before no In the movie, there's a part where he's like a drunk piece of shit.

02:28:09 Speaker_04
Oh, thank you Dick Cheney Oh, he's doing like power.

02:28:13 Speaker_05
He's working on power lines and shot as Wyoming or some shit And he's just getting in drunk bar fights and then his wife Lynn Cheney is like are you gonna be a loser your whole life? Yeah, he's like Howard Stern movie.

02:28:42 Speaker_05
No, I won't and then he conquers the world Already shot his friend by Dick Cheney. No, no, I love you. You think you're great Apologize That's a lot of pop.

02:28:48 Speaker_03
Sorry, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's on me. You shot me in the fucking face? That's on me. You should be aware that you're retarded. And that you were drunk, you got a shotgun.

02:28:57 Speaker_03
That's Randy Marsh saying, I'm not against big toilet paper. Now we love Dick Cheney.

02:29:03 Speaker_02
Republicans buy sneakers too.

02:29:04 Speaker_03
What? What? Sneakers.

02:29:06 Speaker_02
Sneakers are real close to the homework. Boy, that was close. That was close. That was real close. Sounded like it's Snickers. Sneakers. We need something else. Sneaker please. Let's mix it up. What's another good patriotic song? Hold on, hold on.

02:29:19 Speaker_04
Oh, the Hulk Hogan America song. That's actually great. That's a good one. Let's go with that one. Is that Fuck Yeah? No, it's not a Fuck Yeah, but it's great. It's probably the number one song from the rest of them.

02:29:33 Speaker_05
How crazy is it they had Hulk Hogan rip his shirt off at a political rally? And how could you not be behind it? It's Wacky Time. Wow. Damn, this does hit. Oh, man. I forgot it.

02:29:42 Speaker_04
It's my childhood. For life. Simone's getting hard. Damn, he's brown.

02:29:48 Speaker_02
Look how brown he looks. Is that brown face?

02:29:54 Speaker_04
That was me as a mascot. Who sang this? Him. No.

02:30:04 Speaker_05
It was Hulk. No. It's a crazy photo. It says 21 million views. 21 million. 21 million views. That's insane. We can make it 22. Rick Derringer.

02:30:19 Speaker_05
He's a guy. Hey. Catch you on the ride.

02:30:24 Speaker_04
Okay, let's go. Let's go. Mark. 3, 2, 1, go. You better do it all, Mark.

02:30:35 Speaker_04
Do it, Mark. Do it, Mark. Come on, Mark. You better finish that. Think about America. Think about America.

02:30:51 Speaker_05
Do it to stop the war in Ukraine.

02:30:59 Speaker_04
Take what's left in mind and you drink it. Oh shit the jizz bucket like a dirty person.

02:31:05 Speaker_04
That's a real one. That's a real American You drink the backwash

02:31:12 Speaker_04
Drink the backwash For a second Shane stop me. Wow, it's not even reaches mouth. I'll do it. I don't give a fuck.

02:31:18 Speaker_05
Let's go. Oh, you're sick. Oh

02:31:37 Speaker_05
I have one of these in my studio for my podcast You're all looking really hot right now There's a volcano I'm sucking one of you

02:32:07 Speaker_05
As soon as it does I'm hitting the fucking there might be Like right there instead of starved to death in Maine. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be a funny episode of the show You're about the second you'll say hey, are we doing the show in Mar-a-Lago?

02:32:18 Speaker_04
Well, we were gonna but you said I don't want to influence an election I changed my mind after they shot at him. That changed everything. Who do you think shot at him? CIA? This one guy?

02:32:30 Speaker_04
No one. What's the saying? They got rid of the goalie? What's that saying? Pull the goalie? They pulled the goalie on that one, defense-wise.

02:32:41 Speaker_04
I think they let a boy go. That boy was in a Black Rock commercial. I just corrected you on sports. That is a weird one. He was in a Black Rock commercial and there's a cell phone data record. See if you can find this so I don't fuck this up.

02:32:53 Speaker_05
There's a cell phone data record of a phone that came from an area that's near the FBI headquarters back and forth to this kid's home.

02:33:04 Speaker_04
This kid's home was professionally scrubbed. No silverware, no nothing. They cremated him ten days after the assassination attempt.

02:33:14 Speaker_03
There's no toxicology reports. There's no press conference.

02:33:23 Speaker_05
If someone tries to shoot a guy who eventually winds up being the president-elect, you should at least find out if this guy was drugged. Was he on crack? What was he doing? You would do that. You would do that and then you would release it publicly.

02:33:33 Speaker_04
He was under the influence of psychotic drugs. You would do something. You would want to know. At least there should be an account of how this happened.

02:33:47 Speaker_03
The only thing, for sure, the only thing that went wrong, or the only thing that did happen, rather, was the head of Secret Service, that lady, the Secret Service, whatever it is, Secret Service lady, I'm a little drunk, the Secret Service lady, that lady got fired. But she didn't want to get fired, she tried to keep her job.

02:34:01 Speaker_03
She actually tried to explain, and the dumbest explanation, there was a sloped roof. Which there wasn't.

02:34:06 Speaker_03
But also, there was a sloped roof where the other snipers were on, it was more sloped. Sloped roof, so what? So it was too dangerous to have snipers up there.

02:34:18 Speaker_03
Someone who regularly visited Crook's home and work also visited a building in D.C. located in Gallery Place. This is the same vicinity as an FBI office on June 26, 2023.

02:34:24 Speaker_05
Whose device is that? Hold on, Devil's Advocate. I've lived in D.C., I've lived in the area. There's FBI stuff everywhere.

02:34:31 Speaker_04
How close is... Oh, wow. That close? That close? No. I pull back. I pull back. That's the same block. I think the accusation was that they'd done it more than one time.

02:34:44 Speaker_03
Wait, DC?

02:34:46 Speaker_04
Oh, there it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. Hold on. Hold on.

02:34:57 Speaker_02
We found a device linked to Crook's work that traveled to Butler, Pennsylvania on July 4th and July 8th. Device stopped all activity on July 12th.

02:35:04 Speaker_05
On August 30th, 2023, one device linked Crook's visited Algini Arms.

02:35:08 Speaker_04
So this is the place where he got guns. So they tracked all of his phones and the people that visited him.

02:35:14 Speaker_05
So someone There it is. That's a stupid fucking watch.

02:35:18 Speaker_03
So someone visited.

02:35:21 Speaker_05
Does that mean that it was the FBI that did something? No, it doesn't necessarily. It could be anything.

02:35:26 Speaker_04
It could be just a person that randomly happened to be there that went to that area.

02:35:34 Speaker_05
But it's kind of weird that they're not showing you the toxicology. It's kind of weird.

02:35:37 Speaker_02
There's no press conference.

02:35:39 Speaker_05
The guy tried to shoot the guy who was president for four years, and everyone's making like it's no big deal.

02:35:45 Speaker_05
And then when they asked him, they asked Kamala Harris about Secret Service protection, she said a lot of people don't feel safe.

02:35:49 Speaker_13
You know, trans people don't feel safe. There was like this crazy take on it that was so nuts. Like, what are you talking about? That could be you. Crazy people are out there. You have to protect all of us.

02:35:59 Speaker_04
High profile people that are running for president. Do you believe in democracy?

02:36:05 Speaker_05
You have to protect them. You can't say everyone feels in danger. No one feels safe.

02:36:06 Speaker_04
I don't feel safe.

02:36:07 Speaker_05
Immigrants don't feel safe.

02:36:09 Speaker_04
Trump deports them. He got shot in the fucking head. What about the guy behind him that got killed? Miracle. It hit his ear.

02:36:29 Speaker_05
Yeah, he turned weirdly and it worked. It makes me feel like we're in a movie. Wasn't JFK yesterday? Is that right? Yeah. November 22nd. Is that what it is? Yeah, I think that was yesterday. Whoa. Does RFK have security yet? Oh, he's got a shitload of security. Oh, there you go. Yeah, he's got a shitload of security. Tony has security.

02:36:33 Speaker_03
Of course, RFK has it. Well, Tony has security before he needed security.

02:36:42 Speaker_05
Tony was like, isn't it cool they have security?

02:36:43 Speaker_04
They each have a throne. They each have a throne. I'm sitting on it too much. Swords for the record. Tony rules.

02:37:01 Speaker_05
I know I'm just I think I've been nothing but negative It's kind of crazy though that someone tried to kill him and it's kind of like an afterthought no one cares about it anymore It's strange.

02:37:04 Speaker_04
It would have been the next Lee Harvey Oswald

02:37:09 Speaker_04
If that guy shot Trump and killed him and then they killed that guy, that would have been it.

02:37:11 Speaker_04
We would have never known. It would have been just like the JFK assassination. Ten years from now, fucking Giannis Papas would be on some late night talk show with a video of the assassination that no one saw before. Just like Dick Gregory did.

02:37:28 Speaker_05
Somebody would. Dick Gregory was a comic. Gregory, I've been researching him a little bit, ruled. Gave up his whole comedy career. For activism.

02:37:57 Speaker_04
Said I can't be a fucking accepted black while nobody else is. Playing cool ass music. What is this? That's hilarious, that's your ringer no no no it was an ad on a fucking precocious bastard. Oh, you're watching something while pissing I was looking at sports scores. Yeah, Dick Gregory's one of those guys and I'm mad that I didn't go to one of his shows. He had a show in New York and I was thinking of traveling and going to see it and I didn't go.

02:38:13 Speaker_04
I saw him at the DC Improv. Oh, not DC Improv. John X ran a room and I saw him there and it was three and a half hours long. Whoa, that's too much.

02:38:23 Speaker_03
He gave up his whole career because I can't be an accepted black man while none of my cohorts are accepted. Fuck this. What do you mean? He goes, I can't be accepted by whites where nobody else is, in the 60s. This is a long time ago. Different time. Cosby was accepted. Yeah, but a different time. He goes, I'm not going to be that.

02:38:42 Speaker_04
And they wrote a book called The N Word, but actual. And then now people are getting banned for suggesting it because of the title. But that guy.

02:38:48 Speaker_04
Underrated how crazy and influential and intelligent he was. And funny. That's the whole thing about him getting that video. So he got that film from Time Magazine. Time Magazine had that film for 12 years. What film?

02:39:05 Speaker_04
The film of the Zapruder assassination. The Zapruder version of the assassination. So Adrian Zapruder was filming with a Super 8 camera.

02:39:15 Speaker_04
And he catches Kennedy's head exploding, and his head going back and to the right.

02:39:24 Speaker_00
And that threw this giant monkey wrench into the whole narrative of that he was shot from the school book depository.

02:39:24 Speaker_04
Because his head goes back and to the left from a bullet that's supposed to come from behind him? It doesn't make any sense. And then on top of that, there's a moment where he grabs his neck, which is the entry hole. He got shot in the neck, so someone shot him from the front.

02:39:39 Speaker_04
But in the Bethesda, Maryland autopsy report, that's a tracheotomy hole. But hold on, in the Dallas version of it, when they got his body in Dallas, they said it was an entry hole.

02:39:52 Speaker_04
So there's a lot of contradictory evidence. This is all in, David Lifton wrote a book called Best Evidence. It turned me into a fucking loon.

02:40:01 Speaker_04
And so, I love how you push back on Trump with that. That was baller. You're like, how much do you read? He goes, I read enough. He goes, how much? Plenty. How much, though? More than half or less than half?

02:40:15 Speaker_04
Well, he wanted to win, and I didn't want to push too hard.

02:40:23 Speaker_05
I'm trying to have a conversation with this guy where I'm gonna ask, one of the big things was you did ramp up the budget deficit. You did ranch up, you ramped up what we owe.

02:40:41 Speaker_02
But what he explained that kind of makes sense is that what he was doing with getting rid of regulations, more American oil, it was going to stimulate the economy and we were on our way to overcoming it, then we got hit by COVID.

02:40:46 Speaker_04
That's reasonable because he did the deficit did increase significantly during his term because of tariffs because of a bunch So I was trying to figure out like I don't understand that stuff. I just know what I read about it I did my best to try to like what's like a very important aspect of what he's talking about We're gonna bring the economy back, okay? but during your time, the deficit did rise. So what was that about?

02:41:04 Speaker_04
So he had a reasonable explanation. His explanation was, it takes time. We were on our way to coming back in a huge way. And then we got hit with COVID. Everything got shut down. That's all real. And then there's like a bunch of collusion as to why did we get shut down when he wanted everything to open back up?

02:41:20 Speaker_04
Did they want the economy to tank right before the election? Fucking of course they did. Of course they did. That's why they lowered gas prices right before an election.

02:41:33 Speaker_04
But of what I've known about you for 80 years I've known you is JFK assassination and aliens. And it's like if I could see in any future of Joe Rogan talking to a former or current president,

02:41:43 Speaker_04
he would ask those two questions. I was a little disappointed with the, that was, that was one of those moments. You ever hear someone say something dumb as fuck and you're like, Oh shit, this guy's dumb. Yeah.

02:41:54 Speaker_04
That was like the, I don't think Trump's dumb at all, but there was, when he was talking to you about aliens, And you asked him a question, and he was like, yeah, Mars, who knows?

02:42:04 Speaker_02
And it's like, no, it's obviously not Mars. It's that close.

02:42:07 Speaker_04
It's far, far away. That was the one moment where I was like, oh, shit.

02:42:10 Speaker_02
You brought up aliens? Anyone to fuck those pilots.

02:42:13 Speaker_04
We talked about aliens.

02:42:17 Speaker_02
He'd have to ask about Area 51 and what happened.

02:42:18 Speaker_03
It was the Mars comment.

02:42:22 Speaker_02
That's one of those, like, one time I was smoking weed with my friend. We were looking at the stars, and a shooting star went by, and he was like,

02:42:29 Speaker_05
That's a star flying through the air. No. No, you have no concept at all. No, it's not at all.

02:42:38 Speaker_03
It was the same thing with Trump with the UFOs things.

02:42:40 Speaker_14
He was like, yeah, Mars is right there.

02:42:46 Speaker_04
Also, there's a thing about Mars that's fascinating, and one of the things about Mars that's fascinating is at one point in time, whatever billion years ago, it had an atmosphere. It was probably closer to the sun, and it probably had life. It probably had something. I think that was billions of years ago.

02:43:03 Speaker_04
What do you mean by life? Some sort of biological life. Right. Amoebas? Yeah, something. Now whether or not there was actually human beings. Dragons possibly.

02:43:12 Speaker_04
But what is it, the Dogon tribe? Is it the Dogon tribe? Dragons maybe. I believe in both aliens and dragons. How about that? There you go, joy. And I also believe in Joy Behar. Joy Behar is a fucking comedian.

02:43:25 Speaker_05
Joy Behar is a comedian.

02:43:47 Speaker_04
Even was I'll give it to you if you were like we're in the same tribe true like I don't hate that lady I know she's lost, but they're all lost on that fucking show imagine being on that show You got an audience in front of you have seven minute segments You got a bunch of producers that you're on ABC News like shut the fuck up that show sucks You're you're not gonna make it any better

02:43:59 Speaker_05
You know, but she's just a lady. She's a lady trapped in her own biology. She's trapped in her own age, trapped in the time she lives in. She's on a show where her and Whippy Goldberg are the matriarchs. Like, it's chaos.

02:44:01 Speaker_04
The whole thing's nuts. It is nutty. It's nuts. They need Barbara Walters to come back from the grave and start running that thing correctly.

02:44:09 Speaker_05
And if you watch when Trump went on, this is the crazy thing. We can play this now. Trump went on The View? I sent this to the group chat. We can play this now.

02:44:15 Speaker_14
Let's play this now.

02:44:17 Speaker_05
Trump went on The View during this? No. Years ago when they blew him. No, they blew him when when Trump was here.

02:44:24 Speaker_05
I wanted to open up the show This is my thought when I had him on and I talked about it But I didn't have that clip because I didn't want him to copy America.

02:44:29 Speaker_02
Fuck.

02:44:30 Speaker_04
Yeah No, I didn't want to copyright flag it because it's so crazy.

02:44:33 Speaker_05
I'm like this this conversation. I'm having with him is so important I'm just like let's just reference it. Let's just reference it. So I The video is from like 2012. It's like before he even runs for president.

02:44:45 Speaker_04
He goes on The View, and they go, our friend Donald Trump. And the whole audience cheers. Watch this. You've never seen this? No. Watch this. What? I sent it to the group chat. Because he was a big, well, Mark, I ignore a lot of your stuff. I understand. I get it. Where's the light? The light is right here. Well, Barbara Wawa.

02:45:04 Speaker_04
Please welcome my friend, Donald Trump. They don't want to show that he was their friend. 2011. Hey, looks the same. Look at the cheers.

02:45:13 Speaker_04
Look at the cheers. Yeah, he hit a board game. Standing ovation. He hit a board game. Standing ovation. Look at this. Shari Shepard. Hey, there she is. Look at this. Hugs. Joy Behar.

02:45:27 Speaker_04
Joy Behar, big hug and a kiss. She says my friend. Look at that. Barbara Walters, whoopi goldberg, big hug and a kiss. They just hugged Hitler. Who's the one hot chick? Elizabeth Hasselbeck from Survivor. She's a Republican.

02:45:43 Speaker_04
Married to a fucking quarterback. Look at this. I mean, this is amazing. They loved him. They sat down with him.

02:45:56 Speaker_05
They talked to him about how he's progressive and liberal when it comes to social issues, but economically conservative. And you might be a great president. Are you going to run?

02:46:01 Speaker_04
And he was talking about it. Who cares? She's barely alive.

02:46:02 Speaker_05
Look at Joy Behar. Look at Joy Behar right next to her. All huggy, kissy.

02:46:08 Speaker_04
Trump holds it down. Look at that. They're all hanging on his every word. They're all hanging out with him. They're happy to be there with him.

02:46:20 Speaker_04
Have you ever seen him on Oprah? Oh, yeah, it's amazing. He killed it. Oprah was also asking him to run for president. The whole thing is nuts. That is smooth. Way back in the day. Okay, find out when Oprah, go to Oprah asking Trump if he's going to run for president.

02:46:36 Speaker_04
What we saw is the greatest media psyop in history. Did he say grab him by the pussy of course he did guess who else did a lot of those people?

02:46:46 Speaker_04
Especially back in those days back in the days before the internet people said why I'd be honest. I say locker room style thing Yeah, it was a normal cut. He was like. I'm rich so girls. Let me do stuff.

02:46:57 Speaker_04
I'm famous. I don't understand the Maybe Chappelle had a joke about that goes you left out the second part and you intentionally for the second part goes and they let me which implies That's exactly it.

02:47:09 Speaker_04
So you're you're leaving out where they gave me consent to make it seem like funny Really just grabbing people, but it's a funny Grab it's like negative space Negative space.

02:47:22 Speaker_05
You really gotta get two fingers in like a bowl. Remember the first time you tried to grab it? You could grab it. When you were a young man, you go... Tell that to girls at bars. Wait, I thought it was gonna be where my dick was. Tell that to girls at bars. Way lower.

02:47:32 Speaker_05
Way lower. It's way lower. Trying to fuck your belly button. We're talking about children grabbing it. They've never seen their own vagina. But tell it to guys at bars. Girls at bars get grabbed all the time.

02:47:40 Speaker_03
There's a lot of scumbags out there. I'm pussy, though. Yes, 100%. I've talked to girls who've had their pussy grabbed by some douchebag who's drunk at a bar.

02:47:47 Speaker_03
Oh, wow. Pussy. Grab a hold of it. Shit face the Hooters? You go, alright, pay-per-view's over. Oh, I'm getting kicked out. And I'm getting kicked out. The point is... Oh, because I like the Raiders? See, watch this.

02:48:02 Speaker_03
This is... Look at him. He's cool and calm and collected. This is from 1988. Yeah, that's it. Play it.

02:48:11 Speaker_05
They come over here, they sell their cars, their VCRs, they knock the hell out of our companies. And, hey, I have tremendous respect for the Japanese people.

02:48:14 Speaker_03
I mean, you can respect someone that's beating the hell out of you, but they are beating the hell out of this country. Kuwait, they live like kings. The poorest person in Kuwait, they live like kings. And yet they're not paying. We make it possible for them to sell their oil.

02:48:28 Speaker_03
Why aren't they paying us 25%? It's a joke. This sounds like political presidential talk to me. And I know people have talked to you about whether or not you want to run. Would you ever? Probably not.

02:48:38 Speaker_04
But I do get tired of seeing the country ripped off. Why would you not? I just don't think I really have the inclination to do it. I love what I'm doing. I really like it. Also, it doesn't pay as well. No, it doesn't. But, you know, I just probably wouldn't do it, Oprah. Probably.

02:48:55 Speaker_04
But I do get tired of seeing what's happening with this country.

02:48:59 Speaker_04
And if it got so bad, I would never want to rule it out totally because I really am tired of seeing what's happening with this country, how we're really making other people live like kings and we're not. What do you think of this year's presidential race? Good enough. Who was 88? Dukakis. Bush. Bush Dukakis.

02:49:13 Speaker_04
Yeah.

02:49:26 Speaker_04
So, this is, what you're seeing with Trump, regardless of his flaws, what you're seeing with Trump, regardless of his flaws, is a massive, concentrated psyop. They've distorted who he is to the point where most people think that way. Most people think that way. They've had narratives. What is a PSYOP? I keep hearing that. Psychological operation where they've decided to distort people's perceptions of things.

02:49:45 Speaker_04
Yeah, when you tell like an older liberal that like the Obama deportations were higher than the Trump deportations, they go,

02:49:59 Speaker_02
What no and you go no, I'll just let me just Google deportations Obama Trump, but you go it's lower They go wait what here's 19 straight articles saying that I'm right.

02:50:08 Speaker_02
Yeah, and they go that doesn't make sense and you go right Focus on what's giving you the reality of the world check this out Jamie go to that Hillary Clinton thing that I texted you today Jamo this one is wild.

02:50:15 Speaker_04
This is Hillary Clinton in like 2008 and Hillary Clinton saying some wild MAGA type shit about- Oh, she used to say the wildest shit. Wildest shit about illegal immigrants. Was she? Oh!

02:50:26 Speaker_04
Go, go, go, go. Go back from the beginning. Do it from the beginning. It's okay. Do it from the beginning. But we want to hear it. I think we got to have tough conditions. Tell people to come out of the shadows.

02:50:38 Speaker_04
If they've committed a crime, deport them. No questions asked, they're gone. If they- She's a Republican. If they've been working and are law-abiding, we should say, here are the conditions for you staying.

02:50:50 Speaker_05
You have to pay a stiff fine because you came here illegally. You have to pay back taxes.

02:50:53 Speaker_03
And you have to try to learn English.

02:50:59 Speaker_08
And you have to wait in line. You have to wait in line. And everybody's cheering.

02:51:03 Speaker_05
Hillary Clinton was more MAGA than Trump.

02:51:18 Speaker_04
But how about that more maggot and try this you couldn't believe that if you watch the illusion It's all a fucking illusion all of them when convenient have said the exact same things dragons are real Yeah, it's crazy. They give you a false sense of reality. You just got to shut them both off. Because they had control of the media up until now.

02:51:32 Speaker_04
This election was the first time they didn't really have control of the media anymore. Because of what? Because of us. Non-mainstream media?

02:51:36 Speaker_05
Because of podcasts. Podcasts. Selling tickets.

02:51:39 Speaker_04
Because of social media, because of X. You're humanizing Trump like, well, he's a human. Yeah, so like why can't I? Lady on they've they've been caught up in all this shit that they've shoved down everybody's throat especially all the Russia shit Do you think the campaign people for?

02:51:56 Speaker_04
Kamala Harris was going we should have let her go on Rogan Definitely. Or they go.

02:51:59 Speaker_03
That was a no-win.

02:52:00 Speaker_04
Some people maybe. It would have been a win. I would have been nice to her. You would have been nice. I told her I would talk about anything. They didn't want to talk about marijuana legalization, and they didn't want to talk about internet censorship. She's just smoked.

02:52:12 Speaker_04
But then they changed their mind about the internet censorship. And then they contacted and said they want to talk about internet censorship.

02:52:25 Speaker_04
We had like no bullshit at least I didn't have any of them, but there was at least three calls There was like multiple emails back and forth and there was dates proposed this idea that they passed on it because the progressive people Look, I'm sure the progressive people didn't want her to do it I'm sure there's people that didn't want to do it, but they were trying to schedule it and This is not a thing that was like they had resistance to it. They contacted me.

02:52:41 Speaker_04
They contacted me when they found out when Trump's camp leaked that he was coming on. They contacted me and they wanted to come on.

02:52:47 Speaker_03
They had contacted me before and were inquiring about coming on.

02:52:53 Speaker_04
Once Trump said he was coming on, then they wanted to come on.

02:52:54 Speaker_05
But they wanted me to do an hour and they wanted me to travel to them. Well, that's crazy.

02:53:04 Speaker_03
But like, yeah, well, it's like he said those last two hours where you really find out what's going on.

02:53:05 Speaker_05
Like you can bullshit people for 40 minutes.

02:53:09 Speaker_04
If I'm talking to you for three hours, we're going to talk about some real shit. That's when that funnel comes up. Let's protect our parks. Let's protect our parks.

02:53:15 Speaker_02
I hate people from North Dakota. It's obvious. I don't know anybody. The Caller Daddy, they had to build the set.

02:53:22 Speaker_03
They had to replicate it. And it costs like, you know, a couple hundred grand. They said six figures. Still didn't hit a million views. You know what does hit a million views? Neil Diamond's coming to America.

02:53:33 Speaker_04
I'm good for now. You're not though. We just did one. Mark and I just did them. That's wrong. It's 100% true. That's a sign up. That's a sign up. It's true. Mark and I just did them. Didn't we just do them?

02:53:46 Speaker_03
We did them before we did them. No, no, no, no, no. We did them. We went first on everyone. Jamie, is that correct? Did we do them last?

02:53:54 Speaker_05
I don't think you did them before us.

02:53:57 Speaker_02
What song did you guys just play? We played Hulk Hogan.

02:54:01 Speaker_09
That's when he told me I had bad breath. Here's the craziest thing about Trump.

02:54:11 Speaker_09
The people that love him, there's a spectrum of the people that love him where you're terrified you're going to run into them people. You're terrified you're gonna get cornered by those people.

02:54:20 Speaker_09
I was in Aspen, and this fucking lady came up to me, and it was like her and her daughter, the lady was like 59-ish, 65-ish, you know, that kind of age.

02:54:26 Speaker_01
And she comes up to me, she goes, you know Trump's the real president of the United States.

02:54:33 Speaker_09
And I go, but he's not. I go, Joe Biden's the president. Like, they already called the election. She goes, oh, you're one of them.

02:54:38 Speaker_09
He won the election. I don't know if the election was good,

02:54:44 Speaker_09
You know, maybe it wasn't good, but he's not the president. If you look online, if you Google it, it says President Biden. Yeah, he is our president.

02:54:52 Speaker_09
But there's those people, if you get caught with them, they're all in. They're 9-11 truthers. They're all in. You did push back harder on, like, why was it rigged? I like that. It does feel like he is running shit.

02:55:02 Speaker_01
Tell me why it's rigged. What do you mean?

02:55:06 Speaker_05
I wanted to, I would hope that he would have had a good answer.

02:55:07 Speaker_02
I would have hoped he had data that he could spit out.

02:55:11 Speaker_04
If you told me, if I really ran for president, I knew they rigged it, and they gave me evidence enough that I would say publicly they rigged it, I'd be able to spit that out. Yeah. Instead of just saying it. We should be part of the cabinet. We're protecting parks. We should be the official podcast.

02:55:27 Speaker_04
I will tell you that video, we haven't watched it yet. That video of him saying, we're done with internet censorship was like, this actually affects me. And I, I liked that. What are you saying? I liked it. Got me fired up.

02:55:38 Speaker_05
These fucking companies are scary because they dictate the narrative of the whole world. It's not just as simple as, oh, you're removing hate speech.

02:55:48 Speaker_05
No, you're changing the way people talk about things, and you're dorks. You're not people that I want changing these things. You guys are fucking idiots. When I was in college, they were talking about verbal consent. That was a big thing.

02:55:56 Speaker_05
And every cool person was like, those are virgins telling us how to do sex. It's like the gays on America's Got Talent telling us who's hot. Yeah.

02:56:08 Speaker_04
Richie who the fuck are you talking about? Well, you know those though America's Howard Stern. That's what I'm like

02:56:24 Speaker_04
When he said, without free speech, we're fucked. Without free speech, we're fucked.

02:56:29 Speaker_08
Without free speech, we're fucked. Why don't we play that? Yeah, let's play that. You get no Protect Our Parks without free speech. Imagine if Comedy Central gave us notes on Protect Our Parks. It'd be like 11 minutes.

02:56:41 Speaker_08
Do you remember when you hosted a stand-up show right after the Iraq invasion? Yeah. And what did they tell you? I don't remember. They said, no talking about Bush, no talking about the war. Where was that?

02:56:54 Speaker_04
On NBC late Friday. Right, am I wrong or no? I think you're right. Yeah, I think that was a narrative for the every comic. Yeah up there Just can't talk about this.

02:57:04 Speaker_04
Yeah, can't talk about Bush can't talk about the war and you're like, no don't talk Mitzi would let Holtzman go on stage for two weeks after 9-11 Duncan had to call him It tracks cuz cuz she was like

02:57:19 Speaker_05
Tell Holtzman, like, hey, we love you, but you can't go on. Happened on Tuesday.

02:57:23 Speaker_04
Closed Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Open on Friday, Saturday. Holtzman, you can't get spots. Sunday was open mic night. You can go up.

02:57:29 Speaker_05
Me and Stan Hoper watching Holtzman go up.

02:57:31 Speaker_04
Thank you.

02:57:34 Speaker_05
And he was talking about how he would have jumped out and tried to hit a cop.

02:57:41 Speaker_04
I disagree with 90% of this but he's saying it so well and it had to be an open mic night to get him on.

02:57:47 Speaker_05
Duncan called him he goes, did you know anybody in 9-11? He goes, I know there are Americans. I don't know what else you gotta know. He's got a home here now.

02:57:54 Speaker_04
You know he's headlining. He's excelling. Instead of like him being damn if he was in LA he'd be

02:58:02 Speaker_04
They weren't giving him good spots at the store. He's getting these spots at two o'clock in the morning There was no one left.

02:58:13 Speaker_04
He was getting these spots where we would be in the back laughing But it's like, you know ten people in the crowd throwing up laughing. It's so hard You can't believe So crazy, but now he's doing it to pack crowds and they're coming from all over the world to come see Holtzman They know his show Sal. Oh good. He's doing sets all the time at the mothership. He's here all the time.

02:58:33 Speaker_04
I just saw him the other day. He was murdering probably not. He's out of his fucking mind. He's out of his fucking mind. We did kill Tony Gordon. He got up there and he was like fuck

02:58:43 Speaker_04
By the way, you gotta realize this is probably the second or third time ever he's performed in an arena. He did one of those Kill Tonys in an arena. That didn't go that good.

02:59:07 Speaker_05
I was there for that one, too. That was not that good, but the Madison Square Garden one, he fucking killed.

02:59:15 Speaker_02
Bro, Madison Square Garden was so fun. It was not just fun, it was like a moment in comedy history where you felt like, this is going to be something that people talk about in the future.

02:59:29 Speaker_04
This broke through, this show that I watched in the belly room that had like 10 people in the audience. I was in one of the third or fourth episodes ever, and now you have it here in Madison Square Garden.

02:59:38 Speaker_03
It's sold out in 40 minutes. Aaron Rodgers throwing off footballs to the crowd. It is insane. The Black Keys are opening. Jelly Rolls. Jelly Roll performs. Dice Clay performed.

02:59:46 Speaker_04
Dice Clay at MSG. It was amazing. Yeah, that was wild, man.

02:59:50 Speaker_02
Joey Diaz, when I brought Joey Diaz out.

02:59:53 Speaker_04
It was insane. Listen, I will not endorse a candidate.

02:59:58 Speaker_04
I've never endorsed a candidate, but I will endorse one today. No one knows it's coming out. My endorsement for the President of the United States. One of the greatest humans that's ever lived. Joey Diaz. And like, don't fucking lie! Don't fucking lie!

03:00:10 Speaker_04
And when he was walking out there, everybody knows him. He's like a legend now. He's like a fucking snuffleupagus. He's like a mysterious character. He actually did walk out like a snuffleupagus.

03:00:23 Speaker_04
Like that he's like a mythical being and when he goes out there people just had this giant smile on their face I was watching because I was beside him.

03:00:37 Speaker_04
So I'm watching, you know hit the audience as they're watching him Oh my god, it was amazing Everyone is having I was sitting next so much fun watching dice and it was like we were back in high school Yeah, this is his stage where we saw him. Yeah All of it. I was with the are you garbage guy? We're just like When Azizi and Simone came out, it was just so fun.

03:00:48 Speaker_04
It was a celebration of comedy.

03:00:51 Speaker_05
Gomez was there, Big Jay was there.

03:00:53 Speaker_05
It was a real celebration of comedy. Gomez crushed, Big Jay crushed, DeRosa, everybody.

03:01:00 Speaker_04
It was a celebration of this kind of comedy, the kind that we like, the wild shit, where someone's saying something crazy and you're like, And Tony just set everybody up.

03:01:06 Speaker_04
I know you hate him, but he just set everybody up so well. Did you see Dice with Seinfeld?

03:01:13 Speaker_05
No. You see that video? Chasing him down.

03:01:15 Speaker_04
Pull that up, J-Mo.

03:01:17 Speaker_02
He saw him at the park.

03:01:18 Speaker_05
Don't give it away. Okay, okay, okay. Let's play the video. Is this a recent one? Yeah, this is very recent. Song or no? Hold on, we got Dice video. Hit him a song before we load up. I'm coming to America, Neil Diamond. Give me Free Bird, Middle of the Ramp.

03:01:50 Speaker_05
Freebird middle middle of the all that Ramos got a lot of ones and twos going on here middle of the guitar solo Here we go Jamie Yeah, Jamie, we got an extra beer get that mustache wet Jamie will get in there Jamie has been It's our three and a half. We're at three and a half hours in here. We go.

03:01:59 Speaker_02
Oh Hell yeah Oakland Coliseum

03:02:21 Speaker_05
Hey, two million views on the... That's the most American riff of all time. Oh, how is Josh Brolin? Cool guy?

03:02:23 Speaker_04
What's that? How is Josh Brolin? Oh, he's awesome. Look at this. Wow. Look at Burt.

03:02:41 Speaker_04
Guys wearing like a cult, cult outfit.

03:02:43 Speaker_05
Magic times. Just chill, shredding. Magic times.

03:02:46 Speaker_04
Just chilling and shredding.

03:02:48 Speaker_05
No phones. It's a good game, 01.

03:02:52 Speaker_04
Alright, let's get that to J-Mo. Alright. Let's, uh... See that Seinfeld. Let's find Seinfeld.

03:02:56 Speaker_05
Gettin' chased down by Dice.

03:02:58 Speaker_04
He interrupted me on stage the other- Like, three days ago. Yeah, I saw that. I'm on stage, he just comes up with his camera out. God, fuck. You handle it well. Thanks. He's amazing.

03:03:16 Speaker_05
He's coming here soon. National treasure, Dice. I think he's back here in December, headline. Yeah. Yeah, on the website it says, coming soon. Yeah. Just like, alerting people. I think it's on his Instagram, J-Mo. He's walking through Central Park. It's there. How good is this fucking guitar solo? Never gets old.

03:03:26 Speaker_05
Never. I mean, it's one of the greatest of all time. If I ever want to feel good and I'm driving down the street, I'll crank that. Which one is it? There it is. Right there. That's it. That's it. Let's hear it. Kill the music.

03:03:39 Speaker_05
Big shot comedian. Big shot.

03:03:48 Speaker_04
Big shot over here. Jerry.

03:03:57 Speaker_04
He's wearing merch for his movie.

03:04:03 Speaker_04
They're walking away like, who's this fucking psycho? He's tensed up. I've been there. Big shot comedian.

03:04:10 Speaker_03
The guys like let's get out of here. Let's go.

03:04:15 Speaker_04
Just keep walking. Let's keep some lunatic. Well fucking He's wearing a free jacket For the somebody gave it All

03:04:34 Speaker_03
I did some Hey, fuck you, Indiana Hoosiers nice ponytail Yeah

03:04:47 Speaker_04
Jamie doesn't fuck around so quick. Holy shit. That's a record. That's the throat goes that's pretty damn good Wow Jamie rules RFK is out new throat goat Yeah, yeah, that's offensive yeah, what's healthy gonna do for the new thing I

03:05:14 Speaker_04
She's something about national intelligence, right? What is she? She should be Secretary of State Hawaiian.

03:05:22 Speaker_04
She has some serious top-level clearance and Yeah, that's that's that's you Tulsi's my friend Jamo set the record, but at what cost?

03:05:44 Speaker_04
That was a fuckin' Jimmy John's sub comin' up.

03:05:46 Speaker_04
Full miscarriage.

03:05:48 Speaker_05
That was one bomb. Poop was brought to you by Jimmy John's. That's an Italian sub ready to make birth. Three smells. Boom, ba-boom. I did that I did some benefit.

03:06:01 Speaker_04
I got to wear the suit We hung out got martinis all night one night I wore it for kill Tony that suit When you get a suit that's designed actually for your your actual body no

03:06:15 Speaker_04
Never had. I've been a men's warehouse cunt for my whole life. I told that guy, I was like, hey, I just like a weird cup, but also stylish. And then it's like, he's like, I'm like, you know what? You're an artist. I think you get it. Go. He got you a dope one. He got it. That was a beauty.

03:06:29 Speaker_05
Yeah, he did good, but he fucked with me. Why? How so? The guy that was taking pictures when we were here last. David August? He was like, well, your left shoulder slouches more than your right.

03:06:41 Speaker_05
You lean left. I've thought about it every single day.

03:06:44 Speaker_04
I haven't stopped thinking about it. That's a Brian Regan bit. Really? Yeah, he goes, I went to get my eyes tested.

03:06:50 Speaker_05
The doctor was like, hey, just your eyes are slightly off-centered. Nothing to worry about. I just thought you wanted to focus on it for the rest of your life.

03:06:54 Speaker_04
That rings true. I've thought about it nonstop every second.

03:07:01 Speaker_05
That's Lucas. He's good, man. He knows how to measure you. Oh, yeah, you get a suit and it's like it feels like it's designed for you.

03:07:13 Speaker_05
It's so much better draped on its skin He puts a tie with it, I know it's pretty cool. Yes.

03:07:16 Speaker_02
Very nice.

03:07:20 Speaker_02
Yeah Thank you very much Joe's like hey come an hour early like why like get a suit what okay?

03:07:26 Speaker_04
What do you want for my throat? Some suits Everything's like the hotel the car. It's all very nice.

03:07:46 Speaker_04
You're a you're a mensch well I like to treat people the way I like to be treated Joe fought golden for a gush for a second for equal pay for comedians in Los Angeles When all those book shows were like, oh, we'll give you your 50 bucks.

03:07:54 Speaker_02
And Joe's like, no, you're fucking making money off us now. Oh, the mothership pays like crazy. And you don't need the $600.

03:08:11 Speaker_04
It's not that. Who was the guy who went in front of Congress and spoke about from Colorado, Rocky Mountain High? Oh, David Lucas. No. Singing about rap. John Denver. John Denver. That's you fighting for 600 bucks. It's like I don't need this. It's bullshit. You're not giving everybody their equal pay. No, it was David Lucas. It was David Lucas.

03:08:33 Speaker_04
Well, the store was like a great place for us to work out shit, but it was also like, wait a minute, why is the guy who's running the show making $6,000 and no one's making anything other than a couple of people? This is crazy. This whole thing is nuts. But it's like, you know, if you let people do that, they're gonna do it. They're gonna rip people off.

03:08:41 Speaker_05
You let them rip people off, they're gonna rip people off.

03:08:43 Speaker_05
You got that right.

03:08:44 Speaker_04
Jesus Christ. It's just one of those things, if they don't get checked, I mean, that's what would happen if unions didn't exist.

03:08:57 Speaker_05
I mean, if unions didn't exist, you imagine if you just pay people whatever you want to pay them, and then all these illegals are spilling in. Child labor, fine.

03:09:02 Speaker_04
Yeah, fine, no child laws, no child labor laws, we'd be fucked.

03:09:04 Speaker_04
Are you saying comedians need a union? Nah, that'll never work. Too many cunts.

03:09:08 Speaker_04
They'll turn against each other all the time.

03:09:10 Speaker_05
Be like the Italians having a union. You know what you really need?

03:09:12 Speaker_05
Clubs run by commerce.

03:09:14 Speaker_02
If all clubs were run by commerce. Are there any? That's a horrible idea. Well, I think there's a couple other ones.

03:09:19 Speaker_04
That one at Key West, that guy is a comic that runs it. Tom Dustin. Yeah, that's a great club.

03:09:25 Speaker_04
By the way, that Joe List documentary is killer. The funniest documentary I've ever seen in my life. We saw it in a theater.

03:09:33 Speaker_05
Yeah, we saw it at Angelica. Because it's about a comedian. Portrait of a comedian. Where can you get it?

03:09:39 Speaker_14
He just got a deal to be in theater. They're in theater, so it's going to come out eventually. But it was just a comic being a comic, and that's the documentary.

03:09:44 Speaker_05
He's not playing it up. I think best case scenario is every comic who gets a pile of money, you should invest in a club. But you were on acid that one time when you were talking to me you're like don't ever open a room It's work, but it's worth it

03:10:08 Speaker_05
It really is worth it.

03:10:29 Speaker_02
I was at a I Definitely never said never open up a room I said it's a lot of work and you have to have a lot of money You have to you have to be willing to not make money Yeah, most things that people do where they invest a lot of money. They want to make money. Yeah my thought was like

03:10:48 Speaker_03
If anybody has the ability to do it the right way It's me like I have to do it like I have to do this what I would if I was a kid and I was looking at like Comics that had a lot of money if I had that guy's money. You know what I would do we all Right I'm like well. I'll just do it. Yeah, and it's a it's a hit oh

03:10:51 Speaker_03
And then you can just go you have a billion dollars like why do I fly to make money?

03:10:53 Speaker_02
Why do I fly to make a hundred grand? I can just go here. That means nothing to you. It's also so much easier on your life. You don't have to fly all the time. Drive in. Flying all the time sucks. You're always tired. Yeah. You get worn out all the time. Flying just fucking kills your immune system. You're always exhausted.

03:11:09 Speaker_04
Agreed. Yeah, jet lag is the worst. I gotta go a day early now so I don't get sick. Yeah, and you have to drink a lot of water, and you hit the gym, and your body has to reset. You're like, what the fuck? What were you saying? Oh, I was going to say, I went out to Ohio for Chappelle's birthday this year, and did his show and all that.

03:11:29 Speaker_03
And then after we did the outside show, we went to his club, and he was hammered.

03:11:53 Speaker_02
It was his birthday, and he was just up on stage holding everyone hostage, hammered. He said the funniest shit. He was just up there and he's like, I worked my whole life to build this club. to bomb in front of you motherfuckers. It was so good. There was just all these people standing there like. But he knew it wasn't going well. He just kept going. It was so funny. He'll keep going to try to find the nuggets. Yeah, and he will. He's a miner.

03:12:01 Speaker_04
That's the craziest thing.

03:12:12 Speaker_02
He's a miner. Even blocked out, he'll find it. Yeah. And then once he finds it, that piece, they'll save, they'll edit it, they'll put it aside, and then it'll go, okay, now I got a chunk.

03:12:15 Speaker_05
I like also when it doesn't go well, he's like, give me that tape, that's fucked. Give me that tape, I can't do that again. He still feels it. He's a minor, that's why Jeff Ross likes him.

03:12:41 Speaker_05
You've got to be able to like make the you know, we used to do that a lot Damon Wayans He would do 15 of intentionally bad. Yeah, so you like no you've lost trust in me and now I can try my jokes Yeah, he calls it a jazz set

03:12:48 Speaker_05
Yeah, he would fuck around.

03:12:50 Speaker_03
Damon has recorded like every show he's ever done since the 90s. Damn, that's old psycho.

03:12:57 Speaker_04
To this day, he sets up, I saw him in the improv a few years back before COVID and he set up a camera in the back room. I go, you do this every set? He goes, every set. And I watch him on my computer.

03:13:04 Speaker_05
He records all of them.

03:13:08 Speaker_02
He has them all archived and he riffs.

03:13:08 Speaker_05
That's how he comes up with shit.

03:13:10 Speaker_05
He just gets up on there and starts talking about something.

03:13:13 Speaker_05
Anything that's in the news, he starts riffing on it and then he'll find something. Yeah.

03:13:15 Speaker_03
And that's how he writes. I feel that's too self-indulgent.

03:13:18 Speaker_05
I feel too guilty. It depends what level it is. I mean, he's famous. You can't do it in the garden, but you could do it at your comedy club.

03:13:25 Speaker_04
Yeah, you could. Just fucking around for a while. I can't. But you gotta be willing to bomb. Yeah, you gotta be willing to bomb.

03:13:29 Speaker_02
Which is the hardest. But that's his creative process.

03:13:53 Speaker_05
You know Chris Rock used to do the same thing He used to go on and just ramble about stuff and you tell the audience relax right this ain't gonna be funny lower your expectations Yeah But eventually it would be at HBO special or a Netflix special and it would kill but it's a process Well, I gotta say I've been watching Louie of over the past couple months He's back doing shit and he was struggling to put it lightly and then I saw him two nights ago and all that same shit is killing

03:14:06 Speaker_05
I saw Martin at the store come back after five years off and then he was like not good for six months later Same material crushing.

03:14:15 Speaker_04
Yeah Same material not just like I'm abandoning this about prior than the week he did live at the Sunset Strip that he was doing the same material the store and bombing and And then bombing on Monday, Tuesday was better, Wednesday was better, Thursday was killing, Friday was killing, Saturday he's filming.

03:14:31 Speaker_04
I thought he bombed, wasn't the story he bombed the first taping? The Long Beach, yeah. The Long Beach when he bombed. And then the second show he murdered. Best set ever. Dude, Adrienne, one of her sets, we decided to do a sabotage. As much as I hate Tony, you love Adrienne. I do love Adrienne.

03:14:42 Speaker_04
Louis said we should do a sabotage set. We should just not announce her, just like, let's see what the crowd is.

03:14:48 Speaker_04
They hated her so much. She was upstairs getting changed. I was outside. There was these British, Indian people.

03:14:54 Speaker_05
They go, she deserves to get canceled.

03:15:01 Speaker_04
It was just start to finish suck she went through it like a warrior She was like crazy.

03:15:03 Speaker_05
She talked about the podcast.

03:15:05 Speaker_03
Well, that's it.

03:15:10 Speaker_04
Yeah the next night it was amazing She was like so worried. I would have been outside talking to the British Indian ladies.

03:15:18 Speaker_05
Like I'm so sorry Yeah, they were I heard them talking I was like Adrian hang up hang out upstairs for a second

03:15:31 Speaker_05
You know what it's like it's like a fighter who can take punches Because a good fighter can take a lot of punches and still win right a bad fighters like I'm getting punched Right right right real similar

03:15:37 Speaker_05
It was a fun fucking time for comedy. It is a great time for comedy. Bad time for boxing.

03:15:41 Speaker_04
I always quote you, Ari, because you said comedy's dangerous. It is. Tony proves that. All of it proves it. It's dangerous.

03:15:46 Speaker_02
Tony proves it. It's dangerous. You do a joke, you're like, what are you mad at? I was just trying to entertain everybody.

03:16:08 Speaker_04
This disingenuous thing of like, oh, you're trying to make people mad. No one's trying to make anyone mad. We're trying to entertain, but it gets people mad. Yeah, we don't want to offend anybody. We want to get laughs. Yeah. It's just people love to distort things in this weird time where everything's politicized. I know. Even comedy's politicized.

03:16:08 Speaker_04
It should be like, oh, is he a comedian? Oh, okay. Whatever. I don't like that joke. But in the room, it's great. I mean, I remember doing a show with Shane shortly after the hubbub. The hullabaloo. That was really fun. Dude, I have like seven or eight all-time sets.

03:16:23 Speaker_04
I think it was like the night I got canceled. Yeah, that was great. You gotta come up.

03:16:26 Speaker_04
My agent said I can't. Shane, come up. I've never said my agent said I can't. Somebody told you you weren't allowed. Becky, where are you hearing this from? There's no way I would have ever said I'm not allowed.

03:16:37 Speaker_04
You said they told me I shouldn't like just get him up. I drove to the club. Yeah, you do. Thank you.

03:16:42 Speaker_02
What are you talking about, Ari?

03:16:57 Speaker_04
But we came up, and we had fun, we talked about it, and then we had an Asian guy rank the Asians, and we were saying like the blogger in the room, which there was one, would have said someone in the audience, an Asian guy, but they would have said someone in the audience rank the Asian people.

03:17:00 Speaker_04
Oh, they didn't say he was Asian?

03:17:15 Speaker_03
They didn't because we said it we like cut their legs out, but it's just like it's a bit dangerous And it's makes it more fun Yeah, you know the funny thing was during the campaign when Obama was on it was so surreal to watch Obama was doing one of those campaign speeches, and he said there was a guy at the Trump rally, who said, Puerto Rico's an island filled with garbage. Time out, decent impression. Those are human beings. Those are human beings.

03:17:28 Speaker_03
I'm like, what? A speaker? He's joking. It was a speaker? It wasn't a comedian? Wasn't a guy telling jokes? I mean, John Leguizamo went off. He did a whole face to camera. Wasn't that guy Italian? He's just trying to get a lot of attention. There was a visual artist who did a thing about ... Who's the Mario brother?

03:17:45 Speaker_03
Who's that guy who got hung? Who's John Wick? He always gets my respect. John Wick was great. He gets a pass. He gets a pass. These people that are in certain communities, they feel like they need to stand up and say something.

03:17:59 Speaker_03
If they don't, they feel pressure. Everyone's scared, man.

03:18:02 Speaker_04
There's a bunch of fucking cowards out there. There's so many people that are scared, and their takes on things are so gross. It's quick. It's not thought out.

03:18:08 Speaker_05
It's just fearful. It's weird. Yeah, that weird that group thing really kicks up and you're like, I gotta say something.

03:18:29 Speaker_04
I gotta be a part It's like Bill Maher putting the smackdown on Neil deGrasse Tyson Take that nerd it was wonderful because it was making fun of Neil deGrasse Tyson's perspective on Women competing with biological males and sports like that all this woke shit you're doing like you're not a scientist Like this is not this is not science that you're doing here. Yeah, this is ridiculous. I

03:18:38 Speaker_05
Well, people have been going at it. Dave Smith and Sam Harris are going at it. Are they really? Online right now? Today?

03:18:45 Speaker_04
Well, Sam Harris did a podcast shitting on Dave. Dave did a rebuttal and Sam did a rebuttal. I mean, it's like crazy. So many people got captured during that time of chaos and anxiety. So many people got so captured.

03:18:58 Speaker_04
That's my joke. We lost a lot of people during COVID and most of them are still alive. That's so funny. I quote that so many times. I quote that so many times. It's one of those lines that are like funny, but like the point is real.

03:19:08 Speaker_04
There's a lot of people I really can't talk to anymore. I just can't.

03:19:12 Speaker_02
People don't realize, this is just a blip. It's all gonna go away. It's all gonna go away.

03:19:18 Speaker_05
We're all on blue marble, and we're so burning calories on this bullshit that goes away. Cowards. Cowards are exposed.

03:19:27 Speaker_04
And people that act in cowardice, and they're not compassionate, they're not, you're not looking at things in a balanced, objective perspective, you know. Joey Diaz says, one of my many hubbubs, somebody was like, well, Ari shouldn't have said this thing. Not even the one you're thinking of and then he goes yeah, but he's our friend in a story.

03:19:53 Speaker_05
Yeah, that's our friend Yeah Yeah, it's like it's also it's comedy the comedy is messy man and anybody doesn't think it's messy sucks at it That's a fact if you think that all jokes hit you're doing whack jokes There's no chance if you're not offending anybody like what you're not trying. I You gotta get to the line.

03:20:03 Speaker_04
You offend 2% of people, perfect. 98% are on your side, you're right on the line, perfect. And also, this is your lot in life? You're the guy yelling at Elvis, hey, this is inappropriate. You're shaking your hips.

03:20:14 Speaker_04
This is the person you want to be at the end of the day? Like we're all just joking around. Everyone's laughing. Some people are not laughing and you're mad.

03:20:23 Speaker_03
It's so much just ego. It's so much ego. It's so much people don't like other people getting attention. It's so much like people want other people to like support whatever narrative they support.

03:20:35 Speaker_03
Such a fucking, but it's a time of exposure and cool people rise. Yeah. That's the thing. It's a great time for us.

03:20:38 Speaker_05
It's a great time. It's a challenging time. All challenging times are great times. As long as World War III doesn't pop off and it doesn't become like the end.

03:20:49 Speaker_05
It's like we're basically at the Cuban Missile Crisis but like accelerated. With Twitter. With Twitter and with Elon Musk. You guys gonna bong one or be cowards? And Blue Sky. What are you talking about bitch, I'm ready. Are you guys gonna be bluesky or nah? I just took my fucking Lucy out, I'm ready to rock. Is that what it is? No, it's Blue Sky, I'm so fucking done.

03:21:04 Speaker_03
I love Blue Sky, they're like, bro, Blue Sky, if you go on there and you say there's only two genders, they ban you immediately. Mark, Mark, Mark, come on. I don't wanna puke at the mothership again. I don't think we're going to the mothership. Oh, we're not? We are.

03:21:20 Speaker_02
I thought we were doing sets. We are. Are we? You haven't been on stage since 88. Mark and I are. What are you playing there? Mark. Wait, are we going to the Mothership or not? We are. 100% we are. We can do whatever we want. We're Americans.

03:21:32 Speaker_04
I'll do it for you if you don't want to do it, but you should do it. No, no. Get Mark.

03:21:37 Speaker_05
I ate a big meal before I came here. I didn't. I had a string cheese and a bag of almonds. Damn, that was quick. That was good.

03:21:48 Speaker_05
I ate two pounds of elk. Two pounds. I did. I had two 16-ounce elk steaks. Really? No veggie?

03:21:56 Speaker_02
I don't eat veggies anymore.

03:21:58 Speaker_04
Shit, easy, George. If I want a salad, I'll eat it. I'm not opposed to salads. If I feel like eating a salad, I eat it, but I don't think I need it for nutrition. I think it's nonsense. It's good fiber for shitting.

03:22:08 Speaker_05
I don't think you need it. I don't trust Joe Rogan in anything.

03:22:16 Speaker_05
I'm like literally he's my number one doctor source I'm a hundred years old, but I'm strong as fuck. Trust me. I know what I'm doing.

03:22:28 Speaker_03
Let's go Let's go Remember Does another man need a simple man don't need it? Doesn't need them

03:22:37 Speaker_03
I have a special affection to this song after Neil Young went after me.

03:22:39 Speaker_05
I was so baller, where you're like, glad to see you have morals, Neil. Yeah, when he went back on Spotify. Oh, because the money's there? Oh, because the money's there, you'll do it?

03:22:58 Speaker_04
Also, I told him, and it's true, I was a giant Neil Young fan, and I literally, the last day I worked at Great Woods Performing Arts Center, I was at a Neil Young concert, and a riot broke out, and I fucking threw a hoodie on over my security outfit. I'm like, I'm out of here. I never got my last paycheck. A fight broke out at a Neil Young concert. You're like, fuck this. Oh, it was crazy. My friend Larry punched some dude in the chest.

03:23:15 Speaker_04
And Larry was like, Larry Jones. Shout out to Larry Jones. One of the nicest guys ever.

03:23:20 Speaker_04
And this guy was fucking with him. And he just dropped this guy. And I was like, oh my god, we're fighting. I'm out of here. And they left. And there was bonfires going on on the lawn. It was chaos. They shut the show down.

03:23:30 Speaker_02
Whoa. This was fucking Neil Young show? What was he doing? Yeah, yeah. This was 1989. Wow.

03:23:48 Speaker_04
People decide to go nuts they go It was cold at night and it was the lawn there was a whole lawn area and the lawn area was like there was like an amphitheater and then that was covered and then above the outside the covered air was a lawn area and the lawn area a bunch of dudes started lighting like cardboard boxes on fire It got crazy.

03:24:00 Speaker_04
They had bonfires going on. And they got real rowdy. And then people were starting shit with the security guys. And then when my friend Larry dropped this guy, fights broke out.

03:24:08 Speaker_02
I'm like, see ya. Put my hoodie on. I'm like, I'm leaving.

03:24:13 Speaker_04
As long as my friends weren't actively in fights, I'm like, let's get out of here. And everyone got out of there. I was like, I quit. I'm out of here. I just was ready to quit already. There was too many times where it was almost fights. Some guy tried to run over me with his car. Whoa. Wait, wait, wait. What? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened? I was telling the guy that he had to stop because we were moving traffic around.

03:24:33 Speaker_02
The guy got right up to my leg with his car and revved the engine. Whoa. And then I got up to his door. And I go, hey man, fuck you.

03:24:37 Speaker_04
And he tried to open up his door.

03:24:39 Speaker_02
And I kneed the shit out of his door and put a giant dent in his door. What? So he couldn't open it. And we were ready to fight. I was like, dude, I'll fucking kill you. Overwhelming.

03:24:48 Speaker_04
And he was ready to get out of the car. And I kneed his car door. And then a bunch of other security guys came up. And he pulled. I'm like, what am I doing? I get $20 to $5 an hour or something like that. Right. I'm going to get in fights.

03:24:58 Speaker_05
The first day on the job, they beat the fuck out of a guy who stole a golf cart. It was a dude named Alley Cat. He was the head guy.

03:25:04 Speaker_04
He was like this grizzled old security dude.

03:25:08 Speaker_02
He'd probably been doing it forever. And they found this kid who was drunk, who stole one of our golf carts, a security cart, and he was driving around.

03:25:15 Speaker_04
They tackled him and they were beating him with a walkie talkie. Like beating him bloody his face was bleeding and this is like my first day on the job I was like, oh my god, like we're doing this.

03:25:27 Speaker_05
Well, I was like, this is crazy. But didn't you you were jujitsu guy? Well, it's Taekwondo guy I never got in fights.

03:25:42 Speaker_04
I never I was the first guy like bye Apply your know I would plied it in the ring. It doesn't go on his record if he fights a Brando. Oh Well it wasn't even that, it was just like I knew how dangerous it was. Once you've actually knocked people unconscious, it's scary. The whole thing's scary, like fighting people in a giant group, like fuck this. I don't want to have nothing to do with that. But back then, the security team was all black belts.

03:26:05 Speaker_02
This guy, one of the guys that we worked out with, he got a job there and then he came to us and said, Hey, you guys want a job? It's like 25 bucks an hour. You get to see concerts. I was like, fuck yeah. I don't remember what the, I'm making $25 up.

03:26:15 Speaker_05
I don't know what it was.

03:26:18 Speaker_04
And so there was like 16 of us, all these like assassins that like worked at this security place, but it was too crazy. You get to see how drunk people, and then it was also when I understand cops in a very minor way, because it became us against them.

03:26:35 Speaker_04
It was us, the security guards, against the people who were the drunks, and that was like a mentality. You're outnumbered.

03:26:54 Speaker_04
But it was also like a thought like we are the good guys They're the cunts and it's okay to beat the fuck out of them with walkie-talkies uh-huh, and this is no internet, man We're talking about 1989 this guy beat the fuck out of this guy with a walkie-talkie in the face just whoa

03:27:07 Speaker_03
He was getting fucked up they rolled him over and tied him up it was crazy It was great and the tackle I remember this guy getting tackled off of the fucking golf cart.

03:27:09 Speaker_02
The whole thing was nuts I was like, oh Jesus.

03:27:23 Speaker_05
This is like not worth Yeah, I'm getting paid and fighting is like, you know, I've been beat up a few times in my day but what time I jump kicked a guy in the stomach and he lost his uh, he was like, oh and

03:27:24 Speaker_04
And I felt horrible. I was like, ah, jeez, I don't want to be this guy. Yeah, even in fights, you feel horrible. Yeah. Like, pummeled.

03:27:42 Speaker_02
But it's like, in the street, it's so, or in the world, it's so dangerous outside of a competition because no one's going to stop that guy from stomping your fucking head when you're unconscious. Oof. There's no rules.

03:27:44 Speaker_04
There's no rules. No one's gonna stop some guy from biting your nose off. You don't know who you're fighting with. It's a crazy person. Gouging your eyes out.

03:27:52 Speaker_04
It's fucking dangerous. Like anybody who just wantonly engages in random violence with strangers. You're just asking to get maimed. Especially if you fuck up and run into some guy who actually knows how to fight.

03:28:03 Speaker_04
And I'm sure you've all seen those videos online. They're horrific.

03:28:06 Speaker_05
Some guy who doesn't know what he's doing and he just gets...

03:28:16 Speaker_04
Destroyed for the rest of his life his life is gonna be fucked his legs He's gonna be limping forever cuz some guy decided to snap his fucking femur in half.

03:28:19 Speaker_05
Ooh Yeah, like scary shit man.

03:28:29 Speaker_04
I went to LSU that there was this place called Tigerland That's where all the bars were and these guys would fight these big white guys in polo shirts, and they would be on the cement like kicking each other in the face it was brutal.

03:28:35 Speaker_05
Go to a gym boys. Boat shoes on. Jesus Christ.

03:28:42 Speaker_04
Go to a gym boys. Kevin James was working as a bouncer at a bar and the guy he was working with killed somebody and went to jail. Jesus.

03:28:47 Speaker_04
He knocked the guy out, he got in a fight with some drunk guy, knocked him out, the guy fell down, hit his head, died. Oof, which happens all the time. Don't fight back. When you KO a guy and they fall, they get hit with the earth. Bang!

03:29:01 Speaker_04
That's your fucking head. Your whole body, all that torque, bang! On cement. Yeah, true. Yeah.

03:29:07 Speaker_04
Blacked out and hit his head. That's right. Yeah. I mean, fucking it's a horrible way to go, man. Hitting your head on that one.

03:29:19 Speaker_04
What was that girl's name? Heather McDonald, which she was joking around about the vaccine and blacked out on stage and bangs her head. It was so great because that was an unintentional solid joke.

03:29:32 Speaker_05
It was the universe telling a joke. I don't give a fuck. I was like, that is a good joke.

03:29:36 Speaker_04
Unintended. I would never fall down right now. It was the universe.

03:29:41 Speaker_04
The universe was telling us everything was fucked up. What she was saying was fucked up. It was almost like God was like, you're not getting away with this. We're going to make a video. Yeah, that was the pandemic time.

03:29:55 Speaker_04
It was like the Will Smith slap, that whole thing, Bob Saget. Those were wacky couple years. Will Smith slap was wild. It was all so crazy, like everybody lost their fucking minds. But we got Chris Rock back. Yeah. We got Chris Rock back from that. Yeah. Right? Chris Rock became Chris Rock again.

03:30:08 Speaker_04
He went hard again. He was doing like Oscar-friendly stuff.

03:30:26 Speaker_04
You know he was trying to like be in with these you wanted to be kevin hart want to be a movie star Want to do all those things he was doing between two Oscars ish or whatever golden globes was like Hard when he took some abuse for it and then like all right, let me just go light and now back to real chris rock Yeah, you don't want that dude mad at you. Oh, and then a whole year to stew and write a bit about you A live special too That was a big one. Oh yeah, Chappelle too. He got that whole thing.

03:30:38 Speaker_04
I think everybody should do a live one once. You should all do a live one. It's fun. It's weird. How'd you feel about it? Fun. Ready. I just prepared like way more than I ever would have prepared.

03:30:48 Speaker_04
I mean, you're a club comic, so I was like ideally suited for it. What do you mean? Club comics are used to dealing with all sorts of stuff. Theater comics are like, it's all set up well.

03:30:59 Speaker_04
Right, right, right, right, right. For chaos, but there was very little chaos. There was only one guy yelled something out, but it was fun. I was ready. I just made sure I was ready. And also, it's nice because you don't have to edit.

03:31:12 Speaker_04
Oh, less work. Editing is a bitch. Editing can suck my dick. You've got to watch yourself. Editing is ugh. I watched myself from Friday night, too, that helped, because I hated it. Even though I killed.

03:31:25 Speaker_04
I filmed Friday night first, so I got to see that, and I watched. I was like, ugh. It's awful. I've seen it too many times. It's like you don't, you don't, you lose everything. What's funny, what's not. But I was, but Friday night killed. So I was like, look, we already got it in the can. When Saturday night rolls around, I'm fine. Get loose. Yeah. I was loose as fuck.

03:31:42 Speaker_04
I smoked a joint, had a drink. Let's go. I felt normal. I felt like a normal show. That is where comedy is, where it's like, Hey guys, I'm here. It was fun. And the audience was awesome.

03:31:53 Speaker_04
So it was easy. It was fun. San Antonio is a great comedy town. Oh, they were so happy. It's a fun place. I'll be there in March. Texas is just fun, period. It's a wild place. Yeah, Texas rules.

03:32:06 Speaker_04
I always used to think that about Houston. I always used to love going to the Arlington Improv. Is it true, Texas, Florida? Colorado Denver Denver's awesome.

03:32:20 Speaker_04
It's just like yeah smart and chill Yeah, this place is where people like to party they're fun they're fun people yeah comedy is better than it's ever been before man And we start to think about how many guys are killing it out there right now. How many there's more top-level comics than yeah, I More guys doing arenas than ever.

03:32:38 Speaker_04
Bargatze, Segura, Burt, you guys, Shane. I mean, it's like there's so many guys. I want to see Shane at the fucking, where the fucking 76ers play. Yeah. We went, me, you, and O'Connor went into the back, and maybe Jay, I think? Yeah. Went into the back.

03:32:49 Speaker_04
Jerusa didn't care about sports, but like, you could smell the hockey jerseys. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Yeah, we haven't watched this yet. Yeah. And it's like, But even the theater, even the club comics are like more than ever. Yeah.

03:33:01 Speaker_04
The Jeff Ostmuses or above are like, there's a ton. You have the internet now, you can just put your shit out there. You can find some of the quality. Exposure.

03:33:11 Speaker_02
Like I was talking to Tyler Fisher about this the other day, someone offered him a deal to do some kind of a special on something, and I was like, listen man, just put it on YouTube. You want to get people to see you. Whatever money they're paying you, you would pay 10 times more of that for the exposure to be on YouTube. It's 100 times more valuable.

03:33:25 Speaker_04
Just put it on the YouTube. YouTube can get a little queefy with the censor. YouTube's starting to get queefy. But people will share it. They'll share it. With specials?

03:33:31 Speaker_04
Yeah. Oh, yeah. They got Faheem. They got Joe List. Yeah, Joe List said cunt. They got Faheem. What'd they do with Faheem? Once they decide wrong, they go, stop sharing it.

03:33:43 Speaker_04
And then the growth just stops. Because computers are watching. It's like AI shit, which is a filter. They're asking you to change your stuff. I think it's also people flagging it. I think it's people flagging it. No, not for Faheem. Who's flagging Faheem? That was Joe List.

03:33:55 Speaker_04
Assholes. Dude, assholes. People don't like Louis C.K. They know Louis C.K. 's friends with Joe List. Dude, trust me, assholes flag it. You say cunt, they're gonna flag it. It's a word.

03:34:05 Speaker_04
So it used to be you say a word, whatever, and they go, hey, that's a flag, and they go, hey, no, that's a stand-up, so it's okay. Come on. You guys are alone. Go suck each other's dicks in your fucking bathroom. All right, I'm listening. Put it down, baby.

03:34:35 Speaker_04
before i go plugs oh yeah mark plug it it's always shoot yeah do it boys check out page the stage on punchup.com mark gorman comedy mark gorman slash punch up or punch up slash mark no stage no but one is on there too michelle wolf all the punch up i said your name thank you

03:34:43 Speaker_04
And yeah, check out Ari's, you got a new special coming out, you got Adrian's special, you got Jewish shit. January 14th will be my new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix.

03:34:53 Speaker_04
Also, they are picking up Jew, the first YouTube to Netflix special of all time. Are they really? I didn't know that. Will be in May-ish. Hell yeah. Not official date yet. Also, Pittsburgh with Adrian.

03:35:03 Speaker_02
Atlanta.

03:35:07 Speaker_04
Tahoe, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Portland, bunch of, San Antonio, San Jose, bunch of other stuff, IrishFear.com for tickets, all new hour, and then I'm done until 2017.

03:35:23 Speaker_05
Get some Bodega Cat, I am in New Orleans for Thanksgiving, tickets are horrific, please come to the Orpheum, and we might be drunk, you be trippin'.

03:35:32 Speaker_04
You be trippin' in my new travel podcast, Norman's the only guest that's been on there twice? Yeah, it's an honor, and a pleasure.

03:35:35 Speaker_04
Um, I gotta go back and we might be drunk for the special. Oh yeah, come back. You just did the Adrian show. I did the Adrian one, but I'll just do one of my own. Every comment is her again. Oh, because it's non-stop all week.

03:35:47 Speaker_02
She's here, she's on Legion Escape, she's on that. That was a good one though. That was fun, that was fun. We did skanks, me and Adrian, and at some point we just sat back and watched Jay be funny.

03:35:53 Speaker_05
Jay is so fucking funny.

03:35:55 Speaker_04
We're just like, let's just enjoy this. He can really talk. God damn. He can run. He can roll. He's a natural. He's a natural, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, and you want to join in, but you're like, actually, take the stage. Yeah, yeah, I'll ruin it. Yeah. That's the thing, right?

03:36:08 Speaker_05
It's like finding a way, like you got to know when to step in and when to lay back. It's pretty cool, we know some of the funniest people out there. And Lewis will give you a joint. The hang! We talk about the hang, it's the most important thing in life, is the hang in the green room. Hell yeah. It's the most fun.

03:36:23 Speaker_04
It's what everyone wonders, what's the green room like, and you're like, yeah, exactly what you think. It's a barrel of laughs.

03:36:31 Speaker_02
I'll fucking kill you, bro. It's kind of like a podcast every night. And then we're all friends.

03:36:34 Speaker_04
But darker. It's a podcast every night. Yeah, but way more. You can go farther. Way further. He dosed me. He dosed me. You just dosed me. Because you couldn't keep up. I still won.

03:36:45 Speaker_05
And you dosed me. Dosing? I fucking beat you. He did it. He dosed me. You son of a bitch. He did it. I put like 10% of mine into yours. I could tell.

03:36:56 Speaker_04
I was like, it should be done. I had 90%, you had 110%. Should we get some food at some point? Or is that crazy? Maybe a little din-din? I don't know. Every time we go out after this, I'm always... I don't know. I don't love it.

03:37:08 Speaker_05
What should we do?

03:37:09 Speaker_04
What's that? We go out to dinner after this? I feel like a fucking alien. What do you mean alien? Because we're walking to a nice steak restaurant. Hold on, hold on.

03:37:18 Speaker_04
I've got a suggestion. That's a good point. Every time we go out to eat, I go, what the fuck? Let's stop by the supermarket, get some steaks, go to Shane's house and grill them. That's a lot of work. That actually would be awesome. Yeah, let's live like regular people.

03:37:29 Speaker_04
Let's go to a fucking restaurant dressed up like the Jaguar people. I actually agree with that. Looks like a front row at a Brooklyn audience.

03:37:40 Speaker_02
We're supposed to have program stuff for this. What happened to our costumes?

03:37:42 Speaker_05
I want to get a yellow nylon zoot suit. Yes.

03:37:47 Speaker_04
Are we doing Mar-a-Lago?

03:37:51 Speaker_02
Yeah, we have to we have to we have to we help Trump get elected Yo, I got a special jute January 14th.

03:37:53 Speaker_04
Are we doing let's do blow it down here.

03:37:55 Speaker_02
When do you finish shooting?

03:37:58 Speaker_03
Maybe we do that at Mar-a-Lago

03:38:00 Speaker_04
We have to wait until he gets in.

03:38:06 Speaker_04
Trump's obviously gonna walk on, dude. If there's a camera, then bro. He's gonna walk on if we do Mar-a-Lago. Let's do it and play the day after or right then. We talked about it on the podcast and Don Jr. reached out to me, said I can make that happen.

03:38:19 Speaker_04
Holy shit. I posted a support of Tony Hinchliffe and Don Jr. was like, I love it. Whoa. We can make it happen. Don Jr. DJ.

03:38:30 Speaker_04
Isn't it interesting that John Jones defends the heavyweight title. We just need Baron. We need Baron.

03:38:35 Speaker_05
John Jones defends the heavyweight title and then does the Trump dance. Yeah, crazy. And then gives his belt to Trump. The world's changed. Everything's flipped. Completely. It's completely flipped. And what's lost is John Jones is the greatest fighter of all time.

03:38:49 Speaker_04
He's a gladiator. Yeah, he's the best.

03:38:51 Speaker_05
I mean, the NFL guys are doing it. It's hard to say he's not the best, and I know he didn't beat Tom Aspinall.

03:38:56 Speaker_02
He hasn't fought Tom Aspinall yet. Tom's great. There's always one guy, but it's like he's beating that guy over and over and over again.

03:39:04 Speaker_04
Dropping somebody, fucking fuck off. He's never fought a guy like Tom. Tom's different. Tom's going to be a problem. He's a giant dude. He's a legitimate heavyweight. He might fight whoever he wants to fight.

03:39:14 Speaker_04
John Jones could do whatever the fuck he wants to do right now. If I imagined what's actually happening though, I'd imagine he's saying he's not going to fight Tom Aspinall, although he's probably training for Tom Aspinall.

03:39:30 Speaker_05
He wants to ramp up the amount of money that he can get, which is a smart thing to do because it might be the last time he fights.

03:39:36 Speaker_05
Also underrated, what nobody says about Jon Jones is he has, of all the UFC fighters ever met, the highest weed tolerance of anybody and no one's talking about it. And booze and coke. He does four times the weed Joe does, five times the weed I do. Really? And is like a champion on airplanes. Allegedly. Nate Diaz can get after it. Allegedly. Bring it.

03:39:50 Speaker_04
Nate vs. John Weed? I bet John's still more coherent. Dana, bring it. Nate vs. John Weed. We all want to see it. Let's do that. I'm taking Nate on that.

03:40:01 Speaker_05
Did you guys ever see, what was that jiu-jitsu competition? What was it called? where they would, high rollers. So they would get super baked and then they would have jujitsu competitions. They'd smoke together. By the way, that's Eddie's class.

03:40:12 Speaker_02
That's Eddie's class every day. Yeah, it is. It is a little bit. That's Matt.

03:40:17 Speaker_05
My friend Matt put it together. And so he set this thing up.

03:40:21 Speaker_02
I think it was California where it was legal. So they all get super duper high and then they would fight. It was awesome.

03:40:30 Speaker_00
They should do that Coke version. Yeah.

03:40:38 Speaker_02
Did you guys see that study that they funded? I posted it on my Instagram where they gave, was it gerbils or hamsters? They gave hamsters cocaine and steroids.

03:40:44 Speaker_05
They had them fight and studied it. Was it hamsters? It's on my Instagram. Who's doing that study? Our government. Our government. Fifth graders? Our government. That sounds like science fair.

03:40:55 Speaker_14
A bunch of nerds with an unlimited budget. Hell yeah.

03:40:56 Speaker_05
Yeah. Northeastern University of Boston for decades. I think they spent $3 million on this, by the way. Supposedly serious scientists at Northeastern University. Look at my quote here.

03:41:13 Speaker_02
The government spent $3 million funding a study where they injected hamsters with steroids and cocaine and had them fight a completely ridiculous and unethical study, but I would like to see the data. I want to see the data. This is why the terrorists hate us.

03:41:24 Speaker_05
Bro, they hopped them up on cocaine and roids and they had them go to war. Because they were probably trying to figure out what's the best way to make a soldier.

03:41:55 Speaker_02
Yeah, yeah, I would do that like you know I've had conversations with like yeah exactly well also I've had conversations like special forces guys, and you're like you don't want to like ask is everybody doing steroids But one of them said the whatever that soldier needs to do to make him the best soldier I am all in on it Yeah, fuck me up my one of the guys in the seals I was asking about that And I was like you guys should all do steroids what the fuck who gives a fuck and he was like yeah But then you're out

03:41:58 Speaker_05
And you get stuck out there. And you run out.

03:42:02 Speaker_05
And you run out, and now you have a guy fucking falling apart.

03:42:03 Speaker_04
And I was like, oh shit. That's a good point. I didn't even think about that. That's a very good point. I was like, yeah, you guys should- Everywhere you go.

03:42:10 Speaker_05
They should all be fucking on steroids.

03:42:11 Speaker_04
You should just keep steroids with you.

03:42:20 Speaker_05
Just have like a fucking box that can't be, like a bulletproof box with testosterone in it, and a fucking bag of needles that's attached to your hips. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah, I was like, make them- the most roided out freak of all time.

03:42:34 Speaker_03
When you see these people that are talking about non-binary folks in the fucking military, and then you see China and they're doing bear crawls up hills. Have you seen that video of the Chinese military doing bear crawls up a giant hill? Yeah. I have not seen that. You ever do that workout? You ever do a bear crawl?

03:42:42 Speaker_02
I've done a bear crawl. It sucks. Bro. That's not fun. It looks way easier than it is. It's so hard. It's not hard. I mean, it's not easy to do at all, but it looks easy. Like, I can walk on my hands and knees easy. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. And then you do, like, five steps. And you're like, oh my god, my shoulders are shaking. Is that feet and hands? You're walking. You're going like this. Yeah, but your weight's all on your- You're going like this.

03:43:02 Speaker_03
Your weight's all on your feet and your hands. It's really hard. You know what really blows? Duck walks. Oh yeah, those suck. Those suck.

03:43:15 Speaker_03
Those are like a real O-line fucking... Where'd you piss, you fucking... Well, you know, when we do our comedy workouts, I always make sure that everybody does those deep squats.

03:43:18 Speaker_05
Except Brian Simpson. He's like, I'm getting tired. He does them. Brian Simpson does them. He's doing it. Simpson does well.

03:43:23 Speaker_05
The only thing he bitches out on is the sauna. Yeah.

03:43:24 Speaker_04
That's my joy. I've never seen anyone.

03:43:30 Speaker_05
We get that song. I get that song at 196. I know.

03:43:32 Speaker_02
I watched all you guys come and go while I'm sitting in there.

03:43:35 Speaker_05
Let's fucking go.

03:43:38 Speaker_04
Come on, man. I was at a McCusker show. We met some SEALs.

03:43:42 Speaker_05
Uh-oh.

03:43:45 Speaker_05
And they go, hey, I was in Yemen.

03:43:46 Speaker_04
What did they say?

03:43:57 Speaker_04
I was in Yemen and I was undercover whatever embedded and then I went to have to do This is like a meme in China, I don't know about the military doing it Oh, no, I saw some military guys. Do you know I've googled it. I'm not seeing 40 Those guys are we can't find enough Americans to do that make kool-aid Yeah, the elephant walking to McDonald's following Donald Trump's lead well, I guess it's 80 people that do it they were bunch of nerds

03:44:39 Speaker_04
That is so hard to do the average age is 50 Our ads are doing these fucking these silly fucking inclusive things about the military Their ads are trying to make Chinese men more masculine like everything is more.

03:44:41 Speaker_05
That's a fucking uphill climb

03:44:55 Speaker_05
I think we're gonna flip though. I think that those days are over.

03:45:05 Speaker_04
I think they're over too I think people realize how fucking dangerous it is to project this fucking insanity to the whole world We never played that Trump fucking thing on the internet. That's all right. We sound that great I got me riled up

03:45:13 Speaker_04
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Find that, Jamie. I posted it on my Instagram. You did? Okay, cool. Go to my Instagram, Jamie, and you'll find it, because it's also with the words. So the transcript is on the screen.

03:45:24 Speaker_04
If you don't want it, we don't have to. No, we're going to do it. We want it, we want it. You're right.

03:45:27 Speaker_05
We want it, you want it. It's super important. We have all the time in the world, man. We're Americans. We're Americans and Trump's the president.

03:45:34 Speaker_05
Start from the beginning, give me a little volume. Sorry. I know, I understand. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. It's okay. Damn, Brolin's handsome.

03:45:42 Speaker_03
He's a beautiful man. Free speech, then we just don't have a free country. It's as simple as that.

03:46:02 Speaker_04
If this most fundamental right is allowed to perish, then the rest of our rights and liberties will topple, just like dominoes, one by one, they'll go down. Domino's pizza, great pizza. That's why today I'm announcing my plan to shatter the left-wing censorship regime and to reclaim the right to free speech for all Americans. Jamie, comment. Right now, live. No, no, no. Hold on. Let him. It's a very important word in this case because they've taken it away.

03:46:26 Speaker_05
In recent weeks, bombshell reports have confirmed that a sinister group of deep state bureaucrats, Silicon Valley tyrants, left-wing activists, and depraved corporate news media

03:46:28 Speaker_04
have been conspiring to manipulate and silence the American people. They have collaborated to suppress vital information on everything from elections to public health.

03:46:43 Speaker_04
The censorship cartel must be dismantled and destroyed, and it must happen immediately. And here is my plan.

03:47:03 Speaker_04
First, within hours of my inauguration, I will sign an executive order banning any federal department or agency from colluding with any organization, business, or person to censor, limit, categorize, or impede the lawful speech of American citizens.

03:47:15 Speaker_04
I will then ban federal money from being used to label domestic speech as mis- or dis-information. And I will begin the process of identifying and firing every federal- Wow. Damn.

03:47:25 Speaker_04
Who has engaged in domestic censorship, directly or indirectly, whether they are the Department of Homeland Security- Should. The Department of Health, Human Services, the FBI, the DOJ, no matter who they are.

03:47:54 Speaker_03
Second, I will order the Department of Justice to investigate all parties involved in the new online censorship regime, which is absolutely destructive and terrible, and to aggressively prosecute any and all crimes identified.

03:48:09 Speaker_04
These include possible violations of federal civil rights law, campaign finance laws, federal election law, securities law, and antitrust laws, the Hatch Act, and a host of other potential criminal, civil, regulatory, and constitutional offenses.

03:48:23 Speaker_04
To assist in these efforts, I am urging House Republicans to immediately send preservation letters — and we have to do this right now — to the Biden administration, the Biden campaign, and every Silicon Valley tech giant, ordering them not to destroy evidence of censorship.

03:48:48 Speaker_04
third upon my inauguration as president i will ask congress to send a billion likes revising section 230 to get big online platforms out of censorship what time does an asian go to the doctor i'm dumb as shit if a good jam of all the tabs

03:49:14 Speaker_03
to arbitrarily restrict lawful speech. Fourth, we need to up the entire... All right, you good, Ari? Jamie, we get it. You got it? We got it. Jamie.

03:49:22 Speaker_04
I don't care if you don't like this guy. You can't be against this. That's a progressive idea. It's progressive. That is.

03:49:29 Speaker_05
You have to be able to go, I'm against 95% of them. This part is okay. If you're not with that, you're not with free speech, so you're not with free discourse. You want to be right. None of it makes any sense.

03:49:49 Speaker_05
There's no logical explanation that you could possibly provide that would say that censoring speech by a bunch of people that have been known to be liars and criminals, like letting those people censor speech is crazy. You're letting people influence people with billions of dollars. You're letting people that are engaged in

03:50:27 Speaker_04
Really bizarre like the insider trading the insider trading is fucking bananas Those people these are the people that you're letting dictate what can and cannot be said online You're trying to pretend that they don't have some sort of a financial interest one way or the other You got to let people talk anyone in the arts and you should be in favor of that Everyone whatever you want to do Express if you want to make rap music whatever you want to make you need that and That's everything for us, for all of us. That's a great thing about rappers, they don't really attack each other for being inappropriate.

03:50:51 Speaker_04
They're terrified that if they go after rappers, they'll lose the entire segment of the population that likes rap music. Because everybody's sort of accepted that they like, if you listen to like old school Coogee rap or something like that, gangster music, You're accepting the fact that this is entertainment just like a fucking Al Capone movie. And it's fun to listen to.

03:50:55 Speaker_04
If you start going after those people and you demand that kind of censorship, you're going to lose not just the people in the black community, you're going to lose the people in the white community that like rap, Asian community, Chinese, Japanese, name it. Everybody likes rap music.

03:51:08 Speaker_04
Everybody likes rap. Leave us the fuck alone. Asian rappers. Leave us the fuck alone.

03:51:13 Speaker_05
And if you don't leave us the fuck alone, then you're going to lose all the votes.

03:51:14 Speaker_04
I don't think they can go after rap music. I think they have to leave rap music alone. Yeah, and it should be that's why they say what you want to say.

03:51:22 Speaker_04
Yeah, especially in the arts and that's okay It's okay. You should be allowed to have all kinds of shit. Do you remember when sister soldier?

03:51:33 Speaker_02
And Bill Clinton had this rebuttal to it on TV that probably won him the election.

03:51:38 Speaker_02
Oh, yeah Yeah, she she was talking about like

03:51:40 Speaker_10
Here, we'll play it. We'll play it, because then I want to paraphrase it. Because we played it really recently. It shows you how good Clinton was when he was in his prime. Oh, yeah. Well, the Dems lost for years. When he wasn't raping, he was fucking on fire.

03:51:55 Speaker_03
I think it's like him and Obama are the goats.

03:51:56 Speaker_10
It's like the John Jones and the fucking George St. Pierre of politics.

03:52:06 Speaker_10
Let's stand up for what's always been best about the Rainbow Coalition, which is people coming together across racial lines.

03:52:11 Speaker_10
Here the rainbow coalition is Jesse Jackson, Louisiana that you had here last night a great role model We don't have a lot of time to do this We don't have a lot of time great hairline You had a rap singer here last night Who named sister soldier?

03:52:29 Speaker_10
Mmm, I defend her right to express herself through music. But her comments before and after Los Angeles were filled with a kind of hatred that you do not honor today and tonight. Just listen to this, what she said, wet ass pussy.

03:52:46 Speaker_10
She told the Washington post about a month ago, and I quote, if black people kill black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people? So you're a gang member and you'd normally kill somebody. Why not kill a white person? Last year, she said, you can't call me or any black person anywhere in the world a racist.

03:53:05 Speaker_10
We don't have the power to do to white people what white people have done to us. And even if we did, we don't have that low-down, dirty nature. If there are any good white people, I haven't met them. Where are they? Right here in this room. That's where they are.

03:53:19 Speaker_10
Right here in this room. Shut up, you rapist. I know she is a young person, but she has a big influence on a lot of people.

03:53:34 Speaker_10
And when people say that, if you took the words white and black and you reversed them, you might think David Duke was giving that speech. Let me tell you, we all make mistakes, and sometimes we're not as sensitive as we ought to be. And we have an obligation, all of us, to call attention to prejudice wherever we see it. A few months ago, I made a mistake.

03:53:51 Speaker_10
Some chick said no, and I said shut up. Didn't have any African-American members. I was criticized for doing it. You know what? I was rightly criticized for doing it. I made a mistake. I said I would never do that again. And I think all of us have got to be sensitive to that.

03:54:10 Speaker_10
We can't get anywhere in this country pointing the finger at one another across racial lines. Even in Reverend Jackson's new math of this election. It's hard to get to a 34% solution or a 40% solution if the American people can be divided by race.

03:54:29 Speaker_10
Look at Jussie. Amazing. He was so good, man. To admit you're wrong, no one ever does it anymore. It's so smooth. The way he did it was so smooth. Jamie, weak bladder. Holla. Oh, shit. Baby bong.

03:54:42 Speaker_10
Holocaust. One bong, it was enough for young Jamie. Let's get some steaks and go to Shane's house and grill them. I'm actually totally all right with that. What about your roommate? Lemaire? Yeah. Lemaire's cool. He'll grill for us. Put on the bow tie and do it. He's gonna fuck it up. I'm gonna have to be the griller.

03:54:59 Speaker_10
Actually, let's go do that. Let's do that. I'm in. I got a pool. I turned the hot tub on before. Dude, okay, anything else should we cover anything else before we wrap this bitch up?

03:55:17 Speaker_05
We have to wait for J Moe, otherwise it won't shut off. We got Ellen leaving. That was a real waste of time. That seemed like a sparring match.

03:55:21 Speaker_04
The Jussie Smollett fight was better.

03:55:28 Speaker_04
I would like to see video of that. He got off by the way. I know, isn't that wild?

03:55:37 Speaker_04
I knew he was innocent the whole time. How did they get him off? Find out how Jesse Smollett got off. What would you want, four years from now, what would you want one thing to be done?

03:55:50 Speaker_04
Over four years? Yeah. Released the JFK files. That's one. That's one.

03:55:56 Speaker_04
Stop the wars first. Stop the wars. Ukraine, Gaza, stop them. Stop the wars first. Mark. Well, I like the censorship thing. I like the censorship thing. That's silly. Why do I only have to have one? I don't know. You're sure. You're right. Wars is number one. Wars is always going to be number one. I'd like to end the Cuba embargo. It doesn't seem to be doing anything. Absolutely.

03:56:27 Speaker_04
Instead, the conviction was overturned because the Illinois Supreme Court ruled 5-0 that a special prosecutor should not have been allowed to intervene after the Cook County State's attorneys initially dropped the charges against Smollett in exchange for forfeiting his $10,000 bond and conducting community service. So that should have been punishment enough, and so they decided to make it public and make a big deal out of it. That's reasonable. Because otherwise, was he going to jail? Did he have to go to jail? Ms. Pat was the best before anyone said it was fake. Before anyone. Oh, yeah, she called it.

03:56:48 Speaker_04
I will say I was day one.

03:56:50 Speaker_04
She goes, motherfucker, who's going to use name-brand bleach to attack somebody? Here it is. He's facing a maximum of 15 years in prison.

03:57:02 Speaker_04
Oh, my God. That's so crazy. He diverted funds. And made everyone think there's racism when there's not. He's an actor. It's like a baby that bit an electric cord.

03:57:12 Speaker_04
Bridget said the best. Bridget Phelps said the best. You can't let the actors write the fucking script.

03:57:17 Speaker_05
Actors write everything now. That's like the Johnny Depp trial too.

03:57:21 Speaker_04
There's certain times where the actors get involved in their own script writing and get pretty nutty. Johnny Depp during that interview was so funny cuz when they're like, what's this box for?

03:57:34 Speaker_04
There's a coke. Yeah Crazy she put on makeup and said he beat her like she's completely lied. Well, some people do that. Oh And then the people are like, wow, maybe she has a point.

03:57:50 Speaker_04
He was originally sentenced to 150 days in jail, 30 months probation in order to pay a fine of $130,000. He only spent about one week in prison before being released pending appeal.

03:57:57 Speaker_07
God damn, they put him in jail for a week though. The whole thing's stupid as fuck, but it's just an attention grab.

03:58:04 Speaker_07
No one's a victim of it other than everybody's sensibility There's no real victim of it like if he victimized someone I would see I think the public humiliation of people finding out that it's like it's enough We don't have to cage people Look for something stupid.

03:58:24 Speaker_07
It's a stupid thing and it's also a stupid thing from an actor That's involved this bizarre industry that props people up for no reason then shoots them down. It's a fucking chaotic Bizarre way to live your life. You're probably insane if you're involved in it, but it's a good sign for our country. I Hey, this thing actually didn't happen. He had to make this up. Yeah, it's great. This shit doesn't happen in the streets.

03:58:39 Speaker_03
But it's also, it's just like an actor writing, this is a maggot country.

03:58:41 Speaker_07
Bitch, you're in Chicago. Yeah, what country? What the fuck are you talking about? I know, pouring bleach on. God, they wanted it so bad to be this thing. Here's my favorite part. That's what's cool. My favorite part was when he walked in with the noose still around his neck. You have to leave the noose.

03:58:57 Speaker_07
You don't take the noose off, because then no one's going to believe you. Right.

03:59:09 Speaker_07
It's like when I wear a fucking festival armband six months later If Trump can just stop all those fucking things from popping out would be great it's worth everything else about

03:59:17 Speaker_07
Yeah, that's the whole point get in there and stop this shit.

03:59:30 Speaker_07
Just cool everyone Feistiness kind of makes him his own worst enemy in a certain way like and like why people hate him when he tweets like I hate Taylor Swift

03:59:45 Speaker_16
It's like his feistiness, his fucking, but that's also what kept him in this thing.

03:59:49 Speaker_07
So if I think about it psychologically, like I think about certain competitors in sports where fighting, there's people that are just like complete fucking maniacs, like Michael Jordan. And that's why they're the best. They're complete maniacs.

04:00:04 Speaker_07
And the complete maniacs are oftentimes like not so good at controlling their initial thought. Michael Jordan would bribe baggage handlers to get his bag out first, because you bet with Scottie Pippen whose bag would come out first.

04:00:26 Speaker_04
I think Trump's ego is actually maybe a good thing, because he'll do to me what everybody says he is.

04:00:29 Speaker_05
So we're sitting here being like, he's going to be the one to end the wars.

04:00:31 Speaker_04
And I think he'll be like, yeah, I have to now. I am the one that's going to end the wolves. And I think he, I mean, that's how I kind of look at it. I think his ego is actually, I mean, it is a good thing because I think he will. Yeah.

04:00:46 Speaker_03
He's gotta be like, guys, you both done shit wrong, but can we stop this? He did not drain the swamp.

04:00:49 Speaker_05
He did not drain the swamp. That was sucky. But that's a good question that I had for him.

04:00:54 Speaker_04
Like, what was it like making like 10,000 appointments?

04:00:57 Speaker_03
And he's like, we made a lot of mistakes. He's like, I've never governed before.

04:01:05 Speaker_04
It's essentially, and every time he's talked about this, you enter into this new thing.

04:01:09 Speaker_04
The Gates man was, Matt Gates was, get the fuck out of here. He's gone. Well, he had a back down, seems like.

04:01:16 Speaker_02
I know, but it's like, bro, if I see... First of all, if you're a dude with insane plastic surgery on your face... He's got the Botox. Get him out. The eyebrows. I heard he was like... Obviously, don't kill Matt Gaetz. No.

04:01:28 Speaker_04
But you know what I mean. I heard he was like, Matt Gaetz, you gotta resign so I can appoint you to this thing. And then he resigned.

04:01:32 Speaker_03
He's like, fuck off, loser. Is that what he did? Did you speak that up? No, somebody told me.

04:01:36 Speaker_04
I didn't just make it up. He told Matt Gaetz, you gotta resign so I can appoint you. And Matt Gaetz is like, why do I have to resign?

04:01:41 Speaker_05
He goes, trust me, trust me, you resign, I appoint you to this thing. And he goes, okay, I resign.

04:01:46 Speaker_04
He goes, not appointing you. No, I think it was Matt Gaetz. When did you hear this? Yesterday. Where? Somewhere at the company mothership.

04:01:53 Speaker_02
At the tunnels.

04:02:10 Speaker_04
at the temple somebody told me that i don't even know who that guy is you are spreading misinformation this is why they want to censor internet no i heard it i think it was all right you're fucking up my whole show so is he not a congressman anymore rfk jr that's what a guy's supposed to look like when he's his age that's what a healthy guy healthy guy ripped strong yeah 70 years old yay That's it. No fucking Botox. Yeah. No botulism shot in your fucking face. What is that stuff? Is it botulism? Isn't that what it is? Him and Cheryl. Still fuck, you can tell. Who and who? Him and Cheryl. Oh, he definitely is.

04:02:29 Speaker_04
Oh, I've got medieval on Cheryl. Yeah, you can tell there. She's throwing her out. Do you think we can respect? Have some respect. Have some respect. I'm about to slap her ass.

04:02:39 Speaker_05
Sounds like a car that can't start.

04:02:52 Speaker_04
It's gonna be interesting to see what happens if that guy gets into a position of influence and power. If he takes my Froot Loops, I'm gonna fucking storm the Capitol. I know a lot of people are skeptical about RFK, but we are obese, we are addicted to opioids, we are fucked up. That's true, but I have to tell you, I was looking at the images, the difference between the Canadian Froot Loops and the American Froot Loops online, and I'm willing to take the risk of the red dye. What do you mean?

04:03:08 Speaker_04
They look so much cooler.

04:03:09 Speaker_05
Look how much cooler they look. Show me the difference, Jamie. I ate a bowl today.

04:03:15 Speaker_04
If you just eat a little bit every now and then, how bad is that right now? Give it some colorful stuff. I switched them a few years ago. Listen to me. I'm fine.

04:03:22 Speaker_05
I've eaten a thousand bowls of Froot Loops. I'm not doing great. Let's take a look at what the Froot Loops look like in Canada versus, like, look at that. I want the one on the left. Those are gross and game.

04:03:30 Speaker_02
Dead Froot Loops. I don't want to eat it every day, but I want the one on the left.

04:03:47 Speaker_04
Years ago to take them out they did but no one bought it the one on the right looks like that generic stuff that you buy when you're poor the bag you know what it's like That's why Canadians are sad they have bad food just don't eat it every day you fucking idiots

04:03:58 Speaker_04
Don't eat it all the time. Don't feed it to your kids. Play me a sad Saskatoon. That's not nutrition. That's nonsense that you should eat occasionally. Occasional nonsense is good for you. It's crazy. They tried to nail him on the Froot Loops and he's exactly right.

04:04:11 Speaker_04
I know, I know. New York Times, they like Froot Loops. New York Times fact check them. Which one of you fucking dumbasses is eating Froot Loops? And get you know, I mean they should do better with the FDA don't eat fucking Froot Loops, right?

04:04:24 Speaker_04
Yeah, we have a health director That's like yeah crush, but we've been pushing balanced breakfast for 30 years with the cereal.

04:04:28 Speaker_02
So that's crazy as part of this breakfast.

04:04:33 Speaker_04
Yeah, lol Autism's up depressions up all that shit's up

04:04:41 Speaker_05
There's too much money. There's too much money that's being funneled to people.

04:04:44 Speaker_04
That's really all it is. The pharmaceutical drug companies make so much money. They have so much power. But I thought we cared about people's health. But you're supposed to. They're supposed to, too.

04:04:56 Speaker_05
It's not supposed to be you shouldn't make any money. It's like you shouldn't make as much money as you possibly can while lying. Shouldn't do it at the risk of everyone. That's a liberal thought. It is. Everybody still needs pharmaceutical drugs.

04:05:22 Speaker_04
They've come up with some amazing drugs that have kept people alive, but you can't let them just make as much money as they possibly can while lying. That's the problem. It's like you have to know how much of this stuff is safe and how much of this stuff is untested, and what are the tests, and are you being honest, or are you just making these tests work for you? Are you bullshitting? So if you're bullshitting, then you're trying to make more money than you should. You should still be able to make a fuckload of money because there's a ton of pharmaceutical drugs that are awesome that people need. But you can't make as much money as possible while lying.

04:05:39 Speaker_04
And that's the thing. It's not like it's an anti-pharmaceutical drug.

04:05:45 Speaker_04
It's an anti-human perspective to not look at it this way. It's to say you're going to allow these people that are only motivated by money to just wreck havoc on people's health for profit.

04:05:57 Speaker_04
And either you're cool with that or you're not cool with that. And if you're cool with that and you call yourself a progressive, that's kind of crazy.

04:06:04 Speaker_05
It's kind of crazy that you want an unregulated corporation that has a literal obligation to their shareholders to make the most profit possible. And then you get these fucking corporate assassins to run these things.

04:06:13 Speaker_03
And then you have insane amounts of money that you're spending on the media. There's no way anybody gets a fair shake at what the fuck is actually going on. Advil's okay. Purdue's not. There's even, you know, a lot of those things are not good for you, man, that people take on a regular basis. And you don't know it because it's being hidden from you. Yeah.

04:06:30 Speaker_03
Follow your nose.

04:06:32 Speaker_03
You know, I read this story about this lady who had COVID and she was really hurting. So she took too much Tylenol. She died from liver failure. Whoa. Because if you take too much Tylenol, it'll fucking kill you. Really? Yes. I didn't know that.

04:06:45 Speaker_03
It's gonna be the last headache you ever have.

04:06:47 Speaker_04
If you just go ham and think the more Tylenol the better, and you start chewing on them, you will have a fucking real problem. Oh, I took like five today.

04:06:57 Speaker_04
Everyone should know that. You should fucking know that. It's not that you shouldn't be able to get Tylenol. Of course you should have Tylenol.

04:07:09 Speaker_03
Everybody likes Tylenol you get a headache take Tylenol you feel better, but it's like you you everyone should fucking know Like what is like really dangerous for you? What studies have you done and how honest are you being and are you just trying to make more money? Yeah in the 90s. They took all the time off the shelf.

04:07:18 Speaker_16
Remember that? What is this?

04:07:29 Speaker_04
No, this was about failure It says the Cove, it's hard on your liver.

04:07:43 Speaker_05
So, oh, yeah, I'm sure Yeah, but but but the thing is like people have died from Tylenol without kovat Kovat does Tylenol acetaminophen Google how many deaths of acetaminophen every year because that's an interesting thing Google that every year.

04:07:46 Speaker_03
Yeah good for you.

04:07:46 Speaker_05
That's gonna be a tough spell. Yes Got it.

04:07:50 Speaker_04
That's an autofill. That's an autofill for sure Look at that 458 that's not that much 458 deaths every year due to acute liver failure. Well, that's 458 people. It didn't have to die.

04:08:11 Speaker_04
Yeah, yeah Hospital visits look at all the people that like had to be hospitalized go back to that, please. Oh

04:08:19 Speaker_02
Look at this, 2,600 hospitalizations, 56,000 emergency room visits. So it's not just the 458 people that died, it's 56,000 people that probably got on death's door. What's the point where they had to go to the fucking emergency room?

04:08:47 Speaker_02
Yeah, it's it's real a lot people like going emergency room to Look up how many how many weed emergency rooms there are where people go I eat all the popcorn oh my god I had a friend of mine, and I think it was like

04:08:53 Speaker_04
His sister's husband was a complete hypochondriac, like a full-on, like he would go to the hospital emergency room all the time, all the time, and she was going crazy.

04:09:04 Speaker_02
She didn't know what to do about it.

04:09:06 Speaker_02
He was completely nuts.

04:09:09 Speaker_04
He would just get checked into the hospital, and there was nothing wrong with him, and then he would just decide that there was something wrong with him. He had to go right now, and he'd go, and there was nothing wrong with him, and it was like a regular thing. Jesus Christ. Yeah. But that's a stat. That's in the stats.

04:09:20 Speaker_04
He was like, her husband.

04:09:38 Speaker_04
They had children together, and you got this guy Who just can't stop going to the doctor like really kooky it became like a real phobia like a real mental You know pathology the doctor sucks Constantly thinking something was going wrong, so he's just like in this constant state of anxiety about his health Yikes. It's a real thing that happens to people. Don Barris got high with popcorn weed, like edibles, and then ate the rest of the bag, and then went to sleep and woke up, and was like, what the fuck? Something's wrong with me. Went to the hospital, and the doctor tested him. He goes, smoke weed? And Don's like, no. Fuck.

04:09:58 Speaker_04
Fuck. And he realized that's what was wrong with him. Yeah. And he got doped to hell. He went too hard. He went too hard, bitch. He thought he was having a panic attack.

04:10:04 Speaker_03
He went too hard. Oh, I never go to the hospital. I gotta be shittin' blood. I've gotta literally be dying. I've told this story a bunch of times about Ari. Me and Ari were playing pool once and Ari was limping.

04:10:15 Speaker_03
I go, why are you limping? And he goes, oh, a spider bit me. I go, let me see it.

04:10:18 Speaker_03
He pulls up his knee.

04:10:21 Speaker_02
I go, oh my god, dude, you have a staph infection. I go, we gotta go to the hospital right now. He was like, we gotta go right now. I unscrewed my cube right now. I go, we gotta go to the hospital right now. You gotta get to the emergency room. Whoa.

04:10:33 Speaker_02
He had a raging staph infection on his knee. My dad went to the hospital for his heart attack.

04:10:36 Speaker_04
He was like, I'm tired. I'm going upstairs. He was laying in bed. He started Googling. He was like, hey, Siri, what are the heart attack symptoms?

04:10:47 Speaker_04
The things about jujitsu gyms is they don't fucking tell you the dangers of staph infections. They should have pictures of what staph looks like. What is a staph?

04:10:54 Speaker_05
A staph infection is if you don't wash yourself, and Ari's a dirty bitch, we all know it. Listen, I can't argue with that.

04:10:57 Speaker_04
Their stats won't show it. If you don't wash yourself and you're getting scratched, you're scraping your knee on the ground. The mat.

04:11:23 Speaker_04
Nails dude's fingernails scratch you You get it if you don't wash yours like I'm diligent if I do jiu-jitsu, I want I use defense soap Go do spots I wash my hope I lather up my whole body I let it sit on me for like a couple of minutes and then I rinse it off Scratches I have wipes and I wipe the scratches really I Yeah, I've got staffed twice.

04:11:32 Speaker_04
They should do a better job of that in Jits. Tate Fletcher told me I had staffed the first time. That's one of the reasons why I was happy, I could tell you.

04:11:42 Speaker_04
Because I was sitting, me and him were at the airport, we were chilling, I was wearing shorts, and I had my foot up on my knee like that, and he goes, what's going on in your calf? And I go, what is that? He goes, what is that? And I go, I don't know. It's like a couple of red dots. So I get something. He goes, dude, that might be staph infection.

04:11:53 Speaker_04
Like, seriously? That's how guys are. It looks like that? That's how guys are. Should be fun. So I immediately went to the doctor. He's like, that's staph. They tested it. They gave me antibiotics. And I was like, whoa. Did it hurt? I said, I'll go to the doctor tomorrow.

04:12:06 Speaker_04
And Joe's like, dude, I'm telling you, I understand. You've got to go now. It's about to become systemic. Yes. You gotta catch it quick. One of Brian Callen's friend's wife died from staph because she tried to treat it.

04:12:19 Speaker_04
She tried to be holistic and take vitamins and shit. You gotta go to the fucking doctor. See, this is the thing we're talking about with pharmaceutical drugs.

04:12:27 Speaker_04
That's my favorite anti-vaxxers is where the crystal people and the super rednecks come together. This is why we need balance, right? Because pharmaceutical drugs like antibiotics are fucking super important. They're super important and saved your life for sure. Your knee was fucked, man.

04:12:40 Speaker_04
It was like a zit under a microscope. If you're limping from a zit, it's a problem. If you looked at a zit under a microscope, that's what it was like. I was like, this is huge. Why are you limping?

04:12:49 Speaker_02
Yeah, he was limping from a zit. It was that bad. You didn't know? You didn't know?

04:12:53 Speaker_04
Guys just assume, like, I think I'm okay. This should go away. It was Hollywood billiards. Guys don't go to doctors. He was hobbling around the table. I was like, what is going on, man?

04:12:59 Speaker_04
If I didn't look at your knee, dude, and you just left that go, you would be a dead man. Yeah, you're like, Joe, like, pull your pant leg up.

04:13:08 Speaker_04
You're so close to this being such a good podcast. We were just one.

04:13:12 Speaker_02
I'll never forget that thing. My heart stopped. My heart stopped when I saw it.

04:13:19 Speaker_04
Hello, doggie. Damn.

04:13:21 Speaker_02
The moment I saw that giant zit on you, my breath stopped. I'm like, oh my god, we're going to get you to the hospital right now. That was the same pool session. So I've got Joe goes to the bathroom.

04:13:28 Speaker_04
This is before any of the podcasts even. And he goes to the bathroom, this guy clocks him. And he comes back and he goes, to Joe, he goes, what do you think of that big fight? And Joe's like, oh, which one? And he goes, I don't know.

04:13:45 Speaker_05
I gotta pee again. Let's wrap this up.

04:13:51 Speaker_04
Gentlemen, we saved the world. J-Mo. One more time. What's the score? Comedy. MarkNorman.com. Yes. MarkNormanComedy.com.

04:14:00 Speaker_02
Make sure you watch Tires Season 2 being filmed right now. When is it coming out? Spring or summer. Okay, let's go.

04:14:15 Speaker_04
Let's fucking go our sphere new special commercial 14th the week six days before inauguration The Ryman in Nashville, beautiful Ari, let's get you on the books like right before the special After he gets in that's January 20th, we don't protect our parks I'm gonna get him on the books and then we'll do it protect our Mar-a-lago. We needed this one.

04:14:30 Speaker_04
I missed you guys America needed it let's all play golf let's go let's go hey sex with kids let's go to shane hey you just fucked it all up cut that part dude i love you guys so much